#dr.alexandra.solomon | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chronically-idiotic · 8 months

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No is not always a rejection. No sometimes reflects the depth of someone's devotion to a relationship- a way of saying, "I love us too much to acquiesce in the name of appeasement."

Healthy relationships are infused with

BOTH heartfelt yeses and loving nos (I checked. Those are the proper plurals for yes and no. English is weird!).

Here's an example: If I ask something of you, and you say YES with your mouth while the rest of your body silently screams NO, guess what's going to happen? Resentment is going to build. As resentment builds, your wide open heart, the one I so cherish, will begin to close in self-protection. You'll pull away from me, shut down, retreat. Resentment erodes authentic connection.

In order to love me fully, you must be able to say no to me... without guilt and without fear of retaliation.

* Your work is to speak your no with love and clarity.

* My work is to handle whatever your no stirs in me.

In the face of your loving-healthy-boundary-no, I might feel the rise of a thousand old stories:

* "I screwed up."

* "I'm bad."

* "I'm alone."

* "'I'm helpless."

* "'I'm too needy."

* "People alwavs leave me in the end."

I might feel the sting of tender feelings:

* sadness

* shame

* fear

My brave work is to sit with my stories and my feelings. The more I can SIT with my stuff, the less likely I am to ACT on my stuff... punishing you, withdrawing from you, begging you, etc. My commitment to practicing Relational Self-Awareness in this way will open the door to an understanding that your boundary may very well be an expression of love.

This is MY work to do. You can be an ally to me- you can remind me of vour love for me, your belief in me, your pride in our relationship. But I will also have to do my work to resist the urge to turn your no into a statement about my worth. (I am not saying this is easy. I am inviting reflection and pointing us toward possibilities.)

Dr. Alexandra Solomon,

Instagram : dr.alexandra.solomon

(https://instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==)

#bpd stuff #bpd posting #borderline thoughts #borderline personality disorder #cluster b #handling feelings #rejection #rejection sensitivity #writings #psychiatry #therapy #therapy skills

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conscious-love · 2 years

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Being ghosted is painful, in part because we are at risk of filling the silence with a story about our unworthiness.

Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon

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bella-heartbroken · 3 years

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dr.alexandra.solomon ~ Instagram

#DM

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ignantgeek · 4 years

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❣❣❣❣❣❣❣ Reposted from @dr.alexandra.solomon The nature of our culture is that we take differences and turn them into hierarchies. So “diversity” is really a system of intersecting arenas of privilege and marginalization. ⁣ ⁣ Privilege is having the wind at your back. ⁣ ⁣ Marginalization is having the wind at your face.⁣ ⁣ For most of these identities, we didn’t ask for the position we occupy. I did nothing to “earn” my white skin, yet I have an obligation to explore the ways in which it renders the wind quite squarely at my back.⁣ ⁣ What makes it more complicated is that you may well have arenas in which you occupy both privilege and marginalization:⁣ * Queer and well-educated⁣ * Person of color and male⁣ * Disabled and wealthy⁣ * Working class and white ⁣ Cuz shit’s complicated like that!⁣ ⁣ With privilege comes responsibility. ⁣ To listen. ⁣ To empathize. ⁣ To validate. ⁣ To bear witness.⁣ ⁣ We must be cautious about turning lived experience into an academic exercise. Rather than “playing devil’s advocate,” we need to just listen. We must be careful not to let abstract principles reign supreme over lived experience.⁣ ⁣ #message #regrann #truth #accurate #accurateaf #truthbetold #this #ThatPart💯 #lessons #actualfacts👑 #legit #tellafriendtotellafriend #relatablequotes #nodebate https://www.instagram.com/p/CBBRS3gBrKX/?igshid=4gtvj3olc60q

#message #regrann #truth #accurate #accurateaf #truthbetold #this #thatpart💯#lessons #actualfacts👑#legit #tellafriendtotellafriend #relatablequotes #nodebate

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atticusverses · 5 years

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#Repost @dr.alexandra.solomon • • • • • • When both partners trust that love is a classroom, you learn to meet the discomfort of your partner’s discomfort with presence and curiosity instead of judgment and control. When you live as students of each other, you cultivate wholehearted intimacy. “What is this moment teaching me? Toward what unhealed wound am I being pointed?” —— Be clear that relational self-awareness requires practice. Vulnerability is hard. Accountability is scary. When we hold space for our partner, we do so imperfectly. We feel the rise of judgement that we know we must resist, replacing it with curiosity. We feel the urge to give advice, and we know we must resist, opting instead for empathy. —— Shedding the inheritance of our gendered stories is a process. * Men who can hold space instead of controlling other people are goddamn heroes. * Women who can speak truth instead of deriving power by proxy are goddamn heroes. As we heal these gendered wounds, as individuals, couples, families, and communities, we model for the next generation new possibilities for authenticity and connection. #lovingbravely https://www.instagram.com/p/B2iRmgIlufy/?igshid=1mijqyfncz3c3

#repost #lovingbravely

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pendropdiscussions · 6 years

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#Repost @dr.alexandra.solomon with @get_repost ・・・ I want to tell you what I love about this image as well as the way in which I struggle with this image: What I love about this image: This image reminds us that when we are entering a space of newness, we can *expect* to feel uncomfortable. Going on a first date, graduating, trying a new career move, telling someone you love them, etc!! It’s important to expect discomfort when we are doing something new.... because sometimes we take our sweaty palms and our fear-loaded stories of impending doom and embarrassment to mean that we ought to give up on this new thing. We treat the fear as the symptom and retreat as the cure. But in fact, we can do hard things. We can feel fear, get in the ring (as Brene says), and trust in our resilience. What I struggle with about this image: Sometimes some of us get a lil hooked on the idea that we have to be growing all the damn time. Sometimes some of us carry this story that we have to always be looking for that next horizon. Sometimes some of us feel like comfort=stagnation. Just be mindful of that story. Cuz sometimes comfort is just as essential as growth. Sometimes comfort is the “exhale” that pairs with the “inhale” of growth. Let yourself rest. Be sweet to you. Being sweet to you helps you be sweet to others!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- #podcast #pendropdiscussions #thependropdiscussionsshow #intellectualsocialclub #goodvibes #positivevibes #positiveenergy #raleigh #brand #soundcloud #spreaker #stitcher #facebook #youtube #mentioningMonday #wisdomWednesday #thoughtfultreasurethursday #filmfriday #radio #television #tylermparker #college #psychology #pendropdiscussionswellnesstraining #wellpendropdiscussions #pendropdiscussionsraleigh #pendropdiscussionswellnessjourney ____________________________

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kayepublicity · 7 years

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#Repost @danakaye23 with @repostapp ・・・ @dr.alexandra.solomon talking to a full crowd about Loving Bravely. #lovingbravely #booksigning #launchparty #publicistlife #dating #relationshipadvice #relationships

#relationships #lovingbravely #launchparty #repost #relationshipadvice #booksigning #dating #publicistlife

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conscious-love · 2 years

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dr.alexandra.solomon ~ Instagram

#dr.alexandra.solomon #Alexandra Solomon #relationship #love #breakup #heartbreak #moving on #strength #recovery #healing #self compassion #personal development #coparenting #parenting #divorce #quotes

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conscious-love · 3 years

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dr.alexandra.solomon ~ Instagram

#dr.alexandra.solomon #relationship #love #breakup #heartbreak #moving on #strength #recovery #healing #self compassion #self respect #personal development #quotes

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conscious-love · 3 years

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dr.alexandra.solomon ~ Instagram

#dr.alexandra.solomon #Alexandra H Solomon #relationship #love #breakup #heartbreak #moving on #strength #recovery #healing #self esteem #personal development #quotes

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conscious-love · 3 years

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dr.alexandra.solomon ~ Instagram

#dr.alexandra.solomon #Alexandra H Solomon #relationship #love #breakup #heartbreak #moving on #strength #recovery #healing #quotes

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kayepublicity · 7 years

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Happy Book Birthday @dr.alexandra.solomon! Her amazing book, LOVING BRAVELY is available today! ⠀ .⠀ Real love starts with you. In order to attract a life partner and build a healthy intimate relationship, you must first become a good partner to yourself. This book offers twenty invaluable lessons that will help you explore and commit to your own emotional and psychological well-being so you can be ready, resilient, and confident in love.⠀ .⠀ Many of us enter into romantic relationships full of expectation and hope, only to be sorely disappointed by the realization that the partner we’ve selected is a flawed human being with their own neuroses, history, and desires. Most relationships end because one or both people haven’t done the internal work necessary to develop self-awareness and take responsibility for their own experiences. We’ve all heard “You can’t love anyone unless you love yourself,” but amid life’s distractions and the myth of perfect, romantic love, how exactly do you do that?⠀ .⠀ In Loving Bravely, psychologist, professor and relationship expert Alexandra H. Solomon introduces the idea of relational self-awareness, encouraging you to explore your personal history to gain an understanding of your own relational patterns, as well as your strengths and weaknesses in relationships. By doing so, you’ll learn what relationships actually require, beyond the fairytale notions of romance. And by maintaining a steady but gentle focus on yourself, you’ll build the best possible foundation for making a loving connection.⠀ .⠀ By understanding your past relationship experiences, cultivating a strong sense of self-awareness, and determining what it is you really want in a romantic partner—you’ll be ready to find the healthy, lasting love your heart desires.⠀ *⠀ *⠀ *⠀ #kpcrew #bookbirthday #newbooks #booklover #lovebooks #love #relationships #mindful #mindfulness #empowered #empower #empowerment #achieve #goals #goal #swiperight #brave #lovingbravely #loving #marriage #romance #date #dating #inspire #valentinesday #relationshipgoals #readingislove #lovebetter

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kayepublicity · 7 years

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What are you reading this week? I've got @dr.alexandra.solomon's new book, LOVING BRAVELY, and it is essential reading for anyone who wants to find deeper intimacy and more satisfaction in their relationships. #lovingbravely #newbooks #februaryrelease #books📚 #booklover #relationships #romance #lovingyourself #inspiration

#relationships #februaryrelease #lovingyourself #booklover #romance #lovingbravely #newbooks #books📚#inspiration

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