#eating disorders are so expensive i do not recommend it
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Long covid has meant seeing lots of doctors, lots of times. I've met some amazing people. Doctors with empathy and curiosity. A long covid clinic doctor started our appointment but just telling me, "you're not crazy" and I burst into tears. A pulmonologist assured me that even if he couldn't figure out what was happening to me, he wouldn't let me leave his care until he'd exhausted his options and he felt he knew where to refer me next.
But seeing so many people, I can't help but have experiences that hurt. I've joined the chronic illness community; the invisible illness community. Long covid is new, poorly understood, and has the fun addition of having a political toxicity attached to it.
A bad doctor's appointment really stings. It holds onto me. It haunts me. Sometimes, it makes me angry. Why am I not being heard? Why am I being treated like my disease isn't real. Why is this doctor making recommendations that I couldn't possibly physically accomplish? I explained my physical limitations. They're real. I know that they're real.
It brings back all of the doubt that i already carry under the surface. Maybe I'm being dramatic. Is long covid even really a thing? Am I making this up? Maybe I just need to try harder. Have I tried yoga? Positive thinking?
Sometimes, it's small and inconsiderate things. Recommendations that ignore physical or financial circumstances that i just talked about in that same appointment. Test results read in snide tones alongside the "normal" range.
Sometimes, it's big and brash things. Recommendations of surgeries or programs that are extreme or inappropriate. Making me fight for my medical care.
Being sick is exhausting. Having long covid is exhausting. Having some kind of medical appointment nearly every week is exhausting. I live in a rural area and have to drive about an hour to reach any of these doctors. I don't want to feel like the expert on my disease when I go to the doctor. I'm tired. I have nightmares about hospitals. I want to at least know that when I give everything I have to be in that doctor's office, they will believe that I'm sick.
ENT 2021: No one really knows what's causing taste and smell changes in long covid, so there's not much I could really do for you. If it's really hard to live with food tasting like trash, I could sever your olfactory nerve. Then you shouldn't smell or taste anything. Maybe that's better? Although, if long covid is actually neurological, that might not actually help you at all!
Nutritionist 2021: Maybe try (insert very expensive home delivery food service).
GP 2021: Are you really, really sure you want to remove your IUD? Your insurance probably won't pay for another one for a while. The ultrasound showed it was still in the right place, so I can't imagine it's what's causing you any problems.
A Different Nutritionist 2022: I think you should sign up for an online eating disorder program. It's not long covid specific, so it'll mostly be group therapy with people with traditional eating disorders, but I'm just not sure how much I can help you.
Orthopedist 2023: You wrote "long covid" under preexisting conditions. What is that? I've never heard of it.
Speech Therapy 2024: Breathe out saying "e" for as long as you can....Hmmm, that was 4 seconds. You know the normal average for that is 20 seconds.
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what's in my au girls bags:
blake hughes:
bag: YSL le 5 à 7 supple Large in smooth leather
everything from blakes bag, to her sunglasses, and other items are really expensive/designer because when u give a 15 year old thousands (lowkey a million) dollars from prize / sponsorship money u know shes going to go a little crazy! but she takes care of her things and shes had them for awhile so she deserves it <3
xanax pill box: to hold all her meds/birth control when shes out and about! she has a panic disorder and so she's on xanax for that, and then she's on anti-depressants (?), and she has her birth control.
journal: therapist recommended
yellow smily face ball: stress ball for anxiety
jewelry because she's a little disorganized and definitely has random hoops floating around her bag + her fav bracelet
rosemary:
bag: coach tabby shoulder bag (it was a gift from her mom for her uni graduation)
a book of japanese short stories for when shes out and has free time
AirPods of course
mini marc jacobs daisy perfume + lip balms
a granola bar which quinn eats every single time!
journalist au! mom
bag: wandler (idk the specific bag)
her bag is filled to the brim because shes a busy woman! she also def comes from money and so she has expensive things (how else would she live alone in a nyc apartment so close to everything)
laptop, phone, portable charger, laptop charger: for work but also the portable charger because shes afraid her phone will die when somebody needs to contact her about leighton!
makeup: she 100% does her makeup in her car before walking into work. shes busy in the mornings and doesnt usually have a lot of time.
water bottle: hydrated queen
baby stuff: to keep leighton occupied + clean
mama drysdale (lila au)
bag: polo (?) ralph lauren tote
flyers pacifier (so cute omfg) for baby noah + toys and teddys for both kids when theyre out and need distracting.
glossier makeup bag + makeup: she has to take both small kids grocery shopping alone when jamies gone and the kids are super young so she mentally prepares herself for shopping by doing her makeup in the car before they go in & while both kids are calm
everything else is self explainitory
inez zegras
bag: prada black re-nylon backpack (trevor bought this for her during his all designer phase)
umich hat: its lukes that she stole!
brow gel: she takes her brows SERIOUSLY. brow gel in her bag, brow gel at her house, brow gel in the car... its serious business.
then school supplies because she's a student ! (what major do u think she is? i feel like we talked about this before but i dont remember at all)
hope u guys liked this😁💗
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STUFF I DIDN'T KNOW WHEN I WAS STILL ABLED...
It's not always obvious what's wrong.
.
Hi, Doctor. I'm tired. Like, all the time.
No. All the time. I wake up exhausted. I fall asleep at work. I fall asleep in the shower. I'm scared to drive.
No, Doctor. You don't understand. I'm not 'sleepy.' Not 'drowsy.' I'm tired in my bones. My blood feels heavy. The weight of my head hurts my neck. I can't think sometimes--I forget how to read--i get lost in familiar places! I say 'tired,' but I mean that 80% of my life, I feel like a sloppy heap of mud splattering and crumbling from too much moving, too much thinking, too much feeling, too much light, too much noise, too much everything. I'm confused and disoriented and like I'm in a terrible dream.
Oh.
That's a symptom of a lot of things?
Anemia. Migraine. Sleep apnea. Vitamin deficiency. Thyroid dysfunctions. Brain diseases. Heart diseases. Neurological disorders. Blood disorders. Autoimmune issues. Depression and other psychiatric conditions. Lifestyle choices: sleep, food, activity level. Environmental factors: mold, pollution, allergies.
There's a lot of testing to rule things out, huh? Could take years? Yes, I know it will be expensive. Yes, I accept that some of the tests will hurt. Yes, I commit to rearranging my eating/sleeping/exercising habits and seeing every recommended specialist.
Doctor, you don't understand. Either we find an answer, no matter how long it takes, or I am trapped outside of the world forever for no reason. Not testing won't make these horrible feelings stop.
Can you imagine feeling this way? Always? During your friends' birthdays? When your boss demands work? When you're home alone in the middle of the night trying to remember how the sink works? During the commute. During the shower. Taking out the trash. Feeding the cats. Staring at your bills. Talking with your family. For years... weddings, funerals, holidays, weekends, 4am, 4pm, when your loved ones need you, during every emergency, while you fail at your job, at your hobbies, at your relationships, at being your basic self?
Fuck, Yes! Doctor! Run! The! Tests! We are burning daylight!! Let's get this ball rolling! Journey of a thousand miles, begins with single step, etc!
I do want to feel better. This is not my imagination. It's not my fault. I am a reliable witness to my own life and I don't care how many tests 'come back normal.' Those must be the wrong tests to find what's haywire. I know something is wrong and even if we can't fix it, I must understand it.
.
I'm now in year 7 of trying to improve my situation. I know so much more about my conditions than I did. I am getting help. I still don't have a full picture. I'm still disabled.
But it's not like it was.
Please. Don't give up. Diagnosis can take years. Some people never get a firm answer. Regardless, you will learn ways to cope. You will meet people who help you cope. Don't give up on yourself. You are worth the effort.
.
Seems like something we should all know.
.
.
.
Disability happens to people without our control or consent. Every single disabled person has strong feelings about their own situation and I would not presume to talk about anyone’s thoughts but my own. But none of us chose to do life on hardmode, so if the world could listen this month, there’s a lot to say.
#disability pride month#invisible disability#chronic illness#disabled#chronic fatigue#chronic migraine#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#pots#mast cell activation syndrome#mcas#myalgic encephalomyelitis#me/cfs#diagnosis#ambiguous symptoms#undiagnosed#us medical system#medical system#doctor#medical tests#dontgiveup#don't give up#the goal is understanding#the goal is coping#only way out of hell#is through it#you are worth it
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ok soooo brief tiny little tw for mentions of eating disorders because uh…. yeah
They say a ballerinas life is split in two seasons, as compared to your average humans four. Nutcracker, and the rest of the year. Weather changes are merely a distraction. Ask any of the dancers at the New York City Dance Academy.
It’s certainly true for Katherine Pulitzer, an up-and-coming prodigy, who’s rank as Medda’s darling and queen of the Sugar Plum role has gone uncontested for a good six years, now. (And, well, not everyone goes on tour with the Bolshoi at thirteen.) When the teachers need an example, Katherine is the one they choose. When the audience tosses their expensive bouquets of tacky roses at the stage, it’s for Katherine. A dream to watch, people call her. Easily one of the most promising dancers of her generation, people call her. So strong, so disciplined, so beautiful, so perfect. Anyone with even a teaspoon of vanity would revel in it. Anyone.
And she deserves it, she tells herself. She’s done everything the way she’s meant to. She left school, she pours thousands of dollars a year into shoes, leotards, makeup, tuition, skirts, shoes… the list goes on. She eats about the same amount as is recommended for a fucking 10 year old. She does what her teachers and her father tell her. She deserves praise.
nutcracker season and the "rest of the year" lmao it's pretty true
Medda would adore kath that's just facts
SUGAR PLUM QUEEEEN
idea the song dancing queen should be included somewhere
can u tell me more abt the Academy what it's like, bc if she toured with bolshoi at 13 surely julliard or someone would have snapped her up (so is the Academy kinda like julliard?) and she'd be dancing in a pro company by now cause she's at least 19 right? (or is the Academy a pro company?)
(^sorry that feels like I'm picking holes Im not meaning to, tell me to fuck off if u want)
is kath gonna go rogue I feel like she's gonna go rogue at least a little bit
christ eating disorders and ballet are such a toxic cycle
yes you deserve praise darling
PLEASE GO DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF KATHERINE TELL YOUR FATHER TO GO SCREW HIMSELF MAYBE AND THEN DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF
OMG OMG OMG I LOVE THIS LITERALLY SO MUCH I CANT WAIT TO HEAR/READ MORE ABOUT IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEE IM SO EXCITED ACTUALLY TAKE A BOW REESE YOURE VERY VERY TALENTED YOU GET A STANDING OVATION FROM ME
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Something I see online that's frustrating to me is you'll get people telling the vegan activists who promote veganism as a universal ideal that there are disabled people who can't have a vegan diet, but then a lot of the people who point this out don't seem to know what conditions actually cause that. And then you end up having arguments about that so I want to actually point out a few examples
I think the number one example where there's no way to safely, healthfully avoid having to consume animal products is haemodialysis for kidney failure. People on dialysis need more protein than other people because they lose protein and blood cells during the dialysis process, and they are required to have a low potassium diet because their kidneys can't filter potassium. This means legumes and soy aren't viable alternatives. [x] "Renal dietitians encourage most people on haemodialysis to eat high-quality protein because it produces less waste for removal during dialysis. High-quality protein comes from meat, poultry, fish, and eggs." [x] If you can't meet your protein needs with these foods for whatever reason, you'll be prescribed whey protein powder, which is made from dairy. [x]
Ketogenic diets are also high in animal proteins. They're innately low carb and high in fat, which means legumes and other meat alternatives aren't a great fit. "The ketogenic diet can boost insulin sensitivity and cause fat loss, leading to significant health benefits for people with type 2 diabetes or prediabetes." [x] PCOS, a common condition effecting about 10% of people who menstruate, is also often treated with a low carb, high protein diet because it involves insulin resistance. [x]
Ketogenic diets may also be recommended to treat seizures in epilepsy. [x] It is most frequently used for focal seizures in children, infantile spasms, Rett syndrome, tuberous sclerosis complex, Dravet syndrome, Doose syndrome, and GLUT-1 deficiency. In these conditions, ketogenic diets can reduce or even eliminate seizures.
People with food allergies can find it difficult to afford safe and healthy food in general. [x] The inability to rely on cheap, plant-based proteins like canned beans or dried lentils can be a general hardship, especially when disabilities themselves can limit job opportunities or the capacity to work.
Intestinal disorders are another factor that can make vegan diets difficult. Foods high in insoluble fibre, like beans and other legumes, as well as nuts and seeds, can cause Crohn's flare ups in some people. [x] Seeds, nuts, and legumes can also be trigger foods for people with ulcerative colitis. [x] IBD flare ups are not like a run-of-the-mill case of intestinal discomfort. They can land people in the hospital and require major surgery. [x]
For allergies, the main factor that can make a vegan diet difficult isn't allergy to specific vegetables, but to specific plant proteins. Someone who is allergic to soy, peanuts, or other legumes will have more limited options for meeting their daily protein requirements on a vegan diet. People with allergies to a broad spectrum of legumes may not have any reasonable substitution options. Substitutions can also increase the price point and make a vegan diet too expensive for people in poverty who also have allergies. Poor people with food allergies may find it difficult in general to afford a safe and healthy diet. [x]
For some people, including some disabled people, a vegan diet may in fact be ideal. Vegan diets can certainly be part of a healthy diet when trying to reduce bad cholesterol [x], treat high blood pressure [x], or treat earlier stages of kidney disease. [x] And while insulin resistance may be best treated with a ketogenic diet in some people, others do seem to benefit from a plant-based diet instead. [x] A person's diabetes specialist and trained dietitians can help them figure out which is best for them, potentially based on other factors like whether or not they have high blood pressure or bad cholesterol, or whether their diabetes risks are linked to PCOS or other known metabolic conditions.
Achieving sustainable food production and equal access to a safe, nutritious, well-balanced diet is fundamental to us all. But there's simply no one-size-fits-all ideal human diet, and that's something everyone needs to take into account.
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Hello I hear that you are a dentistry student.
Is there anything you know of slash can think of that could be done to make the bi-annual Dentist Experience less intense? I have autism and sensory issues and the whole experience makes me so nervous I get close to vomiting because of how uncomfortable it is.
Hello! Thank you so much for the ask.
Indeed, I am a dentistry student, finishing studies very soon.
Here's some things that might help you or someone else out, hopefully.
Hear me out. If possible for you, make it so there's the least amount of effort that needs to be put into your appointment by the dentist or hygienist. What I mean by this is: take care of your teeth properly. And yes, I know how difficult this can be, especially when you're going through a depressive episode or a particularly rough patch. No judgement here!
What do I mean by taking care of your teeth properly? The usual: brush at least twice a day and floss. But there's more to it.
Use fluoride toothpaste. Whitening toothpaste tends to be more abrasive and I generally don't recommend it for that reason.
Medium or soft-bristled toothbrush. It will be more forgiving if your brushing technique is a bit too harsh.
Start brushing on the lingual side of your teeth first. That way you'll prevent the buildup of calculus where it usually tends to collect. Therefore, you might not even need scaling on your next appointment.
If you don't have the dexterity or patience for dental floss, use flossers.
To help your teeth re-mineralize and perhaps even stop surface-level caries from developing further, use products such as Tooth Mousse that contains "liquid enamel".
Try to actually go to the dentist as often as they suggest you should. The dentist assesses the risk of you having cavities or gum issues and how often you should have check-ups. Dental work usually gets more expensive and invasive the longer you let yourself go without regular visits.
If you consume a lot of soft drinks, have an eating disorder, acid reflux or vomit often, do not brush your teeth immediately after getting your teeth exposed to the acid. This over a period of time will combine erosion and abrasion to the enamel and dentin and can be very damaging. Instead, thoroughly rinse your mouth with water, then fluoride mouthwash, and wait at least 20 minutes before brushing your teeth. I know it feels disgusting but it prevents damage to the teeth that might need fixing in the future.
When it comes to visiting your dentist/hygienist:
Inform them about your sensory issues. If they don't take them seriously or accommodate them, maybe it's better to switch to someone else, if possible. I know advocating for yourself can be difficult but a good medical professional will take it into consideration.
Nausea can possibly be prevented with nitrous oxide or antihistamines. The former is often used for more invasive procedures such as tooth extractions. The right kind of antihistamines can reduce anxiety and nausea. If you want to consider those, talk to your family doctor about them and see if it's a good fit for you.
If you're very nervous, schedule an introductory appointment that will only be specifically for getting used to the dentist or hygienist as a person and the environment of the office. Voice your concerns then. Going to a pediatric dentist specifically might be a good option.
Ask the staff to walk you through every step of the way so you're not surprised by the experience.
If you dislike the sensation of your tongue getting really dry while getting a cavity filling done, ask beforehand if there's a possibility of using a dental dam during the procedure. It might be uncomfortable in other ways but it will keep your tongue moist.
That's all the things I've thought of so far. I might add onto it in the future. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have and I'll try to answer them to the best of my ability. If you have any specific sensory issues and would like to share, I'd love to try and help out!
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if i have to see that fucking post about how "actually it's impossible to lose weight and you should never be recommended weight loss for your health and you can never ever keep weight off and if you diet you will Starve To Death" one more time i am going to actually commit an act of violence (after seeing it for the sixth fucking time and getting mad about it AGAIN i have finally blocked op instead of just continuing to unfollow whoever put it on my dash)
i put my rant under a readmore because i was writing it in tags and it got too long if anyone tries to fucking debate me about any of this you are getting blocked i seriously do not give a fuck this is a VENT POST because im EXTREMELY ANGRY
i understand that this sentiment can be valuable for people with restrictive eating disorders. you are allowed to eat and nourish your body and not feel guilty. but saying that "oh your knees wont hurt as much and your LDL/A1C will improve but thats it it's otherwise Very Unhealthy" is grossly negligent
ldl? you mean cholesterol? a1c? you mean blood sugar levels? you mean by eating in a way that nourishes your body but not in significant excess will help prevent heart disease and type 2 diabetes? which are lifelong medical conditions that can be expensive to live with in countries with no socialized health care?
how about instead of lying and saying that Losing Weight Is Bad we talk about eating varieties of nutrient-dense foods. we talk about adding in foods that are good for our bodies and slowly reducing the amount of foods that are genetically engineered to make you crave more and more and are sold by companies that do not give a shit about your health
like. eating 1500 calories a day is not a starvation diet for anyone under 5 foot 4. it is for taller people. because who would have thought people with larger frames need more energy to make their bodies work. because there is more of them to move around.
weight loss AND weight gain are morally neutral!! stop acting like One of them is good and one of them is evil!!! i understand that not every post is about me but like fuck!! seriously!!! this is the Misinformation Website!!! "this is all googleable" okay but you are also using extremely biased language. you are telling people to google 'starvation diet'. of course they will find information about people LITERALLY STARVING. 'i am a doctor just trust me bro' my doctor is the same with the body positive shit i had to CONVINCE her that losing weight would be worthwhile for me for a multitude of reasons. she finally fucking agreed with me after i said "listen. i felt so much better emotionally, physically, and mentally at [X] lbs. i could tie my own shoelaces without sitting down. i could run a mile without collapsing. using the fucking restroom is easier. i wasn't getting fucking TRAPPED on the floor. and now i weigh [Y] lbs and cant put on my own socks and i am fucking crippled and walk with a cane. i am MISERABLE. and i am STILL MISERABLE after finally being on medication that helps with my brain because i am in EXCRUCIATING PAIN every waking moment, and it even fucking wakes me up at night. i cant sleep. i cant do *anything*." and she finally had to say "yeah okay maybe it would help to lose some weight" LIKE I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO CONVINCE YOU TO BE OKAY WITH ME DOING SOMETHING THAT IS GOOD FOR ME.
this shit makes me SO FUCKING ANGRY. i have seen a dietician, who has graduated me from seeing her. i do not have an eating disorder. but these fucking posts that are just LYING are actively triggering!!!
for the love of god there are communities of people out there who have lost a significant amount of weight, have kept it off, and are EXTREMELY supportive for people who want that for themselves! people who choose to stick around once theyre in "maintenance" (staying at a weight that is healthy for them) because they want to help people improve their lives! acting like NO ONE keeps the weight off is just wrong!!
some of us have fucked up hunger cues!! some of us have adapted overeating as an unhealthy coping mechanism!! as a form of self-harm!! and these things deserve to be faced with kindness and understanding, not "You Will Fail, You Will Fail, You Must Stay Fat"
being fat is morally neutral!! being thin is morally neutral!! you are not a bad person for wanting to gain weight! you are not a bad person for wanting to lose weight! you are not a bad person for wanting to stay the same weight! you are not a bad person for not even being concerned about your weight! but by fucking god you are allowed to feel happy and comfortable with your body in whatever shape it is, and if you know you would be happier in a different shape, you are allowed to work for that!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#cw weight loss mention ////#cw brief disordered eating mention //#ventpost ///#does adding forwardslashes in tags still work?#regardless if any fucking randos try to start a fight over this i am not engaging i am blocking on sight#all i ask is please stop blindly agreeing with everything that's sourced with 'source: google it' or 'source: just trust me bro'#disclaimer i am a fucking FAT PERSON i am BIGGER THAN YOU
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Hi! I'm a big fan of the food you post, it all looks incredible! I was wondering if you had any advice for someone looking to start cooking their own meals? Not to get into detail but I also need to start cooking for my sister with an eating disorder, I know you've talked about that in past, please don't feel obliged to talk about your own experiences or anything! Is there a particular website or cookbook you go off? Any tips for resourcing good quality ingredients? All the best!
I think cooking the same recipe a few times can really help you understand why you do the steps, and as you get comfortable you can start to improvise and loosen up and that helps to find what you like and understand some basic principles like baking times, flavor combos, etc
I also hope I don't sound like a broken record saying this but anytime someone is trying to cook at home for illness/ED I always always recommend getting a proper nutritionist who understands the particular needs and part of the healing journey happening. It's possible to get 1 time sessions where people can write you a starter meal plan to follow and it can really break down some of the anxiety of thinking of meals or ways to be getting what your body needs efficiently. Even if its expensive, healing illness or ED's on your own can cause so much stress around food that it can end up crashing on you over and over, and it is such a worthy thing to be researching and looking into.
I wish I could say I had cookbook recommendations but I genuinely have been making my own recipes specifically because my dietary restrictions were so severe for the last for years that it was impossible to find gluten free, dairy free, low sugar, low fodmap, not citrus meals! Although I've healed many of those problems and found what works for me now, I really did it on my own in the kitchen with lots of trial and error!
Good luck!
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OSRR: 3315
today was surprisingly tough on me.
it's not necessarily the exhaustion, although that certainly didn't help.
it's not the job, not in the least. i'm actually pretty proud of myself in that department. we had a meeting with jack today about the next GRR and i came up with a timeline for it. and he'll be talking to the product security guy on tuesday to kinda get the ball rolling for that. (when i told jack i wanted his job when he left, i didn't intend for it to be this soon.)
tw: disordered eating, money problems. suffice it to say i should really talk to my therapist soon. and learn boundaries because i need to care for myself too, not just everyone else.
most of my issues today stemmed from thinking about money. i have a fairly comprehensive budget i created in excel. it takes into account holidays, overtime pay, the hourly rate, taxes, benefits, all of my bills, and my bank balance at any given time. the problem is that i'm going to likely break even at the end of the year, which makes it frustrating because i'd like to have a little extra, yknow? when you budget you need to overestimate your expenses and underestimate your income. that way, you should be okay if something turns out weird.
but the problem i am encountering is that even what i'm making isn't enough. first off, i can't say "no" when people ask for help. i don't think about myself in that moment; i focus on helping whoever it is survive and get the things they need. when it comes to myself, though, the wants and needs are fucked up.
for example: when i talked to myself after work today, trying to figure out what to do for dinner, i asked my mom. she recommended wendy's and mcdonald's, and then she said "save your money." i know i should save my money. but i also need to eat. but my stupid little fucked up brain went, "i need to save money, but i want to eat." which, obviously, is a fucked up way to think. any normal person would say "they need to eat but they want to save money." but nope, not me and my fucked up brain, this shit could never.
so i spent about an hour being upset and trying to figure out how to eat something, save money, and comfort myself without retail therapy or actual therapy. this is a good thing to touch on with christine when i next talk to her. god, i really hope the state determines i can get a tax credit for my insurance. it's all killing me. when i help people and send them money, i think about them needing to eat, needing a comfortable place to live, needing medications to keep themselves well. i don't think about the fact that i'm hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt that i will likely never pay off. i did some calculations, and if i hadn't sent money to a friend, i would've been able to have dinner and not worry about it. but because i didn't do that, i spent the hour drive home agonizing about it before finally deciding to get a few things from the convenience store at the gas station and eating a pint of ice cream for dinner.
healthy? no. cheap? more so than a full meal. and it was from my gas account, so it doesn't go against my full budget.
god i'm such a disaster.
i need to learn to say no and i need to learn to have healthy boundaries and i need to learn how to fix my disordered thinking and the bizarre relationship i have with food. it's so fucking hard to handle it. i'm struggling a lot with it.
i definitely could've used a joel hug today, but he was out when i got home and has not yet returned. so i am joel-less and hug-less. affection is hard. i need so much of it but i get so little.
sigh.
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Here are some tips on maintaining a healthy lifestyle while sticking to your budget
Rising costs and high inflation continue to take a toll on Maritimers' wallets and their health.
According to Naturopathic Doctor Joyce Johnson, people don't have to spend a lot of money to optimize their health, even during these uncertain times.
Johnson provides a number of tips on how to maintain a healthier lifestyle while sticking to your budget.
MEAL PLANNING
Johnson says the best tool to eating healthy on a budget is meal planning.
"Meal planning is making a grocery list of what you need, what's on sale, there's a lot of really great apps that you can put onto your phone that show all the sale flyers. So, you can get a little bit of a comparison and you can find what are your best prices, especially on things like dairy, and meat and protein," she said during an interview with CTV Morning Live Atlantic Monday.
Johnson also suggests "shopping your pantry first."
"So, go to your pantry before you go to the grocery store. See what some of the basics are that you have on-hand, what potatoes and starches you have. Do you have pasta? Do you have rice? These types of things. Look at your proteins, look at what's sort of hiding in your [fridge] crisper," she said.
Johnson said it's also important to think about what leftovers can be turned into new meals.
PROTEIN REPLACEMENTS
The cost of certain meats are out of reach for some Maritimers. Johnson says there are lots of other options to make sure you are getting your fill of protein.
"When it comes to protein, for example, we know chicken breasts can be pretty expensive. Chicken thighs are still just as nutritious and they tend to be a little less expensive," she said. "They still have things like iron, zinc and protein in there. The same as flank steak compared to strip loin."
"You can get protein sources from eggs, also beans and lentils, and look to canned [items]. Canned tuna, canned salmon. These are other great sources."
INCORPORATE VITAMINS, SUPPLEMENTS
Johnson says taking vitamins and supplements can also help fill a gap in someone's nutritional intake.
As some can be quite expensive, she says Vitamin D and Omega-3 are the top two she would recommend.
"Vitamin D is pretty inexpensive when it comes to a vitamin. It has so many good important properties to it. Everything from bone building, it's that sunshine vitamin, it can be important for supporting your immune system, helping to boost moods even for people that are afflicted or affected by seasonal affected disorder," said Johnson.
"And Omega-3. So, this is one of those nutrients that the majority, a lot of people, are deficient in. They're not getting enough Omega-3 from their diet. So, you're looking at either a fish oil or a flax seed oil, if you're a vegan or vegetarian."
BETTER SLEEP SCHEDULE
Johnson says getting a good night's sleep is also important.
Some tips she provided to help include:
Take a hot bath before bed to help relax
Incorporate some deep abdominal breathing
Look for some guided sleep apps
Drop the phone time before bed
EXERCISE
Getting a form of exercise is also important when it comes to your health.
"Exercise doesn't have to be super expensive. It doesn't have to be a really expensive gym membership or classes," said Johnson. "Whatever works in your budget. Things that you could do at home, there are thousands of free videos, different types of classes, even pick up yourself something easy like resistant bands. You can use these for a full-body workout. You can train every part of your body with something as simple as this."
Johnson says there are also many different kinds of body weight exercises that cost nothing to achieve at home.
"I know sometimes the classes are a little bit extra motivation, but you know what, there's a lot of free trials that you can look into as well. There's options for you," she said.
from CTV News - Atlantic https://ift.tt/AKgDRzF
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Trans Liberation. Now.
Paying for college in this day and age is day and age is pretty outrageous to begin with, without also throwing in a government who wants you dead and a dysfunctional society who sees you as an oddity at best, or a dangerous, sociopathic predator at worst. We have to fight to be seen as less than equal. We are told that we should be thankful for the bare minimum. To be called the right name. To be referred to with the right pronouns.
It is absurd to me that people can claim things are equal, that transphobes can look at pride month and scoff. With the never-ending amount of anti-trans legislation being passed across the country, I don't feel safe here, in the deep south, nor would I feel safe in the north. The Supreme Court of the United States wants us gone. They have demonstrated it with their recent actions, as well as their outright refusal to grant protections.
It's well known that the only way to somewhat secure your future in this country is to graduate from college with a bachelor's degree, and that's just the floor, not the ceiling. This is harder for transgender people for countless reasons. For one, we are more susceptible to mental illness than most people. Make no mistake, gender dysphoria can be FATAL, and when untreated often leads to the development of many more problems (including depression, eating disorders, and in nearly all cases, anxiety disorders) It's hard to see yourself living another year when dealing with this, and the thought of planning for the future, paying for classes and committing yourself to the high-pressure collegiate environment is nigh impossible.
Ever notice how there are hundreds, if not thousands of scholarships dedicated to every denomination of Christianity you can think of, and mere dozens for LGBT students? It's just not possible to look at this and honestly think the system is not biased against the transgender populations (as well as all others under the queer umbrella.)
This does not even take into account the expenses associated with being trans. I am lucky enough to be near a pharmacy that sells HRT at-cost (Park West pharmacy in Little Rock - highly recommend!!) but even so, my expenses still tally up to wreck my savings account every quarter. There just aren't enough hours in the day to fund transition on your own and pay for college, and that's if you can even land a job in the first place, when employers refuse to hire you for your identity, and if they do hire you, will fire you at a moment's notice.
Stand up for trans liberation. Let's make a difference. Together.
The #TransgenderFirst College Scholarship- For Transgender Students (onlinedegree.com)
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May I ask how did you go about with your adhd diagnosis? Or what even made you realize to ask about being tested? If it's okay to ask cause if you don't want to talk about it, it's also okay and understandable:)
hi nonny! <333
uh so okay so like, i think really it was like my first few years of therapy [i started in 2011] i don't know how it got brought up but i think it was one of those confluence of events things. i think my primary therapist had mentioned it all while i was telling her i was thinking about growing up and school and how much of a disaster college was for me, and that combined with —
in 2013 Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder/Selective Eating Disorder was added to the DSM. i think it was after or around the same time I was in my first eating disorder therapy journey but the therapist at the time i don't think really understood it or knew much about it. i also have anorexia, but not nervosa, just where I stop eating sometimes either due to stress or just... because I don't want to eat anymore.
in believe it was 2015 when my primary therapist mentioned it, and we looked at it together, and then I went home and did some research and in that research I saw studies and online pieces talking about eating disorders in general pairing up with ADHD, like, if you're ADHD or are autistic you have a higher chance of also developing an eating disorder.
so like that had really stuck in the back of my mind for the following years and I tried operating under the assumption that I had it but it turns out it's hard to do that when you don't really know, because I'm crippled with doubt a lot of the time [like, what if it's something else? what if this is just a normal brain and I'm just deeply uncomfortable or something?]
after like, two years of my therapist going 'ask your psychiatrist to give you a recommendation' I finally asked her and she referred me to a hospital that specialized in that kind of thing. so I was able to make an appointment, and was tested forrrr I think between 4-5 hours. i really just REALLY just wanted an official diagnosis. i had to put my mind at ease. i had taken the online tests and surveys but like, that's a survey or a test set up by someone online that i don't know who they are or their qualifications, and that wouldn't really settle my 'i need to know' itch.
so after the test, the doctor came back in with the data and gave me the lay of the land, saying based on the results, I was ADHD-Inattentive. This also enabled me now to feel comfortable asking for medication [which, the first attempt didn't work out so great, and the second attempt didn't work out so great because it was with the same medication lol, but the third try is going well! never be afraid to ask to change your meds if you don't feel like they're working as well as they possible can or if your side effects are too discomforting]
it took a while to build up to get tested, and women often aren't tested when they're younger because we don't tend to be as hyperactive, if at all, and i kept that in mind before being tested, like "well if i was ADHD certainly someone would have noticed by now" but no. no one noticed. my father once told me i didn't have adhd, i was just bad at communication — so it's things like that i feel like invalidates our theories about own own self and makes us feel like we're blowing things out of proportion and shouldn't get tested.
but, if you're able to, totally get tested. it's hard to find someone sometimes, and it can be expensive — but the peace of mind it gave me hearing someone who studied this their entire life finally give me a diagnosis that explained SOOOO much of my life... i was really grateful for that. i perferred in person because i knew who i was talking to, what his background was, i was in a solid testing environment, and he was able to explain what it meant for me and how my brain worked and broke down my results for me.
but it sucks because not everyone has access to this kind of testing and it can just be so difficult. so nonny if you're thinking about it, and you're able to, it's 100% worth it just for the peace of mind alone.
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Hello! If you’ve found this blog, you might be trying to determine if you have lipedema. I’ve only just started treating my thigh fat with the assumption this is what I’m dealing with.
I am a 26 year old AFAB (I am nonbinary but for the sake of this disease, I am a woman). My current weight is 132lbs and I’m 5’4. I am biracial, arab/white.
Since I went through puberty at age 13, my thighs have been extremely disproportionate to the rest of my slim frame. It has caused a stupid amount of harm to my self esteem, causing increased gender dysphoria and bouts of disordered eating. Overall, it has not been a fun experience.
I have tried many different exercise and diet regimes, but even as my weight has dropped down to about 105-110 pounds, my thighs have always been much bigger.
In my latest frustration moment of how, despite exercising every day and eating at a caloric deficit, I was not losing any weight on my thighs, I started doing research about specifically stubborn leg fat.
I came across images of lipedema, and saw pictures almost identical to my own body.
It was both a moment of relief, yet increased frustration. Lipedema is a disease where fat deposits on typically the legs (sometimes upper arms) is unresponsive to diet and exercise. This is because the fat deposits are lumpy/ball-like, rather than smooth.
If your legs look like above, and you’ve never been able to reduce their size, I recommend trying this as a test: on your thighs, pinch a portion of your skin together to look at the appearance of fat underneath. If the texture stays smooth and bouncy, it isn’t lipedema. But if it looks like this:
See that small lumpy texture? That’s lipedema. (At an early stage 1, most likely)
Lipedema is a fat disease likely caused by big hormone changes at different life stages. Think puberty, pregnancy, menopause.
Now, this discovery was frustrating because (and I’m sure you’ve been doing your own research), lipedema is incurable. And rarely diagnosed. Yay.
Because this is a “fat disease”, physicians either rarely know what it is, or they’ll tell you it’s just fat. If you’re overweight, it’s because you’re fat/obese. If you’re a *heathy* weight (I’m ballparking terms just based on BMI numbers), you can’t have lipedema because you’re not fat. But this can affect people of all sizes. It almost exclusively affects AFAB, but AMAB can be affected to, typically if they’re suffering from low testosterone and high estrogen.
There is also very little conclusive research about lipedema treatment. For many people, especially in later stages, the only *treatment* is liposuction. And that is expensive and comes with its own slew of problems.
So I’m creating this blog to explain what I’m trying, as I’m doing it. This will be only anecdotal, and I’m the only one doing this *trial*. I’m not your doctor, I’m not a fitness trainer. I’m just trying things as I find them, and maybe I’ll find information that will be helpful to someone else.
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Skin
So my skin healed a lot this week. I did end up using steroids, and it helped with the skin healing process and my hands haven't looked this clear or non-inflamed for months. I can wash my hands without any discomfort.
Because steroids are anti-inflammatory and they healed my hands, it is obvious that my condition is caused by chronic inflammation.
I found a clinical dietitian online (Jennifer Fugo) who specializes in treating clients with skin conditions from more of a nutrition and functional approach because she had eczema herself. From a dietary perspective, I knew that consuming anti-inflammatory foods and supplements helps with eczema a lot. But there is more to that because, despite my diet being quite healthy and me taking vitamin D, zinc, and flaxseed oil daily, my skin flared a lot this winter. It got inflamed to the point where I had to take a day off work and go to urgent care and I could not move my hands because they were so dry, inflamed, and covered in blood. And I hate using my sick hours, and I hate using steroid creams but I had to because I was in an emergency.
Very painful period cramps are another condition caused by inflammation. My women's health doctor recommended birth control for that, and I said absolutely not. As a result she said omega 3 and vitamin D can help with cramps. And she was right, because I haven't had painful period cramps in months since I started supplementing, maybe since last August. I still do get cramping, but they are very tolerable and I even experience less menstrual bleeding. The only month where I experienced unpleasant cramping, though not as bad as before, was in November due to the stress of the war and having a traumatic experience in therapy a few days before. Note that I don't have any reproductive disorders, like endometriosis, that cause painful cramps. Something like that will definitely require medical intervention. Diets and supplements won't help treat more serious conditions. But despite this, I still struggle with an inflammatory skin condition.
Back to the dietitian, she understands that a lot of people are fed up with doctors telling them "you need to live with it", or "you have bad genes", or "there is no cure", or "the only solution is this very expensive pharmaceutical that comes with many side effects". I am very mad and annoyed with doctors in general, who recommended I rely on steroids and antihistamines. Those medications absolutely work in reducing inflammation, and antihistamines can save your life (I have a sesame allergy so I rely on them); but they are, at the end of the day, drugs that come with many side effects and must be used when absolutely necessary and not as an everyday preventative. Of course doctors have their hands tied because of pharmaceutical companies, so they cannot recommend more non-pharmaceutical solutions even if there are so many solutions out there. I significantly improved my health by supplementing to fix any nutritional gaps, getting a tongue-tie release, intermittent fasting, eating much better and avoiding junk, drinking enough water, making walking a regular habit, and fixing my sleep. This all paid off and I notice myself feeling better as I never get sick and my hair is thicker and have less cravings and less cramps, for example. Despite these improvements, I still struggle with eczema, which means that there is something in my body that I haven't addressed yet.
And I'm a scientist. While I'm sick and tired of doctors who push drugs and neglect foundational aspects to health and wellness, I want alternate and more functional treatments that are science based. I've seen a lot of wacky pseudoscience stuff on Instagram, such as this one account claiming she cured all her illnesses with celery juice. You have ideas on par with curing your stage 4 cancer by oil pulling and essential oils (I love essential oils for their relaxing scents, NOT their health properties). I know it's all bs, and at the same time I'm tired of doctors. So I'm trying to find a balance between both extremes where I apply foundational health and lifestyle changes such as the ones I mentioned above, but also treating it topically with a good quality hand cream and using steroids and antihistamines only when needed. In fact I'm going to get a tacrolimus refill so I don't have to even use steroids, which will be even better.
She talks about how there are 16 root causes to skin rashes, including gut AND skin microbiome imbalances (people with eczema have staph in their skin microbiome and healthy skin should not have that), issues with liver detoxification. gut dysfunction, stress, trauma, genetics (mutation in the filaggrin-coding gene which plays a role in maintaining the skin barrier integrity + inflammation will disregulate this gene), environmental allergies, and environmental irritants like chemicals and heavy metals. Though she puts a heavy emphasis on gut microbiome/dysfunction and liver detoxification.
On the topic of liver detoxification, people often are so misled by "detoxing". Your body already naturally detoxes via the liver, gut, kidneys, lung, and skin. However if one of these organs and biochemical detoxing pathways are impaired, then the detoxing process won't be efficiently completed, hence causing inflammation. If your liver and gut, for example, cannot effectively function in their detoxing process, the stress will go to the skin and eczema can occur. She says the best way to support liver health is not to do detoxes like juices, cleanses, enemas, or colonics, because it IS a detoxing organ, but to give it the nutrients it needs. There are 3 phases to liver detoxification, with the first phase determined by the presence of certain proteins/enzymes and the function will be impacted if the person had a disorder where there is a single nucleotide polymorphism in the gene coding the protein. So this isn't something a "detox" or "supplement" can fix. The second one, on the other hand, is heavily reliant on the nutrients you eat, like glycine, vitamin B6. sulfur, magnesium, molybdenum, and additional amino acids. I take magnesium citrate but can switch to the glycinate form, and I take a multivitamin which has B6 and molybdenum, and even switched to a new brand which has glycine since my current bottle is almost empty. Also you can support your liver by limiting your alcohol intake (or completely avoid alcohol like I do) and don't eat a lot of foods high in sugar and fat. So I was happy to see and understand liver function from a more scientific perspective, and "detoxing" in general because there is a lot of unsubstantiated nonsense on the internet. Detoxing is a thing, which several of your organs naturally perform. However if that organ is not working well, then you won't efficiently remove toxins from your body, which can lead to inflammation that can potentially manifest as skin eczema.
With gut dysfunction, she pretty much lays out the steps of digestion. You chew food (and your saliva naturally contains amylases which are enzymes that break apart carbohydrates into sugars) and chewing slowly is important because it makes digestion and absorption a lot easier, then the food travels via the esophagus to the stomach. The stomach has a lot of acid, and in some cases a person may not have enough. Stomach acid not only breaks down the food you eat, but also kills foreign pathogens you may have swallowed. So not having enough acid may cause bad bugs to travel down to your intestines and form colonies there, hence leading to systemic issues like skin conditions. The pancreas also produces digestive enzymes which are crucial in breaking down proteins, fats, and carbs. Also the liver produces bile which helps with fat absorption. So any impairments in these organs, even the gallbladder which stores bile, can negatively influence digestion and absorption. Then the food passes the small intestine and nutrients are absorbed. However, any issues such as intestinal permeability and rapid movement of the absorbed food in the case of diarrhea, can prevent proper absorption. Then it passes through the colon where water is absorbed, and then waste is excreted. She says you are what you absorb and not what you eat. So ensuring that all your GI organs are functioning properly, as well as fixing any issues, can help. I'm not quite sure how to approach this or if I even have any gut dysfunction because I've never been tested.
Finally there are microbiome imbalances on the skin and in the gut. Staph can infect the skin and cause inflammation, to the point where it can cause filaggrin mutations and cause the barrier of your skin to fall apart. So it's worth doing a skin culture with a dermatologist. I'm going to see my old dermatologist on Wednesday to ask for one and will insist until she agrees (in the case where she doesn't). Also gut microbiome imbalances can cause skin inflammation. I know a lot of people rave about gut health, but it definitely does play a role in skin health. As previously mentioned, not having enough stomach acid can introduce foreign bad bugs which can form colonies and cause inflammation. Some examples of harmful microorganisms include H. pylori, candida (everyone has candida but too much can be an issue), histamine-producing microorganisms like Klebsiella, and fungal organisms. So the best approach here would be to a comprehensive microorganism test. I'm going to meet with a functional doctor on Thursday via phone call, who states that eczema is caused by microbiome imbalances in the digestive tract and uses the GI MAP testing kit. It is expensive, especially on top of the phone call, but it will be worth it because I am convinced my eczema is gut related. I've addressed a lot of areas of my health before, but I never sufficiently addressed my gut health. So I will now and I will find solutions just like I did for my dental health last year. She said you can have imbalances despite having no gut symptoms at all.
So I'm going to take the new multivitamin, continue taking D3/K2, flaxseed oil, and magnesium glycinate. But I should also include a gut health supplement that can support both my microbiome and function. I'll eventually address my skin microbiome issue if I test positive for staph. I'm taking the Codeage Leaky Gut Formula which has l-glutamine, quercetin, additional bioflavinoids (which do support liver health and phase 2 detoxing), HCl and S. boulardii. It can definitely be a great place to start, though in the future I hope to find a more targeted supplement. Though correcting any GI imbalances can take a very long time, around several months.
Eventually I do want to work on my stress and trauma work, and I believe the war in Gaza made my skin flareups worse (not that my condition compares at all to what the people of Gaza are experiencing nor are they responsible at all for it, it is just an obvious stress response to what's happening to them). I'm seeing a new therapist now and she's been great and interactive. I know I will heal and I've already healed a lot. I made a list of things I still want to work on, but I will experience healing because it's happened before and it will happen again. Also because I believe that my eczema may be allergy related, due to my food allergies and eosinophilia, I'll speak to a doctor about getting my histamine and IgE levels tested. Any conventional PCP will provide this, I don't have to pay hundreds to see a functional medicine doctor.
So these are some of the things I've learned. It is a lot and I've watched hours of her podcast and masterclasses. I'm going to take my current supplements, then do a skin culture and GI MAP test so I can see if I have any imbalances (I likely do). I also want to address any gut function issues like not enough HCl or enzymes or intestinal permeability which can poorly influence digestion and absorption (I don't know how those are tested though). Eventually I'll work on my stress and trauma because this is longterm healing, as well as asking for an allergy panel for my bloodwork..
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The Tale of Losing Myself Part I
This year is both a blessing and a nightmare at the same time.
I passed an ultimate exam that gave me additional letters to my name. Then I was ranked high in a promotion. These events gave a major improvement in my reputation and my career track advanced quick.
But one of laws of the universe was put into motion: To get what you desire, you need to give away something.
My dad was diagnosed with cancer and the treatment was too expensive. The costs were triple my salary and he's over sixty (I call his generation the Gen Z Seniors) so he lives through pension. "
I was expecting people around me to be sympathetic. I was expecting: "you'll get through this" and "God will help your dad heal". But they were more surprised at the money we needed to rake for his treatment. My team leader was even joking about it, "God, that's why I am wishing not to get that kind of disease because treatment is too expensive!"
Things got even worse - the universe took my grandmother. I admit that she wasn't a pleasant woman while she was alive but losing the parent of my parent is still sad.
The news of her death made me look back at the days I had with her. She was my babysitter when I was in pre-school. I remember that she always bought me crackers instead of chips.
I also remember the bamboo woven bag she would always carry every time she came to our house. She never wore pants, always a flowery blouse and a long skirt. Her hair is always tied in a bun and she would only let her hair loose only when she takes a bath. She curses a lot and shouts a lot. But when she was sitting me then, I was always taken care of.
I didn't cry at her funeral. I was sad but I can't bring myself to shed tears. I felt that I only had to attend her funeral as an obligation.
I went to consult with a psychiatrist for answers. I took tests and had a couple of consultations. Told them what I felt. It's funny because I told the psychiatrist that I think I have Adult ADHD. She said, there's a possibility but my situation is leaning more on depression.
I asked if I need some meds for either of the possible diagnosis, yes for ADHD and not necessary for depression. I told myself, "ugh, therapy. Ugh."
Then results came and my diagnosis: not ADHD but MDD. Major Depressive Disorder. It was recommended that I undergo therapy.
I was asked to sign some forms afterwards. The psychiatrist then asked, "do you want to continue with the therapy?"
"Well, uh," I stammered. "Can I just get a printed copy of my diagnosis?"
It was clear that my answer was "no". She tried to get me into the therapy program again, but I insisted on getting a print-out of my diagnosis.
She sighed and told me to wait while she gets the print-out. I waited for twenty minutes, then left.
It's November now. My life is summed up like this:
Got heartbroken/ghosted.
Passed the bar exam.
Dad got diagnosed with cancer.
Got into the promotion list.
Grandma died.
At this point, I don't know how to feel. If I feel happy for the positive things, I will feel guilty afterwards about my dad and my grandmother. If I feel sad about my dad and my grandmother, I'd have to tell myself, "At least you passed the bar and will be promoted".
I did tell the psychiatrist about this and she said that's why she strongly recommends therapy.
I told her I don't have enough money for the therapy sessions - which is a lie. I can afford them actually while I help with my dad's bills. Of course, with little sacrifices like eating in less expensive restaurants and taking the public transport instead of Grab or taxi.
I just don't want to.
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