#end it with showing their no makeup look... fat thighs... etc etc

[sweet-as-an-angel]

Simon "Ghost" Riley NSFW Alphabet

Warnings: 18+, smut, mentions of spanking, mentions of knife play, mentions of somnophilia, mentions of bondage, possessive Ghost, mentions of masturbation, mentions of breeding kink, mentions of being mugged, marking, just general smut

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

This man will NOT rest until you are satisfied, both during and after sex.

You name it - a bath, massage, satin bedsheets and chocolate - it's yours.

He knows how hard it is to take all of him given both his sheer size and how rough he can be, so he knows you deserve nothing less than the best for your service.

He never thought he'd be on the giving end of the whole "Thank you for your service" speech.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: His legs, particularly his thighs. Loves how strong they are and how much you like them, too.

Have been many occasions where you've called him "dummy thick", thus leading to him actually acknowledging how large his thighs are.

Enjoys bending you over his thigh and spanking you. Period.

Yours: Anything he can mark. Which is everything.

Man will find a way to make sure you look like you've been JUMPED by how many hickeys he leaves on your body.

And if it weren't for their placement - on your neck, chest and between your thighs - people would likely assume you had been mugged.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Will cum inside you at any given opportunity.

After fucking you raw for the first time, he can't go back to wearing condoms now.

He will if you ask him, but you both enjoy the feeling when he doesn't.

Will absolutely cover you in his cum btw. And I mean c o v e r - for therapeutic purpuses.

"Therapeutic" meaning he wants to show you who owns you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Takes a pair of your underwear with him when he's called back on duty.

They remind him of your touch, your body. Make him feel a little less closer to you.

Also uses them to jack off; man is busting a fat nut whenever he's holding your underwear in one hand and milking himself with the other.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

In theory, very, but he's had few-to-no chances of getting to exercise his galaxy brain knowledge.

That said, he knows exactly which buttons to press to have you crying under him. And is not ashamed to abuse that power.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

If you're AFAB: Missionary. Loves watching his cock bulge in your stomach as he ploughs into you. Your parted lips and pleading sobs are a source of intoxicating validation for him that he is the only man you'll ever want or need. He's just making sure you know that, too.

If you're AMAB: Doggy style. He threads one hand through your hand and grips it, pulling your head back to whisper obscenities in your ear. He's pushing down on the small of your back with his other hand, making sure you're not getting away from him that easily.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Dead serious.

If y'all fucking, it's either because he's showing you the most vulnerable, exposed corners of his love for you, and humour has no place in the bedroom at a time like this; or he's angry. Either way, the only smile he's cracking is one of sheer love or absolute cruelty.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

When he's away, he doesn't need to keep himself trimmed or presentable since no-one's going to be seeing that part of him.

When he's home, however, he'll get himself into hair and makeup if that's your preference. But there will be times when he forgets or simply can't be bothered, but he'll try his best :-).

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

In the bedroom, nothing else exists aside from you and him.

He'll pour his soul out to you through physical touch rather than words, unless he's feeling particularly sentimental and needs you to hear how much you mean to him, how good you make him feel (both sexually and non-sexually).

Makes intense eye contact with you throughout, half-lidded and eyes glazed with the impenetrable sheen of lust and love.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When he's away, he'll jack off once every 2-3 days, his line of work making it difficult for him to have enough time alone to: 1.) get hard, and 2.) jack off.

When he's home, he rarely does it because he doesn't need to. He has you, and you've never turned him down, nor has he you. But if you've fallen asleep and he's still horny, and you didn't agree to partaking in somnophilia or he doesn't want to wake you, he'll deal with the issue himself.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Oh boy, here we go *cracks knuckles*.

Breeding kink - he wants complete ownership of you, and having part of him literally inside you is the best way he goes about it. That, and he just wants to have a happy family (aww).

Somnophilia (as previously discussed) - just something about you trusting him enough to handle your unconscious body sends him feral.

Size kink - man's massive, you're not. Likes having his ego stroked by seeing his cock bulging inside you. Need there be more said?

Knife kink - again with the trust; it means a lot to him.

Bondage - please see above. This man is a top through and through and he thrives off people being at his mercy.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

At home, in the bedroom, shower, living room - anywhere familiar enough that he feels safe.

Not just for his sake, but for yours, too.

He needs to be somewhere secure so he can protect you.

He knows the layout of the house and so feels most confident there. Means he can relax and take his time with you.

Also means nobody else will have their prying eyes all over you

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Just you.

But if you do something that makes him remember just how special you make him feel (so basically anything), he is down horrendous.

Will not let you go until you've felt the full extent of his love.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Any form of bodily harm.

He's terrified of hurting you.

With knife play, it's different because he can control his strength and knows he's not going to cut you deep enough (if at all) to leave any permanent scars or damage).

And thus will avoid any possible scenario where he could end up breaking that streak.

Also wouldn't have a threesome or a couple swap.

You're his and his alone, and his soul belongs to you.

He wouldn't see anyone else as a threat and more so a mockery, and trust that Ghost does not like his ego being injured.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves receiving and giving.

He's a simple man; he sees an opportunity for head, he takes it.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends on the mood.

He usually enjoys going slow and pressing scorching kisses to your body if you or him want to. But when he's angry or wants to finish, he'll go fast and rough (given that you want it and can stand it).

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Doesn't partake in them.

He likes to take his time with you, even if he's angry-fucking.

He'll draw out the entire experience for as long as you can stay awake to feel it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He's open-minded and will try anything you want to and will perform it to the best of his ability.

Unless it's anything to do with involving someone else.

He will not share you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Too many.

He'll outlast you by a good three rounds given his rigorous military training, patience, and behemoth build.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Doesn't own many, if any, since you've only ever needed each other to be satisfied.

Would be open-minded if you wanted to experiment, though.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

If he's feeling patient, he'll refuse to penetrate you, instead poking and prodding and stroking anywhere but where you need him most.

After that, he'll just edge you for hours until he knows you can't take it anymore.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Can be vocal but will usually grunt or groan.

Isn't a natural moaner like Konig or Alejandro, but that doesn't mean your touch doesn't drive him to the edge of insanity.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You are the light of his life and will not hesitate to stop if he thinks he's hurt you in a way you're not into.

You'll have to reassure him many times before you can continue that yes, you're okay. No, you don't need an ice pack.

He only does it because he has the upmost respect for you and loves you with every fibre the universe has to offer.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

8 inches, very girthy.

Struggles fitting it in sometimes; it burns when he pushes into you if you don't have time to be warmed up, but that doesn't stop the two of you.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

When he's away: he's in dangerous situations more often than not, so he doesn't really get the chance to havea sex drive. However, as mentioned earlier, he'll jack off every 2-3 days, so pretty average.

When he's at home: he can and will go at any time. If you want to spend the whole day in bed, then so be it; Ghost's not one to say no to someone in peril.

Would spend every day with you like that if he could.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends on if you want or need aftercare after the fact.

If you don't, he'll wait until you've fallen asleep and join you.

But if he's giving you aftercare, he'll wait until you're tucked in bed and wait until you fall asleep.

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

Masterlist Masterlist [Continued] Masterpost Modern Warfare AI Masterlist

AO3 Wattpad

NSFW Alphabet Template by @the-coldest-goodbye

#simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #simon riley smut #simon ghost riley smut #ghost x reader #mw2 ghost x reader #cod mw2 ghost #cod ghost x reader #mw2 x reader #mw2 smut #mw2 fanfic #cod mw2 fanfic

[thecurioustale]

I Have a Fanatical Stance on Conventions of Body Appearance in Visual Media

In the timelines where I end up making movie, TV, or video game productions of my work, I have always had a list of several defiant guidelines that I will never compromise on, no matter what—even to the point of not making the movies if it comes to it. (Nor am I kidding about that.) Here's the list:

Body size norms for male and female actors = gone. In particular, I want to dispel the ghoulish reality we live in where female actors' upper arms look skeletal and their shoulders look almost juvenilely narrow; and, on the male side, those equally emaciated male actors who look like they're being tortured just as much as the female ones to eliminate virtually all their body fat, while also being forced to have comically broad shoulders and horrifying, steroidal musculature on their arms and torsos (and sometimes thighs). I really hate to use the word ugly, because that's not fair to the people who naturally look that way or deliberately want to look that way and work to achieve it. But I will say that the norm of imposing this shit as a societal default in our media absolutely is ugly.

Body diversity = the new hotness. I don't just mean I would make all the characters fat. I really do mean "diversity": I would ensure that my casting operation selected for a variety of body sizes and types, both within and on top of any my preexisting descriptions in written form.

Female beauty stereotypes like cosmetic makeup, big boobs, and high heels = begone! Just like it says on the tin. It blows my fucking mind that still to this day our media show female characters in war zones / apocalypse conditions / etc. in full lipstick, eyeliner, lash extensions...it's just ludicrous. Makeup for the camera, which all actors receive to "correct" for the biases of being filmed, I would keep, but the cosmetic makeup as a female default is gone. Only if characters (of any sex!) would actually want to wear cosmetic makeup, and only in situations where it would make sense for them to do so, would they be filmed in it. Same goes for the high heels. As for big chests, there would be some of that on the grounds of body diversity, but it would no longer be the norm, and bra padding for size or shape would not happen (again, unless the characters themselves had in-world personal motives for doing it because they wanted it as a part of their own look; that is night-and-day different from the production forcing it onto the characters as a meta-narrative).

Height diversity = lovely skylines. There's been a long trend favoring tall actors over short ones, and male actors are always cast as or else portrayed to be taller than their female counterparts. This artificial uniformity would be gone in favor of a natural variety of body heights.

Body hair = natural by default. Characters who would actually want to wear their hear differently (for aesthetic reasons more so than to conform to social norms for the sake of avoiding scrutiny) would of course continue to do as they liked, but no longer would this be the default. Waxed chests, sculpted beards, shaved pits...it's all an artifice of social convention. Nothing wrong with it, but neither is it the natural state of our bodies, nor is it inherently superior. We need to normalize body hair in our social conscience again.

Splotches, blotches, freckles, warts, and moles = back in business! This stuff is erased for no good reason. Societies hold onto these stupid norms of erasure out of a misapplied phobia toward the appearance of "sickness," and out of a powerful bias toward conformity.

I feel very strongly about all of this, and especially about the body size stuff. I'm really not kidding or exaggerating when I say that I would not sign any movie, TV, or game contract that did not guarantee all of the above. I do not want to participate in the cultural bigotry of homogenizing human appearance. I do not want to participate in the erasure of marginalized bodies, or the lie that what is popular is also better. For me, the items on this list would be as central to the purpose of my works as the actual contents of the story.

#Body diversity #Visual representation in media #Character appearance

[sinnercerely]

𝕋ɪʟʟ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴅᴏᴇs ᴜs ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ|

To be her’s and only her’s! //  𝒯𝑜𝑔𝒶 + 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇!

♡ Toga only. However, a poly relationship with uraraka is coming! ♡

🥀 reader-type:

o Black (familiar with African-American culture) 

♡ She/Her/They/Them

o Asexual

♡ Feline Quirk 🥀

—————————————————————————-

Headcannon: Himiko and the reader’s relationship dynamic and love between the two troublemakers! ————————————🔪————————————

(fluff!) |Here kitty, kitty, kitty!

🌸 Possessive

🔪 Touch-Starved

🌸 ChAoTiC/IMPULSIVE

🌸 A week hasn’t even passed, yet she is absolutely DEDICATED to you. She makes sure to kiss all your tears away and clean all your wounds. Emotionally and physically.

🍡 When she cleans your cuts and bruises from fights with heroes, that slimy bastard is all over you (her tongue)! She won’t lick you on the intimate parts of your body, she respects you too much to break your boundaries!

🌸 When it comes to comforting you, she loves to make jokes out of dark situations. Nothing is off-limits for her unless you say so. If you want her to be more serious, she will, even if that lasts for at least 3 minutes. She will always be serious about you, so she will show you that. As long as you give her cuddles for her effort! She wouldn’t want for her kitten to be forced to be put back in their place...though, you do look cute with bite marks, cuts, and bruises...

🍡 Won’t let her help you? Fine. Hope you are prepared for feral Toga. She gets nasty with you by, talking over you, attacking you with her love bites in public, ignoring you when you want her attention, killing everyone in the damn place for talking or looking at you, and cutting you with her knife. The cuts usually are on your thighs, stomach, and arms. She would mark your face, but, that area is for her slaps. Though, don’t worry she would kiss all the tears away and makeup if you wear that. Just...let her love you lol.

🌸 If you have a side job, she will stand in the corner of the store and watch you. Her posture tenses up when someone gets near you. God forbid someone tries to hit on you...at least 5 bodies are dumped in the dumpster at the back of the building. She won’t even collect their blood. Only the tastiest and worthy blood enters her. So...I hope you can handle her trying to suck onto you like a CapriSun lol. Even when you are working. Might need to knock her in the head to stop her.

🍡 Now, is you won’t allow her to be in the building you are in, that’s fine. She will follow you either way. Behind a counter? She is outside the door and staring at you with a hoodie that says ‘Thot Destroyer’. Getting some fresh air? Cool, she’ll stand on top of a building and stare down at you. Taking a shower?.........where are your clothes?

🌸 She has a tracklist of being a pervert, so, yeah, she will take your clothes to admire your body as you search for a new set of clothes...which is all under her butt. But, you don’t need to know that :].

🍡 Insecure about your body? Oh hell no! Not on her watch! “WHAT?!- DID SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR BODY KITTEN?!?- OH HELL NO-” If you have slang in your vocabulary, she will take that crap and slander a bitch until all their insecurities are popping out. She will drag that bitch by their roots (anyone can get it) and disfigure their asses. Just to throw their asses outside with no dignity and missing limbs (if that’s what you want honey) or slowly and painfully end them. 

🌸 No one is making you insecure? So, your thoughts are making you insecure? "Well, when are those thoughts gonna show up for these rounds?". She is kidding of course. She would make sure to praise you every day and 24/7. Feel ‘too fat’? She will encourage you to wear tight underwear and kiss all your fat! Suffocate her with your thighs, please! PLEASE. Discolorment on your body? She will spoil you in products that will help ease that insecurity while making sure it does not hurt your gorgeous melanin!

🍡 Now for the educational bit! Japan isn’t free from colorist ideas and racism. So, you need to be honest about your experiences with being black in Japan. She will educate herself on black culture and history, if anyone tries to deny the damage colonists have created, bastards are gonna be laying cold on the floor. She isn’t ignorant to how shitty black people are treated, especially if you are dark-skinned, just know she isn’t gonna be a ‘savior’ for black people. She will be an ally, she will respect your culture, and hit people with true history!

🌸 Now, back on insecurities, creams that 'lighten your skin' is very common in Asia. So, she would not shame you if you did that or is considering doing that, she will however compliment you. Not for brightening your skin, but for being black. She will praise your culture and make sure to buy things that are very prominent in your community. She will encourage you to start embracing that melanin! You do not have to pay for your thickness, big lips, beautiful big eyes, and THAT SHINE. My dude, that glow on dark skin...welp, she is jealous!

🍡 She will definitely do your hair for you! No matter how long it may take, she will make sure your hair is healthy and moisturized! She will order products from amazon for your hair type if you are going natural, like puffballs, afros, braids, and etc. However if you have your hair relaxed or permed, she will buy the best products for your hair, things that strengthen your hair definitely. Wear wigs? Cool! She will try some on with you! Praise you, no matter what others think, you are beautiful/gorgeous/breathtaking with and without the wig.

🌸 Though, she will need to be reminded to not harshly brush your hair, since your ears are big and blends into your hair (and well it hurts as well!). She will be mindful but will mess with your ears, you will need to bite her hands to get her to stop!

🍡 When she is allowed to bathe you, she will fill the bathtub with bubbles and terrorize you! She will scare you by popping out of the water without your acknowledgment, pull your fluffy tail, and tickle you into submission so she can mess with your big ears. So, lock your bathroom door! But, even then, she will wait in a bathroom counter just to bathe with you, soooo, you do not have a choice.

🌸 Anyway, she goes by the rule, “Talk shit, get hit.” Soooo, yeah, lol. She does not play when it comes to you, no matter how different you are to her, she will love you regardless! You two are always ready to fight for each other, so you two are quite the dynamic! Plus, fashionable! Even when blood stains your clothes, beauty cannot be hidden, love.

🍡 Now for some chaos! You two steal from everywhere! Malls, houses, banks, and grocery stores of course! Toga tends to overfill her bra with snacks for you and her (even if you don’t want to eat something, she will ‘gently’ force food down your throat). She likes to get you thicker, even if you are skinny, she will want some type of change in your body, even if it just shows in your face. Also, she will make sure to get supplies for periods as well, if you have those.

🌸 If you two are unfortunate enough to have devils disguised as the uterus, you two will cry, stuff your faces, force a lot of water into your system, and holding heat pads against each other! Even if you don’t have that, she needs you! The girl throws up, cries, and can faint when on her period. So, cuddle her, make her food (something is southern please! She likes southern food from America! Grits, biscuits with gravy, and sausage please!) even cover her in kisses, she will pay you back when the pain stops :)

🍡 When you two are working in the LOV, you two create a lot of fun. Stealing Tomura’s game systems to throw them in the nearby garage bin, cock blocking Dabi, hooking Mr. Compress up with multiple people (even if they are married 👀), and being degenerates in public while cosplaying with Spinner. When Tomura tries to end you two, Toga whips his ass lol. You’ll jump in of course (don’t worry, Tomura won’t actually kill you two, you two are too valuable to the team. Also, he loves his team! He will kill for you two! He loves y’all too much 🥺). Dabi will laugh his ass off while recording the scene, Spinner’s jaw is on the floor, but he is chuckling silently, Mr. Compress breaks it up, but he does watch for a while and poorly hides laughter. So, Tomura now sits in the corner of the bar and complains under his breath, if Toga looks at him, he turns away and tenses up. Toga is a baddie honestly!

🌸 For softer days, you and her whip Tomura’s ass while playing games (he will use cheats to prevent this! Do not say anything though, he is a brat and will dust your controller right there and then). Next, go to the arcade with Spinner, you two always compliment him to ease his insecurities. When someone says something about his appearances, you and Toga plan a homicide. Now, being lazy with Dabi is rare, but fun. You all chat about random stuff, even if he taunts you two, he does still listen and care (he is trying!) about you two. Finally, Mr. Compress is the person who takes you two out for dinner. Toga eats like a pig, but you and Mr. Compress wipe her off and scold her. She has a tendency to swipe both of you two's food, so be careful, and she does bite if you try to take it back!

🍡 You two made a nighttime routine, which will include cuddles, kisses, and a lot of talking. She can not shut up until you fall asleep, she usually talks about the future and how much she loves you. She is considering repurposing her life because she wants you to be able to reach your dreams without her criminal record weighing you down. Even though you have a criminal record as well, she is willing to do anything just for you to go get a high school diploma and go to college. No matter what it takes. She wants you to be happy, successful, and healthy. Hopefully, you two can change together. She would not look bad in a doctor’s coat, and you would not look bad with a diamond ring on your finger...

#toga x reader #toga himiko #himiko x reader #bhna fanfiction #bhna headcanons #toga headcanons

[uncloseted]

Effy’s Style for Different Body Types

Hi everyone! This has been something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and I’m excited that I’m finally getting around to it!  One of the questions I get asked most frequently with regard to Effy’s style is “how do I wear Effy’s style if I’m petite/plus size/hourglass shape/ruler shape/have big hips/have big boobs/etc”.  I’ve always said that I think this style can be adapted to suit everyone, and so in this series I’m going to try and show how to do that.

The system I’m going to use in this series is a modified version of the Kibbe body type system. I like the Kibbe system because it taps into how it’s not just your hips-waist-bust that plays into how you look, but also how tall/short you are, how long your limbs are, what your facial features look like, and everything else that makes you look like you. I also think it’s really great because it highlights how many different types of beauty there are, and doesn’t make one type the “goal” the way other body type systems often do.  The idea is to lean into the things that make you unique instead of trying to hide perceived flaws, which I really love.

I used to spend a lot of time wondering why girls with my same measurements looked so different in clothes from me, and this system helped me understand why that is.  I know the Kibbe system has sort of fallen out of favor on the internet because it’s overly prescriptive and Kibbe uses weird words to describe things, but I’m going to do my best to edit that weirdness out.  I don’t think this is a perfect system by any means, but I do think it’s a good starting place for the point I’m trying to illustrate.

So first things first!  Below the cut is the test to determine which type you are.  I’m borrowing some of the language from this website. It’s best if you do this while looking in a mirror.  Keep a tally of how many of each letter you get.

Overall Bone Structure.

1. How long is your vertical line?

Basically, how tall do you look?  Some people look shorter than they are and some people look taller.

My vertical line is:

A) Long (I look taller than I actually am) B) Moderately long (I look like I’m slightly taller than I actually am, but not by very much) C) Moderate (I look to be my actual height) D) Smallish (I look slightly shorter than my actual height) E) Petite (I look shorter than I actually am)

2. What’s the shape of your shoulders?

Try to have good posture when you answer this question- slouching can change the way your shoulders look.

My shoulders are:

A) Sharp, narrow B) Blunt, broad C) Moderate, even D) Sloped, tapered (can be a bit sharp, but still sloped) E) Sloped, rounded

3. How long do your arms and legs look in comparison to your body?

This question is about proportion.  Even if you’re tall, you can have short arms and legs and if you’re short, you can have long arms and legs compared to your body. If you’re not sure how to check this, just put your arms to the sides of your body, and see how far down your thigh your fingertips end.  Answer C will end at about the halfway length of your thighs, so if you have shorter arms, you’re answer E or D, if you have longer arms, you’re answer A or B. Make sure to relax your arms while doing this, as stretching them out will make them seem longer than they are.

My arms and legs are:

A) Elongated, narrow B) Elongated, broad C) Moderate, even in proportion to my height and torso D) Small, slightly short E) Small, very short in proportion to my height and torso

4. What are the size and shape of your hands and feet in comparison to the rest of your body?

My hands and feet are:

A) Long, narrow B) Large, broad C) Moderate, neither very large nor very small D) Small, narrow, delicate E) Small, slightly wide

Flesh on the Body.

It should be noted that this section isn’t about body fat- it’s about the overall look of your skin and muscles.  Some people will have full cheeks even when underweight, and other people have very prominent cheekbones even at a high weight. “Flesh” is a weird word and I don’t love it, but it’s the most accurate word I can think of to describe what this section is focused on.

5. What’s the overall shape of your body?

This question takes into account both how your torso, waist, and hips look, and also the general look of your arms and legs. We’ll be getting into some specifics soon though, so if you’re confused by this question, try returning to it after doing the next few questions.

The overall shape of my body is:

A) Long, lean B) Broad, tending toward muscular C) Moderate, even D) Shapely, a delicate hourglass E) Very soft, curved, a full hourglass

6. What’s the shape of your bust line, or upper torso?

This question is about the shape of your bust and isn’t asking about cup/band size.

The overall shape of my bust line is:

A) Flat, taut (I never seem to add flesh here, even when overweight) B) Wide, broad (I add a little flesh here when overweight, but not very much) C) Moderate, in even proportion to my waist and hips D) Shapely, curved, more prominent then my waistline (I tend to add flesh here when overweight) E) Very prominent (whether I’m thin or heavy, I’m always busty)

7. What’s the shape of your waistline?

This question is in proportion to the bust and hips.

The overall shape of my waistline is:

A) Elongated, but boyishly tapered (even when overweight) B) Elongated, but broad C) Moderate, slightly defined D) Very small in proportion to my bust and hips E) Softly defined, but tends to be slightly wide

8. What’s the overall shape of your hips?

Again, this question is in proportion to the rest of your body.

The overall shape of my hips is:

A) Tapered, straight, narrow (but I do thicken here when overweight) B) Straight, slightly tapered, and slightly wide (weight collects on the hips) C) Moderate, in even proportion to my bust and waist D) Shapely and rounded, more pronounced then my waistline E) Extremely soft and rounded (whatever my weight is)

9. What best describes the look of your upper arms and thighs?

One good way to test this is to feel your upper arms and thighs. For people with D/E answers about their upper arms and thighs, that area will feel soft even if they’re thin or strong.

The look/feel of my upper arms and thighs is:

A) Long, slender, sinewy B) Elongated, tending towards muscular C) Moderate D) Soft, slightly short E) Very soft, slightly wide and fleshy

Facial Features.

It’s best to do this section without makeup, as makeup changes how your face naturally looks.

10. What’s the shape of your jawline?

My jawline is:

A) Sharp, either very pointed or very square B) Broad, blunt, slightly wide C) Moderate, neither wide, sharp, nor rounded D) Delicate, tapered, or slightly narrow E) Rounded or softly wide

11. What’s the shape of your nose?

In the picture below, it may be a bit difficult to see the difference between the B option and the E option. That’s because the difference is in the bridge of the nose. B noses that broad and wide bridges, E noses have smaller and rounder bridges.

My nose is:

A) Sharp or prominent B) Broad or blunt, on the large side C) Moderate (not very large or small, not very rounded or sharp) D) Delicate, tapered, narrow E) Rounded or softly wide

12. What’s the shape of your cheekbones?

You made need to feel your cheekbones to get an accurate idea of which type is yours.

My cheekbones are:

A) High and prominent B) Wide C) Moderate D) Delicate, narrow, and slightly rounded E) Rounded

13. What’s the shape of your eyes?

My eyes are:

A) Narrow, straight, closely spaced B) Narrow, straight, widely spaced C) Evenly spaced, moderately sized D) Rounded or upturned, slightly close together E) Very round and very large

14. What’s the shape of your lips?

My lips are:

A) Straight, narrow (possibly described as thin lips) B) Straight, strong, broad (but not full) C) Moderate, even (not very straight, but not very full) D) Slightly full and rounded E) Very full and very rounded

15. What best describes the skin/muscle on your cheekbones?

My cheeks are:

A) Flat and taut (and tend to stay tight when overweight) B) Fairly tight or muscular, but I tend to get a bit puffy when I put on weight C) Moderate, slightly soft D) Soft (gets very full with excess weight) E) Very round (stays round even when thin or underweight)

The Results

Romantics:

If you got mostly E answers, you’re a pure romantic. Your bone structure, flesh, and facial features are all soft, small, rounded, and are on the soft side of the spectrum. Examples of this type include Marilyn Monroe, Emilia Clarke, Leighton Meester, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Ricci, Christina Milan, Beyonce, Drew Barrymore, Kate Winslet, and Holliday Grainger.

If you got mostly D answers, you’re a theatrical romantic. Your bone structure, flesh, and facial features aren’t as soft and rounded as a pure romantic’s, but you’re still on the soft side of the spectrum. 

If most of your answers are a E or D, with a few A answers, then you are also a  theatrical romantic. Your bone structure, flesh, and facial features are mostly soft and rounded, but you have a few sharp features, probably in your bone structure or facial features. Examples of this type include Rihanna, Nicole Scherzinger, Ashley Judd, Sarah Gadon, Elizabeth Banks, Christina Aguilera, Jada Pinkett Smith, Kylie Minogue, Sherilyn Fenn, Mila Kunis, Rachel McAdams, Selma Hayek, and Rachel Bilson.

Dramatics:

If you got mostly A answers, you’re a pure dramatic. Your bone structure, flesh, and facial features, are long, lean, and sharp.  Examples of this type include Elizabeth Debicki, Ruby Rose, Taylor Swift, Linda Evangelista, Alessandra Ambrosio, Mila Jovovich, Michelle Dockery, Tilda Swinton, Yasmin Sevell, Cate Blanchett, Fei Fei Sun, Amal Clooney, and Keira Knightley.

If you got mostly A answers, with a few E or D answers, then you are soft dramatic. Your bone structure, and most of your flesh or facial features are sharp, but you have some softness in your flesh or facial features.  Examples of this type include Sophia Loren, Uma Thurman, Sonam Kapoor, Rachel Weisz, Gina Torres, Barbara Streisand, Sofia Vergara, Monica Bellucci, Tyra Banks, Christina Hendricks, Madalina Ghenea, and Morena Baccarin.

Classics:

If you got mostly C answers, then you’re a pure classic. Your bone structure, flesh, and facial features are neither sharp nor rounded, neither short nor long. You’re in the middle of the spectrum of softness and sharpness. Examples of this type include Grace Kelly, January Jones, Diane Sawyer, and Catherine Deneuve.  This is one of the rarest types because very few people are completely symmetrical and balanced, which is why there are fewer examples here.

If most of your answers were C, with a few A or B answers, then you are dramatic classic. Your flesh and facial features are probably C dominant, but you have some sharpness in your bone structure.  Examples of this type include Diane Kruger, Sienna Miller, Nina Dobrev, Zoe Saldana, Olivia Munn, Olivia Wilde, Olivia Palermo, Maria Shriver, Courteney Cox, Whitney Houston, Megan Fox, and Demi Moore (and me!).

If you got mostly C answers, with a few D or E answers, then you are soft classic. Your bone structure is probably C dominant, but you have a bit of softness in your flesh and facial features.  Examples include Naomi Watts, Saoirse Ronan, Jessica Chastain, Dita Von Tease, Marion Cotillard, Emma Thompson, Dakota Johnson, and Emily Blunt.

Naturals:

If you got mostly B answers, then you’re a pure natural. Your bone structure, flesh, and facial features are elongated, broad, and blunt. Your body is sharp, but not as much as a dramatic. Examples of this type include Jennifer Aniston, Lindsay Lohan, Ali MacGraw, Priyanka Chopra, Selena Gomez, and Lana Del Rey.

If you got mostly B answers, with some A answers, then you are flamboyant natural. Your flesh and facial features are probably broad and blunt, tending towards looking muscular, but your bone structure is long and lean.  Examples of this type include Julia Roberts, Rosie Huntington-Whitley, Janice Dickenson, Brigette Nielsen, Bella Hadid, Gigi Hadid, Blake Lively, Candice Swanepoel, Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, Cameron Diaz, Claudia Schiffer, Cindy Crawford, Jennifer Lawrence, and Brooke Shields.  

If most of your answers were B, with some D or E answers, then you are soft natural. Your flesh and facial features tend towards the soft side of the spectrum, but your bone structure is broad, blunt, and elongated.  Examples of this type include Chrissy Teigen, Kim Basinger, Pamela Anderson, Britney Spears, Shakira, Jennifer Lopez, Carey Mulligan, Elizabeth Olsen, Julianne Hough, Margo Robbie, Kaley Cuoco, Kat Dennings, Laetita Casta, Renee Zellweger, Helen Mirren, Goldie Hawn, Kate Hudson, Scarlett Johansson, Katy Perry, and Kate Upton.

Gamines:

If you got an even mixture of A/B answers and D/E answers, in a seemingly random order, you are a gamine. You can’t really pinpoint whether your overall bone structure, flesh, and facial features are soft or sharp, since each feature is a different answer.  Examples of this type are Audrey Tautou, Michelle Williams, Eva Longoria, Miroslava Duma, Heather Locklear, Jean Seberg, and Geraldine Chaplin. 

If you got a combination of A/B answers and D/E answers, with slightly more A or B answers, then you are a flamboyant gamine. Your individual features are either sharp or soft features, but in general you have a bit more angularity to your body.  Examples of this type include Lady Gaga, Mylene Farmer, Liza Minnelli, Tina Turner, Edie Sedgwick, Lea Michele, Vanessa Paradis, Lily Rose Depp, Zooey Deschanel, Amy Winehouse, Emma Roberts, Kate Bosworth, Coco Chanel, Penelope Cruz, Audrey Hepburn, and Twiggy.

If you got a combination of A/B answers and D/E answers, with slightly more D or E answers, then you are a soft gamine. Your individual features fall on either side of the soft or sharp spectrum, but in general you have a bit more softness or roundness to your body, probably in your flesh.  Examples of this type include Dakota fanning, Vanessa Hudgens, Maisie Williams, AnnaSophia Robb, Sarah Hyland, Lucy Hale, Cyndi Lauper, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, Eartha Kitt, Reese Witherspoon, Hayden Panettiere, and Jenna Louise Coleman.

#effy's style for... #kibbe body types #kibbe #effys-closet #effy stonem #effy

[dontbeshytoaskforhelp]

i’m starting to feel insecure about my physical appearance for the first time and idk what to do

We all get to a point in our lives where this happens. Even the girls and guys you may perceive to be perfect, have flaws. Not just flaws that others can see, but ones only they are fretting about. The “hottest girl in school” could go home and stare at her thigh in shame, feeling as though they’re too fat. Or the “hottest guy at work” may hate looking at himself in the mirror because he hates his nose and thinks his teeth aren’t white enough. So when it comes to this, you are far from alone. 

I pride myself on being very confident and having high self esteem - which confidence and self esteem are not the same thing. However I know that I have physical flaws, along with mental and emotional ones as well. But speaking solely on physical flaws, I don’t let them bring me down for a few reasons. 

Number one; I remind myself that everyone else has physical flaws too and so it’s completely normal. Number two; I remind myself that, yes, I have flaws, but I also have a lot of strong points as well. So while my flaws might make me uncomfortable at times and in certain scenarios, my strong points shine through in many more. So I try my hardest to forget what I hate about myself and instead focus on the things that I love about myself.Number three; most physical flaws can be worked on, improved and even completely changed/fixed. 

For number three, to show you what I mean, I’ll list the things I don’t like about myself physically and what I’m doing to work on them. It’s what is written is italic, so if you don’t want to read all that, just skip back to where it’s normal text again.

I’m thin, but my stomach is a bit overweight from pregnancy and that bothers me a lot because I used to have a flat stomach. So the small stomach bulge I’ve got is definitely the one thing I hate the most about myself, and I even went out and bought one piece bathing suits because I can’t get myself to wear two piece. In the beginning it was so bad, I would hide my stomach under a shirt or blanket during sex. I sometimes still get awkward in front of my husband with my stomach and will often cover it with my hand/arm during sex, and I VERY rarely walk around shirtless now. But I’m trying to get over it because he tells me he loves me regardless and still finds me sexy and beautiful - so that does help. But it doesn’t fix it 100%. So what I’m doing is I’m working out. It won’t fix my stomach 100% or put it back to how it once was, because after two births, my belly button area is stretched and would require surgery to fix. Maybe one day I’ll do that but I genuinely believe if I get my stomach back to being flat, I can over look that because it’s just a part of womanhood and any self respecting woman who may notice that on me, would know and respect that.

So for my stomach having a bulge - I’m working out to fix it.

I have bags under my eyes because of a sleeping disorder, so I have a rough time sleeping and usually only sleep 2-3 hours at a time before waking up for 30 minutes, repeating, etc., and often getting bad sleep when I am sleeping due to near constant nightmares.To help with that I’m using solutions to put under my eyes, lotions for my skin, etc. to improve my skin’s health.

I get A LOT of compliments on my legs. I’m pretty small all around (minus the small bulge in my stomach) and I’ve got a really big perky butt. Especially for how thin my waist is. I literally have had black girls tell me I have a black girl booty hahaha I love that about myself, and although many say they also adore my legs, I don’t. Just because someone else loves something about you, doesn’t mean you’ll love it too, right? So for me, my legs need to be toned up more. Again, I’m working out.

Then I hate my hair being so frizzy and hate that I had to cut it short. While I COULD buy extensions, they’re expensive, especially since I’m a natural red head and so to match the extensions I would have to also get my hair dyed ombre. It’s just too much money, so I instead am trying different shampoos to find out that gets rid of the frizz, taking better care of it, brushing it more often, and just waiting for it to grow (impatiently haha).

Lastly, my teeth. I just have bad genetics with my teeth so despite everything they’re pretty yellow. It’s one of those things where despite brushing and all that, they just wouldn’t stay white. So I use in home teeth whiteners,  brush twice daily, use mouth wash and floss once per day. It has helped  A LOT. They’ll ALWAYS be yellowish, but at least they aren’t as yellow as they once were. Once I get a second job I plan to have them bleached every 3 months professionally.

So, most flaws can be fixed (at least to some extent). As I’m sure you noticed with some of my flaws, there isn’t anything that can completely fix what I don’t like about myself. I can only fix it to an extent and from there the rest is just mental. I have to remind myself that flaws are okay, that others have them too, and that I have so much to be happy about and love about myself that a few minor things that can’t be completely changed shouldn’t be enough to bring me down.

Also, if a girl, makeup was a life saver for me when I lost my self esteem for a while. Once I got good at it, it really did help me with my self esteem issues. Now I can even go out to stores and run errands or relax in the house without makeup on. I don’t need my makeup done to take pictures every time either. While I always wear makeup when going to work or out with friends and in most of my photos, it isn’t something that I require at all times like I used to. I used it to help me gain my confidence back and once I had it, I’ve been able to be confident without it too. I just wear it when going out because I genuinely enjoy doing my makeup. But if I was told I couldn’t wear it for a week and had to go places without it, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Last thing I want to say, just because you may not be completely comfortable with your appearance (and I truly believe no one is), know that there are plenty of people out there that find you cute, sexy, beautiful, attractive, etc. It may not seem like it, but there are billions of people with billions of preferences. You definitely match for what MANY people find to be cute/etc.

#self esteem #confidence #self esteem asks #confidence asks #confidence advice #self esteem advice #writing #my writing #asks

[cliche-ish]

Be comfortable in my own skin color

I was born with darker skin than most people in my country and than my culture’s beauty standard. My family and neighbors called me by the nickname “Đen”’, which means “dark skin” in a negative way and also the black color in my language. They even made up a chant that included all the worst quality possible of multiple body parts. It was something like “Bald head, protruding forehead, short nose, dark skin, slanted eyes.” Is that a haiku lol? In my culture, it is believed that you should not call a baby “cute” or “adorable” no matter if the baby is cute or not, because that can jinx it. Yup, calling a baby “cute” is believed to be all it takes to turn the baby into an ugly looking monster later... Instead, it is preferred to always call babies “ugly”. So even though I had none of those characteristics but the dark skin, that chant was my life theme song for a while. At least that was the reasoning of the people I grew up with. That chant was sung to me up until I was about as young as I can remember, maybe 4 or 5 years old. After that, the chant stopped, except for the dark skin part. The dark skin matter haunted me up to high school. 

In Vietnam and most East Asian countries, people are obsessed with having fair, pale, light skin. That is THE beauty standard for Vietnamese women. Beauty salons and cosmetic spas offer a wide variety of skin whitening procedures and products. Dark skin also means ugliness. It is the last thing you want to have if you are a girl or women there. What is worse, it was deemed to be associated with lower social status. People saw my dark skin and made rash assumptions (did I see a pun?) that I was poor and not well educated, because I had to work outdoor, laborious, manual jobs as a kid to help the family. That’s the stereotype. One time I went to the dentist for a quick simple procedure. During the procedure, the dentist said my skin was so dark, I must come from Miền Tây, which is a region where many people were poor farmers back then. (Reminder, I was born and raised in a middle class family in the biggest city in Vietnam, went to the top schools, and the only work I really had to do was homework and some housework.) I felt so offended, yet couldn’t correct her because my mouth was help open by a cheek retractor.

I saw many TV ads about skin lightening lotions and cosmetic procedures. I was still a teenager, so I could only ask my Mom if she could buy me the lotions. It was a big deal, because at that time in our culture, teenage girls were usually not allowed to use any cosmetic products, like makeup, hair dye, or nail polish. So I gathered all my courage to ask her to buy me those lotions. To my surprise, my Mom agreed to buy and let me use the skin lightening products. She probably wanted the best for me. I did use them, but didn’t really see any improvement. I thought it was probably because I was an active, sporty, outdoorsy girl who was out in the tropical sun the whole time lol. So my skin was still dark, and I was teased all the time. When I was little, I was so sad. When I was a little older, I just laughed along on the outside, but came home and cried alone in the bathroom. There were days I felt so shitty and so insecure about the way I looked, wondering why I was born like this. Once I became insecure and conscious about my appearance, it spiraled and more stuff was added to the list of things I was ashamed about: my fat ass (I have a pear-shaped body), my weird jaw (I have an asymmetrical face, you know, like a normal person), my body hair (who doesn’t have that), etc. That list got expanded quickly, as my self-esteem was shrinking substantially.

I started to gain a tiny bit more confidence in high school. I saw a few women on the street rocking their tanned skin with great sense of fashion and bold choice of color, looking like they were joyfully living their lives. Even though they loook different from the many other women out there, their confidence was beaming radiantly, and so I thought I wanted to be like that one day.

But it was when I moved to the U.S. that I truly became confident about the way I look. No one in the U.S. really teased me about my dark skin any more. People even approached me and complimented on how pretty I was. That never happened! I never thought of myself as “pretty”. That was when it hit me. Back in Vietnam my tint was somewhere further towards the end of that normal distribution of skin shade spectrum. That does make me more uncommon but in no way abnormal or ugly. But when I left home and moved to the U.S., a beautifully diverse country, I got shifted to somewhere in the middle, more common area of the spectrum. My point is, the spectrum, the standard, the perception of beauty, they’re all relative and changing all the time. It’s never going to be enough if I keep on chasing these ever-changing standards. I cannot be super skinny while also have an ass. I cannot have light skin while also getting that summer hot tan look. And every body is different, so what works for you might not work for me. I can’t let a few people decide what I and all billions of women in the world should look like to get the world’s approval. What best determines my worth is how I perceive myself. I am pretty and happy when I feel pretty and happy about myself. I’m in shape. Pear’s a shape. Body hair is not abnormal. It’s there for important functions, and we’re more closely related to chimpanzee, not dolphins. 🙂 Each and every part of my body is important, functional, unique, and a part of me. I appreciate them.

My appearance has changed a lot in the past few years, not because it finally adheres to new, updated beauty standards, but because I have learned to love myself, be comfortable in my own skin, and make myself prettier and healthier for me. I look up on what type of clothing fits my body shape. I cut my hair short, because short hair fits my personality and makes me feel like me. I eat right and work out to stay healthy, not because I want to get rid of my fat thighs. I appreciate and love my dark brown skin more than ever before. I look healthy, glowing, and sun-kissed without even trying, and never get sunburn. I mean, what is there to be upset about? I care less about what people think or comment on my appearance, if it is not objective or constructive. (i.e. “Why don’t you wear more makeup?” versus “I have this lipstick color that I think will fit you great.”) I spend more time enjoying life now rather than worrying over things about me that I think people think. I also realized people don’t really pay that much attention. It was just me paying too much attention and scrutinizing my own flaws. I learn to appreciate the diversity of body shape, and strike down those stereotypes or biases that being slim means healthy or being plus-size means you cannot be sexy or healthy or strong. (There is a scientific study about how body type is not a good indicator of health.) I look perfectly fine, and I will never let anyone tell me I am ugly, or not worth it, or not going to make it, because of how I look. And because of how shitty those mean comments made me feel, I promise to never let anyone treat others the same way, to say “I love your [...]. It’s pretty.” when I find something about someone pretty, and to be mindful and every time I am about comment on someone’s appearance.

There have been hopeful, progressive, and empowering changes that took place to challenge the culture based on toxic beauty standards. Several days ago I came across a news article about a decision made by Johnson & Johnson to stop selling skin-whitening creams, as a response to the Black Lives Matter movement. But it is also a great win for women in these countries, as such products had been feeding the toxic culture and the media that shames women for their look.

Recently, my Mom told me about a Vietnamese woman named H’Hen Niê. She is a Vietnamese beauty pageant who was crowned Miss Universe Vietnam 2018, and she was slaying it! She was widely recognized and loved by the Vietnamese people as she smashed every single Vietnamese beauty standards for being a minority with short hair and dark skin. Models who are plus-size, wear hijabs, have skin defects or disabilities are showing up more on American brands where I shop for my clothes. Finally, there are women on covers and who represents and advocates all girls and women of all shapes, sizes, colors, and cultures. Representation matters, because you can visualize yourself there, it’s easier to get there. This is so that more young girls and women would see “There’s someone who looks like me and she’s killing it.” Hopefully, they would feel less worthless, ashamed, and insecure about their features that society should not get to judge or label, and more inspired and empowered to love themselves and be proud of who they are. We have come a long way, and we still have a long way to go and a lot to do, but I’m optimistic that we are on our right track to building a better world for many young girls and women. 

Photos of kick-ass women: Left to right, H’hen Niê, Zozibini Tunzi (South African woman to be crowned Miss Universe 2019 who has been openly advocating and celebrating “black girl magic”), Halima Aden (first Muslim model to wear hijab in Sport Illustrated Swimsuit), Thando Hopa (firsl albino model to be on Vogue cover), Winnie Harlow (internationally recognized supermodel with vitiligo), Ashley Graham (plus-size model, covergirl, and TV presenter who hosts a section on the Ellen DeGeneres’s site, theellentube.com) 

[charlottewinslow]

I like your blog,but sometimes it really bothers me when you promote a body image that we know it's unreachable for some girls.Your body is great and beautiful, but PLEASE stop promoting your body as the only kind of beautiful.Also the "thigh gap" you make people think you have on your pictures.Even though it's not intentional,you end up promoting anorexia.Believe me, it's not cool AT ALL.Some girls are dying little by little because of this kind of body image promotion.Just be wise.Thank you.

Messages like what YOU just wrote are what encourages eating disorders, not my blog. You know why? Simply put what you wrote is “the only way for girls to look like you and have a thigh gap is to have anorexia”, which is not only encouraging girls to starve themselves because it’s the “only way to have that figure”, but it’s also a complete LIE. How is it “impossible” and “unreachable” to have a slim figure like mine the healthy way, when I myself, have my slim figure, the healthy way??? That is a paradox. Absolutely ANYONE, ANY GIRL, can be lean and slim THROUGH HEALTHY MEANS. This is actually the ONLY way for SUSTAINABLE health and slimness, to live a HEALTHY lifestyle. I have been able to sustain my slim figure and weight in the 100’s at 5’3 for over a year as well as a thigh gap through HEALTHY LIVING. Starvation would NEVER BRING THIS! It would bring either A) binging and gaining all the weight back or B) death. What you’re saying is NOT COOL AT ALL, you’re straight out LYING and encouraging girls to starve by falsely telling them that’s the only way to be slim, WHEN ITS NOT, it’s not even an efficient way to get slim because it’s not sustainable. It’s clear that you are jealous and have not yet reached your goal so you think it’s impossible to through healthy means, but I am living, breathing proof that it is, and I will continue to promote and encourage HEALTHY living for all of the girls on my blog, continuing to DISCOURAGE eating disorders and pro Ana mindset, and APPRECIATE and SUPPORT all girls with whatever goals they have, whether it be a more lean figure like mine, or if they want a more muscular thicc figure, or even if they want to have a bit more padding on them but still live a healthy lifestyle and have a reasonable healthy body fat percentage!Everyone starts somewhere, but that does not mean they end there. No matter where you’re starting from, if your goal is to someday be lean and have a lower body fat like I have, it is 100% attainable for each and every girl out there through HEALTHY LIVING (not starving like you’re saying is the only way, aka lying). I never thought I’d have a thigh gap and never expected to have one either, but I do now simply from just healthily leaning out. A thigh gap should not be a goal since some bone structures can’t have it, but truthfully, if you’re lean and don’t have large muscle mass on your thighs, a thigh gap is pretty common. Not everyone has one at all angles and again, it should not be a goal. But it’s also not this “terrible “unrealistic” “proana” thing you’re making it out to be. In reality it’s not that big of a deal. This is not about beauty, this is about HEALTH. HEALTHY LIVING! It’s your own problem you’re equating everything to beauty. This is about HEALTH and I am encouraging HEALTHY IDEALS, if you are looking for beauty, go on my Instagram where I do fashion and makeup, that is beauty related, this blog is FITNESS AND HEALTH RELATED. As I’ve said above and always say on my blog, everyone has different goals!!!! Some people want to be more thicc and curvy and that’s cool too!!!! I can’t change my body type in every single photo to try to accustom to every single healthy body out there unless I photoshop lmao? This is my figure and my figure is that of a lean, slim, HEALTHY body. Muscular is healthy too (unless you’re taking roids, overtraining your joints, etc to get there). It depends on how you train. Having extra padding but still within a healthy body fat percentage which doesn’t make you at risk of health issues, is healthy too. I constantly reblog and support women of all shapes and sizes, including girls just starting out their weight loss journey. If you want a certain size to be shown more often within the fitblr community that you feel currently is it, go out and do it yourself instead of getting mad at others for having a different, yet HEALTHY, body shape than yours. I try my absolute hardest to showcase all on my blog. Look at the progress photos from the girls on my programs in my #planprogress, they are all beautiful girls starting their health journeys from all shapes and sizes, but they are all still leaning out healthily, something which everyone can do and you do NOT need to starve yourself to do that!!!!!!! I have saved HUNDREDS of girls from death from eating disorders by showing them they can be slim the HEALTHY way, and FEEL great and LOVE their bodies. What you’re doing is telling girls “well either you starve to be skinny, or else you’ll be fat because being skinny and having a thigh gap is not attainable through healthy means!” which is a flat out LIE. What have you done besides taking your insecurities out on others and hating?Stop this mindset and educate yourself, hopefully this has helped you do some of that with my response.

Starving yourself will never bring you a slim figure like mine, because I don’t starve to have my slim figure.

#ask #imp

[frywen-babbles]

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes!

(Original questions authored by @cavern-of-bells , thank her!)

Tagged by @belxsar , thank you for the tag!

1. What kind of food can’t you stand?: I’m with you @belxsar , eggplant is horrible. It tastes too bitter, as does zucchini. Overcooked bell peppers are also disgusting.

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick?: Packing. I’d love if everything important just packed itself without having to worry about fitting everything in and stressing about forgetting something important. I hate packing.  

3. Have you got any useless talents?: I don’t think my talents are useless, but I think lots of people think my profession is useless.  

4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be?: Time management.  

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking: Otome men?

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid?: Reading. I was obsessed, I could read several books per day if I just had the time.  

7. What is something you’re proud of?: My kids.  

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate?: Bigotry. In all of its forms, whether it’s terfs, racists, homophobes or neo-nazis.

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower?: A follower. I only take the lead if no-one else will.

10. What kind of student are/were you?: A decent one? I tried to do my homework on time and had decent grades.  

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life?: Yes. I went to watch Oscars with some friends and ended up falling in love.

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion: Like funny irrational or terrifying irrational? I’m scared to put my hands over railings if I’m holding something on my hands or if I have rings because I’m sure I’ll drop everything.

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable?: From SLBP I find Mitsunari really relatable. I just try to appear nice and hide my tsun.

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties?: I’m a sociable drunk. I’m one of those introverts that turn into extroverts when they drink. If I can’t drink myself nice, I usually sit in a corner, avoid loud music and prefer talking to 2-3 people.  

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone?: I have crushes fairly easily, but I’ve fallen in love head over heels just once. Usually, it takes longer time, but I guess that one time was special?

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends?: One close friend. I’m too introverted to have a large social circle, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy talking to lots of people.  

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak?: I’m both. I’m a horrible slob who likes to keep all closets and drawers neat.  

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy: The Shire from Lord of the Rings.

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday?: I have just the perfect amount of kids.  

20. What was your favorite book as a child?: I don’t remember what was my absolute favourite, but the book that I loved and what had most impact me as a person must have been Dealing With Dragons and the entire Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C. Wrede.  

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about: Game of Thrones and other overly violent and dark fantasy series. Give me back Buffy or The Legend of the Seeker or Xena. I had nightmares for a month when I tried to watch GoT.  

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated: Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse -series. It’s hilarious and filled with weird pop culture references.

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose?: It doesn’t matter, I would SUFFER no matter who it was (and probably the other party would too, I’m a really nasty person when I’ve had too much socialising). I can’t even stand hubby for a month.  

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday?: Travel more.  

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat?: I just loathe silently (but probably not discreetly) everyone around me.

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in?: All the fads I’ve been caught up in were awesome, I have no regrets <3

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for?: Sexist jokes.  

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable?: A passion to want something to happen so much you’re willing to put everything else aside. Like a passion to organise cons. It takes a huge amount of energy and time and still some people do it over and over again without any pay, just because they want other people to be able to enjoy themselves.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.): I get things with cats on them a lot, I think?

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones?: My mother tongue and English. I barely survive shopping in Swedish and know very little Spanish, Japanese and German.  

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside?: Big city, the countryside is awful, everyone knows each other. And all the gossip. Nope.  

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving?: Winx club. But I didn’t think I’d hate it, just that it wouldn’t be interesting. I teased hubby when he watched it but ended up being totally addicted instead.  

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else?: I love being at the centre of the attention but at the same time, I’m terrified of it.

34. Favorite holiday?: Christmas.  

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously?: I need plans. I hate surprises. Depending on my anxiety level, I need anything from two days to an hour to prepare for small things.  

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.) : The Lord of the Rings hype when the movies came out. It was awesome, I loved every minute of it.  

37. What hobbies do you have?: Writing and playing otome games.  

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have?: I’d like to keep house plants alive. Or have birds poop on nasty people.  

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you: IRL people are surprised when I tell I play otome games. Some people find my profession surprising as well as if being a geek and beauty care are somehow exclusionary.

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out: That my body is good enough as it is. Somehow it needed +20kg to realise I wasn’t as fat as I thought I was.  

41. Worst injury you’ve had?: Tearing ligaments in my ankle. Twice.  

42. Any morbid fascinations?: Like everything? For example, I love songs that are supposed to be nice and calm but instead are about death and misery, like some lullabies and Christmas songs.

43. Describe your sense of humor: Sarcastic and pretty dry. But I also laugh at the stupidest memes.

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose?: Good olden days suck. It doesn’t matter, I’d probably be dead anyway.  

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at: Time management.  

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through: Pregnancy. It majorly sucked both times, but it was still worth it. Every other shit that I’ve gone through I could have lived without. It’s not true that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. What doesn’t kill you may irreparably break and damage you and you might never be over some shit, no matter how hard you tell yourself that you are.

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.): Facial tattoo.  

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist?: Optimist, I think. I force myself to have an absolute faith that everything will work out, otherwise, I’d be an anxious mess incapable of doing anything.  

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you?: That they loved my writing. Or that I made them have feels and now they hate me ^^

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you: That I actually usually want to talk to them even if I seem standoffish or cold. I’m just not that good at talking to people I don’t know.  

Tagging @minnimay17 @i-dont-look-good-i-look-great @wonky-glass-ornament @thedaydreamingotaku @suzunesays

#i'm leaving in few hours #vacation here i come #i hope my bag gets there too unlike last time #i'll be back next week #then i'll try to be more active on tumblr too #tag game #personal

[therachelperspective]

BOOK | The Clothes Make the Girl (Look Fat?): Adventures and Agonies in Fashion by Brittany Gibbons

I have officially confirmed that Brittany Gibbons and I are the same person. 

I have read both of her books now and through both of them wrote copious notes that illustrated how she and I share many of the same experiences, attributes, body type, thoughts on certain topics, almost everything plausible that we could have as similarities. Some people will say that they read a book and swear they could have written it themselves. That is me with Brittany Gibbons. 

Her sophomore novel, The Clothes Make the Girl (Look Fat?): Adventures and Agonies in Fashion, documents her personal grapples with something every plus-size woman struggles with at some point or another (if not all the time) – fashion. It’s not just trying to find clothes that will fit on your body, period; it’s the mental frustration we face alongside it, like coming to terms with the number that dictates this entire process, and the fact that those numbers when shopping store to store are hardly ever consistent. When a larger woman tells you that the struggle is real, you best believe the struggle is real. And Brittany Gibbons, thank the Lord, approaches these and other topics with wit and pure honesty about every battle she has experienced when it comes to the clothing on her back. If you thought her first book was legit, her second is right up there with it. 

In true memoir style, The Clothes Make The Girl follows a general chronology of her life. We begin more or less in her adolescence and conclude with post-baby body. Along the way, Brittany not only cracks jokes about her exploits – a comic relief I really grew to appreciate – but she also constantly reminds readers that there is nothing wrong with their body. I wrote down so many quotes that were positive affirmations – reminders that FAT. BODIES. ARE. NORMAL. BODIES. Right away from the prologue, “Real women [...] are not defined by their curves, thigh gaps, or chest size.” 

Furthermore, shortly thereafter in the Introduction, another spectacular truth: “We hold jobs, we go out with friends, and we date. We do normal human activities and feel a healthy desire to do them in clothes that make use feel confident and beautiful and are reflective of our personalities.” Let’s be real, not many of us plus-size ladies have personalities rooted in elastic banded sweatpants and Looney Tunes (not out in public, anyways).

Before I started reading The Clothes Make the Girl, I noted that I was already at a comfortable, confident standpoint with my body. Granted the current fashion scene has produced far more plus-size fashion than in years past and I can actually say that I have numerous outlets within which I can easily find stylish digs for my size 18 body... I wondered what the experience of reading this book would feel like for someone who wasn’t already at a body positive stage in their life. The beauty of this book, however, was that even though I am at that stage, I was able to find a renewed sense of self-assurance in myself, proving that it is a quality piece of literature for women (or any plus-size person) to read. It’s not solely for those starting their journey; it can be a tool for everyone feeling discouraged or in a rut when dealing with their bodies and fashion.

Despite every topic covered in The Clothes Make the Girl, I believe the most poignant section of the entire book is an intermission of sorts titled “You Have My Permission To Hate Yourself.” 

Let me repeat that louder for the people in the back: 

You have Brittany’s permission to hate yourself. 

What sets Brittany Gibbons apart from other authors who tackle body positivity is that, sure, many will tell tales of their own personal demons, but I don’t recall any author or novel off the top of my head that outright told readers that it was okay to hate yourself and your body, and that it was normal to do so. “You don’t owe anyone shit,” Brittany says. “And only you get to decide how you feel about [your body] today.” Hell yassss, Gibbons. Hell yes. And some days, you’re allowed to be unhappy with it. That doesn’t mean you have to beat yourself up over it, or go on some extreme diet to change it.

While the major struggle in plus-size fashion lies in finding quality clothes for our double-digit bodies, another that Brittany touches base on that makes her literature all the more relatable is what happens when the clothes (especially pants) are finally found and worn. Many of us whom have never seen the light of a thigh gap are very familiar with the concept of chub rub and the sorrow of eventually rubbing holes through the inner thighs of our favorite bottoms. “I’ve buried more jeans than there are Batman movies” is a beyond relevant statement from this book. We try to salvage them as much as possible, but its occurrence and their ultimate disposal is inevitable. I’m glad to see its inclusion in The Clothes Make the Girl. 

There were times in this book, just as there were in her first memoir, where she lost me a little (those pregnancy and babies chapters) but that doesn’t negate the fact that her logic and wisdom about plus-size lifehood were still present with flying colors. The Clothes Make the Girl is an excellent representation of life in plus-size fashion, and how rough it truly is. Brittany Gibbons touched on many of, if not all, the things I felt were important, especially in regards to legitimate ups and downs of body/fat positivity. 

I give her major credit for extending her memoirs while also touching on a very specific topic; depending on said topic, I might consider that a difficult task. My only qualm might be that I felt the book ended a bit abruptly.

I don’t consider this to be a 5-star novel like her first (which still remains my only 5-star to date), but it was still a good quality read. I will always enjoy Brittany’s comical nature in the face of adverse subject matter and our seemingly unending list of resemblances. I’m sure as long as she continues to publish, I will absolutely continue to appreciate and enjoy her work.

FAVORITE EXCERPTS

"[...] Even Anna Wintour isn't dressed like Anna Wintour all the time."

"... Don't let anyone ever make you feel bad for liking clothes and doing your hair and wearing makeup. You are allowed to enjoy yourself in this life..."

"... We also hold jobs, we go out with friends, and we date. We do normal human activities and feel a healthy desire to do them in clothes that make us feel confident and beautiful and are reflective of our personalities."

"I am a normal being with a body that fits into some things and not into others."

"My insecurities came from other people telling me I should have them."

"Loving your body is about being comfortable in your body, and only you get to set the parameters of that, only you get to decide what it looks like, and only you know where your finish line is."

"The sexiest women I know are sexy because they feel sexy for themselves first."

"Your priority in this life is you."

"What you are feeling about yourself right now is fine and normal and allowed."

"... Take a shower and start over knowing that ninety percent of the people out to judge you are inside your own head."

"... You need to realize that you don't owe anyone shit. our body is yours, and only you get to decide how you feel about it today."

"Buy yourself clothes that fit. They may not be the size you think you should be, but who cares?"

"Thunder Thighs is a ridiculous insult. As if having thighs as loud and as powerful as thunder was a bad thing... That basically makes me an X-Man."

"When your jeans don't fit, buy a bigger pair. Larger jeans are worth the dinners with your best friends, the gelato during a semester in Italy, sleeping in on Sundays if you are tired, and a movie night on the couch with someone you love."

"Never apologize for your body. Ever."

"I won't hide my stomach to keep up some illusion that only thin bodies are beautiful."

"Body love is hard work."

ABOUT BRITTANY GIBBONS (from the back cover)

Brittany Gibbons writes the award-winning humor blog BrittanyHerself.com and runs the Facebook group CurvyGirlGuide.com. She gave a 2011 TED talk on the reinvention of beauty and is the author of New York Times bestseller Fat Girl Walking: Sex, Food, Love, and Being Comfortable in Your Skin... Every Inch of It. Her writing has been featured in the New York Times, Huffington Post, Redbook, Woman's Day magazine, Marie Claire, Los Angeles Times, The Stir, and Babble, among many other publications and sites. Brittany also hosts a weekly Google talk show called Last Call Brittany and the weekly podcast Girl's Girls. Brittany lives in Ohio with her husband and three children.

The Clothes Make the Girl (Look Fat?): Adventures and Agonies in Fashion by Brittany Gibbons Publishing | Date | Pages

MY RATING: ★ ★ ★ ★ ✩

I'm fairly certain that any book Brittany Gibbons publishes, I will enjoy it. Many of the notes I took with The Clothes Make the Girl were because I agree with her statements so much. Our ideas, body types, etc. are so similar, it's almost as if I could have written this book myself. She may have lost me a little bit with the baby-centric life and fashion (as did also happen with her first book), but her logic and wisdom were still there.

I wasn't sure how well I could get into this book at first (it took me a long time to get a good pace started), but it really is an excellent representation of life in plus-size fashion. And the truth is that it is rough. But she touched on all the major points that I felt were important. The best overall part of this book was absolutely the chapter/intermission having permission to hate yourself and your body. Not everyday is as easy as the previous... and that's okay.

This was a good extended memoir while also touching on a specific topic. That's not always easy to do for my tastes in literature. However, I did feel that it ended a little abruptly. While I don't think this is a 5-star book like her first, it was still a good quality read. Especially as I once again go through a shift in my own personal style, and of course, the every day occurrences in fashion for a plus-size woman.

#book review #books #literature #the clothes make the girl #the clothes make the girl (look fat?) #the clothes make the girl by brittany gibbons #the clothes make the girl (look fat?) by brittany gibbons #brittany gibbons #advice #memoir #biography #autobiography #novel #reading #read #review #reviews

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON MAYDAY’S LEAD VOCAL, LEAD DANCE NA YERIM...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: Yena CURRENT AGE: 23 DEBUT AGE: 21 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 14 COMPANY: Midas ETC: She has become known for her viral aegyo and almost meme worthy cuteness as a stan attractor

IDOL IMAGE

despite an inherent timidity towards any decisiveness against authority, yerim’s a bright and bubbly girl who just wants to make the world smile with her voice, her personality. she’s playful and naive, exudes a natural innocence that comes with her pointed lack of experience. it’s charming, the way it impacts her sense of humor, her lighthearted sass; funny, her playful arrogance. she’s cute. there’s nothing forced about it and it’s that that midas is counting on: her natural aura, genuine, the feeling of fondness and protectiveness that this aspect of her elicits.

she’s simple in that she’s generally easy to get along with, to laugh with, to be around, to love. she’s got that trademark adorable easy-to-approach air about her but shines in the spotlight. star quality isn’t something that can be bought and yerim’s got it in spades.

off stage, as the group’s stan attractor, she’s painted as the goofy girl-next-door, the childhood best friend you can laugh with, the little sister you’d sell your kidney for in a pinch. yerim’s pretty, radiant in the way you remember your first ever crush being when you were in school, but cute more than anything, genetically predisposed for idol life. she’s a social butterfly. her purity is captivating, youthful, and it has the potential to pull in a broad range of audiences if they play their cards right - people who want to preserve it, those on the other end of the spectrum who want to tear it back just to see what’s underneath, and those who resonate. her laughter is contagious and her wit, tangible, so it only makes sense that they put her on variety.

when she first enters under midas entertainment, a weary fourteen, she’s cautious, humbled by a life hardly lived and the cruelty of kids who hate anything different. in her insecurity, she struggles to bond with other trainees who have the zeal and passion of years of working toward a common goal under their belts, only standing out with any significance during performances, speaking when spoken to, singing her heart out the way she’d always dreamed of doing and smiling a smile that warms hearts. it’s a side effect of being muffled under the arm of her mother for the majority of her youth but there’s a charm that she’s picked up from talent shows, a natural knowingness that helps her play the part of someone to be admired, and, with the help of the company, she learns how to harvest it.

she improves.

it takes time and money but she learns how to fake it until it’s real, until she forces herself into the forefront of the minds of her coaches. “yerim,” is said with a hum of recognition. yerim is noticed. yerim is indispensable, can bring a smile to any face with her smile alone. yerim can shine.

she learns to smile even when her limbs ache from hours of dancing and singing and all she wants to do is curl up in bed and sleep.

it’s a gradual change, the shy girl from north gyeongsang reading as a girl who’s blossomed into herself over the course of her first year as a trainee, comfortable in her own skin and the growing attention as a potential member of a midas-owned girl group. a fire burns. they soften her hair and lighten her wardrobe - nothing is her own, not even her body, not even the pounds of healthy fat and muscles she sheds to be thinner like the girls who’ve succeeded. like a butterfly from a cocoon, when mayday debuts, new yerim rises. on stage, she lavishes in the moments where all eyes fall on her, where she gets to show off - the luxury of feeling the kind of greed that comes with performing without the guilt that had always followed suit. you have to be greedy to get by.

it could’ve been any of them, that got plucked out of the proverbial ashes and dusted off, polished into something that the masses of korea want to see. the industry is political. yerim is a tool, the chosen one, and the it girl idols before her are the blueprint.

she sings her ass off on stage - wants them to acknowledge that, too, that she’s talented and good and has worked hard to reach this point, to be a singer. she thinks about the fact that she left home for this, cut ties with her mother for this. she’s gotten so much better at dancing, feels vindicated in her role as a lead dancer because she’s worked for it, her performances get better every time.

she wants to remind them that there’s more to her than her image, that they make good music beyond all the bubblegum and whimsy. “please love mayday a lot!” she makes sure to add during her solo schedules. love is not the problem here - you can’t turn a street without hearing a mayday song, but. it’s not the respect and reverence she remembers people having towards diamant and jubilee. she wants that kind of love.

“so cute!” they say. she’s the “shy, shy, shy” girl, cute enough to slap her face on their brand, brazen enough to banter with on their variety shows. it’s shallow, the way they love her, the way they want her. the stan attractor.

she’s not too sure it feels as good.

IDOL HISTORY

TW BRIEF PHYSICAL/VERBAL ABUSE

act i, scene i, the sun shines through the clouds

yerim comes out singing. not literally, of course, but that’s the way her mother’s always made it seem, like this was the only thing she could ever picture for her little girl - the same bright little girl who’d sit in her lap during church and sing at the top of her lungs to every hymn, knew the words to every bit of gospel, and jumped at the opportunity to join the youth choir when she was finally old enough to hold a microphone. she’s a tiny, frail little thing, smaller than the other kids, and it pains her mother to watch yerim so far away, to watch her shine without her light. it’s a beautiful sight, though, the way she shines, the way she makes her mother feel like she was born to do it. she smiles so hard on stage, she’s scared her little face will split in two.

yerim’s mother learns early on that her zeal is conditional, that she shines so brightly but that she’s scared of her own shadow. she’s got stage fright something awful - conditional, because she’s fine when she can see her mother in the crowd of judging faces, but she throws up all over her brand new dress the day she has to dance a ballet solo in front of her class.

she’s relieved, she thinks, that it’s not easy for her to do it alone.

she’s her only child, her little yerim, the product of a short-lived relationship but a miracle, nonetheless. chubby and introverted, careful and stuck to her mother’s hip. she’s all she’s got. she doesn’t know if she could ever stomach having to let her go. yerim cries.

“another opportunity will come, baby,” she tells her when she brushes her hair before bed that same evening, holds her close and hums. “you were meant to shine.”

it gets better when she starts participating in neighborhood talent shows as an attempt to branch out and get over her fear. she’s good.

her mother makes sure it doesn’t get to her head.

scene ii, they part.

the curtains rise to the rolling sound of drums and there she stands. there’s a television stage left and on the screen, there’s colors. they’re bright enough to blind her but still, she stares. there’s an awe in her expression, like she’s seeing for the very first time - hearing, too, the sound of music in another form. it’s different, this music, to the trot songs and olden spirituals her mama plays around the house.

it’s the first time ever she’s gone to a sleepover. she’s embarrassed that she doesn’t know the song, that the other girls do. her idea of fun on a friday night up until now has been watching historical dramas with her mom on the couch with a bowl of lightly salted popcorn between them, but, now, watching gemini’s comeback stage, she thinks she’s in love. her friends tell her to pick a favorite. she can’t decide, but she goes home the next morning and downloads ‘mirotic’, listens to it when she gets ready for bed, so she’ll know the words, too.

it’s not a secret but her mother finds out when she catches her belting the song into her hairbrush after dinner, a printed out picture of the boys taped above her bed. (she’s decided she likes the main vocal’s part best.)

“who’re you listening to?” she asks, a hand against the doorframe.

“idols,” yerim replies, a new word added to her vocabulary. “don’t they sound cool?”

“don’t forget to pray.” her mother says.

interlude

the first and only time her mother hits her is when she comes out of her room with lip gloss on, some daiso mascara on her lashes and a cute shirt she’d borrowed from one of her friends. there’s nothing inappropriate about the look, just shorts and a shirt, stomach and thighs hidden like she’s been taught to keep them. she’s slimmed down, shed her baby fat and shows the beginnings of a figure. she’s thirteen and learning about makeup and self-expression from the now regular sleepovers she has with her school friends every weekend. they meet up and sing together, plan on putting together a cover performance for the back to school showcase after being inspired by some upper gen girl group’s comeback (clover - mister, to be exact - and she’s already gotten in trouble for doing the butt dance around the house but she’s determined to get it right).

by now, she’s made a habit of spending her weekends and time after school, roaming with her friends for adventure and showcases to sign up for. her walls are plastered with idol posters now, bought with the money she picks up from babysitting the toddler who lives in the flat next door when his parents are out. she has her first kiss with a boy who uses too much tongue and doesn’t know her name on a dare. she’s growing up, discovering herself, doesn’t see a thing wrong with it until her mother slaps her square across the face.

it stings something fierce, burns with a kind of betrayal she’s never felt before - ever. it’s the first time she feels truly afraid of her mother. it hurts more when she speaks, tells her to change because she looks like a trollop.

yerim changes. something changes with her. she prays.

2010.

her friend goes to an audition for midas. “come along,” she says, “it’ll be fun.” she says, but it feels like a set up somehow. it’s incredibly cliche, the way she doesn’t intend to audition, doesn’t even think about it, but winds up in front a panel of judges before she even realizes she’s there. she needs to be home by six. caught off guard, she sings diamant’s into the new world with absolutely no expectations, dances a bit to some generic pop music with moves she’d learned from older friends as a display of her grasp on rhythm, and makes a point to apologize to them for being unprepared. she squirms, smiles sheepishly and tries not seem as nervous as she is.

it’s cute. they like her. she doesn’t know how she’s going to tell her mom.

act ii,scene i hell freezes over

she tells her over dinner.

her mother’s mad, the way yerim knew she’d be. she tells her that when she thought of her becoming a singer, she’d always pictured someone classy and regaled like so hyang, maybe a traditional dancer, but this. this isn’t what she wants and she makes sure that yerim knows it when she signs the paperwork. things get cold after that, like it’s her mom’s attempt to ice her out, guilt her into calling it quits so she can pay the hefty fee for a month or two and they can go back to spending every night together, quiet and safe and holy.

it hurts her feelings but she pushes through, spends her time as a trainee doing the best she can, stays away from home as long as possible when the opportunities arise, but always comes back with her tail between her legs on the rare occasion she gets truly, properly scolded. she’s compliant when she can be, when it doesn’t speak against her soul.

four years pass and it gets colder.

things reach a head when she’s old enough to be out on her own and her mother kicks her out. she doesn’t look at her when she does it, doesn’t say a word, but the way her things are neatly packed and waiting by the door when she gets home from training speak volumes. the bible on top of her suitcase while her mother sits in her usual spot in front of the television feels passive aggressive, hurts her feelings, but she leaves. she stays the night at one of her trainee friend’s apartment and never goes back. she scrapes together money to find a place of her own.

her mother cries, feels like a failure, feels terribly alone. she doesn’t call.

it’s the first time yerim ever truly goes against the grain. hell freezes.

it’s too cold.

scene ii, let me entertain you

debut doesn’t feel the way she thought it would. it’s very clinical, the whole process.

she expects them to be received with open arms by the public but the scores during music shows, though decent, speak volumes, their song does okay but it’s not enough. it’s a hum, barely even a clap of thunder, just a rumble. she’s happy anyway, like she always is, glad she gets to perform, but she holds out hope for a breakthrough, holds out hope for the comparisons to aurora to stop. lovesick doesn’t help.

and, then. cheer up happens.

she doesn’t do it on purpose, the whole aegyo thing, not really. it’s a part of the song. it’s a few days spent without her giving it any real thought, but one morning, she sees her face on pann, a gif of herself, and wonders what the fuss is about. weeks pass and she’s genuinely surprised to see other idols do it during interviews, finds herself searching for compilations on youtube and twitter and giggling in delight when she should be sleeping. it feels surreal but her company seems pleased. “shy, shy, shy,” sweeps across the nation

she doesn’t realize what it really means until they start to really push her, booking her appearances on variety shows, commercials here and there to keep the public’s eyes on her - the mc’s always bring it up, exhaust it to the point where she has to find new ways to freshen it up, deflect with cutely timed petulance and humor. they coo over her, laugh at her jokes, seem utterly charmed by her and it’s - different. it’s never about her singing. it’s a side effect of being a midas girl group member, aurora’s little sister, she assumes, knows full well that some other rookies aren’t half as lucky, privileged. the company tells her she’s being helpful.

it gets even different-er when months down the line, she’s offered a reoccuring role on running man, an open door welcome for her to participate on the show, following the love she’d gotten for her aegyofied acrostic poems the last time she and her members had appeared - they’d liked her that much.

management accepts it, of course, without really even asking her but it’s fine, she guesses. she likes appearing on shows like that, preens under the attention she gets for simply existing, showcasing her personality. the performance aspect becomes her favorite part and midas knows to milk it.

years on, her workload piles up on top of already exhaustive group promotions and she does her best not to complain about it. it’s better to be booked and busy than to fall to the wayside, right? in any case, she preens under their attention for what it’s worth.

she doesn’t question their motives, though. it’s okay. she’ll do what they want her to do. if it’ll help.

#id.bio #id.im nayeon #id.midas #id.mayday #tw.abuse