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petalsinfall · 2 years

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I will feed you all the sweet fruits there is I will feed you nutrients and protein I will take care of you because you are the only thing keeping me alive, you fight everyday for me. You deserve to be fought for to, I’m sorry for how much damaged I have caused

Forgive me for I will not fail you again, my body my mind and my soul 🫂

#ed revovery #ed recovery #ed awareness #recovery #diary

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pozartaa · 4 months

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2019 od 96 kg ----------→ do 60 kg 2022

Ten blog jest bezpośredią kontynuacją poprzedniego bloga, który z niewyjaśnionych przyczyn mi zbanowano. Mogliście mnie znać jako @pozarta

O mnie:

jestem osobą dorosłą. Zachorowałam na an4 I bul1 również jako osoba dorosła. Do tego miałam też depresję, problem z alkoholem, SH i kompulsywnym objadaniem się ( helooo - bulim1@) Leczyłam się i przeszłam terapię na oddziale dziennym. Obecnie mogę powiedzieć, że jestem na pełnym recovery choć naleciałości dawnych zaburzeń mi nadal towarzyszą. Każdy wie, że to nigdy Cię do końca nie opuszcza. Kiedyś byłam pro ale teraz absolutnie nie. Acz kolwiek nikogo z mojego bloga nie wyganianiam i nikogo nie oceniam. Każdy ma swoją drogę do przejścia.

Waga:

zaliczyłam w życiu całe spektrum byłam wychudz0n@ i byłam otyła. W różnych wariantach i kolejności. W 2021 roku moja waga zaczęła dobijać do 100 kg i zaczęłam odczuwać zdrowotne skutki otyłości. Lęk przed powrotem 3D i liczeniem kalorii bardzo mnie zniechęcał do odchudzania. Zdecydowałam się na dietetyka i to bardzo pomogło uporządkować mój żywieniowy chaos. Nauczyłam się dużo o wielkości porcji, makro i jak jeść by być najedzonym, a tracić kilogramy w zdrowy sposób.

Jak schudłam:

Dietetyk był początkiem drogi, choć jej diety nie trzymałam się długo, ale była ona bazą tego jak jem do dziś. W marcu 2022 założyłam tego bloga i zaczęłam moja własną przygodę i walkę ze zbędnymi kilogramami. Przyszłam tu z wagą 89kg/177. Zajęło mi to rok by zejść do 68-65kg. Jadłam około 1000-1500 kcal na redukcji. Rok 2023 w większości poświęcam reverse diet i powoli zwiększałam kal0rie o 50kcal/2 tygidnie, aż doszłam do 1800 kcal. Później postanowiłam jeść trochę "na oko". Teraz próbuje utrzymać w4gę na poziomie 58 kg-61 kg choć różnie to wychodzi i często zaliczam spadki. Oduczyłem się objadania i złych nawyków żywieniowych często nie potrzebuje jeść "aż tyle" Jesteśmy teraz w tym punkcie - koniec roku 2023 i zaczynamy 2024

Kwiecień 2024

Zasady:

🖤 jem 4 posiłki dziennie i parę przekąsek, ( 100-200 kcal na przekąskę) mój limit to +/- 2100 kcal. Wyjątkiem są nocne zmiany w pracy, kiedy dodatkowo dochodzi jeden posiłek nocny (doliczony do dnia poprzedniego) Nie liczę (od zawsze) przypraw, napoi zero, kawy, herbaty, ogórków, rzodkiewkek i sałaty. Warzywa ogólnie traktuję pobłażliwie

💚 1x w miesiącu Cheat Day ( kalorie liczę ale zjadam rzeczy, których zwykle sobie odmawiam )

🩵9x w miesiącu DBLK ( Dzień Bez Liczenia Kalori1) kalorii nie liczę ale staram się jeść podobnie jak w normalny dzień - pisiłki na oko. Uczę się jedzenia jak normalny człowiek bez wagi kuchennej i Fitatu. ( Z czasem będzie ich więcej)

💛 Ważę się co 2 tygodnie (wcześniej co tydzień) stawanie na wadze częściej nie ma sensu

Oznaczenia:

waga utrzymana → 💚 (+/-0.5kg)

waga wzrosła →❤️

waga spadła →🖤.

Chce utrzymać BMI około 19

(historia ważenia mi przepadła więc tylko tyle udało mi się odtworzyć)

*29.09.23-06.10.23 - 59.45 🖤(-0.60kg) BMI 19.0

*06.10.23-13.10.23 - 59.55 💚(+0.10kg) BMI 19.0

*13.10.23-20.10.23 - 59.85 💚(+0.30kg) BMI 19.1

*20.10.23-27.10.23 - 59.25 🖤(-0.60kg) BMI 18.9

*27.10.23-10.11.23 - 58.55 🖤(-0.70kg) BMI 18.7

*10.11.23-24.11.23 - 58.90 💚(+0.35kg) BMI 18.8

*24.11.23-08.12.23 - 57.35 🖤(-1.35kg) BMI 18.4

*08.12.23-22.12.23 - 59.00 ❤️(+1.65kg) BMI 18.8

*22.12.23-05.01.24 - 58.75 💚(-0.25kg) BMI 18.7

*05.01.24-19.01.24 - 59.45 ❤️(+0.70kg) BMI 19.0

*19.01.24-02.02.24 - 59.15 💚(-0.30kg) BMI 18.8

*02.02.24-16.02.24 - 59.00💚(-0.15kg) BMI 18.8

*16.02.24-01.03.24 - 58.50💚 (-0.50kg) BMI 18.6

*01.03.24-15.03.24 - 59.20❤️(+0.70kg) BMI 18.9

*15.03.24-29.03.24 - 58.05🖤(-1.15kg) BMI 18.5

*29.03.24-12.04.24 - 58.85❤️(+0.80kg) BMI 18.8

*12.04.24-26.04.24 - CDN....

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lavalovexoxo · 9 months

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warning & presentation!

• sw 63kg (138lbs)

-cw 61kg

- ugw 45kg (105lbs)

-hw 65kg

-lw 59kg

• 155cm (5 foot)

•15 yo from Argentina ♥

• not pro 4na, pro revovery

feel free to dm me i would love to have an ed buddy

thx

#i wanna lose weight #not ana just using tags #girlblogger #female hysteria #im just a girl #ed no sheeran #3dtwt #3ating d1sorder #lose weight #weight loss #tw ana #argentina

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cats-depression-diary · 7 months

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ed recovery vent

I miss my sick body so much but I try to remeber myself that I was so miserable at that time and that my weight didn't changed anything it just made everything worse. I was still insecure af. When i look at pictures of myself from 10 months ago I'm just so shocked, I looked not good, I looked sick. But I was hiding my body so no one saw how sick I looked. And didn't even saw it myself because ♡body dysmorphia♡. It didn't made me happy it made my physical and mental health miserable and I gained all the weight I lost, back in revovery and I want to be OKAY. And I try to force myself to realise that losing weight won't fix anything.

#tw depressing stuff #this is depressing #depressing shit #ed vent #ed recovery #ed disorder #eating disoder recovery #recovery

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passionfruitcals · 2 years

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quick reminder that “recovering” from an eating disorder by just replacing it with a different one. isn’t recovery.

#just ed shit #tw ed related #ed meals #tw ed talk #tw eating mention #tw ed stuff #tw ed thoughts #ed progress #th1nspiii #thin inspo #th1nsp #edtips #i want to be skiny #th1nspiration #th1nspø #ed revovery

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fat-mama-slim · 3 years

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Things I’m desperate to happen:

For my husband to grab or lift me and comment on how small or light I am

For my mum to see me after a few weeks and comment on how good I look

To buy smaller bras!

To fit some of the “too small” clothes I have stored away.

For people at work to notice I’ve lost weight.

To see some definition in my abs.

To get rid of the horrible massive dent in the middle of my back where my love-handles are so fat (it’s literally the worst part of my body and I hate it)

To see my reflection in a window etc and think I look ok

To get out of the “overweight” bmi category

To feel more confident

#clean eating #exercise #fitspo #food #health & fitness #healthy eating #meal prep #motivation #nutrition #weightloss #diet #ed revovery #tw ed things #losing weight

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donewitheating · 2 years

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i thought i had the control

but as time went on

as the skin grew tighter on my bones

it felt amazing

beautiful

but it wasn’t enough

having hair clog the shower,

getting up and the room darkens,

the endless aching,

but i couldn’t lose control

the non stop scrolls of others,

crying in front of the mirror,

wearing baggy clothes,

and then someone says

“have you lost weight?”

you say

“no” defensively but think someone noticed

i did it

so why i don’t i feel better?

sure i’m smaller

but not small enough

why did i never think that was a corresponding concept

it tended to be never enough

i still hated myself when i lost the weight

i thought i had the control

but ended up with it controlling me.

#ed #ed inspo #ed revovery

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brownandblackpearls · 3 years

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🍞 ℋunger (Asra x EDReader, ED.MC)

Memories of your disorder slowly return and take over once again. You fight it but one bad day reveals everything that you wanted to hide the most.

─── Asra x black female reader

─── imagery + fiction

─── no smut

─── TW: Eating disorders and explicit ED behaviors, hurt/comfort, past abandonment, body dysmorphia, body image, confrontation, if you know you have triggers with ED, skip this one.

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:・゜゜・．✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *

Some days are harder than others. You try your best.

But often, the best just isn’t enough to keep the spiraling at bay.

Asra knows your fondness for baked goods and chocolate well. Since you raved about that pumpkin bread a few months ago, he’s insisted on bringing you loaves every few weeks.

But as more your memories return to you, not all of them are pleasant. You begin to recall everything, including the unhealthy habits you used to have, and how people reacted to them before.

You remember what it was like when you were younger and larger than you are right now, you remember how you were treated by others who had so much to say about your body and how it fit into their thoughts, into this life. You remember things said in passing by family, friends, people who were supposed to care about you and love you.

Now? No matter how much you’ve tried to throw away those instances, those memories, the reawakened disorder clutches to the trauma like a lifeline, desperate to live through you. Desperate to starve and purge, and lessen and lessen you until there’s no more fear of fat.

But that’s just the thing. The fear is endless.

And worse, it’s a lie.

You know you’re not fat...And you know being fat means nothing on your inherent worth, your value, your beauty, your being. But it feels too difficult to put this beast down on your own.

As strong as you are, as strong as you’ve become, you wonder if some demons are stronger.

So you hide it.

You don’t want Asra to know what you’re thinking when he unwraps another chocolate truffle for you, you don’t want him to hear you try and fail to eliminate what you’ve eaten late in the night, you don’t want him to understand the things you tell yourself in the dark of your mind on your lowest days. You don’t want him to know that it took wiping your memory entirely for you to rid yourself of a condition that’s plagued you since before you knew him, that you’ve hidden since before you knew him.

Some days, you can eat.

Some days, you can’t.

Asra finally realizes on one of the days you weren’t careful enough.

He had brought more of that damned pumpkin bread and you’d already been silently agonizing over your physique that entire morning. Dress after dress, outfit after outfit, none of them seem to fit quite right enough to quell your inner critic.

“I’ve brought you some more from the market.” Asra is happy, holding his prize out to you.

You plaster a strained smile onto your face, thanking him, but you realize too late that it doesn’t shine through your eyes.

He sees.

“Are you...feeling alright?” He asks. “Is it the bread...? Do you not like it anymore?”

You grit your teeth behind your lips in anxiety, shaking your head a little too quickly.

“No! No, I love it. I’m just feeling a little...ill, that’s all!”

Asra frowns and lays the back of his hand to your head, brushing it down your temple and trailing his fingers down your tumbles of hair.

“You don’t feel warm…maybe it’s a chest cold? I’ll make you some tea, alright?”

You nod, feeling awful for lying to him.

Ashamed and embarrassed of yourself, you try to save the mood by plucking up the bread from his hands.

“I’ll save and eat this for later, when I’m feeling better!”

The statement does little to quell Asra’s concern over your ‘chest cold’, but he spares you a brief, appreciative smile before rushing to make the tea.

You climb the steps of the shop and head to your room to hide the bread away.

It’s almost tucked into your drawer when you smell the scent of it.

‘Not now...’

Your stomach gurgles, sick of fasting and excited to consume more carbs, more sugar, some kind of quick energy supply. All those days you hid not eating while Asra was away are beginning to catch up with you.

You grit your teeth and begin to count backwards, planning on drinking plenty of water to help kill the craving. But before you know it, the bread’s out of the drawer, in your hands, and being stuffed fervently into your mouth.

Without even really being present for the act, you ravenously chew the bread down. For a moment, the endorphins of finally getting fed surge through you and lift your spirits.

Halfway through the loaf, you feel the crash.

Hands full of bread, face covered in crumbs, your eyes well up and you begin to wail silently. Your body bends over under the weight of the grief, unchewed pastry falling out of your mouth and hitting the floor. You clutch your hands into tight fists of aggravation at yourself, crushing the pumpkin bread and trembling under the intense amount of anguish you feel right this second.

‘How could I have eaten that? Why did I eat that? What have I done?’

‘Now I’ll gain. I’ll be big again. No one will want me because I can’t control myself. They’ll make sure to let me know it, too.’

‘He won’t want me. Just like the rest of them. He’ll see how I really am.’

You cry and cry, unaware of Faust sliding out from under your bed. She tilts her head at you, swaying closer.

‘…!’

She cries your name.

Your mind is filled with fast thoughts that you can’t stop, and you don’t catch how Faust tries to reach you.

‘Sad? Hurt?’

When you don’t answer, Faust quickly slithers out the room, unseen.

Before long, fast footsteps ring out from the hall and you hear your door open.

‘Oh no...’

Asra calls your name and you hide further into yourself, clutching the floor.

He hates you, there is no doubt now, he is seeing the ugliness of your secret, the self-loathing, the ridiculousness of falling apart over blasted pumpkin bread, the lack of self-control, the fear, the shame, the shame, the shame—

Asra calls your name again, pulling you by the shoulders into him.

You try to keep your sobs in, your body wracking with the intensity of them. Your trembling grows to the point where it frightens even you.

As soft as water, Asra soothes a hand down your face, your neck, and calls to you as one would to an injured, trapped fawn.

“It’s alright. Let it out. Don’t hold on to all of that, let it out. I’ve got you, I’m here now.”

The sobs come then, long and loud and persistent. Years and years of pent up secrecy, of pain, of long body checks in mirrors and pools, of hidden and regurgitated food, of meanly whispered words and condemnations….all of it spills out of you.

When the waves of grief finally cease, Asra just holds you.

‘He is still here?’ you think. ‘Why?’

You wait for abandonment. You know how that feels. That is familiar. Judgement is familiar. Pain is familiar. And you just know it is coming.

Yet, nothing happens. Asra continues to hold you. No one says a word.

Long heavy silence rings in the air before he finally speaks.

“Faust said…that you…after you ate the bread…”

You nod stiffly into his chest, sniffling.

“I don’t eat.” You say plainly. “I never eat. At least, I try. But then I do and I ruin myself.”

Asra cradles your face, peering at you.

“Ruin yourself? From one piece of pumpkin bread?”

You tear up again, certain that you look and sound a complete mess.

“You don’t understand,” you insist, “it’s because of me…! Anyone else could have it…but not me, because if I have it…I’ll g-g-g-g-” you can’t even get the words out. “I just can’t.”

“Is this just about the bread? Or other foods...?”

Your face wilts and you look down in shame.

He knows, then.

“How long have you felt like this...?”

You trace the floor, shaking your head.

“...Years. I’m so sorry.”

“What...? Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve helped you. You know I would’ve—”

Your face twists and you close your eyes, tears spilling out.

“—It’s…it’s stupid…! It doesn’t even matter, I’ve been told so in the past…I’ve told others before, and nothing was done or I was criticized, or they left and I…I just was afraid that…you’d see how silly I was...how damaged I am….that you might leave…”

Asra pulls you so close to him that you can hear his heart thrum like a locomotive in his chest. He is worried sick over you, you suddenly realize.

“Look at me,” he demands, his voice so serious that you can recall nothing like it from all the years of knowing him.

You obey, eyes wide and watery.

“I will never leave you,” Asra promises so solemnly, that he sounds as if he is swearing an oath on his very soul. “I love you, do you understand that? You could change in a thousand ways and I’d still love you. You could fall for another and I’d still love you, and watch over you until we were all dust in the wind. You are the most important thing in my life and it’s my job to protect you, to uplift you. I don’t ever want you to think I would leave you. Especially not over something like this.”

“I-I’m sorry!” You plead for forgiveness for doubting his love. You know that he is loyal to you, you do. It’s just...the disorder makes it so difficult to think sometimes, to remember the truth. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have doubted you…I just…! I don’t know. I didn’t want to upset you...?”

“I am upset that I couldn’t have helped you with this sooner, that I didn’t realize. I should have realized...” Asra admits, frowning to himself. “But I can help you now. You’ve told me, and it’s alright now. We’ll face this together.”

You cling to Asra’s shirt like a lifeline, just breathing.

You know you have a long, difficult road to walk. You know it’s not as easy as finally getting the help and support you need, that there’s not a snap of fingers or a spell even that can speed this process for you. It can’t do the work for you.

You will have to learn how to eat without shame again. How to stop internalizing the pain and abandonment from the past. How to realize that pumpkin bread is just pumpkin bread, and that this was never about the food to begin with.

You will have to learn to look in a mirror and smile genuinely, even on the bad days. You will have to learn to eat food without calorie-counting, without crying.

You know there will be nights where you will fail, days where you stumble, and moments where you wish for nothing more but to be ill once again.

Asra can be there to hold your hand, to keep you steady, but he can’t do the work that you will have to do.

But you also know...

...you are worth it. A good life is worth it. A life with someone who cares for you, who loves you, is worth it. And deep down, you know that you care and love yourself, in a way, through all the pain.

You want to overcome. To heal.

Asra’s voice breaks you out of your trance.

“You’re not alone anymore. I’ll...I’ll write to Julian! And we’ll all come up with a plan, together. Okay? We can start today. Okay..?”

You keep your eyes locked on him, holding. Just holding.

“Okay. I’m ready.”

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:・゜゜・．✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *

AN: Do not under any circumstances copy, repost, or edit any of my work including this one. If you see someone do so, please let me know.

If any of you are interested in a short follow-up with Dr. Julian assisting you in overcoming ED, let me know.

☾ check my blog for more imagines.

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myfirevoidkid · 2 years

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So here I am day 1 of not knowing what I'm doing here, I hope you all enjoy I guess and I'm possibly gonna be going for some boba tea later so I'll post some pics of that if I end up going! I guess I should say a little about me, my name is Rosie I'm a 20 year old, my pronouns are she/her/they/them, I've been diagnosed with bpd/eupd since September 2019 and I've been in and out of grippy sock jail since 2018, I also have an attatchemt disorder, an eating disorder and depression, I'm currently waiting on an ASD assessment so I'll update on that when ever anything happens, I hope who ever is here with me can use this as a safe space just as I am trying to and I hope you enjoy what ever a kind of mess this is gonna turn out to be!

#positive mental attitude #mental health recovery #borderline things #borderline blog #borderline personality problems #bpd thoughts #eating disoder things #eupdawareness #eupd recovery #actually eupd #ed revovery #bpd recovery

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pozartaa · 5 months

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Ok... Dwa lata mojej ciężkiej pracy... Wczoraj pochwaliłam się moim sukcesem 2000 obserwujących na blogu

@pozarta !

Cała moja historia dwuletniego przebywania z wami w tym miejscu i dzielenia się moimi sukcesami w drodze od otyłości do wagi prawidłowej, szerzenia informacji o ED recovery poszło jak krew w piach!!

Bosze jest mi tak niezmiernie smutno i przykro, że komuś się chciało mnie zgłaszać... Że ktoś poczuł się ZAGROŻONY przez treści, które umieszczam.

No cóż ... Mówi się, że nie należy się przyzwyczajać do rzeczy. Może to znak od losu, że blog potrzebował odświeżenia.

Nigdy nie myślałam, że też napiszę taki post ... Ale proszę o reblogi.

Wkrótce się odnajdziemy znowu

Wasza POZARTA a teraz @pozartaa

Wracam na stare tory jak najszybciej się da. Będzie nowy post przypięty. I ruszam z tym koksem 😉

#ed recovery #reblogs #pro revovery #ed18+#edadult #foodbook #food log #kalorie #kaloryczność #chce byc piekna

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wildheartsalwaysburn · 3 years

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On days like this I start to realise why I need the therapy.

Some minor inconvenience happens, like having to go back to my old work place to get my shoes, and I wanna starve again.

I know this won't help me. But it makes me happy though it shouldn't.

#ana #ed revovery #why is recovery so hard #i can't do this #Thinspo #skinny #Thin girl

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shobe-sandwitch · 4 years

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i had a frappe for the first time in 3 years today. i didn't feel guilty. i didn't feel the need to workout and burn it off. i didn't count the calories or skip dinner because of it. i drank it, enjoyed it, and moved on. i didn't think poorly of myself. i never thought recovery would be possible, but here i am. i thought i was doomed to be afraid of losing control forever, but now i have true freedom.

#ed #tw ed #ed tw #ed revovery #personal

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