Angst- Drarry.
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That's it- it's the title.
For people who love to read traumatized Harry!!
And for people who don't.... well? Sorry??
Good luck <333
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Harry stood abruptly from his seat in the Great Hall.
He had managed to make it so far.
He made it through the fucking train ride. Through sitting in that same car he met Remus Lupin in. The same car he had met Ron and Hermione and Neville in.
He managed walking through the gates, watching as now everyone around him could see the thestrals only himself and Luna could see just last year.
He managed the sorting, the way there were less than twenty first year students total, each looking even more nervous than the last.
He made it through Slytherins not clapping at all, some looking as terrified as the kids who were put into their house.
He made it through the names, oh Merlin the names, the names of families he now recognized, each sending a jolt through him like lightning.
He made it through McGonagall being the one to stand up and give the speech, through her apologetic smile, scanning over the gaps in tables where students no longer sat.
Through the first half hour of conversations.
Through all of the new faces at the staff table.
Through Hermione checking in on him every few minutes.
Through Ron barely touching his food.
He made it.
But then he made the mistake of looking up.
It was an old habit, he had no idea why he even felt the need to do so now. It was a habit he picked up eight years ago, when he constantly felt the need to check whether the Slytherin was doing anything nefarious.
And there he was.
Blond hair unstyled, half hanging in front of his eyes. His face held a large scar across his cheek now, his hands shaking as they brought the goblet to his lips with difficulty. His wand sat in front of him, close by, something Harry needed to do as well.
Harry stood abruptly, shocking his friends out of their quiet reveries.
"I have to go." He mumbled to nobody in particular, stepping over the bench and making his way to the door.
He had made it so far before he snapped.
And of course it would be those haunted gray eyes that would do it for him.
"Potter." A voice called as he practically tore down the corridor, needing to get away from it all.
He froze.
That voice.
Familiar yet so, so different. Resigned but worried, a hint of fear.
Harry turned on the spot, "Malfoy." He breathed back.
Merlin what had he done. He couldn't handle this conversation. Couldn't handle the look on Malfoy's face, the way his hands lifted up slowly to show he wasn't actively armed.
Harry knew the action meant little, both of their wands lay upright in the pocket of their robes, both prepared to draw it at moments notice, at a flicker of a shadow.
"Are you alright?" Malfoy asked carefully.
"No." Harry replied. He'd given up lying about it a long time ago. He'd been asked a million times. Nobody ever believed him anyways, they could see it, there wasn't a point in pretending.
The honesty shocked Malfoy, he reeled in surprise for a moment before composing himself, "Is there something you need right now? Something I can help you with?"
He'd heard those words a million times too. Yet somehow...
"Yes." Harry whispered, his resolve hanging by a thread.
His quick answers bubbled to the surface. I need to be alone. I'm fine. I'll be alright. No, I just need time.
None of them came out, Harry's shaking breath broke the tense silence.
"Okay." Malfoy continued his slow approach, his hands still out and visible, "What do you need?"
"Out." The word was a quiet plead, tearing through him before he could stop it.
He wasn't sure it made any sense to Malfoy, hell, it barely made since to himself.
Malfoy seemed to understand.
"Come on." He closed the distance and took Harry's hand, disapparating on the spot.
With a whoosh of air and a dizziness Harry wasn't sure he'd ever get used to, he found himself in a large field.
"What-" Harry started, looking around.
"It's a new safety protocol. All of the prefects were given permission to disapparate to this specific field in case of emergency. This is the only place you can do it to and from Hogwarts and it's incredibly secured."
Harry looked around, he noticed the shimmer then, high above them like a force field, protecting the area from people coming in from the outside.
"That's ridiculous they never added this before." Harry thought out loud. A safety evacuation spot only prefects and teachers can reach? It was perfect.
"It was my idea." Malfoy told him quietly, he shrugged, "Kids shouldn't be forced to either fight or wait to die. There should be a safe zone to bring them to in case something like that ever happened again."
"It's brilliant." Harry turned to look at him, realising with an odd flutter that their hands were still clasped tightly together.
He didn't let go.
Neither did Malfoy.
"Do you need to sit down?" He asked. Harry shook his head,
"No, fresh air is enough. Thank you." He whispered.
They stood in odd silence for a while, their hands held tight, their eyes focused on a random point in the distance, careful not to look at each other.
"Do you think they can see us?" Harry asked quietly. He didn't know why, he'd never wanted to talk about it before, always triggered easily by the mention of them. Draco didn't need to ask who,
"Maybe." He replied thoughtfully, looking up to the sky.
If the conversation bothered him he didn't show it. Harry was surprised he was so calm himself.
He told himself it was just the fresh air and not the steadying pressure of their laced fingers.
"I saw them all when I held the resurrection stone. Everyone I'd lost." He cleared his throat, "I know it sounds stupid but it... it seemed so real."
"It could have been real." Malfoy looked at him now, turning his gaze away from the clouds, "I don't know of anybody who's used the stone before, maybe you really did see them."
Harry copied his motion earlier, glancing up too, "Maybe." He muttered.
He wondered what his parents would think of him now, what they would see in the half life he wandered through. He wondered if they'd have still been proud had they watched the lives it took to keep his safe.
He wondered if they met the others, if Fred had told them what Harry had cost the world.
He hadn't realised he started shaking again until he felt a gentle tug at his arm, Malfoy pulled him into a tight embrace, holding him close.
He relaxed instantly, the pressure making his heartbeat slow and his thoughts focus in on the moment.
"I'm sorry." Malfoy murmured, "I should have asked first... this is what Pansy does sometimes. It-" He hesitated, "It helps me feel like I won't fall apart. Like she's holding me together in a way."
Harry couldn't speak. He nodded numbly, letting the truth of Malfoy's words wash over him.
Malfoy was holding him together.
He didn't break the way he thought he did when they locked eyes. It was an explosion of a dam. It was release.
It was tension he wasn't allowed to acknowledge, emotions he wasn't allowed to feel. Greif he hadn't had time for and respect he shouldn't give.
Malfoy didn't have that look in his eyes, terrified of him breaking down. Malfoy looked at him like he was waiting for it, expecting it, hoping for it. And he looked like he was sure he would be there to pick him up again.
Malfoy held him together, and suddenly Harry was crying. His heart finally letting go of all the pain it carried around. His tears flowed, his hands clutched at the back of Malfoy's robes, grateful to have something secure to hold on to.
And Malfoy let him. He didn't try to reassure him, he didn't tell him to calm down. He let him cry. He let him grieve and grieve and grieve until he was empty.
And the pain was gone.
"It's gonna be okay now." Malfoy told him after he'd been silent for a few minutes, "It took me a while too, to get to the point where I let myself feel. But you'll feel better soon, you just can't hold it in all the time."
Harry nodded, letting his comforting words wash over him. His strong hands and kind voice. Malfoy was there to piece him together as many times as he needed to break.
And, oddly enough, it felt right that it was him.
"Thank you." Harry whispered after the silence had stretched again.
"Don't worry about it. I'm here however many times it takes until you're alive again." He cleared his throat, leaning back a little so they met eyes,
"It's never going to be the same, Potter. That's life, that's war. We'll never be the people that we once were, so don't expect yourself to be. You're allowed to have scars now, you're allowed to be a little broken, but you can't mend anything if you won't acknowledge the cracks are even there. I won't judge you for anything that happened when we were younger, or for anything you needed to do to survive. You're here now, that's what matters." He took a deep breath and nodded,
"I'm glad you're here, Potter."
Harry smiled weakly at him. The words felt so nice to hear, comforting in their sureness. It wasn't empty promises and vague advice. It was facts. He was never going to be whole again, but that was okay. He could live with okay.
He could allow himself to break, as long as he knew it was Malfoy going to be there to help him pick up the pieces.
"I'm glad you're here too, Malfoy." He whispered.
And he meant it, more than he'd ever meant anything in his life.
In this meadow, in Draco Malfoy's arms, for the first time in his life, he was at peace.
He was home.
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