#don’t @ me on the scientific aspect of this because idk what i’m talking about

[self-winding]

Recently, I’ve been hearing Rachel Dolezal mentioned again in relation to identity issues.

I’m actually pretty sympathetic to the concept of transracialism, I think she is just a uniquely bad poster child for it because her identity seems so bound up in “political” blackness and the need to feel oppressed. 

But if you accept that race is a social and cultural construct rather than an immutable physical reality which flows out of biological ancestry, the idea that someone’s race can be negotiable and at least partly based on their social/cultural reality, rather than purely on ancestry, seems pretty straightforward.

I don’t remember the dude’s name but I remember reading an article about a musician with Eastern European ancestry who was fairly dark-skinned and had grown up in a predominantly black community.  Even though none of his ancestors were from Africa, he was perceived as black and saw himself as black.  And that’s not even going into mixed-race people who can pass as either/or.  Even more so than sex or gender, racial categories are very fuzzily defined and porous.

I guess (to state the obvious) the more controversial aspects of “transracialism” come in when people whose natural appearance is more stereotypically white start modifying that appearance to look more black, as Dolezal did.  I will admit that this is more viscerally uncomfortable to me than an AMAB person wanting to present in a very feminine way, and of course there’s the association with blackface performances, but gut feelings are just gut feelings.  Every attempted argument I’ve seen for why these things are different takes one of two tactics:

1.  Transmedicalism; “it’s different because being transgender is a diagnosable medical condition, and transracialism is not.  There’s currently no body of research to support the idea.”  The obvious drawback to this is that a lot of trans people also don’t buy into the transmedicalist framework and consider it pretty limiting.  There are large numbers of trans people it excludes.

2.  Authenticity-by-oppression.  Trans women “catch up” to cis women pretty quickly in terms of the types of discrimination they experience, and might even outpace them, whereas a Rachel Dolezal probably doesn’t experience the same degree of discrimination as someone who naturally looks very black.  There are obvious issues with this framing as well, in that it treats the “realness” of someone’s identity as purely defined by oppression.  If trans women stop being oppressed do they stop being “real women”?

So, does this mean I think Dolezal is “valid”?  I mean, there’s plenty about her as a person that I find objectionable.  But just asking, “Is Dolezal ‘really’ black?” implicitly buys into the idea that “black” is an immutable metaphysical category.  Scientifically, it’s not.  Socially and culturally, it is (at the very least) kind of hard to define in any rigid way, so we’re reduced to a kind of “I know it when I see it, and that’s not it” way of thinking, but that way of thinking has plenty of obvious pitfalls.  My brain still has trouble accepting that a tomato is a fruit and that Pluto is not a planet.

If I allow myself to play devil’s advocate to myself:  Yes, I do subscribe to the common sense definition that if you’re going to call yourself black you should have at least a little African ancestry, but how much is “a little”?  I mean, technically we all have African ancestry.  Also I know jack shit about how DNA works, beyond what I learned in my high school biology classes.  All right, so if you’re going to call yourself black, you should be able to pass as black without modifying your appearance too much...but what is “too much”?  Do dreads count, does a perm count, does a tan count?  Well, you can do what you like with your appearance as long as your primary motive isn’t to appear black...but okay, now we’re talking about subjective, wobbly stuff like motive and it’s getting very tricky.

Idk man.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Do you think Alec and Magnus use condoms? How do you think warlocks deal with STD?

REALLY interesting question, i must say that i love it. thank you anon. i hope you know that i will take it way too seriously

okay, so the first question is, ARE magnus and alec susceptible to STDs? unexpected p-words are not a problem because warlocks are sterile anyway (and, if you subscribe to both magnus and alec being of the same AGAB, also because it's not possible to get both gametes or whatever), so let's focus on the STD aspect (really important!). i think human STDs would not affect them, or at least not magnus. maybe alec because shadowhunters are notably more susceptible to weaknesses humans have, like disease and mortality and whatnot. but would human STDs affect warlocks?

i tend to go with no, because warlocks are immortal. immortality, especially as it is built in the sh verse (immortals can be killed but their body won't die on its own) kind of implies that they have, like, supercells or superorgans or something, that don't deteriorate - or, alternatively, that can rebuild way faster than they could be deterioriated. im saying that because stuff like aging and eventually dying is essentially the process in which your body can no longer replace dying cells at the same speed at which they die, which leads to your body weakening as a lot of its functions are impaired. therefore, immortality as in not aging and not dying on your own but still being able to be killed if you are, say, stabbed, implies that that process simply doesn't happen. so we have one of the two: either the cells don't die, or the speed at which they are replaced never changes

in my understanding, this implies that diseases don't affect immortals. maybe they can even contract them, but their body is too strong for it to have an effect. like having a disease without symptoms. but i tend to believe that rather than living with 8945134081 deadly viruses and bacteria inside them just sleeping around, the viruses and bacteria simply can't live inside them - both because superbody means super-immunological system and because superbody means that the bacteria and viruses essentially have no place to grow in, as they can't break their cells or whatever it is that that particular strain does

like - and that is true particularly for viruses as far as i remember, not so much bacteria - the way these mfs work is that they attack the cells of a body and use them to reproduce. but if you are talking about a body that has cells that are essentially unbreakable or so highly regenerative any attack on them is dealt with so quickly it doesn't even have an effect, i don't think any virus should be able to break into their cells in the first place. they would die without reproducing and bam, done. if you are going with the second theory (warlock cells do die, they just can keep replacing them as much as they want without a problem) then you probably have a situation where the virus can reproduce, but its reproduction doesn't lead to any problems because the dead cells are replaced as fast as they are killed. in that case, the warlock would be, technically, carrying the disease indefinitely. but i tend to think that considering how strong that body is and the fact that they have an immunological system (as they are half human and have no reason not to inherit that from their human parents) that is ALSO mega strong would mean these viruses would probably be eliminated quickly

bacterial diseases are different since mostly what bacterias do (again as far as i remember) is that they live inside the body, not necessarily inside the cells, but using the body's space to reproduce, and eventually their presence - usually due to the fact that they produce toxic elements that affect the host - leads to nearby cells dying/the space they are in deteriorating, etc. but again warlock's cells are either essentially unbreakable or highly regenerative, so that wouldn't be a problem, and they could overpower invasive bacteria easily before a colony could form. so, no human bacterial diseases would be able to flourish, either

and that's not even considering the fact that as they are half human they probably have an immunological system that is ALSO superstrong and therefore able to fuck up any disease causers. or the role magic might take in protecting the body, like, who's to say the magic itself doesn't kill any invasive bacteria or viruses that come into the body before it can do anything? why not?

so all of that, allied with the fact that many viruses and bacteria are evolved to develop within the systems of a particular species (for example, that particular virus has evolved to grow in a cow's digestive system, and therefore can't survive for long in a monkey's or a human's), is interpreted by me as "warlocks can't contract human diseases", since warlocks are a different species from humans, as are shadowhunters. sure, they're hybrids, which makes this part of the argument a little more complicated but obviously their demon side is stronger than their human side, since they are immortal. and demons definitely aren't getting rabies or whatever because that is just too fucking lame

so okay! no human STDs. we have established that now. bUT, i think it's possible that warlocks are able to contract their OWN diseases - strains that attack warlocks specifically, particularly a warlock's magic, since again they kind of have a superbody but i feel like the magic is a more fragile thing, especially as they aren't fully magical (because they're half human)

don't ask me how these work <3 obviously magic can interact with non-magical beings and elements so maybe there are bacteria are viruses that developed specifically to settle in magical components, but that sounds like a huge evolutive leap since magic is so different from like, cells. or maybe there are also magical beings that work as disease transmitters in a similar but essentially different way. and they probably can also be transmitted via sex because i mean, why not? sounds as good a mean as any

but, could magnus and alec transmit those to each other? i don't think so, because shadowhunters have wildly different magic from the one warlocks do - their magic is angel magic, warlock's is demon magic, AND, furthermore, they work in completely different ways. for starters, shadowhunters magic is so pathetic diluted that some of them don't even consider it magic at all. i mean, that is also because of good ole racism (hardly the first time racism led people to call the exact same thing by different names so they can convince themselves their way of being is superior even when it is the same) but there is a huge difference because warlocks are able to conjure and interact with magic and have it as a part of their beings and experience of the world through it, whereas shadowhunters can "borrow" particular powers for a small period of time at best. it is possible that the magic doesn't even exist within them, they are just capable of handling it inside their bodies for some time, which is why they need runes to use it and it has a limited effect

so i think diseases that affect warlocks could not be passed between magnus and alec, and WOW is it weird to realize that magnus and alec are of different species. like i knew that but when that knowledge comes to practice it's just so weird. anyway

and idk if diseases that affect warlocks would be able to live dormant inside shadowhunters and then be transmitted because, like i said, shadowhunters have completely different magic if they even have it at all, and i don't think the disease beings that live in warlock magic would be able to be inside their body. so, to answer your first question - i don't think magnus and alec would NEED condoms, because i don't think they are capable of passing STDs to each other, and in at the very least magnus' case (debatable for alec, i tend to think that because shadowhunters are essentially human they can catch any disease humans can, altho maybe they have a rune to begone them) i don't think they can even catch human STDs. and magnus has a cum kink so that probably means no condoms

as for how warlocks deal with STDs! like i said i think they are only affected by STDs (and diseases in general) that affect their magic, not their body. so, they probably have treatments for those. we gotta remember that warlocks have a very developed society full of academics, so they probably have worked to find cures for magical diseases, if they exist at all. so, there are probably particular treatments for those. i don't think magical diseases abound or anything, particularly because the amount of magical beings is pretty limited and magic is so different from non-magical elements so non-magical beings such as viruses and bacteria would have to change a lot to be able to evolve into magic-affecting beings. again, if they even exist. but yeah i think they as a (group of) society(ies) have worked on cures for those. which is funny to think about because like, do they blast the magical diseases with begone rays or something? please say yes. id love that

with all of that being said, i hope u know that i was planning on answering asks the next weekend (not this one, the other one) cuz ive been busy as hell lately and it'll be the first time i'll have time lmao, and i was literally just in a bathroom break between readings when i saw this ask and i just couldn't resist answering it. this is it. what broke my studying resolve. magical STDs. you should be proud

mandatory disclaimer that please for the love of god use condoms, you are not immune to STDs. also, this post is about show canon, not book canon, so i don't care if this is in accordance to what the books say. also, i'm no expert in healthcare, this post is just for fun, so don't take anything i used to build my arguments as scientific truth or anything like that

#sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #alec lightwood #dirty words #hello everyone! i have been gone for quite some time. please accept: this #now back to studying #lore #meta #ask #anonymous #long post #im not sure if this is very comprehensible but i did my best

[imdreaminadream]

The results pt 2 ~ “What about it makes you cringe?” Category 1

( - prologue.   - part 1  - category 2  - category 3)

Okay so this is the results to the question in the quiz, What about it makes you cringe. In reference to the questionnaires core subject about smut fanfics.

 Also quick psa there will be a part for the results for the other question -  “In kpop fics, Korean words i.e. jagiya, seem to be a no no, would you like to elaborate why?”

Now note these particular results are going to be split into 3 posts because I decided to split the results into 3 categories. 1 - Writing Aspects. 2 -  Personal Preferences. 3 - Genuine Problems.   

>THIS POST IS CATERGORY 1<

DISCLAIMER BELOW. (please read that before continuing)

This is going to be a long post. The responses were very enlightening but please don’t take this as an attack. Consider this more as constructive cheat sheet to good smut writing or just ignore it if you don’t agree with it. Some of this did get a bit deep appropriate trigger warnings will be put on the appropriate posts but I’m not sorry it got deep fics can also affect real life as much as we wish it were something that didn’t mix in with real life, it does. I’m no official like sex guru or big-time writer, or what ever BUT I did add little advice underneath each answer, which are just a reflection of the people’s answers. Again if you don’t like the sounds of this don’t take it personal and click off. 

Writing aspects.

Poorly written/typos – Nearly all of the people said that, poorly written, bad grammar and lots of typos made them cringe. Answers said that sometimes works are so poorly written it comes across as though the person writing doesn’t know how sex works. Now by poorly written they talked about, the plot being non sensical, choppy or lacking decent grammar, too many typos, using words in the wrong context, repetitive language. They also specified they understand not everyone’s first language is English but the least that can be done is proofreading of the works by them or someone else. And many people cried over the use of first person, they felt it brings them out of imagining the fic. 

Language used – So they we’re talking about strange words for body parts especially genitals, and just weird terms and phrases in general. Regarding body parts, everyone mentioned that childish or full-on scientific names for genitals was the worst. Feedback suggests calling it a dick, cock – although some commented that cock sounded too vulgar, and pussy. Also referring to female’s arousal as juices was a common answer, to quote one of my fav answers “so none of that her juices coated my fingers’ Like bitch it aint orange juice.” Then for weird terms and phrases, no specific example was given but I’m certain they meant things that literally every man and their dog would not say, ever! Personal opinion here but, “you like what you see?” and “Your wish is my command.”, and “tongues fighting for dominance.” should die off. It’s overused and I’m sick of seeing it – pretty sure no one says that during sex in real life anyway.

So, to avoid it alls you need to do is use second or third person, proofread, and learn how sex works if you don’t know. Also, best way to proofread it to leave it a few days then come back and read it again – also there are apps like Grammarly that help with your writing too. (PSA I personally love proofreading work, because I’m weird like that, so if you ever want me to proofread drop me a message/anon.)

So, take a moment to consider what you are writing, again proofreading is very helpful, and just stick to the mature ways to say dick/pussy. Suggestion here if you can’t write it the mature way, stop writing smut fics because clearly you’re either not mature enough or uncomfortable (to be) writing smut. 

Dialogue – Too much dialogue and not enough action cropped up a number of times. Also that the dialogue written is cringy essentially, Then there was too much dirty talk, and dirty talk that shouldn’t even be considered dirty talk which commented a lot in regards to dialogue. And although I think I wrote about this answer previously but weird words, exaggeration, and choppiness in the dialogue. (someone commented over use of buzzword but idk what buzzwords are.) May I also personally add that written fake stutters irritate the living day lights out of me just stop.

---- I actually did another questionnaire about this, it didn’t garner same amount as this one but it gained a good few responses. The answers should be available to see, if you want you can take a look at that to see more about people thoughts when it comes to dirty talk in fics. ----

Advice is, keep in mind when writing dirty talk what sounds good, to plausible, to terrible. Just think about what sounds realistic as well, draw on your own experiences or what you want to be said to you. Also, if you don’t find it sexy don’t write it for everyone else’s sake or to fit in with the trend, stay true to yourself but try to vary it up for each fic you write.

No build up – They talked about how some fics go straight to the dicking down, to action, with no build up or a bit of sensical plot, and it doesn’t work. Or if the characters haven’t even talked and suddenly, they’re down to fuck. They expressed it doesn’t make sense and doesn’t feel like the characters are even that interested, as though they’re fucking for the sake of fucking. This also ties in with some comments that said sometimes people fail to remember smut isn’t just about being railed, it is also about connections with people and making love so going straight to the fucking, fails to make the reader want to continue reading.

The solution to this is to reference history/tension or build up the tension between characters, or just set the scene a little bit before getting straight into it. Also remember no one is having sex without some foreplay and if they are it isn’t very good, so don’t let it be like that in your writing. 

Lack of realism/inaccuracies – Okay so this was mainly in regard to sex, the way the body works and some scenarios. To elaborate, people said that there are just some sex positions and places to have sex that just don’t work. In example one person wrote how sex in a gaming/office chair doesn’t work well and they know through personal experience. So, for the readers it’s just super unrealistic that it happens, and it leaves the reader either fixated on figuring out how that is possible or cringing because they know it’s not possible rather than reading the rest of the fic. There’re also just some ways the body doesn’t work I’m not going to go through examples there are so many, but we all know what is meant. Also, I’ll mention that kinks also were apart of the lack of realism, I’ll talk more about that in the next post.

So, based on this the only thing I can say is keep it real and keep it accurate as possible. Like we know its fiction but consider how ridiculous some of the stuff you’re writing may be, how impossible it is. Just don’t be afraid to google things – you can actually freeze and delete your search history – to double check or educate yourself about. Or ask for advice, draw from experience, or maybe try it out yourself with or without your partner then reflect that in your writing.

----------------------------------

END OF CATERGORY 1

(Feel free to discuss in comments, in my messages or send anons or anything like that if you want.)

Tag list

@nctsworld, @lauraneuuh, @jooniyah, @ceoofxiaojun, @lovemayble @hyucksie​ @myelle-n

- if anyone else wants to be tagged for the next parts let me know via anon or dm -

#kpop smut #wonho smut #nct smut #the boyz #ateez smut #stray kids smut #got7 smut #i.m changkyun #jay park smut #bts smut #SHINee #monsta x #txt #enhypen #ikon bobby #twice #blackpink #itzy instagram #the results #kim taehyung smut #jung jaehyun smut #lee minho smut #google forms smut questionnaire #jackson wang smut #eric nam #kard bm #exo smut #kai smut #jessi #wanna one

[flirting-with-psychology]

100 good questions to ask your friends at 4:02 am when you can’t sleep (can also function as an asks list)

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance? Maybe just a little bit

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? I mourn for the college experience I didn’t quite manage to have, and for the utopian life from the end of The Good Place that is impossible to get in real life

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? Hopefully

Do you place any value in gender roles? Anyone can do whatever they want but I do associate some things with gender

Do you have to be related to be family? I don’t consider non-relatives my family

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? I have always put a lot of weight on romantic relationships

Are you in love? Do you want to be? Not quite but I want to be

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation? I can put it into categories

Would you be happy with a life without romance? No

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody? Yes, probably Captain and Candy Cane

Would you change your appearance if you could? Yes, but not surgically

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.? I feel like I could have had a different life experience if I was born a decade or two sooner

Do you believe in reincarnation? No but I wish I did, there are definitely things I want a second chance at

Would you want to be reincarnated? Yes

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both? I would like to be special but probably not

Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem? Yes, they are interesting and can often lead to real-life scenarios

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? I did when I was a kid. I still like to make up characters but I don’t consider them imaginary friends

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? I am not religious, and I think it is most likely that there is no god or spiritual force

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? I don’t really wish I were but sometimes I can understand the desire to believe your life will have a guaranteed happy ending

Do you want a grand adventure? Yes

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different? Yes

How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better? I’m not sure where exactly like turns into love, and I have never experienced being in love in a relationship

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both? It would have to be about more than just convenience

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality? I have not really questioned it much. I am a cis girl and I am happy being a girl, but I think if I were born a boy I would probably be happy being a boy too. I am mostly straight but maybe just a little bit bi, although I don’t think I would have romantic feelings for a girl

How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality? Not too fluid but idk

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? Probably where to go to college

Are you afraid of growing old? Yes

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? I think I would get tired and lonely living forever, but a few centuries would give me enough time to try things

Do you believe in some form of god/s? No

Are your choices fated or of your own free will? Free will

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? Lately I’ve been fearing dying of covid, but hopefully not

Do you believe in star signs? No

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult? Legally 18, socially probably like 30

Was your childhood happy? I think so

What are you missing from your life? A passion

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? Not any more so than regular friends

Do opposites attract? Not really

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? No, even if you take out the pandemic I still thought I would be doing something interesting with my career

Do you know what you want out of life? No

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? I guess if they help people? I would not necessarily say I am a very good person but I think I am more good than bad

What fundamentally matters do you? Love and fun

Is freewill an illusion? Not spiritually, but maybe capitalistically

Do you create art? How do you define art? I make jewelry and other crafts, and videos. Art is stuff that is there to be entertaining or beautiful, rather than just utilitarian

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? I rarely lie and I usually disapprove of lying but in some cases it can be ok

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for? Something I create

Is true world peace ever possible? Idk. Not looking like it

Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it? Who the fuck knows. Everyone experiences things differently, even if you suffer the same thing

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free? I am legally free but not free of capitalism

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yes

What do you expect from a friend or partner? Someone with a sense of humor who is easy to talk to, and romantic for a partner

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? No idea

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some? I’m sure I have abosrbed some

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? Idk maybe still supporting Harry Potter even though I don’t agree with JK Rowling’s anti-trans beliefs

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time? No

Is a conscious what makes someone a person? Probably

What do you think about artificial intelligence? It’s kinda cool but I don’t understand how it works

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing? Yes but it’s not a bad thing

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? I doubt it

What do you think the next era of music will be like? Who knows, I barely even listen to this era

What do you think the next era of fashion will be like? Masks will be incorporated into it

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? It’s hard to say

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them? No, and I probably wouldn’t

How confident are you, really? Not very

How consistent is your perception of time? Not very

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote? 18 is probably a good age, I think it’s hard to make an informed decision as a kid. I know I would either want whoever my parents wanted or whoever was more attractive

How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’? Probably not a good idea in general

What’s the worse thing a person can be? A murderer

How do you feel about monogamy? I would like to have it

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else? Probably

What’s the tragedy of your life? Losing all my potential

Would your life make a good play? No it would be hella boring

Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time? No

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? I feel some loyalty I guess because it’s home, but I would not fight

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect? I believe in equal opportunities but not forcing people to act a certain way

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent? I think as a society we need to take care of people and probably set up government resources to do so, but the specific people who do that should be the ones who feel fulfilled by it

Do you crave approval and/or praise? Yes

Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy? Idk

Are you ever going to be satisfied? I hope so but knowing me, probably not

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? Music that conveys my emotions

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time? Most of the time I just shuffle it but I do have some playlists

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)? Probably not

Are you a deep person? Eh

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? Not unless there was already an established society on mars with opportunities for entertainment and community interaction

Are you who people think you are? Not really. I think I am more extroverted than people think (even though I’m really an ambivert), and a lot of people think I should do sales or customer service which I hate even though I’m ok at them

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? I might be happier if I was a boy, but only if I was an outgoing boy. And I might be happier if I was in one of those happier-on-average countries

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it? My toxic traits are stubbornnes, procrastination, and lack of motivation, which are by nature extremely hard to work on

Do you anger easily? Maybe a little but I also let go of it easily

Are you a jealous person? Yes

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? I assume not

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it? Maybe

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate? No. I hate Mitch McConnell

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn? I only speak a little french and italian, I am not fluent. I dream in English. I might want to learn Gaelic

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them? Sometimes I draw meaning

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately? Probably desperately lol

Is unrequited love real love? I think so

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? Idk

Are you overly analytical? Yes

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation? Occasionally

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious? No, but I wish it was real

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? That I’ll end up with an interesting or exceptional life. Idk if I firmly believe it but I would like to believe it, because the alternative is depressing

#survey

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

Okay I was talking to the amazing @border-spam and I kinda accidentally Went Off in her inbox so imma ramble here instead cuz I wanna go more in depth on the topic of the afterlife in the borderlands universe bc it is definitely canon thru the Guns Love and Tentacles dlc

Tl;dr: at least they didn't introduce time travel [stares directly into Lilith's fucking soul]

So she brought up the whole aspect of the siren afterlife where the siren can choose their successor or let their powers go off and choose 'their own' user (and they usually choose young kids for some reason) which is a weird thing to suddenly introduce in the 3rd game, because this should've been, if it did exist, talked about before in past- Maya would not have been the first person to know about this. And the fact that this siren afterlife even exists is a weird thing to have in general, to even introduce as a story point when they could've kept it as randomly chosen people getting siren powers (because what sort of sicko wants to give a little girl a probably shortened life of pain and fear that they themselves had to live through).

And it IS weird because introducing an afterlife is just a wild thing to do in a universe where technology can be used for all sorts of weird shit and magic borderline (pretty much) exists. I mean ik we're all pretty much on the page that siren stuff ISN'T actual magic and is instead Eridian stuff that hasn't been explained, but still you get what I mean it is insanely advanced tech or science that looks like magic to us

Because listen. In GLaT that side quest where you go help the dead little girl. That happens because of Maliwan tech. I remember, because I remembering musing to myself that it is probably the same sort of Maliwan tech used to access Heck during the Bloody Harvest event. I am going somewhere with this I promise

Firstly, since this afterlife or weird death dimension is Officially Canon (idk if the Bloody Harvest event is canon but this is official main DLC so it's canon), why is it never mentioned by the characters? I feel like they wouldn't keep quiet about it, and told Tannis, and I don't think she would have let that go without investigating it. The characters don't know they're in a story, and they don't care about satisfying character arcs or development or shit. If Lilith or Tina had the ability to see Roland again, don't you think they'd try? If Ava or Krieg knew there was a chance they could speak to Maya, even if for one last time, don't you think they'd go for it?? Like they don't care about satisfying character arcs, they would try it. Tannis invents a machine that lets us go inside people's heads, this is a universe where you can copy/turn people into AI, and put that AI in a robot body, don't you think SOMEONE would try to make that happen??? When the afterlife scientifically EXISTS?? This removes, like, ALL stakes if we're literally able to open portals to this death dimension and talk to the people in it. And in a game where the writers were soooo adamant that the new-u stations aren't canon, why did they introduce the concept of an afterlife in a dlc that is canon

There is more to this, hang on, I'm not just bitching abt logistics I swear

Okay so when you go thru that quest, there are manticores that appear. Manticores are enemies on Nekrotefeyo, so it's weird that they suddenly appear in this 'completely unrelated' area of the game. I put that in quotes because it's probably related tbh. The green colors in this dimension and the wisps and everything remind me a LOT of Nekrotefeyo's core spilling out. It also reminds me a lot of the wisps we see when we kill Guardians, of their souls/minds getting whisked away to be put in either the main place they're stored OR into another Guardian body, but those are usually R e d. It ALSO reminds me a lot of Krieg's mind's planetscape in his dlc, same color scheme and everything

So u guys know I am a big fan of the whole Eridians created humanity as a step up from the Guardians theory, because we see guardians/Eridians in the murals of the Vaults interacting with humans and gifting the babies Eridian relics and such and such. There are human statues in the Vaults, sirens are obviously linked to Eridians, etc etc. They clearly, at the very least, lived side-by-side, tho I believe the Eridians created humanity. I believe this theory very hard, I wrote a whole essay on it previously, yada yada. So if we take it one step further and imagine that the Eridians created a place to store Guardian souls when they die before they find a new vessel (the inside of Minos Prime, perhaps? The inside of Nekrotefeyo?), what is stopping them from doing the same thing for humans??

Which would explain how this place is accessible through technology- it is a physical place created by Eridians. If it IS the core of Nekrotefeyo, given the color scheme being the same as the death dimension and human 'wisps', it would make sense that dark Maliwan is there doing research and why it is their portals specifically that can access this area, and, if bloody harvest IS canon, why we only fight Maliwan soldiers in Heck (besides ratch). They were exploring their new discovery until we came along

It would also explain how sirens are able to choose their successors after they die- they're brought back to the 'collection unit', the 'soul storage place', idk, and they can either choose someone to burden, or let the powers go and choose a random person.

Which is really messed up if u think about it, but then I don't believe the Eridians are good people ever since they started feeding us to the Destroyer, soooooo.

I wonder if wisps eaten by the Destroyer are lost forever. If so, then I wonder if Steele's Siren powers are gone and that's why her resurrected claptrap body couldn't use her powers, or if her wisp just escaped and her powers went to some random person.

Also why didn't Nyriad choose Leda instead of the twins to give her powers to. It's like Nyriad wanted them to suffer bc she locked herself in the Vault they were conceived in. And like... Can wisps not escape Vaults? Then that brings me back to Steele's Siren powers. She did technically die? Outside the Vault? I think? It's not 100% clear cuz she was definitely impaled outside of it, but idk when exactly she died died. I mean there's the whole thing about how they recovered her body in the first place, buuuut let's not go there bc I'm already brain hurt for today

The main point is: the afterlife is weird. I think it's a place created by the Eridians to store people when they die, and that's why it's a physical place we can go to and open portals to and why the Sirens have the opportunity to burden other people with their powers when they die. It does make me wonder if Troy had absorbed Maya's entire fuckin wisp when he turned her into hot chocolate powder, or just her powers. Cuz the powers go to Ava when Troy's dead, meaning Maya DID choose, but did she choose immediately after she died, or only after Troy died.

These are questions that MUST be answered they're IMPORTANT HHHHH

#borderlands #bl3 #borderlands 3 #I'm so tired

[mercury-retrograde-concept]

sm anon here! at the end of last year lee soo man + other sm acts gave an introduction interview as to how this would work. apparently, it's planned to be an universe (much like Marvel's lmao) where all artists are somehow connected to each other through their cinematography. apart from the teasers, it seems that aespa's black mamba and nct's 90's love have intersected lyrics referring to a place called "KWANGYA", idk what it means but the link is def there lol i have no idea where 1/2

this project is going and how everything is supposed to fit together tho. if you're interested, i'd suggest reading this article monicaaldea.medium.;com/smcu-is-k-pop-ready-for-a-marvel-inspired-shared-universe-d220ffe1aa47 (without the semicolon). i would love to see an aespa reading! i have my own suspicions as well. once again, thank you and have a good day 👍 2/2

Okay this ask (and that article) definitely sent me down a google rabbit hole, hahaha. Among other places I ended up on this reddit post. I also tried to see if Shinee’s Don’t Call Me was par of this SM Culture Universe (SMCU) and got a resounding “¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe the train meant something? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” from the internet at large.

I ended up like this at the end of it all:

So yeah this question is right up my alley, hahaha!

Disclaimer: This tarot reading is for entertainment purposes only. All speculation comes from my interpretation only.

Sidenote: I thought about having a section about what the different idol groups and artists think about this idea whole concept, but I’m currently trying to avoid reading for groups where they might be an overwhelming number of clashing interests within the group. And I think putting SM idols all in one category would be potentially misleading. I can see idols further in their career have very different opinions from the rookies. The best way would be to go group-by-group and I might even look into that someday. But ... not tonight, hahaha.

Motivation for SMCU: Six of Swords (reversed), The Hanged Man, Ten of Cups (reversed) Future plans for SMCU: Two of Pentacles (reversed), Knight of Swords (reversed), King of Pentacles

It’s worth noting that the majority of these cards are reversed. We even have the Hanged Man in the mix there. That card is upright, but the imagery itself is upside-down, traditionally. King of Pentacles is the only fully upright card. Obviously individual cards have their meanings and you should be aware of them. It helps to also look at common patterns and narratives created by the imagery. And I’m looking at all this and thinking this ends of giving off the impression of a powerful, money-focused man throwing everyone and everything into a chaotic state.

So... the cards are being highly literal again.

Anyway, the motivations for the SMCU are interesting. In some ways I found them weirdly relatable. The pressures and struggles of COVID basically threw everyone’s goals right into the garbage, and that’s just as true for the entertainment industry. I feel like it was pretty common for people to turn to off-kilter plans and ideas in order to make the isolation and stagnation feel worthwhile. 

Not that this turn of events is completely unexpected. As the article above points out, SM Entertainment has been circling the idea of connecting their artists’ MVs for well over a decade. Likewise, SuperM was a big crossover event. From this reading, it feels as though SM was building to the SMCU for years, but the last year’s struggles likely accelerated these plans. SM is already well-known for having a certain vibe - to use a very scientific term - across all their creative output. They really want to further cement that concept, particularly as performance spaces open up again. While all idol groups exist to make money for the company, it appears as though SMCU is basically about building a fan culture around that idea. Their idols are expected to work together to broadcast the message that SM is the pinnacle of creativity and success and that it will reward repeated fan engagement better than other companies. SM believes that if people are scouring music videos in order to look for connections that will only heighten people’s attachment to SM products in particular. However, this will only work better if their idols are conveying this message because fans are more likely to trust their idols than press releases from the company.

That being said, not everyone in the company is feeling it. In fact, it seems like a lot of people are annoyed by this! However, the resistance is just making the powers-that-be dig their heels in further. They’ve been building to this idea for a while and are determined to make it work. While businesses exist to make money, I’m also coming across a strong contrarian streak in here that’s not entirely rational or solely about revenue. 

And, honestly, the SMCU will probably pay off in the short-term. Even if some aspects of it have annoyed kpop fans deeply (see; all the resistance to the AI aspect of aespa) it certainly gets people talking and looking for clues and hints at future directions. Audiences might even end up appreciating the distraction during the ongoing boredom of COVID. 

However, the aforementioned contrarian streak will also come into play and lead to soome problems. Now that upper management at SM has decided this will be a thing they will be pursuing, they will be pushing the idea pretty strongly. They might do some pretty cutthroat or backhanded in pursuit of the SMCU idea as well. Upper management might also play favorites with the idols who are more into the idea, while benching idols who criticize it. In addition, it also appears that they don’t really have a long-term goal for how the SMCU will play out.While they want idols to commit to this idea in a united front, it appears as they have no planned timeline for how they continue to expand the SMCU. 

#kpop tarot #tarot #sm entertainment

[valassky-archived]

I usually try to not talk about medical interests on here much or post content related to that despite it quite literally being one of the only things i genuinely enjoy in life bc i know it makes people very uncomfortable but also because im acutely aware that most people who post about this sort of thing more often then not are like… the people who treat true crime like it’s a tv show and make serial killer edits like im so aware of the group i can easily be lodged into because of my interests & im also very aware that the way i speak about things which is very joking and flippant often doesn’t aid me at all in that regard but like… idk. I kinda just wanna be able to enjoy the sciences I enjoy and such. But like all of this is to say that really it grates on me that i have to clarify i’m entering medicine in some way as a career field as a sort of disclaimer, not because im not excited about that or anything but really because it’s really disturbing that i have to do that at all to assure people that this is actually something i don’t scoff at despite how much i joke about certain things, becausw there’s people out there who really truly do treat topics of death with extreme idolization of those who are responsible for the death or have such complete and total lacks of respect for human life it just translates as a lack of respect for death. & that’s another thing i feel the need to clarify constantly, is that i have an immense respect for death, and honestly that’s actually a large part of the reason things like decay science and death are interests of mine. Like my interests in human processes and disease and death and medical history and medical procedure are all rooted in a complete fascination with and respect for how complex and intricate life is and how delecate everything is, and i have such an immense amount of genuine like- it’s just so, fascinating to me the way this world works. Like that’s my thing is im a problem solver when it comes to a lot of things and the old medical theories and beliefs and these efforts to problem solve are so interesting to me, and i just want to be able to understand these natural sciences and processes. I navigate life by being able to understand how things around me work on specialized levels to form a whole. So all my interests really are just… part of my method of trying to understand as much as i can about these scientific aspects of how things work. How living things work, and what happens post death. Honestly things like my interest in decay or death sciences really just stemmed becausw i used to be sooo terrified of dying, but understanding scientifically how and why things happen physically to cadavers like- i am extremely comfortable with the idea of death now. Idk. This is super long and a rant and a mess but i just think these things are so fascinating and studying them helps me so much in just rationalizing living sometimes. It’s interesting in and of itself i guess.

#zpráva

[scoliotaku]

10 Questions tag ^^

Thank you @yourstudyfriend for tagging me! This was really nice! (this is @aloalochaos but this is my studyblr so I thought it’s best to answer the questions here) <3

1. Do you like videogames? What is/has been your favourite? 

To be honest, I’ve never really played videogames besides the Sims, so I guess that’s it? One time, a friend tried to make me throw an axe at someone in Dark Souls but I said I’m not a violent person and never threw it and he’s still making fun of me for it. 

2. What album is your all time favourite? Why do you recommend it? 

I think I’ll never be able to forget how much Entropy (Day6) influenced me when I first listened to it, but also the Demon (Day6 again) because they matched the events in my life so well that I just couldn’t ignore them. It was like the universe was giving me signs both times. I hope that, if you decide to listen to them, they’ll touch your soul as well.

3. Who are your favourite Youtubers? 

The only youtubers I’ve actively known and watched for a while were the Try Guys, but I’m really not a youtube person hahah. So I have nothing to offer here. 

4. What type of art is your favourite - music, visual (fine arts, sculptures, design etc.), drama or literature? 

I guess I’ll have to say it’s literature. I wouldn’t be able to live without books, stories, fanfics, idk anything and everything concerning all genres of literature. I also wouldn’t be able to live without the option to write. 

5. Do you keep a journal? What about a planner? 

I keep a death note (or at least that’s how I call it with my roommate), which is practically a notebook that I always have with me because I write fanfics all the time. Mostly in class hahah. I would never be able to keep a planner though. 

6. Do you like to dance? In your room, or in public places? What’s the best song to dance to in your opinion? 

I did ballet for 10 years, gymnastics for 2 years, and now that I don’t have the time to go to a dance school I sometimes learn kpop choreos at home. Any song that makes your butt move is the best song. Literally. 

7. Which Disney princess are you? 

Okay I always had a thing for Jasmine because she was the only princess wearing pants but I literally have no other reason besides that. Knowing me, this doesn’t even make sense because I love dresses. 

8. What mundane aspect of life do you enjoy more than others? 

I guess that would be when I study with my friends at coffee shops. This feeling of calmness is all I need. 

9. Do you like celebrating your birthday? Why/Why not? And if you do, what was your best birthday so far? 

I HATE CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY HAHAH. Idk I think it’s a cursed day because when I was little I always invited friends over to play and for some reason I always ended up crying. Every year. For the most stupid reasons ever. So now I might just go to a coffee shop with friends or just hang out with them for a while. 

10. What’s your favourite type of bird? 

I don’t really know about birds, to be completely honest. There are these two birds though that a friend keeps sending to me, which are called the Secretary Bird and the Shoebill Bird and I just find them hilarious. 

So, here are my questions!

Do you like French music? If you know even one song, PLEASE recommend it to me <3 (yes this question is for my own interest, I’m selfish, I know, but I need to learn French)

What kind of weather do you prefer and why? Is it often like that where you live?

Tell me a stupid fear that you have and how you got it. 

What is the most romantic way someone hit on you and what is the worst?

Favorite scientific phenomenon? (like, idk, for example I like black holes)

What helps you relax?

If you remember your dreams, talk to me about your weirdest one.

Sunrise or sunset? Day or night? Morning or evening? 

Share something with me. A thought, a secret, something that concerns you, whatever you want. 

And, to close this with a happy note, tell me what makes you happy, or what could make you happy. Let’s spread some positivity around here!

Thanks again for tagging me! I’ll tag @jeffsnightstalker, @skeptomai-polla-kai-tipota, @hwrrypottah, @no-longer-humann, @mewtedaway, @doctorriddle and basically whoever wants to do this! 

#10 questions tag #tag #questions

[iscream4clones]

I’m just going to randomly talk about spiritual things under the cut don’t mind me

So as I currently stand, I don’t really align with any specific religion

I grew up Roman Catholic and came to dislike anything related to christianity

In college I discovered Buddhism and meditation, and I actually practiced, studied, and considered myself a Buddhist for two years

I kind of gave up on religion for about 3 years and instead just focused on essentially surviving, but within the past couple months I’ve really started to take another look at my spirituality

I don’t think I’ve ever actually lost it? If anything, I’ve come to understand it better. My spirituality does not align with one set religion. I worship the earth and nature and believe in the healing abilities of holistic and natural products and practices. I feel like there are aspects if this world that we can’t explain with science. One’s energy never dies (based on the “energy cannot be created nor destroyed” scientific law). I have very much considered getting into herbal making and potion making. I do, in some instances, consider myself a witch.

But I also have been very interested in getting back into Buddhism. I have always wanted to find a place of practice and a mentor to fully understand the religion. I have always wanted to earn and/or make my own mala beads. I want to go back to practicing meditation. I’ve also been looking into Reiki treatments because I honestly believe it could help me with many issues I’m experiencing right now.

Idk if anyone else... feels this way? I’ve learned a lot about myself and various religious views and I would feel trapped if I had to pick just one thing and stick to the laws of that religion. Which really, the “laws” within religions, I think, are sometimes what really throw me off.

I’m probably going to head to a spiritual shop tomorrow to kind of get another feel for things (and maybe get some reiki healing done)

I kind of just wanted to get this off of my chest

(also when i talk about this I’m afraid I come off as a hippie white girl desperate to be interesting and I hope that’s not true) but when you’re an american with strong roman catholic polish ties and you’re the first in the family history to ever deviate from catholicism the spiritual journey gets... lonely

#allison is screaming #buddhism #witch #spirituality

[the-light-of-stars]

hi!!! I remember reading one of the tags on one of your posts about how white people are like always racist and that they need to constantly unlearn racism. That's a vague summary so sorry but in the tags you said there was something psychological to do with it? Can you explain that so I can use it to explain to others???

Hi anon!! First of all it’s great that you’re trying to learn more about stuff like this and want to help explain to others!!

Second: I am white, so I can’t draw the line at what is or isn’t racist and my opinion/ arguments shouldn’t be the focus here. Instead I’d suggest reading through some of the notes of the post you mentioned because some actual POC, who are affected by day to day racism, explained more about it there and I don’t won’t to speak over their voices. (Also the op isn’t by me I’ve just reblogged it, but idk if that’s what you meant).

However since you asked about a particular tag and I don’t want to leave you without an answer I’m going to explain what i meant with it - if I’m overstepping here though, please tell me cause I really don’t want that.

Ok so in the tag you’re talking about I mentioned that internalized racism , on a sociological basis (there’s probably psychological explanations about it as well but I’m not a psychologist) can be related to the term of the Habitus.

Habitus is an important term in sociology that in its most common understanding has been introduced by the sociologist Pierre Bourdieu.

To put it simply the Habitus is aspects of behavior that are 1. Usually unconscious and 2. Internalized through society and social standing. It’s not something someone was born with but something someone was born into.

Basically Bourdieu researched differences between social classes (and other social identifiers) and found out that members of specific groups didn’t just identify as members of their group because of objective criteria (for example wealth) but also because of their behavior - which, in many cases, the people didn’t even realize themselves - and that this is a phenomenon that happens not only in one aspect of societal structures but all of them (eg not just when it comes to class, but also to race, gender, orientation, etc etc.) and is something that is learned by exposure to the social circle you live in and also will stick with you your whole life, even if you can change parts of it.

(Because Bourdieu mainly researched different social classes and because I’ve only ever experienced xenophobic microaggressions but not racist ones in that sense, which means I lack the necessary understanding to talk about those in depth (also I’m white so it’s not my place to say what is and isn’t racism) I’ll use an example about classism instead)

For example: a rich person that has been born into wealth will never really know what it is like to be poor and what struggles poor people face. They can read all literature on class disparity in existence, and yet because they lack personal experience they will never truly know what it is like to be poor. So I’m all their actions, even if they try their best to not be classist, this lack of personal experience and the lack of understanding that comes with it will shine through in one way or another, usually unintentionally, because it is simply part of their ingrained behavioral structure. To them something can be completely innocuous and yet show their lack of understanding that’s been ingrained through growing up in the society they did in.

As an example: a rich person has a poor friend, who they care for dearly. One day when out and about together, the poor friend accidentally breaks their new phone and starts to panic about it. The rich friend tries to calm them down : “It’s ok please don’t cry, it’s just a phone - you can buy a new one!” . To them this statement shows their concern for their dear friend and is an attempt at calming them down by reassuring their friend and making them see the situation isn’t that bad and is fixable.

But instead of calming them down, this statement makes the friend cry even more. Because they can’t just buy a new phone, they don’t have the money. They’ve been saving up for this phone for months and now they have to cut edges all over again while also havibn to deal with not having a phone in a society where having one is pretty much a necessity. But the rich friend didn’t consider that - they couldn’t! Because in the life they live a 1000$ phone can be replaced at any moment, like you could replace a missing paper clip (I say, as if I haven’t panicked about this once as well cause I had to spend 2€ on a whole new pack of clips and couldn’t pay for my lunch that day because of that..). To the rich friend the situation registered only as a mild nuisance, but not as something worth crying or panicking over, because to them that’s what it is, which is why they acted accordingly.

They acted like they did because it’s the behavior and worldview they grew up with, and because it’s impossible for them to really understand the experience of someone who isn’t rich, because they’ve never had to experience it themselves and grew up in a society that was nothing but beneficial to them. So what they can do in the situation of the example, is apologizing for unintentionally upsetting their friend even more, educate themselves on why their friend reacted like that (eg learn about poor peoples situations through first hand accounts or scientific literature) ,work on themselves to ensure they won’t make the same mistake a second time, examine their behavior to see where it stems from and how to unlearn and help their friend , for example by offering to buy them a new phone (though they also have to accept it if the friend refuses their help or tells them it’s not their business.). And of course they also have to , at least try to, accept that what they did was wrong and that they aren’t exempt from making mistakes again in the future (because unlearning learnt behaviors takes a crap ton of work and won’t ever be fully possible, which is something that anyone who ever had a bad habit (-> which stems from the same root as the sociological term: the Latin word habitus , which has a lot of different meanings but literally translated to ‘something one has’) and tried to get rid of it knows.)

Bourdieu mainly focused his studies to the concept of Habitus on social class , but the concept is translatable to any other kind of socially learned behavior.

A straight person will always show homophobic behavior.

A cis person will always show transphobic behavior

A male person will always show misogynistic behavior. (Also before any terf tries to use this for their rhetoric: trans women face the same issues cis women face (as well as the added issues specific to trans people), because they are women and have to deal with misogyny as any other woman does. So don’t even try). (Edit: I first wrote ‘a cis male person will always show misogynistic behavior’ which is exactly the kind of unintentional mistake I’m talking about. Because writing it like this is already making a weird distinction between cis and trans men, and also implies trans men would be excempt from misogyny when they , just like any other men, aren’t either. Sorry for that!)

And, most importantly in the context of the op and your ask as well as the current situation, a white person will always show racist behavior.

No matter how hard a white person tries, no matter how much they educate themselves, listen to the voices of people in racial minorities (in this specific case black people), or how much they help - they can’t ever understand completely and can’t ever completely get rid of their internalized behavior , so with their Habitus they’ll always show their being privileged in a racist society.

Does this mean white people should just go ‘well if I can’t ever get rid of my internalized racism I don’t even have to try’ ? No. Because even if you always will keep making unintentional mistakes, it’s better to make those unintentional mistakes once, acknowledge them and try to avoid them in the future , than it is to make an unintentional mistake and then keep repeating it intentionally for the rest of your life simply because you couldn’t be bothered to try better.

Does this mean white people should be patting themselves on the back for trying to unlearn? Also no. Because for one like I said its impossible to ever truly unlearn every racist behavior, and two: trying to unlearn bad behavior isn’t some great feat, it’s basic decency. Just like in the example you wouldn’t call the rich friend a hero for trying not make their poor friend upset again, because that’s basic decency - of course they shouldn’t make their friend upset again that’s what being a friend is! So in a similar vein being an ally to Poc is trying your best to not harm anymore, and to acknowledge that even if you’re not doing it intentionally you’re hurting others with your behavior and help uphold a harmful system as long as you just ignore and profit from it.

As an example for this just read some of the replies on the op you mentioned: there’s dozens of white people applauding themselves for being ‘not at all racist’ or saying it’s impossible for them to be racist because their parents are voting for democrats or because they themselves are part of a different marginalized community (eg a woman, or part of the lgbt+ community). when that is just. Not the case. Because racism is a learnt behavior that can never get rid of completely. Because people don’t just learn behaviors from their parents but also from the rest of society (and even if they’d only learn from their parents they will also have internalised racist behaviors). Because being part of one marginalized group doesn’t mean you automatically have perfect understanding of the struggles of everyone else and this are now infallible (if that were the case then please explain how the leader of Germany’s most notorious right wing extremist party is a lesbian woman). Etc etc.

So, does this mean you should self flaggate over every little mistake? No of course not. You should realize your mistake, accept it and try to unlearn the behavior that led to it. Constant self punishment doesn’t help and might just make matters worse. And more than that by self flaggelating you will end up forcing others to pity you for being sad, instead of rightfully pointing out your mistake or investing energy to help or learn themselves - which is especially isnidious if the people that have to ‘cheer you up’ are poc themselves. It will also prevent people from pointing out your mistakes in the future because they’ll be worried you’d self hate for it again, making it even harder for yourself to unlearn bad behaviors. (also yes this point might be a bit hypocritical for me because I tend to apologize a dozen times to everyone for any small mistake no matter what the mistake was even about, but that’s something I try to work on bettering because oh wow is that a toxic behavior, no matter how understandable it might be)

So, lastly, what can you do? You can realize your mistake. Accept it. Learn what caused it and why it was harmful. Try your best to not make this or similar mistakes again. Understand and accept that you will inevitably make mistakes again. Understand that you’re not infallible. Understand that you live in and profit off of a harmful system. Listen to people from the affected communities and accept their opinions. Help where you can - even if it’s just by being a good friend. And don’t victimize yourself in the process.

I hope this made it a bit less vague and made my tag clear. Also again: I’m not infallible either and since I’m white i also might make hurtful mistakes, so if there’s anything wrong in this reply or if I’m overstepping with this please let me know so I can try to fix that. Also for the same reason take my opinions and explanations with a grain of salt and look up what people from the actually affected communities have said about this topic.

I hope this was coherent enough and I wish you (and everyone else who might still be reading at this point) a great day, Anon! (Also : if youre able to and want to help people who are actually affected by racism there’s many organizations and causes that currently need the help! )

#anon ask

[cozyteez]

Hii, do u have any tips for writing fics?? I’m so used to writing research reports, lab reports, and formal essays that creative writing has become something I really struggle with. I guess it’s having the freedom to write anything and not knowing how to make sure it’s not corny. I tried outlining a fic one time but it was so frustrating LOLOLOL. Anyways, I love your ateez fics. They are so cute and creative!!

hi !!!! im like rlly touched u asked me and i feel u actually that's why i started this blog; im a biomedical engineering major so as u can imagine i dont get to take much creativity with what i write because writing papers and reports and proposals are so formulaic and u gotta stick to the facts so that being said i actually tested out of all my college writing classes so all my writing knowledge is from ap english in hs lmao so take it w many grians of salt

the #1 thing i do when im feeling sort of unmotivated about a story or maybe like like dragging myself thru mud to write it is to just write the "fun" part first. to me the fun part is usually the climax or maybe the like the "wouldn't it be cute if..." moment that came to mind that inspired me to write a blurb in the first place! then usually once i sort of get the ball rolling on that my brain will help me out and keep the momentum going by thinking of maybe "oohh okay maybe this can happen next" or "oohh and what if this led up to it" or !! just stop there !! something ive learned from my mx writing blog which is like a year older than this one was that you don't owe anybody context especially for a blurb so maybe it really is just 3 sentences of a cute moment u thought of like its whatever ur the one writing it

now for longer fics im going to be honest jongho's first love is my first and only completed attempt at a multi stage coherent story. and that was fueled purely based on the fact that when i look at jongho he just gives off sort a really excited sort of innocence that i wanted to further explore and personify through the idea of him experiencing love for the first time but even then i really struggled w the last part because that's where my personal experience stopped and i had basically nothing to go off of because ive never been in love so i did have to kinda wait for ideas to come to me. for prince yunho i have posted 4 chapters but have all the way through chapter 15 drafted. and by drafted i mean it's like 3 sentences of the overall idea. again, the fic was inspired by the duality between yunho's on stage vs. off stage persona where if somebody was to watch an ateez performance for the first time they may find him very serious and maybe even intimidating but atiny would know that his off stage persona (the one he choses to create for us anyways) is very silly and happy-go-lucky and approachable, which is why prince yunho is seen as narameth's strong and stoic pride and joy but in reality he's sort of clumsy but means well. so i let that and his relationship w xenia who is an original character (OC) sort inspire stories or interactions that i force into a plot line. so for example i believe when i first started thinking abt a prince au for yunho i thought "wouldn't it be funny if the first scene started out painting him as this strong and serious man and then cut to him choking on food or something" and that sort of inspired the idea of him being nervous abt the speech and then xenia came out of that because he needed a complementary character imo since i knew he was gonna be kind of one dimensional and then his backstory with xenia inspired other ideas and then one day i was sad and wanted a hug so that inspired a piece of the plot line and so on. so basically: let an idea or even an aspect of somebody come to you and just write it down, let it inspire other ideas. and don't be afriad to completely start over. i wrote a whole chapter for prince yunho and deleted the whole thing because i hated where it was going and started back from scratch. sometimes you have to revisit things abt your characters and their relationships with others to get a new idea. there's a story in every person and every relationship you just have to find the clues

here's an example of what i mean by "write the good part first". this is typically what the very first draft of a blurb will look like for me

((( blah blah blah basically its raining and y/n is sad bc wooyoung broke her heart two weeks ago idk maybe go into it maybe not)))

y/n is all sad and feeling sorry for themselves on the couch theyre past crying but still feel pretty shitty plus it's storming and cold outside. great

there's a knock on their door ofc they have the cliche "who could that be moment" even tho they lowkey know. we literally all know

so yeah wooyoung's there soaked in rain eyes puffy y/n thinks he's been crying

-this would be the "fun part". i'll fix all that garbage up top later or maybe even change it completely idk yet-

"y/n? i - uh. hi"

he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck while you crossed your arms over your chest, fighting the urge to close the door and walk away for good

"hi? really wooyoung? is that the best you can do?"

(((wooyoung does smth idk)))

"well i just -"

"you just what? showed up here in the rain after you broke my heart and didn't even bother to tell me why? this isn't some romance movie, asshole. you can't just come here late at night and expect to find me all sad and willing to take you back because i'm not. so say what you're gonna say so i can get back to my life"

your face was red hot and you trying very hard, probably too hard, to fight back tears. ((( idk talk some more abt y/n's emotions then what wooyoung is doing)))

"look, i made a mistake i-"

"oh my god! why did i know you were gonna do this. i just knew as soon as i saw you-"

"will you let me get a fucking word in!?"

well that was new. in the entire time you'd known him he had never raised his voice at you like that, your shock causing you to immediately close your mouth and fold your arms back into yourself (((make y/n seem more scared))) noticing your reaction, he lowered his voice back down and instictively reached for you, heartbroken at the way you jerked away from his touch

"please y/n, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to raise my voice it's just that i need to tell you that i regret what i did i regret breaking up with you so fucking much and you don't have to take me back i just need you to know how much you meant, no, mean to me. i still love you, a lot. there's not a day, an hour, a minute, or a single second that goes by that i'm not thinking of you"

"then why?"

your voice was small and wavering, your tears now dangerously close to spilling down your cheeks

"why what?"

"why did you break up with me like that, just all of a sudden"

he pushed his hands into his pockets and looked away

"because that morning i woke up before you and when i looked at you asleep next to me, i saw myself spending the rest of my life with you and it scared the shit out of me"

"why did it scare you?"

"because i just figured you didn't feel the same. i was selfish and wanted to save myself heartbreak down the line and so i told you i didn't wanna be with you anymore, but that was a mistake because it turns out i can't function with out you, i can't breathe without you i can't live without you, y/n. i shouldn't have let you go"

tears were now freely flowing down your face (((okay brain no work anymore y/n kisses him duh and then ofc they make up wooyoung prob says smth cheesy and y/n is like ur lucky i love you or smth ahaha the end)))

tl;dr -> don't be afraid to get messy. creative writing is not nearly as structured as academic/scientific writing. write whatever u want first it can even be the middle of a huge fight scene or some dialogue u think is funny. if ur stuck read what you have or maybe just take a break and let an idea come to you. a story doesnt have to come together til the very end so it can be as messy and out of order as u want until u wanna post it. also i would always use the third person omniscient point of view for a longer story like a chaptered fic as a default and only change if it would impact the plot in a negative way. this is where the narrator knows what every character is thinking/feeling and im p sure a teacher in middle school told me it was the easiest to write and follow

#sorry i got carried away #also rmbr how i was like my brain cant stop imagining dramatic and disgusting love confessions in the rain? i meant like that #it's so chessy ik 😔 bleh #amanda talks

[modern-oedipus]

Kinda a personal post that is not required to read but just first line is enough

Also I couldn’t get back to much of personal messages today because:

• i threw up in the morning and it shoookth me

• was running on 2 hours sleep

• had 8 hours of continious lecture and barely made it home just now, eaten, and calmed her shit down

•has 3 assingments and 2 quizzes due tomorrow

•did I mention, I can hear my own breath making Z z Z z Z z z Z sounds due to post-asthma hypersensitive body or SOME anNOYING THING that doctors said

• im mentally unwell because someone I love is mentally unwell and I can’t do a thing to help him regardless of my efforts and also i feel quite sad and desperate in general even though I do my best to not just let it go and get in a depresso mood

• so like. Responsibilities piled up, emotionally at my limit, physically sick, but at least not in so much physical pain.

I haven’t let anything go, though! I take care of my sick body regardless, I try to eat healthy, I /am/ doing the responsibilities one by one and making sure I finish them even if it costs me some sleep, I am trying to mentally reassure myself to things and although I haven’t got to write them down yet I planned some 2020 resolutions and cleaning; they have been on my mind for a long while now so if it all goes well I am planning to get a better start at the new year! I think I have done fairly well in 2019, most of my resolutions came to true by my own efforts anyway.

Anyway I didnt have to give a long explanation about why I was like this, I’d just say “I’m unavailable” if I didn’t want to share, but since I know that most of you care about me as friends (and I care about you as friends too, obviously, that’s a two sided thing), I thought those who care may read, just to have somr sort of idea about why Nila is shitposting but not individually replying. Those who don’t care (with no offense in them since no one is obligated to) have long scrolled past this, anyway.

Ihh I’m tired! Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, I’m tired at all aspects but worse? I objectively don’t think it will get better. But I also objectively know that I hve no choice but to work to make it better because I love my life that I regained after so much hard work and battling with d, I love my family and friends whose days we brighten together, I (sort of) love my scientific research even tho science doesn’t seem to love me, I love the stories I am writing and the newspaper I am managing, I love walking in the soft wind, I love coffee talks and fun dates and hook ups, I love my pets and I love everyone who reached out to me and befriended me here on this account, I love reading/writing comments to the ao3 and reading/writing replies back to them, I love the fandom stuff we organize, I love working out and then having that serotonin boost, I love offering a newly baked recipte to family/friends, I love casual hook ups and if and when I’m in a relationship (my last rl lasted 3 years sooo... rip.. that was most of my life) I do love loving and being loved in return, I mean, I even love doing laundry like it is such a nice feeling to put all dirt in a machine and then take it back perfectly clean and cozy and nicely smelling, like idk, because of all these things (and more that I forgot to add) I can’t give up from my life and I can’t stop fighting for it to be better. I can’t give up from myself or my loved ones. There is so much to live for.

P.S. I also low key live for the days Given, To Die For, the “photographer Ray” au whose name I forgot, and the teacher/student norray fics ( ;) ) gets updated. I mean I’m sure I’m reading many more fics but these are the stuff I have been looking forward to ever since August or something and just knowing that one day I /MAY/ read a chapter of them sometimes make me motivated enough to go through a day. Also spaceomania’s (damn did I spell that right?! I’m absolutely NOT tagging anyone to this long ass post, don’t want them to go trouble reading it aLL) comments like I’m sure they made not just me but many other authors write a lot more happily than they normally would, oh I also live for Ardency but I am too scared to read it because itnis eNDING so I will procrastinate it, but like, yes.

I have reasons to keep going, I have reasons to stay strong. I may not be feeling my best now and my problems may not be fixed overnight but I have no choice but to have faith in myself & people I love & things I believe in (now, “believe” sounds so non-scientific but that’s subject for another day), so, I’ll go on.

I usually don’t like opening up about suicide or depression since I just think that’s way too personal to talk about (I still havent declared why it happened and I dont think Iw anna talk about it anyway), but, in case someone with suicidal tendencies is reading this (first of all congrats for coming thru this essay idk what kept you here but you’re amazing), just, remember that a year ago I was at where you are and, well, THIS is my mindset now. I am not telling you to compare your journey with mine or anyone else’s. I am just proving you that a way out of that dark tunnel is perfectly possible for you and even if my current situation may not be ideal (to be honest, is there even an ideal life? Problems will always exist), I’m gratefulthat I have got enough reasons to fight for. Sure, my energy still drains sometimes (hence why regular text talk with Nila is difficult. No she doesnt have adhd or anything. She has a fairly good attention span. She just lacks the friggin energy), but I restore it before it gets out of hand. Stuff like that. It’s possible, not for just me, but for you and for everyone. I’m not a publicly-spoken-social-norm-warrior or anything but I will always stand up for anyone who is feeling suicidal tendencies because no—

As someone who went through that, just, no.

Don’t.

Let’s make 2020 better.

*and here my friends, you went through a good representation of what it is like to be in my brain changing 485858 subjects. Anyway NOW that I let ut out I need to do my assignment. I want to reply back to you insividually bevause texting you all makes me feel warm and happy and i also wanna check on you but i need ti restrore my enrgy (i actually tried texting whdn my mood was low and I think I frightened some people over sudden agression so I’d rather text you wisely than text you randomly), so, see you all soon!

I know it is not just me going through shit in her life. So, know that I’m cheering for you and I am always in for friends bringing best of each other, so if you really read this far go do the thing you procrastinate!! Bud!! Go do it!! It’ll feel better!

What a conclusion tho

#nila stuff #personal

[zimdestroyer-dib]

Opinion on show Prof. Membrane VS movie Prof. Membrane?

Of course! This will contain spoilers, just to warn ya! Also, thanks for this ask! I’ve been meaning to say somethin’ like this. @ everyone else, if you want me to “rate” a certain character, please let me know!

Show Membrane opinion:

He can be a jerk(and kinda cruel), petty(he straight-up said “Fine! If you’re not going to take this seriously, no infinite power for you!” and,,, kept his word), and not all that good of a father. He’s absent from his home and children often due to him trying to improve the world through SCIENCE!, which means said kids end up being left to their own devices at home. He does love them, though, and does still keep contact with them via advanced technology.

Rewatching the series has had me laughing a LOT whenever he’s not calling Dib crazy and insane(poor Feebly. I feel you, bro). Like, he’s so exaggerated and his interactions with the people around him can have me chuckling quite a bit. There was this one scene where he said something like “Curses aren’t real, son.” before proceeding to go Up and yell in a possessed manner for less than 2 second before sitting back down.

His laugh is so good. It’s over-the-top and sometimes really contagious(at least for me). I was watching the show yesterday and he was spending time with Gaz. His response to her telling him that Dib was suffering (by cleaning a toilet with his head in that one Pig Dimension) was great and went something like: “HAHAHAHAHA! You are the funny child.”

He’s a DILF, too, but looks like he’d be pretty bony. I’d still snuggle the hay outta him tho. Also, his hair being sentient scares me but also makes me laugh. I wonder if it works like Pinkie Pie’s and/or Lion’s manes...

[I’ll give my opinions for who I like better between the 2 at the end!]

Movie Membrane opinion:

Once again, a sometimes cruel sometimes jerk, but this time he’s Present in his kids’ lives(but that doesn’t mean he isn’t still mean to his son). He has some comedic times (he can say some “crAaAzY stUUuuff”), but I’ve noticed more and more that he’s... still... not a good dad. Like... Sheesh. In both cases, I’ve seen quite a bit of favoritism related to Gaz, but in ETF it’s more subtle(?? I need to watch it again).

He flip-flops a lot in his parental “skills”; one moment he’s doubting/gaslighting the hell out of his son, the next he’s “proud” of him, and then, oh wait you won’t believe it’s not butter!! He basically takes it all back by calling his son crazy again! He may be a DILF(imo, but not a very good dad...), but I still wanna kick him right in his kneecaps and brick his “funny bone”s(sorry if that’s a bit much. I just... hate when parents aren’t good to their children :/).

His new design is pleasant to my eyes, and I think his robot arms are the shiz, but that might make snuggling him be a little bit uncomfy. Unless they’re somehow soft? His flesh body looks soft, though, like a pillow, so gentle hugs and snuggles are acceptable.

His favourite child is still Gaz, which I can tell by the fact that she is treated nowhere the same as Dib. Once again, keep the bricks away from me and restrain my limbs. Anyway, I don’t think I’ve said my point enough/clearly: I HATE how he treats Dib like he’s irrational and doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I hate that he gaslights him. I hate that he remains willfully ignorant about the things his son tries to show/share with him. I just really hate him in that whole aspect.

Like, I get not enjoying the same things as your kids(I don’t have kids, but I do have siblings and I’m the eldest, plus I do have friends that don’t always share my same interests), but completely brushing them off as if they’re stupid? That’s just sick. I’m not just speaking from my “daddy issues” standpoint; I’m also talking from a general point of worry and care.

Conclusion:

Dadness + Personality Comparison: Both Membranes aren’t very good dads, but I personally think that Movie Membrane might be almost worse than Show Membrane- at least, in regard to the way he treats Dib. Yes, Show Membrane did do wrong, but since he was more absent he didn’t have all the time that Movie Membrane did to constantly make his son feel lesser than.

Show Membrane and Movie Membrane both love their kids, but they’re both cruel to their respective sons in their own ways. Both aren’t verbally kind always(the gaslighting, calling their respective sons “crazy” several times, etc), and Show Membrane even said he knew Dib would end up in the mental ward of his lab eventually(o o f that one really hurt when he said that). Now that I think about it, they’re both just... not good people. Not to say they don’t have redeeming qualities! But man oh man...

It did a hurted on me real bad when, as stated previously, Movie Membrane gave his praises to his son only to yank it away by going right back to his favourite passtime: gaslighting his only son. Ugh... It makes me feel like the times he’s being a “good” dad are disingenuine.

Humor Comparison: Both Membranes amuse me during their comedic times, but I think that they’re on their own Levels Of Funny. I say this because Show Membrane had his obliviousness/willful ignorance, scientific mindset, random outbursts, and pettiness drive the type of humor he presented- plus, sometimes I think I may have laughed at unintentionally funny parts.

Movie Membrane’s humorous moments were meant to be funny(but I do think I also laughed at unintentionally funny parts in this case too). Movie Membrane felt more... idk, watered down? in his humor, since I think the movie was not only to attract old fans but rather to also attract newer fans(feel free to correct me if I’m wrong!)- which means the jokes would need to also apply to/amuse a larger audience. Which is great that more fans would join the fandom, but having the humor be not quite as “sharp”(as in, kind-of off-putting, maybe sharp-tongued??) would probably make the people who watch the show afterwards quite... idk. I can’t speak for all others.

Design Comparison: I like both designs a lot! They work for the respective medias they reside in, with the sharper corners/features of Show Membrane(which, you may know, has “sharper” style) and the softer and more round features of Movie Membrane also works for the films “softer” style.

As stated pryviously, I think that if Movie Membrane doesn’t hug too hard then cuddling with him wouldn’t be (too?) painful. And despite the frame of Show Membrane, he could potentially be snuggleable, too.

Which One I Like More: I don’t know which I like more, since they both have kind of intense(?) pros and cons, but if I had to choose... I think Movie Membrane. Even though he’s unkind to his son, he is around more to actually intertact with his children. But idk, they’re both not very nice people(which is the point, I think?)

#invader zim #spoilers #professor membrane #invader zim: enter the florpus #character rating #thanks for the ask! #anon #long post #from zd-d #abuse mention #edit: fixed an error that i missed bc i was half asleep while writing it

[psicygni]

commenting is hard and scary: general trends in the reasoning of fic readers

an incredibly academic review of answers, asks, and replies by me, 2017, tumblrdotcom

Introduction

This post concerns the super scientific survey from yesterday.  A couple of you asked, so: the reason I wanted to know why folks don’t regularly comment is a combination of things.  The first is writing for spones, which is a rather new experience, and the comparatively tiny number of comments on what I think is a pretty darn good story, compared with the overwhelming enthusiasm for the s/u piece I posted the other week- it got me thinking, needless to say.  Second is the ever present discrepancy between number of comments and read-counts on new chapters when I post them.  Third is receiving comments that start ‘I never comment, but’ and finally giving into the curiosity of what that’s like, to read all this fic and not comment on it.  Fourth is the always circling posts of ‘comment on the fics you read!’ with explanations of why and how - it seems like those don’t totally get through to people?  I don’t know, maybe they do, but it’s not like I reblog one and wake up the next morning to a bevy of comments.

Methods

Participants included the metric butt-ton of anon commenters, plus those who replied to the original post which you can read here.  Too many to respond to without clogging everyone’s dashes, so we’re doing this instead.  

Results

There were five main categories that responses fell into: not having much to say (and the temptation of the kudos button), RL issues, finding commenting stressful, perceptions of the author, and other.

The Profundity of Comments

The most reoccurring reason for not commenting (or not commenting regularly) was a feeling of not having much to say other than ‘I liked it.  As one anon wrote, “i just honestly never know what to say and other comments are so well-constructed that i feel like my random "aww theyre so cute" would be inadequate.”  This pressure to feel profound was reiterated by others, such as another anon who suggested “I think not all readers are former lit majors who may get intimidated to leave a "thoughtful" comment and are reading to de-stress or something.”

Beyond this lack of profound and interesting statements on fics, there was a general feeling that leaving a kudos, favoriting a fic, or creating a bookmark was akin to leaving a short comment saying ‘that was great’.  One anon put it this way: “if I'm just saying 'great fic', it feels interchangeable with giving them a kudos”.

RL Issues

There was a reoccurring sentiment related to feeling like one has to be profound: not having enough time to sit down and leave the type of comment the reader wanted to.  Also included in this was not having the energy to do so, either because readers were enjoying fic as a way to relax and de-stress, or because they were reading in bed and were tired.  Another issue raised was the fact that mobile reading doesn’t lend itself to commenting, and it’s awkward to have to switch to a desktop to comment.  Finally, there was the simple problem of forgetting, despite all best intentions.  Life, as we all know, gets entirely too busy sometimes.  @samttuummaa ties this all together nicely and puts words to what a number of other folks said in their own replies: “Here's the recipe: start with I read on my cell, where typing is a moth#£$&#@! of an experience. Combine that with the fact that I always had a million things to say so the reviews were rarely short. Toss that with a toddler wanting my attention. Let it all simmer in the fact that I only got to read in spurts of just a few minutes at a time… modify this recipe by adding a 2nd baby”.

Commenting as a stressful activity

This section of results fell into two main categories.  First was readers who struggle with social anxiety.  Second was readers for whom English is a non-native language, and either the difficulty of writing in english was prohibitive, or they were too self-conscious of their writing to enjoy the process of leaving a comment.

Author as a roadblock

Interestingly, many folks wrote about ways in which authors themselves were an impediment.  There was a general sense among respondents that if authors don’t respond to comments, it’s not worth leaving them a comment on their story.  One anon raises an interesting question, writing: “if the author then doesn't engage with the comments… why is a comment better than a kudos?” Additionally, readers felt that writers who don’t respond to comments might ignore the comments they leave, or commenting might be bothersome or irritating to these authors.

Some readers had negative interactions with authors which turned them off from commenting.  One anon wrote: “Actually I left a good comment to a fic arthor and she didn't reply back to my comment but replied back to everyone's else and felt so horrible.”  Another recounted a story of an ongoing correspondence with an author that went south for no discernible reason, which made them wary of engaging with writers in the future.

Another aspect of the way in which readers’ perspective of the author interfered with commenting was a perception that fic authors don’t like short comments.  A second was that authors - myself included - are annoyed by pleas for updates, but that is what the reader really wants to write. (footnote 1: there is a difference between ‘update please!’ and ‘can’t wait to find out what happens next!!’  For me at least, the latter is more than welcome, while the former does tend to feel quite rude)

Finally, @what-if-im-a-mermaid and @mizjesbelle offered insight into the feeling that authors have their friends in fandom and that fics have an ‘insider/outsider’ culture, which the reader can be very much on the outside of, or that as an unknown reader, that feedback wasn’t pertinent compared to the author’s friends comments.  As @what-if-im-a-mermaid wrote “I also remember having this vague impression of fandoms as these groups of people who all know each other and comment on each other’s work and are friends and feeling, idk, ‘excluded’ is not the right term because i wasn't sad about it, but like it was something I wasn’t part of? Like it didn’t concern me?”  @mizjesbelle follows up this comment by writing, “@what-if-im-a-mermaid I know what you mean about a comment section sometimes feeling like a club you're not part of. I follow a lot of webcomics, and there are some I don't comment on because everyone clearly knows each other. I know they don't mean to be unwelcoming, but it can feel awkward.”  (footnote 2: I have made all of my fandom friends through discussions started in comments on stories and trust me, if you comment on a story of mine, I remember you and I love you)

Other

There were a number of reasons that fell outside the above mentioned themes.  These are that a fic is bad and the reader doesn’t want to leave criticism, being overwhelmed with feels after finishing reading a fic, the story is old, as a writer themselves they don’t care to receive comments and therefore don’t leave them as readers, and not realizing how it feels to put yourself out there and publish creative work.  @what-if-im-a-mermaid writes, “I think part of it is that if you’re a casual fic reader and you’ve never put yourself out there by posting stuff you created to The Interweb it can be hard understand how incredibly rewarding receiving any feedback at all is. For the longest time I thought of fic writers as a bunch of people who find writing so easy and intrinsically rewarding that they post billions of words on line for free, because it makes them happy.  They’re obviously Real Writers, very good at what they do, so why should feedback from a random girl who knows nothing about lit and writing affect them in any way? ‘ (footnote 3: it does make me happy, it’s so asldkfjasldkjf not easy, and if you enjoyed my story, you’re not random, see footnote 2 about how much I love you)

Discussion

Overall, a number of reasons stated here have made the rounds in fandom before: old stories tend to get few comments, folks don’t want to be rude and leave criticism, English is a ridiculous language, talking to authors can be scary, commenting is just plain hard when we all have work/school/kids/whatever, and the kudos button is right there for the clicking.

One aspect of these responses that surprised me was the variability.  A lot of people have very different reasons for not commenting, which I hadn’t ever really considered before.  As a writer, I interpret a lack of comments to mean that my writing is bad or boring, and even if folks are reading it, it’s more so out of not being able to find better fic than any true enjoyment.

Another thing I hadn’t thought about was the fact that for readers, the kudos button can feel the same as leaving a short comment - I don’t know about other writers, but those two feel entirely and hugely different to me.  However, having read through all your responses I think I can change a bit and take kudos more to heart and hear what you’re all saying: you enjoyed the story and had you commented, that’s likely exactly what the comment would read.  At the same time, I’d encourage all of you to consider how it feels to see a list of names of folks who have left kudos and know full well that only a handful of them stopped to tell you that they liked your story.

I was also surprised by the way in which a writer responding to comments made such an impact.  I had no idea anyone responded until one day I left a comment and got a response back and then I started doing it myself.  I mcfreaking love talking to readers through comments, especially on chaptered fic as I get to see their reactions as the story develops.  It’s like getting to read my own story through someone else’s eyes and experience it as if I’m the reader who doesn’t know what’s coming up in the next chapter, with all of that thrill and fun.  The same goes for one shots, though I don’t get to build that rapport over the course of the story.

Further Research

One question I’m left with is: for those of you who do comment, what is the draw for you?  And for those of you who don’t, is there a way for authors to engage you so that you would comment?  An anon wrote, ““FFN has this culture of the idea of asking for reviews being tacky, probably from the occasional 'I'll post the next chapter after 100 reviews' fics” which I’m not suggesting or anything of the sort.  I don’t think that begging for comments is exactly the way through this.  I’m more curious as to whether there is anything that might change your commenting behavior - because trust me, I’ll do it.

Conclusion

Fandom is the best and continues to be one of the great joys of my life, and I imagine many of yours.  I wish I could convince everyone to comment, but I also respect all the reasons all y’all have furnished as to why that’s not realistic to ask.

#at the same time... #it's the holidays #leave a fic author you love a note #commenting #fic comments #long post #writing is fun!

[fidelishaereticus]

age and identity

So as you may be aware, I have been experiencing Some Angst lately to the tune of “my age feels viscerally wrong and repulsive to me and i can’t live with it.” In trying to parse why i feel this way, i’ve come to the following (tentative) conclusion: Age (or our conception thereof) informs a major component of our social and personal identity, and age, like gender, is largely a social construct. That’s why I’m experiencing this particular (very familiar) cocktail of angst.  And before you assume that I’m going to slide from here straight into nope-ville like that girl who claimed to be transracial, LET ME ASSURE YOU: THAT’S NOT WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS. I know the equivalency only reaches so far, but as someone who has experienced and worked through gender dysphoria, it’s been a helpful analogy for me, so I’m gonna go ahead and articulate it.

It’s like this. Our conceptions of gender spring from a cultural elaboration upon a biological reality (namely, sex and mild sexual dimorphism) that we’ve oversimplified and dichotomised. Where we go wrong is when we mistake the parts that we made up (or the parts we can choose and change) for genetically determined and unalterable facts, when we assign the whole package of gender and tell people it’s all biology and they can never change it and consequently can never have valid access to any identity outside that box. I think (i hope) people are starting to appreciate what a load of bull-crap that whole practice is. But we pull some very similar bullshit maneuvers with age. We’ve based our conceptualisation of it off a biological reality (namely, human development and ageing), but we’ve oversimplified and elaborated upon that reality to the point where we often mistake things we made up about it for deterministic truths. People really do “identify” with ages and assume social roles based on them. And sure, a lot of that is good and healthy and helps society to function. But much of what we think of as age-determined traits are not actually age-determined at all, and that can be hurtful. It’s horrifying to be told that some aspect of your personality that’s purely you—something you feel you wouldn’t be yourself without—has an expiration date well before your death. It’s horrifying to know that you’re allowed full access to your identity now, but in a few short years that privilege will be taken from you, and you’ll be expected keep living without it. To keep living as not-yourself. It’s horrifying. 

Unfortunately, age isn’t exactly like gender, and the same solutions won’t apply (i’m not going to argue that people should be allowed to be “trans-age”---that’s inappropriate and insulting). I think the best we can do with age is to work hard to divorce the socially constructed aspects of age from the age-range they’ve been assigned to. This with the following very important caveats: 

 1. I absolutely concede that the chronological timing of one’s birth is a fact of the physical universe.* How we conceptualize that chronology and how we “count” from there is technically a social construct, but it’s a very useful one and i’m not suggesting we overturn it. It’s good to have ways to describe reality and keep track of when things happened, and we should do so with as much scientific rigour as possible.

 2. Different developmental phases coincide with being closer to or further from the time of one’s birth, and those are not social constructs either (though there is often much more variation in how the patterns unfold than people imply). These differences must be taken into consideration where necessary. 3. Arguably the most important developmental difference is that which distinguishes an fully developed human from one who is not. How we as a culture define “child” versus “adult” is obviously a social construct (and has indeed changed a lot throughout history), but there’s a very important reality behind that one. Throwing that distinction out the window would be a pretty Terrible Idea on many fronts, and I’ll never suggest that we do it. There are however definitely large swaths of it that could use revision (see: the idea adults can’t or shouldn’t enjoy certain fun activities anymore, or the idea that children don’t deserve certain forms of respect. 

On the whole, however, I think we ascribe way more to age (even to very specific age-numbers) than can be justified by biology, and i would very much like to throw all of that useless garbage out the window for the reason of: it makes me sad. I know I’m not the first person to propose this, but i feel like it needs saying bc imho we’re still doing a very shitty job of throwing it out the window or even talking about it in productive ways. I don’t exactly how to begin throwing it out the window more effectively, but i would really like to. It would eliminate well over half of my daily angst and identity discomfort if I could be free of it. 

For an example (and the rest of this is just rambling): I don’t want to be complimented on being “young at heart”: i want to do away with the notion that my age has anything to do with how energetic or creative or silly or fun-loving or whatever I am. Because it really doesn’t. I know people mean well, but what i hear is: you were expecting me to be Boring bc i’m old. And to me that feels just as shitty as being told i was “really strong for a girl” (1. I don’t identify as a girl and 2. hi there sexism thanks for implying that girls are weak). And I don’t “identify” as an age. It’s just,,,a fact that i have no control over, like the fact that I’m 5′1. Yean, I was born in a certain year, and have presumably been kicking around since and have had time to reach full maturity, and statistically it’ll be pretty weird if i’m still around in 75 years or so. But other than that?? I don’t wanna hear about it. I don’t want to hear “bright young 20-something,” i don’t want to hear “old hag” i don’t want to hear it. I don’t want people to look at me and try to guess my age and then make bullshit assumptions based on that. oh but ~medical complications~ you might say! we have to look out for the fragile elderly yeah, whatever, medical complications are between me and my doctor. also? tons of people have medical complications in their 20s. ON AVERAGE older people are more fragile but it’s not set in stone. Some people in their 70s are more constitutionally robust than some people in their teens. AND THAT’S FINE. if you need medical attention you need medical attention, at any age, and it doesn’t make you any less valuable. and if you don’t? you don’t. oh but ~experience~ you might also say and ok, to an extent that’s fair, but ALSO NOT SUPER CLEAR CUT like,,,,idk man. some people in their early 20s are Experienced af its like they’ve already lived 1000 years and Done Everything its wild. and some older people? it’s like,,,,have you ever left your house? I was really a Child well into my 20s, in a lot of ways—not in that I was a whiny brat who couldn’t take care of myself, but in that certain parts of my brain and body were just very slow to reach full maturity. experience and maturation happen very differently in different people. ugh, anyway, i could do this with almost everything we “assume” about people based on age, there are always exceptions to trends, and then on top of that there are LOADS of assumptions that are pure cultural bullshit (for an obvious one: Adults don’t play make-believe, they have Put Away Childish Things). I’m done with this shit. I don’t wanna hear it.

*unless you want to get into whacky theoretical physics re what even is the physical universe in which case i have no idea so don’t ask

#age #stuff and thinks #ageism #identity #about me

[questionairesforme]

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance? i'm terribly aware of it, sometimes that can make it difficult to find the point in staying alive. i can hardly imagine anyone who's not bothered by this tbh, doesn't it make everything we do sort of pointless?

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? i definitely do. i long for something more.

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? honestly, i don't know. i certainly dont think there is one specific person for everyone but i guess it only makes sense that everybody's got several peopple they feel comfortable with and are a perfect fit. the question is, will they ever meet one of them?

Do you place any value in gender roles? no

Do you have to be related to be family? no, family is so much more than that.

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? definitely. some even more so.

Are you in love? Do you want to be? i am. i'm not sure if i want to be.

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation? i find it difficult to see differences between platonic and romantic love, especially when a romantic relationship went on for a while. ig the feelings are mostly the same, you just choose to express them in different ways.

Would you be happy with a life without romance? idk i guess i'd start longing for it eventually.

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody? yea

Would you change your appearance if you could? hell yes

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.? i have never thought of it that way but it makes total sense to me

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both? just another person

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? i dont think i ever had any

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? no

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? i sometimes do. i imagine its quite reassuring to believe in some greater power and it might make life seem more meaningful

Do you want a grand adventure? yes please but also i'm scared to leave the house

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different? yes

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both? I DONT KNOW why would u ask that. ig it is mainly about convenience in the end

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality? nah. does anyone ever really understand?

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? idk

Are you afraid of growing old? yea. i don't wanna do that, man

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? NO

Do you believe in some form of god/s? no

Are your choices fated or of your own free will? free will. however, i really cant shake the feeling that there is some greater scheme behind all of it

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? oh yes

Do you believe in star signs? nah

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult? id sure like to know

Was your childhood happy? i wouldn't say i was a happy child. too much trauma to deal with.

What are you missing from your life? happiness, purpose.

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? yes. we did get along until she stopped talking to me for no apparent reason.

Do opposites attract? thats a tough one.

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? dude i never planned this far ahead

Do you know what you want out of life? no. to be happy, i suppose

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? caring for others, having their best interest in mind, being honest

What fundamentally matters do you? honesty, trust, friendship, family, relationships

Is freewill an illusion? dude idk

Do you create art? How do you define art? art is anything you want it to be. i used to create art but i don't anymore

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? id say im generally truthful as i consider lying to be bad. however, i do lie to protect others (or myself in rather irrelevant situations)

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for? of course i don't want everyone to immediately forget me, i'd love it if sometimes they thought of me when a certain song comes on

Is true world peace ever possible? not as long as humans exists

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free? No. I am bound by financial, time and space constraints.

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? yes, sometimes i do

What do you expect from a friend or partner? honesty, loyalty, communication, being on equal footing, trust

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? people are not truthful enough for this

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some? i mean... i do like to have some sort of truth and facts to back up my believes?

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? human beings are inherently good

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time? no, under no circumstance

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing? definitely. why wouldnt we be? what else is there to distract us from our cosmic insignificance and how pointless this life actually is? if we didnt try to escape we would have all committed suicide by now lol. that wouldnt be such a bad thing tho i guess

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? no, there will always be partially new elements

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? are times ever not strange and tumultuous

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them? hell nah. i even hate seeing only parts of myself in others lol

How confident are you, really? idk not very confident id say

How consistent is your perception of time? dude dont get me started

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote? i feel like for teenagers age shouldnt matter, it would be more useful to quiz them to assess whether they understand the power they are given by voting

How do you feel about monogamy? i prefer monogamous relationships.

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else? yes

What’s the tragedy of your life? i have been given so much but my mind wont let me appreciate any of it

Would your life make a good play? nah

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? no

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect? uh, of course i do?

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent? i think we do.

Do you crave approval and/or praise? i guess i do to an extent

Are you ever going to be satisfied? dont think so

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? i usually listen to aggressive music to change my mood lol

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time? by mood

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)? yes

Are you a deep person? i'm shallow even though i don't mean to be

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? no

Are you who people think you are? no but i am even a mystery onto myself lmao

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? no

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it? i can be controlling, i'm trying to be better

Do you anger easily? yes

Are you a jealous person? yea tho usually in non-romantic relationships

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? no?

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it? whats the point

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate? i guess it can be. i have never felt hate like that. only towards ppl i have never met

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn? i speak english and german. i dream in german, during my time abroad i did start to dream in english occasionally tho lol. if it didnt take any time or effort i would love to learn alll the languages. especially spanish and russian i guess

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them? usually i overthink them lol

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately? unconditionally

Is unrequited love real love? sure? feelings do not become real only if they're reciprocated? lol. of course it probably cannot be as profound as the love you feel for someone you've been with for some time

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? no

Are you overly analytical? no

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation? not really, no

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious? i don't believe in magic. i am a little stitious.