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#dreading how it's gonna go with my current team considering all the damn ghost types
defendglobe · 3 years
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sky tower with broken?
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sky tower fucked me up last time i played rescue team
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pdztoronto-blog · 7 years
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Racism
Starting with my identity: I am a fat poor brown woman with multiple health conditions. I acknowledge my privileges around being:
 Straight
Cisgender & gender-normative in many ways
A non-black & non-indigenous POC, who is therefore exempt from the toxicity of anti-black & anti-indigenous racism
Young
Mobile (relatively - pain affects my mobility somewhat, but I don’t use any mobility devices)
High-functioning re: mental illness (also relative, and the past two months have been especially bad, and this group sure isn’t helping as of late)
fluent in English
a Canadian citizen
Canadian-born & raised, giving me familiarity with Canadian societal norms
University-educated
 There are likely other privileges I have not mentioned/considered, and I’m open to being called on them in the comments or via PM.
 I am writing that out to acknowledge that I, like many folks, have an intersectional identity that includes multiple privileges as well as multiple axes of marginalization.
I’d like to encourage all of you reading this (but especially white people) to think through their identities and the multiple overlapping privileges & axes of marginalization.
 I am also announcing that I am stepping down from the group as an admin as of July 31st, if not earlier. The only reason I’m giving it (a bit more than) a month is to wrap up some loose ends. I am burnt out. I dread every notification that comes from this group, and always click through wondering “What  fresh hell is it today?” While I sat down to typed this, another post about this same issue came up that had to be addressed. My writing here is probably gonna come across as angry, and that’s because I am angry.
 I care deeply about racism. It has affected me my entire life (though again, I want to  acknowledge that the especially violent forms of anti-black & anti-indigenous racism do not affect me.) Fighting racism has always been a motivating force for the (unpaid) work I do within this group. Before the recent uproar, I was drafting some writing around how the expectation of English-fluency to the level of someone who speaks English as their first language is xenophobic & exclusionary, based on some shit I’ve seen go down in the group. (White queer people, check yourselves. I see you.) That’s still on my list of things to address, but it’s been pushed back by the more urgent need to address racism in dating.
 Regarding racism within PDZ
 The narrative within PDZ reflects a wider narrative regarding racist preferences in online dating. (Non-online dating too, but especially online, where people can filter who they interact with very quickly.) There are lots of articles and there is lots of data to support this. I’m a trained researcher, and I could put together a perfectly referenced summary piece including the primary research with perfect APA-style citations, but I sure as fuck won’t be doing it for free. For free, I’ll link to this piece I like from what google found me on a search for “racist dating preferences”:
 https://theestablishment.co/yes-your-dating-preferences-are-probably-racist-e58ae2fd625d?gi=15627c8cf61c
 and I will not engage in debate around the topic of whether racialized dating preferences are inherently racist or not. I think they are, and I don’t have the time or energy to argue with anyone who isn’t already convinced by the information provided in that article. If other people do want to engage, that’s great! But remember, no one owes you “debate”, no one owes you a reply, and someone can stop engaging with you at any time.
 To say that PDZ reflects other online dating arenas is NOT saying that racist dating preferences are acceptable, but rather that they are not surprising. Interest in non-monogamy - which is the ONLY thing all our members have in common - does not somehow make us better people. In fact, we need to drop that smug polyer-than-thou attitude ASAP. We, as a group, need to be JUST AS mindful of propagating oppressive shit like racism (and sexism, transphobia, homophobia, ageism, etc, but the topic right now is racism) as others, IF NOT MORE mindful. We are not somehow enlightened by our mutual interest in non-monogamy.
 I echo many members’ comments encouraging white people to do some self-crit and reflect on your preferences. (We will be posting a master list of resources on anti-oppression soon as well, which may help with this.)
 For the problem of POC feeling excluded in the group, the following potential solutions were proposed:
Only allowing white people to post on certain days (i.e. banner days, but using white people as the group who are limited to certain days rather than tokenizing poc)
Allowing for anonymous ISO posts (text ISOs that aren’t linked to pictures) to reduce preferential treatment based on physical appearance (skin tone, attractiveness, etc)
Creating an introduction thread to create more individual accountability for the ghosts who pop up to sup hot young white cis women then go back to silence
 If you have any other suggestions, please let us know, either by commenting here or PMing an admin.
 Regarding only allowing white people to post on certain days
 I worry that this is a non-starter just by numbers as there are very few POC in the group. The non-white days are either going to be very quiet OR there will be pressure on the few POC to post on these days. This is an option we can consider moving forward, although I don’t know how to seek input from the group on this. A poll is an option, but if many of the white members of the group are against the idea, they can potentially drown out those  in favour just by sheer numbers. A democratic one-vote-per-person solution doesn’t acknowledge that this problem affects a small group of people most. Input is welcome regarding this.
 Regarding anonymous ISO posts
 I want to start with My PERSONAL opinion - WHICH IS NOT MEANT TO BE A RECOMMENDATION TO ANYONE ELSE ON HOW TO LIVE THEIR LIFE. I expect that making an anon ISO post, though it could theoretically benefit me as someone who receives less attention in dating spaces because of how I look (fat, brown), would be disappointing. I am not a brain in a can. I am a person who lives in my body, and I want to be wanted for all of who I am, including my non-normatively attractive body. (Acknowledging, still, that I have some privilege in this field due to being younger, relatively light-skinned, on the smaller end of fat, relatively symmetrical, a non-black & non-indigenous poc and therefore exempt from the toxic reality of anti-black & anti-indigenous racism). I have been on dates with people who were trying to prove to themselves how good and noble they are for giving a fat brown woman a chance, and it was the most uncomfortable and miserable time for me. I do not want to be anyone’s learning exercise. Another potential problem with voluntary (i.e. non-mandatory) anon ISOs is that they are less likely to be used by normatively attractive people. So, in replying to an anon ISO, there is a built-in expectation regarding the person behind the anon ISO. (This could be addressed if more normatively attractive folks decided to also use anon ISOs, or if they were made mandatory. But - I don’t think that blind dating, which is what picture-free ISOs promote, is something lots of people are interested in.) Again, input welcome regarding how this could be implemented.
 Regarding unpaid labour
 At a conservative estimate, I give this group an hour of my time per week. (If, somehow, that seems excessive to you, remember that it breaks down to less than 10 minutes per day. In fact, the actual amount of time I give to this group is significantly more than 1 hour/week, but let’s use that figure for the sake of this argument). I’ve been an admin here for a year (52 weeks). If my labour is worth at least minimum wage - which I’ll round down to $10 for easier math - I’ve given this group $520 of my labour for free. (I’d value it above minimum wage, but again, for the ease of argument.) That’s substantial! Being a part of the admin team for this group - or most facebook groups, really - is a volunteer gig, which means it is unpaid labour.
  Many of the solutions people are asking for - anonymous ISOs, themed days - require more admin labour. That’s fine, if we can add admins to our team who are willing to take on the work - but I am not one of them, and our current team does not have the time to support this. If you are passionate about any of these labour-intensive solutions, consider volunteering to help implement them. Put your time where your mouth is.
 When the admin team asks for input from marginalized folks, we are aware we are asking for unpaid labour. But where is this pay supposed to come from? We have no money. No one on the admin team earns an income from the group.
 Consider the catch-22 here. It seems noble to seek out representation and input from marginalized folks, to amplify their voices. BUT, that also asks those same marginalized folks to put forth their unpaid labour. In a system where there are no resources to pay these folks, I don’t see how this can be navigated any more ethically.
 Also, it’s a situation where you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. If a group does anything without seeking input from marginalized folks, they will be criticized for speaking without the input of marginalized folks. If their input is sought, the group will be criticized for asking for unpaid labour. So what should be done?
 Regarding anti-authoritarian spirit
 Something I see all over Leftbook is a distrust of authority and an anti-authoritarian approach. That’s understandable, especially considering all the abuses of authority we see all around us.. When this spirit informs how group members interact with the UNPAID VOLUNTEER ADMINS, most of whom are from marginalized communities, it doesn’t pan out with the same ethics. Consider whose lap you’re dumping onto with your activism. For example, in this group, specifically regarding issues surrounding racism, any uproar is basically dumping labour on my lap. (This is not me calling out the rest of the admin team, who are supportive and kind, and ask how they can support me. They just, rightfully, feel that they shouldn’t speak about racism from the position of their white privilege.)
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