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emsgoodthinkin · 4 months

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As long as I’m with You

Steve Harrington x You (short)

Summary: Steve wakes up to another bad night you’ve had this week

Warnings: hurt/comfort, talks of poor physical and mental health, doctors, suicidal ideation, medication use, drug use, chronic health issues, BPD if you squint, disabilities, use of the word “girl” x times, negative self talk, mentions of sex, angst, fluff~~

This is based off my own experiences and inspired by my pal Morgan’s version; feel free to check hers out

Tick tick tick

The clock strikes 12 and then 1, 3, 5am in the morning, no sleep no rest it’s an every day cycle. The same shitty cycle.

It’s a new year, but not a new you.

Sitting in your walker in front of the excruciatingly bright television screen, high as a kite, everything in existence running through your mind 100 mph, sometimes the weed helps the pain. Sometimes it induces it or even makes it worse. Right now it’s doing nothing for you. Looking over at your loved one sound asleep. You don’t want to bother him with your whines or crying. So you just sit there silence, tears rolling down your cheeks; while you watch some bullshit on YouTube.

Sniff Sniff

“Baby?”

Shit.

“..yea?” you say in a whispered tone

“Are you ok? what’s wrong?”

“Ah, you already know”, you’ve used that line probably over a million times

Steve comes along your side expecting a few dried tears, but his eyes widen when he’s sees the collar around your shirt bitten, snot dribbling down your mouth and throat, crouching down, he lies his head onto your thigh looking up at you, “Talk to me sweetheart”

“No.”

“Hey, I know you’re hurting”—

“GOOD FOR YOU! Congratulations you know I’m hurting, you know I’ve been hurting for fucking years. I’m glad you’ve acknowledged it unlike some people”you sniffle getting up in a hurry to take a piss as he follows with sad eyes leaning against the door frame

“I’m fucking tired, I’m so goddamn exhausted nobody will ever know what I’m dealing with!”, you say wiping your ass not bothering to wash your hands, “I can’t do anything I can’t run, I can’t jump, can’t go to the stupid, fucking grocery store without one of those motorized carts.. my back hurts, my fucking knees are throbbing, stupid fucking nerves won’t calm down FUCK! It’s not like I can get in the bathtub to calm my muscles down. Nothing is helping! No medication, no PT, no injections, no nothing! Why?? am I just resistant to any source of help or treatment? I-I can’t even lay in the goddamn bed to sleep. That’s all I have left is rest!! What is rest!? I don’t know what the hell that even is”

“I know baby I know”—

“NO YOU DONT STEVE, all you know is what you see. I wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy, my worst enemy to feel what I feel. That’s how bad it all hurts. The most evil, sick and twisted person in this world, I would never wish this upon. I just..”, getting dizzy you collapse on the bed sobbing into your own hands, then eventually into Steve’s shoulder as he rocks you, tears spilling from his own eyes—

“Nobody cares, nobody wants to help me. nobody cares unless I’m rich and can afford to give them any and ALL the things off my back, but I can’t. Even with the money you make it will never be enough to help the poor girl who’s too young to have any kind of issue. It’s “all in my head” I’m just fucking crazy. I could break my own neck and still be told it’s only from anxiety. Nobody cares just”—

“I care” he exhales

“It doesn’t matter if you care, all your care is useless, all your help is worthless to me because it gets me nowhere. Nobody’s love and care gets me nowhere. It’s nothing all but fucking false hope. Don’t you get that? None of you still to this day seems understand that. Stop praying for me to get better. It’s never going to happen. I can’t take it anymore.. I just wanna die! All I wish for is to die but, I can’t even have that. It’s like all of you want me here, to live and suffer for the rest of my life for y’all, it’s not fair, fuck that”, your trembling, body in fight or flight

“Don’t say that, you know I’d do anything to take your pain away”

“It doesn’t matter what you’d do because you’re not a doctor. You’re not a professional, you can’t help me get better.. sucks to hear but it’s the truth Steve..fuck”—

Steve’s really trying not to beat himself up over your words, he knows you’re in pain, it comes from a place of anger, frustration and fear

“I have all these pain medications I could easily take all at once, so I’ll never have to wake up in this position ever again. Why can’t I do it huh? I could end right here right now you never have to suffer again, but I just d-don’t; If anything, I’m the most selfless person for staying alive for YOU just so I can be alive but in pain all over again for YOU!”, your tone getting higher and higher in pitch

“I-I’m sorry.. I wish I knew the right words to say baby”, he’s trying his best to stay strong for you

“You’ve got to be sick of me, tired of me. All I do is cause more money to come out of your pockets, more exhaustion, more burdening, more crying, more everything bad for you. You already deal with your own shit. I do nothing but make your own mentality worse, hell you’re making your own self worse being with a person like me. A broken and useless excuse of a human being. You deserve somebody who can go hiking with you, go to the beach, travel with, who can do the bare minimum. Can’t even fuck you properly—

“STOP! Stop that right now” he shouts

You freeze because he’s never raised his voice at you, atleast not on purpose at such a vulnerable time

“I hate it too. You know it hurts me to know that you hurt and I’m sorry that I can’t take the pain away from you. My sweet, sweet girl I’m so sorry that nobody has given you the chance to hear your voice, to help heal you..but I’m gonna make you the same promise I make you almost every single night. As long as I’m with you, I will try my best with all my power to make it a little bit more bearable for you to be here, and I am so grateful that you are still here and choose to be here with me for us to be together. I know you hurt, but as long as you’re with me, I’m going to do my best to put a smile on your pretty face, beautiful sunshine of a smile because you’re my sunshine.. y-your smile gives me life did you know that?”

You nod. He tells you all the time

“I- I’m tired for wishing to feel ok for my birthdays, every Christmas. All the shirts and posters you got me for Christmas? I haven’t even touched them yet, you know why? Because the selfish person in me doesn’t give a fuck about none of it. The only thing I care about and want and NEED is pain relief and that’s too much to ask for isn’t it? Apparently wanting to be better in the world it’s too much to ask for”

“You deserve to feel better”, he says while his hand travels up your back to rub your tense neck, “You deserve to be free from all of this and I can’t give that to you. You’re not selfish baby you’re hurting. I love you for you. I knew what I was signing up for, and if I didn’t want that I wouldn’t be here right now with you. I know the sacrifices Ill have to make, the tears I’ll have to shed, the strength it’ll take me to pick you up when you’re down, but I fell in love with you, how you are, and who you are”

“Who are you kidding Steve, you don’t even know who I am. The real me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish you met me when I wasn’t sick then maybe you wouldn’t be so stressed out a-and.. and,” you start sobbing again, it’s all too overwhelming

“Hey, hey look at me, no. I met you at the right time. You need me just as much as I need you. You may not think you’re worth nothing but you’re worth everything to me. Yeah you have a good and bad days..—

“I’ve had nothing but bad days for the past few months Steve”-

“I know, I see it, I hear it and I witness it, I may not can feel it, but at the end of it all, you still love me. You’re still here. You still want to cook for me. You still get up to brush your teeth and I’m so proud of you for still trying to care for yourself. That’s the biggest job you’ll ever have, and it’s been a very hard job hasn’t it?

You nod, as he nods with you

“Yeah, it has, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I want to provide for you. I want to take care of you. You’re my girl, you deserve so much and as long as I’m with you, I will try every day, every hour, every second or minute, to make sure you know how loved, how great and how amazing you are. How great and amazing you’re doing for yourself and for me. How strong you are”—

—“im tired of having being strong all the time”, interrupting him

“I know you are. You are so strong for being on this earth, even when you don’t want to be. I wouldn’t ask for anybody else, you’re it for me always. Will you continue to let me try to make it better for you every day? To take care of you?”, he squats in front of you, cupping your wet cheeks, kissing your forehead

“But Stevie.. you know you’re getting your own hopes up because nothing you do helps either and I feel like a piece of shit for saying that because”—

“I know what you mean, you don’t have to be sorry. I understand you may not have hope but I do. All my Hope goes towards you and it always will. You are the most important thing in my life. I’m not gonna give up on you, on me or on us, ok sunshine?”

..”okay”, you repeat rubbing your temples

“Head hurt, darling?”

“yes”

“From crying too hard?”

You nod, looking away in shame, “It’s okay, I’ll get your Migrane cap from the freezer and i’ll set your pillows up how you like, just sit tight”, he says it standing then pausing at the doorway, looking over his shoulder, “I love you”

“luv you—

“Hmm? What was that, I couldn’t hear you” he exclaims

“I said love you gosh.. shut up”, you barely crack a smile

That was enough to get him through the rest of the night.

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x disabled!reader #steve harrington x ill!reader #tw sui talk #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x gn!reader #tw sick mention #mental health awareness #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x chronically!ill reader #steve harrington x sick reader #steve harrington angst #stranger things #joe keery #chronic pain issues #bpd #spoonie

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bbyquokka · 2 years

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Opposites attract ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

🐣: pairing: Lee Felix x F!reader

🐣: genre: fluff, angst, smut. 18- DNI

🐣: synopsis: forever thinking that opposites dont attract due to what society says, a new exchange student makes you trust in fate.

🐣: warnings: smut, protected sex, college!au, fingering, brief mention of drugs and alcohol, labels, pet name (baby, petal)

🐣: words: 5.3k

🐣: a/n: i ditched my jisung fic for this after getting attacked by the COMEBACK TEASER. LIKE HELLO, WTF IS THAT. skz, pls let me live my life in peace, i beg.🙏🏻 dw, i will be going back to my Jisung fic after i posted this.

felix looked too good in the teaser that i had to write something. i love long haired felix that i wanted more of it and now i have been blessed. jisung, you’ll always be my ult bias, but lemme simp for felix for a while pls. this took me less than a day to write, lmao.

likes, feedback and reblogs are welcome, especially reblogs as they help get my fics and blog out there. pls consider leaving comments or spam my inbox! ty all for the love as of lately!

lmk if i missed anything in the warnings & enjoy 🖤

🐣: master list

They say that opposites attract but is that always the case?

College is a fairly eventful place to be. Parties, pranks, heartbreak and rumours. When you entered college, you didn't want to get involved in any of that. You wanted to get your education and go, start living your life with no strings attached.

How naïve you are.

It’s pretty common for college to have social groups. Just like in movie: mean girls, you have the jocks, the cheerleaders who want to get into the jocks pants, the nerds and the alts.

You wasn't a fan of these labels but if you had to pick, you'd be classed as a nerd. You like art, manga, anime. You're majoring in art and design. You cared about the way you look, but you wouldn't willingly wake up at 5am to get ready. A flannel t-shirt, jeans and hair scrapped back was enough for you. You're an art student, you don't have time to care about the way you look.

You only have a handful of friends and that was enough for you. If you spent more than thirty minutes with people, your social battery starts draining so you'd think of an excuse to go back to your dorm and relax. Socialising is not for you.

College life was rather peaceful for you. Top student, handful of friends and being able to do the things you want do as well as living on your own – which is a bonus. It wasn't until rumours started spreading that an exchange student had started halfway through the semester – which is uncommon and odd because now, they have a lot of catching up to do.

You didn't get a chance to see him considering you was swamped in work. Deadlines are coming up and you wasn't even halfway done with your work, so you was either in the art room or in your dorm. Stressed was an understatement.

But you did hear rumours. Rumours spread like wildfire in college. You heard that his family had power, that they knew the mafia. Whilst everyone believed it, you thought it was ridiculous. 'child's play' You heard little things about him though, that he had dark hair, Australian, he would smile so bright, the sun got jealous. Of course, you was yet to see him, so you believed the rumours with a pinch of salt.

Your first glimpse of him was on a sunny day. You was sat on the grass, doodling whatever came to mind. You was suffocating in the art room and decided it was best to get some fresh air. As you took a sip of water, you took the chance to look around, people watch.

The jocks were practising whatever sport it was that they did. Cheerleaders practicing their cheers. You wasn't a massive fan of these groups, but you admired them a little. They have led the college to championships which is admirable in itself. You also felt a little sorry for them. must be lonely when your life revolved around sport and cheer.

The nerds were sat at a picnic bench, playing dungeons and dragons. You'd join in, if you wasn't such an introvert and if you knew how to play. An argument erupted between the group, claiming that its not how the game goes or whatever.

You chuckled to yourself before your gaze fell on the alternative group. A group of 8, dressed in the typical alternative clothing. Skinny black jeans, band tees, converses, Doc Martens. Eye liner lining their eyes, nails painted, tattoos covering their skin and, of course, the metal that decorated their faces.

Chan, Jisung and Changbin have known each other the longest. They met in high school and share a passion for music. They even released a few tracks onto SoundCloud. You hate to admit but, you liked a few of them, even if it wasn't your style of music. To no surprise, they all major in music.

Minho and Hyunjin love to dance, taking part in dance competitions inside and out of campus. Minho being the more experienced dancer. Hyunjin loved art, just like you do. He didn't look like the type to so you was surprised to see him in your class and Minho is obsessed with his 3 cats. You heard that Felix also loved to dance, so its no surprised that Minho and Hyunjin took him under their wings

Seungmin and Jeongin have voices of an angel. You heard rumours that they're really talented at singing. You thought it was nonsense until you attended the campus talent contest. You felt like your ears were being baptized.

Love them or hate them, you cant deny that they're a talent bunch of young men

"Oi Felix! Over here!" You looked over to who was shouting and who he was shouting to

Bang Chan was stood on the picnic table, arms waving and smiling. You looked over and saw someone running to him. "Must be the exchange student."

Everyone greeting Felix before he sat down and joined in on the conversations. He was sucking on a lollipop, the stick hanging out off his mouth, resting on his bottom lip. You took this time to admire him. Considering how close you was sat, you could hear his voice over the sounds of many others.

His voice was deep and smooth, like velvety chocolate. You've never heard a voice that deep before and his accent was thick. It was hot. His black hair tied half up, half down, black jeans and boots whilst wearing a white vest and a sleeveless, leather jacket.

You couldn't help but feel physically attracted to him. He looked so sweet and so innocent that is hard to believe that his family knew the Mafia. Maybe one day, you'd draw him. He had that aura around him that felt warm and welcoming. You couldn't help but notice how deep his laugh is, how his eyed would crinkle at the corners and his white teeth would be on display due to the big grin he would show.

Maybe you was staring to much because Felix turned and instantly locked his eyes onto yours. He grinned at you, giving you a little wave. You flushed red, cheeks and the tips of your ears turning red. You looked back at your mindless doodles on your paper, feeling shy and embarrassed that you got caught.

Felix turned to his friends, enquiring who you are. Nobody really knew, expect Hyunjin. He told Felix your name and that you two are doing the same major together. Hyunjin said that you two rarely spoke but when you do, he found you to be sweet.

Felix hummed and nodded, looking over his shoulder at you. You was too absorbed in your drawing at this point to notice. Felix was curious. He wanted to know who you are. He made it his mission to find out who you are.

Your first interaction happened shortly after. You was up to your neck in work, feeling stressed beyond belief. you felt overwhelmed and anxious that you wasn't going to finish in time. You spent the majority of your day in the art studio and by six pm, you had enough.

Your head hurt, mind blank and all you could see was various colours of the paints you've been using. Deciding that trying to get any more work done was useless, you packed up your things.

Walking out the door, bag over your shoulder, supplies piled high in your arms, you bumped into someone, your supplies crash landing beneath your feet.

"Fuck. I am so sorry!" You bent down, collecting your things feeling embarrassed.

"It's okay. I wasn't really looking where i was going so it should be me apologizing." That deep, Australia voice ran through your ears. You looked up to see Felix bending over and helping you.

You couldn't help but notice how beautiful he looked up close and the fact that he has freckles that adorned his skin, made you weak. You find freckles beautiful, they're your weakness.

You stood the same time as Felix. He handed you your art book which you took. His fingers decorated in rings and fingers nails painted.

"Thank you." You smiled, taking your book off him.

"Do you need any help? I can help you carry some stuff if you want." You thought about it for a second before agreeing. He took some stuff off you. 'Lead the way."

You made your way to your dorm. starting conversations was not your strong point. You cursed yourself for being an introvert and wished you knew what to say but making the first move always felt awkward to you.

"So (Y/N) you enjoying art" You looked at Felix, eyebrows knitted together.

"How do you know my name and that i do art?"

'Well, considering I'm carrying your art supplies should be a big giveaway. Anyways, Hyunjin told me."

Ah, of course, that made sense.

"You asked about me?" Felix hummed.

"After i caught you staring at me, i was curious about you. So i asked. Seems like you tend to keep yourself to yourself." You flushed red at the mention of getting caught staring at him for too long.

"Sorry about that. I was just interested in who you are and what you look like." Felix laughed, the sound giving you goose bumps and butterflies in your stomach.

"Don't worry about it. I'm pretty sure you've heard the rumours. By the way, my family are not part of the mafia." He shook his head, rolling his eyes at the ridiculous rumour.

"I never believed that, you're too sweet to be part of something like that." The words left your mouth before you could register. You looked at Felix, who had a pink tint across his cheeks at your compliment.

"Thank you." You looked at your feet, feeling shy as you reached your dorm. You rummaged around for the key and opened the door.

"You want to come in? i don't have much to drink but i do have a collection of energy drinks you can have."

"As much as i would love to-" Felix handed back your things "I have to dash. I have practise and Minho doesn't like it when people are late."

You nodded and smiled, taking your things off him. "Okay, you best get going then."

"yeah, I'll see you around?" You nodded again, smiling and saying goodbye as Felix ran to the dance room. You closed the door behind you, noticing your heart was pounding against your ribcage, butterflies in your stomach.

Slowly but surely, you're getting feelings for him and there is nothing you can do to stop it, no matter how hard you tried to ignore it.

Weeks went by after that. Your interaction's with Felix started of as small and minimal. He would occasionally wait outside the art room after class for Hyunjin, exchanging small hello's whenever you would pass each other.

He once brung a tub of homemade brownies and passed them around his friend group before offering you one. You thanked him as you took one, the chocolatey gooeyness satisfied your sweet tooth. You asked him how he made them, which he happily told you. Soon, you conversated about anything, chemistry bouncing back and forth between you both.

You exchanged contact details and soon enough, you was texting each other everyday, all day. You would text each other good morning, ask how classes are going, bitch about the teachers or how much work you had to do.

Felix would send you videos of his dancing and you admire how his body moved and flowed with the beat. He's a natural and you understood why Minho and Hyunjin praise him so often. He would occasionally send you mirror selfies, typically after practise.

You couldn't help but notice how his sweat would cover his skin, hair sticking to his face. You could tell he was – or has been – working out just by looking at his arms. You recalled him saying he would like to work on his body and have Changbin to help, noting that Changbin knew his stuff about the human body and he too, also liked to bulk up.

You sent more photos than videos. You rarely sent selfies, instead sending him photos of your art work. It made you giddy when he complimented your work. No matter how many times you showed him a new piece, he was always stunned by your talent. You thieved of his praises and compliments, it gave you confidence.

You soon started to try new styles of art. Oil paint, pen, digital, even painting with coffee and having a go at animation – all because you wanted to impress Felix.

To the outside world, you two were a mismatch, you didn't seem to fit together. However, you both had much in common and conversation just flowed between you both like melted butter. The more you got to know him, the more time you spent, the more your feelings grew.

You tried to ignore it. You didn't have time for relationships right now, but you caught yourself daydreaming about him in art class causing the teacher to scold you. You'd be checking your phone ever five minutes, think about him day in and day out. He invited you to his dorm, which you said yes. You watched him bake his signature brownies whilst you drew a pencil sketch of him.

Felix noticed and you got instantly shy, anxious and worried that Felix would hate you for drawing him, especially since you didn't ask permission. Instead, Felix was wowed by it, complimenting it over and over again making your ego balloon.

He kept the sketch. He framed it and hung it in his bedroom.

You thrived off the morning messages, they made up your day. You noticed the littlest things about him, like how he would cover his face with his small hands when shy, his ears turning red. How his bottom lip would always stick out when he wanted something. You knew him better than he knew himself and the same could be said about you.

You never mingled with his group though. You did start to speak to Hyunjin a bit more in class and said the occasionally hello to them if you saw them passing by, but that was about it. They knew something was going to happen if it hadn't already, but they kept quiet.

Its Felix's life and what he chooses to do with it, is up to him.

You woke up at 8:30am, the ping of your phone being the first sound your heard. You grabbed your phone, smiling wide as you felt giddy.

sunshine 💛🌻: good morning! i hope you slept well 🥺 you have classes today right? x

you: good morning, lix 😚 i do, sadly ;-; but it is only one and lasts for hour and a half 😁 x

sunshine 💛🌻: so, after class you have a free day? x

you: yeah, why? x

sunshine 💛🌻: meet me in the dining hall at 1? i made cookies for the first time and need an honest opinion. the boys are useless at feedback sometimes 🥲🙄 x

you: haha, oh lix 🤣 ofc i will come and tastes the cookies, which i am sure taste oh so yummy 🤤😋 x

sunshine 💛🌻: yeah yeah. you're just saying that 🤭 just make sure your sweet ass is in the dining hall 😉 x

you: sweet ass? 🤨 dw lix, i'll be there. i get to see you so ofc i'll come down 😚 x

sunshine 💛🌻: smooth (Y/N) 😏 see you soon, gorgeous 🥰💛 x

you: see you soon, lix 😚💛 x

you squealed, locking your phone and giggling like a school girl. you made an effort in getting dressed. styling your hair and wearing clothing no one has seen you in before. You even put on make-up which you rarely did. No normal person would put in this much effort just to taste some cookies, so why are you?

Because you've fallen for him, that's why. Realising that pushing away and ignoring your feelings only made them stronger, you decided to embrace it and accept the fact that you love Felix, more than a friend. It was never going to go away. Felix made you happy so why shouldn't you grab this happiness and embrace it? You deserve to be happy and loved.

Your class went by agonisingly slow, mainly because you kept checking the clock every five seconds. People didn't recognise you at first, thinking you was a new student. When they realised it was you, they were shocked and impressed that you had style. You even got a few compliments which made you feel more confident

When your lesson finally ended, you raced out of there in a heartbeat, speeding to the dining hall where Felix would be waiting for you. The closer you got to the hall, you increasingly became more nervous. nerves and excitement was all you could feel, you felt slightly sick but you wanted to see Felix.

Walking into the dining hall, you looked around and noticed the table Felix and his friends were sitting at, his back to you. You slowly approached them. The closer you approached, the more of their conversation you heard. You stopped as soon as you heard your name, deciding to eavesdrop.

"C'mon man, we all know something is happening between you and (Y/N)!" Changbin exclaimed, determined to get some gossip about the two of you, out off his friend

"Dude! nothing is happening. We're just friends, that's all!" Minho scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Felix, friends-" Minho quoted with his fingers "don't text each other every single day. They don't spend half as much time as you do with her!"

"So?" Felix shrugged "She's good company, nice to be around. She's calm, unlike some people." Felix glared at his friends, laughing.

"Ok, but friends also don't text each other sweet morning messages that end with kisses. We see you Felix, grinning at your phone like a looney." Minho poked Felix's shoulder.

"C'mon man, its nothing that!" Felix protested

"Then what is it like?" Jisung asked. The boys full attention on Felix, interested in his answer. Felix blushed, going shy.

"We're just friends! nothing more. Now stop teasing me!" everyone laughed before falling silent for a few seconds. The silence was broken by Hyunjin.

"What do you two talk about?"

"Mhm, anything really. Why?"

"Well, she doesn't seem like a very interesting person. when we speak, its not super interesting. isnt she like, boring and dull to be around?"

As soon as Felix opened his mouth to say something, you rushed passed him. He noticed, his own heart sinking. He shot Hyunjin a glare before chasing after you. Seungmin and Jeongin took turns in flicking the mans forehead.

Felix dashed after you, calling your name. You hurried to your dorm, ignoring his calls. Your heart shattering into pieces, tears blurring your vision

"(Y/N)! Let m-" You slammed the door in Felix's face. Felix knocked on the door, calling your name over and over again. You ignored him, walking to the bathroom. You washed your make up off and changed back into your simple, comfortable wear.

You felt stupid. Of course Felix wouldn't like someone like you. Of course he finds you boring and dull. Everyone else does, so why wouldn't he? He probably just pitted you, felt sorry for you so he forced himself to hang out with you.

That stung. it stung so much, it made you want to throw up. You deemed yourself as smart, a level headed person so how could you have been so stupid to the truth?!

Was it the truth though? did Felix pity you or did he genuinely enjoy your company? It didn't make sense, none of it makes sense! You hastily wiped your tears from your cheeks, phone pinging.

sunshine 💛🌻: im not leaving until you talk to me. even if i have to camp outside your room. 😶 x

Sighing, you walked to the front door and opening it, walking away as Felix walked inside and closed the door.

"what do you want Felix?" Your tone was cold, emotionless, back turned to Felix so he couldn't gauge your emotions.

"let me explain."

"explain? explain what? that hyunjin is right and that all this time, you just hung out with me because you felt sorry for me? save it Felix, I'm not interested."

"what? no! that's not what i came to say!" Felix walked to you, hand on your shoulder gently. He spun you around to face him. You avoided his gaze by looking at the walls, furniture, paintings.

"If you stayed, you would have known that I was about to defend you. You're not boring or dull. Hyunjin just, doesn't think before he speaks." Felix sighed, running his fingers through his silky black hair.

"but its true." You all but whispered. "i am boring. i am dull. i hear it all the time from people."

"nono, you're not!" Felix lifted your chin up with his hand, forcing you to look at him, his own heart shattering once he say your tear stained cheeks and hurt evident in your eyes. "I've had, the most amazing time with you. you've been a joy to be around, petal. I haven't found your boring, or dull in the slightest!"

you sighed, arms crossed against your chest. you avoided his gaze once again.

"Felix, stop. we're opposites. Oil and water. we don't mix."

"opposites attract though!" Felix sounded hopefully, only for it to be shattered by a single shake of your head.

"no. no felix. not in this case. we don't. I'm just some boring, dull art student who dresses like a plain jane and loves to go for walks, take photos and go to museums. i dont have many friends because it tires me. id rather stay at home and watch a cheesy drama than go and get drunk at a lame, jock party that's filled with people taking drugs and having their cocks sucked!" You paused, looking Felix in his eyes for the first time

"and you? you're some badass guy who isn't afraid of what people think. you tell people to fuck off when they make comments, defend your many friends to the death. I even caught you defend some poor guy who's belongings were being thrown around by a jackass jock! people take one look at you and they're intimidated by you. people want to be you and people want to be with you. were not the same, we never have been!"

By now, you was sobbing. your tears cascading down your cheeks. your heart hurts. it hurts so bad, its suffocating. as much as you love Felix and would love to be with him and call him yours, its not possible. you deluded yourself of this fantasy. Today helped you realise that.

"What are you scared of?" Felix's question took you by surprise.

"what?"

"who cares about how you dress. who cares about if you like to take photos. who cares about that type of stuff, because i don't. in fact, I love that about you. i love your little quirks, i love how i feel when I'm around you. i dont have to pretend to be someone else."

"stop.. this is too much." you shake your head, hands coming to your face, hiding it.

"no! i wont stop! you're cute, adorable, sweet, funny, an absolute dork and very attractive!" You backed away from Felix, back hitting the wall. Heart swelling up with love, making you feel giddy.

You had to protect yourself, protect your heart from anymore heartbreak. you cant allow yourself to be swooned by his sweet talk. you’re opposites. you dont and shouldn't mix, society says so.

Felix gently removed your hands away from your face, cupping your cheeks. His face inches away from yours. "(Y/N), stop running away. you're so special to me. I've been feeling things that I've never felt before and, until now, I'm aware of the fact that - i think i love you."

You shake your head rapidly, unable to process his words. unable to process that your feelings are mutual.

"stop.." you whispered. Felix shook his head.

"no." his lips found their way onto yours. you tensed, a little unsure on what to do. deciding to just, go for it and let your walls down, you cling onto Felix's shirt, lips moving together in a slow and passionate kiss.

the kiss was filled with love for one another. it was tender, slow and made you feel so many butterflies that you felt you was drowning in them. his lips are soft against yours, his touch tender and soothing. fuck what society says, fate decided that you two are made for one another, so who are you to go against fates choice?

"Felix, i cant." You whimpered out. during the kiss, you both somehow managed to strip of all clothing and make your way to the bed. You're currently sprawled out on the sheets, naked and shy whilst Felix is by your side, his lips doing work on your neck whilst his middle and index fingers are thrusting inside you at a steady pace.

"shh baby, i got you. you're doing so well for me." he murmured against you skin, which is now decorated in purple bruises. You clenched around his fingers, your juices coating his digits.

Felix asked if you was a virgin judging by the way you acted so shy whilst stripping. You claimed you wasn't but the last time you did anything sexual with someone was a while ago. "just means i have to take extra special care of you.”

You gripped onto Felix's wrist, his fingers curled inside you as his pace quickened. The sounds of your wet cunt and soft moans bounced off the bedroom walls, making Felix hum

"you make the prettiest sounds for me, petal. you're so precious." You whimpered at his words, his thumb coming to contact with your clit. He applied pressure, rubbing circles on it as your back arched a little, moans in the form of Felix's name rolling off your tongue.

you felt warm, your pussy throbbing as the knot in the pit of your stomach was forming. you dug your nails into his soft skin, leaving marks.

"Felix.." you whimpered out, legs shaking as you tired to delay your orgasm until felix said you could cum

"want to cum?" you nodded fast, eyes pleading as your brows knitted together. "then cum petal. cum around my digits like a good girl."

You groaned out, legs shaking as your walls fluttered around felixs fingers. Felix thrusted his fingers slowly, rubbing lazy circles on your clit, helping you ride out your high. Once calm, Felix removed his fingers and kissed you softly and tenderly, you reciprocating the feelings.

You could feel Felix's hard cock poking the outside of your thigh. You went to reach for it, to relive him when he suddenly grabbed your wrist gently to stop you. You looked at him, confused.

"you dont have to do anything to me, let me care for you. tonight is all about you. besides, you'll have many opportunities to touch me in the future."

Your heart fluttered. so there's going to be more times that you and felix will be doing this type of stuff? You blushed at the thought. Felix shifted onto his knees, between your legs. He reached down and grabbed a condom out off his wallet, tearing it open.

he gave himself a few gentle strokes before rolling the condom on. Grabbing your legs, he pulled you closer to him, tip daring to enter you.

Felix held the base of his cock, teasing and rubbing your entrance before looking at you. "you ready? you absolutely sure you want this?" His voice sincere.

you nodded. "I've never been so sure about something in my life, lix." You smiled before groaning as Felix pushed himself inside you. The stretch burned. Felix leaned over you, weight supported by his arms that was on either side of your head.

"Petal, relax. It's okay. You're okay. im here." Felix planted gentle kisses on your forehead and cheeks, helping you calm down. He was halfway in you before he stopped, allowing you to adjust.

You nodded, feeling yourself relax. "move." you whispered. Felix thrusted into you, movements slow. He scanned your face for any signs of displeasure and when he saw none – when he heard your moans becoming frequent and the grip you have on his biceps – he picked up the pace.

pain turned to pleasure. your body hot, pleasure running through your veins. sweat started to form on your skin, mouth turning dry with the pants and moans. His movements were not slow, but they were not fast either. They held feeling, passion, love.

Felix captured your lips into his in a sloppily, breathless but passionate kiss which you gladly reciprocated. Your hands trailing up his back to his neck, holding the sides. His body was also hot and sweaty, hair sticking to his skin.

You pulled away and looked at the beautiful man above you. His long hair falling past his face, which you tucked behind his ear, showing more of his facial features. You ghosted your finger over his freckles, humming.

"so beautiful, lix." You whispered, causing Felix to blush.

"not as beautiful as you, petal." you clenched around Felix, causing him to groan. "shit.." you smirked at his reaction before your hand travelled down your stomach to your clit. You rubbed circles on it as Felix thrusted into you. your moans mixing with each others, kisses sloppily and lazy.

you felt the knot form in the pit of your stomach for the second time that night. Felix felt it by the way your walls clenched around him. Felix's thrusts soon turned sloppy and uncoordinated, indicating he was also close.

"you close lix? he grumbled, his facial expression desperate. "then cum, lix. don't hold back."

"want to – want to cum with you." He breathed out. You almost lost it at his words, your own high approaching rapidly. Your body tensed up, movement quickened on your clit.

"cum. im going to cum, lix." you cried out.

"together?" You nodded before the knot snapped. Your walls fluttering around felix, his name falling out of your mouth in soft whines and whimpers. Felix's movements stopped, groans escaping his lips as he emptied inside the condom, before shallowly thrusting, helping you both to ride out your highs.

once calm, he slowly pulled out and took the condom off, tying it and throwing it in the trash. he collapsed next to you. he turned to his side, facing you.

"so?" you turned your head, looking at him and humming. "wanna go on a date or something?"

You laughed. "bit backwards, no?" Felix looked at you and blinked "normally, people would go on a date then fuck. not fuck and then date."

Felix blushed, fiddling with his fingers "well, if you don't want to, that's fine too. I understand, especially after what hyunjin said."

You shook your head. "Hyunjin is Hyunjin. You cant control what he says. anyways, Chan seems like the sort of person to scold him so, i’m sure that has happened already."

Felix laughed, agreeing with you. Chan has for sure scolded Hyunjin, making him promise to apologise to you when he next sees you. He also had to stop the two youngsters from flicking his forehead so much.

"but i'd like that lix. i'd like to go on a date with you." you smiled at him as he gave you his big, toothy grin.

"perfect! tomorrow night at 7? meet me at my dorm" You nodded, your heart swelling and bursting with love and joy.

opposites do attract after all.

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kawaii-butt-crust-core · 6 months

Text

Rise of the TMNT headcanons because I feel uhhhsodk emotions or something

Warnings: anxiety , gore mention, trauma/PTSD mentions, kidnapping, yelling mentions, claustrophobia mention, if I missed any please lmk ‼️‼️

Donatello ( my favorite hands fucking down )

LOVES "it's always sunny in Philadelphia" and relates to Dennis wayyy too much

( also made a joke about how splinter is frank and he was actually cool with it )

Likes those HYPERBOP and songs like that

At 5am and raph is waking up for the day and he finds Donnie in his room fully awake

"Ive been up for 3 days everything is haunted everybody's evi-"

He also likes twentyone pilots

House of gold, taking my time on my ride, and car radio are his favorites

Actually hates monster ( like the drink ) but he has a can in his room from 2020 that he just poured out for decoration

( honestly I can't even really hate on it I think 2020 just ruined it LMAO )

Has no blankets. Sleeps with a single sheet and a unwashed unsheeted pillow.

Is one of those people that people mistake for way older

Yokai thinks he's at least 18-20 and get so freaked out finding out he's actually just 14

( he loves the attention )

He actually likes HOMESTUCK 😭

( this is based on my friend who likes Homestuck and they remind me of Donatello to some degree )

Has a fan that hasn't had a break since 2016

Maybe longer

Has seasonal depression

He likes to be with April or doing something during the winter because of it to distract himself

April and raph are good with helping him

Leo knows but he knows to just stay out of his way and leave him the fuck alone

And Mikey hasn't really been told because Donnie feels like he's burdening people with his problems ( he didn't even want Leo to know but he just caught on )

He even feels guilty for dragging April and raph into it

Him and Mikey LOVE LOVE LOVED spiderverse

( Donnie got the movie illegally before it even came out )

This mother fucker definitely fell to his knees for spider punk im so sorry

This same mother fucker also probably loved Danganronpa...

He doesn't really like southpark but some episodes get to him

LOVES GHOSTFACE

TO ANOTHER LEVEL

NO ONE CAN LOVE GHOSTFACE AS MUCH AS HIM

Actually probably has purple injected into his veins

"yeah my veins bruise in the blink of an eye and I can't move my body sometimes but so what? It was worth it??"

hates on dream so hard....

DONT HUG ME IM SCARED AKWNWJJF

ALL OF THE BOYS WATCHED IT ( maybe not raph tho actually )

He actually made discord ( idk if I'm even joking or not )

Would this be a good time to add a picture of what I think human Donnie would look like?

Uhhh yeah

Yeah I think so

Ok next

Leonardooooooooo

Just fyi this shit is gonna be so angsty

It will dip I promise

He can't get enough of those "drake the type" memes

But also low-key he is drake

Has a hello kitty clock in his room that actually works for him

He was that annoying ass kid who would say "I can scream like a girl" and then scream to the top of their fucking lungs

The ADHD was tooo muuchhh

So he just basically climbs walls who cares

He's on the ceiling? What's new.

Ok so spieerpunk had don to his knees but Leo was all for Miguel

" NOOOO MY SPIDER PAPIIIII- " *splinter right fucking there*

Daddy issues just crawling out of all of their skin ANYWAYS

Can't draw for shit but loves art

The way he words things makes him sound like a complete gaslighter but he's just stupid

"?? I don't gaslight?? HUH no seriously what did I do?"

The Mario movie possessed him for a while tbh

DIP!

even hours after him returning from the prison realm he was dissociating so bad he was crying to feel something

Just a few weeks later, he isn't better yet by any means he's just ok enough to function

Someone dropped a plate or something ( I probably need to rewatch the scene before I make headcanons for it LMAO ) or dropped a pot, something loud

And he practically went down with it

He fell to the floor and stayed there for a bit

He didn't cry or say anything

Then Mikey tapped his shoulder and he fucking SNAPPED

He will never forgive himself

🫶🏼

The CRUCIAL NIGHTMARESS

*rubs my hands in evilness*

He could feel the same AIR as the prison realm at times

He smelt the same scent

Raph, draxum, and Casey had to sleep in the same room for a while so they would hear him

But sometimes he didn't loudly jerk himself awake

Sometimes it played through and he woke up and didn't make a peep

Sometimes they knew and sometimes they didn't

Most of the time one of them would just wake up because of instinct and see him just frozen

Can't handle gore now

He used to but can't anymore

It reminds him of 1

The kraang

And 2

Seeing his brothers eye all fucked up like that was too much

There were times he didn't even know who he was anymore

He was scared to leave his room for a while and felt such bad guilt for it

While they're out on a mission and Leo's just curled up in his room blowing up raphs phone

Raph wishes he could say something like "oh how the tables have turned" but this isn't what he wanted at all

Uhh ok sudden switch up

HE LOVES BO BURNHAMMMM

Him and Don and Mikey listen to Will Wood

SHAYFER JAMES TOO

JUST THOSE TYPES OF ARTIST

Mixed with late 90s to early 2000s

"erm.... what da flip ;-; NO STFU IM JUST KIDDING STOP BULLYING ME ITS A JOKE-"

Him if he was a hummmaannn

+ maybe some scars on his back

Raphael

Blind in his one eye and low-key has bad eyesight in his other one

He can still see decently but it's pretty much fucked

He likes squishmellows but he knows Mikey LOVES them so if he buys/ finds one, he'll give it to Mikey

He's more of a "childhood stuff animal nostalgia" anyways

Doesn't like to cuss but if he's REALLY scared, he'll let a loud and quick "FUCK -" slip out of his mouth

Or if he's angry hell mumble "this bitch-" or something like that

He feels like he's not doing enough as a brother but genuinely forgets that he needs to take care of himself

Not physically but more so emotionally

He beats himself up when making a mistake even if it was out of kindness

He doesn't think things all the way through and just immediately jumps to "I wanna help people!"

And ends up making a bigger mess so he feels like a bad person

( people have reassured him he's not but he plays back how people get mad at him when he messes up and he doesn't know how to forgive himself if someone got THAT mad at him )

He sometimes just gets this burst of love and just hugs one of his siblings or friends

I think he doesn't develop feelings easily ( infact it's kinda hard for him to, not in a bad way )but one time there was a yokai, about his size, and they really enjoyed each other

He didn't tell anyone but he got her number and they still talk and he might have small feelings for her

The reason he hates being alone because it's a PTSD thing ( that only got worse after the kraang thing )

( he was alone and in danger for most of the movie, the only reason he wasn't freaking out because he knew if he did he was fucked )

And he got possessed before he could even lose his shit

But basically I think he got kidnapped by a hunter and held him captive ( either chained, or in a cage ) for 2 days before splinter found him

( yes they searched for him for 2 days )

The hunter would shoot his gun next to the cage ( or restraints ) he was in to purposely mess with him

And if he cried he would get in his face and start yelling until raph forced himself to stop crying because of fear

It was traumatic

Splinter has his own trauma from losing his fucking kid for 2 days, but it still fucks with raph badly

He still remembers it so vividly that it feels like it had only happened a week ago

So add that in top of the kraang doing what they did to him.....

He was only holding it together for Leo tbh

He can't go to certain areas or he'll start to hear the hunter yelling in his face again, like a hallucination

It's gotten a little bit better over time but the kraang set him so far back

He was also already claustrophobic, but if anyone tries to hold him down now he just immediately throws them off

And hard

Anything that really reminds him too much of the past he just starts freaking out

So he doesn't like to be alone :)

I could do a separate post for this maybe

But moving on

Any early 2000s song from anyone or any 2000 themed song is his SHIT

They did a karaoke night and he did Brittany spears ( yes I know that's like late 90s but yk THAT CATEGORY )

He put on a blonde wig tho and was actually kinda feeling it at some point

He LOVES walking around at night

Just strolling

He loves food. He eats everything

There is nothing he won't eat

He just loves everything

I forgot his scar sadly but here 😔‼️💔

( the nose piercing is fake he's too scared to get one HELP )

Mikey:

This lil shit STEALS

HE USES HIS INNOCENCE TO HIS ADVANTAGE

And I sleeps fine at night with all of it in his room.

ADVENTURE TIMEEE

he loves cartoons

Adult cartoons, children cartoons

If it's animated he wants it injected into his spinal fluid

His music taste is everything

But he really likes indie / indie rock songs

Has all of his art and drawings hung up on his walls

There's maybe one or.two posters he actually bought the rest is his art

Loves spiderverse but he couldn't even enjoy it because he kept looking at Leo crazy with this out of pocket comments

"I wanna pick him up like a baby lion and wash him and feed him milk and release him back into the wild"

"*deadpan* Leo. What the actual hell."

Draxums favorite. Only Mikey knows he's his favorite. If anyone asks drax who his favorite is he says he hates everyone equally and looks over at Mikey

Speaking of drax I think they're vent buddies

Drax vents to him Mikey vents to drax

Drax was very helpful with all of them during the time they were all fucked up from kraang

He even got them into therapy but I'm gonna make a draxum section because I love him ( I lied he's my favorite character, then Donnie)

( God I love drax and Mikey so much let me go on a rant rq )

Apart of draxs training he could definitely pass as a licensed therapist

So if really anyone has some sort of mental thing going on he's there

Even for Leo ( even tho Leo didn't really want his help, that quickly changed tho, again I'll just put this in his section✨ )

But Mikey has these really bad panic attacks that even his brothers don't know about

Only splinter and drax

Splinter is there to comfort him and drax is there to let him talk about it

Mikey doesn't want his brothers to know because he's technically the "therapist" so splinter and drax will never tell anyone

Watched MSA just to make fun of it

Also says cringe shit because he thinks it's funny like Leo

"GYATTTTT....... Y'all know I'm joking right-"

Loves Lilo and stitch

Has an art Instagram with over 1000 followers

LOVES SPICY FOOD

He ate the spiciest chip and then asked for another

Loves spooky month

Fought leo for that damn hello kitty clock

Then stole it

" I'm in your walls :3"

He ate a like 2 handfuls of orbeez when he was 5 before splinter caught him

HUMAN

Draxum:

MY ACTUAL FAVORITE FUCKING CHARACTER AAAAAAAAA

YES I absolutely believe he could qualify as a therapist and he absolutely uses that to his advantage

Leo was still "ish" about draxum but he became a lot more appreciative of him during the times that raph and Casey couldn't be there ( like missions )

He even took time out of work to be there

If he called? He's already almost there

He absolutely a mom IDC he even has the messy mom bun

Mikey calls him dad and that's part of the reason he's his favorite

"honey, it was ruined when she bought it *snaps*" ( I'm sorry ) ( I have to draw this now)

LOVESS BLANKETS

Like all the blankets

The resting bitch face is so real

He has to be leaping for joy happy to maintain a happy face

Goes to Donnies room and tells him to lay his ass down ( he doesnt )

Sends millennial memes to the boys....

*insert a cat smashing on a piano* he's wheezing.

Him and Mikey paint together sometimes

Because he can actually paint super fucking good

Scars all around his body

HUMAN FORMMM

Thats all ill probably make more for April and Casey and splinter

#tmnt #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja tutles #rottmnt head canons #headcanons #rise donnie #rise leo #rise raph #rise mikey #baron draxum

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