hiii love idk if you’re taking requests but if you are, would you be able to do something elliexreader based off of the song wish you were sober or heather by conan gray <3
while i die
chapter 1
pairing: best friend!ellie x reader
synopsis: only if ellie knew how much you loved her. but she likes someone better.
content warnings: modern au, cursing, angst, unrequited love, no comfort
word count: 4.3k
chapters: 1) while i die, 2) rained on with you, 3) eviscerated
series masterlist
my masterlist
i have a ko-fi if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎
the heartbreak trilogy spotify playlist
based on the conan gray song "heather"
a lot of y’all have asked for a part 2 to this one-shot, so i made a promise that if y’all get my friend’s band “equal creatures” to 350 followers on spotify, you will get a part 2 ♥︎
You roll over in bed towards your nightstand after a restless night of sleep. The first thing you reach for is your phone, which had been blaring for a while to wake you for work. You hit the seductive “snooze” button, not having any actual intentions to fall back asleep but knowing that you’ll stay lying in bed for two more hours if you’re not reminded to get up every eight minutes a few times.
Unlocking your phone, you check your messages first. Two texts: one from your best friend Beth and another from your close coworker Lina. As you read their respective messages, you feel a black hole beginning to open up in your stomach.
She still hasn’t texted me back…
After responding blandly to your friends, you reluctantly open up Instagram and scan the stories of the people you follow. You ignore all that of your friends and instead tap on the one with the picture of a face you’ve memorized like the back of your hand. When it opens, your stomach lurches and your eyes go glassy.
The first story was posted the night before and is of a tattooed hand holding a bouquet of flowers with a caption that reads, “her faves.” You notice that the flowers are pink camellias. Her new girlfriend’s favourite flowers. Your favourite flowers.
The next story was that of two hands woven together with a caption that read, “she loved the flowers” right next to them with several heart emojis. One of the interlaced hands was adorned with several silver rings, one of which you recognized very well. You were the one who picked it out and gifted it to her.
“Dude, what! This looks fucking amazing!” Ellie cried out.
In her hands, she held a small, velvet blue box with a silver ribbon falling around it, unwrapped. Inside the box, safely cushioned, was a shiny, silver ring.
“Wait, wait, wait,” You said, excitedly. “Check this out.”
You picked the ring up from the box, lifting it up to her eye level. Delicately, you twisted what looked like a tiny hinge on the side to reveal that the ring actually contained multiple bands. The outer, exposed brim was decorated with ornate spirals. The next one had Latin engravings that you vaguely recognized as astronomical terms. The innermost hoops were inscribed with the symbols of the Western zodiac. You twisted the hinge back the other way to once more conceal the inner bands and give it the appearance of a singular ring again.
“Holy fucking shit!” Ellie cussed loudly, dropping the box to clutch at your hands still holding the ring. “How the fuck?!”
She snatched the ring out of your fingers, twisting the ring open and closed over and over. You giggled at her childlike enthusiasm.
“So… You like it?” You asked, chuckling.
“Fuck, yeah! Of course I love it!” She exclaimed. “It looks like a fucking armillary sphere!”
“I genuinely have no idea what that is or what that means,” You admitted truthfully. “But as long as it makes you happy—”
“Dude, of course it does!” She said excitedly. “You are the greatest best friend ever. Oh man, I’m never taking this shit off.”
Ellie tried it out on several fingers and found that it fit best on her left ring finger. You desperately pushed away any and all implications of the positioning.
“You really know me so well, man,” She sighed, admiring the ring on her hand. “You didn’t have to get this for me! It’s not even my birthday or anything!”
You shrugged nonchalantly, even if the intentions behind your generosity were anything but nonchalant.
“I just saw it and thought that you might like it.”
“Well, you were wrong because I love it.”
Ellie gave you a huge grin that ignited a wildfire in your stomach.
“Oh! It’s made of sterling silver too, none of that cheap shit. So it won’t leave you with those gross, green stains or anything.”
Ellie looked at you completely dumbfounded.
“I really don’t know what I did to deserve you in my life.”
You tap uneasily to view Ellie’s following story. The fingers holding your phone grow cold and begin to tremble as your eyes warily take in the face of Ellie’s new girlfriend.
She was incredibly beautiful, undeniably so. Her eyes sparkled, mirroring the gentleness of a clear, blue sky on a bright, sunny day. She had the face of an angel, the ones you’d see in Renaissance paintings: pure, gentle, exquisite. The genuine, trustworthy look on her face makes it impossible for any sane person to hate her.
Some part of you still did. But being desperately in love with your best friend meant you weren’t fully sane in the first place.
You realize that she’s wearing a familiar sweater: Ellie’s favourite grey, polyester hoodie. You of all people knew how incredibly attached to that sweater she was, almost like it was a safety blanket. You couldn’t blame her; it was soft, warm, comforting. She took better care of it than she usually did the rest of her clothes. And it always smelled like Ellie.
The caption for this picture was, “someone stole my favourite hoodie.” She’d tagged another Instagram account, sunny-heather, and it took everything in you not to click on it.
Ellie’s girlfriend posed shyly with a bashful smile, throwing up a peace sign. It appeared as if Ellie had caught her mid-giggle. She had a perfect manicure, straight white teeth, dimples on each side of her face. She looked so sweet, nauseatingly so.
She looked so beautiful wearing that sweater.
December had just begun and the weather was finally catching up with the season. After a mostly and uncommonly warm month of November, you hadn’t bothered wrapping up earlier that morning before leaving the house. It was to your detriment when around midday, you were hit with gusts of brisk air that brought goosebumps to your bare, uncovered arms.
Later that afternoon, you and Ellie visited your local Starbucks for both situational and liquid heat. Ellie had taken pity on your shivering form all day and lent you her hoodie, having already been wearing a warm, long-sleeved shirt underneath. You’d initially declined it, but when your body began to reach hypothermic levels, you quickly pulled it over your head and accepted its polyester warmth.
As you got in line to order, Ellie was teasing you for your poor choice of winter attire.
“This is why you check the weather before you leave your house, dummy.”
“It was 62 degrees over the weekend! I didn’t know it was going to be this cold all of a sudden!”
“Dude, it’s already the third of December. You should have expected it to get cold as shit at some point.”
“At some point! But not yet, I’m not ready!”
Ellie playfully rolled her eyes at your sheer stubbornness as the cashier called you forward. You both ordered large hot chocolates, neither of you a huge fan of coffee. You and Ellie played a brief dance of who was going to pay for your drinks. Ellie eventually and quickly won, as she usually did. You conceded and consented to be the one to leave some cash in the tip jar before you both scooted over to the side towards the pick-up counter. You bickered affectionately back and forth until your drinks were eventually placed in front of you.
You visited this particular Starbucks regularly, partly because of its convenience in distance to both your apartment and your job. But mostly, it was larger than a usual café and spacious enough for several quiet, peaceful corners for patrons to occupy. Ellie’s and your favourite spot was a table on the loft-like second floor where you could look down at other customers and make up stories or pass off harmless, though sometimes needless, judgment.
As you carefully sipped your hot chocolate, you and Ellie made your way upstairs to your usual, unoccupied table. You made yourself comfortable, sitting across from her. She rolled up her sleeves instinctively, showing off her arm tattoos, including the one of a moth perched on top of several ferns. Of all her tattoos, that one had always been your favourite.
“So are you planning on wearing my sweater all day or—?” She inquired.
“What do you mean ‘your’ sweater? This is mine now.” You proclaimed.
“Hey!” She protested. “Don’t you dare think of stealing my favourite hoodie!”
“It’s just so comfy!” You giggled. “And it’s so soft and cozy, and you know how much I love polyester.”
“Thief.” Ellie chuckled.
You made a show of burrowing into the hoodie in order to claim your clothed territory. Ellie laughed at your goofiness.
“See, this sweater was made just for me!” You insisted, returning to a regular position.
“I mean, I will admit that it does look better on you than it does on me.”
You blinked.
“Really?” You asked.
“For sure, dude,” Ellie insisted. “I just look like some boring, basic white dude when I wear it. But I don’t know, you kind of pull it off.”
“I pull off a plain, grey sweater?”
“I don’t know what to tell you, man! You just look cute in it!”
Your cheeks grew so warm that their heat rivaled that of your hot chocolate.
Before you could properly respond to Ellie’s casual, off-handed compliment, she spoke up once more.
“We should really come here more often.” She said.
“Oh, umm,” You began, still reeling from the moment. “Yeah, we should. We don’t go as often as we did back in high school.”
“Yeah, we really wasted our allowance on so many shitty, dry cake pops.” Ellie recalled. You laughed at the fond memory.
“Why the sudden interest though?” You asked curiously.
“I mean, this used to be our ritual, you know? Getting drinks and just hanging out here for hours.”
“You know, we do that everywhere else already, El.” You smiled, shaking your head.
“Okay, true, true,” Ellie relented. “Buuuut, did you happen to see the barista that took our orders earlier?”
Your eyebrows furrowed before looking down towards the ground floor and scanning the front counter. You weren’t quite sure which one of the several baristas had served you, not having paid much attention when you were putting your orders in.
“Uhh, I guess? I mean, not really.” You admitted. “Why?”
“What do you mean ‘why’?” Ellie playfully scoffed in surprise. “You didn’t see that she was hot as fuck?”
Your stomach dropped at her words.
“O-oh.” You murmured. “I guess I didn’t notice.”
“Come on, dude, you have eyes! She was gorgeous!”
You gulped as you felt your heart plummet towards the floor.
“Do you think I should ask for her number?” Ellie questioned, completely oblivious to your shift in demeanour as she tried to sneak a peek at the front counter below.
“Oh, umm, sure, I guess so.”
“I mean, I don’t wanna come off as a creep. Plus, she might not even be gay.”
Your fingertips grew colder and colder with each second that passed, despite the way you were grasping your warm cup tightly. You would have been more worried about your drink exploding in your hand if you were much more present in the moment.
“What am I talking about, she works here. Of course she’s gay.” Ellie chuckled at her own joke.
You could barely muster enough of your trembling voice to reply, settling for a seemingly agreeable hum.
“What do you think, dude?” Ellie asked, finally turning back towards you.
You feigned a smile, succeeding only in giving her a weak, partial one.
“Go ahead, El. Why not?”
Ellie’s last Instagram story was what sent a jagged knife through your heart.
It was a video this time: she had her arm wrapped around her girlfriend, who was still wearing her hoodie. Both wearing wide smiles, they were both snickering about something for a moment or two.
Then Ellie planted a kiss on her lips. And again. And again.
As the video ends with their lovey-dovey giggling, your lips let out an involuntary sob. You press your fists onto your eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from falling. Head throbbing and gut nauseated, your body trembles from the waves of anguish crashing down on you.
You stare at the ceiling and consider staying home from work. Nobody would benefit from being around your zombie-like presence. But feeling pathetic about missing work as a consequence to your broken heart, you chastise yourself for the mere thought of it.
You spend a few minutes composing yourself, pushing every emotion to the back of your brain as forcefully as you can. It seems to last for a lifetime, but you’re able to eventually soothe your tears and take several deep breaths.
Forcing your lifeless body out of bed, you begin your pre-work morning routine. The streaks on your cheeks from the unfaithful tears previously falling were scrubbed away when you washed your face. Tremoring fingers prepare your breakfast, which you end up mostly throwing out as a result of a queasy stomach. It feels completely futile to continue your day, but Ellie’s world continues to turn. Why shouldn’t yours?
You’re at work, spacing out as you’d been doing so often recently. Coworkers continue to ask throughout the day if you’re alright, but you merely smile every time and assure them that you’re just tired. That same smile fades once you turn away, a vacant expression taking its place once more.
Before you came to work, you made the resolve not to check your phone every twenty minutes to see if your previously unread texts were responded to. But as each hour passes, fighting the urge becomes more of a struggle.
On your lunch break, you relent and finally check your messages. You only have one unread text from your best friend Beth, checking on you. None from Ellie.
You begin to chew nervously on your lip before switching to your nails when your friend and coworker Lina finds you. She pulls up a chair to sit next to you before tugging your fingers away from your lips.
“I thought you stopped biting your nails,” She says, frowning. “You were doing so well.”
“Sorry, Li-Li,” You reply, gingerly pulling your hand back. “I just—”
“What happened now?” Lina asks knowingly.
“Nothing,” You sigh. “That’s literally it. Nothing. She hasn’t texted me or called me or anything. She hasn’t even read my messages or even seen my Instagram stories.”
“Babe…” Lina says sympathetically.
Your friends have been lovingly chastising you lately for obsessively checking if Ellie had viewed your Instagram or Snapchat stories. You’d unintentionally trained your eyes to scan through your stories’ viewers to spot Ellie’s picture and username. Whenever you wouldn’t spot a picture of the auburn-haired girl among the list, you’d fight the instinctive urge not to break down every time.
“You can’t be doing that anymore,” Lina continues. “You’re driving yourself crazy.”
“What am I supposed to do, Lina?” You ask desperately. “It’s the only thing I get from her nowadays, and it’s barely anything.”
“Exactly, it’s barely anything,” Lina repeats. “I know you love her, but…”
“I know, Li-Li.”
“She’s not even being a good friend right now. You deserve better than that.”
“I really don’t.”
“Stop that. Yes, you do.”
“I just want her, Li.”
“She’s obviously not good for you, honey.”
Your phone buzzes from your alarm alerting you that your break has ended. You stand up from your chair.
“I’ll talk to you later, Li-Li.”
You hadn’t replied to Ellie all day, ignoring her texts asking if you wanted to come over and hang out.
Ever since that day when Ellie asked out the girl from the coffee shop, she’d been spending immense amounts of her free time with her. The rest was spent with you, talking about her. Ellie hadn’t been much of a talker ever since you were both kids, but now she was endlessly babbling to you about her new girlfriend.
You’d learned that her name was Heather Sonnen. She was in her final year of college and was attending a university nearby. She was studying to become a veterinarian and had a golden retriever named Sunny. Her favourite colour is purple. She likes to go hiking and kayaking on the weekends when she’s not working. She was very good at kissing and even better in bed.
Every little detail you learned about her felt like yet another crack on your already broken heart. You spent many sleepless nights bawling alone in your bed, screaming and crying over a pathetic love you could never do anything about.
It felt so sick, so pitiful that a girl who would never kiss you or touch you or love you took up every corner of your mind. You knew you could never be pretty enough, never amount to Ellie’s idea of a dream girl. And this new beautiful, angelic girl she’d fallen for continued to prove that.
You would watch the way Ellie’s eyes lit up any time she spoke about her, the goofy grin on her face every time she said her name. You’d seen Ellie through several other relationships, each one treating your heart like a Hans Moretti box. But this time, her glow was brighter and her smiles were wider. You could tell just how far and how hard she’s fallen.
As you were laying on your bed, your phone buzzed as you received another text from Ellie. You ignored it and closed your eyes, having no desire to hear more about her perfect saint of a girlfriend. After several more minutes passed, your phone began buzzing in succession. You sighed, waited a few moments, and eventually relented to answer it.
“Hey, Els,” You greeted her. “Sorry, I was napping just now.”
“Oh, my bad, dude. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay.”
“Have you not seen my messages though? I’ve been texting you all day.” Ellie demanded.
“Oh, sorry, I just haven’t really been on my phone today.” You lied.
“Bullshit, man, you’re always on that thing.”
“It’s the truth, Els, I promise.” You lied once more.
After a second or two as Ellie considered your words, she responded.
“Alright, well, I was trying to see if you wanted to hang out today.”
You stopped yourself from audibly sighing.
“Sorry, I can’t today. Got a lot of shit to catch up on and take care of.”
“Come on, dude, blow it off. I haven’t seen you all week.”
“I really can’t, Els, not today.”
You heard Ellie exhale in frustration on the other end of the line.
“What’s been with you lately? We’ve barely hung out this month and you take forever to text or call me back nowadays.”
You began to chew the inside of your cheek.
“I’ve just… been going through a lot lately. That’s all.”
“What, and you can’t tell me about it?”
“N-not really.”
“Why not? I thought we’re best friends. And don’t say that Beth is your best friend; I 100% had you first.”
“We are, we are, but—“
“If something’s going on with you, I seriously wanna know.”
“It’s nothing important or specific. Just been struggling mentally and all. Not been having the best time.”
A moment or two passed where you held your 1breath, hoping she’d buy yet another lie.
“Okay. I’m sorry you’re going through that right now. Can I do anything for you?”
“No, it’s okay.” You replied, sighing in relief. “I’ll be okay.”
“Alright, well, if you change your mind, just let me know.”
“I will.” You said, knowing you never would. You couldn’t do that to her.
“I—“ You began nervously. “I’m really sorry about today, Els.”
“It’s okay, dude.”
“Maybe tomorrow, if you—“
“Ahh, can’t tomorrow, I have plans with my pretty girl.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Actually, I’ll text Heather in a bit and see if she can hang out right now so we can get a head start on our all-day date tomorrow. I planned out all this romantic ass shit to do.”
“Ahh.” You replied, voice constrained in pain. Ellie didn’t notice.
“Oh dude, I didn’t even tell you about this new strap I got for her—“
“Hey, Els,” You interrupted, not wishing to hear the rest of her sentence. “I think I hear someone at my door. I’ll call you back in a little bit, okay?”
“Oh, okay, that’s fine. I’ll be right here.”
“Right. Bye, Els.”
“Talk to you soon—“ She was saying as you quickly hung up the phone, unable to further control the sobs that had been threatening to emerge ever since Ellie had said her name.
You rolled to your side and hugged your legs to your chest, attempting to calm your hyperventilations. There was a ringing in your ears accompanied by Ellie’s words.
“…my pretty girl.”
“…planned out all this romantic ass shit…”
“…this new strap I got for her—“
You’d been trying desperately to be a good friend to Ellie for the past month, despite everything. You’d listened and planned and supported, all the things a best friend should do. But the more mesmerized Ellie grew, the more everything within you died.
You never bothered calling Ellie back that day.
The drive home from work was mundane and uneventful. An old song sung by Ray Charles about being in love with your best friend plays on the radio. The second bridge is cut off when you turn the key in the ignition and exit your car.
The steps you take to reach your apartment feel heavy, and it takes everything in you not to collapse where you are. You don’t even bother to take off your shoes when you cross the threshold into the dark entryway. The cushions of your living room couch wheeze sadly as you collapse into them.
You drop your work bag onto the floor next to you before turning on the TV. Eventually, you choose to put on some basic early 2000s sitcom as easy background noise. It’s something you’ve seen several times before and your mind doesn’t fully process what the plot is or who the characters are or what episode you’re on.
Your eyes gaze away from the television screen and to a blank space on one of the walls. There’s a spot where the wall’s off-white paint was accidentally streaked off the first week you moved in. Ellie had been helping you hang a picture up, and you were fooling around too much that the ladder you’d been using almost slid down and left a mark. You never bothered covering it up.
You stare at the mark as if it’d transport you back to that day, back to the mostly carefree moments when pining after your best friend was a mere minor inconvenience. But her love for another and ignorance of your struggle turned that inconvenience into an anguish you were not prepared for.
That day you fully accepted the feelings you had for Ellie, there was something within that knew instinctively that you could never have her. She was an impossible dream that the universe cruelly created to be untouchable. Deep inside, you knew a long time ago that your plain, boring friendship was just a placeholder for something bigger and more meaningful in her life. And she seems to have finally found that.
Blinking yourself out of your stupor, you eventually tear your eyes away from the wall. You take your phone out of a pants pocket and open up Instagram. Accepting the feelings of miserable self-pity, you once again scan your stories’ viewers for Ellie’s name. You finally spot it. You let out a sad sigh.
I guess she at least remembers I exist.
Orange and purple dance around Ellie’s profile picture before you tap on it. She’d posted a story from a local band she liked and another about a new video game release she was excited about. The last was a selfie of her posing in her bathroom mirror.
It was an inconsequential picture, just another Ellie thirst trap. She looked handsome in it as she always did. But something catches your eye, and you wish it didn’t.
On her left ring finger, she was wearing a silver ring. But it wasn’t one you recognized. It wasn’t the silver ring you’d gotten for her. The one she always wore on that finger.
Maybe the ring accidentally broke. Maybe it got dirty and she has yet to clean it. Maybe she just felt like switching it out for a day.
Each excuse you come up with seems more and more pathetic. You know there was no point in justifying it, no point in finding reason. You know that Ellie wasn’t overanalyzing it. Not like you are now.
Your heartbeats are heavy and you suppress the reflex to throw up. You open up your messages and tap on Ellie’s contact, knowing the most rational thing was to simply move on and continue being her friend. But what you find abruptly breaks your heavy heartbeats.
The text messages you had sent still remained unanswered. But there was a slight change.
She read my texts… five hours ago…
Ellie wasn’t always a big texter, always preferring old-school face-to-face interaction. But with you, she had always been the kind of friend to respond right away. Even if just to say she was busy and would respond when she was free, she never left you hanging.
Your jaw tenses and your vision momentarily becomes blurry. Your bottom lip trembles and you find that you can’t stop hastily bouncing your right knee. Tears form behind your eyes and your cheeks grow feverish, but you’re unable to process or feel anything except the movement in your hands.
Your shaky fingers lead you to Ellie’s contact in your phone without a second thought. You click “Edit” and delete every piece of information, from her picture to her birthday to her nickname. You save your changes and scroll downwards. You stop sharing your location with her before glancing at those conclusive three words in red right at the bottom.
Block this caller.
Without hesitation, you definitively tap the button.
author's notes:
this was very therapeutic. did this describe something i’ve been going through lately? no why would you think that what gave you that crazy impression ahahaha (shut up no i'm not thinking and pining over my ex, shut up!)
pink camellias because pink camellias represent longing lmaooo, i love symbolism and etc.
the ring reader gave ellie is based on a couple ring i gave to my my ex-girlfriend (the one i live with, not the one i’m in love with)! it’s super cool, i felt like it would be something ellie would wear!
is the part about reader obsessively checking if ellie has viewed their insta stories based on real life? no, why the fuck would you say that
the whole starbucks and hot chocolate thing is a little reference to something in my personal life but i refuse to elaborate further
me once again inserting myself in reader with them always saying they’re tired when someone asks if they’re okay cause news flash, i’m always tired 🙂
reader’s friends’ names beth and lina are inspired by my irl best friend and work bestie’s names :)
ellie’s gf’s last name is purposeful but i again refuse to elaborate further
the ray charles song mentioned is “you don’t know me” but my fave rendition is actually by jann arden from the “my best friend’s wedding” soundtrack (my family’s obsessed with the score of that movie, we had the tape and then the CD of it and played it nonstop growing up)
sorry this took forever to write cause LOL it may have been a little hard cause it was a little TOO autobiographical... hope y'all enjoy anyway lmao
taglist: @elliessknife, @mina-2812, @bellasfavepansexual, @slaysksmska, @theganymedes, @sno-leopards, @cosmikoo, @elliesnumber1gf, @eleactric, @thatgiraffefromtlou, @bellswlw, @kissesforells, @ratdungeon, @elliewilliams8fingers, @wex--12
406 notes
·
View notes
hello love!! hope you're doing well :)
can i request ellie x reader first time? not having found the right moment for a while, maybe reader bought lingerie for ellie? fluffy would be nice :)
first time with needy!ellie ୨ৎ
summary: you and ellie cuddle up on the couch for a night in but it escalates quickly to become your first time together. you're shocked when ellie says she has a surprise for you...
content: fingering (r receiving), cunnilingus (r receiving), a little bit of loser!ellie being like sheepish with starting things, then quickly replaced by needy!ellie 🤤🤤 that's about it hehe
notes: like no plot, jumping STRAIGHT in 💕 eventual smut under the cut. sorry to the anon who requested this because it took so long to be able to update it since daddy tumblr decided to shadowban me. ALSO sorry because the request asked for ellie to be the one wearing the lingerie, but... i just can't imagine that and then write that when seattle and santa barbara ellie exist... i hope the change wasn't too bad <33
(wc 2.3k)
the windows rattled from consistent gusts of wind, chilling drafts seeping in through the edges. the weather had been particularly bad the past week, alternating between heavy downpour and whistling winds. with this, you and ellie mostly stayed in, cooped up in the comfort of fleece blankets and old cable reruns.
the two of you now sat on the couch, your intertwined legs covered by the large throw blanket the two of you shared. ellie absentmindedly traced figure-eights on your upper thigh where her hand rested, her arm draped limply over your waist. you glance up to watch the colors of the tv dance across her face, painting multicolored hues on the freckled apples of her cheeks. reaching up, you delicately rake her hair back from her face, your hand trailing down to cup the back of her neck.
at this, ellie rears her head back to catch your stare from where your cheek lay on her chest, your eyes flicking between both of hers. “hi,” she prompts with a curious tilt of her head, a lazy smile teasing her lips.
you hum in response, your gaze tracing the freckles adorning the high points of her face, the caramel flecks arranged like a constellation—a constellation you’d recognize in the dark, like a fingerprint.
ellie moves to grab your chin and press her lips to yours in a slow and simple kiss. after a moment, she pulls back to swipe her thumb over your cheek and drags her hand back to cradle your head.
“you’re just so pretty,” she mumbles while looking at your lips, her eyes quickly flicking up and slightly widening in realization that she’d said that out loud. you smooth her hair back with both hands before interlinking your fingers behind her neck, and a rosy blush covers her cheeks at your silent stare. you pull her back in by her shoulders, feeling the heat radiating through the thin cotton of her long-sleeved henley. her tongue prods the seam of your lips in permission, which you readily grant as you give an open-mouthed kiss.
in no time at all, the kiss grows rushed and desperate, your hands tangling in her hair and hers clawing at your shoulders. your hands begin their way down her back when she abruptly pulls away in what seems to be self-restraint, her eyes screwed tightly shut as she rests her forehead on yours.
“hey, hey, i’m here,” you assure, easing her back to meet your eyes.
“i’m sorry,” she starts, “i just… i…” she trails off as she finally looks into your eyes, brows drawn together tightly in almost pain. the vibrant green of her eyes had almost entirely vanished, replaced by the black of her blown pupils, her intentions now clearer than ever.
it wasn't like you two hadn't kissed; of course you had. they'd even gotten heated like this very kiss, but ellie had never displayed such hunger in her eyes, such restraint.
you guys didn't want to rush anything. after all, you had all the time in the world together, so why speed through things when you could take your time exploring each other?
but now you were ready. you had been for a while, and you find the words leaving you before you even realize what it means.
“yes,” you breathe out, eyes darting across her face in anticipation as you await her response. she begins to ask what you mean but is cut off by your hands on either side of her face pulling her into a bruising kiss, teeth clashing in a fervent dance, answering any unspoken questions.
she deeply hums into the kiss, grabbing on to your wrists and easing you back to lay against the cloth cushions of the couch. fingers teasing the hem of your shirt, she swiftly pulls it over your head and discards it somewhere in the room, leaving you in your simple bralette as she returns to her brutal determination in dismantling you.
you thumb the waistband of your sleep shorts, your fingers beginning to untie the bow securing them to your hips. ellie watches you shimmy your shorts down your legs slack-jawed, then pauses their journey down, blurting out, “wait, wait. i have something for you.”
she darts off you and into your shared bedroom, beckoning you with a call of your name. you enter the room to a dark blue gift bag on the bed with a name written on it in gold script that you wouldn’t even try to pronounce. pushing the black tissue paper aside to peek in, your eye catches on the lacy strap of what seemed to be a bra, a shade of red so dark it looked black in the dimmed light of the bedroom.
fidgeting with her hands, ellie finally addresses you. “it’ll look nice, i think. go try it on,” she instructed, her head nodding to the cracked bathroom door.
you follow her instructions and head to the bathroom with the small gift bag in tow, the door shutting behind you with a click. you’re met with your reflection, eyes wide and mouth agape in desire. setting the bag on the counter, you begin to remove the tissue paper to reveal the set. with the better lighting of the bathroom, you begin to see the intricacy of the lace and stitching.
pulling the bra out, you hold it up to your chest and examine it in the mirror. a wine-red bustier style bra greets you, with tulle panels along the sides and laces running down the back for corset-style tightening. setting the bra down, you reach for the matching panties of the same red color. along with them comes a garter belt embellished with silver decals, laced scalloping trimming the edges.
after taking a moment to gather yourself, you begin to carefully slip on the pieces of the set, careful not to tear anything. you secure the bra and position the garter belt to sit snugly on your hips and smooth your hands down your body in satisfaction; it did look nice.
you quickly wipe the giddy smile off your face at the thought of ellie’s reaction and fix your hair, finally turning to exit the bathroom. as the door slowly opens, you see ellie quickly standing up from the bed to meet you, her chest caving at her audible gasp as her gaze leisurely rakes down your figure. suddenly shy, you glance at your feet and trail your hands down your sides to dry them off.
trying to calm the rapid rise and fall of her shoulders, she shuts her mouth and begins her journey towards you, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides. “jesus,” she hisses, her hands landing on your lace clad hips and venturing to your lower back to pull you into a slow but sensual kiss, evoking a shudder to rake down your spine.
she spins you around to walk you back to the bed, the blanket tickling the backs of your thighs as she folds over you. as she crawls over you, both of her legs tighten around one of your thighs as she nudges her knee into your core, pressing your damp underwear to your clit and making you moan into her mouth. her kisses move to your neck, and you cage her head in with your forearms, hugging her head and willing her to stay where she was. her hand moves to your left breast to experimentally swipe a thumb over your nipple, the friction from the lace making you arch your back into her hand to chase the sensation.
ellie slowly but surely pulls back to give you a starved stare, her arousal visible in the flush of her cheeks and the huffs and puffs of her chest. your eyes meet hers as she gives you one loaded stare—a silent plead for permission to take things further. her cold palms slide from their previous position on your boobs down to your waist, then your hips as she pushes the hem of your underwear down just a hair. you place your hand over hers, agreeing with her unspoken words as you move her hand with hers to push your underwear down to your mid-thigh.
her hand stutters on its way down your thigh, stopping your underwear on its journey off your body. she simply stares at you, at your glossy cunt and how swollen it is from neglect. her index finger trails through the crease of your thigh and hip, created by your bent and spread knees.
you take over and completely remove your underwear and fling it to a corner of the room. ellie quickly pulls her tank top over her head, leaving her in just a sports bra and startling you in the process from the sudden movement.
finally, her hand moves to your core while she swipes a thumb up your slit, eliciting a throaty moan from you. she begins circling your clit, her gaze locked on your face and feeding off of your little whines and cries. you fold over and yelp when she inserts her middle finger inside you, her thumb still expertly moving around your pulsing nub.
her fingers still moving in tandem on you, she breathes, "god, you have no idea how pretty you look right now. my pretty, needy girl." you moan at her words, and she nods, as if approving of your reaction and asking for more.
the finger moving inside you was just constantly hitting that soft, spongy spot that she found so effortlessly, and you desperately clawed at her wrist and pleaded, "waitwaitwait- el i’m- i’m gonna-" she kisses you to shut you up, but ultimately obliges as she slows her movements down to a stop.
she brings her fingers up to look at the mess you've made of them, then moves them to your mouth before ordering, "clean 'em up, baby."
you do just that, propping up on your elbows to take her fingers in your mouth and swirl your tongue around them, humming at the tangy taste. looking up through your lashes, you see her face and how her bottom lip is pulled into her mouth, how her eyes lazily focus on yours.
she lays down beside you and pats her chest before saying, "come sit."
"what?" you question.
"come sit—like on my face," she clarifies.
"oh, i- you don't have to do that."
"i know that, i want to," she insists. "now come on."
she grabs your waist to guide you up as you straddle her torso, the cloth of her sports bra deliciously tickling your glistening cunt. as you shimmy up, she locks her hands under and around your thighs, strapping you close to her mouth.
her warm breath feathers across you, and you stifle a shudder at the sensation. you feel her nose touch your clit and you jump up, causing her to huff in frustration.
"i swear, if you don't fucking—" she pulls you by your thighs to sit flush against her mouth, "—sit down." you harshly drop against her lips and she hums into your vulva, making you groan against the back of your hand.
you nearly scream as she licks one flat stripe up your slit, then your hands shoot out to catch your weight as your body threatens to fold flat over when she starts making out with your cunt. kissing on you as she would do on your mouth. your knees lock around her head as you thread your fingers into her muddy hair, rocking into her sloppy kisses.
the room now smelled of sex, your moans and cries dancing with the vulgar smacks of her tongue. she switches from sloppy kisses to calculated flicks, her tongue bringing you closer to the edge just so.
the vibrations of her pleased moans on your clit make your legs twitch each time, and she speeds up her movements, moving down to begin fucking into you with her tongue. your body takes over as you rock into her mouth, riding the slow buildup of pleasure while rolling your hips for your clit to meet her nose with every back-and-forth.
but when ellie sucks on your clit so hard it makes you see stars, your orgasm catches you by surprise and drowns you in an all-consuming wave of ecstasy, your vision blurred by unshed tears as you cry her name out. she doesn't stop, though—her tongue continues its violent assault, sliding through your folds with ease thanks to your endless supply of slick.
once you come down from your high and your eyes focus once more, you see ellie's eyes, still closed, and her tongue peeking out as she cleans you up in long, flat strips. her hands guide you off her to lay on the bed next to her.
perched up on her elbow, she looks down at you and chuckled at how you still struggled to catch your breath.
"jesus, you taste good. i can't believe we went that long without doing anything," she announces, looking lovingly at how your hair splays around you in a halo.
"yeah," you breathlessly respond, "that was... that- i was..." you resort to just shaking your head to convey your disbelief at her sheer skill.
"did i fuck the words out of you?" she teases, earning an annoyed glare from you. "relax," she laughs, "i'm just playing. you don't have to answer, i already know i did," she mumbles. you would fight her on it but can't seem to find the energy to when she scoops you into her arms and kisses the crown of your head.
ellie's "g'night, my love" is the last thing you hear before falling into a deep sleep, warm from her embrace.
a/n: so glad to get this OUT OF MY FUCKING DRAFTS i got this req prob 19 years ago and i've just had the worst writers block. i hope u like it anon :)))
click here!! oh and here too!! ˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶
309 notes
·
View notes
Ellie left you for dina at your encouragement but realizes she made a mistake and need fit you to take her back and apologizes profusely
Oooof angsty I like it anon, so I may have gotten a bit carried away with it but I really like this ask so this will have multiple parts to it. This is part one
Warnings: angst, falling out of love, friends to loves, friends to ex lovers, broken bones, one swear, use of y/n, that’s it I think
The two years you’ve had with Ellie might have been the best years of your life. When she came to Jackson you were both drawn to each other, like moths to a flame.
You never expected to fall head over heels with the new girl who for the first few months you referred to as the jerky thief. It started off with being friends, she would drag you along to all of the outings with everyone else.
You weren’t particularly a big fan of sneaking out but you couldn’t say no to her. When she got with Cat you were jealous. You thought it was because you saw yourself best friend less and less every conversation would be about how great Cat was, but when you saw them kissing for the first time you felt sick. You realized you were in love with Ellie.
When and Cat and Ellie broke up you hated yourself for how happy you were. What kind of friend is happy when her best friend gets broken up with? You and Ellie spent more time together again.
Sleeping over with her, playing video games with her, reading savage starlight comics with her. It was like old times.
Time passed and everything felt normal, you were still painfully in love with her but you managed to bury it deep down.
It all came to ahead when you and Ellie were on patrol together.
Usually you guys were the dream team, working in tandem to take out infected. No one could’ve know that a horde of infected were lurking around, they must have come by in between patrols.
You and Ellie took out as many as you could, you didn’t have a choice you both had to run, neither of you were prepared for a horde of this size with just the two of you. You made a run back for the horses when
Snap
You hit the ground and bite your fist to prevent the scream threatening to come out. All you could feel was a blinding pain from your leg.
Your whole body was tense you didn’t know what to do, you were afraid to move. You’ve gotten hurt before but nothing like this before. You could barely hear the gurgling and screeching of the infected over the sound of your heart racing in your chest, and your the quick pained panicked breathing.
“Y\N!”
you could hear Ellie yelling your name but it sounded like she was under water.
Ellie heart stoped in her chest it felt like cold water was poured on her. She watched you go down, she could see the pained look on your face.
She ran back to you and grabbed your arm draping it over her shoulders and trying to help you stand. She made sure you didn’t put pressure on your broken leg and quickly ran to the horses frequently looking at you. Her heart breaking every time she saw your face twist in pain.
“Almost there” she’d breathe out when you get close to the horses.
She helps you get on shimmer and ties a rope from shimmers reigns to the reigns of your horse. She gets on shimmer and you both ride back to Jackson on shimmer while your horse runs next to shimmer.
You went unconscious from the pain just before she could get you to Jackson. She’ll never forget the way your limp body felt against her, she kept saying your name hoping, praying for a response.
When she got you back to Jackson and a medic looked you over and said it was just a broken leg it felt like she could finally breathe again. She felt like she’s been holding her breath since she saw you go down.
As she sat in the chair next to the medical bed you were laying on she had a realization. She was in love with you, she was in love with her best friend.
That was the day she kissed you, when you sat up with a groan trying to get your bearings Ellie couldn’t stop herself and kissed you.
That was two years ago, now you were both 18, you look over at Ellie who sat next to you on the log at the bonfire.
You didn’t even have to turn your head to see who she was looking at across the fire you already knew.
You weren’t blind, in denial yes but blind no. You saw the way she looked at Dina. The way they would look at each other when nobody was looking. The way Ellie always sought her out, the way Ellie would look for her after a rough patrol, the way she would distance herself from you when Dina was around.
You watched Ellie quietly, the way the flames would dance across her beautiful face, the way her eyes would shine when she looked at Dina, the small smile playing on her face. You can’t remember the last time Ellie looked at you like that.
That was the night you made up your mind.
It was 3 in the morning, you were laying in Ellie’s bed, her back to you. The space between you both was mere inches but felt like 100 miles.
“Ellie” your call quietly your voice interrupting the quiet of the room
“Hmm?” She hums
“You know I love you right?” You ask her and she turns over to face you, the tired fogginess of her mind quickly dissipating
“Yeah? What brought this up” she asks and you’re quiet for a moment
“Y/N?” She asks and you realize you can’t remember the last time she called you something like babe or the hundreds of pet names she had for you. Now it was just your name.
“You should be with her.” You tell her and she sits up
“What are you talking about?” She asks quickly, a little too quickly she sounded almost accusatory.
“Dina” you say softly looking up from where you’re still laying
“You love her” you say as you roll onto your back and stair up at the ceiling.
“No. I don’t. I don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re my girlfriend. I love you” She rambled, you knew she was panicking because she might not be in love with you anymore she still cared about you. You knew she wouldn’t go out of her way to hurt you.
“Ellie, it’s okay. I’ve come to terms with it”
You sat up and reached out for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze
“I’ve been watching you, how you act around her. I remember when you used to act that way around me, you deserve to be happy Ellie.”
You take a deep breath and try to fight the shakiness of your voice
“Be with her Ellie. I’m not mad, a bit sad yeah but you deserve all of the happiness in the world Ellie, and right now we both know that not with me.” You tell her as you feel the silent tears fall
“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry” she sobs out next to you from where she has her knees to her chest and her body shaking with sobs.
You place your hand on her shoulder and kiss her head
“You don’t have to be sorry Ellie, this is my decision.” You tell her wiping the tears from her cheeks.
“You didn’t deserve this.” She tells you her voice cracking
“Maybe not, but we both deserve to be happy Ellie.”
You kiss her head and she wraps her arms around you tightly. You can’t remember the last time she touched you like this.
You knew you had to leave, if you didn’t leave now you’d stay and she’d force herself to be with you. The last thing you ever wanted was for Ellie to see you as an obligation, you never wanted her to push aside her happiness just for you.
With one last kiss to her forehead you got up and walked to her door.
You could still hear her sniffles you turned around and your eyes met hers. You offered her a small smile, which she returned.
You walked out and closed the door.
You pressed your forehead against the door and let your tears fall freely.
You could hear her cries from behind the door. You balled your fist in your pocket to prevent yourself from opening the door and running back to her. That night you left a piece of your heart in that garage.
“I’ll always love you Ellie Williams.” You say to the cool night air as you walk away from her.
A/N: made myself tear up a bit writing this. Not sure how I feel about it, might fix it up in the future. Hope you enjoy (give me some ideas for a title cause I got nothing) ok thank you love you all💖
Part 2:
240 notes
·
View notes