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#dysfunctional family roles
mischiefmanifold · 11 months
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I think that a lot of the conversation on dysfunctional family roles focuses a bit too much on the scapegoat and ignores the nuances of the hero or golden child.
it is especially frustrating when one has filled both roles in their life and feels like they cannot talk about the times they were the golden child because of the lack of critical thinking surrounding these child roles
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brain-journeys · 8 months
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Watch "Episode 34 - The Scapegoat" on YouTube
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This Jungian Life: The Scapegoat
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family-trauma · 9 months
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Oddly enough I can associate with multiple of those roles mentioned above. As a child and an adult now, I can associate between the lost child and the scapegoat roles. I have always wondered what my identity really was. Closely following everything my parents wanted, assuming that following the formula they gave I felt that I would be accepted and loved. But ofcourse that really never happened. All that did was make me lose myself. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore or what I want. Living for a long time to please my family members, in search of validation and belonging, has actually left me more lost than anything else. Life is confusing.
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3liza · 1 year
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every time the dog is bothering me for attention in an appropriate way but i feel irritable, i remember everything I've read about the importance of "unconditional positive regard" in human childrearing and try to pet him anyway. i think this has helped develop his confidence and trust even though he's mostly German shepherd and those guys have a strong tendency towards anxiety and suspicion. i think unconditional positive regard is an important concept for all family relationships probably. i think it's important for all adults to try to treat children that way when we're called upon
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thewingedwolf · 9 months
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luther: the golden child
diego: the mastermind
allison: the peace keeper
klaus: the clown / mascot
five: the rebel / truth teller
ben: the lost child
viktor: the scapegoat
is this something i think this is something
#the umbrella academy#rani makes text posts no one will read#hargreeves siblings#ben being the lost child is kind of forced bc he’s dead but i find it interesting even then#bc ben was unique in the family for already hating being a superhero and his powers due to the horror of them. and however it is he died#it had to be horrific bc viktor doesn’t write about it in his book bc five doesn’t know what happened. and before he died ben’s unique self#awareness seems to have meant they all loved him in a normal way only for his death to poison those bonds completely#so through no decision of his own this very sullen and cranky child has to become a self sacrificing wallflower bc the only way he gets to#even exist is if he takes care of klaus and tries to sober him up. his big moment is sacrificing himself for his siblings! they can’t ever#escape the abuse that reginald heaped onto them!! even in death they’re playing roles reginald forced them into#and sparrow ben is clearly so used to being the manipulator so he’s thrown when his family dies and sloane refuses to be manipulated anymore#and he winds up kind of lost child esque accidentally *anyway* - ignored and repressing his feelings and unable to connect emotionally#also before anyone says diego is too stupid to be the mastermind google ‘the mastermind dysfunctional family role’ it doesn’t require you to#not be a himbo only to be willing to be cruel & as they all say in s1 diego never knows when to stop#pogo is an adult enabler. grace has a weird function bc the umbrella kids love her and diego is convinced she killed reginald bc of abuse#five seems similarly attached to her (makes sense given delores) but the others see her more as an enabler which is INTERESTING#i’m gonna stop rambling now
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softesttangerines · 6 months
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If Minjung survived, we could have had it all and by that i meant a trauma bonded family trope 🥲 Honestly when i first saw her character, i was wondering what her role would be and then Jihoon said that Dongsik was basically both her parents at once and i saw the potential flash before my eyes but then she died that same night and the disappointment was real ...
Honestly, i had a flashback to Hannibal's Murder Family thing going on and i hoped we'd have a version of that in Beyond Evil. With Minjung being a serial killer's daughter, Dongsik being the suspect and not really sane himself and Joowon just being obsessed with Dongsik. Trauma induced bonding is neat, we could have had it all. Instead of Dongsik being both her parents, they could have shared duties once Kang Jinmook was out of the picture, but she had to diiiiiiie, unfair!!!!!!
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fieldsofwax · 10 months
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the entirety of tvd is about two brothers who from childhood, as a trauma response (abusive alcoholic father), colluded with each other into playing roles of morally good brother and bad brother and them doing all they can to reinforce that (damon the scapegoat, stefan the secretive ‘hero’) -but vampirism, as a condition of forced moral greyness, challenges this act of being moral opposites that they do. Stefan continued the cycle of “addiction” in being a ripper as a vampire, and Damon displays dry drunkenness and scapegoat/rebel behavior. And when a human (who is not forced into moral greyness)-Elena (the mediator), manages to actually get to know these vampires, she gets to them to realize that neither is "good" or "bad"-no one is.
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This is best displayed in the season 7 scene of Damon and Stefan as children. Their alcoholic father proclaims that someone stole his money out of the house. Damon takes the fall for it so that Stefan doesn’t get abused. Their father then asks Stefan to grab his lighter so that he can light the cigar that he uses to burn Damon with as punishment.
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pyrodigy · 2 years
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the best piece of (diluc-specific) canon lore this brought about was that alice and varka are basically his honorary parents
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llycaons · 1 year
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and not to defend jfm but he was at least capable of interacting with children, including some of his own children, without scarring them for life. and he defended jyl from a marriage that at the time, seemed like it would be unhappy because she would be getting married to someone who didn’t want her. frankly much of his failure lay in not protecting his children enough from his wife, so the idea that she’d be a better parent and abuse whip them into being a stronger sect is wild
and at the end of the day for plenty of fans (esp Those jc fans) it seems to come down to this bizarre competition between jc and wwx over ‘who suffered more’ which is absurd and all the people on the ‘jc had it worse’ side seem to conveniently forget that at the very end of his life, jfm comforted jc and jyl and then told wwx to look after them, so it’s not like wwx was benefitting very much from his supposed favoritism. like, they’re both abused children with very little control in this situation, and wwx just objectively is in a more precarious and demanding position and has less social power and is considered of lower status by the people around him if not necessarily his siblings.
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OKAY SO FIRE ISLAND. set in the present day, focused on a queer found family (the bennets) who go to fire island (a historically queer safe space, somewhere off the coast of new york presumably). it's focused on noah (our elizabeth bennet) and this guy, will, who's our mr darcy, and LET ME TELL YOU the casting for this is fucking immaculate. i've never seen conrad ricamora in a single other film but he filled the role spectacularly. from what i know it came about when the actors for noah and howie, based on the two closest bennet sisters, went to visit fire island and were like shit dude. you can escape heteronormativity but you can't escape prejudice/classism. joel kim booster (noah) was reading pride and prejudice and something clicked etc etc and a beautiful film was born. the main characters are ALL people of color, we have a nonbinary actor playing a nonbinary actor, all kinds of different people and voices and characters and the chemistry between noah and will was actually wild. like...... the entire reason i watched this movie was bc i saw a tumblr post talking about how they cast ricamora entirely on the fact that he flustered joel lmao. it has been so long since i've seen something where the actors both fit into and stepped up to fill their roles in something so magnificently and memorably if that makes sense?? and bc joel kim booster is a comedian, we also have absolutely BEAUTIFUL comedic timing and it's just so much fun in general. like it is very adult but it was still. so cool, especially for me to see two asian guys, and they are very much two asian guys, no masculinity taken away or added, just as they were. i have thought abt it so often since i saw it the first time dhfbknsd anyway i enjoyed it SO much dude honestly
:0 i have absolutely no words this sounds spectacular
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tom-failure · 20 days
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twicesonnet · 8 months
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whatever works for you I guess but the obsession with fixing the Skywalkers into a nice neat normative family unit if everything hadn't got shitways is BORING it is BORING you are boring sorry
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wow-its-me · 1 year
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Are you ever just sitting there
Thinking about the story you trying to write
And something about your characters just Hits you
Like I did something cool without realizing it
I made something meaningful without realizing it
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“SEEK INTIMACY WITH SELF, THEN OTHERS, THERAPIST SAYS - Deseret News”
Most people equate intimacy with sex, but that's not what intimacy is, says Terry Kellogg. Intimacy is about feeling safe and spontaneous in a relationship, and most people, says Kellogg, never do.
That's because you can't be intimate with another person until you first become intimate with yourself, and you can't do that, he says, until you figure out who you are. But a lot of people, according to Kellogg, are too busy getting their identity from other people.They are, to use the current buzzword, co-dependent.
Kellogg, a Minneapolis therapist, is an expert on co-dependency, as well as those two other current buzzwords - dysfunctional and recovery - concepts that have received a good deal of attention lately, much of it inspired by the TV shows and books of John Bradshaw. Before he became the nation's new psychological guru, presenting workshops around the country, Bradshaw took workshops from Kellogg.
The low-key Kellogg, as soft-spoken as Bradshaw is flamboyant, will be in Salt Lake City on Friday, Dec. 7, and Saturday, Dec. 8, to present a lecture and workshop sponsored by the Say Yes Foundation and CPC Olympus View Hospital.
The Dec. 7 lecture, "Inside Out: Building and Maintaining Intimacy From Within," begins at 7:30 p.m. at Churchill Jr. High School, 3450 East Oakview. Tickets are $10. The Dec. 8 workshop, "Addictive Relationships," runs from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. at CPC Olympus View Hospital, 1450 E. 4500 South. Tickets are $55.
"Most people work hard on relationships," notes Kellogg. "But they don't work hard on their relationship with themselves." You can't have intimate relationships with other people until you develop your own identity, he says.
"What co-dependency is really about is lack of self."
Most people are pretty adept at having friendships. It's when they try to establish a primary relationship, based on intimacy, that "the pathology" shows, Kellogg says. That's when a person might start acting in a controlling way, for example.
"To one degree or another most people are co-dependent or have co-dependent traits," he says. Those traits might include a penchant for worrying too much or working too much, as well as more self-destructive behaviors such as addictions or a tendency to be in hazardous relationships.
People get into relationships that aren't healthy as a way of avoiding their own unhealthiness, he says.
"Most of our relationship problems," he adds, "are a reaction to or a re-enactment of unresolved childhood issues," many resulting from dysfunctional families. Nine out of 10 families, he estimates, are dysfunctional.
People who never saw intimacy in their own families, and who were not "cherished for their uniqueness," have a hard time establishing intimacy with others, says Kellogg. ▫️
"What co-dependency is really about is lack of self."
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writergeekrhw · 5 months
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Thank you for bringing Sisko to life. As a black man who came from a completely dysfunctional family, and who had a father who was a terrible man to his wife and children, meeting Sisko literally saved my life. If it weren't for Sisko and the ds9 crew I would have already hanged myself in my room. Sisko made me want to become better and fight for a better future. And if one day I have a wife, kids and be some kind of leader, I want to be as good as Benjamin Sisko. Thank you. I will keep fighting.
Thank you for this. To be honest, my dad had some pretty serious issues too, and my family had more than its share of dysfunction, so I'm glad the character we all created (and it was a massive group effort to bring Sisko to life) helped. It's heartwarming to know that Sisko has become a role model and a bit of a surrogate father for so many people. I know that was Michael's hope and Avery's intention and something we all worked hard to achieve. LLAP.
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