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#esp when i bother her nap
gaypiece · 24 days
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OP + how they take care of u on a bad mental health day
tbh this is mostly for me bc i been going thru it and i need law cuddles yesterday
☁︎ Ft. Zoro, Sanji, Nami, Luffy, Law, & Robin
☁︎ CW: slightly suggestive, mdni
Zoro:
Not a man of many words
Will give you space if he thinks that’s what you need
Will make sure you’re taking care of yourself, but tries to act casual about it (randomly asking when was the last time you ate/drank water etc)
If you just want to rest/stay in bed, but want the company, he will gladly sit with you. May even nap next to you will nap with you if you ask him nicely
If you need a distraction, he will try to get you to train with him, plus the exercise will release extra endorphins
Might suggest another form of exercise if you’re a couple ;)
Sanji:
Will make you all of your favorite comfort foods (I think this one is a given)
Might encourage you to hang out with him in the kitchen if you’ve been in bed all day (and may try to teach you a thing or two if you need a distraction)
Will bring you water unprompted
Encourages you to talk about what’s bothering you, is understanding if you don’t want to
Will absolutely hold you if you need it
If you’re a couple, will kiss you all over and incessantly remind you of how much he loves you and how beautiful and strong you are 🥹
Nami:
Will ask who hurt you so she can kill them
Babies the fuck out of you
Orders Sanji to bring you whatever food/drinks you want (he probably would have done it anyway, but Nami wants to make sure you’re taken care of)
If you’re stopped at an island, will offer to take you shopping and get you anything you want, her treat. Will also 100% play dress up in whatever clothing stores until the two of you get kicked out
May also get you a cute little gift that she will surprise you with once you get back to the Sunny 🥹
Teams up with Usopp to start shit between Zoro and Sanji bc you think it’s so funny when they bicker
Will cuddle the shit out of you, but makes sure you’re showered first esp if you struggle to take care of yourself on a bad day
Will offer to help you shower if you’re a couple ;)
Luffy:
Asks you what’s wrong. If you don’t want to talk about it, will beg you to tell him because he wants to help. If nothing is really wrong, and it’s just a bad day, he doesn’t really understand, but will still try to make you feel better
Honestly doesn’t really understand mental illness, but doesn’t like seeing you sad
Does anything and everything in his power to make you laugh
If he thinks you need a hug, will wrap his limbs around you as many times as possible and squeeze definitely a little too hard
Law:
100% understands that mental health is just as important as physical health, and will treat you as if you’re physically ill (but not contagious)
Encourages you to talk about what’s bothering you, is understanding if you don’t want to talk about it
Constantly in doctor mode, making sure you’re eating, drinking water, taking care of yourself, etc
Will surface the Polar Tang just so you can get out to the deck and get some sunlight
If you need company, he will absolutely sit with you, even if it’s just in silence. If he’s too busy, he will get Penguin and Shachi and/or others to spend time with you.
Might ask Bepo to give you cuddles if you need it
If you two are close, may cuddle you himself
If you’re a couple, will remind you of how much you mean to him, even though words are difficult for him
Might also show you what you mean to him ;) he’s more than happy to distract you
Robin:
Definitely the gentlest one on this list
Will listen better than anyone, and is understanding
Validates your feelings and may relate to them
Makes you a cup of tea
Gives cuddles, finds it cute if you fall asleep on her
Mommy Robin’s chest and thighs are the best pillows
If you’re a couple, funny business probably isn’t on the forefront of her mind but she is 100% down if you initiate it
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leclerced · 3 months
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I just woke up from a nap so excuse my random thoughts
Max absolutely would be a god at eating out, like imagine him being so desperate to eat you out that he's burying his face in you, slobbering and suffocating himself just to get you off
Like nothing can convince me that he doesn't give the most mindspinning, toe curling, back arching, fingers gripping sheets, eyes rolling back, life altering, religious orientation shifting, samsung spin cycle type head
I'm a little hungover so thanks for listening to my ted talk✋😌
(I have more if you need wink wonk)
im cackling at samsung spin cycle type head 😭 so real for that‼️ ill take more ofc always, sorry u are hungover sending u loves of love babes
he would so give the best head i fully believe he’s very giving and loves giving head especially. everything about it. his girl would tease him sometimes, make him wait. say she’s reading something really interesting on her phone and he’s like okay i’ll just rest my head in your lap i can wait. she’d let him lay there, rubbing his face against her thighs and kissing them softly. he keeps inching higher but she keeps her thighs pressed shut for a few minutes, letting him get antsier as she curls a hand through his hair and continues to scroll on her phone until she gives in. he’s ravishing her immediately, complaining about having to wait, he can’t be bothered to tease her back or punish her for making him wait, he just wants to taste her and make her cum on his tongue until she’s begging him to stop.
also i think ab this pic a lot and i know he says he doesn’t listen to music but i am a music girlie so nm what i have to believe he’s just kind old school and doesn’t like new music but loves old records and ensures he has a laptop with a disc drive so he can buy cds and put them on his laptop then burn cds. i want to believe he’s got on old leather cd case full of self burned mixtapes like below. and w records he would have like frank sinatra and the temptations, fleetwood mac, prince, some classic rock. its just cute.
so sorry to anyone who didn’t grow up burning their own cds its a dif kinda vibe. esp illegally downloading ur fav songs when ur a kid.. feels so badass
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dinosaurtsukki · 3 years
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I really vibe with Dazai in your smau ong
if its because of the cats then SAME !! smau!dazai is actually based on my real-life experience of being all :/ about getting a cat at first and now i have to cuddle my cat at least 5 times a day now for mental health reasons
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hi sweetheart !! may i please req an ateez and bts personality ship ?? my description was SUPER long (I GOT CARRIED AWAY </3) so you can cut my request at the personality part when posting my ship! tysm in advance <3
I’m an ‘03 liner that’s 5’9.5 (basically 5’10) with dark skin, jet black hair (currently in long twists rn!!), and i’m on the curvier side (esp hips and my thighs) !! some of my favorite features are my plump lips (and i have a beauty mark near the inside of my bottom lip!), my long legs (they’re 40.5 inches long and look so good in dresses and skirts <33), my kempt and pretty fingernails, and my eyelashes !!! i’m a virgo (and surprisingly i get along with all the signs, i cant think of a sole zodiac sign i DONT mix well with but i love cancers and virgos <33) ! i’m also an ambivert all the way! i often come off as cold/shy/quiet when meeting new people (one of my closest friends avoided me for a month before meeting me because i looked so intimidating LMAO), but once you get close to me i turn into a goofy (heavy on the goofy im never not laughing) bundle of warmth and love: i will never stop texting them the <3 emoji every morning or buying my friends/s/o their favorite starbucks order when they need a little cheer-me-up. also, lots of people say i’m mature and carry myself well, but around my friends i’m one of the most goofiest people ever (probably bc my face will literally be 😐 one sec and then 🥰 the next second when someone makes me laugh <3)
tysm in advance!!! Have an amazing day/afternoon/evening!
@anpanseok DARLING! I hope you love your ship <3 I'm actually really proud of this one, you'll have to let me know what you think! <3
In ATEEZ, I ship you with one and only demon San!
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(I thought you'd like that gif ;) )
Okay, when you were describing all of the things that you would want in the relationship, I thought of San due to how clingy and affectionate he is with the other members of ATEEZ. He is a Cancer, which is good because that is one of the star signs that are compatible with yours. I don't believe that the age difference of four years would be that much of an issue, especially since San acts younger than he is most of the time anyway. I feel like most men are intimidated when their female significant other is tall themselves, but he is tall himself and I feel like the fact that you are taller is kind of one of his favorite things about you? One of his other favorite things about you are your curves, he always puts his hand on your thighs during movie night at the boys' dorm or in the back pocket of your jeans when you two are walking into KQ Entertainment together. When you wear dresses when all of you go out to fancy dinners together, he has to hold himself back because he ADORES you when you wear dresses! You said you're am ambivert, I feel like he relates to that in some form of way, like I feel like there are certain situations where he feels a bit more introverted about. Sometimes Hongjoong has to scold him because he texts you so much, but he can't stay mad at you when you pop into the building with their favorite Starbucks drinks and hand-made lunch boxes for them. Just as you always support his creative endeavors, he always returns it for you tenfold and when you are talking about issues you care deeply about, he gives you his full attention and stares at you lovingly. Not just San, but all of the boys, come to you whenever they are dealing with stress and they just want someone to talk to because you are so amazing at giving advice and supporting them. There was a time when a sasaeng approached you, San, Wooyoung and Jongho when you were doing some late night grocery shopping when another ATINY stopped her, causing an argument and nasty words to be exchanged. Let's just say, you shut that sasaeng down REAL quick when you heard some of the things she said. One day you woke up and found a present that San made for you, a mixtape of all of your favorite songs from all your favorite genres of music, along with a little keychain that had tokens of all of the states you had visited. He wholeheartedly loves you and he makes every effort to support all of your dreams. When he has days off from work, the two of you make a blanket fort in your living room and watch old episodes of Forensic Files and Law & Order: SVU, whilst surrounded by fluffy blankets and a couple of his favorite plushies. His life an idol doesn't afford him much down time, unfortunately, but he always makes time for you and you always have the craziest adventures with not only each other, but all of the other boys as well. Squishy San will want all of the cuddles, have you SEEN how affectionate he is with the other members?! Also, him in all black outfits.... YES, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. One day he was visiting your apartment and he surprised you with matching beaded pearl bracelets and he never takes it off, not even for performances. The boys don't really think nothing of walking into the bathroom to brush their teeth whilst one of the others is showering, that just comes with their busy schedules and their dorm life. Let's just say this: Mingi wasn't able to look you in the eyes for two weeks because he did just that, not realize that you had snuck in and stayed the night, and were currently going to the bathroom whilst San was in the shower. Your camera roll is not only filled with silly pictures of San that you've captured, but of the most magazine worthy, model pictures you have ever been lucky enough to take. He accepts you for all of your flaws, and helps you to try to work on them, however that may be and you do the same for him.
In summary: You both are simps for each other and I AM HERE FOR IT.
In BTS, I ship you with Namjoon!
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Another tall boy for you, I got you! You both are Virgos, but I looked it up worried that two Virgos would clash, and it said that they would be very intuitive with each other and would understand each other! The age gap is quite large, I don't know how okay you are with that? I know everyone has different preferences. He approached you first when he saw you at the mom & pop coffee shop/cafe around the corner from your apartment, and he thought you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Another man who I don't think would be bothered by your curves (men can be shallow dicks), I think that is his favorite thing (same as San) about you. Not even in a sexual way, I feel like his hands would always end up on your butt without him even noticing. Most of the time, one of the other boys will point it out when all of you are hanging out together, and he will be proud that he has a significant other like you, but he almost might become a shy mess about it I feel like. I feel like he can get jealous, just because you are closest to Jungkook in the group and you often pull pranks on the other members together. There is never a shortage of laughs when all of you are together, pure crackhead energy if I've ever seen it, just non stop jokes and banter between all of you. You were able to get time off from work and were actually able to join them (their managers were surprisingly chill about you tagging along? CONFUSION?) on their tour around Europe and you had so many memories. You actually brought along a Polaroid camera that you found in a little store one day when the two of you were shopping, and you ended up having to buy an extra suitcase on the trip because you took LITERAL hundreds of pictures of all of your adventures and the tour shenanigans. He has childish tendencies, I feel like he would love to play Roblox with you? I feel like he would take a very mathematical approach to building things, that's just the vibe I get from him. He often stares at you when you're doing your makeup in the morning, he finds it fascinating and he even asked you to do his makeup for some of his shows. His makeup artists weren't angry, luckily, all of their staffs absolutely adore you two together. He is all up for adventures, I feel like he would chicken out at the idea of skydiving, though lol. You keep stealing his sweaters, which he low-key highkey is SO happy about because he loves the way that you look in them. The size difference is only three or four inches (I've seen people say he's 6 feet, but then others say he's 6 foot 2, WHICH IS IT?!), so it's pretty easy to sneak kisses from him whenever you want them when you're together. If he sees you struggling to stay awake whilst studying, he'll softly close your book and drag you over to your bed for a couple hours so you can take a quick nap to regain the energy. I don't really know his temperament that well, he has to be rather even-tempered to deal with those hooligans he calls the rest of BTS, so I feel like you wouldn't have that many fights. You both are always striving to help each other to be the best versions of each other you can be. You joined the boys on vacation at a lake house and one night you were having dinner and he blushed after you said something cheeky to him, causing you to say to him, "You look like a cute tomato when you blush, my cutie pie." in front of the other members. Needless to say, he turned even more red and the boys teased him mercilessly for the rest of the night. Don't know how the cooking would go (this boy is a DISASTER in the kitchen), but you would have fun learning new dishes. He would brag about getting a dish right, and you quickly praise him but also say, " and that's why you a big ass head.", causing him to die laughing. He is the very definition of a hard worker, and I feel like he would love being praised and doing the same for his significant other, so I'm glad that you said that you liked the words of affirmation love language, because GET READY. He's definitely been buffing up (I SCREAM WHENEVER I SEE PICTURES OF HIM NOWADAYS), so
his hugs would always be the best things, so warm and comforting. Don't know how you feel about children? We've all seen that VLive where this idiot literally bought baby shoes because he thought they were cute, so I think he would definitely want children down the road in your relationship if you were both comfortable with it. Best father and husband award goes to him.
In conclusion: SIMP. SIMP. SIMP. SIMP. SIMPPPPPPPPPPPP.
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opalmaplehibiscus · 3 years
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Love of a Fox and a Hunter
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Hello @ tellmesomegoodstory!! I’m so sorry that this request took so long ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ I really hope that you enjoy this and hope I actually wrote Rook well. I’m terribly sorry if he seems OOC though OTL
·       When he first stumbled upon her, he was mesmerized
·       Though it was an accident, he couldn’t believe how soft and silky her fur was, eyes bright and clear as well-cut gems
·       To be able to see such a beautiful fox in the forest behind the school… He never felt so thrilled in his whole life. Heck the feeling of excitement he was feeling could rival the times when he’s watching le Roi du Lion
·       But when he accidentally steps on a twig from where he was hiding, the fox snaps her head towards his direction before running away
·       Disappointment and regret filled his heart as he watches her disappear, thinking she was lost and that their meeting is a mere fleeting moment
·       Who would’ve thought that wasn’t the case though?
·       The next few days, Rook continued to meet the fox in the woods, never once getting tired from how beautiful she was
·       The fur that always shines under the sunlight with those same beautiful eyes – très bien! Beauté!
·       He used his hunting skills to try to get closer to her, trying to get to see how she behaves, moves, and appear up close
·       Yet, who would’ve thought that this fox was very sensitive to her surroundings? As if she could sense him when he’s 10 feet away, her eyes would meet his before she left again
·       Rook couldn’t help but think that the fox was teasing him, challenging him to try to get closer to her if he can. And as a pure, honorable hunter, of course Rook took up the challenge
·       His visits to the woods became more frequent as he already memorized the times the fox would appear. He even prepared the foods he often saw her ate and lay out traps, not to actually catch her though! Just to keep her stay in one spot so he could try to approach her
·       The determination to get close to her was to the point that Leona and Ruggie, for once, didn’t get spied on him for a whole week
·       Leona: I can finally nap in peace Ruggie: As much as I appreciate not getting my tailed pulled on, you shouldn’t be napping in the first place Leona-san!
·       Soon, a month passes and the day he succeeded was a day he couldn’t forget
·       He didn’t think the apples he used that day would’ve been so delicious as the fox, for once, got lost in eating it
·       Rook quietly gets closer to her, concealing himself and his aura until he was actually a foot away from her
·       He could hear his heart beat in his ears as crouched down and watched her, only to freeze when he noticed something strange
·       Was it because of how well-kept her fur was? Nope. How she was smiling when eating the apples? Nope
·       A hint of perfume coming from the fox and how elegant she was eating the apple, so clean and organized as if she was a human made the gears of his brain screech to a stop
·       Know that one meme with the lady and all those math equations? That was Rook during the moment. Just…with a confused smile
·       Hein? Hein? C’est quoi? Is she really a fox ????
·       His curiosity gotten the best of him as he tried to reason why the fox smelled and behaved like a human, not realizing how he was subconsciously reaching out and about to grab her, until he snapped out of it when he feels the softest fur he had ever felt in his whole life
·       Right after he touched her, the fox froze and turn her head toward him, finally realizing his presence
·       Rook tried to make himself look friendly in the eyes of the fox, waving a hand with a “Bonjour~”
·       He really shouldn’t be surprised that the fox bit his hand and ran away like usual. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t painful though
·       The fox doesn’t visit the forest for some time, putting Rook under the weather. By that, Rook often mentioning to the people around him how his cheri, seul et unique l’amour went missing
·       Rook: Ah~ Mon amour! Celle qu’a volé mon cœur ! Where are you ? Epel : Uuuhhh…what’s wrong with Rook-senpai ? Vil : Ignore him. He’s just crying over his fox again. Epel: Fox? Rook: Mon amour!!! I beg of you, come back!
·       As he waits for her to come back, Rook starts preparing another trap, this time to temporarily catch her as he knew that the next the two meets will most likely be the last
·       What seems like forever, he finally saw her again as he found her napping under a chestnut tree
·       Quietly setting the trap (yeah, he carried it with him after he completed it because he’s extra like that), he waited for her to wake up and fall for it
·       Good news, she fell for it. Bad news. Er, if it should even be considered bad news….The fox turned into a female human. With fox ears and tail.
·       It took him a while to finally realized what had happen as the now female human continued to struggle getting out of the trap
·       It was his first time seeing such beautiful person - perfect skin, clear eyes, and luscious hair
·       When she yelled at him to let her go, Rook snapped out of his thoughts before freeing her
·       Giving her a minute to rest, Rook grabbed her hands and looked at her with sparkling eyes
·       The way her eyes widened and ears perk looked cute in his eyes as he asked her if she was a beast-person
·       He ended up blushing when she was able to get out of his grip and ran away without answering his question
·       To meet a beautiful beast-person and strong, physically and magician-wise too! Merveilleux! Magnifique!
·       Soon enough their relationship changed to that of cat-and-mice, where Rook would try to get close and learn more about her while she would run away
·       During the chase, he would often ask her questions non-stop as he tried his best to get to know her more
·       Heck, he would appear and corner her at every single hiding place she knew of, making it harder for her to get him off her tracks
·       Yet, for some reason, he didn’t like it when someone was close to finding out about her existence in the forest, leading to be the reason of how she escapes him as he blocked anyone that was close to seeing her from actually taking a view of her
·       Overtime he realized that he actually fell for her
·       It became clear to him that he liked her when someone nearly saw her in her human form when she tried to get out of one the traps, he lied on the forest’s floor again
·       One thing led to another and he hid behind a tree with her in his arms, trying to keep her quiet as he waited for the student that was walking through the forest to leave the area they were in
·       When it seemed safe, he released a sigh before looking at her
·       He never would’ve thought that he would see her blush. And the fact that she was blushing made her seem adorable to him
·       He felt his heart beating faster as he saw her struggle to stay quiet and calm – her ears pressed against her head while, surprisingly, gently gripping the sleeve of his coat
·       When she finally noticed him looking at her, he couldn’t help but think that she was très mignonne
·       In fact, he could arguably say that she was more like baby fox than a full grown one
·       It was obvious that he was lost in thought as he got caught off guard when she shoved him and ran away but this time, not bothering to transform back into her animal form
·       Blinking a couple times, he blushed before his lips curled up after realizing that he, Rook Hunt, the hunter of love, is in love
·       It leads to the current situation, where he’s chasing after her again like usual. Only this time, he’s trying to get her to accept his feelings for her by carrying a bouquet of roses while running after her
·       “ Mon cheri! Attend-s’il vous plaît !!” He yells, only for her to yell back that he stop chasing her
·       It’s obvious that she was getting frustrated as he doesn’t stop, but instead, continues chasing her
·       Though he does wishes for her to accept his feelings despite getting rejected, but would’ve respected her answer had it not for the flash of fear and hurt that he saw in her eyes
·       The broken look she gave him, though only lasting for a second, made him worried and gave him warning bells. Especially, after being around her for so long, he knew something bad would happen if he were to let her run away like usual
·       It doesn’t make him feel any better, never thinking she would’ve experienced something so painful to the point of making such expression….
·       He could still feel his heart break when remember it
·       When she suddenly stops and turns towards him, he slows down and tries to walk towards her with the bouquet but ends up freezing from where he’s standing when she threatens to burn the forest if he takes on more step
·       His body feels it was poured with a bucket of ice-cold water as she growls how she hated men, especially those that were like them, going on how it was men like him that ends up just using women as they please and for their own ulterior goals
·       Feeling wronged, Rook tries to say something to her, how his feelings for her were genuine and honest
·       But, he ends up getting snapped at as she calls him a liar
·       Rook ends up going quiet, watching and listening to her past in between the insults she throws at him
·       And while doing so, he can’t help but for once, get angry
·       He rarely gets angry, as he was a hunter and hunting require patience in order to catch the best prey. Yet, he could feel the grip on the bouquet tighten while his free hand twitches no thanks to the feeling of wanting to hunt….something
·       C’est pathétique for man to abuse the love, the most beautiful thing in the whole entire world. And as a hunter of love, he is very. Offended.
·       The anger soon turns into a simmer of fury as his eyes are looking at the crystal tears rolling down her cheeks while she, now sobs, about the amount of hurt and betrayal she faced from her previous lover
·       The minute she mentions how she was a youkai, it makes Rook freeze and accidentally ask what she meant by that out loud
·       To him, who thinks laughter is also another form of beauty, he didn’t think her broken, heart-wrenching laughs are beautiful. Especially when she clarifies that she wasn’t a beast-person like he assumed but a Japanese fox-demon and ends up asking that, after finding out what she was now, is he going to hunt her too like her ex-lover
·       All patience Rook had disappeared in one go as he lets go of the bouquet, grab her hands and proclaims how he would never do that to her
·       Keeping a tight grip on her, preventing her from escaping and ignoring the threats she throws at him, Rook looks at her right in the eyes
·       His clear forest green eyes glows from the flames of anger, sadness, and the desire to heal her as he tells her that despite being a hunter, he’s a hunter of love not a hunter of killing people
·       He does his best to tell her how much he loves her, telling her how he actually fell in love with her since they day he met – loving her fox appearance very much only to fall deeper for her when she showed his humanoid side to her
·       He subconsciously shows desperation of trying to show his honesty and sincerity to hear as he continues to reveal how he much he adores her, that all his praises for her were all from his heart not from lip service
·       He never realized that he had gotten on a knee until he tells her how even if she were to reject him, he would’ve devoted himself to protect her even if it meant betraying whomever wished for him to catch her. Because to him, she was a precious and most beautiful existence he had ever seen
·       Rook could feel his heart beating pounding ferociously against his chest as he once, in a long time, felt nervous on what her reaction would be to his confession (first one didn’t count. He refuses to let it count)
·       Soundlessly, he gets up and brushes the tears from her eyes with his thumbs only to end up cradling her head between his hands as he gently tries to get her to stop crying
·       Once she calms down, he warmly smiles at her, asking if she was feeling better
·       His smile grows bigger after seeing her nod slightly, daringly kissing the crown of her head
·       At first, he didn’t catch what she said as she had whispered her answer
·       But, after hearing her reply the second time, he asks for permission before kissing her on the lips with joy and passion he felt for her
·       It only made him feel happier when he feels her kissing him back with her own free will while knowing that she actually felt the same way
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itsjusta · 3 years
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March 1. (Mon)
my damgos were idiooots i had 2!!!! grrrr issa da first one was so sad and scary doe cos there were 3 of us in a room. it was me, mom, and a friend but idk who doeee and naa nisulod nga gunman tas gipusil niya sila duha and si mommy doe kay critical and grabe ang awas sa dugo so ako gihiktan sa cloth pero grabe na ako hilak doeee :(( and gitawagan nako si daddy doe but wala sya nituo iya rako pasagdan huhu and gitawagan tka doeee tas nianhi ka but u didnt help doeee u just left doe :((( i was so hurt doeee issa i felt betrayed cos wa gyd mo nitabang and mommy was dying doe :(( tas atong nakasakay nami sa tricycle going to hospital issa na see pa gyd tka sa dalan and gitawag tka but nag meet up man diay mo saimo uyab wth doeee i just cried a lot doe i was so scared na mamatay si mommy and i was alone HUHU and nakamata ko doeee and naa na gyd tears sako eyes :((( naka cry jd ko in real life huhu dat was so scary and so sakit doe!!!
da 2nd damgo also an idiot doeee cos kaslon na daw ko doe but di gyd ko gusto cos young paman kooo but daghan politicians nangadto doe and daghan gyd people naa pa gani ka hahha idk who’s my groom doeee but before ko nisulod sa church kay nang hangyo ko sko friend nga itakas ko doe so gikuha namo car ni Unabia and we drove away doeee HAHAHHA but then i got konsensya doeee luoy au mga people so ana ko balik nalang mi but i will explain na di gyd ko magpakasal doeee!!!! issa gi chat pa gani tka ato dayon doe i informed u nga mubalik ko aish but when we went back issa ang groom napd nawala doeee hahahah idiooot!!!
dis was a kapoy day doeee nag do ko smol acads lang then nag sleep lang and watch2 kdrama and tv heheheh i also realized na 9 months nata bulag omg?!?! so fast ang panahooon 🥺
March 2 (Tues)
issa an okay daaay langgg doeee issa 8 kapin ko kamata so early doeee aish so i hd iced coffee chour!!! issa nag acads pd ko hehe also nag gmeet mi ni claire for our midterms doeee and issa ordered mcflurry and fries yummy doe hehehe just watched tv with mom lang dayon after doee!! nag play pd ko codm with friends but kadjot lang 3 games laaang hehe and balik lang dayon ko room mom doeee tambay lang ko while watch sya tv heheh
March 3 (Wed)
issa an okay day lang alsooo doeee but dugay au time now!! issa after lunch i wanted to sleep doeee but so igang in my room and naa pajd ga videoke sa silingan and my mind also active aissshhh 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ issa watch nalang ko movie and then nag do midterms with claire doeee hehe
issa amo midterms doeee kay murag mag interview mi about samo personal problems jd doeee shy ko tell kay claire sako problems like sa family doeee and kato self harm aishhh ikaw ra baya nakabalo ato doeee :((( but its okay aishhh for da grades and issa klarye raman pd doeee i can also trust dat idiot heheh i also talked about our break up doe naka cry ko laytch uy!!! hahahah
when mommy arrived issa watch pd ko rv saiya room doeee
also i’m like an idiot doeee gi mute baya tka sa ig but sge ko adto saimo profile to see if naa ka story?!?! and maybe if naa dayon ma hurt dayon ko HAHAHHA issa so tiring to be an idiot 🤦🏻‍♀️
March 4 (Thurs)
i dont like this day doeee heavy ako heart since pag wake up and cry ko a looot and overthink ko a looottt 😔 just an extra hard daaaay today!!!! so hard to pugong the tears doeee 🥺🥺 (wrote dis before u sent pa dat msg doeee omg very emotional day gyd!!!)
issa sayo ko ka sleep gahapon doeee mga 11 hehe but aish 10 pa nag start naman ko sleep doe cos sleepy nako and bored na au ko doeee sleep nalang ko but my mind so activeeee many ko think nga sad tots issa idiot mind making me cry a litol!! hahah issa 11 na nuon ko ka sleep 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ issa wake up pd ko 7 kay naa ko class doeee issa not nice ako sleep uy issa ga damgo2 ko doeee and my latest damgo was classmate ta doe and di ka ga bali2 saako like imo ko gina avoid doeee issa idiooot bahala ka uy!!!! making me not feel good huh!!!! even when i woke up issa not ko feel good bcos of dat hmppp issa heavy ako heart pag wake up today!!!
issa ordered pancake and iced coffee from mcdo doeee palibre ko mo ako gi eat after class then nag do dayon ko isa ka activity heheh issa mga 10 am dayon nag walking mi sa dogs outside doeee kami pretprot and babas but mga 5 mins lang cos init!!!
issa cried pa more in the afternoon doeee issa mag nap unta ko but aisshhh my mind is thinking of a lot of things doeee :((( i feel like a lot will change doe and changes scare me doeee :(( i feel like u dont want to talk na doeee cos idk issa lahi imo vibes nooow murag feel nako gaka pugos rakag reply hahahaha and it makes me cry cos cutting off commu is going to be a big change gyd but again, i know nga if the time comes, i will have to accept man gyd and i know that time will come doeee but even if i know nga muabot doe kay its so sakit gihapon doe and its so scary :((( das why thinking about it doe just makes me cry hahah and aishhh i feel jd doe dat youre tired of talking to me HAHAHHA i even went to mom’s room doe para di nako cry but cry man gyapon ko uyyyy idiot
u know i’ve accepted najd doe nga di gyd ma return ako love and effort saimo but sometimes issa it just hurts so much doeee to not receive it back and days like these i ask for strength jd doe nga makaya nako ang kasakit 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (dis was before pa u told me to cut off doe omg issa strong gut feeling jd)
anddd yun na nga issa nag ask najd diay ka mag cut off and aisshhh it was scary gyd doe and sakit but no choice :(((( it’s for the best gyd sguro doeee cos maybe i’ll get in trouble and maybe mag away pd mo doe ion want u to be sad doeee if u get away :((( u know gyd na i will always kaya everything basta its for ur happiness doe 🥺🥺 i wish u only the best doeee even if kailangan mulayo ko saimoha doeee hehehe thank you for calling me!!!!! don’t miss me too much ok!!! bleh!!
if u feel overwhelmed na gyd with acads u can chat me ok!!!! and if u want to learn to edit vids doeee inshot is a good app heheh
March 5 (Fri)
issa woke up before 9 doeee idk why nga 1 naman unta ko ka sleep 🤦🏻‍♀️ grabe kahubag ako eyes doeeee so idiot huhu issa i saw pd irian’s tiktok when i woke up doeee cos i went man to ur profile issa u look good and happy together doe 🥺🥺 you guys are bagay doeee and i like seeing you laugh in the vids doeee issa makes me happy na inana ka ka happy 🥺🥺 i want u to be happy lang uyyy no no sad!! i pugong na not to cry doeee cos i cried a lot na kaayo gabii and my eyes so big naaaa but writing dis issa makes me cry a litol hahahha issa when i see raba stuff lyk dat dugay kaayooo mawala sako mind doeee unhealthy mind mani but aish im practicing gyd not to think about the stuff i see about u guys 💆🏻‍♀️
anywaaay today is day 1!!! ahhahah char 🥺🥺 im scared doe but idk alsoooo im just really thinking na its needed doe 🥺 im doing this for you gyddd doe cos i want u to have a happier relationship doe issa u know i would sacrifice a lot for ur happiness heheh i will also do this for myself doeee i will try not cry a lot and miss u alooot ok but i think gonna be hard esp the first weeks doeee so dont kasaba me if i cry a lot ok!!! :(((( u know i cry easily hmpppp
alsooo doeee my new tiktok is: displaylangsatiktok.a
u cant follow gyd me diay doeee its ok ako nalang gi public ang vids doeee im shy hahah but para ma see nimo doeee and unfollow nalang pd tkaaaa para not sya maka see sa ako profile okayyy but idk doe im shy man uy maybe ako ra i friends again issa di ka maka see aishhh bleh
i had iced coffee at 9:30 am doeee hehe i divided one medium iced coffee sa mcdo into 3 para mulast sya 3 mornings cos u know i palpitate if i drink a lot of coffee doeee hehhe at lunch time we went to laguidingan doe kami mom and daaad hehe we uban pretprot and babas kay luoy man pretty if sya lang alone 🤦🏻‍♀️ issa chivas doe sge pangaway sa mga dogs outside nya mga big raba jd doe and many pa gyd sila but isog au da smol dog!!!
issa i’m justi doing things that help me pass timeee doeee now issa nag draw2 ko kadjot doeee hahah and watch movie alsooo i just have to get used to this again doeee whenever i get the urge to cry doe i tell myself no no nooo huhu but idk if i can hold dis doee later if mag sleep nako
update: 9:58 and i cannot hold it na doeee cry na gyd ko cos i can see that u really love her doeee and aish sana ol 🥺🥺 u r a great person doe and she’s blessed to have youuu 🥺 and im so sorry if i bother you doeee :(
dis my last weekly update na okaaay i will do an everyday diary naaa so dat u will always be updateeed 🥺 maybe around 9-10pm every night ko post okaaay heheh
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shima-draws · 5 years
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hey... ross comforting alba drabble :3c
[[Send me a fandom/ship/prompt and I’ll write a drabble for it!]]
I wrote this all in one sitting that usually doesn’t happen. The power of Albatross is just too strong for me to resist…
Apparently I’m just screwing myself over with my intended word count so I’m just. Yeah. WELL
Anyway for once I didn’t write a oneshot during Alba’s prison tutoring times, shockingly enough since that’s all I usually write for them lmao;; I took a few liberties with Alba’s research facility esp since Part 5 isn’t super clear about what he even does in there (or maybe I just missed it? Idk lol) BUT YEAH for the sake of this story. He’s still trying to get Elf and Alf back home :’)
THANKS SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING THIS KIO I’VE MISSED WRITING THESE TWO IDIOTS
EDIT: This is up on Archive now too!!
——————————————————– 
“What are you doing here.”
It’s more of a statement than a question, and if Ros didn’t know any better he’d immediately jump into teasing Alba for his haggard appearance—but that ends up being the exact reason he decides not to. The hero has circles under his eyes that say he’s been awake for days. Ros hasn’t seen him like this since he was studying magic in a prison with seals sticking to his forehead.
“I came to check up on you,” he decides on saying, and frowns. “Which apparently was a good idea in hindsight because, frankly, you look like shit.”
Alba at least is coherent enough to roll his eyes. “Wow, thanks. I’m feeling better already.”
And with that he turns around and stalks off, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his fancy looking lab coat. Ros follows him at a trot.
“When’s the last time you ate something, Hero?” He asks, matching Alba stride for stride. They round a corner and Ros tries not to let his gaze linger too long on what’s going on around him—Alba’s research facility is like a maze and he always tends to get lost within it if he’s not careful. (Usually when he shows up, he shouts and calls attention to himself until Alba appears to either kick him out or invite him in with a look of fond annoyance.)
Alba sighs. “Does it matter? I’m eating.”
Ros looks him over and narrows his eyes. Alba looks…skinny. Skinnier than usual. Not his regular slightly muscled self. And pale. Frighteningly pale.
“Not enough, apparently. Do I need to start camping out here and force you to eat on a schedule?” He jokes, hoping for some kind of positive reaction.
The brunette only snorts. “Please. I’m an adult. I can take care of myself.”
“Hero,” Ros says, his tone chiding.
Alba comes to a sudden halt, looking frustrated. Ros keeps his distance by a foot or two, wary.
“Look, just—“ And he scrubs his hand through his hair in frustration. “What do you want? To bother me? I don’t have time to entertain you today, Ros. I’m busy.”
Ros would have immediately punched him for his clipped tone and his blatant attempt at brushing him off if the use of his name didn’t make him pause. Nowadays Alba usually calls him Shion—as a way to show his affection, he supposes, because Ros doesn’t really let anyone else call him that besides Crea. It’s weird hearing Alba use his other name now, so used to hearing “Shion” in a tone full of friendliness. 
Looking over him again, Alba looks exhausted. And also wired, like he’s been only surviving on coffee and whatever mana he has left to keep himself going.
Ros huffs out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. He knows what Alba’s doing, because he’s done it a million times himself. It’s pretty easy to get distracted by your goals and keep striving towards them without pausing to rest. But if Alba keeps going like this, he’s going to crash and burn eventually.
So, Ros leans over and kicks him in the shin. Hard.
Immediately, Alba leaps back, magic flaring around him. “Ow—what the fuck?!”
Huh. Alba has no filter when he’s running on maybe three hours of sleep. Ros decides to file that piece of information away for later.
“Come here,” Ros demands, grabbing his wrist. He drags him down the hall and straight to the lounge—the one place he knows how to get to in the building.
Luckily, the place is empty when they arrive. Ros gently tugs Alba over to the first couch he sees and forces him to sit on it.
Alba opens his mouth, either to protest or to complain, but Ros cuts him off.
“Listen to me. I know what you’re doing. You need to stop,” he states, looking down on the tired hero as he crosses his arms. “Elf and Alf aren’t going to suddenly up and disappear just because you’re taking a nap.”
“I know that!” Alba snaps, and then he visibly deflates, like he feels guilty for doing so. “I know that. I just…”
Ros nudges him over with his foot and then takes a seat next to him, reclining against the cushions.
“I just want to help them,” the brunette admits, softly. “I told them I would. And I feel like we’re so close to a breakthrough, to finding a way to get them home, but…”
“You’re rushing things,” Ros murmurs. He reaches up to gently tussle Alba’s hair, who releases a quiet, startled noise. “You’re cornering yourself, Hero. I know you’re dead set on fulfilling whatever promise you made to those two, but it’s not like you have an exact deadline. I’m pretty sure that if they were supposed to be erased from our timeline, they would’ve been already.”
Alba slumps, finally relaxing beneath his touch. Ros’ hand travels to stroke down his back in soothing circles.
“Getting no sleep and only eating when you need to isn’t healthy,” Ros admonishes. “And trust me, I’ve been there. You think I didn’t do everything in my power to fix what happened to Crea? I didn’t sleep for weeks.”
Alba peers up at him curiously, looking a bit more lively than he did before. “Really—? I mean—wait, no, that’s obvious, of course you didn’t. Your best friend had his body stolen right in front of you, of course you probably had trouble sleeping…”
Ros squeezes his hip and he squeaks, cheeks turning pink. The black-haired boy resists the urge to smile.
“I know you’re a masochist, but this might be taking things too far.”
“I knew you were going to say that,” Alba groans, throwing his head back.
Ros leans against his shoulder and grins like a cat. “You did? Wow. Must be our bond. You can read me so well, Hero.”
“Oh my god, shut up,” Alba whines, but it’s sort of ruined when he starts laughing halfway through his sentence.
Ros runs his hand across the boy’s lower back again and chuckles. They’re sitting close enough now that their knees are almost touching. Ros’ heart floods with warmth, and he smiles.
“Don’t worry about those two. They’ll be fine. If anyone can figure out how to send them back, you can. But you don’t need to make yourself sick doing it.”
Alba nods, slowly, and avoids his gaze. His eyes are fixed firmly on the carpet, and his hands are balled in his lap. He looks almost bashful, and a bit ashamed. Ros’ arm is curled all the way around him now, his hand rubbing circles into Alba’s hip.
“Are you gonna be a good boy now and get some rest? If not I’ll have to knock you out and make you sleep.”
“Please don’t,” is the response he gets.
“Good, because if that didn’t work, I was going to call Rchi,” Ros tells him, smirking when Alba looks at him in horror. Rchi is a menace when she knows her boys are being idiots.
He finally releases him, and Alba lies down on the couch begrudgingly. He’s pouting like a child, but at least he’s finally complying.
“Get some sleep, Hero. Or I’ll be really angry.”
“Fine,” Alba sighs, closing his eyes. “See, I’m doing it now, okay? You happy?”
“Quite, actually.”
There’s a long pause, and Ros almost thinks Alba has already drifted off (which would be impressive, considering his head just hit the pillow), but Alba speaks again.
“Hey, Shion…” He mumbles. Oh. He’s gone back to using “Shion”, then. Ros tries to pretend that he’s not happy about the prospect. “Will you…stay here? Don’t go home while I’m sleeping.”
Ros’ heart skips a beat. He’s glad Alba’s eyes are closed and that he can’t read his expression.
“What, you afraid the monsters under the bed will attack you while you’re dreaming and steal your ribs? That would be a tragedy. Ribman, losing his ribs,” he jokes weakly.
“‘M not Ribman and you know it,” Alba mumbles. “And no, I just…feel safer when you’re near me. Like I can sleep easier…”
Ros covers his burning face with a hand and looks away, swallowing thickly. Jesus. This kid really is trying to kill him, isn’t he?
It takes a long while, but Ros finally answers.
“…Yeah, I’ll stay. I won’t leave your side, Alba.”
All he hears is a soft snore, and when he finally has the courage to look over again, Alba is completely passed out.
Ros exhales heavily and rubs the back of his neck. Guess he should have expected as much.
His eyes dart around the room, making sure that nobody else is around, and then he moves to crouch over Alba’s slumbering form.
“Goodnight, my Hero,” he murmurs, leaning down to gently press his lips to Alba’s forehead.
And if he holds Alba’s hand the whole time as he guards the boy who saved the world, well, that’s his little secret.
——————————————————–
We love a soft Ros who’s still trying to come to terms with his feelings uwu
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clownkiwi · 5 years
Text
so anyways, time for some headcanons for everyone in eosd!!!!!
click below to read them all!!!! feel free to add more if ya like, and if ur gonna make fanart/fanworks w/ my headcanons, pls feel free to credit me!!!!
rumia
-she loves to play w/ everyone!!!!! sucks when she’s constantly surrounded by a darkness vortex :////
cirno
-still a child fighting to be the strongest of all time. commonly has to dodge attacks from that frog in one of the fighting games
-gf is daiyousei
-not entirely dumb???? she’s just not that bright, bc she likes to pick fights w/ anyone new she meets (except for daiyousei)
hong meiling
-her job is actually p sweet, yea, she’s a guard to the scarlet mansion, and yea, she mostly enjoys it!!!! she even enjoys the guests & loves meeting up w/ them, since nobody really goes to the mansion
-her relationship w/ sakuya isn’t as bad as portrayed in many fanworks???? they work p well actually, and sakuya even lets hong swap w/ another random maid, so ya know. hong could actually get rest??? not much, she still has to be on the job constantly, but the naps are nice
patchouli
-fuckin nerd
-has to constantly restock her library w/ new books since marisa always comes barging in and stealing all her books for “magic”
-actually got used to marisa always stealing her shit, its a thing that happens every week, so why not huh???
-one of marisa’s millions of gfs
-is a lil annoyed that flandre is next to her library, so she has koakuma watch over her (ya know, so flandre doesn’t destroy any of patchouli’s books???)
sakuya
-yes, she does get a bit self conscious abt her chest, so yes, she does wear pads. whats the problem with wearing pads, anyways???? nobody really seemed that bothered when she started wearing them in the fighting games, and nobody still gets bothered by them now. in fact, people compliment sakuya’s chest when she’s seen wearing pads, and sakuya actually likes the compliments!!!! yea, she won’t “throws knives!!!! XDD”, but she’ll intimidate ya when you do insult her based on the fact she wears pads
-pre-eosd, she’s definitely against remilia throwing her own younger sister (flandre) down in the basement, so she makes regular visits to the basement when remilia is asleep to play w/ her
-post-eosd, when flandre is let out of the basement, she works extra hard to look after both remilia and flandre. remilia says shes ok on her, and actually lets sakuya look after flandre more
-she’s def really good w/ knives, and likes to play knife related games when she’s in her off time all by herself (w/o the scarlet sisters around, ya know, bc they’re children)
-makes a bunch of trips to the human village, acts more like a mom w/ the scarlet sisters
remilia
-loves to drink tea w/ sakuya and reimu, and esp holds special holidays w/ everyone in the mansion often, since again; nobody really comes to the mansion that much
-she doesn’t actually resent her sister; on the contrary, she actually loves her sister. but she twisted her mind to tell herself that she, herself, is ok w/ hiding her younger sister in the basement bc of her power. still regrets making this terrible decision, and post-eosd, lets her sister out and has her on heavy guard (ya know, so she doesn’t destroy everything w/ her power)
-at night, she does turn into a bat and actually jus flies around bc its a lot of fun. that’s why she tried to have the sun covered in eosd w/ the scarlet mist, just so she could go outside more and jus enjoy her bat form more. but she does actually realize the errors of her ways post-eosd, and only flies around at night in her bat form
flandre
-she’s not “psychotic” or w/e, she’s just a child who doesn’t understand her own powers & loves to play w/ everyone!!!!!
-she definitely enjoys the company she had in the basement, and post-eosd, got very excited to see everyone, but understandably, she’s also a bit overwhelmed, what not since she was hidden in the basement for hundreds of years
-has autism and adhd, so she does have stims, and she stims a lot (that way her powers can actually be hidden away, so she doesn’t destroy as much)
-more on that last hc, she loves it when sakuya buys her new stims!!!! she doesn’t throw away her stims, and actually kept a collection of all of her stims!!!! remilia and sakuya aren’t too bothered by this
-likes to play w/ her crystal wings, but she can’t actually fly/turn into a bat, like her sister remilia (mostly bc i love that fan theory that her wings aren’t actually real, they’re just there for aesthetic, so they don’t function like actual vampire wings; she just got turned into a vampire after her birth, so she wasn’t able to grow her own wings)
-she’s friends w/ everyone in the mansion!!!!
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svechnikoffee · 5 years
Text
take me back to where i belong
take me back to where i belong – nokantrol for @babrielandeskog
words: 6k, last time i checked?
warnings: language & one brief, brief mention of the blackhawks. beyond that, nothing I can think of beyond a gratuitous love letter to whataburger with a side of tyler seguin/jamie benn
notes: a belated happiest of holidays to you, b! thanks for your patience on this wild behemoth of a fic. the holidays are just as good a reason as any to bring together dumb colorado boys and dumb dallas boys, esp over airplanes and biscuits & gravy.
as one of my favorite writers ever, it was an absolute honor to be able to write for you—hope you enjoy!!
title taken loosely from “home” by morgxn, which I only came across after it played in the background of a dylan larkin video haha
It’s dawning on you that you definitely should’ve taken up your mom on her offer of earplugs and a sleep mask as you were hurrying out of the house this morning. It’s been a headache of a day—you’d woken up early to help her cook Thanksgiving lunch, then spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with your cousins and tickling the little ones while their dads sat around the TV watching football.
You’d even managed to slip away into your old bedroom to FaceTime with Tyler and Jamie, and Jamie’s friend Tyson. He seemed nice enough, though clearly unprepared to meet new people given that he was in the middle of shoveling down a DQ Blizzard when Tyler turned the camera to him. You might’ve been preoccupied with stuffing your belongings back into your suitcase, but you were genuinely relieved that Tyler had found someone to hang out with during the brief holiday.
Tyler had straight up begged you to stay in town for Thanksgiving, claiming he needed your company to get through the loneliest holiday for a Canadian in America. You just snorted and patted his head, which had been in your lap like always, shushing him with a finger to his lips.
“You’re so full of shit, you know that Ty?” He waggled his eyebrows in response. Part of you did feel sorry for him, though. He’d spent last Thanksgiving with Rads “going stag”, as they called it, but the older man had worked out a visit from Makar and his parents over the long weekend and looked like he was going to keel over from excitement. Which wasn’t really a stretch from his normal self, but still.
Last you’d heard, Jamie was having a BC friend visit, and even Jackie had booked an Alaskan cruise with her girlfriends after Tyler insisted he’d be fine on his own. Now, you just feel bad for the poor guy. He’d been taking a break from going out—I’m just trying to look out for my liver, (Y/N)—and you knew he’d be a sad sack and spend the night in with the pups.
So you compromised and took the beginning of the week off to spend with your family in Chicago, and promised Tyler you’d be back by Thursday night at the latest. It all worked out perfectly since he and Jamie didn’t have a game again until Saturday…which brings you to this moment right here, sitting in a darkened plane with the hottest guy you’ve ever laid eyes on. And you regularly find yourself around some pretty fucking beautiful people. Klinger still won’t tell you what he uses for his skin.
The worst part about flying from Chicago to Dallas is there are never any direct flights with a legitimate shot of you getting on. You can’t complain, considering the fact that working for an airline means you fly for free, but after a jam-packed day like today, you’d like to put your feet up and skip the layovers.
Luckily, the flight you’d managed to get on flew through Denver without a plane change, which meant you were peacefully out for the count while the second batch of passengers got on. You’d been on so many flights for work within the past few months that falling asleep was just second nature to you now. Plus the luxury of a window seat? Score.
Of course, things don’t always work out like they should, so you were jolted from your nap with a loud snort and slurp before spotting the straight up god sitting at the end of your row. Seriously, you’d taken enough flights to know that meet-cutes just didn’t happen, but here you were now.
The blond man has his reading light on, which is a definite faux pas in your mind, but you pause at the fact that he’s actually reading a physical book. Not just any book at that, but you recognize the dark purple cover and intricate detailing of one of your favorite reads of the year. He must notice you staring, because he just turns the page and smiles before asking, “See something you like?”
You blush and scrub at your cheek before realizing the man hasn’t even lifted his eyes from the page.
“Actually, I do.”
That’s enough for him to raise his head and give you a full look at his face. He has gentle eyes that you can just bet are a blue you could get lost in, given what you can see in this lighting. The man’s beard is cropped clean and short, and you wish you could send a photo of his face to Tyler with a message reading, Real men don’t leave spaces in their mustaches.
“And what might I interest you in?”
“The book you’re reading, it’s one of my favorites,” you admit. You know you’re not the type to play coy and charm the pants off this guy, so you decide to do the best with what you’ve got. If he doesn’t like that, it’s not your problem.
It must be a good open though, because his eyes light up in response.
So it begins, from talking about how good All You Can Ever Know is, and how the author makes the nuance surrounding adoption and racism so poignant and real to their audience. You find out the man’s name is Gabe, and there’s a barely noticeable lilt to his words that he attributes to being from Sweden. Gabe glares at you when you jokingly ask for help setting up the new IKEA bookshelf in your living room, and in turn you offer him the extra cookie you’d saved from your earlier flight.
He tells you his plans got derailed last minute and that he was planning on crashing a friend’s Thanksgiving, because there just isn’t enough time around this holiday to head all the way back to Sweden. After a few hours with him, you’re not sure you want to let him go just yet, so you offer to drive him to his friend’s place since you’d left your car at the airport anyways.
You cringe inside when you realize how creepy that must sound and are a second away from laughing it off when he looks you in the eye gratefully and accepts.
After telling him about your travels, which is something you have in common, Gabe probes deeper and asks about the things that make you you, and something stops you from giving him the canned answer you give everyone else who asks.
“I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Walk into a bookstore and see my name on the shelves, you know?” You sigh wistfully at the dream you’ve had since you were a kid toting around a notebook and pen everywhere you went.
“Imagine that: (Y/N)… what’s your last name?” He quirks an eyebrow at you.
“You’re not getting that out of me—you could be a stalker, for all I know!” You laugh when he rolls his eyes in response. “It’s (Y/L/N),” you finally offer. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Worst comes to worst, he’ll probably just find your LinkedIn and ask to connect or something.
“Wait…(Y/N) (Y/L/N).” His eyebrows scrunch up and you can see some kind of gears turning in his head. You’ve never seen this guy before in your life (you definitely would know if you had), so you wonder how he could suddenly be so familiar with your name. There’s nothing to do but laugh again when his face literally bursts into a sunbeam in recognition, the smile overtaking his eyes. You want to take a photo of it; it’s too much to take in with the naked eye all at once.
“You wrote that article in the inflight magazine, the one about the travel tips to Chicago!” You freeze, your grip running tighter on your phone.
“How do you even know that?” You exclaim, eyeing him suspiciously. “I was asleep for like 10 minutes before you started talking to me!”
“I get bored,” the man explains easily. “And I always check the Hidden Gems features because I travel a lot for work. It didn’t hurt that you wrote about one of my favorite cities.” He winks at you and you know you’re blushing now. Guys don’t really bother to flirt with you, let alone big, beefy ones with big, rugged hands and soft blue eyes.
“Oh, well. That’s quite a compliment, considering I write all of them. Thank you,” you manage to get out. Goodness, why did you have to be so awkward all the time.
“You’re welcome,” he replies earnestly.
“Listen, if you’re not in a hurry to get to your friend’s place…have dinner with me.” Something about Gabe makes you feel bold, like you’re the Sun and it’s up to you to rise and seize the day. You know you shouldn’t trust this stranger you’ve literally just met (your mind supplies that you were the one to offer him a ride in the first place) but the alarm bells aren’t going off in your head just yet, so you figure it’s worth a shot.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I know a place.” Actually, you can’t think of any places that might be worthy of housing Gabe, but you’ll act first, and deal with the repercussions later.
“Sure, let’s do it,” he replies easily, smiling up at you from his perch atop his carry-on.
Of course, you have to keep up the bravado from just moments before, all the while racking through every restaurant you can think of nearby. You’re not sure where Gabe’s headed, and while you’ll most likely stop by Tyler’s before heading back home, you want to stay relatively close by.
“How do you feel about fast food?” You blurt out, your mind immediately jumping to the Whataburger you frequent on your way to work in the mornings.
Gabe smiles wryly at you before nodding. Patting his stomach lightly, to which you vehemently fight against imagining the abs that must live beneath his sweater, he musters out a nonchalant, “I’m sure I can break my diet tonight, just for you.”
You roll your eyes and shove at his arm; you feel like you’ve known Gabe for years as opposed to the few hours you spent with him 35,000 feet above ground. Maybe time doesn’t exist that high up in the air.
“Your parents live in Chicago. You live in Dallas,” Gabe checks off as he shoves a spicy ketchup smothered fry into his mouth. “What’s the deal with that?”
“It’s not that complicated, really. I grew up in Chicago, loved it, got an internship in Dallas during college and loved the work, and I’ve been here since I graduated. I get homesick a lot though, so the flight perks come in handy.” You bite your cheek to keep from getting emotional; any mention of missing your parents still gets you teary.
“Wow,” Gabe breathes. You’re too preoccupied with trying to discreetly blink the tears away before he notices, that you don’t have time to gauge his reaction.
It’s the truth, though. You never thought you’d leave the Midwest, with its ability to shift through all four seasons in a day. But you did, and you can’t feel bothered to apologize for the fact that you’re still not sure where you would call home. What you loved about Dallas the first time around was that it was your space. Everyone you knew in Chicago had practically known you since you’d been in diapers, and you never realized how heavy that burden had been until you left.
You’re just about to say something when Gabe clears his throat to speak.
“(Y/N), I can’t believe you moved over a thousand miles away from home right out of college and have been sticking it out this entire time. You’re really brave.”
“Oh, um. Thank you?” You wipe your nose and sniff before taking a bite of your burger. No one had ever reacted like that before. You’re used to people ribbing you for your flight benefits or joking about how there’s no way you can go back to Chiberia after a few years in the South.
“I get it, though,” Gabe continues. “I moved to Canada when I was in, what do you call it, high school? Then after a few years, I settled down in Denver for work, and that’s where I’ve been ever since.” You quirk an eyebrow, wondering if his parents had been in the service given how he’d had to move all over the world. Now, your move seems small in comparison.
“And you mentioned you were born in Sweden, right? I’ve always wanted to go,” you say wistfully. One day, you’d get your backpacking trip around Europe. One day.
Gabe nods eagerly, and thankfully doesn’t comment on your blatant change of subject. He reminds you of a big golden retriever with how often he smiles and seems to enjoy every moment he’s in. He runs a hand through his hair before diving into what it was like growing up in Stockholm, and how he feels like he’s back home anytime he can smell salty sea air. It’s not all too different from Jamie’s childhood, you realize belatedly. You think they’d get on well.
The two of you continue to trade stories back and forth in the tiny Whataburger down the street from Love Field, and you can’t ignore the want bubbling up from deep within.  
When Gabe inputs the address into Google Maps and holds it up for you to see, you have to blink and bring his phone closer to your face to get a better look.
“Wait. Gabe. Whose house are you going to?” Gabe pauses, looking uneasy for the first time since you met just a few hours ago.
“I told you, he’s like my best friend’s best friend. Jamie.”
“Oh. My. God. Oh my God. Gabe. Gabe.” You burst into peals of laughter and have to hit your steering wheel multiple times over because no fucking way. This cannot be real life, right now.
“(Y/N)?” He still looks hesitant, and you’re sure you know why.
“Gabe,” you wheeze. “Gabe. Oh my god. You’re going to Jamie Benn’s house right now? How do you even know him?”
His eyes narrow for a long moment, assessing your frankly embarrassing stature, and he shifts to take his phone back. You’re aware of how you probably look, like a huge Jamie Benn stalker or something, but this turn of events is just too ridiculous to wrap your mind around, let alone, stop laughing at.
“Do you…know him, too?” He asks warily.
“Gabe,” you repeat. “He’s one of my best friends here in Dallas.”
If real life played out the way it did in cartoons, you know you’d see a series of anvils falling from the sky or something equally ridiculous to depict his surprise. Gabe looks flabbergasted, and at a complete loss for words if his sputtering is any indication.
“No fucking way, (Y/N). You sure you’re not just messing with me right now?” He’s finally able to squeeze out right when you start wheezing again. You nod and wipe at the tears streaming down your cheeks; it’s unbelievable how this guy’s got you crying twice for two astronomically different reasons, all within a span of 30 minutes. Gabe must be just as delirious or amused as you are, because he joins you quickly after.
When your giggles finally subside and you trust yourself to drive, you slot your key into the ignition and get started on the drive over to Preston Hollow. You make this exact drive nearly every day, what with the airport being so close to work, but the drive from the airport to Jamie’s house is one you know all too well, having literally gone straight from various work trips to movie nights at his place numerous times over. Just a few weeks ago, Tyler had been walking Gerry over and you’d nearly run the puppy over when he bounded into the street at the sight of your car.
“So, (Y/N),” Gabe starts when you pull out of the Whataburger parking lot. “How exactly do you know all these Stars players?” You bite back a groan; Tyler always gets a kick out of how much you hate telling this story.
“I told you I interned here during college, right?” Gabe nods, and you just barely keep yourself from slamming on the brakes when he flits his tongue to swipe across his upper lip.
“I fell in love with Dallas, and with my line of work being what it is, it’s all about who you know. So after I moved back to Chicago to finish school, I knew I had to make some connections if I wanted to find a job in another state. There weren’t many networking events here, so I kind of had to improvise. My friends took me to a lot of Stars games when I was interning, and I remembered that Casino Night was coming up…” you trail off as you slowly come to a stop at the next red light.
“So I’m guessing you went and seduced some big, sexy hockey players, huh?” Gabe moves closer to dig his elbow into your arm.
“That’s exactly what happened, how did you know,” you deadpan.
“No, for goodness sake’s, Gabe, I didn’t seduce them. I’ve never followed hockey that closely, so I didn’t recognize their faces. Jamie talked to me for almost 20 minutes about working in the Metroplex before a random PR girl came to take him away.” You laugh at the memory of a bumbling Jamie Benn trying to talk to you about taxes and insurance benefits before Tyler had swooped in and hip checked him before winking at you.
With the help of alcohol and some distance from the cameras, Jamie was all soft excitement and fun innuendos while Tyler had just melted into a literal puppy after the event ended. Jamie had asked for your number after you shared some drinks with him and Tyler that night, and you’d always wondered what would’ve happened if you hadn’t had to fly back home the next morning.
Regardless, you kept in touch with the boys until you got a full-time offer with the company you’d interned for the previous summer. When finally making the move to the Big D, you suddenly had 15 fully-grown hockey players at your service when you pulled in with your giant U-Haul. No way could you have imagined any of that from your failed attempt at networking.
“So…your best friends are hockey players, then,” Gabe trails off. You’re not sure where he’s going, but you just nod.
“Yeah, I go to their games and I can finally tell them apart on the ice, but I’m more of a baseball girl myself.” It’s true, you’d grown up in Cubs territory and their World Series win ranked in your list of favorite moments from your entire life.
“Do you know any other hockey players?”
“Mmm, I don’t think so. I guess I know who Sidney Crosby is? But that’s only because Tyler’s obsessed with him.” Gabe laughs brightly and you hear an of course he is under his breath.
“Wait…do you know Tyler, too?”
“Um, yeah (Y/N). I kind of have to, considering I play hockey, too.” This time you really slam on the brakes, which is just fine because no one’s on the road, anyways. You’ve only got another mile or so until you make it to Jamie’s place, and you’d like some time to wrap your head around the fact that this dream of man regularly plays against your best friends.
“You’re a hockey player from Sweden…who plays in Colorado,” you utter our slowly. “You’re somehow friends with Tyson, who’s friends with Jamie, which probably means that Tyson’s a hockey player too, right?” Everything is wild and nothing makes sense.
Gabe at least has the courtesy of looking sheepish. He scratches at his neck and shrugs.
“Yeah, Tyson’s one of my best friends in Denver. You can’t tell him that, though, or else he’ll get a big head.”
“Okay, just give me a second to wrap my head around this. Also, get out your phone because we need to record their reactions when we walk in together. Good thing I have a key,” you whisper conspiratorially.
“I think I kind of like bossy (Y/N).”
You know Jamie’s already expecting you, especially since Tyler had texted he was still hanging out with the guys. Gabe’s already got the video rolling on his phone when you slide the key into the lock. You call out a hello as you slip off your shoes and gesture for Gabe to follow when you hear an “in the kitchen!”
Marshall and Cash come bounding up to you while Gerry takes a moment to survey the new guest. Gabe gives him a generous amount of pats, which has Gabe on his knees scratching the puppy’s belly in no time.
“And that’s why we gave a key to (Y/N) in the first place—she somehow always brings us free Whataburger.” You roll your eyes at Jamie’s bravado, he’s clearly raised his voice so you could hear him.
“Holy shit! Landesnerd!”
You turn and mouth Landesnerd? to Gabe in question, to which he shrugs and probably just zooms in on your face with the camera.
Tyson runs over to see Gabe, bypassing you completely. Jamie’s slower to stroll out and he raises an eyebrow at you before pulling you in for a squeeze. He smells like cedar and soap like always, and it’s so familiar to you now that it almost hurts. Tyler comes steamrolling out of the kitchen yelling your name and throws himself into your arms when Jamie finally lets go. This one’s all Aveda shampoo and Armani cologne, and you playfully bite at his shoulder, which has him yelping and jumping away as always. It’s only been a few days, but you’ve missed your boys something fierce.
Plus, it’s only a matter of time before they realize who you walked in with.
“Hold up, hold up, hold up.” Tyson finally pauses, literally scratching his head at the sight of you. “Do you guys know each other? Gabriel, how did you even get into this house?”
Gabe’s still getting everything on video, and you’re so glad it’s all getting caught on tape. Tyler tilts his head side-to-side, glancing between you and Gabe before finally turning and elbowing Jamie in the ribs. He makes a few contemplative noises before finally whispering to Jamie, who’s eyes shine with mirth when he lands his gaze on you, of all people.
“Hey, Landy, what’s up man? How do you know our girl (Y/N), here?” Tyler continues smoothly, pulling Gabe in for one of those complicated handshake turned bro taps. Jamie does the same, but you can tell from the way Gabe shoves at his chest that Jamie’s chosen to chirp him. Of course.
Tyler just waggles his eyebrows at you suggestively when Gabe finally responds, ruffling Tyson’s hair at the same time. 
“It’s just gotta be fate, right? We were on the same flight over, we had Whataburger together, and here we are now.”
“You watch yourself, Landeskog, throwing around words like fate and together. Our (Y/N)’s too good for Colorado scum like you!” You lunge to tackle Tyler to the ground, which just begins an all-out brawl once Marshall and Cash get word of the fun. 
Jamie just sighs all too knowingly, and stops in the kitchen to grab the bags of chips he only saves for special occasions. Something tells you it might be a Goon night after all.
When Jamie officially deems it too late for you to go home, he sends you to the guest room on the second floor to spend the night, just as you have numerous times before. You’re thankful he’s pulling the trigger and has a shit ton of extra rooms for everyone to stay in, one of which already has a new toothbrush and one of Jamie’s spare hoodies.
When you wake up the next morning, it’s to the smell of hazelnut which has you out of bed and downstairs almost immediately. Tyson doesn’t even look half awake yet, but Jamie slides over a mug of black coffee to you wordlessly. The shower’s going down the hall, which tells you exactly where Gabe is.
“Can we do breakfast,” you whine at Jamie. He’s become the big brother you’d never had, and you know he dotes on you as a result of being a lifelong youngest child. Jamie just grunts in response as Tyson flops his hands over his ears with a long, pronounced groan.
“Let’s do Norma’s, I want biscuits,” you continue. Jamie nods and pulls out his phone, presumably to check in with Tyler. 
“It’s good, I promise,” you reassure Tyson. You pat his head of curls gently and get another sad moan in return. Poor guy, sleeping in must definitely be a BC thing.
You and Gabe are the first ones to arrive at Norma’s an hour later, Tyson texting that he and Jamie would pick Tyler up on their way over. You knew if you were to confront either of your friends about what they were trying to do, the big dumb cow eyes would come out to play, and you really didn’t have time for that right now. You just want to enjoy the time you have with Gabe before he leaves, and be able to keep moving forward without even more unrequited feelings weighing you down. Fuck, you don’t even know if it’s been long enough to characterize these feelings as feelings.
As Gabe steps into the bustling diner, you can see the exact moment everything begins to process in that big, blond brain of his. He opens his mouth, then shuts, just smiling down to himself. He stands off to the side while you give your name to the hostess, and make your way over to join him against the wall.
It smells like heaven, if the celestial beings cried tears of grease, and the diner itself is packed with people of all ages. There’s a booth just next to the bar that’s opened up, and you can’t suppress the giggle that erupts when you imagine yourself and four massive hockey players squeezed into it. Gabe calls your name quietly, and you look up to see mirth dancing in his blue, blue eyes.
Completely unaware of the image burned in your brain, he asks, “What’s with all the Texas flags everywhere?”
You have to chuckle at that. Norma’s is known for straight-up Southern comfort food, and their infamous booths decked out in full Texan attire. It was the first thing you’d noticed your first visit, after the giant pies up front that were easily the size of your entire torso. You still remember trying to take sneaky photos to send to your parents all those years ago. Now, they all knew you by name.
“G, it’s Texas,” you reply simply. There really is no other way to put it. “Sweet tea, Whataburger, and good ol’ American football—that’s the Texas way,” you drawl exaggeratedly.
It’s only a couple minutes before the rest of the boys make it to brunch, and if y’all didn’t stick out before, you definitely do now. Tyson’s the closest to you in height, but there’s no denying he’s just as capable as the others in easily benching your weight.
While the people in Texas can be a little softer in the middle, they’re that much kinder in spirit. The city boy in Tyler has slowly been weathered away over the years, and you can’t even pinpoint the Canadian in Jamie anymore. Which is why Gabe with his perfect face and eyes and hair and everything sticks out like a sore thumb in this establishment. It’s like trying to stuff the Sun into a one story home, and telling yourself you still need a lamp.
Tyler kicks at your foot lightly, and it snaps you out of your reverie. The hostess is already leading Jamie, Tyson, and Gabe to a larger booth in the back, so you and Tyler pull up the rear. He offers you his arm, just like always, and he leads you to your seat with a flourish. Jamie’s already saved a spot for Tyler right next to him, patting the cushion with his paw-like hand, which leaves you with the seat next to…Gabe. Of course.
Jamie’s smirking at you when you look up, so you pointedly gesture to the arm he has stretched out behind Tyler to get him to stop. His smirk turns into a shy grin then, and he just shrugs good-naturedly before turning back to his menu. You already know what you’re getting—a Number 7 with extra gravy, as always—so you turn your attention back to Gabe, who’s bouncing between studying the laminated menu and looking around the diner to see what everyone else is eating.
“The biscuits here are the best things I’ve ever tasted,” you offer. Gabe’s brow is still furrowed, eyes flicking back and forth between the menu choices.
“Okay, but can it beat Denver Biscuit Company?” Tyson all but yells from Gabe’s other side. Some other customers nearby turn their heads in interest, and the curly-haired guy is straight up lucky there’s no one with a fishing vest on in your vicinity right now. Don’t mess with Texas is right.
“Oh my god, Four, we can’t take you anywhere,” Gabe hisses, reaching under the table to pinch at Tyson’s thigh.
“Gabe! What the fuck! It’s a free country, Landesnerd!” Tyler’s straight up giggling now as he leans even further into Jamie’s side, and you’re always a sucker for his giggles.
“This has to be a Colorado thing, why are you guys like this?”
“Oh yeah, Benny? Wanna tell Tyler and (Y/N) about the shit we got up to in Kelowna? Don’t kid yourself, bud, you’re not that great.” Tyler’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline and he mouths over a what to you before turning back to Jamie, who’s huge eyes are looking extra cow-like with a side of feigned innocence.
This time, it’s Gabe’s turn to laugh and turn the conversation to shenanigans he and Klinger got into when playing at Worlds together. You don’t know for what, but you feel like you’ve been rewarded with something when he turns to give you a private smile after ordering an extra side of biscuits.
“For us to share away from the hooligans,” he whispers.
Jamie and Tyler had a quick practice over in Frisco after breakfast, so you’d brought Gabe and Tyson back to your place to hang out before meeting the guys again later. Tyson had holed up in your den to call his girlfriend Emma, and last you had checked he had fallen asleep on your futon. You hadn’t expected anything less. Now, you and Gabe are left watching Love Actually in your living room while sipping on some leftover apple cider you’d reheated on the stove.
“Hey Gabe?” It comes out as barely a whisper, but his eyes flick to yours as he murmurs in response. He taps your ankle with his toes, stupid fuzzy socks nudging against your bare skin. You wish you had the liberty of reaching over and tucking your hand into his, pulling him to wrap his strong, wiry arms around your frame. He looks like a scene on your couch, with your favorite throw strewn across his frame.
“Yeah, (Y/N)?”
“What happens now?” You’re scared to even utter the words, afraid he’ll just brush it all off. Luckily, he seems to have given this a lot more thought than you have.
“Well, I know I really like you, and I think you like me,” he replies easily. “We can be really good together, and I want to give it a shot—give us a shot.”
This is crazy. You’d met him only 24 hours ago, and here he was talking about a long distance relationship. Friends of yours had done this in the past, but you never imagined a whirlwind meet-cute like this for yourself. It was ridiculous to even wrap your head around—this legitimately only happened in rom-coms.
“You sound crazy right now, Gabe.”
“Here’s the thing, though. I’m all in. I don’t mean to sound cocky or presumptuous here, but I have the means to fly us both back and forth even if you didn’t get free flights. I don’t know how we got here over the past day, but I do know that I trust you and I’m willing to try. Are you?”
“Pinch me.”
“What?” Gabe barks out a surprised laugh.
“Pinch me, Gabriel. Prove to me that I’m not dreaming.” And because it’s Gabe, he does.
“Ow! Okay, I get it, I’m not dreaming. You didn’t have to pinch me so hard with your dumb big hockey player fingers!”
“(Y/N), come on. Seriously?”
“I have thin skin! Also…if you’re that committed to this, I can be too. I really like you, too. Also, mess with my heart, young Gabriel, and I’ll send the dogs after you.” You point a finger at his amused face and realize that yeah, maybe it’d be nice to allow good things to happen to you.
“Don’t worry, I can take Tyler in a fight. Jamie…maybe not. But you can’t tell him that.” You don’t get the chance to respond as he pulls you in for the first kiss of the rest of your life.
One Year Later – Chicago, IL
“I love Chicago—ever since a buddy of mine forced me to explore with him a few years ago, I fell in love with the architecture.” You expect the tips of his ears to go pink sheepishly or something equally indicative of embarrassment, but he sounds bold, confident. It’s always a turn-on when guys are unapologetic about their passions, but you never would’ve expected his to be architecture—even then, that of your hometown.
It makes you love him that much more.
“It’s the clean lines of all the modern buildings,” he continues, “and the way it contrasts with everything around it. Look at the Wrigley building or the Tribune building and compare it to the Sears Tower.” He sighs contentedly as he peers out the window of the train car, skyline still just about the size of your thumb from this distance.
“You really know your stuff, eh, Blondie?” Gabe’s head whips around at that, and you bite your lip to keep from snorting right then and there.
“Blondie, huh?”
“It figures, though,” you continue. “Big head must mean a big brain for all that random shit you know.” If anything, spending time with Gabe and the boys in Denver has only provided you with more material to help keep the big Swede in check. It must show, since all you hear is a muffled, “Fuckin’ Four” in response.
It feels good to hop off the Orange Line and feel the cold air on your face. Having spent the last few winters in Dallas, it’s disorienting to feel the pins and needles pricking your face again. Gabe slots his fingers through yours and smiles toothlessly as he presses a chaste kiss to the back of your gloved hand. This city might not be home for you anymore, but this smart, kind, hilarious, ridiculous human being next to you has proven himself more than worthy of that title.
“Oh come on, you sap. You said we had dinner reservations!” Gabe had, indeed, told you in explicit detail what he looked forward to doing to you that night, and it encompassed a lot more than just dinner plans. You’re glad it’s so chilly outside, because you can blame your cheeks flaming pink on the weather.
The two of you walk for a bit in comfortable silence, and the familiar streets make way for a slew of old memories. You remember running from campus to the old train station with your college roommate so you could catch the last train to Schaumburg, sitting in front of the Bean with a box of macarons crying over your ex-boyfriend, and even the time you’d somehow ventured into the shady part of town late at night and had called your dad in a panic.
They’re all fond memories, of course, crucial parts of the saga you call your life. But when Gabe tightens his grip and smiles down at you with so much warmth in his eyes, you can’t imagine ever looking back at this city without thinking of him and all that he adds to every moment of your life. You have all the tools and willpower to make your life yours—just like he pointed out that first night, you moved to Dallas on your own and made an entirely new life for yourself. But he adds so much color and meaning you’d never even considered before, that he makes everything more. If you were functioning on a solid 7, he’s the one that dials everything up to a 12.
And you’re struck with this huge revelation as you’re walking down Wacker in the freezing cold that you want this, want him, forever. It doesn’t make any sense, but your heart starts pounding in your ears, and you never really were very good at keeping a poker face, because all you want to do is tell him all of it now now now.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, babe.” Gabe chuckles and runs a thumb across your cheek. “But I have a feeling that’s not all you want to say.”
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
His eyes widen almost comically, and if you weren’t so nervous about what you’d just said, you might be making fun of him for it.
“Seriously, (Y/N)? You couldn’t wait just three more hours?” His voice is suspiciously watery, and he sounds like you’d just sucker punched him in the solar plexus.
“Wait. What?”
Gabe shakes his head fondly. “Look up,” he whispers.
Too caught in your thoughts earlier, you hadn’t realized where he’d brought you. The sun’s just setting and the sky’s an inky violet lit up by the various buildings comprising your favorite skyline. You look up and gasp at what beholds you because, goddamn.
The first time Gabe had come to Chicago with you, he’d brought you to this exact building on his impromptu architecture tour of the city. Gabe had told you how it was urban legend that the architect of this building had scrapped all his original designs after the death of his fiancée, and designed the building to take after her engagement ring when looked at from the sky.
“No. No fucking way. Gabe.”
There’s no response, so you turn to grab his arm but he’s no longer where you left him. Panic comes over you for a brief second, but it all melts away when you turn to find him kneeling on the ground next to you. He has a huge smile painted on his face, and it almost distracts you from the little jewelry box engulfed by his huge hands.
“(Y/N), I should’ve known that you’d ruin the surprise somehow, but I guess it’s okay because it just brings you one step closer to being my wife. When we came here the first time and I told you that story of the architect, that was me promising you that one day you’d be back with an engagement ring of your own.  
“You complete me in a way I never could’ve imagined—you’re it for me, you complement me in every way. You inspire me every day because I see how hard you work for every single thing, and I’m so damn lucky to have found someone that brings that kind of resilience into our relationship. I love you to the end of this earth, and there’s no one else I would rather choose to build my life with.
“Man, it’s really fucking cold down here, (Y/N). Marry me?” The tears have been spilling down your cheeks for quite some time now, so it should come as no surprise to Gabe when you nod and throw yourself into his arms.
“Of course, Gabe, of course. I love you so much.” Gabe presses a loud, wet kiss to your temple in response and laughs heartily when you groan.
“Thank you for choosing me,” he whispers before untangling your limbs and taking your left hand in his. Pulling off your glove and holding it between his teeth, as he does, he slips the ring onto your finger, and you know you’re crying again at just how perfect everything feels. So you pull your new fiancé close and press your lips against his, while Gabe sweeps his tongue in little kitten licks against your lower lip in an effort to deepen the kiss. It only serves to make you laugh though, pure joy coursing through your veins.
“I can’t wait to be your wife,” you say when you finally pull back.
“Don’t you mean, you can’t wait to be Mrs. Babriel Landeskog?” You shove at his shoulder as he smiles unapologetically, taking the opportunity to nuzzle his face into your neck.
Your ring finger suddenly weighs more than it ever has, your favorite human has his arms wrapped tightly around you, and you can hear faint remnants of the carolers singing just a few blocks away at the Christkindlmarket. But what really gets you is the promise of the future as you feel Gabe smile against your skin. A crucial part of what makes a home is having him by your side, and luckily, that’s where he’ll be for the rest of your lives.
103 notes · View notes
sarahsjohnb · 5 years
Note
shipping meme for miguel and lola
gives nose/forehead kisses: miguel. he’s naturally pretty physically affectionate, esp in high school when he was pumped up on hormones and stupdily in love with lola. now that he’s out, it’s probably the only form of intimacy that he feels super comfortable with.
gets jealous the most: mmm, feel like it’s pretty evenly matched again. miguel’s always hyper aware of how dumb other men can be when it comes to lola; while she’s also insanely aware of how attractive her man is. i think they both get jealous badly, but when they were younger, they always talked it out and had a healthy response. now, they just bottle it up and don’t acknowledge it at all.
takes care of on sick days: both. miguel is probably stubborn about it, and bemoans that he has shit to do, but he’s powerless when it comes to lola and not helping her out when she needs it. in contrast, i see her as fierce mama bear type, who threatens to tie miguel to the bed if he doesn’t take his nap when he’s got the flu.
drags the other person out into the water on beach day: lola drags miguel. he didn’t learn to swim till much, much later in life so he’s not the most comfortable in the water --- she certainly has to drag him in.
brings the other lunch at work: miguel. without a doubt. he’s not good with his emotions, but he shows he cares through remembering things --- bringing lola lunch, reminding her about appointments, offering to take care of sebastian if she seems overwhelmed. 
tries to start role-playing in bed: nah. neither. they’re good. miguel’s the kind of guy who prefers to be himself in bed, and his partner to be focused on him, and not anyone else.
embarrassingly drunk dancer: oh god. miguel likes to claim he isn’t, but he so is. there’s a dozen videos lola has of him in high school being a dumb drunk dancer. without a doubt.
firmly believes in couples costumes: in high school, lola had to convince miguel to be interested more than anything. now, i don’t think either has the taste for it. too much has changed, and they aren’t the kids they once were.
breaks the expensive gift rule during christmas: neither. they’re both tight on cash at the best of times, and would rather spend the money on sebastian than each other.
makes the other eat breakfast: miguel makes lola. he’s always worried she’s not taking care of herself enough, so he’ll leave a danish on the kitchen counter; or pre-make some breakfasts for her to leave in her fridge.
remembers anniversaries: miguel. he’s spent a long, long time thinking about lola and all the times they had --- the dates are burned into his memory, honestly. he’ll bring them up casually with her and act like it isn’t a big deal; but it so is.
brings up having kids first: HA. HA HA HA HA. well, they had a kid and lola didn’t tell him, not that... she can be blamed for that, in all honesty. but i think in high school, miguel was always the first to talk about the future, their family and having kids. he’s wanted it with lola for a long time, but so much has happened that... that now that he has that with her, well. he’s not prepared for it. at all.
kills the bugs: miguel. after his life, bugs are like, nothing to him.
first to define them as a couple: oooof. in high school, lola was probably the first; and miguel was so gone for her that he didn’t even bother to disagree or anything of the sort. nowadays, it’s probably miguel. he’ll sit her down and point blank ask what’s going on --- and make his case that he wants them to be a couple and a family for sebastian.
who hides their guilty pleasures longer: mmm, miguel, probably. in high school, he certainly hid some shit from her for as long as he could in order to protect his ‘cool guy’ rep.
snorts while laughing: lola. miguel gets this big dumb grin on his face everytime she does.
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biff-adventurer · 2 years
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last night, i was tanking for a dear friend and they invited along a healer with whom i wasn't acquainted. i thought, hey, it's a chance to make a new friend! you can never have enough friends, right?
oof, this guy stomped all over my feefees. asked me if i was geared correctly (i was lv 90 for BABIL), gave me bad vibes for calling me "meteor" right off the bat (forgivable, it bothers me but like a sane person, i just let them know i chose to name my derplander 'biff'), and then, after a big pull, they ask me if i'm using clemency... this man, a scholar! like, of course i am, that's part of the gameplay now!
and a lot of people know - when someone asks "are you using clemency?" if the answer is yes, you're either told 1) "you are a weak tank" 2) "don't use it, you should trust me"
for me, i got nervous and a fog came over my brain, i get that as a trauma response, and so the only honest answer at the time i could give was "maybe? i don't remember", after which they dropped it
b/c i really care about my friends, i tried to just suck it up. usually i'm quiet when i tank anyway, so i just stopped talking and did my job the rest of the dungeon as best as i could. nobody died, no disasters occurred. i did have to use clemency at the end b/c the sch couldn't heal me beyond me just barely surviving
(and again - i'm supposed to? the game gives me stacks? if all my cooldowns are used up and i've got stacks of clemency available, i can just? use them?? esp b/c healers have sort of gotten powered down recently, my wife feels it keenly and let me know too that it's part of the gameplay!)
but after the dungeon is over, my wife advises me to let my friends know that i didn't want to play with the guy. so i'm really gentle about it, and i just let them know that much. things seemed super cool. which i was really relieved about, even though i was rattled from this sort of aggressive, rude person.
so then my friends reach out to my wife (they have her discord, not mine, just b/c we meet each other in game a lot) and she lets them know i was fine, just that the guy was rude, and she had been there the whole time too and saw what he said? she was looking over my shoulder b/c she got up from a nap
everyone was so shocked the guy was rude, apparently. my friend blamed herself for me getting my feelings hurt, when it was really just the guy's attitude and comments, not her! my other friend who was in the party noticed it too and reached out to my wfie, and basically everything is okay and everyone was freaked out by what happened and it wasn't just in my head for once
so it's just nice that despite all this, my friends were genuinely worried about me and we're all on the same page. for a long time, i haven't had people either believe me when something is wrong or worry that my feelings were hurt. this was the first time a group of people saw what happened, knew it was wrong, and validated my feelings.
my wife was like "that's how you know you have good friends" and today i feel a little safer than before
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regulusmasamune · 6 years
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My Education is Less Important Than my Brothers Hurt Feelings.
I’ve never been a morning person.  High school (and half my college classes) has always killed me.  Admittedly, I’m not a nice person before noon.  Anyway, my brother absolutely had to be at school at 7-7:15 for ‘a good parking spot.’ I’d figured out we could leave at 7:30 and still get said parking spot, so would sleep in until 7:25 (I’m fast.) So he’d wake me up at 6:30, Id get ready in five minutes to get him to leave me alone. Then Id go nap on the couch until my internal clock said 7:25 (strangely accurate.) He’s always been able to complain to my parents and gotten whatever he wants. He whined about this to them, and my mom wanted to know why I always acted like this.  After 3 years of dealing with this, my general grumpiness, being close to my period and having no filters (esp before 10pm) I replied ‘I’m tired of being woken up by a fat imp screaming at me.” My brother was pissed off.  So my parents made me walk to school.  Which made me miss my first class. Also note, it was cold that day, I had a stringed instrument with me, and the school is almost 2 miles away-uphill, via a busy street, which is a mostly residential area (looking back on this I realize how dangerous that was for a girl my age.) I cried most of the way there.  Luckily for me, the orchestra assistant teacher was running late to teach 5th graders and was kind enough to give me a ride. (Bless her soul. her kindness has stuck with me to this day.)  Anyway, I missed most of my favorite class.  Would have been the entire first block (I had English after orchestra) if I’d had to walk the rest of the way (though I was tempted to just play hooky.) Parents reasoning: my brother was angry and they thought he was going to hurt me, or crash if they let him drive me to school.  Which is messed the hell up all on its own. Like if you’re that worried about your son killing your daughter...damn i just said that...then maybe your son shouldn’t be around her?  Even more messed up, and throwing out their argument: my parents didn’t offer alternative transport. My dad could have driven me. They could have called my sister.  They could have asked a neighbor, or one of my extended family members who lived in town.  Add to that: “Why can’t you be nicer to your brother; he gets bullied by everyone!” (Looking back, geez I wOnDeR wHy.) It was a punishment.  That could have put me in huge danger-especially if I decided to not go to school that day.  That they justified with ‘your life was in danger from your older. brother.’ They punished me and gave my brother an excuse to react violently (which he has done with no repercussions from my parents several times.) I hung out with a friend of mine after school that day.  We went to a local gaming store, then I went to his band concert. It was freezing out.  My parents didn’t know where I was. I refused to call.  They didn’t bother.  He and I became really close after that.  Even now, when I go back to my parents house for holidays...most of my time is spent with him (platonic, just to clarify.) Its been almost eight years after this happened. It still plays in the back of my mind. It took me this long to figure out this was abuse.  It took me this long to realize how messed up it really was. This long for it to really, really hit me that it was, in fact, a big deal.  That night, I was angry, and hurt...and terrified. I’m still dealing with the ramifications of what I experienced living with my parents. Its been my first summer without having to deal with them. Honestly, its been the best summer of my life.  Its also been the first that I’ve know about the abuse.   One thing my parents never wanted was for me and my brother to stop interacting with each other.  My mom’s family fought.  Half her family didn’t speak to the other half for years.  So they tried to force us to be nice to each other.  Right now I’m wondering...if they were really afraid for my life that day, why do they want to keep my brother near me? Or my older sister? Or my nephew?  I’ve been distancing myself from him since that moment. I’ve gotten yelled at, and shamed for avoiding him.  I’ve felt like it was my job and duty to keep him in my life. To protect him from other people.  To be nice.  Now I know its not...  Its strange to me how I figured out how to deal with bullies by talking back and insulting them better.  Then my brother, a year older, throws a temper tantrum, whines to my parents and is allowed to be violent.  Granted, I’m fairly certain there’s a gendered thing going on there (story for another day.) I don’t regret calling him a ‘fat imp’ anymore.  I learned not to trust my ‘family.’ I learned words have power.
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bunnymems · 6 years
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lapis canon call! looking for everyone/anyone! 
this is a kin post, if that bothers u / doesnt apply to u please move on.
tw; self harm/suicide/canon things
im not looking to start romo relationships again, those are just notes on if they did happen! id prefer not to talk too much about romo relationships with people under 18
index;
The war
Lapis (the gems)
Me
Bismuth
Steven
Jasper
Peridot
Garnet
Amethyst
Pearl
Blue Pearl
The War
my job was to record important information that bd needed to keep track of, and i also was a line of communication between the diamonds. especially during the war, when there wasnt always a way to get a hold of a diamond without finding them directly
thats why i could project images; i was The source of information, and that was one way to get the information across. i could also, say, watch a meeting and then later project parts of the meeting that were important
during the war... there wasnt an official thing that said "dont hurt pearls or other uninvolved gems" because the diamonds themselves didnt listen. but for the most part the rebellion focused on active, problematic gems (rubies, jaspers, diamonds ofc) and for the most part nonfighting gems werent involved 
 this, however, was obviously one sided and Not Fair to those on the side of the rebellionthe rebels didnt,, like, even bismuth didnt think shattering nonfighting gems were fair, but there were situations in which it was,, necessary
I ended up cracked because i got too close to a rebel camp during a battle, then i was put in the mirror like in canon. 
Lapis
Lapis.. Lapises.. Lapi.. Lapi were special gems that were almost like Pearls. We were meant to be messengers, and we recorded almost everything we saw at all times.
Regular Lapi were blue with yellow flecks on them. I was a different Lapis, though, specially meant for blue diamond, and i didn’t have the yellow flecks (they were essentially like, bred out?)
Me
Constantly anxious, had flashbacks + dissociative episodes (most flashbacks were emotional instead of visual, so i would have times where i just started freaking out and didn’t always know why)
preferred ‘it’ pronouns (it wasn’t odd for gems to prefer certain pronouns over others, tho we were all still mostly agender beings. it was usually the ones on earth that liked switching pronouns)
Felt bad about not having the yellow flecks other Lapi had.
was SUPER close with steven and the crystal gems--though i wasn’t close with the CGs for a long time (immediately close to Steven though)
CANON DIVERGENCE STARTS HERE:
I did fuse with Jasper, but it was more because i was scared of her than anything
when we fused, though, our shared anger at the CGs made us fight them. we got our ass kicked, though, and were unfused. jasper got away, but i got poofed. Steven convinced the gems to take me home, and he kept me on a pillow on his bed until i healed.
suicide tw; self harm tw;
at some point i attempted to shatter my own gem. im not sure exactly when it happened, but i it was before garnet apologized to me (see Garnet below) i also know steven was the one to find me and talk me into coming home.
after that i had self harming tendencies that i hid from the others. garnet eventually found out and helped me get better, though.
Bismuth
i was terrified of her when i first saw her again; i was in steven’s room hiding on the other side of his bed when he brought her out
she was.. really nice, though. she immediately assumed i was someone she fought, and wanted to put that behind us. i agreed, but was still skittish
because of this, i was there when her and steven went back to the weapons thing. i ended up following them, and i was there for the whole fight with bismuth. i remember me and steven crying as he bubbled her again, and i carried him on my back until we got home. his feet were burned and we were both exhausted.
we brought her back eventually and i love + miss her a lot (possibly romo)
Steven
The ! Best ! Little ! Buddy !
When i told him i was a Special Lapis (a fact i hated) he and connie bought me this like body lotion with glitter in it? i loved it and wore it a lot.
called me and amethyst his sisters for a while (i think sometimes amethyst was Brother, too, but idr for sure)
At some point he told me i was like a mom to him and i ;-; i love him. our relationship was somewhere between parent/sibling
wore dresses and skirts a lot
sometimes he’d get really sad and we’d just sit in silence for a while. when peridot was around we lived in the barn like canon and he’s come over and just nap or something where it was quiet
he got grounded for helping me and when i found that out it made me spiral Bad all over again. the CGs felt bad about it (esp garnet and pearl) but it still hurt.
Jasper
ended up corrupted. steven saved her eventually. i wasn’t entirely against the idea, but he was okay with not bringing her up around me. we tolerated each other eventually, and may have been friends (over the course of like, several years, not the course of the show timeline)
Peridot
Small, but about the same size as steven. she was super clingy and would hug/cuddle/hold hands/etc a lot with me and amethyst. she would also ride on my back a lot if we were walking or flying somewhere
she had problems walking for some reason? i dont remember why but especially on sand she had a hard time
she was.. hit a lot. idk if she ever told me by who, but the way she acted made it obvious.
may have been romo with me and amethyst
Garnet
she actually apologized to me for the mirror thing. they thought that i was mindless/corrupted or a BD follower, which i kind of understood, but they were also kinda mean to me for a while (plus the whole steven being grounded thing..) so she eventually actually apologized for it
she was super affectionate; hugs, kisses, cuddles, etc. romo and platonic!! her and steven snuggled on the couch a lot, her and pearl would openly kiss sometimes, stuff like that
her and pearl had a falling out, but with all of our help pearl ended up getting a lot better and they made up.
Amethyst
i dont remember a lost specifically about her besides the things that overlap with peridot. i do remember sometimes she would shout or move too quickly and me and peri would both be uncomfortable, but she caught on pretty fast.
Pearl
definitely romo for pearl like, Way after things happened
she dated mystery girl for a while, but it wasnt really good for her. when they broke up her mental health got a lot better.
we had a loooong talk some time after garnet apologized to me. me and pearl previously would fight and bicker and say things we didn’t really mean, and after the talk we got a lot better about it.
Blue Pearl
I vaguely remember being friends with Blue before i was put in the mirror. She was shy and quiet, but also kind of snarky a lot (had to be, to put up with Yellow)
i remember meeting her again on earth, and being really happy about it
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jumindoesisgay · 7 years
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Hy! Could i get rfa+v, saeran reacting to na mc who gives disgustingly sweet nicknames? Like really cringe-worthy ones? Tnx :*
Zen
“Good job, BooBear!”
If you asked Zen what he expected to hear when he saw you after his show, that was probably the last thing he would have said
After a few seconds to process what you said, he responded
“Thanks, buttercup!
Yoosung
“Yoosungie~!”
“I’m in the middle of something.”
He didn’t even bother looking up from his computer
You pouted, “C’mon, I wanna spend time with my cuddlebug!!”
Yoosung’s character suddenly stopped moving and he burried his head in his hands
Jaehee
Jaehee was desperately trying to get all the work Mr. Han assigned to him done, and you kept trying to get her attention so she could take a break
After countless failed attempts, you knew it was time to pull out the big guns
“Hey, Boo Boo Kitty~”
She has never been more affronted in her life
I mean, that was the most adorable thing she has ever heard
But did you have to bring cats into this?
Jumin
He had a tough day at work, and he was finding it hard to de-stress
And what’s even worse, Elizabeth 3rd was napping on her bed, and no matter how upset Jumin was, he couldn’t bring himself to wake her up
So it was up to you
You came up behind him on the couch and rested your chin on his head
“Are you okay, Tootsie Wootsie?”
He lets out a chuckle
You won’t be able to get much of a reaction out of him, but he might start calling you pet names
Most of them related to cats
Seven
With how often he snacks, it’s inevitable that he’s going to leave quite the mess
esp when vandy’s not around
It’s only natural to get annoyed
So when you step on the second half eaten bag of chips of the day, you nearly explode
“How can you eat so many Honey Butter chips?! God! I should start calling you Honey bunny chips!
Seven stares at you for a good ten seconds
Then he bursts out laughing
But now, he refuses to answer to anything other than that
Congratz
V
Y’all are the most disgustingly cheesy couple in the entire world
Not a day goes by without you coming up with a new pet name for each other
Ofc, you have your favorites
Shnookums, being the number one
Everytime you call him that, he just becomes a smiley dork and hugs you for like five minutes
Saeran
Saeran pouts all the time
Like it’s just a thing he does
Hungry? pouty. Tired? pouty. Angry? guess what - he’s pouting
So that led you to the pet name of “Cutie Pou-tootie”
like pou pronounced like pouty u get it
And he absolutely despises it
No, not because he’s a little emo shit and hates emotions and affection of any kind
No, it’s because it makes him blush. Hard.
God help him if you ever pull that shit in public
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jenology-archive · 6 years
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What's wrong love? Why are you feeling down? :(
hey lovely anon, thank you for asking!!♡ it’s a bit personal and/or pretty dark so i’m gonna keep it under the cut. I might delete it later too but I really appreciate you checking in with me!!!!
I’ll save my dream nightmare for last because it’s definitely the most brutal and terrible aspect of my sadness :(( I’m just ultimately realllly discouraged by everything that’s been going on lately. I feel like I’m such a bad friend. I know the strict rules that are being enforced by my parents are partially to blame, so I shouldn’t get too upset over the fact that I can’t hang out and have limited communication methods, but when I CAN put in effort into doing something I just don’t. even if it’s as simple as responding to messages I just don’t do it most of the time and I feel really guilty about it. I should though, and I’m the only person to blame for that because I’m just so lazy and unmotivated and bad :(
I think I’m growing up too. I’m seeing things and thinking of things in different ways, I feel so different from the me I used to be. I’m not the me who used to crave the attention and validation of my parents, which I think about the most, but because of that I don’t even consider my parents and the praise I used to want so badly. I think I even act really coldly and ungrateful towards them no matter how harsh or strict they can be and I feel really bad about that too. I’ve definitely been acting rudely to my poor brother too and sorry just doesn’t really cut it. I’m unsure about what I’m doing with my time and how I’m living my days and I feel like the fact that I can do different things is useless, especially because I just can’t manage my priorities.
when I woke up today I was really sick and I actually threw up a little bit too. lately it feels like my throat is dry and I’m having trouble breathing which kinda sucks. I had to call both my parents (for those of you who don’t know, I don’t think I really mention it, but my father lives on the island and my mother is in the philippines) multiple times to tell them what was going on and what I was going to do. I got to talk to my mother after a long time of not interacting with her and I hate the way I acted. yeah, she kept calling me every time i was falling back asleep because she needed me to measure her cartier bracelets, but that didn’t mean i had to talk to her with such attitude.
and when i fell asleep i had the scariest dream. literally the exact opposite of my dream from yesterday’s nap and a bit of last night’s sleep haha. the florist jeno one!! anyways this one is kinda brutal it’s related to death and drowning and stuff so you might not wanna read :( basically it was implied that i had something going on with jeno (he never showed up in this dream, he was only mentioned??) there was talk about me apparently kissing him and my parents were SUPER enraged by this. I don’t know why because they really wouldn’t be irl. they don’t really care abt hearing what goes on in my life so it was really shocking to me. but im a dumbass and i never assume anything is a dream if it is one! so! they wanted to “remake” me into something better but to do that they had to eliminate the existing me so that basically meant that they had to kill me. but no matter what they did i just wouldn’t die and it was absolutely terrible,,,,,, most of the time they just tried drowning me and i could literally feel like i was losing oxygen even tho i was dreaming. when they tried lighting me on fire i could feel it on my skin. when they tried shooting me i could feel stuff hit me. but i didn’t think it was a dream at all, i couldn’t react but i just hoped they realized they were making a mistake!!! but it just kept happening until i opened my eyes and i came to the realization that i was dreaming!!!! so i rlly bawled my eyes out when i woke up!!!!! i was so scared my parents were going to run into my room to yell at me for yelling but ofc they’re not here lol. it was really sad! 
I’m just really glad the 3rd kit for the dreamies came out today tho!! esp jeno’s i know that’s so biased and mean of me and i feel bad but i’m really really grateful. I cried again earlier like i did when i woke up because of it which sounds really pathetic,,,,,,,, ngkdnkhnkngh
in general i’m just Really Pathetic but I’m also super grateful for all of you!! thanks again anon i’m really really REALLY touched you asked!!!!!! and if anyone else read this I’m also really touched u even bothered!!!! i’m so sorry for bothering you all tho✨💐💓❤️💗💓💕
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Text
still harping on the shrink appointment
i just don’t… get it. when i told my shrink “i’ve accused myself of having no willpower, and i guess that’s probably it, but that doesn’t rly mean anything” she misunderstood this as a situation in which she needed to reassure me that wasn’t the case so she was like. “well it’s not that you don’t have willpower—i think you do have willpower—you just… is deferred gratification a problem for you?” and like?? haha yes? isn’t that what willpower is?—the ability to do things that’ll eventually reward you, even if they sound unpleasant now? but instead of raising this objection i of course just said yes, that is a thing i’m bad at, and explained that i can’t seem to want anything badly enough for long enough to put up w/ shit, because i can’t believe in or understand or visualize the consequences of not pursuing whatever reward. so she was just like “so it sounds like you can’t make yourself do things you find uncomfortable.”
and i said yes but… not really? it was weirdly frustrating idk because. i have had this conversation with myself so many times, and i’m never satisfied by that explanation because? i do things i find uncomfortable constantly? and often without hope of reward but just because i’m too lazy to do or think of a way to do them less unpleasantly. the super simple example that comes to mind is that sometimes i’ll do something standing up, even tho it both hurts/wastes energy and breaks rule of competence, instead of bothering to get a chair. and sometimes in an ill-conceived gesture of self-respect (i.e. when i’m in the mood to deplore and correct all the unfair things i do to myself) i’ll try to convince myself that i do this as a mortification? and i definitely have done it as a mortification, esp. when in “fight” rage and/or on the kind of “good day” healthwise that crumbles the walls a little and makes me despise the rules. but usually it’s just because… well, most people e.g. hang their clothes while standing up. so that’s the way i learned to do it. and the task is not interesting enough for me to want to devote extra mental energy to figuring out how best to do it?—i don’t care enough about closet organization to want to institute improvements, and i know that if i start thinking about closet improvements i’ll get all excited about it and waste a ton of time and spoons rearranging the whole thing. which, before i start doing it, sounds rly stupid and tedious to me, because that’s the common opinion (on cleaning in general).* therefore, BUE mode!
…and maybe there’s also another self-protective element to that?—to doing things in BUE mode even tho i know i make a better tortoise than a hare. like. last year starting around november, when i was miserable physically and also startin to get depressed, i remember i sometimes would take showers earlier in the day than necessary even tho i knew i could theoretically get more done if i put it off. like—there are some heavily spoon-depleting activities, like taking a shower, that i know i can trust myself to finish once i’ve started them no matter how much i don’t want to? since like… i’m not gonna walk out of the shower w/ shampoo still in my hair just because sitting under hot water made me want to throw up; i’m not gonna leave the bathroom naked just because of how exhausting it sounds to put on pants. but once you get out of the shower you have to rely on your executive function to initiate the next task manually, so unless i have very specific plans for what i’m gonna do after the post-shower catnap the answer tends to be “go downstairs and nap some more.” and for a while at the end of last year i started using this as a cheat to procrastinate e.g. on studying for finals? constantly asking myself whether this was me being lazy or prudent. so like—this might be similar, idk. “wasting” spoons early in the day so i don’t use as many overall. but this’s been one hell of a digression, so um
the point was, willpower. “it sounds like you can’t make yourself do things you find uncomfortable.” idk; now that i look at this again i suspect it’s maybe just. one of those inevitable miscommunications that occur between like. the reductive optimism of a person who sees your sufferings from without, and the confused unmotivated pessimism of someone too close to the problem? like. maybe “you can’t do things that make you uncomfortable” is. the zoomed-out version. of what i experience as a positive feedback loop of exhaustion and brain fog with executive dysfunction. but see now that i actually write that i suspect i’m being not so much a grownup as a doormat. it’s just weird i’m not used to not knowing whether or not to take things insultingly i’m... sitting here w/ this consciousness that generally speaking it’s Immature and Unproductive to feel insulted by the way your shrink describes your problems since that usually just means you don’t like looking at your problems, but? usually this knowledge renders me incapable of taking offense? i’m usually good at remembering that if her understanding seems sloppy and reductive that’s because she doesn’t know me as well as i know me, and that i can’t expect her to, and! i know that!!! i just. blugh. i wish i could tell whether i hate what she said because it’s unhelpful/incorrect or just because it makes me sound lazy, and, also, i wish i could decide that i’m right to think she’s wrong about me instead of just adding “get better at doing things that make you uncomfortable” to the endless pile of resolutions, again, even tho i resent it and know i can’t trust myself to use this reproach productively. I’M SO TIRED OF BEING A GROWNUP!!! I DON’T WANT TO BLAME MYSELF FOR LITERALLY EVERYTHING but the only alternative is “*fatalistic shrug* i’m doing my best” and...........that one’s no good either.
*even tho that’s actually not my opinion on it, and i know that? i have enjoyed cleaning on enough occasions to have to concede that i kinda like it. but since 1. it’s bad for me (so, rule of barf + the lifeless factoid that eventually fades to) and 2. the fact that i like it embarrasses me a little, i habitually hide this observation from myself.
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