sHUt UP not aegnor and andreth eoduhvoaivhnaqpnqa ive been waiting for you to read athrabeth for ages. I know this is controversial but theyre my favorite couple and finrod and andreth is my favorite platonic ship it kills me I cant think, finrod was so devoted to her and they were intellectual soulmates even if on the opposite side and aegnor DIED before her, and she thought she would trouble him rips hair out and eats it
and the nature ajkfnof elves and how they differ from men and how they think and how deeply Morgoth has corrupted the land that they believe they are cursed but andreth will be free one day and aegnor will be trapped in mandos alone till the second song comes and I my head hurts
it was SOOOOOOOOO literally I was sat reading in the park with my brain rising from my body like
it was SUCH an interesting discussion??? I definitely need to read it again because there was so much going on but yes the way elves know their past while men seem to have come out of such darkness that they see morgoth as the most powerful force???? and always that sense of loss and bitterness 😩😩😩 and all the discussion of hopelessness and hope and pity and healing and 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩
and then the breaks every once in a while where you see how close finrod and andreth are 😩🥺🥺 when he says in Arda remade the elves would sing to the men and andreth is like 'what would you say once you've done singing' and Finrod laughs 😩🥹😩🥹
AND THEN. GOD.
DO CANDLES PITY MOTHS.... OR MOTHS CANDLES WHEN THE WIND BLOWS THEM OUT?...... I TELL THEE AIKANAR LOVED THEE........... THEN WHY DID HE TURN AWAY WHILE I HAD A GOOD FEW YEARS TO SPEND........FOR ONE YEAR, ONE DAY, OF THE FLAME I WOULD HAVE GIVEN ALL....... THAT HE KNEW ........
she doesn't want to be a burden but she never would have been because he never would have run on before her he would have waited but he didn't want her to feel ashamed . but none of that matters because he's going to die first anyway. im literally abt to start chomping on my mattress. the memory of her he will take with him but what will she take wherever it is that she goes ....... 😩🔫
why are elves abd men made different......so we can touch hands in the darkness ... ..
and at the end... "But you are not for Arda. Whither you go may you find light. Await us there, my brother – and me." HEEEEEEEEE Finrod has SO much love and respect for her i want to scream i am inconsolable I will never recover from this i cant believe you recommended this to me my brain chemistry has been changed forever
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cw: suicide mention.
“You don’ miss ma cuz you never had her. But just cuz ma hated you, don’t mean she hated me.”
Morris watches as Oscar slams the front door closed behind him in the hopes to keep out the chill of night air, and throws his jacket over the back of the rickety chair. He can feel his gaze slide from the soft glow emanating from the candle in front of Morris to the way he runs his fingers over his rosary wrapped around his knuckles.
“What the hell is this?”
Morris glances up at him lazily, rolls his eyes as he sets down the rosary, and leans back against the counter. “A candle Os, c’mon use that big brain a’ yours.”
He doesn’t look impressed.
“Why the hell is it on our table?”
“I got it from the church.”
“What?”
Fuck this. He knows Oscar knows what it is.
“You light it to keep someone’s memory when they die.”
He also knows what Oscar’s hesitation means.
“Who’re you rememberin’?”
“Who do you think?”
…
“Ma.”
…
The pause hangs in the air for a moment.
Then he sighs, something from the back of his throat, deep and frustrated. “Christ Mo, we talked about this.”
“You talked about it and I didn’ agree with you.” He pushes away from the counter. “She ain’t got no proper grave Os, you want me to jus’ forget she existed or what?”
“Not like she did anything worth rememberin’.”
“Oscar she was our mothe-“
“She was useless.”
“No she weren’t.”
“You seriously tryna argue with me about this? After I practically fuckin’ raised you-“
“Yeah? No one asked you to.” Morris spits. “Ma an’ da raised you and you turned out-“ he stops abruptly, looks Oscar over and can tell from the way he tenses that he hates being so perceived, then voice low, lips curling to something cruel as he stares at the table, “Don’t look like you did a much better job then they did.”
Oscar looks away as he scoffs. Morris just tastes blood, tongue sharp.
“You don’ miss ma cause you never had her. But just cuz ma hated you, don’t mean she hated me.”
The air is heavy. Suffocating even.
“Christ Mo she didn’ want us. Neither of us. She didn’t want anything.”
Morris doesn’t look at him, keeps his hand curled to a fist atop the table and Oscar can practically see the cogs turning in his brothers head.
Morris grinds his knuckles into the table till it hurts. Avoids Oscar’s gaze.
When he speaks it’s quiet, like he’s afraid to interrupt the silence, like he’s afraid it’ll be a catalyst to everything that comes after like it always does when they fight about things like this. But this isn’t a fight, not yet, not really.
“You think if she had a union like Kelly and the other assholes kept yellin’ about, she wouldn’t a’ been killed in the factory?”
Oscar stills. “What?”
He speaks slowly, deliberately. “If she’d got safety on the job it wouldn’t a’ killed her.”
He expects something, but it’s not the bitter laughs that rips from Oscar like a bark, all ugly disbelief. Something mocking and pitying and Morris hates the look on his face, like he knows something Morris doesn’t. Like he’s stupid.
“Jesus Morris, y’know I thought you woulda worked it out since you ain’t a kid no more but there weren’t no factory accident.”
He grinds his knuckles harder. Focusing on the feeling of bone against hardwood to distract from the pool of dread opening a pit in his stomach.
“What?”
“There weren’t no factory accident.” Oscar repeats, sharp. “Ma took herself to Brooklyn bridge and jumped off.”
At Morris’s silence he continues, voice rough and spitting, cold.
“She didn’t want me, or us. She hated her life and hated herself so there she goes an’ solves all her problems at once.”
He should’ve expected it when Morris shoved him, hands landing hard on his chest causing him to stumble back.
“Fuck off Oscar.” The words come out a growl.
“I’m the one who’s been there for you.” Oscar snaps. “I ain’t the one who fuckin’ left us behind.”
Morris pushes him again and for once Oscar doesn’t push him back as he collides with the wall behind him.
Morris rarely wins a fight unless Oscar lets him.
The candle is still burning on the table.
“I found food when da decided he couldn’t be bothered to buy it no more, an’ I taught you to read, and I took those hits from Snyder when you was actin’ up in the refuge-“
The first hit sends Oscar’s head to the side, the back of his skull cracking loudly against the wall. Morris only realises he’s done it once he feels it in his knuckles.
The second hit he feels blood, feels Oscar’s nose shift under his knuckles.
Bone against bone.
But Oscar, eyes a little dazed but still so sharp, lip split, keeps talking, leans forward and grabs the collar of Morris’s shirt in fist, the other grabbing a handfull of hair dragging him forward, making him stumble with the force of it.
They’re eye to eye now, Morris remembers when Oscar was taller.
(Morris rarely wins a fight unless Oscar lets him)
“We’se all we got Mo, you got that?” He hisses, “Only got each other and that’s it.”
He speaks through blood stained teeth and it looks like he’s just clamped his jaw around someone’s neck and ripped out their throat, mouth bared in a growl, eyes lit low and dangerous. That constant simmering anger buzzing under his skin like electricity. The way his hand fist Morris’s collar as he pulls him close, rough and erratic, almost kinetic, almost feel like kinship in the way Morris can feel it just under his skin aswell, can feel the adrenaline through the ends of his fingers curling his hands to fists.
“You don’t need to go making yourself miserable over some bitch who didn’t love you enough to even fuckin’ stay alive.”
Morris opens his mouth to retaliate.
Something choked comes out instead.
His throat aches
His eyes sting.
The anger is still white hot and burning but he can’t help but flinch as Oscar’s grip tightens as he pulls him roughly into his chest, arms circling his shoulders, grip strong and almost too violent to be affection but Morris presses his forehead against Oscar’s collarbone and sucks in a ragged breath anyway. Oscar’s hand curling around the nape of his neck.
“I ain’t goin’ nowhere alright?”
Morris squeezes his eyes shut, hands still curled to fists hanging at his sides, refuses to acknowledge the damp patches on Oscar’s shirt collar as he feels his brother lean his head back, hears the dull thud as it hits the wall Morris had pinned up against moments beforehand. His knuckles hurt.
“I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”
On the table, the candle burns.
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