#especially bc I still get the excruciating stabbing pains | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

summylise · 7 years

Text

Our First and Last

Soooo….I was kind of given this prompt a LONGGG time ago by @gsut , I believe for last kiss. The thing is…it kind of became a 3000 words one-shot ahahaha… SO HERE IT IS BE WARNED IT’S ANGSTY.

*based on the events of chapter 534*

rating: T, bc character death, and violence

pairings: nalu

word count: 2969

“Natsu!” Lucy cried as she shoved open the guild hall doors.

Her grip on E.N.D— no, Natsu’s— tome tightened. She scanned the guild hall with wide eyes, praying that he was alright.

She knew something was wrong the second that the first master told her to leave. She knew that she shouldn’t have left him, yet she let her doubt get to her. She blindly put her trust in Mavis, hoping that there was some kind of miracle that could at the very least help her partner.

She just couldn’t believe that it took the book of E.N.D attacking her to bring her to her senses.

The blonde’s eyes landed on a tuft of vibrant pink hair almost completely smothered in dark blood and soot. She took a step toward him but froze as the atmosphere began to heat. His familiar magic pulsed as Natsu pushed himself into a kneeling position, though it was clear his fire was fading. His pants were heavy and deep, his wounds leaking inky blood onto his bruising fists.

A deep chuckle sounded from behind her, its sharp cockiness sending shivers down her limbs.

“Come now, Natsu,” said a dark voice. “You and I both know that you can’t take much more of this.”

Lucy narrowed her eyes and zeroed in on its location. Her fingers tightened on the warm leather of Natsu’s book in an effort to stop their shaking. She grit her teeth as she stared down at the black—well now white—wizard before her.

He was a completely different person: blonde, almost white hair, replaced dark black, his robes now bright, and a pair of bright fairy wings fluttered from his back. Had she not seen that look in his eye, she may think that she was looking at a stranger.

Zeref calmly lifted his hand and forced it back, sending large white beams of magic energy slamming into Natsu. The force ripped him off his feet and into the guild’s bar. The entire thing collapsed around him and, for a second, her heart stopped. A second later and a hand, then a whole torso pushed itself from underneath the rubble. Her eyes narrowed back on to Zeref.

He looked like an old dog with rabies, beaten and battered by endless fighting and eyes that didn’t quite see. He gave her the darkest glare she had ever seen and it took everything in her not to fall to her knees right there.

She couldn’t do that. Not when Natsu couldn’t stand.

With a deep breath, Lucy straightened her back and strode in front of Natsu. She lifted her eyes to give him, what she hoped was an equally menacing and challenging glare.

“If you’re going to kill him, you’ll have to kill me too,” she stated with as much determination as she could muster.

Her biceps tensed. Her feet stayed planted protectively in front of her partner. Every fiber in her being screamed to move or get out of there or to do something in order to get away from this evil man.

“Lu-cy,” Natsu groaned from the rubble.

Lucy felt her shoulders slacken but her gaze didn’t waver.

“I promised to protect you, no matter the cost,” she said, her fingers drifting to the pouch on her waist. “And celestial wizards never break their promises.”

Zeref blinked. Then blinked again.

His eyes drifted to Lucy’s pulsing right arm, still covered in the dark veins that sucked on her magic like leeches. She could feel her magic draining slowly, like the way her bathtub would drain after a long soak.

A sly smirk slipped across his face and he let out a hair-raising snigger.

“And I thought battling Natsu was the most fun that I was going to get. This should be entertaining, to say the least,” he said.

The white wizard cracked his knuckles, drawing white tendrils up and around him. Lucy carefully slid the book of E.N.D behind her and into Natsu’s outstretched hands.

She took a breath and snatched her keys.

“Lucy…please…just—” Natsu grunted.

“Open! Gate of the Scorpion! Scorpio!” she exclaimed, touching a different key to her chest.

Dry, golden light enveloped the room. Supple cowhide formed across her skin, its strong and sturdy magic absorbing into her muscles. Scorpio appeared beside her, serious and silent, a complete contrast to his normally wild demeanor. He glared at the mage, covering his eyes from the blinding light of the celestial world.

“Are you ready?” she muttered to her spirit.

She sensed a slight change in his energy. It was still on edge, tense and in suspense for what would happen next. Now she could feel a slight ounce of confidence and challenge that peppered his energy.

Lucy smirked. As long as she had them, Zeref never stood a chance.

She swiped her arm down in front of her with her whip, lashing at Zeref with enough force to tear up the surrounding floorboards. She heard him cry out. She sprinted at him, sinking low to the ground.

“Now, Scorpio!”

“Sand buster!”

A whirlwind of sand shot through the air just as she leaped up. The blast sent her hurtling at Zeref faster than an asteroid.

Zeref raised his arms but not before Lucy got a nice kick to his jaw. He grunted and stumbled back a few steps

“Open! Gate of the Lion!” she cried, slicing the key through the air. “Loke!”

A bright flash erupted from Leo’s key, sending streams of blinding light into the guild hall.

Lucy’s fingers instinctively grasped a second key and lifted it to her chest.

“Star Dress: Cancer Form!”

She raced forward before the dual swords had even formed. Loke’s light would only blind him for so long. She leaped into the air, swinging her swords down towards Zeref’s head. An arm shot out against her swords. Her jaw dropped when the swords didn’t cut straight through his skin.

“I knew you Heartfilias were weak but this is ridiculous,” Zeref said, his voice devoid of any strain or acknowledgment of her full force against his arm.

Zeref snatched her swords in an instant and a heavy force slammed into her back, stealing every ounce of air from her lungs. Stars speckled her vision.

“Lucy!” Natsu screamed.

Lucy wheezed from her position at Zeref’s feet. She hadn’t expected to be beaten that easily, especially since Natsu had already given him a good enough fight. She gulped in desperate mouthfuls of air in an attempt to fill the lungs that had been forcibly emptied. Her eyes watered at the lack of oxygen.

Her expression never changed: a look of pure unadulterated hatred and defiance that stoically stared at the white mage above her.

“I grow tired of our little game, Miss Heartfilia. It’s been fun but I’m afraid that I’ll have to kill you now.”

The blonde grit her teeth, trying to focus on something other than her racing heart. Something other than her trembling fingers. She itched to move from her position on the floor but her muscles refused to budge. It was as if they were made of jelly.

She had tried to fight Zeref, despite Natsu’s pleas to flee. She had wanted to protect him like he had done so many times before. She used almost all of her energy and magic power to fight and it still wasn’t enough to even make a scratch.

She rolled her head to face her partner. Natsu struggled to push himself to his feet but his utter exhaustion weighed him down like a ton of bricks. He clawed at the heavy rubble rooting him to the spot refused to even move an inch. Inky blood trickled from his forehead, leaving deep staining drops of red in the light wood flooring. His biceps pulsed as he pushed at the floor, the rubble, trying to do something instead of laying there helpless.

He growled and finally met her gaze. Panic littered his expression. Pure fear, like nothing she had ever seen before, was written in every crack and scar on his face. She could practically see sweat drip down and mix with his blood.

This was it. She didn’t have much longer and who knew when she would get this opportunity again.

She just wished that Natsu fearing for her safety wasn’t the last thing she saw.

Zeref leaned over her, his heavy presence darkening any natural sunlight that would have filtered through the shambled remains of the guild’s ceiling. Even without the influence of his magic, the world still darkened around him, as if it too feared the great black wizard.

His stone cold fingers snaked around her neck and hoisted her into the air, her bloodied feet dangling below her. Lucy’s hands shot to her throat. The fingers squeezed tighter. Blood rushed passed her ears, throbbing like war drums in a losing battle.

“No! Stop!” screamed Natsu, his voice cracking.

His scrambling grew frantic, frenzied. Like a wild animal trying to scratch out of a pen during a tornado. His snarls became harsher, his growls animalistic. His hips stayed lodged under an enormous pile of rubble, something he wouldn’t be getting out of anytime soon. And he knew it.

Lucy whimpered when black dots peppered her vision. She scratched and pulled and clawed at the hands. Zeref’s eyes narrowed at the strands of red that appeared on his hands in the exact shape of nails. He squeezed tighter, stealing a whimper from Lucy that she was trying to hide.

“You’re just like your mother. You’re nothing but a useless excuse for—”

The blonde spat directly in Zeref’s eye causing him to recoil and take a step back.

Her lips quirked but her cocky demeanor slipped when he opened his mouth again.

“Well there is one thing I can count on,” he began, calmly wiping the spot of saliva. “You always die out.”

Zeref lifted her above his head and sliced his hand clean through her stomach. Lucy’s eyes widened as far as they could go. A gasp slipped passed her lips.

The pain was excruciating, unlike anything she had ever felt before. It was as if her insides were being stabbed by a thousand tiny red hot knives. Zeref jerked back from her body to reveal a dripping and red-stained sleeve. She could barely register his laughing over the earsplitting roar from Natsu.

“No!”

Even against Cobra, his roar wasn’t this loud. This one toppled chairs, disrupted precariously hanging rubble. Its anguish echoed around her nearly shaking the entire room. It wasn’t filled with this much pain before.

“Zeref! I’ll kill you!” Natsu screamed.

The burning pulsed through her system, stealing most of her remaining energy. Her eyes drooped and her hands loosened their grip on Zeref at her neck. She coughed and the taste of iron filled her mouth. The world dimmed.

She couldn’t give up yet. She couldn’t abandon the guild now. She couldn’t just leave him without at least trying to help.

“O-oh stars far and w-wide that embody the he-heavens,” she mumbled, her choked words barely making it out.

Zeref’s laughter quieted. He turned his gaze back on her and tightened his grip on her neck. Lucy quietly whimpered, barely having enough strength to stay awake.

“What did you say?” he muttered.

The blonde heaved her eyes open to give Zeref one final glare. Her fingers twitched in their limp positions at her sides. She dug into the last reserves of her magic, begging her spirits for their support. Her mother had told her that this was going to happen. She taught her of the spell to use and the dangers that came with it. She knew what she was doing and she would need all the help that she could get in order to pull it off.

“I-I implore you, Tetrabib-biblos. By thy radiance, reveal th-thy form to m-me,” she said, lifting her almost deadweight hand to wrap around the hand around her neck.

She squeezed as hard as she could, making sure to have a strong, vice-like grip on him. She only had one shot; there had to be sure that it would hit him. She could feel the magic, her last amounts of energy, surging through her like a river of lightning.

“Eternal ruler of the stars above, now that the aspect is complete,” she continued, her voice strengthening. “I ask that you take my power and safeguard those who live in my heart.”

Golden light enveloped her body, surrounding them with a blinding heavenly light. Glowing tendrils reached from her body and slowly made their way up the mage’s hand. Zeref’s eyes widened. His clutch on her neck slackened, letting her body drop to the ground with a thud. She grunted when a sickening crack filled the air along with a sharp pulse of pain from her shoulder.

Just a little longer. You’re almost done.

“Let your unrestrained rage flow. Protect those whom I deem worthy and smite those whom I do not. Open the raging, tumultuous gate.”

Lucy refused to look away from his burning red eyes. She locked her jaw and dug her fingers into the flesh of his palm. The magical limbs clawed their way up his arm, wrapping around his shoulder and climbing up his neck.

“With all eighty-eight heavenly bodies.” The guild hall fell back revealing a backdrop of the night sky. Hundreds of large, menacing planets swirled around them. Zeref tried to shake off Lucy’s clutch but she dug in further, piercing skin and drawing blood. “Shining!”

“Et Magicae: Urano Metria!” she cried.

The white mage let out a gut-wrenching shriek as the magic crashed in on him. Rings of golden magic swirled around him, swallowing him whole. The room lit with the brilliance of a thousand suns and Lucy squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t loosen her hold, didn’t slacken in any way until the hand disintegrated into ash.

Lucy struggled to keep her eyes open, their heavy pull and the lull of sleep almost too enticing to bare. She managed to push herself to the side; she wanted to see the sky one last time, the stars one last time.

“Lucy!!” Natsu cried, his voice the most broken she’d ever heard it.

A moment later and he was knelt by her side, eyes scanning her body erratically. His shaky hands hovered over her stomach. His breathing was heavy, his heart even heavier.

“Lucy,” he said again, this time softer and gentler, “I’m so—I…I wish I…I.”

Lucy let out a small laugh and a smile lifted to her lips. She tried to hide her grimace but failed miserably. She lifted a bloody hand to his face to cup his cheek. His warm palm instantly covered her own.

“Shh…It’s ok…I chose to do this. There was nothing you could have done,” she whispered.

“But I—”

“No buts,” she interrupted, running the pad of her thumb across his cheek. “At least I finally got to save you…for a change.”

Natsu froze, his eyes widened.

“Nonono. You can’t talk like that. There’s gotta be something I can do,” Natsu said, panic rising in his voice. “I’ll go get help.”

Lucy tightened her grip as much as she could. If he left, she’d likely be alone when it was time. If he left, she wouldn’t be able to tell anyone goodbye. If he left…she wouldn’t be able to see him one last time.

“No. Stop,” she whimpered, unable to hide the pain that stole most of her energy. “There’s no point.”

Her pleading tone was what got to him the most. Natsu clenched his teeth and fought with all of his might not to sprint out of the guild hall shouting for Wendy. She needed him right now and he was helpless to do anything, just like before.

“Lucy, you can’t just leave,” he muttered. “I have to tell you something.”

“There isn’t enough time.”

That’s what set him off. That’s what put the final nail in the coffin. He couldn’t admit it to himself but now he couldn’t help but accept the fact that Lucy, his Lucy, was dying.

“You have to promise me something…Natsu,” she mumbled, each word taking more energy than the last. She could feel the edges of darkness creeping into her vision but she had to hold out a little longer.

Natsu leaned forward, even his hearing having a hard time picking up her voice. She could feel his shaky breath on her cheek, could see the shimmering tears that filled his eyes.

“Promise me…that you’ll go on more adventures. That you won’t let me hold you back.”

Natsu inhaled sharply and a few stray tears fell onto her cheekbones.

“Luce, I—”

“Promise me, Natsu,” she said, putting all of her might into those words.

Natsu paused. His teeth clenched and unclenched. His fists tightened then loosened. He blinked and more tears fell, mixing with her own as they slid down her cheeks. He tried to open his mouth but no words came out.

He shut his mouth and nodded because there was nothing else he could do besides sit there and watch his best friend die in front of him. He couldn’t help himself from leaning forward. He couldn’t just let her go without doing it at least once. He had to have her leave on a happy note…and give him something good to remember her by.

Lucy smiled again and couldn’t stop the tears that fell as well. Darkness crept in, smothering the rest of her vision.

“I just wish I could have gone on them with you.”

The last thing she remembered was the feeling of warm, salty lips pressing against her own. Then everything was silent.

#ftfanfics #fairy tail #nalu #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #nalu fanfiction #summer writes #almost cried #my heart hurts #fairy tail fanfics #fairy tail fanfiction

66 notes · View notes

thetexpatriatemama-blog · 7 years

Photo

The Texpatriate Baby Arrives

Ask any mama: Every pregnancy is unique. Compound that with the vast differences of pregnancy and childbirth in different countries, and you get two experiences that are, literally and figuratively, miles apart.

My life is not the most dramatic by any stretch of the imagination. Likewise, both of my pregnancies were remarkably average (thank goodness). Besides a smattering of back pain, searing heartburn, and insatiable cravings for chocolate and cottage cheese, I can’t really complain. But just because two pregnancies are average does not mean they are even close to being the same.

During my first pregnancy in Texas, I worked two jobs, moved mid-pregnancy, and spent any free time planning my registry, decorating the nursery, and yes, sleeping. Ahh…the perks of life BC—that’s Before Children. Healthcare in Texas made things easy and I loved the pregnancy perks. Constant sonograms and imaging to check in with my little guy, excellent baby care, birthing, and breastfeeding courses offered by my hospital of choice, and the luxury of knowing my hand-selected hospital was only a 5-minute drive away. I loved that my OBGYN listened to my input and that the hospital was receptive to my (admittedly picky) birth plan. Other than being induced due to low amniotic fluid, my labor and delivery was decidedly normal. Long and arduous, but normal. Overall, it was an exceptional experience.

When we moved to Sweden with our then 18-month-old, we talked about the possibility of having another LO in the next year or so. Because we didn’t know how long we would be living abroad, we decided to go for it! I was hesitant to go through the pregnancy and birthing process in a foreign country, especially one with such a different health care philosophy from that of the U.S. Truth be told, I should have just steered clear of any and all Facebook groups consisting of expat moms who were pregnant abroad. Let me tell you, it’s usually only the negative experiences that moms feel the need to share. Between those horror stories and articles popping up on my FB feed about babies being born in taxis or moms being sent to Finland because the hospitals here are so overcrowded, I was a little nervous to say the least! (These were actually some of the less scary stories! 😥)

After we began trying, it didn’t take long (okay, a week) to seal the deal. It was official. We were having a baby in Sweden. Navigating the socialized health care here is not always hardly ever easy…especially when your Swedish doesn’t even compare to your 2.5-year-old’s. 😊 Nonetheless, I was assigned a midwife (you only see a doctor for a pregnancy here if there is an issue) and was told that the first appointment wouldn’t be until around week 12. At which point, I found out that the phrase “laid back” does not do justice to the Swedish philosophy on pregnancy. No need to confirm the pregnancy with a test. No need for more than 2 or 3 sonograms during the entire pregnancy. No need to be weighed at each appointment (Score! 🎉). Heck, my midwife never even gave me a single internal exam or breast exam throughout the entire pregnancy…not that I am complaining!

In Sweden, it is assumed that the default is a normal pregnancy, and additional precautions are only taken if problems arise…but no need to stir up drama where there is none, right? This laissez-faire approach has its pros and cons. Obviously, a hands-off approach is more affordable for taxpayers, and the Swedish philosophy is to not “bother” the baby with constant monitoring. Apparently, the paparazzi of monthly sonograms is just too much for babes to handle while they are developing in the womb. In terms of the mother’s mental well-being, it can be frustrating not knowing for sure that everything is going by the book. That being said, even an infinite number of tests could never guarantee that no problems go overlooked. And since every pregnancy is different, what is “by the book” anyway? Overall, I appreciated the easy-going approach more than I expected because it made me a little more easy-going, too. I simply had no choice but to let things go and just try not to worry (of course, it helped immensely that it was my second pregnancy).

Although I didn’t have much choice in my midwife assignment, I found myself blessed with an absolutely fabulous one. She was reassuring, knowledgeable, friendly, and most importantly, knew I wasn’t Swedish. She did everything she could to explain the hows and whys of the Swedish pregnancy to me in a way that I would understand.

As the weeks passed and my due date loomed near, I told her that my first pregnancy had to be induced due to low amniotic fluid and expressed my concerns that this pregnancy might follow suit. She was receptive to my concerns, but ultimately, the Swedes really really don’t like to induce labor any earlier than absolutely necessary. Their rationale? It can up the risks of a C-section and yes, it would be a shame to bother the baby before she is ready to make her debut. Perhaps this is why Sweden has one of the lowest C-section rates in the world (about half that of the U.S.)...

Well, my due date came and went. I was convinced that I was not meant to go into labor on my own. (The women in my family have a tendency to go two weeks late and then need induction, so I figured I would be no different.) Four days after my due date, I woke up around 3am with a stabbing pain in my right side below my bump. This was no labor pain. I called the hospital.

“Can you feel the baby moving? Call back in an hour or so if you haven’t felt her move.”

Okay…A few spoonfuls of cottage cheese and a tablespoon of Nutella ought to get her moving. An hour later? Nuthin’. I jostled and wiggled, but she just wasn’t having it. Although the pain in my side was still going strong.

I called back.

Okay, we are headed to the hospital. We hopped on the nearby subway with our packed hospital bag and car seat just in case we left the hospital with one more person than we had arrived with.

After around 10 hours of testing and monitoring, the sharp pain in my side was still a big question mark. But one thing was clear: I was not in labor. A few irregular contractions here and there and the first internal exam of my entire pregnancy confirmed that much. Because the baby had finally woken up a bit (literally the second we walked into the pregnancy wing of the hospital), they chose not to induce, despite my pleas to get on with it. Far and away, my least favorite part of giving birth under socialized health care is the distinct feeling that I didn’t really have much say in how things were going to go down. I missed having a voice, having a vote, in how my baby was born. It had been my body for 30 years, and it seemed absurd that my opinion didn’t amount to much, despite my ability to recount to the doctors and staff the growing risks of allowing this little egg to cook for too long.

So, instead of giving me a baby, the staff pushed a few pain medications on me (despite my outspoken desires to avoid narcotics during my pregnancy). I had avoided taking a single “optional” medication throughout my pregnancy, and strong pain relievers have an adverse effect on me, anyway. That didn’t seem to faze any of the staff.

I was told to return the following day to check on the progress of my nebulous pain. It hadn’t subsided completely, but it was not as excruciating, so they considered it a win and sent me home. Again.

I cried the whole way home. Five days past my due date and all I wanted was to be induced. I could even handle a long labor and more painful contractions if it meant not going another week with the aches and pains of being overdue.

Once the woeisme phase passed, I went home and tried cheering myself up by Googling hilarious ways other mamas had tried inducing naturally. A few of my favorites?

· Eat 8 whole pineapples.

· Castrol oil. (You read right. This is not to be confused with Castor Oil. 😂)

· Shine a flashlight…up there.

· “Put the vacuum on your boob.”

· Row to the middle of a lake in a small boat.

These ideas definitely cheered me up—and I may have tried a few of the more commonly known techniques myself. 😏 From prunes to peppermint oil, and some slightly more embarrassing strategies, I did everything I could to take matters into my own hands.

So, what happened? I woke up the next morning in labor, folks. Whether it was timing or technique, we will never know. I crossed my fingers that the hospital would have a bed for me (they didn’t the last two days I visited due to overcrowding and too few staff). Luckily, it was as if my little girl had timed her grand entrance conscientiously because there was a spot open with our name on it. We waited until contractions were 4 minutes apart and headed in. When we arrived, I was around 4-5cm dilated and the delivery midwife said something very Swedish. “Go take a walk for an hour or two. Get some food and then you can come back later.”

Seriously? I didn’t know if I should be offended at basically being told to get out of her hair (in the nicest way possible, of course) or excited at the fact that I was allowed to eat! One of the perks of being in a country with such a low rate of C-sections. 😉

When we returned around 1.5 hours later, it was time to settle in for the long (or short) haul. When I couldn’t handle the contractions anymore, they administered a “walking epidural” that would relieve some of that pain. Little did I know that it didn’t do much of anything to relieve the pain of the delivery itself. 😲 After my experience in Texas, it was decided: Not all epidurals are created equal, my friends.

After around 12 hours of laboring, our little girl was popped onto my chest (sans bath) and we got acquainted with one another. She came out at 8 pounds even (exactly 1 pound heavier than my son) and 20” long. Her APGARs were 9 and 10 and she was amazingly chill for a baby who had just made her entrance into this brave, new world. One of her first executive decisions? EAT!

An hour or so later, we checked out of the hospital and into the “Patienthotell,” which is basically exactly what it sounds like. We chatted with a midwife for a bit before crashing hard. Our first night was surprisingly simple. No nurses constantly checking in, a snuggly bed, and a good decent night’s sleep. In the morning, we had breakfast at the hotel and an appointment with a pediatrician to make sure our little Dreampuff was happy and healthy. One more chat with a midwife and we were on our way home to introduce the newest family addition to our son.

So, how do the two experiences compare side-by-side? If I had to choose one over the other, I would honestly be hard-pressed.

For me, one of the most important things is knowing that my voice and my opinion on what should happen to my body and my baby matter. In my experience, I found this to be the case more so in the U.S. because I was footing some of the bill myself. I had a choice of doctor, hospital, birth plan, and on-the-fly decision making. That was not always the case in Sweden, although I felt incredibly lucky to be in such capable hands for most of my pregnancy.

Plus, I loved the hands-off approach in Sweden and in the hours after the birth, I would say Sweden wins hands down. There was a feeling of calm and serenity afterwards that helped us settle in, as opposed to the hustle and bustle of testing, bright lights, and uncomfortable recovery rooms in the U.S. Seriously, it is beyond me why the rest of the world has not adopted the idea for Patient Hotels.

Now that we are back home with our precious little Squeaker, we are looking forward to the next part of this journey: raising a tiny tot abroad. This could get interesting.

Hej då,

TheTexpatriateMama

#pregnancy #birthabroad

0 notes