#edit: idk though it's not as bad as last night i don't think

[noacfapologyst]

night love confessions — matty healy

summary: after a night party, matty has the idea (or the need) to confess his love to you.

warnings: some kind of mention about get drunk, alcohol, drugs and substances (but nothing very explicit) nocturnal melancholy, sad atmosphere and some mentions of touches.

wordcounter: 3,4k

a/n: hey everybody! this is my first au and even i'm scary i really hope you enjoy and like the story, maybe then could put this into a general universe, but idk, it depends i think if it works and if the people like it. anyway, thanks for giving the chance to read it. last thing, english is not my first language so if something it's bad i apologize for that too.

hope you enjoy it 🖤

The bottles that are opened, the containers that fall to the ground, the footsteps of shoes, the music that resonates through the speakers and deafens your ears.

The group of guys you're looking at, the smile one of them gives you at the end of the track. The adrenaline when listening to the band's new song composed by your friends, the lights that make you lose, you feel everything in slow motion.

You drum your fingers on the red disposable cup, before pouring the harsh liquid down your throat and feeling the traces of the rest on your tongue. There is a silence on you, but then you return to the ring with a small scream of happiness, which perhaps multiplies the state you are by a third.

You don't know how many glasses you've had, enough so that your sobriety is hanging by a thread and the hangover of the morning with your head exploding is too evident, but you know that this time nothing else has been mixed. Last time the story didn't end too well, jumping over security fences outside an abandoned club to end up with a sprained right foot and several bruises is not something you want to repeat two weeks later.

— Does anyone know where the hell Matty has gone? — George exasperates, raising his voice over the speakers. Everyone looks at each other confused, without having a clear answer. — God, this guy is going to give me a bad headache one day. —Although he is drunk and has red eyes, he is at his most sane. — You are surprised and turn your expression into an "o".

— He was here a few moments ago, I swear. — Ross responds a while later, moving up to follow him into the crowd.

You sigh a little tired, lately it has become the same routine and with regret inside you decide that you should abandon the staring contest with the black-haired man who is a few meters in front of you.

— I'll bring him back in a moment, let me take care of this. — You pronounce with difficulty, slurring the words and pouting.

— Well, if you can't find us we're probably outside. — Brown hair appears behind George, and even though you know you know the girl, you don't remember her name. You just know that from time to time she and your friend go to some bars .

— She's right. I need to sleep right now. —Ross exclaims, running the fold of her fingers over the sockets of his eyes. — Find him and then we'll leave.

You know Matty well enough to know that when he separates from the group, there are three places he can be doing: 1) In the outside or inside courtyard smoking some kind of cigarette, it's always a different edition so you don't know what you'll find. 2) In the nearest bathroom, with a card in hand and light white tints under the nose and nails. 3) Flirt with the first person you meet at the bar, spending the little money on drinks that will later be deposited on his bed.

— And if you don't find it, what? —Adam asks, in a tone of total concern.

— I will do it, I promise.

— Just... let us know when you get home, girl. —George closes the conversation and everyone else nods at his request, shakes their heads in response and greets them with a "yes, goodbye" in the air.

You hate a little, a lot, the rock superstar life that your entire band has led, it has been like this for years, but especially since they managed to make their first album become famous so quickly, and have devastated the sales stands and the lists have them in their heads. In fact, while you're debating where to start looking for it, Girls starts playing through the speakers. Great, the world makes fun of you with good satire.

It doesn't matter that you don't have clarity to think, your body moves for you and makes its way through quite a few people, until you touch a wall that has two exits: the bathroom and the courtyard. You breathe and try to lower your level to one less, until your instinct kicks in and you know you'll find Matty smoking.

Then you go out to the inner courtyard with the frost freezing your back. Adam was right, you needed your jacket that you left at his house a few hours earlier. The wind makes your eyes turn to glass in a sense, but you don't plan on giving up when you know you're committed to finding and bringing it home in the best condition possible.

You find it almost at the end of the place, away from the main entrances, which catches your attention. He has his leather jacket over his knees, which leaves his arms unprotected despite how thin they are. He's frowning, and when you get closer you see that he's exhaling and inhaling with a thoughtful expression, there's something troubling him even though you can't figure it out.

You reach his side of him and look for a small place to sit, he still has n't realized that someone else is with him, he's still absorbed.

— No girl today? What a loser. — You wake him up and make him jump in his place. — The boys are gone.

— Shit, girl. You really scared me.— He puts his hand on his chest, exactly on his heart. He gives you a half-shot of his eyes, they're freshly red, and you grimace silently. — She's gone too.

— Who? — You cross your legs, and your fishnet stockings catch on a tile out of place. — Shit, they were new. — You moan and realize that you are freezing.

— Luckily for you, buying another one is not difficult. —Now you are the one who frowns while exhaling a considerable amount of smoke.

— Are you okay, Matty? — You don't know why you use his name, but sometimes it helps to bring him back to reality. You look at him when he shakes his head and laughs sarcastically, his curls are out of control and half of them are hanging over his forehead, but he has not bothered to fix them, his white t-shirt he has small red wine stains on it. You can't help but worry about him even if you don't know what you're really into, he's one of the people you love the most and seeing him so subdued burns you more than the glass you drank ten minutes ago. He starts to close his eyes and breathe easier, or so you think. — Hey, I'll take you home, come on.

— Honey, look at me. It's a fucking party and I'm smoking alone. — Speak in the deepest voice, seriously about the subject. Well, that hurts. — Come here. — He hits the jacket that falls on her knees so that you can rest your head there.

He knows that you will not refuse, perhaps because the jacket will keep you warm, because you are tired or because you are very busy and worried. About him you will do everything he asks. Then he drops his head there and slowly rests his legs on the pavement.

Matty's head is about to explode, and not necessarily because of the amount of cocaine he has consumed, although a significant part of it is a factor. He's grateful to have his head against the wall, although he doesn't remember how he got to that position. because he knows that otherwise he would do anything that would ruin the whole environment, no matter how small and silly it was. Lately he's screwed up more things than he's done right, but maybe this is what he longs for most in his life, that when all this terror and this endless nightmare is over (he's more convinced that it won't) you'll still be there, close to him, to support his head or lean on him.

Silence becomes your best friend over and over again. All he wants to do now is cross his hands below your waist and hold you for as long as he is allowed. But he doesn't, his hands are dirty and he couldn't afford to dirty his girl like that, he feels in the depths of his being that if he touched you even a millimeter he would ruin you to the core.

Basically the same feeling he had about himself several weeks ago, he couldn't take the responsibility of taking away all of your shine and everything that characterizes you as his favorite person. He is drugged and drunk, perhaps more than ever, but in this same hazy state he has discovered that perhaps the reason why he continues doing things without stopping is because it is a barrier to his feelings, it inhibits him from being able to think rationally and from being able to feel, It makes him believe that everything is possible, except being able to have you.

You remain motionless on his lap when you begin to close your eyes and he takes the opportunity to look at you, giving himself every detail, capturing the scene forever in his memory: look at how your locks fall on your forehead, how your chest rises and falls every time you you breathe, and the subtle smile on your lips that is the product of drunkenness that also causes a satirical laugh and then dies in its own tranquility. He also notices when you open your eyes, noticing his determined look and you raise an eyebrow in question.

— I need to die, now. Can we go now? — You whisper, also struggling to hold the moment for as many minutes as possible.

— One more and we'll leave, love. — The nickname causes a cerebral shock throughout your cortex, but you hide it with the freezing air that runs through there and you pass him the lighter that has fallen on the floor.— I'll wake you up... maybe in seven minutes? I can't count. — The two laugh and for a second they hold each other's gaze, shining and reflecting on each other.

— Promise? — You ask, and you raise your little finger.

— Promise. — He intertwines them and it's convincing enough for you that you soon go back to sleep, leaving your hand outstretched. Matty has no intention of breaking that contact, so he takes it upon himself to enjoy the seven minutes like this, usually blowing out some hair that obstructs her view of him.

When he is halfway through the fateful cigarette, he lets out the longest snort of the day. He feels the same as he did in Robbers' video. No, it's nonsense. That song was never written for you, but maybe he's relating it to others.

Oh, but it's automatic, the scene where he's on her lap in timeout, the thought that he could never let you go even if they were apart, everything he's begged for you to stay and all the times you haven't. was able to turn back. All those times when he was the cause of your suffering, when you ended up in the hospital due to his failure, when he wasn't there the day your father left, and how later you said he was fine and that it didn't matter.

Maybe you'd actually sum it up to something like I love you, don't you mind? Because nothing could happen above that, you loved Matty as if he were your other half and even if he meant suffering more than anything else, you accepted it because you preferred to have him than not. But you knew that those opportunities were nil, nothing more would happen with him and the almost kiss a few weeks ago had made it clear.

On the other hand, Matty had started to cry. The taste of the tobacco was now a mixture of salt water and nicotine.

— Time to leave. — He says it slowly, extinguishing the remains against the cement and drying the trace of his face.

They both get back together after a while with some effort. Then you extend your hand to him so you don't lose him in the crowd when you have to cross it. It takes some effort, but you manage to breathe in the fresh air and see the light from the post outside faster than you thought.

—Can I sleep at your house today? My house is...complicated. — The hands of you two let go as both begin to walk along the brick pavement of Manchester. There's a small ringing in your ears but you nod, he's not in the state to show up at his house.

— Yes. — Your direct word calm him to the point that he adopts a calm that does not allow him to see a loose cable in the street and trip over it. — You can't walk, at least not like this. — You say, reaching out to him with concern. — Here we go, big boy.

You grip his wrist tighter, trying to provide some stability, until he changes his grip and runs his hand around your waist, wrapping it around it and pulling you as close to him as he can, seeking to get you inside of him. When he moves his fingers he notices the temperature of your skin.

— You're cold, put on my jacket, please. — He brakes and looks at you defiantly, without losing that tone of chivalry.

— It's okay, we're close to my house. — You comment without paying attention to his frown. Then you see the light about to be left at the beginning of the block and break your hold under his watchful eye.

You run, always holding on to him until the central point of the park that you are crossing. Since you have his hand in yours, you spin him around a few times while neither of you can stop laughing.

They both feel like they are floating regardless of any other part of the world or any other matter. If they both touched their hearts they would discover that it is stronger than ever.

He caresses your cheek and takes the opportunity to smudge an eyelash. Then they melt into an embrace completely overflowing with desperation, love, affection, and the need to freeze there forever. Eternity in this line sounds incredible.

— I'm very glad to have you. — You murmur in his ear, and then you give his a kiss on the cheek. You don't need and don't want him to answer, so you decide to run to the door of your house and wait for him there.

Tomorrow he won't remember this, so it's okay, you tell yourself.

Tomorrow he'll remember every part of this, living it second by second, then it will all come flooding back to Matty breaking him deeply.

Then he arrives at your front door and between some silly jokes and some tripping objects, like your brother's toys or some discarded slippers, you make it to your room, although you need to use your supporting weight to carry Matty inside.

— I'll bring a glass of water and a hangover pill. — You tell him and disappear from your own room.

You go down the stairs and it seems that you also go down to reality.

What the fuck are you doing? What has happened and why hasn't you stopped sooner? You put your hand to your head in frustration and drink water, then fill another glass and look for the pills. Tomorrow you will not only have discomfort from the drink.

You return to the bedroom, opening and closing the door carefully. The scene petrifies you, he is sitting on the white back of your bed, taking up as much space as he can. Then he looks at you, and smiles at you as if he were a child who had just been caught being mischievous. You feel like you could die of lovey-dovey right now.

— I'm going to the bathroom to put on my pajamas. — You open the closet and take out the largest T-shirt you can find, then the pijamas that are clean. — Use this. — You stretch out your arm and he catches the shirt along with a pair of shorts, internally you wish he would finish before you leave the bathroom.

Being used to the routine, taking off your clothes and removing your makeup doesn't take you more than five minutes, just enough for him to scan every corner of the room after changing with quite some effort. He smiles when he sees the box full of Polaroids of you and the entire band, and then feels like he's dying a little more when he sees the self titled car at the head of your furniture.

You open the bathroom door and he needs to swallow hard to keep from stumbling. Even in your pink heart pijamas you look just as spectacular as you do in your black miniskirt and boots.

—You seem very....funny— You scan it and you laugh when you see how short the clothes you gave him are. Then you realize that the mattress is not here, but you don't want to go out and look for another one. —Does it bother you if we sleep together? —It's nothing you haven't done, but it still requires a certain degree of difficulty to ask.

He denies sweetly and moves away as far as he can when you get on your bed, there is an unbearable barrier between the two of you.

So, he lets it out. Something internally takes over him.

— You are my favorite person in the whole world, my love. — He try to whisper it because you force yourself to believe that he thinks you're sleeping. He doesn't manage to whisper it anyway, and you hear his voice begin to crack and his heart begin to pour out. Your greatest fear comes to light when the way he speaks condemns it, you've seen too many movies to know what's coming.

No. He can't do this to you, you can't bear that tomorrow he will forget about this entire night and you must pretend that for a moment it makes sense that he also loves you the same way you do. You want to believe that he dreams of you too.

— Don't do it, Matty. Please do not do it. — You say to him with all your strength, while a swirl of water begins to grow in the sockets of your eyes. —Just... don't.

— Why? — He whimpers and staggers in his speech, he's taking it all on herself not to show you that he's breaking into miles of pieces.

— Because you're high, very high. Tomorrow you won't remember anything about this night and you won't be able to pretend this never happened. — You turn slowly, and then you wipe away the first tear that runs on his eyelid. — I really wish things could be different and that you would make this confession when you're not high.

For a moment he stops talking and you think you've won the battle and that there is a temperance that calms the threat. But he falls apart.

— I love you. I've always loved you and I can't stand another damn minute without telling you. — Tears simply fall down both of their cheeks and soak the pillowcases. You shake your head non-stop in a negative way.

He can't just let go now, at the moment when you're most emotionally vulnerable, so that tomorrow he can go off with the first girl he finds. In the long run it has always been like this, he gets over it and you are still there with a broken heart and forever devoted to him.

—Go to sleep, Matty. — Your request breaks him a little more, the tone destroys him although it is not very strong. — Do not make it harder.

He shifts uneasily, but he also understands that he can't force you to feel the same way. What he doesn't know is that if he just said he wouldn't leave tomorrow, you would run into his arms.

But he doesn't do it, nor does he close his eyes to fall asleep. He's there, watching your every move still. You sigh, unable to bear it anymore, maybe tomorrow you will suffer from it but maybe if you let go now it will be easier to overcome.

— I love you too. The same way you do it. — You kiss his head one last time and murmur one last goodbye before turning to sleep. — And it's been an ordeal for me all this time, because you feel it more when you're high and I feel it more when I'm sober.

Apparently your brain works fast and allows you to fall into some dream where this whole story is happier before reality can attack you.

And that's how they finally fall asleep, the both with their hearts in each other's palms, with more scars than before.

Finally, everything gets comically better when you wake up a few hours later and there's no sign of Matty in your entire room.

Just make out that the glass of water is empty and the pill is not there. You laugh sadly before going to sleep without letting yourself cry again, he doesn't remember anything from the night before.

i won't apologize for this. however, thanks for reading <3 let me know what you thought or if you liked it.

Etiquetas: @cxcx75

#matty healy #matty x reader #matty healy x reader #matty healy x oc #matty healy x you #matty healy fic #matty healy fanfiction #the 1975 #1975 band #I watched robbers video five times to do this #i cried #so much #first writing #first fanfic

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Not Enough | Jeon Jungkook

Summary: Your old classmate comes back into town for a work trip but his flight home gets cancelled so he shows up on your doorstep to tell you one last thing... Pairing: Reader x Jungkook f2l Word Count: 1.3k~ a/n: Just some cute angst... is that even a thing? lol idk how to categorize it. I wrote it last night and thought it would be nice as a one shot. Hope you enjoy :) p.s. horribly edited

"Hey thanks for letting me spend the night" Jungkook says as I let him into my apartment. "Don't mention it. It's not your fault that your flight got cancelled" I say taking his jacket and hanging it up to dry. "Looks like it's really coming down out there" I say in regards to his jacket that is completely soaked through. "Hey!" I laugh while putting my hands up, trying to shield myself from mist that lands on me while he shakes his head in an effort to dry his hair off a bit.

"Oh sorry my bad" he says wiping my face a bit with his sleeve that is surprisingly dry in contrast. "It's fine" I say while he playfully smooshes my face around, 'trying' to dry it off. "You sure you don't mind?" he says when he finishes and cups my face with both of his hands making eye contact with me. "I told you it's fine, plus this way we get to spend more time together before you fly back home" I say giving him a sad smile and taking one of his hands off my face so I can walk away to grab some things for him.

"Are you mad at me?" he says trailing behind me into my room. "Why would I be mad at you?" I say pulling out some pillows and blankets for him to use on the sofa bed. "Well then you're upset" he continues and I ignore that question because I really can't deny it.

"Talk to me" he says, taking the things that are in my hands and placing them on my bed. "I'm not upset" I lie but I know he can see right through me. "I'm sorry I can't stay longer. We were supposed to spend more time together but this work trip was a lot more demanding than I thought it would be" he says taking one of my hands in his.

"It's okay, it's not your fault. You had a job you needed to do so I can't get mad at you for it. I'm just happy that I was even able to see you" I say trying to take some of the guilt away. "How long has it been since you moved back home?" I question, referring to him getting his dream job back in Seoul.

"Two years" he says with an unreadable expression. "You still like it there right?" I question, concerned with his reaction. "Oh I love it, everyone there is really nice and the job is challenging but definitely everything I wanted and more" he says while grabbing the pillows and blankets and bringing them into the living room.

"I bet your parents are happy you moved back huh?" I question, watching as he sets up the pull out couch taking all the cushions off and unfolding the mattress. "Yeah they are, but they talk about you a lot though" he says with his back to me, not able to see how confused that's made me.

"Me? Why me?" I say grabbing one corner of the bed sheet, deciding to at least help him place the fitted one on. "They keep on asking me how you are, if you're still living in New York, why I didn't bring you back with me, what kind of job you have" he lists off, with one in particular catching me off guard.

"Woah woah woah, back up. They thought you were going to bring me back to Seoul with you? Like as in come to visit?" I say tilting my head in confusion. "Something like that" he says and lays out the pillows and blankets, finishing up the setup in record time. "No no, don't you go all vague on me" I say following him over to my kitchen where he gets himself a water bottle out of the fridge and hands one to me as well, which I place on the counter trying to stay focused on my interrogation.

"Did they think you were going to ask me to move to Seoul with you?" I question after he's taken a drink from his water bottle, still holding onto it, having only been half empty now. "Yeah" he says looking past me, focusing on something on the wall behind me to avoid eye contact.

"Why?" I question, confused as to what would even make them think that. "You know how my mom always calls you myeoneuri?" he questions, now looking down at the floor. "Yeah that means daughter right? You said she started calling me that because you and I became really good friends" I answer recalling the memory.

"Well myeoneuri doesn't exactly mean daughter" he says and I can see how the tips of his ears are almost turning a bit red. "What does it mean?" I question, curious as to where this is all going. "It means daughter in law" he says now making eye contact with me. "Oh" I say taken back, trying to piece things together from our phone calls. Everything making sense now with how he would wave his mother off when she would tease him in front of me on video call countless times.

"Needless to say she had certain expectations set for you and I" he says trying to walk past me and back into the living room but I grab his wrist before he's able to make it too far. "Jungkook did she think we were dating?" I ask and he stops for a second, trying to figure out exactly how he's going to go about this. "No, but she wanted us to be" he answers but I'm still not satisfied by that answer.

"Why exactly did she want us to be dating?" I question prodding further. "Because she knew that I liked you" he says and slips his wrist out of my grasp gently and walks over to the bed where he sits down on it with his shoulders slightly slumped. "What's wrong?" I ask sitting next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know. I just, being back here has really put a lot of things into perspective for me. It's shown me that I've missed this place a lot more than I thought I did. I missed you a lot more than I thought I did" he says trailing off a bit. "What are you trying to say?" I question, trying to get him to come out and say  exactly what he's thinking.

"I've told myself before that it would never work between us, that we were too young and naïve to think about anything serious. I told myself that I didn't want to ruin our friendship and that we should just stay the way we have always have been. So when I got that job offer after graduation, I took it. I took it because I knew that if I stayed here that I might do something stupid and break your heart if you ever gave me the chance to hold it. I convinced myself that things were better this way and that if I could have you in my life even when we're thousands of miles apart that that would be enough for me. After coming back here I realized, that that's not enough for me anymore" he says and finally makes eye contact with me.

"Having you in my life but only being able to see you through a screen or hear you voice on the phone is not enough for me. Hearing about your days but not being able to be a part of them is not enough for me. Being able to hold you this close to my heart and being too scared to give it to you is not enough for me" he says taking my hand and placing it on his chest where I can feel his heart beating faster, helping me realize how he's truly felt about me for a while.

"Please say something" he pleads with a voice that sounds broken and vulnerable almost as if he would shatter if you weren't careful. I instead take his hand and place it against my chest showing him that it's beating just as fast as his.

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[silentdiacht]

Things that keep me up at night: ✨Spider verse edition Part 2✨

Is there a Black Cat on earth 1610? Assuming there is: How do you think she reacted when she found out that Spider-Man (the guy she’s been blue-balling for however-many years) had died and like 3 days later he’s replaced by a literal 13-14 year old child? What kind of relationship would she even have with Miles? Would she go slightly easier on him because he's a kid? Or would she go back to business as usual minus the blue-balling (because, again, kid)?

How did Hobie know Gwen’s address?!?! How was he certain Gwen would even go home if she was sent back to her dimension?? What would he have done if Miguel hadn’t sent her back? Did he even have a plan for that? Most importantly though: WHAT WAS THE CONVERSATION BETWEEN HIM AND GEORGE LIKE?!?!?! HOW MUCH OF THE SITUATION DID HE EXPLAIN TO HIM?!? DID HE CHEW HIM OUT FOR POINTING A GUN AT HIS DAUGHTER THEN GIVE HIM AN HOUR LONG ACAB LECTURE?! How did he convince him to give her the watch?? Can we please get a transcript of that conversation, I never wanted to be a fly on the wall so bad!!!

A more serious question: Gwen eludes to the “Gwen Stacey dies” canon event when talking to Miles on the clock tower. HOWEVER… Shouldn’t this particular canon event not apply to our Gwen? She says “In every other universe, Gwen Stacey falls for Spider-Man” But she is the Spider-Man of her universe! So shouldn’t she be exempt from this particular event? (Unless she falls in love with herself or something idk) Shouldn’t she be in the clear if Miles technically isn't part of her canon?? If not then why is the canon taking Miles into account??? Spider people clearly aren’t allowed to disrupt each others canon events, but at the same time they can trigger each other’s canon events?????

Relating to the last question: If Miles really is an anomaly like Miguel says, then why is the canon treating him like every other Spider-Man? Shouldn’t Miles be exempt from canon events altogether if he was never meant to be bitten? Shouldn’t his universe be collapsing because he replaced it’s original Spider-Man? He technically disrupted 42 Miles’ canon by preventing him from becoming Spider-Man in the first place, yet his universe is also still in tact. Why does Miguel insist that Miles isn’t meant to be Spider-Man, yet in the same breath, expect him to have canon events like everyone else in the spider society??? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE MIGUEL! IS HE AN ANOMALY OR NOT?!

Speaking of 42 Miles: What is his objective? What does he actually plan to do with our Miles?? He seems weirdly calm about meeting a guy who looks exactly like him and was (albeit unknowingly) trying to pass himself off as him. Does 42 Miles know about the multiverse? If so, how much does he know? Also did he just have electricity-proof gloves just lying around for an occasion like this?? Our Miles wasn't wearing gloves before he was tied up and we know they aren't part of his suit because he had to rip them to use his electricity. But why would 42 Miles and Aaron put them on him if they (supposedly) don't know about his powers??

(I swear if it just turns out to be a continuity error I'm gonna be pissed!)

#across the spiderverse #atsv #shitpost #shower thoughts #gwen stacy #miles morales #hobie brown #prowler miles #miguel o'hara #black cat

[dckweed]

okay babes, y'all asked for it and as a people pleaser i can't help but to deliver..idk if y'all are ready for this no, no...y'all are ready,but are y'all deserving? everybody say 'thank you kara' bc this has been literally the only thing on my mind for days, and if im being quite honest with you, i 100% have plans for part three and four already. y'all im doing a whole series lmao.

p.s. bob newby did not deserve that death. also i am officially on stranger things 3 as of last night!! also omg tumblr in dark mode?? so much better! also p.s. my whole family is sick, started with my one year old, then she took out her daddy, my sister, my brother and myself. my mom is the last one standing. we're 95% sure it's covid for the third time (me and her have extremely weak immune systems). also i love this gif of him dacre is literally so pretty.

warnings: MINORS DO NOT OPEN! sexual plot, meet the family plot, dad!hopper, honestly ngl billy is 100% about to be super 'i want to make love to you' bc he is 100% lovesick for reader. please use condoms, this is for fictional pleasure only. definitely AU where all the weird freaky shit doesn't happen after the first and second seasons bc idk what's going on in the third yet. reminder that i don't usually edit/proofread.

PART ONE. part three

'..SIR, THATS MY FUTURE WIFE..' billy hargrove x female!hopper!reader

It had been a few weeks now since everyone had found out about you and Billy, you had decided that you would let everything cool down about the situation. The two of you weren't the only thing that the entire student body of Hawkins High could talk about anymore, and you felt like your father could finally look you in the eyes again. You were trying to plan a nice family dinner between you, your sister and your father. It wasn't quite going according to plan, somehow, you had managed to burn the pasta noodles just a tad.

"Um, Y/N," Your dad said after taking a bite of his plate, he was wearing his work uniform, about to do another night shift. "I think you bu-" You glare at him and he shuts up. "Nevermind, it tastes great."

"Thank you, dad." You say, taking a chunk out of your garlic bread. You gave Eleven a smile, she was eating across from you without a complaint but you could tell that it must have tasted bad by the look on her face. "..is it really that bad?"

"No-" The girl had started to say, though your father's voice interrupted her. "How about I order a pizza instead?" You sigh, slumping back in your chair, closing your eyes for a brief moment before you got up to clear the table, washing the dishes and disposing of the burnt mess you had accidentally concocted.

After a while you heard the doorbell ring and you heard your father's heavy footsteps on his way to answer it. You faintly heard a brief conversation and turned off the kitchen sink just as the door closes, finishing drying the last dish just as he makes it to the table, two boxes of pizza in his hand. One for him and El to split, one for you because he always remembered your favorite, just like Billy.

You sit wordlessly, giving the two of them clean plates for their slices before you open your box, your mouth watering. If you were being honest, this was definitely more appealing than what you had made. You had been stressed the past few days, trying to work your dad up into a really big step in both of your guys' lives and you couldn't help but crave one of your comfort foods as a way to help ease your overwhelming discomfort with this new part of your life.

After a while, and just as your dad sits back in his chair, arms stretching behind his head in a way that you knew to mean that he was stuffed, you decide that now is as good a time as any. With a shakey breath you drop your pizza crust into the box and turn in your seat to face him.

"Dad, can I ask you something?" You ask, head cocked to the side, what you hope is a charming smile on your face. El continues to eat her pizza, curious as to what was about to happen, though secretly she was ready to get to her sleep over with Max at the Byers' house, you had made the arrangements, wanting an evening to yourself and she had readily agreed, tired of hearing about you go on and on about how in love with Billy you were.

The chief looks at you almost suspiciously, his mustache damn near twitching in nervousness, because that was what you did hear lately, make him nervous. God, he knew you were a teenager, hell he knew you were an adult now really, but you terrified him now that you were out in the world experiencing..things. "Yes?" He replies tentatively, almost as if he was unsure of his own answer.

You close your eyes taking a deep breath and you can almost feel him tense, and you can practically feel his dad brain yelling at him run away, to abort mission and go straight to work.

"It's been a few weeks now, and I know you're not exactly fond of the idea of him," You say, and fuck you were ready to run away yourself, abort mission and hide under your bed for the rest of your life, but you don't, you just cringe and shoulder on. "but i would really appreciate it if you would please let me have Billy over for dinner tomorrow night."

Your father is silent and you look up at him, his mouth is working but no sound comes out. You can see the red in his face, just underneath the stubble on his face and god you knew your face was just as red.

Eleven looked between the two of you, eyes wide and confused, what the hell was going on? He was never this awkward about Mike coming over, and why were you suddenly so awkward? Her pizza was abandoned at this point as she took mental notes to ask Max and Joyce later this evening.

"Daddy, please." You beg, turning to face him completely in your chair. You give him the big, begging doe eyes that used to get you everything you wanted as a child and he can't look away from you, though he still wears the pained expression. "I don't ask you for anything, ever, i take care of you and El and i cook and i clean and i don't ask you for a thing, except for this..would it really be so bad for you to meet him face to face? Man to man? He's really not so bad dad, I think you might actually get along." Okay so maybe you were really laying it on thick, but you knew you were making a valid point, you took care of three of you, and you kept up your grades at school, you were a good girl and you never asked for too much, so why couldn't he just give you this one thing?

You seem him make an almost angry face and he sighs, rubbing a hand down his face as he lets out a loud, almost terrified groan. "Okay, okay, dinner, tomorrow." He says and you squeal excitedly, though he holds his hand up to stop you. "His ass is here by five-thirty or he isn't allowed inside. Understood?"

You nod vigorously, standing from your chair and wrapping your arms around your dad, hugging him tightly. You feel him pat your back and you give him a kiss on the cheek and you feel him smile. "Thank you, thank you!" You say, jumping up and down. "I love you!" You look up at the clock on the kitchen wall. "Shit, you guys better get going."

You see them both out, giving El a hug and your father another kiss to his cheek, you watch them drive off before happily closing the door, headed towards the kitchen to finish cleaning up.

After an hour or so you settle yourself into your bathrobe, putting your hair up and away from your face as you put on a facial cleansing mask, all of the stress of the past few weeks had made you break out in a string of pimples and you wanted to get rid of them before they became so much of a problem that you needed makeup to cover all of them.

You hummed to yourself in the bathroom mirror, the shower water heating up behind you. There was nothing better than a self care night, and personally you had gotten used to doing them with your sister but you did enjoy having the evening alone.

You're so engrossed in what you're doing that you don't even notice the front door opening and closing, because stupidly, you hadn't locked it. It was Hawkins, what really went wrong here? And you certainly don't notice the sound of boots coming down the hallway, your the man humming along to a tune, finishing off a piece of your pizza crust.

He finds you in the bathroom and leans against the doorway, watching you for a moment. He couldn't help the small smile on his face, just something about watching you doing something so simple as putting whatever the hell that was on your face brought him so much happiness he didn't know how to describe it. Honestly, he knew he was in love with you, he was one hundred percent gone for you. He knew that weeks ago, hell, he knew it over a month ago when he had just looked at you and wanted nothing more than to tuck up into his arms and never let you go. He knew it when you had taken him into your arms and held him, letting him know that you were there for him, taking care of him and the bruises his father had left silently, though he could see the hurt in your eyes that it brought you, the sadness. He knew he was done for right then and there because he had felt safe, he had felt safe and loved and protected.

"You really should lock your door, sweetheart, you never know what kind of creep could just wonder in." He sees you jump, but immediately relax as you recognize his voice. He can't keep the chuckle from coming out.

"Says the creep that walked into my house." You say, turning around to face him. You lean against the counter, taking him in. You smiled, happy to see him, no visible bruises either, and he seemed like he was in good spirits by the grin he wore on his devilishly handsome face, it was one that you absolutely adored, the kind of grin that reached his eyes and lit up the whole room, the kind that looked like pure unfiltered happiness. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugs, moving from the doorframe to make his way to you. "Well, I dropped Maxine off at the same time your dad dropped off El, i thought I'd come by and see my girl while she was alone.." He says, before gesturing towards your face. "What's going on here?" He pokes your forehead, and you roll your eyes batting his hand away as he rubs some of the substance between his thumb and forefinger, curious.

"I have stress pimples, I need to make them go away, face masks help." You say turning back to the sink. You were just getting ready to wipe it away when he startled you. You reach over to get a clean rag, wetting it with warm water.

"What's got you stressed,?" He asks, actually curious as he comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he settles his chin on your shoulder, watching you. "hmm, baby?"

"My dad. I finally asked him to meet you." You say, wiping your face off as you lean back into his embrace, totally relaxed in his presence. He raises an eyebrow at you in the mirror. "He says you better be here tomorrow night for dinner, five-thirty and not a minute later or he won't let you in."

Billy chuckles, kissing your neck gently. "I'll be here at five then, surprise him." He says and you hum happily, finishing with your face before you sef the rag down, turning around in his arms before placing a slow, gentle kiss to his lips. He hums, his arms tightening around you, resting his forehead against yours when you finally pull away. "I missed you.."

You give him a love dopey grin at his words, suddenly remembering the shower running behind you guys. "Want to get in with me?" You ask, wiggling your eyebrows playfully.

Billy laughs, but happily shrugs off his jacket and slips his skin tight tshirt over his head, watching as you take your robe off, already completely naked. He can't help but watch you, admiring your body as you step in to the tub, the water already the perfect temperature.

After a minute or two he gets in after you, his arms going back around you as you let the warm water run over you, and now him as he stands behind you, your body pressed against his, erection he didn't even realize he had pressing against your ass.

You hum appreciatively at the feeling, turning around a small smirk on your face. "You really did miss me, huh?" The two of you hadn't had much time for each other, your dad had briefly grounded you for sneaking out, and though you'd seen Billy throughout the school day, you couldnt risk getting in trouble again, though that didn't stop you two from sneaking in a quickie in the back of his car again, and a few days ago the two of you had fucked in the boys locker room, Steve had almost caught you guys too, though thankfully he was completely oblivious and just needed to grab something from his locker that was one row over from where you two were. It didn't stop Billy from fucking you the whole time he was there though, your back pressed against the lockers, his hand over your mouth as his cock slid in and out of your sopping wet pussy.

God the memory had you fucking squirming.

"Baby, just looking at you gets me hard." He sighs, running his hand through your hair, tilting your head back so it would get wet. "But to answer your question, I miss you to the point that I crave you..I want nothing more than to have my cock buried deep in your pretty fucking cunt," He says, his voice that husky low sound that you just loved so much. You rubbed your thighs together at his words, feeling your face flush in response. "but im not going to fuck you in the shower, infact im not going to fuck you at all tonight.." You whine almost sadly at his words, pouting up at him. "tonight i want to make love to you, slow and sweet in your bed, wrap you up in my arms and let you know how much i care about you, let you feel how deeply in fucking love with you i am, because i am so very, very in love with you, y/n.." He didn't feel scared to say it, admit it out loud, because he already knew so deep down in his soul, he knew it and so did Maxine because as much as the little shit annoyed him, she knew him too well.

You're taken aback by his words, looking up at him. Of all the things that had ever come out of his mouth, that was not at all what you were expecting to hear in that moment. You knew he loved you, you had known it for a while now in the way that he listened to you, and let you talk, in the way that you unabashedly had all of his attention twenty four fucking seven, but god, to hear him say it? Fuck, you didn't think you'd ever been more turned on by him.

"Billy," You say, voice soft, he looks almost scared of you in that moment, of what you're going to say. He looks like a child that knows they're about to be told that they couldn't have the candy they wanted. "baby, i love you too, ive loved you from the moment you first smiled at me.." You say, standing up on your tip toes to plant a sweet, loving kiss on his lips.

He relaxed at your words, your touch, and melts into your kiss, letting it become one of passion and heat. Before you know it he's reaching behind you and turning off the water, his hands going to the back of your thighs, squeezing as a way to tell you to jump, you do so immediately mouth still moving against his.

Billy carefully steps out of the tub with you, planting his feet firmly on the floor, grabbing your towel off of the hook before wrapping it around you, drying off your back as he starts walking out of the bathroom and do the room across the hall, he had known it was yours by the two beds, and he knew that yours was the farthest closest to the wall in the back of the room, the bigger bed.

He lays you down gently, breaking the kiss to slowly climb on top of you, reattaching his lips to the skin of your jaw and working his way down, leaving soft, gentle hickies below your collarbone, even going so far as to plant one above each of your breasts, which he then subsequently spent time sucking on, taking each nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them, biting them ever so gently with his teeth.

He watched you, the way that you bucked up against him, your hands grasping onto any part of his skin that you could get to. He felt his cock grow somehow even harder as he heard your soft, breathless moans and met your eyes, he winks at you, making his way even farther downwards as he spreads your legs, both hands planted on the insides of your thighs as he dipped his head down to your glistening pussy.

He hums at the sight, letting his thumb rub up and down over your folds, groaning as it comes away glistening in your arousal. "Always so fucking wet for me baby girl.." He groans out, voice deep and husky. "So fucking perfect for me.."

You moan at his words, his touch, bucking your hips up ever so slightly towards his face, begging him to give you something, anything to release the pressure building up inside of you, fuck you just wanted to feel him. "Please, baby, please..do something.." You groan out, your voice embarrassingly whiny, but he seems to love it as a smirk crosses his lips.

It must be what he had wanted to hear because almost immediately his mouth is on your pussy, his long tongue running up and down, circling your clit before sipping inside of you, it was agonizingly pleasurable, your toes curling, hands gripping his curly hair tightly as he suddenly takes your clit into his mouth, sucking on it with fervor.

Your hips buck against him wildly and he tightens his grip in your thighs, digging his fingers in before he lets one side go, bringing one of his arms up to rest across your lower belly, holding you in place as he uses his free hand to push one of his fingers into you, moving it in and out slowly.

You let out a string of moans, each one becoming louder and louder, each chant of words becoming a little less understandable as he added a other finger, and then another, curling them inside of you as finger fucked you, still sucking on your clit with a passion.

Within moments he has you cuming, your body shuddering against him as he holds you in place, groaning as your yank on his hair harshly because fuck he did love it when you played with his hair.

Once you're settled he crawls back up towards you, hovering above you. He takes your face in one hand, bringing the other one up to your mouth. "Open." His voice is gruff, but eagerly you do as told, taking his fingers into your mouth, sucking and swirling your tongue around them as if they were his cock. He has to close his eyes, keep himself from cuming all over you right then and there because fucking hell he hadn't ever seen a sexier sight than that before. "Taste good princess?"

You nod your head, looking at him. "So fucking good, baby." You say, your voice throaty from moaning like you had been. He moans, the hand that's gripping your face tightening as he leans down to kiss you, moving so that he's between your legs again, though this time you feel his cock brush against your still throbbing pussy, and involuntarily you moan, your body pressing up against him. "Please, Billy, I want to feel you..please baby.." You beg again, though you knew you didn't really have to.

He's quick to oblige, his own need to feel you around him, to fuck you until he can't anymore taking over. Though he keeps to his word, he's not rough like normal, he glides in and out of you with short, deep thrusts shifting so one of his arms is wrapped around your body, holding him into his chest. You cling to him, legs wrapped his waist and arms wrapped around his torso, a moaning mess under him once more.

You moan his name repeatedly and he can't take his eyes off of you because you just looks so fucking beautiful underneath him like that, your face flushed, relaxed, you look like you're in total fucking bliss with that dumb little smile you get and he can't help but to fall in love with you more, after a good while he feels you start to come undone again, your legs tightening around him as your hips meet his with each thrust.

You groan a string of words as he rides you through it, his pace steady and unwavering, though three words from you is suddenly all it takes for him. You look up at him, eyes meeting his, your hands in his hair and fucking hell you really do look beautiful. "I love you, Billy.." It was a whisper, but fuck within a second of it leaving your lips his pace faltered and he was cuming inside of you, hot thick spurts hitting you so hard that you could feel it start to drip out of you before he had even pulled out.

He lays on top of you for a few minutes, wrapped in your embrace as you both calm yourselves down. He plants slow, sweet kisses to your cheeks, slowly moving all over your face as he tells you he loves you over and over again..

You woke the next morning to a pounding on your door, scaring you awake, Billy even jumping next to you, lifting his head up to look around wildly. He had slept hard with you wrapped up tightly in his arms, pressed against his chest, and at some point during the night you had gotten up to get his things from the bathroom and to close and lock your door, hoping your father would be so exhausted that you'd be able to sneak Billy out without him noticing in the morning.

Clearly you had been wrong.

He pounds again and Billy gives you a panicked, wide eyed look.

"Y/N Hopper, you've got five minuets to get your ass up out of that bed, out of this room and get it into the kitchen, am i understood?" You heard him say, his voice thick with some kind of emotion. You weren't quite sure if it was anger or something else. "You too, Billy!" He gives one last pound to the door and the two of you share a wide eyed, terrified look.

Quickly you throw Billy his Tshirt that you had thrown on last night, and he catches it, shrugging it on before pulling his pants up over his boxers. You shrug one of your night gowns on over your head, before pulling your robe over top, trying to make it look as if you hadn't been doing anything, though you knew he was too smart to fall for that.

You give Billy a quick kiss before opening your door and leading him out to the kitchen. Your father sits in his chair at the table, arms crossed as he stares at the two of you, you feel his eyes boring into yours for a few minutes, the silence radiating off of him terrifying you to your core, and you could tell Billy was nervous too. Your father's gaze moves to him next, and after another moment he finally speaks.

"Go get dressed, Y/N, give us a few minutes together." He says, dismissing you with a stern look. You give Billy's hand a reassuring squeeze, and do as told, not wanting to cross him any farther.

He waits until he hears your bedroom door shut before gesturing to the chair closest to him, your chair. "Sit down, Billy." He says. Billy does as told, not wanting to fuck this up and end up even farther on his bad side. "Now look, I wasn't exactly expecting to see you until this evening and boy was I surprised to find your car in my driveway and my daughter's bedroom door locked." He stayed quiet, not wanting to yell because he had gotten the sense from you that Billy's home life was a constant battle, and he knew that yelling would most likely make him defensive. He wanted to speak to Billy like a man, like you had asked him to. "The whole time I was working I was thinking about what I was going to ask you, and i had it all figured out finally..I figure now is as good a time as any.."

Billy looks up at him, nervously, quietly.

"Now look, my daughter hasn't come out and said it yet, but she is head over heels in love with you, Hargrove, and that's fine and all, but you seem like the type of boy who likes to break little girls' heart's.." He says, and Billy's eye go wide, he didn't think the man would know his reputation, boy word really traveled, huh? "So, Billy, are you planning on breaking my little girls heart?" Your father knew at the end of the day that he couldn't stop you from being with him, he had raised you too head strong for that, but he wanted to know what he was going to deal with if or when this thing went sideways.

Billy shakes his head, looking at him. He shifts in his seat, trying to think of the words to say. "Sir, I know what my reputation says about me," He says, keeping his voice quiet so you wouldn't hear. "but only I know how I truly feel, and as far as im concerned, that is my future wife in that bedroom back there." He sees a change in Hopper's face, he hadn't expected that level of an answer at all. "I know it's sounds crazy, and I know that we're young, but when im with her, it's like..it's like i feel like an entirely different person, a better person and i want to be a better person in every fucking way because i want to be everything that she wants me to be and more." Billy says, the truth just spewing out of him in ways that he didn't even know, but he knew that he meant every word. "And when I'm not with her? It's like i can't even breathe properly, like very part of me is being broken down bone by agonizing bone until I see her again, even if it's just passing in the school halls and she gives me that beautiful little smile of hers, it's enough to breathe life back into me until the next time that I see her or until I get to hold her in my arms again..sir, with all do respect, I am completely, irrevocably in love with your daughter..and i will never, ever break her heart, infact she could break mine and i would still feel the same way about her at the end of the day."

Hop is silent for a moment, and Billy continues on. "And if I do mess up, if i do hurt her in some stupid way, i will gladly let you beat my ass to a bloody pulp, I would welcome you with open arms and a smile on my face because i would probably fucking deserve it for doing something so stupid as to ruin what I have with her." He finishes, glancing back towards the hallway. He meant every word of what he said, he could feel it in his soul.

Hop stares at him for a moment longer before nodding in approval, sticking his hand out for him to shake. "Then I guess we have an agreement." He says, Billy grips his hand firmly, nodding. "Sweetheart, come in here please!"

You come within a moment, staring at the two of them. "Yeah?" You ask, fidgeting with your hands as you stare at him, unable to read either of their expressions, but you can feel the emotions in the room and if made to nervous.

"Billy here is going to spend the day since it's the weekend," He says, giving him a look that says he has no choice. Billy breathes a sigh of relief, shooting you a small smile that makes you visibly relax. "He's going to help me clean the junk out of the spare room, if he's going to be staying over I'd prefer you have your own privacy away from your sister."

You had told your dad in few details about what was going on at Billy's house, and you knew that this was stemming from that, and the fact that he seemed to like him, you could tell your father was more at ease than he had been in weeks, you knew this was an open invitation for Billy to stay as often as he wanted, and you wondered if he was taking it as such.

"We'll leave your old bed in there, I'm sure Max will want to spend the night with El eventually.." He stands from his chair, tossing you his keys. "Speaking of, why don't you go they the two of them, bring them back here, she can stay for dinner too, I'll call your parents, I'm sure they won't mind hearing from me."

@dakotazzzzz @annoyingexboyfriend @ttsbaby01 @rainwritesworld @angelbbygrl @peakascum @meltedcandiedacid

#stranger things #stranger things smut #stranger things s2 #billy hargove smut #billy hargove x reader #hopper #billy hargrove #stranger things s3 #smut

[lilith-little-world]

Character ai is a mess. I went back to it and lost myself in it again, but I'm back now but idk for how long. So I'm gonna like speedrun all of my writing and editing for this and the 2nd chapter. Cause holy shit, I'm gonna be hella busy in a few months. Also found out I have a small and harmless heart condition...yeah so this month been crazy.

Also made a little drawing since I was gone for a while. Hopefully I’ll be back with weekly updates now I’m off of character ai and started to take meds for my heart.

I Saw You Once In a Dream, Maybe Pt 9

Is it too late to kick him out? He stares up at you and smirks. You can feel your face get ready as the embarrassment hits. You can't be seriously asking for him to tag along.

You might as well beg for him to come.

“Can you please, come with me? I would appreciate it, if you can. I'll even buy something for you.”

It took everything in you to stare back at him. The urge to smack him increased when his smirk widened.

How the fuck did you two got married in the future?

“Oh, of course, I will come along. Especially when you asked so nicely.” He stands up and heads to the front door, giving you one last glance.

You sigh and try to calm down. Ever since running into him, your day has been…well you can't even describe it. Was it bad? Good? Meh?

You lock the door and catch up to Monkey King, who was waiting for you on the sidewalk. He gives you a soft smile.

“So which way are we going?”

“There's a small market nearby. It's just a short walk, 5 minutes tops.”

You walk off and try to block out any thoughts of how you prefer that smile on his face.

Monkey King nods and follows you.

“So what are you planning for dinner? I'm not much of a cook but I can help!” He stares at you with that same soft expression.

What the hell happened?! Why is he acting all calm and sweet all of a sudden?

You continue to ignore your thoughts and how your heart was fluttering.

“I don't know, I guess we'll find out when I buy the groceries. I'm not much of a cook either. I just fall asleep and skip dinner for most nights.”

“I don't think that's healthy for a human.” He mutters. You can see he wanted to say something more.

“Maybe, but I never had a reason to make dinner. A snack or takeout was enough.”

“So why not tonight?”

“Well…” You felt nervous and embarrassed. “It's been a while since I had someone over at my house so I just thought…that maybe I should do something different- something special.” You didn't need to see your face to know you were blushing. You wanted to scold yourself for getting all flustered for no reason yet all your thoughts stopped when you glanced at Monkey King.

He stares at you with wide eyes.

“You're cooking dinner because of me?” His eyes seem to shine like stars. Beaming with fondness and affection. “Looks like someone is falling for me.”

“What?! I just met you!” You nudge his shoulder. You wanted to get mad or at least annoyed but you just laughed. Monkey King laughs with you as he bumps his shoulder with yours. “Sneakily” holding your hand. Intertwining his fingers with yours, his grasp firm.

You smiled at him and held his hand back. Leaning on his shoulder as you both walk to the grocery store.

Even though you two spent an hour there. You enjoyed his company. Monkey King, helping by grabbing items or just joking around and having fun. What had always been a chore for you, felt fun when he joined along.

Okay, maybe you're starting to understand why you married this idiot.

Also, you managed to buy a little more than usual since he could carry a lot of things. That was a huge plus for you, since you refuse to use your car for anything. Does that thing even work? Oh, wait, pretty sure you lost the key to it and are too lazy to get a new one.

“Thank you again for helping to carry the bags back. You can place it on the counter.”

“You bought a lot of things, how empty is your fridge?”

“Shhhh, we don't talk about that. I bet you don't even have a fridge, so don't judge.”

“There's literally nothing in here.” He said placing a few items in the fridge.

You blow a raspberry at him and put the refrigerated items in the fridge.

“I told you I usually eat a snack or takeout. I hardly cook.”

“Is it because you don't know how to cook? How worried should I be, when you serve me my plate?”

You roll your eyes.

“If you're so worried, then I won't serve you anything.”

“Hey now, I said, I would be worried but that won't stop me from eating it. Edible or not, you're serving me food you made! No way I'm passing that opportunity. Maybe I can pretend, my darling spouse made me the best dinner after a long day of work.”

“Ha-ha, very funny. Are we really going to roleplay being an old married couple or what? We barely met, Monkey King.”

“Wukong, you can call me Wukong.”

You raise a brow at him.

“Alright, Wukong. So we are on a first-name basis now huh?”

“I mean-” He glances away, but you can see his cheeks turning red. “I really want to have a relationship with you and it'll be weird having you calling me by my title.”

It was weird to see him so…embarrassed and flustered. Throughout this whole day, he has been teasing you. Maybe there were a few moments when you saw him more softly. You just laughed and ruffled his fur in his head.

“I guess you're right about that, so Wukong it is then. Now put on a show we can watch while I cook. Nothing fancy or crazy, just some regular easy and fast food.”

Wukong chuckles as he heads to the living room.

“Alright, fine, but no complaints about what I pick.”

You put away the groceries and left the ingredients out. Once in a while, glancing at the tv to see what Wukong was searching for. You head to the trash can to throw something away when you spot the stuffed toy.

A part of you felt bad for throwing it away but another part of you felt embarrassed that you even bought the toy. What would Wukong think? Would he tease you about it or be hurt that you threw it away? That's if he found out. I wonder what will be the consequences for this?

#lmk reader #lmk y/n #lmk x reader #lmk x y/n #lmk sun wukong #lmk monkey king #sun wukong #monkey king #lmk wukong #sun wukong x reader #lmk sun wukong x reader #lmk monkey king x reader #monkey king x reader #lmk #interactive story

[skyler10fic]

Tagged by @onthedriftinthetardis. Thanks!

1. Were you named after anyone?

No, but it is a joke that I was (my parents insist I wasn't)

2. When was the last time you cried?

Hm, not very often and I have ADHD so I actually don't remember

3. Do you have kids?

Nope.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Tennis in high school. I was very bad.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

MAYBE

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Hair, general appearance vibe

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings!

9. Any talents?

Writing, editing, organizing

10. Where were you born?

Hm, how shall I explain this... think of a mix between Friday Night Lights and Pixar's Cars and add more tumbleweeds

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing, social mediaing, binging TV shows, getting gayer

12. Do you have any pets?

Nope

13. How tall are you?

Exactly average for my gender, which is surprising because I've heard all my life about how short I am

15. Dream job?

idk man, I used to always say magazine work, and that WAS my dream job even while doing it (though the magazine content/org itself was not). I really loved the mechanics of it. I worked my ass off from the time I was 14 to 30 to climb that ladder. And then it was a terrible fit organizationally and I couldn't fix it, and the medium as a whole is dying an agonizing death. Even just this week, legacy publications we'd assumed were safe bets were shut down or laid off a huge chunk of their staff or were consolidated. It's a really depressing thing when the thing you were made to do, that you trained to do, that you built toward since you were a kid, is now just ... gone. Because the world changed. And you were too old to have been raised in an environment that could have seen it coming to this extent and trained you to survive it, but too young to retire and tell stories about "back in my day." So now you just hold on to your corporate job that does use your skills, treasure your health insurance, and get your kicks elsewhere, yeah? My dream job evaporated like water in the desert, and it isn't coming back, but I can't say I missed out on it. I got it. I did it. And that has to be enough, even when it ends in flames and a getaway car.

Tagging: @sequencefairy @isolus-girl @galiifreyrose @moonofpoosh @lostinfic and whoever else wants to! Just say I tagged you, idk, it is late and I am tired

[wishmemel]

OMGOMG SAFI congrats on 100 ml !! hihii im here to participate in your cute slumber party event ! (i even brought my fave pillow and totoro plushie)

okok soo yk i'm dria 🩵 black / caribbean, around 5'1 (i promise im so close to 5'2 don't @ me haters will hate i drink my milk and eat my veggies) i have huge hair!! like very big hair, too many curls!! it's alot! i love reading, i write plenty of poetry, which is what i use most of my time to do — i lovelove r&b and early 2000s rap music. however, if u open my spotify rn and shuffle my liked songs it would go in order of hip hop, rap, afrobeats, classical music bcus my taste is all over the place. (i also keep a folder of edit audios for my own maladaptive daydreaming purposes lmao)

im rlly a baby blue girlie, fave flowers are tulips (idk my brain js thinks they look yummy), fave season is autumn ofc bcus rainy weather and i have an excuse to stay inside under my blankets 😭 fave animal would beee a black panther or a tabby cat! (my bby bella is a tabby lmao) i love vintage shows (rlly old noir films of all types of genres) i love cinema and visual art it stimulates me sm (im autistic btw i forgot to say mb) i've watched almost every wes anderson film in existence i love soft color palettes in film so bad <3

i enjoy watching old cartoons to relive my childhood nostalgia, jewelry (esp rings i never go anywhere without one or two on), rainy days, late night car drives, baggy shirts, scented candles, afrobeats n anything astronomy related.

im very much a social science n humanities junkie - yearning to be a clinical psychiatrist or complete my dream of teaching literature / psychology. i cry very easily (im js a crybaby istg) - in general im just very very emotional and more often than not i forget common sense and instinct are a thing bcus wtv i feel i just go with it - though i am extremely introverted and freak out when overstimulated in huge crowds and whatnot.

for the event im picking toji bcus that man is the love of my life bye ☹️ the epitome of sunshine and sunshine protector - tiny human and big scary guard dog ! in terms of our compatibility, we're so opposite it's insane! but we balance each other out well. sometimes i have to serve as toji's brain bcus this man is spending money he does not have on all sorts of things for me js cause i looked twice (my sister hced that he'd go below bankrupt buying me sanrio plushies and rings) he works mostly off instinct where i go completely off emotion so we butt heads alot in terms of decision making but he does not know how to tell me no, all i do is sigh once and HES DONE FOR.

i stress this man out like hes my full time babysitter pls

we acc spend alot of time having deep talks about the world and life in general, (i told him ab the backrooms lore and it messed w his head for weeks) which is a side of him he rarely shows to anyone (also he listens to me rant abt daily pop culture developments bcus he lowkey loves the celebrity drama) he's rlly protective, and even moreso bcus of how my anxiety gets. in a crowd this man is standing in front of me and blocking my view of everyone (he also subconsciously pulls me into his side when we're walking in public bcus my autistic ass will see one thing and wander off never to be found again) im always talking like talk talk talking and he pretends he isn't listening but he's literally able to repeat today something i mentioned two weeks ago - he's attentive, shows his love through actions rather than words. if i even make a face that gives away that im uncomfortable being somewhere, or my social battery is dead, hes taking me home no questions asked not a care as to who says what.

im an affection junkie - physical touch is my thing ! and hes so big! so im always pouncing on him for bear hugs and he acts so unimpressed and cocky abt it like "oh you missed me? im not goin anywhere relax" but he acc melts bcus when was the last time someone gave him affection?? he prob thinks im a figment of his imagination lolol

days off / dates would mainly be : window shopping, grocery runs, sitting in the park at sunset, indoor ramen dates n movie marathons and cuddles !!

AHHH sorry if i ranted way too much omg i can't wait to see what you do safi, i'll love anything u write ily so baddd <33

note: hihi dria, thanks for bringing your fave pillow and your totoro plush to the slumber party.

dria x toji — ꒰ tojria

“in this space right here that we have made for each other, you can say anything and i will not abandon you. unwrap the worst things you have done. watch me hold them up to the light and not even flinch.”

height differences, cinnamoroll x badtz maru, protective touches, 3 am conversations about life, romantic picnics at sunset, shopping together, opposites attract, shy x protective, princess treatment, introvert x introvert, buckling your seatbelt for you, tired bf x hyper gf, teasing remarks, day x night, accidental eye contact, blushing, midnight walks, late night phone calls, giddiness, sunshine x sunshine protector, stealing his clothes, late night drives, deleted texts, holding hands under the table, "mean to everyone but her" bf, head pats, she fell first, he fell harder.

being with toji is not always as seamless or easy as you make it look. He's gruff and protective and difficult and incredibly stubborn. like that time you two fought because he was ignoring what you were saying and he flat-out refused to acknowledge your demand when you called him out on it. to be fair, he'd come home after an eight-hour shift and you'd started talking his head off, but it wouldn't kill him to listen. he wasn't paying attention when you were talking about that new hello kitty cafe with the fun milkshakes and the mini donuts that you wanted to try. hell, he ended up falling asleep on your shoulder after brushing off your argument and as much as you wanted to remain angry at him, you'd softened immediately upon seeing his tired face, all eyebags and troubled frown. and he did make it up to you later by taking you to said cafe and proving that he had been listening, though when you brought it up to him, he pretended not to know what you were talking about. but deep down he cares for you and he's trying — you know he's trying and you don't want to make him feel bad for things he can't control. a lot of the concerns you should bring up to him, you don't — you want this relationship to be easy and safe. you want him to feel comfortable with you the same way that you feel comfortable with him. even if sometimes he comes home with a busted lip and bloody knuckles and sends your heart skidding against your ribcage. but what matters is that he comes to you first and he comes home to you. so you know that no matter what, no matter how he's feeling, if he thinks he can talk to you or not, he'll always come home to you. and even if you doubt his commitment sometimes, he knows that you're home to him and he'll do anything to keep it that way.

NOW PLAYING

the way i loved you, enchanted, daylight, afterglow, how you get the girl, treacherous, sparks fly, so it goes...

join safi's perfect slumber party event — requests are open for everyone!

#꒰ safi's perfect slumber party. ꒱

[mikodrawnnarratives]

Tw vent

Tw (implied) self harm (just bruising)

Flash warning too

Animation go brrrrr I spent like 10+ hours on this

started on this for shits and giggles the other day just to get out my feelings and. I think it turned out purty neat so I'll share it with the ppls that clicked read more. I hope that means u know these things don't trigger u...

I will say do feel better now than when I got started on the animation. prob won't last terribly long though it does depend on how bad my self hatred gets

the escapism is the fine distraction tho. fine cuisine. And slep. I need it after getting like 6 hrs consistently every night this week

I'm not gonna elaborate on this btw. Maybe defeats the purpose of a vent idk. Just, if you know u know. It isn't cutting sh but i will say the closest thing online to my struggles is baby cut syndrome (not an official term) (vid abt it)

which is the most FUN thing ever as you can imagine LOL

/light hearted /sarcasticcc

I'll just leave it up for anyone that might get it.

I don't know how long I'll keep this up for. Might delete ltr probably will delete ltr we'll see. I like how it looks enough that my brain hasn't said im cringe yet. wip self sona is basically "you've heard of tv heads? get ready for FILM PROJECTOR"

heh

oh and I drew a design im playing around and tweaking with for my self sona. Who knows if I'll ever actually use it but who knows

I'm not gonna put this under my regular art tag since i don't really want this with my other art stuff that mostly never talks about sh

Edit: y'know what. I think I will put it under my art tag. I've given the right warnings so it should be fine..

#I do like how this turned out tho #vent #my // art #implied self harm #its so weird to actually type this out #i don't even talk that much about it in the post and its still odd #tw self harm #Oh definitely first post to delete if anyone i know irl finds my blog #delete later #just in case #might limit reblogs ltr #mdn art tag

[silly-yansim-enjoyer]

Why.

Disclaimer: I don't watched that Video yet, because I just found out about this literally last night, and it seems like that video was taken down by Youtube already. Edit: I watched one of the reupload video already, you can find it on Tumblr or youtube, but it might be taken down again in the future, who knows.

Also this post is based from the perspective of a dissapointed fan who enjoyed the "lore" and waited the game to be finished for so long, so this post might be a little biased, but just because this post mostly about my ramblings about Yanderedev, doesn't mean I will discredit or disrespect the victim.

Why would Yanderedev do this. He is literally a step closer to finishing the game. He almost finished all his crowdfunding checklist, isn't he? Too bad the checklist isn't up on Trello anymore. Did he didn't want Yandere Simulator finished? Did he...aahh, Nevermind, I shouldn't talk about that.

But here we go. He just...casually talking about sexual stuff to a minor. And he talk about s**ualizing minor, in a voice message with a minor. And that kind of conversation happens for months. If that isn't grooming, Idk what it is.

As one of many minor fan of Yandere Simulator, this time, I feel really dissapointed. I know he had done maaany bad things, and shares the worst opinions ever back then. He had many room and chances to grow into a better person, but he didn't. Idc who flirted first. As an adult, it's his duty to ended that kind of conversation.

Yet he didn't. He kept going on, and manipulated the minor as if they are in a relationship, and it's disgusting. His actions didn't just harmed Himself and the victim, it's also harmed the dedicated volunteers and fans of Yandere Simulator. Many volunteers leaving, including the voice actors who bring many lives into the Yandere Simulator Characters. And I heard they asked Yanderedev to remove their assets. If all of their assets are removed, this means Yandere Simulator will turn into a blank, dull state and this means a big regression for the development of Yandere Simulator.

And all of that could be prevented, if he just...become a decent man who knows borders, and not some pathetic virgin who want to have sex with 'young' (nah more like underage) woman with big br**sts.

This event really impacts me, as Yandere Simulator is my comfort game, I simply really love to think about lore of that game, the theories, etc, although I'm aware of bad things Yandev done before, I still really dissapointed that he do that kind of thing recently.

And also, this like a storm, like imagined you just built a whole new blog dedicated to a game, then it's creator suddenly exposed as an actual predator. Sigh, honestly, I don't think I will be able to leave my blog just like that.

I think I will still continue playing the game (though it's still isn't updated since August 🤣) and make posts here about it, but I will continue with my stance to not supporting Yanderedev.

#yandere simulator #yandere sim #yanderedev #grooming #cw: grooming #rant #first time writing discourse post kinda #long post #pardon me for the poor language #English is not my first language #tw: grooming

[stxrvel]

the 5 stages of (my) life

summary: he was everything. there was no before or after him. it was just him.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: i think 7k?

warnings: thoughts of loneliness, depersonalisation, mention of depressive symptoms, a lot of bad words at some point, implicit descriptions of sex. i wrote this to be pure angst, idk if i got it, we'll see, you'll tell me.

note: i was watching Grey's Anatomy today and a specific episode about a couple inspired me to write this. it's too inspired by that so thank you Grey's! i don't know if i got the angst i wanted, i hope i did. i actually wrote this just with suffering on my mind. anyway, hope yall like it!! (English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes!) also, I uploaded this at half past one in the morning so I didn't have time to edit the quotation marks, but tomorrow night I'll make the text look much nicer!

thank u for reading!

You never thought things would go this far.

"I'm not going to stand here and watch you risk your life because you're incapable of expressing your feelings. I'm not worth being put through this."

"You're talking about my fucking life! Why do you want to take control of all the shit I do now? Fuck you."

"I can't believe how fucking insane you've become."

You never thought things would get worse like this.

"I gave up a lot of things for you and you know it!"

"You make it sound like I forced you to. I never asked you to give up your life for me!"

"Exactly, that's the damn problem! You've never asked me to do anything, you've never asked me to do anything, I've just done all this stuff on my own trying to cope with a relationship that's become… one-sided!"

You had heard for a long time how a great many people had said that their best relationships had started with a flame. You couldn't count on the fingers of your hands the number of times you've heard someone say that the best relationship is the one that is always alive, where they keep the flame burning.

But what if it's not a flame? What if it all started with a fire?

You'd heard a lot of things about love, about life, about attachment, but you'd never really experienced it, and you couldn't know how, with the lifestyle you led, your reactions would be when you finally had one. Although, honestly, you didn't expect to ever have one after so many disappointments and abandonments; however, there was one thing that was common about love, that you had heard everyone say: it comes when you least expect it.

But the moment came and, after that event, you considered that your life had only five stages. Only five truly remarkable things that had brought you to the eternal extreme of misery. There was nothing before, there was nothing after. There was only him.

1

You had seen that man, by far, about seven times in the last month. He had a stern look on his face, as if he was in a constant staring match with someone inside his head, or as if he was someone completely drained of emotion, who had lived and felt too much and was tired of it.

Or maybe he was just unfriendly.

Every time you went to therapy, within the last four weeks, you met that man.

The two of you always waited, sitting across from each other in the narrow hallway, trying fiercely to avoid each other's gazes. Or well, you tried not to meet his too much, sometimes it really felt too heavy. Then he would be called first and, more often than not, he would come striding out with his hands clasped. If his vibe was too strong for the session, your therapist never tried to point it out. When he left, the doctor would appear behind him with her typical half-smile calling you by your last name, even though you had asked her not to do so several times.

The other times, which were not so common, the man actually took the time to look serene. You even thought you saw him give you a nod in greeting once, but you couldn't be completely sure of that.

You had never spoken to each other, you were just two strangers who happened to be in the same place at the same time of day at certain times of the week. Still, sometimes, when his eyes met yours, you felt like you were looking into a mirror.

Anyway, you had never spoken to each other, until one day you decided to change that, just because what was the worst that could happen?

"After a while it feels like you have no reason to come, don't you think?"

The man turned his head, and it was the first time he saw you out of volition. His clear eyes moved in an almost imperceptible way, analysing something about you, your face, your clothes, your posture. He looked like a predator ready to strike, but he didn't count on you being a very, very chill gazelle.

"I don't know if you can relate, but it's been really hard for me to come these last few times. I think my only motivation is to come here to have a battle with you of who can go the longest without seeing the other for 30 minutes even though our feet are almost touching?"

You thought you heard a snort in response. Mmm, it wasn't much, but worse was nothing.

"You could just not come," he replied, more crudely than you expected, actually surprising you because you didn't expect him to even pay attention to you.

"Yes, I could," you agreed with him, your gaze drifting to the white tiles, "Anyway, I don't have someone who really cares that I'm okay."

You twisted your lips in a very conformist gesture, and dismissed your attempt at conversation as a failure. Indeed, what was the worst that could happen? That the man would think you were pitiful. But what does it matter? He is a stranger. He's the only person you see regularly besides your therapist. Why should you care that the conversation didn't work? You shouldn't expect the opposite. At some point he'll stop going, he can't be as bad as you. When you least expect it, it will just be you in that narrow hallway again.

"Therapy can be very counterproductive for people who are alone."

You looked up when the man spoke again. You didn't know if you were seeing wrong, but his gaze wasn't as hard as before. He seemed… sympathetic.

"If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone when we wait in this hallway."

You didn't answer him. You watched him as if he were a fly swatted on a wall. You didn't know what to say. What was that supposed to be? Words of support? From a stranger? And what was supposed to be a response to them? That man had flipped the table on you, catching you off guard, and that didn't make you feel very good.

You watched him even after a while in silence, when he had already looked away, his head was down and he had focused on other things. You didn't know what your scrutiny was about; you didn't know whether you were looking for a lie or a mockery, a truth or a ruse. You didn't even know what it was all about. But what does it matter anyway? He's a stranger. He's a stranger sharing that narrow corridor with you. A stranger. A stranger who gave you a few words of support. A stranger. It's a stranger. He is a person.

You shook your head, suddenly regaining your composure. You ran your hands over the fabric of your trousers several times, up and down, down and up. Constantly. About ten times.

You didn't know if it was just you, but you felt suddenly obfuscated in that corridor. As if the walls had invisible hands closing around your throat.

You didn't really know much. You only knew that after the doctor called the man, James, you would never again take the liberty of speaking to strangers as if they were acquaintances, especially those in therapy.

But your mind went blank when James stood up and, before he left, looked at you as if it was something he had planned to do. As if he really wanted to do it. As if he had intended to…

No.

No more.

2

It didn't work.

Of course, it goes without saying that it didn't work.

How could it work? You saw him at least twice a week. And you were weak. Too weak. Too weak. Extremely and potentially vulnerable to suddenly hitting people who gave you a little affection and understanding. You were vulnerable to hitting people. You were vulnerable to ending up in therapy. You were vulnerable.

So what didn't work? Trying to limit your conversations with James to looks. Over the next three weeks, he seemed to have made it his mission to try to keep you company. Did he have any idea how uncomfortable that was for you? But you weren't going to tell him, how could you? Apparently the man wasn't a grumpy, mean looks machine, he was definitely a person who was getting some therapy. He was a person who understood your situation because he had to go through it himself. He was a person. He was a stranger.

Mostly, at that moment, you remembered the conversation that had led you to be in that coffee shop. It was strange. You felt alien to yourself, to your surroundings, but you tried to keep your mind enlightened so you wouldn't freak out.

"You look different."

"We saw each other three days ago."

James twisted his lips. "That's no excuse for not noticing that you look different."

You took a deep breath.

"You really made it your business to talk about something every time we see each other. Did you get tired of me beating you in the staring duels?"

"I'm just trying to get you back in therapy."

"By harassing me with questions?"

"By turning me into a person who cares."

You frowned. The constant knot in your chest was starting to become more and more unbearable. You felt the food from that morning in your throat.

"You'll get the opposite."

James pursed his lips and held up his hands.

"Hey, are you doing anything on Saturday?"

That had been the first time. Yes. Completely out of the loop, somehow you'd agreed the first time. And maybe it wasn't as bad as you'd hoped. Or maybe it was. You had no idea. Just as you had no idea how you had ended up in the same situation for the fifth time.

Fifth time? My goodness.

"You're particularly quiet today," James' face suddenly materialised in front of you.

At what fucking point had he arrived?

"I'm always quiet."

"Not as quiet as today. Are you okay?"

"What are we doing?" you blurted out suddenly. You didn't even process the words in your head until you saw the man's face contort in confusion.

"What are we doing?" James repeated your question, "We're having coffee in a coffee shop."

"You're a top notch clown, you know that?"

The man let out a laugh, and you watched his shoulders move in time with his breaths.

"We're just sharing time. Don't freak out."

"Sharing time?"

"Yes, sharing time."

"I don't think I've shared time with someone in a long time."

"That's not bad. It's good to share time with yourself."

You twisted your lips. You stared at the bubbles in your coffee, still steaming on the table.

"I had to learn to share time with myself," you looked up to see him with his head cocked to one side, a gesture you had learned to associate with his absolute attention to your words. "You've shared time with yourself?"

James nodded.

"All the time, to tell you the truth. I can barely escape myself."

You smiled at him. The constant knot in his chest seemed to have subsided for now.

"I guess we both got to learn."

The man raised his glass of black coffee, tilting his head, "It's the hazards of the job."

Yes, that was definitely what it had to be about. The things that constantly occupied you outside of coffee shops and therapy. Of the things that occupied your head so that you didn't delve into your intrusive thoughts, even though sometimes they seemed to come alive and present themselves in the faces of the people you saw in your daily life.

Undoubtedly it must have been because of that night job. It wasn't a job you loved, it was a job you imposed on yourself to try to make yourself feel better at night when you were trying to sleep. It was a duty. It was a task you couldn't refuse. Too many people had already died for you to give up. You had nothing left.

Many people said it was the job of a vigilante; other people said it was the job of a criminal. In the end, what did it really matter as long as it left you with a clear conscience?

Your therapist knew, but you didn't know if James knew. If he was aware of it and preferred to overlook it to have coffee with you. Or if he knew and preferred to ignore it so as not to ruin things. Or if he knew and pretended he didn't so you wouldn't notice he was doing it all out of pity. Or if he didn't know.

Honestly, you didn't know which was worse.

Sometimes you thought things were better when you were just strangers in a narrow hallway. Sometimes you thought it would be better if you didn't have to make an emotional commitment to him, even though you knew you were already doing it; unconsciously you were doing it.

You had always believed that it was better to be alone. Not to have company. Not to share time with someone you could potentially lose. It was easier to get the job done when you got home and didn't have to answer a text or remember that there's someone waiting for you to text them that you got home safe and sound.

"Hey, don't overthink it."

James' voice broke your concentration. You focused your gaze on his face, suddenly feeling oblivious to the whole scenario.

"You don't have to give it a name, or even think about it. If you really, from the bottom of you, didn't want any kind of company, don't you think you wouldn't have come the first time I asked you?"

"Are you saying this is what I want?"

"I'm saying that you're a person who's used to being alone, but you don't have to be if you don't want to be."

"You're an enigma."

James smiled. "Thank you. I think the same about you."

But it was true what he'd said, you were thinking too much. One of the things your therapist kept telling you was to try to stop living in your head. Acknowledge your surroundings, feel every sensation and take in every possible smell.

It was difficult when the reason you wanted to be in your head all the time was the same reason that all your senses were perceiving at the same time.

But you tried. You felt the wood of the table and the warmth of the coffee cup, you took in the smell of caffeine and James's perfume, a little piney and citrusy, you savoured the coffee left in your mouth from the last time you took a sip. Slowly you tried to bring yourself back to that moment, to focus on your present and, sadly, to acknowledge that you were in a coffee shop with James Barnes.

It was something you constantly shied away from. To acknowledge that you spent time with him. With him. That he deliberately chose to spend his time with you. That you, intentionally, decided to spend your time with him. With the one who started out as a stranger. A person. A friend. A…

No.

3

It had been a while since you had decided to stop closing yourself off to all the possibilities life had to offer. Sometimes you didn't recognise how you got to that point, but other times you felt something close to pride for allowing yourself to go that far. And, really, it could have been one of the best or one of the worst decisions you had ever made in your life.

You spent weeks trying to deny James coming into your life, but the moment you opened the door to him, you had only gone up.

You didn't know you missed the company of a friend on sleepless nights and confessions. You didn't know you longed for the warmth of a lover until hours passed and you couldn't tear yourself away from each other. You didn't know you wasted time denying the feeling. You didn't know that you needed to take a few days off from the exhausting work you had set for yourself. You didn't even know that the work was exhausting.

When you were able to recognise all those things, you were also able to recognise that you had been living life on the edge. You were constantly exposed to everything before you met James. Exposed to danger, to death, to loneliness. You were living too fast because you felt you had no time, that at any moment you would run out of time and you wouldn't have done enough.

And then you finally decided to give yourself a break. From everything. Absolutely everything. Everything.

You moved in with James.

Yeah, definitely.

You took turns shopping. You took turns doing the dirty dishes. You took turns cleaning the flat. It felt like perfect harmony; like suddenly everything was in its place and it seemed like nothing could go wrong from that point on.

"Wait, wait!" you exclaimed with laughter. You moved your body off the bed, the peach-coloured sheet covering your body. You tried to stretch to reach for your mobile phone on the nightstand but James' hands around your waist prevented you from moving too much.

"You can answer that when we're done," the man purred, his hands straining, but not too hard, to pull you back onto the bed.

"Hold on a moment, James Barnes," you mumbled back, when you finally reached for the mobile phone and let out a triumphant laugh.

Vanessa Lennox, you read on the screen, as you felt James cling to your back.

"It's Vanessa," you told him as you unlocked the phone to check her messages.

"Vanessa texts you all the time."

"I know."

"All the time."

"That I know."

"These nights are supposed to be for us. She's not asking you out, is she?"

"No, no, she's…"

I'm in trouble. Can you come over?

"She's all right."

I can't, but I'll write to Tommy. He told me he was watching today, he must be near where you are.

"Are you sure?" you felt James' breath on the back of your neck, as his lips began to touch the most sensitive parts of your back.

"Yes…" you replied in a whisper. "She's going to be fine."

"Then stop turning your back on me," James spoke, his breath colliding against the small of your back. You arched unconsciously. "Look at me."

You inhaled air sharply, leaving the mobile phone locked to the side of the bed. You let James's hands guide your movements until you were trapped in his arms, his chest pressed against your back.

"You're bossy sometimes, has anyone ever told you that?"

"Only you, to be honest."

"Yeah, sure you have," you smiled incredulously.

You stirred until you could stand face to face with the man you shared a bed with every night. His light eyes quickly met yours, and his hands squeezed each side of your waist.

It was getting a little chilly. There were nights when you didn't know how you could stand to be so long without clothes under those sheets. It was easier for James, the weather didn't affect him as much as it did you at the moment. You shivered as a chill ran through your whole body, from the tips of your toes to the crown of your head. You pulled your body close to his, settling your head where his neck and shoulder met.

"Maybe the window is open," you heard him say.

"You know I always close the windows all over the flat before I go to bed."

"Okay, then we'd better figure out a way to get you warm."

As he finished speaking, the man moved, lowering himself from his position until his head was at the same level as yours. His eyes smiled at you as your teeth unconsciously flickered from the cold your body felt. His mouth also stretched into a smile, one of the many smiles you had learned to love. It was a very homely smile. The kind of smile that only you could see, that only you could see, that only you could see. It was a very domestic smile. It was the smile.

"Do you want me to get the other sheet?"

"No," you answered quickly. "I'm fine. We can proceed."

James let out a laugh. His eyes grew small from the flex of his cheeks as he laughed. You saw every flex and line of his face and it was like a balm to your mind.

It wasn't long before the man, in the midst of his smile and that feeling of ecstasy, brought his face close to yours and kissed you as if he hadn't kissed you in years.

Kissing James was like touching heaven. It was like being at peace after years of constant war. It was a great, vast, calm ocean. It was the absolute silence of tranquillity. It was like a great rest after years and years of travel. With his kisses you could begin to believe that you would never be alone again. With his kisses you didn't feel alone. With his kisses you believed it was possible to never be alone again. With his kisses you lost the fear of accepting him unconditionally in your life.

With his kisses, you lost the fear of loving him.

You loved the way he cradled the side of your face when he kissed you, every time, without fail. You loved the way he would start slow, soft, so tender, then fill you with passion and control your mouth without weariness or fatigue. You loved the way he then moved his hands all over your waist to the curve of your buttocks, as if he was admiring every millimetre of your skin through his touch. You loved the way he made love to you afterwards, sometimes so subtle and sometimes so out of control.

To have James was to have the best of everything at the same time.

"Are you getting up early tomorrow?" James asked as he pulled away from you. When you saw his eyes, his pupils were dilated and his breathing resembled yours: quickened and eager.

"No."

"Good."

He kissed you hard.

"Because you're not leaving this bed until Sunday."

4

James had begun to accept occasional missions that Fury gave him. You never agreed. No matter when or where they asked you, you would never have agreed to it. But clearly you couldn't just keep him in the flat until the idea was out of his head. You had thought about it a few times, but… no.

You tried to adjust to the fact that he wouldn't be around as much as before, but it was very difficult. It felt as if you had been given the most delicious candy in the whole world, left to treasure it, to savour it a little at a time, to get used to having it next to you, only to have it ripped away from you without warning, totally unprepared, leaving you to realise that everything was really out of your control. You didn't have the candy in your domain, you had been allowed to have the candy and then it was taken away from you.

"Try to concentrate," you heard Vanessa's voice.

You looked up to find her watching you from the roof of the building across the street. You felt a strong desire to rip the communicator from your ear and stomp it to dust with your boot. It was strange. It was a feeling of constant anger that you didn't know how to control. You were constantly angry except when James came to the flat.

"I'm focused."

"You better be," Tommy spoke up, "because my life depends on it."

"You shut your mouth and focus on not losing sight of the target."

"Vanessa, remind me why I agreed to do this."

"Because you're a great friend who supports absolutely everything we do."

Friend. At what point did you start to consider someone a friend? James was your friend. You thought you considered him that. Your partner. Your friend. James was your boyfriend.

"And you're totally unconditional to us."

A friend is unconditional. James is your friend. He's your partner. Friend. James is unconditional to you?

"I have to start working on my boundaries."

"No, our friend needs to start working on her temper. She doesn't get the required amount of sex a day and she's already starting to freak out."

You frowned.

"So you consider your friend's problems to boil down to sex alone?" you snapped at Vanessa, not avoiding the sour tone with which your words came out. You couldn't help but take it personally. Was that being an unconditional friend? Or being a friend?

"No," she replied quickly, "You know I didn't mean it that way. I was joking."

You hummed a nod, downplaying the words. Playing it all down. Because it didn't really matter, it was so silly to get angry about it. And it was very strange for you to get angry about it. You didn't even used to have relationships close enough to allow yourself to get angry about something they said about you. That was the big example of why you didn't do it.

"The target is moving. He's heading for the nest," Tommy spoke again, his serene tone bringing you back to the topic that was truly important. "Do you see him, Vanessa?"

"Got it."

"Good. Just move into the room towards… Wow, who's that? Who the hell's in there?"

"Damn," Vanessa mumbled.

"Wait a minute."

"We can't wait that long."

"I know," Tommy exclaimed, and from his exasperated tone you could imagine how he was running his hands through his hair repeatedly.

"What the hell do we do, Thomas?"

"I told you to wait!"

"We can't wait, dammit!"

"Wait."

"Thomas, I'm going to-"

"Hold on."

You peered through your binoculars. The large panes of glass surrounding the flat where the target was located didn't let you see much inside. The room the man was in was not as well lit, but you had gone in well prepared.

Finally you could see what the others were seeing. The man had entered the room he was supposed to enter, but there was another man in there with him. And, as far as you could see, they had made themselves comfortable. It didn't look like the other man was going to leave any time soon.

"Let's do it," you spoke, breaking the silence, giving voice to the only option they had that neither of the other two wanted to say.

"Are you insane?" Tommy exclaimed through his teeth.

"We don't have a choice. We declare it a red zone and end the mission."

"We don't even know who that man is," Vanessa interjected, her voice unsteady as she was unable to acknowledge that you were right, hesitating because you were running out of time.

"That's what the red zone is all about."

There was a moment of silence. You knew they were both considering it, the idea had been in their heads since the man entered the room, but their moral compass was much stronger than yours.

"He could be an innocent person," Tommy tried to justify not making that decision.

"How innocent can he be sitting there with the target?"

"And how do we know he's guilty?" Tommy exclaimed back.

"We're wasting more time discussing this," Vanessa spoke again, and you could breathe in her deep inhale before she said, "I think we should do it, Tommy."

The man cursed through his teeth.

You looked through the binoculars again, and both men were still inside the room.

You heard a beep on the communicator and then a steady static. Someone had changed the channel.

"I'm relieving myself as mission leader. You're in charge," it was Tommy.

"What?"

"I can't do this."

"Thomas…"

"I can't make this decision. Just… just do it."

You heard the beeping again and then it was Vanessa saying, "Thomas, what the hell are we going to do?"

"Vanessa, aim for the target," you ordered as you began to open the case next to you, just in case a situation like that arose.

"What?"

"This mission has been declared a red zone. We're going to proceed according to protocol."

The woman didn't speak again.

Nor did she say anything when you had climbed down from the rooftops and found yourselves in an alleyway in the middle of the buildings. You were waiting for Thomas, your guns already stowed in the van.

"He relieved himself," Vanessa spoke after a while, and though it sounded like she wanted to ask a question, it sounded like a statement.

"Yes."

Vanessa shook her head in an affirmative gesture. She didn't say anything else. She leaned against the concrete wall with a blank stare.

Your mobile phone rang inside the van.

"Is that Thomas?" your companion asked.

You moved closer to look at the device's screen.

James.

"No."

You took the mobile phone and moved away from the woman's figure, further down the alley. Your heart was racing, it was out of control. You had been waiting for that call for days. You had spent sleepless nights waiting for one measly message. You had taken hundreds of missions just so you wouldn't have to endure sleeping in a bed alone. You felt like your body had been frozen until that moment, until that call, and finally….

"James? Are you here yet?"

A woman called your name on the other end of the line.

"Bucky arrived a couple of hours ago."

Your feet stopped walking.

"And the mission went well?"

Silence.

A beeping and constant muttering was all that answered you on the line.

"Is James okay?"

"He's stable. He suffered some injuries. We lost communication with him in the last few days and we thought that…"

You couldn't quite remember when you had arrived at the old Avengers Complex. Your body moved automatically and your vision was so blurred that you had no idea how you could get through the crowd without bumping into someone. It was all very strange. You spent months convincing yourself that it would never happen again. Ever since James accepted those damn missions, you spent weeks trying to convince yourself that nothing would ever go wrong. That his kisses would always be there. His reunion kisses were the best, they were a wellspring of calm that washed away all the anxiety that consumed you alive during the days when you couldn't hear from him.

You had already made up your mind that it would never happen again. He promised you that it wouldn't happen, that you wouldn't have to relive that heartbreaking feeling one more time.

And he broke it.

You wanted to be relieved to see him. You wanted to be happy to know he was alive. Bruised, but alive. You wanted to hold him, to stay with him and never let him go again. But you just stood there in front of his stretcher. And he didn't try to make you come closer either. He saw it in your eyes, you knew it. He knew it.

Seeing him on that gurney made you angry. It aroused your anger that this man had broken the promise he sealed with so many kisses. You felt so much disappointment that your chest had become a bottomless void of a feeling of impersonality. You didn't want to be there. You didn't want to go through it. You preferred to think that you could overlook it. You should overlook it. Why didn't you overlook it? You could live in ignorance, pretend to be the perfect girlfriend. Everything could be easier for both of you, for you, if you just ignored all those feelings and took this situation as a normal person would.

But your knees gave way to your tears and crashed to the floor. From the corner of the room, you could see your body shake in uncontrollable weeping. You didn't know why it hurt so much, if he was alive. You didn't know the reason for the agonising pain, if he was there. And yet, your face contracted in incalculable pain. It was as if he had died on that stretcher. It was as if you had been called to come and acknowledge his corpse.

And you knew James knew, because he hadn't said anything since you arrived. He had done nothing but watch you.

There, from the corner of the room, you could see him crying with you.

He knew.

You knew it.

5

The mission was simple.

Infiltrate, seduce, accompany, lull, kill.

But simple doesn't always end easy.

Since James had returned to the flat, he had vowed never to go out on any mission again, under any circumstances. And, indeed, he was keeping that promise. He was spending as much time at home as before.

But you weren't.

Every time James tried to talk to you about that mission where he might have died, you went into a kind of shell where you shut yourself off from all communication and fled from that place to one where you felt more at ease. More in control.

You got so tired of running away that you decided to start investing that time in something that would actually pay off. You started accepting missions with Thomas more often than before.

You knew James was trying to understand you, he was trying as hard and as willing as he could. Sometimes you would arrive and there would be dinner for you in the fridge or in the microwave. Sometimes you'd see your clothes piled in a corner of the yard suddenly neatly folded and smelling decent. Sometimes you'd walk into the bedroom and find little presents on top of the nightstand, right next to your side of the bed.

You knew James was trying.

But you also knew he was getting tired.

Weeks passed since you first came in and he was waiting for you sitting on the couch. It was a very hectic night, with too many questions and not enough answers. Sometimes you arrived and the flat was lonely. Sometimes you arrived and there was no food. Sometimes you arrived and there was only screaming.

But it was easier that way. You'd already felt what it was like to almost lose him, you'd already experienced that overwhelming emotion that had been with you so much in the past, and you knew, beforehand, that if it happened with James, there was no way you'd get out of it alive, so it was easier this way.

So it was easier that way. He'd walk away on his own, you'd forget about him, and you wouldn't have to suffer if he ever died.

Die.

James would die one day.

But not a day when he was with you.

So yes, you did spend a lot of time away from home.

Maybe you really should have thought twice before deciding that this was the best option.

You knew you dreaded James' death, and the loneliness that followed his passing.

But you had no idea how panicked you would be at the thought of your own death, after meeting him.

Because you would forget him, and that would be fairly easy for you, but he wouldn't forget you. And he would suffer, much more than he was suffering since you didn't come home.

"What the hell happened?" you remembered hearing a voice.

You couldn't be too aware of your surroundings lately.

"It was a simple mission," you heard another male voice.

"It was supposed to go well. She was supposed to call us if things got complicated."

You remembered little of being in the hospital.

You remembered a lot of James sitting in an armchair next to your gurney.

You remembered a lot of his silence.

You also remembered when, some days, you were awakened by his cries and had to pretend to be asleep so as not to interfere with his suffering. Because, ever since that accident happened, ever since you could remember what happened after that, James had become wary of his feelings. He wasn't as expressive as he used to be. And you didn't have the slightest idea what to do.

You couldn't believe that before you could get to the point where you could tell how each other was doing just by listening to each other's breathing, and after that you couldn't even meet each other's eyes by accident.

You were two strangers again.

You were losing him. You knew it. Every day that you went without doing something, without talking to him, without showing a hint of remorse for what you'd done, was a day closer to being completely alone again.

And you didn't even show it, but it was painful. Seeing him shut down like that, seeing him lose the sparkle in his eyes when he looked at you, realising that he lost the will to try… knowing that you took away his will… it was all too much.

Really, you never thought things would get this bad.

"What are you doing?"

You didn't think they had gotten this bad, until one day you came to the flat and saw a suitcase in the room full of his clothes.

"I'm tired."

Those were the first words he'd spoken to you in days.

"And I don't have to put up with this anymore. So I'm leaving."

You knew it was going to happen, but for him to say it like that…

"You're leaving?"

James turned to look at you. His icy expression paralysed you.

"Are you still surprised?" he blurted out gruffly, and continued packing his clothes.

You just stood there in the doorframe, watching him move as fast as if he had a coal-fired engine in his chest. As if he couldn't wait for the moment when he could finally get out of there.

"Really…" he spoke suddenly, "You've really gone weeks, weeks, without speaking to me no matter how many times I've tried to talk to you, and you decide to do it now just because you're watching me leave? That's what I needed to do to get you to react?"

You didn't answer, you just watched him, your mind blank. He was angry. Irate, rather. And you knew he was absolutely right, but you couldn't do anything about it. You couldn't do anything about it because things were going your way. If James went away, if he went away hating you, he wouldn't suffer in the future when you died and you could forget him in peace. That was the best thing. The only good thing you could do for him: keep him away from you.

"Don't you think I deserve an explanation?"

Yes, you do.

"No."

"No?" he repeated incredulously. "I know I made a mistake. I made a mistake in accepting those missions. I told you, I did it countless times. And yet, all those countless times you chose to turn your back on me."

The man watched you, his eyes filled with pent-up emotions that he finally allowed to overflow.

"I tried to understand you. I really did. I gave you your space. I tried to do whatever you needed because I knew it was hard for you, but it was like… trying to water a cactus daily. Everything I did seemed to have the opposite effect."

You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm sorry, I was overcome with fear and panic. I got carried away. Please don't go.

"You didn't even give yourself a chance to listen to me. Not once. Do you have any idea how all that made me feel?"

Yes, you must have felt very lonely. Abandoned. Despised by me. It was my fault. I shouldn't have let it all go so far.

"Do you want me to call a taxi?"

Of all the things you longed to say, that was the only thing your mind allowed to come out of your mouth.

You saw him sketch the sternest look of disbelief you'd ever seen. But you also saw pain, extreme pain at the rejection of your words.

"Are you fucking kidding me? How can you be so cynical?" James exclaimed, his face contorted in anger and helplessness. You cringed a little at the shout but didn't move away from him as he came striding towards you in long strides. "Tell me, did you even care about me? At any point in this… relationship, was anything you gave me real?"

You half-opened your lips to answer, but could not formulate the sentences you knew would comfort his heart.

Yes, absolutely everything was real, all my love and suffering was real.

James walked away, and you didn't know if it was possible that his face could look even more downcast.

Your hands were shaking with helplessness. He was still there. You could still try to save him. Why didn't you? Why? Why? Why?

"How can you be so fucking expressionless? How can you not be in pain… for this? How?"

"You're going to be fine," the words escaped your mouth before your mind could process it.

The man turned to look at you.

"You really are…" he raised his hand and gripped it tightly, swallowing his words and turning back towards the wardrobe to start throwing his things into the suitcase.

Suddenly, he let out a scream. And then a cry.

"I swear, if you'd just tell me no, I'd stay."

He looked at you. His tear-filled eyes met yours and you knew that would be an image that would haunt you to death.

"I would stay… I really would, but… I still can't believe you are so foolish. The first thing you did when you left that hospital was to go back to another mission. How could you care so little about your life? How could you care any less that I care about your life?"

I care about my life even more since you're in it. Don't go.

"It's just work," is what you replied.

"No, no, no…" James hummed with laughter, but his face lacked grace. "I'm definitely not going to stand here just watching you risk your life because you're incapable of expressing your feelings. I'm not worth being put through this."

"It's my life, James."

"But you made me part of your life! I'm here! We're supposed to share our lives together. Why is it only about you now?"

"It's supposed to be my choices…"

"But why can't I be a part of them?" James exclaimed loudly. Your mind clouded over, and even though all you wanted to do was apologise from there until the end of time, you had too much pent up anger because of that very inability to say what you truly thought.

You're right, I am unable to express my feelings. I am sorry. Don't go away.

"You're talking about my fucking life! Why do you want to be in control of all the shit I do now? Fuck you!"

"I'm not trying to control anything, goddamn it! I just need to know…"

"No! You don't need to know anything. You don't need to know anything about me. We're here and you're packing your bag. You have no right to know anything."

James let out a snort.

"We're here and you still can't talk to me. I can't believe how bloody insane you've become."

"Just go."

Don't go.

"This is bullshit."

James finished throwing all of his clothes into the suitcase. You watched his every move, every flex of his body, every grimace on his face, every flick of his hair, how his fingers clutched at the things he took, how his scowl didn't lessen one bit. You watched and watched. It was all you could do.

You leaned against the doorframe and watched him take his anger and pain out on his clothes and his suitcase. It gave you a strange kind of feeling to see him like that, something that felt mildly familiar but you couldn't put a name to it. You wanted to turn things back. If you could turn back time you would, and every single thing that went wrong you would fix.

But would you really? Did the problem really go back to when things with James started to go wrong? The problem was you. You were the problem. You couldn't talk, you could only think, you could only repress, you could only suffer. Only you, you and you. Only you because you were alone, because you had always been alone and there was no reason to believe that could change. James lied to you, that was the reason he was leaving and you had no reason to stop him. He had to go. If he didn't want to go through that, he shouldn't have lied in the first place. If he didn't want to go through that, he shouldn't have asked you out in the first place. He shouldn't have met you. He shouldn't have spent time with you. You shouldn't have stopped him.

Stop him.

You should stop him.

James closed the suitcase.

"I did too much for this relationship. I gave up too much for both of us. I gave up everything I was for this relationship. I gave up too much for you and you know it!"

You narrowed your eyes and began to approach him in rapid strides. He towered over you by several inches, and there was a time when you loved that, but now you hated that he could see you that way. He had always seen you that way. So small…

"You say that as if I forced you. I never asked you to give up your life for me!"

"Exactly, that's the damn problem! You've never asked me to do anything, I've just done all this stuff on my own trying to cope with a relationship that's become… one-sided!"

You walked away.

"Just… leave now."

Please leave before I tie you to this flat and never let you leave again.

He wanted to say something else. You knew he wanted to say something else. It was obvious he hadn't said half the things he wanted to say. But he didn't.

He took his suitcase and left.

He really left.

He walked past you, not caring that the brush of his shoulder against yours almost made you fall. He passed you and walked straight to the exit, slamming the door hard on his way out.

He was gone. He was gone. He was finally gone. He was really gone.

Now you were alone. You were alone again. That's what you wanted, wasn't it? You'd done a lot of things in the last few months to make him go away, and he was finally gone… but then why weren't you satisfied?

Why did you want to run after him? Why did you want to go and kiss him? Why did you want to stop him and beg him to forgive you?

Who did he think he was to deserve that after what he had done?

But… what had he done?

No.

What had you done?

#james bucky barnes #bucky barnes angst #avengers #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky fluff #bucky x you #bucky imagine #bucky angst #bucky x y/n #winter soldier #james buchanan barnes

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

i had to reread n edit this before posting like i was going over an essay jesus christ ((tristamp spoilers))

tldr; i was honestly disappointed but i still don't think it was completely awful + i hope if they do a 2nd season it's better *wants to see milly*.... fuck the director though

EDIT!!! 2nd season was confirmed so you can ignore the points where i question if it will happen lol

EDIT 2 actually idt i'll watch the 2nd season... for reasons that just hit me so.... + fuck night*w as well

most of this was written before the finale eek

the major problems were that the pacing was soooooo weird n some of the changes (both story wise and design wise) they made were questionable esp towards the latter half

my positive points:

i do still think individual eps at the first half were really good

i loved the animation + how they used colors

the backgrounds are cool

the artstyle shift in wolfwood's flashback was cool

i've always been "ok" abt vashwood honestly (sorry) but i will acknowledge they were very yaoiful here. i saw a person who didn't ship vashwood say the ep in tristamp where they literally just met made them ship it which was really funny bc how did that change your mind so fast

i'm ngl the milly + eriks name drops made me *JAWDROP* but that's something that only matters to ppl who watched/read the ogs first

my negative points (uh oh):

white washed wolfwood (+ his skintone is soo inconsistent in merch)

they gave vash no room to breathe n he doesn't get big sillay moments after ep 3

^ this is true for every character except i guess roberto? more on roberto later

^^^ goes with the previous too points but it felt like they were way too focused on the drama n sadness without enough (long lasting) happy or hopeful moments to contrast or balance it out overall - to the point were the characterization of our main cast suffered for it bc there wasn't enough there with them to make that properly work. and THEN the silly moments ended up suffering too bc they start feeling out of place. the drama beats kept happening one after the other at breakneck speed without breaks, messing up the pacing as well (i can kinda blame this at least partially on the fact they only had 12 eps when the og was 26 eps but i've watched plenty of 12 ep series with great pacing so i don't really know what happened here?)

i disagreed with this at first, but the lore with vash being front-loaded really did hurt the story a bit in the long run. obviously they did still spread the full details out over the course of the show but it was :\

specific to "the running man"- it's my fav ep tbh but it was strange how all the townsfolk were partying w the nebraskas with no indication they'd arrest them after they did so much damage n vash didn't even get to fix the damaged plant?? so why were they so joyous when the initial problem wasn't solved?

roberto.... was such a weird character... he managed to be both a dick n a guy w no personality, he was there to give exposition + attempt to be funny? n then die. also the marketing staff fucking hates him he's never in any merch wtf ((edited after the finale: well now we know he wasn't meant to replace milly (i had a whole paragraph complaining abt that lol) + now i feel like they added him just to kill someone other than wolfwood off))

i can't speak much on elendria bc i had so much trouble reading trimax forever ago that i never retained anything abt her other than she's trans, but everything involving her in tristamp felt strange/ like it didn't work. i have essentially same feeling about livio here. they threw legato to the side??

what the fuck was the thing with the plants towards the end. it just hit me what the hell

minor nitpicks:

i miss the old anime's ost :( tristamp's ost isn't bad by any means n there are tracks that i really like it's just idk man. especially with the the op song, i couldn't get myself to not skip the op SORRY. could you imagine how hype it would've been if a new rendition of H.T. or NO-BEAT started playing

i'm fine with stamp vash's design (blasphemous i know) but man would'n've one of his og coat designs worked well in 3d? i feel like it would've ((added after the finale: the new coat did look nice in black + they brought back his old hair in the last ep tho so. MAYBE... IN SEASON 2.... CLASSIC COAT....? *delusional*))

NO LOVE & PEACE?!?!?!?!

one of my nitpick points was that they technically didn't give vash the black hair bc i really wanna see it animated one day but assuming they are teasing a season 2 maybe they will eventually. but then how...?

#maybe my standards are too low after getting burnt by higurashi gou/sotsu idk #this post is long as hell also watch out #new vash thoughts #- da last one(?)

[whysodelirious08]

Ok so I saw you wanted ideas for Eddie Munson and Slashers (my beloved men) so I have a request if you’re comfortable with it. Maybe Eddie doing some simple romantic physical affection with a male or gn reader and the reader starts to cry because they never thought they’d ever be loved enough to feel that? idk I need fluff

Antidote

MINOR FRIENDLY!

_____

Pairing: Boyfriend!Eddie Munson x male reader

Genre: FLUFF

TW: none I don't think. Minor friendly!

Word count: 1.1k

A/N: its short and sweet. Hope that this is okay and what you were looking for. I can edit and add onto it if you want more. Just comment!

_____

You hadn't really felt…close with anyone. Not even your parents in the physical way. Not for any particular reason but just life got busy and you were the eldest now. The time for cuddles and close family moments had been gone for a while though no ones fault specifically. Everyone was just getting on with their lives and you had grown used to the lack of touch up until you met Eddie Munson. At first he intimidated you with his appearance and dramatic speech in the cafeteria but you two became unlikely friends that year and you both graduated finally. Due to your work schedule sitting closely with your school one, you didn't take after school classes to catch up on your grades, instead you did that during the quiet moments at the photo printing shop. You barely passed but passed you did, renting a Polaroid camera for the day on graduation. 

And that Polaroid picture of you and Eddie in your gowns and hats was put on his fridge, he had stuck it there moments before you had kissed him. You both were a little drunk, Alcohol being the drink of choice for the mini celebrations you and Eddie had held in his trailer while his under was out. Nothing else happened that night and you went home worrying that you had messed everything up. Eddie finding you that day to talk things over, equally as worried as you about the whole thing. The two of you had started dating on the down low, testing the waters without fully diving into the relationship. You hadn't ever liked a guy before…and Eddie didn't seem like he he'd dated one before. He had told you openly he had hooked up with guys but that was it. 

This particular night was Halloween, the two of you were getting dressed up. He was Doc and you were Marty, having won in heads and tails since Eddie wanted to dress up like Ozzy and for you to dress as a bat but you weren't having it. You were almost traumatised by the story he told you of it. And thought it was a in bad taste to dress up like that. You were a bit shorter than Eddie which made the portrayal of the characters even better. 

"Hey- Eddie? About that trip-" you started as you sat on Eddie's bedroom floor, him in the bathroom before you heard Eddie arrive in the doorframe. 

"Yeah? What's up?" He asked, his smile fading when he noticed how your face had dropped from the beaming smile you had before he left the bedroom five minutes ago. 

"It's just…you're going away for two weeks…I'm going to miss you. I don't have anyone else and people are already talking-" You couldn't help but ramble, eyes locked on to Eddie's before down to your lap, shaking your head at your patheticness. You should make Eddie feel guilty, you knew better than that bur these last few months had been bliss. You two had been taking real slow. You had kissed once or twice but that was it. You were so thankful with how slow and gentle Eddie was being for you. 

"Let them talk. You're mine and I don't care what other people are saying. And you know I'll miss you. I'll call you every chance I get. I'll send lots of post cards and hell, I'll buy a Polaroid camera just to collect pictures for that photo album you're making" Eddie told you in the sweetest, softest voice. Kneeling beside you as he pulled you into his chest, placing a soft kiss on top of your styled hair. You felt a rush of warmth, comfort from Eddie's words, you nuzzled into his chest, a thick smell of cigarettes entered your nose but you didn't care too much, just enjoying the warmth that radiated off Eddie. You felt his ring bare hand rub your back through the thin fabric of your shirt. 

"You promise? You'll call when you can?" You repeated his words, you needed that confirmation before your uneasy mind would settle. You knew you asked a lot of Eddie yet he never seemed to mind. In fact it seemed as if he took pleasure in making sure you were okay which was new for you. 

"I promise. Here, why don't you wear this until I get back. I'll be leaving early tomorrow, before I'll get a chance to meet and say goodbye but I'll leave a voice message on your house phone" Eddie said in a quiet, hushed voice. His fingers hooking his guitar pick necklace over his head and onto yours. You knew how much this meant to Eddie, you never saw home without it yet he was temporarily giving it to you. A silence fell upon the room and your eyes stayed locked onto the necklace while your fingers traced the engraving on the back. And then you felt it. The tears. The thick tears welling up in your eyes and running down your face. How could a man who has given you everything you could ever want, ever need still be so utterly selfless as to give you something to comfort you while he was away. Something that gave Eddie comfort. 

"I can't- this necklace it means everything to you" You whispered, glancing up though your eyes didn't stay long as you moved to take it off and hand it back. A finger met your chin and forced you to look at the brown doe eyed boy. 

"Maybe. But you mean everything to me too. I know you'll keep it safe. And I know you'll be here waiting for me the moment I get back." Eddie almost spoke in a whisper, pulling you into a kiss, featherlight, almost as if he were scared you would break under any amount of pressure. 

The tears still fell, each one he gently wiped away with his calloused thumb against your own delicate cheek. He held you close and rubbed circles in to your back while you let your emotions settle and rise. He was patient most of all. You hadn't ever had someone do such nice things for you. The way Eddie would make the effort to serve you homemade pancakes when you stayed over his. They way he brought only the movies you were interested in to watch even you were at the video rental store. The way he would stare endlessly at you until your cheeks were red and you'd swat his arm and earn a kiss on the cheek and a chuckle. 

No one had ever treated you the way Eddie did. No one had ever taken such consideration the way he did. He looked at you as if you were the antidote to any bad thing in his life. All he wanted.

Was you. 

#eddie munson x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #eddie munson #fandom x reader #writing #x reader #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x male reader #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson x y/n

[meibaestars]

I'm at a lake house with family for vacation right now. Tired tho so I'm gonna make a Mei journal bc I've wanted to do this for a while and, well, I truly got nothing better to do. Hell idk if I'm even gonna post this. If I do, then enjoy :D (also spoiler, at the end there is a section dedicated to Meiji, so if you don't like that then it's easy to skip)

We just finished another mission in [ENCRYPTED]. It went as well as it could have, not very different from Toronto. We still haven't found a way to remove the subjugator helmets, but Mr. Lindholm is saying the Omnics are unharmed and safe for now which is good.

~~~~~~~

POST-[ENCRYPTED] JOURNAL

I'm trying to be around the other agents more than stay huddled in the science wing, which has been fun! Lucio and D.Va are asking me lots of questions about my travels (they want me to keep posting my journals about my adventures) and my experiences. I tell them stories about Captain Opara and the rest of my former team, which still makes me a little sad but I think I'm hiding it good. Zarya and Cassidy have started training me for combat (Zarya's workouts are so tough!), and my aim and strength have steadily been improving. Snowball has been adjusting much faster than me. He's still a little shy, but he's too friendly to not get along with. Everyone pets him if he approaches them, and he loves it. Just wait until he starts stealing their socks!

It's weird to be back around so many people. My last few weeks in Antarctica were just me and Snowball, then when I got to Winston it was him and Tracer. And now we have a whole team, and maybe we'll be getting more agents soon. I missed the bustle of people, but it's still exhausting to be surrounded by so many people, so much noise, so many more dishes to be cleaned. I think I need more of a break. Maybe some sleep will help me out, I haven't gotten a real good night's rest yet. I'm going to try and get some sleep now, since I've written so much already.

Agent Mei signing off! (I still can't believe I'm saying that now.)

EDIT: It's about 2 in the morning. I'm very tired, but I want to write this down because I can't get it off my mind. I just had a nightmare- a really bad one. I woke up with tears on my face and in a cold sweat, and Snowball was nudging me. I must have been screaming or making some kind of noise, because Genji was in my doorway and asked if I was okay. He sounded concerned. I didn't want him to worry though, so I kept saying I was alright (though he wasn't believing me). Then he did something I didn't expect; he left for a moment then came back with some chamomile tea. He asked me if I'd like to meditate with him to ease my mind, and I agreed. We sat and meditated for maybe thirty minutes, and I was surprised but it helped a lot. Afterwards he asked me if I felt better, and made sure I was comfortable before leaving. It was just a really sweet gesture but I also noticed he has a very soothing voice. He did a good job at calming me (and Snowball) down.

I'll thank him in the morning. I heard from Cassidy and Dr. Ziegler that he likes chocolates, maybe I can make him some hot cocoa.

~~~

Hey ho thx for reading, lost motivation towards the end but I hope you liked reading!

#overwatch journal #mei ling zhou #meiji

[derpylittlenico]

About the Blogger Ask Meme

tagged by inimitable, resplendent @exlibrisfangirl

Favorite Color?

I'm a sucker for jewel tones, of any kind. My hair is currently mermaid adjacent, with some magenta-pink, teal, teal-blue, blue-purple all kinda up in there. If you're interested? Unicorn was the brand I used. Semi-permanent, layers well. Very pigmented, so you can get intense color by just painting it on your hair, OR blend it in w basic bitch conditioner for a pastel variant.

Favorite Food?

It's hard to choose any one. I've had a lot of realllllly great food in my life, but? A forever fave is definitely gado gado. It's Balinese. Steamed vegetables, tempeh, rice, fried FRESH tofu, served with a flavorful, spicy peanut sauce.

Sweet/Spicy/Savory?

It...depends? Sweet & Spicy? Korean bbq wings. Yes, please. That. Just Spicy? Spicy Miso Ramen, or Thai Curry. The only one that I can't really do is Savory. I'm extremely sensitive to salt.

Last Thing I Googled?

I was double checking the og Buffy series air dates, bc I wanted to check my memory before declaring that yeah, Peter Hale totally would have been the right age demo to be super into it.

Currently Reading?

Endless fic. Nerve pain flare ups in my hands make holding my books unpleasant, sadly. So, I tend to consume fic via primarily podfic. I have too many reccs for this ask, so I'll save that for if anyone asks.

I do read text versions too, but holding my phone can sometimes be a lot when my hands are hurty, so. Before my hands got really bad, though, I was reading my hefty anniversary edition of "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman.

Last Series?

I. Don't want to just say "idk, fic" again, so I'm just gonna use this section to shamelessly recc "The Protector of the Small" series by Tamora Pierce.

Last Movie?

Thor: Love & Thunder.

I was up, wanted to watch something, and am not the type to pan a movie based on movie bros' Strong Opinions tm tm. It was...I mean? Not as good as the last one, but not exactly the world ending failure people were crying about. Christian Bale was a lot, though. A Lot. I'll give them that... they weren't wrong there.

Last Song?

Baby's On Fire (cover) as performed in the movie Velvet Goldmine. It fuckin slaps. It is my entire jam, because I am glam rock trash.

Song Stuck In My Head?

thankfully??? Not a one. I have a brain that hyperfixates. When I let that happen for songs, it will play it on repeat while I'm trying to sleep. So, yeah. I have methods for preventing that.

Something I Want?

For my body to slow its roll on the inflammation train. Ig this is what makes Hashimoto's vs a non autoimmune thyroid disorder ""fun."" When a flare up kicks off, everything goes hog wild. All at once. Like a symphony orchestra of discomfort.

Dream Trip?

Reykjavik, please and thank you. Or the Laplands in Finland. I've been to Bali a few times, and I love it. Costa Rica was beautiful, too. But, like? I just want to be somewhere with polar nights, bc I am weird like that, ig.

Currently Working On?

Self care. I've been doing the caretaker of a caretaker thing for a bit, and my spoons are limited.

Time?

2:38 am (lordT. To bed with me)

So, like. To the tagging others bit...

Sorry babes for being my only tags for a response, but I think everyone else I know has done this or been tagged? No pressure to reply, obvs. I just didn't want to let this die on my doorstep

@ceiaofsilence @worldtravellingfly @laternenfisch

#ask meme response #ask a blogger

[kuuyandere]

"you're not allowed to leave" was actually a gift to my darling since I felt bad at the beginnin I couldn't express how much I love him, heck I choked on the words "I love you" for a long time, despite the fact I'd get anxious everytime he was gone... sometimes I still do... I may be heavily obsessive, but I can freeze up, esp given when my darlin is actually heavily affectionate with me. I think before I actually said "you're not allowed to leave" as a way to say "I love you". although not a girl, you would be right about me typically bein more popular and fallin in love with my darlin who was completely socially outcasted, so I guess that could be "next door boy"? but yea, that playlist I guess was my first real display of love for him in our relationship despite the fact I literally spent years tryin to track him down after we were seperated for a while due to some life circumstances + we used to fight a lot (that could also play into my tsundereness... not used to not havin to constantly put up a guard and feelin vunerable is embarassin even if I do love him so much)

while I'm here, I'll also say emo boy was also a gift for him and probably is my weirdest playlist hsjdhdh

as for bunnyboy and lost cause, I typically do kind of have that "goin insane" type of thing in a lot of my yan playlists, since for me yandereism isnt a constant, but rather a reflection of my slippin mental health. if I'm doin well, I actually don't display or have any yandere urges/characteristics and typically default to tsundere.

you may also notice "you're not allowed to leave" was my first playlist that ended on a happy note... the magical wonders of oh fuck I love him HSKSHDH and also despite our really rough past, we are kind of that gross couple always all over each other and doesn't shut up abt how much we love each other, but I also think that part of why we love so much and resolve our issues so fast.... is an element of fear. we're both yanderes codependent on each other and can't function without each other, so lettin things even get slightly bad is super terrifyin for the both of us and we typically back down very easily when the other voices bein upset. is it healthy? idk hsjdhdh ~🎵

You and your darling sound really lovely together, I am happy for you! I am also glad that you sound a lot happier about him than how you described some of your previous relationships, despite the tough beginning and the possibly-unhealthy conflict resolution you mentioned. I know how it can be difficult to vocalize how much you love someone at first (I say from personal experience), like even though it may be the most obvious thing for you, expressing affection in words is vulnerable as you said, and I think making playlists dedicated to him was a sweet way to show that!

emo boy: This playlist starts more grungy and chaotic ("messy", for lack of a better word) and progressively gets more sweet and cheery, even getting higher in overall pitch towards the end. I think all the songs were connected as well by having more technological/electronic background music with synth sounds and vocal editing. I am curious as to why you say this one is your weirdest one!

blood on my teddy bear: This playlist is probably my second favourite after the first one you made (despite how cringey you say it is). It definitely has some edge, starting off a bit more unhinged with songs that have vocal distortion and a heavy beat. The middle of the playlist almost feels dreamlike with an echoey nature and soft synth snare(?) line. That part reminds me of lying on a hardwood floor staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night and feeling like you're falling, or late night drives and speeding down empty stretches of road with nothing but the windows cracked open for the wind as ambient noise. It feels like isolation, emptiness, silence maybe while passively thinking about violence. Then the last song is more sweet and positive while still keeping the drum theme. I believe you mentioned having a narrative element in this playlist, I wonder what your original thoughts and intentions were!

#your yandere #aidoneus asks #yandere playlist #🎵 anon

[drewsaturday]

randomly watched last night in soho instead of sleeping bc i realized i don't watch movies but doing so flosses my brain a little. anyway thoughts now that it is not 4 am

ellie must be protected at all costs, big autism energy

jacosta is not someone i have the braincells to articulate, but i think she was written as a Mean Girl really well. surface level getting along, projecting her insecurities onto others ("why'd ellie talk about that she must be looking for attention" from the girl who tries to make everything about herself etc)

ellie's different styles throughout the movie were very cool to see

i liked the twist about the old man not being jack. at a certain point i'd wondered if it could be that other guy, but i went back to it being jack til the twist.

i liked how supportive ellie's teacher was as well as her grandmother

i also really love the wish fulfillment of getting to look back at mistreated girls of the past and hug them and tell them you understand

however

and i say this as someone who did go in knowing there were some twists so i knew to look out for stuff and maybe that ruined the experience

last half of the film kinda didn't feel as tight? idk, all the visions of the dead guys seemed to take too much time aj;skdjfklj the bleeding of dreams and reality, while i know it was a result of hallucinogens that maybe became more permanent, broke the logic for me as well. i know ellie can see/sense those energies awake or not, and the sleeping was meant more to body swap her and she became more aware of those energies as a result of those experiences but idk, felt random at times. why did one experience give her a physical mark (hickey), did the others, etc.

lots of plot holes. like ellie not getting impacted as bad by the poison as she should've, or not facing consequences for almost stabbing jacosta (maybe ppl just claimed she was being dramatic since... jacosta...), no real consequences for how much she broke down either, though i imagine the ending skipped over the time that may have taken place in. i do wonder if she explained the truth to the cops and forensic evidence of all the charred bones proved her right and they chilled out about her breakdowns.

wouldn't. that many bodies in the floors and walls perhaps cause a noticeable smell.

i feel like ellie's love interest was too accepting. i know he talked about their shared understanding of being outcasts and he seemed enamored by her. and i think it certainly was a choice to have a black man be the safe man, which is nice. but i can't help feeling a hashtag Feminist Film ended up neglecting racial issues by just... kinda using him for anything ellie's story needed at that time. i don't rly know anything about him, and maybe i don't need to, but it feels like a disservice or afterthought.

also something felt weird about the more unhinged screaming done by ellie and sandie. it felt over the top or too incoherent to me so it was distracting, but maybe it's just the way their accents go.

the sandie reveal as being the old woman was just... not serious enough? between the editing and the way she went about it all villainy just didn't feel it fit for me. maybe i misunderstood the vibes of the rest of the film but it felt out of place. i didn't mind the dream-like cgi of the stairs and glass etc though because i think the dreamy quality fits the... dream theme j;asdklfj

i did enjoy it and would like to rewatch knowing the twists sometime. but it just does feel like the second half suffered a lot in ways that unwound it from the first, but not in a way that... fits ellie's unwinging mental state if that makes sense j;lksdfkj.

i'm also rly glad i got to check it out, i don't get to go to movie theaters and stuff so when new films drop i froth over the trailers and read the wikipedias or youtube breakdowns of it and i had for this a bit (remembering very little by the time i did watch it.) i usually forget about the film bc im used to doing so without looking for it by the time it would end up on a streaming site or whatever. so it's just nice to finally check this out after loving the trailer.

#txt