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royallyprincesslilly · 4 years

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{Title: Love, Maybe? {37}*

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Plot, Fluff, Slow Burn

Word Count: 3.7K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

NOTE: **Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought.

**Loosley Edited/Proofread**

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊❤❤️

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Chapter 37: Revelations

-Vixen-

“Mama!”

You dropped your bag and bound across the lawn as she ran to you. once you made it to her you dropped to your knees and pulled her into your arms.

“Oh princess, I missed you so much.”

“I miss you.” Ella spread her hands over your face and felt it as if she were trying to memorize it. you kissed all over her face until you stopped at her head. She hugged you and you just sat there inhaling the scent of her head. It was a scent you loved more than air. Studies proved that mothers were inclined to like the scent of their children’s heads no matter what. You remembered as a baby you’d just hold her and breathe in her scent. Nothing had changed even now.

“Hey there, do I get one of those?”

Ella pulled from you the minute she saw Chris and hugged him with just as much force as she hugged you. You smiled watching the exchange.

“How’s my princess?”

“Good.” He lifted her into his arms which allowed you to stand from the grass and dirt. They chatted quietly before he raised her into the air and twirled her around. She loved it and laughed with glee.

“Hey.”

Nex stepped beside you and watched father and daughter with a sweet smile. “Hi. How are things?”

“Good, she was good. A lot better than usual when you’re out of town.”

“That’s good.”

You couldn’t take your eyes off the two of them. For some reason, this felt different than it had a few days ago. You didn’t know why, and you didn’t want to think about why. Chris glanced at you, but the look felt cold, distant, different. All morning things felt different, he wasn’t touchy, or flirty and it shouldn’t have mattered because it wasn’t like it was normal behavior between the two of you. It wasn’t. still, it tripped you up. his manners never faded but that extra warmth was gone. During the plane ride whenever you caught him watching you he was the one to break the gaze and every time he did you felt the chill of it.

Turning from him and Ella you walked to the house. Maybe you needed space from him. maybe two days was too much to have been in close quarters. Lines were blurring for you.

“Anthony still here?”

“Yes, he leaves tonight though,” Nexus answered with a smile. Her happiness was so obvious, and it made you so happy.

“Have I told you how happy I am for you this week?”

She laughed and shook her head trying to shrug you off, but she couldn’t. She still had that smile. “Where’s mom and dad?”

“On a date at some garden. They’ve been increasingly disgusting to be around, all kissy and hugged up. Uugh!”

You smiled. Your parents were still madly in love. Some days you wanted to have a relationship like them when you were old and others you thought it was too impossible. Once in your room, you kicked off your shoes and dropped your purse on the bed.

“So, how are things?”

“Oh the restaurant is good, crisis averted. I was able to straighten things out. I didn’t expect to spend an added fifteen thousand dollars, but I think it’ll be an easy recoup,” you informed.

“I definitely wasn’t talking about the restaurant. You and Chris alone in San Francisco, your stomping grounds. How were things?”

“Oh fine. It all went fine.” You knew that was one too many fines, but you didn’t know what else to say. you really didn’t want to talk about things, not yet at least.

“Okay.” The way she said it you knew she knew. The beauty with Nex was she knew when to push and when not to. She didn’t now.

“Nex, I’m filthy and kind of just want a little time to digress.”

“Yeah. Um, Anthony and I were going to make dinner. Any request?”

“Nope, whatever you put together will be fine. Thanks, Nex.” You smiled but it didn’t reach your eyes.

When she left you stood there in the silence for a few minutes then went into action. You needed to move. After changing into some leggings and a tank you went out the back toward the forest and took off. Traction beneath your feet always helped. It felt especially good now because it kind of felt like you were running away from whatever was giving you stress. You were running from him.

Without knowing which direction you were going you just ran and focused only on the path in front of you and the music booming in your ears. you pushed yourself to go further and further even when you felt you’d reached your limit. Ignoring that alarm in your brain that always sounded when you were near overexertion you continued on until your legs gave out sending you face first to the ground and into unconsciousness.

When you came to, the sun was setting and you were on the ground. Grunting you rolled onto your back and stared into the darkening sky.

“Fuck.”

Your forehead hurt as did your knees. As you were going to get up, you just decided to lay there a little longer and appreciate the beauty of the sky and the calm of your surroundings. there was something about being in the middle of nowhere that you liked. You liked that here you could hear yourself think even though you really didn’t like to these days. These days your thoughts brought more chaos than they were worth.

When you made it back to the house it was night and thanks to you leaving your phone you had no idea what time it was. You did know you’d been gone for a while. When you stepped inside and made your way toward the steps Ella ran out.

“Mama!”

“Hi baby.” You stooped to meet her with a smile.

“You doety.” She brushed her small hand across your cheek for emphasis.

“Am I? Guess mama needs a shower, huh.”

Everyone else came out with worried expressions.

“Where have you been pumpernickel?” Your father’s authoritative tone was not missed.

“Uh, I went for a run. Lost track of time.”

“You’re filthy, and you’re bleeding. Are you hurt?” Your mother’s inquiry had everyone even more concerned.

“Mama hoet?” You could hear the whine in her voice and knew tears were coming.

“No, no I’m not.” Ella began crying as she boyfriend her face into Chris’ legs.

“Hey, no it’s okay,” he said as he lifted her into his arms.

“Princess I’m not hurt. See.” You wiped at your forehead, looked at your hand and saw the blood but wiped it on your already dirty clothes. “See, not hurt. I’m okay baby.” Ella examined your face, but her eyes remained on your forehead. “I promise princess. I’m okay.” You smiled hoping it would convince her. She leaned closer and kissed your forehead.

“Kiss da boo-boo.”

“Thank you princess. I’m going to go get cleaned up. I’ll be right back.”

You hurried upstairs and in your bedroom then into the shower. You hadn’t even realized you’d hurt yourself. Taking the time to wash your hair you managed to be in and out in twenty minutes. When you walked out into the bedroom Chris was sitting on the seat at the foot of the bed.

“What happened?”

“I went for a run, lost track of time.”

“How’d you get hurt?”

You rummaged through the drawers for something to wear, ignoring his question.

“Vix.”

“I passed out, hit my head. I’m fine.” He was up and to you in seconds turning you to face him. He cupped your cheeks and intently stared at you.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I promise.”

“I’m not a two-year-old. Are you okay?” Staring in his eyes you searched for something, anything. You didn’t know what you were looking for.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’ll put on a scarf and she won’t even notice this.”

He nodded then stepped back and walked to the door. “Meet you down there.”

You were thoroughly confused with his hot and cold act. Dinner was eventless and relatively calm. You kept one ear on the conversation but got lost in your thoughts and watching Ella who seemed glued to Chris. She was completely attached and half of you felt relief but the other felt fear. Attachments were hard to break and get over, you knew from experience and though you knew you were making the same moves all over again as if you hadn’t learned a thing. You were growing attached to him all over again, this time you felt it may be more serious than that.

-Chris-

He was going to lose you. he felt it. It was his biggest fear and he felt as if it were inevitable. Being in San Francisco with you seeing your life and everything you had and didn’t need him for really showed him just what he wanted. He wasn’t prepared to want it as badly as he did. He wanted you and Ella even though he had no idea how a life could work for you. Everything in San Francisco showed him how much he didn’t want to lose you, either of you. It showed him his greatest fear.

Every time he saw you with Ella it only made him love you more. There was something about seeing you, the mother of his child love, and nurture his child that gave him this primal instinct to possess, protect and love. The days following San Fran only deepened the fear he had of losing you. Every time he tried to talk to you about it, it never seemed like the right time, none of his words seemed enough. There was no way of knowing where your head or heart was, you were that good at masking yourself. He thought to just spill his guts but really didn’t know if he could take the rejection.

He kept his distance and fought the instinct to just fall into place with the two of you. he let you do your thing and he did his. At nights he laid awake thinking about you and everything you’d experienced together, and though he wanted to go to you he didn’t.

The night was a beautiful one, the sky was clear and the stars were all out. He watched Ella play with her cousins and his sisters and a content sigh escaped him.

“Oh, a content man is a happy man,” his mother from behind him.

“Not always.”

“Are you happy?” He thought about it for a few moments then nodded.

“How can I not be? You’ve seen that little girl.” She smiled and nodded.

“I have, she’s addictive and even cuter than you when you were a baby.”

“That’s harsh maw, but I’ll accept it only because it’s her.”

Silence fell between them as they both watched Ella.

“How’d the talk with Vixen go?”

“There has been no talk,” he replied.

“Why?”

Again, he sighed but this one ended with a groan.

“Talk to me, honey.”

“It’s nothing maw, I’m good.” She studied him for a few seconds and he was sure she saw right through him but she nodded.

“Okay.”

It was then you approached holding Ella. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“Not at all, hello pretty girl,” his mother exclaimed to a blushing Ella.

“She wanted to come over and sit with her da-da,” Vixen informed. A smile spread across his face as he held his arms out. You handed her off and she snuggled close to him. yep, she had him wrapped around her finger, he thought.

“Vixen, wanna take a quick walk?”

Your eyes were wide as you looked at his mother. “Uh—okay.” You looked at him but he was equally as curious as you were. The two of you walked off together and he wished he could be one of those stars in the sky to hear what that was all about.

-Vixen-

“Why do you look so afraid?”

“Uh, no reason. Just—cautious I guess.”

“Don’t be, this is a friendly walk. I like you Vixen. I really do.”

Your shock was evident. “Really?”

“God yes. You are one hundred percent different than any woman Chris has ever been with. They’re all usually so compliant, they bend backward and forward to please him and always seem as if they’re happy to be under his arm. You don’t give off any of that. You have a brain, you use it, and that mouth too. You don’t bend over to please him and it shows how strong your character is, how strong you are.”

“Thank you, Lisa. I appreciate you saying that.”

“As a mother, you don’t imagine any woman being good enough for your son. I’m not different, I have two of them too. Scott has found a great one but that always left Chris. I worried he’d never find the one, never experience what it’s like to have the kind of love that inspired Shakespeare. Here you are.”

You pinched your lips and looked down. “Lisa, I don’t know what you think is going on but there is nothing--.”

“I’m not blind Vixen. He may be, but I’m not.” The two of you stared at each other and you sighed. She saw right through you. You dropped your head back and stared up to the stars.

“You realize Shakespeare's sonnets usually ended in heartache and death right.”

She laughed and nodded, you joined in unable to stop. When the two of you stopped you sighed then groaned.

“Then rewrite history. It’s your sonnet, your love story.”

“Lisa--.”

“Think about this. You met, fell out, found each other again and now you’re connected for the rest of your life. That sounds like poetic justice.”

“I don’t think you’re using that right.”

“Oh well. think about it,” Lisa emphasized.

“I have, I feel like that is all I think about. It’s in my face way too much, with Ella, here, in San Francisco. I think about it, Lisa. I don’t want to anymore.”

“You’re running. You see what’s right in front of you but you’re running,” she deduced.

Fuck it, you were running. The thing with running is if you’ve done it for a while it’s hard to stop, you run without even realizing it.

“Okay, I have one last unsolicited nugget. Fate only brings us what is meant and letting something go and it coming back should not be let go again especially if it's what you want. Fate does not take kindly to being shucked twice.”

Her words hit you hard. For years you’d felt like you were being haunted and then when you saw him again, it was as if fate was just getting more and more persistent. Now here you were—fate again. Lisa stood and walked away leaving you there to stare at the sky which was supposed to evoke calm but wasn’t working as you felt everything compounding on you.

A few hours later, Ella was back in your arms and quickly falling asleep. You’d spent many nights like this, and you couldn’t imagine wanting to do anything else, ever. You slowly stared over every single feature and smiled to yourself seeing the similarities between her and Chris’ face. she was the constant reminder of your night of hope, opening up, and not letting go. While she was pleasant looking and an absolute joy, the pain you experienced because of it was not.

“Vix?”

You turned to see Chris standing there beside the gazebo.

“Hey.” He was staring at Ella with a solemn smile.

“I can’t get over how great you look with her. It’s like you were meant for her. Fate made you her mom.”

You groaned at that word again. It was following you.

“You’re an amazing mom to her,” he complimented. You looked back to her and smiled.

“She’s an easy kid.” Chris stepped closer and paced in front of you before he looked at you.

“Since meeting her and seeing you again—I don’t know I feel like I’m this new man, the man I’ve always wanted to be. A man I can be proud of, a man I never was because something was missing. She was missing, Vixen.” He stepped closer to you, looked down at Ella and back to you. the look on his face was pained but chaotic. He looked as if he’d been running for hours or his mind had run a marathon.

“I honestly have been shouting to anyone who asks that I want a family, I want kids. I want to do the bedtime tuck-ins, family gatherings, tea parties, dress up, all of it. the other night she colored my nails with markers and told me not to wash my hands. I didn’t. I kept them on till morning so she saw how much I loved them. It’s like my heart is no longer in my chest. It’s outside my body. I would do anything for her Vix—anything for you.”

The butterflies in your stomach were not quitting, neither was the flutter of your heart. Chris touched your arm, his hand was burning hot, but it made you shiver.

“I fucked this up once,” he began.

“Chris--.”

“Please let me get this out. I don’t want to fuck this up again, not this time.”

He looked like he was struggling as if he was at a loss for words but he had so much to say. You had no idea what to say to help him, you were struggling too. You couldn’t believe what he was saying. In your arms, Ella began to fuss and wriggle.

“Da-da.” She groaned and began whining.

“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here,” Chris soothed taking her from your arms. He stood there effortlessly rocking her as if he’d done it all her life. You watched him pepper kisses across her forehead and temple then your eyes met. You were still speechless.

“I’ll take her to bed,” Chris whispered. You nodded and watched him walk back toward the house.

You stood there for several long minutes just trying to marinate over what just happened. You couldn’t wrap your head around it, but you also couldn’t escape the feeling of a need for him, to be close to him. When you made it to the house and upstairs you peeped into Ella’s room and there he was in the dim light or her night light sitting at her bedside just watching her sleep. It was an action you’d done countless times. Time always passed so quickly when you did it—too quickly.

Suddenly Chris turned to look at you then kissed the top of Ella’s head and turned slowly walked toward you.

“God, he’s gorgeous.”

His lips lowered to yours for a sweet kiss, one that promised more. When he pulled back he pressed his forehead to yours. “You’re the gorgeous one,” he whispered as he walked out the room and softly closed the door. You hadn’t realized you’d said it out loud.

Chris took your hand and led you down the hall past your room to his. You walked in and stopped in the middle of the room and just looked around. When you felt him behind you, you melted into him as he kissed your neck and shoulders. Then Chris scooped you into his arms and carried you to his bed. As he gently laid you down he never broke eye contact with you, as he never spoke. You didn’t care words were overrated.

As your bodies came together and expressed what your mouths couldn’t speak everything in you hummed from the pleasure he gave. He was gentle and went slow. It was as if he were whispering to your body, pleading with it to reveal its secrets, it felt as if he had a direct line to your pleasure and he mercilessly tapped into it. Before long you were panting and moaning his name trying to keep as quiet as possible. Even when the urgency in you reached its peak he still went slow, prolonging the sensations for as long as possible. Every time your eyes met you saw so much in the depths of the blue pools. You came with his name on your lips and hearing your whispered one in your ear.

His scent woke you. It was a scent you were already used to, a scent you smelled everywhere. You were hooked. You cuddled closer to him and heard the deep rumble of his moan in his chest.

“Good morning.”

You smiled and looked up at him to see him grinning. “Good morning.” He kissed you once, then twice and pulled you close.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Good.” Chris slid down to come face to face with you his smile wide.

“That’s good. I’m glad.” His lips met yours again and in no time he was rolling onto you.

“Da-da!” The loud shout of your daughter had the two of you gasping and freaking out.

Chris rolled off of you and looked around then to you clearly asking what you should do. You knew how fast her tiny legs could carry her and knew you had no time.

“Act normal,” you whispered and piled the blankets over your head just in time for Ella to burst through the doors and in the room. She hopped and climbed onto the bed and crawled to him.

“Good morning princess. How are you?”

“Good.”

From the feel of the bed, you bet she was tumbling or jumping on him. She had the energy of a kangaroo when she woke. You could hear Chris’ laughter. They even sounded alike when they laughed. Apple meet tree, you thought.

“Mama no bed. Where mama?”

“Mama’s not in the bed?”

“No. Da-da eat mama?”

You couldn’t stop the snort that came out because that statement was one hundred percent correct. You stifled it and tried to remain completely still. After a few seconds the blankets were pulled off and there she was. Her eyes lit up and she dropped onto you.

“Mama! Ound her da-da. I ound you.”

“You found me.” You glanced to Chris who had his lips pinched but his eyes looked to be asking if this was okay.

“Mama, da-da, mama, da-da, yay!” She clapped her hands and buried herself between the two of you and continued to chatter. When you caught Chris’ eye he had a soft smile on his lips as he looked between the two of you. he then laid down and held the two of you cuddled close.

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***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!

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#love maybe fic #Chris Evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #Chris Evans X black reader #chris evans smut #black fanfiction

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daedric-prince-of-pasta · 4 years

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For the 100 random questions: Part 1: 1, 5, 9 Part 4: 1, 9, 30 and Part 5: 10

Thanks fam! Since this is a long one, I’m gonna put a keep reading thingy.

Part 1:

#1: Do you like the way you look?

Honestly? No. And for the longest time it was one of those things I wish I could change the way I look but couldn’t. Like sometimes it gets so bad that I just cannot look into the mirror without thinking, 'the people who interact with me, whether it be on a daily basis or not, are forced to look at this' and just burst into tears.

And like I know make-up and decent clothing exists and is readily available whenever but part of me hates how that’s the only way I'll feel better, or to be taken seriously or to look like I put in an effort. That I can’t just exist and feel okay about it without edit myself is just bleh. I mean no offence to those who love makeup and fashion and all, but it really ruined any interest I have in those areas, that’s perfectly fine and I have no problem with either one. It's just the underlying rule that you should look a certain way to be accepted just makes me iffy.

The amount of times I’ve tried to even draw myself in a way where I don’t feel negative about it is unreal, and I'm sure I’m not the only one out there who feels that way.

But some days are better than others. Some days I can look in the mirror, some days I do feel somewhat comfortable with how I look. And I will leave it there before this entire thing becomes a full on rant.

TL;DR No, but I want to change and hopefully one day, I will.

#5: Do you collect anything?

I've been trying to get all the Zelda art books. So far, I only have Hyrule Historia.

#9: What's the most embarrassing thing that happened to you?

Oh geez, that is hard to narrow down lmao.

I used to do some admin work a couple years back and I was always the first person to arrive. It wasn’t a super early start, it was like 7:30 or something.

Anyways, everything was going fine, I was sitting down, starting my work and one of my coworkers enters walks in and says hello. Perfectly normal. Can’t stuff this up.

And I do. I say, without missing a beat, looking them straight in the eyes, no lack of confidence, 'Goodbye.'

And just to be clear, I said this with the sweetest voice, the kind of voice Regina George would use if she manned the guillotines in a 18th century France. Like those kids from the Village of the Damned. Yeah.

The minute that two syllable word was released into the wild, it was slaughtered by the realisation that I’d just said that to a coworker who I do greet frequently but like they don’t know me well enough to probably think I made a mistake.

I immediately facepalmed and apologised and they laughed and all, crisis averted and I have yet to really live that down.

Part 4

#1: Favourite feel-good movie?

Princess Bride maybe? Or Balto. Either one works.

#9: Favourite type of food?

It kinda goes without saying doesn’t it? Curry.

#30: Favourite Flower?

Roses. Always loved roses.

Part 5

#10: would you rather got to jail for something you didn’t do OR get away with a horrible crime and live with the guilt and fear?

Probably get away cause like, I can get some form of redemption arc without the jail bit. Maybe work on a farm, learn some family values.

#sorry for the mega negative start but uh I hope i made up for it with the other responses #also i like pasta rice and curry on an equal slate #ask meme #let me know if i need to tag #pasta speaks

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bewareofchris · 7 years

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Sass prompt! Cool Uncle Kadar takes the kids to his favorite mall food court (or something) then somehow manages to lose them in the crowd (nothing bad happens, they just gorge on samples or whatever), and since it took Kadar hours to convince Malik that he's a perfectly responsible adult able to handle 4 kids, Kadar is in more of a rush to find them than he normally would be.

G | Sass Verse | Terrible mall manners

Kadar had said the phrase: ‘you raised good kids, they won’t be any trouble,’ no less than fifteen times in a single conversation just to convince his brother to take a god damn day off. It wasn’t a lie because all four of Malik’s kids were well-behaved little demons. If one of them wasn’t, they had a way of policing themselves that required very little effort on the part of the adult watching them to resolve. (As long as Jaida was present, without her the triplets were likely to devolve into a mob of in-fighting.)

Altair was over-seas on business that was taking him (thus far) a week and a half longer than projected. (And Kadar assumed that meant someone had pissed Altair off and he was systematically dismantling the entire senior staff because of it. Or he might just have gotten caught in boring meetings, it was very difficult to tell.) Malik had a cold and colds made him miserable. Altair had called Kadar to retrieve the kids and take them somewhere for the day so Malik could sleep.

So here he was, one adult in a mall food court at an empty table. The table shouldn’t have been empty. There should have been an eight year old girl sitting on one side, glaring at her brothers. There should have been three almost seven year olds glaring back at her. Kadar had literally walked six feet to retrieve a plastic fork and come back and in the less-than-a-minute it took him to go that far, all four children had disappeared.

Their food was still present. Their toys were scattered on the floor. Three chairs were even pushed up to the table.

“Fuck,” Kadar whispered. His hands were still held out to either side of his body because he’d been half-way to saying that he thought they should maybe find an indoor playground sort of thing after this. Maybe laser tag or a bounce house. Something to keep the demons moving so they’d fall asleep early.

He looked left (and no children) and he looked right (and no kids). He dropped the fork on the table, tried to think through the sudden panic, and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Claudia answered him on the first ring.

“Yes?” she said.

“I lost them,” he said. “They’re gone.”

Claudia had sounded somewhat preoccupied when she answered the phone but there was a noticeable shift in her tone that meant she’d turned her face into the phone to ignore whoever was speaking to her. “No,” she said. “You cannot lose Altair’s children, Kadar.”

“They’re gone,” he repeated. He took two helpless steps to one side and stopped because the only thing in that direction of the food court was sushi and he didn’t think the kids even liked sushi. There was ice-cream on the other end and also a store full of shiny jewelry things that both Sef and Jaida had spent a solid ten minutes trying to talk him into. So there was a better chance they’d gone that way. (God knows, Jaida could make her brothers do anything.) “They’re not here,” felt like it needed repeating.

“Why did you leave them?” sounded so exasperated.

“They were eating! Aren’t kids supposed to just sit and eat when you provide them with food.”

He didn’t need to see Claudia to know she was covering her face with her whole hand. “Not all children are you,” she said.

“Uncle Kadar,” was a voice from just behind him that accompanied a sharp pull at his jacket. There was Tazim looking up at him with such disapproval. “We hide,” he said (as if it were so obvious), “you find us?”

As if summoned by some kind of magic, Jaida appeared from around the opposite end of the food court with her fist wrapped up in Darim’s hair as he shrieked his outrage at being yanked. One or two adults were staring in outrage and the spectacle had drawn the hesitant-but-amused attention of a security guard.

“It’s fine,” Kadar shouted down the aisle. He grabbed Tazim’s wrist just so he didn’t evaporate into thin air again. “They’re with me,” he shouted as he tried to side-step a couple that were too busy looking horrified to get out of the way. “Jaida,” he called (with as much fairness as he could manage), “let go of your brother’s hair.”

Jaida made a deliberate show of loosening her hand from Darim’s hair and then reaching down to wrap her whole fist into his shirt before she started yanking him forward again. She didn’t let him go until they were back at the table. “Stay,” she said to him. Then she glared at Tazim who shifted so he was half behind Kadar’s body (and who wouldn’t want to hide when being looked at like that).

“Sir,” the security guard said.

“We’re fine,” Kadar assured him, “we’re going.”

Jaida stomped over to a trashcan, one of the big round ones that people threw their paper trash and half-drank sodas into. She reached up to wrap her fingers around the inside lip of it (and Kadar saw his whole life flash before his eyes as he imagined what Altair would do when he found about this) before she yanked it as hard as she could. The lid popped off after a bit of complaint.

“Jaida!” Kadar shouted. He dropped the phone and Darim dove down like he was going to pick it up but Kadar grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him a bit sideways so he could get both boy’s hands with just one. That gave him a free arm to reach out to get Jaida.

Only, there was Sef, popping up out of the trash with ketchup and soy sauce and marinara and God knows what all over his clothes. “Jaida,” Sef said with his hands on his hips. “We said Kadar was it.”

This was it. This was his cause of death. This was the end of his life. Tazim popped up at his right hand (funny because he should have been holding Kadar’s left hand) with the phone pressed to his ear. “No Aunt Claudia we weren’t trying to get anyone in trouble. We were behaving.”

Kadar said, “Jaida, hold Darim,” and he could have predicted that she’d grab him by the shirt front. He picked Sef up out of the trash while an aghast looking custodian clutched her white rag against her chest looking like she wanted to offer help and she didn’t want to get involved. The whole food court was nothing but whispers of inadequate parenting while the security guard was saying:

“Sir, are you sure everything is okay?”

“Yes,” Kadar said. “Usually my wife’s with me. I just expected the kids would behave a bit better. We’re very sorry.” He set Sef down (with a grimace) and took the phone from Tazim long enough to say, “I’ll call you in a bit, everything’s fine.” Then he grabbed Tazim’s hand. “Jaida come on.”

They didn’t stop walking, and the boys didn’t stop complaining about lost food and toys, until they were out in the parking lot, protesting how they were being physically lifted into the car.

“That’s not fair!” Sef was shouting from his booster seat in the back-back seat. “Because it’s not just a Hot Wheel! It was a limited edition roadster and its very hard to find one of those.”

“Your Dad’s a billionaire,” Kadar said as he lifted Darim into the car. He’d finished putting the boys. Jaida stood outside the car with her hands on her hips, head cocked to the side and foot all but tapping on the ground. “What?” he asked.

“Let’s start with thank you,” Jaida said. “I found them all.”

“Tazim came back on his own,” Kadar countered.

“No he didn’t,” Jaida said. “He heard Darim crying.”

“She pulled my hair out!” Darim shouted from inside.

“I came back on my own!” Tazim shouted.

“Thank you?” Kadar offered. It was not even a little bit what Jaida was angling to get out of this situation but he was willing to offer that to see what else she might want.

Her smile did not make him feel better. “You’re welcome, Uncle Kadar. Don’t worry, they did the same thing to Father.” Then she climbed up into the vehicle on her own. Once she was buckled into place, she pulled her sunglasses out of her purse and slipped them on her face. “I want ice cream,” she said. “Maybe Father doesn’t hear about this.”

Kadar leaned against vehicle with one hand on the handle of the sliding door. “You can’t keep them quiet,” he said.

“No,” she agreed, “I can’t. But I can tell them I helped you find them.”

“Hey!” Sef shouted, “you weren’t it.”

Jaida cocked her eyebrows up behind her sunglasses.

“Fine,” Kadar said. “Ice cream, then we have to find somewhere that sells kids clothes.”

–

He called Claudia back while he was scrubbing Sef with a handful of paper towels in a family bathroom at Target. There was a bag of new clothes that looked suitably similar to what he’d already been wearing. The other three were standing with their backs against a wall. “Crisis averted,” he said when Claudia picked up.

“Was Sef really in a trashcan?” Claudia asked.

“I’m cleaning him up,” Kadar countered. “He’s fine.”

Claudia hummed. “Where are you going next? I’ll meet you.”

The truth was, Kadar didn’t want to take the demons anywhere but straight home to their bedrooms. Except that the two boys not being vigorously scrubbed with paper towels were looking at their shoes. Jaida was looking fed up with the world. “I was thinking the bounce house,” he said.

“Fine, I’ll be there. Do not let them out of the car until I get there.”

That settled, Kadar finished cleaning up his nephew as best he could before dumping his dirty clothes into the trashcan.

–

While sitting in the parking lot, Jaida and Sef climbed into the front seat next to him while Darim pressed his face against the back window and blew fart noises into the glass. Tazim sat on the center console and asked him what every individual knob and button on the car did.

Claudia appeared next to the driver’s side window, shaking her head at him (but smiling). He rolled the window down far enough to hear her say, “this is reasons one through fifty why we decided not to have children,” wasn’t accusing but amused. “Let them out.”

Once all the kids were out of the car, Claudia assessed them (and saw they were unharmed with her own eyes). She crouched in front of them, reached out to take Tazim’s hand on one end and Jaida’s on the other. “If you act out here, I’m calling your Father. Do you understand me?”

The thing about Claudia was that she could make anything sound like a nuclear apocalypse. The worst Malik would do was be disappointed in his kids but all four of them (even haughty Jaida) nodded solemnly. So Claudia smiled at them. “Good, lets go. Everyone hold an adult’s hand.”

–

Kadar took the kids to a pizza bar before he returned them home. Malik still looked like shit, but well-rested shit, when his kids came to hug him in the kitchen. Thanks to Claudia’s parting instructions (I better get a call saying you took a shower and went to bed) all of the kids left their Father immediately to go and prepare for bed.

“Is Sef wearing a different shirt?” Malik asked.

“No,” Kadar said. “Don’t think so.”

Malik didn’t believe him for a minute. Maybe he just didn’t think it was worth debating. Rather than protest he said, “thanks for taking them. Altair’s on his way home. And Lucy’s coming tomorrow.”

“No problem,” Kadar said. “You know I love the kids.”

Tazim chose that exact moment to bounce down the stairs wearing nothing but his underwear to proclaim, “Sef climbed in a trash can today!” He was delighted to share that.

“Well I’ve got to go,” Kadar said before Malik could start with the questions.

#sass verse #mall anon #and the next day #Kadar moved to California

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swearronchanel · 7 years

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6.03 aka I’m still crying 2 hrs later

I have no intro, I did this in one watch but had to obviously edit my typing but well yea this episode crushed me. I’m still shook tbh ahh. Read away if you wish

oh shit I’m not ready

SISTER MJ💔💔😭

FREE SISTER MC

ugh omg I can’t, my hearts about to explode about my chest

The Somali mum is so pretty, Nadifa right?

Oh shit she tryna hide the mail

she’s staying we know that

Ahh the cute turner scene ☺️

SHELAGH MY BBY 😭😍 she looks so good & her little behive omg

“Angela and I don’t have a tendency towards hoarding” SAS MASTER FLEX OVER HERE LOVE IT

“I’m no Marie Antoinette, I will not eat cake..” BRB ALREADY CRYING UGH 😰😰

Look at Valarie actually working & being a nurse

oh shit she’s 9months whoops, she ain’t going no where

JFK on the radio!!

Trixie’s tense, I feel

“If we’re all heading for oblivion, we need to be prepared” Fred lol he’s prepared for it all

No more shock treatment yes 😭💔

damn it my chest hurts and I’m emotional

Shelagh’s bump in her uniform 😭💕

PHYLLIS’s FACE WHEN SHE PICKS UP THE DOLL LMAO I LOVE HER

“Very useful fashion features” so precious, are magazines her maternity wardrobe inspo? 😭

LMAO PHYLLIS “I’ve never needed an editorial to instruct me on how to put myself together and I’ve never had any complaints” SHE’s A GEM

LOL @ SHELAGH’s REACTION

Valarie shook

the reality of fgm ..

Sister MC 😰

DOCKERILL AND SISTER MJ OMG I LOVE IT

“How can I be confident your purpose is sincere?” RIGHT SISTER

“I’m very glad to hear it ” PHYLLIS AH, she’s here for it!! I might be too, i have to wait for next week

omg sister MC, she loves her habit 😰💕 why tf did they take it though??!

FREE SISTER MC 😭 YOU DO NOT FALL SHORT LOVE

“How brave for her” and you!😭

PHYLLIS AND TRIXIE >>

“I’m not sure I have the gumption” BBY 💕 you deserve the world!!!

“Failure isn’t fatal, but hesitation can be” Phyllis is so wise & a gift we don’t deserve

Fuck im crying again

WHO STOLE HER BIBLE !!?

ugh fuck Mr Kenley, we don’t like his bedside manner

Patrick doing research so quickly, I’m proud & Phyllis is woke, enlighten us all

VISIT SISTER MC & free her !!!

lol this little girl, stop touching shit

She’s cute though I guess

Ok Val saying the right thing

MY BBY SHELAGH looking adorable💕

TIM HAS A FRIEND! Lmao it seems like he has none because he’s always with his family. Maybe he’ll get a girlfriend next series haha

“It is you, lost to us no longer but here before us perfect and complete ” MY HEART IS FUCKING BROKEN OMG I AM A MESS

PROTECT ALL THE SISTERS 😭💕💕

YES SECURE HER DISCHARGE, ASAP

I’m crying??!!

PHYLLIS RUNNING THE CUBS

LMAO PHYLLIS YELLING AT FRED LOVE IT, SHE IS SO BADASS, A GEM

“My way of making amends” poor sister J it’s not your fault 💔

LMAO SISTER WINNIE FAKE DRIVING ALL WRONG IM DEAD

HER SCREAM HAHA

ugh looking at kenley makes me sick, go away

Sister MJ & SISTER J MAKING HER BED💕 AND THE BIBLE AND CANDY ON THE PILLOW OMGGG

Oh shit where’d nadifa go

SISTER MC IS COMING HOME 😭😭

oh shit that lady had her bible, let her keep it

aw she did

Oh no nadifa’s going into labor?? ah omg

SISTER MC IS HOME😰💖

“Simply by being here” I’m crying again

LOOK AT HER PRECIOUS SELF WHY WOULD THEY HURT HER

Cuban Missile crisis on the tv

Trixie giving sister MC special soap💔

“I’d rather you give her my love” omg 😭😭

Fred painting the windows 😂

“President Kennedy.. he could charm the birds out of the trees” hell yea he was charming, rip. I wonder if next series they’ll mention his assassination? & side note Natalie Portman better win that Oscar for Jackie tonight

Nadifa’s sister is named Deka, got it. She reminds me of one of my cousins

Val and Babs new bffs?

Oh shit she’s in labor for real

“No knife” omg

I’d be freaking TF OUT

AH SHIT SHE’s GONNA DELIVER THIS BABY

AHHH OMG IM SCREAMING

THE BABY IS OKAY, SHE’S OKAY OMG MY HEAD, MY CHEST, EVERYTHING HURTS

damn that was intense

Gold fucking star for Valarie though

“I longed for this baby Patrick, longed for it, prayed for it and now I’m wondering why my prayers were answered because I don’t know what sort of a world we’re bringing it into ” SHELAGH DONT CRY, Ima cry 😰💕

“We just have to hope and we’re good at that” UGH MORE TEARS, YES YOU GUYS ARE 😭💕💔

Delia making another 2 second appearance

“If God loves me and wants me to do this, why is he making it so hard” omg I’ve been tearing this whole episode

DAMN YOU CTM for hurting my hEART and making it better at the same time!

Who are all these extra nuns

Aw Nadifa, but her baby is precious

Sister MJ & MC killing me 💔

“It is no bad thing to be lost in a fog or at sea..” 😭😭😰😰

“Nurse bubsy” um bitch we don’t need that attitude right now

“We’re all going to hell in a handcart” indeed

lol Trixie wasn’t having it though she gave babs the only side eye 😂😭

Shit sister MC reading the paper no

I can’t imagine living through this crisis?! But like my grandparents did

The world was shook. But we’re shook now?? the world is constantly falling apart

Wait I love THIS SONG

DON’T FORGET WHO’S TAKING YOU HOME….SAVE THE LAST DANCE FOR MEEEEE💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

tom x babs, Delia with the photo of Pats!, fred x violet aw cute montage 💕 💔

Trixie looking spectacular ugh goals

“You’d think the world would’ve learned by now..” YEA TRIXIE WE’RE STILL SAYING THAT IN 2017

“London is your oyster” lol that phrase is funny af idk why 😂

Cute Trixie and Christopher moment though 😭

Patrick and Sister MC! “I was once as lonely..” I’m a w r e c k 😭💔

Trixie in those black pyjamas I still want

SISTER MC AND TRIXIE 😭💔💕

“I generally find that if you can summon the courage to sit through the bleakest day, then in the end the weather will change” 😭I needed that Trixie

“Nothing worse than being wrongly dressed for an occasion” omg she’s gonna ditch the habit

Val you said before there was no normal

THE FLAT IS EMPTY JUST LIKE MY FUckING HEART & SOUL THANKS TO THIS DAMN PROGRAM(ME)

ANGELA’S BABY STUFF

“Maybe I never gave up hope”

They actually fucking kissed again rip to me

“Lots of memories” yes “they don’t belong to the house, they’re ours. They come with us” YEA AND WITH ME TOO AH

IM AN EMOTIONAL PIECE OF GARBAGE, excuse me while jump out the window and throw myself away with the rest of the trash😭😭😭💕💕

BET THEY BORROWED PHYLLIS’S ROOF RACK AGAIN

“A lady never tells” ok Trixie 😉😏👀

CRISIS AVERTED !!!

“We live to see another day” mood every day in america tbh

Phyllis running to the radio😂

“I feel like an absolute fool” “then we’re a fine pair” Pair of fools ugh I’m cryin I love u fools

NORTHFIELD

oh shit, is Sister Mary Cynthia really going to leave the order or just start over? 😭

I know you didn’t get the memo yet son but no liquor for trix😲

My Trixie 😭 look how far she’s come 😭💕and she’s going to tell him soon and I’ll be crying and gushing with pride

Chin chin

THEYRE CAMPING OUT AH, THEN CAMPING TRIP REFERENCE

“We’re very lucky though, aren’t we” ugh MY HEART

SISTER MJ AND MC OMG 💔😭

my heart hurts. That’s all. Fuck I’m crying like real tears

Noo Deka is going to be cut😰😰

yo Val calm tf down, it’s fucked up but you can’t be yelling like that

Nadifa standing up for herself 😭

I can’t deal 💔

“What would you like to be called while your with us?” “If you don’t mind, and if I’m allowed to choose, I’d just like to be called by my name.. which is Cynthia” 😭give Bryony an award😭

“There are so many secret wounds, so many types of hidden scar.” VANESSA YOU CANT LEAVE ME CRYING ON THAT NOTE

Nadifa didn’t circumcise her daughter !!!

“The soul, being stronger than we think, can surges all mutilations and the marks upon it make it perfect and complete” VANESSA IM C R Y I N AND IM D E A D

I hope You all prepare for my funeral, pls arrive well dressed, dios te bendiga

Rest In Peace Gabby Rachel Nuñez, 1998-2017. Cause of death: too many feelings from call the midwife 💔💔

BONUS NEXT WEEK’S PREVIEW:

Susan Mullucks !! She’s so big

Boutta get prosthetic legs, my abuelo has one

“This isn’t funny Valarie” WHAT DUMB SHIT DID VAL SAY TO MY BBY SO I CAN SMACK HER

Trixie slaying though

I thought Mr Mullocks came around last series wtf?!

“Nurse Crane should stand down from duties until the situation is resolved” OMGGG NO

OMG NO SHE HIT THE ANTOINE KID WITH HER CAR NOOO

“If you caused harm to someone else would it not mask you question everything you life has come to stand for?” FUCK NEXT WEEK WILL BE JUST AS BAD FOR ME

PHYLLIS IS SOBBING, I AM SOBBING OMG IM NOT READY

#call the midwife #lets get it 1962 #im actual trash #IM A MESS #my commentaries™

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atatfortatzelwurm · 7 years

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i just wanted to play this one game

okay so i want to play four swords 25 anniversary edition on my brother’s old-and slightly broken-DSi., right? game doesn’t work without L/R buttons, L/R buttons are both broken. darn.

turn on 3DS and go to shop. search ‘four swords’. nothing turns up. i knew that was coming, so i put it down and pick DSi back up.

go to DSi menu and see “nintendo 3DS transfer tool” i look at my New Nintendo 3DS XL beside me. there’s still hope.

turn on the application and wait for it to connect to the internet and the DSi tells me it can’t--access point not found. that’s right, we changed internet providers since this thing was last turned on. go to setting to change internet, i can’t because i need the advanced settings.

okay, go to advanced settings and change to current internet provider. it works, cool. go back to 3DS transfer, can’t transfer because i need an update from the DSi shop.check the shop, apparently if i was a month later i would have missed the deadline. hallelujah.

...can’t figure out how to get to the rest of the shop. uhh...

try to figure out settings and try to get to the 3DS transfer again, i still need the update from the DSi shop. go back to the DSi shop. hit “SHOP” button. oh. go for the update, internet cuts out. mini heart attack.

internet comes back, crisis averted, grab the update. go back to 3DS transfer-it works! now to figure out the other half-the actual 3DS part.

turn on 3DS, stare at settings for a while, check online for help. help received, with clear instructions and demonstrations. good... onto the execution. the witch inside me says to go get quarts to boost the internet because it’s being spotty again, ignore it because transfer just started and i don’t want to leave DSi system alone in case something goes wrong.

internet cuts on the DSi. panic. 3DS won’t stop waiting for a response from DSi. more panic. try again with DSi, i need to fully reconnect with 3DS to do anything and 3DS is still waiting for a response. attempt to force 3DS to leave current transfer attempt, nothing works. internal screaming.

3DS gives up and DSi awaits further instructions. good, they’re both back to normal. try again with transfer, everything runs smoothly until i hit “transfer’ for the only application i actually want from this thing. 3DS is fine. retry, it works. ...it takes a very long time.

until

finally

SUCCESS.

i now have Four Swords 25th Anniversary Edition on my 3DS, and as an unexpected but pleasant surprise i can probably get Flipnote from it too.

#but that's a system transfer for another day #this post got pretty big huh #Four Swords?#i mean..#sorta

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soletuscreate · 6 years

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thesis progress log #4

in this edition: a shocking revelation, emotional turmoil, and possible triumph (for now)

today started with me sleeping in until 2 pm and realizing i’ve been spelling cronbach’s alpha wrong this entire time!!! there’s only 1 h! i’m glad i didn’t write anything about it until now. interesting.

anyway my main goal was to format the results i did yesterday into a results section and then figure out how to read the CRONBACH’S alpha output so i can finally write the damn results like i’ve been telling myself i would do a week ago!!!

anyway happy march!!! i think i wrote all of that yesterday but today is today and today is march! i have been imagining how nice it will be when it’s finally warm enough to hypothetically hang out on the porch with my laptop and work on the thesis. (but laura wouldn’t it be nice if you finished it early and then you can hang out on the porch and just chill out?? yes but we will see if that happens. we’re working on it)

(not related to anything but guess who put their parking pass on a piece of paper and now has paper stuck to it so they can’t use it anymore??? GOD i am so MAD!! ANYWAY)

yesterday i formatted all of the results from last edition into a results section. i finally looked up the cronbach’s alpha stuff but now i’m worried because i keep reading they should be between 3 and 8 on the correlation but on the affect scale it has a few that are 2??? and i don’t know if i’m supposed to delete those questions??? or if it’s ok because they’re measuring negative affect? or if it’s passable because my notes say anything under 7?? i have to email that other student again....sigh...maybe i’ll text him because now finishing all of this is getting urgent????? we will see

okay update after some research (google and remembering that there’s a total cronbach’s alpha score) it might be okay?? because as long as it’s a strong overall score with a lot of variables it’s okay and good and cool?? so i might email him anyway but write what i have and change it if i need to...but i think it’s okay as long as the score doesn’t change that much if i would delete them?? anyway (like i’ve been saying i feel like i’ve been doing all of this wrong??? this has been very stressful i need a NAP) the book says as long as the reliability doesn’t increase if they were deleted they’re fine so. crisis averted? i think?

OKAY so i wrote down the results into a paragraph before the correlations (because i think i was supposed to run these before the correlations but whatever i don’t think it changed anything)...it looks fine?? i look over everything tomorrow and then try to run some practice regressions?? and read everything and read everything i can about how to write a results section (because when i took that class that was *supposed* to teach me how to do it it was in a group setting where i didn’t do that much and also not with my advisor so how do i know if it’s the way she wants?? she can deal with it when she reads it as long as the numbers are there it’s FINE

also coffee count today: 2 because i woke up very late but i’ll have at least 1 or 2 more later tonight

#thesis progress log #maybe i'll do more dramatic summaries before the read more to entice my viewers #even though it's for me and you're not obligated to read it!!! but read it

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subjisoo · 7 years

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Check In chapter 9

Words: 3k

Genre: ??? idk drama? angst? not sure yet lol

Synopsis: Seungcheol and his best friend Wonwoo have been running a small drug dealing business for the past two years, along with Wonwoo’s boyfriend Mingyu on the books and new recruit Hansol to manage the second hand shop they use as a cover story.

This Chapter: Lots of hurt and comfort for Cheolsol and backstory for Seungcheol bc I ?? haven't given him any yet wtf

Warnings: drug ment (light), conversion therapy ment (very very light), death ment

Author’s Note: based on the MV for Check In which I edited into a kind of trailer for this fic and u can watch it here.

Check In: chapter one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / read on ao3

Hansol had never actually made a sale himself, but he’d been witness to so many that he figured he would be fine. He had told Seungcheol this on the phone, but it didn’t stop him from texting Hansol every five minutes to make sure he was okay.

When half an hour went by with no text, Hansol started to get worried and called Seungcheol.

“Oh thank god,” Seungcheol’s voice echoed on the other end when he picked up.

“Are you in a toilet?”

“Well, I’m not going to take a phone call from my boyfriend about our weed business in front of a homophobic conservative, am I?”

Hansol laughed. “Fair enough. So why haven’t you texted for a while? You were being pretty consistent for a while there.”

“I ran out of credit.”

“Wow, that’s dedication.”

“Can you just, text me updates so I know everything’s okay?”

“Yeah, I can do that. Nothing happened in the past half an hour except some freshmen came in trying to get something so I told them there was a waiting list.”

“No one causing you any trouble?”

“Nope, I’ve got everything under control.”

Seungcheol breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank god. What about the other two?”

Hansol glanced at the stair case. “No word yet, but I heard the shower running a while ago. No yelling or sounds of anything breaking, which I guess is a good sign.”

“Very good. Okay babe I gotta go, she’ll tell me off for taking a shit in public if I stay in here too long.”

Hansol laughed, looking to the front of The Shop as the bell rang. “Okay, I gotta go too; customers.”

“Stay safe, and text me updates.”

“Will do,” Hansol said, rising from the stool to greet the customers. “I really gotta go, Cheol.”

“Okay okay, I’ll talk to you soon, love you.”

Before he could reply, Seungcheol had hung up. Hansol shook himself, putting his phone next to the till and greeting the customers.

“Hi, how can I help you?”

There were two of them; a tall, willowy woman and a short, stoic man with a goatee. The man looked around The Shop as the woman stood in front of the till, towering over Hansol.

“We’re here for what’s in the back room,” she said, not meeting Hansol’s eyes.

Something about her made Hansol very uncomfortable. “Sure, can I get a name?”

“Lee.”

Hansol laughed, taking the clipboard out from under the desk. “We have about twenty of those, I’m gonna need your first name too.”

He flipped to the letter L on the list of customers and scanned it for Lee Minji. “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have you on our list. You’ll have to go through a background check before we can sell to you.”

Minji nodded slowly, finally meeting Hansol’s eyes. “What, do I have to sign up to buy weed?”

“That’s generally how we operate, yes.”

She shared a look with the man, who was standing by the books on the wall. She turned back to Hansol.

“Thank you.”

With out saying anything else, the two of them left. Hansol stowed away the clipboard and sat down again. He debated calling Seungcheol, but decided it would be better to text him.

[Sent, 1:34pm] Hey, still alive

[Received: Seungcheol, 1:34pm] Thanks babe

Hansol decided not to tell him about the people until Seungcheol got back in case he got too worked up, but felt he needed to tell someone.

[Sent, 1:35pm] Everything okay up there?

He bounced his knee as he waited for a reply.

[Received: Mingyu, 1:37pm] Crisis: averted

[Received: Mingyu, 1:37pm] Peace: restored

[Received: Mingyu, 1:38pm] Dick: not out

[Received: Mingyu, 1:39pm] Thanks for everything, by the way, it means a lot

[Sent, 1:40pm] It’s no problem man, I’m glad things are okay now

[Received: Mingyu, 1:41pm] Yeah well idk if I would’ve been able to do it without your help

[Sent, 1:41pm] You would’ve been fine man, but I’m glad I could be there for u

[Received: Mingyu, 1:42pm] Thanks bro, sorry our balls didn’t touch

Hansol laughed, feeling a bit more at ease as he typed in his next reply.

[Sent, 1:43pm] If your dick really isn’t out, is it cool if I come up? Got some business stuff to talk about

[Received: Mingyu, 1:44pm] Sure, we’re on the balcony

When he got onto the balcony, Mingyu and Wonwoo had their chairs right next to each other and were holding hands, a mug of black coffee and a glass of orange juice on the table. They both looked up as Hansol shoved the door open and joined them at the table. Wonwoo looked exhausted, his eye starting to swell with the bruising. Mingyu’s eyes were still a bit puffy, but he looked quietly happy.

“You two are a sight for sore eyes.”

Mingyu laughed and the corner of Wonwoo’s mouth tugged up.

“Everything sorted out?”

Mingyu turned to Wonwoo who cleared his throat and looked intently at the glass of orange juice. “Yeah. Mingyu stopped crying, at least.”

The three of them laughed a little, and Hansol felt bad for bringing something negative back to them.

“Some people just came into The Shop and I think they were like, cops or something?”

Mingyu sat up a little more. “What makes you think that?”

Hansol told them what happened and Mingyu thought for a moment. “Doesn’t sound like cops.”

“What does it sound like?”

Mingyu took in a sharp breath, letting go of Wonwoo’s hand and leaning forwards. “Do you know of any other drug dealing services in the area?”

Hansol shrugged. “Not really my scene, if you’d believe it. I can ask around though.”

“Don’t make it obvious. Actually, don’t do it, I’ll sort things out. My cousin might know, I’ll give him a call.”

Hansol looked at Mingyu expectantly as he got his phone out of his pocket. Wonwoo rested his arm on the back of Mingyu’s chair and picked up the coffee to take a drink.

“Thanks for letting us know, Hansol. You can go back down if you want.”

“Okay. I haven’t told Cheol yet; he can’t really talk on the phone and I figured a text would just freak him out.”

Wonwoo nodded. “Smart.”

Hansol left them to it and went back downstairs, relieved to find the shop empty. He planted himself back on his stool and reached for his phone.

[Sent, 2:02pm] Still kickin’

[Received: Seungcheol, 2:03pm] Good to hear

The rest of the day was uneventful, with Seungcheol and Mikyung returning just as Hansol was closing up. He greeted them both politely, not knowing if he should talk to Seungcheol or not. They walked past him and went upstairs without any conversation, and Hansol was about to leave without saying goodbye when he got a text.

[Received: Seungcheol, 5:07pm] I’ll be down in a minute, can you wait for me?

[Sent, 5:07pm] Sure

Seungcheol came down the stairs a few minutes later, carrying a duffel bag.

“Hope you don’t mind me crashing at yours? Mingyu said he could handle things for a night. I think they want the room to themselves.”

Hansol raised his brows. “With her in the next room?”

Seungcheol shrugged, giving Hansol a brief kiss. “They can be quiet if they really want to.”

Hansol laughed, opening the door and letting Seungcheol step out before him. “Sure, Jan.”

They held hands as they walked back to the dorms, talking lightly and avoiding big subjects. When they got to Hansol’s room, it was a mess from Mingyu that morning. The duvet was on the floor and there was crumpled up toilet paper littered around the floor. The empty cups of noodles were still on the desk.

Hansol closed the door behind them and put his backpack on his desk, collapsing on the bed. “He produces so much snot, you wouldn’t believe.”

Seungcheol placed his bag by the door and navigated his way to the bed, falling onto it next to Hansol. “He had a cold for two weeks last year. It was hell.”

Hansol winced. “I can imagine.”

Seungcheol propped himself up on his elbows and looked around the room. “This is pretty impressive, though. How’d the duvet get on the floor?”

Hansol shrugged. “It’s all a blur of tears and tissues.”

Seungcheol laughed. “They seemed okay when I was up there before. Mind you I wasn’t there for long.”

“They’re okay, I talked to them for a bit when they were sitting on the balcony holding hands and cuddling.”

“What a relief. I can deal with me and Wonwoo fighting, but I don’t know how to deal with them fighting.”

Hansol got up from the bed and started collecting the pieces of toilet paper into the small bin he kept under his desk. “Have they not fought before?”

“Not really. Mingyu gets frustrated with Wonwoo sometimes, but they don’t have big fights like me and Wonwoo do.”

When he had picked up all the toiler paper, Hansol put the bin back under his desk and picked up the duvet. Seungcheol moved up the bed as Hansol spread the duvet out over him, then lying face down on the bed himself.

“I didn’t think you and Wonwoo fought.”

Seungcheol laughed. “We fight a lot. They’re big fights, but they’re never serious, you know? Like at the end of the day we still love each other so it’s never too serious.”

“Like siblings?”

“Yeah, I don’t have any but I imagine that’s what it’s like.”

Hansol put his head on Seungcheol’s chest, draping an arm over his torso. “Me and my sister fight heaps, but we don’t even have to apologise for the argument to be over. You have the fight, you yell at each other, you storm off, then you tell them a joke five minutes later and everything’s fine.”

“Sounds about right.” Seungcheol pulled Hansol closer to him and kissed the top of his head. “Sorry all of this is going on, I know it’s a lot to handle.”

Hansol shook his head. “It’s okay, I’m more worried about you lot. I’m doing fine.”

Seungcheol pulled Hansol into his lap, circling his arms around him and forming a sort of protective shell. Hansol froze, trying to figure out what was going on, only speaking when Seungcheol started sniffling.

“Cheol?”

“Mm?”

“What are you doing?”

“I think I’m protecting you?”

Hansol shifted a little. “From what?”

“Everything,” his voice was ragged and he sniffed again.

Hansol sat up, forcing Seungcheol to uncurl from around him. When Hansol saw his face, it was wet with a steady stream of tears, his eyes bloodshot and his lip trembling. Hansol placed his hands either side of his face.

“Cheol, what’s wrong?”

Seungcheol closed his eyes and held his breath.

“Baby?”

With that, Seungcheol collapsed forwards onto Hansol’s chest and started to wail, his whole body heaving. Hansol repositioned them so that he was lying on his side, cradling Seungcheol in his arms and playing with his hair. Seungcheol’s body was limp, his sobs taking control of his muscles.

Hansol made a hushing sound and kissed Seungcheol’s hair. “It’s okay, get it out, I’ll wait, you’re okay.” He repeated this like a mantra as Seungcheol cried until he couldn’t cry anymore.

When he was done, Seungcheol rolled to lie on his back. Hansol reached for what was left of the toilet roll and passed it to Seungcheol, who used it to blow his nose and mop up his tears.

“Cheol, what happened?”

Seungcheol sighed in a way that indicated he wanted to keep crying but had used up all his energy. “It’s a long story.”

“We have all night, baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

“It’s just,” he held his breath again, “it’s been three years today.”

Hansol shuffled closer and slung his arm of Seungcheol’s torso. “Three years since what?”

“Since Hanbin.”

Hansol frowned, trying to remember if Seungcheol had mentioned the name before. “Who’s Hanbin?”

Seungcheol closed his eyes, dislodging a tear that ran into his hairline. “He was my boyfriend.”

This threw Hansol, because Seungcheol had never mentioned any past boyfriends. Although he supposed it shouldn’t have surprised him, as he knew that Seungcheol had experience.

He lightly kissed Seungcheol’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. Yes. I mean,” he sighed, “I know I should, but it hurts.”

Hansol rubbed his stomach in a way he hoped was soothing. “Take your time, I’ll be here.”

It was a while before Seungcheol spoke, and he opened and closed his mouth several times before he finally started.

“Hanbin and I pretty much grew up together, like our parents were friends. Wanted us to be each others best man or whatever. But,” he furrowed his brows, “I don’t know how it happened, it just kinda did.”

“What, you two dating?”

“Yeah, you know he was my best friend and my first kiss when we were like eight. We were too young to know it wasn’t normal and we spent pretty much all our time together and held hands and shared beds. I think we were fifteen when we realised we were in love. Pretty soon after that we figured out we weren’t allowed to be.”

Hansol’s hand moved up to Seungcheol’s chest and he started to draw shapes. “That must’ve been scary.”

“Terrifying. You’ve met Mikyung; pretty much everyone in our town’s like that. We had to be careful and hide it. Of course we told Wonwoo, because he was in our group of three and it didn’t seem fair to keep it from him. That was scary at the time.”

“But it was fine right? I mean judging by the fact you live together with his boyfriend.”

Seungcheol laughed weakly. “Yeah, he cried and thanked us because he’d wanted to come out for a few years but was too scared. So we were a happy, gay little trio.” He took a deep breath. “Then Wonwoo came out to his mum and got sent to conversion therapy and it was just the two of us, which was weird for a while. But he came back, and he was different but he was still Wonwoo, so it was fine.”

Hansol did the maths in his head. “So we’re up to four years ago, right?”

“Yeah.”

Hansol kissed his shoulder again. “You don’t have to rush.”

“Thanks, it’s okay. So the three of us were still friends, all hiding in the closet together. But we figured we could go to the same university all of us together and that way we wouldn’t have to hide from anyone, be away from our parents and just be gay freely.”

Hansol was about to ask if he had met Hanbin, but Seungcheol continued.

“Those first three months were so good.” He was smiling wide, looking up at the ceiling. “We were nineteen and gay and in love and it felt like we had everything figured out. Everything was good.

“This was back in the early days of The Shop, before it was even The Shop; we were just selling out of our pockets. Wonwoo was still running errands like he is now, because he’s a scary looking guy and we all know I’m too soft. But then Mikyung came to visit and they went out for lunch and there was something on the other side of town.” He thought for a moment, Hansol still tracing shapes on his chest. “I don’t even remember what it was, but Wonwoo was still out and Hanbin,” his voice faltered and he cleared his throat. “Hanbin said he would do it.

“I tried to stop him, tell him I could go or we could wait for Wonwoo, but he told me to stop worrying.” He sighed, shutting his eyes. “I’m so glad I told him I loved him. I’m so glad I did that because.” He held his breath and let it out, holding it again then letting it out. “He died.”

Hansol felt himself start to cry, simply upset by seeing Seungcheol so distraught. “Cheol, I’m so sorry that’s, that’s fucking awful.”

Seungcheol finally turned his head and looked at Hansol, his voice just a ragged whisper. “I had to lie to his parents. I had to tell them that he was just my friend, that he was caught in the crossfire of something we didn’t know about. In my eulogy, I couldn’t even say that I was in love with him. I had to lie even after he died.”

Hansol placed his hand softly on Seungcheol’s cheek, wiping at his tears as Seungcheol melted into the touch. “You blame yourself.”

He already knew the answer, but that did little to stop the breaking of his heart as Seungcheol nodded.

“You shouldn’t – don’t interrupt me – you shouldn’t blame yourself. I know you do and it’s hard and you can’t get rid of that survivor’s guilt, but you couldn’t have done anything.”

“I could’ve gone instead, it could’ve been me.”

“But then I wouldn’t have met you,” Hansol’s voice was wavering. “I wouldn’t have met you and I wouldn’t have –” he bit his lip but finished his sentence. “I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.”

Seungcheol sniffed loudly. “You’ve fallen in love with me?”

“Well, yeah I mean.” He felt heat creeping up his neck and onto his cheeks. “I kinda thought we both had. You said it on the phone today.”

Seungcheol turned onto his side, taking both of Hansol’s hands in his. “Don’t, don’t. I do love you.” He pressed their kips together several times. “I do I do I was just scared you didn’t love me.”

Hansol giggled against his lips. “Of course I love you, don’t be ridiculous.”

They let one of the kisses last a bit longer before Hansol pulled away. “I’m really sorry about Hanbin.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t yours, either.”

Seungcheol opened his mouth but thought better and just smiled. “Thank you.”

“I’ll try to stop telling you not to worry so much.”

Seungcheol breathed out hard, his breath warm on Hansol’s face. “Thank you.”

“You need food and rest,” Hansol said, rolling off the bed and going to get some cup noodles from the cupboard.

When they had finished their noodles, they put the cups next to the ones from the previous night. They didn’t bother changing as they got under the covers.

Seungcheol held Hansol against his chest and kissed him just behind his ear. “I love you so much.”

Hansol squeezed his hand as their fingers intertwined. “I love you too, Cheol.”

#seventeen #hip hop unit #meanie #cheolsol #check in #mine

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