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#do i had no idea hwo to explain this but i finally ot what teh feeling was after today where i wore my new binder outside and it felt Good
purgeshubble · 4 years
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ok so just want to say, i feel like im finally really starting to become my real self, like obv everyone grows their entire life and there is no set being, but i just have this feeling that I’m finally living my actual life,, god im not explaining this feeling well, im mostly just saying that I feel free in a way i have never before in my life and it’s incredible,,, and so yeah idk i just wanted to put that thought out into the world lmao
#noah talks#the last few days i have felt Weird and i didnt know what it was liek it wasnt a depression spiral or intesne nonstop anxiety stuff#i was kinda sure it had something to do with my trans-ness and i was kinda worried abotu stupid interanlised bullshit i wont get into here#i wont get into it because it wasnt abotu that (i mean i am still working through so much interanlied transphobia but thats a diff vein)#do i had no idea hwo to explain this but i finally ot what teh feeling was after today where i wore my new binder outside and it felt Good#and i hav been takign publisc transport casually adn regualr for teh frist time since i was telve#and i only had a panic attack twice and i maanged to call someone for help adn then try th ebus again the next day#and also today with the really final realisation is that my mums bf contatced me abotu tatoo artisst he knwos that are queer and free soon#and just i am doing this and i am a guy and noah is doing this#and someone in teh tags of a mb called me noah and i called akon and in 1-3 months i have an appointmet with a gender therpaist person#and i had a talk with an adult i trust abotu having friend in adulthod and how she doenst have many but is stil happy and is fullfilled#(im really bad at making friends irl and cannot do it and my mum makes me feel bad abotu this costantly)#and just I feel like me and liek this is it and idk its been a solid year or so since ive thoguhtou abotu tw suicide#but i think finally now im twnety adn all this is happening and im sayign fuck what people expetc/think that i finally feel#like im Here to stay ?? if that amkes sense ?? liek its really /me/ here to stay and i have finally found/creted myself#or at least a base of myself that im so excietd to grow#lol i coudl writ ethis in my journal but i felt liek i needed to put it out here#sometimes u just wanna talk to a vague public bc u need to
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