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herrlindemann · 1 year

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LEGACY - October 2005, Interview with Oliver

'Rosenrot' is the name of RAMMSTEIN's latest work, which will be released exactly four days after this issue of Legacy on October 28th. A top placement in the charts shouldn't be taken away from this album. Everything the band has touched has turned to proverbial gold. Where is it going, the motor ship RAMMSTEIN, in 2005? The predecessor 'Reise, Reise' was just under a year ago and questions were allowed to be asked.

After the music journalists present were allowed to listen to the album twice in the morning, everyone later turned up for their interview. I met bassist Oliver Riedel for an intimate meeting in private. I hope I do not disturb you? “No, everything is fine.” Already a year ago I heard - at least that's what I think - one or the other song here, which didn't make it on 'Reise, Reise' at the time. The most urgent question first: How much of 'Rosenrot' was there at the time 'Reise, Reise'? “For 'Reise, Reise' we recorded 18 songs. A total of seven songs remained, and we quickly came up with the idea of making another album next year. But seven songs is a little bit for an album! In any case, the tour plan was already in place at that time and so the idea came up that we could write four more songs in the intervening, counter-free time. It ended up being quite difficult. Really new are 'Benzin', 'Mann gegen Mann', 'Spring' and 'Te Quiero Puta'.” Oh, the Spanish song is new? I thought this one in particular was left over from the last recordings in Spain. “No, that has to do with Till's interest in Latin America. He's in Costa Rica a lot and always annoys us backstage before the concerts with his Mariachi songs. Of course, it made sense that we would also write a Spanish song at some point.” Especially in this song I find the female singing successful. This is how witches should sound! “We said to the record company: We need a deep and smoky female voice. A bit 'slutty'. Suddenly a lady from South America was sitting in our producer's studio, singing her part and then she was gone again.”

All of the songs on 'Rosenrot' seem to take a step back compared to those on the predecessor. “Most of the songs that we don't release on 'Reise, Reise' are definitely quieter ones. ‘Reise, Reise’ had to be powerful for us! The idea then was to make the new album quieter overall.” Is it the calm before the storm? Is the MS RAMMSTEIN stranded, as one might assume from the new cover, or is she on her way to new shores under full steam? “Actually, the album should be called 'Reise, Reise Vol. 2'. We quickly forgot about that title. Since we see the new album as an independent one, we needed a new title. That was a bit unfortunate, since the cover was already finished. So the ship on the cover picture is now called 'Rosenrot' and everyone can think about what it stands for. Opposites? The cold world? Where has the love gone? No idea. But the ship does not symbolize the now and us as a band.” So on the one hand both albums belong together, on the other hand they don't? "Exactly. At the moment we are not planning an actual tour with our own stage design for 'Rosenrot' or anything like that. That will certainly change again in the distant future.”

Already with the last album I noticed that everyone can now show what a good musician they are. In addition, the band itself seems more relaxed to me. “In the end we were bored at times by the old and traditional Rammstein sound. Sequencer is running, drums play 'uff uff uff', guitar and bass play the same thing too. We didn't want to do that kind of groove anymore. It is also clear that the drums are looking for new rhythms. Our real strength is certainly the 'march', but you should always do what you feel like doing. Then you are authentic.” But you obviously have more fun together than when you were doing 'Mutter’, right? “Absolutely! 'Mutter’ was our darkest chapter. After a long time of touring we were at our limits, there was a real imbalance in the band. For example, it's nice now that Richard can make his solo record. There he can express himself musically in a way that he would never be able to within the band.” Was the band ever near the end? “No, it was only briefly put on hold. However, we quickly became aware of what we had already achieved and how the band can be missed.” Like in a marriage? "Somehow. But in a marriage, it's rare to just take a break. The positions are probably a bit harder.” How often do you bother? “If the points of contact allow it. Paul and I have children of the same age - that's where you meet. During rehearsals we see each other every day, on tour sometimes only in the evening and Richard is in New York right now — that's why you don't see him at the moment.” So more like a meeting in the living room. You come and go and if someone is there, then you are happy. "Exactly.”

'Benzin', the first single with a brutal video, fits like a glove to the current oil crisis. But it could also be a biker song. What does ‘benzin’ stand for exactly? “This is certainly a multiple topic. But fire is actually a part of our band history. It has been with us the whole time. Paul just went to Till and said 'petrol' would be a cool word. Can't you write a text about it? And that's exactly what Till came up with when he heard this word.”

'Mann Gegen Mann’ apparently has a same-sex background. It should be great when thousands of metalheads sing this song together at concerts. Because actually, in the metal scene in particular, prejudices are extensively cultivated. So why this topic? Is it just about the taboo or breaking it? “We don't want to discriminate against gays. The song is more for gays. We simply wanted to take the weight off the topic and make it more natural.” What should the fan take away from this song? “A normal understanding of the other.”

For example, the lyrics to 'Ein Lied' would force me to write a proper rock number. Then this piece turned out to be extremely quiet, with a nasty kid melody. How did music and lyrics come together here? “The lyrics are always hanging on the wall in the rehearsal room or studio and 'Ein Lied' was created in just 10 minutes. There was the riff, Till took the lyrics and sang. We recorded the piece and it was done. The text of 'Mann gegen Mann', on the other hand, already existed in the ‘Mutter’ times, for example.”

I could already read it in advance: the Brothers Grimm and Goethe connect in 'Rosenrot'. For me actually - as far as RAMMSTEIN is concerned - it is somehow obvious. “The news naturally wants to give us a level or a depth that we don't actually flirt with. Till has always used this old and romantic form of verse. That's why he doesn't just deal with the Brothers Grimm or Goethe all the time.” Are Till's texts untouchable? “Nothing is untouchable. If someone in our company spends a long time grappling with an issue, they are of course anxious to push it through. But it can also lead to tunnel vision and we only try to correct that a little. A lot of people had to listen to that.”

'Spring' not only has a wall of guitars, but also lyrics dealing with the topic ‘boss’ or 'the mean mob'. Is there a connection to the band? Is the song a criticism of the mob who are on the prowl and treating others unfairly? That's how RAMMSTEIN went before. "Clearly. The mob creates its own creature. He wants to push you in a direction. Therefore you are right.” Looking back, let's take the discussion about your first cover. “We hadn't dealt with this topic before. We were naive. Of course, that was good for us in the end. Otherwise our own aesthetics might not have come about at all. The discussions about Rammstein have never hit the core, but only aimed at the surface.”

'Rosenrot' masterfully knows how to damage surfaces and perhaps also penetrate deeper to the core. The ice has broken and the MS RAMMSTEIN is picking up speed again. Let's wait and see what kind of waters the men will sail into in the future. Perhaps sails will be set, perhaps there will be kerosene propulsion. You can be curious, because this band always causes discussions between love and hate. Where would the (music) world be today without RAMMSTEIN?

#Rammstein #Oliver Riedel #Till Lindemann #Paul Landers #Flake Lorenz #Christoph Schneider #Richard Kruspe #interview #translation #2005 #*scans #*

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the-yuri-librarian · 2 months

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This is GL challenge for you (if you choose to accept them).

1.a) Please write your top 3 or top 5 favorite tropes in GL.

b) From each trope, write at least 3 GL that you love.

(Feel free if you want to write the reasons or not of why you love them).

2. a) What is the first GL that make you want to know more about and eventually love GL?

b) What is that one GL that have a special place in your heart (for whatever reason)?

The GL can be in in the form of manga, manhwa, manhua, books, tv series or movies.

Thanks so much if you want to answer this long ask.

Ok here we go:

1. Tropes I enjoy with series as examples:

A. Idk the proper name for it, but I really love stories where the grumpy one falls in love with the sunshine one. Series with this trope: Pulse, Mage & Demon Queen, Moonlight Garden, Opium, Kemono to Waltz, maaaayybbbeee What Does the Fox Say, there's probably more that I'm forgetting. Realized after I moved on to other tropes: Mobile Suit Gundam: Witch From Mercury is very much this, as is I'm in love with the villainess....there's definitely more

I really like this trope because I just think it's romantic and adorable. You get to watch as the sunshine one's quirks slowly melt the heart of the grumpy one until the grumpy one has fallen head over heels, and they often have no idea it's happened until it's too late.

B. I also (and I hope this is not too cliche of me) really enjoy stories where one or more characters have a queer awakening. Series with this trope: Love Thy Neighbor (sort of), Bloom into You (sort of?), The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn't a Guy at all, Failed Princesses, Can't Defy the Lonely Girl, The Summer You Were There, Lily Love, Octave, Wono to Waltz (pretty sure at least, also been a while), I Love Amy, Goodbye My Rose Garden, Her Tale of Shim Chong (sort of), Blooming Sequence, After Hours, Hana & Hina After School, I Can't Believe I Slept with you, The Barefoot Nina (I think), etc. etc.

This one is also great because of the sheer cuteness. The intense blushing, the heart racing, the way their crush slowly starts to consume their thoughts, their eyes begin to linger on their crush's lips. It's also really fun to see what the final thing that makes them realize they're gay is, cause it's always a little different. It's especially fun when they're already doing gay things and are just in denial about their feelings. I hope this isn't too basic of me lol

C. Honestly it's hard to pick a third, but as of right now I would say that I really enjoy stories where the characters are doomed by the narrative. I haven't read a lot of girls love comics (manga, manhwa, webtoons, American comics) where this is the case, so I'm gonna be including some books and a couple anime here as well but: Love Thy Neighbor (probably), Qualia the Purple, The Locked Tomb Series, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Kitanai Kimi ga Ichiiban Kawaii, The Barefoot Nina, Destroy it all and love me in hell (maybe, I've only read the first couple chapters of this), The Summer You Were There, Throw Away the Suit Together, Nevermore (ending pending) etc.

I just really really love a tragic ending. Sometimes, love isn't enough. It can't save you. Sometimes love is too much. It dooms you. It's just so incredibly compelling to me. Not to say I dislike happy endings, but ya know

Sorry there are so many repeat titles. More about this below, but I haven't actually read *that* much yuri, all things considered

A. So, funnily enough, the first time I encountered the term yuri was through yaoi? Like, when I was an early to mid teen, death note yaoi and Naruto yaoi were wrecking havoc on the early-ish internet, and that going "what's yaoi" also got me the definition of yuri also, which lead me to Naruto yuri AMVs

But, in terms of what made me interested in girls love as an adult, there is only one answer: bubbline. Basically, during my extended undergrad, I watched adventure time all the way through for the first time and fell in love with Marceline X Bubblegum as a ship. To use an old school term, they were my one true pairing. That lead to Steven Universe (shout out to IRL friend Selena (psuedonym, they know who they are)) and she-ra. Then, I went and got my master's in English, which lead me to reading a lot of canon literature, and while there was some queerness, it was fee and far between.

After I graduated, I had about a summer where I had no job, I was about to move in with my partner, I was about to get my second master's in library science, and I was like "fuck. I really want to read something that made me feel the way Bubbline made me feel at first." Which class to the answer to the next part:

B. When I was in that state of "I want to read something gay that makes me feel like Bubbline does," I went to my local bookstore, where I just so happened to pick up Gideon the Ninth (I refuse to say more except read the series if you haven't it's great). And it blew me away. Afterwards, it was a two years straight of reading a ton of queer fantasy, scifi, and horror (there was a fair amount of non-queer stuff there too). Then, in February of 2023, I read A Restless Truth. It is the second in a historical fantasy trilogy, I had not read the first one, I just knew it was sapphic, and WHEW. It was the first book I ever really read with what we affectionateky call spice in the girls love community. And it broke my brain. I finished reading it (the main couple is great btw) and two days later immediately read it again. It's SO hot. This made me starved for sapphic content with a desperation I had not felt before, which lead me to witch from mercury, with lead to revolutionary girl utena, which lead to yuri comics (this is Sept of 2023), which lead to well....here. so, all things considered, I have not been reading yuri/girls love comics for all that long, but now that I've started, I'll probably never stop

I hope that answered your question? And I hope it wasn't too boring!

#ask #personal #yuri #yuri posting #girls love #the bubbline to girls love addict pipeline stirkes again #not gonna tag all the series mentioned thats too much

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hua-fei-hua · 3 years

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i LOVE naming chapters. rip to everyone who has trouble naming things but i’m different

#especially love it when chapter titles in a sequence make a little fun thing #y'know like building / crumbling / rising --> reflects the phoenix cycle #the sun / the moon / the truth --> 'only three things cannot be hidden for long'#searching / for you / forever --> just a neat little phrase c:#although i didn't actually title the orchid epilogue 'forever' it was a strong consideration #huh wow it's only really happened in orchid huh #though i do have at least one chapter title sequence planned for zenith #everything under the sun / the face in the moon / the truth of stars #for a sun / moon / truth thing AND sun / moon / stars thing #god i'm so so so so so so excited for that part of the story it's god a mad plot twist #one time i read a book where the chapter titles were an actual canon part of the story #and if you didn't read them you'd sometimes be a little confused it was SUPER NEAT in my opinion #ever since i wanted to write a fic where each chapter title flows seamlessly into the story #like maybe not confuse you if you don't read them but it would be SUPER COOL #extra added challenge of having the chapter titles tell a mini story in themselves #or only named after song lyrics from a certain band. or both those things at the same time #idk man i just love love love taking on little technical challenges like that in writing #but YES I LOVE TITLING CHAPTERS I ALWAYS HAVE FUN REASONING BEHIND MY CHAPTER TITLES #and also titling fics in general is pretty fun for me! star always tell me i have banger titles c':#and i AGREE like they're not really poetic or anything but i am the kind of person who prefers to catch people's eye through light comedy #rather than moving poetry. like yeah i can come up with some banger lines and thoughts but i wanna catch people off guard with them #i feel like having a poetic title makes readers expect a certain kind of tone in what they're reading and i'm too irreverent to deliver that #花話

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beyondspaceandstars · 3 years

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While You Sleep

Chapter 14

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: depictions of panic attack, suggestive content Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.

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After a couple of days had passed, Bucky had approached you with the idea of going on another date. At first, you were greatly hesitant. The memories of the Hydra man telling you their first glimpse of you was during a date couldn’t escape your mind. You had brought it up to Bucky as gently as you could but he assured you, you had nothing to worry about. Those at the facilities were…”gone.” He had simply put it at that. You didn’t want to think about how deep the organization may actually run seeing as they had been able to be under the radar for a while. But you forced yourself to put the rest of your great concerns away and, eventually, agreed to a date.

Bucky thought the movies could be a fun thing for you two to do. He admitted he hadn’t been to one in quite some time and was interested to see what was out there in terms of genres. That led you two to sitting at the kitchen counter in the compound, leaning over the newspaper, skimming the movie showtimes. You didn’t have the heart to tell him you could've just looked this up on your phone.

“What about an action movie?” Bucky asked. You scooted your stool closer to read the title he was pointing at. You had to admit, you were getting pretty comfortable at the compound, having declared this one particular stool yours in the kitchen. You were harboring a lot of concerns over your apartment. It still sat in your mind as the, well, the initial scene of the crime. The start of that incident. Thankfully, no one seemed bothered by your extended stay and you thought Bucky seemed to secretly enjoy playing house in this capacity.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “They’re so hit or miss. We might not like it.”

Bucky hummed. “If we don’t like it, it’ll just give us an excuse to make out.”

You couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped your lips. It was a rare occurrence lately and Bucky always looked relieved when you’d show any signs of getting closer to peace. “Is that why you want to go to the movies, Buck?”

Your soulmate scoffed, shaking his head with a little cheeky grin. “You mean to tell me you really watched every movie you went on a date to see?”

“Oh, hush,” you smirked back as Bucky playfully rolled his eyes. “I guess nothing really changes over the years.”

This banter was good - it felt good. You weren’t in pristine condition but this was maybe showing some progress. Crying in bed with Bucky seems like a lifetime away despite just being a day or so ago. Concerns of various formats weren't vanishing so fast, though. Especially in the realm of nightmares. You hadn’t brought it up to anyone but it was like something had reset in the bond. While they weren’t as obnoxious, you weren’t getting dreams of Bucky reading or any cute shit like that.

“How about a horror movie? That could be fun,” Bucky said. “I can hold you when you get scared.”

You bit your lip. “Who said I get scared during horror movies?”

Bucky shook his head, letting out a light laugh. “You’re making this impossible, doll.”

Before you could tell him to quit it, someone entered the kitchen. The person came up behind you two and began looking over your shoulder at the movie times. “Going to the movies?” Steve asked.

You and Bucky turned to him, nodding. “We can’t figure out what we want to see, though.”

Steve hummed as his eyes raked over the page. “How about a romance?” He suggested. “Bucky used to cry his eyes out over those.”

Immediately, Bucky began spewing protests left and right calling Steve the biggest liar while you couldn’t help but genuinely crack up at the situation. It was a nice thing, you thought, sitting here laughing over something silly between Bucky and Steve. Almost like you were getting on and everything was figuring itself out. Maybe today would be the day it all finally took a turn.

“Alright, alright,” you said, trying to calm Bucky. Steve looked greatly amused while your soulmate was just annoyed. “I think that’s settled then. My curiosity has peaked. I wanna see a romance.”

Bucky groaned. “It happened one time.”

Steve shrugged. “Maybe she can hold you just in case it happens again.”

“Thanks, Steve,” Bucky scoffed. “Want to share anything else with her? Any other embarrassing stories from back in the day you think she just desperately needs to hear?”

You looked excitedly towards Steve. “Yeah, Steve, is there anymore?”

He smirked. “Trust me, there’s plenty. But I wouldn’t want to waste them all now. I’ll save them for your wedding day.” And with that, Steve nodded, possibly quite proud of himself for dropping that, and exited the kitchen, back on his path to wherever he was going. He left you two practically with a bomb.

Wedding day - the idea of that was something that has never crossed your mind. And from the looks of it, neither had it crossed Bucky’s. It wasn’t uncommon for soulmates to get married. Most didn’t see the purpose outside of the legal side but you didn’t fall into that. You were hopelessly guilty of daydreaming about your wedding day...

Bucky cleared his throat. “So,” he looked back at the paper, “romance it is, then?”

You took a deep breath, snapping your thoughts back into place. “Sure.”

***

Steve’s claim hadn't been that too far off. As you two were exiting the theater, having just watched an hour and a half of two people being oblivious when it comes to love, Bucky wouldn’t meet your eyes. You were commenting on the movie but he was stuck looking at the hem of your dress. You had gone with a light sundress having not much effort to get that dressed up but still wanting to look good for your man. It was decorated with little polka dots. Apparently, the dots were the most fascinating thing in the world to Bucky.

“Bucky,” you nudged him as you were walking down the street, “are you even listening to me?”

“Hmm?” Bucky jumped, his eyes finally meeting yours. And sure enough, they were wet. You couldn’t help the little giggle that escaped you.

“Steve wasn’t kidding,” you smiled, “romances really get to you, huh?”

Bucky playfully rolled his eyes and looked away. You took the opportunity to take your hand in his as you two continued your walk.

After a moment, you spoke again, “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Buck. I think it’s quite endearing.”

He scoffed. “You’re just saying that.”

“I am not,” you protested. “I think it’s very sweet you love love that much. I see it when we’re together.”

Bucky finally turned back to you. “Really?” He asked so gently. His eyes had a glimmer of hope in them. Your heart was melting.

“Of course.”

Abruptly, he stopped you two right there on the sidewalk. He looked like an absolute dream in his nice shirt and slacks, illuminated just by the glow of the night and the flickering street lamps. He was looking at you like you had hung the moon and stars. You went to ask why you two were stopped but before you could, Bucky’s lips were on yours. They were so soft and gentle yet fierce and loving. You had forgotten how much he channeled in these kisses as you hadn’t been quite intimate since before the kidnapping. You had been scared, quite honestly. Despite the sequence of events not exactly being related, the last time you slept with your soulmate you were whisked away. It was a stupid, ridiculous fear you felt slowly dissipating the more your lips moved in sync.

Suffice with the moment but leaving a bit to tease, Bucky eventually pulled away. “Let’s get back to the compound.”

You bit your lip a bit more hesitantly than you had intended but still nodded. You knew where this was going and you had to run with it. You had to let Bucky guide you to it. He was it for you, you had to remember. He was your soulmate for a reason and you were getting through this together. As cliche it seemed, you walked with him into what felt like the unknown.

***

The second you were outside the shared bedroom, Bucky couldn’t keep his hands off you. He was the perfect gentleman on the way back and even all through the compound but once the coast was clear, his hands were trailing up and down your sides, dipping scandalously low. You tried playfully shooing him away but then he’d reach under your dress and pinch the inside of your thigh and, well, after that, you were practically done for.

You were absolutely amazed by how naturally you fell back into this rhythm with Bucky. You figured something had just been needed, some kind of push to get you back on track. Maybe this date had been that. You didn’t want to think too much anymore, though, so you followed Bucky as he walked you back into the bed.

He was on top of you in a matter of minutes, lips locked fully with yours as his hands continued to roam. It was all happening fast. Very fast. Bucky was a skilled multitasker in more ways than one. As he was taking off his shirt, he was already working on getting your dress off. You paid little attention to any of it, trying to let yourself get lost in the movements and lovingness of your soulmate.

Once your dress was discarded, long forgotten in the room with Bucky’s shirt, next came his pants and your bra. All while doing so, Bucky kept stealing kisses from all over your body. Your lips. Your neck. Your chest. Your stomach. He was like a starved man and maybe, in some way, he really was. Part of you had denied him from so much, including sex, after the…

Your eyes shot open. Your heart was suddenly pounding but not in the excited, horny kind of way. Not in anticipation for your soulmate’s touch. In fact, you wanted the exact opposite of that. You felt like you were suddenly suffocating. You became very aware of Bucky’s body on top of you, the weight of him holding you into the bed that was so soft you felt like you were sinking.

Bucky was seemingly oblivious to all of this despite your breath becoming shallow and unsteady. You wiggled under his touch trying some way to get him off but he mistook it for pleasure and kept his teasing work around your panties.

“Bucky-,”

“I know, doll,” he hummed, his lips back at your neck while his metal hand dipped a little into the waistband. You shook your head.

“No, Bucky, please-,” your voice was barely there as you tried to convey your nervousness. Your brain felt like it was cloudy. You didn’t know what to say, what to do, to get his attention. You gasped, overwhelmed.

Bucky pulled away from your neck immediately, brows furrowed in confusion at your sudden switch in emotion. He said your name, voice so full of concern, but he felt so far away.

You couldn’t find the words anymore so you just tried to push him off. While naturally impossible, he took the sign and quickly lifted himself off of you, going as far to leave the bed. He stood at the foot of it, watching you try to prop yourself up on your elbows.

You were struggling to breathe still and trying so hard to get your brain focused on something other than the feeling of being held down. It didn’t make sense, though. It really didn’t. You hadn’t been held down like that but there was something about the logistics of it your brain couldn’t separate the actions. You couldn’t move, you were dominated once again. And then you suddenly remembered Bucky’s involvement and it all just… It was all just one giant fucking mess. Your hands were shaking.

Bucky tried again, “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

Your eyes shot to him, realizing how wild you must look. You were having a panic attack in the middle of sex. How much more could your life be affected by those goddamn-

“Doll, please, breathe with me,” Bucky pleaded as he leaned down to your eye line. You sat up further and he took the chance to take your hands in his. He held them as they shook uncontrollably. You stared into his eyes, regaining some order in your breathing.

“I-I’m sorry-,”

Bucky shook his head. “No, don’t you dare apologize. It’s alright, I understand. Just focus on your breathing. There’s nothing bad here, sweetheart. Just me.”

You nodded slowly and closed your eyes, focusing on your heart which was finally settling down. You pushed away the thoughts. The images of being strapped down. The way you were tossed around like a ragdoll. The look Bucky wore as he killed those men-

You shifted your attention to the weight of Bucky’s hands in yours. They had done so much bad but were also doing you so much good.

It was over. Everything you had endured was over. Those men were gone. That Bucky wasn’t really that Bucky. He was still your Bucky. The Bucky that walked you to work and cried over movies. You had to drill this into your brain before something else overtook you.

After a moment or so, you felt you could finally reopen your eyes. Bucky was still watching you intensely.

“B-Better?” He seemed nervous to ask.

“Yeah,” you said, finding your voice again. “Thank you, Bucky.”

He let out a small sniffle and that’s when you finally saw the tears forming in his eyes. You looked down at your connected hands, unable to bear seeing what you had caused.

“Anytime, sweetheart,” Bucky whispered. “I’m here whenever you need me.”

You gave a small, shy nod. “Can we just go to bed now?”

Wordlessly, Bucky stood up and grabbed one of his shirts for you. While you threw it on, Bucky began unmaking the bed. Once he had set up your space with the blankets you cherished, you crawled right in and tried to let sleep take you.

It wasn’t very pleasant in your dream world as the memories of the kidnapping filled you, despite all your best attempts to suppress it.

But you stood no chance escaping these because they weren’t your memories. They were from Bucky’s perspective.

Unknowingly to him, you were seeing all the steps he had taken when it came to murdering the Hydra men. You felt the anger, the determination. The absolute disregard for them. You could practically feel it as his fist collided with them. As he drained their life from their bodies.

You didn't want to react, though - God forbid you give Bucky another reason to worry - and instead, you gave in to them.

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grayintogreen · 3 years

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I was not technically tagged, but at least two people on my dash were like DO WHAT YOU WANT NO ONE IS YOUR GOD, and you know what? They’re right and valid.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

96! And 90% of them are from just this year. Can’t wait to find out what the big 100 is gonna be. Any one of my WIPS could be Disney’s next 100th fic.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

455,024 (also mostly from this year...)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

In my entire life??? Since I was twelve??? I don’t even know, man. I wrote a lot of ooc crackfic and fic for cartoons when I was on FF.net, and then I was on LJ and wrote for a TON of different fandoms, but on AO3, I have written for Critical Role (so much CR), Yashahime/Inuyasha, Guardians of the Galaxy, His Dark Materials (TV), Steven Universe, Bleach, Alias, Supernatural, Dollhouse, Pushing Daisies (the last four were all transferred here from LJ, though)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

- turning wine back into water (Critical Role, de-aging fic with plot, 30457 words)

I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE HOW POPULAR THIS FIC IS. It beat out two of my super popular GotG fics that have been up since 2017 BY A LOT. Apparently, there was a market for the Mighty Nein being adorable cocktail brats and saving the world. Thanks, Liam’s Quest!

It is probably one of the most wholesome fics I will ever write too. I love it.

- Sunshine Came Softly (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket and Mantis friendship, 3188 words)

THIS FIC STILL GETS HITS EVEN TODAY. It was written right after I saw the movie so it hit hard and fast on the hype train.

- Mine Is Just a Slower Sacrifice (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket-centric, 2248 words)

BOY YOU CAN TELL THESE FICS ARE ANCIENT BECAUSE I HADN’T DEVELOPED MY TITLE NICHE YET. where are the lower caps and Seanan McGuire lyrics!!

Anyway, this was written probably IMMEDIATELY after I saw the movie and had to process Rocket’s emotions during the last moments, because of who I am as a person. For what’s mostly a character study, it got some mileage on it.

- they drink dreamers up like brandy (Critical Role, 1625 words)

Back to Critical Role! I wrote this one when I was in a fucking blind post-finale haze and producing massive amounts of Kingsley content and I wanted to write a silly fic about Caleb being tiefling catnip.

- if adversity breeds character (we’ve character enough for two) (Critical Role, Beau and Molly-centric, 1824 words)

I feel like most of my most kudos-ed CR fics are Beau-related, which is funny because I never really wrote her EVER. I guess I need to write her more often. ANYWAY, this one got jossed immediately after 141, but I needed to write Beau and Molly bantering and I couldn’t get her flipping him off after revealing her card is Rumor out of my head.

(Incidentally my sixth most kudos-ed fic is my Fjorester next gen fic, WHICH I WAS NOT EXPECTING AT ALL. IT’S A FIC BASED ON MY OC FANCHILDREN!! I’M VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THAT!!)

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Usually!! There are times when I forget and then it’s been so long that I never go back, but I like responding to comments. They make me so happy and I want to make sure the people who take the time to comment know that I see them and appreciate them. Especially if they give me long comments. You long commenters know who you are and I value you and also flail incoherently in your direction.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

God, probably this church takes no conversions simply because, like, the whole ending scenes are MISERABLE AND FULL OF ANGST and then it has the hopeful ending that is actually a bullshit lie.

But second place probably goes to what couldn’t i offer, what couldn’t i give, which is just misery porn in disguise as a character study. Sorry, Cree.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Okay, so back in the day when I was a tineh fanbrat I wrote a lot of self-indulgent crossovers featuring my friends and I in true Mary Sue format being ~saviors of the world~ alongside our favorite fictional characters and after I grew out of that, I very rarely did it again, because as someone who can only write AUs if they’re high concept and can only write crossovers if the canon welding is pristine, it’s difficult.

I have ideas for some! I just haven’t written them yet. Or they’re sitting in Google Docs partially written.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not to my recollection, which is insane, because I’ve written some things in my youth that deserved it, but also I was a kid, so maybe I definitely did not deserve it. Don’t send hate to kids!!

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

The first smut I ever posted on AO3 involved some fucking American Gods flesh horror shit, so that answers your second question.

Basically, yes, but I write smut to facilitate character development in a way that regular story beats can’t, mainly with characters who are in some way deeply fucked up and have unbalanced dynamics.

So basically chances of me writing smut that isn’t Creecien or Lucigast? Very low. (I haven’t written Lucigast smut yet but I will. Inevitably.)

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that anyone’s told me, but one time when I was a teenager someone ripped off an entire group messageboard RP I was in and tried to pass it off as a fic they wrote.

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that anyone’s told me!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I tried and it did not work out, because of (non-wanky) reasons, but it’s just not something I’d be very good at. I was the kid who wanted to work alone on group projects. I’m bad at group work.

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

That I’ve WRITTEN??? Because that at least narrows it down significantly. Sesshoumaru/Rin hands down. It’s a good dynamic and they’re fun and sad at the same time.

My self-indulgent ass does also enjoy writing Creecien though. I’m putting it out there because I want it.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

GOD POOR SUPERNOVAS OF ALL SOUND AND LIGHT. THAT FIC COULD’VE BEEN A CONTENDER, but I unfortunately posted it RIGHT BEFORE the White Diamond episodes aired and it became so jossed by canon so fast that I gave up on life with chapter two half finished. I need to delete it but I can’t bring myself to bury my shame.

15) What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and meta-narrative and character-specific stuff. I go into every story with CHARACTER FIRST mentality, which is how I end up writing so many damn character studies or why my word counts explode. I’m just out here naval gazing because I love character stuff SO MUCH.

I’ve been told I’m good at fight/action scenes too, which... Shocks me, but I think watching and playing a lot of D&D stuff has really improved how I write fighting and action sequences.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

[whispers] too much naval gaze. dial it back, bitch.

I get really caught up in character stuff and forget to do important things like ADVANCE THE SCENE OR DESCRIBE THE SCENE OR LITERALLY ANYTHING. I also don’t think my prose is all that great, but I’m pretty sure every writer feels that imposter syndrome bullshit, so /waves hands. All I’m saying is I have seen some writers on AO3 who are writing some fucking vivid imagery and stringing flawless sentences together and weaving introspection and description together like beautiful baskets and they are stronger than any US Marine and I salute them and wish to be them.

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Iiii try not to. There’s times where I want to throw in, like, a little Zemnian for Caleb flair, but I try to stick to things that are either untranslatable (like German compound words), common phrases (like please or come here), or insults/curses/ pet names. Things that I don’t think Google will fucking lie to me about.

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I think it was a Sailor Moon crackfic about Haruka being forced to enter a beauty pageant which was just a blatant rip-off of Ms Congeniality and oh my god was it awful. I don’t even wanna talk about it.

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this church takes no conversions, probably BECAUSE it’s my little red-headed stepchild of a fic involving so many things that are just never going to make it popular (backstory fic, fic that is almost 85% headcanon, doesn’t involve popular characters, etc.), but godDAMMIT I love that fic so much. It was fun and I use every bit of that headcanon in almost everything like it’s my job.

shattered stage is a close second, because it was such a crazy concept for a fic that I PULLED OFF SOMEHOW and is this wonderful mix of crazy plot and character and lore and my three favorite tieflings having to work together. And also Jayne Merriweather as the main villain.

A lot of love went into both of those fics and they are my babies. this time next year we’ll see if I add Creedemption and shoot at fate to this list- probably. All of my epic long fics resolve to be my babies because I spent so much time on them, and I have to love them and cherish them because I raised them into gigantic wordy attempts to write a doorstopper.

#writing meme #my writing #shattered stage #this church takes no conversions

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only-by-the-stars · 3 years

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the annotated Tome of the Wild

Part five: Babes in the Wood!

- A half-moon the color of yellowed pages hung high in the sky above the figures on the ground OH LOOK IT’S THAT SAME DAMN MOON AGAIN. DESPITE THAT DAYS HAVE GONE BY AND IT DEFINITELY WOULDN’T LOOK THE SAME AT THIS POINT.

- “Idiot child. Perhaps I should've done something to make you more intelligent, instead of just transforming your body.” And here we have confirmation that it was Koume that changed her into this.

- Of course, the centerpiece of this scene is the reveal of what Midna’s been up to this whole time. In the show, the situation for Beatrice is similar: she thought that Adelaide just wanted a couple of kids to do household chores, and was fine with just turning them over to her in exchange for the item she needed to break her and her family’s curse. Until, of course, she grew to like them and have second thoughts, as Midna does here. Which of course lines up with how Midna initially thought to just use Link in TP to help herself and her people, until his actions and Zelda’s made her reconsider her disdain for the people of the world of light. Here it’s her bond with Aryll and Link that makes her hesitate to hand them over: she really likes Aryll, and after a rough start with Link they’re now getting along, and she feels a lot of sympathy for his situation with Mipha. She doesn’t want to keep them from getting home even for a little while, and when she finds out about Koume’s true intentions she draws the line, as her moral code won’t let her hurt others for her own sake and she knows Zelda wouldn’t want her to hurt anyone on her behalf either. This conflict and growth are exactly why I had an easy time casting Midna in this role, and I loved being able to write her and develop the dynamics she has with Link and Aryll.

- “Only the voice of the shadow that lurks in the woods, the king of darkness that rules the night, concerns me...” King of Darkness is one of Ganon’s titles in the series.

- “There is only his way.” A line that will be echoed by the Beast himself much later.

- “Aryll, I know!” Link froze as soon as the words were out of his mouth. We’re at the point where Link is snapping at his beloved baby sister, showing just how stressed out he is right now. He was able to relax more when Midna was around, but now her betrayal is driving him further along that path to despair I’ve been mentioning. He immediately apologizes, to his credit, but he’s still starting to crack.

- “You are in grave peril, and your fate, your very lives depend on if you heed my words or not! The Beast stalks you, seeking your fall into his grasp... but you must not allow him to capture you, you must not give in to despair!” He’s not wrong! Listen to him!

- The shadow laughed, a long, low sound that seemed to ooze up from the deepest depths of the earth where eldritch creatures slumbered, forgotten by time and the gods alike. Calamity Ganon emerges from deep beneath Hyrule Castle.

- “You forget, do you not, that your daughter's safety depends upon keeping me happy?” The first hint of the deception that the Beast is working on Rhoam.

- Aryll is now calling her frog Alfonzo, after the engineer in Spirit Tracks.

- AND THEN THERE’S NAYRU AND KOTAKE. This was one of the most FUN things I got to play with. The episode this portion is an adaptation of is probably my favorite in the show, and I had an utter blast toying with expectations here just as the show did. Maybe even more! The show leads you to believe that the character Kotake replaces is the sinister and evil one, preying on the hapless young girl that Nayru is replacing, only to yank the rug out from under you and reveal that the girl is possessed and trying to eat the brothers.

now, Nayru is from Oracle of Ages. You meet her at the beginning, whereupon she quickly becomes possessed by the evil sorceress Veran. Kotake, meanwhile, is present as a villain in OOT and a linked Oracle game, and as a friendly shopkeeper in Majora’s Mask. We just saw the villainous version of her sister at the beginning of this chapter. So... is she evil too? If you’ve never seen the show, have played OOT and MM but not the Oracle games, you probably got taken in just like a first time viewer of the show is. Only to find out too late, as does Link, that Nayru is the people-eating one, and not Kotake, who is indeed her MM self and not evil.

- Nayru laughed too, a pleasant sound reminiscent of harp strings being played. Nayru gives Link the Harp of Ages in OOA.

- Aryll has switched the frog’s name to Dr. Calip, after the NPC in BOTW who gives you the Cursed Statue shrine quest.

- “It is thanks to you that I shall finally be free to roam the outside world, after all.” DANGER DANGER, the evil spirit wants to roam free and EAT MORE PEOPLE.

- Aryll spots the danger, but mistakes it for her desire to see Link end up with Mipha and no one else. Which we all agree with, of course, but it’s not the real reason she’s uncomfortable. Link, meanwhile, is oblivious to it, at least partially because he’s sinking deeper into despair and contemplating just letting Mipha go out of his intensifying self-hatred over what he’s done to her.

- Nayru's eager whisper broke into his thoughts. He glanced up and saw her eyes gleaming with a sort of hunger as she gazed across the room at him. DANGER DANGER, SHE WANTS TO DEVOUR YOU. Again, I choose my descriptive words very deliberately.

- Eerie purple light glowed around Nayru as she hovered in the air, and her face had been twisted into something that resembled a ReDead mask. Veran’s spirit form is indeed purple, and nobody who’s ever played OOT, MM, or WW can forget the ReDeads. my favorite monster I want them back dammit

- “Link?” Aryll pressed herself against his side and clutched at his arm. “There are a lot of skeletons in here...” Remember how Aryll was so excited about digging up a single skeleton back in Ikana? Not so fun anymore.

- In the show, the whole sequence of trying to avoid being eaten was creepy, but a bit more comedic too. I leaned fully into the horror that it truly would be here, not just because I wanted to write something scary, but also because I needed something that would traumatize Link enough to push him into the breakdown he has in the woods afterwards, setting the climax of the story in motion. His feelings of failure mirror what I headcanon he must’ve been going through just before he fell in Blatchery Plain as well, the despair he would’ve felt over being unable to prevent the fall of the kingdom, the deaths of his friends (especially Mipha, who he’s grieving the most), and knowing that he’s at his limit and about to die before he can get Zelda to safety. Which is another way that the appearance of that painting in the last chapter ties in.

- Aryll’s dream sequence! OH BOY. In the show, this is an entire episode, done in the style of 1930s animation, with musical numbers and everything. That doesn’t quite translate to prose, though, so I had to change and abridge it. More interestingly, though, there’s subtle hints in the show that the dream is not real, and is intended to lure Greg, the younger brother, into the clutches of the Beast. I decided to run with that. One of the hints in the show is that the gates you see seem to be made of ivory; in Greek myth, dreams pass through one of two gates, either horn or ivory. True dreams come through the gates of horn, while false ones pass through the gates of ivory. So naturally Aryll walks through gates of ivory to reach the tower.

The tower itself is the one located in the Cloud Tops in Minish Cap. Which, here, is ruled by Princess Hilda from Link Between Worlds, who has Aryll save her kingdom from the evil Yuga. This is all a HUGE hint that this is false, a trap. Because in ALBW, Hilda was conspiring with Yuga in a desperate bid to save Lorule. And who took over Yuga’s body as part of that plan? Ganon. BAM.

- And now the frog is being called Ezlo, after the talking cap in Minish Cap.

- Link is now so deeply in despair that the dekuwood is starting to grow around him, which is what motivates Aryll to make her deal with the Beast that brings everything to its eventual conclusion.

- A dark shape emerged from the curtain of snow; it was a small, plump man with a beard that covered the entire lower half of his face, rowing a rickety little boat. His eyebrows went up as he took in the sight of Midna lifting the unconscious Link into the air with her prehensile hair. “That is one strange fish you've caught there, missy...” This is the fisherman from Link’s Awakening.

- What Midna sees in the distance is the Great Deku Tree, but I wasn’t about to reveal that just yet.

and that does it for part five!

#annotations

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since-it-must-be-so · 3 years

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A Wild Sheep Chase: Chapter 2 of Choujin X!

It's here! I've gushed about the chapter over at my Twitter, but like I said in my previous post, I want to see how the story progresses and keep a log about it. So here it goes!

Background info on Ely Otsuta

So before we delve into Chapter 2 which almost exclusively featured Ely... Let's take note of the new things we learned about Ely:

She's from a rural prefecture. I think she lives in the mountainside specifically since that's where she grows her tomatoes.

She's a greenthumb (we already kinda knew this from the previous chapter but we learn more about her life pre-Choujin X). I understand that even if the soil is infertile, she's able to grow tomatoes so nutritious and plump. So plump, they resemble butts, hence, "bumbums!" It appears she uses advanced equipment for her farming stuff. So yeah, based on these, it's established Ely has a green thumb!

Oh, and it appears that it's clarified that her "Grandpapi" whom she talks about in the 1st chapter is an adoptive grandfather (not biological, hence, maybe in the future we'd know her parents and learn why Ely is special).

It's just me but I get the impression that Ely is being introduced as some sort of "fertility" choujin, since she also dreams of having 9 kids. Haha!

It's kinda weird though why the burning tomato has a face. Was it just from her dream, since after plucking a bumbum - she woke up? Hmm, after some thought, I think the burning tomato with a face is just from her dream.

Ely Wakes Up from Reality

When Ely woke up, she finds herself in the South Yamato prefecture. Okay, so I think this leaning tower of some sort has a significance to the story.

It's featured in every spread with the title "Choujin X" and also in the last chapter. Can you see it? Maybe it has something to do with how the powers are made, like pollution-related or a botched experiment. Dunno. Just my wild speculation.

A Wild Sheep Chase

This is the exciting part. So when Ely wakes up, Chandra Hume offers to "escort" her, but really it appears he wants to kidnap her. And from, *checks the manga* page 10 to 40, we have Ely running away from Chandra until she fell in what looks like a similar area where Tokio and Azuma fought Johnny Kiyoshi Takeyama.

The chase sequence consisting of 30 pages were so fun and I was smiling all the while I was reading! Ely is so cute trying to parkour her way through the buildings (kinda reminds me of Touka?? I miss Touka!). Chandra looks really cool, he seemed to be flying too, using his powers (more on that later)!

But not to be outdone, Ely borrows a "Roller Boy Yay-Yay" which basically is a scooter with something that resembles a driver's wheel. Its literal translation of ローラーBOYイェイ・イェイ -- which, checking Twitter and in Ishida's latest live stream, I think the locals found it hilarious too. Ishida is just unleashing his crazy here, I love it!

After that sequence, we get the tractor and sheep chase. Ah! I love it.. So what happened is that, Chandra and Ely fall off from their Roller Boy Yay-Yay. Ely who just claimed she can outrun Chandra if she were riding a tractor, suddenly found one right in front of her! Then Chandra lands near a gang... or should I say, a flock of sheep-bikers. They're all wearing these Kanji-printed tracksuits and basically look like they're a bunch of delinquents? They even describe themselves as "cryptid bikers"... Cryptid supposedly means mysterious? Idk why the weird choice of words for the translation though.

Funnily, I was just reading Haruki Murakami's A Wild Sheep Chase (羊をめぐる冒険 --- Hitsuji o meguru bōken or literally An Adventure Surrounding Sheep). I wonder if this scene something to do with this book?

Anyway, Chandra entices the sheep to help hip capture Ely by bribing them with a Docomo flip phone. I don't know why a flip phone - could mean the following: (a) the sheep are so poor, a flip phone is cool; (b) maybe flip phones are a status symbol in that universe; (c) maybe the setting is in the 2000s when the flip phones really were all the rage.

So they all chase Ely, but Chandra suddenly has a car too. Someone on Twitter said it's a Porsche? But I can't tell, though Chandra said his car is a four-wheel drive... Heh? Idk what to do with this info.

As for Ely, she is really good with the tractor as she said. The hilarity of outrunning motorcycles and what could be a Porsche. That tractor prowess! Later on, Chandra and the other sheep figure into an accident with a "safety-loving" truck (oh the irony, lol). Chandra flew off the car and so did his fancy shoes...

Ely didn't exactly come out unscathed. Ishida allocated 4 double spreads for this epic fall. Some of the sheep definitely should have died from that spectacular accident.

At first, Ely was smug about escaping the sheep. But then, I think she was moved by compassion and I think she hurt herself in order to revive the sheep. I just wonder though, how she learned to do that?

Then we get another awesome double spread of her transformation, similar to Tokio's. Augh Ishida-sensei. These are soooo good!!!!

Because of her transformation, the whole area was engulfed with smoked and I think the sheep were effectively revived. It appears Chandra saw all this (while he was regenerating... so we now know choujins or at least smoke choujins like Chandra has regenerative powers), hence he marveled at Ely's newfound power. It was kinda confirmed that Ely was responsible for keeping the casualties to a minimum. Specifically he said Ely possesses: quick judgment, though resolve, persistence... making her a human with the makings of a choujin... while also kinda noting Ely's silliness.

Here we go again with Chandra's "fancy gentleman" facade... Even the way he talks is fancy ("I am well-acquainted with the roads here") but more than that... he's self-important. I talked about my other views on his character on Reddit. I get the impression he's something of a "Choujin supremacist", you know what I mean? So, he wants to kinda recruit Ely into his organization or whatever.

Ely is righteous

So we see that Ely is further introduced as a good character, standing up against Chandra and rejecting his offer to be his pupil or something. Ely was clearly upset about the grandma getting hurt (did she die? I hope she didn't) and made it clear she would never join him. Chandra takes offense at this rejection, especially when Ely said Chandra is worse than a turd.

As Chandra tries to inflict pain on Ely (something about marking her on the face), she recalls her resolve from Chapter 1: drones for farming, a greenhouse, her grandpappy, a mansion, the big dog, paying back the kid for his roller boy yay-yay, the Goldilocks hubbie, nine kids... But just before we can see if she can fight Chandra off...

The most handsome man of all Sui Ishida's works (haha!)

This buff mysterious man with a bandana reminiscent of the Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles seemed to have blown Chandra and Ely (also the cars and motorcycles) away by a mere clap of his hands. It appears even Chandra is afraid of this guy and recognizes him... he leaves the scene using his smoke powers before the guy can do serious damage. I think his power has something to do with wind since there was like a little hint with all the ventilation stuff in the setting.

The guy manages to create a circle of protection around Ely. He tells Ely that Chandra's modus is to target "people with aptitude like Ely". He helpfully mends Ely's punctured hand with his bandana.... And when Ely looks up at his face, what do you know? Haha!

Our girl Ely has a love interest! Haha.

Tokio's Gregor Samsa moment

I've observed from the manga I've read that characters with transformation abilities always, always go through this adjustment period with the power. Gregor Samsa, Peter Parker, our boy Kaneki... Anyway, it seems Tokio doesn't know or can't turn back into a normal-looking person. But the last panel sure is interesting because we have them experiencing this transformation at the same time. Also, since it reminds me of Touka and Ayato's volume cover. I hope they find each other soon though!

Types of Choujins and initial premises on the Power of Choujins

So there are 3 confirmed types so far: Flexi (Johnny), Bestial (our boy Tokio), and Smoke. It seems that pretty boy Hoshi doesn't have a category yet, but like I said I think his has something to do with air or ventilation lol.

We learned that Chandra is a Smoke Choujin, and Ely is now one too and she was may have been somehow infected by Chandra's smoke/fumes. It appears now that there are 2 ways to become a choujin: injection and inhalation. Chandra wonders if Ely was infected with his power... But I'm thinking the infection theory might not be that accurate. After all, it seems Ely has a green thumb.

But, I think as Chandra said, only some people have an aptitude for this. So, Ely and Tokio are examples. I wonder if Azuma also has choujin powers or did it not manifest yet? Is the aptitude inherent or something you can acquire? If so, what does Tokio have that Azuma doesn't, especially since everyone thinks Azuma is "better" than Tokio in all aspects?

We'll find out in Chapter 3 more or less!! I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes! I'd like to hear your thoughts or comments if any :)

#choujinx #choujin x #sui ishida #ishida sui #elyotsuta #tokiokurohara #tokio kurohara #ely otsuta #azumahigashi #azuma higashi #hoshi sandek #chandra hume #chandrahume #chandlerhume #chandlerfume #hoshisandek #超人x

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corvixa · 4 years

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I have this thing, that when an idea gets in my head, I either get it out on paper or it will create a traffic jam in my head and bugger up everything. So, not including my ongoing Fics, which includes the Gold Universe as part 4 is still nearly finished, I just need that last push on it. These are Ideas that can have anything from a few scenes, an idea, plots, or several chapters.

So I call this -

Winteriron WIP

(because what else 😅, I have a problem.)

In Fire & Flames - In this universe, Phoenixes and Humans live together, if one species dies then the other will too. When a Phoenix does for good, lots of natural disasters happen, starts with Tony'parents dying and then Rhodey, who is also a Phoenix, finds Tony. Who is now familyless and dying as lone phoenixes tend to die. There are several different kinds, and they come in pairs general. Golden and Ice, for example, Golden are high in magic, Ice tends to protect, especially the rare Golden, it's more tribes than individuals, there is no requirement for who likes who. It's surprising how much making a few other Avengers phoenixes tweaks things here and there, this actually goes up to the fight in Siberia and is one of the bigger WIP's. (26k)

Flash of Gold - Avengers are shifters or humans with magic, and they think they know what Tony is. They believe he is a human with magic, but they notice that he has some shifter traits, which is odd as shifters can't have magic in this AU. Only in very old stories and myth. Tony, however, is a dragon, which are myth. Instead of being like most shifters a, a human that shifts to something, he is the reverse. It only has a few scenes. Full shebang, team as Family. Steve is even a good guy. James is brought to the tower after being found and slowly integrated into the group and is wondering wtf Tony is. (13k)

The Operative Program - Howard was never meant to be a father; he was a weaponsmith. So he took the red room and the wolf spider programs and decided to create himself an Operative that he hoped would be the darker side to help Steve when he found him. Two sides of the same coin, one for the light and one to work in the shadows, Tony would be under Steve's control, he would be a weapon for the man who only picked up a shield. (Also assassin Tony is just fun.) Tony in this is a mash-up really, Tony traits, like Gold but different as he has been trained his entire life, the only reason he has developed a sense of self is Rhodey and the fact his parents died at 17. Rhodey got there first after the car crash, getting to Tony before anyone else who knew what he was could potentially claim him. Tony definitely collects people. Yinsen and Vanko for example. Chapters from Ironman up to Avengers (not complete). But enjoyed myself rewriting some out of sequence chapters, so there is a nice big scene in Siberia. (15k)

Another Persons Wish - Now this was based on a post I saw going around. Person A is married to Person B. Person A is looking back at their life and wondering if they should have married B, etc. So, A is offered a wish. Poof. Goodbye Marriage. Person A is Steve, and the story is from Tony, person B's POV. It goes from Tony planning his anniversary(because I was apparently extremely angsty when I started this!) to waking up in the past, alone and wondering what the fuck has happened. 6 chapters entirely written. Chapter 7 is in a different file and in progress when I dabble on it. (30k)

Tarnished Gold - This is an AU from my AU AU XD. Basically similar set up to the Gold Universe, Tony escapes Hydra Captivity but is brought in by Rhodey instead of spending 2 years on his own cleaning up Hydra. He only spends about 7 months before Rhodey convinces him to come in. Few other tweaks here and there but that is just side. Rhodey and James are pals too. The plot here is Howard and Maria are brought back from the Dead and Rhodey is trying to work out how to tell them what has happened and that he can't just bring them to Tony, because he doesn't know if Tony will remember them yet. Tony is a little less 'give me orders, and I'll gut you, and more 'orders made things easier'. I basically flipped his and James reactions from the original Gold universe. Tony is more in need of a hug. It's very loosely put together. I wanted something where Howard was a good dad to offset the fact I kind of made him Hydra in the next piece, and I wanted a good family man Howard with the bringing the parents back because I love reading fics that bring Howard and Maria back. (9k)

Sins of The Father - Arno has just buried his father. His mother is in a coma, he is 20 and mourning his life now he's expected to take on the business when a visitor flips his work upside down worse than the phone call about the crash. His Father? Part of a program that summoned a creature known as a Void Walker. (A creature from the Void Loki fell into, the only native species to that area, most others can't survive the void, so Loki will read as Void Touched and is 'To Be Protected' because I think that could shake up the Avengers section nicely.) Oh and he has Howards DNA. So Arno is freaked that he has a brother, that someone released and sent to him and Arno is 100% sure he is not meant to deal with severe traumatised half-human assassins that could be his kid brother. That is how Arno meets Tony and becomes very invested and turns up big brother protective instinct to 13. When summoned they're tired to a person and has to obey orders, that person was chosen as The Asset under the idea he can't disobey, which obviously fails as Winter does everything to protect Tony, including freeing him and sending him to Arno. His last order is that Tony is not allowed to go looking for or rescue Winter, which I think will be some nice drama when Bucky gets brought in (I really like this one) It has mostly set up but 2 scenes for in the future, Tony finding Coulson threatening Arno in IM2 and the data dump. (21k) (in this S/S Helped is Yelped, I'd fix it, but I've been working on this post forreeever)

Blood and an Arc - This came about from reading the Tony is a vampire fic and noticing that when he gets turned, generally Tony hates being a vampire. There aren't many where he comes back from Afghanistan a vampire and goes, huh... Well. This could be interesting. Loosely based on Vamp the Masquerade but I've tweaked it because my brain takes ideas and then runs off madly into the sunset. It is however utterly all over the place, some from Ironman and then random out of sequence chapters that I'm unsure about as I hadn't slept in a very long time on writing them and Tony went kind of Spike-ish calling James 'Pet'. I do like the idea of Tony fully embracing his changes. Yinsen never intended Tony to live, so he did something extra whilst turning him, so he is not an ordinary baby vampire and is convinced (justifiably so) that if he meets any other vamps, they'll try to kill him. In notes have Sam considering being a werewolf who works out Tony is a vamp and freaks out, because Vampires vs Werewolves and Tony is utterly confused and tells Sam he smells of mint (seriously, insomnia) Sam is baffled to find out the centuries of hatred that is claimed to be instinctual is actually taught. Sam gets kind happy he has a Vamp friend. (20k)

The Original Plan - This sets up around the end of the Mandarin (because honestly, I prefer working with Tony that has powered, especially because James has the serum and I personally think it would expand life span more than shown in Endgame. So I like evening things out and powered Tony is my jam) Tony has a bunch of plans, and they go awry. He doesn't see why and has zero clue what's going on. It's because no matter how well he plans this out, he's caught up in other people's plans. Steve is a little more "End goal justify the anything and everything." In other words, getting Bucky back is his plan and everyone are just pawns in said plan. I've taken that tactical genius title and also pushed him a little darker. After Ultron, he brings Wanda on for 3 reasons. 1 Precedence. 2 Fixing Bucky. 3 Making sure Tony doesn't find out about his parents and making sure he is on the team and available to fix Bucky's arm. That last bit changes things as instead of pulling away from the Avengers, Tony fully moves into the compound(just after AOU, it's not good). There will be no accords and Steve will find Bucky and just move him in and general plans on telling no one about the Winter Soldier. I summed up a chunk of AOU in this format, and I liked it (in an angst and pain fashion.) But it's quite long for a screenshot, so here's a chunk. Bucky is being brought in soon, but as it is, Tony is not having a good time, there might be Wanda conditions in his mind that Steve can use to convince Tony to do things... Also, because he is living there, I couldn't justify Sam not noticing there is something very wrong, so he is asking questions he didn't in canon as Tony's PTSD is more in his face living together you know? (16k)

#writing #tony stark/bucky barnes #winteriron #WIP #Some of these are more detailed than others!#easily excitable autistic woman

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takerfoxx · 4 years

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Notes on Restless

A day overdue, but here it is! My thoughts on writing Restless.

Restless is, in many ways, the most important arc in the story, not because it is the most plot or character significant (though it definitely is very important to both), but because it was one of the first, if not the first story arc I planned out, and have been cooking up in the back of my mind and working toward ever since this story started. And, as indicated by the title, it is one big reference to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode Restless, which is my favorite episode and also featured all of the main characters trapped in their little dream worlds.

What can I say; I like dream sequences!

In fact, and I know I have mentioned this a few times already, but it bears repeating the first chapter of this arc was literally the very first scene I thought up for this story, back when I was still in post-episode 9 depression and wanted nothing more for Kyoko and Oktavia to reunite somewhere and be happy together (well, the story definitely gives us the former, but, um, not really the latter, because I am still a sadist). If memory serves, my original vision had the two of them and Mami relaxing in a fantasy-world hot spring that had a bunch of big crystals everywhere (because I like crystals), only for them to be interrupted by the sound of something moving nearby, and, upon inspection, they would find the doll version of Charlotte watching them.

Obviously that scenario’s gone through a lot of fine-tuning, especially when it comes to Charlotte. And the crystals got moved to the end of the story after the hot spring had been removed, but hey, they still made the final cut. Regardless, I did settle on a finalized version some years ago, and the final cut came out more-or-less exactly as I envisioned, down to Mami and Charlotte going off alone for some, ah, quality time.

The only new addition was Jerky’s little scene and the Sayaka/Oktavia flirting sequence, and, well, that happened. I honestly don’t know if I’m even allowed to say much about it without getting into trouble with someone, even though I wrote it, but let’s just say the time has come to finally kick things into high gear on that end.

Okay, so onto the dreams!

Kyoko’s dream was of course the one I came up with first, and yet ended up being the shortest. I guess it’s because while she’s white-hot mess of issues, she’s at least a straightforward white-hot mess of issues, and honestly, it came out more-or-less how I initially planned years ago, with very little addition.

Now, Mephisto gave us a pretty clear breakdown of what the individual girls’ dreams meant thematically when she started torturing them directly, but it bears repeating that Kyoko’s dream was mainly dealing with her poor reaction to loss (the concept, not the meme), specifically the loss of Sayaka to Oktavia, and her stubborn and yet misguided quest to bring Sayaka back at any cost.

We start with a perfect repeat of her dream from waaaaaaaay back from chapter five, when she was first waking up from being drugged. I was originally just going to begin with the continuation, but it had been so long since that chapter that I just copied and pasted the original dream so we can have it in its entirety, which included the all-important image of Sayaka dissolving into silver fishes.

From there it’s mainly Kyoko’s singleminded quest to find Sayaka at any cost. And from there, we see her think that she’s found her time after time, only to be disappointed, from thinking that Madoka was Sayaka (and it’s a shame that they never interacted more beyond that single episode, as they had a good dynamic), to nearly catching the silver-fish Sayaka only to have her torn away, to finally finding the fake fish-faced conductor Sayaka, further establishing her inability to accept Oktavia as not being Sayaka. The hole that her father left in her heart and how deeply she misses him even with what he did does come up, but she abandons catching him once Kyubey makes it clear that doing so is impossible, as well as showing that while she still loves her father, part of her still does not forgive him and she truly believes that he went to Hell.

Also, was that the first time I’ve had Kyubey show up and have original dialogue? Because it might be!

Mephisto’s first appearance has her occupying the same role that she would in everyone’s dreams, that of a surly gatekeeper. She’s a bouncer in Kyoko’s dream, a ticket-taker/ride operator in Sayaka’s, a hostess in Mami’s, and a receptionist in Charlotte’s. And in each one, she lets the dreamer pass while making it clear that doing so is probably a bad idea. Her design was a lot of fun, though there truly is no significance to her rainbow dreadlocks, punk-rock aesthetic, or denim outfit, other than I liked the way they looked. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Annabelle Lee and the dockengauts have very short appearances in the nightclub, as despite all the pain they’ve put Kyoko through, she is still so singleminded in her pursuit that she considers them nothing more than obstacles to be overcome, which Annabelle Lee would probably be annoyed to hear.

As for Mami’s weird striptease, well, Kyoko is just now having to grapple with her own budding sexuality, and it stands to reason that Mami would have been an early crush for her. The “ending” though shows that while she’s more-or-less okay with Charlotte, she is still very aware of how Mami died.

Like Annabelle Lee, Elsa Maria would have the same role in everyone’s dream, the same role she had in Annabelle Lee’s feverish dream during the Help arc, that of the person who points the way to what the dreamer is seeking while still advising against it, which is always ignored. Though don’t read too much into her working with Mephisto in the end, as it’s not the real Elsa Maria and Mephisto is still the one in control.

And what better place for Kyoko, now Ophelia, to start her quest to find Sayaka for real than the same train station that she originally lost Sayaka in?

Anyway, while this chapter came out basically as originally envisioned, there are a couple things that I wish I had included, firstly a scene where Kyoko loses her necklace while being swept along by the current for Sayaka to find it later, and to have the sound of the crying child from the beginning to continue throughout the whole chapter, showing that she still hadn’t forgotten her quest to find her sister, as impossible as it might seem now.

Sayaka’s dream had largely to do with her and Oktavia’s issues with personal identity, and the dichotomy that Oktavia feels at all times, but translated through Sayaka’s eyes. In fact, bits and pieces of both their personalities are present through the circus (and given that Rumia’s dream took place in a circus in Imperfect Metamorphosis, it does just seem to be a recurring theme with me). The whole knight in shining armor for Sayaka is obvious, as is her sense of righteous justice as what Lily did. But her dynamics with the various characters that she comes across, her memories in general, her growing attraction to Kyoko, and her annoyance at being addressed incorrectly is all Oktavia.

It’s the two Kyoko encounters I want the highlight. The first at the shooting gallery shows that while Oktavia does love Kyoko, she is getting quite fed up with the constant nicknames in place of her actual name, while the second in the dunking tank shows her growing concern that Kyoko’s dogheaded persistence is only going to keep getting her hurt until there’s nothing left, as well as show her growing sexual attraction to Kyoko as she is progressively more stripped.

Mami and Charlotte’s brief appearance was in part to get them on the dream, and so show that that while Oktavia cares for them deeply, she’s not nearly as worried about them as she is Kyoko, hence why they’re here so briefly. Also, them pushing Ticky Nikki around in a stroller, aside from being Nikki’s only appearance this whole arc, was also a tip of the hat to the original Restless episode from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as Giles’s dream had him and his girlfriend pushing a stroller around through a carnival in the middle of a graveyard.

The Freakshow was a mixture of the traumatic monsters both Sayaka and Oktavia had to encounter, from the various witch familiars and to Gertrud, the first witch Sayaka ever saw, to the witch form of Charlotte, who traumatized Sayaka deeply, to Brooklyn, who briefly showed up earlier and was sort of Oktavia’s nemesis in The Heist and targeted her specifically, which left a mark.

And that whole business with Annabelle Lee “pouring” Kyoko into the tank was to lean more into dream logic, where deeply personal fears tend to be translated through nonsensical imagery. I’ve had plenty of dreams where I’d “lose” a close friend or family member because they got turned into a jar of dried corn or something and I’d just be so devastated and obsessed with turning said corn back into my loved one, and it’d be very serious and emotional, and it wouldn’t be until I had woken up that I’d realize, “Dude, dried corn?” Plus, her guilt about stabbing Annabelle Lee was a reference to Sayaka’s own increasing guilt when she realized that she wasn’t the shining hero she had wanted to be.

The clown dance is pretty self-explanatory, in that Sayaka spent so much time killing witches and treating them like monsters only to become a witch herself. Plus, given how quick her downfall was, it serves to reason that she would think of herself as a clown. Plus, I just like Lily as a character, and wanted any excuse to use her as much as possible.

The whole bit with the train station acting as the loading gate for the roller-coaster is also fairly obvious. That’s where Sayaka became Oktavia, hence the cart turning into the wheelchair, or the coaster track leading into Oktavia’s barrier. I’m honestly not too thrilled about the coaster going through Genocide City, because while having it make an appearance makes sense, since it’s literally Oktavia’s first memory, but if I recall, I had the hardest time settling on a location for the rollercoaster to ride through before heading into the castle. I tried Freehaven, the outside of the high school, and returning to the circus itself before just settling with Genocide City, which honestly was chosen mainly because the deadline was coming up and I had to go with something. I guess it works though.

There really isn’t much to say about the reversed Kyoko/Oktavia fight, as it’s literally just a perspective flip of their final battle. Incredibly important and significant as it embodies the entirety of Sayaka’s aspect as the “Monster” of her dream and hammered in her connection to Kyoko? Absolutely. Has much that I can explain that isn’t literally sitting right on the surface? Nope.

We do get Mephisto basically spelling out Sayaka’s contradictory identity in her final days though, in which she was the valiant knight she always wanted to be, she was the damsel in distress that Madoka and Kyoko tried and failed to rescue, and she was the monster holding that damsel captive. No doubt that part was inspired by the meme of the Dragonborn princess paladin who was hired to rescue herself from herself.

From there, the “Monster” is slain, and the cute mermaid Oktavia von Seckendorff is born, the only time during her own dream that she makes a full appearance. She then is treated to a montage of Sayaka’s memories, but of course, they mean nothing to her.

However, I would like to point out what amounted to the payoff of a joke I had set up literally years ago. Readers of all my stuff might remember that way back in Rhapsody of Subconscious Desire, another story that took place in a dream world, Kaguya Houraisan was split into two identical copies of herself, called Head and Body, who encountered Oktavia swimming around in a large aquarium, who in turn shot them a rude gesture and swam off. Here, we finally see the inverse of that scene, which is why a couple of previously unseen twin girls showed up with no explanation.

Next is where the dreams start to converge. Oktavia finds Kyoko’s necklace (which, again, I wish I had included in Kyoko’s dream. Maybe in time I’ll go back and edit it in) and meets the silver fish’s from Kyoko’s dream, absorbing them and turning fully into the princess and, as a result, Sayaka Miki finally returns in full.

Funny thing about that.

At this point, I didn’t know how much the whole Sayaka thing would play out, and originally she would just be Oktavia in a dress. But after having Sayaka’s memories intrude again and again, I thought, “Huh, wouldn’t it be fun if she just became Sayaka again for a short time? Have a weird inverse of the Oktavia situation?” and went ahead and did it.

This choice led to…major consequences.

Mami’s dream is next, and despite being the one that I literally had planned out the least ahead of time, ended up being the most fun to write. Naturally, her dream dreams with her immense guilt over having been Kyubey’s poster girl for so long, helping him ensnare several innocent girls into his scheme as well as kill them off herself when they became witches. Also, it served as a little nod to Candeloro’s job as a baker in WN. Anyway, the whole thing was heavily influenced by Sweeney Todd, in that victims are misled into doing something they think is innocent, only for them to be gruesomely murdered and sent off to be turned into food.

The world of candles is just something I thought would be neat imagery, so infer from it what you wish. However, it is interesting to note that Mami is the only one to have a dream that features Annabelle Lee as the persistent antagonist that she is, showing up over and over to antagonize her. There wasn’t an intended reason for this, but come to think of it, with Kyoko focused on her endgame, Oktavia just wanting her friends to be safe, and Charlotte obsessed with what was lost, Mami would be the one most living in the nowness of their situation, convinced that she is finally in Hell for her sins.

In the restaurant, Mami is indirectly guilt-tripped by Shizuku for essentially abandoning all of her responsibilities to help Kyoko, and is then given a choice: abandon her quest and stay with her loved ones, or continue on with her “duty” despite all warning signs, thereby sealing her own destruction. Charlotte even goes so far as to beg her directly to not go on, but Mami refuses, saying over and over again that she is, “On the clock,” signifying how being a magical girl essentially took over her entire life after her parents’ death, and how full she threw herself into it to shield herself from her own loneliness.

And from then on, her fate is sealed.

While descending the long staircase, the father of Mami’s occasionally mentioned former crush Ryu Hagane shows up to chastise her for throwing her life way in making her contract, and then Mami’s actual love Charlotte shows up on the big TV to remind Mami of what she was now throwing away, and curiously, when she brings out the doll version of herself, it’s not to remind her of how Charlotte kill Mami (though the worms coming out of the doll’s mouth shows that Mami still hasn’t forgotten), but to remind her of how Mami had tried to kill Charlotte upon their first meeting, as her own guilt is more powerful than even the trauma from having her own head bitten off. Annabelle Lee emerges again, and in the process, the staircase is destroyed. Mami’s choice was made. There is going back.

Sure enough, when she enters the classroom, the marionette corpse of Kazuko Saotome (a reference to how she was killed and eaten in the Oriko timeline, in addition to just being very creepy) spells out to Mami’s face what an idiot she was for trusting Kyubey, how many lives she had ruined by doing so, finishing with Homura showing up to basically say, “I told you so.”

Annabelle Lee attacks again, and Mami is sent into a montage of battles she has fought since their disastrous adventure begun, but with each of her assailants being replaced at the last second by one of her friends, showing that even after forgiveness, she still feels like she’s their murderer, as well as driving home the point that in all of her battles to defend herself over the course of this story, she was still just fighting and hurting other magical girls, and regardless of which side they were on, they were all still victims of the same scam.

Annabelle Lee is finally defeated and put down, but there is no victory, only horror at what Mami had done. She flees, but finally finds herself in the Hell she always felt that she deserved, pursued by the zombified corpses of all the monsters that had defeated her, from Lily, who had stolen her mind and made her commit atrocities, to the wild girls, whom she had slaughtered, to the Worm, whom had killed her in her arrogance.

She escapes, but that just leads her back to the bakery, signifying that no matter what, the second she had made that contract she had been doomed. It didn’t matter if she was leaping through the sky in an extravagant outfit, effortlessly defeating monsters with her magic, or if she was sinking into her own despair with a darkening soul gem, it was all the same. She was just food for the Incubators, to be chewed up and discarded, thrown into the mouth of the Worm and run down by the same vehicle that had killed her parents.

She then wakes up in the hospital, reliving a twisted version of when she had been recovered from the car wreck that had taken her parents, taking her back to her first sin that still haunted her: only saving her own life with her wish and letting her parents die. And thus, she is turned into the same monster she had spent the last few years fighting: the witch, Candeloro.

The whole bit in the hospital was a twisted version of what it must have been like for the original Mami to wake up in the hospital and learn that her parents had died. No doubt Mephisto’s dream doctors would have continued to further twist the knife had Ophelia and Sayaka not violently intervened (which gives us a rare case of blood instead of mist). And Candeloro is brought into the party, and with a Cyberpunk reference no less!

Charlotte’s dream comes last, and in my opinion, is the most multi-layered. The bulk is focused on how bitter she is at having her perfect life with her wife stolen away and how many people she resents for it, her own feelings of helplessness at being unable to prevent it, and also it addresses her own guilt at having killed Mami to begin with and how much she fears the return of the Worm that did it, but also she seems to be the only person that has some subconscious awareness of how Homura is timelooping them over and over again, forcing them to relive the same torturous sequence of events (probably has something to do with Homura being the one who killed her after she ate Mami).

In the first loop, Mami is taken by Annabelle Lee, and Charlotte is totally helpless to stop her. This is pretty obvious: Annabelle Lee has been a thorn in her side since day one. It was because of her that they were ambushed in Cloudbreak and forced into their horrible adventure. And more directly, it was because of Annabelle Lee that they fell into the Etherdale to begin with, leading to them all being enslaved by Lily and Charlotte and Mami being forced to commit atrocities.

Also, it’s hinted that the city that Charlotte is forced to march through is the same one Kyoko had been following her father through in her dream, indicating that their minds are already crossing over.

The second is a little more complicated. Yes, Charlotte and Kyoko are on better terms. Yes, they’re getting along. Yes, Kyoko apologized and they bonded. But if it weren’t for Kyoko, then none of this would have ever happened. If it weren’t for Kyoko, Charlotte wouldn’t have lost her home, wouldn’t have been targeted by Reibey, and wouldn’t have to suffer being pursued by dockengauts and valks, two creatures that she has an acute phobia of. So there is still some hard feelings there.

The third is when Charlotte is forced to confront something about herself, that no matter how many people she blames, her own actions still played a part as well. Now she is the one riding the Worm. She is the one who cost Mami her life. And in the hospital, it was her misguided wish that cost her her mother, whether she knows it or not, as well as why she became a witch in the first place.

Couple notes about the hospital: first, the cheese slices do signify how Charlotte threw her wish away for something as stupid as cheesecake, but are also another reference to the original Restless, in which a man carrying cheese slices shows up in each of the characters dreams, just to be weird.

Also, Charlotte’s magical girl outfit was in part inspired by a 4koma MamiLotte doujin from before The Rebellion Story, in which Charlotte becomes human again and crushes on Mami big time. And her outfit consists of a double-breasted coat and skirt. Also there were parts taken from the character notes from Walpurgisnacht, in which one of her familiars is an early draft of Human!Charlotte, before Nagisa had been designed, and she’s depicted holding a staff topped with the wrapped candy charm.

The final loop is where Charlotte fully becomes Nozomi (a name I think I just took from another fanfic that gave her that name) and finally defeats the Worm, this time ridden by Homura Akemi. After all, Homura Akemi is the one resetting things over and over again, forcing Charlotte to relive the same terrible events over and over. And as for that rooftop meeting…well, explaining that would be telling, so infer what you will.

The next chapter is mainly spent playing catch-up, gathering all the characters together and pushing toward the final battle with Mephisto. Here, things get less symbolic and more character based, so there’s a lot less to explain. Ophelia’s path of destruction through Sayaka’s carnival and Mami’s school are basically in line with lucid dreaming, in that once you know that you’re in a dream, everything just feels so much less solid, leading Ophelia to take down the ravaged versions of Brooklyn and Annabelle Lee with ease. Also, that scene with her talking to the dying Lily was an American Gods reference, which featured a similar scene.

So let’s talk about the big thing with this chapter. Let’s talk about Sayaka.

Originally the plan was to go straight from Charlotte’s dream to the fight with Mephisto, but then I realized what a bad idea that is. I mean, Sayaka was back! It’s something that’s been hinted and talked about all through the story’s run, but now it’s actually a thing. The original Sayaka Miki, the one that fell into despair and became a witch, is now back, and without having merged with Oktavia and gaining her memories. She’s thrown literally into the middle of things, during the gang’s weirdest adventure yet. And, it should be noted, her most recent memory is literally sitting with Kyoko in the train station, right before she became Oktavia. That is one hell of a bad day.

Obviously she reacts poorly, and who can blame her? And give her credit, she pulled herself together pretty quickly. However, she did pick up very quickly on Kyoko’s feelings for her. And why shouldn’t we just start saying it? It’s obvious to everyone! But obviously, as short as it was, Sayaka’s brief return will have major consequences that will play out over time.

Anyway, obviously everyone else has their own identity crisis. Mami turns fully into Candeloro, which provides a measure of relief from her own shame, while Kyoko as Ophelia is the rare witch that remembers everything while still sticking fully to her witch identity.

As for Charlotte, her case as Charzomi is easily the weirdest, with her constantly shifting back and forth between Charlotte and Nozomi, and her own memories fading in and out, forcing her to work extra hard to stay focused. It’s been suggested that this might serve as a metaphor for gender fluidity, and while this wasn’t the intention and thus I can’t speak to its accuracy, I can see and support the applicability. Still haven’t worked out what the long-term consequences of that will be, but I do want this to play into her future character development.

The walk up the tongue was mainly me realizing that the fighting was going to start soon, and Sayaka was going away right after, so I had one last opportunity to make the most out of her presence and I was determined not to waste it.

So we ticked off the boxes on everything we ought to address with her. She cleared the air with Charlotte over having to watch Mami get eaten. She finally got to hug Mami (well, Candeloro anyway) and got everything she wanted to say off her chest. And with Ophelia, she naturally wants to know more about exactly what Kyoko has been getting up to with Sayaka’s other self.

Sayaka again confronts Ophelia about how she feels about her (or, well, Oktavia, or maybe Sayaka? It’s weird), and naturally she is kind of freaked out by it. Remember, from her point of view, her relationship with Kyoko had been nothing but antagonistic. Whether Kyoko had been attacking her or trying to help her, Sayaka always resented her presence, so now suddenly being dropped into the middle of things and learning that her one-time rival now has a thing for her? Well, can you blame her for getting a little freaked out?

Also, it’s worth pointing out how the script had been flipped with everyone’s new identities. Now it’s Ophelia and Candeloro with the witch names, while Sayaka still thinks of them using their old names, causing them discomfort, but she has no problem calling Charzomi whatever because they had just met and she didn’t care.

And then we get to the fight, and of course it has to be a pro wrestling match. I’d also like to point out that there were a lot of songs I wanted to use for this chapter but was unsure of where to put each one. Originally the climb up the tongue was just going to have generic thrash metal playing the background, while Mephisto’s entrance theme was going to start with Mr. Sandman, only to transition into Bad Reputation (which is Ronda Rousey’s RL entrance theme), but then I was like, I should put Welcome to My Nightmare in there somewhere. And then I remembered that Cult of Personality is a thing, which is also CM Punk’s entrance theme, so I finally decided to move the first three songs to the tongue scene and have CoP as Mephisto’s entrance music.

And finally, we come to the last chapter. The magical girl fight scene was another one of those checklist things I wanted to have so long as I had Sayaka around. That way, I could actually build some real KyoSaya moments to make the KyoTavi angst all the more potent, as Sayaka realizes that she is developing an attraction to Kyoko as they fight side-by-side, letting me recreate that magical little moment from The Rebellion Story in which Sayaka basically confesses in the middle of the battle, complete with Charlotte ruining the mood.

I’ll admit, I kind of skimped out on Mephisto’s witch design and didn’t give it as much thought as I could have, but that part was never important. The important part was to recreate a classic witch fight and let the girls interact during it. I am proud of the Charlotte’s Web joke though.

What happens next is to establish that it doesn’t matter how hard they fight or how smart they are, they simply cannot beat Mephisto now. She’s taken complete control, enough to flick them through their various personas on a whim turning them into Puella Magi, then to human!witches (basically the Walpurgis Nights girls), then to full witches, then to the classic squad from the bulk of the story (bringing Oktavia back briefly), then to vanilla humans. It doesn’t matter. Mephisto has them, and can do whatever she wants.

From there, she separates them again and subjects them to a condensed version of their previous dreams, with the same themes but different imagery. Kyoko is subjected to a sermon about her poor responses to loss from her dead father, as he really lays into her over how much damage she had done. And I gotta admit, even I felt pretty bad just for writing that scene. Because I know torturing Kyoko is kind of this story’s MO, but damn.

Sayaka is a little more nuanced. Yes, the identity issues from her own dream are brought up, but it’s more focused on a new issues: mainly, now that Sayaka is back, she not only has to grapple with all the weirdness that she’s been thrust into, but also with essentially having been replaced. We see the vision of her friends getting along happily without her, the friends she had pushed away and alienated having moved on without her, Madoka basically having replaced her entirely with Homura. Of course this is not reflected in reality, as by this point in the world of the living they probably haven’t even found Sayaka’s body yet due to the time difference, but it is definitely that Sayaka would easily believe.

The next part is basically the whole reason for bringing Sayaka back in this manner. Mephisto then shows Sayaka a real memory that of Oktavia spending time with Kyoko, Mami, and Charlotte and being loved and accepted by them.

Sayaka’s character arc in the original series was driven by her letting her insecurities cause her to overcompensate and destroy herself, and Oktavia has largely been characterized as what Sayaka would be like if she didn’t have those insecurities. Sure, she’s had the shadow of the original Sayaka hanging over her, but for the most part this hasn’t seemed to bother her much, aside from getting annoyed at being called the wrong name, but it’s been taken for granted that sooner or later being thought of as Sayaka instead of herself by Kyoko was going to come to a head.

But here we have one of those happy unplanned gold veins, something I hadn’t planned on doing but am thrilled gets to happen now: we have Sayaka being forced to come to terms with living in Oktavia’s shadow.

Yes, they’re the same person. Yes, Oktavia is just Sayaka with her memory wiped and many of her self-destructive issues cleared away. But as WN demonstrated, it’s not as clear cut as that, and there is still some degree of separation between the two. And the infamously self-loathing Sayaka would most certainly be messed up by being confronted by a version of herself that people like and enjoy being around, that doesn’t feel the need to prove anything. And this is coming right off the heels of her realizing that she might have feelings for Kyoko after all (even if that is in part because of her empathetic connection to Oktavia), only to have it thrown in her face that it was Oktavia that Kyoko really loved, when she herself never did anything other than push Kyoko away. Granted, she had good reason for doing so, given that the first thing Kyoko did was try to kill her, but the point stands.

The Kyoko/Oktavia dynamic has always been messy due to Sayaka’s constant presence, but I kind of feel that that was unfair to Sayaka herself, as she deserves better than just being a memory, and I wanted her to have an actual voice in the whole deal, to be able to express her own feelings about it, even if it does complicate an already incredibly complicated situation.

Anyway, the next bit is pretty self-explanatory, with Mephisto further twisting the knife by replaying Sayaka’s last conversation with Madoka and really driving home what a wreck Sayaka had been at the time. Remember, from Sayaka’s point of view, that whole moment was only a few hours ago, at most!

Mami’s was very interesting, because the whole trial bit is self-explanatory, but it’s actually a reference to the bizarre trial that made up the final episode of the classic mindscrew TV show The Prisoner, which featured a jury wearing masks, the plaintiff sitting on an ornate chair on a raised platform, witnesses being pulled out of steam-filled holes, and an extended singalong of Dry Bones. Granted, I mainly knew about it because Reboot, one of my favorite shows, also referenced it in a dream episode of their own, but I liked that episode, and wanted to rip it off.

For the witnesses, we first get the expected faces from the show itself, but we also get a few new ones. Brooke Alexander was already named once before when Mami was reflecting on the various girls she had trained, Janice Goldberg was made up specifically for this scene, but we also get Michiru Kazusa, from the really weird spin-off manga Kazumi Magica, who was established as having a past with Mami. Kazumi Magica had its problems, but I did like a lot of the characters (i.e. The Twins), so this seemed like a good time to bring in another one.

Charlotte’s dream is the most straightforward, as it’s basically just her first dream condensed into a claw machine. What I wanted to put focus on was that Charlotte is the one character that knows who Mephisto is, as her role as the team scholar who does the most reading, she would actually have heard of the Ideal Witches, and thus would really understand just how much trouble they were all in.

And at the end of each segment, Mephisto gives each of them the same offer: submit willingly and be given a pleasant fantasy while Mephisto digests their souls, or continue to resist and get digested anyway, only in eternal torment. And her offer would give them each what they wanted the most. Kyoko wants her loved ones back, Sayaka wants to be loved and appreciated, Mami wants forgiveness, and Charlotte just wants to go home. And in light of what they were facing, can any of them be blamed for wanting to take Mephisto up on her offer?

Enter Jerky.

Jerky was a ton of fun to write for, and judging by the overwhelming positive response to his segments, bringing in the baby space raptor was a good idea. Like I’ve said before, his bits were one big love letter to Raptor Red, a novel by paleontologist Robert Bakker which tells of the life and times of a female Utahraptor from the Utahraptor’s point of view. And the nice thing about Jerky is that he’s smart enough to know the does and don’ts, but simple enough to be uncomplicated. He’s an animal. An exceptionally smart animal, but still an animal. He knows that he loves Kyoko and is loyal to her, he’s been made to understand that he can’t let Charlotte, Mami, and Oktavia see him, and he knows that Kyoko’s skin is softer than his and he needs to be careful, but beyond that he couldn’t care less of their various issues. It’s refreshingly simple.

As such, when confronted with a complete inexplicable threat such as Mephisto, something well beyond his ability to comprehend, he’s worried, he’s scared, he doesn’t know what to do, so he defaults to his predatory instincts.

When in doubt, start biting.

And it does the trick, because something that needs to be said is that while the Ideal Witches are powerful, they’re not omnipotent. Mephisto needed to lure the girls in and submerge them fully in her dream in order to control them the way that she did, but in the real world, she was vulnerable once she had manifested fully, allowing Kyoko to break free long enough to fire the final shot.

In the end, everyone escapes, but not unscathed. Kyoko especially had been scarred even further, in part from the dream of her father, but also from having to watch Sayaka basically die again, leading to her reaching what very well might be her breaking point. Mami’s slipping deeper into depression, having been forced to once again confront all the damage she unwittingly did as a magical girl, Charlotte is fully fed up with everything that had happened to them. And Oktavia? Well, now that it’s been shown that Sayaka Miki can and has come back, suddenly her own identity issues are going to become worse. She’s really going to have to grapple with Sayaka being an actual person with a legitimate claim to her body, especially since when Sayaka came back, she effectively traded places with Oktavia instead of merging with her. That’s gotta be scary.

At the very least, Kyoko did not reject Oktavia. In some way, she does understand that Oktavia is her own person, and she’s coming to respect that. But there are some deep wounds having to do with Oktavia’s creation, and they’re both going to have to come to terms with a great many things in the days to come.

And at the very end, it’s shown that Mephisto is weakened but still alive, and she’s pissed! We also learn that one of the girls did accept Mephisto’s offer before she was defeated, so that’s definitely going to come up later. And we meet the rest of the Ideal Witches. Obviously there is more to come with them, so I will say nothing further.

Anyway, I guess that’s it. Feel free to message me if you want anything explained further, or just make your own interpretations. Either is fine.

#resonance days #restless

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merefactsandlogic · 4 years

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Fic Asks

@szonklin went totally crazy here. It’s okay, I still love you. :P 1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? Harry Potter! I was maybe...10 or 11, and I wrote the most terrible semi-self insert fic. Oh little me...it gets better. 8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom? So the latest one I write in is The Halcyon...I was so down about the lack of closure (whyyyy did it have to be canceled?) that I went right to AO3 and read every fic under the Toby/Adil tag. The latest one I’ve been reading in is Tarot Sequence. That was me just wanting more. 9. What are the best things about your current fandom? I love the people in the Halcyon fandom. We’re small in numbers, but everyone is so wonderful and supportive, and a lot of us have become friends outside of just the fandom, which is super cool. 10. Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in? Yes! Right now, I regularly read from Song of Achilles, Whyborne & Griffin, and Tarot Sequence. 12. Who is your current OT3? I don’t think I really have one. :/ 13. Any NoTPs? Rune and Brand from Tarot Sequence (they’re going to pop up a couple more times). Their relationship is so not romantic for me that I actually fear the writer is going to put them together. 14. Who are your BroTPs? Toby and Joe from Halcyon (I think I have @szonklin to blame for me loving them having that sort of relationship), Rune and Brand from Tarot Sequence, Whyborne and Christine from Whyborne & Griffin (I know Christine is a woman, but it makes sense, okay?). 15. Is there an obscure ship which you love? Anthony Farr and Jacob Durfree from Whyborne & Griffin. 16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike? I guess Emma and Joe might fit here? But not really? There’s definitely stuff in fandoms that I won’t read (like Rune and Brand up there), so I think I just try not to think about it too much. 17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? Lily and James from Harry Potter. I had this epic L&J fanfic that I let people read when I was like...11 or 12? I still have a copy of it (which I never finished, of course) hidden somewhere in my room. It’s so cringy, but maybe I should look at it for nostalgia. I wouldn’t say they’re still my favorite, but Marauder era is still fun. 19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them? Rune and Brand (I told you they’d be popping up). I can see why people ship them, but it just feels weird to me. They’ve even explained their relationships as “brothers” in the book. But the series pulls lots of weird stuff. I’ve considered giving them a chance, but then it just doesn’t happen. 20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking? Not that I can think of. 23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it. I’m really enjoying my current major WIP As Time Goes By. It was inspired by a Tweet from one of the Halcyon’s writers that Toby and Adil live to get gay married (paraphrased XD), so I’m taking it decade by decade. I’m a sucker for happy endings, and writing a gay couple into their 90s that live to get married is the ultimate happy ending as far as I’m concerned. 25. What’s your most popular fanfic? In The Aftermath has the most kudos (76). The Challenge has the most comments (111). 26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles? I just try to throw words together that I think will best sum up what I’m writing. 28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of? I would love a picture of Toby and Adil dancing in Toby’s room from One More Dance. 31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing? Uhh...I don’t know? People are always saying things about my writing that really touch me, so I don’t think I could pinpoint just one thing. 32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? Sometimes I listen to music when I write. I actually have specific bands for some characters that I listen to both when I’m writing or need the inspiration for those characters. But sometimes I need silence, and sometimes I just need a general mix. 39. What is you greatest strength as a writer? I’m really good at descriptions. And emotions. I’m a very emotional person, and I think I excel at that. 40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing? I think it’s more about how I feel as a writer presenting my work. I doubt myself a lot (@szonklin can attest to that one, with all the chapters I’ve sent her that say “I’m pretty sure this chapter sucks”), and I know I shouldn’t, but I do anyway. 46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? In The Aftermath. I think I did a really great job with Toby and Adil being apart, and then finding each other again. I don’t really think they would have been able to just make up after how the show ends, and I think my thoughts on them needing time but ultimately needing each other show through really well in that fic. 48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not? Just in Halcyon. I think I’m a little shy when it comes to other fandoms (which doesn’t make much sense, but whatever). I think a big thing in Song of Achilles is that the fandom is so big, I find it very intimidating, though that’s the only fandom I read in that has that problem. I’m not sure what it is with the other ones. 50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction? I couldn’t even tell you, that was so long ago. I think I just so wanted to be a part of that world (Harry Potter) and fanfiction was how I got to that place. 51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! I’ve read and written fanfiction for so many fandoms over the years, and I love the feeling I get when I get to add things to a fandom. It’s like getting to be a part of things! And it can do things like bring closure (in the case of Halcyon) or extend the world just a bit longer (in the case of things like Whyborne & Griffin) or have fun theories presented (like Tarot Sequence, since the series is far from over). There’s just so much you can do with it all, and I love seeing into people’s brains about things I love! Fanfiction is a wonderful outlet, and I’m so happy to be a part of things that way. There, @szonklin...I did it!

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lizzybeth1986 · 5 years

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Quick Thoughts on TRFTP Book 1 Chapter 17

• I'm...not even sure what's happening anymore or whether this team is trolling us for expecting better from them. This chapter was shit. As has been this book.

• If you don't want to see these posts, here are the tags to block: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs, #long post.

• I spent three days doing literally anything else but replaying it coz the writing for this one was so poor from the get-go, focuses on anything but the important stuff when we're two chapters away from the finale and uses Maxwell to retcon two moments from last book that they'd already bungled up in the grossest way possible.

• Ngl they also made Maxwell sound like a self-centered jerk this chapter. The one time they actually made him the focus, they make him into a narcissistic individual who thinks that just because he's friends with all these influential people he gets creative liberty over personal stuff that happened to them, without even fucking consulting them on it. I'm sure the book reading was meant to be funny but there was so much cringe going on that I wound up thoroughly disliking him this chapter (sorry Maxwell stans). Like this was me the entire time:

• Screenshots:

Hana: The Abhirio YouTube channel

Drake: @thefirstcourtesan and the HIMEME YouTube channel

Maxwell: The rash rec YouTube channel

• Title: Hot Off the Press

Alternative Title: High on All Existing Levels of Cringe.

• The first few dialogues obviously change slightly if you're married to Maxwell. He's a little more contrite about not telling the MC earlier about the book tour:

• My MC is as surprised as I am that we didn't go to Castelserraillian instead, since that place is a hotbed of art and culture (I'm also noticing that the writers have been avoiding mentioning Kiara's estate by name since this book began. It's always called "Kiara's estate" now). But no apparently it's because the Lythikos people have no taste, as we're soon about to find out.

• The MC can't stay too long, since the Last Apple Ball, which is supposed to be the final appearance a mother of the royal heir makes before they deliver, is coming soon.

• Maxwell promised the bookstore...that his friends - who are actual people he has written about in this book and who haven't read it yet - will do a live-reading alongside him...again, without consulting them. O boy. This is going to be fun.

•

I have three points to make about this one:

1. If this book wouldn't exist without any of us then why the hell is YOUR face on the cover of MY goddamned story?

2. LMAO @ Maxwell acting like Liam's only strength is his title when:

a. He's the only one among you all who has a job (not applicable for Hana since she doesn't have a paying job but still works her butt off more than the other two do)

b. Liam threw an entire human being over his fucking shoulder. Like if that's not "actual strength" I don't know what is.

• It's more fun to make Olivia guess when you reach her estate. She either guesses that you're having your baby, that Liam is declaring Lythikos the capital of Cordonia, Drake fell into a vat of whiskey or Hana wants her to lead a self-defence seminar for the noblewomen. Maxwell for some reason isn't even mentioned.

• In any case, we arrive at Olivia's keep/lodge, where she's busy fussing over us.

• I liked the fact that you could do a callback to our first Lythikos Ball in Book 1, mentioning "cold lobsterless bisque". And Olivia doesn't pretend to forget it either, reiterating that she enjoyed besting the MC at her first visit there.

• First Kiara, now Hana. Both ladies make sure Olivia doesn't go ahead with giving us gifts related to "self-defense" 😅

• She does, however, have a special gift in store, this time for our nursery. Paintings for the walls. The royal options mostly showcase golden crowns and a castle, while the rustic options display forest animals. You don't get a free option here, pretty much like you don't get one for the crib mobiles. I think there's one element left in the nursery - the soft toy (one of which is a lion).

• Maxwell then offers to have Olivia there for the reading as well, considering the book's popularity in Lythikos and the fact that she is their Duchess. Olivia tries to get out of it, telling us that she has "duchess things" to do.

• I love whatever little we get of Liam and Olivia's friendship in this series. When the writing actually bothers to acknowledge them as childhood pals it shines. Like the bit where Olivia tries to get out of the reading by citing "duchess things" and Liam grins and tells her that he "can always tell when [she's] lying". Or this little bit right here:

• The MC gets to ask about Liam's investigation on what happened to his mother, which he cites as 'ongoing'. Yknow, we would have had more time to investigate that if the writers didn't shoehorn so many chapters into the Texas section. I can understand a mystery spilling over to the next book, but the reason for that spillover being the writers spending too much time on irrelevant bullshit? Can't relate.

• Following this, Olivia agrees to come for the reading, tells the group which rooms are allowed to them and leaves, and the LI tells the MC about their plans to take her out on a final-date-before-childbirth to a resort in the mountains. This is supposed to be our last LI scene for this book.

• It's a short and fairly meh scene, mostly rehashing the LI parenting issues they currently have and filled with some of the same imbalances we spotted way back in Chapter 4 (the LI scene where the couple sneaked off from the ball where we were hosting Auvernal and Monterisso). It's on a smaller scale here, but the imbalances still exist.

• The scene has two sections, the helicopter scene and the resort scene. The helicopter sequence deals with (except in Drake's case) the LI and their worries over how good a spouse and parent they will be, and the resort sequence is mostly a sex scene with no lingerie of the MC's in sight because they felt too lazy to code a pregnant MC minus clothes. In Drake's case, the serious issues revolving around family get spoken about at the resort rather than the helicopter.

Liam: Is extremely protective, maybe even obsessively so. Discovering his mother was pregnant when she died plays a huge part in his worries about the MC and his child now, as does the fact that growing up without her was hard on him, and that's an experience he doesn't want their child to go through.

Hana: Comes with a sweet story about her mother. The helicopter sequence begins with their child having a "kick party" in the womb, and Hana singing a lullaby that her mother used to sing while they spent time on the piano. Hana speaks of this as being a bedtime routine that her mother made, and how nighttime was the only time of day when Lorelai would pay any attention to Hana. Hana wants to be more involved, more present for her child, essentially the mother Lorelai never truly was to her - while still maintaining that there were moments she was happy with Lorelai.

Maxwell: I honestly expected this scene to have Maxwell speak about Bartie Sr or his mother in some capacity...but they didn't even bother to go that route. Instead they show Maxwell initially overthinking and fretting in his care for the MC, before the MC calms him down by quizzing him over his childcare knowledge so he can see for himself just how prepared he is. Like the pregnancy announcement before it, this scene seems to have been the perfect place to come up with something poignant for Maxwell, except they didn't even bother.

Drake: The helicopter sequence is shorter, but features Drake suggesting to the MC that they could "camp in the mountains". However, his resort scene post sex is the more detailed one, and tackles two issues: his need to be constantly tough and protective, and his memories of his father. In the first the MC tells him it's okay if he's not tough all the time, and he reiterates that especially with the MC and their child he feels like he needs to be...and he speaks about how his father - amazing though he was - often had to toe a thin line between his job (guarding the royal family) and his family (he mentions Jackson guarding Constantine, Liam and Regina...which means that he was around when Constantine had his third marriage as well??).

It's not AS bad as the Chapter 4 "sneaking away" scene during the ball in Valtoria...but as you can see, the same problem still exists. They're trying not to be too obvious about it, but the problem still exists.

• Okay so now it's time for this book reading...and Bastien is our driver and our security detail today. O boy.

• Maxwell is nervous, but the group (specifically Hana) reassure him that the crowd can't be too large considering the venue is a bookstore. Turns out...they're wrong. There's hundreds.

• Everyone except Olivia got nicknames (Liam the Benevolent, Hana the Just, Maxwell the Glorious, Drake the Bold). We get to choose ours (Unstoppable, Magnificent, Sexy). In addition, Drake has become a meme, considering people are holding up "THINGS ARE GREAT" signs close to 8-9 months after he was quoted on that (the ultimate irony, that this quote gains popularity among the actual commoners who have to face tax problems, so very unlike Drake who lives griping and moaning in a fucking palace).

• (also didn't Drake read the book earlier. I recall he mentioned as much in Chapter 5. Why didn't he warn his other friends or mention how terribly written this story was?)

• The rest of it...is ridiculous. I mean sure this can be read as a joke, as funny, as entertaining, but even that is a bit of a stretch and sounds more like we're making excuses for Maxwell's writing of his own friends.

• So the reading itself is divided into sections where the group takes turns to read the bits they were a part of, and where Maxwell aggressively rewrote what they said and did without once bothering to consult them. This includes very personal stuff, and he had no way of knowing if they would like the revisions he made. Like this is something I would expect of a trashy, money-grabbing biographer, not someone who is supposed to be a close friend of these people.

• Olivia hasn't read this book yet and she has no qualms saying that to people, which is kinda cool. I'm guessing Lythikos people normally don't like reading.

• Maxwell begins with the masquerade ball:

Yeah dude you knew I was in over my head yet didn't bother to guide me properly all of the social season. Hana Lee had to save your ass a couple times. The other LIs were running around doing your goddamn job. That you will not mention in this fancy-schmancy book of yours!

• In this revised version of the Masque, Drake thirsts over the MC immediately (damn, Lady MC cleans up good) and Hana is made to sound like a pompous ass (at last, someone who can match my beauty) and Liam is, well, ridiculous. Revised Liam name-drops House Beaumont and Maxwell when complimenting the MC. None of the LIs are very happy with this book as they proceed reading, and the MC can choose to either agree and they plan to have some words with him later (which will never happen) or pretend it's okay.

I don't mind the revision in this particular scene really. Like the masque itself and Liam's turning down of Madeleine later are not that serious, so exploring it lightheartedly is okay. It's when he gives the same treatment to serious shit that happened to his friends that bothers me.

• The next section to be read is Liam dumping "Madeleine the Mean" (LMAO). Nothing much really.

• The best part is of course the LIs repeating their marriage proposals from memory:

This right here is probably the reason why that book sold at all. Or possibly because Cordonians don't have a lot of good taste in books. Who knows.

• The other best part is the MC refusing to give the assassins proper "assassin noises" during her reading.

• So...up until now you've gotten only tiny glimpses of how self-centered Maxwell's book is. It has his goddamn face on the cover. This guy gave the actual protagonist's origin story nothing more than a page while dedicating an entire chapter to a "playlist" for saving the kingdom. But this...this is on another level. He has Liam name-drop House Beaumont and himself during the Masque. In Drake's playthrough he has Drake worry only about him. During Drake's duel he has both Drake and Liam say this shit:

...did Barthelemy Beaumont ghostwrite this book. Coz he sounds more like Bartie Sr here than he does the old Maxwell. The old Maxwell was often clueless but not really THIS obnoxiously self-centered!

• Like first of all, Drake was doing that duel for himself? He did it because Neville was constantly insulting him? This had very little to do with the MC (unless she was marrying Drake) and definitely nothing to do with Maxwell yet somehow his book is written as if he is the be-all and end-all of this group?

• Also, bringing the MC to Cordonia as a suitor because Liam had feelings for her was perhaps the only thing that indicates Maxwell even considers Liam a good friend? (and even then his House needing to sponsor someone was a big factor too) Liam barely features as a "BFF" otherwise, Maxwell keeps placing Drake in that role more?? I heard Liam speak more about Maxwell (and in terms that acknowledge his unique gifts too, like the hotel room scene in Shanghai and the scene where he talks about his friends before the proposal - both are in Book 2).

Like Maxwell doesn't even once worry or ask after Liam once the MC turns him down for Maxwell in his playthrough (not even when he overhears Madeleine baiting Liam in his playthrough. Even then there's no reaction) and just in this chapter he apparently found no other strength in Liam besides the man's title...and somehow I'm supposed to suddenly believe that Maxwell had trouble choosing between the two of them as BFFs, which got resolved over fake dialogues??

• Then of course comes the worst part of this whole trainwreck:

I'm pretty certain a lot of people will excuse this as Maxwell rewriting these events out of kindness...but the truth is, both of these things are extremely personal, in some ways painful experiences for both Liam and Hana, and Maxwell shouldn't have been assuming what they would be comfortable with without even speaking to them first. He's lucky the two took it as positively as they did, but they shouldn't have been required to.

• What really stings about the use of these two sequences is that these were exactly both things the writers themselves never bothered to explore properly. The Lorelai confrontational was the weakest possible end to her arc...and having Maxwell shoehorn Drake and Liam into this moment in his book doesn't exactly make that any better, PB. And then...to have Maxwell put words in Constantine's mouth when he probably knows jackshit about the man? For something the writers never allowed Liam himself to talk much about? Fuck off.

• Also, I notice that Drake's duel is a default passage for the reading, but you're made to choose between Liam's and Hana's important crisis points. And Maxwell doesn't even have one obviously because TRR Book 3 spent too much time on BertVannah. Plus he doesn't deserve his own passage if he's so busy inserting himself in everyone else's story.

• Olivia's passage about defeating Anton is also a default passage, and perhaps the only thing written accurately in that entire trashfire.

• I will happily never want to hear about this book again, and I would rather Maxwell never wrote another book again either.

• There is a diamond option that features a Q&A, which Maxwell didn't prepare for (obviously). If we convince him, these are the questions the public will ask:

- Is the MC comfortable being Olivia's sidekick. The MC has options ranging from gushing about her, to dubbing them both equals, to calling Olivia her sidekick - and in all three cases she cuts off your mic 😂

- For Olivia, little Valerie asks what she should do to become like our resident Scarlet Duchess. Suffice to say Olivia's answers are...concerning to the girl's mother 😅

- For the MC, Cordonian Woman asks how she got to courage to escape Anton. The MC can either mention she had Olivia with her, mention the LI or take all the credit.

- The next question is to Maxwell, about a possible sequel for the book. This is when the writers of TRH have to admit how full of shit their book is: uh, let's see. There was a honeymoon. We went to a ranch for a long time. Er...baby shower?

- For the MC, if there is anything she would change about her wedding. (they didn't include "I deserved better lingerie earlier" as an option and that's a travesty).

- Peter Graves is now a Cordonian dude who is curious about how Olivia fell for Anton's trap, and she mentions his guard baiting her by mentioning that Liam was in trouble, so the book still wants Olivia to have her lingering feelings towards Liam. I can't imagine why the writers would keep drilling this point in if they're not going to do a damn thing about it.

- All in all, not exactly worth the money.

• Once we finish signing a few books, we're on our way back when we're nearly-trampled by the paparazzi.

• Samir of Them Magazine esp outs himself as an asshole and so does the dude in sunglasses.

• Ana de Luca is nowhere to be found here, and Donnie seems to be the only respectable journalist, asking the rest to give the MC some space. I'm guessing they're mostly making the distinction between "respectable, trustworthy press" (CBC and Trend), and tabloid press like Them and the other paps.

• Dude in sunglasses mentions that his source is paying triple rates for any photos of the MC...which is another in a huuuge pile of really suspicious paparazzi stuff that's been happening this chapter that EVERYONE has been too stupid to explore further so far.

• I can see why the ensuing car chase reminds people so much of Diana. The paparazzi don't give up chasing the MC, there's an overall sense of panic about this sequence and the crash does hark back a little to that devastating news. Except in this case, it's going to be a temporary scare, seeing as we are still in our pregnant sprite for the finale Apple Ball gown which I think means we won't be going into labour until that is over.

• @thefirstcourtesan also mentioned to me that the crash reminded her of an episode from Gossip Girl.

• What I think might happen is that the baby, MC and LIs may make it out of this fairly okay, but there will be widespread condemnation of the tabloid press and possibly laws implemented to limit this scale and level of access. Orrr everyone will simply glower and do nothing since the writers don't allow any of these people to possess any common sense anymore 🙄

• So possibly, there may be some focus on the safety of the mother and child, and on the fallout the press has to face as a result of this incident. We still have one last item (the toy) to feature in our nursery so I think that might happen this chapter too.

• 2 chapters until the finale, and Hana still hasn't gotten her own scenes. Neither flashback nor individual. Somehow they deemed it appropriate to give Olivia those by midpoint!

• Also, interesting how the one time Maxwell gets much attention in this book, they decide to do him badly. First they don't put any effort into his diamond scene, then they write him so. damn. badly. Does Maxwell have his flaws? Sure he does. But they did him so dirty this chapter and made him so ridiculously self-centered that it stopped becoming funny after a point, at least for me.

• This book has been such a load of nothing I can't even tell you. Like at least in the previous books threads would either begin to be tied up or they would give you a clear idea of what would be up next. TRH 1 is getting over in two weeks and the most important thing was dealt with only once and spoken of in an offhand manner only twice. At this rate there are all these threads that haven't even begun to be tied up. And sure, this stuff could get more in the forefront in Book 2...but it's been poorly written and poorly paced so far. That's what you get for forcing us all to play some version or other of the Drake route, unfortunately.

• I'll be off to Kerala until November, guys, so the last two chapters may not get a QT anytime soon (range is pretty awful there), and the same goes for TRM, unfortunately. If I'm able to, I'll try doing chapter reviews for TRM, but I'm not sure how that will pan out, or if I'll be able to catch up enough. I'll try.

• As for TRH...I honestly don't know. Writing for this one hasn't been a very pleasant experience, and I don't have high hopes at all for the next book in the series.

Perhaps by the time the second book or the holiday feature is out I might change my mind but for now...I don't know.

• Until November (or hopefully before that, if a miracle happens and I get good range in my parents' place) then, guys!

#long post #trh quick thoughts #trh qts #king liam #hana lee #drake walker #maxwell beaumont #olivia nevrakis

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chaoskirin · 4 years

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Book Review -- The Heartstrikers Series

This is a book review about the first three books in the Heartstrikers Series, which starts with Nice Dragons Finish Last.

I liked these books, but I didn’t love them. It's definitely a solid three stars, and I'll read the last two books to see where it goes. Overall, if you like fantasy with YA elements, you will probably enjoy this series.

This review will contain some minor spoilers in order to justify my rating, with some MAJOR spoilers at the end.

First, the good. The plot is absolutely solid and it's clear the the author had a good idea of what she was going to do before she wrote it. It has a very mobster-type feel which I would expect with the way the dragons are characterized. The writing is occasionally clever and the main character is likable, relatable, and I'm able to empathize with his situation. The author may be projecting a bit as Julius' situation can get a little heavy-handed, but the theme of a found family is definitely present and well-executed.

I love the world that's been created. I'm originally from Detroit, so it was a pleasant surprise to find that the entire first book takes place in a sort of ghost-town version of it. I can picture the descriptions of the houses (I used to work in an old mansion converted in to an office, in fact!) and it's pretty clear that the author is from Detroit, or at least spent a lot of time there. Sometimes it got a little name-droppy as far as locations were concerned, but I kept hoping the author would namedrop the place where I'm from, so it's a fair trade. XD (She did not, sadly, but it was still fun to read about.)

The spirits and how they exist is also very interesting. Algonquin is an amazing villain in the second ant third books, and I can't wait to read more about her and the other spirits in the last two books.

There's also a great amount of action interspersed with the narrative, so that kept things interesting! Some books tend to either get lost in endless exposition or endless action sequences, but this book balances them very well.

Now for the not-so-good.

I picked up the first book expecting dragons. The title is "Nice Dragons Finish Last," after all, and while it's very clear from the description that the main character, Julius, is "sealed," I had hoped that there would be at least some mythological creature action. This is kept to an absolute minimum, though, in favor of dragons in their human shape. It's even a rather contrived "rule" in Detroit that dragons aren't allowed to be there. This trope has become outright cliche... I've been reading books for years and this was a common theme way back in the days of Dragonlance--take an incredibly powerful being and shove them into human shape, but add a coolness factor by calling them a dragon. (I wrote this part after the first book: there's much more ACTUAL dragon action in books 2 and 3. I still wish there was more.)

But they aren't really dragons. They think like humans, they act like humans, they seem to have the same emotions as humans... Except for another fantasy trope, which is taking every member of a species and shoving them into a single alignment (lawful evil in this case). Julius is the one exception, so it's a very Drizzt Do'urden situation and it's always been odd to me that every member of a species could be evil/good just because of what they are. (this is especially a problem with goblins and rampant antisemitism, but that's another discussion entirely.)

It's a problem that allows justified racism. If the entirety of one species is mean, it's really easy to make everyone hate them, and you lose the nuance of what real racism is. I would suggest that people not write about racism unless they've either experienced it or they've consulted with members of their community who have been the target of it. This becomes more of a problem in the second and third books when Julius is trying to prove that Not All Dragons Are Bad. And it becomes clear that both humans and spirits are very racist against dragons, but it completely lacks the reality of what racism really is. As one poster on tumblr said, "racism isn't just one species being mean to another."

Essentially, it puts all dragons on an uphill battle against everyone else, fails to become a proper allegory, and discards depth and warmth.

A small problem that I should mention is that sometimes plot points sort of fade? There was a situation where Julius' mom visits and he was very mean to Marci, and she was very upset about that, but it's never actually addressed. It sort of fizzles and ends and then everything moves on. It should have at least been mentioned and tied up.

Another problem is repetitiveness or filler text. When I'm going through beta reading for my books, I ask my readers to tell me ANY TIME they skim over text. When your readers are skimming, what you've written isn't interesting, and it has to be changed. I found myself doing this a lot in this book. I forced myself to read back and see what I've skimmed over, and it was usually information I'd already read being presented in a slightly different way. My advice would be to allow the readers to infer information without explaining it into the ground. One thing I would avoid is the discussion of plans before executing said plans--even if they ultimately go wrong. It's enough to say that your protagonist HAS a plan, then let the text speak for itself. These planning phases were what I tended to skip the most.

I can supply one sample of repetitiveness without spoiling the story too badly: One of the main characters is talking with a dragon character about a plan at the beginning-ish of book 3. And breaking the text down to its basics, it goes like this:

Amelia: You have to. Marci: I don't know... Amelia: But you have to. Marci: I don't know... Amelia: You really should do this. Marci: I don't know... Amelia: It's a good idea. Marci: Okay I'll do it. Amelia: Are you sure? Marci: Yes I'll do it. Amelia: Are you sure???

And the argument became VERY spread out over the whole chapter, interspersed with the same explanation of why Marci Should Do The thing, most of which I ended up skimming to the part where Marci ultimately accepted Amelia's idea.

Another chapter I skipped was in book 3 where two human characters had lunch with Marci. And as soon as it became clear they were discussing stuff Marci basically already knew, I just skipped the whole chapter. It was an unnecessary bit of writing that could have been summarized in one or two paragraphs instead. I went back and actually read it later. I didn't miss anything.

(my examples are from the third book because I just finished it and it's the freshest in my mind, but this is an issue in the first two books as well.)

I think there's a certain amount of realism in conversations like this. The problem is that your readers have already figured out where something is going, and they want to get there. If the author reads this, my suggestion would be this: Sometimes it's okay to cut events out when they're uninteresting. If you hate writing it, and your beta readers hate reading it, it can go. I wouldn't follow the advice that you should cut out EVERYTHING irrelevant to the plot, because sometimes it's fun to have fun, but the extra boring tedium can be safely summarized.

Next, Marci.

I first want to state here that my PREFERENCE is writing female characters. Most of my characters are women. And I understand there are a lot of readers who outright dislike all female characters, but I'm not one of them. I feel like that's an important thing to state before going into more detail about my issues with Marci.

I wanted to read more of the series before posting this review, because I felt Marci was a shallow character after book one. She felt like a female character who was STRONG, but NOT a strong female character.

And through the first book, she felt like a prop to the other main character, Julius, instead of a character all her own. (And to be fair, her ENTIRE story from the first book is sort of... hand-waved in books 2 and 3.)

In the first book, Marci isn't really written with a story arc. She's a sort of deus ex machina for Julius; she appears into his life mysteriously as he's looking for a mage, first of all. And while it SEEMS that she does have her own arc, it becomes clear by the end of the story that she's only a catalyst for the dragons' stories. The thing she's protecting eventually ends up in the hands of the dragons; she's essentially just a walking suitcase for them. She's a roadblock for the villains. And there's not even a true explanation of Why She Has The Thing They Want except that it's really cool and she wants it.

This alone may have prevented me from reading the rest of the series, but I'm VERY glad I did--While Marci has a slow start, her story does pick up in the second and third books and she becomes much more likeable. She still feels like a prop at times (other characters refer to her as a "weapon" even) but within that description, she's fighting her own battles and has become much less shallow.

I do wish she had more agency. I wish her decisions truly felt like hers, instead of the manipulations/machinations of those with higher power. But she's not the worst-written female character I've ever read, and the author makes it clear in the second and third books that she knows how to write good female characters (cough chelsie cough) so I can forgive Marci's shortcomings.

There's one Bad thing that I want to address, too, which mostly came up at the end of book 2 and throughout book 3. And this is a fairly major spoiler, I'm sorry.

You don't give a tyrannical dictator power after you defeat her. You just don't. Julius could have banished his mother if he refused to kill her. He could have let someone else kill her. He could have done any number of things. But the first thing he does is give her a seat on the new council and is just like "yes you still get to make decisions." And as you can imagine, this goes very wrong.

And book 3 is FULL of Julius refusing to let his brothers and sisters kill anyone, even when it's justified. This has always been a trope that rankled... You can't write about a coup and then have nobody die. It suggests that genocidal dictators Can Change If You Give Them The Right Opportunities, and we all know from real life that that doesn't happen. Tyrannical people in power will fight to keep that power. They don't learn. And props to the author for showing that these people don't learn, but... seriously, you don't keep people around who actively want to kill you.

I was so annoyed with Julius by the end of book 3, and the hoops the writing had to jump through to show his decision was good and right. He felt naive and almost stupid. And (VERY major spoiler here, just stop reading if you don't want the end of book 3 spoiled!)

...

Julius' mother had enslaved his sister for hundreds of years. When the sister was released, she immediately tried to kill her mother.

This would have justified ALL of Julius' actions up until that point if he'd just LET HER. Bethesda hurt Chelsie the most out of ANY Of her children. It would have been a PERFECT way to allow Chelsie to get her well-deserved revenge AND end the problem of Bethesda (who REALLY deserves to die.) And Julius made her stop, because That's Not How We're Doing Things Anymore.

I don't like that Bethesda is effectively not paying for the thousands of atrocities she committed over the last thousand years because the main character is a pacifist. It just doesn't sit right. And IDK if the author is building to Bethesda's death in the last couple books or not, but letting Chelsie kill her would have been the PERFECT end, and I'm really disappointed. No end for Bethesda would have been better than that.

Anyway.

As I said at the beginning of this review, I still recommend reading the series. It's a really interesting urban fantasy-type book, and while it crosses into YA territory, the fantasy aspect is interesting enough to keep me reading.

#book review #heartstrikers series #nice dragons finish last #fantasy #young adult fiction #not bestiary

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pregnancy102 · 4 years

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Best Books on Pregnancy Reviews

Preferred Pregnancy Books There are many pregnancy books on the market and below you will find some of my favorites along with links to access these for purchase. As any pregnant mom will tell you these guides are designed to be there for reassurance that almost everything is OK and YOUR pregnancy is on track. If you are interested in understanding how your unborn child is developing each week and you want to know what is actually happening with the changes in YOUR own body than these books can be excellent resources along the way. Examine these reviews of the best pregnancy books around and choose a guide or two that will go with you on your process from conception through labor and eventually the welcome birthing event! What to Expect When You're Expecting, 4th edition simply by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel A perennial New York Times bestseller and one of USA Today's 25 the majority of influential books. It's read by more than 90% of pregnant women who read a pregnancy book. Featuring a innovative look, a fresh perspective, and a friendlier-than-ever voice. Filled with up-to-date information reflecting not only what's new in pregnancy, nevertheless what's relevant to pregnant women. Detailed week-by-week fetal development section in the monthly chapters, an expanded chapter on pre-conception, and a brand new one on carrying multiples. Overflowing with tips, helpful hints, and humor (a pregnant woman's best friend), this new edition is more accessible and easier to use than ever before. New Active Birth by Janet Balaskas A pregnancy book that enables you to have the active birth you want. With this book, you can learn to develop all your body resources to deal with the instinctive experience of childbirth. Fully updated and extended with new information - including Mineral water Birth and Recovery After Birth. It offers prenatal and postnatal exercises with step by step photographs. It presents find section covering every aspect of Active Birth at home and in the hospital. Birth Stories by Katrina O'Brien Discuss other women's birth stories with this pregnancy book that tells you like it is. From natural birth at home to help you unexpected birth in the outdoors to planned Caesareans, these touchingly personal and funny tales illustrate how the method to arrival is less important than the love the child finds when it finally arrives. The Mother of All Pregnancy Catalogs: The Ultimate Guide to Conception, Birth and Everything In Between by Ann Douglas The ultimate guide to conception, delivery, and everything in between. Unlike all those other bossy, tell-you-what-to-do titles, this funny, entertaining guide presents parents with facts on such hot topics as pain relief during labor, episiotomy, and circumcision, and empowers them to get informed personal choices. It's packed with tools you won't find anywhere else, including: Up the Duff by Kaz Cooke That pregnancy bible gives you the low-down on pregnancy and birth. Lots of factual information about the babies growth, things know about expect etc . Absolutely hilarious. Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy by Mayo Clinic Would-be mothers in need of precise, accurate information from a reputable source will appreciate this pregnancy guide from the celebrated Mayo Clinic. 7 days by week accounts of the baby's development, entries on how pregnancy can be affected by dozens of previous health conditions (such since HIV and diabetes), self-care tips for side effects like nausea and back pain, sidebars that explain the change between identical and fraternal twins, etc . charts that indicate how to handle "troublesome signs and symptoms" during just about every three-week period. Another stellar feature is the book's even-handed series of "decision guides, " which help parents make people hard (and even guilt-inducing) choices about breastfeeding, circumcision and whether or not to go back to work. Your Pregnancy Bible by way of Dr Anne Deans This pregnancy book gives practical and reassuring advice during pregnancy. Written by a company of specialists, filled with everything parents need to know about the optimum environment for a developing baby and safeguarding the mother. That book contains special fold-out sections on each of the trimesters and the birth process, week-by-week images of the developing newborn baby, sympathetically illustrated chapters dealing with all aspects of pre-natal care, labor preparation, delivery experiences and care of the new child, as well as comprehensive reference sections on medical treatments and procedures in both pregnancy and the post-natal period. Conception, Pregnant state and Birth by Dr Miriam Stoppard A comprehensive pregnancy guide to everything from conception to birth. Widely recognised as the definitive guide to pregnancy and childbirth. Stunning photography and information covers the latest developments in pregnant state and birth, from up-to-date research on how your stress levels can affect your unborn baby to developments in providing your baby. Miriam Stoppard, MD is one of today's most popular medical personalities and has published over 40 titles. Providing the Bump by Lisa Neal A pregnancy book that clearly outlines pregnancy nutrition. Divided chronologically inside pre-conception, first, second and third trimesters and postpartum/breast-feeding. Provides women with all the information they need about their own not to mention their unborn child's nutritional requirements and the best way to fulfill them. Tried and true remedies for common complaints such as day sickness and heartburn, along with more than 100 easy-to-follow and absolutely delicious recipes. This is a must-have resource for all a lot of women wanting to maximize their unborn child's health, and their own, through what they eat. Belly Laughs: The Nude Truth about Pregnancy and Childbirth by Jenny McCarthy McCarthy applies her in-your-face manner and blue laughs to the subject of pregnancy and childbirth in this little piece of fun. She recounts her journey to being a mother with utter abandon; discussing topics that those other books tend to treat too gently, such as enemas, pubic hair growth, and sex in the ninth month. Women who find these topics too embarrassing to bring up now take over a place to read about them in a frank and open discussion. Like a gossipy girlfriend, McCarthy brings you within and makes you laugh; there's a certain comfort in knowing that even a sex symbol gets stretch marks and balloons so that you can 200 pounds during pregnancy. Bonding with Your Bump by Dr Miriam Stoppard A guide-book about falling gets interested your baby before birth. Presents advice and guidance on how to fall in love with your baby before birth. Building that special connection with your baby starts before birth. Forming a close, early bond can make a real difference to your baby's wellbeing, ones feelings as a parent and in creating a loving environment for when baby arrives. up-to-the-minute research with ignited and compassionate wisdom explains why mother-baby bonding is so vital. Learn to understand and cherish your unborn baby. This approach book guides you through this extraordinary time: from hearing your baby's heartbeat for the first time, to the primary magical days post birth. The Pregnancy Bible: Your Complete Guide to Pregnancy and Early Parenthood Writers: Joanne Stone MD, Keith Eddleman MD The Pregnancy Bible covers the complete sequence of fetal development around utero week by week. Full color photography with many life-size photos which are reproduced from state-of-the-art ultrasound graphics. Written in an easy-to-understand style that will especially appeal to first-time parents. With 300, 000 copies sold, it is the a lot of attractive and complete guide to this important event in parents' lives. Includes authoritative information about the latest developments having an effect on the well-being of an expectant mother and her baby. Specifically, these include: New CDC recommendations about mercury and species of fish Update on nuchal translucency screening Update on screening for genetic disorders Updated information about loss rates when amniocentesis New information about 3D/4D ultrasound Recent trends in cesarean delivery "on demand" Update on Downs issue screening. The Natural Way to a Better Pregnancy by Naish & Roberts An easy-to-follow pregnancy guide to pre-conception health and wellbeing. Did you know that the food you eat, the environment you live in and the lifestyle you lead in the months before you conceive a child may have a profound effect on the wellbeing of your baby? Preconception health care, as outlined in this book, can prevent miscarriage, premature and stillbirths, congenital abnormalities and has a better than 80 per cent success rate in the treatment of infertility. Did you know that by following its simple principles, you can actively help ensure your baby will be content and alert, don't suffer from colic, feeding problems or other common ailments, and will be less likely to suffer from allergies, asthma or conduct problems? Complete, easy-to-follow guide to preconception health for BOTH prospective parents. Written by a Naturopath, herbalist, hypnotist and bestselling author who runs Australia's only clinic dedicated to helping people conceive happy, healthy babies the natural way. The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger One of the most celebrated British authors on the sociological and also anthropological aspects of birth, breast feeding, and early parenthood. This book guides readers seeking a woman-centered rise experience through the newly researched alternatives now available. five major sections: Early Weeks, Physical and Emotional Changes, Expecting the Birth, the Experience of Birth, and You and Your Newborn, Candid information about what mothers need to know, ranging from ways to traverse the technical landscape of hospital births to making the personal choices of a water home birth. Encourages people to construct a birth plan, make their own space, and choose an effective birth companion. With revised appendices plus 300 updated photographs, drawings, and diagrams, this guide is a valuable resource for all. The Working Woman's Motherhood Book by Marjorie Greenfield Dr . Marjorie Greenfield draws from her experiences as an obstetrician and working parents and from more than a hundred interviews with mothers ranging from factory workers to high-powered attorneys, to create a unique aid for working women. This up-to-date guide addresses all the subjects you would expect to find in an authoritative book with pregnancy plus issues of special concern to the 60 to 80 percent of women who hold work opportunities during their pregnancies: Is my workplace safe for my developing baby? When should I tell my employer i am expecting? How can I handle the discomforts of pregnancy when I need to work? What laws will protect people when I take medical leave? The 100 Healthiest Foods to Eat During Pregnancy: The Surprising Unbiased Truth approximately Foods You Should be Eating During Pregnancy but Probably Aren't by Jonny Bowden PH. D. C. N. Ohydrates., Allison Tannis MS Eat the best foods for your baby's development! Nutrition is never more critical than at the time of pregnancy. What you choose to put on your plate affects you and your baby's health not just in utero but for a long time. Backed up by the latest nutritional research, this guide debunks pregnancy food myths and uncovers a number of surprising foodstuff choices that are superfoods for expectant mothers. This one-of-a-kind nutrition reference guide is also packed with helpful quick-reference charts as well as sidebars, highlighting healthy (but no less delicious! ) substitutes for commonly craved foods like ice cream and potato chips. You'll also discover the most up-to-date research regarding pregnancy dilemmas, such as how to get more omega-3s from fish in what you eat while avoiding mercury. Its pregnancy nutrition made easy! Babycare Before Birth by Zita West A motherhood book that shares the wisdom of a fertility expert and midwife. Bringing together fascinating new research that illustrates during pregnancy a woman can make a dramatic difference to her unborn baby's health, well-being, development, and all-round future potential by making small adjustments to her diet and lifestyle, this amazing book explains how to give your baby cheapest start in life. What to Expect: Eating Well When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff Provides moms-to-be with a realistic method to navigating healthily and deliciously through the nine months of pregnancy-at home, in the office, over the holidays, in restaurants. Comprehensive chapters are devoted to nutrition, weight gain, food safety, the postpartum diet, and how to eat when looking to conceive again. 150 contemporary, tasty, and healthy recipes that feed mom and baby well, take little while to prepare, and are gentle on queasy tummies. Comes with a light, reader-friendly tone while delivering the most up-to-date information. Things know about Expect Before You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff In the same fresh, contemporary voice that has made the fourth edition of What to Expect When You're Expecting so successful, Murkoff explains the whys and wherefores of getting your system ready for pregnancy, including pregnancy prep for both moms and dads to be. Filled with information on exercise, diet, pinpointing ovulation, lifestyle, workplace, and insurance changes you'll want to consider, and how to keep your relationship strong when you're focused on baby producing all the time. There are tips for older couples; when to look for help from a fertility specialist--including the latest on fertility drugs together with procedures--plus a complete fertility planner. Eating for Pregnancy: The Essential Nutrition Guide and Cookbook for Today's Mothers-to-Be by means of Catherine Jones, Rose Ann Hudson A volume that combines both recipes and nutritional advice aimed especially at the mother-to-be. Balancing optimum and unnecessary weight gain with the required dietary needs for a healthy lifestyle. Covers the requirements of diabetic, vegetarian and vegan diets. A chapter is dedicated to the vegetarian diet. Each department contains recommended pantry items for the recipes. Makes full use of convenience and semi-prepared ingredients to provide simple nevertheless flavorful dishes. Advice on vitamins, health hazards and goals. Each recipe is preceded with the nutritional goal for little one and mother-to-be and followed by tips for cooking, storage, health, special diets as well as complete meal ideas, variations along with the approximate nutritional content. The Natural Pregnancy Book: Herbs, Nutrition, & Other Holistic Choices by Aviva Jill Romm M. D. Reading this book is like having your own personal herbalist and midwife at your side. One of the first catalogs to explore botanical medicine and pregnancy. Follows the woman's journey from conception to birth, focusing on natural well being. Describes herbs that can promote and maintain a healthy pregnancy (along with those you should avoid during your term) and the principles of a healthy diet, with an emphasis on natural foods. Complete guide for the woman who envisions a safe pregnancy without the need of technological intervention, as nature intended.

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kiraziwrites · 4 years

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Author interview

Tagged by: @slipsthrufingers

Name: Not telling (but it starts with E).

Fandoms: Game of Thrones (JxB) is the only one I’ve really written for seriously so far, but I regularly read and have toyed with writing (to the point of having some dusty fragments that never made it to story status on an old laptop) in a bunch of others: Vorkosiverse (all kinds of pairings and stories), Queen’s Thief (ditto), Wimsey (mostly Harriet/Peter), Rivers of London (anything that gets the canon tone and voices right, but I’ve got a soft spot for Peter/Nightingale or Beverley/Peter/Nightingale as a v-shaped OT3), and Broadchurch (Hardy/Miller, both as OTP and BroTP). I’ve also read a fair amount of Yuri!!! on Ice and Veronica Mars and random other things, but I’ve never felt the impulse to write for those.

Where you post: AO3 and here. I did put a piece of Babylon 5 fic on a listserv sometime in the 90s and I hope internet entropy has erased any trace of its existence (I was very young and it was almost certainly terrible).

Most popular oneshot: Going by kudos, Rescued Again, my first proper fic. Going by comments, its sequel Adequate Vocabulary.

Most popular multi-chapter story: Ring Them Bells, which doesn’t surprise me, because it’s the longest, it contains several plot elements that are popular in the fandom (i.e. J&B go to Tarth, meet Selwyn, etc) and it was written at what was probably the peak of appetite for S8 fix-its (not that that’s stopped me from continuing to write more of them....)

Favorite story you wrote: Ring them Bells is still dear to me, but A Great Fountain has mostly displaced it from the no. 1 spot in my heart—both because it feels more real to me (my head has been stuck in that continuity since late June, between writing it and the companion story) and also because I think I put more of myself in it. I wrote RTB for the fandom (and for myself, as a member of it), whereas AGF was for myself first, if that makes sense.

Story you were nervous to post: I feel like I ought to have been nervous before posting Rescued Again, but I’d been up all night writing and I think I was too high on the glee of it to feel nervous. Maybe a little bit about A Satisfactory Maneuver because it was my first time posting porn? TBH it’s probably Winter Should Have Meaning because this one has been much harder to write than the others and I’m both less sure of what I’m trying to do, and whether it’s working.

How you choose your titles: It depends! The first three were all references to lines within the story; Ring Them Bells was after a Dylan song because I was thinking about bells and 8x05 as the turning point and a cover version got stuck in my head and many lines suddenly seemed to fit the story beats I wanted (which is why it’s the only one with chapter titles). As previously noted, AGF/WSHM are both titled after lines from one of my favorite books of poetry, Louise Glück’s The Wild Iris. If I continue to be on my bullshit, I forecast a high probability of either lyrics from The Mountain Goats, or more poetry (likely candidates: Seamus Heaney, Richard Siken, Agha Shahid Ali, Adrienne Rich....)

Do you outline: Not at the start; everything begins with vibes and feels and scattered clumps of text emerging from the depths and cohering into a scene or two. And then when I get stuck, or need to try to make sense of the larger picture, I outline. Sort of. It’s more like a jumble of incoherent notes-to-self with lots of ????? and idk, maybe X, and [something goes here] and ugh fml than anything as organized as the word “outline” would imply.

Complete: 5 stories so far. All about our favorite dumbass knights in love.

In-progress: Just the one! Well, maybe two, if we count the fragments of porn-in-Winterfell that might turn into something someday. I wrote a version of their first time for the Winterfell Sequence, but there’s a different, 8x04-compliant version of it (and the second, third, etc times) in my head that would be a sort of background/prequel to the fix-its.

Coming soon/not yet started: See above, re: porn-in-Winterfell.

Do you accept prompts: Sure, why not? I can’t promise I’ll fill them, since I’m having trouble keeping pace with one story at a time right now, but it might be fun to play around with some short and different stuff, especially since Winter is hard going at present (I expect it will get easier once I can go back to writing all the post-reconciliation softness, but I have banned myself from writing any more of the soft parts until I get through the middle section of the story). Anyway, the ask box is open; fire away.

Upcoming story you are most excited to write: Any of them, but I think I might sign up for Yuletide this year to push myself to try writing in another fandom, probably Queen’s Thief or Broadchurch.

Tagging @agirlnamedkeith, if she hasn’t been tagged yet, and anyone else who wants to jump in.

#author interview meme

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jtsodergren · 4 years

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The Best of 2019

2019, what an exceptional year for movies! A great way to close out the shittiest decade! Here are the 50 best films I saw this year... click on the title to go to the IMDB page, and I’ll try to post a link to where you can see many of them. Also for the first time this year, I’m including MOM WARNINGS! My mom reads this list and sometimes actually watches these movies... so to save her some grief, sadness, or general concern for my psyche, there will be a NOT FOR MOMS!! warning where applicable... here we go!

50. STAR WARS - EPISODE IX: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (Amazon)

People really hated this movie... I actually really liked it! Aside from the horses running around on the outside of spaceships (which makes no fucking sense... didn’t Leia get all space frozen exactly one movie ago??), it was a satisfying conclusion to a franchise I guess I don’t really care about as much as other people, so I was into it!

49. JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM (Amazon)

Quickly becoming one of the more well produced action franchises of all time. Probably two too many machine gun shootouts in this one for me (I get a little exhausted with gun violence), but the hand-to-hand stuff is brilliant and bloody and badass! Not to mention the deepening of the mythology and Halle Berry and her dogs. It’s a fun time, a welcome addition to the series, and I can’t wait for number 4.

48. QUEEN & SLIM (Amazon)

Billed as the black BONNIE AND CLYDE and from first time feature director Melina Matsoukas, this atmospheric tragedy is gorgeous to look at, delivers a pair of standout lead performances, and proves to have one of the more stressful final 30min of any of the films I saw this year, even if you know the inevitable conclusion is just around the corner.

47. UNDER THE SILVER LAKE (Amazon PRIME)

A wild Los Angeles noir story from the director of IT FOLLOWS. Plays like if David Lynch directed THE BIG LEBOWSKI, a weird, screwball whodunit. It’s a little long, and there are so many loose ends that seem to be thrown in just to fuck with the protagonist (and the audience), but it’s a really fun time and you’ll want to stay to the end to see it all play out. LA looks gorgeous too.

46. KNOCK DOWN THE HOUSE (Netflix)

Truly inspiring. Really shows how if you put your mind to something, believe in yourself and that you can make a difference, you can accomplish anything. Regardless of your political leanings, or how you feel about AOC personally, this is well worth your time and it has a great message for young people, especially those young women of color who might not think they can achieve great levels of success. It made me cry the happy tears.

45. LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT (Amazon)

Best known for it’s remarkable 59min-3D final take, this hallucinatory journey through memory and dreams is mind-blowing and breathtaking. Hard not to leave this one feeling like you’ve been put though some kind of experiment that you don’t fully understand, but you’ll want to experience again. Highly recommended if you have access to 3D, or simply have some killer edibles and want to be thrown for a loop.

44. CLIMAX (Amazon PRIME)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

Speaking of being under the influence, holy shit is this film nuts! From Gaspar Noe, who if you’re aware of his work, you kind of already know what you’re in store for here. It’s been described as “FAME directed by the Marquis de Sade”... incredible dance sequences and audacious camerawork that slowly but surely devolves into hell. It’s a blast!

43. HAIL SATAN? (Hulu)

A fresh and funny documentary about a group of smartass Satanists exposing the hypocrisy amongst bible-thumping Christians who’d rather stomp their feet and be the loudest in the room than listen to anyone else’s perspective. Frustrating and entertaining in equal parts, this compulsively watchable film makes you want to scream at these Jesus freaks as much as you want to laugh along with the antics of these harmless, intelligent and organized troublemakers. An excellent time well spent.

42. FIRST LOVE (Amazon)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

Director Takashi Miike’s yakuza action-comedy is the most accessible of his films I’ve seen (he’s now made more than 100 movies, which is insane), but that doesn’t mean it’s not a gonzo wild time at the movies. The violence is here in full force, but unlike AUDITION or ICHI THE KILLER, you don’t need a barf bag close by to enjoy it. It’s often hilarious and moves at a breakneck speed. Super fun!

41. THE DEAD DON’T DIE (Amazon PRIME)

Jim Jarmusch’s star-studded, droll zombie-comedy came and went from theaters without much fanfare, but provided me with plenty of laughs. It’s also the second of 3 Adam Driver vehicles to be on this year’s list. Bill Murray and Driver lead the way along with plenty familiar faces in cameos throughout (including the RZA in one of my favorite scene’s of the year). Classic Jarmusch... a meditation on death and mortality in his vintage style.

40. EL CAMINO: A BREAKING BAD MOVIE (Netflix)

Dude, Aaron Paul is a legit GREAT actor. Picks up right where the show left off, and I was on the edge of my seat and filled with anxiety just like I was during the best moments of the now classic series. It was good to hang out with my old friends again.

39. DOCTOR SLEEP (Amazon)

A box office flop due to poor promotion and a title people weren’t familiar with, this sequel to THE SHINING is based on the Stephen King book of the same name, which I read, and I can’t recommend it more. Great suspense, and fantastic performances from both Ewan McGregor and (especially) Rebecca Ferguson. It’s a dark and scary film that is a fun trip back to the Overlook Hotel... provided you wish to return there...

38. THE LAST BLACK MAN IN SAN FRANCISCO (Amazon PRIME)

About 90min into this beautifully shot film I was ready to lock it in as a possible Top 5 contender. Then the bottom fell out for me the last quarter of the movie and lost my confidence. No bother, it’s still wonderful enough to find a spot on the list and carry my recommendation. Young men and women watching their city change before their eyes, and wondering what the concept of “home” really means is a real challenge facing many people here in the Bay Area. This film does a fantastic job conveying that, for most of the film anyway.

37. THE PEANUT BUTTER FALCON (Amazon)

A bonafide crown-pleaser of a movie, and another example of the true talent Shia LeBeouf has and is capable of (more on him later). A young man with Down Syndrome escapes his assisted-living facility to track down his wrestling idol the Saltwater Redneck with the help of an outlaw and a social worker. Sweet, funny, and heartfelt... a feel good surprise.

36. A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD (Amazon)

I didn’t cry nearly as much as I did during the excellent documentary WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR from last year, but if you’re a Mr. Rogers fan, you’ll still shed a few during this heartwarming film. Tom Hanks does his thing, and even though this movie is guilty of borrowing a little too much from the previous doc, it’s still a great showcase for the truly selfless and beautiful force of nature that Fred Rogers was. Bring tissues anyway.

35. CARMINE STREET GUITARS (In Theaters Now)

A love letter to both New York City and the art, joy, and love that goes into honing and maintaining one’s craft. Meanwhile the looming doom of gentrification hovers over the proceedings, never letting you get fully enrapt in the sweetness that these artists (and their many famous customers) exude when talking about and playing their one-of-a-kind works of art. A stunning and lovely piece for musicians and talentless fans of music alike.

34. HOLIDAY (Amazon)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

A tough, cold film with nary a character to actively root for... until after about an hour of icy behavior comes (no pun intended) a scene so shocking in its graphic and disturbing nature, people left the theater without staying for the final resolution. First time director Isabella Eklof pulls off the bold and audacious maneuver, all while making it seem like she doesn’t care whether you like her characters (or her film) at all. It’s a very fine balancing act, executed to perfection. But be warned... it’s rough.

33. AVENGERS: ENDGAME (Disney+)

What can I say? You saw it. It’s good. A bunch of Supermans fly around and blow shit up. A satisfying end (until the next 20 films).

32. MIDSOMMAR (Amazon Prime)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

A disturbing slow burn of a gothic horror film. Characters do hallucinogens while ritualistic religious murders and tribal mating practices threaten to ruin everyones existence. Florence Pugh is phenomenal (more from her in a minute) in a very trying roll. Doesn’t pack quite the punch of the director’s last film, HEREDITARY, but it’s still well worth the watch. But yeah, it’s disturbing.

31. APOLLO 11 (Hulu)

A fascinating look at the first moon landing from rarely seen archival footage and audio. Seeing it on the IMAX screen was intense and exhilarating, unlike narrative pictures like the severely overrated FIRST MAN. This isn’t my favorite documentary of the year, but it is an absolute lock to win the Academy Award for Best Doc of 2019. It’s a must see, a must experience.

30. HIGH LIFE (Amazon PRIME)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

French auteur Claire Denis’ bizarre, erotic sci-fi mindfuck about isolation and humanity is not for everyone, but is a brilliant take on the genre, and is yet another showcase for Robert Pattinson, who is quietly becoming one of my favorite working actors. Juliette Binoche also is on fire here and has what one critic calls “the single greatest one-person sex scene in the history of cinema.” So it has that going for it.

29. TRIPLE FRONTIER (Netflix)

A fully loaded heist film with no real bad guy, but instead a group of recognizable badasses in a Netflix-released action thrill ride. There’s absolutely no reason this should’ve worked, or even been half as good as it is, but boy is it good! Compulsively watchable, and rewatchable. If this were on Showtime as much as DEN OF THIEVES is I’d have seen it 30 times by now. It’s one of the most pleasant surprises of the year.

28. 1917 (Amazon)

An unbelievable visual achievement from cinematographer Roger Deakins and director Sam Mendes. The story isn’t the greatest war story ever told (are there great war stories?), but it’s shot to look like one continuous long take, sustained for 2hrs. It’s really an unbelievable feat, but doesn’t come off as gimmicky or distracting. It’s intense, beautifully staged, and sad. A big screen spectacle.

27. TOY STORY 4 (Amazon)

Woody and the gang are back, and the films continue to keep the dust from collecting. It’s still so much fun to hang out with this group of misfit toys. There was talk that after the incredible TOY STORY 3 this was just a money grab and was labeled unnecessary, but I found it to be a sweet, charming, and nostalgic trip I was glad I took.

26. HONEYLAND (Hulu)

My pick for documentary of the year comes from the mountains of Macedonia, where a woman named Hatidze lives with her dying mother making a living cultivating honey. When a family of shitheads moves into a shanty next door, what seems like a fix for her lonely existence becomes catastrophic as they disregard her teachings and threaten her livelihood. I was an emotional wreck throughout the experience and it goes without saying it’s a must-see. Gorgeous and heartbreaking.

25. LITTLE WOMEN (Amazon)

I have never read the book, nor seen any of the film adaptations, so I went in blind to this lovely film. Director Greta Gerwig follows up the phenomenal LADYBIRD with this Altman-esque rendition of the widely beloved literary classic. I found it exceptional in its execution and performances, including the previously mentioned Florence Pugh, who is a knockout. A wonderful addition to the ever-growing stable of Christmas films I look to enjoy during future Decembers.

24. GREENER GRASS (Hulu)

It’s as if Tim & Eric made BLUE VELVET. Bizarre, outrageous, gross, and a guaranteed future midnight movie favorite. My sides hurt. A satire skewering upper-middle class suburban soccer moms and dads alike. Babies are given away. A boy turns into a dog. Everyone has braces. There’s a creep on the loose. It’s wild and flat-out hilarious literally from start to finish. Almost too many jokes to keep up with. Watch it! Bring weed.

23. RELAXER (Amazon)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

Speaking of gross, this film is disgusting, but in a good way. A satire about lazy consumerism and self-destruction. It’s a short hang, thankfully, but if you can stomach it to the end (remember, it’s nasty) you’ll be rewarded with not only a hilarious dark comedy, but also an unexpected haymaker of sadness you didn’t see coming. It’s a pretty impressive feat, and an overall success. But, yeah, it’s fucking gross.

22. AD ASTRA (Amazon)

APOCALYPSE NOW in space starring Brad Pitt. If you need more information than that, I don’t really know what else to do for you.

21. SLUT IN A GOOD WAY (Amazon PRIME)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

A black-and-white raunchy French arthouse teen comedy that gives a middle finger to the double standard set by the equally raunchy teen-boys-will-be-boys genre. It’s so much fun, and honest, and the actors are such natural talents you forget the subject matter is at times shocking (only because of said double standard) and just go with it. I think it’s just wonderful. Seek it out!

20. US (HBO)

Jordan Peele’s excellent follow-up to GET OUT. Doppelganger home invasion terror with a killer twist. To describe more would be to risk giving something away. I’ll just say that Lupita Nyong’o is my pick to win her second Oscar, this time as Best Actress, here in a dual role. She’s incredible. If you haven’t seen it, try to go in blind, you’ll be rewarded.

19. THE FAREWELL (Amazon PRIME)

A heartfelt homecoming film about family, culture, and how the things we don’t say can be just as strong of a show of love as the things we do say. It’s sweet, tender, and bursting with personal flare and emotions from director Lulu Wang. Awkwafina also curbs her more manic and loud tendencies as a performer for more quiet, thoughtful, and somber choices. She’s phenomenal.

18. KNIVES OUT (Amazon)

A clever ensemble whodunit that’s just as funny and smart as it is mysterious. Everyone across the board delivers as the assorted motley crew. The film rewards repeat viewings and Daniel Craig knocks it out of the park, stealing every scene he’s in, reminding us all what a fantastic actor he can be when he’s not sipping the Vespers.

17. BOOKSMART (Hulu)

The female SUPERBAD is the elevator pitch, but this coming-of-age gem is really unlike any other example in the genre. They’re privileged, uber-smart, and have never partied. Yet they have the same neuroses as any other teen scared to death of what to do next or how to be normal. It’s also fucking hilarious. You wanna hang out with these girls and at the same time bury your head under the covers because you feel their pure terror/embarrassment. It’s a blast.

16. THE MUSTANG (Amazon)

Starring Matthias Schoenaerts, one of the finest actor’s working today, this understated and emotional drama about rehabilitation and redemption floored me upon first viewing. It is a gorgeous film. You’ve probably seen stories similar to this before, but rarely is one told with such compelling conviction. A borderline masterpiece.

15. HONEY BOY (Amazon PRIME)

Remember a few years back we had the McConaissance, where everything Matthew McConaughey did was solid gold after years of middling bullshit? I’m calling it right now: Shia LaBeouf is about to have the same thing. He wrote the script and plays a version of his own father in a brutal version of his own fucked up childhood as an up-and-coming child actor. It’s heartbreaking and absolutely riveting. I’m hoping he gets an Oscar nod, but regardless I implore you to seek this film out, he’s incredible.

14. MONOS (Hulu)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

A bizarre, bewildering, chaotic, and unsettling film. Some of the most beautiful photography I saw on the big screen this year, yet some of the most surreal and disturbing imagery as well. It’s a militarized, Latin American LORD OF THE FLIES with commentary on tribal behavior and violence. It can be a tough sit, but boy is it beautiful.

13. DOLEMITE IS MY NAME (Netflix)

What a wonderful, welcome surprise! Eddie Murphy in an awards caliber performance as Rudy Ray Moore, the multi-hyphenate performer who created the alter ego Dolemite, spawning a film franchise and many legendary comedy albums. It’s obviously hilarious, and a great behind-the-scenes biopic, but also shockingly sweet and heartfelt, even between all the cuss words. I even teared up a couple times. The 3rd best thing Netflix released this year (more on that in a minute).

12. JOKER (Amazon)

You already saw this.

11. THE IRISHMAN (Netflix)

It’s far too long. It could’ve done with being cut as a three part miniseries or special. There’s about 45min worth of scenes that are quintessential DVD bonus features (I’m looking at you Action Bronson), but goddamn if it’s not Scorsese doing his Scorsese thing. It’s a gangster film, but it’s also a meditation on aging and death. Pesci is incredible and Pacino steals the show. Sure, the de-aging thing is distracting, the curb stomping scene is embarrassing. But still, I mean... IT’S MARTIN SCORSESE!

10. PAIN AND GLORY (Amazon)

Pedro Almodovar’s most personal work to date, a tale about making art and the loneliness of love. If you are unfamiliar with his work, this is a great jumping off point. His movies can be challenging and dark, but this film has such joy and hope amongst the heartache. The final reveal, while not earth shattering on paper, is nonetheless so moving it left the screening I attended without a dry eye in the place. It is his best film yet.

9. THE LIGHTHOUSE (Amazon)

From the director of THE WITCH comes another type of gothic horror, this time with the legendary Willem Dafoe and the (already mentioned) brilliant Robert Pattinson marooned on a lighthouse rock alone to drive each other completely insane. It’s hallucinatory, violent, disorienting, and flat-out brilliant. If it weren’t for another guy we’ll get to in a minute, Dafoe would be a lock for Best Supporting Actor here. It’s a slightly challenging film, with the period style mariner dialogue, but it’s just as funny as it is terrifying.

8. JOJO RABBIT (Amazon)

A beautiful, touching, funny, crowd-pleasing comedy about a little Nazi whose imaginary friend is Hitler. Yep, your read that correctly. There are about a million reasons this should absolutely not work. Yet, it’s one of the best theater going experiences I had this year. A must see... ESPECIALLY with Mom!

7. MARRIAGE STORY (Netflix)

The best written and acted film of the year, and the third Adam Driver vehicle to appear here. Sad but honest. Touching but brutal. It’s awkward and a bit of a bummer, but there’s such great work being done here, in front of and behind the camera. Noah Baumbach is a force of nature, and has yet to make a film I was even iffy about. He’s the real deal and this might be his masterpiece.

6. WAVES (Amazon)

Speaking of auteurs, Trey Edward Shults is now 3/3 on features after the brilliant KRISHA and IT COMES AT NIGHT. Here he follows a middle-class black family, led by a domineering father, through a tragic moment in all of their lives. The first half deals with the son’s story, then abruptly switches to the daughter’s life post said event. It shouldn’t work, yet somehow manages to be one of the most emotionally affecting pieces of art I saw this year. The camera never stops moving, constantly swirling and whirling and you can’t help to be sucked up into it. It’s a beautiful tragedy.

5. LONG SHOT (HBO)

The biggest and most pleasant surprise of the year. An opposites-attract rom-com with more brains, bite, social commentary, and laughs than it has any right to have. Easily the most fun you’ll have with (almost) the whole family... there’s a lot of cum jokes. But don’t let the vulgarity dissuade you! It’s a total riot with just the right amount of sweetness to balance out the saltiness. I love love love this movie.

4. THE ART OF SELF-DEFENSE (Hulu)

What starts as a strange, dark comedy morphs into a FIGHT CLUB-esque thriller with allusions to disturbingly toxic masculinity and an offbeat take on what it takes to “be a man.” It is laugh-out-loud hilarious, and expertly made, while really having something to say, and it says it in a way I’ve never really seen before. It’s not surprising this didn’t get more attention, the characters are truly difficult to relate to, let alone root for, but as far as originality goes, you’d be hard pressed to find anything this year much better than this.

3. UNCUT GEMS (Amazon)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

The cinematic equivalent of being locked in the brain of a lunatic having a cocaine-fueled anxiety attack. If that sounds like fun (AND IT IS!!!) then this is the film for you! Oh, and Adam Sandler is going to be nominated for an Oscar for Best Actor. For real. It’s a chaotic, stress-filled masterpiece.

2. ONCE UPON A TIME... IN HOLLYWOOD (Amazon)

My favorite filmmaker’s 2nd best film. A personal story about the love of film during the late 60s, a time of dirty hippies and Charles Manson, as well as the passing of the torch from old Hollywood to the “golden age” of cinema. It’s a fairytale of sorts, with Tarantino’s trademark flare for spontaneous violence and mining multiple genres to make his most mature work since PULP FICTION. I’ve been rewarded with new takeaways upon each subsequent viewing, and my love and appreciation for it only grows and grows. Brad Pitt is a lock for Best Supporting Actor, he’s magnificent. It was always going to be my #1 with a bullet no matter what, because it’s just that great...

1. PARASITE (Amazon)

...but then Bong Joon-ho, the master of new Korean cinema unleashed PARASITE. Not only is it the best film of 2019, it’s one of the best films I have ever seen. Like EVER ever. He is in such astonishing control of his craft it’s hard not to sit back and marvel and the sheer skill on display. You can be laughing one moment and then recoiling in horror during the same breath. He’s using multiple genre tropes, incredible set design, pitch perfect acting/writing, and such exquisite planning you can’t possibly know what’s in store for you from one scene to the next. It is an absolute masterpiece and if it doesn’t sweep every category it’s nominated for at this year’s Oscars, it’ll be a travesty. If you have even a passing interest in film as an art form, the power it can wield, and the messages it can convey, you owe it to yourself to see this film. It’s perfect.

Well, there it is. Thanks for reading any part of this. Now go see PARASITE. I love you.

#movies #top50 #2019 #movies of 2019

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