#eirenical babble

[eirenical]

It was my first day back at pottery in almost a month (just regular session break, nothing wrong), and it occurred to me I never show you guys the stuff I make anymore. So... Here's the stuff I made today? 😁

Big plate at the top sadly didn't survive being wired off the throwing bat (RIP, but I knew it was going to happen; I made the base too thin), but the other two were fine. A cup that will become a mug next week when I put a handle on it, and a bowl/plate (plate with raised sides).

And then I went to the crystal shop as a treat. XD

#pottery #eirenical does pottery #i am tempted to make that tag 'eirenical throws things' but i think people would get the wrong idea #XD #wheel throwing #crystals #eirenical babble

[queenoftheboard]

♙ 1.f4 . an opening for Chelsea / @ephixltes

Meetings with Councilman Enoch were inevitably boring - the men who invariably occupied these seats all shared the same background (wealthy individuals from traditional Eastside families) and were used to having DisCity at their feet. Eirene knew she was facing certain bias there - a female president of a business conglomerate, and one that did not come from within the confines of the city.

Perhaps another soul would have given up - but the Campbell heiress was made of tougher stuff; unflinching like the diamonds worn on her fingers. The gems glittered under the light of the room as the blonde drummed her digits over the polished wood, itching to return to a chessboard and move pieces in a worthy use of her time instead of that mockery of her intelligence.

But perhaps that visit had not served only for empty pleasantries while seeking to further establish their connection (a very much needed one if Eirene ever hoped to set foot in the Syndicate, even if indirectly); a curious sound went off while they were there, and an aide to the politician walked into the room shortly after the beeping noise was suspended.

Intrigued, the woman leaned forward in her seat - she couldn't make out the whispered words between the men across her, but Enoch was quick to address his guest next, already rising from his seat and putting an ending to their time ahead of schedule (frankly, a blessing in the eyes of the business magnate).

"Miss Eirene, I do apologize - apparently the alarms are acting up at the residential district. It's probably nothing, but it is my sworn duty to check and ensure the citizens are safe against any Sinners," Enoch was babbling vital information to her - and he had no idea! He probably believed the blonde lady sitting across him to be a mere ambitious business owner, and likely a pawn he could steer towards his own goals... While, in truth, Eirene vastly outperformed him. That relationship existed only because the head of the Campbell family stood to profit from it; not the councilman and his inflated ego.

"I understand, councilman Enoch. The safety of the citizens must always come first. Good luck out there, we shall pick this up next time," the woman agreed pleasantly, and waited until the man was out of the room to open her own phone and call for her driver, immediately sending a few e-mails and messages out. They had a contact within District 14's monitoring team - surely they could provide more specific details about when and where the alarms had been triggered.

After all - Eirene's cover as a normal human had only lasted so long not only because her M-levels did not fluctuate (a gift of her incredibly rational mind), but also because there was a secondary plan in motion: bribing the relevant officers and making sure they had no idea about the true origin of the money they received.

Not a minute went by and the information was already on her phone screen - a complete address with coordinates and the timestamp of the event, but that gave Eirene pause. For precious seconds, the businesswoman stood motionless in the hallway, incapable of moving back or forward and just thinking about what that message entailed.

"Fuck," an uncharacteristic expletive left her lips, but the blonde soon schooled her features into something cool and composed, heading outside with brisk steps and taking her seat at the back of the sleek black vehicle which had been dutifully waiting for Quinn's president and CEO, "Take me to Chelsea, Sullivan. Now."

#ephixltes #v: the makings of (a) Quinn #t: ephixltes 01 #I hope this works! #I thought this would be an interesting point to begin #but if you'd like something else just let me know!

[rensrendition]

So... if anyone’s trying to reach @eirenical ...tumblr terminated my account.

I am DESPERATELY hoping I’ll be able to get it back, but... yeah.

That’s a thing.

That happened.

On top of an already crap day.

*sigh*

#eirenical #eirenical babble #fuck #feel free to reblog #in case anyone else is looking for me #i honestly don't know if i'll use this blog much #it's OLD #and it's a weirdly uncomfortable fit right now #but at least if you're looking for me #here i am #*sigh*

[kingesstropolis]

1, 10, and 25 for the writer asks? ^_^

Thank you for giving me an excuse to babble about my fictional bbs for a bit ;)

1. Tell us about your current project(s)--what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

I’m working on a couple different things, all at different stages! The big one is an adult fantasy novel about an assassin who fake dates the crown prince (whom she is supposed to be trying to kill) when she learns that he is they key to rescuing her long-lost twin brother. I finished a (very terrible) first draft of it not too long ago and I’m letting it marinate for a bit before I try to make sense of the mess I made of it. I’m really excited about the magic system--which is like a combo of meditation and Inception-esque reality bending--and the long-lost twin brother, who is my very favorite kind of character to write. 

Aside from that, I’ve been working on co-writing a thing with one of my besties--young adults with super-powers are raised (and abused) by the heads of a criminal organization and then turn their back on it. We are mostly in the phase of writing where we text each other about the awful things we want to inflict on these poor characters and sometimes we write stuff. But it’s fun to talk about! And then I’ve got a young adult urban fantasy thing about twin sisters who are being hunted by a monster who has been systematically killing off their family for centuries, only ever leaving the oldest sibling alive, in the works. It’s an old project that I have a pretty solid draft for and I’m currently poking it with a stick to see if I want to whip it into proper shape and start sending it out to agents. I don’t know yet. We’ll see.

10. How would you describe your writing process?

It’s kind of like a spiral? Like I’m constantly writing and then going back a few scenes to fix things and then writing forward more. I don’t know if that makes any sense, tbh. I like to have a general outline of scenes I want to hit and I try to have at least a general ending in mind, though usually the specifics don’t come until I’ve laid more of the ground work. When I was mostly writing fics, I could churn out stuff pretty quickly--the spiral writing method allows me to revise as I write, so that’s pretty nice--but as I’ve turned my focus towards original fic and tried to juggle character and plot and setting and world building and all of that, my process just feels like a hot mess these days. 

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

BEING MEAN TO MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS. Ooops. I mean, writing dialogue? JK. It’s totally being mean to my favorite characters. I live for the angst.

Thanks for sending me the ask, eirenical, you beautiful tropical fish of a human being! If anyone else wants to ask me some questions, you can find the list here! Or if any of you ever want to listen to me babble about my OCs, feel free to ask me about them!

#eirenical #ask meme #babbling about writing #seriously ask me anything though #writing original fic can be so lonely

[hoidn]

Daimones of the Tutelaries 'Verse      |      Longmire Daemons (1 /2)

One tradition of Greek thought, which found agreement in the mind of Plato, was of a daimon which existed within a person from their birth, and that each individual was obtained by a singular daimon prior to their birth.

     1. Thrasos (Crow) ▸ Vic      2. Isora (Grey wolf) ▸ Walt      3. Éše'he (Cinnamon bear — a subspecies of American black bear) ▸ Henry      4. Bia (Afghan hound) ▸ Branch      5. Poros (Anna's hummingbird) ▸ Ruby      6. Soter (Leopard gecko) ▸ Cady      7. Véhóná'e (Cougar) ▸ Mathias      8. Maahe (Loggerhead shrike) ▸ Jacob Nighthorse      9. Eirene (Black-tailed prairie dog) ▸ Ferg

photo credits:

Thrasos   |   Isora   |   Éše'he   |   Bia   |   Poros   |   Soter   |   Véhóná'e   |   Maahe   |   Eirene

name meanings:

(names are taken from Greek mythology and their descriptions from Wikipedia with the exception of the Cheyenne names; those are from Cheyenne Dictionary and links are in the descriptions which include sound files where you can hear the pronunciation of the words.)

Thrasos — the personification of boldness

Isora — an epithet of Artemis

Éše'he — the Cheyenne word meaning sun

Bia — the personification of force, anger, and raw energy

Poros — the personification of resourcefulness or expediency

Soter — the personification of safety, preservation, and deliverance from harm

Véhóná'e —  literally 'chief-woman'; according to Cheyenne Dictionary, "Cheyennes have not had queens, but 'queen' is a reasonable translation"

Maahe — the Cheyenne word meaning arrow

Eirene — the personification of peace

some explanatory notes this all came about because i love daemon fusion AUs and amongst the eleventy thousand other ideas in my head, i began considering what a longmire daemon 'verse would look like. the scene i started working on required daemons for vic and walt, as well as two other minor characters. once i'd decided on those daemons, there was something of a snowball effect as my brain kept asking, "what about [insert character]?" over and over. so here we are.

on daimon vs daemon as you may know, roman mythology is basically just greek mythology with different names. the latin word 'daemon' and its concept come from the greek 'daimon.' the word has various meanings, including lesser god, guiding spirit, tutelary deity, power, and fate. i became enamoured with the idea of daimones as slightly more extrinsic/autonomous than the HDM universe daemons. as the quote above explains, some ancient greeks believed that a person's daimon existed within them from birth because they'd "obtained" them. so a daimon is both of an individual and also other. that adds an extra dimension of depth beyond just the idea of a daemon being someone's soul, which i thought would be interesting to play with.

plus, there's actually a direct link with longmire. no, really! in 3x05, walt's voiceover references heraclitus of ephesus, saying "character is fate." apparently the original greek is "ēthos anthropōi daimōn," which translates to the character (ēthos) of a person (anthropōi) is the daimōn, or the character of a person is Fate, or an individual's character is their fate. so canon has already introduced, in a roundabout way, this wacky idea.

while tutelary spirits/deities only ever took human form in both greek and roman mythology, a lot of other cultures have animal or human/animal hybrid tutelaries, which accords with the HDM universe. if you're interested in the reasoning behind any of my choices, or just anything in this vein, really, i will happily babble at you. ngl, i'm pretty proud of these babies, even if i haven't actually finished the fic i did all this work for.

...yet. i haven't finished it yet. *cough*

last but not least, some references: 1 | 2 | 3

#longmire #sometimes i make things #longmire daemons #tutelaries daimones

[modernmisterdarcy]

A Realization

Despite his private suspicions about her, Adrian had to admit to himself that, upon closer inspection, the girl had a very honest-looking face.

Then again, so had Catherine, hadn't she?

To be sure, the Duke had but little confidence in his own judging of character, given that one disastrous mistake he'd made with Cathy.

At last, the flummoxed young thing, so beautiful in the hall, with the light from the bright dining-room throwing luscious yellow highlights on her cheeks and throat, the sparkle of the chandeliers dancing in her eyes, spoke, and her response was a far cry from any the Duke had expected.

“No! I was just….reading,” she said.

“Reading.” Adrian's gaze followed the girl's weak gesture, and indeed there was a book on the floor. So unexpected was this turn that the Duke's curiosity got the better of him; he limped over to the spot the book had been dropped, and picked it up, frowning minutely as he took in the title. Elements of agricultural chemistry, in a course of lectures for the Board of Agriculture.

He snorted softly, and tossed her a curious glance. It had to have been a joke, surely. Surely within a head that lovely, beneath hair so perfect, there could not possibly dwell a female mind which concerned itself with agricultural chemistry, of all things.

Of all the things!

“Do you--” he began to say, then stopped. Do you really expect me to believe--? And yet, it was far more credible that she told the truth, than her having somehow stolen this book from the Astleys' library to use as an alibi. Adrian would have bet money that the Astleys owned no such book, besides. Such a convoluted tale could hold no water, and even Adrian saw it. He had no choice but to believe her, though he did it but begrudgingly.

“A curious volume for a girl like you,” he observed, the barest hint of an incredulous smile tugging at the lips beneath his tightly-groomed mustache. He might have asked her about it-- but then the poor child began to babble, and Adrian realized, slowly, that he had probably frightened her. She begged his forgiveness and while Adrian could, perhaps, forgive the impropriety, he was disinclined to forgive her for being beautiful, female, incongruous with her book, and utterly charming when she spoke.

Lady Eirene of Ashvale, that small frown of concentration resurfaced, and all of a sudden recognition dawned on his face and his free hand drifted to his brow. Ashvale was the neighbor to his own country estate, the country home to the Earl of Bainton, his close colleague and longtime friend. Upon Adrian inheriting his estate at the tender age of thirteen, following his father's death at war, the Earl of Bainton had been somewhat of a mentor to him. Over the years, the two had become close-- not quite father and son, not quite brothers, but certainly more than friends.

Yet another wave of embarrassment washed over him, for by now he ought to have recognized Miss Eirene King by description alone. Adrian had not been to the country in some months, and had not been formally introduced yet, but now, he recalled from the Earl's letters-- yes, this was her, and perhaps even fairer and sweeter in person than the Earl had given her credit in writing. Now, the book made sense, and yes, he could hear it in her voice, even, many long years spent outside of London, out in the country, yes-- everything made sense now. It dawned on him like thunder, and in spite of himself, Adrian bowed low.

“Please, Miss King, do forgive me,” he said in low tones. “I ought to have known you at once! Your father is a dear friend of mine. I am Lord Adrian Wolfe, Duke of Bainton. At your service.”

A smile lighted on his face. It was a small smile, tamed by years of politeness and restraint, but it was genuine; it reached his eyes, made them dance, and all his imposing frigidity melted away for her.

“And now it is I who must beg your clemency, Miss King.” Adrian's hand drifted to his heart. “I can tell I must have frightened you a little. I sincerely apologize. You must understand, a man in my position... well.... And I do indeed fear what might've been said about you, dear miss, had anyone seen you! I see now, you've not learned the way of it.” He leaned forward to speak to her in lower tones. “Perhaps it is not my place to say so, Miss King, but you must be more careful in safeguarding your reputation. However, never fear, should anyone see this now I should vouch for you most volubly. There can be no doubt to your intentions now, to my mind.”

With that, Adrian offered his slender arm to Eirene. “Would you allow me to escort you back to your place at the table, miss? I'd not disappoint the Earl by leaving you out here to read any longer, you see. For while reading is an admirable pursuit indeed, your father has expressed to me in his letters how dearly he desires you to be properly introduced to society. I should be pleased to facilitate your introduction on this particular evening, for I feel I know you already.”

[stellaruesonlinebookofshadows]

Zeus

Zeus was the first of the gods and a very imposing figure. He was the king of the Olympian gods and the supreme deity in Greek religion, often referred to as the “Father of Gods and men,” he is a sky god who controls the weather, offered signs and omens and generally dispense justice, guaranteeing order amongst both the gods and humanity. He controlled lightning (often using it as a weapon) & thunder. Zeus is king of Mount Olympus, the home of Greek gods, where he rules the world and imposes his will onto gods and mortals alike.

Zeus’s father was Cronus and his mother Rhea. Cronus had usurped control of the heavens from his father Ouranos and he was constantly wary of not having the same thing happen to him from his own children. To pre-empt any takeover he, therefore, swallowed all of his children: Hestia, Demeter, Hera, Hades, & Poseidon. However, Rhea saved her youngest child, Zeus, by wrapping a stone in swaddling clothes and giving this to Cronus to swallow. Zeus was spirited away to Moutn Dikte on the island of Crete where he was raised by the primeval goddess Gaia (or in some versions by the Nymphs - Amongst them was the Nymph Amaltheia (in some versions of the myth she was a goat) who suckled the young god).

On reaching adulthood, Zeus made Cronus cough back up the children he and swallowed, and then he married his sister Hera. However, the lawless Titans, encouraged by Gaia, immediately tried to wrestle control of the world from the Olympian gods in a ten-year battle known as the Titanomachy (The Battle of Titans). The Titans were the brothers and sisters of Cronus and it was only through the help of the Cyclopes – who made Zeus his lightning bolts – and the hundred-handed giants / Hecatoncheires (Briareos, Cottus, & Gyges) that Zeus was finally able to imprision the Titans in Tartarus, the deepest part of the Underworld.  

As the king of the gods and sitting atop the golden throne on Olympus, Zeus was revered by all. Mortal kings would boast that they were descendants of Zeus. With this supreme power came a number of roles and responsibilities. Hesiod described Zeus as a god who “brought peace in place of violence” and referred to him as the “lord of justice.”

Zeus the Punisher

The god was also the great punisher. Those who did wrong or committed acts of impiety were severely punished, often for all time. The Titans were imprisoned in Tartarus and after acts of impiety against Zeus, Apollo and Poseidon were made to build the magnificent walls of Troy  which proved so useful in the Trojan War. An explanation for the war in mythology was that Zeus sought to curb the rising population of humanity. Zeus also selected Paris as the judge in the famous beauty contest between Aphrodite, Hera and Athena, and when the young prince won Helen as his reward for choosing Aphrodite it was cited as another, more human cause for the Trojan War.

Other victims of Zeus’ vengeance included The Titan Prometheus who was condemned to have his liver eaten by an eagle every day after he stole fire from the gods and gave it to humankind. Atlas had to support the heavens for eternity because of his role in the Titanomachy. Sisyphus, punished for his trickery, was condemned to forever roll a huge stone up a hill in the Underworld. Asclepius was killed by one of Zeus’ thunderbolts because the former’s medicine and his ability to raise the dead threatened the balance of power between men and gods. Pandora, the first woman was sent into the world by Zeus as punishment for receiving the gift of fire and she was to be the source of all mankind’s misfortunes, carried with her in a box. Phineus, who was tricked by Hera into blinding his two sons, was himself blinded by Zeus who also sent the Harpies to continuously harass him. Ixion rashly declared his love for Hera and so Zeus banished him to Hades to be forever bound to a rotating wheel. Lycaon gave human flesh to Zeus to test his divinity and the god punished his impudence by turning him into a wolf. Salmoneus thought he was a god and pretended to be Zeus by throwing flaming torches for lightning bolts and riding his chariot to make a noise like thunder but Zeus swiftly put a stop to his antics by killing him instantly with a real lightning bolt. The list goes on but the message is clear, wrong-doing and lack of respect would be severely punished. 

Zeus the Peacemaker

Despite the terrible punishments Zeus could inflict he was also a peacemaker, famously reconciling Apollo and Hermes when they fought over the first lyre. Similarly, Zeus resolved the conflict between Apollo and Hercules over the tripod from Delphi. He also persuaded Hades to part with Persephone for part of each year and so end the terrible drought her mother Demeter had caused for the human race in protest at being held captive in the Underworld. For mere mortals, Zeus was at least fair-minded. At his feet Zeus had the jars of Fate - one full of bad things, another full of good things and he dispensed both with justice. Similarly, the time of a mortal’s death was carefully weighed in Zeus’ golden scales.

Sites Sacred to Zeus

Zeus had an oracle, the oldest in fact, at Dodona in northern Greece where ascetic priests served an oracle which interpreted the sounds from the wind in the branches of the sacred oak trees and the babbling of water from the holy spring. Another great sanctuary dedicated to Zeus was at Olympia where every four years from 776 BCE the Olympic Games drew crowds from all parts of the Greek world to honour the father of the gods and where 100 oxen were sacrificed to Zeus at the end of each Games. Also at Olympia, the massive 5th century BCE temple of Zeus housed the gigantic gold and ivory statue of the god by Pheidias which was one of the Seven Wonders of the ancient world. Other important sacred sites for the god were on Mt. Lycaios, in Athens, Nemea, Pergamon, Stratos, and in Libya. 

There were surprisingly few festivals in honour of Zeus, one was the Diasia of Athens. Generally, though, Zeus, as head of the Greek pantheon, was omnipresent and so made no particular attachments to specific cities. Zeus was, however, worshipped in most family homes where an altar was often dedicated to him in each courtyard, for as Zeus Herkeios, he protected the family hearth and property in general. He was also Zeus Xenios, the god of hospitality, Zeus Polieus, protector of cities, Zeus Horkios guardian of oaths and Zeus Soter, the protector and general benefactor to all.

Associations: Thunderbolt, Aegis, Set of Scales, Oak Tree, Royal Scepter, Eagle, Wolf, Woodpecker

Offspring

Hephaistos, Ares, Hebe, Eileithyia - with Hera.

Athena - with Metis but as Zeus swallowed his wife in fear a son would usurp his position, Athena was born from Zeus’ head and she became the god’s favourite child.

Apollo & Artemis - with Leto.

Hermes - with the Nymph Maia. Zeus, impressed by his trickery and silver tongue, gave him the role of messenger of the gods.

Dionysos - with Semele who, being tricked by a jealous Hera, asked to see Zeus in all his godly splendour and immediately expired as a consequence. Dionysos was born from Zeus’ thigh as a result of his mother’s premature death.

Hercules - with Alkmene and he was, therefore, forever the subject of a jealous Hera’s scheming but on his death Zeus brought him to Mt. Olympus and made him into a god.

Perseus - with Danae, who was won over to the charms of Zeus when he appeared to her as golden rain in order to enter her chamber where she was imprisoned by her father Acrisius.

Persephone & Iacchus- with Demeter.

The Fates, the Hours, Horae (Seasons), Eunomia (Lawfulness), Dike (Justice), Eirene (Peace) - with Themis.

Helen, the Dioskouroi & Polydeuces - with Leda, for whom he transformed himself into a swan.

Aglaea (Splendour), Euphrosyne (Joy) & Thalia (Good Cheer) - (the three Graces) with Eurynome.

Minos, Rhadamanthys & Sarpedon - with Europa after Zeus disguised himself as a magnificent white bull and whisked her off to Crete.

Epaphos - with Io.

Iasion - with Electra.

Arcas - with the Nymph Callisto - both son and mother were transformed into bears by a jealous Artemis but Zeus made them into constellations - Ursa Minor and Major.

The nine Muses - with Mnemosyne after the couple slept together for nine consecutive nights.

 Titles & Epithets

Zeus Olympios emphasized Zeus’s kingship over the gods.

Zeus Xenios, Philoxenon or Hospites: Zeus was the patron of     hospitality (xenia) and guests, ready to avenge any wrong done to a     stranger.

Zeus Horkios: Zeus he was the keeper of oaths. Exposed liars were     made to dedicate a statue to Zeus, often at the sanctuary of Olympia.

Zeus Agoraeus: Zeus watched over business at the agora and punished     dishonest traders.

Zeus Aegiduchos or Aegiochos: Zeus was the bearer of the     Aegis with which he strikes terror into the impious and his enemies.

Zeus Tallaios (“solar Zeus”): the Zeus that was worshiped in     Crete.

Zeus Geōrgos (“earth worker”, “farmer”), the god of crops and     harvest, in Athens.

Astrapios (“lightninger”)

Brontios (“thunderer”)

Information taken from; 

Zeus: https://greekgodsandgoddesses.net - Greek Gods & Goddesses, September 19, 2014

Cartwright, Mark. "Zeus." Ancient History Encyclopedia. Ancient History Encyclopedia, 25 May 2013. Web. 16 Dec 2017. 

#book of shadows #grimoire #magick #deities #deities: greek #deity: zeus #zeus epithets #stella rue

[eirenical]

Sometimes you're reading a Google translated version of a fic and a line throws you RIGHT out of the narrative because the way it was translated has connotations in English that you are SURE Google didn't intend. XD

Wuyan welcomed him in, arranged for fruit snacks, and served him high-quality tea.

What I'm sure was intended:

What I am picturing:

SORRY WUYAN. I'M SURE YOU GIVE BETTER HOSPITALITY THAN THAT. XD

#eirenical babble #i'm still chortling #just picturing wuyan presenting fang duobing with a plate of fruit snacks #poor xiaobao would be so offended #XD XD XD #mysterious lotus casebook #wuyan

[eirenical]

...ok remember the other night when I was ready to take a cheese grater to my skin because the itching was so bad?

Yeah, so it took me a whole other day to figure it out, but it was fucking HIVES.

Ten minutes post-antihistamine and it went away. No more itching.

...until the next night. When at the SAME DAMNED TIME OF THE NIGHT, I broke out in hives again.

And at this point I'm thinking... Well, fuck, what did I eat both nights that caused that? The second time the only things I ate were my diabetes meds (which I took in the morning with no problem, so probably not that), yogurt (which I'd eaten several other times that week and so also unlikely as a culprit), and Tums. Which... I really don't think it's that. But I spent all day trying to figure out which of those three was the most likely culprit.

...UNTIL JUST NOW. AT THE SAME TIME OF NIGHT. WHEN MY ARM STARTED ITCHING. AND I LOOK. AND SURE ENOUGH. MORE HIVES.

But it's been HOURS since I last ate something. So now there's really no obvious trigger. So WTF WTF WTF???

...I'm gonna have to try to get an appointment with a dermatologist and/or an allergist, aren't I?

Ugggggh.

This is EXACTLY what I needed on top of everything else.

*headdesk*

ETA: so the hives on my arm went away on their own... And then 20 minutes later my forehead was red and hot and I'd broken out in hives all over my back and the backs of my legs. Seriously guys wtfffffff. Am I just... Allergic to 10:30 PM?? 😭

#eirenical babble #whine whine whine #medical ///

[eirenical]

...for anyone following this exciting saga, last night was NOT the night I escaped breaking out in hives for NO FUCKING DISCERNIBLE REASON, nor was it tonight.

😭😭😭

#eirenical babble #whine whine whine #i'm so itchy #please pray for the antihistamine to kick in quickly #TT^TT

[eirenical]

Happy New Year, everyone!!!

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

#happy new year!! #eirenical babble

[eirenical]

TFW you are legitimately cranky about a thing, but it's the third day of your period and that's usually the switch point between "turning my upset inwards" and "turning my upset outwards" so you're just laying in bed shaking while your brain wages a war between wanting to curl up in a ball and cry and wanting to rip other people's faces off.

So uh... Yeah.

Been a fun morning.

Also everything hurts and I should get out of bed and eat something but everything still tastes like NOTHING and I don't want to.

Side note: extreme back pain as a price to pay for staying in bed too long just isn't fair.

#the state of me #fucking sucks right now #read at your own risk #whine whine whine #eirenical babble #negativity

[eirenical]

So, since I haven't updated you all in a while and it felt like a good time... the hives saga is officially on pause. It's been at least four days since my last hives. Which still means it went on for LIKE A MONTH, but you know... baby steps. OTZ

On the downside, I can no longer taste anything.

So.

That's fun.

(No, it's not COVID, please don't suggest it.)

On the upside, sometimes you make EXACTLY the right friend at EXACTLY the right time (after being in each other's circles but never quite connecting for several years) to give you the piece to the puzzle you were missing that leads to MAYBE ACTUALLY A DIAGNOSIS??? THAT ALSO EXPLAINS THINGS YOU'VE HAD ISSUES WITH FOR YEARS AND NEVER HAD AN ANSWER TO??

So I'm still reeling from that one and the doctor's appointment this morning that tentatively confirmed it. Unfortunately this is one of those "it walks like a duck and talks like a duck but we can't officially SAY it's a duck until we see how it responds to treatment" situations.

So hopefully the treatment will get started soon and hopefully it will help because let me tell you... being unable to taste your food and having it all just be Really Weird and Unappealing Textures in your Mouth That Leave a Bitter/Sour Aftertaste Behind... is really not fun. OTZ

...quasi-related I have SO MANY THOUGHTS NOW about Li Lianhua and food and you WILL all be subjected to them at some point once I'm out of grading hell. ;D

Anyway, my point is, I feel MUCH BETTER knowing that there is maybe possibly an Answer (TM) after all, and my stress level decreasing can only help this situation. So now I can return to my regularly scheduled grading stress. 😁👍

#the hives saga #eirenical babble #medical

[eirenical]

Oh no. Suddenly something seems to be MASSIVELY fucked up with the way posts are loading on my dashboard on desktop. *cries*

I really hope it isn't something in the dashboard unfucker that has broken beyond repair. Because I really don't want to turn it off.

But I'm missing posts left and right. And my queue page just... load and reloads and reloads.

And my shortcut buttons to skip posts make posts repeat and reload, too.

And it helped to turn off endless scroll, but now each dashboard page has between 3 and 7 posts on it when it used to have 20? And I am very very confused, but it's making desktop unusable. :(

*sobs softly*

I don't WANT to use the new desktop. I hate it and it stresses me out, especially teh icons being inside the posts. And the way it puts white circles around all of your messaging icons. I hate all of it. It's unusable for me.

Does anyone have an alternative to the dashboard unfucker that they can share with me? TT^TT

#oh tumblr #whine whine whine #eirenical babble

[eirenical]

It's 3 AM and I can't sleep and this is the third time it's happened this weekend and I need to leave my house to go teach in about five hours.

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Body. Can we please. quit. With the. Insomnia. I'M BEGGING YOU.

#Insomnia sucks #eirenical babble #whine whine whine

[eirenical]

Now it's 2:00, I still haven't eaten, except for the handful of absolutely tasteless almonds I had with my meds, I'm still in bed and leaning more towards wanting to cry than hurt someone right now, which is... better, I guess. OTZ

I KNOW a lot of this is my period. I know it is.

But at the same time, every vacation is like this.

The minute I don't have concrete things to do, I spiral into this freefall of anxiety and inertia. But if I schedule anything or try to hem in that time in any way then I... Also. Spiral. Into a void of anxiety and inertia. With the added bonus of always feeling like time is running out.

I'm just constantly exhausted and I need a break, but my brain just doesn't understand how to take one?

I hate this.

Can I just... quit my life? Like, I don't want to die. That's not it. I just want to go crawl into a hole somewhere. IDEK.

(*repeats over and over to self* IN FIVE DAYS, THIS WILL HAVE PASSED. IN FIVE DAYS, THIS WILL HAVE PASSED. IN FIVE DAYS, THIS WILL HAVE PASSED. *sigh*)

#eirenical babble #whine whine whine