#does ben barnes ever miss

[telli1206]

I Won't Let Go

Happy Holidays @bucket-barnes! I'm your Descendants Secret Santa. I did my best for a little Harry hallucination holiday angst for you. I hope you like it!

Harry is dealing with past trauma in Auradon during Christmas, and Uma and Gil are there to get him through it. Just a little fluff and angst for the holidays ❤❄

AO3

Uma’s hand tightens on the doorknob. Her eyes are tilted downward, following her own movement as if in a trance. She’s trying so hard to focus on the dinged-gold gleam of the metal rather than the words being spoken to her.

“Uma? You get what I’m saying, right? It’s for his own good. T-to, help him, I guess? I just…I want to keep him safe.”

Her chest feels tight, and the next breath she sucks in is borderline painful. But she plasters on the most genuine-looking smile she can muster, looking Ben in the eye with her chest puffed in fake bravado.

“Of course, Ben,” she coos, brushing her hand along his arm in a reassuring way. “If there’s anyone here that knows what’s best for us, it’s you. If you think Harry needs this, I’m in.”

Ben flashes her a grin, the most white and straight and perfect one she’s ever seen still, despite being surrounded by them now in a world of prim princes and princesses. There’s a sadness in his eyes, though. Uma feels like she’s been recognizing it more often. Whenever Ben has to acknowledge how the Isle has made their lives different, she sees it. And she finds she can really appreciate that about Ben in this moment. Neither of them wants to do this, but they both care enough about Harry to know it needs to be done.

“So, you really want to be in there, with him? I’d hate to keep you confined, too.” Ben’s chewing his lip, his brow furrowed with worry. “Once I lock the door it has to stay that way. The clock’s going to start ticking down the minutes to the parade in about…10 minutes?” He tells her with a brief glance to his watch. “And then the bells go off for a full minute after that. I think Harry’s going to need the full night to recover. After what happened at that Tourney game, I can’t risk it. The gash on Jay’s leg isn’t even fully healed yet.”

Uma winces at the thought. That wasn’t the first time they realized the Tourney bell could set Harry off, but it was definitely the worst. He had lunged at Jay simply because the boy was closest to the direction of the sound, so he got the brunt of Harry’s swing. Jay hadn’t stood a chance.

She shook her head sternly. “I’m not leaving him alone, Ben. He needs me.”

And I need him. The thought goes unsaid, but the tiny smile quirking at the end of Ben’s lips makes his understanding clear. With a gentlemanly wave of his hand, he grants Uma’s entrance through Harry’s door.

There’s no hesitation in Uma’s step. She charges through the door with the same determination and confidence she always has when she’s coming to see Harry. Like she wants to be here. Because she does.

In this moment, there’s nowhere else she’d rather be.

The second he meets her eyes, Harry’s smile gleams so bright. Warm and all-encompassing, reaching all the way to the crinkles of his ocean-blue eyes.

He always smiles that way when he sees her, Uma knows that. Because she always feels that same familiar heat pool in her belly when he does it, like she’s the only thing he ever needs to see again. The only thing he wants in his life, forever.

“Love, you’re back!” Harry proclaims, his arms already outstretched for her. He waits patiently that way, his wide grin unwavering until Uma’s in his arms, her tangle of braids spilling into his face as he envelops her.

“I was hopin’ ye weren’t gonna make me spend Christmas Eve without ya,” he said, voice muffled into the side of her neck. She shakes her head vigorously at that, making him chuckle.

“Don’t be a dolt, Harry. You know that would never happen.” She pulls back to smack him on the chest, the gesture missing all its animosity as she couldn’t fight the smile off her face. Harry ducks into her space, looking up into her eyes with a teasing smirk on his lips.

“A dolt, am I? But I’m your dolt, so what does that make you?”

“Well-“

“CAP’N! HARRY!”

Uma’s eyes whip to the door when Gil comes bounding in, practically toppling over Ben as he tries to open the door. She swallows a snort at the comical way the blond boy rolls over the king’s arm, flipping into a somersault and jumping up to his feet in an almost graceful flop. He flashes a toothy grin when he’s finally standing in front of them, panting audibly as he tries to offer a little bow for them.

Harry bursts out a laugh at that, picking up Uma in his arms to bow them both in return, eliciting a giggle from her while she clings desperately to his neck. Harry stands up quickly though when a loud cough erupts from the doorway.

“Eh, well…I guess Gil…we’ll see you in the morning too?” Ben stammers slowly, his smile halfway curling in an uncomfortable way. “Just, you all have a good night. And Merry Christmas!”

Ben waves as he closes the door, barely nodding an acknowledgment at the way Harry waves wildly back, almost dropping Uma to the ground as he does so. She lands on her feet though, brushing herself off quickly so she can jump on Gil and hug him tightly.

“Gil, what are you doing here?” Uma demands, smiling easily when he hugs her close. He’s sighing happily, and she lets it happen for a few moments before pulling back to look at him.

“Really, you should be out, enjoying the holiday stuff! You don’t need to be stuck inside.”

Gil’s brows knit together as he stares at Uma, clearly dumbfounded.

“Why would I want to do that when you an’ Harry are in here? That stuff doesn’t matter if I don’t have you guys! You know I love you, don’t you Ums?”

Uma bites her lip at that, holding her breath to fight down the swell of tears that’s starting to build.

“Yeah, Gil. Yeah. I know.” She smiles at him, turning to stand beside him to throw an arm over his shoulders.

“And you love our first mate too, right? We both do,” she adds with a wink, relishing in the way Harry beams back at them.

“Course!” Gil agrees, quickly jumping on Harry. They fall back on the bed in a hug, Harry nearly bellowing with laughter as Gil squeezes him tight, tickling his neck when he buries his nose there.

“I was bummed when Ben told me you guys couldn’t come out of this room, so I made him lock me in too,” Gil added in his muffled voice. He lifted his head to look at Harry, his expression changing to confusion when he sees the smile unexpectedly slip from Harry’s face.

“Locked…in?” Harry repeats. “So we can’t get out?” He glances at Uma. “What’s he talkin’ about?”

Uma huffs, but forces a smile back on her face. As much as she loves Gil, sometimes he could really stand to have some sense knocked into him.

“It’s nothing!” She waves it away, walking up to Harry to grab him by the forearms. “I wanted to have a nice Christmas, just us. I told Ben not to let anyone bother us, ok? I’m sick of all bells and lights and singing and that…eggnog crap that tastes like spoiled milk with cake mix thrown in.”

She emphasizes her last comment with a fake gag, forcing a slight chuckle out of Harry. She throws a quick glance over Harry’s shoulder to Gil, who’s just staring at her, eyes blank and confused. She tries to give him a little wink, but she’s sure it’s not enough for him to understand what she’s doing. Still, she tips her head their way, indicating for Gil to join them, and her shoulders relax when he simply shrugs and follows her.

“Can we snuggle Harry? I just need some time with my boys. This winter weather is shit. I’d like nothing more than to lay in bed and maybe watch a movie on the laptop.” She grabs Gil and yanks them both to stand beside her.  

“‘Pirates of the Caribbean’?” She adds, pouting her lips hopefully.

Harry grins instantly. “Oh Cap’n, you always know how to get me to do yer biddin’.”

She smiles brightly, pushing Harry back towards the bed. As he crawls into place, Uma is quick to pull Gil close to her.

“Clock ticking’s about to start,” she mumbles quietly, eyes still on Harry. “Make sure you have both arms around Harry as soon as we lay down, got it? The next 10 minutes are gonna be real tough on him. And us.”

She looks up briefly to Gil, relief flooding her chest when his eyes widen in recognition. He nods and scrambles quickly onto the bed, prompting another cackle from Harry when he leaps on top of him, wrapping his arms and legs around him and locking them together on the bed.

Uma manages a shaky laugh at the sight, her eyes darting quickly around the room for a second. She spots Harry’s hook on a high shelf, where Ben had made him set it when they arrived in Auradon. His sword is mounted in a case on the wall, out of commission.

She sighs in relief and crawls her way onto the bed, carefully positioning herself on the other side of Harry. He’s still laughing, and she offers a loving smile as she lays her head on his shoulder, placing a hand over his and Gil’s on his chest. Her grip tightens as the clock ticks its first, and she’s fast to swing her other arm behind Harry’s shoulder, holding firmly as his eyes bulge at the sound.

Harry’s face quickly twists from fear to anger as his fists begin to clench. Uma plants a small kiss to his shoulder before closing her eyes and bracing herself.

“Love you Harry,” she whispers softly, before the silence of the room is lost to a heart-wrenching scream.

#descendants #huma #gil descendants #harry descendants #uma descendants #descendants fandom #disney descendants #descendantsgiftexchange #bucket-barnes #garry #gil/harry/uma #gil/harry #gil/uma #harry/uma

[don-daygamerz]

Cute Interruption

Ben Barnes x Reader (Family AU)

Requested by: anonymous

Request: So imagine that he's during the online interview let's say with SaB cast. And during his speech (with camera on) they see a glimpse of a woman or hear a baby's laugh sth like this, and then they're like "What was that Ben?" and you know his eyes went wide cause he knows that they know 😂 ❤

Alternate version: Little Web Guest

Warnings: none

Word count: 2.2K

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All was set for the man of the hour. His camera was well focused and audio clear. It would be like an ordinary facetime chat only with more people and live streamed to a broad audience from around the globe. Was he nervous? A little but he was in the comfort of his home and his family would be here supporting him from the living room while he was in his office. So he was good.

“You ever miss doing the interviews in person?” (Name) asked as she gently bounced their baby girl.

“Sometimes but I’m happy to do it from home these days. I get to be with the people I love,” he endearingly said to his wife as he threw his hands in a gesture to pass him the baby he helped create.

“And I get to be here all day, every day, with this stinky little bugger,” the baby girl laughed at the silly face her daddy pulled which caused her to stretch one of her chubby hands to grab his nose. In doing so, Ben kissed his baby girl’s little hand before she went to cutely scrunch his nose.

“You happy daddy’s home?” his little girl kept smiling and giggling. “My darling, Eleanor.” Eleanor Tricia Barnes was the name bestowed upon the dark and starry-eyed child of the Barnes family that was gifted to them. She was their true pride and joy all since she was conceived.

“Yeah of course you are. Who wouldn’t be?” he teased. (Name) just rolled her eyes playfully at him.

“Mwah!” he then gave an exaggerated kiss on his daughter’s cherub cheeks, “Daddy loves you so much! You cannot imagine how much!” Ellie laughed as he began to tickle her tummy. “I can’t get enough of how you dressed our little starlight,” he continued as he gestured to the baby’s clothing. Their little one was dressed in a dark custom baby grow with printed silver antlers encasing writings in white font at the front saying, ‘Little Darkling’.

“I couldn’t help myself!” (Name) exclaimed in excitement. “It suits her.”

“It really does,” he smiled at that and their daughter just cooed, bringing smiles to the parents’ faces. His wife had been very vocal about how proud she was of him for landing a unique role (just like his previous roles).

In fact, she was obsessed with his character. Who wouldn’t obsess with such a dashing villainous character with a dark personality and a penchant for power and destruction? He found it adorable how his little wife obsessed over his character.

“Sometimes, I think you love the Darkling more than me,” he teased one time before. “No, I do not!” she quickly denied but Ben was not convinced by how smug he looked even though he was teasing her. “I just can’t help but admire my husband’s magnificent talent in acting, that’s all.” She said it ever so flamboyantly that it caused her husband to laugh at her ridiculous antics but gently so as to not interrupt his baby’s feeding time.

“Nice save on that one,” he said as he bottle-fed their dark-haired angel in his arms.

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The interview began a moment later. Ben was immediately absorbed into his work of listening and answering fan questions diligently just like the rest of his co-stars (now close friends); Jessie, Archie, Freddy, Amita, and Kit as well as the addition of a special guest, creator/executive producer, Leigh Bardugo.

(Name) was occupied with folding the laundry on the couch while looking after her daughter who was laying on her stomach on the play mat gnawing the ear of her stuffed elephant that was gifted to her by her nana. Gosh, she was so adorable.

An interruption rang from the front door as the doorbell sounded off. (Name) looked away momentarily from the baby girl minding her own business towards the main entrance door wondering who it could be. Well, she could check for a quick moment since she felt confident that little Eleanor would not leave the play mat. So off she went to tend to the matter at the main entrance. It had only been a package delivery. She had placed her signature and received the package from the delivery guy.

But as soon as she returned to the living room, her child no longer occupied the soft play mat. She silently freaked out and looked around for the runaway. ‘She couldn’t have gone far,’ (Name) thought to herself. The mother had only been gone for a measly 2 minutes. Eleanor was not anywhere in the living room, the kitchen, or the dining area. Panic was starting to rise in her body and negative thoughts flooded her mind. ‘Oh shit! I am such a bad mom! I should have put her in the bouncer and strapped her in. But I didn’t think she would really run off!!’

Her near meltdown faded away once she heard her baby’s laughter down the hallway that led to Ben’s office. She laughed in utter relief and rushed to Ellie’s location. She saw the little Barnes cutely crawling down the hall; her diapered tush wiggling as she babbled and harrumphed.

“Now where do you think you’re running off to, starlight?” (Name) chuckled as she walked to her rebel of a child. Ellie stopped and turned to her beloved ‘mama’ and smiled as if she didn’t commit a felony. “Ah, ah. Don’t play coy with me, you little rascal.” Unbeknownst to them, Ellie had stopped her ‘running’ and stopped at her father’s office door… which was left ajar.

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“How has everyone adjusted to the ongoing pandemic?” the interviewer asked the cast members. Some answered with sentences like:

“We were lucky to wrap up season one by the time quarantine began and get home safely…” the writer announced to everyone.

“Right now, I’d say for everyone we’re just chillaxing with the addition of disinfecting,” Kit joked making everyone laugh.

“So true,” Jessie chimed in.

“Yes, it caused quite a panic for us since we worried for our families and friends,” Freddy commented which everyone agreed to.

“I understand some of you guys are parents as well. Was it Archie and Ben?”

“Yes.” “Yeah.” They both replied at the same time.

“I apologize for this being too personal and late but I wanted to congratulate Archie and Ben on being fathers,” the interviewer complimented them which caused the two men to smile shyly and bashfully. Everyone in the chat applauded ‘softly’ and some whopped in cheer.

“How are the little ones?” Amita asked her friends.

“So great.”- Archie

“Wonderful.” - Ben

“Totally kicking my ass.” – Archie

“Ha ha ha ha ha!” laughed everyone including the interviewer.

“Can’t disagree with that statement,” Ben said to his co-star.

“Fans can’t get enough of how the show’s two rivals are now fathers. Both of you have baby girls, right?”

Ben and Archie said ‘yes’ and introduced their names.

“Iris”

“Eleanor”

“Such lovely names!” The men smiled then thanked the interviewer.

“Alright, then what can we expect from the next seaso- ” their interviewer got interrupted by a series of giggles belonging to a baby, that came from behind Ben through the gaping door to his office. Ben was using his MacBook and was seated not too far from the door in case his wife needed him.

“What was that?” Freddy barely completed his sentence as he could feel himself chuckling. Archie himself knew what that sound was as he himself was familiar with the sound of a baby’s laughter.

They heard the giggles again and a faint sound of a woman playfully scolding them. Ben half covered his face with his hand but it was evident to everyone including the viewers that he was smiling as well as chuckling from how his shoulders shook.

“You’re such a troublemaker, huh? But you’re my troublemaker,” the woman continued to say.

The webcam showed how Ben’s eyes directed towards the sound with a look of happiness.

“Was that Baby Barnes?” Kit asked in mock shock and playfulness. The comment section started going crazy, heating up with so many questions and sweet messages regarding Ben’s baby.

Omg! I heard Ben’s baby!!!🥰🥰🥰🥰

Special guest Eleanor Barnes💫

Please let Baby Barnes join the chat!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💘

💕Has to be adorable if her daddy is 🥵Ben Barnes😎

Love how Ben is all smiles when it’s about his daughter!!

👶👶👶🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍

“Aww she sounds adorable,” Amita cooed.

(Name) then poked her head out the door which gave the cast and viewers a brief glimpse of her figure or rather face. She leaned slightly so she could keep her daughter out of the camera’s view. One of the things Ben and (Name) prioritized was safeguarding their daughter from social media.

“Sorry, love. She ran off,” she apologized guiltily for having to interrupt Ben’s work. But her husband dismissed it. “It’s fine. How’s the little one?”

“She’s good. Our mischief-maker ran off without me looking,” she stopped as she felt their daughter get antsy which signaled that it was her feeding time. A small chubby hand pulled at her hair and played with the strands. Ben laughed when he heard what his daughter had done.

“Is that (Name)? Hi, (Name)!” Jessie called out excitedly. Since Ben and Jessie began working together it brought (Name) and the young actress close together and become really good friends. She had also become a really good aunt to their darling Eleanor.

“Oh Jessie says ‘hi’” Ben pointed out to his screen.

“Oh…Oh! They can see me?! I’m so sorry for interrupting! Hi Jessie darling! Hi everyone! I’m gonna go now! Love you!” And immediately (Name) went off and closed the door shut in case the little rebel ran off to her father’s office. Ben’s co-stars sent their greetings as well before she dashed off.

Ben blew her kiss and waved her. “Love you too.”

“Wow that was an unexpected but cute interruption,” Kit announced out of the blue. His statement caused everyone including their audience to crack up.

“It really was cute!” Leigh smiled.

“Now I’m starting to wish my daughter interrupted me, aah,” Archie joked. He as a father understood that there is no such thing as privacy but it was not at all a bad thing. Not at all. It was like a wonderful surprise. Laughter just kept ringing through the web chat.

“That was really nice, wasn’t it?” Amita asked them. “It really lightened up the mood. I love it.”

“Yeah! Ben should have his kid screeching more often!” Freddy offered jokingly.

“Screeching?!” Ben exclaimed in mock shock, “I’ll have you know, Mr. Carter. That my daughter is blessed with the voice of an angel.” He added that bit in a serious tone.

Their laughter and bantering nearly took up most of the online interview but it brought out the good in these people. The audience was eating everything up and savoring how sweet Ben and (Name) were to each other.

“Sadly, that is all the time we have, thank you so much to our panel and to everyone at home watching. Can’t wait to see the next season of Shadow and Bone. You can keep up with Shadow and Bone on their official Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram pages. Thank you!”

The cast and the creator bid each other farewell and returned to their daily lives. Ben closed his laptop and left his office to return to his family. He saw (Name) feeding their daughter what looked like banana puree. Eleanor was strapped in the high chair diligently eating but paused when she noticed her father coming her way. The girl began to swing her legs in excitement and reached out her palms to him.

Ben laughed as he rushed to his baby’s side as if he was impatient. He rubbed his thumbs on her chubby cheeks and then placed a long loving kiss on her dark downy head. Eleanor cooed so adorably at Ben and gave a gummy smile.

“How was the interview?” (Name) asked her husband who now began wiping away the drool and puree around his baby girl’s mouth.

“Was really good, actually. We had an amazing laugh and exchange of banter. They loved how you disrupted our interview.” He smiled at the last sentence.

“I’m really sorry! I never meant to interfere, babe. Really.” (Name) felt so guilty for causing a scene.

“It’s alright,” he reassured her by wrapping her in his arms. “In fact, you were amazing. Everybody in the chat thought you were cute.”

“I don’t if I should be happy or embarrassed,” she muttered unsure.

“It’s good, darling.”

Ben and (Name) looked at each other deeply and leaned in for a passionate kiss. (Name) could never get enough of her husband’s kisses. The way their lips melded like two long-lost lovers on their honeymoon (corny, I know). The kiss didn’t last long as they were interrupted by a loud babble and cry.

The couple looked to the little one who stared at them in pure wonder before laughing at the two as if they did a funny bit. This caused the mom and dad to laugh as well at their daughter’s silly antics. “Looks like Ellie is developing a knack for interrupting people. You really are a mischief-maker,” Ben teased.

The Barnes household was always filled with laughter, joy, and love. Now more than ever, Ben and (Name) made it their goal to protect their child from the virus that had taken over the world.

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Author's note:

Man... did this take forever but I'm glad that I managed to finish this fic. I have apologized for one too many times for the delay in my work but it's gotten difficult to find the motivation to keep writing. But now my inspiration is back and I no longer have writer's block. There will be an alternate fic to this one coming soon, very soon actually. It is similar but very different. I wrote it in my own vision but it will be a gift to the anonymous user who requested this current Ben Barnes fic.

So to the anonymous, I apologize for making you wait and in addition, there will be another fic coming soon. Hope you enjoy this one-shot. Thank you to everyone who has loved and supported my work.

Taglist:

@lokimischrf @s0-theking @s1xthirty @maggie-pottah @itzzzzcookie @mandybug39 @enchantingeggslimepeanut @nana-licious @fangirlfree @rheathesimp @darlingangel-17 @edithsvoice @chrisevansmarvelmcu @calimoi @lovesssss @esther334

#ben barnes #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes x you #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes imagines #ben barnes x female reader #ben barnes fanfiction #ben barnes fanfic #ben barnes fluff #request #special requests #fanfiction #reader insert #x reader #celebrity x reader #dad!ben barnes #dad au #family au #celebrity imagines

[eulcgizeme]

wanted plots

heyo weyo, everyone! this is a little bookmark for myself and maybe a plotting call for anyone whose interest this peaks. if you give it a like, i'll certainly come to you for us to dive a little deeper and get it on dash!

my ben barnes muse (sugar baby, male escort but primarily sits around as a rags to riches man) who is a bouncer/bartender at a strip club where another muse works (margot robbie because she is blonde bombshell and the barbie aesthetic ill die for it, or even a male fc) and they're besties, or his sugar momma that's currently got him under her thumb and maybe she even runs the club

cade rothschild (tom holland fc) getting called out by a friend for how he's disappeared from the face of the planet after his sister went missing and he's a terrible influence (maybe even his roommate who only ever sees him when he comes home from the bars/clubs at 6 am) and even someone finding out he's the secret radio show host

barry keoghan and sabrina carpenter, thanks. that's it. that's the plot. or madelyn cline.

jk i actually do have a plot for ^^ that, im a sucker for rags to riches and he's brought home to scare her family and friends or she's stuck with him because of something where he's the outsider in her hometown enemies to lovers kinda shit

a 10 things i hate about you enemies to lovers but one is a simp dick and is trying to get with her to prove a point to her that theyre so utterly miserable they're meant for each other as per a pack made x amount of years ago

the mafia princess baby momma to my taron egerton bad-boy-but-not-bad-neouhg-to-actually-be-in-a-gang boy, or his lawyer girlie pop that he's a pain in the ass to and they're suss the baby does belong to miss mafia princess. but also he's bisexual so stir it up for me.

aylin (aslihan malbora fc) and her brothers who were good for nothing addicts growing up who used to get locked out of the house and cause a scene, suddenly turned into valuable citizens and she's the black sheep because she's not some doctor but a tattoo artist. she's not the golden kid for just being good anymore and there's strife between them because they know what they did was wrong, but they've never apologized directly for it and aylin was basically abandoned by their parents to try and get the boys clean and back to turkey while she stayed in the states.

"we loved each other" "i guess not enough." that's it, everyone. exes.

august cohen (logan lerman fc) who is a getaway driver being a runaway groom but his bride catches him and tells him he can't runaway from everything

anything for cade rothschild (tom holland fc)

anything for amadeus "santi" de los santos (danny ramirez fc)

#wanted plots. #wanted #plot call #indie rp #indie smut rp #indie plotting call #plotting call #indie plot call

[abbatoirablaze]

Burning Up, Chapter 6

Word Count:  1.5k

Warnings:  sexual situations, references to the male genitalia, anxiety, body issues

“So, how’s Andy liking retirement from actively fighting fires?”

Laurie sighed and the two of you stopped wrapping the garland around the railing, “honestly…not well.”

“Oh?”

“The academy is great for him.  He’s doing great there,” she admitted, biting her bottom lip, “but he just…he misses the guys.  He misses the action and camaraderie. He’s glad that they still let him come around so much, and that he’s allowed to help out with the calendar, bu-“

“Calendar?”

Laurie laughed, nearly choking on her saliva, “oh…don’t tell me that your boyfriend didn’t tell you about the calendar.  It’s probably the biggest tradition in this station.

“Curtis didn’t mention anything,” you shrugged, “does he do it every year?”

“Oh yeah,” she smiled, taking your hand, “follow me.  I’ll show you what’s going on.”

You raised your brow, but she gently pulled the garland out of your hands, and led you back upstairs to the boardroom, where the men had been loudly discussing this year’s calendar.  It was so loud that you could hear it through the door. 

Laurie knocked, but no one seemed to hear her.  That, or they were blatantly ignoring her.  The two of you pushed into the room and what you saw had you stifling your own laughter. 

“HEY!”

All of the men went silent, each of them in a different state of conversation.  Johnny and Bucky had stopped speaking, mid suggestive remark, holding two fire extinguishers next to their groins while rubbing the nozzles and moaning your name.  Both of them looked mortified in the state you’d caught them in. 

Ben and Reed were writing things down on a large white board, removing the suggestive remarks that came along with it.  Meanwhile, Steve had been in the corner with Andy, and a very red version of your boyfriend.  Curtis had been paying attention to everyone, shaking his head vigorously and begging them to stop talking.   

You could see the embarrassment written across his features; and it only worsened the longer you two held one another’s gaze.  Laurie, however, laughed, obviously all too familiar with the current predicament.  You nearly choked on the air as you broke the silence, “What’s going on up here?”

“Calendar, doll,” Bucky smiled, gently placing his extinguisher on the ground.  Johnny copied his actions, and the two firefighters started making their way towards you, “we’re talking themes for our new captain here.”

“Why do you guys…” you trailed off, your hand reaching up ever so slightly so that you could gesture to the extinguishers that they were previously utilizing. 

Johnny smirked and ran his tongue over his lips as he put his hands on his hips, “well obviously they’re meant to give the illusion of us stroking and using our co-“

“She’s never heard of the calendar,” Laurie said quickly, cutting Johnny off as she joined your side.  The normally cocky firefighter looked at you, eyes wide as Laurie shook her head, “Johnny no…”

But it was too late. 

The cocky firefighter nearly tripped over his extinguisher and rushed you, instantly wrapping his arm around your waist, pulling you further into the room, “oh really!  You mean, you don’t know anything about the calendar?  At all?”

“Johnny-“

But Bucky was quickly on your other side, his arm wrapping around your shoulders, “you mean your big ogre of a boyfriend here, and our lovely new captain didn’t tell you about the infamous calendar that we do every year?  Curtis…I’m surprised…shocked.  REPULSED!  Why would you hide such a treasure?”

“Storm.  Barnes.”

“Or the fact that it’s traditional for the captain to pose nude with a firehose between his legs as it sprays towards the camera.”

“Our lovely captain Everett here, is Mr. December!” Bucky smirked, stopping the three of you in front of your boyfriend, who was now redder than the firetruck.

“What?”

“But Curtis doesn’t wanna do it!” Johnny said quickly, almost seeming like he was offended, “can you believer that, buttercup?  Captain Everett wants to break a tradition that’s been around since the seventies.”

“Like I said, Curtis, it could be worse,” Steve sighed, clapping Curtis on the shoulder, “you have something big covering you.  They are going to have a firework covering me and all of my glory.”

“Good thing you got two kids, Chief!” Bucky joked, clapping his long-time friend on the shoulder, “remember the last time we fucked around with fireworks when we were kids?  You nearly blew your arm off.”

“Buck-“

“At least this’ll be more accurate than you shooting off a firehose!” Johnny teased. 

“I’ll have you know my husband’s co-“

Steve’s wife began as she entered the room, but was cut off by Laurie putting her hand over her mouth.  The two women shot each other looks.

“We’ve all seen Steve’s cock, sweetheart,” Bucky chuckled, shooting Steve’s wife a wink, “we’ve all used the group shower.”

“Sprays like a firehose!” she smirked, crossing her arms over her chest, “I’m surprised I didn’t have multiples in both of my pregnancies!”

“Alright, this conversation is devolving!” Andy pointed out, “we need to get back on topic.  This is something that’s been happening with the station for decades.  Now I understand that you’re hesitant…hell, Steve was too when he became Mr. December…but it’s tradition.  The chief does July, and Captain does December.”

“I-I think I need to go home and talk about this with my girlfriend,” Curtis sighed, giving you a pleading look, “i-I don’t want to do anything that would put our relationship in jeopardy…and posing like that is a big ask…I-it didn’t cross my mind when I accepted the position…”

The guys around the table looked at their new captain as he stood from his spot.  Johnny’s arm fell from around your waist, and you held your hand out to Curtis, knowing that you didn’t have to hear him ask for you help, you knew that the situation was too uncomfortable for him, and he needed an out.

“You’re right…we should talk about this first,” you said quickly, jumping to his aid, “Let’s go home, Curtis.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Curtis looked at you and sighed.  He ran one of his large hands through his cropped hair, before sliding it back behind his head until he was rubbing the back of his neck.  You leaned away from him so that you could look him in the eyes, your own hand used to balance yourself on his abs.

“I don’t like the idea of doing it, baby...I don’t…” he admitted nervously after a minute, “I know that it’s tradition and all, and honestly, I never even thought of it.  Steve told me that he picked me to be the new captain, but I just don’t want to do this.  This isn’t part of the job…”

“You don’t have to, Curtis…”

“But I don’t want to let the guys down, baby,” he explained.  His eyes filled with sadness as he tried to explain himself, “this isn’t just some silly thing that the guys will let go…this is a tradition.  Every captain and chief of that station has done it, regardless of their personal feelings about the matter…I mean…hell, you know how reserved Steve and his wife are…and yet they’re okay with doing that every year.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Curtis,” you sighed, unsure on how you could help your boyfriend out, “I wish that I could tell you some magical answer…I-I wish that I could help you out in the situation…”

“I just don’t feel sexy, baby,” he sighed, admitting the words that you knew he didn’t want to say aloud, “I just…I don’t want to do it, and then have everyone be let down…I’m not like the rest of the guys…”

“Curtis…”

“Baby…I know I’m different.  I’m bigger than them.  Hell…I’m six foot six, and a wall of muscle.  I look more like the serial killer that stalks and hunts down his victims…I’m not a model posing for playgirl.”

You sighed, your hand riding low on your boyfriend’s washboard abs.  Your eyes traveled up and down his bare chest and then up to his face, “I love you…but you are possibly the dumbest man in existence if you can’t see how truly handsome you are, Curtis Everett.”

You watched as something caught Curtis up in his own mind, his eyes lighting up at your words.  His lips curved into a soft smile, and his hands fell away from his own body as they wrapped around yours.  Your brow rose as you looked at him.

“What?” you asked gently, while he gazed at you sweetly, “why are you looking at me like that?”

“I love you too, baby…” Curtis whispered gently.  He leaned down and instinctively your eyes fluttered shut as your boyfriend’s lips grazed over yours.  You gasped as they touched, the smallest of shockwaves running through your body, allowing it to feel as though you’d received a jolt; a spark connecting two lovers on a more intimate level.

You moaned as he rolled the two of you over, until he was hovering over you, dwarfing your small frame with his own much larger one. 

Your eyes opened and you were met with the loving gaze of your boyfriend’s oceanic eyes, “Curtis…”

“I love you too baby!” he repeated yet again as his lips met yours once more.

“Let me help you feel sexy,” you begged, your hand reaching down to his hard, large appendage, “Let me show you exactly how I feel about you, Curtis.”

Chapter 7

Tag List:  @tenaciousperfectionunknown, @lohnes16, @wintasssoldier

#burning up #firefighter curtis everett #firefighters #curtis everett #snowpiercer au #snowpiercer #chris evans characters

[energybetterpent]

Mistress has Ben over once a week. He pays Miss an exorbitant amount of money to hold the keys to his chastity device. Every Friday night he is allowed release, which I am to provide, while Miss watches.

I hadn’t seen him in a month or so now. My implants were finally healed and Miss deemed me ready for use. It was either fake breasts, or castration. Miss let me pick because I’m her favorite boy. I’m proud of how big and swollen my sack is and I didn’t want it snipped, no matter how much it hurts and leaks. Miss reminds me that I’m a stupid boy while she fixes the pretty new bra she got me, while squeezing my balls tight.

In the morning I’m stripped and washed and scrubbed by Miss. once dry, I’m hooded and plugged and kept in her rubber isolation box all day until Ben arrives. Miss likes me eager. Nothing makes me more eager for anything more than being kept in the box all day.

Ben likes to get me from the box. He attaches my ceremonial straps and shackles and bells and leads me into the barn where Miss is waiting with my outfit, and shock collar.

The smooth lace feels better on my skin than the heavy iron.

Miss puts on lipstick. Me next. And a wig. I suck Bens caged cock on my knees until Miss unlocks him, and his thick throbbing cock fills up my mouth and throat.

“You know I’m the reason she made you get implants. You suck a good dick but I don’t like feeling like a homo. You know? Mmmmhhh. Good girl. I can barely see that clitty of yours in its new tiny cage too. Ugghhh. This was worth the money. May I cum Mistress?” Grunted Ben.

“Cum for me baby. Good boy.” Miss purred, sucking his neck and tugging every last spurt of salty slime into my tummy.

I suck and lick his flaccid cock like a suckling piglet. It’s clean. Miss locks him back up and he hands her 500$. She tucks it in her bra, spanks him playfully on the way out, and locks the barn door behind her.

“Good girl. Crawl to me and tell me this is everything you’ve ever wanted. Rub that little wet crotch on my boot, slave” said Miss

“This is everything I’ve ever wanted.”

“Good pet. How does it feel..? Now that you’ve reached self actualization? You’re my literal sex slave. That sounds scary doesn’t it? But it’s not, is it?”

“It feels good being your sex slave Mistress.”

“Does it make you achey?”

“Yes Miss”

“So squirmy. You want me to choke you a little while I rub your balls don’t you? Until bedtime?”

She can read my mind. She easily navigates the fine line between clitty seeping and squirting. She goes to bed wet knowing that my balls hurt. She cages me for the night.

“You have two dates tomorrow. Rest up my little cumdumpster. Ones really mean. Night night. “

[coralsgrimes]

Hi, Coral! I don't know if you've explored this topic before but I'm wondering about Benny's relationship with religion. I've read many of his interviews where he usually says he himself is not religious, his dad is science guy - also not religious but his mum is Jewish. But from time to time I notice him paying homage to his Jewish side - congrats on Hanukkah, recommending film "Hanukkah on Rye" and other stuff like that that I don't remember. Why do you think he's doing that? Publicity/virtue signaling points? Becoming more religious with age? I'm new in his fandom so I don't get if he's always been contradicting his words with actions or is it recent?

🥔Potats to you, all of us and have a fun rest of your day❣️

Soooooooo as far as I know he always been saying that his momma is Jewish but they, meaning his fam, generally not as practicing, like its more of a tradition they do more than actual religious stuff. And he himself is not religious beside the live laugh love claptrap, according to his own words which idk we technically should not take for granted.

Emily likes to call him a Jewish actor Benny Boy but he never EVER referred to himself as one, to my knowledge. And he also mentions he was in vaguely christian school which is true but also not cuz he was educated only in private very openly christian schools lol

And then again, here is his acceptance speech for breakout star (LAUGHING SO FUCKING LOUD NOW CUZ LIKE BITCH PLEASE BREAKOUT STAR 15 YEARS INTO ONES CAREER)

And again he does not acknowledge who and on what basis gave him this stupid worthless title.

And the 'but from time to time I notice him paying homage to his Jewish side'... Like I don't wanna to make assumptions but these instances ye mentioning were not a time to time, these were a one off where he was saying go watch that hallmark movie cuz his bestie, miss happy Palestinian expulsion day, was the main star of it x.x

Like ye don't remember other instances of him publicly acknowledging Judaism, and me neither, cuz they do not exist beside two instagram stories that disappeared after 24h. He does however acknowledge/celebrates various christian holidays and christian adjacent popularized traditions soooo idk do with this info what ye wanna

[summersareknives]

ess! <3

last night i went stargazing to see that comet that hasnt been visible since 50,000 years ago and it was pretty cool. the moon was out & i saw sirius too so i took a pic of them together #wolfstar5EVERRR

ur so right james would absolutely use duolingo to learn french for reg. that man is WHIPPED hed do anything for him.

tay time! you belong with me, style, & london boy <3

chat chat!

timmy and flo my absolutely beloveds. i think id probably watch anything theyre in (except maybe dont worry darling, even if it feels like a "movie". idk maybe its hilarious.)

tourists piss me off SO much sometimes. especially when theyre taking pictures of random shit like. clouds or trees. girl you dont have clouds or trees where you live???

i think a lot of cats are predisposed to be heinous bitches tbh. i can always count on my cats to be blunt when i need them to be <3

and wait blaise/luna.... i kinda love this too. adding those fics to my tbr, ty <3 i have another fic rec, lessen my load by moonymoment (wolfstar muggle au, remus finds sirius having a breakdown in a laundromat cause he put a red glove in his white wash)

if u do end up trying out the incest chronicles, giving u a fair warning that the first books are like so cringey. they were written in 2007-onwards and u can definitely tell. theyre def not for everybody but the prequel/sequel series are SO good. but godspeed anyways.

ben barnes in podg is SO sirius idk what it is abt him hes great. when people use his scenes in edits with sirius i eat it up every damn time.

handing in ur paper 8 mins before its due? u know what, u deserve a drink for that. drunk procrastinators never miss fr.

and yes im very excited to read that whenever u get around to writing it! no pressure ofc take your time <3

and damn ROYAL butter? okay i understand now. 4 tubs is very fair. and TOBLERONE on god is one of my fav chocolates. second maybe to terrys chocolate oranges imo.

dancing in the kitchen to jazz does sound super peaceful. sometimes moments like that feel like theyre straight out of a cute little movie and it makes life feel a little happier <3

please try poutine. its so good. and ur right jello salad is a crime. feels like a hate crime tbh.

colourful cars will always have my heart fr. leaving a tip after being driven around is a good idea maybe i should start doing that.

ill let u know when ive started the apprentice, im excited to see the hyde guy now. and kim kardashian lady too.

platonic soulmates>>> i think we lucked out with our best friends. lu walking through the rain for ur turnover? i love that sm. ur right L names do have some spice in them.

and yay geoguessr! i was shit at first too. but i got sucked in and like studied license plates and fucking road lines and signs so id be good. it aint much but its honest work. (i graciously thank u for the apple turnover. ur too kind)

i hope i dont have a gay realisation superpower. thats like having anti rizz. everyone whos liked me turning out to be gay? like yes im glad i could help but. as long as my soulmate likes me ig.

i love ur james fc sm. i love that theres so many different james fcs too like hes just everywhere <3 andrew & ben will always be remus & sirius but at the same time, they still dont look quite like how i imagine them to be. i think likeafunerall's art is as close as anything has ever gotten to them so ig theyre just too pretty in my mind for a real human to look even close to them. good for them.

and HUGH! hugh and lil timmy tim are like the only PERFECT fcs in my mind. everyone else has some wiggle room but not evan and reg. theyre just perfect.

ur so lucky to be a gryffindor. how does it feel to live my dream??

orpheus & eurydice </3 "if u must die, let love be the reason why" ARE U TRYING TO KILL ME?????? ill never get over them ever.

tbh i think soldiers are cool af. i saw a tiktok that said sirius would be the soldier (remus = poet, james = king) so thats also cool .

and no way u were listening to work song . i listened to that like 10 mins ago. hozier my beloved <3

athena kids are cool as hell. like go off smartypants! but yes raising the dead sounds cool too. idk what id use that power for cause i definitely dont need an undead army to fight for me so. maybe i can use it to talk to like. julius caesar or something.

tay NEVER MISSES!!!

and yes bowie for LIFE. also knee socks>>>> love that song sm. AM changed my life too. HS1 def altered my brain chemicals too (i got to see him in concert. it changed my life fr)

erudite !!!! <3

and yes its barbaric as fuck. if ive learned anything from studying ancient history its that humans have always been fucked up. so thats always nice.

silver jewellry is so cool . goes so well with my black leather jacket & docs cause im nothing if not channelling sirius black energy into my appearance at all times <3 u loving gold cause its expensive is so real. like yes its bougie as hell. and? also v gryffindor of u. cause its gold. u just need to wear red and ur set.

ur right tay does have that range. still love lana but she just has an overall darker tone which isnt always the vibe. miss taylor never misses.

LISTEN IM SORRY!!!! I LOVE CRUEL SUMMER SM. theyre both completely tied for me but i was just in a dont blame me kinda mood ig.

and yes the great war is very much a cr song. theres a chapter named the great war so its just a lot. so heartbreaking but SO beautiful. but my tears ricochet <3 like u know what taylor, ur right. i DIDNT have it in myself to go with grace.

lilac candles <3 theyre so nice. and yes. it did smell like piss. not sure what i expected tbh. but yeah

slow walkers are the worst and i agree people blocking hallways????? so annoying. especially when they walk slowly in these big groups that span the width of the hall and theyre too busy talking to notice EVERYONE trying to get by. UGHHH

having 2 middle names is so cool i wish i had 2 tbh.

on GOD that hc kills me. every time i watch poa i think of it and i get so sad.

i love winter sm too. personally im an autumn girly but winter is a close second. i love the festiveness sm <3

i loved chemistry too. yes i did drop it for bio cause im shit at math and bio has less numbers but idc it was still fun. and we do NOT talk about physics i hate that subject with my whole heart.

id pick hogwarts too honestly. i just wanna be magic u know.

and a coin collector thats so cool. i love unique coins sm. we had some here in canada a while ago that had the northern lights on them and GLOWED IN THE DARK (pic here)!! they were so cool i think i still have a few.

cardigan has my heart. but i think if i had to pick id choose mirrorball BUT only because i personally relate to it more. cardigan will forever be more heartbreaking and ofc, i cant listen to it without thinking abt wolfstar so.

a fellow erudite! we're superior for sure i just know it.

unicorn is such a good choice. theyre so cool and being able to grant wishes would be so fun. i think id choose a phoenix cause theyre fiery and cant die. also cause i change my appearance all the time so in a way its like a phoenix rising from the ashes all funky and brand new.

the vibes in the 50s was so cool i agree (minus the racism sexism and homophobia fuck that shit!!!!) . all i want in life is to go to a cute little 50s diner and drink milkshakes and listen to 50s music. i would love to go to ancient rome or greece but purely for the vibes and aesthetic tbh. id hate to go there cause im a woman and women werent generally considered people in the greek world </3 especially ancient athens, women were discouraged from leaving the house & if they did they had to cover their entire body head to toe. (to preserve their dignity and whatnot). i personally like a little more freedom than that so, no thanks <3

ur ideal first date>>>> literally perfect ideas. ESPECIALLY the bookstore i just love the idea of a cute lil bookstore date. & of course just walking and talking i feel like is so necessary to get to know someone yk?

being rejected from netball and taking it as a personal attack i feel u so hard. id be pissed if that happened to me.

and game night! monopoly game night sounds so fun. i actually cant play monopoly anymore cause i get so competitive and it makes me mad and it pisses everyone off LOL so ive been banned. i do love me some chess though.

art <3 omg have fun on saturday that sounds awesome. the closest art gallery to me is pretty lame most of the time which sucks cause i only get to see cool art when i travel which isnt a whole lot lmfao. cafe terrace at night is such a gorgeous work of art. i love van gogh sm. my mom is actually a painter and van gogh is her fav artist so she paints van gogh recreations its pretty cool.

answering qs!~

ideal first date: either art gallery or museum. there is nothing in this world i love more than art and history and humanity so being able to see it with someone i like & being able to infodump random fun facts about history would be the dream. ofc we have to stop at a bookstore (ideally we pick out books for each other cause i love that idea its so cute) and stargazing. i love the stories behind the constellations so its always fun to talk abt them.

rep vs lover: i think lover. its just so good and the vibes are astronomical. dont get me wrong i adore rep too but i think rep is better for when im feeling vengeful <3

hozier vs am: god this is so hard but i think im gonna have to say hozier. hes just such an incredible songwriter and his music i swear i can feel it in my BONES its so visceral. his lyrics rip me apart too theyre just so good.

i dont play sports. in general i hate sports and physical activity (except i do on occasion fuck up a game of badminton) i used to be a dancer and gymnast but that was a long time ago. i did a bit of volleyball when i was like. 11? 12? but i hated it.

fav board game: prob settlers of catan! idk what it is about it but i love that game. i love chess too but i get too competitive sometimes so.

take me to church vs work song: work song. "no grave can hold my body down, ill crawl home to her" ARE U KIDDING???? such a perfect song. i love tmtc so very much too. "i was born sick" hits different when ur a closeted little kid whos figuring life out

fav season: autumn forever. i just love the vibes and the temperature is usually perfect, not too hot not too cold. cozying up with a sweater and tea and a book is all i need. ofc winter is a close second cause christmastime.

fav food: probably pasta. my dad is from italy so i eat a lot of pasta. bolognese, chicken cacciatore, & penne alla vodka are personal favourites & my comfort foods.

fav marauder hc: i have a few random ones i love, like that james sings really loudly in the shower, that sirius was left handed (bc im left handed and i say so), also that regulus would be a black cat if he was an animagus. hes just got sm little black cat energy i love him. also lily being a night owl & james being an early bird, lily getting annoyed cause james is TOO happy in the early morning and shes just done w him.

one ship i hate: i HATED dorcas/peter in atyd. i know it was written way before dorlene got really popular but it was still such a jumpscare to read. also i know a lot of people seem to like them but regulus/remus?? personally no thanks. i can see why theyd be cute but sirius is the ONLY one for remus imo. i much prefer regulus and remus to be besties and talk shit ab sirius together cause they love him <3

patronus: ive done the test a few times and ive gotten rattlesnake, grey owl, & raven. personally i wouldve loved a cat but sadly no

favourite piece of art: ive got a few actually ( i love art sm.) loch lomond by gustave dore, wheat field with cypresses by van gogh, and hygieia by gustav klimt❤️

ginny or luna: luna. i love ginny SM but luna was my fav character as a kid so she has my heart. i also have her wand so its only fair i pick her <3

favourite restaurant: probably this one thats out in the city, theyve got the BEST gyoza ive ever had in my life. and they make good martinis so. but you cant go wrong with mcdonalds late at night when u need something greasy. also dairy queen (do u have those in the uk? i feel like theyre just in north america) has some good ass ice cream sundaes.

fav beverage: i love coffee, iced coffee to be specific. root beer and cream soda too. red sangrias and espresso martinis are top tier too.

qs for u!

whats one song ur convinced was written abt u?

patronus?

if u could only listen to 1 song for the rest of ur life, which song would u pick?

if u could have a superpower, which one would u want?

messy or organized?

favourite candy/chocolate/sweet?

if u could meet one dead historical figure, who would u choose?

take me to church vs work song.

whats your go-to hype songs when ur getting ready/going out?

fav type of weather?

fav thing youve ever dressed up as for halloween?

thats all for now! till next time <3

-bee

bee hi ! I thought you'd abandoned me , and I'm so glad you're back , I missed you !!!

OH MY GOD ??? you were star/comet gazing ??? that's so cool and so sirius of u !!! (also yes , take the photo , even the universe ships them, wolfstar 5ever.)

YES !!!! get u a man who learns French like James Potter would for regulus black !!! he is amazing , stellar , the one , the only , there is no one like him.

tay tay time !!! -

you belong with me - JEGULUS - I can see it as wolf star too , but I'll give it to regulus. like an au where reg and sirius and James were all best friends , and reg had a little crush on mr James the jock , but him having a gf , and regulus being all 'you belong with me' THEM

style- JILY- this could go for literally so many ships. like wolfstar , jily, anything. I chose jily , simply because i feel that just like the hook , james and lily never go out of style. and also lily would ask him about reg , and he would tell her the whole truth & nothing but the truth. in a muggle au i totally see them as on and off and on and off until they’re finally on again and this time it sticks forever.

london boy - WOLFSTAR - listen , I know remus is welsh (or half , at least) so I think of him meeting sirius in an au in some au , and being all 'DIMPLE' 'ACCENT' 'GOD I LOVE THE ENGLISH' (au/oneshot idea??) 'in the pub watching rugby with his school friends ??? yes yes yes , them them them !!! so them , I could cry !!!

chatting time <333

I too would watch anything and everything. save dwd , its reviews are terrible and I cba to check for myself.

'girl you don't have clouds or trees where you live ?' HOWLING THIS IS SO FUNNY. and true , honestly. what's so English and special about our clouds and trees?? if u show someone back home will they go 'ahh yess , this is an English cloud , native to the England !'

cats just tell it like it is. it's just the truth. cats for the win , I love cats u love cats we all do. we are humans and they're gods.

ik ik blaise/luna is a funny little side pairing and I love them they're actually so cute!!! (the fics are dhr and drarry so do take care of that !! but they're there. I love the little hints.)

LESSON MY LOAD OH MY GOD !!!! ON MY LIST , DOWNLOADED. (I love the sound of it. very interesting. I would also cry because of a red sock. I WOULD SUE. SUE.)

cringey series. hmm. I think I'll take a crack. I've braved through wattpad , I can brave through this too. I am a soldier after all.

IT'S THE SMILE I'M TELLING YOU IT'S THE SMILE. SOMETHING ABOUT HIM ,,, IT'S JUST SIRIUS.

drunk procrastinators forever !! (me because I have an exam in 45 minutes and I'm writing this rn instead of doing last minute revision ! but at least Lu's coming to pick me up !!!!! drivers r so good for ur health.)

I'm excited to write it. but I must get ahead with my writing of doa and sito. I'M SO EXCITED. it shall hurt ! it is fake/secret dating ! it is the bet trope !

IT'S ROYAL BUTTER INDEED. I have no idea why I felt the need to do that. but we shall march on and ignore the royal butter in the fridge.terry's chocolate oranges stay winning though >>> (did u see that video of the American/australian BITING into one ?? I almost cried like what the fuck u bitch u should be banned from Europe for this crime) TOBLERONE. MY DRUNK ARSE WANTED TOBLERONE. so does my sober arse though. so fair. fair. I see u drunk me. I see u.

it's so peaceful. straight out of the movie . (especially because it was raining too) and he was laughing whenever I stepped on him , and it was so sweet and ahhhhh !! try it , 'tis a remedy for all the types of pain ever !!! get u a best friend (liz would do it maybe ?) and dance. just dance , quite literally !!!!

jello salad is a hate crime. war crime. whoever created it should go to hell. with the salad. (I WILL BE TRYING POUTINE. IT SOUNDS SO GOOD OMG.)

colourful cars >>>> (remember to only do one cent. after all , they should be happy to have you in their car. really , you're doing them the favour.)

yes!!! lmk !!! I must know your opinions on them !!!

I keep getting like 3.2 km away from the actual answer and it's so annoying. like I'm sorry I guessed Ithaca and not buttfuck , usa.

WE DID LUCK OUT WE DID. they're actually the best people ever. no one will ever be better than them.(though , they lucked out too.) L NAMES 5EVER. LU AND LIZ 5EVER ACTUALLY !!!!!

LMFAO NOT THE ANTI-RIZZ.ur soulmate will like u !! I know they will !! and u have liz for now !! let's vibe and be drunk with our L best friends !! romantic love will come in its own time :))))) (also for me when I liked Victoria , it was me being like 'is she gay/queer/likes women ??? and then it was like - she did. but I found that out because she had a girlfriend. and she's kind of a bitch now that I don't like her. I hope she fails her exams , damn.)

omg likeafuneralls art is fucking magical !! I worship the art so much. I was actually thinking of printing them out and sticking them up on my wall !!!! and yes , so many James fcs !!! (my James is my personal favourite , but I'm biased) I adore all of them !!! (and omg I so get not having an fc too !! they're just ethereal .... no human will ever be good enough for them.)

HUGH AND TIMMY TIM TIM >>>>>>>>>> (I love them sm sm they r my heart. did u see the Apple TV ad where Timmy sees Gary Oldman ?? look it up you'll get what I mean.)

DUDE ME NEITHER. WE CAN BE SAD OVER THEM TOGETHER !!!!!! ( I was secretly trying to kill you, u figured out my plan !!!)

DID YOU SEE LIKEAFUNERALL’S ART OF THIS EXACT SITUATION?????? IT’S SO GOOD (she has soldier sirius , poet remus & king james)

WORK SONG MAKES ME CRY A LOT. "no grave can hold my body down , I'll crawl home to her" has been engraved into my brain. ENGRAVED I TELL U.

if u talk to caesar ask him how he felt before he died. was it like a Jesus style betrayal??? like did he at least get a little kiss before ??

tay I love tay tay changed my LIFE.

BOWIE BOWIE (STARMAN STARTS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND) knee sock was so funny because when it started playing yesterday , I was wearing my knee socks under my t-shirt dress , and lu was wearing his sky blue Lacoste ??? like Alex turner was watching us fr fr.

here's my concert story - my best friend went to the 1975 concert. and he went , and he came back , and he said 'Matty had a special guest on tonight' and I was like 'who' and then he whipped out a tissue and gave it to me and was like 'Taylor' I SOBBED. SOBBED. (also will harry ever stop touring??? is he not tired??? and also I'm pretty mad at him for the 'never leave America' thing. bitch forgot where he came from.)

eruditessssss!!!

at least we're a different kind of fucked up now though ! that's good !

u r so very sirius. I dress in red and gold a lot , actually?? but I have a lot of colours. rn I'm in white and green !!! I love gold jewellery with all my heart it just hits different for me <33333

u better love cruel summer. but I SO GET BEING IN A dbm mood , because that's so real. poison ivyyyyy now I'm your daisyyyyyy.

bro now I'm scared. now my timbers have been shivered. (I'm on chapter two still for reference.) I LOVE LOVE LOVE . (and I heard them stolen lullabies all right)

gonna go buy one from the big Tesco 2nite , now you've convinced me. (Rome , the great city. of piss. and gladiators. but mostly piss.)

HALL BLOCKERS WILL GO TO HELL knock them bitches over like do u even know how many times I've been late because of them ??? little bastards.

two middle names is kinda fun actually. I can go by them if I won't (I don't want) and I just have more names in my name , yk?? ( one middle name is ALSO cool btw. )

it makes me cry a lil. (professor lupin???? no , uncle moony !!!!)

winter for me , because in England , even when it's summer , it's winter !!! (also thank u for calling it autumn , not fall.) BUT I LOVE AUTUMN TOO , PUMPKIN LATTES ARE STELLAR !!!

I have my chemistry exam tomorrow !! and I do bio too unfortunately. (I have the bio exam today. I feel queasy. ) BUT YEAH FUCK PHYSICS FUCK NEWTON FUCK ELECTRICITY !!!!!

I so get u bee , I too just wanna be magic.

eruditessssss!!! erudite erudite erudite !!!!

I love coins omg. I want them all. I'm on the lookout for the paddington one , and I feel it in the air. I think I'm very close to it. (also glow in the dark ??? that's so cool???)

nah , I get relating to a song so hard. I too relate to songs. ( u relating to mirrorball is so fucking real of u. so real.)

YES PHOENIX !!!! AND U CAN HEAL BASILISK TEARS TOO , DON'T FORGET !!!!! (unicorns>>>>)

I know , if not for the racism and other shit , I'd so visit the '50s. honestly , the old-times vibes and the dinners and just- ahhhhh. (damn misogyny is everywhere.that fucking sucks I hate that sm)

I KNOW I KNOW. the bookstore thing is so so so cool for me. (closest I've ever come is the grocery store at night with lu , but also we were drunk and also we bought so so so many things) and yes!! just chatting and laughing and having fun and - being , yk???

I did take it hard. I took it so hard. (I scored , but I still didn't get in?? well bitch damn I hope u lose every single game !!)

getting competitive with monopoly is something different (I've stolen some money before , and now I'm not allowed to be the banker !! so that sucks.) I'm going to learn chess one day. I will. I want to play. I shall learn it.

OMG SISGDLIWQHVDJLWQVCBX your mom sounds so cool???? Van Gogh recreations ??? I salute her she sounds fucking amazing (cafe terrace at night is just it for me. I love it. I even have a notebook with it on the front !!!)

---- I'm taking a break from answering because I have to go do a fuckin exam now give me a second ----

back now lmfao totally fucking flunked fuck biology & fuck life , but at least my arse is being warmed and i’m listening to taylor. (i think i’m being driven to the bakery. i think. he won’t say anything. but we’re not going home for sure.)

YOUR MOM JUST GETS IT FR FR. van gogh is my favourite artist too , so she understands. he a tortured soul me a tortured soul. done & dusted.

reviewing your q’s

OMG THAT’S SO CUTE ????? I’M IN TEARS ????? that’s so romantic omg i hope u get that one day i really really do.(feel free to info dump on me anytime.) AND YESSSS ART AND HISTORY AND HUMANITY STAY WINNING ALWAYS (my favourite art museum is tate and fave history one is the natural history museum in central london i love it so so much.) AHHH OMG PICKING OUT BOOKS FOR EACH OTHER ??? (and annotating them and talking about them and showing each other and oh my god romance romance 💘) I LOVE CONSTELLATIONS TOO. as an ex-astronomy student , i understand the stories and fucking love info-dumping about them. (lu has been the unfortunate victim of most of this dumping.)

rep for when you are in ur rep era is so real. I need that album for killing and revenge and shit. lover is the vibe i want my life to feel like , so i’d pick lover too.

HOZIER IS IN MY BONES. I TOO WANT TO CRAWL OUT OF MY GRAVE. I TOO WANT TO WORSHIP AT SOMEONE’S SHRINE. I TOO WANT TO BE THE ANGEL OF SMALL DEATH AND THE CODEINE SCENE!!!!!! hozier > am (i love am too though don’t get me wrong they’re bae<333)

i hate physical activity too , mate. . I LIKE BADMINTON TOO SOMETIMES THAT SHUTTLECOCK IS FUN TO BAT AROUND. (only sometimes.) all i shall do is watch lu do his sports. i shall do nothing else. (hating sports is so valid of us !!!)

take me to church hits different but work song >>> no grave can hold my body down FUVKING CHANGED MY LIFE. i will rise from the dead for my other half when i die.

u described it so right , autumn is like that. just right. very remus of you , methinks. BUT CHRISTMAS FOR THE WIN , I’M SORRY !!!

ooh , an italian *does the hands* (sorry but you know i had to) you said a lot of pasta i will have to now eat. i will eat all of them. me , personally , my dad is portuguese a so i got a fucking range of food when i was a kid . like francesinha , bacalhau , caldo verde >>>> (sandwich , fish , soup in that order. all vv spicy.)

HE SO HAS THAT BLACK CAT ENERGY. regulus black is a black cat 2023 spread the word. as a shower singer , i vv much agree james would do that. oooh sirius is a left-hand. yk what i actually like that one . JILY AGENDA WHERE SHE’S THE SLEEPY ONE AND HE’S THE GET UP AND GO ONE <3333

I too do not much rate the dorcas/peter. it’s surprising now especially because of the dorlene and how i think they’re perfect for each other. so obviously , i don’t want them to get with anyone else . and reg/remus ??? that’s odd. i might be hoodwinked into reading a one-shot here & there but nothing more than that.

rattle snake , grey owl and raven ??? that’s a slytherin if i ever saw one. (also ravenclaw potential tbh.) and what a range of animals ??? fabulous.

I LOOKED AT THEM AND OH MY GOD THEY’RE SO GOOD ???? I LOVE THEM TOO NOW DAMN THEY’RE FABULOUS.

u have luna’s wand. i am very jealous rn. (love ginny but i agree with your decision to pick luna. i love her too much to pick anyone else.)

gyoza sounds so good. i could really go for some rn. (late night mcdonalds SMACKS.) and no we don’t have dairy queen in the uk. is that like an ice cream thing ?? sounds like that?? i want to try that now.

iced coffee >>>> AND OH MY GOD THERE’S THIS SODA AT THE CORNER SHOP ‘BARRS CREAM SODA’ I GET IT SO OFTEN IT’S MY FAVOURITE FIZZY DRINK EVER AHHHH. (i need 2 try sangria. i need to. ‘tis on my list.)

my q’s. -

this is me trying . there’s probably more that I can’t think of rn , but this is me trying. I am this is me trying. i used to be the one gifted kid who got rlly high scores without trying and now i have to do twice as much work for a fucking B. which is annoying. but yeah! ( I might tell u more if I remember them next time.)

black swan! i think that’s pretty cool actually !!!!

my tears ricochet. (or cruel summer) but if i had to choose , my tears ricochet. EVERY FUCKING TIME. ‘STOLEN LULLABIES OOOWIWOHOOO’

shapeshifting !! i think i’d love to shapeshift. it’d be so fun , i’m a snake , i’m a lion , i’m an old woman , i’m a muscle man. FUNNNN.

messy as fuck. 90% of the time my socks come back from the wash and at least one is missing at all times. fucking dk where they go man.

YOU HAVE UNLOCKED SOMETHING HERE.okay , terry’s chocolate orange & smarties. I fucking LOVE smarties (& toblerone of course , we mustn’t forget the Toblerone.) AND ALSO JAFFA CAKES. CANNOT CHOOSE ONE.

SHAKESPEARE. need 2 ask about the ‘fair youth’ and also about his wife & about his plays and ahhhh. i love his plays sm and i just really would love to meet him<333

work song. i love take me to church sm , but work song . why??? “NO GRAVE CAN HOLD MY BODY DOWN , I’LL CRAWL HOME TO HER.”

promiscous , worth it , one look , knee socks , jealous (nj) , & …ready for it ? THESE ARE CLASSICSSSS . HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS MIX.

snow. by far. love making snowmen , n dressing them up and snowball fights. love it so so so much.

i did lady macbeth (n lu was macbeth) at a halloween party once!! I loved it vv much the fake blood and the scorpion prop , and the crown i made for lu. very realistic. (second is it and georgie. u know who it was and who georgie was. take a guess .)

q’s for u -

fuck marry kill - lily , pandora , marlene.

fuck marry kill - regulus , barty, evan.

what do you love spending money on ?

tell me one inside joke you have with liz (or just anyone, i only assume you’d have more with liz)

one weird fear you have?

weirdest dare you’ve taken in a game of truth or dare?

worst random impulse buy?

your favourite quote ever ?

your favourite quote from a fic ?

ever met a celeb ? (which one if yes?)

favourite snack ?

do u have a crush on anyone ? (skip this one if you don’t want to answer it & I’m terribly sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable!!!)

Who knows you best ?

lover (the song) vs getaway car?

all time favourite moment in your life ?

what’s your favourite moment with liz ? (curious to cut into that bff dynamic)

r(egg) or r(edge)?

do you speak any other languages (except english)?

bee bee bee <333 until next time , my friend. come back soon , or else i’ll start worrying.

#ess water a plant #bee <33 #ess’s marauders x ts crossover

[thatbritishactor]

Adventures in Success (part 6)

Pairing : Ben Barnes x Reader

Warnings : Language, mentions of sex but nothing explicit.

Summary: Ben’s agent is retiring and the firm wants you to represent him. It’s going to be hard for you not to mix work with feelings.

Words: 3,800 +

Type: Slow Burn

Part 1   Part 2     Part 3     Part 4    Part 5     Part 7   Part 8

My Masterlist

I. 

“So, about these new boundaries?” he asks with an encouraging smile. You look at him, puzzled, still feeling like you’ve missed something important from the last exchange.

“What about them?” you ask, frowning.

“I’m interested in how you want to proceed for the next few months” he replies, looking into your eyes, a small smile lingering on the corner of his lips.

“We can text and call, I guess” you reply, looking away pensively. “Or maybe you prefer e-mails?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

“I know I’m old” he replies, “but texting and calling is fine”, he adds, and he winks at you as he drinks his beer.

You smile at his attempt at a joke. “Apart from that I don’t know really” you say, wanting to get back on track.

“What is it that you don’t want me to do?” he asks more seriously this time.

You hesitate for a few seconds, thinking. “It’d be easier if there was no physical contact” you reply quietly, almost ashamed.

He frowns and lowers his eyes “Of course” he replies, and he gets silent, looking at his hands, playing with his drink’s coaster. You can’t help but feel like he’s reminiscing of all the times you’ve touched before. You do remember as well. The feel of his arms around your waist when he lifted you effortlessly off the ground, of his arms around your shoulders, of his lips against your skin… You clear your throat to focus again.

“I guess we have to ask ourselves, what constitutes friendship?” you say, trying to give yourself some composure.

His eyes focus back to you and he smiles, shaking his head, seeming amused. “That’s a large question.” he says, and you can see that he’s mocking you.

“Friends support each other” you start, and now you’re just talking to ease your feelings, not wanting to get lost in your thoughts again. “They tell each other about hardships and good things alike”

“They hang out on weekends” he continues, still looking amused. You feel like he knows what you’re doing, talking nonsense just to fill the void.

“They laugh and joke together” you add, “But we did all that before” you say, looking away.

You can’t help but ask yourself, were you ever friends? Or did you have feelings for him right away? Most importantly, was he ever your friend, or was he interested in more than friendship from the beginning? You sweep that thought away, looking back at him. He’s stared at you while you got lost in your thoughts, and you blush.

“Okay, so calling and texting is fine, touching is not, got it” he sums up. “Can’t wait” he says sarcastically, and you laugh. The tension’s slowly fading away between the two of you, although you still feel a notch in your stomach.

“When does the shooting for the show begin?” you ask, wanting to change the subject.

He rubs his eyes again, looking tired. “In six days.” he replies “I’m leaving tomorrow morning for London though” he adds “It’s been a while since I’ve seen my family”, and you can sense some sadness stemming from his voice.

“How are they?” you ask, genuinely curious.

“Well, I guess I’ll see tomorrow” he replies “I feel like they’ve tried as much as possible not to burden me with family stuff these last few months” he says “They knew how stressed I was about the movie”.

“It’s kind of them” you reply, and some part of you wishes you could meet them, as he’s talked to you about them before. They seem to be interesting, kind people, and you’re curious about how Ben’s behaving around them.

“What about you?” he asks, “You’re here for a wedding, right?”

“I am, my cousin’s.” you reply, “Feels good to be around family, a little exhausting though” you add, rolling your eyes.

“I see what you mean” he says, smiling faintly. “Are you taking someone to the wedding?” he asks, and you’re unsettled by his question. You try and decipher what he truly means, but his eyes don’t betray any emotion. His dark gaze on you, you start to feel warm again. You roll your shoulders, feeling queasy, and shake your head.

“I’m not bringing any date” you answer, “If that’s your question” you add, narrowing your eyes. He shakes his head as well, smiling.

“It’s such a shame, I would have come with you if I didn’t have other engagements” and he’s grinning. You bite your lips; he’s teasing you.

“Such a shame indeed, wouldn’t have been torture at all” you tease back.

“Torture?” he laughs, seeming surprised. “I wouldn’t have referred to spending a wedding  with me as torture” he says, trying to look innocent.

“You know exactly what I mean” you say, narrowing your eyes again, scolding him.

He lowers his gaze, still smiling, seeming happy that his taunting got to you.

“Are you excited for season two?” you ask, trying desperately to change the subject again. “Going back to Budapest, seeing the rest of the cast?” you add.

“Some part of me is really happy” he replies, and he gets back to being serious, “another one wishes I could take a break and sleep for a whole week. I’ve worked practically nonstop for eight months, barely had weekends off. I’m simply exhausted”, and he smiles, looking tired indeed.

“It shows” you say with a stern expression, and he raises his eyebrows, surprised.

“Who’s your agent? Making you work like this, they must be the worst” you joke. It’s a lame attempt at humor, but you try anyway, wishing you could go back to your usual banter.

“Don’t know, some kind of workaholic as well, has no humor at all” he replies, smiling wickedly.

“Yeesh” you say, smiling at him, drinking the last of your beer. He imitates you and you lock eyes, sharing a true moment of complicity for the first time since the beginning of the evening. You glance at your watch and notice that it’s close to midnight.

“All right, I’d better walk you back to your hotel, you definitely look like you need a good night sleep” you say.

“I do” he sighs. “Thank you, I’m sure I could get lost” he adds, and he looks so cute you suddenly want to slap him. You turn to reach for your coat that’s hanged on the top of your chair, “You owe me a beer” you say, looking serious.

“I’ll make sure to remember that” he replies, and he puts his coat on as well.

The two of you exchange banalities as you walk, and as you reach your destination, you step a bit further from him, feeling sudden dread. This is the last time you’ll see him for at least six months. While the reasonable part of your brain knows that it’s a good thing - the only way to get over your feelings - another part, the emotional part, wants to burst out crying, cling to him and beg him not to leave. You bite your lips as you stand in front of him, not knowing what to say.

“Thank you for agreeing to see me” he says, and there’s genuine earnest in his eyes. “I feel a bit better”.

“I’m glad, me too” you reply. You stare at each other for a while, not knowing how to say goodbye. So you take a big breath, get on your tip toes, and lean towards him to kiss him quickly on the cheek. Before he can react, you’ve pulled away, and you say “Have a nice flight” with the brightest smile you can muster.

“Thank you” he replies, and there’s sadness and hope in his eyes. “Have a nice wedding” he adds, glancing at your lips.

You smile, and wave at him “Bye” you say cheerfully, before walking away from him. You can feel his gaze on your back as you leave, and your eyes suddenly burn. A lump forms in your throat. Really, bitch, you’re gonna cry? You think, frustrated with yourself, but you’re happy that he can’t see your tears. As you walk towards the subway, you pull out your phone and headphones to listen to some music. You struggle with yourself, your body commanding you to turn back, run to him and kiss him, your mind ordering to go back home and stop being a child.

II.

3 months later

He’s reading a book in his chair on set when he feels his phone buzzing. Shooting started at 9 this morning, which means he’s been in costume since 8 am. Because of technical difficulties, lights especially, actors are waiting for filming to resume. It’s a small scene, and Jesse being her almost narcoleptic self, is asleep somewhere. He’s jealous of her capacity to fall asleep anywhere, anytime, especially these days.

He’s had a hard time focusing on work and being present, having the persisting feeling that he’s not where he’s supposed to be. Which is incredibly weird, since the last time he was here, filming the first season of Shadow and Bone, he felt exactly the opposite.

But that was before he met you, and before everything he thought he knew had changed. He’s being patient though, and trying to express all of his emotions through music or writing, telling himself that all of this might lead to somewhere one day.

He checks on who’s sent him a text and his heart misses a beat when he sees your name. You’ve sent him a screen capture of the music you’re currently listening to, and it’s “Sexting” by Bo Burnham. He’s definitely intrigued, not knowing if this message was even intentional from you. He can see that it’s 1 am for you, and is puzzled. Did you mean to send this to him? It’s definitely different from all the messages you’ve exchanged in the last three months. You send another message right after:

You: I cant help but thnk abt the ride to the airoprt everytime this plays now 🙈

He raises his eyebrows, as he finally gets it: it’s 1 am, you’re listening to the Inside soundtrack, probably drunk if he trusts your typos, and you thought of him when “Sexting”, started playing, a song about a long distance relationship and sexual frustration.

Oh, this is definitely making him feel better, and he’s grinning so wide now he feels like his smile might break his face. His heart is break dancing in his chest as he quickly thinks about what he could answer to you. He feels like he’s been waiting for this moment for months, for you to finally stop being so polite and distant when you talk to him. He quickly types and sends an answer, eager to engage.

Ben : I will never forget your interpretation of this song in the car, you were so convinced as you perfectly sang ever word 👌

He still smiles like an idiot, he can’t wait to see your answer as he makes a silent prayer to thank the universe for alcohol.

You : that song LIVES RENT FREE IN MY HEART

Ben : that's a strong reaction

You : im a bit drunk 

You:  Went a littl too tonic wit the gin tonics

Ben laughs out loud at your text now, and he feels like a weight’s been lifted from his chest. He stops and thinks for a second about the boundaries you've set three months ago, and how he insisted himself for the two of you to remain friends. He hesitates for a few second before surrendering to curiosity, something pulling inside him.

Ben : Night out with friends?

You: date, actually

The thing that pulled in his chest suddenly aches at your words. He instantly regrets asking you. Before he can muster an answer, he receives another message from you:

You : didnt go that well... Hence the many g&ts

A sigh of relief escapes his lips. He hates it that he’s away from you, he hates it that he feels jealous about you dating other guys. He has no right over you, and he knows it. But it felt better when he didn’t know that you were actively dating, even though some part of him knew.

He takes a few seconds to analyze the many emotions that wash through him, his long fingers wander on the glowing screen for a bit, with your name on it. He texts back: 

Ben : sorry to hear about that

You: another night on my own, stuck in my home yeah, sitting alone 🎵

With a huge grin, he replies without thinking:

Ben: one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone 🎵

He hits send before he can think and a sudden warmth invades his chest. This might be too much... Although it's the lyrics from the movie... He starts to panic a bit, but when your reply lights his screen, he raises his eyebrows in surprise.

You : 🍆💦

Oh, you're definitely drunk. You'd never express something this forward and silly while being sober. If it had been anyone else, it might have seemed small, insignificant really. But ever since he got in Budapest to start shooting the show, your exchanges had been courteous, cordial even. The two of you exchanged polite banter, and it had been unbearable for him. Having insisted on maintaining a professional relationship with a side of friendship, the two of you occasionally joked or complained about work, but that was about it.

He had nothing more but his memories to cling to, and the hope that he’d be nominated soon so you would drop his contract. He didn’t even care about film festivals, or the rest of his career really. He was exhausted from work, and he wanted to take a long break from shooting.  And you. He wanted you, that he was sure of. Being patient and keeping the right courteous distance cost him a tremendous effort, but it’d be all worth it when you’d finally stop being his agent and he could finally ask you out.

The tightness in his chest aches a bit when he recalls the feeling of having you in his arms, kissing you softly, the taste of your lips and your sweet perfume. He doesn't have time to think before you send him another text.

You: what about you ? How was ur night ??

He smiles happily, exhilarated that you’re being spontaneous for the first time in months. He writes a simple answer, his heart beating fast in his chest.

Ben : not as eventful as yours i'm afraid

You : dont you go out for drinks witj tje cast regurlary ? 

He laughs at your typos, you’re always so careful and neat about grammar or spelling. Thank the lord for gin and tonics.

Ben : I used to.

He stops himself typing, feeling suddenly self conscious and guilty. What if you resent him for engaging this way when you  wake up in a few hours? Is he taking advantage of your state? He doesn’t have time to dwell more into it before you send him three words that make him want to scream and get up from his chair.

You : I miss you

His heart swells in his chest, and he suddenly feels incredibly energized. Jesus christ. He’s been waiting for something like this for so long, and he had started to lose hope that you’d ever express anything else than politeness.

You : LAs definitily less fun wihtout you.

He ponders, feeling lost, still not knowing if he should engage. He sighs as he decides that this might be his one chance to express how he truly feels about you, so he writes:

Ben : I miss you too.

You : are we the loneliest ppl on eartj right now ??

He laughs. God you're being weird. You are usually a bit weird in your normal state, even weirder when you're drunk, but it’s one of the many things he likes about you: your quirkiness.

Ben : I guess ?

You : what time is it over tjere ?? 

Ben : it's 10 am. 

You : jeez. Im not interruptin a big scene ?

Ben: i'm waiting actually, it's fine :)

As the message gets sent, he hears the director’s assistant finally yell "All right everybody, we're rolling in 5!"

He looks up from his phone, having completely forgotten where he was, or what he was doing. He glances back at his phone to see you've sent him another text.

You: are you in your darkling costume ??

He grins, a part of him knowing where this is going.

Ben: yes

He thinks for a second, before deciding to take a selfie for you. He knows that he’s not playing fair, but he’s willing to do anything to keep your attention. He pouts and tries to make a cute face, feeling a bit dumb, but knowing it’ll be worth it.  He sends it, feeling giddy, and the response comes fast.

You : jesus fucking christ you're attractive

He laughs out loud, feeling victorious. Suddenly it dawns on him that the situation is completely ridiculous. He actually feels like a teenager texting his crush. 

Ben: I have to go, we’re filming in a few minutes, but it was great talking to you, have a good night.

He hesitates, again, before sending a black heart emoji, deciding to go all in.

You : have a gud nigjt talk soon ! 

He laughs again at how clueless you are, having already forgotten it was the morning for him.

He feels happy, exhilarated even, that you two had this exchange, that you finally engaged in a way that feels genuine. He resents that you're so distant even though he perfectly understands your reasons. The sadness creeps in again, as he starts to feel nostalgic. Why is it that the first woman who makes him feel like this in years, happens to be his agent, and is unwilling to acknowledge her feelings? Or maybe is it the intricate complication of it all that makes it exciting?

He ponders on this while he’s trying to get back in character. Luckily there's a scene between Alina and the Darkling, so he knows he'll use the emotions he's currently feeling in his acting.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You get woken up by the sound of your alarm clock. You painfully open your eyes to set it off, still half dreaming. In your dream, you were texting Ben and telling him how you felt. It felt liberating and you were happy. Slowly getting up, you curse yourself for being so infatuated with him. This is wrong. Dreaming about him, thinking about him first thing in the morning... You yawn and put the light on as you grab your phone. Your heart misses a bit when you see his name on your screen.

Ben : hoping you're not feeling too hungovered this morning ! Have a good day :) 

Jesus fuck. Your hands shaking, you scroll back to the conversation you had last night, nearly black out drunk.

Your heart falls in your stomach when you read the three little words: I miss you.

“Jesus fuck. Fuck fuck” ! You yell, putting your head in your hands.

You're getting out of control again, this isn't your normal behavior. Do you have to stop drinking ? You ask yourself, staring into nothing.

“You need help”, you say to yourself. Trying to fight a panic attack, you re-read the conversation you two had.

He said he missed you too. Your heart, back in its place, slowly melts. A warm feeling spreads through your body as you find the selfie he sent you. You cringe at your answer, but you're only half mad at yourself. What human being could possibly resist him as the Darkling ? You're a human woman. Give yourself a break. 

You reason with yourself as you get up and start making yourself some coffee, and as you remember the terrible date from last night, trying to understand what might have pushed you to text him.

You have been thinking constantly about him for the last three months, even though you’ve forced yourself to date again, being convinced that you’d find someone else. But every time you went out with another man, you were incredibly disappointed. You never had the same connection, instant closeness you shared with Ben. No man made you laugh like him, or was as sweet as him, and you couldn’t find anyone else attractive. It truly felt like he had ruined every other man on the planet earth for you, as you started to feel desperate.

You sigh as you pour yourself some coffee. What's done is done. You can't erase the conversation and pretend it didn't happen. You could apologize to him, but what for? Being vulnerable? Maybe for crossing the boundaries YOU have set you fucking idiot, you think harshly to yourself.

Yes indeed, but then again, he didn't seem to mind it, quite the opposite. Does he have feelings for you? You ask yourself, frowning.

NO! You stop yourself from going there. It doesn’t matter. He's your client. You don’t get romantically involved with your clients. It's your number one rule. So stop it you tell yourself out loud, talking to yourself like a crazy person.

As you drink your coffee, you think about what kind of text you could send him. You need guidance. You screen cap the conversation and send it to Leah :

You: so... This happened.

The answer from Leah is quick to come.

Leah : Right on you slut!!

You spit on your coffee reading her answer, and you start to feel a headache coming.

Leah: no but seriously, did you finally realize that you’ve been stupid this whole time and that you should go for it?

You : you're not helping

Leah : sorry that's what i think... 

You : should i say something ? Acknowledge the awkwardness?

Leah: it's only awkward if you make it awkward

That's true. But pretend like nothing happened? You don’t want to do that. You type an answer for him, trying to find something funny to say.

You: Thank you for your kindness my dear sir, it is with great regret that I've come to the decision never to drink again.

You try and figure out what time it currently is for him. It’s 7 am for you, so probably 4 pm for him, the middle of the afternoon. He’s probably still on set.

You start to get ready for your day, getting in the shower and taking an aspirin. As you get dressed, humming a song and grabbing your keys, you hear your phone buzzing. You check the screen to see his answer : 

Ben: I've heard this one before 🤭

You smile like the idiot you are and close the door behind you.

Part7

Tag List

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@aleksanderwh0r3

@really-dont-forget-it

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#ben barnes #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes x you #ben barnes fanfiction #adventures in success #fanfic #billy russo x reader #logan delos x reader #my fics

[princeescaluswords]

Disappointed but not surprised by Shadow and Bone white fandom churning out ice cold takes of "Actually, the centuries old white man with great magical and political power and wealth including having a literal army is just misunderstood uwu even as he uses classic manipulation tactics against Alina and Mal, and Actually Mal the teenage boy of color is The Worst because *insert ridiculous reasons, including calling him an ~abuser~"

My thing is....... white women just keep proving that they DON'T actually ~love~ villains, they love white men and women doing atrocious things sure, but they will keep making excuses and claiming "They Were Right" while clutching their pearls over characters of color being ~rude~ (if they even were)

People missing the point of the narrative and applauding The Darkling demeaning Mal as a "child" who will grow old and die while Alina stays young and will basically have no choice but to be with him out of lack of options. Like..... first of all, he admits himself that Mal is a child yet is pursuing Alina who's the same age 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 It's reminding me of the discourse on Twitter where white women were foaming at the mouth over John Boyega and saying they prefer Rey with Kylo because "At least he's openly bad, I'd prefer that over a wolf in sheep's clothing" referring to Finn aka tapping into centuries old "Black men are predatory beasts and a danger to white women" stereotypes

I mean, damn. If Mal is ~bad~ cuz he got upset at Alina, then what does that make the Darkling who literally enslaved her and mutilated her and took her power for his own?

I need to preface this with the admission that I've only seen the television show. I've never read the books, so take my observations with a grain of salt.

The hostility toward Mal's and Alina's relationship is the same hostility every lead protagonist or character of color or lead protagonist of color in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) with the audience self-insert receives from fandom nowadays. They are immediately placed in a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't situation.

If they are seen by the audience to never step out of line, to never have breakdowns, to never make unreasonable demands, and to always strive to do the right thing, they are boring. It doesn't matter if that is what actually happens on the screen or not.

If, on the other hand, if they are seen to make a single mistake, if the narrative gives their suffering validity, if they are written to have moments where their emotions overwhelm their morality, if they any express doubt in others at all, then they're not actually the lead protagonist.

See how that works?

This isn't a coincidence. This is not an accident. This is the end result of decades of Hollywood behavior focusing the audience on the emotions of white men. I'm an older person, I'll admit, but I've noticed something over the years: ever since Hollywood has started to bow to pressure to be more diverse, to give lead protagonists positions to characters of color, the amount of attention paid to white villains has increased significantly.

I guarantee that we wouldn't be having this conversation if The Darkling had been played by Daveed Diggs rather than Ben Barnes.

Mal spends most of the show finding a way to be with Alina, to get back to Alina, to protect Alina. He literally has no other motive through the entire story. Why? Because as far as I can tell, she's the most important person in his life since the time he was a child. He knows her, he loves her, he values her. He reacts badly when he thinks that she's moved on without him. He is scared of what her nature as a grisha and a saint might mean for their relationship, and he expresses that to his childhood friend without artifice or restraint.

Their conclusion -- this young man has the nerve to express emotions that are important to him. The gall! /sarcasm

Now, the Darkling is a centuries-old sorcerer who has been looking for the prophesied saint for most of that time, because it will enable him to complete his plans for world domination. He has devastated the land in his actions, manipulated high officials, built up a cadre of minions answering only to him. He doesn't need Alina; he needs her power.

Now, does the Darkling develop feelings for Alina? I think so. But I can also tell by the actions he takes on the screen, that it doesn't matter. His feelings, whatever they are, are immaterial compared to his plans. How do I know this? Because, as you say, he manipulates her, he mutilates her, and if she won't do as he wants after all that, he'll attempt to directly control her.

As I said, I haven't read the books, but I don't think that the Darkling has summoned his demon army from the rift because he wants to use it to win back Alina's heart.

I can see the appeal of dark romance between two powerful and ruthless individuals. But Alina is not Lady MacBeth. Once it became clear that the Darkling had been lying to her from the start, when the Darkling's own mother warned her of what type of person he was, and she saw it for herself, she tried to run away.

And yes, Mal got angry with her. He had the audacity to think that, as a human being, he was allowed to believe his emotions mattered.

It's the same thing I've seen repeated in my fandom, Teen Wolf, in Star Wars, in other television shows -- it's a form of white privilege. Media has conditioned us to respond to the needs of white characters, first and foremost. When a property goes against this, as they do, there's resistance, and part of that resistance is a hostility toward characters of color acting as if their needs are on equal footing. If a white male isn't the lead protagonist of the show, don't worry, the fandom will find the nearest white male antagonist and transform them into the protagonist.

#shadow and bone #fandom problems #fandom racism

[hamliet]

The Crows Summon the Sun

Or, Hamliet’s review of Shadow & Bone, which gets a 4.5/5 for enjoyment and a 3.5/5 in terms of writing.

The true heroes of this story and the saviors of the show are the Crows. However, the problem is that the show then has an uneven feel, because the strength of the Crows plotline highlights the weaknesses of the trilogy storyline. But imo, overall, the strengths overshadow (#punintended) the weaknesses. 

I’ll divide the review into the narrative and the technical (show stuff, social commentary), starting with narrative.

Narrative: The Good 

It’s What The Crows Deserve

I went into the show watching it for the Crows; however, knowing that their storyline was intended to be a prequel, I wasn’t terribly optimistic. And while it is a prequel, the characters have complete and full arcs that perfectly set them up for the further development they will have in the books (which I think should be the next season?). Instead of retreading the arcs they’d have in the books, which is how prequels usually go, they had perfect set up for these arcs. It’s really excellent. 

Jesper, Inej, and Kaz are all allowed to be flawed, to have serious conflicts with one another, and yet to love each other. They feel like a found family in the best of ways. Kaz is the perfect selfish rogue; he’s a much more successfully executed Byronic hero than the Darkling, actually. Inej is heroic and her faith is not mocked, yet she too is flawed and her choices are not always entirely justified, but instead left to the audience to ponder (like killing the girl), which is a more mature writing choice that I appreciated. 

Jesper is charming, has a heart of gold despite being a murderer and on the surface fairly greedy, and MILO THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GOAT WAS THE BEST THING EVER. I also liked Jesper’s fling with Dima but I felt it could be better used rather than merely establishing his sexuality, like if Jesper and Dima had seen each other one more time or something had come of their tryst for the plot/themes/development of Jesper. 

Nina and Matthias’s backstory being in the first season, instead of in flashbacks, really works because it automatically erases any discomfort of the implications of Nina having falsely accused Matthias that the books start with. We know Nina, we know Matthias, we know their motivations, backgrounds, and why they feel the way we do. It’ll be easy for the audience to root for them without a lot of unnecessary hate springing from misunderstanding Nina (since she’s my favorite). Matthias’s arc was also really strongly executed and satisfyingly tragic. Their plotline was a bit unfortunately disconnected from the rest of the story, but Danielle Gallagan and Callahan Skogman have absolutely sizzling chemistry so I found myself looking forward to their scenes instead of feeling distracted. Also? It’s nice seeing a woman with Nina’s body type as a romantic and powerful character. 

Hamliet Likes Malina Now

Insofar as the trilogy storyline goes, the best change the show made was Mal. He still is the same character from the books, but much more likable. The pining was... a lot (too much in episode 4, I felt) but Malina is a ship I actually enjoyed in the show while I NOTP’d it in the books. Mal has complexity and layers to his motivations (somewhat) and a likable if awkward charm. Archie Renaux was fantastic. 

Ben Barnes is the perfect Aleksandr Kirigan, and 15 year old me, who had the biggest of big crushes on Ben Barnes (first celebrity crush over a decade ago lol), was pretty damn happy lol. He’s magnificantly acted--sympathetic and terrifying, sincerely caring and yet villainous in moments. Story-wise, I think it was smart to reveal his name earlier on than in the books, because it helps with the humanization especially in a visual medium like film. Luda was a fitting (if heartbreaking) backstory, but it is also hard for me to stomach knowing what the endgame of his character is. Like... I get the X-men fallacy thing, but I hope the show gives more kindness to his character than the books did, yet I’m afraid to hold my breath. Just saying that if you employ save the cat, if you directly say you added this part (Luda) to make the character more likable (as the director did) please do not punish the audience for feeling what you intended. 

I also liked the change that made Alina half-Shu. It adds well to her arc and fits with her character, actually giving her motivations (she kinda just wants to be ordinary in a lot of ways) a much more interesting foundation than in the books. Also it’s nice not to have another knock-off Daenerys (looking to you Celaena and book!Alina). Jessie Mei Li does a good job playing Alina’s insecurities and emotions, but... 

Narrative: The Ehhhhhhh

Alina the Lamp

Sigh. Here we go. Alina has little consistent characterization. She’s almost always passive when we see her, yet she apparently punches an officer for calling her a name and this seems to be normal for her, but it doesn’t fit at all with what we know about her thus far. Contradictions are a part of humanity, but it’s never given any focus, so it comes across as inconsistent instead of a flaw or repression. 

I have no idea what Alina wants, beside that she wants to be with Mal, which is fine except I have no idea what the basis of their bond is. Even with like, other childhood friends to lovers like Ren/Nora in RWBY or Eren/Mikasa in SnK, there’s an inciting moment, a reason, that we learn very early on in their story to show us what draws them together. Alina and Mal just don’t have that. There’s the meadow/running away thing, but they were already so close, and why?  Why, exactly? What brought them together? The term “bullies” is thrown around but it isn’t ever explored and it needed to be this season. If I have to deal with intense pining for so many episodes at least give me a foundation for their devotion. You need to put this in the beginning, in the first season. You just do.

A “lamp” character is a common metaphor to describe a bad character: essentially, you could replace the character with a lamp and nothing changes. Considering Alina’s gift is light, it’s a funnily apt metaphor, but it really does apply. Her choices just don’t... matter. She could be a special lamp everyone is fighting over and almost nothing would change. The ironic thing is that everyone treating her like a fancy lamp is exactly the conflict, but it’s never delved into. We’re never shown that Alina is more than a lamp. She never has to struggle because her choices are made for her and information is gifted to her when she needs it. Not making choices protects Alina from consequences and the story gives her little incentive to change that; in fact, things tend to turn out better when she doesn’t make choices (magic stags will arrive). 

Like... let’s look at a few occasions when Alina almost or does make choices. For example, she chooses to (it seems) sleep with Kirigan, but then there’s a convenient knock at the door and Bhagra arrives with key information that changes Alina’s mind instantly despite the fact that Bhagra’s been pretty terrible to her. If you want to write a woman realizing she’s been duped by a cruel man, show her discovering it instead of having the man’s abusive mother tell her when she had absolutely no such suspicions beforehand. There’s no emotional weight there because Alina doesn’t struggle. 

When she is actually allowed to carry out a bad choice, the consequences are handwaved away instead of built into a challenge for her. Like... Alina got her friends killed. More than once. I’m not saying she’s entirely to blame for these but could we show her reacting to it? Feeling any sort of grief? She never mentions Raisa or Alexei after they’re gone, just Mal, and I’m... okay. They were there because of you. Aren’t you feeling anything? Aren’t you sad? The only time Alina brings up her friends’ deaths is to tell Kirigan he killed her friends when they were only there because she burned the maps. She yells at Kirigan for “never” giving her a choice, but she almost never makes any, so why would he? Alina has the gall to lecture Genya about choices, but she herself almost never has to make any. 

Which brings me to another complaint in general: Alina’s lack of care for everyone around her when they’re not Mal, even if they care for her. Marie dies because of her (absolutely not her fault of course) but as far as we know she never even learns about Marie. She certainly doesn’t ever ask about her or Nadia. Alina seems apathetic at best to people, certainly not compassionate or kind. 

The frustrating thing is that there is potential here. Like, it actually makes a lot of psychological sense for an orphan who has grown up losing to be reluctant to care for people outside of her orbit and that she would struggle to believe she can have any say in her destiny (ie make choices). It’s also interesting that a girl who feels like an outsider views others outside her. But the show never offers examines Alina’s psychology with any depth; it simply tells us she’s compassionate when she is demonstrably not, it tells us she makes decisions when it takes magical intervention to do so. It’s a missed opportunity. This does not change between episodes 1 and 8, despite the episodes’ parallel structures and scenes, which unintentionally reinforces that Alina had little real development. 

Inej and ironically Jesper and Kaz embody the concept of “mercy” far better and with far more complexity than Alina does. The Crows have reactions to the loss of people who even betray them (Arken, etc), learn, and course-correct (or don’t) when they are even loosely involved in having strangers die. They’re good characters because they change and learn and have their choices matter. When they kill we see them wrestle with it and what this means even if they are accustomed to doing so. Jesper can’t kill in front of a child. Kaz wonders what his killings do to Inej’s idea of him.

Narrative: The Mixed Bag

Tropes, Themes, Telling vs. Showing

So the show’s themes in the Alina storyline are a mess, as they are in the trilogy too. Tropes are a very valuable way to show your audience what you’re trying to say. They’re utilized worldwide because they resonate with people and we know what to expect from them. The Crows' storyline shows us what it wants us to learn.

Preaching tells, and unfortunately, the trilogy relies on telling/preaching against fornicationBad Boys. It’s your right to write any trope or trample any trope you want--your story--but you should at least understand what/why you are doing so. The author clearly knows enough about Jungian shadows and dark/light yin/yang symbolism to use it in the story, but then just handwaves it away as “I don’t like this” but never does so in a narratively effective way: addressing the appeal in the first place. If you really wanna deconstruct a trope, you gotta empathize with the core of the reason these tropes appeal to people (it allays deep fears that we are ourselves unlovable, through loving another person despite how beastly they can be), and address this instead of ignoring it. Show us a better way through the Fold of your story. Don’t just go around it and ignore the issue.

The trilogy offers highly simplistic themes at best--bad boy bad and good boy good, which is fine-ish for kid lit but less fine for adult complexity, which the show (more so than the books) seems to try to push despite not actually having much of it.

Alina and Mal are intended to be good, we’re told they are, but I’m not sure why beyond just that we’re told so. Alina claims the stag chose her, but in the show it’s never explained why at all. Unlike with Kaz, Inej, Jesper, and hell even Matthias and Nina, we don’t see Alina or Mal’s complex choices and internal wrestling. 

Like, Inej’s half-episode where she almost killed the guy they needed was far more character exploration than Alina has the entire show, to say nothing of Inej’s later killing which not only makes her leaps and bounds more interesting, but ironically cements her as a far more compelling and yes, likable, heroine than Alina. We see Inej’s emotional and moral conflict. We can relate to her. We see Kaz struggling with his selfishness and regrets, with his understanding of himself through his interactions with and observations of Inej, Alina, the Darkling, Arken, and Jesper.

We don’t explore what makes Mal or Alina good and what makes them bad. We don’t know what Alina discovers about herself, what her power means for her. We are told they are good, we are told she knows her power is hers, but never shown what this means or what this costs them/her. Their opportunities to be good are handed to them (the stag, Bhagra) instead of given to them as a challenge in which they risk things, in which doing good or making a merciful choice costs them. Alina gets to preach about choices without ever making any; Inej risks going back to the Menagerie to trust Kaz. Her choices risk. They cost. They matter and direct her storyline and her arc, and those of the people around her.

Production Stuff:

The Good: 

The production overall is quite excellent. The costumes, pacing, acting, and cinematography (for example, one of the earliest scenes between the Darkling and Alina has Alina with her back to the light, face covered in his shadow, while the Darkling’s face is light up by her light even if he stands in the shadows) are top-notch. The soundtrack as well is incredible and emphasizes the scenes playing. The actors have great chemistry together, friend chemistry and romantic when necessary (Mal and Alina, the Darkling and Alina, Kaz and Inej, Nina and Matthias, David and Genya, etc.) All are perfectly cast. 

The Uncomfortable Technicalities Hamliet Wants to Bitch About:

The only characters from fantasy!Europe having any trace of an accent reminiscent of said fantasy country's real-world equivalent are antagonists like Druskelle (Scandinavia) and Pekka (Ireland). When the heroes mostly have British accents despite being from fantasy Russia and Holland, it is certainly A Choice to have the Irish accent emphasized. The actor is British by the way, so I presume he purposely put on an Irish accent. I'm sure no one even considered the potential implications of this but it is A Look nonetheless.

The Anachronisms Hamliet Has a Pet Peeve About: 

The worldbuilding is compelling, but the only blight on the worldbuilding within the story itself (ignoring context) was that there are some anachronisms that took me out of the story, particularly in the first episode where “would you like to share with the class” and “saved by the horn” are both used. Both are modern-day idioms in English that just don’t fit, especially the latter. The last episode uses “the friends we made along the way.” There are other modern idioms as well.

IT’S STARKOVA and Other Pet Peeves Around the Russian Portrayal 

Russian names are not hard, and Russian naming systems are very, very easy to learn. I could have waved “Starkov” not being “Starkova,” “Nazyalensky” not being “Nazyalenskaya,”  and “Safin” not being “Safina” as an American interpretation (since in America, the names do not femininize). However, “Mozorova” as a man is unfathomable and suggests to me the author just doesn’t understand how names work, which is a bit... uh okay considering a simple google search gets you to understand Russian names. They aren’t hard. I cannot understand why the show did not fix this. It is so simple to fix and would be a major way to help the story’s overall... caricature of Russia. 

Speaking of that... Ravka is supposedly Russian-based, but it is more accurately based on the stereotypes of what Americans think of Russia. Amerussia? Russica? Not great. 

The royals are exactly what Americans think of the Romanovs, right down to the “greasy” “spiritual advisor” who is clearly Rasputin and which ignores the Romanov history, very real tragedy, and the reason Rasputin was present in the court. The religion with all its saints is a vapid reflection of Russian Orthodoxy. The military portrayal with its lotteries and brutality and war is how the US views the Russian military. The emphasis on orphans, constant starvation, classification, and children being ripped from their homes to serve the government is a classic US understanding of USSR communism right down to the USSR having weapons of destruction the rest of the world fears (Grisha). Not trying to defend the Soviet Union here at all, but it is simplistic and reductive and probably done unconsciously but still ehhhh. 

However, I’m not Russian. I just studied Russian literature. I’ve seen very little by way of discussion of this topic online, but what I do see from Russian people has been mixed--some mind, some don’t. The reality is that I actually don’t really mind this because it’s fantasy, though I see why some do. I'm not like CANCEL THIS. So why am I talking about this beyond just having a pet peeve?

Well, because it is a valid critique, and because it doesn’t occur in a vacuum. The Grishaverse is heralded as an almost paragon for woke Young Adult literature, which underlines itself what so frustrates me about how literary circles discuss issues of diversity and culture. Such praise, while ignoring its quasi-caricature of Russia, reflects a very ethnocentric (specifically American) understanding of culture, appropriation, and representation. All stories are products of their culture to various extents, but it bothers me on principle what the lit community reacts (and overreacts sometimes?) to and what people give a pass to. The answer to what the community reacts to and what it gives a pass always pivots on how palatable the appropriation is to American understandings and sensibilities. There’s nuance here as well, though. 

I'm not cancelling the story or thinking it should be harshly attacked for this, but it is something that can be discussed and imo should be far more often--but with the nuance it begs, instead of black/white. But that’s a tall ask. 

#s&b #hamliet reviews #shadow and bone #six of crows #kanej #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #the darkling #darklina #malina #aleksander kirigan #netflix shadow and bone #s&b review

[dragon-kazansky]

Masquerade at midnight ending stories summaries

Slight spoilers for toward the end of the story, but nothing major, just on how the story moves on from the main plot.

♡♡♡

Masquerade with Mads Mikkelsen

Deciding to stay at the Mikkelsen estate after the party, you try to settle into your new home. Mads is ever the gentleman, but that closeness you had with him before seems to be gone now. You try not to let it bother you, but realising that you may have feelings for him begins to torment you. You can't live under his roof pretending you're falling in love with him. Perhaps there's a valid reason Mads is keeping a wall up between you.

Masquerade with Ben Barnes

Agreeing to stay at the Mikkelsen estate, you look forward to your new life here. However, your main reason for staying is being rather difficult. Though you told Ben you forgive him, he can't fully forgive himself. Watching someone you care about destroy themselves in front of you hurts more than anything you could imagine. Now it's up to you to prove that what Ben did is all in the past.

Masquerade with Daniel Brühl

With the household now splitting to return to their loves before the battle, you decide to take a leap and follow your heart. That being with Daniel who must make the trip back to Germany with Barry. Following Daniel will mean a lot of travelling around, but assure him that's what you want. Daniel is more than happy to have you join them. Stepping into Daniel's world is risky. It's dark and not so ful of fairytales. Daniel's past must come to light if he wants you to stay in his life, but will doing so push you away?

Masquerade with Tom Hiddleston

Tom is heading back to London, back to his business. The morning of his departure, you confront him, having spent all night thinking this over. You want to go with him. Tom, once making sure that's what you want, welcomes you into his home. Trouble has been brewing while he was away, and you get yourself caught up in it. Doing what he can to protect you, Tom finds himself seeing you in a new light.

Masquerade with Barry Keoghan

On the morning of their departure, Barry seeks you out for a goodbye. However, having the option to leave the Mikkelsen house, you discuss the possibility of going with them. Barry, liking the idea, speaks to Daniel about it. Daniel has no issue taking you under his wing. You pack up and leave with them. The first stop is Germany, where Daniel resides. Then off to Ireland. Barry, being excited to show you his home country, takes you on a grand tour. He wants to be open with you because he considers you a friend. He just never expected it to become more.

Masquerade with Lauren Ridloff

As much as Lauren loves living under Mads' roof, she has a place in town that belongs all to her. Lauren asks of you would like to spend a few days there with her. Accepting, you tag along to become her roommate for a while. Lauren wants to go see the ballet that's come to town. You go with her. She wat has with so much longing and sadness. That's the life she used to live, and though she can still dance to her heart's content, Lauren has not been up on stage since. Perhaps making her dream come true again would be just the thing she needs. Or perhaps there is something else she wants now.

Masquerade with Tom Ellis

Tom is going on tour! He announces it at breakfast the following morning. Caught off guard, you can't help but feel like you're going to miss him. Then you ask out of the blue if you can go with him. Tom, seeing no reason why you can't, agrees. He wishes to show you his world. The only thing that could get in the way of your time with Tom, is an old flame he hasn't seen in years. Why does it hurt so much to see them together?

Masquerade with Oscar Isaac

Staying at the Mikkelsen house, Oscar was about ready to see you return back to your life. However, he is pleasantly surprised to see you're staying. You have a favour to ask him. You want to know more about your family history and the ways of a hunter. Oscar smiles, happy to oblige. Helping you understand your family brings out the dark side of his. He's worried you'll see him as a monster. That would break his heart.

Masquerade with Michael Sheen

Unable to return to the current production, Michael takes some time off to recoup after the battle. He decides to stay in town. You go to visit him, feeling the need to get to know him better after his help during the battle. Michael welcomes you with open arms. Staying with him for a while, Michael spends much of his time with you. You are his guest! Only, a bit of trouble stirs and Michael's focus seems to go elsewhere. Feeling a little left out, you try to help him. It's not a smoothly as you would have liked.

Masquerade with David Tennant

David heads for London for new work. You write to him while he's gone. One day, out of nowhere without warning, David shows up at the estate. In his hand is a script. A play. One he wrote. He is eager to share it with you. Helping bring his production to life. David leaves out the part where he intended for you to play the love interest when someone else insists on auditioning for the role. The thing is, David's affections for you had grown during the time you were sending letters to one another, and now he wonders if he'll bring himself to admit it.

Masquerade with Anson Mount

While others part ways, some stay. Anson stays. You decide to accept Mads' offer to stay in the house. Anson is happy to see that you're staying. You offer to help mend the garden that had been destroyed during the fight. He welcomes your help. Together, the garden begins to bloom as it once did. Anson, feeling blessed he got to spend this time with you, has to decide what he wants next. Perhaps taking you to his old family home will help him decide.

Masquerade with Benedict Cumberbatch

Benedict is set to return to London with Tom. After having a heart to heart with you about the night you were taken, Benedict feels he owes you an apology more worthy. He invites you back to London with him. You accept. Benedict will whatever he feels necessary to make it up to you. He just doesn't realise you have forgiven him a long time ago. You can't stay mad at someone you care about.

Masquerade with Jodie Whittaker

Jodie has decided to stay at the estate. She doesn't feel like returning home. Wanting to get to know her better, you stay. Jodie seems so closed off from you, so you make it your mission to get her to open up. One dinner could change everything, for better, or for worse.

#masquerade at midnight #endings

[anxiouspotatorants]

Whoopsy daisy I made a Shadow and Bone random thoughts post:

The costumes in this show are impeccable. I was drooling over all the keftas and the ball gowns in 1.05 and the crow outfits. Hell, even the winter-camo outfits that Mal, Mikhael and Dubrov wore in 1.04 were amazing.

Am I the only one who isn’t surprised by the kruge pronounciation? Because I thought it would sound like how English people say Scandinavian words and I wasn’t wrong.

Coming in to this show as someone who had only read the Six of Crows duology, I expected to at least tolerate Malina based on the trailer clips. I kid you not: less than five minutes into the very first episode they owned my ass. That might be a new record for me.

Seriously the friendship? The pining? The finding home in each other and being able to acknowledge their faults and apologize to each other? Both of them having massive “fight me” energy and protecting each other? Hugs?? Why am I surprised that I ship this?

Some of those scene transitions/flashback edits were so good! Like I know they repeated that meadow scene a lot throughout the season, but the cuts from kid-Mal looking at the rabbit to grown up Mal psyching himself up for the fist fight? Poetic cinema.

The Darkling was horrible and I love it. He wasn’t a carbon copy villain, nor did his complexity redeem him. He was a perfectly complex and understandable monster and I am living for it. I have not been so happy to despise a character in ages and I genuinely bow in gratitude to both the writers and Ben Barnes, because I finally got to enjoy watching a character I did not for one second root for ( #writevillainswellagain)

Look I already loved Jesper in the book but his on-screen translation elevated him from a fave to the fave. I was worried that they would push him into a comedic relief-role, but he got to keep both his heart, his depth, and his humour. Kit Young did an amazing job bringing what was already a great character on page to an even greater character on screen and I once again applaud.

Am I a bit bitter that the casting had some interesting choices for certain roles (aka hiring light skin and mid-size actors for explicitly darker skin and plus-size roles)? Kind of. Do I think there are important discussions worth having about this? Yup. Do I also think that every actor hired for Shadow and Bone did an amazing job and deserve zero hate and massive amounts of love? Also yes.

I had Alexei for one episode and one episode only, and I still miss that poor sucker. This show did a surprisingly good job with making me care about a massive amount of characters considering the screen time they had and the amount of episodes this season had. Good job.

For some reason I expected Inej to be a lot more brooding based on how I perceived her in the books but I love what Amita Suman did with her. Her translation completely recontextualised everything I remember from the books and just brought this truly fresh character to life. Assassin with a conscience indeed.

Also I did love the Kaz we got in this season but I can barely contain myself as I wait for season 2 to be made and for a certain flashback to take place because that moment in the book was visceral and it stayed with me for a long time and I knew before the show announcement that this flashback could become a television moment. 

Speaking of Kaz the crows were so chaotic and messy and I’m here for it. Their interactions with each other and their improvised back-up plans were everything. I somehow didn’t expect the crows to become the comedic relief of the season but it honestly makes so much sense.

A couple episodes in I still didn’t get the Zoya hype (remember I haven’t read the books) but was a massive Genya fan. By the end of the season I was like “oh both of these girls are getting redemption arcs and I am here for it”.

Speaking of redemption I still don’t like Matthias. I’m sorry but I just don’t. I get that he is important to many and that they like his relationship with Nina, but I just don’t have the patience for him and feel like Nina can do better. I still want him to get a redemption... but maybe not through a romance with the grisha woman he repeatedly slutshames, is bigoted towards and chokes at least once (twice if that SoC scene from book 1 happens). That being said this is just how I see him, so feel what ever you feel about him and ship to your heart’s content!

Alina’s journey through this season made complete sense to me. It hurt to see certain things, but they were necessary in my eyes. Seeing her go from this essentially insecure but brave girl to a manipulated pawn to an even stronger and more self reliant girl in spite of everything was amazing. It did feel like a well-written hero’s journey and I’m looking forward to seeing where she goes next.

Apparently a lot of book-readers don’t like Mal (and I am not here to change anyone’s mind about that) but the Mal I saw on the show was amazing. I actually kind of wish we had seen more of who he was outside of his relationship to Alina (f.ex. other flashbacks than the meadow, maybe something about any of his missions while separated from Alina pre-show), but I also loved what we got of him with Alina. We still got to see a guy who was brave, stubborn, flirtatious, a bit judgemental but with a strong sense of humour, and a lot of loyalty (to Alina but also to his friends). I can hardly wait to see what’s next for him.

Milo the goat. Where do I even begin. Not only did we get that Jesper-scene, but their farewell actually became a Chekhov’s gun for Mal in 1.07? Milo is the true hero of the season.

Speaking of 1.07 I loved the tent scene between Alina and the Darkling. She both got to be realistic about her feelings for the Darkling and stand up for herself and for others and call him out. The way I interpret the Darkling, he is the kind of villain who creates a saviour narrative around himself but cares more about power than anything else. He’ll say he’s doing everything to protect his people but is the first to kill the very people he claims to love. And Alina’s tent-speech really hammered that in for me.

I adore Baghra. Is she morally dubious? Yes. Was she incredibly mean to Alina during training to the point where it might have been excessive? Yes. Did she not take any of the Darkling’s bullshit and act as the proper mentor for Alina when the Darkling had said that he was going to train her? Yes. Am I kind of a Baghra stan now? I mean maybe.

The antler-collar was so evil and gross but from a visually narrative stand point it was perfect. 

Also I still have no idea who David is but I want redemption for him too. Honestly I feel like half the supporting cast is gearing up for redemption arcs next season and I am excited for most of them.

Nina’s reaction when she hears Kaz on the boat? Priceless. Actually the whole boat scene from when she goes up on deck again to the cut back to the fold was priceless.

That being said the final scene had me even more ready for season 2.

Jesper kind of gave me messy period-fantasy James Bond? Does that make sense?

And Mal kind of gave me Lois Lane energy? As in he’s the mortal love interest that many assume is the hero/heroine’s weakness but actually functions as their emotional strength and inspiration? Am I reaching here or am I getting somewhere?

Mikhael and Dubrov. What a duo. Absolute madlads.

Also I’d like to see more Nadia if that is possible? Because the few scenes we had of her had me intrigued but then she sort of disappeared? Is she going to be important or was she just more of a temporary supporting character? 

I entered this show a casual Six of Crows fan with mild interest in Kanej and I finished this season a mess. A mess who ships Kanej and Malina and Genya with that David guy even though they had about 30 seconds of screentime together and Zoya with redemption and Jesper with main-character status (hey we’re not getting Wylan until season 2 at least) and kind of those two Ravkan army guys and Nina with anyone else and Matthias with a better redemption storyline and the Darkling with karma! Also, a mess with a whole new set of comfort characters!

#I don't even think I got all my thoughts out #this post is just getting too long #so if I have more I shall simply make more posts #I've lost count of how many times I wrote that I loved something #this isn't even my favourite show ever I just have a lot of thoughts and like sharing them #shadow and bone #six of crows spoilers #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #mal oretsev #nina zenik #anti darkling #anti the darkling #anti matthias helvar #zoya nazyalensky #genya safin #david kostyk #alexei shadow and bone #shadow and bone spoilers #sab spoilers #baghra morozova #malina #alina x mal #kanej #inej x kaz #genya x david #the potato rants

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x05 Review

The Quinceañero was a truly historic ep featuring the first time two boys have ever kissed on a Disney show. Let’s dig in!

We got the second same-sex kiss in Disney history tonight, Big Shot had the first last Friday, and the first kiss between two boys in Disney history. It’s a huge step forward. That’s not to say that Disney is going to start approving more same-sex kisses or lgbtq relationships or characters but the door is now open and at least some other shows and movies will be able to eventually follow in HSMTMTS steps.

Really nice cover of The Climb, Joe has such a great voice. It was cute that young Seb had watched young Carlos’ dance vid and felt inspired. Frankie and Joe being an irl couple certainly helps give Seblos a good rapport but it also helps that creator and showrunner Tim Federle is an openly gay man himself. I think if a straight man was showrunner we probably wouldn’t get such dedication to Seblos as a couple. 

It was a really funny ep too: Carlos saying his love language is riddles, Ricky asking Nini who they talk to when doing their confessionals, Carlos saying Miss Jenn was a master of smoke and mirrors, Benjamin Mazzara and Mike Bowen interacting. My personal favourite gags were when Big Red said he always wanted a nickname and Kourtney immediately did an office stare and when Nini said Picasso was a terrible person.

Gina still going through it. Kourtney is right that it doesn’t really make sense that Gina is now going to all this trouble for Carlos but to be honest the writing and pacing has been disjointed so far this season so a lot of things aren’t flowing as well as they need to. Is what Gina regrets convincing Ricky to go back on stage as that helped get Rini back together? That’s petty but fair and also true to teenage emotions (though she shouldn’t beat herself up too much, Rini were clearly on the path to getting back together by that point anyway).

Jesus Christ, Ricky needs to read the room. Last ep he correctly realized that Gina wouldn’t want to hear about his Nini issues and tried to stop Big Red from mentioning them but now he’s just doing it himself? Obviously they’re trying to drill in the fact that for now Rina is one sided but it’s a little much. Also really doesn’t make sense that Ricky wouldn’t go to Kourtney or Big Red for this kind of advice.

Sofia Wylie was killing it this ep, both her and Joe are showstoppers. A Dancer’s Heart was great and she did a good job of acting on the verge of tears almost the entire ep

At least EJ actually thought to ask Gina how she’s feeling though and she clearly appreciated it after she got over her shock. It does seem that reports of Portwell’s demise were greatly exaggerated, with the music and the longing stares they’re setting up for at least EJ to have a crush on Gina. Hell even Mazzara picked up on it at the end. I had noted last week that it seemed like Gina’s story line in S2 was being thrown out of balance by the writers dropping a planned Portwell plot and sure enough this week we actually begin to see Gina’s story arc not being entirely her pining over Ricky. 

EJ also benefits by being given something to do instead of just standing around in the back. I’m glad he took Mazzara up on the AV club offer and they have a nice mentor-mentee relationship going on. It’s also a nice little parallel with 1x05 when Gina told off EJ and had a moment with Ricky and now in 2x05 Gina tells off Ricky and has a moment with EJ. 

Matt seemingly dismissed Portwell as a friendship rather than even hinting at something between them. I guess he could have been told to keep it under wraps as much as possible but odd that they wouldn’t hype it a bit; it’s not like this came completely out of left field, people were wondering if Portwell might happen because of the moment they had in 1x10 and the facetime call they had before S2. Sofia has already said that Gina will have love interests this season and EJ being one, even if it’s brief, would make whole lot of sense since there’s really no one else for except Jack who only shows up much later and doesn’t seem to be in more than an ep or two.

Rini was sweet tonight. Yes Ricky is being clingy which stems in large part from his mom’s abandonment and in fairness Ricky and Nini have probably been used to spending much of their time with each other since they were kids. Loved that ‘I think you kinda you know’’ call back tonight. Looks like Nini will be cast as the Rose which should be interesting.

Miss Jenn is pulling Mike Bowen, Ben Mazzara, and Zach Roy. Good for her! Jike shippers certainly feasted tonight as Mike crashed a teen bday party just to see Miss Jenn and we got confirmation that everyone’s fave Disney Dilf was born in the 70s and must be no older than 51.

Well gotta love Lily’s commitment to bringing down East High and drinking scalding hot black coffee. She really seems like she just stepped off the set of Glee

Really hope we see those puppies and man was that wolf adorable

Not both HSMTMTS and Love Victor both making Okay Boomer jokes (it worked when Pilar said it to Felix but not when Ricky said it to his dad)

Big Red exposing Kourtney and Howie was good and it looks like their plot kicks into high gear next ep

Bet Tim thought he was real clever for that shot of Mazzara, Mike, and Miss Jenn in a triangle

A well shot ep except for one weird  and abrupt cut from Mazzara saying Caswell to Seblos outside the barn

Looking Ahead:

EJ stopping Gina from leaving would certainly further their relationship and would parallel him being the one to bring her back in S1. I still don’t get why they didn’t just use the Valentine’s chocolates as a plot device to further this plot; just have EJ secretly send them as he was also lonely and you can still have Gina think they were from Ricky.

From what I’ve seen online this Portwell hint has been controversial. It’s true that there’s an age gap between the characters of 2ish years and a much bigger one between the actors but I don’t think that will stop Tim as he already had EJ date Nini. I’ve also seen comments that it would be a bad idea since EJ is leaving at the end of S2 once he graduates but he’s not actually leaving, they’ll keep him around in some fashion until the current juniors graduate. 

So far it seems like Rini is the Rucas of hsmtmts, Rina is the Lucaya, and Portwell is the Joshaya.

Kowie starts progressing a bit next ep and we may possible see Antoine next week or the week after according to Larry.

Presumably Ricky’s clinginess starts causing trouble between him and Nini.

Still so funny that North High just up and decided to do Beauty and the Beast just to bring down East High.

Until next week wildcats

#HSMTMTS #Seblos #Rini #Portwell #seb matthew smith #Carlos Rodriguez #Gina Porter #EJ Caswell #Ricky Bowen #HSMTMTS Reviews

[retvenkos]

No, I am not done talking about aging up the characters of the Grishaverse, thank you very much...

(Spoilers for pretty much all of the Grishaverse!)

I’m going to come right out and say it - I don’t think aging up all of the characters was the smartest move. I think the Grishaverse is compelling, and the characters can be very complex, and part of that leans on the ages of the characters. I’m going to be talking about why I think (at least some) of the characters should have retained their same age, or at the very least, shouldn’t have been quite so aged up.

But first, I understand some reasons as to why they aged up characters, so I’m going to state them outright, to advocate on their behalf (but also, I can try my hand at debunking some of these. For funsies):

1. Mass audiences will be less interested if the main story feels too Y.A. - most adult audiences won’t want to watch that genre.

(This is a very fair argument! However, when comparing Shadow and Bone to other popular (non Y.A.) fantasies, Shadow and Bone is very Y.A. Compare Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings to Shadow and Bone, and you can see how the Y.A. genre permeates the text. There are character moments and story beats that Shadow and Bone utilizes that are characteristic of the Y.A. genre. It was created with that audience and expectation in mind. No matter how hard the show tries to divorce the source material from it’s Y.A. roots, it is still very much a Y.A. story. The second most important plot line is a romance and not the implications of how society created the Darkling and how society Must Be Fixed if we ever want to move on and win the war. Those problems of the wider Grishaverse are better tackled in the Nikolai Duology (which still stumbles), and the Nikolai Duology feels like a different story/genre because it’s tackling something different. Shadow and Bone is an inherently Y.A. story, and really, it is the later books in the Grishaverse that deviate from the tropes and traps of the genre.  No matter how you dice it, the original trilogy is very much a Y.A. story. Lean into it, and you might be better able to mess around with the fluidity of the genre, all while your audience knows what the story is, and what will come of it. Alternatively, the writers could have gotten deep into the text and tried to bring up the deeper problems of the story (most of those grey areas) to make it less trope-like, but that would require an almost complete retelling, which we did not get. Too often, Y.A. stories are divorced from the genre when they are adapted, but it’s not done in an organic way that looks at the text itself, and it feels very off when viewing. Just let Shadow and Bone be what it is. If you want a longer rant on this, hmu.)

2. Some very serious things happen to these characters! To write about it is one thing, but to watch a 17 year old Alina be manipulated in this way or to watch a 19 year old Genya be used in this way is dark and very much Not Okay!

(Yes! Watching all of the terrible, terrible things happen is bad enough on it’s own, and when you de-age Alina from 25 to 17 and Genya from 30 to 19, there are some very big consequences! It’s not nearly as inviting or Okay to view! Anyone would be rightly horrified! Especially older audiences! Well, forgive me for being so blunt, but that is part of The Point. Part of what makes all of this so cruel and so unfair is that these characters are young - they are barely no longer children - and that is what heightens the injustice of it all. Alina is a teenager who is tasked with saving the world and freeing an oppressed people! And she doesn’t want to do it! That’s a lot to handle, right? Arguably, by keeping their young ages, you are better breaking out of the Y.A. adaptation trap because you are making a statement about how young these characters are and how unfair all of this is. Y.A. adaptations always age up the characters for palatability, but by keeping them young, you are making it more grungy and more frightening without even changing the source material!)

3. Okay, but adult audiences don’t want to ship teenagers. How will we get them to watch?

(This argument is probably the most sound, and it makes the most sense! Netflix wants to get the widest audience they can - they know teenagers who read the book are going to watch it anyway, so they need to get the older crowd invested. An easy way to get people invested is to get them hooked on a romance plotline. Then you have to watch the show to see how it progresses! It would be hard to do that if adults feel uncomfortable telling 16 year olds to kiss already. Another problem is that Shadow and Bone doesn’t have an adult cast - they have the young ones and that’s about it. Compare that to Game of Thrones (or, if you want me to stop with GOT references, shows like Cobra Kai) where there are 2+ generations - fans have the older group to ship, and the younger group to wish the best for. This is a trap of the Y.A. genre. They are Kids, but they are Not. In the book, this works fine, as their ages aren’t mentioned often. In fact, in the books, they read like competent 25 year olds, except for key moments when they show their age, which usually feels bittersweet (the Six of Crows Duology is much better at this than Shadow and Bone, but I digress). So what do we do? Well, D*rklina fans aren’t going to like this, but I would argue that we keep Alina and Mal aged down, and the story subliminally changes from “the love triangle” to “coming of age while dealing with abusive relationships”. In fact, this is another great way to divorce it from the Y.A. genre, which was already a goal we had in mind.)

✧ *:･ﾟ

Now, let’s move onto character analyses... everyone’s favorite.

In this section, I’m going to break down some main characters from the Shadow and Bone Netflix show (and some upcoming characters, just for the hell of it) and I’m going to advocate for changing their ages. At the end, I’ll give you a rough ballpark estimate for what I think they should have been.

(Also, I just want to address that I loved the actors chosen for the Netflix show, and this is in no way an attack on them. They did great, and they’re performances were amazing. This is me talking about an issue the showrunners made, not the actors.)

Alina Starkov

First, we get to talk about the lovely Alina Starkov. Jessie Mei Li is 25 years old. Her book counterpart is 17. That’s a whopping 8 year difference where a lot of growth happens. Alina Starkov in the books is doing her best for a girl who is told that she is going to save the world. She doesn’t have a lot of experience outside of the orphanage and the army, and so her knowledge of how Grisha are treated is ignorant at best, and malicious at worst. She doesn’t see nearly all of the suffering that is happening in the world, and for the most part, it stays that way. She knows the Fjerdans don’t like them, she knows the Shu are bad too, but she doesn’t really know the extent. She really gets a good look at it in the 3rd book, but for a large part of the series, Alina doesn’t really know what she’s up against, and her age is an easy explanation for her ignorance. A 17 year old growing up in a remote orphanage hasn’t had the greatest education. A 25 year old Alina has less excuses.

(There’s also a lot to be said about how Alina mostly... doesn’t care about the wider issues plaguing Grisha. This is decidedly Bad. I’m going to say this once, and I will say it many times again, but generally, audiences are more okay when a younger character does Bad Things because they reason they’ll learn in time. Thus, for a show, it’s strategically better to make these characters younger. Saying this doesn’t mean I support Alina’s disregard, it just means I recognize how it is utilized in storytelling.)

But why is her ignorance important, you ask? Because, Alina misses a key point of why the Darkling does what he does. To her, his actions of expanding the Fold are very black and white. Even when she’s with him, she refuses to see how it’s justified. Thus, a younger Alina is a little more understandable.

If Netflix was planning on focusing on how the Darklings desires are good but his methods are wrong, keeping Alina aged up is fine because she could be the voice of those concerns. However, I don’t really see that happening, so aging her up seems cheap.

Furthermore, part of the injustice of Alina’s character is that she is a child tasked with saving the world. She is a teenager who is being worshipped as a Saint, and who is going to have to martyr herself for the good of the world. It’s unfair. It’s cruel. Alina being 25 doesn’t somehow change this injustice, but to the average viewer, seeing a 17 year old child dying for the good of Ravka - dying because she’s the only one who can stop the villain - is more emotional and more disturbing.  There’s your grit, Netflix. It was already handed to you.

And I know, Ben Barnes (who plays the Darkling) is 39! It would be extremely uncomfortable to watch him fall in love and manipulate Alina! Again, I’m apologizing to the D*rklina shippers, because that is The Point. The Darkling is hundreds (perhaps thousands) of years old. That is why his talk of “eternity” is so compelling. He has felt it. He has lived it. When he tells Alina that he will break her, it should be greatly disturbing!  It would change the feeling of the story completely if Alina looks like a teenager. It would be a story about survival - not of romance. And while survival is definitely a Y.A. dystopian or fantasy trope, depending on how it’s handled, it could be markedly different from its predecessors.

However, book Alina is a minor, and that doesn’t sit right with me. Thus, I would make Alina 18, or 19 at the most. She should still very much be a teenager.

Malyen Oretsev

Mal is the next character we get to talk about, and I’m sure you have an idea about what I’m going to say. Archie Renaux is 23 and his book counterpart is 18. That’s only a five year difference, which isn’t that damning, but still leaves some problems.

One thing a lot of people disliked about Mal in the books was his temper and the way he expressed his frustrations. Now, while it’s true that viewers tend to be more forgiving with male characters having bad attitudes, this attitude problem could still be something that viewers will dislike in later seasons. This problem is only larger when you factor in an older age. Already, I expect people to complain about Mal’s temper and his inability to vent his frustrations in a healthy way (avoiding talking to Alina, blowing up, having a sour mood, having violent or explosive tendencies). This is only going to get worse when another argument added is “he is a grown man. He should have learned how to cope by now.” This argument isn’t completely nullified by a younger age, but it is made a little more understandable to the audience. (Again, in no way am I justifying these unhealthy behaviors, nor am I saying it’s okay when younger men do it, I’m just saying that viewers on a whole are more likely to excuse this behavior from a younger man - a sad reality, but a reality nonetheless.)

And as for his tracking ability, which is the best out of everyone in the world, he is gifted primarily because he’s an amplifier. At the end of Ruin and Rising, it’s noted that he can’t track nearly as well as he could because the world doesn’t hum with life in the way it used to. The in-world explanation probably also explains the ease with which he can pick up new skills. Thus, Mal doesn’t need to be aged up for skill reasons.

So, I would make Mal 19-21 in the series. He can be the slightly older than Alina, and everything works out how it should.

The Darkling

This one is going to be really quick - I think the age they made the Darkling was fine. Ben Barnes is 39 and we really don’t get an answer as to how old the Darkling is in the book (although he’s older than 400 years old, because the Fold was created 400 years ago). 

It’s worth noting that in the books, the Darkling isn’t described as being much older than (a 17 year old) Alina, but having him be markedly older than Alina was a smart move for subtext, but also for the presence that the Darkling has, and the reverence with which people regard him. The Darkling has power - I can’t imagine a 17 year old boy having the same effect as a grown man.

I have no beef with a 39 year old Darkling. I wouldn’t age him down much more, but I also wouldn’t make him much older, either.

Genya Safin

Genya Safin is another character I feel like should be addressed. Daisy Head is 30 years old. In the books, Genya is 19. Now, Genya’s character is an interesting one, because arguably either age suits her character. Throughout the series she’s shown to be more mature and capable than Alina, and while she places importance on the cliques of the Little Palace (which was poorly shown in the show, imo), she was raised in this environment from very young, and she’s at the bottom of the ranking. Her investment in it is justified. Sadly, I think more viewers would be moved by her story of sexual abuse if she were younger, but what happened is a tragedy and it was wrong no matter how you dice it.

Her age is one of the few I’m neutral on.

However, she and Alina are shown to be very close in the book, and while that doesn’t carry over as easily in the show, I think it would be nice to place her at least a little closer in age to Alina, but still keep her a little older so that she can offer her advice and it doesn’t feel preachy or unearned.

I would place her around 19-26. She has a lot of room for her age, because it’s not vital that she be any specific age. 

David Kostyk

I’m very briefly talking about David because Luke Pasqualino is 31 and David in the books is 19-20. I aged down Genya, and since they are love interests, I would like them to be in a little closer range of each other.

However, David is a very gifted Fabrikator - so much so that he changes the war considerably in later books - so I still want him to be older than the average cast.

I would place him around 24-29, and mostly, it would be based around the age of Genya. I wouldn’t want him to be 29 if Genya is 19. That’s just the ballpark range.

Zoya Nazyalensky

The final Shadow and Bone character I’m going to talk about is Zoya because she’s really important later in the Grishaverse. Online, I could not determine exactly what Sujaya Dasgupta’s age is, but the two ages most commonly given are 19 or 21. Zoya in the books is 19-20, so Sujaya is one of the most faithful castings in terms of age. 

I think it’s important that Zoya is around the age of Alina. Not only do they have a shared love interest in the form of Nikolai (and the Darkling in the show, which I absolutely hate), but they also have a rivalry for the Darkling’s favor (which isn’t romantic, but about sTATUS), and having her be markedly older than a teenage Alina would be weird, in my opinion.

Furthermore, Zoya’s character is pretty closed off and (dare I say) one-dimensional in the original Shadow and Bone trilogy, so keeping her younger isn’t going to make her any less believable. She’s not particularly wise, so keeping her young won’t be an issue.

Finally, she has a romantic plotline with Mal (even if it doesn’t go anywhere), so we want to keep her within range of Mal’s age, too.

I would place Zoya at 19-22. Thus, I am in agreement with the showrunners!

Nikolai Lantsov

A character that has yet to make an appearance in the show is Nikolai Lantsov, who is stated as being 20-21 in Siege and Storm, and the rest of the Shadow and Bone trilogy. Nikolai hasn’t been casted yet, but I decided to put him here because why not?

Nikolai, interestingly enough, is a character I would like to age up, however, only slightly. Nikolai is a very accomplished character, as anyone who has read the series knows, and while he does have the grooming to be that smart and accomplished, he is able to outsmart the Darkling and other older characters on multiple occasions, and him being so young just seems off. Of course, I understand why he is young - his love interests are, and he certainly has his moments where he’s boyish and unprepared - but these reasons pale in comparison to all of his talents and accomplishments.

Taking all of this into consideration, I would put Nikolai at 23 or 24. It’s a minor age change, and it would really just make him more apt to grow into his role. He’s still young enough to where people can underestimate him, but he’s old enough to justify having such smarts and charm. The only argument I can see going against this is his love story with Alina, seeing as she’s 18/19, but I think there was a lot that went into his pursuit of Alina. At first it was political, but after that, it became about how Alina was someone who challenged him and knew him for all that he was. It was less of a romance and more of a friendship that lended itself to a nice opportunity. It could have been more. It wasn’t. Plus, the age gap isn’t egregious.

Tamar Kir-Bataar and Tolya Yul-Bataar

I’m briefly talking about these twins, because they are originally 18-19 in the Shadow and Bone Trilogy, and I would like them to be older overall. Tamar and Tolya are some of the most competent characters in the Grishaverse, and having them be the same age as Mal and Alina is off, in my mind.

I would like them to be at least Nikolai’s age or older, so 23-27.

✧ *:･ﾟ

Finally, we’re on to the crows....

Kaz Brekker

Ah, yes. The Bastard of the Barrel. His is a character I was actually really glad to see aged up, before watching the show. Afterwards, I have some more complex thoughts. Freddy Carter is 28 years old and Kaz, in the books, is 17. 

Kaz in the books is very competent. So much so that he outsmarts everyone he comes up against - characters who are older than him and often have military strategy. Furthermore, he is ruthless. He is probably one of the darkest characters in all of the Grishaverse, and all of that is placed on the shoulders of a 17 year old. To make a comparison, he and Alina are the same age when their stories take place (Shadow and Bone for Alina, and Six of Crows for Kaz). I don’t know a lot of young celebrities to make the comparison, but he’s a teenager. He’s a child. Aging up Kaz in the show was something I was very much on board for. Kaz is a ruthless killer and an expert thief, and making him older was a smart move, imo. A Kaz in his 20′s made more sense.

However, when we meet Kaz in season one of Shadow and Bone, he’s very much in his fledgling state. Not a single plan of his goes as planned. He is foiled at every step, and the most gruesome thing he did in the show wasn’t bad, when you compare it to thing Kaz has canonically done. Rumors say that the Six of Crows arc is going to pick up in season two, and while I hope it doesn’t, I covered that particular argument far more in depth in another post and won’t address it here. Whether or not I think show Kaz is up to snuff, I think they aged him up too much and they depowered him too much.

Part of Kaz’ secret weapon was that he was wicked smart and crazy competent, but people underestimated him because of his age. They figured he didn’t have nearly enough experience to be as ruthless and cunning as he was. They were clearly wrong.

I think that Kaz in his 20′s makes sense, but Kaz in his late 20′s does not. Especially when you factor in the fact that he was so epically unsuccessful in the show, the extent to which they made him older wasn’t doing him any favors. It made him less “Dirtyhands” than he is.

So, final say, I would have made Kaz 20 or 21 in Shadow and Bone. We’re de-aging him so he still has time to grow, but he’s not crazy overpowered at 17. Furthermore, in a perfect world, he has time to age between Shadow and Bone and the events of Six of Crows.

Inej Ghafa

Inej is played by Amita Suman who is 23 years old. In the books, Inej is 16. In an interesting turn of events, I don’t find Inej in the books to be terribly overpowered so much as she is just really talented. 

Inej in Six of Crows is hesitant to kill. She’s smart and watchful, and she’s a really great spider. She’s given backstory to explain all of this, and it makes sense. At most, she is mature for her age, but that is also given a pretty damn good reason. She has to be. 

The few reasons I could see as to aging up her character is to make it less awkward for the romance between her and Kaz, as well as make the crows group more cohesive in age, with fewer outliers, both of which I am not against. 

I would make Inej around 18 or 19 and call it a day.

Jesper Fahey

Jesper is another character that I largely have no problems with. Jesper is played by Kit Young who is 26 years old, and in the books, Jesper is 17. 

In the books, Jesper is an extremely talented marksman, but part of that (even if he doesn’t know it or doesn’t want to acknowledge it in the books) is because he is a Grisha Fabrikator and he is using his gifts to bend the bullets he shoots and aims them where they need to go. His character wasn’t particularly overpowered in the books, and as for his personality, in the books he acted the most “teenage-like,” but in the show, he retained his same youthfulness without it seeming out of place, so that isn’t particularly damning.

For Jesper, I don’t mind aging him up or making him younger. Both work. 

However, he has a romantic plotline with Wylan (who I will get to eventually), so we wan’t to keep that in mind.

Final say, I would make Jesper 18. He’s the same age as (or slightly younger than) Inej, and that sits well with me.

Matthias Helvar

Oh, boy. If you’ve been on my blog long, you know this is the character that started this whole rant. Because here’s the thing: Matthias is an incredibly complex character. And part of that complexity comes from the fact that Matthias doesn’t know about anything beyond what Fjerda has taught him. He is heavily indoctrinated and heavily ignorant, and his struggle is what makes him such an interesting character.

Matthias is played by Calahan Skogman who is 28 (in my other meta, he was 27, but birthdays, y’know?). In the books, Matthias is 18 when Six of Crows takes place. That’s a whopping 10 year age gap. As you can imagine, so much happens in 10 years time. Now, with Matthias, we’re going to look at his life a little more in depth so that you can really understand how this 10 year gap affects his ignorance.

Matthias’ family were killed by Grisha when he was a child. We don’t know how young, but that doesn’t really matter, because either way it’s traumatic. Soon afterward, he starts training to become a soldier. Now, just when drüskelle are allowed to be fully initiated at Hringkälla is unknown, but I’m guessing the age would be at youngest, 14 (although, it’s probably closer to 16, but I’m not arguing about that right now). Grisha are supposed to be the most dangerous type of person. The Fjerdans are not going to put 12 year olds out there to fight them. So, a roughly 14 year old Matthias is going on expeditions to catch Grisha. When he is 17, Matthias meets Nina. At this point, he has only been a full drüskelle for 3-ish years. Regardless of how many Grisha Matthias has captured, 3 years is a vast difference from his show counterpart, who is 28 and therefore (as a drüskelle since he was 14) has been capturing Grisha for 14 years. In fact, in the show, they give Matthias props for having been the one with the clever ideas for capturing Nina, which shows he has done this often.  After that, Matthias spends one year in Hellgate, making in 18 in the books and (eventually) 29 in the show.

So, why was it so important that I detail that for you? Matthias’ change of heart is prompted by Nina, a pretty Grisha. I’m not saying their bond is shallow, but if you are a man who has a nasty past with Grisha and has been hunting them for 14 years, having a pretty Grisha change your mind is a little shallow and a little unbelievable. Even though Nina saved his life, I think it’s a little hard to sell the substantial change of heart he has. On the other hand, if Matthias is 18-19, he’s still a hormonal teenager, and his feelings for Nina prompting some critical thinking makes more sense. Furthermore, Matthias is younger and more impressionable. It would be much easier to change his worldview, if he were younger.

All in all, I would de age Matthias to be 19-20. Slightly older than in the books to allow for Nina to be a little older than her book counterpart (which I’m about to get to.) 

Nina Zenik

Almost finished with my rant, we’re talking about Nina. Nina is played by Danielle Galligan who is 28 years old, and in the books, Nina is 17. 

Now, Nina Zenik is a capable character. She is a spy. She speaks multiple languages, she’s a talented Grisha, and she’s quite self-assured. All of that advocates for an older Nina, so that she may have time to hone these impressive skills. Furthermore, Nina is the most sexualized of the Crows. I wouldn’t mind her being older, and I’m sure general audiences would be in favor of her not being a teenager.

Nina is also a soldier and she has a very complex storyline in Six of Crows, and later. By all accounts, aging her up is not a bad idea. In fact, I quite like the idea that Nina is older. I agree that she should be aged up, just not to the extent she was.

If this were my world, I would make Nina 20-22. That would make her the oldest out of all of the crows, and I quite like that.

Wylan Van Eck

Wylan has yet to be casted, but he is 16 in the books, and pretty damn smart. He’s not street smart, mind you, but he’s a chemistry nerd and demolitionist, so he’s very competent. He’s still under his father’s thumb, but I don’t take that to mean he has to be young - abuse can affect you well into your life. He’s definitely a character more naive to the realities of the Barrel, but that can easily be played off as “the rich boy is out of depth.”

There’s nothing that explicitly needs him to be younger than an adult, although the argument for making him young amongst the crows is strong and still stands.

He has a love story with Jesper, so we want to keep in mind the fact that Jesper is an adult.

Wylan also has the tricky little storyline of him being tailored into being Kuwei, so in determining his age, we want to keep him in the ballpark of Kuwei. Luckily, he was tailored from a Grisha on parem, so truly, anything is possible.

For his smarts, his competence, and his love story, I think we should age him up.

All in all, I would make Wylan 18. It’s not far from his book counterpart, and I think it makes sense.

Kuwei Yul-Bo

Kuwei is another character who was yet to be casted. He is 16 in Six of Crows, and I would say he is the character who most shows his age. Kuwei may be wicked smart, but he’s a chaos gremlin who doodles in his notebook, pretends to not understand Kerch, and also renames himself to be nhaban - “rising phoenix” in Shu. He doesn’t scheme the way the rest of the crows do, and while this can be explained away by the fact that he’s not a criminal, there still seems to be something hopeful and youthful about his character.

He’s still a boy in mourning over the death of his father, and he’s currently one of the world’s most wanted. In Crooked Kingdom, he’s vibing in a tomb for the majority of the book. Kuwei is honestly such a fun character that I hope gets more complexity in coming Grishaverse content.

Kuwei is very similar to Wylan in that he’s wicked smart (although his dad is a scientist and they have worked together, so there is some in-world explanation) and he has a crush on Jesper (don’t we all?).

Taking this into account, I would make Kuwei 17 or 18.

✧ *:･ﾟ

TL;DR, the characters of the Grishaverse were aged up and I’m a little miffed about it. The reasons for aging them up are to detract from the source material being a Y.A. story, but you cannot separate a story from it’s genre. The story is inherently Y.A. because it uses story beats that are typical of a Y.A. story. It’s not just viewer expectation - the story is Y.A. The ages of the characters in the books are very young in some cases, but in the show they were aged up too much, imo. It detracts from the tragedy of them being young and forced to survive, and it adds very little in most cases.

✧ *:･ﾟ tagging @missumaru

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #shadow and bone spoilers #s&b spoilers #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #the darkling #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #nina zenik #matthias helvar #genya safin #zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lantsov #david kostyk #wylan van eck #kuwei yul-bo #meta #grishaverse meta #shadow and bone meta #i am once again ranting about the grishaverse #like... no one asked for this but also you asked for this don't lie

[myocsfanfictions]

The Road Ahead of Us - TWD Season 2

The Walking Dead Fanfiction

MASTERLIST

They had left Atlanta behind, trying to reach Fort Benning; but during an apocalypse nothing ever goes at it is planned. Sarah and Nicolette will have to face new challenges and dangers. How will they survive?

If you like it, please reblog

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CHAPTER 17

[gif is not mine]

SARAH  

It had been an hour since Rick and Glenn had left the farm. Sarah had left Maggie with Lori, she didn’t want to do it, but Maggie insisted that Sarah needed some sleep too.  

She walked towards the camp, but frowned when she noticed that Daryl’s tent wasn’t there anymore, she looked around, but there was no sign of him. She just hoped that he wasn’t gone to the woods alone and angry.  

Sarah laid down in her and Nicki’s tent and she fall asleep almost immediately. As she tossed and turned during her nap, she saw her sister sleeping next to her and Sarah took her hand, before falling asleep again.

She had no idea for how long she had been sleeping, but when she opened her eyes there was still the daylight outside, but no sign of Glenn and Rick. Nicki had woken up before her, because when she walked out of the tent, she noticed that her sister had gone back training with her arrows. She observed her for some moments, she kept shooting and she kept hitting her targets; still, moving, close and far, she wasn’t missing a shot.

After that Sarah decided to go to the wooden garage, to keep fixing the old car. She was improving, and she had managed to make the lights work. It was all dusty and rusty, but she really wanted for that car to move even for some metres. She was finding real comfort in fixing it. It took her mind away from bad thoughts, too busy on solving all those problems on that machine.

“That’s where you disappear, then?” her sister’s voice made Sarah look up from her work. Nicolette walked in observing the car.

“I knew Dale had introduced you to the mechanics, but it has really become a new passion of yours.”  

Sarah chuckled “It’s distracting.”

Nicolette nodded her head “I know what you mean” then she walked closer eyeing the car “That’s never going to work.”

“Not for many miles” Sarah said nodding her head “But if I fix this, I can fix anything.”

“Ambitious much” Nicolette said “I saw you looking at me.”

“Yeah, I do that a lot” Sarah said lighting with a torch the pedals, pushing them down seeing how rusty it was.

“There’s something you’re dying to ask me, but you are too afraid that it’s going to mess with me” Nicki said pacing around the room.

“I think we are all too much messed with” Sarah said “And I didn’t want for you to live that moment again.”

“Sophia?” Nicki asked, making Sarah hummed in agreement.

“Thanks” Nicolette said after a moment “I really don’t want to talk about that.”

“Even because you won’t change your mind, no matter what I’d say” Sarah said sadly, not looking up from her task.

“I meant what I said” Nicolette said “Everything we do will affect the group, as much as what we do not do” it was sad to think that Nicolette had arrived to that conclusion, even though it was terrible to think that she was no entirely wrong. Their lives were linked with each other, there was nothing they could do about it.

“At the barn...” Nicki said keeping pacing “I can’t take my mind off of Shane.”

“Yeah, mee too” Sarah admitted standing up looking at her sister.

“Some are saying he did the right thing” Nicolette said “What do you think?”

Sarah rested her side against the car “I think that everything went out of hand, but I think he wanted to protect us” Nicki seemed to take in at each word Sarah was saying.

“It seems to happen a lot, lately” the girl said.

“To us?”

“To Shane” Nicolette pointer out.

“Does he scare you?” Sarah asked, remembering that she had felt a bit frightened herself during his speech before opening the barn.

“He does not” Nicki said “He is not angry at me” she said simply.

“Angry?”

“At Rick” Nicki said nodding her head “Shane changed since he arrived. Everything had changed for him as he arrived.”

Shane had defended all of them since the very beginning and Sarah could never thank him enough for that; but she knew that Rick thought more, he angered less and now that Nicolette was pointing that out, Shane started to get more aggressive since Rick’s arrival, but at the same time they had lived so many difficult things, was Shane really to blame for acting strangely?

“I think I was going to shoot him” Nicolette’s words made Sarah look up towards her sister with wide eyes, but Nicki was looking away “I’ve realized it only when the walkers came out of the barns. But he was getting too far.”

“Do you regret it?” Sarah asked carefully, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

“Not shooting him?” Nicki asked “No, I don’t” and Sarah let out a shaky breath.

“I don’t think I would ever forgive myself” Nicolette said, before turning to her sister “But I don’t trust him anymore.”

Sarah couldn’t stop thinking about Nicolette’s words. What she said about Shane and not trust him. And since she had pointed it out, Sarah couldn’t stop her mind to think back about some attitudes of the man and how even Lori seemed to be shutting him out. She kept thinking about it, when she finished her work on the car for the day. Nicolette was back practicing, but Sarah’s eyes were caught by Daryl’s figure sitting far away from the camp, almost near the fence. The man was under the sun and she couldn’t help herself, when she searched inside her bag to take two protein bars and a bottle of water before making her way towards him.

He had a piece of wood in his hands, scraping the ground silently, biting the inside of cheek, deep in thought.

“Hey” she said quietly, trying not to startle him. Even if she wasn’t sure it was easy to take Daryl Dixon by surprise.

“What?” he asked without looking up from the dirt on the ground.

Sarah took a breath “I’ve brought you something to eat. And some water” she said showing what she held in her hands.

But he grunted “I ain’t hungry.”

“I figured” Sarah said biting her lips “But you need to eat something. Or at least drink some water” she said putting the bars and the plastic bottle next to him, ready to walk away.

“These are yours?” he asked making her turn to him.

“Yeah” she answered putting a lock of hair, behind her ear.

“Why?” at his question, she just shrugged her shoulders.

“I was worried about you” Sarah answered simply and that made him look up towards her for the first time, silently observing her “Eat something, please” she said before walking away. She didn’t like for him to be far away from the house, but at the same time, Daryl Dixon didn’t seem a person that found comfort in talking about his sorrow with others.

Evening arrived soon and Sarah did her best to help Patricia making dinner. The woman was still silent after what had happened at the barn, but Sarah didn’t push her to talk. She just waited for Patricia to tell her what to do. It was a bit strange, cooking in a real kitchen. She remembered when she used to help her granny for Thanks Giving; deciding the menu, arranging the table and making all the food that they surely would have not finished in that day. Her granny... what was of her? Was she with her parents? Was yet alive? She didn’t know, for sure. But her heart was giving her a hush answer, an answer she didn’t want to listen.

“Do you need help?” Carol’s voice surprised Sarah, as the woman made her entrance in the room, rubbing her hands on her trousers. Did she really feel like cooking? Was it too invasive to ask? Should she just shut up?

Patricia looked at Sarah before speaking to Carol “Can you cut some salad?”  

Carol nodded her head before getting to work. They stood in silence as the sun set on the horizon. Still no sign of Glenn or Rick. That should have been an easy run; maybe they had thought it wrong, maybe Hershel wasn’t in that bar and now they were looking for him. She hadn’t been in town, but she could assume that it wasn’t a large one. Why were they taking so long?

“Already setting your plate?” asked Patricia quietly, looking at the plate Sarah was preparing.

“No, it’s for Daryl” she answered “I don’t think he is going to come to eat” then her eyes set on the faint light away from the house. She wondered what he was doing, how he was feeling.  

“Why do you like to argue so much?” Dale’s voice made the women turn towards the door, to see Dale and T-Dog entering the house with Nicki and Carl, that like always would glare at each other.

“She is the one not answering a question” Carl stated turning away from Nicolette that shrugged her shoulder.

“There are two easy ways to fix that” she said simply “Ask more intelligent questions or don’t ask at all.”

T-Dog took a deep breath “Is dinner ready?”

“Almost” Patricia said.

“It’d be lovely if someone’d set the table” Sarah suggested, looking at her sister, that shook her head.

“I’m calling Maggie” she said running out of the room.

Carl scoffed “She always do that” he said taking the plates Patricia was giving to him “She never sets the table.”

That was true. Nicolette and house choirs weren't exactly on the same page and if she found a way, she would flee without turning back. Sarah would have said something to her, but it was the most “childish” thing that her sister did and Sarah didn’t feel like making her grow up even in that. Not for the time, anyway.

Maggie came down the stairs from next to Nicolette, when the table was almost ready. T-Dog and Carl were already set down as Sarah was fixing the silverware next every plate. She looked at Maggie, silently asking her how Beth was doing, but the girl shook her head and when she passed next to Sarah, she gave her a squeeze on the arm, trying to give her some kind of comfort.

“They should be back by now” Andrea’s voice took everyone’s attention, as her and Shane made their entrance in the living room.

“Yeah, they just got holed up somewhere” Shane said as Sarah noticed her sister observing the man closely as he set down, almost studying him “We’ll head out first thing in the morning” T-Dog nodded his head in agreement at Shane’s idea.

Sarah gave the bowl full of cabbage to Nicki, that started to make her plate.

“You want some?” Nicki asked Carl that was sitting next to her, but he shook his head, his mind somewhere else.

“You need to eat something, Shorty” she kept saying making the boy turn to her with a glare.

“Stop calling me that” he argued, but Nicolette didn’t move.

“He talks. So he can eat” she said putting some cabbage in his plate.

“Carl” Shane said making the boy turn to him “I want you to keep your head up ok? Your old man, he is the toughest son of a-”

“No cussing in the house” Patricia stated looking at Shane with a cold glare. Not that anyone could blame her.

“Lori dinner!” Carol said towards the stairs, but Maggie frowned.

“She is not in there.”  

At her words Sarah frowned “She is not?” Maggie turned to Sarah with a questioning look.

“Was she outside?” Sarah said turning to Nicki, that shook her head.

“Where is she?” Dale asked a bit worried, but Maggie shook her head.

“I didn’t see her.”

It must have been something that even the others were thinking, because they all got quiet, looking at one another. Silent and worried.

“Carl” said Shane keeping his tone calm “When’s the last time you saw your mom?”

Carl didn’t hesitate to answer “This afternoon.”

“She was worried about Rick” Andrea said, only increasing the worry of where Lori could be “She asked me to look in on Carl.”

“She went after them?” asked Dale, voicing everyone’s thought.

“She didn’t say that” Andrea answered and at that they all got up. Shane too even if he kept saying that they didn’t need to worry, that Lori couldn’t have been too far. But the woman usually helped them with dinner and she never stood too long away from her child.

They soon decided to take a look around. Shane had gone at the barn, Nicki, Carl and Patricia inside the house, Dale and Andrea at the camp, while Carol and Sarah looked around the fields of the yards, as Maggie stood with Beth. But nothing. There was no sign of Lori. And Sarah really doubted that they would have found her sitting on the ground, somewhere. She surely had gone looking for Rick. It was understandable, he was her husband, she had already lost him once, how could she not be worried? What had been a bad decision though was that she went alone. And as for Rick and Glenn, why was she taking so long too?

“She is not at the barn” Shane said once they all walked towards the camp, where Andrea, Carl, Nicki and Dale were.

“Not even in the yards” Sarah said as she got closer.

“Yeah, I took a look too” said T-Dog nodding his head.

Carl’s eyes widened “Where is she?!”

“She asked Daryl to go into town” Carol’s voice made them turn as she ran to them “Must have gone herself.”

“Oh god” Sarah muttered.

Carl covered his mouth with his hand, feeling like crying as Andrea rubbed his back, trying to comfort him, but he moved away from her, running towards his tent.

Sarah took a breath as she saw Nicolette watching the boy running way.

“We should go looking for her” Nicki said, putting her hands on her hips.

That was true, but how many people. Who? They couldn’t afford for others to go missing.

What was happening in that town?

“Did you know about this?” Shane asked pacing towards Dale with a growl that made Sarah frown.

“No” the man answered.

“Did...” Shane said getting anxious “Did she take a gun?”

But Dale shook his head “I don’t know” that didn’t seem to ease Shane’s worries as he made his way towards the car.

“I wouldn’t let her go out alone” Dale kept saying, but Shane wasn’t listening anymore. He entered the car, starting the engine and quickly driving away, leaving all of them there just standing, observing the light of the car further and further from them.

“I don’ know about ya” T-Dog said “But I’m no hungry anymore.”

Andrea nodded her head “We’ll eat later” she said trying to sound encouraging “When the others will be back.”

Sarah really hoped she was right. She could not afford to having any more bad news. She needed her friends back, her group all together. She was so tired of losing people.

“Someone should go check on Carl” Nicki said crossing her arms over her chest “And be sure he’s not going to follow his parents” that thought was really frightening, but it was no so far from truth. Carl shared many of his parent’s quality, and she didn’t want to find out if jumping into danger was one of them.

“You should go, Sarah” Nicki said, making her sister frown.

“Me?” she asked.

Nicolette nodded “You’re good with words.”

“Would he listen to me?” Sarah said with a frown, but Nicki almost snort.

“He doesn’t listen to anybody” she answered “But at least we’ll know he is there.”

Sarah took a breath before making her way towards the tent. Her mother always said that she had a way with children, it was her that insisted for Sarah to become a teacher. Not that the girl felt very much confident about that choice, but she had babysitted many children growing up. She just hoped she would be able not to anger Carl.

“Carl” she called quietly kneeling in front of his tent, where she could hear him whimper “I’m sorry, sweety” she said. It must have been terrible for him; he had lost a friend and now his parents were missing.

“Listen, I know that you feel scared right now” she said “And I cannot promise everything is going to be alright, that would be a lie” there was no point in saying to him that he didn’t need to worry, that his parents would have been back soon, because she didn’t know and knowing Carl that would have only made him get more upset. He was a smart kid, and he had matured far too much in that world.

She knew how terrible it was to feeling left alone, without protection. Without a family. And she knew that nothing she could say or do would make it better for him, because thinking that your family was no more with you was a killing feeling. But in what she was living, she understood that there was someone she could rely on.

“But I can promise you that you can count on us. All of us” she said hearing some steps behind her, to see Nicki approaching slowly “Try to rest a bit, alright?”

She heard him sniff “Alright” he said after a moment of silence. Sarah touched the tent lightly, before getting up, from her kneeling position.

“You should stay here” she said turning to Nicki that frowned.

“Me?” that was her turn of asking that, and Sarah nodded.

“Nicolette, I think that the only person that can fully understand him it’s you” she said honestly, but the confused expression on her sister’s face didn’t disappear.

“We always end up fighting” Nicolette answered.

“That’s what you think” Sarah said “But understanding doesn’t mean getting along” Nicki seemed to think about her words, making Sarah smile a little.

“I’m going to the others” she said “Stay here.”

Nicolette shrugged her shoulders, not looking at her “Whatever” but she set down none the less, taking one of her arrows and starting to scrape the ground with it.  

Sarah was walking towards the house when she noticed Carol stalk quickly from the yards rubbing her eyes. Sarah stopped observing her, her eyes were red and her lips were trembling. Was she crying about Sophia? Should she had to ask?  

But at the same time, it didn’t feel right to let her alone in that moment, so with a fast-beating heart Sarah made her way towards the woman.

“Carol” she said getting closer to the woman, putting her hands on her arms, searching for her eyes.

“Are you ok?” she asked knowing that hers was a stupid question. Carol moved her hand to dry the tears on her cheeks, biting her lips.

“It’s nothing” Carol said, shaking her head.

Sarah frowned “I don’t want to insist, but...” Carol took a breath.

“It’s not about Sophia” she said, but only the name brought more tears in her eyes, but she tried to keep them in “It’s about Daryl.”

“Daryl?” Sarah asked confused.

“I’ve gone to him” Carol said and Sarah took a breath.

“What he said?” she asked. She knew that Daryl could become very rude when he didn’t want people around, when he felt most vulnerable. And Sarah knew that he was destroyed by what had happened to Sophia. She could understand taking on everyone else, but on Carol? That woman lost her daughter, he couldn’t take his rage out on her.

“Nothing” Carol said shaking her head, but he must has said something “I’ll go to the others” Carol said after taking a breath “You coming?”

Sarah smiled a little “In a moment” she said “I’ll see you later.”

Carol observed her for a moment, but then she started to walk towards their camp, as for Sarah she waited until Carol was far enough, before making her through the yard towards the fire, where she knew Daryl was encamped.

As she got closer, she spotted his black motorbike, shining from the faint light of the flames and she didn’t feel surprised when she spotted some squirrel hanging dead from a rope. He had already done it, at the camp at the quarry, when Amy, Jim and Jaqui were still there. When Merle was still there.

She wasn’t surprised when she heard Daryl’s voice “If ya’r here to tell me about tha woman, leave” he spoke in a growl, glaring at her, like he had done many times before.

“No, I’m not here to scold you” she said “I’m sure you’ll do that yourself when you’ll calm down.”

Daryl chuckled darkly “So, ya’ve got all figured out, missy?” he said and she found herself nodding her head, not intimidated by his glare.

“Not all, but I know some things” she said as he got closer, his blue eyes fix on her “I know that you were the only one truly believing Sophia was alive” she said “I know we had all given up long time ago” he took a deep breath as he moved slightly in front of her “I know that you get angry easily, especially if you’re suffering” she saw him chewing the inside of his cheek “And I know you’re blaming yourself for what happened, when you should really not” she took a deep breath, feeling her heart clench when he saw him look down blinking his eyes, probably trying not to let her see the effect of her words.

“Don’t do this, Daryl” she begged him, making a step closer “Don’t do this to yourself, don’t close away again” her eyes fixed on the squirrels, on his bike “We care about you” she searched for his eyes, even if he kept trying to look away “I care about you” he got stiff at her words, biting his lip “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but do not blame yourself and think that you are alone, because you’re not” she said feeling some tears in her eyes, taking a breath “That’s what I wanted to tell you.”

Silence fell between them, as Daryl kept his eyes on the ground, not moving towards her, not even yelling back. Sarah was breathing heavily, not believing that she had said all of that without worry about what he might have said. She just hoped that he would have listened to her, for once.

“I’ve...em... I’ve saved you a plate” she said passing a hand through her brown hair “Maybe... I’ll bring it to you later, alright?” Sarah asked, even if she didn’t expect an answer from the man. She observed him for a moment, still not looking at her, so she took a breath and turned to leave. She knew that Daryl needed time, and she was surprised he hadn’t got defensive and yelled at her. She didn’t expect for him to move back next to their camp, but she just hoped that he would have thought about it, they needed to stay together. All of them.

#the walking dead #the walking dead fanfiction #the walking dead imagine #twd #twd fanfiction #twd imagine #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x oc #daryl dixon x reader #dary dixon x y/n #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon imagine #carl grimes #carl grimes imagine #carl grimes fanfiction #carl grimes x oc #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes x y/n

[mirkwoodshewolf]

On set visits; Queen x reader x Borhap boys pt. 2

*Author's note*

And here is part 2. And that's all I've got of the Rock Angel for now. Hope you all enjoy this special binge read of the series. Soon enough the story will come to an end after a few more chapters (I've had the last chapter written for like 2 years now) but I hope you all enjoy this chapter as well as the binge reading I have provided for you all. Until next time, stay healthy, stay safe, and anyone getting their vaccines GOOD LUCK!

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@simonedk

@waddles03

@ixchel-9275

@psychosupernatural

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queensdivas

@bohemiansweede

@queendeakyy

@queen-paladin

@geek-and-proud

@isabella-bby

@labessieisallama

@5sos-wdw

@onebigfangirlworld

@wormzteef

@ssa-sadboi

@naturalswifty89

@starswin

___________________________________________________________

*Meeting the new Rock Angel. Filming continues*

A few days later after bonding with the actors playing my boys, I came to any day of filming I could (outside of my album recording and touring with Queen and Adam). Now the boys promised me and I knew they would follow up with it, the young actress they got to play me in as a cameo for the Live Aid sequence.

I was talking with Miami when we both heard a knock and that's when Graham King came in.

"I've got her."

"Bring her in." I said. He opened the door wider and soon came in the young woman came in.

"You wanted to see me Mrs. Kline?"

"Yes my dear come in." I said. She came in and took a seat on one of the producer's chair. "I wanted to speak to you guys privately about some things that have come up. But first I would like to know your name my dear girl."

"Ashley. My name's Ashley Johansson. But my friends call me Ash."

"Lovely to meet you Ash, from what I saw up there you—you blew me away."

"Uhh thank you. And can I just say I've been such a big fan of yours. My mum always played your first album on repeat every day when she'd take me to school. But I thank her for that cause your story has just been such an inspiration to not only me but her as well."

"I'm flattered Ash. I'm always happy to hear that I inspire people, even when I feel like I'm not really doing anything. All I do is just bring my music out into the world and try to give voice to things that other's don't deem important."

"That makes you an inspiration Mrs. Kline." She said.

"Oh please Ash darling, call me (y/n)."

"Okay....(y/n)."

"Now then straight to business. As you know Hollywood's always wanting to create biopics of anything and everything. And while I've been aware of both Queen's story as well as Elton's life being made into films. I've always been reluctant in getting my story out, but from what I saw a few days ago I feel like I might've found the right team to do just that. So my dear Ash, tell me this; who do you trust the most in Queen?" she looked at me confused but she soon realized just what I was doing.

"Brian was asking me tons of questions but that was the only question Roger ever asked me."

"And what did you tell him?"

"I told him, that.....All the members of Queen are my family. But if I had to pick, Roger has always seen each side of me. Whether it was the happiest moment of my life, or the darkest day. He's seen my true colors that none of the other band members had seen." I smiled softly and said.

"What happened after you said that?"

"He—he might not have wanted anyone to know but—I could swear I saw him wipe a tear from his eye." I smiled and lowered my head.

"That's my papa lion alright." I muttered. I looked back up to Graham and Ashley and continued, "After seeing the hard work you all have put into Queen's story, I've come to the decision along with my manager and former boss Miami, that I'm willing to sign off the rights to the film to you Graham King. And I want you my dear Ash to play me." They both looked at me in surprise.

"You're—you're serious? You-you want me to play you?"

"I can think of no other person. My uncle and father figures chose well. They—after all knew me better than I knew myself." I heard Miami chuckle softly.

"Thank you (y/n)."

"But there are conditions that I seriously must emphasize on."

"Whatever you want."

"Okay first; I will be heavily involved with the project."

"Done." He said.

"Second, there are some events I will allowed to be shown. But I absolutely refuse to have the stalking episode I was forced to suffer with be heavily shown. It can be touched on but I want nothing else about it in the film. It was hell for my family and my children were scarred for almost ten years, especially my daughter."

"It was horrifying. In my Folklore and true crime class, someone actually did a story on him in the aspect of why celebrity stalking should've been taken more into consideration." Ash said. I closed my eyes heavily trying to compose myself when I felt a hand grasp mine.

"If anything more is spoken about in regards to my Angel's stalker, the project will immediately be terminated." Miami said. I turned to him and he looked at me and nodded firmly as he patted my hand comfortingly.

"The writer's will be informed on it immediately."

"And in regard to Queen's casting, make sure that those four young boys are involved with the project. I love all four of them, they are—everything I remember when I first worked with Queen."

"It shall be done. After this film wraps up and the premiere at Wembley Stadium, you and I can meet at Abbey Road to discuss further more on the project and all the rights that need to be signed." Graham told me.

"Graham King, you've got yourself a deal." We both shook on it. A pact forged that a movie about the Rock Angel would come to place.

Months passed and I was busy touring alongside Queen and Adam for a time, up until Brian decided to pop in on set for a surprise visit. He told me that the boys were now filming the Rockfield farm studio scenes. Now this was one filming session I definitely didn't want to miss.

Brian and I drove up to the location in Hertfordshire, a charming little place known as Stocker's farmhouse and cottage. Since the real Rockfield farm studios wasn't suitable for filming, and ridge farm closed down back in 2003, Stocker's was the only place left.

Coming up onto the filming location, I began to see it looking sorta similar to what Rockfield was when I had used it earlier in my career.

"The studio definitely chose the perfect setting I must say." I said to Brian who was driving.

"Indeed. When the lads and I first came to Rockfield farm we couldn't believe that that was what Fred had in mind."

"But the wide open spaces sure do provide little to no distraction. Guess that's what made a Night at the Opera so successful to you guys."

"You really think so?"

"I know that's how it was for my first album. Plus why do you think your 5th album is the most talked about in regard to your earlier works."

"Suppose you do have a point." He shrugged. After about ten minutes of driving through the country roads, we finally arrived at the farm and the barn house there made me think of the real Rockfield farm studios.

"Not quite the same but the atmosphere of it just brings back memories doesn't it?"

"It does indeed. Shall we go surprise them?"

"Yes, lets." He shut the car off and we both exited the car. We walked towards the barn house where the guys must already be filming right about now since there wasn't really anyone outside. Once we got up to the door, Brian slowly and quietly opened the door but gestured me to go in first.

"Oh lady's first." He said.

"Thank you." I walked inside and Bri followed behind me. Inside I saw some of the crew walking around setting some stuff up. All around it was like the actual recording studio Rockfield farm had. From all the pictures I remember seeing in either magazines or even Brian himself, it was like I was transported back in time to when Queen recorded "A Night at the Opera".

"You know some of those amps and even Roger's kit we used at the time are here."

"Really? So you and Rog donated some of the actual gear?"

"Yep. Since the fans will be nitpicky about certain aspects it's just a fun little way to give them a taste of some of the real equipment. Even Red's here."

"No way. No wonder why you've been using those Red special copies throughout the tour. But Bri are you sure it's okay? I mean I know how protective you are of Red."

"She's been in the best of care."

"Right, right with your mini-copy. I swear even out of the wig and the clothes I can still see you in Gwilym. Are you sure you didn't have another child with a different woman besides Chrissie?"

"I'm positive." He assured me.

"Oh and speak of the devil there's your clone now. Why don't you go say hi while I go find the rest of the little rascals." I patted his shoulder and walked off. As I walked along I saw a familiar figure wearing a long blonde hair sitting next to another young man wearing long auburn hair that went past his shoulder.

I shook my head and walked up to them saying.

"God I swear it's like I transported back in time to 1975." They looked up and proclaimed my name. I was soon tackled in a sandwiched by Joe Mazzello and Ben Hardy.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were touring?" asked Ben.

"I was. But Brian decided to do a little surprise visit so I figured since I missed seeing you four so much, I figured I'd tag along and see how it's coming along. So what all have you done since I was last here?"

"We did a scene in Miami's office to represent Queen getting back together before Live Aid, a concert at Madison Square Garden, and the recording studio scene with Mike Myers." Joe explained.

"Now for the next couple of weeks we'll be doing some of the Rockfield farm recordings as well as the Bohemian Rhapsody music video, when Freddie joins Smile, and the "I want to Break free music video." Ben finished.

"Oh now that last one I've got to see for myself." I said grinning ear to ear. "I'll bet you four are gonna rock the drag look just like my boys did. Especially you Ben." I teased as I gently pinched his cheek.

"Yeah Benjamin I can't wait to see you in that skirt." Joe teased as well pinching his other cheek.

"Alright, alright you two enough." He said brushing our hands away and trying to contain his blush. I giggled softly.

"When that day comes, do I got some stories to share with you all about that day."

"We look forward to hearing them." Said Joe.

"And I look forward to telling them. Just let me know if you boys ever get bored of an old woman ranting on about the past."

"Never (y/n). We could never be bored of you. We love having you here, you've given us a lot of support and advice for playing your coworkers and family members." Ben said as he leaned his head against my shoulder.

"Yeah. We could never get bored of you. The day we get bored of you is the day the four of us stop being Queen fanatics. And this movie only keeps increasing our fandom tenfold each and every day." Joe said as he leaned up against my other shoulder.

"Aww you boys are sweet." I kissed Ben's cheek first which made him blush and softly chuckle.

"You lucky dog! I wanna Rock Angel smooch!"

"Then pucker up Joey dear." He puckered up his lips and I leaned in but at the last second I kissed his cheek which made him pout like a child. I laughed and said. "Sorry my dear, but my lips are reserved for one man."

"Can't blame a guy for trying though right?" he asked hopefully.

"No. I guess not. Now Benjamin, if you'll come with me real quick I would like to spend a little one on one time with you." I wrapped an arm around him when Joe said.

"Better not seduce him away from me!"

"Please Joe dear like I'd ever steal a man from you!" I cried back at him. We walked outside and walked towards the cottage. "Ben I've been wanting to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"When we first met; I had mentioned that I was looking forward to seeing you play the drums, but I noticed that you seemed a bit—tense." He froze right there on the spot. I turned towards him and stood in front of him. "Benjamin. Is there something you'd like to share with the class?"

"Well I—uhh.....when I, when I went to auditioned I—might've said that I......knew how to play the drums. But I've....never drummed a day in my life."

"So you lied? You lied and ended up getting the part of playing my only father figure in the world?" I snapped.

"I'm sorry (y/n) I just really wanted the job. But I worked hard and trained over ten hours a day in the 8 weeks rehearsal time before we shot Live Aid. I just love Queen so much and I—"

"Ben." I pressed my finger to his lips. "Relax. I knew you lied the second day of filming. Roger told me."

"Did he mention the prank that Rami tried to pull on me?" I nodded as I hummed. "Damn rat."

"Oh trust me. When it comes to certain secrets, Roger cannot keep them forever. Especially when his lion cub gets involved in wanting to know." I removed my finger and cupped underneath his jawline. "But when I saw you perform the entire Live Aid sequence, it hardly seemed like you hadn't drummed a day in your life. While I don't condone for liars, I appreciate that you took the time to study just how exactly Roger drums."

"It wasn't easy. But he was supportive and he even gave me a mini drum lesson. Of course he had to step back and say 'alright. Show me what you got'."

"That's exactly like Roger. He always did the same to me whenever he gave me a drum lesson. I remember when he taught me how to play 'Don't stop me now' back when I was an intern and he told me to play it all the way through."

"Jesus that's rough."

"Depends on how you look it. Guess I got on the lighter end than you did cause he's always had a soft spot for me. But his heart's always in the right place when he mentors. Just ask his son Rufus. That boy takes everything after his father. Not just his looks but his talent too."

"Yeah. Roger has given me some good pointers on how to strike the cymbals on a certain song. Or how to properly spin the drumsticks."

"Knowing how to keep the heartbeat going. The drums are the center of the band. If one beat is off, the entire song can go to shit."

"That was always his number one rule to playing the drums. Drilled that into my head every time." I sighed reminiscing the old days of my tutorial sessions with my dad. "So he really was like your father?"

"Yeah. Out of all the members of Queen, Roger was the one I was drawn to the most. It also helped that he loved me just as much as I did him. Always there to comfort me at my lowest moments, but there to celebrate and keep me grounded when I was higher than a kite. Roger Taylor has and will always be my papa lion."

"That's so cute you guys called each other that. Anytime you came up in conversation, Roger always called you his lion cub."

"Either that or his lioness. Lioness is more for the moments when my true strength comes into play and I do something world changing. Lion cub is like a private thing between us. God I can't believe I confessed to him being a lion to me when I was drunk. But if I'm being honest, I don't regret it."

"I can see you don't, my little lion cub." I looked at him and he just gave me Roger's cheeky grin and that familiar twinkle in his eyes just made my heart flutter.

"Cheeky." I grinned. He smiled and shrugged playfully.

Yeah I know he may not look exactly like Roger when I met him but there are some mannerisms that Ben has that just made me think of my adoptive father.

We continued to walk into the cottage cause I wanted to see what they did to the inside of it. There I saw Rami sitting by the piano in the now wearing the long black hair that Fred had at the time. Jesus without the tache, he looked more like Freddie than I could ever imagine.

However that happiness soon turned to dread and absolute disgust as soon coming right beside Rami was a young man who looked like someone who I had loathed my entire life. The one man who made my life a living hell throughout my years with Queen, the poison who nearly destroyed Queen and exposed my secret to the boys.

It was Paul Prenter.

Rami and Paul were chatting away with each other and I felt sick to my stomach.

"(Y/n)? You okay?" Ben asked me.

"Excuse me." I muttered as I passed him. I trudged right over towards Rami and shielded him. "Stay. Away. From him you snake!"

"E-excuse me?" he asked confused. "I don't know what you're talking about." Typical Prenter.

"Don't play games with me Prenter! You might've fooled Freddie once but you will not do it again! I lost him because of you. You ruined his life! And I swear to you I will make you pay for it. I'm not that little girl anymore!"

"(Y/n)! (Y/n) calm down. He's not really Paul Prenter." Rami tried to reason with me.

"Freddie please I'm doing this to protect you!" I then gripped the collar of Paul's shirt and dragged him aside. "You lying son of a bitch! How dare you show yourself again!"

"Wait! Wait I'm not Paul Prenter!"

"STOP LYING TO ME!!!"

"(Y/N)! (Y/N) (M/N) KLINE LET. HIM GO!!" I turned to see Brian as well as Joe, Gwilym and Ben along with some of the crew staring at me. Brian stomped towards me and pulled me away from Paul and he said to me in a stern voice. "The real Paul Prenter is dead. He's been dead just as long as Freddie has. That's an actor playing him. Alan Leech."

My adrenaline came down and when I looked at 'Prenter' again to see that it wasn't the Paul Prenter I knew. For one thing this guy was much younger, the tache wasn't as thick as Paul's was, and his eyes weren't as cold as I remembered Prenter's, they shown with absolute fear.

Oh god.....what have I done? I collapsed to the ground trembling with regret as tears formed in my eyes. I buried my face into my arms as I softly wept. It was then I felt Brian's arms wrap around me, his head gently resting on top of mine as he rocked me slowly while I wept.

*3rd Person POV*

Rami, Joe, Gwilym and Ben looked at each other before turning towards Allen who spoke not a word but was just as worried as the four main ensemble cast was. Rami first tried to approach (y/n) but Brian looked up at him and put his hand up and shook his head.

After she went silent, Brian helped her stand up and he walked her over to the car. He allowed her to just sit there and have some time to herself. Once he shut the door, the young actors walked up to Brian and Joe asked.

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"With time. Allen I apologize ever so much but you can't blame (y/n). The real Paul Prenter he—put her through hell when she started off as an intern. One thing he did was extremely unforgivable that I don't see why we ever kept him around."

"Brian, she uhh—I know I shouldn't say this but when she was trying to defend me from Paul, she—actually called me Freddie." Brian sighed solemnly and said.

"She still blames herself."

"What do you mean?" asked Gwilym.

"Come with me lads." Brian led them over to the cottage porch and all of them sat down along either the railings, the porch swing or on the two chairs that were out. "As you know everyone in Freddie's life suffered after his death. Some of us still grieve the way we do like Roger and myself. And there are some who became so fragile like Deacy. (Y/n).....she's always lied on the in between stage. She misses Freddie beyond anything no mistake about that, but then there are days when she blames herself."

"Blames herself?" Rami asked.

"Yes. See, when Freddie first told us that he was diagnosed with AIDS. He wanted to keep it away from (y/n), because her career was skyrocketing, plus she had her own family to look after with Kelly and the twins. Freddie didn't want her to worry about him, but one year when we were all in Montreux recording our last album Innuendo, (y/n) allowed us to stay at a vacation house of hers that she had there. That's when she began to deduce just what was wrong with Fred. He told Roger and myself that the poor dear had blamed herself for not being there for him. Because—well truthfully there was a fallout with Queen and the Rock Angel for a time. Now whether we make that into the film is unknown I know writers are always doing rewrites. But she felt like had she stepped up to Prenter or held onto Freddie just a bit longer before turning her back on him, he would've been alive today."

"Jesus." Muttered Ben.

"Poor lass." Allen muttered.

"But she couldn't have known. None of you did."

"And we didn't. Because Fred didn't want anyone to know. It was his personal business and his alone. And although (y/n) says she accepts that it wasn't her fault, there are some days where she says it is. And any reminder of it just sometimes makes her snap."

"I don't blame her. I—I know exactly what she's going through because of my dad's illness. Anything regarding glioblastoma and I just freak out. But—thanks to these guys I.....don't know where I would be."

"We're here for you mate." Gwil said as he patted Joe's knee.

"So you see guys, this film is bringing back a lot of memories for her. Good and bad. So Allen I really hope you don't take offense to what just happened."

"Not at all Brian. Besides after hearing and probably thinking what the real Paul Prenter did, no wonder why she would get defensive around Rami. I hold no grudge against her."

"Thank you. Just—give her time to cool down and then you all can go see her." The five boys nodded in agreement and took the guitarist's word.

*My POV*

After a while once I calmed down and decided I needed to find young Allen Leech and apologize for my erratic behavior. I got out of the car and dapped my eyes with a handkerchief and walked towards the barn.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Kline. We're—not sure it's a good idea for you to be here right now." Said one of the crew members. That's understandable, I knew it wouldn't be that easy.

"It's not that we don't want you here it's just that, well after seeing what happened between you and Mr. Leech. We—think it'd be best if you were to not be on the set for a while." I sighed and said.

"I understand. I was way out of line. But—can you please express my deepest apologizes to Mr. Leech. As well as the boys."

"You can tell me that yourself." An Irish voice spoke up. It was then I looked up to see the five boys themselves.

"You're not going anywhere." Said Rami.

"Mr. Malek, we....."

"We heard what you said dear. Now step away from our Rock Angel so that the six of us may talk." He came up and took my hand and the boys took me into the cottage.

We came into the kitchen area and Rami gestured for me to sit down. Joe pulled out a chair and I sat down while the boys surrounded me.

"Boys; I—what you all had to witness, I have no excuse for my behavior. I am ashamed that you all had to see me act like that. Especially you Allen dear. I—hope you all can find it in your hearts to forgive me."

"I do. Seeing me remind you of someone who—was just known to be such an arsehole and black sheep in Queen's circle, I can see why you acted the way you did. I would've done the same thing too had I seen someone I hate come back and standing before someone who was once a dear friend of mine." Allen said. He came up to me and extended his hand.

"Why don't we forget this whole mess ever happened and start over? Hello Rock Angel, my name's Allen Leech." I looked up at him and smiled as I took his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you Allen darling. And please like I've told these guys, call me (y/n)." he smiled and that's when I stood up and hugged Allen and he hugged me back.

"Aww now that's sweet." Rami cooed.

"We're all friends now." Joe said with a smile.

"Yes. We're all friends. Now get in here you lot, group hug boys!" they all laughed and cheered as we all came together and group hugged each other. Forming a new bond and a new start with one another.

Thankfully the studio actually managed to let me stay the rest of the day after that whole fiasco (all thanks to the boys but mostly Allen for agreeing to not press charges on me for assault). Of course they warned me that with another outburst like that, not only would I not be allowed on set again, my consultant position would be taken away.

So I was more well behaved than usual after hearing that I would be kicked off the set.

Right now the lads were recording Gwilym's bit for the guitar solo, but what was cool was that the crew decided to allow Brian to play the solo for the fun of it. So as the playback of Freddie's voice came on, Gwilym stepped aside while Brian came in his spot and began playing his guitar solo.

I stood beside Gwilym as we both observed Brian playing the famed Bohemian Rhapsody guitar solo. I even took my phone out and took a video of what was going on. After the solo, Gwilym walked over to Brian and I made sure to get both of them in the shot.

"That's brilliant. I love that." Rami's voice spoke as Freddie from the other side of the recording studio.

"So now what?" asked Gwilym.

"The operatic section." Said Rami. Both Gwilym and Bri nodded. A grin spreading across Gwilym's face as he muttered.

"Ah-huh. The operatic section. Good."

"Of course." Brian said. Jesus just seeing them like this and hearing the same voice come out of them, it really was like we took Bri back from 1975 and brought him here.

When Dexter Fletcher called cut, I stopped my video and said.

"Oh man Jack's gonna flip when he sees this."

"Is he ever gonna come by for a visit?" Brian asked me.

"Yeah I myself would like to meet the famous Jack Kline." Joe said from the other side of the booth.

"Well unlike us where we know when our schedules begin, law enforcement doesn't get days off. Especially when he's going for the Chief's chair. But who knows maybe he might come by for a day if not a few hours."

"I hope so. It's been awhile since we've seen that husband of yours." Brian told me.

"Yeah, I know. Jack misses coming in every day just like the old days."

"I'll bet he does. Or he just misses seeing the love of his life perform and rehearse. Back in the day when you kids first started dating, he'd always have that puppy love look in his eyes as he watched up on stage. Remember the time in Seattle?"

"That was in Houston, Bri. If you're meaning the time he was so distracted by watching me that he almost ended up tripping over the stage, that was in Houston, Texas."

"Oh yeah that's right."

"Alright we've had our fun, now let's do this for real. Gwilym get to your mark. Brian and (y/n), gonna have to ask you both to get out of the shot frame please."

"Good luck Gwilym dear." I said as I gave him a peck on the cheek for luck as Brian handed him his original red special and we both walked out of the frame and stood behind the camera.

The day continued on filming the boys recording the famed song that this movie was named after and I swear to you, it was like I was seeing history happen. Like I was transported back in time to the summer of 1975 and seeing my boys (just five years before they even became my boys, back when I was just one of their millions of fans) record one of my favorite albums.

And even seeing the struggle and perfectionism that Freddie had for this song. Rami truly brought Freddie's perfectionist behavior right onto the camera and it just—had me bewildered. It was like I was seeing Freddie again, hard at work on his masterpiece.

After a long day's filming, Brian and I unfortunately had to head back to the city to actually record an album together that he was helping me produce. Since touring was over for now, the boys and I (yes including Adam) we were all focusing on our solo stuff now till the next tour came around.

And since Bri had some free time after working with a talented young woman, I had asked him to come help produce my latest album 'Resurrection'. Ever since hearing about the Queen film and also hearing that Elton as well was going to make a biopic film, the title was named in honor of their upcoming films.

Because it would show a whole new generation of audiences what their stories were and show them that like a phoenix, Queen and Elton will resurrect because you can't keep down true legendary artists.

So for about 2 weeks Brian helped produce the album and of course he and I would post on our Instagram accounts both pictures of brief videos of some behind the scenes stuff of our partnership together.

"And there she is. Working diligently as ever." I heard Bri said. I looked up from my I-Pad to see him holding his phone, probably taking a video for his collection package he likes to do on certain events on his Instagram.

"Yes and I thought you'd be helping me too."

"I am. I'm your publicity for now, then I'll go back to being your producer." I smiled and laughed as Brian chuckled. He turned his phone onto him as he spoke to his Instagram followers, "As you can see we're both working extremely hard. Now we can't give too much away, but you can expect this album to be just as powerful as her previous albums in the past."

"But we unfortunately have to go now, our special guest on the album has just arrived and like Bri said, I never give away spoilers." I said as I came in the shot now.

"Okay well you heard the Angel ladies and gents, this is us signing off till next time. Bye."

"Bye!" Brian turned off the video camera and exited his account. And just as he pocketed his phone away, my special guest came in through the doors.

"(Y/n)!"

"Pink, my sister how have you been?" Yep you read right. I had reached out to the one and only Pink to come sing a duet with me. For years since she came up on the market, people have confused our voices cause she and I had the same powerful low range vocals.

Our first time doing a duet was—oh gosh I wanna say very early 2000's. I wanna say even just shortly after the 9-11 attack. I wanted to bring up an album that would spark some life and hope into the people of America, my in-laws especially cause when we lost Jared and Gen, the whole family felt like it was gonna come apart.

I auditioned several young female artists to sing along with me but their voices just either weren't right for the album or they sounded too nasally. But when this young woman at the time, an artist barely known came along, it blew me away at how our voices could mold well together.

So with me singing in a higher range and her taking the low range we launched the song 'Death by bombs, (live by hope)'. It was at the #1 charts in America for the entirety of the New York cleanup and became a national anthem. Pink and I were even asked for several years to sing the song every 9-11 for about 9 years.

Now here we are again six years after our last collaboration.

"You ready to do this?" I asked her.

"Angel, I was born ready. Anytime to sing with you is always gonna be a good one."

"Alright then ladies, step into the booth and let's get this song rolling."

"You got it Brian." Pink said enthusiastically as she and I walked with an arm wrapped around each other's shoulders and we walked into the booth together to begin our work.

Another week passed and when I received a message from Ben Hardy telling me that they were about to start filming my all time favorite music video 'I want to break free' I was on the first flight back to England (since I was recording the album in America) to see the shooting for myself.

I walked through the studio and everything came flooding back. The extras in the cow patterned leotards, the design of the music video set but it wasn't until I saw Joe dressed in the same granny attire that Deacy wore that hit me with pure nostalgia.

"Oh my god nana Johanna I did not know you were still alive." I said exasperatedly.

"Yeah, yeah hahaha very funny." Joe sneered.

"No, no Joe don't take my comment as an insult. You look—every ounce from what I remember Deacy looking like the day I came by with my wedding invitations."

"You were passing out wedding invitations during this music video?" he asked me. I nodded with a hum.

"Jack and I decided to come by to see the guys cause I wanted to deliver their invitations personally. And also ask them to walk me down the aisle since—well you probably know."

"Yeah I get it." He said as he came up and placed a hand on my shoulder. "So you really think I looked exactly like John did?"

"Absolutely. All that's missing is a crying girl crying out 'where's daddy! Where's daddy! That's not my daddy'."

"Okay this could be my dirty mind but that sounded—" I playfully slapped him in the back of the head.

"You're right to get your head out of the gutters young man! I was referring to his daughter Laura. I mean I wasn't there to see it, but Veronica had told me just shortly after the shoot that she had brought the kids over to see their father. Of course Michael and Robert were hysterical with laughter, but poor little Laura who was only 4 at the time was crying cause she didn't recognize her dad."

"Awww well if you wanna recreate it, I can call my sister and get my niece on Facetime to see if it'll work."

"As much as I would love to see that, let's not scar your niece up for life. But yeah, Laura kept denying that the old granny was her dad. Until he took off the wig and she recognized her daddy's fluffy hair."

"That is literally the most adorable thing I've ever heard."

"I know. Laura was a sweet kid. She was the one most attached to me when I first met her. She even recreated a bit of my song for my birthday when she was just 3 years old."

"Okay (y/n) seriously stop you're gonna give me cavities at this point." I laughed and said.

"Alright now show me the rest of the boys, I want to see them."

"They all look amazing. Except for Ben." I looked at him skeptically but he just took my hand and led me towards the kitchen part of the set. There I saw Rami by the table in the pink shirt and leather black skirt, sporting the 1950's hairdo and nails that Freddie wore that day. Gwilym by the fridge in the pink nightie and bunny slippers, along with the curlers, and of course Ben in the 'Rogerina' getup.

The same style wig, the schoolgirl outfit with the leggings, the heels. Wow he looked more of a Rogerina than the real Roger did for this music video.

I let out a wolf whistle and that's when the three of them turned towards me.

"Rogerina has returned. The women who makes men drool at her feet and women turn for her. And if my son Freddie were here, honey you would most certainly turn him."

"God (y/n) please stop embarrassing me." Ben whined.

"I shall not. My cousin Rogerina was the talk of the town back home. Of course along with Aunt Brianna and Fairy godmother Frida."

"Is that what you really called the guys when you saw them like this?" asked Gwilym.

"Who do you think started the trend names? Freddie's was—kinda last minute since....well due to certain things going on at that time. But really you guys, I love each and every one of you."

"I'm still disappointed in Ben's look." Joe bluntly stated.

"And why's that?"

"His thighs are too big. Too much rugby."

"Yes Joe I know. I've been trying to slim down as best I could but these thighs man!"

"Not everyone can please everybody Ben. But trust me when I say, fans will love this and will love you as Rogerina. Plus I think you look absolutely beautiful."

"You really think so?"

"Hell yeah. You're still prettier than I am."

"Oh come on now that's never gonna happen. You are an eternal beauty."

"That's what I've been telling her for years." A voice said behind us. No way. It—it couldn't be. I turned around and my ears weren't deceiving me at all.

Dressed in grey shirt with a dark color blazer and dark blue jeans, the greying of his once blonde hair but those warm eyes of his were unmistakable. A wide smile spread across my face as I laughed out and walked towards him.

"Jack!" I hugged him and he hugged me back. I separated but kept my arms wrapped around his neck. "What are you doing here?"

"The case got solved so I figured might as well put some time off and see just what you and Freddie were talking about. So I called up Roger and asked him where the filming was at, and here I am."

"Ohhh you." I leaned forward and we gave each other a loving kiss.

"Awww." We separated from each other and I cleared my throat.

"Whoa. Okay did we just transport back in time?" asked Jack.

"No love. Boys, I'd like you to meet my husband and the love of my life for over 30 years, Jack Kline. Jack, this is Rami Malek, Gwilym Lee, Joe Mazzello and Ben Hardy." I pointed to each of the actors individually.

"It's a pleasure to meet you boys." Jack said with a wave.

"Believe us, it's an honor to meet you Mr. Kline. Brian, Rog and (y/n) have told us many stories about you." said Rami.

"Oh god, if Roger was telling the stories he made me look bad didn't he?" I playfully slapped his chest.

"Not all the time." replied Ben.

"In all seriousness, I must say.....wow this is....."

"I know right? Oh darling just wait till you see the Live Aid sequence Brian managed to record. Don't they just look the part?"

"Yeah. So much so that it's almost scary."

"Ohh and Jack dear, you remember back when George and Jackson were obsessed with Jurassic Park?"

"Lord do I ever. They practically ruined the tape." He said with a groan.

"Well—Joe here, played the young boy Tim in the film." I then saw Jack's jaw drop as he turned towards Joe.

"So you're—you were....."

"Yep. I was little Tim Murphy in Jurassic Park. My first major gig that got my name out there."

"Wow. And seeing you now dressed like this it—you look so much like him." Jack said in awe. I turned to Joe with a 'told you so' look.

"Yeah it was scary to see just how much I looked like him. I even asked my mom if she was up to anything around 1983." Jack laughed.

The rest of the day was spent seeing the boys perform the music video, as well as a couple more stage concerts from both the 70's and 80's. When Jack got to see these four young actors in full Queen costume and hair/makeup, he was blown away. As we were in the back of the extras who were the crowd, Jack kept his arms around me as we watch in awe.

His head leaning against mine as we watched Rami literally become Freddie with every strut, head turn and bent back, se saw Gwilym play a model of the red special guitar just how Brian is known for, Ben working hard in the back with the drums literally playing just like how Roger is known to play. But I know that out of the four of them, Jack was beyond amazed at seeing Joe Mazzello play his former mentor and idol John 'Disco' Deacy.

His bass playing and even doing the funky little moves that John as known to do on a more upbeat song like 'Fat Bottomed girls,' or 'We will Rock you'. We clapped along with the extras and cheered for them. I knew that with what I've seen so far, this movie was going to be—sensational. Just like the band themselves.

Later that night after wrapping for the day, Jack and I were now at home getting ready for bed.

"So, what did you think of it?"

"They picked the right actors. And the right team to work on it. You were right (y/n)."

"Of course I am." I teased.

"Don't get cheeky with me love, you know what I mean. This movie it—it's everything I hoped it would be. I just wonder if—he would've loved it." I looked at my husband empathetically and said so

"He does." I looked out towards the window up at the stars and continued, "They both do." I felt Jack wrap his arm around me and the two of us cuddled up close together and fell right asleep after a long and busy day.

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