#emotionallyimmatureparents | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tryingtimessurvingbarely · 2 years

Text

Tears

I've lived in this toxic environment for 2 decades and more. It's this environment that I can't imagine fixing because it involves more just me. I try my best to get by so I keep it quiet. But when the moment arrives and the floodgates are released, I standup up for myself and mention everything else I've dealt with. It comes across as vain but in the moment of read hot anger thats the best that I can manage. So after an episode of anger release, I'm sat down and reminded my struggles are not my own but stem from someone else's. Which means I am reminded that I will never be anything but a prawn. 'You suffered for 22 years, I've suffered for 30'

#emotionallyimmatureparents #bad parenting

2 notes · View notes

feedmefries · 11 months

Text

Conversation I had with my father today.

I know I shouldn't feel bad, but something about this really hurt(s) me. I have time and again discussed with him that I don't appreciate that he only reaches out to me for tasks, but then he goes and does it again. The worst part is that he didn't even say anything (or even call) after my last message. And I was sitting here worried that he might be upset with me for being curt.

I know that he is from a different generation, but why can't our parents realise that their behaviour is only serving themselves and not their children, especially when they complain so much about feeling distant from their child.

You could have called...

#emotionallyimmatureparents

0 notes

saramackenzie1982 · 1 year

Photo

Hi, everyone! It's Thursday again, and we're #BehindTheScenes with the evolution of my writing. I mentioned taking it to another level. For me, it's the discovery of earlier storytelling. Discover more here: https://www.saraelliemackenzie.com/post/behindthescenes-24-evolution-of-writing #OralStorytelling #ThatLittleGirl #EntertainingSinceThe90s #EvolutionOfMe #FamilyFriends #HazyMemories #TheGirlWhoReads #TheWomanWhoWrites #MomsWhoWrite #MomsBeenTellingStories #BornStoryteller #EarlyChildhood #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionallyImmatureParents #LittlePoland #MentalAbuse #Willful #PhysicalAbuse #WeSurvived https://www.instagram.com/p/Cn4QpcKreVb/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

0 notes

littlebent-notbroken · 3 years

Photo

“They” being your parents, ex, friends, or whomever. They being the person in your life that made you believe your needs are conditional. Growing up, I recognized that my safety was dependent on my mom’s mood. Looking back on it the only word I can think of for my mother’s actions is “selfish.” Everything in the house was hers and she could take it away at any moment, depending on how she felt that day. I remember constantly hearing “you’re an ungrateful little bitch and I’m not going to buy groceries anymore. I’m just going to buy food for me and me alone. I was so much happier when I lived with my two cats. Don’t ever have kids, Marisa, they’re not worth the stress.” My earliest memory of this was when I was seven. My mom would use these threats of taking away food or taking the door off my bedroom or throwing out all my clothes into the driveway to “keep me in line,” to keep me submissive and under her control. To do what? I honestly don’t even remember. Looking back there’s just so much fear I just remember doing whatever she said to keep the peace. To this day I still look to my partner for permission to do seemingly normal things: turning on a light, listening to music, eating food. On one hand, it is important to be contentious and courteous—maybe the light will put a glare on the TV, maybe he doesn’t want to listen to music right now, maybe he was saving that food for later. On the other, I recognize I’m still relearning how to take up space in my own home. And every time I ask, he always replies “you don’t have to ask me; this is your home too.” And each time he says that I know he’s apologizing to my inner child that I even have to think for a second I need his permission to do something. #innerchildwork #reparenting #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #conditional #innerchildhealing #codependentnomore #cptsdrecovery #depressionrecocery #anxietyrelief #basicneeds #themotherwound #motherwound #emotionallyimmatureparents #cyclebreakers #generationaltrauma #youmatter (at San Francisco Bay Area) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLAeQz4DbAB/?igshid=1nf0osyddld5q

#innerchildwork #reparenting #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #conditional #innerchildhealing #codependentnomore #cptsdrecovery #depressionrecocery #anxietyrelief #basicneeds #themotherwound #motherwound #emotionallyimmatureparents #cyclebreakers #generationaltrauma #youmatter

8 notes · View notes

rfarrokh · 3 years

Photo

Yes conflicting emotions can happen❣️💝#emotionalsafety #emotionsmatter #emotionsurfers #emotionaltrauma #emotionalintelligence #emotionallyunavailable #emotional #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #emotionally #emotionallydrained #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #emotionallyimmatureparents #rachaelsroadtorecovery #emotionalhealthmatters #emotionalhealth #emotionalhealing #emotionalawareness #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #nojudgment #nojudgments #nojudgementzone #nojudgesneeded #nojudgezone #nojudgmenthere #witness #feeltheheal #soothemysoul #beatpeace https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ-hsCQJVqb/?utm_medium=tumblr

3 notes · View notes

littlebent-notbroken · 3 years

Photo

I didn’t know the term “gaslighting” until ~3 years ago. The first time I heard about it was in context to abusive romantic relationships, but as soon as I learned what it was it was like lightbulbs and bells went off in my head. 🚨 I finally had a term to explain my mother’s abuse. 💡 Growing up, I would try to talk to friends (and sometimes people I had just met😅) about the things my mom would say or do. How she’d say I could borrow a portable DVD player and then scream at me for using it because she never said I could. Or how she would hide food and water from me and if I asked about it she’d say “I don’t know.” or “We never had that.” Or how I’d describe a very specific memory (like being the flower girl in her wedding) and she’d say, “no you’re remembering it wrong.” (Oohhhh this one grinded my gears. Check out a post from August for the full story.) And in response I’d hear, “oh yeah, my mom’s such a bitch too.” Or “yeah all moms suck, right?” I didn’t feel like they actually understood. Not only did I have a term for her abuse but I had a definition and EXAMPLES of emotional manipulation. I didn’t know the things my mom used to say or do were a form of abuse—all I knew was that it made me feel like I was crazy, it rubbed me the wrong way, and that I was so fucking frustrated I couldn’t explain myself. And now I can. And I hope that this helps at least one person find the words. I hope the bells and whistles go off and the stars align. You are NOT crazy. You are NOT overreacting. You DO make sense. - - - - - - #gaslighting #gaslightingawareness #gaslight #gaslightingisabuse #littlebentnotbroken #reparenting #innerchild #innerchildwork #innerchildhealing #woundedinnerchild #innerchildhealingcoach #innerchildcoach #childhoodabuse #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #abuserecoverycoach #narcissisticparents #emotionallyimmatureparents #selfhealing #selfhealers #healingjourney #healingmission #generationaltrauma #cyclebreakers #traumarecovery #motherwound #mentalhealthmatters #youmatter #youmakesense https://www.instagram.com/p/CHYthlcjg1N/?igshid=swbvwuzroche

5 notes · View notes

littlebent-notbroken · 3 years

Photo

this might be a hard pill to swallow, but it’s one I’ve had to remind myself over and over again. This isn’t to say people can’t change. This is just a reminder to release expectations and resentment. As I’m meeting myself where I am, I don’t shame myself for not being the highest or best version of myself. I don’t shame myself for falling into old habits or having coping mechanisms that I’ve tried to release for years (e.g. being glued to my phone because it’s a security blanket). And in turn, I think it’s important to extend that same compassion toward my parents, even when I sometimes feel like it’s not fair because they aren’t doing the same for me. But that’s not my problem—it is not my job to force them into people they are not, nor could become. I am meeting them where they are and respect their timeline. Maybe they’ll have their own breakthrough moments, like I did, but they’ll still never be the parents I needed—I no longer desire affectionate, empathetic, or compassionate parents because I have become that for myself. Would it be nice? Sure. But I don’t hold it against them that they’re not. I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say here. Maybe someone out there also needed this nudge to let go of fantasies, expectations, or resentment. This waiting game reminds me of the Heaven’s Reward Fallacy: a cognitive distortion that sacrificial behavior will be rewarded even when there’s no evidence a reward is coming. All of that to say: Believe patterns. Trust your intuition. Not everyone shares the same self awareness. There are some things people need to discover for themselves. Again, this is not to say some people cannot change. Some people have their breakthrough moments at 20, and others have those moments at 50, 60, 70, what have you. But is it in our best interest to wait around until then? I think it’s in our best interest to simply continue meeting people where they are. #littlebentnotbroken #reparenting #innerchild #innerchildwork #innerchildhealing #woundedinnerchild #motherwoundhealing #childhoodabuse #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #narcissisticparents #emotionallyimmatureparents #cyclebreakers #traumarecovery (at San Francisco Bay Area) https://www.instagram.com/p/CJXJesBji_k/?igshid=4h3lrmp5ueq9

#littlebentnotbroken #reparenting #innerchild #innerchildwork #innerchildhealing #woundedinnerchild #motherwoundhealing #childhoodabuse #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #narcissisticparents #emotionallyimmatureparents #cyclebreakers #traumarecovery

0 notes

littlebent-notbroken · 3 years

Photo

On Sunday, @moon_maiden_healing_ and I had a great conversation about normalizing grief and all its many phases and forms. One thing she had said so beautifully is that grieving isn’t linear. And I’ve been ruminating on that for the last few days. Lately I’ve been getting caught up about why old wounds are being activated again and why I’m getting pissed off all over again that my parents couldn’t be the people that I needed. Because for some of us, grieving isn’t linear. We might be able to easily accept and acknowledge that our parents weren’t and will never be the people we needed. And THEN we might get pissed off about it. We might stay in the depression stage for a little bit while we re-learn how to love ourselves. One step at a time. I also want to remind us all that just because we accept that something happened to us doesn’t mean we need to just get over it. Just because we hit the acceptance “stage” doesn’t mean we’re done grieving or processing our emotions. It’s not about getting over the grief, but getting through it. And sometimes getting through is going through some phases over and over again because there’s another part of ourselves that needs attention and TLC. And sometimes grieving a whole era of our past is sufficient for a time, and sometimes specific parts of that era need to be grieved on its own. It’s okay to grieve the people your parents couldn’t be, the relationship dynamic you may never have with a parent, outgrowing past selves, or missed memories/what could’ve been. And so much more. As always, please handle yourself with love and kindness as you move through grief. If you want to rewatch our conversation, head over to the IGTV tab on my page! #littlebentnotbroken #reparenting #innerchild #innerchildwork #innerchildhealing #woundedinnerchild #motherwoundhealing #childhoodabuse #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #narcissisticparents #emotionallyimmatureparents #selfhealing #selfhealers #healingjourney #healingmission #generationaltrauma #cyclebreakers #traumarecovery #motherwound #mentalhealthmatters #youmatter #cyclebreakers #intergenerationaltrauma #normalizegrief #griefinhealing #griefjourney (at San Francisco Bay Area) https://www.instagram.com/p/CJHghb7jISP/?igshid=16ta9etjrbigc

0 notes

littlebent-notbroken · 3 years

Photo

Today’s affirmations: I am worthy. I am enough. I am loved. I am loving. My ability to love is not derived from the love I did or did not receive. It’s easy to believe the thought that says “You are unloveable” when time and time again the people who are “supposed” to love you unconditionally don’t. A lot of my best friends have great relationships with their moms and it really sucked for me to see because that’s what I wanted. And I’m very lucky that a lot of these strong women accepted me as their second child (@lisaluehs, @kathyluehs, @xanaluehs, I love you all so much). It was easy for my brain to only accept the evidence that I am unloveable because it fit that core belief, that conditioned belief. When i was rejected or dumped or whatever, my brain would go “ah! Yes! See! Again! We were rejected so it’s true that we are unloveable.” It was, and still is, incredibly hard for me to accept compliments because they went completely against that core belief. I didn’t feel worthy of love because my own parents didn’t express love toward me—at least, not in a way I understood. I remember when I was growing up I can only ever remember my dad saying “I love you, my daughter.” But he showed no physical affection nor held emotional space for me. And now I’ve learned that my parents inability to express emotions or hold space was not my fault, was not because I was so hard to love. They simply didn’t have the capacity to. #littlebentnotbroken #reparenting #innerchild #innerchildwork #innerchildhealing #woundedinnerchild #motherwoundhealing #childhoodabuse #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #narcissisticparents #emotionallyimmatureparents #selfhealing #selfhealers #healingjourney #healingmission #generationaltrauma #cyclebreakers #traumarecovery #motherwound #mentalhealthmatters #youmatter #cyclebreakers #intergenerationaltrauma (at San Francisco Bay Area) https://www.instagram.com/p/CIl9eKxj10B/?igshid=801oo79u5v9b

0 notes

littlebent-notbroken · 3 years

Photo

“Family is everything” (in relation to family of origin or blood family) is one of my least favorite phrases, right next to “that’s just the way it is / they are.” For some people, family does mean everything to them. In healthy family dynamics, this bond and loyalty is not used to manipulate or shame. But for others, like myself, this phrase was thrown around to manipulate us into tolerating abuse or being further submissive to our abuser. “Well, that’s just the way your mom is” or “she’s your mom, you better respect her” or “she did so much for you stop being ungrateful.” I disliked family gatherings, Mother’s Day, and my mom’s birthday. I felt physically ill having to plaster on a smile and pretend I loved my mom and shower her with gifts when deep down there was a boiling, festering anger that wanted to shout the truth at everyone. I wanted them to know how much pain she was causing me. When I was about 5 or 6, I did tell my grandma about the things my mom would do—at the time a lot of physical abuse. And then my grandma proceeded to tell my mom and then I would be punished. So I never talked to another adult about it for years. So, dear reader, if you’re from a similar family or have a similar experience, I see you. I hear your pain and frustration. So together, let’s stand up for ourselves and say NO, even if our voices shake. You’re not alone. Choosing ourselves isn’t disrespectful or selfish. Setting boundaries isn’t disrespectful or selfish. Family, or friends, is not a valid reason to sacrifice your emotional or mental well-being. And on a similar note, I also want to mention that this same “family is everything” manipulation tactic can be used in friendships too. Be wary of those. #littlebentnotbroken #reparenting #innerchild #innerchildwork #innerchildhealing #woundedinnerchild #childhoodabuse #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #abuserecoverycoach #narcissisticparents #emotionallyimmatureparents #selfhealing #selfhealers #healingjourney #healingmission #generationaltrauma #cyclebreakers #traumarecovery #motherwound #mentalhealthmatters #youmatter #manipulators #manipulation #motherwound #motherwoundhealing #holidays2020 https://www.instagram.com/p/CIBhnC_jEdZ/?igshid=1pk1pd0k9llbo

1 note · View note

littlebent-notbroken · 3 years

Photo

Two things can be true at the same time. This is a philosophy that I think is very important to the healing journey. In this case, my mother having trauma doesn’t negate her abuse toward me. Two things can be true at the same time: my mother is human with her own trauma AND she processed her unhealed trauma in a harmful and abusive manner. While trauma EXPLAINS why my mom acts or reacts the way she does, it does not EXCUSE her abuse. This is not me being cold or callous. I have compassionately accepted my mom is an imperfect human, just like me, just like you. But someone’s past doesn’t give them a pass from the harm they cause in the present. My trauma doesn’t excuse me from lashing out or being a dick to people. So hers doesn’t either. How my mom handles her unhealed trauma is not my responsibility. Only my healing is my responsibility. I have acknowledged my trauma and wounds and have begun healing them because I recognized how these wounds showed up in a harmful way to myself and those around me. I have taken my trauma and molded it into something processable. I didn’t let it sit, stagnant, as an excuse for my actions. And I won’t let anyone ever excuse someone else’s harmful actions because of their past. We aren’t in the past. We’re in the here and now. If we’re replaying old dynamics in every relationship we come into, we’re simply recycling the abuse and continuing the cycle. Again, trauma can EXPLAIN actions and reactions AND it does not EXCUSE actions and reactions. #littlebentnotbroken #reparenting #innerchild #innerchildwork #innerchildhealing #woundedinnerchild #innerchildhealingcoach #innerchildcoach #childhoodabuse #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #abuserecoverycoach #narcissisticparents #emotionallyimmatureparents #selfhealing #selfhealers #healingjourney #healingmission #generationaltrauma #cyclebreakers #traumarecovery #motherwound #mentalhealthmatters #youmatter https://www.instagram.com/p/CGqjM1sDTjT/?igshid=1izqp955qu94j

1 note · View note

littlebent-notbroken · 3 years

Photo

*ahem* “That’s just the way it is” is not an excuse to uphold harmful behaviors and habits. “That’s just the way he/she/they is/are” is not an excuse for abuse. That’s all, that’s the caption. #littlebentnotbroken #reparenting #innerchild #innerchildwork #innerchildhealing #woundedinnerchild #innerchildhealingcoach #innerchildcoach #childhoodabuse #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #abuserecoverycoach #selfhealing #selfhealers #healingjourney #healingmission #generationaltrauma #cyclebreakers #traumarecovery #motherwound #mentalhealthmatters #youmatter #parenting #consciousparenting #narcissisticparents #emotionallyimmatureparents https://www.instagram.com/p/CGnqBuOjKIS/?igshid=1tv4ey3hnr1bq

0 notes