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#ella's mcu fics
b1rvt4 · 10 months
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   ( 🕷️🕸️ ) . . . — introducing Ella Harolds
"Ella is a villain who has nothing of a villain. She entered the world of crime in order to help her father pay for medical expenses generated by her mother's treatment and her father's work accident.. She hates the Hulk for being responsible for weakening her father. But she doesn't usually steal from small businesses, or from old ladies or people poorer than her family. He also doesn't keep all the money, donating most of it to charity. When not wearing the uniform, she attends Midtown School along with Peter Parker and has as her best friend the neighbor Wade Wilson."
   ( 🕷️🕸️ ) . . . — tag: @raith-way . @queerocs . @eddysocs . @arrthurpendragon . @hiddenqveendom . @ocappreciation . Pls send me a message to be added or removed !
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liyawritesss · 10 months
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ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇ, ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʀᴇᴇᴢᴇ
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Characters: MCU!Shuri Udaku x!Black!Fem!Reader
Type: Fic
Word Count: 11.8k
Synopsis: It’s your sister’s 25th birthday, and she invited you over for the extravagant birthday bash. However, there’s only one problem. Shuri has never met your family. She also isn’t aware of their past mistreatment of you. So when your parents begin to make jabs at you on what is supposed to be a joyous event, Shuri might have to apologize to your sister for what is to come next.
Warnings: cursing, mentions of verbal + physical abuse, mentions of severe anxiety, a very angry Shuri shuts shit down, shitty parents, dysfunctional family dynamics
A/N: So....this came about after watching a clip of Love & Hip Hop ATL, where in the clip one of the guys on the show was confronting his mother about the mistreatment and neglect he got as a kid and how his mother took all her frustrations out on him when he had nothing to do with what she was going through. That video touched exceptionally close to home so I wanted to writing for such an event but with Shuri, as I think for someone who is quite family oriented (or who appears to be), she would definitely have a few choice words to say to parents like that. Plus, I wanted to provide comfort to those going through similar situations as teenagers and young adults with their own parents. So I hope that this brings comfort to some of you, as it has done to me when writing it.
Song Suggestions: "Naked" & "Everything" by Ella Mai, "Let Me Down Slowly" by Alec Benjamin ft. Alessia Cara, "Let It Go" by James Bay, "Losin' Control" by Russ, "Control" by Zoe Wees, "You're Not Here" by Cynthia Erivo, "You Let Me Down" by Alessia Cara
Tags: @6-noir @playhousedistee @shuririsdefenseattorney @shuriszn @venusdraco @wrendermedone @writingintheshadowsforever @mbakuetshurisprincess @verachii @slytherin-34 @the_lesbian-fangirl @h34rtsformilli @strangefishflapturtle @cuddl3s4shur1 @shuriislut @dejaonline @babyboiboyega @badass-dora-milaje @inmyheadimobsessed @aaliyg @cafehyunji @chunkybabygorl @rosielovesfamily @lulu-network @nichole-224 @niyahwrites @lppriceisright @blacksapphhicmaddonna @pantherheart @marsfunzon22
Note: there are some of you that for some reason tumblr won't let me tag, so I apologize in advance.
Sign Up For My Taglist Here!
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The closer you were to pulling up to your sister’s home, the harder it was becoming for you to breathe.
It wasn’t like you were ignorant enough to believe you could escape this.  You’d always known, deep down inside, that one day, you’d have to face them again. Yet, here you were, tucked into the smooth tan leather of Shuri’s car, hiding the fact that you were on the verge of an anxiety attack, and your girlfriend to the left of you filled with positive anticipation to meet your family.
Your sister, Alex, was turning twenty-five today. It is a big celebration for your bloodline, and though much of the original purpose of the celebration had been lost due to oral passing, the general belief was that the lucky lady who’d survive to her twenty-fifth birthday was to be guaranteed a long, fulfilling life.
Of course your sister would have a long, fulfilling life. Alex was a woman of greatness. She’d worked hard in school, got into an amazing college, met a handsome guy who she’d married as soon as she landed her first official big-girl job at some law firm in your home city. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that Alex was guaranteed for greatness.
Alex was…perfect.
You didn’t want to go. As much as you knew it would have hurt her to not have her sister at her side for her big day, Alex would’ve understood. You never liked the elaborate, extravagant lifestyle. You were a simple girl with simple pleasures, who led a simple life and wanted nothing more than to live simply.
Though, that seems contradictory, since about a year ago, you found yourself gaining the attention and affections of the very Queen of Wakanda. How you managed that feat, you would never know.
It was Shuri who had found the invitation. She was visiting you during an monthly check up at one of the outreach facilities posted in your town, when she had inevitably seen the pretty invitation sitting on your kitchen island. It was all written in cursive, no doubt the product of your sister’s perfect penmanship, and most of all, it was addressed to you and Shuri.
You’d only told Alex of your relationship after the six month mark. You wanted to be certain that such a relationship would last; though, now that you thought back on it, what good would it have done Shuri to play you? Her intentions and integrity were clear the first day she had introduced herself to you. She’d never given you any reason to not trust her, and yet, you had still doubted her. It was a period of time you regretted most, and yet, Shuri still loved you. And in realizing that she would continue to do so, even after seeing the ugly parts of you, you allowed yourself to truly love her back.
Shuri was ecstatic to go. She wanted to meet your sister in person, having only ever seen each other through video calls and communicated through text. And with Shuri’s pretty brown doe-eyes that had always been a weakness to you, you couldn’t say no.
And now, here you were, gripping the door handle tightly as you released tight breathes, wondering if it would have been beneficial to sit Shuri down and tell her the reason why your eyes showed a glimpse of dread when she’d picked up that invitation.
“Darling?” The Queen’s voice cuts through the cloudiness that fogs your brain, grounding you in a way only her honey-laced voice could do. “Are you alright?”
No, you want to say, turn the car around, take me home. I don’t want to go there-
“Yeah, just a bit tired.”
Shuri looks at you quizzingly. You have not been acting as yourself since the day she’d stopped by your apartment. Since, she’d been trying to pinpoint the cause, but to no avail. Even after a year together, she still found you hard to read sometimes. It was endearing to her, a challenge she greatly accepted as part of the packaged deal that came with your relationship. 
However, she couldn’t deny that this time, things felt…different.
There’s a melodic beeping that comes from the vehicle, and the red flashing on the dash panel alerts Shuri that the car is running out of gas. And not a second later, a familiar voice speaks from the surround-sound speakers:
Panther, the vehicle is reaching low fuel. It would be wise to refuel soon. There is a petrol station approximately ten miles ahead. Fuel here is priced at four ninety-seven per gallon.
“Thank you, Griot,” Shuri hums, turning to you, “we shall stop there. Fill up on gas and get some snacks. You haven’t eaten much today, my love.”
Though you fix your lips to protest Shuri’s ever so keen observation, the way her hand slips over your thigh, her open palm meeting your skin through the large hole in your ripped jeans, it’s almost enough to have you relent. “I did eat; at breakfast.”
“Which was eight hours ago,” Shuri reminds you, “almost nine, once we arrive at your sisters. I’m sure there will still be room for the food if you just have one bag of chips to hold you over.”
You hate how well Shuri knows you. It makes it hard to hide things with her keen perception and observation skills. Though, you suppose those traits all come with the territory of being The Black Panther.
A sigh escapes your lips, and the lack of a reply worries Shuri. Yet, she does not push. Instead, her thumb continues to swipe in soothing strokes along the smooth skin of your thigh as she continues to drive to the designated gas station.
All of five minutes pass until it comes into view. When Shuri parks at one of the gas lanes, she fishes into her pocket for her wallet. From it she produces a black card, and hands it to you. “Fifty should bring it back up,” the Queen says, “and a bag of chips for you should do the same.”
“Shuri, I said I’m fine-”
“Darling.” Shuri’s tone is firm, yet gentle, and leaves no room for argument. So all you can do is press a kiss to her cheek - a practice routine of mundane intimacy that brings you both pleasure - before exiting the car and walking towards the entrance of the gas station.
Shuri sits back in her seat, a sigh pushing past her lips. She’s not quite sure what to make of your behavior.
In the year that the two of you have been dating, never once did you bring up the topic of your family. Shuri didn’t even know you had a sister until six months ago. Alex reminded her much of Nakia in some sense - powerful and self made, and in that regard, she was glad that you had some semblance of family you could reach out to.
Your parents, however, were another story. A story you had well avoided, and as of recently as a few months ago, downright refused to talk about. It became quite clear that it was a touchy subject for you, so Shuri didn’t pry. However, she could not deny that part of her grew…heated, at the unpleasant thoughts that plagued her mind when it came to the reason for the non-existent relationship between you and them.
“Griot.”
“Yes, Panther?”
“What were my beloved’s vitals during the ride?”
A beat passes, as Griot computes.
“(Y/N)’s heart rate had been jumping from one hundred forty-five to one hundred seventy beats per minute. Her grip on the door was strong enough to break a thin glass cup. It appears (Y/N) was on the verge of an anxiety attack, but had been fighting it off for the duration of your journey.”
Shuri curses under her breath, more or less to herself at the information that had been relayed to her. 
“She has been on edge all morning,” Shuri says aloud, “I did not ask, for fear of triggering her, but I cannot allow her to feel threatened.”
Shuri knows your triggers like the back of her hand. She’s learned to speak in a level tone to avoid startlement; she’s learned to make her presence known when entering your space; and most importantly, she reassures you, letting you know each and every day how much she loves you, how much she treasure your existence in her life, and how she vows to hold your heart with the utmost care in the world.
Shuri is the smartest person in the world, and yet, she cannot decipher the reason behind her lover’s heightened emotions. If it weren’t for the fact that she was focused on figuring out why you were like this, and how to calm you down, she’d surely find the thought embarrassing.
“Might I speak freely, Panther?”
A hum rumbles from Shuri’s throat as a sign for the artificial intelligence to continue.
“(Y/N)’s vitals have been heighted since one week ago,” Griot points out, “around the same time she had received the invitation to her sister’s birthday party. It would be safe to assume that these two instances have a correlation with one another.”
  “You are insinuating that Alex’s birthday party is somehow the cause of my love’s anxiety spiking?”
“Perhaps not the party, but rather, who will be there, Panther.”
Silence fills the car as Shuri takes in the information given to her. Though, she doesn’t have much to think on it, as she spots your figure exiting the sticker-covered glass door of the gas station, a black plastic bag in hand, of which she hopes holds the snacks she had requested of you to get for yourself. She exits the car and takes hold of the gas nozzle, opening up the tiny door and unscrewing the protection cap, and slots the nozzle into the car to fill with fuel.
A few moments pass before Shuri returns to the car, having placed the nozzle back in it’s place and secured the gas compartment. Her black card rests on the arm rest, which she slips back into her wallet as the corner of her eyes catches you with something in your hand - something that’s not a bag of chips.
“I thought I told you chips, darling?” Shuri asks as she starts up the car again.
“I got chips!” You respond. “I wanted a Twix, too.”
Your free hand fishes into the black plastic back to produce a bottle of water for Shuri, slotting it into the cup holder.
“What is this?” Shuri asks, gesturing to the water bottle.
“You were thirsty,” You point out.
Shuri indeed was thirsty. She can’t help the smile that paints her lips soon after, taking the water bottle into her hand, unscrewing the cap, and taking a swig of the water.
“Are you sure you’re alright, my love?” Shuri asks once more after setting the water back down, preparing to put the car into motion.
To busy chewing on the cookie-chocolate-caramel treat, you opt for nodding your head, a short ‘mhm’ to accompany it.
As much as Shuri wanted to question further, she knew nothing would come of it. So she slips her hand back onto your thigh, presses down on the gas, and rolls out of the gas station, the conversation with Griot filing back into her mind as she drives down the long strip of highway.
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“My parents are gonna come.”
You’d said it the second Shuri had parked into the driveway of your sister’s home. With each second that passed on the way there, your chest kept growing tighter and tighter. You thought that maybe if you focused on Shuri’s touch on you, or her low singing voice when Tems starts to flood the car with her hypnotic, warm and swelling voice, that maybe you would be able to calm down and not worry her. It usually worked, but perhaps because this instance was due to the fact that you would be seeing your parents for the first time in years, what was usually the cure for your attacks did very little to help.
Shuri pauses as the words leave your lips, and for a moment, it looks as if she is cross. And while she has every right to be, you hope that it isn’t at you.
You should have told her before the two of you left, as you thought to do. It plagued your mind when you were in the shower, when you were fixing your hair, when you were choosing your outfit. And Shuri had been in the same apartment with you the entire time. You had ample enough time to tell her and yet…you didn’t. You couldn’t.
You know Shuri. She would try to remain calm and collected for you, to not show her anger, because of course she would be angry either way. The car ride would have been in silence, the air thickening with each mile crossed from one city to the other. But you would know that she was upset. She should be upset now because you just dropped this bomb on her and-
“Beloved,” the Queen mutters to you, bringing you from your thoughts once more, “look at me.”
Your head turns to face Shuri. She’s put the car into park, one arm leaning on the arm rest, the other reaching over to soothe your nerves by caressing your outer thigh. She looks at you with a softness that relieves some of the pressure on your chest stunting your breathing. Her gaze tells you that she is not cross with you.
“Hey,” she says, “I am not upset with you.” And the reassurance helps you unclench the fists your hands have balled into.
She doesn’t speak again until she’s certain that your breathing has evened out, as opposed to the harsh and forced inhale-exhale pattern from before. “Is there…anything I should know?”
You tear your eyes away, but Shuri’s gaze remains firm. Consistency is key, she’s learned, when it comes to you confiding in her. Her eyes are your safe space, you will return to them. And you do, after a short moment, trying to gather your mind together.
“They’re not nice people,” you confess, eyes hesitantly returning to hers, “they’ll try and woo you and shit, but don’t fall for it. They ain’t shit.”
“Okay,” Shuri hums, “and…is there anything I can do? For you?”
“Um,” a shaky breath racks through your throat, as you speak, “they’re not here now. Alex texted me that, so I should be fine, but when they get here…j-just, don’t leave me alone.”
“I will not leave you alone.” Shuri assures. Her hand gathers yours into hers, your palms rendered chilly from cold sweat. “I promise.”
Gathering your hands into hers, Shuri brings them to her lips and presses a kiss to them. She then reaches over to press a kiss to your lips, of which you reciprocate gladly.
“Thank you for talking to me about this,” the Queen commends, “and telling me how to best take care of you. I know it is not easy-”
“I hate it-” you correct, which brings a grin to Shuri’s lips and a chuckle from her throat, because yes, she knows you hate it.
“-but you are doing it, and I am very proud of you for it.”
It’s sincere, Shuri’s praise. It’s still not easy for you to digest it, but you know her love is not transactional, conditional. She means what she says, and you know her love for you is unconditional and unyielding. 
She loves you. 
She is proud of you.
The pressure on your chest becomes lighter.
Upon exiting the car, you’re approached by your sister, Alex, who had seen the two of you pull into the driveway and wanted to be the first person you’d engage with. You’re not shocked when you see her eyes glassy looking - it’s been years since you two last saw each other face to face.
Alex is hesitant when approaching you - she wants to envelop you in the most bone-crushing hug she can muster, because she misses you and it has been so long since she’d held her baby sister. Though all it takes is for you to outstretch your arms to her, and Alex embraces you in the way she had been dreaming of.
“Oh, mama,” Alex breathes as she pulls away to get a better look at you. You notice the youthfulness in her face and the life in her eyes. She looks happy, “look at you. All grown up. My baby sissy is all grown ‘nd shit.”
It’s heartfelt, her words, and they make you smile. Alex turns to look at Shuri, who’s chosen to stand to the side to witness the sisterly reunion without interrupting. “And you have a girlfriend? You have to tell me how this happened.”
“By complete accident,” you say, as Shuri steps up. Her hand presses into the small of your back, encouraging you while she holds the other out to greet Alex officially, “but I guess anything can happen when you spill coffee on someone in the middle of a morning rush.”
“It is a pleasure to finally meet you in person, Alex.” Shuri says.
Alex shakes Shuri’s hand, and the Queen notes the hesitance in the older sister's movements. “Well, it’s not every day you meet the queen of a country. Much less, a queen of a country that’s also my sister’s girlfriend.”
“Well, I hope not to bring too much excitement with my titles,” says Shuri, “I am more than alright with being just Shuri.”
She sincerely hoped that she could just remain Shuri. For if a situation arises that she would have to act in the manner of either of her titles - Queen or Black Panther - she could not promise that the birthday celebration would remain a splendor.
An hour passes before either of you know it. You’ve found entertainment amongst the younger cousins who all gawk at your girlfriend, who sits not too far away. Shuri has a cup of punch in hand as she watches you chase the children around the yard, a small smile on her lips. It’s as if you are reliving a part of your childhood you’ve missed, the way you seem so content with the children. It all but warms her heart.
“So,” Alex’s voice interrupts Shuri’s not so discreet admiration of her girlfriend, nearly making the Queen jump, “you and my sister?”
“Ah,” Shuri breathes, looking down into her cup as a rush of heat travels up her dark skin, “me and your sister.”
“I’m not gonna go into the whole interrogation thing, grilling you on if you’re treating her right,” Alex says, “I see how you look at her. If that ain’t the look of someone in love, then I’on know what is.”
Shuri chuckles at that, because she knows that Alex’s observations are true. In fact she has no idea just how correct her observation is.
Shuri leans forward in her seat, elbows propped up on her knees as she finds your figure amidst the mess of kids once again. Her necklace dangles from her neck, the gold contrasting against her black tee that nearly meets the fabric of her ripped blue jeans with her hunched over position.
“(Y/N) is…the ray of sunlight one sees after a long, dark night,” the Queen hums fondly, “and had I known my gods would send me such a woman, I would have prepared myself better.”
Alex smiles warmly. She can tell the strong connection between you and Shuri is pure and unadulterated. It warms her heart beyond comparison.
“Thank you for coming, truly,” Alex says, “I was almost worried she wouldn’t, since our parents would be here and everything.”
And at the mention of them, Shuri finds her jaw tightening just the slightest.
“Your parents?” Shuri is beginning to put two and two together, and she doesn’t like the outcome that is unfolding from her assumptions, however careful they are.
“I…assume she’s told you about them?” Alex implies.
Shuri shakes her head lightly, taking a sip of her semi-forgotten punch. “I find myself piecing the picture together on my own…She does not talk about them.”
“That isn’t a surprise,” Alex says, “given…well, everything.”
Shuri turns her head to look at Alex. Her eyes are firm, inquisitive; Alex’s words have sparked an interest in Shuri.
”She says they aren’t good people. Is that true?”
“Depends on who you ask,” Alex replies, “to the community, their saints. To us they’re just….people.”
Shuri notes the hint of solemness that laces Alex’s voice as she speaks. “They weren’t good to either of us…but they were especially bad to (Y/N).” Alex clarifies. “You know what they say; hurt people, hurt people.”
Not when the person is your child, Shuri thinks, but keeps to herself, taking another sip of her punch. Things are starting to make sense now, and Shuri finds that perhaps she will also have to have you at her side to ground her whenever your parents decide to show up.
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“So you mean to tell me you got yourself stuck in a tree, and then got angry because she tried to help you get down?”
“I was not stuck! I was admiring the view.”
“Sure you were…with tears coming down your face.”
“I think this classifies as bullying-”
Shuri had grown quite comfortable as the next hour passed. More of your family had begun to show up, a number of aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, and cousins wishing Alex a happy birthday as they passed through the foyer of her house and into the backyard. Shuri couldn’t count the amount of gasps she’d heard when their eyes fell upon her, sat comfortably in the outdoor gazebo, her presence obviously a surprise to the many relatives who had come to celebrate the special birthday girl. Much more, the fact that she had you close to her side as she greeted them.
The behavior of your family members irked her. Shuri suspected that Alex had talked to each of the adults to assure that they’d be on their best behavior for the occasion, given the tight smiles and curt greetings between each of them and you. Or perhaps it was because of her own intimidating presence next to you, and the fact that she wasn’t even trying to hide the look in her eyes as she analyzed each adult that seemed to pass through.
“Babe,” you cleared your throat, “stop looking like that, you’re scaring them.”
“Looking like what?”
“Like you’re contemplating murder.”
Would it have been so bad if she was, though?
Shuri sighs as she places the red solo cup she had been nursing for a while onto the table. “Just behave, for Alex-”
“I am behaving for you,” the queen clarifies, “and your sister would say the same.”
Unable to comment any further, you released an exhale through the nose, sinking back into Shuri’s side.
“It’s guilt, y’know.” You try to reason, but Shuri had already considered that route. Perhaps there were a few who did have a guilty conscience. Shuri didn’t find herself caring if that was true or not. “They’re not bad.”
“Beloved-”
“Shuri.”
“-I am merely observing,” she says, “I promise.”
Of course Shuri was only observing. Observing the behavior of each adult family member. How they acted towards you. How very little regard was given to you. How, with the amount of bodies that have accumulated in the backyard, the gazebo area remained relatively desolate, beside the two of you, Alex, and Alex’s black and white spotted cat, who had made a home on the red painted banister.
Sure. Shuri was just observing. Definitely not questioning anything at all. Definitely not formulating words she would say to your parents if they decided to make themselves an issue.
“I’m gonna go get a shot,” you say, before propping yourself up with your hands and lifting from the cushion of the outdoor couch, “you want a refill?”
You take Shuri’s cup before she officially gives you a response. You needed a way out, to move around so that the beating in your chest could quell.
Inside there isn’t much of a party scene - it's practically empty besides a teenage family member fighting their sleep on the couch while watching an infant in the living room. The music from outside is muffled when you enter the house, and you take the time to admire the mahogany walls and deep maroon floors of the home. You could compare it to the childhood home you’ve grown up in, and you think that perhaps this was Alex’s way of healing. Recreating your shared childhood environment in a more peaceful manner.
You find the kitchen quite easily, rounding the kitchen island in pursuit of the adult punch purposefully left inside so that the underaged family members wouldn’t get it confused with the family friendly punch that rested in a big glass bowl on the party table outside. On the counter is an array of liquor choices, from fruit flavored tequila to everyone's favorite, Hennessy. You weren’t a drinker, but this far into the party, you needed some sort of incentive to get you to relax a little bit.
Once you’ve chosen your choice of liquor, you take a red solo cup, pour what you deemed to be a shot's worth, and downed it in one gulp. The burn in your throat definitely woke your senses, of which you were grateful for.
On your way towards the kitchen doorway, Shuri’s refilled solo cup in hand, the sound of familiar voices drifted to your ears from the foyer, and it made you stop dead in your tracks. 
“Happy birthday baby!”
“Happy birthday, babygirl.”
“Oh, look at you, all grown up-”
It took everything in you to not drop the cup in your hand at the sound of your parents making their presence known. You backed into the kitchen again, your back finding a nearby wall to ground yourself with. Your chest began to tighten, a tight lump forming in your throat, and in that moment, your hand fished for your phone in your back pocket to text Shuri.
Kitchen. Now.
There was a light shake in your hands. You hated how just the mere sound of their voices sent you into a spiral; how much of an influence they still had on you after trying so hard to separate yourself from them. Then they had the nerve  to act pleasant.
There was a growing ringing in your ears, accompanied with the muffling of surrounding noise that made you breathe harder as you tried to stabilize yourself from the very apparent anxiety attack that was waiting to crash into you. You couldn’t decipher if it was the same one from before that you had fended off by sheer will, or if this was a new, more powerful one. However, when the smell of patchouli made its way to your nose, the thought of it became seconded.
“Hey,” Shuri whispered, one hand running the length of your arm, the other taking the cup from your hand that was seconds away from meeting the floor, and settling it onto the kitchen island, “hey, I am right here.”
“They’re out there, Shuri.” You breathe out.
Something shifts in Shuri’s eyes, and you can’t quite tell what it was, but the way her grip on you tightens in the ever so slightest way lets you know she’s thinking something.
“We can leave, beloved,” Shuri begins, but you’re quick to cut her off with a shake of your head.
“No,” you say, swallowing thickly, “I can’t leave, it’s Alex’s birthday-”
“Alex will understand, love; would she really want you to risk your own self for her?”
I’ve done it for years, the little girl in you voices tiredly, what’s another evening of it?
Shuri never wants to be forceful with you. She knows you’re your own woman and can make your own decisions, even if they go against her better judgment, even if they hurt you. Which is why, against every logical bone in her body, she proposes a compromise.
“Three chances,” Shuri says, “three chances is all they have. Then we will leave. How does that sound?”
Knowing Shuri, she’ll want to throw hands at the first encounter. It was endearing, really, how hard she went for you. The extent of such craze was never explored, simply because she was always calm, cool and collected. There was a part of you that always wondered  the extent of it as well.
And, in hindsight, you weren’t wrong about her.
Shuri peaks from the kitchen doorway and into the foyer, seeing Alex still entertaining the two adults, their backs turned towards the Queen, which gave her the incentive to leave while the trio were occupied.
She mutters a quick ‘let’s go’ with a gentle smile, and after a few seconds, you nod. Your hand finds her, tightly interlocking your fingers as Shuri pulls you back to the backyard gazebo. Shuri had no idea the depths she was about to breach in the layers of your estranged family, but whatever the case may be, she will not let you face it alone.
It was almost the perfect getaway, too, but apparently Shuri wasn’t fast enough in getting you out of the house. She heard the matured voice of your mother call out to you, asking if it was her other daughter, and Shuri supposed that it wasn’t meant to be taken in a demeaning way, but the queen certainly did. Perhaps it was predisposed biases, perhaps it was intentional. Either way, Shuri would make sure to take as much of the burden off you as she could.
“Mom,” you say, jaws tight, but Shuri stands close behind you, a hand on your waist, and it stabilizes you, “good to see you.”
The older woman, short in stature, with wide hips and thick arms, saw Shuri standing behind you, but whether or not she didn’t address her because she didn’t recognize the queen or because she simply didn’t care couldn’t be deciphered. “Come give me a hug-!”
“I’m good,” you hurriedly said, “just- uh, not feeling well.”
“Don’t be like that,” the deep, bolstering voice of your father chimed in; a large man with an intimidating physique. Shuri was not phased, her arm only snaked it’s way around your waist, “give your mama a hug, lil’ girl-”
“I said I’m good.” You reiterate more firmly, though there was an added incentive to clear your throat shortly afterwards to make your fib more believable. “Really; I know how easy it is for y’all to get sick.”
There was a moment of pause - and exchange of glances and a shift in energy before a light ‘humph’ came from your mother’s throat. “Well, I suppose that makes sense,” she snooted, “and I suppose that’s why your friend there is the exception-?”
“Girlfriend, actually,” Shuri interrupts, though it wasn’t planned, and surely wasn’t expected, “it is one of many perks of being the Black Panther. I do not succumb to normal colds and illnesses as easily.”
The pads of Shuri’s fingers press into your side as she steps beside you; she’s now side to side with you, face your parents with a high chin and a look you were sure she’d only pulled out when in front of important people - or people who she suspected would try to intimidate her, yet she’d still have to play nice for publicity purposes.
“Allow me to introduce myself formally,” Shuri said, holding out her hand for your mother to take; the shorter woman did just so as Shuri spoke again, “I am Queen Shuri to my people, but for tonight's festivities, I would like to remain just Shuri.”
“A queen?” Your mother breathes out in an amused chuckle, though you couldn’t tell if it was in actual amusement or in disbelief. “Well, perhaps we did do something right with her, hm, honey?”
Strike one.
Shuri’s hand then reaches out to your father, who stares at the long, brown arm outstretched before him for a moment, before taking one of his thick, meaty hands, and shaking Shuri’s tinier one. Though, the look on his face when the queen’s grip strengthened around his hand was enough to tell you his surprise and lack of proper judgment on the brown-skinned woman.
“Got a…firm grip for a lil’ lady.” He says.
“Well,” Shuri begins as she slips her hand from your fathers, “my baba and big brother always said a firm hand makes a firm leader.”
“Well, wise men they were.”
There was much to observe in the few words shared between Shuri and your parents. Your father hid very well behind the facade of a pleasant man of few words. Perhaps he was sculpted that way, by your mother or by his own parents; either one didn’t matter, only that the end result was a man with a weaker grip than the elders she held council with, and they were pushing their latter years of nineties and hundreds. Your parents looked to be in their mid-forties.
Your mother…Shuri admits that she wished her own were still alive, for the words she knew Ramonda would have for this short-stack of a woman would be more lethal than any weapon produced by her own hands. Condescension laced in her voice with a familiar tone of jealousy that she’d heard and witnessed many black mothers having towards their own daughters. It wasn’t hard to tell, Shuri thought, but perhaps when enough people ignore such a dangerous thing, the ugly nature becomes a tolerable norm.
“Well, if you will excuse us,” says the queen, “I’m going to take my beloved to sit down. She is in much need of rest.”
Shuri did not give your parents time to react, nor to object to the sudden ending to the conversation. She’d quickly pivoted your body around and walked back outside to the gazebo, a firm hand on your back and a ticking clock in her head for when the next strike would come.
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Sure enough, Shuri did not have to wait long for that second strike. 
After getting you back to the gazebo to take a seat, on the verge of hyperventilating from the amount of anxiety the back and forth gave you, despite the fact that you weren’t even the one talking, Alex had come with a look of disdain. Your parents were in tow, as they claimed to want to ‘have a sit down and reconnect’. Of course, Shuri didn’t buy into that bullshit. Neither did Alex. And surely, neither did you.
And yet, neither you nor Alex yet had the courage to send them off, and Shuri, keeping herself in check, had no other choice but to allow them to sit with the three of you. So now you were tucked into Shuri’s side, phone in hand as a distraction, while Alex sat on a beige-cushioned chair to your left, and your parents in a similar-fashioned loveseat to the queen’s right.
Alex was kind enough to hide her discomfort in nervous laughs and meek agreements as your mother and father raved on about your childhoods. Specifically, the accomplishments of Alex, which would have been understandable as it was her birthday, if it didn’t have to include the ‘disappointments’ of yours they had to bring into the light.
“Remember the speech competition your grammar school had, Lexi-Pooh,” your mother chimed, using the youthful nickname Alex very physically cringed over, “you won your first ever trophy then at eight years old! Oh, we were so proud of you-”
“Mom, everyone got a trophy,” Alex reminded, putting emphasis on the word ‘everyone’ as she spared a glance your way, “we were babies, and it was a participation trophy. They just didn’t want us to be left out.”
“Well, still, my baby had the best poem on that stage!”
“Mom, I literally stole that poem off the internet.” Alex reasons.
“Yeah, off DeviantArt no less,” you speak with a chuckle, remembering the nights your sister scoured the internet for a poem to read because she, for the life of her, couldn’t write her own. Which she couldn’t be faulted for, she was in third grade after all.
Alex shares a small laugh as well. “If anyone should have won that competition, it should’ve been (Y/N),” She says. “All the teachers swore up and down she was gonna be the next Lorraine Hansberry or Audre Lorde. I bet you she got some bars hidden somewhere.”
Your mother could only hum in response; “Well, we can’t all be winners, I guess.”
There was a familiar sting that ached your heart. Despite how used you were to such rhetoric coming from your mother, it didn’t make the twang in your heart any less hurtful.
“You never liked that kinda stuff anyway, (Y/N),” your mother says, “so why did you join it-”
“I do like writing,” you say sharply, “and I wanted to be like my sister. Who doesn’t wanna be like their older sister at seven years old?”
You glanced up from your phone to look between the three people sitting before you. Alex shifts in her seat, uncomfortably, slightly shaking her head as she knows what is to come.
“Or were you just so busy with your perfect princess that you ain’t have time to learn me?”
“(Y/N)!” Your mother scolds, and you feel the protective arm of Shuri’s curl around you in defense. “Hush your mouth with them lies, girl!”
Your father remains silent, as he’s always done when your mother gets this way, and Shuri sees this, and takes note of it.
“I swear, I don’t know where we went wrong with you,” your mother huffs, “lost yo’ damn manners and mind talkin’ like that.”
Your mother then turns to Shuri, sporting an apologetic look, though it is not sincere, and merely a coverup for her own outburst. “Now I know your mother taught you well and good, Shuri, about how to talk to people and behave-”
“My mother is dead.” 
There is an inevitable shift in the conversation now, one that brings the eyes to Shuri as a deafening silence befalls the gazebo. Even you rise from your curled position into Shuri’s side to eye her demeanor, checking over her form to note any changes that came with the sudden mention of her mother. Yet, she is calm and collected, her eyes showing no shifts and her demeanor intact. All seemed well…on the surface, at least.
“My mother is dead, may she be at peace with the ancestors,” Shuri says, “and she is incomparable. I do not wish to speak further of her.”
A beat passes. Your hand travels to Shuri’s leg, providing a comforting touch to the woman beside you. You weren’t ignorant to the news of her family’s passing - since her father’s death, you’d had a semblance of understanding the inner turmoil she had endured. With her brother and mother gone, she was virtually alone - save for a sister-like figure and a nephew she’d only told you a little bit about in the past few months or so.
You wanted to say something, but your mother beat you to it - this time, she actually sounded somewhat apologetic for her ignorance.
“My condolences,” the woman mutters softly, clearing her throat, “I only meant that she must have had it easy raising you. You’re so well put together and polite, if only some of that would rub off on (Y/N)!”
Strike two.
“Mom, stop it,” Alex interrupts, voice firm with a scowl on her face, “you doin’ a lil’ too much now.” 
“Now, your mama ain’t said nun’ wrong,” your father suddenly speaks, who had been quite the entire conversation, but suddenly decided to stick up for his woman who was clearly in the wrong, “it’s just ladies spat, y’all know how y’all do.”
“And like I said before y’all got here, I don’t want it in my house.” Alex emphasizes. “If that’s the type of time y’all on, the door is very clearly marked with an obnoxiously pink birthday banner. Period.”
There was a small swell of pride in your chest for Alex as she set her foot down to your parents. She was determined to have them behave; she wanted a classy, friendly party for her birthday celebration. Though, she would know just as well as you that even when being put in place, the audacity of your parent’s always found itself back into trouble.
Your mother mumbled out an apology, along with something along the lines of ‘got me apologizing to my child’ under her breath as well, before you cleared your throat in an attempt to cut through the tension.
“Shuri, baby,” you hummed, “don’t we have something for Alex? In the car?”
Shuri turned to look at you, eyebrows slightly furrowed, before she officially caught on to what you were insinuating.
“Yes,” the queen breathes out with a small smile, “we do have something in the car. For the birthday girl.”
Alex, too, shares the same look Shuri previously sported, with furrowed eyebrows and confusion written on her face. “M-Me? Something for me?”
“Of course!” Shuri answers. “Surely you did not think we would show up empty handed?”
Shuri’s hand rests on your leg, both as a reminder of her very physical presence as a grounding for herself, “How foolish of me to forget. I do not know what I would do without you, my darling.”
Shuri stands, offering her hand to you as well, adding on how she will need your help to retrieve it, before escorting you from the gazebo. While on your way to exit the yard, Shuri can hear Alex giving your parents a further scolding, which makes the queen smile mischievously.
It wasn’t a complete lie for escape, however. Shuri was nice enough to buy a gift for your sister for her birthday, though it wasn’t anything massive, and despite your constant jokes of it, wasn’t a pair of kimoyo earrings (though, from Alex’s birthday outfit, she could tell that she was a jewelry girl, and a pair of earrings probably would have sufficed better).
“I’m starting to understand why you never told me about your parents,” Shuri says in a breathless scoff, pressing a button on her beads to pop open the trunk of her car, “infuriating doesn’t even begin to describe them.”
“Are you okay?” You ask in all seriousness. “The..comment about your mom, I mean.”
How could you be worried of her feelings when she’d just had to watch your mother berate you in front of her? Shuri wonders this as she turns from the open trunk of the car to face you again. Though, she supposes that from that interaction, you were more used to centering others and their emotions than yourself. Although it caused an ache in her heart, the revelation made sense of previous actions between the two of you.
“What I said was true,” the queen replies, “though I admit, perhaps there was a bite in my tongue.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t curse her out.”
“Well…I do have a promise to keep to Alex.” Shuri says in a soft laugh. “I do not want to be the cause of her birthday being ruined. Your parents are making it fairly hard to do that, however.”
Shuri closes the trunk of the car, the tiny bag holding Alex’s gift inside being set on top of it as the queen leans against the sleek black vehicle. She invites you into her embrace, pulling you between her legs and resting her hands on your hips; yours make their way onto her shoulders, a weak smile on your face.
“That’s two strikes by my count.”
“I know.”
“We have yet to even make it to dinner.”
“I know.”
“What do you want to do, beloved?”
I don’t know anymore, you think, this is all just too much.
“Let’s…stay.”
Part of you was reluctant to leave due to wanting to experience your sister’s birthday with her. You’d all but promised that you’d come to enjoy yourself with Shuri, even if your parents made that hard. But there was also an inkling of pettiness inside of you that wanted to show the assholes your parents were to the rest of your family members (who, while had suspicions of their weird behaviors and holier-than-thou rhetoric, would rather not engage in family drama to keep peace amongst the ranks). 
“I’m not letting them get the better of me,” you add on, “today is for Alex. And if they wanna make it a problem, it can be a problem.”
The look on Shuri’s face was a mix of shock and pride; she hadn’t expected you to say that, and if she were being honest with herself, she was secretly anticipating such a moment to occur. Perhaps because it would give her a chance to release the pent up frustrations that had collected within her due to your parents actions; perhaps it was because seeing you stand your ground had always been an attractive sight to her. Regardless, the small smile that spread across her face was a reflection of her hopefulness.
“One more chance, then?”
“Hopefully they make it count.”
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Shuri remembers how she used to dislike family dinners.
The prospect of eating with her family irked her at a young age. Though she loved her parents and her brother dearly, her teenage self was far too absorbed in her technological advances to actively partake in the family tradition. She’d taken such a routine for granted, and now, the dinner table in the large palace she called home was barren. She barely ate there anymore, consumed by the regret of not making such precious moments a priority in her youth.
As she sits next to you at the elongated party table with the rest of your family members, she notes the same air of barrenness, but not of presence of people. It is a barrenness of love.
The behavior of certain family members began to change as the night progressed. Despite the lingering glares of your family members, many aunts and uncles approached you again, expressing their joy in seeing your presence. Perhaps it was truly the guilt that you mentioned earlier, how these extended family members were subject to the bystander syndrome, and hadn’t known how to deal with their guilty consciences for whatever reason. Perhaps these people did genuinely want to reconnect with their long lost niece, cousin, auntie. Shuri would never admit it aloud to anyone, but seeing the look of distaste upon your parents face was entertaining to say the least.
“So do you drive a space ship everywhere you go?” One of your many nephews asked the queen out of curiosity, big brown eyes and white bucked-teeth shining with glee, as he’d never seen anyone of her status before.
“Not everywhere,” Shuri answers, “only the far away places.”
“Do you go to other planets? Like Mars? Or Pluto?”
“Hmm,” the queen thinks, “I don’t think I have. I shall put that on my books and tell you about it upon my return. How does that sound, little one?”
“Awesome!”
Seeing Shuri interact with the younger children eased your tense body and racing mind. She was almost a natural with them, it seemed. You leaned into her side, your cheek squishing against her shoulder with a playful huff. “Can I have my girlfriend back, please? You’ve been askin’ her questions since we got to the table.”
“Nu-uh!” Objects the little boy. “Have not!”
“Have too, lil’ boy,” you reject, “now gon’ eat so your mama don’t yell at you.”
“Can we talk about spaceships after dinner then, Auntie Shuri?”
Shuri wasn’t sure if she should adhere to the new term, having only known the child for an hour or so, but to entertain him, she allowed it. “Sure. We can talk about spaceships after dinner.”
Thankfully, the young boy seemed to be satisfied with the compromise, and began to eat his plate of food. Shuri turns to you with an amused grin, eyebrows raised as she asks “Were you jealous of your own nephew?”
“I can be jealous if I want to,” you pout, bottom lip tucked out in protest, “lil’ shit was taking you away from me.”
Shuri laughs at your banter, both glad that you’ve somewhat relaxed, and that the evening seemed to be going well. She hoped that it would stay like this.
The clinking of metal to glass caught her attention, as well as the other partygoers. Looking towards the head of the table, Alex is standing, grasping the attention of everyone in order to speak.
“Now, we all know the reason today is such an important day, aside from the fact that it’s my birthday,” Alex begins, glancing around the table, making eye contact with each individual, “though some of the kids might not know. And since we have a newcomer with us,” she says, gesturing to Shuri, who returns a nod of acknowledgement as she speaks, “I figured now is as good of a time to talk about why we celebrate the twenty-fifth birthday of the girls in our family.”
Alex sets the glass down, clears her throat, and speaks again. “Now the story has never been written down, but anyone who has sat between Nana and Great Nana’s legs to get their hair done will know the story by heart. A generation or so before them, our family had a ‘curse’ on us girls. One of our enslaved ancestors was forced to ‘engage’ with their owner who desired a mixed child. That ancestor cursed our bloodline so that no girls would survive, and slowly our numbers began to dwindle.”
You always loved to hear this story. You were never sure why, but it had always been more than hair braiding entertainment to keep a child's attention. The raw history that your grandmother and great-grandmother passed down your line of lineage always held a special place in your heart.
“Then one thing lead to another, a generation passes, and a girl is born…and she lives old enough to run away with another slave guy she fell in love with. And that ancestor had Great Nana, who had Nana, who had mom and the aunties…who had us.”
You’d been sitting to Alex’s right when she extended her hand to you to hold. You accepted it with a warm smile. She’d done the same to your mother as well.
“Reaching twenty-five is like a right of passage. Guarantees to a long, fulfilling life. And that is what we celebrate tonight.”
There were a series of claps, cheers, whoops and hollers that erupted from the table, coming from the queen herself as well. It was indeed a remarkable retelling, she thought, and she even noticed the way that Alex posed herself as a bridge between you and your mother. She applauded the woman for still trying to reconcile, but knew that there was no hope for such a feat.
As soon as Alex sat down, your mother took a stand. “I’d like to make a toast as well.”
Shuri felt you lean just a little bit closer to her. 
“My baby, oh, what can I even say?” Your mother begins, striking up a face of pride. “You were perfect since the day I first laid eyes on you. I knew you’d be destined for greatness, and I can’t be any more proud of you than I am now. My baby girl is all grown up, and I can’t wait to see more of the outstanding woman you’ve become…”
Another round of applause echoes throughout the backyard, and Shuri breathes. Though she doesn’t trust your mother one bit, the words that came from her mouth seemed very genuine-
“...and you are more than fit to carry on this tradition. My only daughter that can.”
-nevermind.
The distant crickets could be heard as your mother took her seat again, seemingly proud of her little stunt. Perhaps she thought it was something good to say, but neither you, Alex, or Shuri saw the need for the ending.
“That ending wasn’t needed, but thank you.” Alex says through gritted teeth, a sigh leaving her lips. It was much like the older woman to need the last word, and although Alex truly hoped she would behave, her own patience was waning thin with the woman and her antics.
“We have a toast as well!”
Shuri whips her head to you, brows furrowed in confusion as she whispers, “We do?”
The words leave your lips before you can actually think about what you’re about to do. Upstaging your mother had never been something you’d acted upon, although you’d fantasized about shutting her up numerous times with your own words; the courage was just never there. Perhaps it was because now you were older, or perhaps it was because you now knew that Alex was on your side, or perhaps it was because you had Shuri next to you to back you up. Whatever it was, it began surging through your veins that once were riddled and crippled with anxiety.
Nonetheless, you’re standing up, and so is Shuri, so there isn’t any backing down now. All eyes were on you.
“Sister,” you begin, reaching your hand out Alex who stands up again to be eye level with you, “I will make this quick, ‘cuz you know I hate sappy shit.”
Alex laughs a little. Her grip on your hands is comforting, and the way she looks at you is almost in a coaching matter. She hadn’t expected such a burst of confidence either, but wasn’t about to let you face it alone.
“We’ve had our…ups and down,” you say, “and there were ‘things’ happening that I blamed you for, that I pushed you away for. But you’ve always been there. You were..the only person there.”
You feel Shuri’s hand caress the small of your back for support. You feel like crying, and you're not sure the reason for it, but you push it down and continue.
“I am grateful for you, and I’m glad I came to celebrate with you…and I love you.”
The air that was once thick when you started to speak seemed to ease when you said those last three words. And again, claps and praises flew out into the air at the confession. Alex, the much more sappier of one of the two of you, tried to keep her eyes from swelling with tears, but of course it was harder for her to do so.
“Don’t you start crying,” you say playfully through the loudness of the table, “‘cus you know if you do, then I’ma start crying, and we just gon’ be two snotty nosed bitches-”
Yet you didn’t get the chance to finish, because Alex then pulls you into her embrace. It’s tight and full of love, and she gives you no choice but to sink into it. For a second, it seems like the noise drowns out as you bask in the love from your sister, and you hear a faint ‘thank you’ being whispered into your ear right as she pulls away.
“I suppose this means it is my turn,” Shuri says sheepishly, once the embrace has finished and you’ve returned right at her side. She’d been thinking of what to day this entire time, though each scenario that she had run through her head didn’t seem worthy of a quality toast to a quality woman, “I shall try to make this toast worthy of your time, Miss Birthday Girl.”
“Sitting at this table, surrounded by all of you; it reminds me of a similar family routine that I took for granted in my youth.” Shuri’s eyes gaze from person to person as she speaks. “You see, I was too absorbed in my technological advances to truly appreciate the aspects of family dinners. The mundaneness of sitting with one another and being present. I used to want to give anything to be left to my own devices. And now, I sit at the head of the same table, with no one. I am Queen of the most powerful nation in the world, and my entire family is gone.”
Another silence fills the table as everyone looks onto Shuri; her head is held high as she speaks, though, voice unwavering. She breathes when she feels your hand slip into hers.
“Alex, you are a very blessed woman to have your family here with you to celebrate a generational obstacle overcome,” the queen bids, “and for that, I propose a toast to you, and a saying from my people to yours.”
The queen picks up her red cup, and watches as each individual picks up their own, before speaking again. “To Alex, a woman of virtue and genuity. ‘Akukho mntu ngaphandle kwesidenge ophika usapho lwakhe’.”
A round of cheers sounds before everyone downs a gulp of their chosen drinks in unison, applauding Shuri for her heartfelt toast and gratitude. As the both of you sit, and light chatter begins to cover the table, your mother calls out to Shuri with a look of curiosity.
“Such a lovely quote, Shuri,” your mother says, “what does it mean?”
“Oh, the proverb,” Shuri says, “it is one my baba used to say.”
“Did he now?”
“It means ‘No one but a fool denies their family’.”
Hearing this, your gaze shifts from the food in front of you to Shuri, who sports a proud smirk as she watches your mother grow uncomfortable in her seat from the queen’s words. As if she were putting the dots together in her own head.
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With Dinner done, your nephew was all too quick to pull the queen aside to continue their conversation about her fancy spaceships. While his eagerness was endearing, Shuri had to put the conversation on hold because of an important phone call that came through. You assumed that it was Ayo, a name you had heard in fleeting conversations, but knew it to be a person of importance to Shuri. A captain of her Queen’s Guard, which Shuri had respectfully asked to fall back on attending the outing with the both of you, since it was a family thing, and Shuri didn’t want Alex’s neighbors questioning why so many bald-headed women were lingering around her house.
She said she would make the call quick, five minutes at most, before stepping into the house for quiet and privacy. The loss of her presence made you slightly anxious, but you maintained your spot in the gazebo, and Alex popped in here and there. She was the host, so she had to engage with the rest of her partygoers, but you were more than grateful that she took the time out to still check in on you, despite it being her day.
You took a sip of your drink - the adult punch that had been put in the kitchen so kids couldn’t get to it - and watched the party goers enjoy themselves from the comfort of your seat. Children running around, chasing each other with sparklers; aunties and uncles dancing to the old school remix; teens making TikTok videos with dances and skits. For a moment, things were content, and everyone was happy. Normal.
For a moment, for the first time in a long time, you felt happy with your family. 
“You’ve found this corner real comfortable, I see.”
The voice of your mother slips through he peaceful silence that previously covered the gazebo, and although you don’t feel it at first, your body begins to tense. She herself sports a red solo cup, though you can’t tell what’s inside of it. 
She doesn’t ask to join you - just takes up a single seat across from you - and even if she were to ask, you aren’t sure if you could even mutter an answer.
“It’s been so long since you’ve left,” your mother says, “since you decided you were grown enough and left your family behind. How has life been for you?”
“Good.” You reply, short and curt, taking a sip from your drink.
“You seem more than good,” she continues, “I assume living with a queen gives you a lot of financial relief-”
“If you came over here to start shit, please don’t.” You quickly cut off. “One; my relationship is of no concern to you, but Shuri doesn’t pay for shit of mine that I have. I was good before I met her, and I’m still going good on my own.”
You weren’t sure where the sudden crossness came from, but you definitely knew it had something to do with your mother’s constant mention of Shuri, as if she held prominent importance tonight and not the other child she’d birthed. “And it’s Alex’s birthday. I’m here for her.”
Your mother scoffs at your words, “-and there you go, twistin’ my words around and making me seem like the enemy. I’m just trying to talk to you!”
“Bullshit,” you spit, rising from your seat in a quick bid to find a quick exit into an area more populated, and more importantly, away from her, “I’m not doing this with you.”
You turn to try and leave, but your mother continues to speak behind you, pushing you further, “you’re so ungrateful; after everything we’ve done for you, you can’t even show an ounce of respect to your own mother.”
In that moment your body froze on the steps of the gazebo. A dull chill awakens within you, spreading through your limbs, your skin nearly rising into goosebumps, before a wave of anger crashes in.
“Fine,” you mutter, “you wanna ‘talk’?”
You turn to face your mother once again, eyes burning holes into her face, which has the audacity to hold a look of shock. “Let’s fucking talk.”
“Oh, but where to begin?” You scoff. “Maybe lets talk about how you can’t seem to ever say one good thing about me. It’s always some backhanded comment that you can’t help to point out how amazing Alex was and how shitty I was in comparison-”
“-that is not true,” your mother tries to interject, “but you were - and still are - a difficult child-”
“-I wasn’t fucking difficult!” You shout, drawing a few pairs of eyes to you and your mother. “I wanted fucking attention that you weren’t giving me! And you thought beating me was the best way to get me to ‘stop acting out’?”
“It was discipline!”
“Oh, but Alex never needed it though, right?” You question. “Alex was just so perfect to yall. She got the best of everything while your little mistake became the punching bag you took your frustrations out on!”
The increasing shouting started to draw attention from the other partygoers, who muttered among themselves, wondering the reason for the altercation, questioning if they should intervene. And it only got worse when the sound of skin slapping skin echoed throughout the backyard, making the music that played from outdoor speakers seem quiet.
Your mother, the pious, religious, righteous woman she claimed to be, just slapped you in front of the rest of your family.
“What’s going on over here?” The voice of your father bellows as he approaches the gazebo, having only made his presence known after a few gasps from seeing your mother hit you.
“I will not be disrespected by you, you ungrateful wench,” your mother seethes, “I was a damn good mother to you, even when we fell on hard times. I raised you!”
“I was a fucking kid!” You yell back. “How does a fucking adult take their anger out on their own kid!?”
“And you,” comes your voice through gritted teeth upon seeing your father coming to console your mother, which seemed to anger you even more, “dear old dad, who never ‘picked a side’. You sat there and watched as she fucked up her own kid.”
Your voice comes out more strained, wavering at the sight of your father. The man you saw treat Alex like a literal princess while you could only ever dream of being treated as such. You knew the next words you’d say were going to push his buttons - perhaps part of you wanted a reaction from him that could show that maybe, somewhere inside of him, he cared when your mother didn’t.
“If anything you’re more of a bitch than her!”
You weren’t sure what scared you more in that moment; the loud grunt and your fathers arms menacingly reaching out towards you, or the flash of black that shot across your vision right before you closed your eyes shut, anticipating something to happen.
The silence was deafening as you felt your legs stumble back into something warm but you were too scared to open your eyes yet. Of all your senses that had been stricken with tension, the first to register with reality once again was your hearing.
“I want you to think carefully about your next actions,” the queen’s voice comes out hardened and unyielding, “because I can assure you, I will not have to think about mine.”
That flash of black that had crossed your vision earlier had been Shuri. And if your eyes had been open, you yourself would have shuddered at the pure rage that was present on her face.
Shuri’s hand, albeit tiny and delicate in most cases, held your father’s wrist in a right grasp, and despite the broader man's struggles to pull free, it was futile. She was not letting him go, and neither was the intensity of her stare that held your mother’s gaze. 
“If you don’t let my husband go-”
“Shut. Up.” And her words were absolute, leaving no room for question. Perhaps it was part of the authoritarian aura that she’d gained from taking on her queenship that shut your mother up, but whatever the case may have been, Shuri admits that she certainly enjoyed the look of surprise on your mother’s face.
“Alex,” Shuri says, and it now becomes clear to you that the thing you had back into was your very sister. It also became clear how tight her grip on you was, as if she were scared to let you go, “take my beloved back to my car. We will be leaving shortly.”
There’s a gentle nudge and a hushed ‘c’mon’ before you feel yourself being moved sideways, then forward, Alex doing as Shuri says and relocating you to the front of her home to get you into a safer, calmer place.
It isn’t until Shuri sees your figure disappear behind the wooden fence that she releases your father’s wrist. The man winces as he regains control of his limb, his wife bringing her hands to soothe the skin where it was beginning to turn purple from just how tight her grasp was.
Shuri turns in a slow circle, eyes scanning each and every one of the individuals who’d stood by and undoubtedly watched the scene unfold, offering no sign of intervention. “This is what your family is?” She calls out. “It is sickening.”
The guilt shines in their eyes but Shuri has none of it. To her, they are all just as guilty as your parents, for they've watched the same scene unfold many times before, and just the same, no one stood up.
The queen turns back to your parents, as she bites the inside of her cheek to control her composure. “I do not know your story,” she says, “nor do I wish to, and now, nor do I care. I only leave you with this as I leave.”
Shuri takes a step forward to your parents, jaw clenched tight and piercing eyes meeting theirs once again. “My (Y/N) will be loved…as it is clearly something neither of you could bestow upon her.”
And in the same flash of black she leaves the party, that had long gone silent, and biting her tongue so hard she thought she’d draw blood.
Exitting the back yard, Shuri comes around the front to see you and Alex sitting on the porch steps. She holds a towel to your cheek, whispering to you with care about holding the cold, wet cloth gently on your cheek to battle the inflammation. It was the first and only thing she could grab without immediately leaving your side, the green garden hose still running into the grass proof of it.
It takes everything in Shuri not to run to you, to pull you into her arms and cradle you into her embrace, to shield you from the cruelness that has surely been brought back to the forefront of your mind. There’s a pit in her stomach that churns with the pain of unease, and it eats at her as she thinks; if she had just been swifter with that call with Ayo, or better yet, not even answered at all, then you wouldn’t have been left alone, and you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.
Shuri grows closer and realizes that the both of you are crying, and her heart tightens in her chest. She bends down to meet you on eye level, resting a soothing hand on your leg. Alex holds her head in one hand, her other still grasped tightly onto your side, holding you close to her. Shuri finally understands what Alex meant when she talked about the varying levels of harm done to the sisters in their youth. You took the physical and verbal brunt, while Alex took the emotional.
“This was not suppose to happen.” Shuri hears Alex mutter, and the queen quickly cuts in before Alex has a chance to even say as such.
“It is not your fault, Alex,” the queen asserts, “you cannot be responsible for the actions of your parents.”
Alex looks up to Shuri, sniffling as their eyes connect. A beat passes before the older sister nods, though her jaw is still tight with tension. There’s a shift in Alex’s eyes, from sadness and regret, to a hardened security.
“I need to get my house in order,” she says, glancing to her side, and reluctantly peeling her arm from around your waist, “party’s officially over.”
Alex stands to do just as she intends, and as she leaves, Shuri grows closer to you. One hand rubs circles into your knee, the other one gently lifts your face up to meet hers. Your eyes are tired, likely due to adrenaline fatigue, but your body still shakes with a light tremble.
“I am taking you home.” She says, leaving no room for argument; even though, in your current state, you couldn’t refuse her if you wanted to. So when Shuri wraps her arms around you and lifts you to your feet, you all but lean into her warmth. 
And the kiss she presses into the crown of your head provides reassurance that even after the events that have unfolded, with Shuri, you will be okay.
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If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!
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wandanatswitch · 3 months
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About me
Hi! You can call me Ella or Thea. I'm 19 and I'm from Chile, so English isn't my first language. I've never written fanfic before and I want to give it a try so I'd appreciate it if you gave me some fanfic ideas.
I love animals and to bake.
About this blog
Like I said, I've never written before and English isn't my first language so I apologize in advance for any mistakes.
You can also ask me things about me if you'd like.
Fandoms/characters:
The ones that are over lined are not being written at the moment but will be soon...
MCU
Wanda Maximoff
Natasha Romanoff
Kate Bishop
Yelena Belova
Pietro maximoff
House of the dragon
Alicent Hightower
Rhaenyra Targaryen
Aemond Targaryen
Cregan Stark
GOT
Daenerys Targaryen
Margaery Tyrell
Criminal minds
JJ
Emily Prentiss
Elle Greenaway
Penelope Garcia
Supernatural
Dean Winchester
What I can/will write:
wlw
Smut
Bottom reader
Power bottom reader
Fluff
Angst with happy ending
Romantic relationships
What I could possibly write in the future:
Angst
Hurt/no comfort
Platonic
Dark fics
Men x woman
What I will NOT write:
Pedophilia
Pet play
Little x caregiver
Top reader (sorry I'm s bottom 😔)
AEGON II TARGARYEN
If something is not specified in this post, you can put it in your request and I'll tell you if I'm comfortable doing it :)
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storiesofsvu · 2 years
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Katt's Birthday Bingo!
It's bingo time again friends!!
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Prompts are songs, dialogue, or spring themed!
Submissions can be anything! a mood board, a ficlet, headcanons, drabbles, gif sets, one shots, social media au's, literally whatever you want!!
Read the rest of the rules under the cut!!
Song prompts: NEW STYLE!! You can either choose 2-4 lines from the song to include in your fic (bold/italicize for reference). you can change pronouns to make it fit your fic. OR you can just take the general *vibe* of the song to inspire you into writing a fic/creation.
Prompts can be any genre, make it super spicy, make it tooth rotting fluff, make it angsty as fuck, make it an AU. just make sure to include any and all appropriate warnings/tags at the TOP of the post.
Fics can be either a ship, a reader insert, an OC, or even a crossover. mix and match, stick with one, try out a new character or fandom!!
Accepted Characters:
Literally everyone/thing. This is wide open to any and every fandom/show/movie that you want, it's free game besties!!
For example:
SVU:
-Olivia Benson, Melinda Warner, Amanda Rollins, Sonny Carisi, Rafael Barba, Casey Novak, Alex Cabot, Nick Amaro, Peter Stone, Kat Tamin, Elizabeth Donnelly, Mike Dodds, Rita Calhoun, Pippa Cox.
Criminal Minds:
-Aaron Hotchner, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau, Penelope Garcia, Derek Morgan, Tara Lewis, Alex Blake, Spencer Reid.
Any Raul Esparza characters (Bryan, Nevada, Chilton, Paul, Jackson, etc)
Any Elizabeth Marvel characters (Keane, Dunbar, Victoria, Constance, Ella, etc)
Other Fandoms to spark creativity!
-NCIS
-One Chicago
-House of Cards
-Homeland
-Goliath
-The Good Fight
-Mayans
-Greys Anatomy
-911/Lonestar
-Marvel/MCU
-OUAT
-Why Women Kill
-Pretty Little Liars (preferably over 18 characters only.)
-The L Word
Rules:
You MUST tag me @storiesofsvu and use the hashtag #kattsbdaybingo2022 on each creation and I'll put together the masterlist.
Bingo begins April 20th and runs all the way through to May 31st, six weeks to have some fun (with an extra two weeks to plan/prep before we start). you may only submit/post ONE creation PER DAY and only one square per creation.
No underage readers/OC's
Tag all and every warning appropriately at the top of a fic
Anything over 1000 words must be under a readmore.
If you have any questions, feel free to comment/send me an anon/ask or a message!!
____
tagging some people who might be interested?
@swimmingstudentchaos891 @nocreditinthestraightworld @bumblebear30 @teamsladsandgents @thatesqcrush @detective-giggles @beccabarba @tropes-and-tales @witches-unruly-heart @prurientpuddlejumper @lannister-slings-and-arrows @hurricanejjareau @wannabe-fic-writer @fighterkimburgess @natasha-danvers @ssa-sapphic @demisicle @5raysofsunshine @ssaagentemilyprentiss @temilyrights @sapphicalexblake @tinyboxxtink @itsjustmyfantasyroom @ms-calhoun @dalexandriag16 @drduckthief @narvaldetierra @wine-drunk-on-elizabeth @alexusonfire @pascalispretty @justalittleghostwriter @stone-hearted-seymour @melk917@cycat-carisi @caracalwithchips @maximoffwitch
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pokimoko · 11 months
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@pizzee Thank you for the tagging me to join in on the TV show tag game! I have the exact opposite problem to you in that I watch way too many shows. There's so many I've watched in the last few months alone that I've absolutely loved (Andor, Severance, Poker Face, The Sandman, The Last of Us, Vox Machina, etc etc) but for this I think I'll stick with the ones that I've connected to and cherished the most of the years. It wasn't required or even asked for but all of you are getting Backstory™ for these whether you like it or not. Anyway, in no particular order, here they are:
Moon Knight: Wow, I like the show that is now my defining personality trait? Shocker. But, no, seriously, I don't think I've latched onto a show or group of characters so quickly in my life, or so intensely before. This show has (as of posting this) made me write almost 200k worth of fic about it. I got bloody Discord because of this show because the brainrot was so intense. I am part of a fandom community for really the first time in my life because of this show. It's no exaggeration to say that this show has had a huge impact on me; the dinosaurs got off easy in comparison.
Lucifer: I started watching this show when Season 2 premiered way back in 2016 and I was there watching it up until the end. It was silly and emotional and heartwarming and campy, and the characters were amazing (do I own shirts that Ella Lopez wore in the show? Yes, yes I do.) and the music was excellent. This show loved the heck out of metaphors, and I am not immune to that. Or Tom Ellis.
The Owl House: I used to be obsessed with owls when I was younger (the 'Owls of Ga'Hoole' movie was my jam, and—I'm sorry Zack Snyder directed that??? What the f—ahem, sorry, as I was saying:), and while that particular interest faded over the years, I do remember I was drawn to this show because of the name, and then the premise, and then the characters (Hunter gets a gold star for making me go "argh this guy is annoying" to "I would die for him" within a span of two appearances), and then so, so many things. I've loved a lot of cartoons, many of which deserve a spot on this list, but this one just hits so many of the right notes for me. I will die mad that Disney robbed us of a full season 3, but I will always cherish what we got.
Adventure Time: The first show I ever binged in full, and essentially what kickstarted my career as a Tumblrite (my logo was Marceline for many a year—if you find my *gag* Wattpad account it'll still be there). I still have doodles for this show from when I was 14 (many of which were Bubbline, which was also my first ship). I am the silly little Tumblr fool I am today because of this show.
Avengers: Earths Mightiest Heroes: I used to watch this show on TV as a kid, random episodes here and there, never enough to truly understand what was going on but enough to know the characters. It was how I first came to know Marvel, long before I even liked superheroes, and it was the reason I watched 'The Avengers', which in turn was the reason I went and saw 'Age of Ultron' (the first MCU movie I ever saw at the cinema) and then, well, the rest is history. But it all started here, with this show. (Also, let's be real, the theme song slaps.)
Doctor Who: specifically the Eleventh and Twelfth Doctor's seasons, though I love Ten's as well (even if 'Midnight' and the following Library episodes—episodes I now adore—scared me off from the show for almost 7 years). I might have also been a little in love with Clara. This show has made me sob with true and utter grief (musical motifs that will make you cry without warning and other secrets your Doctor won't tell you!) and also made me feel like I'm taking acid. It's got the range darling.
Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood: I've watched this whole thing three times. It's just…It's good. It's really good. The world, the characters, the animation/visuals, the god damn narrative. I'm still in awe of how masterful this anime was. I aspire to this level of multilayered, intelligent storytelling… and also the level of comedy. It too has the range. And god I love when shows can do that well.
Bee and Puppycat: I used to watch the YouTube series for this (along with 'Bravest Warriors' and a bunch of other Cartoon Hangover shorts) as a tween and it's just a very fond, cosy memory for me. And now there's the Netflix version and it's been wonderful to not only get more of what was already there, but more to the story in general. My childhood self is being tucked into bed and wrapped in a blanket, content in the knowledge that things left unfinished are not always over.
That really is the tip of the iceberg of all the shows I've loved over the years but we'd be here for a month of Sundays if I went on about all them, so I'll take my leave now and pass on the baton. I'm going to tag @yellowocaballero, @mockspector, @theophagism and @aster-o1d. Have fun! :3
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erythromanc3r · 11 months
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🌝 🧠 for the fic asks!
🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?
ohhhh I like this question! Within Stranger Things, I think I'd like to explore literally any member of the Byers family. Heather makes a small appearance in an upcoming WIP but I'd like to write about her more, too. WRT other fandoms...MCU's Loki (and Sylvie) would be a lot of fun to write imo. I've really gotten into Yellowjackets and I'd love to pick Shauna's brain (honestly girl what are you DOING)
🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?
so I actually have a couple of these! one is (very very loosely) inspired by Ella Enchanted, it's sort of an urban fantasy situation where Chrissy was given the "gift" of absolute obedience at birth (ie; she has to do what she's told no questions asked) but no one but her immediate family knows. So when her eyes go white and she's catatonic in the middle of his living room, Eddie tells her to wake up and she does...and then she shows up at the hideout the next Tuesday, he's like "why?" and Chrissy just shrugs and says "you told me to!" and he has the huh, interesting moment, and they work together to free her of her "gift". To me, Eddie's so emblematic of like...free will and living authentically, and I'd like to watch him grapple with the dilemma of having to tell someone what to do to help them liberate themselves.
Thank you for sending! <3
Send me asks!
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freddieslater · 3 months
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💞A different type of rec list ask game, to rep your own fics and other authors you enjoy.💞 Spell out your user name with fic recs. If the letter correlates to one of your fics you rec it (no duplicates use a different fic for repeat letters.) If you get to a letter you don’t have a fic title for you rec one you‘ve liked from someone else. 💖Send this to someone who might need a little love on their own fics or just like spreading the love.💖
So, I got this like last month but I really like the idea so I still wanna do it! Thank you for sending this to me! <3
F - For the Best [EastEnders | Freddie Slater Centric | 2.5k]
R - Repay the Favour [MCU | Clint Bartin, Yelena Belova | 1.8k]
E - enough [The Witcher | Jaskier/Yennefer | 622 words]
D - don't be kind to it, it will come back [The Vampire Diaries | Enzo St. John, Elena Gilbert | 17.9k]
D - Duet with the devil [Lucifer | Lucifer/Ella | 11.6k]
I - I see your hurt [Legacies | Kaleb/Lizzie | 5k]
E - Even we can find our happiness [Teen Wolf | Scott/Stiles | 3.6]
S - Straight out of a romance movie and into the snow [Teen Wolf | Scott/Stiles | 29.9k]
L - Let's keep it a secret [Glee | Blaine/Sam | 1.6k]
A - All's well that ends well to end up with you [The Originals | Klaus/Hayley | 2.6k]
T - Teenage Dream [EastEnders | Peter/Fatboy | 1.9k]
E - Escape the present with dreams of the future [Teen Wolf | Scott/Stiles | 4.2k]
R - Running From One Problem To Another [Teen Wolf/The Flash]
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poc-movie-supremacy · 3 years
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My Princess Buttercup
Summary: After watching The Princess Bride, Bucky gets an idea. Sam is less than sold. Fine. Bucky will just have to convince him.
A/N: first fic in months! or it feel like that anyways. I hope y’all really like it. 
@wheezingghoulbois thanks for reading it over!
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They are sitting together on the living room couch. It was late, near midnight with the only light in the room coming from the television. Sam had a rare day off, so he wanted to watch a RomCom with Bucky. His sister says they're better when you're in a relationship; Sam just thought it would be funny to watch Bucky watch a romcom. They watched 10 things I hate about you first before moving on to The Princess Bride. It was a pretty enjoyable movie, not Sam’s favorite, that would be Playing it Cool. Bucky loved the movie however. Sam is happily surprised to find out that The Princess Bride can make Bucky smile as much as he makes him smile (which is saying something). At first Sam doesn’t understand why he likes the movie so much, but when Bucky starts gushing about it, he understands.
“It’s us!” Bucky exclaims excitedly. He’s moved from his former position, curled up beside Sam, to sit and face him. The lack of warmth stings but Bucky’s excited smile makes up for it. 
Sam smiles a soft love-filled smile, “What’s us?”
“Dread Pirate Roberts and Buttercup. I’m him and you’re Buttercup!”
Sam arched an eyebrow. “Woah woah woah, I don’t think so sweetie.”
Bucky rolls his eyes and lightly shoves Sam’s shoulder. “I think so, and I’m never wrong.” 
“Yesterday you tried to catch a crab with your bare hands.”
“It worked!” 
“eeehhh You got hurt ” To prove his point Sam kisses over the scar marks on Bucky’s right hand left from the angry, angry crabs.
“Worth it,” Bucky whispers.
Sam rolls his eyes “Whatever you say dear.” 
“Anyways, we were in the middle of an argument.”
“No we weren’t”
“Yes we were, Princess buttercup.”
“Nope Bucky,”
This called for drastic measures in Bucky’s honest opinion. Quickly he straddles Sam’s waist and starts tickling his sides “say it.” he mock-growls.
Sam laughs out loud, struggling under Bucky's grip. It makes Bucky laugh out loud so he continues his ruthless assault.
“saaaay it.”
“Never!” Sam gets out in between giggles.
“Always valiant huh? Say I am the dread pirate roberts and you’re princess buttercup,” Sam shakes his head which unfortunately only spurs bucky on.
“Come on sammy, you know I’m right.” Bucky accompanies that statement with light kisses to Sam's cheeks. Sam used this moment to his advantage. He puts his hands on Bucky's waist and switches their positions. Bucky looks up at him with wide eyes. Sam’s hand rests on Bucky’s biceps as he catches his breath.
“If anything, you’re Westly, and I'm just buttercup.”
“no, no just, your royalty to me darling.” Bucky flashes him a cheeky grin as Sam blushes. Even if they happen with more frequency, Bucky's compliments never fail to make the blood rush to Sam's cheeks.
They have a staring contest that Bucky ends up winning. He cackles and raises his eyebrow expectantly. “Fine,” Sam grumbles, “I'm princess buttercup and you’re Wesley, my hero.” Bucky cradles Sam’s head happily. He carefully places a kiss on the top of his head.
“I’m glad we agree,” Bucky says, “Can we watch the movie again?”
“No.”
Bucky pouts, but Sam’s not losing this fight. “It’s late. Come on Baby, Let’s go to bed.” Sam gets up off of Bucky and holds out his hand. Bucky takes it and they head off to bed. Best date-night ever.  
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stars-and-darkness · 2 years
Link
Despite his best efforts, Loki wins the Battle of New York.
The universe will never be the same again.
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With how self-loving and narcissistic yet empathetically growing Lucifer Morningstar is...he would see himself a LOT in Tony Stark. Ergo...Lucifer Morningstar would be one of THE BIGGEST Team Ironman fans ever. 
They got similar characteristics, sense of style, love of classic cars, daddy issues, Pepper and Maze are equals(fight me if you think otherwise),Peter and Ella are adorable...
Lucifer would assign himself as Tony’s personal guardian angel 
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adora-but-ginger · 2 years
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my masterlist
if you have made it this far, or just stumbled upon this, hello!
i write for:
- the winchesters (up to s13 though, this is a spoiler-free blog)
-poe dameron
-din djarin
-rey skywalker
-criminal minds (i’m only on s5 though so bear with me)
-joel miller
-most mcu members
while my earlier fics and Holy Ground are labelled as female character inserts, i now only try to write gender neutral readers.
-ella
————
Star Wars
Din Djarin
Cat and Mouse
Lost Love
Poe Dameron
Final Moments
The Last Of Us
Joel Miller
Sparks Fly
Incipient
Scrawled in Sand
Oh, the Wildfowers
The Marauders
Sirius Black
Disdain
Marvel
Matt Murdock
Holy Ground Masterlist
Peter Parker
Detention Buddies
Steve Rogers
Got Your Back
Into the Spiderverse
(Not So) Champagne Problems
To Meet Your Match
Cool About It
Soon You’ll Get Better
Supernatural
Dean Winchester
Imagine dean accidentally crashing your motorcycle
there’s probably one or two more fics scattered across my blog, but they’ll either be lost to the abyss, or i’ll accidentally stumble across them in a distant future, so we’ll just call this a wip.
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b1rvt4 · 10 months
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( ✨🕷️ ) . . . —a look at FLORIBELLA 'ELLA' HAROLDS in ANTI-HERO (Spiderman fic)
"Being a hero is cool, but it doesn't pay my bills." - E. H.
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liyawritesss · 1 year
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ꜱᴏʀʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴜɴᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ
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Pairing: MCU!Riri Williams x Black!Masc!Reader
Genre: Fic
Synopsis: In which you can’t believe anyone ever truly falls in love with you, until Riri Williams attempts to show you otherwise.
Warnings: mentions of severe anxiety, very bad breakups, cursing, an unspecified situationship between reader and Riri, use of cannabis and other herbs for smoking, mentions of domestic abuse
A/N: In this fic, the reader has severe anxiety and mania that causes her emotions to become too overwhelming to control; therefore she uses cannabis to dull her emotions to a tolerable level. Songs to listen to while reading: Halsey’s “Sorry”, Chase Atlantic’s “I THINK I’M LOST AGAIN”, Ella Mai’s “Trip, Lul Sis’s “I Remember”, SZA’s “Shirt” & “Special”
Tags: @inmyheadimobsessed @verachii @babyboiboyega @badass-dora-milaje @rxcently @chrome-edition @liv444me @yvxmpire @hippiedippyshit @secretgyals
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Up until a year ago, the only thing you could depend on was your music and a blunt.
It’s a riveting story, really, of how you became acquainted with the cannabis-filled paper roll. A bundle of contentment your first ex introduced you to. The only thing you had control of in that relationship, and the only thing you took from it. A young, naive sixteen year old desperate for affection, who fell into the trap of an eighteen year old who only cared for self satisfaction. But what better could you have known?
And now you stare at the blunt between your fingers, with the base of your car turned to the max and the speakers blasting whatever song you had on your playlist, watching the red ring around the end inch closer and closer to your skin. If it was bad day, you’d let it reach your fingers, allowing the embers of the blunt to burn into the tip of your thumb and forefinger as they’ve done before. The sting of it is far more satisfying than the sting your lungs took with every pull of the brown little stub.
But you’re too conscious to let it happen. That, and you have company coming.
There’s a loud knocking on your tinted car windows, the perpetrator none other than Riri Williams. You can’t hear what she’s shouting, but you're sure it’s something about how you need to open the car door because it’s cold as shit outside.
Your unlock the passenger door and turn down the music to a tolerable level - Riri never liked it when you played your music loud - and turn up the heat for the passenger side of the car. The engineer sports some black sweatpants, a pastel blue crop top, and her black bubble winter jacket that’s overly shiny and plastic-y in texture. Despite the many times you’ve offered to buy her another, warmer, less annoying coat, she refuses. ‘She still has a year or two left in her!’ She’d whine.
“I don’t know why the fuck,” she starts, as she fiddles with the zipper on the cropped bubble coat in an attempt to get it off, “you got me waiting outside,” and at this point, you’ve already reached onto the back seat and grabbed your hoodie, the only one of yours she’ll ever wear because, of course, it’s your favorite one, and it’s just big enough for her, “and it’s cold as fuck outside!”
Once her coat is off and tossed into the back seat, she all but snatches the soft hoodie from your hand and tugs it over her upper half. “Manners much, lil’ girl?”
“Shut the fuck up and get to drivin’,” Riri shoots back, tugging on the strings of the hood of your sweater, closing it tight until only her eyes and nose are visible. She’s even chucked her Ugg boots off, opting to tucking her feet under herself, practically sitting criss-cross in the passenger seat.
“Where the hell am I even goin’?” You retort, starting the engine to your car, “You just called me and said pull up, ain’t tell me shit ‘bout nothin’ else!”
“To Navy Pier!” Riri responds, “The fireworks are tonight, remember?”
“No, I don’t remember, ‘cus you ain’t tell me nothin’!”
The bickering between you two could last for ages, but apparently, Riri was stretched for time, and she was also hungry, and a hungry Riri was not a fun Riri.
“Okay, fine, sorry, but we gotta go! They start in like forty-five minutes and traffic’s already shit!” She whines, tugging on your arm like a toddler begging for candy. You roll your eyes, playfully of course, as you pull out of the parking spot and start driving down the road.
“Have you even eaten yet, while you in here barking demands ‘nd shit?” You ask, your free hand instinctively going to rest on the cushion of her thigh, your thumb softly kneading into it. Glancing out of the corner of your eye, you see she’s busying herself by connecting her phone to your car’s Bluetooth feature. No doubt she’s about to turn on some Summer Walker or SZA, as she’s been listening to those two artists a lot as of recent.
“Uhh…” her voice trailing off is enough of an answer for you, and as you pull up to an intersection, instead of turning left which would have taken you to the expressway, you turn right - right into the McDonald’s that sits on the corner.
Of course, Riri is groaning about how you’re gonna be late for the fireworks show, but you’d rather deal with her being upset over that then her being upset because she’s hungry. Only one of those is actually tolerable.
“Shut up, you’re the one that can’t seem to feed yourself,” You scold the other girl as you pull up to the drive through. You recite to the person over the intercom your orders - a ten piece chicken nugget meal for the engineer in your passenger seat, and for you just a fry and a drink.
“It’s not my fault!” Riri protests as you pull up to the payment window, handing the fast food worker your card. “Really? How come it ain’t then?”
And in the few minutes that Riri finds herself trying to come up with a lie to satisfy your scolding eyes, your order is ready. You place her bag of food in her lap, yours in your own, and your drinks in the cup holders.
You notice quickly the silence that befalls the car once you’ve pulled off from the restaurant, to which you peer over to Riri in the passenger seat. “Keep talking, I’m listening,” you say.
Riri looks up from the bag she’s fiddling with, trying to fish out a few fries to satisfy her growling stomach until you both get to the pier. “Right- Um, so I was workin’ on this AI thing - uh, artificial intelligence; think of it like a computer that can talk back you-”
“So, like, a robot…?”
“Just shut up and listen!”
Soon enough you’d pulled into an empty parking lot by the lakefront, close enough to the pier so that you’d be able to see the fireworks at a good proximity. It was a cheap alternative to having to pay to get into the show itself, plus it made for better intimacy.
You and Riri sat in the back seat of the car, allowing more room for comfort. She’s put on one of her playlists - there was a song by H.E.R. playing low on the speakers - and you had a fresh blunt in hand. The window on your side was cracked a little to allow the smoke to escape and not cloud in Riri’s face, and despite her occasional complaints of the chilly wind that would pass through, she knew it was necessary.
She’s cuddled up to you; her arms wrapped around your own as she took interest in the tattoo sleeve that riddled your arm. Different designs, multiple lines to trace, the stories they held.
The reason why they were there.
Your mind begins to muddle once more as you take another drag from your blunt, the sting in your lungs the only thing telling you that you were alive, that you were capable of feeling. That, and the dull feeling of Riri’s acrylics tracing your skin, intrigued.
“Y’know, you never told me exactly why you got these,” She mutters.
Your hand, which held Riri’s legs over your lap, with your thumb which kneaded into the meat of her calf, stopped in its motion.
“Just wanted somethin’ different,” You muuttered, taking another pull from your blunt.
“Nah, i’on believe that,” Riri replied, as she started tracing a particular part of your arm. “You have a reason for everything.”
Your chest became tight as she continued to poke and prod at that one spot, intrigued by the design chosen to take its place. “Damn, this must’ve hurt.”
The tattoo, no. But the scar under it? It still left a mark only visible to you. And the pain from it never truly left you.
“Stop fucking throwing shit at me!”
You’re sure the neighbors could hear your pleas, but whether they cared enough or not to call the police for you, you wouldn’t know.
“Why the fuck were you with her!?”
You stood behind the couch, your only defense as you refused to lay a hand on your ex. She stood on the other side with a deranged look in her eyes, a look you’d never seen before. You’d never have thought that her jealousy to reach this feat.
At first, you found it endearing. Her possessiveness, the need to let others know that you were hers. It made you feel wanted, loved.
But as she stands across from you, enraged at the fact that you spent the afternoon with your cousin, the one you had told her about numerous times, the one she even met, the one you had told her you had plans of seeing her this weekend when she got into town, opened your eyes for what it truly was.
Your ex was, for lack of better words, psychotic.
“That was my fucking cousin! The one I been told you about!” You shouted back at her. “You fucking met her a couple months ago!”
“Oh, sure, your fucking cousin!” The woman shrieks as she chucks another random object in her vicinity towards you. You managed to block it with your arms, but the second it took to distract with it, the woman made a dash for you. There was something else in her hand now - a much more sinister weapon.
A pocket knife.
“Baby, baby please,” You begged as your ex inched closer and closer to you, ready to strike. You still refused to defend yourself physically, not if it meant you had to hurt her in the process. “Put the fucking knife down- just listen to me-”
There was a shriek, which followed a hard thud on the floor, which was now painted in your blood.
You hurriedly snatched your hand away from Riri’s prying ones, and in an attempt to keep your cool, opted to drape it around her shoulders instead. It brung her closer to you, so she didn’t complain, but the suddenness of the action left her with questions.
“That is the reason. Just wanted somethin’ different.” You reiterated, dragging out another pull from your blunt. It was a deeper inhale than the others before, which made your lungs sting even more, but you needed to forget.
You needed to forget that night. It made you feel too much. And right now, You didn’t want to feel anything. You couldn’t bear to feel anything. You just…couldn’t.
“Hey,” Riri’s voice sounded, as she looks up at you from your side, “It’s me, (Y/N). You know you can talk to me.”
Her words made you look down at her. And for a moment, you consider it. You consider telling her the origins of your sleeve, the origins on most of the tattoos that littered your body. Maybe that would alleviate some of the overwhelming pressure that sat heavy in your chest, in your heart. But the very thought of it had your chest closing in, your eyes prickling with tears, and your body trembling. The thought of remembering it all, reliving it all, feeling everything, everywhere, all at once. It was too much to bear, too much, too much, too much-
Without thinking, your blunt meets your lips again, and the sweet sting to your lungs and the fog that muddles your brain calms your heartbeat. You look at Riri and sigh, turning back to the lightshow before you.
“Maybe next time, Ri,” you murmur, your free hand going back to massaging her legs. You feel her body relax into you. You wish yours could do the same.
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“You wanted to talk?”
Up until a year ago, the only thing you could depend on was your music and a blunt.
Until Riri Williams came into your life.
It was interesting, really, the story of how you two met. Having taken interest in one another at a park all those months ago, you two became fast friends. From late night drives to fast food runs, to even helping her raid junkyards for her engineering projects, you two would do almost everything together.
Until one night, when an alcohol-influenced kiss changed the course of everything.
“Yeah,” you reply, busying yourself around your kitchen, trying to act like you were preparing some semblance of a breakfast for yourself. As much as you got on Riri for not eating, you didn’t need the same lecture returned to you. At least, not today.
“Was just gonna tell you I probably won’t be on my phone that much,” you add on, pausing your fiddling to direct all your attention onto the small frame of your phone, where a sleepy Riri currently was pictured.
Damn, she was cute. The way her eyes were half-lidded, riddled with sleep; the way her short bob-length butterfly locks framed her face; the realization that she had another one of your hoodies that she wore to bed. This girl was depleting your hoodie collection, and you didn’t like that.
Frankly, there were a lot of things Riri did to you that you didn’t like. But they never stopped you from coming back to her.
“Is that my hoodie, lil’ girl?” You question with a raised eyebrow, to which the girl on the other releases a small hum in response.
“Mmm, no…” Riri replies, but you know it’s a lie. She does too, which is why she’s trying to cover herself up with her blanket.
“Yeah, okay,” because there was no way you were getting her to admit she stole one of your hoodies again, but at least you knew it was somewhere safe and in good use.
“Did you hear me, ma?”
“Mhm…”
“Ri, what did i say?”
“You not gon’ be on your phone, I heard you.”
“Aight. I’ll call you tonight, let you know what’s up, okay?”
“Mhm…”
There was no use in getting any real words out of Riri this early in the morning, so you just took her word for it and bid her farewell. The engineer said her goodbyes in possibly the softest, sweetest tone you’d ever heard from her. It made your heart hurt to hang up on her, but you knew that it was better this way.
Your head had been a mess lately. It gets bad like this whenever certain months of the year come around. These particular months, your body has associated with the horrible exes that plagued your existence, and the horrible things they’ve done to you.
Of course Riri knew of your exes - though much sooner than what you had intended on. She had did something to accidentally triggered you and it sent you into a spiral of heavy breathing and cursing, lashing out at the girl unintentionally. To this day, it’s one of the things you heavily regret happening to her. You’d never raised your voice at Riri, never once shied away from her touch or spoke to her in a disrespectful manner. But that night, too much was happening all at once, and her saying the word ‘stupid’ in your general vicinity was what caused everything to spill out.
Though you shouldn’t, another memory protrudes your thoughts, unwelcomed, of the ex that ruined your sense of self.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
It’s a question you didn’t care to answer, as the answer to it had been said numerous times before. And frankly, you weren’t in the mood to argue.
“...so you just not gon’ respond to me?”
“I told you already. Dinner party for my grandma.”
“You ain’t say shit about your grandma, (Y/N),”
You turn away from the mirror to face the woman on the bed, scrolling mindlessly on her phone, somehow finding the concentration to do that and try to start an argument with you. Which you’ve done your best to avoid, but knowing her, she’d pick something small to blow up over.
“I very much did. And I’m not about to argue with you about this. I’m trying to enjoy the night with my grandma, and I refuse to have it ruined.”
“Oh, so I’m spoiling your mood now?”
Fuck, you fell for it. A sigh pushes its way through your lips as you make your way to the edge of the bed to grab your phone and keys.
She was muttering under her breath and you honestly couldn’t care to react to her right now. Your mind was on your family dinner, and you wanted to at least look a little happy when you greeted your grandmother. But she was making it very difficult to be passive.
“You not even listening to me! This the stupid ass shit I’m talking about, I’m tryna talk to you and you just walking away.”
By this point, you’d made it to the living room of your apartment, sitting on the bench at the foyer to lace up your boots you chose to wear for the evening. And yet, the woman beside you would not stop her taunting.
“You know, you lucky I put up with your bullshit. You’re so fucking stupid you don’t even realize I can leave right out this bitch and not come back! Then who you gon’ call when you need somebody? Cuz it sure as fuck wont be me-”
“Then leave.”
“Excuse me?”
As your putting on your coat, stuffing the pockets with your necessities - phone, wallet, keys - you turn to look at the woman who had been shouting obscenities at you since you woke up this morning.
“If I’m such a horrible girlfriend who can't seem to satisfy you, why are you still here?”
“Well, obviously, because I fucking love you, you dumbass!”
“Nah, you don’t love me,” you replied, twisting the knob to the front door, “You love what I can do for you. But I’m done with your shit.”
“Who do you think you’re talking to-”
“I’m serious this time. I’m done. I’m tired of it, and I’m done.”
And the door closes on another relationship as you exit your apartment. But in an effort to put on a strong face for your grandmother, you suck up the tears, and walk down the stairs to your car.
The surround sound in your living room now blasts SZA, an artist you never thought you’d catch yourself listening to, but due to your consistent presence around Riri, the genre of music rubbed off on you.
It’s a song called ‘Shirt’, with a hypnotic base and lyrics that you’ve been relating to all too much these past few days. Especially when you find yourself reopening a text message from a number you should have long deleted.
“I miss you, baby. I know I did you wrong, but I’m ready for us again. Can we please talk? I know you still have my number. I love you <3”
You replace your phone with a new blunt, a sigh escaping your lips. After lighting the dark green-ish roll, you lean back into the comfort of your couch. Yet, you don’t take a drag from the joint. You just watch the light red embers around the rim of the blunt slowly burn down it’s length. You let the music consume you, with the base so powerful it influences the beat of your heart, and the lyrics hitting too close to home.
With an intake of air, you allow the music, and your emotions, to consume you.
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“Riri, I do not know about this…”
“Relax, it’ll be fine, I’ll tell her before she gets too upset.”
Shuri’s concern fell on deaf ears as Riri was finding a hiding place for the pack of blunts in her hand. Though she knew she’d probably get a talking to for her little stunt, the opportunity was too good to pass up.
Riri had been staying at your apartment for the weekend since her mother was out of town, and with the engineer not wanting to be alone in her mothers absence, you allowed her to come over. You were comfortable enough with Riri to let her into your space, to which she was greatly appreciative of. Though your home was a great contrast to the childhood bungalow she grew up in, with it’s modern grey finishes, black appliances, and overall sleek look, there was a warm and welcoming feel to it. Riri was surprised to feel so welcomed, being that it was her first time coming over to your place since the two of you started talking.
“Those TikTok trends will get you in trouble, friend,” Shuri says, the sigh in her voice audible through the cellular device. “If she is as dependent on those cannabis-rolls as you describe, I do not think hiding her source of sanity will be a good idea for a prank.”
“Oh my god, for once please say blunts. I’m begging you, for my own sake,”
“I cannot! It does not sound right!”
“And neither do cannabis-rolls, it sounds like cinnamon rolls’ suspicious cousin!”
“You just refuse to listen to reason, don’t you?”
Riri was silent on her hand, though Shuri could hear small grunts, of which she assumed to be because the other scientist had finally found a place worthy of hiding the pack of blunts.
“She won’t be too mad. She can’t stay at me, she never does. Imma just tell her where they are before she gets too upset, and all will be good!”
“...and that is how you tell her you love her? By hiding something important of hers? My, you Americans have a very weird way of showing affection.”
Riri scoffed at Shuri’s accusation, rolling her eyes as she returned to her place on the couch in the living room. “First of all, miss ma’am, it’s called having a bit of fun! I’ve got it under control.”
That wasn’t an entire lie. Riri had a good understanding of your behaviors and actions - at least, she thought she did - and while she didn’t take advantage of the soft spot you had for her, she did have a habit of letting her intrusive thoughts get the better of her. There was no telling how this would play out, but Riri was ever the optimist, and was sure that nothing would get too out of hand.
“And don’t be talking like you ain’t got no lil’ boo thang you don’t get weird around! I be seeing how you look at your phone on Facetime.~”
Before Shuri could respond to Riri’s incredulous accusation, the sound of the front door opening caught the attention of the two genius women. Riri whispered a quick goodbye to the Wakandan royal before quickly hanging up her phone, taking a laying position on the couch, and pretended to be surfing Netflix as you came back into the apartment.
“You know you’re expensive as shit, lil’ girl.” You huff, as you plop down the bags of food on the coffee table before Riri. She had purposefully sent you to get seafood so that she would have enough time to scour your home and get familiar with the place, as well as to plan out her prank. And maybe because she wanted some seafood as well. She knew the effect of her puppy dog eyes on you, and it worked every single time.
She feigned a gasp as she sat up, a smile from ear to ear plastering itself on her face. “Aww, you do love me!”
Riri watches as you head into the kitchen to get some additional utensils. Now all that was left was to play the waiting game.
Since your return, things had been chill. Riri had put on a Disney movie and the two of you dug right into your food. That, however, was two hours ago, and its just now that you decide to leave the living room to go to your room, for what Riri assumed was your blunts. And when you came back out with a weird look on your face, the engineer knew that the real clock had just started.
From then, Riri could tell you weren’t really focusing on the next movie being played. Your eyes may have physically been on the screen, but your mind wasn’t there. Three hours in, your knee began shaking, whether it was out of frustration or just as a form of stimulus, Riri couldn’t quite tell.
Four hours in, and Riri started to notice how you were creating more and more distance from her. She had been giving Shuri the play by play at this point, to which the Wakandan Royal was already preparing her ‘I told you so’s to the young engineer. You went back into your room again, this time for longer. Riri knew that you now knew your joints were missing from your nightstand. She could hear the rustling and movement of objects from your room. Anxiety began to pool in her stomach. Though determined to see things through to the end, she’d sat her phone up in a position she thought not so visible to record the interaction.
At this point, five hours had passed, and you were becoming noticeably restless. Not having the one thing that could keep you calm and collected around Riri was driving you insane. You knew you put your blunts on your nightstand, you had pre-rolled them before you went to pick Riri up from her house that afternoon. You were certain that they were there when you left, and the fact that they weren’t made your anxiety spike.
“Riri!” You called from your room, actively breathing in and out to try and ground yourself from the tightness that was forming in your chest.
Riri jumped a bit when you called her name. It was loud, and uncommon for your voice to be at that volume. “Y-Yeah?”
Riri saw you come out of your room, and your entire demeanor has changed. Riri had only ever known you to be this cool, stoic person, who always had a handle on things. Besides that one night where she accidentally triggered you, this was the first time she’s seen you so…rigged.
“Did you see a pack of blunts anywhere?”
Maybe Shuri was right, Riri thought, as now there was guilt also pooling in her stomach from the sight of you agitated.
“No…no I don’t think so-”
You barely gave her enough time to respond before you started searching the television stand. Perhaps you had moved it last minute, you thought, but the surface of the furniture gave away no clues. You then made a beeline for the kitchen, thinking that maybe you could have misplaced the pack there when grabbing your keys off the countertop.
Riri got up from the couch, approaching your searching figure. “It ain’t too late, maybe call your plug or somethin’?”
The utensils drawer you let go of closed a bit too loudly, at least, louder than Riri had expected.
“My plug is out of town,” you told her, exiting the kitchen via the other side of the island that rested in the middle. Your next target of search was the couch - maybe it had slipped between the cushion, “he won’t be back ‘til tomorrow, and those were the last two blunts i had till then.”
Damn. Riri fucked up.
Throughout your search the engineer could tell how visibly worked up you were becoming. Agitation in the way that you walked, anxiousness in your voice. And then your next words brought absolute dread to Riri.
“Why is your phone sat up like that?”
Shit. She was caught.
“Uhm…”
“Ri, are you fucking with me right now?”
Riri didn’t like the tone in your voice. It was a tone you never held with her. One of anger, and hurt. “Are you tryna play a fucking prank on me?”
“Okay, okay, okay, before you get mad-”
“Riri, I’m not gon’ ask you again-”
“I was just tryna be funny-”
“Where is my shit, Riri?”
Your words had begun to overlap, and nothing the two of you were speaking were reaching each others ears. Quite frankly, you were hurt. You didn’t think Riri of all people would pull something like this. It didn’t take a genius to know that you smoked for a reason, and the reason being to cope. A stranger could have put two and two together, what could have motivated Riri to do something so careless and inconsiderate?
At some point in your word exchange, Riri became less sorry and more upset, defensive. “It ain’t like you’ll die without them, (Y/N),” she scoffed, and her words made you suck your teeth in annoyance.
“Because you don’t understand, Ri-”
“What do you mean, ‘I don’t understand’-”
“-just tell me where my shit is!-”
“-naw, tell me what I don’t understand, (Y/N)! You don’t talk to me enough to understand shit!”
“Why can’t you just tell me where my blunts are! What the fuck is so hard about that!?”
“I’ll tell you when you tell me what the fuck I don’t understand, (Y/N)-”
All of a sudden, a loud crash broke the yelling match that your exchange had broken into. It happened too fast for you to register, but the broken vase that laid on your floor next to your feet spoke enough volumes that your voice could not convey.
“You wanna know what you don’t fucking understand, Ri?!” The volume in your voice caused the other woman to go quiet, a lump forming her throat.
“You don’t understand that I love you, okay? I love you, but I can’t love you, and I can’t love you because I love you-”
There was a pause in your outburst, and when Riri went to open her mouth and release an involuntary ‘what’, you cut her off.
“You make me feel shit that I can’t fucking deal with- I can’t deal with it, cuz I don’t know how! You do little shit, and-and part of me wants to let that shit in but I can’t! Cuz ain’t nobody every do the shit you do to me, make me feel the way you make me feel! All I fucking know is hurt, and pain, and mu’fuckers never doin’ right by me, and you fucking know that! And it’s too much for me to comprehend, too much for me to fucking feel and the only way I can deal with it is with my fucking weed!”
To say that Riri was shocked was an understatement. The guilt that she was feeling was stronger than anything she had ever felt before. Of course, her intentions were never to hurt you or to cause you to have another meltdown, but her actions and language had said otherwise. She had truly fucked up.
“So please, for the last fucking time, just tell me where my shit is, Ri!”
There was a long silence that followed after that. Riri could not look at you, too riddled with guilt to face you head on. And for the first time since your outburst, you noticed just how small and closed in she made herself.
“....behind your game…in the tv stand cabinet…” her voice came out small, meek, as she forced herself to speak and give you the directions to the hidden pack of blunts.
Within the second, you’d went back to the TV stand, retrieved your blunt packets, and Riri heard your footsteps trail off into the distance. Her body flinched as you slammed the front door behind you, leaving Riri to stand alone in the living room in a deafening silence from the mess she created.
Half an hour had passed with you outside, but you could care less about the concept of time. The cold had since penetrated your thin hoodie, but it was a while before your skin could actually feel it, as you were still heated from your argument with Riri. Now that you were in a rational state of mind - as rational as one could be with their mind muddled with cannabis - you replayed the exchange like a loop in your head. The things you did, the words you said.
You’d laid everything bare, and not in the way that you wanted to.
You took a drag from your blunt, your lungs oddly welcoming the sting that accompanied the intake of smoke. Having not smoked at all that day, the thought of it being fresh air to you was ironic, especially with the crisp winter breeze that was competing with the cannabis smoke for room in your lungs. Your head found refuge in your hands, struggling to hold back the tears you desperately wanted to cry, but the voice in your head told you to hold in. The same voice that told you to uphold this stoic persona for protection, and yet, you think it’s actually hurt you more than anything else.
The front door to your apartment building opens behind you as you sit on the steps. While there’s no snow on the ground, there's a light flurry of snowflakes swirling in the wind.
Riri is behind you, hesitant, with a blanket wrapped around her, but big enough for the both of you.
“It’s cold out here,” she speaks, though not confidently like usually, as she slowly approaches your sitting form. When she sees she meets no resistance, she chooses to sit next to you, albeit keeping a slight space between the two of you. She drapes the blanket around your shoulders, and although you don’t show much of a response, she hopes that you’re thankful for the added layer of protection against the cold.
“I’m….I’m sorry, (Y/N)...” Riri confesses. “It was just supposed to be a joke, I didn’t-...I didn’t think shit through…shouldn’t have done it in the first place…”
Without a word, you stood up, letting the blanket fall onto the place you once sat. Your feet took you a few feet away from the staircase of the brownstone apartment building, smoke escaping from your lips as you took another pull of your blunt.
Riri stood up as well, taking the discarded part of the blanket and wrapping it back around herself. “I know I said some shit I shouldn’t have said, okay? It was stupid- I was stupid, and I’m sorry, okay…can you please say something?”
What could you say? What did you want to say? A moment of silence passed before you turned your body to face the engineer that stood on the steps.
She looked beautiful. The snowflakes that made a home in her butterfly locs, her pink nose becoming even more rosy from the cold. A simple appearance to anyone else, but absolutely ethereal to you. It made your chest hurt.
“I’mma be real with you, Ri,” you began, twirling the blunt in your hands with a sigh, “I don’t know what you see in me.”
It was true; till this day you still had no clue why the engineer was even attracted to you. Physical appearance could only go so far, and after a year of talking, what could you had possibly given to Riri for her to like?
“I’m a fucking mess. I can’t even think without a blunt in my hands. I can’t love myself; love is a concept that’s been fucked up for me for the longest…I feel fucking broken because I can’t return the simplest of affection to you, when you do it like it’s nothin’...what could I have possibly given to you for you to stick around for a year and not get tired of me and my bullshit?”
You hadn’t realized that Riri had moved from her position on the steps, and was now in front of you. The engineer reached for your free hand, holding it close to her chest. You could feel her heartbeat, the muscle pounding furiously in her chest.
“It ain’t bullshit, (Y/N),” She starts, and your immediate reaction is to scoff but the eye contact that she holds with you is so unmoving, your body forgets about the action, “and you’re not broken…you’re hurt. And I hate the bitches that did this shit to you, made you think this way, because you’re not, do you hear me?”
Her words create a tightness in your throat, and now, there’s a wetness on your face that isn’t coming from the snowflakes that land on your cheeks.
“I love you…I love you because I know deep down under all that hurt, and pain, and wanting to hide, and being scared of love…there’s a heart in there. Its hiding because it don’t want shit to repeat, but I promise you, if you let me have it…if you let me have your heart…I can make all that go away.”
It was a tempting offer, really. One that you’d kill to hear over and over and over again, but Riri gave it to you without even having to ask. It made you wonder just how much had she given to you, and you were to busy shielding yourself to realize it?
“...you mean that?”
“Would I be out here in the freezin’ fucking cold with you if I didn’t?”
Her words brought some semblance of a laugh from your lips. Your hand began to move on its own - you watched as it broke free from Riri’s hands and instead went to caress her face. It was a small act of affection, but for you it was something incredibly big and hard to do. Yet, there wasn’t a strain in your actions, nor hesitancy. It felt…right.
Your gaze went between the blunt in one hand, and Riri who occupied the other. Gulping down the lump in your throat, your gaze refocused back onto Riri, staring right into her chocolate brown eyes.
“I’m about to do something,” You said, “I’m about to do something, and it’s been a long time since I did it, and-”
“Baby,” Riri interjects, and the pet name she uses for you sent a wave of shivers throughout your body. You couldn’t remember the last time that happened to you. “You ain’t gotta tell me…just do it.”
Your gaze went back to the blunt in your hands, burning away, the smoke from it easily getting lost in the wind. With a deep breath, you tossed the joint onto the concrete ground beneath you, take Riri’s face into both your hands, and brung her in for a kiss you waited a year too long to give her.
Up until a year ago, the only thing you could rely on was your music and a blunt.
But as you stand in the December snow, kissing the woman who you’d been too afraid to give your heart to, a realization comes to you.
The realization that maybe, you could open your heart once more. Maybe you could depend on Riri Williams, too.
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kentaroranda · 3 years
Text
mara's mobile masterlist.
sorted alphabetically - fics that have been posted are linked.
freefall winxverse blog | fictional k-pop blog
original fiction masterlist.
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Abel Kostyk. 
fandom; shadow and bone. love interest(s); Jesper Fahey, Alina Starkov. fic; The Gentleness That Comes. face claim; dev patel.
Benny Bayford. 
fandom; riverdale. love interest(s); Jughead Jones, Sweet Pea. fic; It's Only Right. face claim; timothée chalamet.
Blue Alvar.
fandom; fate the winx saga. love interest(s); Beatrix. fic; x. face claim; brianne tju.
Bram Marwood.
fandom; wednesday. love interest(s); Xavier Thorpe. fic; x. face claim; aidan gallagher.
Camila D'Angelis.
fandom; gossip girl reboot. love interest(s); Obie Bergmann. fic; Rich Kids. face claim; benedetta gargari.
Cody Harper.
fandom; teen wolf. love interest(s); Kira Yukimura. fic; Take Me Back. face claim; logan browning.
Cricket Malhotra.
fandom; heartbreak high. love interest(s); Ant Vaughn & Spider White. fic; x. face claim; megan suri.
Dani Manhattan.
fandom; gen v. love interest(s); tba. fic; x. face claim; havana rose liu.
Drew Sato. 
fandom; teen wolf. love interest(s); Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken. fic; Take Me Back. face claim; lyrica okano.
Dolores Till. 
fandom; the umbrella academy. love interest(s); Five Hargreeves. fic; Cherry Wine. face claim; raffey cassidy.
Elizabeth 'Finch' Fincher.
fandom; fear street. love interest(s); Simon Kalivoda, Ethan Young. fic; - face claim; Dylan Gelula.
Ethan Young.
fandom; fear street. love interest(s); Finch Fincher. fic; - face claim; Ben Ahlers.
Felix St. Arthur. 
fandom; pjo. love interest(s); Matty Ellis. fic; - face claim; finn wolfhard.
Fletcher Hunt.
fandom; the hunger games. love interest(s); Julius Alexander. fic; x. face claim; george mackay.
Gray Torres.
fandom; teen wolf. love interest(s); Scott McCall. fic; Take Me Back. face claim; alex saxon.
Jos Franken.
fandom; shadow and bone. love interest(s); Malyen Oretsev. fic; The Gentleness That Comes. face claim; anya taylor-joy.
Jules Gardner. 
fandom; titans. love interest(s); Dick Grayson. fic; The Fall. face claim; erin moriarty.
Julius Alexander.
fandom; the hunger games. love interest(s); Fletcher Hunt. fic; x. face claim; drew starkey.
Jordan Hicks.
fandom; scream. love interest(s); Chad Meeks-Martin. fic; x face claim; peyton list.
Kate Simmons.
fandom; mcu. love interest(s); Peter Parker. fic; - face claim; kathryn newton.
Kit Macmillan.
fandom; the wilds. love interest(s); Kirin O'Conner. fic; - face claim; ella purnell.
Kyata Rin.
fandom; alice in borderland. love interest(s); Chishiya Shuntaro. fic; - face claim; sonoya mizuno.
Leo Clarke.
fandom; outer banks. love interest(s); JJ Maybank. fic; Pleaser. face claim; haley lu richardson.
Louisa Henderson.
fandom; stranger things. love interest(s); Steve Harrington. fic; - face claim; maddie hasson.
Luke Greco.
fandom; xo kitty. love interest(s); Minho. fic; - face claim; michael cimino.
Mack Tahau. 
fandom; riverdale. love interest(s); Toni Topaz, Veronica Lodge. fic; It's Only Right. face claim; erana james.
Magpie Prescott.
fandom; hsmtmts. love interest(s); EJ Caswell. fic; Anyone Else (the jealousy series) faceclaim; chase sui wonders.
Margot Kipps.
fandom; lockwood & co love interest(s); Anthony Lockwood. fic; Hauntology. face claim; emilia jones.
Matteo D'Angelis.
fandom; gossip girl reboot. love interest(s); Aki Menzies. fic; Rich Kids. faceclaim; lorenzo zurzolo.
Matty Ellis. 
fandom; pjo. love interest(s); Felix St. Arthur. fic; - face claim; riley lai nelet.
Nellie Jones. 
fandom; jumanji. love interest(s); Spencer Gilpin. fic; Cool Girl. face claim; emilija baranac.
Newt Solis.
fandom; fate the winx saga. love interest(s); Riven. fic; Freefallverse face claim; archie renaux.
Nick Davis.
fandom; stranger things. love interest(s); Robin Buckley. fic; - face claim; olivia scott welch.
Oz Reynolds.
fandom; stranger things. love interest(s); Eddie Munson. fic; Never Going Back. face claim; mark mckenna.
Samir 'Tripwire' Walker.
fandom; peacemaker. love interest(s); Adrian Chase. fic; - face claim; avan jogia.
Samuel Patel.
fandom; teen wolf. love interest(s); Melissa McCall. fic; Take Me Back. face claim; rahul kohli.
Skipper Munroe.
fandom; outer banks. love interest(s); JJ Maybank. fic; The Lighthouse. face claim; mike faist.
Sonia Parikh
fandom; lockwood & co love interest(s); Lucy Carlyle. fic; Hauntology. face claim; charithra chandran.
Stevie August.
fandom; julie and the phantoms. love interest(s); Reggie Peters. fic; Haunt Me. face claim; jenna ortega.
Wynn Darling.
fandom; descendants. love interest(s); Carlos De Vil, Harry Hook. fic; - face claim; luca hollestelle.
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bookgeekgrrl · 2 years
Text
My media this week (26 Dec 2021 - 1 Jan 2022)
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📚 STUFF I READ 📚
😍 Hither, Page (Page & Sommers #1) (Cat Sebastian)
🙂 Domestic Service (Ella Fenn)
😊 Begin Again the Story (rainbow_nerds) - 50K, shrinkyclinks, WS recovery-through-cooking fic
🥰 Pragmatics (Derkish) - 57K, DinLuke - modern setting AU - "Luke is a grad student trying to finish his linguistics PhD after an unexpected leave of absence. His neighbor, Din, is a single dad and delivery guy at Pizza Parsec. (Actually, Pizza Parsec is just a front for the bounty hunters' guild. But Luke doesn't need to know that.)"
😊 Clouds of Witness (Lord Peter Wimsey #2) (Dorothy L Sayers, author; Ian Carmichael, narrator)
😍 the summer of a thousand julys (brideofquiet, author; alby_mangroves, art) - 53K, pre-war Stucky - Bucky discovers Steve's a sex worker and it prompts a lot of confusion, contemplation, want and feelings. Or to quote the author's own tag "steve and bucky the 21-year-old dumbasses extravaganza"
😐 The Mystery of the Spirits (Snow & Winter #5) (C.S. Poe) - you know, sometimes it's better if you don't get a sequel no matter how much you love the characters. Seb & crew are still great & I loved seeing Aubrey again. But there were 2 plot/supporting character things that really left me majorly irritated and dissatisfied. Really sad to leave something once so enjoyable to me with such a sour taste. I still am going to enjoy the 5 previous books in this universe and just consider it closed after the prior book if I ever do a reread.
😐 Unnatural Death (Lord Peter Wimsey #3) (Dorothy L Sayers, author; Ian Carmichael, narrator) - I did remember to skip book #1 due to the pervasive antisemitism but I forgot just how much racism/antisemitism was in this one too. The murder plot is great though.
🥰 (if only in my dreams) (jehans) - 45K, Stucky AU - dumbasses & friends-to-lovers, entire pine forest - reread, fave
😊 The Unpleasantness at the Bellonna Club (Lord Peter Wimsey #4 (Dorothy L Sayers)
😍 The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: A Scandal in Bohemia; The Red-Headed League (Arthur Conan Doyle, author; Stephen Fry, narrator)
💖 +269K of shorter fic so shorter work shout out 💖
(::whispers:: Yuletide, baby!)
Accidental Husbands - A Christmas Vignette (darter_blue) - MCU: shrunkyclunks, 7K - love this iteration of them
(next year it'll be clear) this was only leading me to that (alasse) - 10 Things I Hate About You: Kat Stratford/Patrick Verona, 5K - really loved this, very in character and realistic
Live Long and Prosper, Motherfucker (Suaine) - Die Hard: Matt Farrell/John McClane, 6K - as I say every year, I don't know how I got here but I ain't mad about it
A Stitch Apart (FairestCat) - Page & Sommers - Cat Sebastian: Cora Delacourt/Edith Pickering, 2K - really want more of Edith/Cora pre-canon adventures!
I've Got A Rainbow, It's In My Mouth (inlovewithnight) - Ted Lasso: Keeley/Roy/Jamie, 10K
The Universe in Miniature (Door) - Father Brown (TV series): Robert Malmort/Joan Vanderlande, 1K - this fic was gentle, luminous, exquisite
📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺
Ghosts - s3, e7 (2021 Christmas ep)
Murdoch Mysteries: Home For The Holidays (s11, e0)
Murdoch Mysteries: Once Upon a Murdoch Christmas (s10, e0)
Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2021
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
🎧 PODCASTS 🎧
Shedunnit - Ngaio Marsh Goes Home
Shedunnit - Dorothy L Sayers Solves Her Mystery
Shedunnit - Murder Isn’t Easy
Shedunnit - Audiobook: The Woman in the Big Hat by Baroness Orczy
Shedunnit - Audiobook: Peter Crane’s Cigars by V. L. Whitechurch
Shedunnit - Audiobook: How The Bank Was Saved by V. L. Whitechurch
FILMS TO BE BURIED WITH Patreon Crew! - Kevin Pollak
Ologies with Alie Ward - Raccoonology (PROCYONIDS) with A Gaze of Raccoonologists
Hit Parade - Chestnut Roasters, Part 1 & 2
Shedunnit - Bonus: John Pugmire Interview
🎶 MUSIC 🎶
Instrumental Dancehall Riddims
Modern Middle Eastern Instrumentals
Bold Brazilian Instrumentals
Future Bass Instrumentals
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inaflashimagine · 4 years
Text
welcome to my (18+) bookstore
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About the Owner
23, she/her/ella, can call me nessa
I interact from @mediocrityexpert
icon by @/ruiaes
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Newest Arrivals
control: alhaitham x gn!reader. 8k, nsfw.
nagumo x reader snippets
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The Catalog | AO3
Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist 
Haikyuu!! Masterlist 
DCU & MCU Masterlist 
Sakamoto Days - Nagumo
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Upcoming
akao rion x reader x nagumo multi-chapter fic
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Last updated: oct 4, 2023
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