#emotional hurt alec lightwood

[the-great-lightwood-bane]

doubt truth to be a liar

Malec | Rated general | tw implied/referenced cheating but no actual cheating

Day 15: Emotional Damage | Lies | Breathing through the Pain

Summary: “Alec, Magnus is cheating on you.”

Or, Izzy and Jace overhear something at Magnus' loft that makes them think Magnus is cheating on Alec.

A/N: title from Hamlet:

Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.

inspired by a thread on the @malecdiscordserver

Read it on AO3 or below the cut.

“Let’s drop by Magnus’ loft after this,” Izzy suggested, killing the last demon with a slash of her adamas whip. “We need to restock on healing potions at the Institute, and it’s easier to pay Magnus directly rather than going through the Clave.”

Jace agreed, so they took a detour into Brooklyn and climbed up the stairs of Magnus’ brownstone. The door didn’t open when they tried it, though, so Izzy knocked, then listened for an answer. 

Rather than approaching footsteps, she heard heavy breathing and the sound of regular movements, and turned to Jace with a smirk. “Sounds like Magnus is getting some.” 

“I did not need to know that much about Alec’s sex life, thanks,” Jace said with an eyeroll. “Magnus probably warded it shut so we don’t walk in on them again. You’ll need to ask him for the healing potions tomorrow.”

Izzy nodded and led the way back down the stairs. 

~

Alec glanced up from his pile of paperwork when the fire message came flying out of the air and caught it on reflex. 

Opening it, he recognised Magnus’ handwriting. 

Sayang—

I’m sure you recall that particularly volatile invention I’ve been working on. A cure for firewort plague is valuable, of course, but I’m really not sure if it’s been worth the time I’ve spent away from you to work on it. But now, I’ve (finally) come up with a reproducible potion, which is sadly going to result in more time without your company. 

The Spiral Labyrinth has called an immediate Council meeting to “discuss the importance” of my invention, i.e. try to find fault with my methods and, if they can find none, talk about how they all could’ve come up with it if only they’d had the time away from their Very Important Duties (insert snide comment about the irrelevance of life outside of the Labyrinth). Worse, said discussion usually takes place over two or three days, during which time fire messages (and, predictably, cell phones) are prohibited. 

Therefore, I am devastated to admit that I must relinquish the joy of spending time with you in order to attend a wholly unnecessary, ridiculous, and unpleasant meeting which is nevertheless compulsory for the “proper certification” of every invention of such importance. If I end up turning the Council into toads, I trust you will accompany me as I flee from their retribution. If I do manage to retain a fragment of unfortunate self-control, I will return to your arms posthaste the moment I am freed from my torment. 

Until that happy time — which I look forward to with all my love for you — I must sadly say goodbye. 

Yours, as always, 

Magnus Lightwood-Bane

P.S. I don’t need to remind you to feed the Chairman, so I won’t. However, I do need to add that I miss you already, and that I sincerely regret not being able to kiss you before I go. Also, please remember to eat three meals a day; I will know if you don’t. I have spies. EAT FOOD. 

xoxo ❤ ❤ ❤

Alec huffed out something between a laugh and a sigh, fondness at Magnus’ writing style warring with disappointment at his departure. He was glad Magnus had finally finished with the potion — the inventing process had been long and Magnus had spent hours working on it, which had meant even less time together than usual. At least once Magnus was back, that would be over; until then, Alec resigned himself to a cold bed and Magnus-less days. 

At that moment, Alec’s office door swung open without a knock, which meant it was Izzy and/or Jace. He looked up, eyebrow raised, to inquire why they’d come barging in, but the expressions on their faces stopped him. 

“Alec,” Izzy said, something like pain on her face. “We — you’ve been here all morning, Underhill said.”

“I got here at nine,” Alec agreed, looking from one to the other. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“We…” Izzy glanced at Jace, then back to Alec, clearly steeling herself to deliver some unpleasant news. “Alec, Magnus is cheating on you.”

Alec’s held breath huffed out of him in a laugh, tension releasing from his shoulders. “Magnus isn’t cheating on me, Izzy. I thought you had something actually worrying to tell me.”

“Alec, I’m really sorry,” Izzy said, looking near tears, “but he is. We dropped by the loft at around eleven to ask for a refill on some healing potions, but the door was warded shut and we heard sounds like he was having sex with somebody, so we assumed it was you, but if you’ve been here all morning—”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Alec told her. “There’s some other explanation—”

“Do you think we’d tell you this if there were another explanation?” Jace broke in. “Alec, I know you don’t want to believe it, but we heard him—”

“You’re right. I don’t believe you,” Alec said, lips compressed, and tilted his head at the door. His siblings hesitated, then left, but not without casting him a last, anxious glance. 

~

Left alone, Alec huffed, clinging to his certainty that they’d been fooled. There was another explanation; there had to be. 

And yet his spinning thoughts couldn’t find one. 

Was it possible? Could it be? Magnus wouldn’t — he wouldn’t — but what if—

Alec shook his head, trying to shake free the doubts. Magnus had married him three months ago. Why would he cheat on him? Magnus wasn’t the kind of person who’d do that to somebody; he’d suffered so much from what Camille had done to him. If Magnus wanted to break up with Alec, he’d do so to Alec’s face, not cheat on him with somebody else. 

Right?

Frowning, Alec turned back to his reports, trying to focus, but the words blurred, and all Alec could think about were the whispers in his mind: Magnus is cheating on you. Do you think we’d tell you this if there were another explanation? 

Magnus wouldn’t cheat on him. Magnus loved him. But there were other words whispering now, hidden insecurities that had wormed their way into his mind: How come you never go out to clubs with us, Alec? You’re such a stick-in-the-mud! (You’re so boring. Why are you like this. Why can’t you have fun for once in your life.)

Maybe your best just isn’t good enough. (Not good enough not good enough not good enough, never good enough, always falling short.)

Dial it down a notch, Alec. — You have a switch that’s always on. (So tiring to be around you when you’re like that. Nobody likes being with somebody so intense. Stop worrying about everything, it’s depressing.)

Stop being so grumpy. (Boring, annoying, a pain to be around, why should any of them put up with you, you’re just unpleasant to talk to.)

Other words drifted in and out like curses. Selfish. Boring. Naïve. Foolish. Weak. All of it was true, Alec knew that, Alec should never have forgotten it. 

He’d always known it was far from inconceivable that Magnus might tire of him, might leave him when he realised that Alec couldn’t be all that he deserved. There had been so many times when he’d done something that should’ve been unforgivable — keeping secrets about the Soul Sword, the deal with Asmodeus — and yet Magnus had forgiven him each time. Had Magnus’ patience finally run out? Had Alec done something to make it run out? Or had he simply not been enough for Magnus, failed to meet some unspoken expectation? 

No. No. Magnus wasn’t cheating on him, wouldn’t do that. This was ridiculous, as he’d told Izzy and Jace. 

But the point remained that Magnus probably would get tired of him eventually. Alec had never been meant for happiness; that had been an incontrovertible fact of his childhood, and if he’d forgotten it when he was with Magnus, that didn’t make it any less true. Pride comes before the fall. He’d let himself believe that he could have this dream of a life Magnus had given him, and this was a wake-up call to remind him of reality. Alec was not meant for this kind of happiness. Even if Magnus wasn’t cheating on him, even if there was another explanation — there was still no reason for Magnus to stay with him for long. 

Alec had never been enough for anyone in his life. Why should Magnus be any different?

He thought of the fire message he’d received under an hour earlier, of the endearments in every line. Was it all a lie? 

With a shake of the head, Alec pushed the thoughts away. Even if all that was true, he’d already known it all, and none of it meant Magnus would cheat on him. 

Maybe Magnus would leave him, but he wouldn’t cheat. That wasn’t the kind of person Magnus was; he’d never intentionally hurt somebody like that, no matter how little he wanted to be with them. 

Unless — unless Magnus thought this was the kinder option. Unless he felt bad for Alec, pitied him, didn’t want to hurt him by breaking up with him. By divorcing him. Unless his relationship with Alec meant so little that a lie was better than a clean break. 

Alec was mortal; more than that, he was a Shadowhunter, destined to live fast and die young. What hardship was it to Magnus, to let Alec believe they were in love, while he dated somebody else on the side? If it hadn’t been for Jace and Izzy, Alec would never have known, would have gone on believing he was enough for Magnus despite all evidence to the contrary, and then when he was dead, Magnus would be free again. 

Then again — Magnus was kind, but he wouldn’t sacrifice decades of his life just so Alec wouldn’t get a broken heart. Magnus wouldn’t stay in a relationship out of pity. If it came down to that, if he didn’t love Alec anymore, he would divorce him; of that much Alec could be sure. 

But even if he did still love Alec, to some extent, that didn’t mean Alec alone was enough for him. (Why would he be? When had Alec ever been enough for anyone?) Perhaps Magnus still loved Alec, still wanted him, but wanted more, too. Perhaps he really didn’t want to break up with Alec; perhaps whatever he’d seen in Alec in the first place was still there, only less than he’d thought. Why, then, wouldn’t he simply date somebody else at the same time? If Alec never found out, it wouldn’t hurt him; Magnus could have Alec and anyone else he wanted. 

Magnus was bright and beautiful and so much more than Alec deserved. It only made sense that he needed more than just Alec to be properly happy. It was reasonable. It explained everything. 

Alec lowered his head on his desk and cried. 

~

He tried to work, but he couldn’t. 

Tears were blurring his eyes no matter how often he wiped them away, and his head was spinning with thoughts and worries and wonderings, and his heart ached far more than it ought, seeing as he should’ve known this would happen. 

There were reports to do and supply requisitions to file and patrol schedules to organise but Alec couldn’t do it, couldn’t bury himself in work and forget the pain. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t think; his world had slid sideways and he was still adjusting, still unable to comprehend the shift, still struggling with the weight of the emptiness that had descended on him. 

It should not have been so unexpected. He should have known. He should have guessed. He should have braced himself for it. He should be able to overcome the heartache, the idiotic heartache because hadn’t he just figured out that Magnus still loved him? He shouldn’t be feeling so upset about this revelation that should have been known already. 

His failure to do what he should was just another weakness, just another fault in him that he should be able to fix but somehow couldn’t. Just another gaping hole. What’s one more?

Still, despite all he should be doing, he was not, and sitting in his office crying like a child was unproductive. He’d train; training helped, training would push back the heartache to a manageable level. 

~

Izzy and Jace were waiting in his room when he got there to change, sitting on his bed, Jace’s hand pressed to his parabatai rune. Alec realised that he’d forgotten to mute it, and did so; some of the tension leaked from Jace’s shoulders, although Jace himself didn’t seem to consciously notice. 

“I’m so sorry, Alec,” Izzy said, standing up as he entered. “I — I hate that I had to tell you this, but you had to know—”

She was crying, and Alec hugged her instinctively. “It’s alright, Izzy-belle. I don’t blame you for this.”

Comforting her was easier than thinking about himself. 

“You shouldn’t blame yourself, either,” Jace said quietly. “The only one at fault here is Magnus.”

Alec flinched at the name, at the anger clear in Jace’s tone. “No. It’s not his fault. I’m just not enough for him.”

Jace’s face creased with sympathetic pain. “Alec…” 

Hesitantly, Izzy put an arm around his shoulders and guided him down to sit beside her on the bed. “It’ll be okay, Alec.” 

The reassurance was hollow, but Alec nodded anyway. 

She paused again, fingers fidgeting with the hem of her dress as she did when she had something to say but wasn’t sure if she should say it. Alec remained silent to let her decide, and eventually, she spoke up. “It’s — you’re so different, Alec, maybe it just… wasn’t meant to be.”

Alec carefully suppressed a flinch. She took his silence as an invitation to continue. “Magnus, he’s — he likes dancing and partying and sex, and you — you don’t, and any relationship like that… it wouldn’t really work out, long-term, you know?” She glanced up at him, comfortingly. 

She was trying to be kind, to tell him that he shouldn’t feel bad because their love had only ever been temporary, lasting only until Magnus grew bored and needed somebody more interesting. She wasn’t wrong, but the words still cut like knives. Alec had hoped their love had been stronger than that, hoped Magnus loved him because of their differences not in spite of them. He knew those hopes had been foolish, but it hurt to know that she’d always thought their relationship doomed — that she’d always known he could never be enough. It hurt more than he’d thought he could hurt, anymore. 

Jace sat down on Alec’s other side, putting an arm around his shoulders to echo Izzy. The two of them had little practice in comforting Alec; he was their older brother, he was supposed to comfort them, and their attempts left Alec’s heart as aching and empty as before. 

He wanted Magnus to hold him, to comfort him, to whisper words of love in his ears, but Magnus wouldn’t want to be saddled with Alec’s heartache, even if he’d been in New York. As it was, Magnus was at the Spiral Labyrinth — unless, Alec realised with an unpleasant lurch, he wasn’t. 

All the time Magnus had been spending working on his new invention. The two or three days he’d be away for the Council meeting. Had that been a lie, too? Had Magnus spent all that time with his other lover, with whoever it was he’d found to fill the gaps that Alec couldn’t? Was he off somewhere with them, enjoying the break from Alec’s presence—

He wrenched his thoughts away, back to the present moment. The topic had changed while he’d been off in his own head; Jace was speaking. “I knew he was a bit of a playboy, but I thought maybe his reputation was unwarranted. I should’ve guessed he’d cheat.”

It was clear who Jace meant by “him”. “Don’t say that,” Alec said tiredly. 

“Why not?” Jace was standing again, fists clenched, righteous fury on his face. 

“He’s not at fault here,” Alec tried to explain. 

“He cheated on you,” Jace hissed. “I thought he’d at least have the courage to say it to your face.”

Alec pushed down the ache at the realisation that Jace, too, had always expected their relationship to end in heartbreak. “He’s trying to be kind, Jace.” 

“I don’t see how,” Jace said mutinously. 

“You don’t need to,” Alec snapped. “Don’t cause an incident by attacking or insulting him. That’s an order from your Head.”

Jace subsided with a sigh, but Alec was already climbing to his feet, shaking off Izzy’s touch. He’d planned to train; that was productive, that would help him get his head back on straight and bury the pointless heartache. Listening to his siblings’ attempts at comfort wasn’t helping anything. 

~

Training didn’t help. 

It had always been Alec’s reprieve, the way to beat back the demons in his mind that made confusion rise and blocked out clear thought. Physical pain pushed away mental pain; that had been the way Alec had lived for two decades. 

But then he’d met Magnus, and Magnus had showed him another way — had helped him deal with the ache rather than shoving it down, helped him loosen the knot in his chest in his stomach in his head rather than tightening it and pushing it away. 

He couldn’t push away this. 

Idiot, he told himself, weak, desperate, needy. But none of it helped, none of it allowed him to strengthen himself against the ache. He was falling apart and he couldn’t hold himself together. He was falling apart for no reason because he should have known all this anyway, but the confirmation had somehow shattered him into useless bits and pieces that couldn’t cohere into rational thought. 

Every time his fists landed on the punching bag, every time he released an arrow at a target, the broken bits of him fell apart further, rather than compacting together again. He was brittle and he was cracking under pressure rather than merging into something stronger. 

He stopped before blood welled on his hands, because that would only make him think of Magnus, and thinking of Magnus was why he was falling apart in the first place. 

~

Alec didn’t sleep that night, but spent the time struggling to focus, struggling to hold in his hurt. Rather than working, he ended up thinking, and that was unproductive but inevitable. 

What should he do, when Magnus returned? Tell him that he knew? Offer to divorce him? Pretend nothing had happened? 

Magnus wasn’t at fault here, and he didn’t deserve to be hurt because Alec had been foolish enough to think they could have a future together. Alec didn’t want to confront him, to be angry; there was nothing to be angry about, nobody to rage at but his own stupid self. Stupid, stupid, stupid… 

He couldn’t pretend nothing had happened. It was weak and unworthy of him, but he couldn’t bear to look at Magnus and imagine that Magnus wanted him and only him when he knew that was false. If he did that, he’d be able to convince himself that nothing had happened, perhaps hours of letting himself believe the lie, and he couldn’t bear to have his dreams shattered again. He couldn’t. 

Which meant he had to tell Magnus that he knew, as soon as Magnus got back. Magnus hadn’t divorced him, hadn’t said anything about wanting to divorce him; he might still want Alec, although he wanted more than that as well. If Magnus wanted Alec to stay, Alec would stay, and he would go on loving Magnus with all that he was regardless of what Magnus did. 

Or, if Magnus was really just waiting for a chance to leave Alec, then Alec would let him leave, let him find somebody who deserved the gift of his love. 

Either way, Alec would need to learn to live with the pain. 

~

The whole Institute knew something was wrong, but Alec had asked Izzy and Jace not to talk about it, and he trusted they’d do as he asked. Nobody needed to know what was going on; they’d misunderstand the situation, like Jace had, try to blame Magnus for something that wasn’t his fault. 

So Alec did his best to pretend that nothing was wrong. (Nothing was wrong; this was only a reminder of what he should have known, he told himself, again and again and again.) He’d lived for years without Magnus in his life; this wasn’t any worse than that. 

Except that it was worse, because he hadn’t known what he’d been missing, and now that knowledge sat inside of him like a dream of light that he could never touch. 

Alec pushed the thought away. He had only a day or two until Magnus returned; he needed to pull himself into the shape of a functioning human being by then. 

He still hadn’t succeeded when, in the afternoon of the next day, his phone chimed with Magnus’ text tone. 

Magnus <3: i have returned from the hell that is a meeting with millenia-old warlocks !!! 🎉🎉🎉

Magnus <3: i am starved of your presence and require kisses 😘😘😘

Alec stared down at the incongruously cheerful, loving text, and willed himself to stay calm. He needed to talk to Magnus; sooner was better than later. 

Alec: omw

~

The door of the loft swung open at his approach as it always did, and Alec somehow managed to summon a smile as he stepped through it into the familiar surroundings of the loft. 

Magnus was waiting for him with a beam, and Alec found himself immediately pulled into a tight hug. For a moment, he breathed in Magnus’ familiar scent, let himself relax in Magnus’ arms as he hadn’t in days. 

But then Magnus pulled back, a frown appearing on his face. “Alec? Is something wrong?”

Of course he’d noticed — he always noticed when Alec was upset, even when Alec tried to hide it. 

Alec opened his mouth, then closed it, hesitating, and Magnus made a soft, worried noise; Alec realised that he was crying again, tears welling up and rolling down his cheeks. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, before Magnus could ask what was wrong again in that voice that sounded like he cared. “I’m sorry I’m not enough for you, I’m sorry for always being so boring, I’m sorry for making you do boring stuff too.” Magnus was shaking his head, about to say something else, but Alec cut him off through the stream of tears that blurred Magnus’ face. “I’m — I know I’m not enough for you, I’m so sorry for that, I’m sorry for — for being so upset, I know I shouldn’t be—”

“Alexander,” Magnus breathed, voice desperate, eyes flicking worriedly over Alec’s face, “Alexander, you’re always enough for me, I don’t understand—”

“Izzy and Jace heard you having sex with somebody else while I was at the Institute,” Alec said, trying to keep his voice steady. It cracked anyway, and he had to choke back a sob so that he could go on. “And I don’t — I get that I’m not enough for you, I know that, it’s okay, I’m sorry for crying all over you, I didn’t mean to, I just—”

“Alec—”

“I was just upset for no reason, but it’s fine, I know I’m not enough for you, you deserve better, if you’re getting that from whoever they are then I’m fine with that, I swear, I understand, it makes sense, I’m not going to force you to let go of them if you don’t want to—”

“Alexander,” Magnus said, eyes wide but firmness in his tone. “I would never, have never, and will never cheat on you. Ever.” 

“But they — they said they heard you, the morning you left for the Spiral Labyrinth—”

Magnus frowned, brow creasing for a moment, and then it cleared. “Alec, I was working on the potion. They must’ve overheard me and misinterpreted it. I swear, Alec, I would never do that to you.”

“Oh,” Alec said, and then the tears poured faster down his face in mixed relief and terror and lingering heartache and he was sobbing into Magnus’ shirt, arms wrapped around his husband, holding him as close as he could because even if Magnus did eventually get tired of Alec, he hadn’t done so yet. Not yet. He hadn’t cheated, hadn’t needed somebody else. 

Magnus’ arms were wrapped around him, and he was guiding the two of them to the couch, curling protectively around Alec as Alec cried on his shoulder, ugly and messy and desperate. 

“I’m right here,” Magnus murmured. “I’m not leaving you, I’m never leaving you, sayang, not ever, I promise. I love you, Alexander. You’re enough for me, you’re always enough, you’re all I ever need, love.” The reassurances washed over Alec in waves of warmth and comfort, and he kept his hands fisted in Magnus’ shirt, clinging too tightly but Magnus didn’t seem to mind. 

~

He cried himself out, eventually, buried in Magnus’ arms, and he was only vaguely aware of Magnus carrying him into their bed. He fell asleep like that, still holding Magnus like a lifeline, and if Magnus left while he was asleep, he came back and resumed the same position before Alec awoke. 

Alec’s throat was dry and scratchy, and one night of sleep couldn’t cancel out the thirty-six sleepless hours he’d spent beforehand, but Magnus was holding him like he was the most important thing in the world to him, and nothing else really mattered. He nuzzled in even closer to Magnus, losing himself in the light of his presence and the warmth of his hold. 

“Sayang,” Magnus murmured, fingers moving to run through Alec’s hair. “You’re awake?”

Alec hummed in response. 

“We do need to talk about this, love,” Magnus said quietly. 

That was unfortunate. Alec blinked open his eyes to meet Magnus’ unglamoured ones. “Do we have to? I was wrong, I was an idiot, but everything’s fine now.”

“Is it?” Magnus asked, meeting his eyes. “When you thought I was cheating, your reaction was to apologise for not being enough for me.” 

Alec looked away first. “It’s fine. You’re not cheating on me, so it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter,” Magnus said, running his fingers through Alec’s hair. “You need to understand, Alexander, that I am not going to get tired of you, or leave you, or think you’re not enough. Not ever, love. You are all I want.”

“I…” Alec trailed off, caught between denial and a longing for the promise in those words, the oath on Magnus’ tongue. “I can’t ask you to promise that,” he said weakly. 

“You can,” Magnus told him. “You can. Ask me, love.” 

“Promise me,” Alec blurted out, the words tumbling past his lips. “Promise me you’ll stay, Magnus, promise me, I couldn’t bear it if you—”

Magnus kissed him, his lips, his cheeks, his forehead. “I’ll stay, sayang. I’ll stay as long as you want me, because I’ll never stop wanting you, I’ll never need more than you. I’ll stay.” 

Alec wrapped his arms around him with a half-sob and pulled him closer, trying to breathe through the love rising in him, because he could hear the certainty ringing in Magnus’ voice, the love he didn’t deserve but had received. He might not understand why Magnus loved him, but Magnus did love him, and that was everything. 

~

Magnus held Alec as he drifted off to sleep again, running his fingers through his husband’s hair soothingly. 

Anger was burning under his skin at everyone who’d hurt Alec: his parents, who’d first told him he wasn’t perfect exactly as he was; his siblings, who’d supported the lesson, and then told Alec about Magnus’ supposed cheating rather than confronting Magnus himself about it. He would certainly be having a conversation with them — Magnus might have been more generous with them, but Alec had spent two days convinced Magnus didn’t love him above all else, and then he’d spent hours sobbing into Magnus’ chest from the pent-up heartbreak of it all. 

But talking to Alec’s siblings could wait, because Izzy and Jace were far from the most important thing. 

All that mattered right then was holding Alec close until the terrible pain faded from his features and he could properly believe in Magnus’ love.

#whumptober2022 #no.15 #emotional damage #lies #breathing through the pain #fic #my fic #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #implied/referenced cheating #no actual cheating #magnus bane #alec lightwood #magnus x alec #alec lightwood bane #magnus lightwood bane #malec #alec x magnus #hurt/comfort #alec lightwood deserves nice things #alec lightwood has self-worth issues

[earthtolottie]

Title: Never Enough Fandom: Shadowhunters Pairing: Malec (Alec Lightwood & Magnus Bane) Summary: Alec Lightwood has always done his best when it comes down to following his parents orders. For a long time, he had pushed his own dreams and ambitions away in favour of following the path they have wanted him to walk since he was a child and like the good son, he wanted nothing more than to please them. Up until now, he had thought he was doing just that until the High Inquisitor visits and Alec is left doubting his ability to run the Institute. In turn, he goes to the one person he can trust and rely on for support; the High Warlock, Magnus Bane. Word Count: 7,376

Prompt: “Talk to me.” Alec’s head was pounding as he lay down on the couch in his office.

He knew that taking over the initial running of the Institute from his parents would be a lot of hard work, he knew that he would run up against some brick walls and he also knew that there would be a lot of paperwork which needed to be completed and filed away after every mission - he didn’t mind doing that, just like he didn’t mind staying up later than the others in order to make sure that it’s finished - that was all fine. What he did mind though, and what he never thought would happen in a million years, is getting this much stick from Isabelle and Jace when he accepted the role.

Ever since he said yes, they have been acting as if he’s no longer their brother, that he’s nothing more to them than just being their boss and he honestly hates that. He even questioned them about it when they got back from patrol one evening, not that it did any good, of course.

“If we would have told you about the last mission, you would have automatically disapproved.” Jace had told him as he reached for the Seraph Blade he had used for the last mission and put it back in the storage closet. “If you weren’t running this place, then you wouldn’t have thought twice about coming with us; you’re my Parabatai, and we go into battle together. But you’re too into following the rules, you don’t know how to loosen up.”

“I love you, brother, but Jace is right,” Isabelle had chimed in as she walked up the steps to the training area. “I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing, this is something that you’ve always wanted and I’m proud of you for being able to accomplish it but you need to remember to have some fun once in a while too.”

All Alec could do was frown after them as they walked away, talking between them about the highlights of the mission.

He couldn’t deny that they were right though.

It’s true that this has been something in which he has been working hard for ever since he was old enough to understand the purpose of the Institute and the importance of his parents job within the Clave but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like to live a little. He’s been known to have broken a fair few of the Clave’s rules in his time, especially when Clary first came barrelling into their lives; he probably couldn’t even count them on one hand.

It’s not something he’s proud of though.

As the eldest of the Lightwood children, Alec is the one who has been chosen to take care of the New York Shadowhunter’s when his parents eventually decide to fully take a step back from the Institute, perhaps take some time to work on fixing the broken shard of a marriage for Max’s sake as much as their own. When that time comes, it’s going to be up to Alec to make sure that everything carries on running as smooth as possible. It’s up to him to carry the Lightwood name and fix the mistakes that his parents had made in their time, maybe even put some new rules into place among the Shadowhunters to help educate them better about Downworlders, and how they can be trustworthy allies if only they were given the chance to prove themselves and it’s up to Alec to make sure that any and all conflicts in the future are avoided.

Which often means saying no to his siblings.

As much as he wants to please them, by allowing them to conduct and execute the missions their own way, Alec has to put his foot down when it comes to making sure that they follow along with the Clave’s rules, regardless of how twisted some of them can be. The Law is the Law, he would solemnly remind them as they started to argue with him and he desperately wished that Isabelle and Jace would just take a second to understand that and to realise that when it comes down to official business, his hands are literally tied. He can’t always say yes and if things go wrong, then even he won’t be able to keep them safe from the Clave’s punishments.

But hey, if they want to learn the hard way, then they’re more than happy to takeover for a week.

They’d probably burn the place down within a day, Alec thinks as he lets his eyes close.

Alec can feel his eyelids getting heavier as he starts to drift off.

His head is still pounding as he shifts to get comfortable, finally settling on his left side after a few minutes and lets out a long exhale of breath.

For the past seventy-two hours, Alec had been working pretty much non-stop; he grabbed a few hours rest here and there but he doesn’t even think that he’s taken any time to grab something decent to eat, which mixed with the lack of sleep probably explains the pounding in his head. The Institute has been busier than usual and with news of Demon attacks hitting Midtown, Alec needed to keep an eye on the reports to make sure that there were no civilians harmed all the while allocating patrols to his team every half hour. He briefly considered sending Isabelle to check if Meliorn could persuade his Queen to help defend the Mundanes but he thought better of it. Ever since the night he had taken him captive and was due to deliver him to the Clave, things had been tense between them and he didn’t want to make things worse.

The last thing I need right now is a pissed-off Seelie, Alec thinks as he lets out a yawn. At least we sorted the issue out on our own.

His team had managed to get all the attacks under control after a few hours and it had allowed Alec to finally have some time to himself.

At least, that’s what he was hoping for.

“So, this is what you get up to when you’re not watching your rogue siblings.” A brisk voice calls out from the doorway to the office.

Alec’s eyes fly open and he pushes himself up from the couch, his tiredness forgotten as he looked around at the newcomer.

“Madame Inquisitor,” he greets with a slight bow, his lips dry. “I was just... I wasn’t informed that you would be visiting today.”

“And why should you be?” The Inquisitor responds, her tone sharp and her words short as she moves over to his desk. “You’re only the acting Head of the Institute while your parents sort through the official paperwork to make you the permanent choice... if you’re successful, that is.”

“Ma’am?” Alec asks, his head spinning as he moves to stand in front of the Inquisitor... in front of his desk.

“How long have you been running this Institute, Mr Lightwood?”

Alec takes a second too long to think; the Inquisitor is deliberately putting him under pressure in the hopes that he would slip up and say the wrong thing. He doesn’t want to say the wrong thing but he’s anxious about why she even dropped by unannounced, on today of all days.

“Mr Lightwood, is that too hard of a question for you?” The Inquisitor asks, her tone patronising.

“Two months, Madame Inquisitor,” Alec replies, his mind certain of the answer but his voice betrayed him, sounding unsure.

Madam Inquisitor doesn’t say anything in response to that, she just stares up at him through cold eyes.

Alec shifts nervously from one foot to the other.

He has been around Senior officials of the Clave before, but being scrutinised by the High Inquisitor of Idris... it made him anxious. Not only that, but he didn’t understand why he was getting a surprise visit from her, there had been no official reports filed that needed her assistance and as far as Alec is aware, everything had been running smooth enough that he was confident that he was at least doing an adequate job.

The look on the Inquisitor’s face told him otherwise, and he felt sick to his stomach as he waited for her to speak.

“You’re two months into running this Institute and you have already had more reported Demon attacks and unauthorised missions than any of the other Institutes combined. The majority of the missions involving your siblings, whether that’s a coincidence or now, I don’t know but I’m beginning to think that your parents made a very big mistake in leaving you in charge in their absence. Perhaps it would have been better for you to have more time to prepare for the role, or perhaps they should have made the decision to call in someone else to shadow you for a few days before leaving.” Madame Inquisitor says, her tone cold and her eyes never leaving Alec. “I must say I’m very disappointed, Mr Lightwood.”

“With all due respect, Ma’am, I’ve been running the Institute just fine without assistance.”

“Just fine,” she repeats, her eyes calculating as she looks up at him.

“That’s not...” Alec starts but she immediately cuts him off.

“I would certainly hope that even as an acting Head of this Institute that it would be run better than just fine, Mr Lightwood, though I wouldn’t have expected anything more than that from a Shadowhunter who has a conflict of interest when it comes down to dealing with Downworlders.” Madame Inquisitor states, standing back up from the chair and taking a step around the desk in order to face him as she continued to say, “Which is why I am going to be appointing Jonathan as the new Head of the New York Institute from this moment on, at least until the official vote has been taken.”

Alec’s heart stops beating for a second as he looks at her, shock spreading across his expression.

“Inquisitor...” Alec started but again, she cut him off.

“It’s Madame Inquisitor, Mr Lightwood, and I don’t believe that this is a discussion; you will step down effective immediately.”

Alec opened his mouth to protest but he quickly shut it again.

Arguing with her would do no good, and it certainly wouldn’t win him any points with his parents when they find out that he’s been demoted in favour of Jace, of all people. Don’t get him wrong, Alec is happy that Jace is finally getting a chance to prove his leadership skills but he doesn’t know the first thing about running the New York Institute, it was never in his plans and it most certainly wasn’t part of Maryse and Robert’s plans either.

Alec can only imagine how Isabelle is going to react when she finds out that there’s been a change in leadership when it’s time for the next meeting, which if Madame Inquisitor has anything to say about it, won’t be long now.

Letting out a sigh, Alec bows stiffly to the Inquisitor and turns to walk out of the office.

------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------

Alec had needed a walk in order to calm himself down, his tiredness long forgotten as he walked down an almost deserted street in China Town. His mind wasn’t in control of his feet as he walked, his head bowed down low and eyebrows furrowed as he thought about what had just happened.

Jace had been chosen to take over the role as Head of the New York Institute.

Alec had been asked to step down immediately, and it was suggested that he was to take some time away from the Institute and that was all before he had to pass his fellow Shadowhunters, walk past his own team that looked to him for advice and leadership, being escorted like he was a criminal by Madame Inquisitor’s security team down to the grand foyer with nothing more than his precious bow and quiver strapped on his back and a few minimal choices of clothes that should last him a few days stuffed into a duffel bag which he tightened his grip around the strap as he walks.

This wasn’t how this was supposed to go, Alec thought as he headed further down the street.

There have been times in his life that he could recall being classed as a disappointment to his parents, one of them being when he had called off his wedding to Lydia Branwell in favour of kissing Magnus Bane in front of the entire Clave that was in attendance but that compared to how he was feeling right now was a whole other level. When he called off the wedding, he felt like a great big weight had been lifted off his shoulders, he found himself being able to breath a lot easier when he realised what he truly wanted. It’s true that his Mom was beyond pissed at him and she did a pretty good job of giving him the silent treatment but he didn’t think that he could ever do something so wrong that it would top that moment.

He should have known that things were going far too smoothly; he hadn’t received any contact from the Clave for a few days, it was practically radio silence on their side, and Alec was too focused on dealing with the Demon attacks to even pay them any mind. He was doing the best that he could to contain the level of destruction the Demons were creating; he was trying his best to hold not only himself but the entire Institute together and he honestly believed that it was working out.

Ever since he was promoted to Head of the Institute following his parents departure, people were actually starting to listen to him when he gave them orders, they followed them without questioning his judgement and after so many years of having his orders ignored by Isabelle and Jace, even they started to listen to him... most of the time, at least. People were finally starting to listen to him and Alec had to admit that he liked it.

Growing up, he was always overshadowed by Jace and Isabelle, they were the most confident out of the Lightwood children and as hard as they tried, they couldn’t seem to bring Alec out of his shell. He was most content when he was training or spending time reading in his room. Growing up at the Institute, it didn’t exactly allow Alec to be social with others who weren’t Shadowhunters, but that all changed when he met Magnus.

From the moment Alec had laid eyes on the Warlock, it was like he was being seen by someone for the first time in a long time.

Magnus has always said that it was Alec who had unlocked something within him but in all honesty, it was Magnus who had unlocked Alec. It was Magnus that brought Alec out of his shell and gave him both the confidence and reassurance which he needed to become a leader that his parents would be proud of. Once news reaches them about this, Alec can only hope that Magnus would be able to reassure him that everything would be okay... that his parents would still believe in his abilities and would go against the Inquisitor’s decision to demote him.

As Alec stops walking, he lets himself think of the worst case scenario; even if Maryse and Robert take the news badly, Alec’s not going to be alone. Isabelle and Jace might be on his side but out of all of them, Magnus is the one that will stand by Alec, no matter what.

With this thought in mind, it didn’t surprise Alec when he finally looked up and found himself standing in front of Magnus’s apartment building.

It seems as though his mind was in control of his feet after all as this is exactly where he wanted to be right now.

------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------

“Alexander!” Magnus beams as he opens the door to his apartment but upon seeing the look on Alec’s face, he adds, “What’s happened?”

Alec shifts from one foot to the other, one hand rubbing the back of his neck as he looks at Magnus through thick lashes, duffel bag in hand.

“Would it be alright if I stay with you for a while?” He asks softly, his voice low.

“You never have to ask, Alexander; you’re always welcome to stay,” Magnus smiles, his tone soft as he takes hold of Alec’s hand.

Alec returns his smile with one of his own, a smile Alec notes, doesn’t quite reach his eyes as he lets the Warlock lead him over the threshold and into the apartment, shutting the door behind him with a quick flick of his wrist and with a minimal exertion of magic to put his wards back in place.

“Thank you.”

All of the tension that was in Alec’s body melted away the moment he stepped into the apartment, the familiar warmth of Magnus’s presence alone was enough to ease the tension out of Alec’s shoulders and once again the exhaustion he had felt earlier in the evening, came rushing back to him. He stumbled forward a step and was caught by Magnus, his hands resting on his shoulders as if to steady him.

“Hey, are you alright?” Magnus asks as his eyes scan Alec over. “Are you hurt?”

Alec shakes his head as he looks at Magnus, a soft smile on his lips as he leans forward until their foreheads touch.

“Alexander...” Magnus breathes out, reaching a hand up so that it’s resting on the back of Alec’s neck. “Talk to me.”

“I’m okay, I’m just a little tired,” Alec admits, letting out a small sigh. “It’s been a long day.”

Magnus catches Alec’s gaze and looks at him with concern as he contemplates his words.

Magnus knew that Alec worked harder than any other Shadowhunter he had known in order to get to his ambition of running the Institute, it was a quality in which Magnus could relate; he had to fight tooth and nail to become the High Warlock of Brooklyn and he didn’t want to think about how many all-nighters he had spent in dealing with one problem or another, his magic being pushed until he was on the verge of passing out.

It’s definitely a quality that has certainly helped Magnus to connect with Alec.

During all the late nights he spent with Alec in his office at the Institute, he watched the young Shadowhunter pouring over multiple reports, his hands running through his unruly hair when he was trying to work out the next piece of the puzzle, his shoulders tensing while his posture grew taller when he was addressing his subordinates. It made Magnus feel so unbelievably proud to see him in action, to see him dive into his role as the Head of the New York Institute, to see him achieving his dreams and following them that one step closer towards becoming the High Inquisitor of Alicante. However, the Alec that was standing in front of him now, wasn’t the same, confident Alec that he had watched countless times direct his own team... this Alec was dishevelled, tired and unable to keep from looking anywhere and everywhere.

To Magnus, he reminded him of a deer that was caught in the headlights, not knowing what to do next and the resemblance broke his heart.

“I’m sorry for just dropping by like this but I didn’t know where else to go,” Alec murmurs, his tone weary.

“Don’t apologise, I’m glad that you came to me. Now, why don’t you come and have a seat and I’ll get you a cup of tea,” Magnus replies softly, tilting his head up just enough to meet Alec’s lips, kissing him briefly before gesturing with one arm to the couch, his other remained resting on Alec’s shoulder, letting him know in his own way that he’s here for him and that he’s glad that he came to him.

“I don’t suppose you have anything stronger?” Alec asks as he leans back against the plush material.

Magnus looks over his shoulder at Alec, his eyebrows raised in question as he passes on his way to the drinks cabinet.

“Like I said, it’s been a long day,” Alec confirms, a small hint of a smile on his lips.

“Wine it is,” Magnus smiles back, summoning two wine glasses into his hand and turning back to the cabinet.

Magnus found it endearing really, that Alec had asked for something stronger than tea. When he had first met the Shadowhunter, he wasn’t much of a drinker, but after spending the occasional evening at Magnus’s apartment, he had seemed to have acquired a taste for alcohol, though Magnus was always careful in choosing the drinks he gave to Alec, not wanting to incapacitate the Shadowhunter in case he was needed back at the Institute.

It’s become one of Magnus’s favourite time of the day, enjoying Alec’s company as they connect over drinks.

Actually, who is he kidding?

Any time he spends with Alexander is his favourite part of the day.

He quickly pours their drinks and picks up the glasses, turning back to face Alec who was looking like he was a million miles away, a lost look in his eyes as Magnus slowly makes his way towards him. Magnus didn’t want to startle him so before he took a seat, he quietly cleared his throat, holding out one of the wine glasses for him to take, which he does with a brief smile, shaking his head from whatever thought was occupying it.

“I must say Alexander, you’re starting to worry me,” Magnus admits, taking a seat beside him and tentatively leans against Alec’s shoulder.

Alec doesn’t say anything in response and for a moment, Magnus thinks that he might have fallen asleep but then he heard Alec’s shuddering intake of breath and he knew that something horrible was definitely playing on the Shadowhunter’s mind.

“Alec,” Magnus calls out, shifting round on the couch so that he’s facing him, eyebrows furrowed in concern as he asks, “What is it?”

“I...” Alec breathes out, his voice cracking.

He didn’t want to tell Magnus what had happened through fear that the Warlock would abandon him, just like he knew his parents were going to do once the news reached them, if it hadn’t already - news tends to travel fast around the Institute and it doesn’t take long to reach Idris either.

In the back of his mind, Alec knew that he was being stupid thinking that Magnus would ever do such a thing, the Warlock has gone through his own fair share of abandonment in his extraordinarily long life, so he understands the pain that Alec is going through, but he just couldn’t face saying the words out loud, at least not yet. If he says them to Magnus, then it becomes real but if he holds it all in...

“Alexander,” Magnus presses, giving Alec’s shoulder a little shake.

“Madame Inquisitor arrived at the Institute and she’s demanded that I step down with immediate effect,” Alec blurts out.

Alec’s mind had apparently already decided to tell Magnus the truth.

As he let out the breath he didn’t realise he had been holding, he felt a tremendous weight life from his shoulders but that wasn’t enough to stop his stomach from twisting at the thought of what Magnus would think of him. He couldn’t stop thinking that Magnus would be disgusted at him that he couldn’t hold onto an important role, that he would think Alec useless and would push him away and out of the apartment. He knew it was ridiculous, of course, Magnus wasn’t like that and he certainly wouldn’t push Alec away, but Alec still couldn’t look him in the eye as he sips at the wine.

“That’s not all,” Magnus replies, his voice even despite the flash of anger that crosses his expression.

Whether it was directed at Alec or at the Inquisitor, Alec wasn’t so sure that he wanted to know.

Alec shakes his head as he raises the glass once more, but Magnus’s hand stops him from raising it to his lips.

“Alec, what else happened?” Magnus presses.

Alec knows that if he says the words, he’s going to crack.

He could already feel himself falling apart but one look at Magnus and his mouth started running itself.

“She made Jace the Head of the Institute,” Alec murmurs as he knocks back the remaining wine Magnus had supplied him with. “Apparently having a personal connection to a Downworlder means that I am no longer able to remain objective enough to efficiently run the Institute.”

Alec places the now empty wine glass down on the coffee table with a little more force than he intended, causing the glass to shatter everywhere.

“Shit!” Alec exclaims as he reaches for the broken pieces, not realising that a piece was sticking up until his hand connected and started to draw blood.

“Alexander...” Magnus breathes out, trying to keep Alec’s attention on him.

Alec was too worked up to notice what Magnus was doing, he was too focused on cleaning the broken glass up just in case Magnus somehow got hurt too. It’s an automatic reaction that has been drilled into him; if you make a mess, Alexander, it’s your responsibility to clean it up, his Mother used to scowl before turning on her heels and walking away from him, leaving him on his own to fix whatever he had messed up.

As Alec takes in a shuddering breath of panic, his hands shaking from the glass cutting him, he couldn’t help but think that if today has taught him anything, it’s that he’s not capable of doing anything right without something being messed up.

I can’t even put a simple glass down without it breaking, he thinks miserably as he keeps cleaning up the shards.

He faintly hears Magnus talking to him but his brain couldn’t comprehend what he was saying through his frustration and overall exhaustion.

“Alec, stop.” Magnus says firmly, reaching out to still Alec’s trembling hands while his eyes scanned Alec’s face until he caught his gaze and then added in a softer tone, “Just stop for a second and breathe with me, okay? It’s just a glass, I can easily fix it or make it disappear with a click of my fingers, just take a deep breath with me, okay? And then let it out... that’s good, can you keep doing that for me while I clean up your hand?”

Alec didn’t say anything, he didn’t trust his mouth with words at the moment so he simply nods in response, his hazel eyes never leaving Magnus’s beautiful brown ones, even when the Warlock waved a hand with an over-flourishment of movement and the wound on his hand closed. The blood that was quickly staining his skin disappearing a second later, not leaving a single trace that it had even been there in the first place.

Alec takes in another breath.

In all honesty, he doesn’t know why he’s getting so worked up about a broken wine glass, it’s as Magnus said, it’s just a glass. He knows that he’s being stupid, just like he knows that he needs to keep his breathing steady and under control but his mind is running a thousand miles per hour and it was feeling like everything was finally starting to crush him under the weight of all the pressure and responsibility he had to carry.

He was literally too exhausted to even care about breaking down in front of Magnus.

Alec doubts that Magnus would think any less of him if he did actually start crying but he shook the thought away as quickly as it came; Magnus has been his rock, his one consistent presence and has already pretty much witnessed every single mood Alec has gone through, whether it was intentional or not, and yet he was still here... Magnus wasn’t going anywhere and if he were fazed by Alec’s mood swings, then he didn’t let it show.

Magnus places a hand to the side of Alec’s face before pulling him towards him, his head resting on top of Alec’s as he holds him close.

“I’m sorry,” Alec murmurs into Magnus’s neck. “I didn’t mean to burden this on you, I’m just tired and I can’t think straight.”

Magnus tightens his grip on Alec as he places a kiss on top of his head.

“You don’t ever have to apologise, Alexander. It’s understandable that you’re frustrated; Imogen Herondale... well, let me put it this way, she’s not the easiest woman in the world to get along with,” Magnus states as he brushes a strand of hair away from Alec’s eyes. “It’s no secret that she respects honour and her family over anything else and she doesn’t beat around the bush in regards to her dislike of Downworlders and especially of me.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec says, his words honest. “The way that she treats you and every other Downworlder... it’s sickening.”

“It’s to be expected,” Magnus confirms. “We’ve come to accept our place around Shadowhunters. We may not like it, especially when we’re up against people like Imogen but we’ve all learnt to adapt and for the most part, we live peacefully together and every once in a blue moon, we come across a Shadowhunter with such a pure heart, it makes even the most grumpiest of Warlock’s sing... Shadowhunters like you, Alec.”

“You shouldn’t have to expect that though, no one should.” Alec says, his voice cracking. “And a pure heart can only get you so far.”

He knew that there were Shadowhunters out in the world who disliked Downworlders and would do all that they could in order to avoid helping them, his parents for starters were among those who wore their prejudice on their sleeves, they laid it out clear to those they were leading, making it abundantly clear to them that anyone who thinks otherwise, shouldn’t even be at the Institute. Alec hated them for that. He hated that they couldn’t see past their own teachings enough to realise that the world was changing around them, that it doesn’t matter if they’re Downworlders or not.

The Angel and the Shadowhunters are there to protect all those in need and that includes Downworlders, whether they like it or not.

It’s a lesson that Alec was determined to teach them as he accepted his place at the Institute but now... he can feel the built-up tears finally breaking free from his eyes as he tightens his grip on Magnus, his head burrowing deeper into Magnus’s neck as he holds back his cries.

“Shh, it’s okay, Alexander,” Magnus murmurs into his ear, his voice soothing as he runs a hand through Alec’s hair.

Alec couldn’t speak anymore, he couldn’t do much of anything anymore apart from grasping onto Magnus and just letting himself be held by the Warlock who against all odds, chose Alec to be his one and only; a choice that Alec is still processing.

Magnus doesn’t say anything as Alec cries.

He knows how much being the Head of the Institute had meant to Alec, and his own heart was breaking at the sight of his boyfriend crumbling to pieces in his arms at the decision of one bitter, grudge-bearing old woman. In the years that he’s known her, he had tried his best to get along with her, especially after he heard news of the death of her son, Stephen. He had offered her comfort and had tried to form an alliance, just in case she needed a Warlock for anything but she had turned on him quicker than he turned to his magic, pushing him away and shutting him out and now, she’s doing the exact same thing to Alec.

It had nothing to do with Alec’s ability to run the Institute.

She’s pushing him away and shutting him out for the choice he’s made in regards to a partner.

He could feel the anger bubbling inside of him but he forced himself to remain calm. It would not do Alec any good if Magnus unleashed his fury on the Inquisitor and it would most likely destroy him if he was taken away by the Silent Brothers and locked up for his actions. Any time away from Alec was painful enough, especially with how dangerous their jobs could be, and Magnus did not want to be the one responsible for Alec’s pain.

So, instead of creating chaos, he just sits there, running his hand soothingly through Alec’s hair as he holds onto him, not wanting to let him go.

------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------

Alec shuffles out of Magnus’s bedroom feeling much more refreshed but embarrassed by his breakdown the night before.

He wasn’t sure at which point they had moved from the couch into Magnus’s bedroom but he was grateful at not having to sleep on the couch; it was comfortable enough to make out with Magnus but sleeping on the thing took a strain on his back and neck. Alec shudders at the reminder of the first time he stayed over and he awoke the next morning, hardly able to move. It took ages for him to lose the stiffness from his limbs that had crept into his bones and muscles while he slept.

This morning though, he felt like he had slept on a cloud.

Following the scent of coffee, Alec finds Magnus bustling around the kitchen, hand brewing a pot of coffee like a Mundane instead of summoning one like he usually did.

When he first saw Magnus summon a coffee from the local coffee shop, he was amazed but felt guilty about him just taking the coffee without paying for it, so when he left to head to the Institute, he called in on his way and just left some money on the counter which caused the girl that was standing by the coffee machine to give him a look as if to say ‘what are you doing? I haven’t taken your order’ but he shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something about ‘paying it forward’ before quickly leaving.

It eased the guilt and he was able to enjoy the rest of his day.

He isn’t sure if Magnus ever found out about him leaving money in return for the coffee but he hasn’t seen him summon a cup since.

Alec leans against the door frame, a smile on his face as he watches Magnus for a few moments.

He takes in the sight of his morning attire, he takes in the way his hair was still ruffled from sleep and he listened to the content humming as he moved with ease, gathering mugs and milk; he moved as easily and with the same contentment he shows when he’s working on a new potion or learning a new spell.

Deciding to make his presence known, Alec straightens up and steps behind Magnus, his arms wrapping around the Warlock’s slim waist as he nuzzles his nose against the back of his neck, breathing in the scent of the Sandalwood shampoo he loved so much.

Magnus chuckles softly as he turns around in Alec’s arms, his own wrapping around Alec’s waist as he tilts his head up for a kiss; Alec is more than happy to oblige.

“I must say, Alexander, this is a wonderful way to start the day,” Magnus beams when he pulls back from the kiss.

His forehead remains resting against Alec’s as they both take a moment to catch their breaths.

“I’m glad that I could make it up to you,” Alec murmurs, his nose grazing affectionately against Magnus’s.

“What do you mean?” Magnus asks, confused.

“You know... for coming round so late and having a breakdown... you can’t say that it didn’t ruin your evening,” Alec murmurs, his voice low.

“Alexander, as I told you last night, you never have to apologise to me, ever, and I would much rather you have a breakdown here than have one when you’re on your own and unable to calm down. It’s like I’ve said before, your burden are my burdens and we will get through them together.”

Alec closes his eyes and pulls Magnus closer to him as he recalls the fear he had felt last night.

He had been so afraid that if he laid his worries out in front of Magnus, that the older man would turn and push him away. He knew that it was stupid to think that way last night but now, hearing Magnus’s words, he wanted to laugh at how ridiculous he had been. Alec had nothing to worry about when it came down to Magnus’s feelings for him. He should know to have more trust in the Warlock. It was hearing Magnus’s words that made Alec realise that it didn’t matter what position he held at the Institute, or how his parents and fellow Shadowhunters viewed him - the only person’s opinion which Alec really cared about and counted on was Magnus’s.

Still, it doesn’t hurt to want to hear the words spoken out loud every once in a while.

“I love you,” Alec announces, his lips brushing against Magnus’s once more.

“And I love you... so much so that I have a little surprise for you,” Magnus smiles, returning Alec’s kiss before he spins on his heels to face the door as the buzzer sounds. “Now, I know yesterday was a bad day for you and as much as I know you love my magic tricks, I thought I would do one better.”

Now it was Alec’s turn to be confused.

He tilts his head to the side as Magnus swings open the apartment door, revealing Catarina and Madzie standing on the other side.

“Magnus!” Madzie smiles as soon as she sees him and wraps her arms around his neck when he kneels down to her height.

“Sweet Pea!” Magnus greets with a smile of his own as he embraces the young girl.

Alec folds his arms across his chest as he leans back against the door frame, a smile on his face as he watches the two Warlock’s embrace. He had told Magnus before that he would make a great Father, if the future was kind enough to allow them to start a family together. Magnus had spent so much of his life taking care of others, that his skills are unmatchable. His eyes briefly glance up at Catarina who gives him a warm smile of her own.

He takes a step forward and watches as Madzie’s eyes go wide as she spots him standing behind Magnus.

“Alec!” The young Warlock cries out as she rushes towards him, smile wide as she jumps into his arms.

“Madzie! Hey! How’s my favourite little sorceress?” Alec asks, a grin of his face as he adjusts his grip so that she’s resting on his right hip.

“I’m going to have a sleepover with Magnus!” Madzie exclaims excitedly, wrapping her arms around Alec’s neck. “Are you going to stay too?”

“Yeah!” Alec replied, placing a kiss on her temple.

“Can we play Sharks and Minnows?!”

“You bet we can!” Alec smiles and starts to tickle her sides as she giggles.

Magnus looks over at Catarina who had a hand over her heart; she was completely enamoured by how much love Alec had for Madzie.

It’s no secret that Catarina was skeptical about Alec at first, Magnus knew that and she wasn’t the first one to express doubts either. Raphael was quick to jump on him about his decision just like every other Downworlder he came across but after properly meeting him and spending some time with him, Catarina had grown to respect Alec for who he is and to not judge him based on his position at the Institute and amongst his Shadowhunter peers.

It really meant a lot to Magnus that his best friend was trying her best to get to know his boyfriend, and vice versa.

Magnus smiles from his place at the door, allowing the warmth to spread through him as he watches Alec and Madzie interact with each other. He wishes that Catarina could stay a little longer to enjoy this precious moment but he knew that she had to head off and so, he turned his attention to her.

“I really appreciate you bringing Madzie here and allowing her to sleep over,” Magnus begins.

“It’s not a problem at all, actually your call came at the right time; I’ve been asked to speak at a conference in Marrakesh and I wasn’t sure what to do with Madzie - they have some pretty strict rules over there about children and conferences,” Catarina explained, glancing over at the little girl. “But it seems as though this is the right place for her to stay while I’m away.”

“You know that I would be more than happy to look after her whenever you need, right?” Magnus asks, taking hold of her hands.

“I do but I know how busy you get,” Catarina smiles. “Especially now that you’re helping Alec at the Institute.”

Magnus drops his gaze at her words, the smile slipping into a grimace at the mention of the place that’s caused Alec so much stress.

“You are still helping at the Institute, right? They haven’t banished you or anything along those lines?” Catarina presses, picking up on Magnus’s discomfort around the subject; she had always been able to read him like a book, it was part of the reason why he liked her so much.

“Actually... it appears that at the moment Alec is the one who has been pushed out,” Magnus murmurs, his voice low enough so only she could hear.

“What? Why?” Catarina demands, her voice just as low as she leans in closer.

“Imogen Herondale has made an appearance and made an informal decision to choose her own Grandson as the Head of the Institute while Alec’s parents are away sorting out their marital issues. Alec didn’t exactly take the news as well as the Inquisitor had hoped he would and he broke down last night. Which is why I called you to see if we could have Madzie for a few days; she’s the best at distracting him.” Magnus explained, looking back at the young Warlock and the lost Shadowhunter as they take turns pulling a variety of funny faces at each other until they both burst out in playful laughter.

“Well, we all know how Imogen can get and honestly, I’m not surprised with her choice.”

“Yeah, me neither but that doesn’t mean she’s right; Alec was born for the role, not Jace.”

Catarina was quiet for a moment as she followed Magnus’s gaze to where Madzie was sitting contently on Alec’s hip as he spun them around.

The sound of Madzie’s laughter reached her ears and she couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle of her own; she loved seeing Madzie happy and when she was around Alec, she couldn’t help but have a great big smile on her face as she played her favourite games with him.

“Take her for as long as you need,” she says, her voice soft.

“Are you sure?” Magnus asks, wanting to make sure that Catarina was really okay with it.

“Yes, besides it looks as though she’s doing a great job already of keeping Alec occupied; she’ll wear him out by lunch if she keeps up this pace,” she smiles. “Tell Alec that I’m sorry to hear his news and just give me a call if you need anything, or if Madzie needs anything, okay?”

“Of course, my dear, thank you.”

Magnus reaches out to embrace Catarina before bidding her farewell.

She takes one last look back at Madzie before turning and walking out the front door to the waiting portal that will take her to Marrakesh.

Closing the door behind Catarina, Magnus puts a smile on his face and spins back round to face Alec and Madzie, clapping his hands together.

“Okay, who’s up for some pancakes?”

If you would like to support future works, then please consider buying me a coffee at https://ko-fi.com/earthtolottie - I appreciate you all!

#EarthToLottie #FanFic Writer #Shadowhunters #Alec Lightwood #Magnus Bane #Malec #Emotional Hurt/Comfort #Panic Attacks #Catarina Loss #Madzie

[dramaticalisando]

Shadowhunters

All Was Golden by Foodsies

Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood || Teen And Up Audiences || M/M || +70

Alec tem quase 6 anos quando conhece sua alma gêmea. Quando Magnus recebe sua marca de alma, seu aniversário de 800 anos já passou. Ambos sonhavam em conhecer sua outra metade, mas os encontros continuam a assombrá-los."Não tenho interesse no mundo que você quer", ele cospe antes de olhar Alec bem nos olhos "ou em seu pirralho sem dúvida repelente, devo acrescentar".

Link 🔗🔗🔗

#Soulmate-Identifying Marks #Hurt/Comfort #Emotional Hurt/Comfort #Romance #Meet-Ugly #Alternate Universe - Soulmates #Immortal Alec Lightwood #might not get mentioned but he's immortal #BAMF Alec Lightwood #BAMF Magnus Bane #Canon-Typical Violence #( shadowhunters ) #fic+rec+page #ao3 fanfic #ao3 tags

[liron-ao3]

D – DEPRESSIVE

[Shadowhunters Ace ABC]

Teen & up

1,943 words

Watching his favourite show, Alec is hit by a sudden wave of internalised acephobia that puts him in a depressive spiral.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39563007

#human au #sex repulsed alec lightwood #asexual alec lightwood #good husband magnus bane #internalised acephobia #emotional hurt and comfort

[lawsofchaos1]

Shadowhunter Promptlet: Empath Alec Lightwood

Imagine an AU where certain powerful Downworlders and some Shadowhunters from the oldest bloodlines, the ones most connected to Raziel, have special powers.

Alec is the eldest son of two ancient lineages and no one is surprised when his gift is unusually strong. Alec is an empath/psychometric and can feel everyone's emotions through touch. The emotions are overpowering and hurt, so he wears gloves almost every waking minute of the day and avoids touch from pretty much everyone, only occasionally allowing Izzy or Jace close, but never any direct skin contact.

Magnus, son of Asmodeus, is equally strong in his gift - a telepath who can influence people's emotions in addition to reading minds. Although, people are horrible, so Magnus has iron clad shields to prevent that as much as possible.

Magnus has locked his heart away for centuries because he is terrified that his partners only 'love' him because he's influenced them without meaning too.

When Magnus and Alec meet, Alec is absolutely entranced. Nobody has ever felt so good to him before, and feeling the edges of Magnus' emotions is like sinking into a warm bath. Magnus resists his own fast fall into love until he finds out that Alec is immune to being influenced by his emotions - he can feel them, but he knows they're not his. Magnus cries for the first time in centuries when he realizes that Alec's open adoration for him isn't something Magnus unknowingly manufactured in the thrall of loneliness and desperation.

Alec is touch-starved, their kiss at the altar the first time Alec has touched anybody's bare skin since he was a child. Afterwards, Alec indulges in Magnus' touch every chance he can get, reveling in every brush of warmth from Magnus' hands and lips and arms.

[Only hit Keep Reading if you want some optional hella angst before returning to the happy ending as scheduled.]

They’re still the wonderful, schmoopy Malec we adore, but Alec always feels in the back of his head like he somehow lucked out and stole Magnus from someone more deserving - he was literally Magnus’ only option after all.

On a mission one day, however, Alec discovers a lead on a magical artifact that would enable Magnus to selectively neutralize his powers.

Alec would do anything for even a small chance at changing his husband’s life like that- letting him be able to finally hug Ragnor and Cat and Raphael, let him hold Madzie’s hand.

But Alec knows in the deepest part of his heart that with every step he comes closer to finding the artifact, he takes one step closer to losing his husband. Why would Magnus choose Alec if this discovery opened up the whole world for Magnus to choose from?

Three weeks later, in an abandoned dockside warehouse, Alec stares down at the gem in his hand and thinks that it’s a cruel irony he would find this on the evening of their third anniversary.

He contemplates waiting, contemplates giving himself just one more time with Magnus, one more night to burn in his memory to last for the rest of his life, but he knows that every stolen touch would feel tainted and wrong.

The only question is, after giving the gem to Magnus, does he wait for his husband to ask for his freedom or does he offer to give it to him before he is forced to hear that request cross Magnus’ lips?

Alec doesn’t know which one will hurt worse.

[Return to happy ending post-haste after suitable amount of Miscommunication and Angst]

#malec #shadowhunters #lawsofchaos rambles #promptlet #alec lightwood deserves nice things #magnus bane deserves nice things #optional angsty middle before return to happy ending #angst with a happy ending

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

“How fucking dare you?” Magnus seethes. “Why would you do that?” He screams as he stops Alec and turns him around.

Alec’s face is devoid of any emotion. Anything other than rage that is.

It’s the one emotion that Magnus had not witnessed on the other man’s face in all the time he’s known him. Or this version of him knows him.

“Why would I do that?” Alec snaps back. “You have the audacity the ask me that?”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“The accident and amnesia weren’t your fault but you think you can cheat on me. Parade your new girlfriend around the world. Take every single thing from me and I wouldn’t do anything?”

Magnus throws his hands up in the air. He had asked Alec time and again. And all Alec had ever replied was with a smile.

“You said you were okay with it.”

Alec scoffs indignantly. “Of course I’m not okay with it. We’re fucking married.”

“Not anymore,” Magnus points out. “Not after what you just did.”

“This marriage was over the second you woke up.”

It doesn’t seem real. The words. This person. Alec’s not known Alec for long but this doesn’t seem real.

But Magnus has a habit of judging people wrong when he’s desperate for love. He assumes his past self did the same with this man.

Magnus might be horrible judge of character but he’s pretty fucking amazing at hurting someone with words.

“I am glad I forgot you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood,” his voice is stern, and he’s stating at Alec, pointing every word at his chest. “I do not want to remember the version of myself who could ever fall in love with someone as vicious as you.”

Alec doesn’t seem fazed as he replies, “I want you to clear out my house by the end of the week.”

Magnus blinks in astonishment.

“The loft is mine.”

“You should have thought of that before putting that in the pre-nup.”

Magnus chuckles dryly, but a sob comes out. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“I’m not doing anything to you, Magnus. You did this to me,” Alec swallows. “This is what you get.”

“I want you to know that I’ll be going back home to someone I love. While, you will be alone. So, you can take all of this from me. But you can never take the rest.”

Alec chuckles.

He loves when Alec smiles. When there’s a grin on his face. Even when Alec Lightwood says the most hurtful things, he looks absolutely stunning.

Magnus hates that.

“You think a marriage with you wasn’t lonely, Magnus?”

-the day I write this HIADT scene, it’s over for you bitches

#it’ll come soon enough #hopefully #hiadt #malec #magnus bane

[allinestarr]

Competitive Part 5

Sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy! - Alline 

Alec Lightwood x Fem Reader

Slowly you blink yourself awake. Looking around you realize you’re in Magnus’s home. The next thing you notice is you can’t move cause you’re tied down to a chair. After a few minutes of trying to shimmy your way out of the ropes you gave up. You’re next thought was attempting to knock yourself down and break the chair but as soon as you tried Magnus and the rest of the team walked in.

“ I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Not only is that my favorite antique Dutch chair, the ropes are magically bound so you couldn’t get them off if you tried.” Magnus smirked.

“ Y/N please don’t be mad at us. This is for your own good. Ever since you got back from that warehouse you've been acting strange. It’s like… you’ve changed. We think you might be under its influence so we asked Magnus and he agreed to help. Since we can't talk to you we had to take matters into our own hand. The only way to find out is to go inside your mind. And... its going to hurt. Im sorry but its for the best.” Jace sighed. 

The elixir kept most of your emotions at bay but the one you couldn’t control was the rage. You thrashed around like a bull in pure rage while Izzy and Clary looked away. Magnus came behind you and put his hands on the sides of your head. A blue light emitted from his hands while he said something in latin. It was excruciating and you screamed in agony. Blood started to drip from your nose and ears as you started to feel weak and light headed. Memories of your childhood flashed before you. Your Parabati ceremony. The moment you realized you were in love with Alec…Then you saw the warehouse. The demon mocking you while you fought with every ounce of strength you had till you killed him. And the pain, the unbearable pain. It felt like poison was coursing through your veins and your skin felt like lava. Then came the nightmares and sleepless nights. And then…nothing. Like everything after that was blocked. He took his hands away with a sigh. There was only one thing he knew did that. An elixir that numbs a persons emotions, takes away there dreams until they are noting but a walking, talking empty shell. Magnus undid the spell on the ropes and Jace and Alec carried you to the couch. Jace activated your healing rune while you were passed out. 

“ Well I know what's wrong with her.” Magnus said.

“ What is it?” Izzy anxiously asked.

“ She's not under any spell or influence from the demon. She suffered a lot after defeating the demon. The pain she felt… I could still feel it. Pure agony. While she was able to heal physically, she was still suffering with nightmares so terrible she eventually stopped sleeping. After that its all dark, no memories. Theres only one thing that can do that. An elixir that numbs you to any emotion. You basically become an empty shell. It can be permanent if taken for a long time. Some people have even gone mad from it. I can prepare her an elixir to help with the withdraw once she stops, but its her choice.”

Izzy sat down in shock. Jace hugged Clary while she cried and Alec looked down in disbelief. Suddenly you were up holding your bow with an arrow loaded towards Magnus. 

“ First, I will never forgive any of you for this. Especially you Izzy. My parabatai. We took an oath to eachother!You broke that when you let him do this to me. Second, you’re going to lower the wards and let me go cause you and I know I'm the quickest shot here and Ill have an arrow through your chest before you can wave your hand. Now do it.” you snarled. 

Magnus looked at you in shock but knew you were telling the truth. He sighed as he lowered the wards. You walked backwards with hands still around your bow and when you felt the door you opened it quickly. 

“ This is my final warning. All of you, stay away from me. If you ever try anything like this again, I will kill you. All of you.” 

You quickly ran down the hall and jumped out the window landing on your feet and ran as fast as you could to the only person who could help you now. Sookie. She was already waiting outside for you when you arrived at her house. 

“ Sookie thanks for meeting me. I need a favor, I promise its the last ill ask.” 

She looked at you questionably while she sat next to you on her couch. 

“ They know about the elixirs. They tricked me and kidnapped me and had Magnus look inside my head. They betrayed me and violated the only privacy I had in my mind. I want to leave but I know they will find me especially with my parabatai bond. I want you to cloak me. I need to focus on the only important thing at this moment which is to find and kill Valentine. Will you do it?” you pleaded. 

“ I don't know y/n. You know I care a lot about you but it could get really dangerous by yourself. Without the help of the clave and your friends, you could get yourself killed.” she cried. 

“ I can take care of myself and at the first sign of danger I will come back, I promise. You can do a tracking spell on me to know where I am so you know im ok and ill check in with you. But please, don't tell them where I am at any point.” 

She looked at you defeated knowing there was no way of talking you out of it but respected your wishes as she prepared the spells. After she finished you thanked her and made your way outside. The institute was the last place you could go and as much as you cared about Raphael and Simon you couldn't trust they would tell Izzy where you were. Your safe house was not an option cause Izzy knew where it was. New York was no longer safe so you decided you’d give Spain a try. Luckily for you the cloak Sookie put over you not only enables them from finding you, it disguises you to look like someone else. So even if they notify the other institutes you’re missing, you couldn't be identified.

P.O.V everyone back at Magnus’s

“Well that didn't go as planed.” 

Everyone looked at Magnus annoyed.

“ State the obvious why don’t you.” Jace rolled his eyes.

“ We need to find her. Valentines out there and everyone’s on guard. Without us she could be in trouble!.” Izzy screamed in frustration.

“Find her and do what!. She can’t be controlled. She’s a loose cannon!. We need to tell the clave. They will know what to do. “ Alec sighed.

“ Are you serious?!. She’s our family!. How could you say that?!. We have to help her even if it means locking her up and forcing her to take the elixir. If I have to spend the rest of my life earning back her forgiveness, so be it. At least we will have her back. Let’s use my parabatai bond to track her.”

Everyone reluctantly agreed but when Izzy tried tracking you, she felt nothing. If it weren’t for the rune still on her skin, she would have thought you were dead.

“ I can’t feel anything. It’s like she doesn’t exist!. Izzy cried.

“ Thats impossible. Hold my hand and I’ll help you find her” Jace said.

Again, nothing.

Magnus portaled them back to the institute. Izzy ran straight to your room but you weren’t there. They searched every inch of the institute and found no trace of you. Clary called Simon but he had no clue where you were. Meanwhile Izzy called Raphael but he said the same thing. Luke couldn’t track your scent anywhere but he promised to have the pack keep an eye out for you. The only other place Izzy could think of was your safe house but when she got there, it was untouched. The only thing they could do was hope you would eventually show up, alive or dead.

6 months later

Madrid had been pretty safe other then the occasional vampire that mistook you for a mundane when you’d take a stroll or meet with some informants at a local down world club. Nothing you couldn’t handle though. Currently you were reading over some intel you acquired about Valentine but it was just a lot of dead ends. The only definite was that he was in NY. In his campaign to destroy the down worlders, he has been recruiting strong humans to turn into shadow hunters. Things were getting serious and you knew you had to go back. You’d still lay low and away from the institute, but still close enough to fight. After a long phone call, Sookie offered to let you stay at her place. It was all settled now.

The flight back felt short and you wished it was longer. Sookie waited at her apartment so it wouldn’t raise any suspicion. As soon as you got there, you started to debrief all you discovered while away and she told you things have been very tense in New York since you left. Valentine had been causing havoc and the institute was barely catching up with him.

“Everyone’s really worried. Even Magnus. Valentine sent hunters to attack warlocks and killed 2. All to send a message. He wants the mortal cup and he knows Clary has it. He still has her mom and he’s growing impatient.”, She sighed.

“ Let’s hope she doesn’t say where. If he gets his hands on it, he could destroy the Down world. I think I’m going to talk to Raphael. He might know more. I’ll keep myself cloaked. I still don’t want Izzy and the team to know.”

As sunset approached you made your way to Brooklyn to see Raphael and decided to wait on the roof till someone eventually came out.

“And who are you?” He asked.

“An old friend.” You smirked.

“I think I would recognize you. I can smell your a shadow hunter but… I’ve never seen you before.”

“You’d think with all the times we’ve had conversations up here, you’d recognize me.”

He pondered for a minute and it clicked in his head. Slowly he grabbed your hand holding you in place as if you’d vanish if he let go and said,

“Y/n”

“ Yes.” You smiled.

“But how and why don’t you look yourself?.” He asked.

“It’s a spell my friend put on me. I had to leave to figure things out. I couldn’t focus on finding Valentine when Izzy was trying to fix me like as if I was broken. They betrayed my trust and I couldn’t stay here. I wish I could have said goodbye or called you but the stakes were to high. I went to Spain and layed low for a while. I tried tracking him down but every time I got close he’d disappear. I got intel he was in NY and came back.”

“You worried us all. We thought you were captured by Valentine or worse, dead. There’s so much to catch up on, follow me I’ll explain everything.”

While you settled down on the couch, he poured you a glass of whiskey and a glass of blood for himself. But before he could start talking, he heard commotion outside the door and opened it to reveal Izzy, Alec, Jace and Clary. Your heart dropped to your stomach and you quickly composed yourself remembering they can’t see you, at least not the real you.

“What do you guys want?. I’m busy.” Raphael sighed.

You exchanged glances with each one but Izzy held your gaze a little longer as if she saw some recognition in you before looking over to Raphael.

“ We think we have a lead on Y/N. A few hours ago I felt a strange feeling and I think it has something to do with her. We think she’s back. We have people looking everywhere and we want to know if you and your coven can help.”

He agreed and sent out some of his coven to look for you. Izzy and the team thanked him but before they left Izzy stoped and looked at you.

“I feel like I know you from somewhere. Have we met?” She asked.

You shook your head and said, “ No, perhaps I’m just another familiar face. I’m Rebecca.”

She smiled and walked up to you holding out her hand for you to shake. Reluctantly you shook it. A little spark ran through your fingers and you quickly let go of her hand. She looked at you puzzled but let it go. The spell Sookie placed still held up but you knew you had to leave because you could feel it wear off. Perhaps the proximity of you two counteracted the spell because of your bond. You looked back at Raphael and said,

“It was nice seeing you. I hope to talk to you soon.” You smiled.

He smiled back and you walked past everyone to leave. Alec’s eyes lingered on you for a couples seconds as you walked away. Once outside you began speed walking and after verifying you were alone, you activated you stamina rune to run as fast as you could back to Sookie’s. When you were just reaching her apartment you were tackled into an alleyway. Getting up quickly you were face to face with Izzy.

“I won’t ask again. Who are you!?.” She snarled.

Before you could say anything, your skin started to glow and you felt light headed. And before you fainted someone grabbed you and you saw a familiar set of eyes looking into you own. It was Alec.

“ Y/N?”, he whispered…

Taglist: @babygirl2022​ @zealouspursecowboydeputy​ @melaniepeep​ @destielshipper88​ @abbiesxox​ @mrs-billyrussooo​

Competitive Masterlist

#Shadow Hunters #the shadowhuter chronicles #shadowhunters #Alec Lightwood #alec lightwood x reader #jace herondale #clary fray #magnus bane #fanfic #izzy lightwood #clary frey

[malec-ao3feed]

The Past Bleeds Golden

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/ZucPwGK by Foodsies Some days, Magnus almost convinces himself he remembers his mother's voice, the warm joy in her eyes when she spoke of soul marks and twisting gold. But then, red would seep into his vision and water into his lungs and he should be getting better. Alexander is healthy, Madzie is safe and Magnus should be getting better. He doesn't know why he isn't because Alexander is. Alec is. Throughout the day he is. But at night, when fantom pains and his mother's disappointment haunt his every breath, Alec asks himself the same. Words: 1949, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Series: Part 2 of All Was Golden - main, Part 6 of All Was Golden - extended universe Fandoms: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood, Jace Wayland, Ragnor Fell, Catarina Loss, Madzie (Shadowhunters TV), Max Lightwood, The trainees, Jessica Hawkblue, Valentine Morgenstern, Maryse Lightwood Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Additional Tags: Magnus Bane & Ragnor Fell Friendship, Magnus Bane & Catarina Loss Friendship, Alec Lightwood & Andrew Underhill Friendship, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Good Parabatai Alec Lightwood, Warlock Alec Lightwood, Shadowhunter Alec Lightwood, BAMF Magnus Bane, BAMF Alec Lightwood, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Is a Nice Thing, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Is a Nice Thing, Sassy Max Lightwood, Adorable Madzie (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Madzie is a Lightwood-Bane, All of the trainees are a Lightwood-Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Alec Lightwood is suddenly in charge of too many children, Magnus is too, No Beta we die like Dot: Again and again and again read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/ZucPwGK

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #shadowhunters #tmi #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #magnus x alec #malec fanfic #the mortal instruments

[im-out-of-it]

CHRISTOPHER LIGHTWOOD DESERVED BETTER

weekly rant about my fav family and the atrocious writing:

I’m rereading chain of thorns and I’m at that part. y’all know the part. where a certain someone should not have died and how unnecessary it was. I like how grace is all like “you can stop this lucie.” bitchhhhh, couldn’t you have said that- hmmm, I don’t know maybe before Tatiana came out? like it’s so unnecessary and I am not here for CC hating the lightwoods and making sure each one from every generation dies.

Max- like what was he, an eleven year old? GONE. poor little boy 😭😭😭

Benedict- ok dude had it coming but he’s still a Lightwood and he died. plus Will makes a joke about it to Gabriel as if it’s not Gabriel’s trauma? the fuck. gabriel deserves better plus he needed more page time!!!! Gabriel and Gideon lost a father but yes, let’s make jests about it.

Kit- poor, sweet Kit. did not deserve to die like that. but of course, she’s not going to kill off any herondales because my god, we couldn’t survive that. can’t have our golden eyed and insufferable boys die. what vexed me most about this is the way CC went about it. I get they’re in this war but someone who is family and is practically family to y’all just died!!! but ok let’s grieve James and Matthew who are very much alive. wouldn’t be a CC book if we didn’t focus on the herondales.

tatiana- deserved it but I did not like how it was Cordelia. it should not have been her who killed her. Gabriel loses a son because of her, Gideon loses a daughter, Anna, Thomas, little Alexander, and Eugenia lose their brother, sister, cousin. literally Thomas loses his best friend who is basically his parabatai and his sister within the same year ish. I’m not sorry because it should not have been Cordelia to kill this wench.

Barbara- poor Barbara 😭 just wanted to marry Oliver but no, guess she’s got to go too. I would have liked to see more of her.

I swear that I do not want Magnus and Alec go adopt another kid if CC is going to kill them off. I know she holds herondales to this high degree but STOP HURTING THE LIGHTWOODS. yes, they are the best characters. without them, the world would probably be doomed. (looking at you jace lol we know you would’ve died without Alec or Izzy.)

adding Robert. he gone too. she even kills all the lightwoods in Thule like what is her obsession with hating this wonderful family? this is why I would rather she stop with the series. these are some of my fav characters but her carelessness and her desire to put one family above everyone else and simply act like nobody else matters is exhausting. as you know, I adore the lightwoods but it’s so draining to see them being treated like this. the only ones who I was glad to see gone was Tatiana and Benedict. you’ll never see her kill off a herondale. Stephen does not count because he wasn’t really introduced, and the other members were barely in stories, just mentioned.

and it’s fine if she has a preference. I love the lightwoods so much but there’s a different with you killing off multiple members of a family and writing out your fav family as untouchable. ahhhh, poor kit. he died and only Thomas and Anna had emotions through it all. we don’t even get to see Gabriel’s or cecilys reaction. what the fuck. I don’t know what CC was feeling writing this but I would have honestly rather she waited until she felt like writing it. it’s not fair what happened to Kit or the family over and over again. I wish she would do better but that’s too high of a hope for CC.

#anti cassandra clare #the lightwoods #alec lightwood #magnus bane #thomas lightwood #Robert lightwood #max lightwood #benedict lightwood #Tatiana lightwood #Anna Lightwood #Christopher Lightwood #anti cc #anti jace wayland #Eugenia lightwood #Barbara lightwood #Gabriel lightwood #gideon lightwood #its a long rant but I’m so fed up #like let’s just kill off one member of a specific family for every generation practically because that’s cool #just think of Thomas and Alastair and the trauma they have plus both Gideon and Gabriel it makes me so sad

[solarisrasa]

Heart's Balm, Soul's Harbor

At twelve years old, Alexander Lightwood received a gift he neither wanted nor asked for: The Warlock Magnus Bane and his daemon.

With his own daemon unsettled and Magus Bane's status as High Warlock and enemy of the Clave, Alec makes a choice to free the man, only to realize too late that his daemon cannot be freed with him.

Rating: M

Word Count: 19k

Warnings: metaphysical assault, kidnapping, minor descriptions of violence/blood

Ship: Malec

Huge thank you to my beta @forensicsisabelle who even jumped on this morning to edit the last bit, since I am perpetually running late <3 You've been a gem and kept my comma's straightened out!

Art by the absolutely amazing @cam-ryt who has been very lovely even though we're both very busy!

This fic was created for the Shadowhunters Mini Bang 2023: Presented by the @malecdiscordserver

Find it in the collection here

When Alexander Lightwood was twelve years old, he gained a terrible secret, he stole something sacred from another.

Well, not quite stole it, exactly. He kept it, without consent or permission, yes, but it was all to keep the other safe.

But that's the wrong place to start. To start, it was Alec's birthday, and he was turning twelve, and there were gifts...

The morning came crisp and clear and Alec was already dreading it. Birthdays were meant to be exciting, as Izzy always reminded him, time to celebrate and have cake. She was always thrilled for her birthday, but she was the younger of them, and their parent's didn't do the same things. 

Also, Izzy liked parties and people. Alec would prefer just his friends, Jace and Izzy and maybe a few of the boys he sometimes had lessons with, but that never worked out. His parents were determined to prove their eldest was growing into a strong Shadowhunter and someone who could one day lead the institute. Alec's birthday was as much about showing off their own abilities as leaders as Izzy's birthdays were about celebrating her. Jace's birthday was a quiet thing the last two years, though there was still a display of weapons, and his twelfth birthday would be just as big as Alec's, but he was allowed time to adjust to people. Not that he needed it, Jace would be the darling of the evening, and Alec much preferred that. Mostly.

This year he was old enough to take missions. His party, accordingly, was a political affair. Families with children in his age group or slightly older were invited, as he would patrol with their kids and someday, if his mother was right, lead them.

The dread only intensified when his daemon, Ranimirus, curled closer to him. A male daemon was rare for a male Shadowhunter, and Rani stayed quiet most of the time to keep their secret. Even his parent's didn't know. Izzy, with her curiosity, had guessed, though Alec had never confirmed it and was careful to keep Rani away from her daemon. Jace just knew, but that was okay. Jace had kept every one of Alec's secrets, and his own daemon, Kaie, was Rani's favored friend. Rani, a cozy puffball that was curled in against Alec's throat, made a face like he expected to be reprimanded and promptly changed into a sparrow.

Alec closed his eyes. "You didn't settle."

"No," came the little bird voice, sad and frustrated.

"It's alright. It's probably my fault," Alec said, holding his hands out for his daemon to land in, nuzzling against the little bird who chirped reproachfully at his self-deprecation.

"Lots us people's daemons don't settle until they’re a little older," Rani told him, even though they both knew that his parents were going to be disappointed. They said that a settled daemon by hunting age was a sign of a good, strong leader.

"We could pretend," Alec nearly whispered.

Rani fluttered into the air, changing to a magpie and croaking out a sound of distress. He was right, Alec was never good at holding his emotions fully in check on his birthday, though he did well enough that only Rani's unsettled form gave him away. It would hurt Rani to try and hold back the natural shifts that reflected Alec's changing moods, deep as they ran. 

"I suppose starting the day by disappointing them isn't that unusual," he said, watching Rani's form shrink until he was a tiny hummingbird, colors all muted brown.

"Do you remember, before?" Rani asked him, his tone gone strange. It was the same voice he used when he was asking Alec questions only a daemon could know to ask, one's that dug at Alec's heart and made him think.

He closed his eyes, recalling the feeling of his mother's hugs and laughter, his father's large hand steadying him instead of pushing him. It was warm and safe to be with them and there was a hazy recollection of a cake with candles, his mother singing. There were four candles on the cake.

"No," he lied. Rani dropped onto his shoulder, a moth now, barely bigger than his thumbnail.

-

Late into the evening, with Alec and Jace sitting on the back steps, both sweaty and tired after their weapons display for the party, a man drew near with his mother.

"Jace, go find some water for the two of you," Maryse commanded, with a slight smile for her adopted son. Jace's gaze darted between the three of them, Kaie shuffling uneasily on his shoulder. She was a gorgeous falcon who rarely changed anymore, and Alec felt the pang of knowing Jace would outstrip him in this too. 

"Jace," Maryse repeated, smile drying up.

"Going, going." Jace held up his hands and shot Alec an eye roll at their mother's antics before dashing inside.

Alec knew, as well as Jace did, that his mother wanted him alone. Her wolf daemon, Soledad, paced a neat perimeter behind him as soon as Jace left. 

She sat primly on the step beside him, tugging her skirt into place, and the man with her, half-familiar to Alec, came to stand looming over them. His daemon was a magpie with greedy black eyes that hopped along behind him as he walked. It looked much crueler than Rani's own magpie form that morning, and its beak was held open strangely.

"This is John, Alec. He's come from Idris to celebrate your birthday and he has a gift for you." 

The man, John (undoubtedly another Johnathan, for there were many among Shadowhunters), gave him a distasteful look but dipped his head in greeting just the same.

"Thank you for making the journey, your presence is gift enough," Alec recited, aware of what his mother expected of him. "Any further gift you bring is appreciated and welcomed."

John's distaste lightened some, an appraising light entering his eyes instead, and Alec hated that more. With a practiced motion, he drew his stele through the air just behind his daemon and a large cage shimmered into place, unglamoured now. The magpie daemon was holding a rope connected to the cage, clearly pulling it along. Now that it was visible the bird’s mouth hanging open didn’t seem so odd. Alec forced himself to look at the cage, pushing down the shocked flush of heat, anger and shame, that rose in his chest. 

Curled together in the bottom of the cage, limbs pressed uncomfortably against the bars, were a man and his daemon. They were both unconscious and the man was covered in an ill-fitting, thin plain brown shirt and pants. His daemon was some kind of large cat, its thick fur was marbled black and brown, and Alec thought it was almost as beautiful as the man. He immediately stopped looking at them, schooling his expression into something neutral as best he could. Rani was beside him, a small brown cat himself with fur tufted in a display of discomfort that Alec quickly stepped in front of to hide.

"Is that-?" Maryse started, and Alec watched his mother closely. She sounded shocked, and though her expression was one of mild interest, he thought there was some frightened thing in her eyes.

John grinned, a wide display of his teeth that drew a soft hiss from Rani. "It is. Magnus Bane, the High Warlock. My men caught him and his daemon two days ago, and I thought he was a fitting gift for your heir. After all, the Lightwoods have a long history with Bane."

Maryse leaned down, like she wanted a better look, but Alec didn't miss the strange, regretful look in her eyes. He didn't want to know. He wished John had never been invited, he wished he could have a quiet birthday again, with cake and candles and his family smiling. He wished-

Rani's claws caught his pant leg before the thought could fully form, his little cat body trembling and his eyes wide.

Alec would think it again, many times.

He wished he never had another birthday.

-

When everyone was asleep, the guests mostly gone except those close enough to his parents to have stayed late talking and eventually sleeping, Alec and Jace snuck to the room where his mother had bid John to put the caged warlock. The cage only held his daemon now, the cat was curled tightly, but when the door opened a pair of golden eyes flashed in the sliver of witchlight from Jace's cupped palms. The cat came to its feet all at once, mouth open and teeth showing with a hiss.

"Raziel," Jace swore as Alec stumbled back into him, Rani and Kaie as falcons quietly flapping in alarm overhead. The cat's teeth were huge.

"Hush Cahya," a rough voice said in the dark to the right of the cage, a hand coming into the witchlight with ruined nail polish glittering as it reached for the daemon, tugging to a stop just out of range. A manacle, silvery and hard to look at, gleamed in the light, and the daemon, Cahya, twisted so its long tail slid through the bars and touched the hand.

"Come to see the captured monster?" the voice continued as Jace let the witchlight fill the room.

It was the warlock, Magnus, who sat on a bare cot with his feet chained to the wall, allowing him enough motion to kneel or lay on the bed but not enough to properly stand. He had dark hair, and Alec was struck again by his pretty features, though he looked exhausted and bitter.

"Alec can come see you if he wants to, you're-" Jace started, with his usual heat. He was offended at something, though Alec had no idea what this captured man could've done.

"Jace," Alec said, voice soft. Behind them on the floor, Rani bumped Kaie gently. Both Jace and his daemon understood immediately. Alec needed a moment.

Jace handed him the witchlight and turned to guard the door, Kaie fluttering up to his shoulder as he went.

Magnus watched this with a small frown, and Alec noted his eyes were like his daemon's, yellow-gold with slit pupils that thinned in the light. He waited until he was sure Jace was outside before he spoke again. "This is Rani."

Rani changed into a small black and white monkey and waved one little hand. "Hello."

If Magnus thought the daemon's distinctly male voice was strange, he didn't show it, only looked suspiciously between them.

"Is it okay with the two of you, if Rani checks to see if, if your daemon is hurt?" Alec asked, hands held out from his body, the witchlight sitting in his open palm.

"I am not injured," a smoky female voice said. "I am only weak because the bars are filled with your angel metals, and I do not have the flesh of nephilim in my teeth."

Alec didn't flinch at that, though Rani backed away from the cage a little. He wouldn't blame them for being angry. He didn't understand how his parents could've accepted this in the first place, why they had allowed John to give him a person. Even if the downworld was nearly at war with the Clave, even if his mother and father had been a touch too close to Valentine before he died, this was...this was wrong.

He took a deep, shuddering breath, "Okay. Rani won't go near you. Are you alright, Magnus?"

Magnus gave him a long look, the bitter, wary twist to his mouth softening some. "Oh, grand, thanks, very nice cell here. Tell whoever set it up I hope they choke." He sounded very sweet at the end there and Alec's lip twitched a little, though his heart was still hammering. Cat eyes focused on him, "You know my name. Who are you?"

Alec sighed, "Alec. I'm-" He remembered John's words, the Lightwood's had a history with Magnus Bane. He remembered his mother's uncharacteristic regret, her fear. The feeling of something deeply wrong settled in deeper.

"I'm Alec Lightwood. A man gifted you to me for my twelfth birthday. I don't know why, but I-" There was a rapid knock, Jace signaling him they needed to go. Rani darted to him, running up his leg and settling on his shoulder as Magnus stared at him, mouth slightly open and something dark and angry in his eyes.

Alec hurried toward the door, looking back long enough to make a promise to Cahya and Magnus, "I will get you out."

-

"We can't," Jace hissed, back in his room. Alec was sitting on the end of Jace's bed, Rani curled around his shoulders as a mink.

"It's dangerous," Kaie added, her voice soft, pained. She hopped closer to Alec on the bed, never touching, but close. "We've seen those cuffs before. They're keeping his magic contained. It's almost impossible to remove them without the right key."

Alec bit his lip, he knew his eyes were already rimmed red. He was trying very hard not to snap at either of them, he knew they were just as frightened as he was, even if Jace was trying to hide it. They knew, more than anyone, what Shadowhunters might do to a captive warlock. Valentine had kept Jace, had taught him and raised him and tortured him. They knew.

"What if we find the key?" Rani's voice came, muffled against his throat, but clear enough.

"They won't stop hunting him," Jace pointed out.

Alec curled tighter in on himself where he sat, and Jace sighed, falling to sit beside him. They were kids, though only barely by Nephilim standards, and they didn't know what to do.

"What about..." Kaie started and then fluttered her wings, to whisper quietly between them, "What about Ragnor?"

The warlock who had been a teacher, who lived at the edge of Idris and who was known for killing Shadowhunters on the spot if they approached without warning. The Clave left him alone, partially because too many of their number remembered him as a teacher, a friendly face, and partially because it was said his friends could set Idris aflame.

Jace looked thoughtful, and Alec rubbed his hands together slowly, thinking over the suggestion. If they could see Ragnor, he could help and more than that, if the rumors were true he might even come get Magnus himself, and they wouldn't be in any trouble. Except, Alec didn't like the idea of putting someone else in danger. 

"Tomorrow," Jace started. "Tomorrow we can ask Maryse, tell her we want to go into Brocelin together, to work on our connection. Ragnor's is reachable if we follow the edge of the forest, and no one will bother sticking around to watch us out there."

Kaie clicked her beak. "The wolf packs have been forced deep into the forest, so there's barely any danger."

Alec let out a breath slowly, pressing his hands together harder even as Jace nudged him with his shoulder. Rani pressed his soft nose tight to Alec's throat in response to the dizzy feeling that was making Alec's extremities tingle. 

"If we ask tomorrow, hopefully she lets us go soon. I don't think it's a good idea to let Magnus stay here too long." Alec looked at Jace as he spoke and found his best friend looked as grim as he felt at the prospect.

-

Izzy woke them, her cloud of dark hair a messy tangle as she jumped on them both where they'd fallen asleep on Alec's bed. Chilo nearly blended in with the dark strands where he was laying over her shoulders. He made a displeased flicking motion with his forked tongue as her rambunctious bouncing dislodged him and he changed into a sparrow just in time to avoid smacking into Jace's face.

"Iz!" Jace said, rolling away from her as she laughed, ignoring Alec grumbling in annoyance.

"C'mon, c'mon! Mom wants everyone down for breakfast!" she said, poking repeatedly at Alec's arm until he was moving fast enough for her. Jace was spared the prodding because he rolled to his feet and quickly fled, Kaie soaring after him.

"I'm going, Iz," Alec said, swatting half-heartedly at his little sister's sharp fingered hands. 

"Dad wants to talk to you about your presents, he said. I don't know why, they were all boring. You got soooo many books, and not even ones about swords or anything!" She flopped back on his bed with a huff and Chilo landed on her chest as a ferret, wiggling everywhere.

"We need to comb our hair!" he told her, and Izzy giggled as Alec tried to keep the worry off his face. His father wanting to talk about gifts wasn't good. His stomach felt tight, and he had to swallow before he could speak to Izzy.

"See? You're in here annoying me, and you're not even ready for breakfast," he said, hoping she wouldn't notice how tight his voice sounded.

"You take longer," she said, sticking her tongue out at him for good measure and then running away.

Rani hummed in worry, still a furry scarf at Alec's throat.

"I know. We need to though, we can't be weird about it or it could be bad for helping Magnus." He raised a hand and brushed against Rani's copper fur, the same shade it was the night before. He felt a flare of hope, but then Rani was shifting under his hands. He turned into a lizard the length of Alec's palm and climbed into his hair, settling comfortably.

The hope Rani had settled crumbled again, and Alec tried to forget it as he dressed. There was more to worry about.

-

His father was waiting for him in the hallway where Magnus was being kept. He was staring off into the distance while his coyote daemon paced around his legs. Both of them seemed unsettled and Alec braced himself.

"Dad?" 

Robert blinked, and both he and Tristana turned toward Alec like he was unexpected, even though they'd asked for him.

"Alec. Good. There's something we need to do with your gift from John," his father said, like they weren't talking about a person. 

Alec gritted his teeth and felt Rani's little body twist in his hair, no doubt trying to hold himself in check. He managed to nod and his father reached for the door, only to hesitate with his fingers inches from the door.

"It won't hurt them," Robert assured him, and the sick feeling in Alec's stomach lessened a little.

"It's just a way to make sure they won't run away." Robert nodded once, not looking at Alec, and opened the door.

Magnus was sitting on the cot, his back against the wall. The circles under his eyes looked deeper and more like bruises in the overhead spill of diffused witchlight than they had the night before. In the cage, Cahya was only a pair of hateful eyes watching them over her paws, her long tail tucked close to her body.

"I don't know if John told you who-" his father started, not bothering to greet Magnus or his daemon in any way. Tristana stayed in the doorway behind Alec, blocking him in.

Alec swallowed his fear, forcing himself to meet Magnus' eyes.

"Magnus Bane. The High Warlock. He said he thought he was a fitting gift for the Lightwood heir." Alec's voice was flat, and he knew his expression was as empty as he could manage. The tiny light in Magnus' eyes dimmed, and Alec very, very carefully didn't look at his father as Rani turned into a miniscule snake and sunk little fangs into Alec's scalp, both of them working to stay grounded.

Robert stepped in front of Cahya's cage, and Magnus broke eye contact with Alec, staring at his father instead, his face cool.

"Robert. Good to know you're as pathetic as ever, other men giving your son gifts well above his worth." Magnus made a show of stretching. "Maryse was always the one of you with any real talents, sad that your heir-" He raked Alec with a look of disdain that Alec pointedly didn't react to, "-seems to have taken after you."

Alec loved his father. Once, when he was much smaller, he had dreamed of being like his father with his kind smile and his gentle hands. Then he had begun to grow and understand. His father was weak, the smile was empty, and what Alec had thought was gentle was Robert's inability to commit himself, a fluttering and uncertain way of touching everything. The only times his father showed strength was with Maryse beside him, and even that was more a muted support of her. Magnus couldn't know the way his words twisted in Alec's chest, and if he did, well...Alec supposed he might have earned them.

He could have tried harder to get Magnus out the night before. If he was really good the way he wanted to be, he would have taken Jace's original advice, before they'd snuck in to see Magnus, he would have gone in with a sword and damn anyone in the way. He swallowed against what had felt like smart caution in the dark but seemed more like cowardice in the light.

Robert didn't respond to Magnus, he was opening a small cupboard built into the wall just out of reach of Cahya's cage. 

"John was testing us. He's done quite well, politically, but your mother and I are in a better position with the new consul. The unrest in the Downworld and the tightening of Idris' borders means that those of us who can do what must be done are gaining value. I don't know how John caught Bane, though I plan to find out-" Alec had to swallow fear and he saw the way Cahya's lips pulled back at the threat, "-but I know that he didn't seriously believe we could hold him. Magnus Bane is the High Warlock for a reason. He's terribly dangerous, and giving him as a gift to you is ridiculous." 

Robert brought down a bowl and a bottle with thick grey something in it, holding it so Magnus couldn't see it.

"Giving him to Jace might've made some sense, but it's well known that you aren't as strong as your brother." He unstopped the bottle and poured it into the bowl. "Magnus would have you in his palm within a week. But, John has never understood that Lightwoods stick together. You might be too weak alone, but I can help." 

Alec's muscles were locked so tight he was surprised he hadn't fallen over. His father had always made it apparent he preferred Jace, but never had he so plainly called Alec weak and lesser. Doing it here, in front of a captured man, was probably his father's idea of making a point, of motivating Alec to work harder. Worse, whatever they were in there for was going to make it harder to free Magnus.

"Give me your hand." 

Alec did, unable to think around the hurt and confusion and fear.

Robert slashed his palm, adding his blood to the bowl. Alec watched it drip in and distantly remembered his lessons, the way that Nephilim saw blood magic. His father taking his blood like this was a terrible taboo and a worse violation. 

Rani fluttered in his hair, a swallow suddenly. 

"Perfect." Robert's hand closed around his daemon and Alec's vision went strange, he swore he heard Magnus crying out, but couldn't focus. It felt like someone had shoved something cold and awful down his throat and squeezed his heart. Then there was a tugging and some part of him twisted over itself and he was falling.

Alec landed on his side on the floor, and Rani fell next to him, both of them shuddering and gasping as Rani changed into the smallest moth he could and pressed against Alec's pulse. There was the sound of something growling and hissing and chains and yelling, but he couldn't make out words. He sucked in another breath and his stomach lurched and then he was rolling on instinct, vomiting on the floor. He stared at it, trying to get his breath back and understand what his father had just done to him.

He looked up, feeling the way that spit and vomit were on his face and tears were running messily down his cheeks.

His father wasn't looking at him. Instead he was working on whatever was in the bowl together. He looked toward Magnus and found the warlock already looking at him, his face twisted in disgust. It didn't seem like disgust at Alec, rather for him. 

"I'm sorry," his father said, and Alec's head snapped back to him. He was filling a large syringe, one of the types without a needle, from the bowl. The liquid was thick and pink, probably from the blood in it, and it was hard to reconcile it, the shuddery terror still coursing through Alec, the captive in the room, all of it, with one of his mother's plain white bowls, the same kind Alec ate cereal out of most mornings. 

Robert turned to the cage, and Magnus and Alec both moved. Alec tried to crawl forward, his head swimming, and Magnus lurched to the end of his chains. 

"Wait-" Alec moaned, dragging himself upright. He tried to get to his feet, but it was too much too fast and blackness rushed in over the sight of his father reaching for the caged daemon.

-

Ragnor had let them in only after a wall of flame that rolled over both him and Jace. It hadn't hurt them, only left a terrible taste in their mouths and left Alec feeling especially off balance, though that was easier to do since his father's hand had closed around Rani two days ago. Jace slung an arm around his shoulders and pulled him toward the door a scowling green warlock was holding open impatiently.

"Well, neither of you are here to kill me, capture me, torture me, or bore me, so out with it," Ragnor, because that was the only person the green man with horns could possibly be, barked at them. He dropped into a chair, a cup of tea and saucer finding their way into his hands as part of the movement in a way that Alec honestly couldn't say was magic. His daemon was nowhere to be seen.

"We're here about Magnus Bane," Jace said.

The teacup clicked harshly against the saucer, and Ragnor set both aside, magic misting visibly over his hands. "What's the Clave want with the High Warlock?"

Jace opened his mouth to reply, hand still resting on the hilt of his blade, and Alec decided now was the time to step in.

"We're not here because the Clave sent us. No one else knows we've come to see you." Ragnor's eyebrows raised, and there was a spark of meanness in his eyes that Alec didn't acknowledge. "A man captured Magnus Bane and his daemon-"

"Ridiculous." Ragnor cut him off, relaxing back in his chair. "Magnus? Maybe. Magnus and Cahya? No. Cahya's got every bit of sense between them, and she would never allow it." 

Alec and Jace shared a look, uncomfortable with correcting Ragnor, but aware they needed to make him believe them.

"I don't know much about them, but a few days ago was my birthday, and another Shadowhunter I'd never met brought me a gift. He said it was because of my family's history with Magnus Bane. He gave Magnus and Cahya to me. I've seen them. We spoke to Magnus, we snuck into the room my mother put them in to check on them that night." Alec swallowed. He didn't want to explain what had happened with his father, he hadn't even told Jace about it yet.

Ragnor's green skin went very pale as he sat forward again, his eyes sharp. "You're absolutely certain Magnus wasn't casting an illusion? Warlocks and their daemons can travel very far from each other. He could be pretending that Cahya is with him."

Alec shook his head slowly, and Kaie spoke up from where she was perched on Jace's shoulder. "There was definitely a daemon in that room."

"She spoke to Rani," Alec said, gesturing to his sleeve where Rani clung as a sugar-glider. "Magnus was also wearing magic-sealing shackles, so he wouldn't be able to cast any spell, he can't even hide his mark. Please." Alec licked his lips and took a step closer to Ragnor.

"Please. We have to get him out."

Ragnor looked at him for a long moment, then to Jace. His expression was grave when he nodded. "Of course we do. He's a major leader of the downworld...and my best friend, fool that I am."

Jace cleared his throat, his hand no longer on the hilt of his weapon. "If we free him, Maryse and Robert aren't going to just write it off. They're going to want to get him back, preferably before anyone realizes he's gone, and if they can't do that..."

Alec swallowed hard. "It would be a huge embarrassment to them. They wouldn't stop hunting him, to prove themselves again. My father is convinced Magnus was given to me as a test. He did something with my blood and...more, to keep them bound."

He didn't know what the potion, because that's what it had to be, his father had made actually did, but he figured it was worth mentioning, if they were going to succeed in freeing Magnus. Ragnor didn't seem so concerned about it though, as he gestured for them to sit, finally.

"We'll have to plan to get Magnus out of his chains. You'll need his help. The best way to ensure that he isn't forced to spend the next decade running from the Clave, and the most helpful thing for the Downworld as well, is to fake his death. You understand, of course, that if we do this neither of you can breathe a word, not under duress, not ever?" He stared at each of them in turn.

Kaie made a soft sound, shuffling, and Jace nodded. Alec pressed a fist to his heart, a Shadowhunter gesture of promise. "Not even with a hand on the sword." 

Ragnor sat back again, watching them without a word for long enough that Jace started to fidget.

"I'm trusting you with much. If your intentions were anything less than pure, the flames you crossed would've killed you. You will have to pass through them again when you leave."

Alec didn't have any doubt as he nodded, and beside him he felt Jace do the same. They had agreed, ages ago, that they wanted to help. They were supposed to hold the line against the darkness, not kill anyone who didn't fit their worldview, not police the Downworld. Jace, especially, wanted to earn redemption that Alec didn't think he needed, after being raised by Valentine. The man was dead, but his ideology was rampant in the Clave, re-skinned and made palatable as "for the greater good" and "for their own good."

Maybe, Alec thought, as the three of them began to plan, this was the first step for Jace and him toward something bigger.

Cahya was limp at the foot of his bed. Her breathing was labored, her body curled tight and trembling, and Alec was pressed against his headboard, watching her as he tried to get himself under control before someone came looking for them.

His hands were shaking. Pressed close to his heart, Rani was a tiny moth, wings fluttering lightly against him and their bond thrumming with worry. 

Magnus was free. Enough blood, a man literally burst into pieces and strewn around the room, another glamoured to look like the warlock and locked into one of the shackles, and it was a believable failed escape attempt. They—Magnus, Alec, and Jace—had agreed that Jace was the more believable option. Even now he was reporting to Robert and Maryse what had happened, how he'd been passing by with Alec and heard a commotion, how they had watched Magnus obliterate his guards, and how Jace had managed to slip in fast enough to stab Cahya, how the daemon had burst into golden sparks and the warlock had died instantly.

The real complication was explaining why Alec's daemon was a clouded leopard. 

It was the part that had failed.

Magnus had agreed to go only after Cahya had whispered with him frantically when they discovered she couldn't leave the boundary of the Lightwood estate. His dark eyes had been murderous, and Alec had easily promised to keep her safe. 

The door burst open, pulling him out of his reverie, and Cahya came to her feet, long teeth exposed in threat.

His mother stared, Soledad growling from her side, but Cahya was not Rani, who had learned to yield to the older daemon, and she didn't back down. Maryse's eyes darted from the daemon to Alec, and he couldn't read her at all. She was a stranger to him, more than ever before.

"What. is. that?" she asked, each word a blade.

Alec forced himself to set a hand on Cahya's back and hush her the same way he would've calmed Rani. His tongue felt too big in his mouth, and his fingers clenched in her fur against the wrongness of doing it. He forced down the feeling. He had to keep her safe.

"It's-"

Jace's angry voice came from behind her. "Alec!" Then his brother was pushing past her and Soledad, Kaie pointedly landing next to Cahya and pushing her beak through the fur of Cahya's face, a gesture she'd done to Rani a hundred times when Alec was stressed. It was bizarre to see it and not feel the comfort of it. Against his chest, Rani struggled to hold the smaller form.

"I told her you were in shock, that Rani had taken on the form because you've never seen a daemon die," Jace whispered to him quickly, hugging him tightly, and Alec was glad. He knew that his parents would never respect him, with the way they were painting this: Jace a hero and Alec a disappointment who couldn't control his emotions. Again.

"Sorry mother." Alec didn't dare make eye contact, speaking to Maryse's chin so she might not see the lie. "Rani won't change."

Maryse made a sound, not the disappointed or disgusted one he expected, but not pleased either. Soledad calmed and spoke softly, "Are you alright, Ranimirus?"

Alec felt dizzy with gratitude for his past self. Rani had hardly spoken, even to other daemons except Kaie, had barely tolerated touches from others, and that meant the Cahya's single nod wasn't strange, that Soledad did not try to touch her the way Kaie was. He knew that many parents and children, even among Shadowhunters, allowed their daemons to show some affection. Chilo was often carried by the scruff by Soledad or Tristana when Izzy was called to dinner or her bath, but Rani and Kaie had never allowed that approach. 

Jace and Kaie had been too scarred by their time with Valentine, who would hurt Kaie to punish Jace, and Alec...well. He and Rani were naturally withdrawn and they had secrets. 

"Alec?" his mother asked, her voice even.

"We'll be fine, Mother. I'm sorry about my present," he said. He carefully stroked his hand over Cahya's spine to hide the way her fur was raised.

"It is...regretful. Magnus Bane was-" She cut herself off, and Alec looked at her face, finally. She did not look at all as he expected. There was genuine regret in the twist of her mouth, and he'd swear it looked like there was moisture in her eyes, but still she smoothed a hand over her skirt.

"It was not your fault," she said. "No one could've held Magnus Bane for long, if he didn't want them too. I have informed the Clave, and they are calling a session. John never told them he captured Bane, and I'm sure that they'll be looking to your father and I for explanations now."

"What do you think will happen?" Alec asked, trying to keep to some sort of normalcy. He always asked after these things, his parent's talking to him after Clave meetings, preparing him for leadership. Jace groaned and slumped against him carefully, uncertain where Rani was hiding.

"I can't say, but I believe this may be the match that will ignite the Downworld. Magnus was much loved, and the Clave needs to come down hard on them. I expect that Idris will be fully sealed off and the Institutes called to war. If that's the case, your father and I will be needed to command, but you children will stay here to finish training." She smoothed her skirt again. "I will make what case I can if that's what it comes to, since Max is so young."

Alec's ears were ringing as he nodded. Maryse spared another look at Cahya and left them, Soledad following closely.

When they were gone, Alec snatched his hand away from Cahya, who turned to him as Kaie squalled and hopped away from her.

"I'm sorry. I-" Alec curled his hand against his chest, where Rani was.

"Peace, little Nephilim," Cahya said in her warm voice. "I am not angry with you. I know that you have both done what you can. If Idris is sealed, Magnus will not be able to come for me."

Alec slowly shook his head. "We may have started the war."

Jace sighed heavily, "Guess that means we'll have to end it too."

There was silence between them as the words hung in the air.

-

Part II: Eleven years later

Izzy spun a blade casually, her careful eye watching the way it moved through the air. Chilo was a glitter of danger curled close to her throat, his eyes half lidded despite the slow flickers of his tongue that told Alec he was paying perfect attention.

Beside her Jace was methodically sharpening his arming sword, his main blade already gleaming and deadly on the table in front of him. Kaie, a tiny glittering coat of adamas links catching the light as she moved, was sitting on the rafter over his head. 

Around them the New York Institute turned. 

Alec's Institute. 

The Clave had declared full scale war with the Downworld on the eve of his thirteenth birthday, though Idris' borders had been sealed since the day Magnus Bane was reported dead. His parent's had been sent to New York and Los Angeles, a Lightwood on either coast to coordinate as was fitting their status. Their children were confined to Idris until they were eighteen, even though most Shadowhunters took missions much sooner than that. It was all presented as some great reward for killing Magnus, but Alec knew it for what it was. 

They were being punished for pushing the Clave into all out war before they were ready, for inciting the Downworld. His family separated. He and Jace had to prove themselves time and again to earn the right to take the parabatai oath, and Izzy outclassed all the others in their age group in science and weapon smithing and still didn't have an official rank. 

And Max.

Aldertree had sworn that Max was an accident, that no one could have known the Brocelin wolves were so close to the boundary line. That Max was only separated from his class for a moment. Aldertree had come to them with bloody clothes and Max's pendant with the flames of the Lightwood crest and spun the story.

A message had reached Alec through hidden means, meant for the rebel leader known only as "The Raven" which Alec had chosen in quiet conference with Rani and Cahya in the early days. Naturally it had created a small issue for any Nephilim with a Raven daemon when the name had come to light, but that had been resolved easily. The message had told Alec, who had told Jace and Izzy, that Max was fine. He had been purposely dragged into Brocelin and the wolves there had stopped the adult Shadowhunter from hurting him, but in the fighting Max had been scratched. He was settled with a pack in New York and was safe. The letter asked that his family be informed, if the Raven believed they were trustworthy. It was signed with a cat eye symbol.

That was six years ago.

Now Alec was officially in control of the New York Institute. His parent's marriage hadn't survived Max's alleged death. 

At his side, Cahya matched his pace as he left his siblings to make another circuit of the ops room, checking in with his people and ensuring Underhill had nothing new to report. He was in charge of both normal security and the person through which Alec's spymaster reported, though Marna had little cause to check in recently. His daemon was a great Pyrenees named Fergal with a glowing white coat that Alec had watched snap a man's spine the first time Underhill had been in the field with him. 

Underhill nodded at him and Cahya as they passed but didn't signal that they needed to speak, and Alec decided to take a detour into his office. They were as ready as they could be, just waiting for more reports to come in before they made their stance official. Alec had been working toward this moment for years, his siblings, his daemon, and Cahya with him every step of the way. 

By the end of the week, the New York Institute was going to defect, and they wouldn't be alone. His staff was at least two-thirds members of the rebellion or sympathizers, and he was ready.

He was just nervous. 

As soon as they were clear of the Clave's eyes, as soon as they officially declared for the downworld and cut their core off from Idris' reach, they were going to invite the leaders of the downworld in. Most didn't know who, exactly, had filled the High Warlock position, but Alec was certain that if he personally sent the invite, Magnus would be the one to come, not his figurehead. 

After all, one of the reasons Magnus had played dead for so long was making herself comfortable on Alec's office rug. 

Alec scrawled a locking and silencing rune on the door to his office and turned on the device Izzy had gifted him to sweep for electronic surveillance outside of the Institute camera's. His office was personally warded against magical ones, and Cahya was able to sense those anyway. 

Once he was certain no one would be able to disturb them or see them, he sank to the floor beside Cahya, and Rani came out of her fur, a tiny moth that shifted into a cat as soon as he touched Alec, purring and rubbing against him. They could rarely do this, unable to risk being caught or Rani accidentally settling. They had managed thus far to hold off the settling, which Izzy teased was why Alec was single, he'd just never really grown up. Still, they could both feel the pressure of it when they touched, the way that Rani's body wanted to become what he was meant to be, and Alec's soul ached with it.

"Soon," Rani said, kneading Alec's arm with his paws, and Alec cuddled him close to his chest.

Cahya set her big head on Alec's knee, a comfort now instead of the twisting wrongness it would've been for anyone else. They had to touch often to sell the lie, and in battle it was important to communicate with quick touches since they didn't actually have any bond to tell them where the other was. In the first years, they had nearly been caught because one of them would start running and the other wouldn't notice right away. Now they moved together as naturally as Alec ever had with Rani. 

Alec loved Cahya. Rani did too. They would miss her like a limb, but she wasn't theirs.

Rani pressed his tiny nose into Alec's body, hiding his face against him and speaking, "What are we going to do after? I don't think I'm a leopard, and we can't never settle. How do we figure it out? How do we make plans without you, Cahya?"

Cahya laughed, her honey warm laugh rumbling against Alec's knee.

"No, I don't believe you are a leopard, little Rani. You and Alec will have to see what you become. I'm looking forward to knowing, though I have my guesses." 

Alec rolled his eyes at her, burying his fingers in Rani's fur to pet him with a shaking hand.

"We'll miss you," he told her softly.

She shuffled closer to him, her eyes warm. "I won't go forever. You and Jace would be hopeless without me."

Rani laughed. "Izzy can handle them awhile."

"Yes," she acquiesced, "A while. Then Magnus and I will come help."

Once she'd hardly spoken to them, hardly said Magnus' name. She used to sit at Alec's window and watch the gate, her long tail swaying in a slow sweep. Then Alec had nearly been killed, a training incident covering a clear attempt on his life. He'd been bleeding badly, clinging to consciousness with Jace frantically healing him. He'd tried to stop them, certain in his delirious bloodloss that if he died Cahya would be free. After all, she could go anywhere with him and nowhere alone, it made sense. 

She'd laid pressed close to him to hide Rani for days afterward, not letting anyone but Jace, Izzy, and Max close to him. She'd told him stories about Magnus then, about getting banned from Peru, about starting cults as a joke, about makeup and traveling and magic. 

When he'd healed, she spoke more, and once, after the world was quiet in the very early morning, told him she would rather live captive as she was than let him die.

"Do you think he'll like Alec?" Rani asked her, while Alec was thinking about the past.

Cahya made a pleased sound. "Oh yes. He'll have to learn, granted. He doesn't yet know how Alec has kept me safe, how much you've sacrificed, but yes. He'll learn fast how mushy you are."

Alec said, "Hey!" even as Rani nearly rolled out of his lap laughing. 

"Face it, you're a sap. Ask Jace if you don't believe me!" Cahya told him, and Alec groaned, accepting the blow to his dignity.

-

Eleven years ago

Magnus portalled to Catarina’s, not trusting the safety of his own home after his capture. Cat was on her feet in a second, a scatter of papers falling around her as she moved toward him, no magic in her hands; she recognized his magic anywhere.

Her hands were on him, grasping his shoulders and pulling him into a tight, quick hug. As soon as she released him, she was slapping at his arm with a frown that did nothing to hide her relief.

“Where the hell have you been, you little troublemaking idiot?”

Magnus tried for his usual devil-may-care flare; it hadn’t failed him, even when manacled in the Lightwood’s home. He could feel the way the grin pulled wrong though, undoubtedly an obvious tell for Catarina.

“Oh you know, out causing trouble for Shadowhunters.”

Catarina gave him a long look, “And, how, tell me, did you cause problems for them?”

Magnus shrugged, heading for her tan couch, “I made a daring escape from Idris with a trail of bodies in my wake, naturally.”

Catarina settled on the couch beside him, giving him a pointed look, “Magnus.”

He sighed heavily and decided to let her in. He always needed her, especially when he’d gotten himself into situations like this one. Especially when there was an ache where Cahya was supposed to be, his very soul still bound in Idris.

“I was put into a cage and made into a rather distasteful birthday gift for the Lightwood heir.”

Catarina gave a single slow nod, her eyes glittering with anger despite the measured way she moved and spoke, a nurse too used to dire proclamations for outburst. It settled Magnus, prone to dramatics as he so often was, to see her patiently waiting for him to continue.

“The party seemed dreadful too, poor thing. He was the one, well him and his brother, who orchestrated my escape. Sad to think they might grow into the sort of men who would’ve captured me in the first place.” Magnus tipped his head back, the weight of her gaze still on him. “Maybe I can see if they want to come away when I go back.”

The couch sunk under him slightly as Catarina leaned fully into his space, her blue face coming into his line of sight. 

“Why would you go back?” 

He could see in the tightness around her eyes and the downturn of her mouth that she had guessed why, but didn’t want to believe it.

“Cahya is still their unfortunate guest. Some magic Robert Lightwood used, some terrible binding spell that used the feathers of his son’s daemon, taken by force, kept her there. I couldn’t bring her further than the edge of the Lightwood’s’ manor grounds.” Magnus could remember perfectly the desperation in Cahya’s voice when he’d sprinted past her at the boundary line. The anger he was keeping banked at the thought of her still trapped with the nephilim flared at the memory and he forced himself to breathe through it. It wasn’t time yet for fire and ruin.

“You can’t go back,” Catarina told him, drawing him back to the moment with her as she sat back. 

“Without you, you mean?” It was a familiar tease, her and Ragnor refusing to let him run into trouble alone. 

“No. At all.” Catarina summoned a piece of heavy paper, Ragnor’s stationary, and held it out to him.

“Ragnor sent it just before you arrived. Idris has sealed their borders, it’s impossible to get in without a full scale assault.” She watched him reading carefully. “If you say go, I’ll be there with you, of course, and more the fool for it. The Downworld isn’t ready though. Idris is too well protected, the stolen magic they made the wards from is strong.”

Magnus read the damning message and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to center himself. Ragnor was on the very edge of the ward when it was activated and had since relocated to his home in England, but he’d seen enough. If Magnus wanted to march in and get Cahya back, it would be suicide.

They had to have sealed the place just after he cleared Idris’ portal tracking range, so barely a day after he left.

“Cahya’s on her own, for now,” Catarina said, squeezing his arm gently.

“No.” Magnus thought of the nephilim, of the Lightwood boy laying on the floor after his father’s assault, of his brother murdering Magnus’ captors without hesitation, of being in a cage with Maryse Lightwood’s troubled face looking in. “She’s not.”

-

The first time it happened was nearly a year later. 

Magnus was listening to three pack alpha’s try to civilly divvy up a safe house after being forced to relocate due to an uptick in Shadowhunter activity in New Jersey when he felt it. Like someone had poured ice water straight into his chest, at first. A hand closing around his throat even as an ache started deep within him, some barely known place inside suddenly exposed to harsh light.

He’d gasped, slumping in his chair, his hips twisting as he went limp despite the sprawled position not supporting his body well. The wolves had all frozen, eyes flashing in worry and the sharp sense of a predator in danger.

Someone was touching his daemon. 

Were they hurting her? Was she being used for something awful? Were they trying to-

It ended and he could breathe properly again. He wanted to sit and gather himself, but edgy, uncertain werewolves made poor company, so he straightened up and offered them a serene smile, ready to redirect their attention.

-

Eventually Magnus got used to it. Enjoyed it, sometimes, even. 

After the first few times it stopped feeling so terrible and strange, the initial rush of cold still came but less like ice water and more like a cool balm, the ache had calmed and was now only a sad reminder of how much he missed Cahya. Strangest of all, the feeling of a hand around his throat had morphed into a sensation like someone was gently touching him, a light and welcome feeling.

 It happened with more frequency as time went on, sometimes he’d pass entire days with the feeling, like someone was keeping a hand on Cahya constantly. 

-

Present day

Magnus could feel a nervous energy thrumming through New York. If The Raven was to be believed, it was because of the coming change. 

He sat, glamored as always, watching over his club as the day faded, hyper aware of the waning hour. Ten minutes to midnight. Ten minutes to rebellion. The Shadowhunters were declaring themselves at the turning of the day, what would be shortly after sunrise in Idris, when any active fighters would be ending their night. 

Magnus reached for the leylines around the city. He could feel the burning thrum of them as his warlocks tangled their magic with the power of the Earth. The Raven had sent him the notice of the New York Institute’s planned rebellion as a warning and courtesy. They had asked nothing of the Downworld, but Magnus believed in action and he had sent out both the warning of coming turmoil and a request. The warlocks knew only that Clave action was expected, and Magnus had asked them to be ready to raise a ward over the entire city if necessary. 

He wondered, as he often did, where in the mess Alec Lightwood would be. He knew that the man who had once been a boy helping Magnus run was head of the Institute, that he would know Cahya’s whereabouts. Magnus could only hope Alec was not going to be one of the Shadowhunters killed in tonight's upheaval. In his heart he dared to hope that maybe he would even be one of the rebels, but he had no way of knowing. Shadowhunter’s stayed well clear of Downworlders, except to kill them and the Institute Head was practically a ghost, even among Magnus’ clever watchers.  

The pulse of Pandemonium's music around him and the ebb and flow of the wards settled him. He waited.

At precisely midnight he felt the telling rush of coolness and comfort that meant hands were on his daemon. In the same breath a bright wash of angelic power flared in his awareness, the leylines rippling despite having no direct connection to it.

The core was severed from Idris. It was beginning.

He settled further back in his seat, magical awareness flaring out from him as he prepared to keep the watch for the night. Max Lightwood nodded at him across the dancefloor, his wolves would be prowling the night, keeping the mundanes safe from demons while the Shadowhunter’s worked. The vampires at their backs to help and to carry news with their speed.

Tonight, Magnus thought, New York was taking back its power. 

-

Sunrise came with a messenger.

Pandemonium had closed to mundanes in the wee hours, but Magnus had the doors open for his people and the news they carried.

The wards had been raised when Clave special forces were engaged. According to The Raven, the Institute was able to close their standing portals but couldn’t stop them from trying to come in from outside. Magnus had sent back the assertion that none of Idris’ forces would set foot in New York. 

Raphael had arrived with word that vampires could smell Nephilim blood for half a mile around the institute, and when he went to see, the front steps were wet with the stuff.

Now, a blonde man with a great white dog at his side and runes scrawled over his visible skin was standing just inside the entrance. He brought his hands up in front of his chest, wrists crossed, thumbs touching, the sign of The Raven.

Magnus waved him nearer, watching those who remained in Pandemonium as they tracked him across the floor. Max Lightwood melted out of the shadows nearest Magnus, his Jack Russell daemon, Amada, sitting calmly at his feet. Magnus did not send him away, even as he waved others back. Max had a right to know.

The blonde man stopped a respectable distance from the raised part of the floor where Magnus sat, patient. He stood calm, settled and ready to report, and Magnus got the impression he was a man used to following orders and waiting for instruction.

“Closer,” Magnus told him, watching as his eyes flicked over Magnus and to Max. There was no recognition there, so not someone who’d known Max as a child. 

He climbed the stairs, his daemon keeping stride.

“I greet you, High Warlock.” He dipped his head, and when Magnus said nothing, continued. “Commander Lightwood requests the presence of the leaders of New York to coordinate our next actions and swears to uphold truce within the city.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, aware of Max practically vibrating beside him at the mention of his family.

“Commander Lightwood is not the person who I would speak to.” 

The blonde’s lips curled a bit before he schooled his expression, but the flash of a smile made Magnus curious.

“The Raven, then, asks you to come. In one hour. He also asks that a message be carried to-” Here he glanced again at Max, and Magnus made an impatient gesture. Still uncertain, the man leaned closer, his words a whisper, “Magnus Bane, he’s asked to come as soon as he can.”

Magnus felt the breath rush out of him. To know that he lived, The Raven could only be one of two people, and with the way his messenger spoke, it was clear who it must be. The invite to him specifically… He swallowed the hope that burned bright.

“Very well. Tell your commander I will come. As for the other, no promises.”

With a relieved nod, the man went to leave, only for Max to come forward.

“Please. Can I come back with you? Only me.” 

Magnus watched as the two looked at each other, the blonde deeply suspicious and Max desperate. He spoke up.

“This is Max Lightwood. He only wants to see his brother.”

A spark of recognition, and the blonde smiled, relaxing some, though Magnus noted his daemon didn’t loosen at all. “They’ll be happy to see you. I’m Andrew and you can come with me.”

Max gave Magnus a quick smile and then the two were leaving.

Magnus closed his eyes, he had a meeting to get ready for. 

-

The Morning After

Alec watched the infirmary staff moving smoothly between beds, looking over those who were hurt badly enough in the fighting to still be bedridden. Most were well on the mend, runic healing and rest working double time. The dead numbered too many, though fewer than Alec had expected and mostly from the Claves forces. 

The front steps would need to be replaced from the amount of blood that had coated them as his people had fought to keep their home safe. 

It was worth it. The Downworld had come together outside, the warlocks’ wards kept Idris from sending more reinforcements, and Alec had checked this morning to see the night demon activity had all been more or less handled while they’d been out of commission. 

He pushed off the wall where he was leaning, ignoring the glare one of the medics gave him as they moved past him. Helen and her little fox daemon could give him looks all they liked, he wasn’t going to spend anymore time in a bed of his own. There was too much for him to do. 

He’d no sooner had the thought than a familiar shadow swooped over him. Kaie landed on Cahya’s head, ignoring her growl. Jace’s hand landed on Alec’s shoulder a moment later.

“If you’re going to stand around in here, you might as well let them treat you. I can tell you’re still hurting.” 

Alec grunted and shrugged his hand off. “I was only stopping by to check how we’re doing. I’m fine, nothing my iratze isn’t already taking care of. Obviously.”

Jace gave him a long look, assessing. They both knew if he was truly hurt badly enough to need care that Rani would be in danger of revealing them. The few times it had happened, including when Alec had tried to die to free Cahya, Rani had lost control of their form, shifting too fast to stay hidden. A side effect, they all assumed, of Alec’s iron will resisting the settling. Still, Jace was twice as bad about accepting care, and Alec wasn’t about to listen to him.

Before he could say anything else, Underhill stuck his head in and upon seeing them both nodded sharply.

“Commander Lightwood. My message was delivered and a commitment from the High Warlock returned. She’ll be here for a meeting.” 

Alec kept his expression carefully controlled at the pronoun, uncertain who he’d be dealing with if Magnus didn’t show.

“There’s someone else that accompanied me who wants to meet with you. Both of you, and Isabelle, in a non-official capacity. I have him waiting in your office.” Underhill looked like he was biting back a smile this time and Alec raised an eyebrow. 

“Who?” Jace cut in, his wariness clear as Kaie fluttered to his shoulder. 

Underhill did smile this time. “A young Alpha, Max Lightwood.”

Alec felt his heart leap into his throat at the thought of his little brother and he could see his own eagerness mirrored in Jace, feel it in the way their heartbeats fell into sync again. 

“I’ll go find Isabelle and send her along,” Underhill reassured them, clearly reading their impatience to see Max. 

-

Jace followed so close he was practically stepping on Alec’s heels when he let them into his office. Cahya hung back and gave a small nod to the door, letting Alec know she would stand guard for them. It relaxed him enough to focus on the room, knowing only Izzy and Chilo would be allowed to pass.

Standing with his hands clasped behind his back in a familiar pose, sandy brown hair long enough to curl at the nape of his neck, and taller than Alec expected, was Max. He turned to face them at Jace’s wordless exclamation and looked shocked as Jace closed the distance between them to pull him into a tight hug, Kaie excitedly hopping around Amada who let out a happy bark. 

As soon as Jace let him go, Alec stepped in, less abrupt but no less intense in how he hugged Max. They’d all missed him and the years in between did little to stop the wetness that gathered in Alec’s eyes as he embraced his little brother.

“I thought you weren’t going to be a tree like this asshole.” Jace said, grinning at Max.

He shrugged but his eyes weren’t dry either and his own smile looked almost painfully wide. “Werewolf thing, maybe?” He looked at them both, like he couldn’t believe it. At his feet Amada and were whispering quickly to each other, catching up faster than their people.

“Where’s Rani?” Max asked, when the silence had dragged on, and Alec realized he hadn’t said a word yet.

“In the hallway.” It was the truth, Rani was buried in Cahya’s fur, as always. “Angel, but we’ve missed you, Max. You’re safe?”

Max rolled his eyes in tandem with Jace’s slight huff. “Yes, Alec, I’m old enough to take care of myself, and besides, Downworlders look out for each other, doubly so the wolves. I have my own pack now! It’s small but we’re happy. We live together in Brooklyn.”

Alec sighed and smiled again. “I’m glad. You’ll have to tell us about-”

Izzy burst through the door, cutting him off as she flew across the room to wrap Max in her arms, Chilo rising from her shoulders to taste the air around their little brother.

“Max! You’re all grown up!” Izzy stepped back with a teary laugh. “How’s life on the other side?”

“He’s an Alpha now, Iz,” Jace said, watching Max glare at him for stealing his thunder.

“And a bartender,” he hurried to say. “I work for the High Warlock, and normally I’d be too young still, but Mag is cool about it since I don’t try to drink and I let myself be glamored to look a little older.”

“A bartender?” Alec asked, remembering the limited times he’d even seen the outside of a club, mundane or otherwise. It didn’t seem like the safest profession, but then again, Max was a werewolf.

“Oh! If you’re friends with the High Warlock, you can say hi. She’s waiting for Alec right now,” Izzy said, not looking away from Max. It was something Alec could relate to. He felt like leaving  Max now, he might never see him again, but duty was calling him.

“She…is?” Max sounded a little uncertain but then he nodded. “You’ll like her, even if she is a little…dramatic.” 

Alec resisted the urge to sigh, the ache of his shoulders and his ribs was a enough reminder how done with anything dramatic he was. 

“I’m sorry, I should meet her. You can stay though, please.” Alec gestured to the space, giving up his office for his siblings was easy. He wanted the Downworld leaders to see a little of his Institute anyway, and he had a table set in the multi-purpose room that had once been the worship hall. 

Max grinned, “Try not to drool. She’s probably still dressed for holding court.”

Jace whistled and Alec made a face, answering without thought as he was comfortable with just his siblings. “She won’t distract me that way.”

Max opened his mouth in surprise, and Alec could feel the way Izzy tensed, even if Chilo hadn’t hissed in alarm. Jace was still grinning, but Kaie had gone very still. Max just laughed and Amada’s bright laughter joined his.

“She’ll be disappointed.”

The tension between them evaporated, and Jace reached to pull Max closer, laughing as Izzy teased Max about his clear appreciation for the High Warlock’s looks. Alec wanted to stay with them a little longer, but this was important for so many reasons.

He called a quick, “I’ll be back when I can,” and stepped back into the hallway. Cahya was waiting for him, though she seemed agitated.

They started down a hall to the ops floor where Underhill most likely had the High Warlock waiting in an atrium.

“The High Warlock is here. Max seems to know her.” 

Cahya just nodded and Alec took a deep breath. “I promise, I will do what I can to have her arrange a meeting with Magnus.”

Cahya paused and Alec looked at her. “If she knows Magnus, she’ll know immediately that I’m his. His magic is part of me too.”

“I can’t leave you behind,” Alec said, throat tightening at the idea that their secret might be out. He was only barely ready to accept that Cahya would be leaving with Magnus, let alone a stranger who might think it necessary to try and take her. If they could even bypass the binding spell.

“Of course not. Have her meet us in your room instead, it’s private and might give us a chance to explain.” Cahya nudged him lightly with her soft nose.

“You want me to invite her to my bedroom?” 

“You were the one who gave up your office.”

Alec could almost hear Rani laughing from his hiding spot and gave in with a groan. “Fine. I’ll send a message to Aline. She’ll make fun of me, but she’s not going to make as many assumptions as some of the others.”

Cahya looked pleased as she led him toward his room, her tail flicking in the air behind her.

-

The High Warlock looked amused when Aline let her in. She had tanned skin and hair that curled softly around her face in a red a few shades deeper than the long dress she wore. It was silky, high slitted, and caught the light when she moved, and Alec could agree with Max, though the effort was wasted on him.

“Thank you for accepting my invite. I apologize for the odd choice of space, but my office is occupied and there were some… concerns about the content of our conversation. In regards to that, I must express my gratitude for your early arrival, since it will give us time to discuss a somewhat delicate issue.” Alec put every ounce of diplomacy into his words, leaving a respectful distance between them and pointedly gesturing toward the pair of chairs that would keep the bed out of their sight lines.

She smiled at him and inclined her head gracefully, sitting with a flare of her dress that revealed more of her leg. Alec wondered if he should tell her it was lost on him. 

“Thank you for having me in what I’m assuming is your bedroom? I am happy with the direction you have taken this Institute and appreciate that there is something you need to speak with me, personally, about. So, what is it?” She leaned back, with a casual twist of her wrist a drink appeared, shimmering and gold in the glass.

Cahya chose that moment to make herself known, padding around the chairs and purposely brushing along Alec’s legs, only to freeze completely at the sight of the woman.

“Wha-” Alec started, unnerved by the stillness that held Cahya in place.

“Cahya,” the woman breathed, and then her glamour melted away.

Magnus Bane, still in the dress which was suddenly much more interesting to Alec, slid out of the chair, his drink falling to the floor as he nearly crawled toward his daemon. 

Alec swallowed hard, nudging Cahya lightly with his knee when she didn’t move to close the small distance between them. She started to tremble, her whole self vibrating, her fur bristling, and Alec made a sound of worry that was mirrored by Magnus.

“Rani,” he called, hoping it would help if his daemon wasn’t in danger of being crushed when the two did come together.

Rani fluttered out of Cahya’s fur, pressing himself against Alec’s cheek and watching just as tense as Alec.

Finally, Cahya lunged forward with a soft mewling sound, knocking Magnus back and pressing her full weight against him. They both were making sounds, quietly speaking in a language that Alec didn’t understand, and Cahya was rubbing her face against Magnus’ chest and chin, heedless of how she was pulling the dress off his shoulders. 

Alec decided to give them a moment and retreated to sit on his bed instead, where he could only see parts of them. 

Rani changed into a large rabbit that Alec gratefully cuddled against his chest, stroking through Rani’s fur in a calming pattern. They stayed, enjoying the feeling of being close to one another, until Cahya’s low voice called to them.

Alec reluctantly set Rani down, watching him flicker between forms too fast to identify all of them. It made his stomach clench, and the ache that lived in him pulsed. He’d long thought of that tender spot as the consequence for not allowing his daemon to settle and every time his emotions overwhelmed Rani’s form like this, he only became more certain of that.

Magnus’ golden cat eyes tracked him as he stepped back around the chairs, keeping his movements deliberate and slow. It was probably a rush of disorienting feelings to be reunited with Cahya after so many years apart, and Alec might have been the leader of a rebellious Institute, but he was still a Shadowhunter. Magnus’ long history with his family was something Alec was intimately familiar with and something he was terribly ashamed of. It wasn’t just the birthday gift incident. His parents had personally hunted Magnus, killed his friends, helped torture the Whitlaws and those they tried to protect. He was hyperaware, as he slowly sat back down in the chair he had first occupied, of the gulf of blood and stolen souls between them.

Rani, panting with the effort of holding one form, slowly crawled closer as a long-eared mouse. Cahya made a low chuffing sound and Rani flinched like he never had from her before, his form flickering again until it stopped, leaving a small skunk pressed shakily against Alec’s ankle.

“Rani-” Cahya started, her voice low and pained. Alec hated to see her hurt for them, but he couldn’t stop the wave of guilt nor could he fully look away from Magnus.

Tears streaked golden makeup down Magnus’ cheeks. His expression was torn open, and his fingers were curled tight enough in Cahya’s fur it looked painful. In return Cahya’s claws had clearly drawn blood from his bare shoulder in her need to be closer, his dress sluggishly darkened where it was soaking in. He was still staring at Alec, an unhappy twist to his lips.

“You kept her,” Magnus said, his voice raw and scraped thin. Alec wanted to close his eyes against the words, the accusation in them. He didn’t. Magnus deserved more than that.

“I had too.” He swallowed hard, holding himself still as Rani shoved his little body into the leg of Alec’s pants with violent trembles. “I didn’t know how to free her, and it wasn’t safe to ask.”

Magnus’ expression twisted into one of anger. “You had my daemon, you touched her and kept her against her will for more than a decade because you were afraid to ask for help? Because only a warlock could help you, and you knew any of my people would have killed you for the slight so you just… did nothing? I thought you would grow into someone better from the child I met. I thought you were The Raven, but you’re only another disappointment with a pretty face, I see.”

Alec’s ears were ringing and he had to press his hands tightly together, his bones nearly creaking. Magnus was clearly overwhelmed. He was angry and twisted up from getting Cahya back, and he didn’t know Alec, not really. The hope that Alec had carefully tried to smother, that he would get to know Magnus, the man whose soul companion had been nearly as dear to Alec as his own daemon, that he might get to still see Cahya, guttered in his chest and went cold.

Another weight pressed against his legs, and he watched in shock as Cahya pressed her face against his shins, her body stretched between the two of them. Magnus’ breath audibly stuttered, and Alec looked to him to see a mirror of shock.

“You are angry, my abang. You’ve earned that anger, but Alec has not. He wasn’t afraid for his own safety, he was worried for ours.” Cahya’s long tail twitched as she spoke, nosing at Rani’s hidden form as she did. “If the Clave knew you lived, if breaking the binding between Alec and I failed, if the warlock who we tried to hire wasn’t capable, what then? We were confined to Alicante for so long. When we finally made it out of the city, when we took over New York, we agreed that we would wait for this moment.”

Rani, calmed by Cahya’s proximity and firm tone, slid out of his hiding place and changed into a snow leopard, larger than her, to rub their faces together. 

“You agreed?” Magnus asked, wiping at his tears and obviously trying to rein himself in. He sounded more confused now, less angry.

“Of course,” Cahya said, her words muffled in Rani’s fur. 

“If she thought it was safe sooner, I would have done anything to get her back to you. It took us ages to figure out how far away from me she could go, how to work together like she was mine, so no one would know. I-” Alec took a deep breath, knowing there was no real way to make up for any of it, but especially this. “I’m sorry I touched her. I had to. In battle we couldn’t feel each other, and we had to make it real in front of the Clave.”

“And I enjoyed it,” Cahya said, matter-of-fact.

Magnus tipped his head forward, frowning. “I came to enjoy it as well. It should have always felt like a violation, but it stopped being that a long time ago. I am…sorry I lashed out at you. This is…”

“A lot,” Alec said, nodding.

“So much,” Magnus agreed, beginning to smile.

“If I’m not banned for my outburst, could we possibly pick this up after the meetings we are both expected at in the next ten minutes?” Magnus nodded at the clock hanging over Alec’s dresser.

“Shit,” Alec said, pushing to his feet and looking between their daemons.

“You’re not going to be seated next to me. The others might already be here. How do you want to do this?” Alec asked, thinking how he would hate to be separated from his daemon in Magnus’ shoes, even by a few feet. 

“Over the years, I’ve convinced people, with a little glamor and the help of unsuspecting birds in the park, that ‘Maggie’s’ daemon is a magpie. I don’t want to announce who I really am yet. Things are already unstable enough and, although I am fabulous, I would like more time to understand what’s happened to Cahya since we parted.” Magnus ran a hand down Cahya’s spine, his expression broken open and wondering.

Alec felt Rani’s large, furry head nudge against him, and a moment later his daemon was a magpie instead. His feathers were blinding snow white against an oil-slick sheen of prismatic black. He preened a little under Alec’s attention and hopped a step closer to Magnus.  

“Fair’s fair,” Rani said in his soft voice, and Alec swallowed hard at the implication.

Cahya touched Rani constantly, but she was another daemon. It didn’t register to Alec’s senses, except that Rani felt comfortable with her. Magnus was altogether different. 

Rani took another hop and Magnus stared at him, eyes wide in surprise. Alec swallowed his worry. Rani would be perfectly safe, no one would know that he was Alec's during the meeting and Magnus wasn't going to hurt him. They might not know each other, but Alec had spent years with the literal representation of Magnus' innermost soul. He knew what he needed to; he could trust Magnus with this. 

Magnus' gaze darted between Rani and Alec, his fingers kneading into Cahya's fur loosening as Rani plucked at the hem of his dress delicately. 

"Are you certain?" Magnus asked, one hand slowly leaving Cahya to hover just in front of Rani.

Alec took a deep breath, steeling himself for the feeling of another's hand on his daemon as Rani stretched toward Magnus' hand, his wings trembling. He'd been a bird then too, when Robert had grabbed him and torn from him the final ingredient in the spell that bound Cahya.

"I am," Alec said.

Magnus' hand dropped to meet Rani, burgundy nails like tiny clawed points running between the fine feathers on the top of Rani's dark head. Alec couldn't make himself blink, staring at where golden brown skin met black feathers even as he swayed, breath leaving him in a rush. It felt warm. Nothing like the cold, unwelcome violation of his father's grasp, just a warm trickle through him, stealing his words and calming his thoughts. It was half-familiar, undoubtedly from his experience with Cahya. 

Rani hummed, pressing into the light touch, and Magnus relaxed, quietly petting him as Alec watched, breathing slow and trancelike, until Cahya's rolling laugh broke the spell.

"You're late," she informed them both, and Alec jerked, swearing as he realized she was right.

-

Alec was exhausted by the time the meeting was over. Meeting was a light way of phrasing the only barely non-hostile beginnings, as leaders of various groups from New York's Downworld had arrived at the Institute, upset by the lack of neutral ground in some cases and understanding of Alec's position in others. They'd just weathered a major offensive, he couldn't leave the reach of his people just yet, but with "Maggie" on his side and Max chiming in that this was the "big brother" he talked about, things had smoothed over well enough. Agreements had been made to formalize a peace treaty, with a new location decided on by the majority. That it was an event hall that had most recently hosted a senior prom seemed to delight and amuse Magnus a great deal. 

Still, it had taken him longer than he wanted to explain how he had come to be the Raven and what the plan for his people in New York was now that they had broken from the Clave. He had to table questions that had come flying from every group about what the next steps were, unable to fully commit a plan of action without coordinating his people and getting word from the spies still in Idris. 

When he'd revealed he was waiting on inside information, most had been content to let his lack of concrete plan go, happy enough with the long-term goal of dismantling the current Clave. 

Raphael Santiago had pressed him a little harder, but backed off quickly enough when he pointed out that they were not the only Institute that had gone rogue last night and he needed to have a full check-in with the other four.  That had served to remind the group that given the ability to wait until more pieces were in place, Alec wouldn't have called them together. It was a sign of his desire to build connection and ensure that everyone had a say in the next move, as well as the need of his people to have allies should the Clave retaliate further that he had requested a meeting so quickly.

After, he stood by the door, thanking those that had come and seeing them out, hoping his sincerity was showing through his weariness. When only Max, "Maggie", and Raphael remained, he let himself sag a little. At his feet Cahya was laying with her paws folded under her chin, feigning the same tiredness. 

Rani was quietly settled on "Maggie's" shoulder, looking for all the world like he belonged there perfectly. He'd spent most of the meeting perched on the arm of a chair, but as Alec grew more tired, had moved closer to Magnus. 

Jace and Izzy joined them as it became clear that no one else was leaving anytime soon. Izzy gave him a soft smile and headed for Max, while Jace leaned against the wall beside him. Kaie was on his shoulder, staring at Rani with slitted eyes.

"So. How did the pre-meeting meeting go?" Jace asked, voice low.

Alec wanted to laugh, especially as Kaie's feathers puffed up when Rani caw-ed in her direction. He had no idea how to explain, Jace would be the best to understand, his and Alec's linked souls the closest comparison there was to the relationship between Alec and Cahya's person. 

"Well. Very well. Maggie and I need to talk a bit more though." Alec couldn't stop the tired smirk from curling his lips and Jace caught on immediately.

"No." He swiveled to stare at the pretty woman who was currently scowling playfully at Raphael. "No way. That's him?"

Alec nodded. "Yeah. He dropped the glamour when we spoke and he saw Cahya."

Jace started to grin, Kaie shuffling uneasily. Alec was tempted to nudge him hard enough to unseat her, if only to stop whatever Jace had to say. 

"Was he still in the dress?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "Yes. Was a little too preoccupied with reuniting with his daemon after a decade to bother changing his clothes."

Jace sobered a bit, but he still waggled his eyebrows at Alec. Kaie's sharp eyes turned to Alec, "If Cahya is his, who-?"

She trailed off, her eyes widening at the same time Jace's mouth popped open. Alec sighed and nodded, holding up his hand to stop any more questions as he watched Raphael step away from Magnus.

"Later," Alec said firmly, and Jace nodded.

Raphael shook his hand with his usual formal grace. "Until next time, Lightwood."  

Alec offered him a smile that was a little warmer than the other leaders had gotten. Raphael had been one of the few who knew he was the Raven, since Alec had helped him remove Camille. Raphael left without another word.

"Maggie" approached him next, rocking on her heels as she stopped in front of him and Jace.

"Is there any way we could continue our earlier conversation?" she asked, smiling a little. 

Jace clapped Alec's shoulder. "Take him to the roof. Iz, Max and I can catch up and run interference. Anyone needs anything, we'll take care of it for a bit and get Max up to speed on all our drama."

Alec sighed in relief, nodding at them both. "The roof will work great. Just remember"—he caught Jace as he started to walk away—"Max is a leader too, there are areas he's not allowed to go anymore. He's got more responsibility than just our little brother."

Jace's face pinched, unhappy with the reminder, but he nodded once and Alec let him go.

-

Magnus let the glamour drop as soon as they were alone on the roof. Alec had led him through a series of quiet hallways in the residential wing of the Institute and up a secluded stairway until they were in the open air.

A couple of deck chairs and a large waterproof crate were set up in the flat open space. Alec easily opened the crate and pulled out a large cushion and pile of blankets. Cahya, clearly familiar with the space, started dragging the cushion into place. Rani, obviously exhausted as he had not left Magnus’ shoulder yet, swayed to press his head against Magnus’ cheek.

The flush of familiar comfort that rushed through Magnus brought his attention back to Alec, who was settling onto the cushion, his hand rubbing over Cahya’s head unconsciously as he did.

Magnus swallowed and came to join him, pausing to snap himself into a more comfortable outfit. He still chose a red dress of softer fabric that ruched comfortably at his thighs with a pair of creamy chocolate leggings so he could fold himself down next to Alec without issue.

When they were both comfortable, the silence stretched. Neither of them knew what to say, it seemed. 

When Cahya yawned, curling between them lazily and easily pressing against them both, Magnus realized he should give Rani back. It was strange, how comfortable he felt with another person's daemon settled close, touching him with every shift of the little bird body.

He reached toward Alec, making a bridge with his arm as he set his hand lightly on Alec's shoulder. Rani was tired and this would give him the excuse to go to his person. Alec looked at his hand, then at Rani, his face softening in understanding.

"Before you fall asleep on me, pretty bird," Magnus said, smiling as Rani bobbed his head and took a step. He almost started when he felt Rani change shape, his light magpie shifting to a ferret and quickly bounding over his arm to curl around Alec's shoulders. He blinked at Magnus slowly.

"I could use a nap," Rani said, his voice soft and slow. Magnus resisted the urge to coo at the  daemon, even as Cahya huffed, "You could both use a nap.” She looked at Magnus, fondly exasperated “They hardly slept before the battle, and they certainly haven't slept since."

Magnus gave Alec a playful chiding look. "That's not the most effective leadership decision."

Alec, however, tensed and Magnus wanted to take it back. "I'm only teasing, Alexander. You've done admirably."

He dipped his head and as they sat in silence again, slowly relaxing. His breathing slowed and Rani went loose around his shoulders until Magnus was certain that Alec was starting to drift off.

"Alec?"

"Sorry. I was just...thinking. It's been so crazy, I've hardly had time to look into the curse recently and there wasn't anything in Idris. I don't know how to let Cahya go with you. I swear I wouldn't stop her if I knew how it worked, I'm sorry. You can stay as long as you want, we'll figure something out. I would let you take Rani, to be sure that I was trying, but I'm not a warlock. He can't go far from me or I- We'll-" Alec swallowed, looking distraught as his thick brows pulled together, and he trailed off.

"I wouldn't be so dramatic, Alexander," Magnus said, lightly. "You've already let me borrow sweet Rani more than enough, more than I would have asked for. I'm very used to being away from Cahya. We spent plenty of time apart before any Lightwood shenanigans and we'll be just fine visiting each other until we solve this curse."

Alec frowned. "You're sure? I wouldn't keep her from you."

Magnus offered him a smile, running his fingers through the fur between Cahya's ears and listening to her purring in contentment. 

"I'm certain for that precise reason." Magnus laughed a little, leaning forward conspiratorially and delighting in the way Alec leaned toward him. "She's a perfect excuse to visit you."

Alec blinked in surprise, a pleased little smile starting to curl his lips. "Yeah?"

Magnus grinned outright then. "Yes. You're fascinating to me, you know. And I feel you've unlocked something in me, more than simply returning my daemon to me."

There was color growing in Alec's cheeks and he looked down, tipping his head to press a cheek into sleeping Rani's soft fur. Magnus took the moment to properly look at them. Alec was obviously tired, worn a bit thin from his endeavors as The Raven, but still so strong and so sweet. He was lovely, his hair a bit messy from the breeze on the roof, his lips soft looking and he looked more relaxed than Magnus had seen him today. Rani was a sleek grey and his ferret form was-

Magnus blinked. Right, he'd noticed before but been in too much of a haze finally being back in touch with Cahya.  Alec was twelve when Magnus had been his birthday present, nearly of the age when daemons settled. Now he was well into adulthood, twenty-three and a leader and yet, Rani still changed shape.

"Alexander." Magnus hesitated and Alec looked at him again, clearly reading the change in his tone.

"I know, you're only playing at flirting, Magnus, it's alright, I didn't expect-" Alec started, his chin tipping up and Magnus couldn't let that misconception go. He held a finger over Alec's lips, watching him quiet with a confused little expression.

"You see?" Cahya purred and, yes, Magnus did see. 

"I am absolutely offended you think I would do that. I am genuinely interested in you, you beautiful creature. Now let me be serious about something else for a moment, then I can go back to correcting your ridiculous assumption that you shouldn't expect me to be very invested in taking you out for a drink." Magnus gave him a pointed look, enjoying the way that Alec's cheeks flared with color at the direct words.

"I-I would...yes," Alec managed, starting to grin. "Yes to the drink. And letting you be serious."

Cahya chuffed at them both and resumed her low purr, undoubtedly helping them to stay relaxed as Magnus broached the topic that worried him most. 

"Rani still changes."

Alec made a soft sound of discontent. "He has to. What if he settled as something too big and I couldn't hide him? No one has two daemons, and saying he was a pet would mean letting people touch him, besides their daemons would know immediately. He never settled, we wouldn't let it happen."

"Alec, no one can stop their daemon from settling by sheer force of will. It's impossible." Magnus let his magic curl visible from his right palm and lifted it slightly, so Alec would see it. "I believe it might have to do with the curse that your father put on Cahya, may I?"

The wisps of blue magic were easily reaching toward Alec, recognizing him from his long acquaintance with Magnus' soul, and Magnus was gratified to see a kind of wonderment in Alec's gaze as he nodded, watching the magic as it washed over Rani. The daemon woke, blinking muzzily at the light of Magnus' powers and easily uncurling, nearly falling from Alec's shoulders as he obviously enjoyed the touch of it. 

Daemons were magic, in a way, the sort that was powerful and ancient and beyond understanding, no matter how hard the Spiral Labyrinth attempted to uncover their secrets. Still, Magnus had never seen one bask in magic the way Rani was, his little head tipped back and happy trills leaving him as Alec ended up having to cradle him. A tender look had taken over Alec's face as he watched, and it really set in for Magnus.

Here was a Shadowhunter who had spent years barely getting to see his own daemon, afraid of being caught or interacting with them too much, because he was keeping the daemon of a warlock safe. Here was a man who had done what so many said was impossible and ousted the Clave from Magnus' city, who had opened his doors and worked to bring  his people and the downworld together. 

Even if Magnus wasn't so drawn to him, even if Magnus hadn't found him immediately beautiful, he would want to help Alec and Rani.

He forced himself to re-focus on what his magic was telling him, the threads he could feel that wove between Cahya and Rani and on to Alec. The bond between daemon and person had been frayed and rewoven with a new thread among them.

With a push of his power, Magnus brought the visual to bear for Alec to see as well.

"Here." He lightly touched the glimmer of brilliant blue among the silver of Alec's bond to Rani. There were thin strands of gold from Alec's end as well, but Magnus knew a parabatai link when he saw one.

"What is this?" Alec asked, staring in awe, the light from the bond dancing in his eyes. Rani, too, was watching the threads with wide eyes, inherently aware of what he was seeing.

"It's us. That's the tie between us, the parts of you that reach out and become...me," Rani said, his voice small and filled with wonder.

"It is," Magnus confirmed. "The silver is all you,. The blue however, is the answer to why your daemon never settled." Magnus let the very tip of his finger touch the thread of his own soul, watching Alec shudder and feeling the echo in his bones. "This is me. This is a piece of my bond with Cahya, cut from me and wound into yours. It's more than enough to keep her tethered to you. You said yourself, you aren't a warlock, you cannot go far from your daemon."

"She's not mine," Alec choked, horrified.

"A piece of her is. This is what your father did, he tied her to you just enough that she cannot be far from you, though further than your true daemon. The magic that makes daemons what they are is so tangled here. This sort of spell should never have been made, nor used. It especially was not meant to be used on a child with an unsettled daemon. Cahya is hundreds of years old, Alexander, she has been settled for longer than mortals live." Magnus sighed heavily. "I can only assume that your father didn't know the risk of what he was doing. There was every chance this would have killed you, or broken the bond between you and your own daemon completely."

Cahya made a hissing sound, and Rani huddled close to Alec, looking alarmed. Alec tucked Rani closer still and nodded once, sharp. 

"He probably thought it was worth the risk," Alec said, simply and unaffected, moving on before Magnus could say anything to that. "Can it be fixed? Or do I need to make arrangements so you can be with her?"

"Arrangements? Alec, what are you-?"

"I can't live with you, full time, I have too much to do here, but Cahya and I know how far from me she can go, so maybe I could get an apartment closer to you so she can be with you, or-" Alec was staring off at the sky now, clearly ready to make plans and leave behind the strange vulnerability. 

Magnus let the visible bond fade as he tried to stop himself making faces at Alec. 

"I'm sure that we can find a way to undo the curse before it ever comes to that. I'm more concerned about helping your Rani settle. That's the first and most important thing. Once he's settled it will be much safer to try separating my bond from yours." 

"How do I do that?" Rani asked.

Magnus had no answer for that, nor, it seemed, did Cahya or Alec.

-

Leaving his daemon was harder than Magnus wanted to show. He re-glamoured himself, after pressing his face into Cahya's fur the way he hadn't since Camille left him in shreds, decades ago. Alec offered to walk him out, but he declined with a flippant excuse about not wanting to start rumors about Alec and Maggie, though in truth he was hoping Alec would take the opportunity to go to sleep. He also didn't want to have to try and casually tell them good-bye at the door again. 

Watching Rani turn back into a moth and disappear into Cahya's fur had bothered him more than he thought it would, but he'd still taken his leave.

The next day found Magnus restless. 

Nothing was distracting him, not Chairman Meow who he kept wondering how Cahya would react to, not his apothecary when he remembered her easily helping him with potions. He wanted to go back to her. He wanted to see Alexander again.

A treacherous thought cropped up.

Alec had already offered to live with him or near him. He could say they needed to be together until Rani settled and they could separate Cahya. He could be weak about this, beg Alec to make it a priority and delegate what he could of the budding rebellion. 

He could be selfish.

Magnus cleared his throat, snapping away the potion that was already a hopeless endeavor. He needed to think of something else. Anything else.

His phone rang and he snatched it, not looking at who was calling.

"You've reached the High Warlock. This will be very expensive if you're rude." Maggie’s voice, just a register above his own, came easily.

“I’ll try not to run up my bill,” Alec greeted him, his tone warm and teasing. “Hello, Magnus.”

Magnus grinned. “Alexander. Think of an Angel, after all. What can I do for you?”

“I wanted to see how you were doing. I know this isn’t easy for you and I’m sorry.” 

The same feeling that he’d always associated with Alec touching Cahya bloomed in his chest, warmer than ever, and he fell into his favorite chair with a dramatic little twirl, just because. “I’m just fine. I miss her, and I would love to spend more time in your darling company, but I can handle waiting.”

There was a long silence, and Magnus found himself tugging his earlobe, worried that he might have given Alec the wrong impression, somehow.

“What if you didn’t have to?”

“Have to what, Alec?” Magnus asked, hopeful.

“Honestly, without having to deal with Clave paperwork, the Institute can spare me for a couple hours this evening. We were well prepared and our losses were far from what I accounted for when we cut the core from Idris, so we’re in great shape, all things considered. The Clave isn’t going to move on us again so quickly, especially not with the Downworld supporting us.” He took an audible breath and Magnus pressed the phone tighter to his ear. “Were you serious about that drink?”

A giddy, bubbly feeling that was all too familiar welled up, and Magnus sighed happily. The first flush of interest returned was wonderful. “I was. Tonight, then? I know a few places we might go.”

“Actually…I was thinking I could come to yours? That way you can be with Cahya properly, too. Also-” Alec sounded a little embarrassed, and Magnus thought he could hear another voice that sounded suspiciously like Jace in the background, “- also, I want to see you not Maggie, or even the High Warlock.”

“That would be lovely, Alec. I will send you my address so we can both pretend it isn’t in a file somewhere. Does five work for you? We can have an early dinner and a drink, and I can even return you to your Shadowhunters before prime demon hours.” Magnus hoped that Alec could hear how much this meant to him.

“Can we say six?” Alec asked as Jace shouted, “He doesn’t have to be returned!” 

“Six. It’s a date,” Magnus promised and he could hear Alec smile. He could also hear Kaie squalling and the familiar sound of Cahya hissing. “Go, save your parabatai from our girl.”

“I’ll see you tonight. Bye, Magnus.”

The call ended and Magnus took a moment to lean back in his chair, head tipped back. They had a date tonight. He’d see Cahya again, and maybe get to see Alec and Rani relax again.

“Oh!” He popped back up, going to find Chairman Meow. “Come, Chairman, we need to look our best for our guests.”

-

After a dinner of food from his favorite Ethiopian place, that Alec had grinned over and fed bites of to Rani, they were relaxing in the living room. 

Magnus’ table was covered in cocktails that Alec was systematically sipping his way through and making faces that ranged from “disgusted” to “confused, but not bad” in an attempt to find one he liked best.

Rani and Cahya were curled at their feet, a pair of leopards, though Rani was a larger snow leopard still. It was such a picture of a good, calm evening that Magnus’ face hurt from smiling.

Alec picked up a tiny glass, barely the size of a thimble, and tipped it into his mouth before Magnus could warn him. The face he made was one of shock and then immediately after a tightly twisted mouth as the sour, astringent liquor hit. 

Magnus couldn’t help the way he started laughing, especially as Rani jumped to his feet, fur bristling in alarm as Alec coughed.

“That’s…wow,” Alec managed, setting the thimble glass down like it was a bomb.

“It’s really meant to be drunk with this.“ Magnus held up a shot glass of sweet liqueur. “I think we can certainly rule it out though.” 

He took a sip of the sticky sweet shot, turning to Alec to ask what he wanted to try next only to be surprised by how close Alec was suddenly, leaning into his space. 

“I want to try it.” 

Magnus swallowed and set the shot glass down, watching Alec’s eyes dart to his mouth, still wet from the drink. “Alright.”

A warm palm cupped his neck and Alec’s intent gaze searched his face. Magnus knew that he couldn’t have done this before, and decided to help him. He pushed into Alec’s touch, brushing their lips together lightly and then sighing softly against Alec as he deepened the kiss. 

Alec’s hands were burning as they cupped his chin, like he was precious, and Magnus let one of his own hands lift to tangle in Alec’s hair. With a light swipe of Alec’s tongue, Magnus opened to him, tasting a strange blend of their drinks, the lingering sour in Alec’s mouth. 

With a low sound, one of Alec’s hands dropped to Magnus' waist, pulling them closer together. He was twisted on the couch to face Magnus, but it didn’t matter as he tipped further toward Magnus. 

A pleased rumbling sound finally broke them apart, and Magnus turned to look at their daemons as Alec pressed his forehead to Magnus’ temple, gathering himself.

The sound was coming from Rani, who had his eyes closed, his fur was black with a pattern only visible where the light hit him and he had shifted from another leopard to a jaguar. With her head laying on his shoulder, Cahya slowly blinked up at Magnus, equally content though her own purr was much softer.

Magnus felt Alec pull back to look at their daemons as well and tore his own gaze from them to watch Alec. There was a tenderness in his expression, his lips parted and upturned as he gently reached down and very deliberately ran his fingers through Cahya’s fur before continuing to scratch Rani’s own large head. 

In hundreds of years, Magnus had only rarely let his long-term partners touch Cahya, and even then it was never with the casual ease that Alec did. None of them had ever felt right, but this did. It always had. 

Rani was pressing into Alec’s touch happily and Magnus swallowed before leaning forward as well, his shoulder pressed closed to Alec’s. He buried his fingers in Rani’s fur along his side, feeling the thick soft pelt and the way that Alec’s breathing hitched beside him. 

“See?” Cahya asked, though Magnus wasn’t sure who she was directing the questions to. 

“I said he’d learn how mushy you are,” she said, giving Alec an amused look as Magnus shifted to lay his hand in her fur instead.

“You also said he wouldn’t like me at first.” Alec told her, fondness heavy in his voice.

Magnus scoffed, “What’s not to like?”

-

The morning light woke Magnus, his face scrunching against the brightness as it slanted across his face. From the general direction of his hip came a grumble that did not sound at all like-

“ ‘at time ‘st?” a groggy Alexander Lightwood asked, blinking and struggling to sit up from where he was slumped against Magnus, his face having been obviously pillowed against Magnus’ hip.

Magnus smiled, a sleepy and delighted thing that he couldn’t stop if he’d wanted to. 

“It’s just about eight,” Cahya answered, and yawned immediately; her fangs on full display. Rani mimicked the action, still a jaguar with his own impressive set of incisors. It was much cuter than it should have been.

“Crap,” Alec said, drawing Magnus’ attention back.

“We stayed up later than I expected.” Magnus shifted around until he could stretch back, wincing at the feeling of his slept-in clothes and undoubtedly messy makeup. “You’re a fascinating person with very interesting opinions on important martial writings and I am a scintillating conversationalist, anyone you’re late getting back to will surely understand.”

Alec rolled his eyes, but there was fondness in the action, and Magnus considered it a win. He snapped himself into a fresh outfit, fitted jewel blue pants and a black shirt with a loose drape, nothing too dramatic this morning. His face felt better with a wave of his hand to clean up and adjust the coloring of his makeup, softening it to a more suitable day look.

When he was done, Alec was just looking at him, lips parted.

“What?” 

Alec blinked and Cahya made a chuffing noise in the back of her throat, nudging Rani’s shoulder as he grumbled back. 

“You’re amazing,” Alec said, no trace of flattery to it, and Magnus felt his cheeks flush with pleased color. With a crooked little grin, Alec continued, “Even if you’ve heard too many conspiracies about Sun Tzu.”

Magnus gasped in mock offense. “Just because I think that the intention of his writings was angling more toward sounding like a good advisor, à la Macheivelli, does not mean I believe in conspiracy.”

“Magnus,” Cahya said, patiently.

“Okay. Maybe a few ‘conspiracies,’ but I was right about the most recent one! Though, it’s only a conspiracy in the very original sense.” He finally pushed up from the couch, watching as Alec did the same, twisting this way and that to stretch.

“What was it?” 

“That you were the Raven.” 

Alec stilled, blinking at Magnus. “You mean when I sent Underhill with the message?”

Magnus turned away from him a moment, trying not to feel embarrassed about his assumption. He’d only met Alec once, a child who had said little to him, been horribly violated by his father, and then helped him plan an escape. 

“Not…exactly,” Magnus hedged.

“When?” Alec asked, curious.

“How long after you learned he was Commander in New York?” Cahya’s warm voice asked, making Magnus turn back around, tugging at his earlobe a bit.

“Oh, about a month, maybe? I’d been in touch with the Raven off and on and knew they must have been in Idris, but then they started to address problems more locally relevant, and I thought it was someone who’d been moved here. I found out you were here not much later and well…I don’t think anyone else would’ve realized, but I drew some lines.” 

Magnus could remember the immediate hope, when he learned Alec was so close. The hope that Cahya would be returned to him and that Alec had grown into as good a man as he had the potential to be.

“Magnus…” Alec shook his head, cheeks a little flushed. “Well. I’m glad you didn’t think I was an awful person, if you thought I might be the Raven that whole time.”

Magnus stepped closer to him, running a hand down his arm reassuringly. “I hoped. I wanted it to be you. Lucky me, that I usually get what I want.”

Alec’s smile went soft and wide, his heart so obviously on his sleeve that Magnus had to swallow against an answering surge of warmth. They barely knew each other, and yet-

Cahya leaned into Alec’s touches as naturally as his own. Rani felt just as comfortable when he was on Magnus’ shoulder as his own daemon might’ve. Alec’s siblings seemed supportive of them already, and Magnus couldn’t deny the feeling like something was unfurling in his chest. Some bloom he’d neglected for so long he was surprised to find the bulb of it even still existed, let alone had the potential to flourish under Alec’s sweet gaze.

“We should, uh-” Alec started, gesturing vaguely toward Magnus’ front door and tugging on his shirt with the other hand, clearly meaning to leave before he was any later to the Institute.

“Yes. Of course.” Magnus sighed. “I don’t suppose my company would be welcome?”

Alec frowned, his eyebrows drawing together until a determined glint entered his eye. He stepped fully into Magnus’ space, cupping his cheek and leaning close, before pausing just a moment, like he wanted to be sure. Magnus melted into the touch and was happy to find Alec’s lips pressed against his, soft and closed and just as lovely as their kisses traded during the night before.

When Alec pulled back he offered an apologetic smile. “I’m going to have a lot on my plate. Your company, and your counsel, would be very welcome, but not until this afternoon.”

“Ooh, we could have a lunch meeting. I’m just so charming I have to stick around after, of course.” Magnus could summon something for them, it would give him a perfect excuse to sit and chat with Alexander uninterrupted again and learn a little about what foods he liked.

“Of course.” Alec said, his tone lilting into nearly a tease, and Magnus was delighted. 

“You’d better be on your way. If we’re going to meet later, I need to look Maggie’s best.” He made a shooing motion and Alec laughed.

“Alright. Rani?”

Rani shook himself off, standing up and stretching his long body lazily before taking a breath and going perfectly still.

“You’ll need to hide again,” Alec said.

Rani took another breath, his face scrunching. “I can’t.” 

The words fell between them, and Magnus watched as realization dawned on Alec, Cahya’s tail wiggling the way it did when she was terribly pleased with herself.

“You’ve settled.” Alec breathed at the same moment Magnus pointed at Cahya and said, “You knew!”

Rani pressed his long body against Alec’s knees, twisting around them to glare at Cahya.

“I didn’t know,” she said, sounding smug. “I thought it was likely. Something in you, Rani, just seemed to slot into place. Good. This is much simpler.”

“How?” Alec sounded like he was used to her proclamations like this. 

“Magnus does not need an excuse to have breakfast and lunch with us. Also, Maggie has no reason to make an appearance.” She sniffed.

Magnus stared at her, and then at Alec as he started laughing, Rani’s soft laughter joining in.

“You don’t like Maggie?” 

“Chop, chop,” Rani choked out, still laughing.

Cahya only stood with a swish of her tail and headed toward the door. “You’ve a resurrection to plan. Chop, chop.”

Alec grinned at him and Magnus resigned himself to this being his life now. They still needed to release Cahya from the binding spell after all. Something he realized, he was very much fine with taking a while.

“So,” Alec said, taking Magnus’ hand in his after fondly flicking one of Cahya’s ears on his way. “Where should we get breakfast and draft your Magnus Bane returns from the dead speech?”

Magnus laughed, stumbling closer as Rani nudged behind his knees. “Anywhere you want, Alexander.”

#shmb2023 #Malec #Shadowhunters #fanfiction #Malec Fanfiction #Malec Daemon fic #Magnus Bane #alec lightwood #my writing

[moonlight-breeze-44]

safe waters

Happy Holidays! This is my contribution to @jalecsquad's 2023 Jalec Secret Santa. For @bluefire986, I hope you enjoy this! I tried to make it all sweet and angsty for you.

Read on AO3

“Wherever we are, we are as one.”

— — —

“Jace, come on,” Alec urged his parabatai towards his bedroom, throwing a cautious glance behind them to ensure no one was watching. If word got around that Alec Lightwood was keeping his parabatai from medical treatment, the mistrust would become rife before he even had a chance to explain. Idrisian politics ran Institutes, and theirs was no exception.

Alec shouldered the bedroom door open and pushed Jace inside, as gently as he could. The second they were away from prying eyes, Alec strode towards his parabatai and drew him into a fierce hug. “You’re okay,” Alec promised, gripping the back of Jace’s head like he could physically meld their bodies together if only he held on tight enough. “You’re safe. I promise I won’t let them near you.”

Jace uncharacteristically whimpered, and pushed further into Alec’s embrace. Alec could feel tears staining the fabric of his t-shirt, but he didn’t care. Jace needed him. As he held his parabatai, the moment everything went wrong on their mission played like a broken record through his head, over and over. If only he'd been paying enough attention.

Like two hearts on fire, Jace and Alec ripped through the cemetery, dispatching a herd of Forsaken with ease. Fighting side by side, they were one. Alec felt at peace knowing Jace was with him, and he could admit that he felt the most connected to his parabatai when they were fighting together. Jace would insist that they were the closest when they were taking each other apart slowly, stifling moans in the privacy of one of their bedrooms, but Alec couldn’t agree. In battle, their hearts beat as one.

“Yo, Alec, behind you!” Jace shouted, and Alec whirled around just in time to miss one of the Forsaken trying to shove a clawed hand into the meat of his arm. He pulled his seraph blade from its holster and ran the Forsaken through, smirking when it collapsed to the ground, dead. Alec turned back to his parabatai, about to issue a thank-you, when Jace screamed.

One of the Forsaken had him pinned to the ground, and Alec realised the cause of his distress almost immediately; two of his fingers were bent backwards at an unnatural angle, clearly broken. Rushing forward, Alec dispatched the Forsaken and dropped to his knees at Jace’s side.

“Parabatai! You okay?”

Jace didn’t respond, other than letting out a cry of pain as he folded in on himself and began to sob. Alec brushed a shaking hand over his parabatai’s shoulders, his heart thundering in his ears. “Jace…what’s wrong?” He had known Jace to take a seraph blade to the stomach without making a sound before. To hear him crying over a couple of broken fingers was nothing short of terrifying.

“D-Dad…” Jace choked out, and Alec’s heart sank. He wrapped his arms around his parabatai in a fierce embrace, trying to communicate love-safety-home through the steady pulse of their bond. He felt Jace begin to tremble in his arms, evolving into full-blown shudders the longer they sat, until he was shaking like a leaf in the wind. Alec tried hard to keep his own emotions in check as he held his parabatai close, whispering reassurances into his ear. Of everyone in their lives, he was the only one that knew the truth about Jace's father.

A difficult midnight talk came back to Alec in a rush; he remembered Jace drifting his fingers over the keys of the piano in the supply room and recounting learning how to play with his father. The man broke one of Jace's fingers every time he made a mistake. The memory churned sour in Alec’s stomach, and he swallowed hard against the onslaught of emotion. He wanted to kill Michael Wayland for ever hurting his parabatai.

“Don't - Don't let them treat me,” Jace implored, lifting one hand to Alec’s cheek, digging his nails into the other boy’s skin. His golden eyes were wild, desperate. “Don't let them touch me, please.”

Alec nodded quickly, covering Jace's hand with his own and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I won’t, I promise.” He could guess why Jace didn’t want anyone at the infirmary to touch his broken fingers, and he would keep him safe from the entire world if he had to.

Jace buried his face in Alec’s chest once more, and Alec felt his heart break for him. Jace was the strongest person he knew, and Alec was sure that seeing him break down like this and not being able to take his pain away was one of the worst things he would ever feel. Alec closed his eyes against the gutwrenching sobs his parabatai was letting out, and sent a prayer up to the Angel; for security, and peace.

Alec was startled out of his thoughts by the telltale creak of his bed, and he turned to see Jace collapse on top of the covers. He wasn't asleep, not yet, but Alec could tell he was beyond exhausted. It took the better part of an hour for him to calm down, and their slow progress back to the Institute meant it was an hour after that before they arrived home. His parabatai wasn't crying anymore, but the emptiness in his eyes was almost worse.

Alec hesitated, dreading his next words. The last thing he wanted to do was cause his parabatai more pain. “Jace…I have to set your fingers.”

To his surprise, there was no protest. Instead, Jace turned to face his parabatai and offered his hand without a word. Alec’s breath caught in his throat at the obvious display of trust. He took Jace’s hand gingerly, feeling for the first broken joint.

“Okay,” Alec murmured, “This is going to hurt, but after I set the fingers, I can apply an iratze and they'll heal.” Jace didn't respond, his hand limp in Alec’s. His eyes were barely open, and the only indication he gave of having heard Alec was a small, delayed sound of assent.

Taking a deep breath for the both of them, Alec took Jace's first broken finger between his and bent it back into place as fast as he could. Jace let out a loud whimper and opened his eyes wide, tearing up again. The look on his face was cautious, but still content; he trusted Alec. The weight of his faith settled like a hot coal in Alec’s stomach, and he swallowed hard.

Alec reached forward and ran his hand through his parabatai’s hair, trying to offer as much comfort as he could to remind him that he wasn't back in Michael Wayland’s care. He doubted the man ever gave Jace any comfort, or love. “Just one more,” he told Jace kindly.

Alec grasped Jace's last broken finger in his palm and set it as quickly as he could, trying hard to ignore Jace's wince and the full-body flinch that accompanied the movement. Alec quickly pulled out his stele and traced an iratze over Jace's knuckles, watching as the bruises and scrapes from their Forsaken fight disappeared under the burn of the rune.

Jace let out a shaky sigh when the damage was healed and the pain eased, a raw relief settling on his face. He blinked back a few stray tears and reached for Alec in an uncharacteristic display of vulnerability. His heart filling with love for his parabatai, Alec returned the embrace as hard as he could, holding Jace like he could somehow take all of the trauma of his past away through sheer will alone. Jace tilted his head upwards and brushed a kiss against Alec’s lips, communicating without words his feelings about his parabatai. It was a silent Stop blaming yourself and Alec knew it. Alec tangled his hands in Jace’s hair and kissed him too, strongly. I will always have your back.

“Thank you,” Jace said, too exhausted to specify the gratitude, but Alec knew what he was saying. The gentle thrum of their bond was all the words they needed.

“Always, parabatai.” And Alec knew with his whole heart that there was nothing he meant more.

#jalec #shadowhunters #alec lightwood #jace wayland #jace herondale #jace lightwood #sh #jalec secret santa #jalec secret santa 2023 #jalecsecretsanta2023 #my fics #my fanfic #my fanfiction #my writing #mine #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #tmi #the mortal instruments #writing #fanfic writing #fanfiction #fanfic writer #fanfic #secret santa #angst #angst with a happy ending #whump #tw: broken bones #tw: abuse

[shadowhuntersficrecs]

Hey there,

I'm looking for a specific fic, and maybe you can help me, because it drives me insane.

I don't know the titel anymore, but it was on ao3. In the fic Imogen Herondale deruned Alec and broke the parabatai bond between him and Jace, and he cant remember the Shadowworld anymore. A friend of Magnus finds him, and they all try to get his memorys back and figure out what happend. It was really heartbreaking and fantasic.

I hope you can help me. Thank you :)

Hi, I found a fic that fits the description of what you're looking for, but it's locked so you'll need to have an account on ao3 to be able to read it.

--

Exile (147277 words) by Marchling Chapters: 26/26 Fandom: Shadowhunters (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood & Jace Wayland Characters: Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood, Jace Wayland, Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray, Catarina Loss, Imogen Herondale, Jia Penhallow Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Deruned Alec Lightwood, Homelessness, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, (Light and Not Between Tagged Couples), Hurt Alec Lightwood, Parabatai Bond, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Not Really Character Death, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Mild Suicidal Thoughts, Broken Parabatai Bond, Jace Wayland is a Lightwood, Amnesiac Alec Lightwood

Summary:

Imogen Herondale hated Alec Lightwood.

Everyone from Jia Penhallow all the way through Jace himself knew of her animosity towards the person that she felt held her grandson back from the all that the Herondale name deserved. Despite this, Alec never thought she would actually move against him because to hurt him was to hurt Jace.

He had been wrong.

Now, Alec had no runes. His memories were gone. He had no idea who he was, why there was a ragged wound inside of him that he couldn't see or how he had gotten to this abandoned apartment in San Francisco.

All he knew was that monsters were tracking him and staying alive might take more strength than he had.

#fic asks #malec fanfic #shadowhunters fanfic

[carelessflower]

PART 2

Streets were busy, as Magnus looked around trying to find his dad. His phone rang, as he noticed an unknown caller.

"Im at the Cafe, at the end of the road." He mentally cursed himself, as he pushed past the crowds of people. People cursing at him, as he got to the cafe.

Magnus stormed over to the table, and dragged the chair which scrapped against the tiled floor, some people looked up, and gave him an annoyed look.

"Im here, so let her go." He responded, which caused the older man to laugh, as he typed

"Let her go." He showed his phone to Magnus.

Magnus quickly rang Catarina.

"Cat are you okay? Did they hurt you?"

"Im fine Magnus, just a few bruises, but i'll live, Magnus where are you?" The phone was cut of as Asmodeus took the phone and hung up. Giving the phone back, Magnus was about to speak but was intruptes by the waiter.

"Can I get you gentlemen anything?"

"Just black coffee no sugar and milk." Magnus rubbed his temple, this was his sixth drink today.

"Can I get an late and some toast."

The waiter scribbled that down and walked back to the kitchen.

"Why are you here? You could have left, Why now?" Magnus clenched his fists again, he needed to hold something, his legs were shakey.

"I would have come later, but something has occured that needed my attention." Asmoseus smiled, as the waiter brought their coffes over, and walked to another table.

"Fuck you dad. I lied to the court for you. I liee to your - "

"Your slut of a fiance?"

Magnus growled, he wanted to punch this man so hard.

"Dont call him that, okay! Do you want me to join you?"

"Join me? You?" He laughed.

"Your work is sloppy, remember that kid you killed, you were a wreck, I cant have that."

"Fuck of dad! You come near my friends again and Ill go to the police and ill tell them everything ." Magnus abrutly stood up, letting the chair fall backwards. Which caught the attention of some people, Magnus turned around, as a hand gripped his wrist.

"Sit the fuck down Bane. Im not done talking." Asmodeus said, picking up the chair from the floor.

"Everything okay?" A guy said.

"Yeah its fine." Magnus responded, as he sat down, arms crossed.

"Do you really think the police will listen? Really? Anyway, Ive got something you will be intrested - "

(AT THE LIGHTWOODS)

Alec was in his room, putting Max to sleep, reading a bedtime story, Max was fast asleep, clutching his T-rex shaped bear in his small fist.

A soft knock as Alec turned around to see his mother.

"Come downstairs, Robert will keep an eye on him." His dad gave him a small smile, their relationship was slowly getting better. Robert sat where Alec was sitting, and was gently rubbing Max's back, as he started to read the news headlines.

Alec rolles his eyes, as he followed his mother to the kitchen, where both Jace and Izzy sat.

"What happened? Did Magnus hurt you? Is it Camille? Is that bitch back?" Both Isabelle and Jace spoke aloud.

"Shush..no he didnt, and its not Camille, she lives in Paris now. Magnus just- he said some things, about something, and that something made me worry?"

"Were you worried for him?" Maryse said, as she warmed up some milk.

"Yes, but I was thinking about Max, and my family. And I was angry, shocked, upset, sick...so many emotions and I stormed out."

"What did he say?" Isabelle said.

"Its nothing, dont do anything guys please...I need to talk to him but not now." Alec said, both Jace and Isabelle both shared worried look, as Alec left the kitchen, and headed towards the libarary.

Maryse followed him, as Alec sat on his couch, and started to play with his sleeves.

"Alexander your scaring me." His mother was worried, and rightfully so,she never seen him this upset since Magnus broke up with him, but this felt a different.

"Im sorry..its just that Magnus told me something about someone, and he told me this person was always away..and he lied..he lied to me. I dont know what to do?" Alec whispered.

"Maybe Magnus didnt know how to tell you the truth about this person, maybe he thought he was protecting you and himself from the truth."

"Yeah..but he said some other stuff, and im worried, I shouldnt have left him."

"You were thinking about your child, Magnus will understand that, he is a father also. Look go to his appartment in the morning, get some rest, cuz Max will wake up at 5, and its already 11."

--------

(BACK AT MAGNUS APPARTMENT)

"Where the fuck is he?" Ragnor said, pacing between Raphael and Cat.

As soon as he was about to ring Magnus, the door opened, and in came Magnus.

"Where were you?"

"Walking and thinking." Magnus was pale, as Raphael gave him a cup of hot choclate.

"we were so preocupado. tu idiota." Raphael said, as Magnus just chuckled.

"Why did you go alone to see your dad."

"Cat..he are you okay." He stood up to hug Cat, as she hugged him back.

"Raf is right, your cold." Cat went to his bedroom and grabbed some blankets.

"What did he want?" Ragnor said, as Magnus took a sip from the hot chocolate.

"He has my step dad."

His friends just stared him.

"Your what?? He died didnt he? You killed him?"

"Well apparently not. He showed me proof, and Im going to head to his place in the morning. But now, i need to go meet someone." Magnus stood up and headed towards the door.

"Hang on a second, you just came back, and its almost midnight." Ragnor said.

"I need to see Johnathan."

"Well let us come with you?" Catarina smiled

"Okay..but one of you needs to housecat."

"Ill stay, its late and im tired." Raphael said, as the others went out.

PART 2 OVER

The hard part was the Asmodeus scenes, but got help with friends

WAIT HOLD ON THE KID-

#ask #talent anon

[thelightofthebane]

through the good and bad and all in between

Summary: Magnus was born a warlock. Magnus became a mundane for love and by self-sacrificing tendencies. Magnus turned into a vampire after an act of spite and revenge.

A story about survival, new identities, love through adversities, and accepting changes.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s03e17 Heavenly Fire, Vampire Magnus Bane, Turned without consent, Major Character Undeath, Immortal to Mortal to Immortal, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Soft Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Cat & Alec friendship, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending

Rating: E

Chapters: 10

Words: Around 23k~

This fic was created for the Shadowhunters Mini Bang 2023: Presented by the @malecdiscordserver

You can read it on AO3 or the seventh chapter below ~

Chapter 7 - I'm here to stay

There was an old saying that said that no news are good news. But when almost half a day has gone by and there was no news from Alec - no calls, no messages, no surprise portalling -, Magnus felt like slowly losing his mind. Not to be an overbearing boyfriend, especially when your partner is a Shadowhunter, but this was no ordinary mission either. Hell, Magnus would feel more reassured if Alec was dealing with a Greater Demon, not Camille.

He dread to think what that woman could do to Alec. She killed Magnus without an ounce of regret, and they knew each other for centuries. But Alec was new, Alec was… was…

Magnus groaned out loud. He needed a drink.

Or ten.

But before he could even dare to touch one of Ragnor’s very expensive decanters, his phone vibrated inside Alec’s his sweater. He hurriedly fished it out to accept the call, expecting to be Alec with good news, but his stomach totally dropped when it wasn’t his boyfriend’s name on the screen.

It was Isabelle’s.

It didn’t sound good.

“How bad is it?” Magnus quickly said in lieu of a greeting.

Perhaps Izzy had already anticipated this kind of reaction because she went straight to the point without trying any amenities or giving excuses.

“Bad, but he is stable now. Cat tried her best, and alongside some iratzes, he might be as new in a couple of weeks.”

Weeks. Magnus let out a shaky breath.

Would the result be different if he was there to fight together with Alec? Maybe he could’ve persuaded Camille or…

Or he have her mess with your head again.

Magnus shook his head. No, he couldn’t go there. Not now.

“I feel so useless,” he said anyway. “Of course, I trust Cat’s healing skills, but if I still had my magic…”

If I still were a warlock...

Isabelle stayed quiet for a moment, and Magnus dreaded the pity that was about to come.

Though, surprisingly, it didn’t. Her voice was kind, almost amused.

“When it’s about Alec, you don’t really need magic, Magnus. Believe me, your charms are enough. You make him feel better than any healing spell or angelic rune. Would you like to come and keep him company? I’m pretty sure he’ll be very happy waking up to you next to him.”

And because she was Isabelle Lightwood, she couldn’t help but also tease.

“He’ll probably be less fussy, too. Raziel knows that my big brother can’t stay still for long, even worse if you’re on the other side of the ocean and he can’t portal without a healer’s approval.”

That was what sealed the deal for Magnus. He was still very uncertain of stepping into New York, especially the Institute, but since all this undead ordeal had started, Alec was the one bending over backward for Magnus, coming and going all the time without complaining once. It was about time that Magnus would do the same for his boyfriend.

Yes, for Alec - and mayhaps even for himself - Magnus could be brave again.

No more hiding.

“Yes. Please, ask Biscuit to open a portal for me.”

Isabelle’s glee was all he needed as a response.

~*~ 

Magnus barely left the portal and already found himself with his arms full of Clary and Izzy.

“We missed you so much, Magnus.” Clary tightened the hold on him, almost as if afraid he would disappear again in the blink of an eye.

“I’m sorry for taking so long to see you again.” He smiled, patting their backs gently.

“If you pull that shit again, I’ll force you to eat my special lasagna, even if you can’t eat anymore.” Isabelle sniffed.

“I wonder how that would taste now…” He mumbled before hearing someone snickering behind him. When he turned his head, Magnus found Jace looking at him somewhat fondly.

“Welcome back, Bane. You look good.”

“And you look like shit, Jonathan.”

Magnus wasn’t even teasing. Jace looked really bad - his skin looked grayish, clearly clammy, and the bags under his eyes were a sickly purple. Magnus could only imagine what kind of pain was bleeding from the parabatai bond.

And if Jace was bad, Alec was twice worse. Not only in appearance but the readings on the EKG device didn’t look good. Alec’s heart was too frantic for someone who was lying down. There was also a sling immobilizing his left arm, bandages covering the entirety of it until his shoulder.

If they had to do that the mundane way, something was very, very wrong.  

“What happened?”

“Camille was expecting us. I think she wanted us to come. So, of course, she wasn’t alone. She had a lot of followers, most of all still fledglings, demons, and a couple of warlocks. We took care of them while Alec and Cat ran after Camille, but–”

“Cat?” Magnus gasped in horror, his eyes wide in panic. “Catarina never gets involved. How did she…”

“Cat was furious,” Jace grumbled. “She demanded to go with us and Alec didn’t even blink twice to allow her.”

God, he was going to have words with Cat. She was supposed to be the level-headed between them, not indulging his boyfriend in murdering tendencies against his ex.

Well, somehow Magnus wouldn’t be surprised if it actually was the opposite and Alec was the one indulging Cat.

He sighed tiredly, but couldn’t hide the fondness regarding this blooming friendship between them. What was he going to do with those two?

“So, what else?”

“There was a rift open in the basement where all the demons were crawling from. We aren’t sure what hell realm it was, though. Not only the demons were a different kind, but a strange smoke was spiraling in there. It was contained somehow, and we can only guess it was per Camille’s request because it seemed poisonous to Downworloders too.”

Magnus hummed. He could guess what hell realm it was, and if he was right, they had dumb luck. The venom from its demons’ teeth was quick, effective, and fatal.

“Was there any casualty on your side?”

“Only scratches, but no bites. The only one who got truly hurt was Alec.” Izzy sighed, gently squeezing her brother’s ankle. “Between Alec and Cat, when Camille realized it was over, she tried to at least take one of them with her.”

“Cat.” Magnus guessed in a beat.

Izzy blinked in surprise. “Yes. How do you know? Even I thought she was going for Alec.”

Magnus shook his head.

“Camille is very clever. Yes, she could’ve tried to harm Alexander to hurt me, but she always saw the bigger picture first. Without Ragnor and Raphael, Cat is the only immortal closest to me as my family. If she died, and decades later I also lost Alec due to his mortality, I’d be all alone.”

Izzy nodded slowly, clearly disturbed by that woman’s cunningness.

“At least she failed…” Magnus shuddered, holding tight on Alec’s good hand to remind himself that his boyfriend was safe.

“Yes, because my self-sacrificing brother was able to throw himself in front of Cat in time and serve as a living shield. Camille ended up grabbing him instead and both fell inside the rift. Alec grabbed a rock in time, but that harpy craved her nails on his shoulder. It tore his muscles to the bone. He almost got his entire arm ripped out.”

Magnus flinched.

“But she still didn't give up.” Jace continued, clearly annoyed. By his frown, he would bring Camille back just to kill her again if he could. “She only failed to drag Alec with her because his ring shoved her or something. It was pretty strong and-”

“This is why it will take some time to totally heal.” Isabelle intervened, sending a ‘shut up’ glare to Jace. “We were able to prevent the loss of movements on his arm, but it will take a lot more iratzes and physical therapy to get to what it was before. No bow for him for a while.”

“At least it wasn’t his right arm. Alec would get crazy without being able to write reports.” Jace snickered.

Magnus snorted though. “Bold of you to assume he wouldn’t learn how to write left-handed just for that.” Then shook his head in fond disbelief while regarding his unconscious boyfriend. “Silly Shadowhunter…”

However, something started bothering him and he turned to Isabelle and Jace again.

“There is only one thing I don’t understand. You said that Camille almost ripped his arm off when she held onto him, but some magic from a ring pushed her. What ring?” Magnus frowned. Alec didn’t wear rings as far as Magnus knew. His Shadowhunter didn’t seem one to like jewelry, after all. Did he pick up one of Magnus’ as a good luck token? Magnus did have some that were imbued with a couple of enchantments. Nothing strong enough to counterattack dark magic, however.

“God, you can’t keep a secret if your life depended on it, Jace…” Alec groaned and three pairs of eyes snapped towards him.

“Alexander!” Magnus immediately lifted Alec’s hand and peppered his knuckles with kisses.

Alec’s pale cheeks immediately gained some color, causing his siblings to snicker.

“Sorry, buddy.”

“No, you’re not.”

“No, I’m not.” Jace full-on grinned and Izzy giggled after seeing the attempt at a glare by Alec.

“Hush, children. Off you go, you two. I need to take care of my boyfriend now. Shoo!” Magnus waved his hand towards the door, not even trying to feign a look at those two heathens.

The infirmary door closed after stifled snorts and hushed snarks, but neither man paid any attention to them, only having eyes for each other.

“Hi.”

“Hello, my love.” Magnus smiled. “It looks like you had a difficult mission.”

Alec groaned again. “Difficult doesn’t even cover it. I’m so glad it’s over though. Camille won’t be a problem anymore, and you’re finally free from her.”

Magnus’ smile turned a bit sad on the corners. “At a high cost, I’m afraid. I’m just happy the price didn’t skyrocket with your life. I’m really glad you tried to protect Catarina, but you could’ve died, Alec.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t really think. When I saw her going to Cat, I just… acted.”

The vampire nodded but didn’t try to reprimand him or anything. He was too relieved for that. Too relieved knowing it was finally over and there would be one less nightmare of a never-ending pile of them. Or so he wanted to believe. The shadows always lurked for a little while after.

“Marry me.”

Alec blurted suddenly and Magnus startled.

“W-What?”

“I was going to wait more until I was sure you were more settled and ready, but God, Magnus. I can’t. I love you so much. Calling you my husband consumes my thoughts all the time.” With some difficulty, Alec reached for the ring he had been carrying for the last days. “This isn’t the right one yet. The warlock jeweler I’m in contact with has been running some experimental tests with different types of strong protective and tracking spells. For us both. So you’ll also never have to worry about me.” Alec smiled a little. “I think I can let Soohyun know that her spells are a success.”

The older man gaped at him.

“Please say something, Magnus.”

It was then that the whole dam broke as if only now the reality had hit Magnus with full force.    

Magnus started to giggle.

Then, the giggles morphed into a hysterical laugh.

And then, into sobs.

Alec was alarmed, certain that he had done something wrong. He was about to backpedal and ask Magnus to forget about it when the man grabbed his cheeks and practically slammed their mouths together. The kiss was a bit painful - definitely wet and salty - but Alec ignored even his injuries to reciprocate all the love bleeding from Magnus.

“Only you…” Magnus was still sobbing, but there was a hint of a smile in his words. “Only you would propose to me at a Shadowhunter infirmary, darling.”

Alec blushed hard, then shrugged, going for nonchalant and missing by a mile.

“The only other option seemed to be during some Apocalypse. Maybe a city burning, demons everywhere.”

Magnus half-sobbed, half-giggled, and Alec smiled softly.

Completely smitten.

“Is this a yes? No? Or do you need time to think about it?”

“Alexander.” Magnus tried to wipe his face the best he could with his hands, and only then he looked at the Shadowhunter with a big, genuine smile.

His eyes were a little swollen around the edges, his make-up was all smudged, his nose would probably be very red if he wasn’t a vampire, and there was what seemed to be a bit of snot on it.

And yet.

Even a mess, Magnus Bane was beautiful.

Alec loved him so much.

“It has been a yes since you scrunched your nose in the most adorable way when I served you a drink that you hated. And then, when you had to go back to the Institute because your mother demanded, you still chose to spend the whole night talking to me about the most ridiculous topics. It has been a yes since that night, cintaku.”

At that moment, Alec’s eyes lit up in a way that Magnus would never forget.

He was certain not even the gold of his former eyes could outshine them.

They were full of love, hope, and adoration.

Magnus kissed Alec again, happily drowning in his boyfriend.

No. Fiancé.

He already loved that word.

#shmb2023 #shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #my writing #colorfulwarlock

[khaleesiofalicante]

Ahhh, it was sooo hard to pick on a thousand quotes I could use, but here are some of my faves!!! And yes from each fic I'm just too bisexual to decide:)

TLND:

“Every part of me loves every part of you.”

"We don't hurt the people we love." He smiles. "I know." "That includes you." He smiles wider. "I'll try to remember that."

This man who had taught Alec what happiness feels like.

Love me until it becomes unfair. ‌Love me until it becomes impossible. ‌Love me until you cannot.

DML:

All the great love stories involve death. You just gotta make sure it’s not your own.

The thing is though, the world isn’t divided into good guys and bad guys. We are all both. Sometimes we are neither. We must choose who we want to be. Sometimes bad guys become good guys. And sometimes, good guys become bad guys. What changes us from one to the other is love. The lack of it. The abundance of it.

IALS:

"Because this life, however broken, is perfect because we built it together"

He didn't want a happy ending anymore. He wanted a love without an end. He wanted a love that lasted forever. He wanted Max Lightwood-Bane.

"Why would I call you my heart if I didn't love you with all of it?"

The beach scene in my tears ricochet because it would be too long if I added it all lmao

FMF:

He tasted like electricity. He tasted like David's childhood

“I…I’m not despicable?” David swallows. “No,” Max whispers gently. “But even if you are, that doesn’t mean you are unlovable.”

GIRL YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME EMOTIONAL WITH THIS SHIT I STG

okay ily bye and thank you so much this gave me serotonin 💙

#my writing

[neeksxoxo]

no one loves like a herondale

im bored so now ur stuck with me going through all the love stories

no 1, the mortal instruments, jace herondale

jace wayland lightwood morgensten herondale

the boy with many last names, and with all of them he felt as though he had another identity. he met clary fairchild, who changed his life and his personality from the very moment he saw her, alec and isabelle and even hodge saw it. he kissed her in a greenhouse. they found out they were siblings and jace went feral, having to bottle up his emotions, and tried to love someone else but it was useless. (the siblings thing was kinda um). they're finally together but then he feels undeserving and scared he might hurt her because of his dreams. he loves her and it scares him. eventually tho he gets possessed by sebastian/johnathan and yay war about to turn himself into the clave but no and then they live happily ever after (im lying the job never stops ong)

(im too lazy to proofread so u get this)

#rant #i needed to rant #basically tmi but clace #clace #jace herondale #clary fray #clary fairchild #herondale #no one loves like a herondale