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thelovelyghostwriter · 5 months

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Detective Conan M26 (Casual) Review as a long-term CoAi shipper

This is just a casual review. It's not serious and my own opinions.

As someone who had shipped CoAi as a child (even before I knew what shipping was), I squealed so hard when I saw the movie trailer. It seemed like they were going for CoAi shipping HARD.

Of course, not everything is perfect, and this movie is far from the best (I still think the best DetCo movie is M6, which was the Phantom of Baker Street).

I do have certain aspects that I liked and disliked in this movie (SPOILERS AHEAD):

Let's start off with what I liked in this movie.

THE COAI SCENES.

This movie was the ultimate ship-bait for this couple. 2023 was their fucking year. The creators shipped CoAi hard this year. This was from making this movie, re-releasing the Bell Tree Express episode into a Haibara Ai-focused movie called "The Black Iron Train", the sale of official CoAi Uniqlo x ShonenJump shirts, and even an official ShinShi poster. It was like, CoAi suddenly had the spotlight - which was weird since canonically we know they aren't a couple.

There were several scenes that CoAi fans loved a lot. Two of them stood out to me:

The first was the scene where Conan gave Ai his glasses. It was a reference to the Haido Hotel case scene.

I think this was really one of the most iconic and romantic scenes in the series. Him placing glasses on her as a reassurance, and they even did a little Superman-Louis Lane kind of reference.

Granted, I still preferred the scene in the actual anime or the manga panel. They stayed in that scene longer. But it was definitely a callback to the older DetCo episodes.

Believe it or not, Uniqlo even made a shirt out of this scene. This was around in 2023 when Uniqlo would collaborate with Shonen Jump and when they sold Detective Conan shirts, one of the shirts were of this scene. Which I find really odd given that there was no sale of ShinRan shirts (I don't recall ever having one).

The Uniqlo shirt design can be found here. I actually even got this particular shirt. I just had to.

The second scene in the movie that everyone was talking about was the underwater CPR "kiss" scene.

But since the movie was going to have a submarine, I figured there would be a scene where they would be underwater.

The other movie I remember that had an underwater "CPR" kiss was in Movie 2, "The Fourteenth Target". It was between Ran and Conan. It was the scene where they were underwater and Conan was losing oxygen so Ran gave him a "kiss".

But I never thought they'd actually go through with this kind of scene with CoAi. While yes, she's trying to give him CPR because he is drowning, we all know what they were trying to do with this scene. She also attempted it not once, but three times. And their ascend to the top of the water's surface was very romantic. She also seemed unhappy when she thought she had to leave him, but Conan noticed her sadness and reassured her. There was also a flashback to him in that bus episode - "The Mysterious Passenger". That episode where Conan saved Haibara Ai from an exploding bus and told her "Do not run away from your fate". I think that was a great callback too.

I also squealed when Ai acknowledged that they kissed! It was like, OH WOW HAIBARA YOU KNEW. It sucked that Conan is still clueless ever, but that was a fangirl moment for me.

There was also more spotlight on Haibara Ai, of course. Given how she's popular, we got to know snippets of her childhood. I got emotional upon knowing that Ai stood up when Naomi was getting bullied, but that in turn she got bullied and became a social outcast. I think that it is very characteristic of Ai to be a social outcast, given that she appears cold and quiet at first. But my heart ached for her as well, because she was very kind towards Naomi and she suffered so much as Shiho Miyano.

I also liked that there was more spotlight on the agents, like Sena (Kir), Rei (Bourbon) and Akai.

The scene of Ran vs Pinga was great too. Now, I'm not a big fan of ShinRan, but I am fond of Ran as a person. I do think as a character she's a Mary Sue, but as a person, VERY ADMIRABLE. She's sweet, kind and the fight scene was quite intense. I also liked how in the second battle she lost, because I would like to see Pinga win a bit (because he has to have good fighting skills if he is in the criminal organisation, it would have been embarrassing if he lost to Ran).

Now onto the things I didn't really like:

The Detective Conan Movies with Black Organisation as a plot often felt the same. There was a threat, but nothing ever changed because the movies are not supposed to affect the canon manga plot. Hence, Gin and Vodka etc. will never know Shinichi and Shiho's identity as Conan and Ai. They will have their suspicions, but it will always have a roundabout way of them brushing it off. The highlighted characters in the movie like Curacao and Pinga are then killed off in the movie because they are not supposed to exist in the manga. That's why movies with the Black Organisation plot will always seem underwhelming, and they will not be as good as the actual manga plot arcs like Clash of the Red and Black arc.

Another plot hole I didn't like is that the plot or threat was kinda "eh". I was also baffled by how the Interpol's security system is so poor, they can get hacked in seconds and also get infiltrated in the Pacific Buoy so quickly. But you know, it's for the plot purposes, I guess.

The other scene that I really found unnecessary and that I predict that most people would also find it odd and out of place was the scene where Ai kissed Ran to "give back" the kiss Ai took from Conan. Like wtf was that. It's like the creators needed to reassure the audience that Ran was the main girl. It's like "ok guys, chill, we wanted CoAi to kiss, but end of the day we can't make them canon". We all know Ran is the main girl, but let us CoAi fans have this moment. It's like giving us a huge bait for us to bite, only to get it ruined by the last particular scene. There was also no built-up for Ai to feel guilty regarding the kiss. It was a very big surprise and there was no follow-up scene on why she did that, like "I really care for you but you love someone else and it will be selfish for me to do this" moment.

Ran was also understandably stunned that Ai (whom she would think is a 7-year-old child) would kiss her like that. It would have been a good moment for Shiho/Ran shippers, but it's not Shiho kissing Ran. I felt so bad for Ran in that moment because she seemed so confused and there was no explanation (if they could actually explain to her) and the scene was really out-of-place. Conan also didn't seem to question Ai about her odd actions on that part.

The last part I didn't like was that the end of it seemed abrupt. There was no scene where they were back in Tokyo and Conan/Ai having a last moment together. It sort of sucked that the last scene we saw was Ai kissing Ran, which ruined the momentum of CoAi. I was waiting for something in the end credits, but the end credits that rolled was the teaser for the next movie in 2024.

This is the end for the review. Of course these are my mere thoughts as someone who had watched DetCo since mid-2000s (but dropped it in 2017) and had liked CoAi since I was a kid. I'm not sure how the manga is so far since I dropped it at around ep 800, but I heard that there wasn't a lot of CoAi moments in canon now (let me know if it's otherwise, maybe I'll pick it up again).

#coai #shinshi #detective conan #detective conan movie 26 #detective conan movie 2023 #haibara ai #conan x ai #conanxai #conan x haibara #shiho miyano

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riverstardis · 1 year

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a moment of clarity:

that outside shot of a guy walking past a house (charlie’s i assume given it then cut to him) looked like it could’ve been out of ‘the lodger’ (the s5 doctor who ep) like that guy could easily be about to be lured in. i mean most likely it actually was the same place used for filming

there’s been a holby uni end of year party and zoe literally walks in and sees all the drunk students and tries to walk right back out again sjdkdkfk

do you think rash went to holby uni? i mean we know he carried on living at home while studying so he can’t have been far right?

matt died :(

lily looking at her five year plan

robyn getting a text from zach and lily’s definitely thinking about how she doesn’t have a boyfriend

again, they’re showing two different cars driving we all know what going to happen

oh is this the ep with the tape worm

ahh the talisman makes a reappearance

lmaoo dixie’s talking about all the process she has to go through before knows whether she can adopt and how she could go through all that and then still not be their ideal candidate and iain’s like “yeah you’re probably right. single, lesbian, shift worker, owner of a depressed labrador. you don’t exactly tick all the boxes do you” and she’s just like “you think little abs is depressed??”

“anxious and overprotective, dix, you’ve definitely got what it takes”

lily quizzing robyn on her date and her methods to getting a date sjsjdjfk

now she’s quizzing max on the holiday he’s planning for him and zoe “does dr hanna respond favourably to this level of spontaneity?” “does a one legged duck swim in circles?” “logically, yes” “yes lily, yes they do” sjskdjkf i love her

now she’s quizzing noel and louise about how they manage spending so much time together

ewwww they pull the worm right out her nose🤢

how do they manage to keep counting their cpr while talking

cal’s obviously upset about matt and still thinking about what he said to him and he gives ethan his stethoscope and walks out mid shift :(

ethan tries to talk to him and cal says the department’s full of time wasters and he wants to make a difference and ethan’s like then you have to commit to something and not keep running away and cal walks off right as he says running away sjdkfkkf

“cal! oh fine go! i’ll just go back in there and pick up the pieces shall i? i’m used to it” :(

cal’s back because he forgot his keys sjskdk

ethan wearing both his and cal’s stethoscopes🥺🥺 a little bit too reminiscent of when he puts cal’s steth on after clearing out his locker for comfort though😢

dylan spotting the talisman and saying he thought he’d asked for it to be removed but then a patient comes in so he ends up putting it in his pocket :/

aww zoe planned a holiday with max in kefalonia with 5 star everything and he’s obviously bothered about it because his holiday plan was devon. he’s feeling the effects of their rather large income gap :(

ah cal telling connie that he wants to start working towards becoming a consultant

she’s surprised because she thought he just couldn’t be bothered

cal taking one of the photos from the calendar prank to the auction sjskdkfk

zoe and max fighting over money :( max goes to sleep in the car

dylan still has the talisman

uh oh tess forces charlie to go to bed saying she’ll look after louis so he can sleep but he asks her to get him a blanket and then escapes the house😬

#classic casualty #a moment of clarity

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polygamyff · 4 years

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44.

I prefer Mickey Mouse Clubhouse; I am not here for the rest of that shit. Reign is really enjoying it, I mean I best get used to it “Mi Amor, Mickey said bye. Look” waving at the TV “bye Mickey, bye bye” Reign just stared at me “you not say bye bye to Mickey, wow that is rude” holding my hand out to Reign “come on, we going to get you walking momma, I’m home now so we will get that done” Reign’ fat little hand grabbed my thumb and dragged herself up “erm, what are you doing?” I laughed trying to move my thumb away from her mouth, she is trying to use my thumb now but the grip on her hands are just crazy “Reign, no. Don’t use my hand, ma’am! Look, oh my god, Mickey is a baby” she is so strong, oh my god “what the hell your mom feed you” Reign finally let go, I only wanted her to grab my hand so she can use my hand to stand up, instead she attacked me “you can stay there now” I pointed, Reign waved her arms in annoyance “why are you annoyed when you attacked me? You sit there and watch Goofy, that is what you are. Goofy” Reign whined out, het fat little hands hitting the couch. I am not sure if this is her having tantrum but it seems like it, Robyn is getting ready because the hospital contacted her to meet up before she comes, she wants me to come and I said I think that may not be a good idea. I want her to go alone, but she wants me to go. Reign yelped out, looking over at her and she smiled “nope, not having that at all. I feel attacked” shaking my head looking back at the TV but she yelped out again “I am not playing your silly games Reign, you are being silly” trying to look at her from the corner of my eye, she is staring at me. I can’t stop staring at her “ok, ok, ok you got me. I can’t stop looking at you” turning myself on the couch to face her “why are you so cute, why can’t I just be annoyed of your actions. Like this can’t go on” holding Reign’ arms and helping her stand on her legs “hey Mi Amor, come to me” I don’t think she gets the movement of legs yet, she is stood just smiling her little ass off at me “ok we on step one, we can do this. I know you can, you are beautiful black independent woman. And even daddy can’t tell you what to do” bringing Reign into me “give me all the cuddles, you have the best cuddles. Better then mommy, don’t tell her that though” Robyn told me to dress her, but I think she is good in her diaper, she is free to be who she wants.

Robyn took her damn time; I was close to sleeping. Reign fell asleep on my chest “I did say for you to put a baby grow on her? Who taught this no clothes shit, she needs clothes” pressing a kiss to the top of Reign’ head “she is free and happy, leave her. You ready?” I said as I slowly got up from the couch “do I not look ready?” I chuckled “baby, please. I am joking, where is your mom? I am going to put Reign down here, we need to get a bed for her” I am tired myself now, carefully holding the back of Reign’ head “have a nice nap Mi Amor” pressing a kiss to the top of her head “you never tell me to have a nice sleep?” Robyn is such a pest “mhmm” turning to Robyn “have a nice nap Bonita” kissing Robyn’ forehead “whatever” placing Reign on the couch slowly “jealously is an ugly trait” feeling a slap to my butt “so is your sexual gestures” grabbing the blanket “only the best for my daughter, Louis Vuitton blanket, this was daddy’s. Never used it and it was in my box of things from Texas” placing it over her “you are speaking to a sleeping baby, but you really pull at my heart strings like that. You’re such a good dad” moving back from the couch “her hair is a mess, my bad but where is Terry?” she needs to be here “she is coming, I like this outfit. It’s a change from your usual suit” Robyn touched my red plaid shirt “you think? Thank you, I can dress you know. I even matched my sneakers, red Nike high tops too. I am more used to suits though” Robyn touched my cheek “I can tell, the walk-in closet as a full side of suits. I was like where is your normal every day clothes” I grinned “I live in suits baby” I am not moving until Terry comes.

Terry eventually came so we left to go to Brooklyn, I mean I am not amused by where the hospital is but it is what it is, she is there and she is happy with it but again I am not pleased “why Brooklyn again?” I asked “because pootie, it has an adult trauma unit. That is what I do, I save lives. That is my aim so that is why” pulling a face “like what about private hospital?” Robyn laughed “Maurice, I am there to save lives, I don’t care what you think. Rich or poor, I am there to save them, I enjoy it. I would do it for anyone. The things I have seen, the people I have seen. No matter how rich you are, we all end up in the same place, do we not?” nodding my head “good answer baby, just like you to be safe that is all. So, how are you feeling with going back to work? Are you excited or nervous? Do you remember how to operate?” Robyn laughed “I have worked too hard just to forget, I promise you this that I do remember how to do surgery, you know. I know it’s not something you want to think of but the hardest thing I had to ever do, in my life. Not even giving birth but it was giving you CPR, that till this day it still haunts me, that is when I knew I couldn’t be without you, my love for you was so deep. I loved you yes but it was deep love, my soul mate love. I dreamt of you, god” I can only imagine how that felt “I am sorry Robyn” she held my hand “don’t be, I just want us to be happy. Everything else in life is nothing, you mean the world to me Maurice” Robyn rested her head on my shoulder.

I am very much intrigued when I come to hospitals, I am more then happy to be here with Robyn to see her workers but honestly. I feel like I would be in the way but she wants me here “hi, I am looking for Li? He is supposed to meet with me, my name is Robyn” standing behind Robyn, some guy called Li, I bet he is from abroad “oh yes, I will call him. Please take a seat” she gestured to us to us, walking off to the waiting area “thank you” Robyn said, sitting down in the wating area. Robyn sat next to me “I am kind of nervous actually” Robyn said, “have you not met this Li guy?” crossing my left leg over my right “no, he is the guy I am going to work with. Like side by side for a while, he is the head surgeon until I find my feet again” letting out an oh “ok, that is important isn’t it. Don’t worry Robyn, you will be ok. Trust me” she will be fine, I think Robyn is worrying for no reason because she is a beautiful soul “Robyn Willis” looking up at this guy, I judged him because he is not foreign, he is a younger American speaking guy “oh hi, yes. Nice to meet you Li” Robyn shot up, shaking his hand “please is all mines, if you would like to come with me to the unit” is Robyn going to leave me here “can my partner come with me?” Robyn asked “sure, we are just going to the office so it will be fine come with us” so Robyn is going to be working with this guy.

Walking behind Robyn, looking up seeing the Trauma unit, it’s kind of creepy in a way because there is people in this unit that need desperate emergency treatment, and then hearing these noises going off. Like you got to be mentally ok to do this, imagine seeing death “so this is our unit, and I would show you our team, but they are in surgery, but we have this board, come. You will be on this too. So, this is our team, space for you” looking up at the board, there is only one old man on this board, the rest are young, young guys and I don’t really feel jealous, maybe a little but they better stay away from her “my picture is going to be that high up?” Robyn asked “yes, you should be proud. You are now part of our team, specialist surgeon. You done so well, I seen your file and you should be proud. We just need to take a picture of you which we will do now. But this is your team, and they are excited to meet you” all I know is that there better not be any man after Robyn here, cause like I won’t have that shit at all.

I had to wait in the office while Robyn gets her picture done and her scrubs for the hospital, I knew she would be fine alone and she didn’t need me with her at all now I am pretty bored here, I could be watching Micky clubhouse, I really enjoyed that shit. I huffed out looking down at my phone, Jay did in the morning mention about Ally, if I can get Ally and Jay together, that would be cute actually. He doesn’t care that I have been with her before so why not, I think Ally deserves to be happy too but then again will she mind that I am doing this “so will we see you on Thursday?” the door opened, locking my phone and looking up at the door “yes, I am excited. I just need to properly go through my shifts, work out surgery times and things. I know I was told that I would be put on call for a weekend in every three, I am not sure. But we can work that out when I come back” Robyn said “of course, you know how it is. Times can often change, demands change. I am excited to see you in surgery actually, I have heard you are very good at what you do” Li held his hand out to Robyn, Robyn shook it “I am not nervous anymore, I am excited to come on Thursday. Excited to meet the team too, I think it’s going to be so much fun” I am glad she is happy now; I didn’t think she needed to feel that way at all “nice seeing you too, her partner. You must be very proud of her?” Li said to me, getting up from the chair “I am, she is amazing in every way” Robyn knows that already this is why she is smiling at me like that.

Robyn is adamant we get a crib for Reign; I just think we could wait it out while her room is being done but Robyn won’t have it. Maybe it’s because I be hugging Reign and not her, it could possibly be that “you know whose birthday is next? Well coming up?” I said as we walked into the store “an old man’s birthday?” she is so rude “wow, ok then. I was going to say this is why my dad is giving me the company next month, I think he is doing it on my birthday but ok, I will just keep it to myself huh” she always calls me old “well your refusal to come and get Reign a crib is annoying, like why not? She needs space” I laughed “you mean you need space? Why don’t you sleep in the crib? Childish” Robyn gasped looking behind her at me “I said what I said, anyways pick something out” I don’t want to be here forever “well I want to keep the theme we had for her in the original home, princess themed. Queen like, so once her bedroom is done the crib will match” here we go, we are going to be here forever “excuse me, hi. I wanted to ask, can we take the crib home today or is it made to order?” Robyn is determined “dependant on the model you look for” the assistant said “the best” I quickly added “then they are made to order” I grinned “show us the ones we can take today, he can put it together” pulling a face at Robyn “erm no, we are going to buy the best” this woman done lost her mind.

How many men does it take to build a crib, the answer is two and Robyn won’t drop it “Jay, I thought you was good at this?” I said confused as shit just looking down at half of what we done “I do security not baby cribs” I am not putting my daughter in this “I decide against it” I said walking off “you say that to Robyn then, good luck” I will say it to her, once I eventually make my way there because this home is too damn big. Jogging down the steps, I could just shout from the balcony from the library actually, then I don’t need to be face to face. Me and my great ideas “Robyn, I can’t do it. I mean I can, but I don’t trust the thing! So, we will wait until professionals can do it, so I hearby announce that Reign stays in the bed with us!” I shouted, “you don’t even touch me!” Robyn spat “I will pat your head before we sleep, is that better!?” Robyn is really bringing out this inner brat, like she just wants it her way “you’re being unfair, like totally unfair. You better fix that shit!” I ain’t doing shit “my mom said you have to do it!” I thought Terry was saying something “I did no such thing! Robyn do not lie” Robyn is a liar, walking off laughing.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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uswntpoet · 5 years

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Love on the brain (Part 8)

Hey guys :) The song later in the chapter is the Louis Armstrong version of "La vie en rose". Let me know what you think, Hope you like the chapter, enjoy :))

The chapter is also up on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17576201/chapters/42070757

The next morning Kelley is woken by Alex waking up with a jolt, gasping loudly. Kelley immediately is sitting upright as well, her heart pounding heavily.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay???” she asks worried, examining Alex and the room for any evidence of the issue.

“What happened?” she questions immediately, panicked and still half asleep.

“We forgot to give each other our presents.”

Kelley slumps back down onto her back, groaning loudly.

“Are you serious? You nearly gave me a heart attack, I thought something happened.” she complains, covering her face with her arm to block the light.

“Something did happen. Baaabe, we forgot. How could we?” Alex complains.

“No need to wake me up like this. I thought I had to fight some burglar or had to do CPR.” Kelley grumbles, closing her eyes. Alex smirks at her and lays back down next to her. She starts kissing Kelley’s shoulder.

“Aw, babe. I’m sorry. Thanks for protecting me, you’re my hero.” Alex says dramatically with this huge smirk on her face, clearly kidding around.

“Are you making fun of me?” Kelley raises an eyebrow, looking at Alex.

“I would never.” Alex giggles. Kelley steadies herself on her elbow, looking down at Alex, who tries to hide her laughter.

“Yeah right, you little beast.” Kelley laughs, leaning over Alex to attack her. She starts tickling Alex, who squeals and laughs loudly. Kelley now is on top of her and she has no chance to escape, which is why she has to face her destiny. They both laugh loudly and Kelley doesn’t stop torturing Alex.

“Okay okay, you w-in. I’m sor-ry. Kel, st-op.“ Alex laughs.

Kelley stops tickling her, looking at her triumphantly.

“See, the burglar wouldn’t have stood a chance.” she smirks.

“So you were planning on tickling him to death?”

“No I would have shot him with those guns.” Kelley says cockily, holding up her arms and flexing her muscles.

“Stop showing off you poser.” Alex rolls her eyes playfully. Alex definitely has to admit that Kelley’s arms and generally her body are a pretty big turn on for her, which is no big secret. Who are we kidding, they’re both athletes. Still, right now she can’t fold and has to stay strong, even though she thinks Kelley looks smoking hot and she wants to give in badly. Nevertheless, she knows that this kind of triumph would make Kelley unbearable for weeks and Alex has no desire of Kelley teasing her every chance she gets.

“Baby, I know you love it. And for the record babe, I wouldn’t mind some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.” Kelley winks at her, imitating a douchey college guy.

“Such a fuckboy.” Alex shakes her head, grinning.

“That’s what I was going for.” Kelley laughs, cutting the act. Kelley looks at Alex for a second and musters her expression. Kelley’s heart warms at the look she is giving her. Alex is wearing a mesmerizing smile and if you’d ask Kelley there is no better feeling than knowing that she herself is the course of it. All of the sudden, she jumps up to sprint towards the stairs with a roguish look on her face.

“What are you doing?” Alex laughs confused.

“Stay put for a sec.” Kelley calls from upstairs. So Alex waits expectantly. When Kelley walks down the stairs she is wearing a smug smirk. Alex looks at her and starts having a laughing fit, throwing her head back. Kelley is wearing a snapback and her aviators, combined with her USWNT shorts, white tennis socks and a white t-shirt with rolled up sleeves. The definition of a fuckboy, however in Alex’s opinion she still manages to look so hot that it should actually be illegal. Suddenly, the boxes in their living room start to blast a loud bass. Ginuwine’s ‘Pony’ starts playing and Kelley wiggles her eyebrows at Alex, who is laughing even louder now. Kelley starts dancing, rolling her body to the beat and Alex starts playing along.

“Uhh yeah, baby come here.” Alex hums, suggestively motioning with her pointer finger for Kelley to come closer. Kelley approaches Alex, who’s still sitting on the couch and dances right in front of her. Alex laughs hysterically and Kelley has to admit that this is all she wanted to accomplish, however she tries to keep up the show since she has already committed to it. She takes Alex’s hands, places them under her shirt and rolls into her. Alex has a mischievous smile on her face and bites her lip. Kelley takes a step back, looking Alex straight in the eyes and pulls the t-shirt over her head as slowly and as sexily as she can. In the process her snapback falls down, but Alex catches it. Kelley stands in front of her only wearing a Calvin Klein bra, with her signature smirk and all of Alex’s willpower is flying out of the window. Kelley pushes Alex’s legs apart and turns around standing in between them. She squats down and slowly moves up again, pressing her body against Alex’s, taking her hands into her own and rubbing them across her body. As she twerks in front of Alex, Alex slaps her butt, apparently having a great time. Kelley turns around, facing Alex again. She throws her shirt away and straddles Alex’s lap. Alex places the snapback on Kelley’s head backwards again and Kelley starts grinding into her to the rhythm of the beat. Alex is totally captivated by her private show and runs her hands up Kelley’s tights. Kelley smirks at her again and pushes her down, so she is laying on the couch. She hovers over her and rolls her body, thrusting her pelvis into Alex’s. She directs Alex’s arm around her neck and her legs around her waist. After that she jumps up in one swift motion, pulling Alex up with her. Alex squeals and laughs into her neck. Kelley continues dancing with Alex on her hips, bouncing around the living room, ultimately sitting her down on the couch again. Kelley ends her show in jokingly flexing her muscles again, while standing in front of Alex, laughing loudly herself.

“What a stud.”

“Just admit it, you were into that.” Kelley grins.

“You’re just crazy. No, actually if I really think about it you are completely insane.” Alex laughs.

“See what you are doing to me.”

The music dies down and Kelley feels pretty pleased with her performance, considering the smile on Alex’s face.

“I have to admit, you’d make an excellent stripper.”

“I’ll reconsider my post-soccer calling.”

“Let me rephrase that, you’d make an excellent private stripper and by private I mean just for me. No matter what you charge.” Alex says possessively.

“For you, madam, my services are for free.” Kelley says with a posh accent.

“You were right though.”

“Right about what?” Kelley asks confused. Alex pushes herself up to stand in front of Kelley. She then leans forward to whisper in her ear.

“I’m totally into it.” Alex breathes sultry, ultimately not able to resist her fiancée.

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They decided on gifting each other their presents in the evening, since they wanted to spend the day with their families plus Allie and Bati. So after they come home from the ice skating rink in Central Park, it’s finally present time.

“Babe, can I come downstairs now?” Kelley calls from upstairs impatiently.

“NO!”

Kelley has been banned upstairs for a while now, because they both wanted to arrange their presents for each other. However, Alex is taking forever and Kelley is rather eager to see the look on Alex’s face when she hands her the watch.

“You are taking forever.” Kelley laughs.

“Just give me one more minute.”

Kelley sits on the top step of the stairs and whistles happily.

“Okay, I’m ready! You can come down now.”

So Kelley makes her way downstairs.

“Babe, what took you so lo-“ Kelley chuckles, but is at a loss of words when she walks into the living room. The room is covered in a warm yellow, due to the dimmed light and the lightly flickering candles, which Alex lit. A beautiful, familiar melody is softly playing in the background and the candles form a little path leading to where Alex is standing. She is looking beautiful in the warm light, her eyes sparkling. The sound of the trumpet playing is giving the scene a graceful aura. Alex is holding two glasses of red wine and on the table behind her she placed a tray with grapes, cheese and bread. Kelley walks towards her and Alex smiles at her excitedly.

“Wow. That’s beautiful, Al. Thank you.” she smiles, gesturing towards the candles and the table and leans in to give Alex a peck.

“Can you guess what’s your present?”

“You.” Kelley remarks slyly.

Alex pretends to think about it very hard, her brows knitted and her thumb and pointer finger stroking her chin, as if in deep thought.

“Hmm, let me think about it. Nope! Take another guess.” Alex laughs, her mouth curving into a smile.

“Wait, are you telling me I don’t get to unwrap you?” Kelley asks feigning shock.

“Stop fooling around, pretty.”

The trumpet solo comes to an end and the husky voice of Louis Armstrong can be heard.

“Hold me close and hold me fast The magic spell you cast”

Alex hands Kelley the glass of wine and they clink them together. As Kelley wants to take a sip she is stopped by something swimming in her glass. A little Eifel Tower. Kelley’s head shoots up to look at Alex in awe, her mouth opening in surprise.

"This is La Vie En Rose" Alex whispers with Armstrong.

“Oh my god, no way! Paris?” Kelley exclaims. Alex smiles at her warmly. Kelley pauses to look at Alex lovingly.

“When you kiss me heaven sighs

And though I close my eyes”

“Alex…” she whispers, tears shimmering in her eyes. She steps forward and leans in for a tender kiss.

“I see La Vie En Rose”

“Oh my god. I can’t believe you. We always wanted to go together.”

“We did.”

“And now we are going?” she asks excitedly.

“We are. We’ll be there for two weeks after the World Cup. No work, no soccer, just the two of us.” Alex smiles.

“Al, that’s amazing!” Kelley gushes.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it. I love you. Thank you so so much.” Kelley leans in, kissing Alex over and over again, smiling brightly. She pulls her into an embrace, swaying to the end of the song and plants a lingering kiss on Alex’s cheek.

“Give your heart and soul to me

And life will always be

La Vie En Rose”

“How did I deserve you? This is going to be just perfect, babe.” Kelley says. Alex gives her a huge smile, absolutely happy that Kelley likes her present.

“You’re amazing.” Kelley kisses Alex again, not able to refrain from doing it.

“Stop it before I fall in love with you.” Alex laughs against Kelley’s lips.

“In that case I better keep going.” Kelley smirks, pulling Alex’s lip between her teeth.

“Oh aren’t you a charmer.” Alex jokes, softly hitting Kelley’s chest.

“Okay ready for my present?” Kelley grins. Alex nods eagerly, so Kelley asks her to sit down.

“Close your eyes.” Kelley instructs, to which Alex obeys. Kelley pulls the box out of her back pocket and sits down next to Alex. She places the black box on Alex’s leg. Kelley intentionally bought a gift box for her present, so that the signature box from Tiffany’s wouldn’t give everything away pre-opening the present.

“Can I open my eyes?”

“Not yet.” Kelley says, quickly exploiting the situation by giving Alex a kiss, which causes Alex to beam.

“Now you can.” she says, after pulling away. Alex opens her eyes and smiles at Kelley, before looking down and up again, to look at Kelley questioningly.

“Come on, open it.” Kelley urges. Alex carefully lifts the lid of the black box and gasps loudly, letting the lid fall back down again.

“NO! YOU DIDN’T!” she shrieks, her jaw dropping, looking at Kelley wide eyed. She carefully lifts the lid up again, her hand shaking.

“OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! WHAT?! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT???” Alex gasps, completely dumbfounded. She pulls Kelley in a bone crushing hug. When she pulls away, she holds Kelley’s face in her hands.

“Kelley, are you nuts??! HOW?? No I can’t accept this.”

“You kinda have to, look!” Kelley says, reaching for the box and handing Alex the watch of her dreams. The watch she so desperately wanted and that wasn’t on offer, because it was only made once.

“Turn it around.” she instructs. When Alex does, she can’t help but start to cry, tears rolling down her face. On the back of the watch Kelley has engraved something.

“My storm, my light, my remedy. I love you forever Alex Morgan-O’Hara.” she mouths, not being able to speak. However, Kelley voices the words for her instead, watching Alex purposefully, as if she was taking an oath. Alex looks up at her, the tears glistening in both of their eyes. Alex reaches for Kelley’s face again, caressing her cheek and leaning in to kiss her passionately. The kiss is intimate and heartfelt, displaying all the love Alex can muster up.

“Thank you.” she whispers in between kisses.

“I.” Kiss. “Love.” Kiss. “You.” Kiss. “So.” Kiss. “Much.” Kiss.

Alex pulls away just for a second, to straddle Kelley’s lap, immediately reconnecting their lips. She holds onto Kelley’s face, turning her own head slightly to deepen the kiss even more. Kelley’s arms wrap around Alex’s waist, pulling her closer. Alex sits up on her knees and kisses Kelley urgently, overpowering her with the angle. The kiss is turning rough in a good way and Alex reaches for the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head. Kelley starts trailing kisses along Alex’s collarbone, who grips onto Kelley’s neck, closing her eyes in pleasure, panting heavily and letting herself fall back into Kelley’s lap again. Kelley leaves open mouthed kisses along her cleavage. Alex’s back arches, her spine bending backwards to push into Kelley’s kisses. She leans forward, gripping Kelley’s hair to pull her into a bruising kiss again. She reaches for the hem of Kelley’s shirt as well, who lifts her arms so that Alex can pull it off. She pushes Kelley down onto the couch, who bounces lightly and stares at Alex unashamedly, pupils dilated. She rubs Alex’s tights up and down and keeps eying her body breathlessly.

“You’re drooling, tiger.”

“I’d want some medal of honor if I wasn’t.”

“I get that a lot.” Alex waves her off smugly, grinning.

“Oh, do you?” Kelley smirks at her.

“Yeah, but there is this one fan I have and she just brings it to another level of obsession.” Alex rolls her eyes jokingly, as if she was annoyed by it. Kelley leans up again, to leave kisses at the rim of Alex’s bra. She looks up at her seductively while doing it, driving Alex crazy.

“Do you straddle all of your fans without wearing a shirt?”

“No just this one.” Alex winks at her. Kelley looks up to the ceiling, folding her hands as if to pray.

“Thank you dear lord for your mercy. Hashtag BLESSED!!” she whoops.

“I’m glad I could make your day.”

“Oh baby believe me, you made my entire life. You wanna know why?” Kelley says confidently.

“Tell me.” Alex demands biting her lip.

“Cause this-“ Kelley says grabbing Alex’s butt, smoothly leaning back to lie on the couch and pulling Alex down with her, so she lays on top of her.

“-is all mine.”

“It certainly is. Come and get it then.”

#kelley o'hara #alex morgan #kellex #kellexfic #uswnt #kellexfanfic #part8 #love on the brain

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stylessunflower18 · 5 years

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My Boyfriends Keeper

Hi, loves! Welcome to My Boyfriend’s Keeper. This is an original story I created and wanted to share. I haven’t written in a few years so I’m a bit nervous about posting this. I can’t wait to see what you think of this! Feel free to leave any type of feedback, it will be appreciated no matter what!

Synopsis : Harry and Louis have been together for a year. Louis has depression and Harry has become more of a caretaker than a boyfriend, but no matter what Harry is there and would do anything for Louis. Louis will seclude himself and on his worst days he’ll end up in a yelling match with Harry, which always make him feel even more shitty.

Word Count: 1386

Warnings : Mention of mental illness + suicide.

Harry felt his breath hitch as he held his phone to his ear. His throat seemed impossibly dry and could almost feel his heart thumping out of his chest. “I’m coming home. Stay with him.” He couldn’t finish the sentence before he started crying. The tears wouldn’t stop as he runs down the hall of the tattoo shop he worked at and grabs his jacket. The shop still had clients in it, so it’s not like Harry to just leave during a busy part of their day.Mitch grabbed Harry’s wrist before Harry could open the door to leave, “Harry, what the fuck is going on? You can’t leave right now!” He says and Harry wipes his face with his sleeves, shaking his head as he looked his best friend in the eye. “I’m sorry. It’s Louis.. he needs me.” Harry speaks, not giving time for Mitch to respond before pushing the door open and walking out. All he wanted to do was go home. Once he’s in his car Harry pulls out of the parking lot, his fingers gripping the steering wheel so tight that his fingers were almost white. Usually Harry’s an excellent driver, but his boyfriend was in trouble and he just wasn’t concerned with the few honks he’s getting as he runs through stop signs and has to look down at his speedometer several times to make sure he wouldn’t get pulled over. It seems like he’s caught every red light and they all seemed to last for an eternity. It felt like he couldn’t get home fast enough.

As he turned onto the street he lived on he saw the blue and red lights of the police car, Stan’s small vehicle parked in the street, and the ambulance lights flickering. Stan watches as Harry parks his car and runs over to the car. Tears were still coming, wiping his tears with his sleeve as Harry gets out of the car. “Harry, oh my God. I’m so fucking sorry.” He says, watching as his best friends boyfriend walks right past him. Harry walks up his driveway, but he doesn’t get far before an officer stands in front of him. “I’m sorry, sir. You can’t come inside.” He says and Harry furrows his eyebrows, “No, that’s my boyfriend in that house. I need to see him!” He replies, attempting to push pass the officer until he feels the officer push him back. “You cannot be in the house. We will update you as we find things out.” The officer says and Harry feels his heart sink to his stomach. How dare that officer tell him not to go see his boyfriend in his own house. He just wanted to hold Louis and let him know how much he loved him. Stan walks over to Harry and breathes out loudly, “What happened?” Harry says in a whispered tone after a moment of silence. “Louis started sending me these messages about how much he loved me and how he always thought of me as a brother. He told me to tell you that he loves you so much and that you mean more to him than anyone else. I didn’t know what it meant, so after several messages I ran over here and found him face down in the bathtub.” Stan says, watching Harry’s eyes get more and more watery as he told the story. “I’m the worst fucking boyfriend in the history.” Harry whispers and Stan shakes his head. He would have responded, but as he started a gurney was pushed through the door. Harry puts his hand over his mouth as tears begin to roll down his cheeks again. He could see the dainty boy on the stretcher and just lost it. “My baby!” He screamed and ran over to the gurney. All he was able to see was the familiar brown hair Louis sported before he was pushed out of the way. The EMT’s were continuing to give him CPR as they put him in the back of the ambulance. As they shut the back doors Stan walks over to Harry, “One of the EMT’s said that if you’d like to ride with them you can ride in the front since they’ll be working on Louis.” He says and Harry nods. “Thank you so much. For everything.” Harry says and hugs Stan tightly before running to the front of the truck, getting inside and buckling himself up.

The drive just seemed perpetual. It’s like the the driver couldn’t go fast enough. What if Louis dies on the way down there? The morbid thoughts wouldn’t stop and the more they came the more he panicked. These thoughts keep Harry distracted until they reach the hospital. Once the driver stops they get Louis out and wheel him in the hospital. “Go to the waiting room and once we have Mr. Tomlinson set up we will come out and let you know.” One of the nurses says and Harry watches them all rush Louis back. Harry goes to the waiting room and sits down. He looks around and sighs sadly. Today had been rough and this wasn’t the way he wanted it to end. The longer he had to wait the more he began to worry. For a long time he just sat with his legs crossed, twiddling his thumbs. He didn’t want to move just in case a doctor came out for him. At the same time he didn’t want to just sit there and worry, so after an hour he gets up and goes to the restroom. After using the bathroom he gets a water from the vending machine and sits back down. Harry continued to wait for another hour and a half, almost falling asleep at one point. When he sees a doctor come in Harry perks up and sits up as he comes and sits next to him. “Hello, are you here for Mr. Tomlinson?” He asks and Harry nods, “How is he? Is he okay? Is he alive?” Harry asks with obvious panic in his voice. “He is alive, Mr. Styles. We’re giving him some oxygen through a nasal tube just until he wakes up to make sure he’s alright. He’s still asleep and you can visit him whenever you want.” The doctor finishes and Harry smiles, tears in his eyes as he sits up.

Harry walks down the hallway quickly and stands in front of the door that the doctor told him Louis would be in. He pushes down on the doorknob and pushes the door open. The curly haired man walks to the bed and just examines the lad that he loves so dearly. He has two little nubs in his nose, the tube wrapped around the back of his ears and it was connected to the vital signs monitor. Louis has an IV in the back of his hand. “Oh, Lou.” Harry whispers and scoots a chair to sit beside him. “I love you so fucking much, babe.” He says and grabs Louis hand, kissing his knuckles softly. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I feel like I’ve failed you.” Harry says and sniffles softly, chuckling softly as he feels the tears perk up in his eyes again. “If you were awake right now I know you’d be calling me a pussy.” Harry says and blinks the tears away. Even in Louis’ lowest moments they could always manage to make each other laugh. Never in a million years did Harry think he’d be in such a committed relationship, but he really thinks Louis is the love of his life. For a while he sat in silence as he held on to Louis’ hand for dear life, leaning his forehead against Louis’ knuckles. Just a few minutes had gone by when Harry felt a squeeze on his hand. He sits up looks at Louis. “Lou?” He whispers and gentle rubs his thumb against the back of Louis’ slightly smaller one. “Louis, if you can hear me squeeze my hand.” He prompts and just moments later he feels squeeze. “Baby..” He whispers and Harry stands up to walk to the other side of the bed, running his fingers through the feathery brown hair until he hears a voice. “Hi.” Louis whispers and looks up at Harry.

End Of Part 1

Thank you SOO much for taking the time to read this story. I would love to hear your feedback. This is very new to me so once I get more comfortable I’ll continue to add more to the story.

#larry stylinson #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #louis tomlinson #Harry Styles

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1d1195 · 7 years

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hello love , don't know if you are taking request or not but if you have time could you write "Waking up with amnesia" like louis one but with zayn ?

The first day you met theboys was at a beach in LA where they filmed the “What Makes You Beautiful”video. As your lifeguarding duties, you were to keep fans away from the shoot(like the boys were distressed baby seals stuck on shore). Of course that’s howyou looked at them—baby seals. It was Zayn that came up to you and introduced himself—hejust wanted to say hi and thank you, plus he thought you were cute. Soon allthe other boys came over and the fans were gushing over them and you justchatted politely with them.

Somehow you exchanged numberswith Zayn and every so often you would go to hang out with the boys and justrelax with the most popular boyband on the planet. You kept in touch with Zaynthe most—at least once a week you got a phone call from him just to talk.Later, when he started dating Perrie the calls were once a month. When he leftOne Direction it was one about three months later telling you he felt horribleand he wasn’t sure if you would still like him.

By then the two of you werefive years older and you were no longer lifeguarding and now Zayn was out andabout doing his own thing. Every once in a while, you still talked to the otherboys but you could tell how raw it was at first between them. Zayn told youthat he and Perrie were over and you felt heartbroken for the two of them—he feltlike he had no one to turn to, so he just attached himself to you.

The boys still talked withyou and you urged them to make up and whatnot…all five parties claimed it stillhurt and you didn’t want to push them so you just chatted with them all,telling them how Zayn was doing and how the boys were doing.

Eventually, after getting soclose to you, Zayn realized exactly how much he liked you and you couldn’tbelieve it, honestly. But things like this happen so you were happy and youwent about your way and dated Zayn. He did his thing at the studio, you workedas a secretary at a doctor’s office while you studied to be a nurse.

But now it was your two-yearanniversary. You knew Zayn didn’t like water that much, but his friend offeredto take you guys on a ride in the bay and then you could have a romantic dinnerat the upscale restaurant across from your end of the bay. It was sweet becauseZayn knew how much you loved the beach so he wanted you to enjoy your two yearanniversary. Zayn looked leery the whole ride and you gave him an encouragingsmile and held his hand. At one point, he didn’t want to be outside, you didn’tblame him and knew this was so much more than you could ever ask for. So hestood up and moved to go to the overhang where his friend drove the boat.

Of course, that was when they hit a bit of a bump causing Zayn totopple over the side of the boat and smacked his head. You gaped and jumpedinto the water as the boat continued on driving. You ducked under the water andyou opened your eyes—it burned but you saw Zayn and you started swimming underfurther to get him and hauled him up to the surface. You sputtered and the boathad turned around by then. Zayn had a cut on his head and you were pretty sureit was already starting to swell. You told his friend to call for help, and youmanaged to push Zayn back up on the boat. You laid him flat, listened to hisbreathing—didn’t hear it, and you proceeded to give him CPR.

You were scared, but your adrenaline was pumping and this is what youwere meant to do. You continued, tears getting close to the surface and justwhen you thought you were so screwed, he started to cough. Feeling blessed, youturned him onto his side and he coughed up water and you sat back on your heelsas you watched him. Bringing him to shore slowly you didn’t move his head orneck after that and you just applied pressure to the cut on his head.

You met Trish at the hospital and you explained everything that happenedand tears finally started to fall. She gave you a hug and told you how thankfulshe was for you—that it was not your fault and he would be just fine because ofyou.

Sniffling you turned to the doctor who said you could go in and youlooked at Trish. “I want you to go first, I have to think of how to yell at himfor making you cry,” she said knowingly.

Smiling, you headed to his room and you bit your lip. He looked fineand you sighed softly. “You feeling okay?” You asked.

He turned his head to you, and bit his lip. “You’re not Perrie,” hemurmured.

Blinking you felt like time had stopped. “No, unfortunately not,” yousmirked. “But…I mean…”

“Well…where is she?” He wondered.

“Erm…I’d imagine out with the band…or with her boyfriend,” you saidhesitantly.

“Boyfriend?” He almost jumped out of the bed. “What do you mean? I’mdating her…”

Biting your lip, you sighed heavily. “Um…no. You two broke up about twoand a half years ago…you don’t remember that do you?”

“No…I don’t,” he shook his head. “What happened?”

“You hit your head on a boat on our way to a restaurant for our twoyear anniversary. I think…”

He shook his head and then rubbed it gently. “What the fuck,” hegrumbled. “This isn’t good. The boys are going to be so mad that I can’tperform. This sucks.” Holy shit.Gaping at him, you didn’t even know what to say. This was the worst thing thatcould have happened. You yelled out the door for Trish and you felt more tearsracing down your cheeks.

Trish had to explain everything while you sat in the waiting roomsipping coffee. You had texted Niall, because you didn’t know who else to calland you figured he was always the one who wanted to patch things up. Despiteall that, all four boys entered the waiting room and rushed over to give youreassuring hugs.

Louis looked very hurt and you wanted to know why, but right now youwere just amazed that all four came to see their friend. “Wow, thank you,” youwhispered.

“We’re so sorry, love,” Liam whispered. “Is he alright?”

“He doesn’t remember at least the last two and a half years,” youmurmured. “It could be more though. I haven’t pinpointed it yet.”

Frowning they looked at one another and then back at you. “That’shorrible, love,” Harry said rubbing your back. “We know how much he loves you,this must be very difficult.”

Nodding you sighed heavily. “It’s alright. I just hope he’s okay,” yousaid truthfully. Because first and foremost, no matter how much you loved him,you wanted him to be happy.

They all looked on at you and they sighed. “As much as I want him back,”Niall began. “We have to tell him the truth,” he said. “So don’t worry about ustaking him from you,” he explained.

You smirked. “If you can take him, you should,” you said knowingly. “Atleast he remembers you guys and wanted to hear from you,” you reminded them.

“M’sorry, love,” Louis whispered.

You nodded. Because there was not much else to be said on the matter.

The hardest part of this, was it felt like a break up—but only for you.Zayn had no idea how much you loved him and it was hard. Trish kept you updatedof course and the boys always saw him now and it was like old times. You were ablip on Zayn’s radar—just far off and not as close as you were.

It was hell, quite honestly, and you wished that you didn’t like thewater so much and you even ventured to say you never met the boys because atleast you wouldn’t be so heartbroken right now. Unfortunately, the paparazzistill followed you around some and the fans questioned you a lot. But at thevery least, everyone was happy Zayn was hanging out with One Direction again.

You had your sunglasses on as you were headed to the beach when you sawfive boys grouped together and you recognized those hairstyles anywhere. Theywere peeking out of hats and hoods and you rolled your eyes as you got near. “Youdo know it’s seventy degrees out and no one wears sweatshirts, right?” You murmuredas you walked by.

They pushed Zayn forward, he bit his lip shyly and the other four walkedthe other way. Sighing sadly, you crossed your arms and looked at your feet. “Howdo you feel?” You wondered.

“Head doesn’t hurt anymore,” he said.

You nodded. “That’s good. Make sure you go back to the doctor to get itchecked for a delayed concussion,” you reminded him.

“I’m very sorry I don’t remember the last two years,” he said. “Theboys and I have stayed up late the past few weeks talking about everything and I’vebeen grappling with details trying to figure out what my life was like the pastcouple years. I know I adored you and I’m very sorry that this happened becauseI can only imagine it’s difficult.”

Pitying him, you found your empathetic side again. “Probably no moredifficult than not remembering your breakup with Perrie or the band.”

Sadly, he smiled. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“Well, of course I hope you remember, but I also hope you do whatevermakes you happy,” you said. “I do love you,” you promised.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets he nodded. “That’s why I’ve come tosee you. I realized if I felt that way, then I’m glad this happened because itgave me a chance to make up with the boys but I can’t continue to be in a bandI wasn’t happy in…” he shrugged. “They’re okay with it. We listened to alltheir music—and my music—I sound so happy,” he smiled.

Grinning you looked at him with pride. “You are Zayn.”

He nodded. “And…I can’t promise I’ll act the way I was before. But I likedyou from the first music video I ever made…if you want to date again, we can. Iknow this must be really hard and weird, but I do like you a lot, love.”

You smiled happily. “I’d really like that,” you said softly. “If you’resure. I don’t want to pressure you.”

“As long as our second first date isn’t at a beach, I think I’llmanage,” he joked. Giggling, you nodded easily.

“Sounds good to me,” you said happily. “I’ll pick you up at seven,” yousmirked.

“Deal,” he said and he pulled you in to kiss you on the cheek. Anddespite the past two years of your intimate relationship with him. This kissstill brought color to your cheeks and you were happy to have a second firstdate with the boy you met on the beach.

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gordonwilliamsweb · 4 years

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‘It’s Like Walking Into Chernobyl,’ One Doctor Says Of Her Emergency Room

At one New York City hospital, a doctor’s used mask tore as she performed CPR on her infected patient.

In Seattle, a nurse compares walking into her intensive care unit to bathing in COVID-19.

And in St. Louis, a nurse slips her used N95 mask into a paper bag at the end of her shift and prays it’s disinfected properly.

These are scenes playing out in hospitals across the country, based on interviews with over a dozen residents, doctors and nurses who go into work every day feeling unprotected from the disease they’re supposed to treat.

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Nearly a month into the declared pandemic, some health care workers say they’re exhausted and burning out from the stress of treating a stream of critically ill patients in an increasingly overstretched health care system. Many are questioning how long they can risk their own health. Some are falling sick themselves, and even dying. In many hospitals, the pandemic has transformed emergency rooms and upended protocols and precautions that workers previously took for granted.

“It’s like walking into Chernobyl without any gear,” said Jacklyn, an ER doctor at a New York City hospital who asked to go by her middle name for fear of being fired over speaking out.

At her hospital, 90% of patients have COVID-19, but health care workers get only one N95 mask every five days.

“We’re constantly breathing in everything that’s aerosolized because of all of the procedures that we’re doing,” the New York City doctor said.

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Coronavirus can spread easily through droplets during close interactions such as coughing and talking. It can also stay on some surfaces for days. During certain procedures, the virus becomes aerosolized and can linger in a room for longer periods. In such cases, health care workers are directed to take “airborne precautions” and wear N95 masks or another kind of respirator.

She said she’s baffled by how unprepared the government and hospitals are for this moment.

The day Jacklyn shows up to the hospital and there are no N95 masks, she said, she’ll refuse to work.

“I’m not on a suicide mission here. I’m not going to do anything that puts my life at risk. What is my daughter going to do without me? What would my husband do without me?” she said.

With a nationwide shortage of protective equipment, many hospitals are limiting how often nurses and doctors can get new masks and devising ways to stretch supplies.

“Whoever is disinfecting these masks, are they trained to do this? Is someone supervising? Where are they doing it and how?” wondered Sophia Rago, an ER nurse based in St. Louis, about her hospital’s policy.

Rago said she gets only one surgical mask and one N95 mask for three shifts in a row. Afterward, she places her gear in a brown paper bag and writes her name on it.

“You give it to somebody and they are supposed to be disinfecting it between your shifts,” she said. “Do I trust that? No! It can be disheartening to have that feeling of uncertainty that you are not going to be protected.”

Much of the anxiety felt by front-line health care workers stems from the ever-shifting federal guidance that in some cases later turned out to be wrong.

For example, in the early days of the pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention had narrow criteria for screening suspected coronavirus cases, which was later broadened as the virus spread in the U.S.

The CDC still recommends, in cases where N95s aren’t readily available, that a simple surgical mask will suffice for health care workers unless they’re doing procedures that cause aerosol spray from the patients, such as intubating someone. It was only last week that the agency changed its guidelines and told all Americans to cover their faces with masks or cloth when in public.

Health care workers are distrustful of recommendations that, many said, appear to err on the side of less than what they require for protection. They point to the CDC’s recommendation to use a bandana or scarf as a last resort if masks run out.

“I don’t care what the CDC guidelines say. If your nurses feel uncomfortable in a certain area, you should give them what they need,” said Ramona Moll, a nurse who works at UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento, California.

Moll said she contracted COVID-19 in mid-March after treating a patient suspected of having contracted the coronavirus. She believes the exposure happened when the older patient with dementia became combative and tried to bite her. At the time, Moll was wearing a surgical mask, goggles, gloves and a gown, but no N95 mask. Her gear was in line with CDC guidelines.

“The hospitals need to take responsibility for the fact that they did not take care of their nurses. They did not have N95s available,” she said.

Her hospital disputes her account. Spokesperson Edwin Garcia said there were no COVID-19 patients at the hospital at the time and that it has “dedicated, full-time teams that are committed to infection prevention and keeping our employees safe.”

Grueling Shifts, Stress And Bruised Faces

The lack of protective gear is one piece of a mosaic of stress that comes with caring for COVID-19 patients.

There are the 12- and 13-hour shifts in uncomfortable masks, the many unknowns of the disease and difficulties screening for it, the fear of getting infected or accidentally infecting another patient and the sadness of watching people die alone.

At an underresourced community hospital in Los Angeles, a nurse practitioner, Marie, has a plastic bag in her car in which she stashes her used N95s for the day her hospital may run out.

“I’ll spend the majority of my shift trying not to have a panic attack and then come home and fear going back to work,” she said. “If this goes on for weeks and weeks and things only get worse, I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle it.”

She asked to use her middle name because her hospital has warned employees not to speak publicly; some workers have been reprimanded for critical social media posts.

Marie has lost 3 pounds in a week. Once she puts her mask on during a shift, she won’t take it off and, thus, avoids eating. The bridge of her nose is cut open from wearing it on her face for hours at a time. The lack of preparation has her considering leaving nursing after the pandemic passes.

“I have dedicated my life to treating other people,” she said. “And yet when I’m in need, I’m not provided with what I need. It’s like an abusive relationship.”

Health care workers across the country and the globe are sharing selfies of their bruised faces from wearing N95 masks.

“It is a long six hours to be in all that gear,” said Amanda Adams, a travel nurse who works at an ER in the New York City suburbs. “I try to put aside my emotions and cheer up the patients. Meanwhile, I am thinking, which one is going to give it to me and am I going to get sick?”

Once Infected, Who Takes Care Of The Health Care Worker?

Already, front-line workers are falling ill and feeling they have to choose whether to risk their lives to save others.

At least 40 U.S. health care workers in the U.S. have died of COVID-19, according to Medscape. Some of them were young and early in their careers.

“That also increases the fear. That it’s hitting young people,” said Dr. Roy Akarakian, an ER resident at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit. “I’m worried and afraid about the overall situation. This is something we’ve never seen before.”

Akarakian has already survived the virus — one of more than 730 employees of the Henry Ford Health System who have tested postive since tracking began on March 12.

In Seattle, Edward, an ICU nurse, said he developed flu-like symptoms and shortness of breath last month, after treating COVID-19 patients. He decided to stay at home out of caution, while he waited for his test results. Seven days passed before he learned he was positive.

“It was just really hard and nerve-wracking,” said Edward who works at Swedish Medical Center, and is using only his first name because he’s afraid of losing his job for speaking publicly.

While in isolation and recovering, he was required to use his own vacation and sick time. After learning he had COVID-19, he said, his employer “tried to pin those results on something outside the hospital” — probably, Edward said, because the hospital provides fully paid emergency administrative leave only if you can prove you caught it on the job.

“I did not feel supported at all,” he said. “Their main concern was trying to explain away my positive results as community-acquired.”

In a statement, Swedish said “it’s grateful for our caregivers’ unwavering commitment to our patients and the selflessness they bring to work every day to ensure our patients and community are safe.”

Tiffany Moss, a hospital spokesperson, also noted Swedish provides 80 hours of full-paid emergency time off for workers affected by COVID-19 — no matter where they were exposed to the virus — but only after infected employees exhaust vacation and sick time.

When Edward got the green light to go back to work, his co-workers seemed afraid to be near him.

“When I would tell people, they would physically back away from me, they would question whether I should be at work,” he said. “It was hard to go home at night and deal with those emotions.”

This story is part of a partnership that includes NPR and Kaiser Health News.

‘It’s Like Walking Into Chernobyl,’ One Doctor Says Of Her Emergency Room published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

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stephenmccull · 4 years