#dissociative fugue

[metalhoops]

Steve’s party trick was appearing sober long past the point of inebriation. 

It was an act he’d perfected through observation. He’d watched his mother down wine like water and waltz into a garden party looking sober as a saint. So when everything went down at the Starcourt Mall, with the drugs and the appearance of another burgeoning concussion-induced migraine fogging the edges of his vision, he’d pushed through with professional tact. 

Steve couldn’t explain how it happened. One moment he was sitting on the kitchen counter, cradling a bag of frozen peas to his bare face, freezer burn nipping at the edges of his consciousness, and the next he was sprawled out on the carpet of a stranger’s house. 

What happened in between, he’d never know. 

Maybe it was for the best. Ignorance was bliss, in Steve’s opinion. His life was so much easier before the Upside Down. He would’ve been a worse person and lived a worse life. Yet his life would’ve been close to normal, not the mercurial mess it’d become.  He wouldn’t have spent the night locked in a secret underground soviet bunker, his face doubling as a punching bag for a man he didn’t know, while monsters roamed about the town. 

The mall had burned down, Steve remembered. After all was said and done, Mrs Byers dropped him and Robin off at their respective homes. Steve insisted he didn’t need to go to the hospital, that he was fine and, more importantly, that his parents were home. When Robin sobered up, she’d realise Steve had lied.

He’d told Robin a lot of things, and after the night in the mall, so had she. She knew Steve’s parents had been out of town for months, but she’d been flying too high to use any of her admittedly brilliant brain to put two and two together. Steve loved Robin. He loved her differently after that night, but he still loved her. He was human. He needed time to lick his wounds and some space. The quiet of the Harrington house had seemed like a blessing, so where the hell was he now?

“Hey, what did you take?” A vaguely familiar voice shook Steve from his stupor. 

He rolled away from the sound, burying his face in the carpet. He cringed as a  spark of pain shot through the veiled numbness that’d inhabited his body since the Russian drugs had hijacked his system. 

“Ouch,” Steve grumbled miserably. 

His head throbbed. One eye was entirely swollen shut. Even if Steve was sober, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to place the boy through his hazy vision. All he could make out were colours, pale skin, dark hair, and darker clothes. 

“I know. I know. You’ve got a real shiner, Harrington. Come on, up,” the boy instructed. 

Steve felt cool skin graze against the nape of his neck, pulling him up into a sitting position. Steve remained boneless, not making the task easy. 

He felt separate from his body, not sure where he ended and the rest of the world began. Once pulled up, he kept falling forward, his face making contact with the dark fabric of the boy’s shirt. The boy was more comfortable than the floor, with less carpet burn and more smooth leather. He smelled of smoke, sweat and an earthy kind of cologne that hadn’t been refreshed in hours.

“Elevator up,” Steve chuckled, laughing too hard for his own good. 

His ribs ached. He felt a laugh shudder through the boy’s body as he pulled Steve back, trying to get a better look at him. He held a finger in front of Steve’s face. 

“Not sure what this is meant to do but I’ve seen it in movies,” the boy commented as he moved his finger right to left, inspecting Steve’s face for something, neither boy was quite sure of. 

“Alright. You’ve gotta know I’m the least likely person to narc on you, Harrington. What did you take? Special K? Some Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds? Were you Chasing the Dragon? Gotta be something stronger than weed, man,” the boy insisted. 

Steve screwed up his nose and moved away from the man. 

“I don’t know what you’re saying,” Steve complained, trying to untangle the string of words the guy had thrown his way. 

Steve staggered to his feet, swaying before propping himself up, leaning against the wall, and feeling the whole thing tilt under his weight. 

“Dude, your walls are broken,” Steve muttered, as his legs gave out and he slid down to the floor. 

“We’re in a trailer, Steve,” the boy pointed out. Steve looked around the place, trying to make shapes from the blurs of colour and light. 

“Oh yeah,” He noted before resting his chin on his knee. 

The boy sat down in front of him, mirroring Steve’s posture, his chin resting on the bare knees of his ripped jeans. 

“Do you know what you took?” He pushed on, this time taking a different approach. 

“No,” Steve admitted, at last, sliding forward. 

The boy’s rings had caught his attention. They were little halos of light. He curiously tugged at his hand, pulling him close to examine the shine. He ran his fingers over the rise and fall of the rings. 

“Okay,” the dark-haired boy breathed, seemingly to himself. 

“I think you need to go to the hospital, dude.” 

“No hospitals,” Steve remarked eloquently as he returned to his previous position, face down on the carpet, taking the boy's hand with him. 

“Yeah well, I’m not so sure I like the idea of you sleeping either, Stevie,” He reasoned, his voice sounding strangled.   

“I’m tired,” Steve rebutted, his eyes sliding shut. 

There the boy was again, taking Steve’s face into his palm and pulling him up. For a moment, the vision in his good eye cleared enough to make out brown eyes painted with concern. 

“Look, I know we hated each other’s guts in high school but I don’t want you to O.D. on my carpet. It’s not good for the ambience,” the boy continued. 

Steve squinted, trying to place the face. Sure, he’d been a jerk in high school, particularly before his senior year, but he didn’t remember hating anyone. Not really. Maybe Jonathan, for a time, but that had passed. 

Munson. Steve’s brain supplied at last. The boy was Eddie Munson. He sold drugs and hung out on the fringes of Steve’s bigger parties back in the peak of his ‘King Steve’ era. 

“You hated me?” Steve asked, hearing the hurt in his voice before he realised what he was feeling. Eddie’s eyes widened in alarm, Steve’s face still in his palm. 

“What? No. I thought you hated me. I mean, you were a jock and I’ve got my whole ‘fuck the man shtick’, so it wasn’t like we ran in the same circles,” Eddie elaborated. 

“Jocks are ‘the man’?” Steve questioned. He’d like to blame the drugs, but he’d probably ask the question sober. 

“No. Yes. Kind of. Jocks are like... the grease for a cog in the wheel of the machine. All mass compliance to societal norms... or whatever.” 

Steve blinked owlishly at Eddie, trying to make a lick of sense out of what he’d said before resigning himself to the fact that he was completely lost. 

“I like Grease. It’s a cool movie,” he settled on, startling another laugh out of Eddie. He gently lowered Steve’s face onto the carpet and sighed. 

“Yeah, it’s a cool movie,” he muttered, leaving Steve for a moment, tossing sheets and a pillow from the sofa to the floor beside him. 

“Look, I’m going to stay up and make sure you don’t choke on your own tongue. You can stay here for the night, but I’m not letting you crash until my uncle gives you the thumbs up, weirdo.” 

Eddie slid a cushion beneath Steve’s head and draped the sheet over him. Steve was bone tired. He wanted nothing more than to sleep, but the pain in his body was growing by the moment and less favourable memories were leaking back into the forefront of his mind. He watched as Eddie placed a tape into the VCR and sat down beside Steve. It took him too long to realise the film was Grease. 

“Who’d you get into a fight with this time?” Eddie asked, seemingly aware of Steve’s sudden restlessness. 

Steve didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to. 

“Were the drugs before or after?” He pushed, searching for something Steve couldn’t work out.

Again, Steve didn’t know how to answer. Once more, Eddie let it slide. 

“You want me to call anyone? A girlfriend... or?” He doesn’t mention Steve’s parents. 

Maybe he was at more parties than Steve remembered, enough to know that the Harringtons being in Hawkins was rarer than a blue moon, less frequent than even Steve would admit to. 

“No,” Steve grumbled, starting to feel the swelling in his lip. 

Eddie nodded and let Steve have his silence. He half paid attention to the flashing lights on the screen, fading in and out of consciousness. Eddie would gently elbow his side each time Steve almost reached sleep. It was a long night, broken only by the opening of a door come sunrise. 

The light was too bright, too sudden. Steve shrunk from it curling into the closest point of dark comfort. Steve realised too late he’d curled himself into a small ball, tucking his face into the familiar darkness provided by Eddie’s crossed legs. 

“What in the Sam Hill have you gotten into, kid?” Steve heard a gruff voice ask in the doorway. Despite his words, the man didn’t sound angry, more amused. 

Steve felt Eddie pull the sheets up to hide his broken face from the light. 

“You know when I was fourteen, and I brought home that stray cat?” Eddie asked. 

Steve heard a door shutting and the scrape of a dining chair sliding against the linoleum. 

“The one that was sick as a dog?” The gruff voice replied. Probably Eddie’s uncle. 

“Same situation,” Eddie spoke.

“You’re telling me you found a kid wanderin’ round the trailer park at night and thought you’d bring him home? You remember what happened to that cat, right?” His uncle asked. 

“He went missing after a week. Then we found him half-kickin’ curled up in the back seat of the Johnsons’ cinder-blocked Austin,” Eddie muttered, stating the words as though it were a conversation Eddie and his uncle had before.  

“And you didn’t leave your room for a week.” 

“Your point, old man?” Eddie remarked.

“My point is, I love you, kid. But sometimes your bleeding heart is more trouble than it’s worth.” 

To Steve’s surprise, the sheet was pulled off his head. The next thing he knew he was face to face with Eddie’s uncle. The man shone a torch in Steve’s eyes, echoing Eddie’s movements, placing a finger in front of his eyes. Eddie watched in silence at Steve’s side. 

“He’s got a pretty bad concussion,” Eddie’s uncle supplied after a beat. 

“He was on something when I found him,” Eddie said. 

Steve was getting sick of people talking about him like he wasn’t there but in the same vein, he wanted to convalesce in peace. Eddie’s uncle shot him a sceptical look.

“Nothing I gave him, promise. He’s not letting me take him to the hospital.” 

“He’s right here,” Steve interjected.

He watched as Eddie’s uncle levelled him under his intense gaze. For the first time since he’d entered the room, he wasn’t seeing symptoms, or a problem Eddie had dropped in his lap but a boy. A kid, in Wayne’s eyes, one that looked worse for wear. It was the goddamn cat all over again. 

“I’m going to get you water and some aspirin. Eds, get some rest. No buts, kid you look like you haven’t slept a wink. Should also be safe enough for you to try to get some shut-eye, boy. I’m not Eddie, you can’t bat your eyes at me and get your way. I’m taking you to the hospital if anything happens, right?” 

Steve looked at the man with narrowly masked surprise before giving him a weak nod. He couldn’t imagine his parents doing the same, not even for one of Steve’s friends, let alone a stranger. 

“Come on, you can sleep in my room,” Eddie uttered, springing to his feet with a joviality that someone who’d gone twenty-four hours without sleep shouldn’t be able to muster. 

Steve blinked, slowly standing and gathering the sheets around himself, acutely aware of how ridiculous he looked. 

“Keep the door open,” Wayne called at their retreating backs. 

That was how Steve spent the summer of ‘85 hauled up and healing at the Munsons’ trailer. A few months later, he’d return the favour. When Eddie went missing, Wayne knew where to look. 

#steddie #steddie ficlet #Pre season 4 #because I'm on my pre season 4 #steddie bullishit #again #stranger things #fictlet #post starcourt #st 4 #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve and eddie #my unused psych degree #wants you to know that #what Steve experienced is called a #dissociative fugue #steddie drabble #drabble #Metalhoops writes

[korya-elana]

Sometimes DID is having a panic attack because you ended up somewhere in a fugue state and you don't know where you are or how to get home.

Sometimes DID is being so dissociated you have no idea who you are but have to pretend to function anyways.

And sometimes DID is rolling your eyes and grumbling because two of your alters are threatening to bully you out of front if you don't put on NSYNC on the ride home so they can have a dance party in headspace.

#Ashley and Eris I'm looking at you #did osdd #system #plurality #did system #alters #system things #dissociative amnesia #fugue state #dissociative fugue #dissociation

[ask-me-about-therapy]

Tom Holland shocked his fans last month when he announced he would take a year-long break from acting to look after his mental health after playing Danny Sullivan in Apple TV’s The Crowded Room. At first, it was difficult to see why — the show, following a young man accused of attempted murder as he reveals his dark past, was hammered in the reviews, and the series didn’t really seem to make a splash.

However, many reviews alluded to a big “twist” in Episode 7. Now that twist is common knowledge: Danny Sullivan is a Host in a Dissociative Identity Disorder system, and the crimes were committed not by him, but by his “alters.” Characters whom viewers thought were Danny’s friends and protectors were actually part of his internal life, and in later episodes, we see them “front,” or present themselves in Danny’s behavior. His accent, posture, and whole personality switches.

This wasn’t much of a twist if you knew where to look. The entire series is loosely based on the real-life case of serial rapist Billy Milligan, who pled insanity due to DID and was found innocent. Daniel Keyes’ book The Minds of Billy Milligan is even credited in the opening sequence, making the late twist a bit less shocking than intended.

What isn’t surprising, however, is how another fictionalized story of Dissociative Identity Disorder is tied with murder. From Dressed to Kill to Split, fictional examples of this disorder are often shown as dangerous, violent people, and The Crowded Room seems to perpetuate that.

“Whenever there's any kind of media that surrounds DID, I lead in with a cringe almost every single time now because it's so misrepresented in media,” Kelly Caniglia, MA, LCMHC, LMHC, CCTP, tells Inverse. Caniglia is a board member of An Infinite Mind, a non-profit that provides resources and advocacy for those living with DID.

Dissociative Identity Disorder, previously referred to as Multiple Personality Disorder, is a trauma response where an individual undergoes something so traumatic that memories, feelings, and traits are fragmented and spread across multiple identities. It’s a surprisingly common occurrence. “1.5% of this population is living with DID. That's more than people than there are redheads,” Caniglia says. “It is so much more common than people realize. And so this is a whole genre of human that we're essentially spotlighting and trying to make a quick buck on.”

To the show’s credit, it’s clear the minds behind The Crowded Room took a responsible portrayal of DID in mind. “We read Daniel Keyes' book, we read articles that align with the topic, we watched films and documentaries, we spoke to experts and specialists in this field,” Tom Holland told Inverse’s Hoai-Tran Bui during the series’ press junket. Caniglia does point to elements that show this research, like the depiction of Danny’s internal space as the eponymous “crowded room,” a space where alters convene and discuss what to do going forward. This internal space is something experienced by some (but not all) DID systems.

But it’s hard to get behind this show as a thoughtful, considerate reflection on this disorder when it’s treated as a “gotcha,” like a narrative twist that’s full of shock and awe, not something that is simply a part of who the character is. Still, Tom Holland defended the choice. “What's really important about our show is to understand that there's more to Danny than just his DID. We wanted audiences to get to know him as a human being before people make assumptions about this mental health issue, this affliction that he has,” he said.

To Caniglia, the twist was low-hanging fruit. “There are so many pieces to DID that are not widely understood,” she said, “So it's fascinating to those that don't know it and it's fascinating to think about, ‘What? This one body has 50 people inside of it? What does that look like? How does that work?’”

So what could this series do to portray this disorder in a more sensitive light? For Caniglia, it could be as simple as a disclaimer that this is one DID story, or any other way of using this show’s high-profile platform in order to spread awareness of just what DID is in our world beyond the violent stereotypes.

She also pointed out there are other works that are working against this archetype, like filmmaker Dylan Crumpler’s short film Petals of a Rose, or even Marvel’s series Moon Knight. It was still a violent portrayal of a DID system, but it showed a hero as someone living with DID. The population finally had positive representation they could look to: a literal superhero. Considering the past depictions, that’s a big step.

The Crowded Room is a gripping story that does attempt to show that DID is nothing more than a self-preservation technique, but it’s still perpetuating harmful stereotypes, even if it’s based on a true story.

“Representation is so important,” Caniglia says, “And this population is already so marginalized that though this piece is entertaining and has points of great execution, it still reinforces the rhetoric of people with mental illness, in this case DID, are dangerous.”

#dissociative identity disorder #dissociative fugue #dissociative amnesia #dissociation #actually dissociative #dissociative disorder #dissociative system #other specified dissociative disorder #dissociative personality disorder #complex dissociative disorder #dissociative vent #did alter #did i hallucinate that #did disorder #actually did #did system #did community #did osdd #did positivity #osdd problems #osdd 1a #osdd #actually osdd #osdd alter #osdd system #osddid #osdd positivity #osdd memes

[ddogdeath]

#my art #tw vent #cw vent #tw trypophobia #cw trypophobia #tw: dissociating #dissociative system #dissociative vent #dissociative fugue #dissociative amnesia #amnesia #vent art #vent edit #fake body #traumacore

[flirts-with-dragons]

Me: leaves front due to extreme stress

The guy that gets forceably blackout-switched into front, god knows where doing god knows what:

#did #dissociative identity disorder #DID #system shit #did osdd #osddid #traumagenic did #traumagenic system #actually dissociative #dissociative fugue #blackout switch #plural system #actually traumagenic

[dissociative-memes]

[Image: 18-piece background, alternating between blue & orange with a picture of a young degu in the middle. Top text reads: “FORGET HOW OLD I AM” Bottom text reads: “FORGET THAT CHECKING THE TIME WON’T HELP ME FIGURE OUT MY AGE”]

Repost from http://web.archive.org/web/20181201095214/http://whynot-dissociativedegu.tumblr.com:80/tagged/ddmeme/tagged/ddmeme/page/2

http://web.archive.org/web/20181201095214/http://whynot-dissociativedegu.tumblr.com:80/tagged/ddmeme/tagged/ddmeme/page/2

#dissociativedegu #dissociative memes #dissociation memes #whynot dissociativedegu #advice animals #dissociative amnesia #dissociative fugue #fugue state #loss of identity #other specified dissociative disorder #osdd memes #osdd 1a #did osdd #did system #did symptoms #actually did #did memes #dissociative degu #dissociative identity disorder #complex dissociative disorder #dissociative episode #those dissociative feels #actually dissociative

[diditself]

using my dissociation like a metal detector. walking aimlessly around my house and following the source of the headache to try and remember the thing I was just thinking about

#dissociation #actually dissociative #actually did #did osdd #dissociative amnesia #dissociative episode #dissociative fugue

[sondermouse]

#artists on tumblr #i tried to draw on my phone #sketch #dissociative fugue #dissociative art #art #drawing

[eclipse15]

Comic I made about amnesia!!! (Has alt text)

#🌼 #did alter #dissociative amnesia #amnesia #did osdd #osddid #did introject #actually mentally ill #did fragment #endos dni #can apply to #osdd 1a #and #dissociative fugue #but is about did

[the-devils-dozen]

Does anyone know if there have been any updates to dissociative disorders in the newest DSM, including in the longer description section? I'd be curious to see if anything has changed, I couldn't find any information online. We'd prefer not to pay for a copy so otherwise we'll probably just wait until our library gets it.

#-amicizia #did host #host alter #dissociative system #dissociative identity disorder #dissociation #dissociative amnesia #dissociative disorder #other specified dissociative disorder #dissociative fugue #unspecified dissociative disorder #dpdr #depersonalisation and derealisation #dsm 5 #dsm 6 #psychology #osdd #did #did osdd #did system #traumagenic system

[sunflowersbloominthewinter]

Y’all seem very knowledgeable on dissociation. Do you know the difference between OSDD-4 dissociative fugue and the Dissociative Amnesia subtype dissociative fugue? I’m very confused

Yeah! I can understand your confusion there. Long post below the cut.

So first of all, here's the definition of dissociative fugue, as per the DSM-V Type Revision.

Image Description

A blue square containing the DSM-V-TR diagnostic criteria for Dissociative Amnesia. The specifiers at the bottom are circled in pink. The circled paragraph reads:

F44.1 With dissociative fugue: Apparently purposeful travel or bewildered wandering that is associated with amnesia for identity or other important autobiographical information.

End ID

In other words, dissociative fugue is when the person is traveling somewhere and their travel is directly linked to their amnesia. Usually people who experience dissociative fugue don't remember the act of traveling; I had a fugue state last week in which I apparently called my friend and had a mild panic attack on the phone while driving, but I don't remember that conversation, or the driving, at all.

Another example of dissociative fugue would be if, say, a person has sudden-onset generalized amnesia (doesn't remember their life history or who they are) and starts wandering around to try and find answers.

Now, here's the criteria for OSDD.

Image Description

A blue box containing the diagnostic criteria for Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder. Header 4, titled "Dissociative Trance", is highlighted in pink. The relevant paragraph reads:

This condition is characterized by an acute narrowing or complete loss of awareness of immediate surroundings that manifests as profound unresponsiveness or insensitivity to environmental stimuli. The unresponsiveness may be accompanied by minor stereotyped behaviors (e.g., finger movements) of which the individual is unaware and/or that he or she cannot control, as well as transient paralysis or loss of consciousness. The dissociative trance is not a normal part of a broadly accepted collective cultural or religious practice.

End ID

In other words, OSDD4 is completely disconnecting from the world. A person in a dissociative trance is unresponsive to external stimuli, which includes being touched, moved, or spoken to. They aren't going to be able to hold a conversation or really do much of anything. They wouldn't actually be able to travel in that state, and therefore wouldn't actually experience dissociative fugue as part of their disorder.

Does that help? If not, what other questions do you have?

#helle's voice #dissociation #dissociative disorders #otherwise specified dissociative disorder #osdd #osdd4 #dissociative amnesia #dissociative fugue #ask #anon

[alwysalghthouse]

alright, i need to get this off my chest, just word vomit, and maybe someone on here can relate or even give advice.

my apologies, i’m usually a reddit user, but reddit can be harmful with mental health topics and somehow tumblr is the best option (this isn’t an anti tumblr take i just think it’s funny the place called “hell site” is the genuine best place for this)

if ur anti self diagnosis just ignore me. i would happily get a professional diagnosis if i wasn’t poor and scrapping by the way it is without a whole person to pay. trust me, i want help and medication way more than you don’t want me to self diagnose. with that said i am not anti self diagnosing at all, and completely understand the many reasons people don’t seek a professional opinion and me wanting to seek it for myself does not mean i think everyone Must to be valid. just do whatever’s genuinely best for You. maybe this prefacing is just my anxiety as a chronic reddit user though, those people are brutal.

i’ve been aware of my dissociation issues for years but never really considered the chance that they’re a disorder of their own. i’m diagnosed autistic, adhd and have had psychotic episodes and also self diagnosed ocd, so like. , yea obviously dissociation is a part of it.

a few months ago i came to the understanding that i have dpdr, fair enough, easy. i acknowledged it, admitting the problem is the first step, we got it. it got worse from there, the more aware of the problem i became the worse it got.

my dissociation issues have gotten to a crushing point to where i don’t know how to cope with day to day life. again, sadly professional help isn’t on the table right now so i hope i can rely on some community help.

i have learned about dissociative amnesia and with looking into it and talking to my boyfriend, it is definitely something i experience. more so i’m grey outs and emotionally speaking, based off how i saw it described but let me know if my terminology is wrong. i think with learning about this i am going to start journaling again cause although sometimes it makes me feel even less connected, it helps my memory greatly and i feel like that’s a shot worth taking. other than journaling though i don’t know what to do, every other habit i used to have only enabled my ocd worse (checking, constant screenshots, hoarding anything with even an ounce of information on it). so i really need some help with how to cope with this.

my other issue is i forget where i am sometimes, i have crushing moments where i think i’m in a childhood home, hours where i forget what state i’m in while out running errands. this has been an issue since i was 12. at 12 i moved across the country to california, then at 16 i moved back across it to chicago, 18 back to california and late 19 to florida. i also had a pretty abusive childhood, physically, verbally and emotionally, with an extra helping of neglect. i know this has everything to do with it, but i don’t know how to cope. i don’t know how to ground myself, it just makes me feel even more disconnected.

when i was 13 i had a psychotic break caused by vivid nightmares, it triggered hallucinations that have lessened greatly but still happen from time to time. i have trouble figuring out if things are dreams or real, if information is from a dream or something that really happened. i find every way to gaslight myself in both directions no matter what i try. if i have a dream someone died, i’ll be convinced they really did die until i see many things as firm proof. sometimes i don’t know if i’m awake or dreaming.

i do not think i have DID or OSDD as i don’t run into too many identity issues (as a genderqueer person, it’s hard trying to figure out what’s a dissociative feeling and what’s a dysphoric feeling). it is worth saying however that i sometimes do find myself using “royal we” for myself and even using they/them (in a plural sense) for myself despite Literally hating they/them for me. i do struggle figuring out How i want to look, realizing i don’t look how i Think i do, and so on. i also tend to run into holes where my name (chosen or given) Doesn’t feel like mine after a few months, but again this could all be queer feelings and not mentally ill feelings, but if i’m letting it all hang out on tumblr dot com i might as well really commit and put it on the record. just to get other peoples thoughts on this because hey maybe it Does sound like DID/OSDD to someone who has it, maybe this sounds relatable as a Pre Realization feeling to someone who is now fully aware of it, i don’t know, i just want any and all help with this Whole problem. but again i genuinely do not believe i have DID, based off how friends describe it, and what i’ve researched, half of it doesn’t sound relatable at all.

as i’m sure you can see, it’s hard to live like this. i don’t want to Not live, i quite like living. i’m 21 now and live with my amazing boyfriend who is so much help. but i need something more and i can’t afford it so if anyone can relate, or knows anything that can help, please let me know!! i use discord too if you want to connect on discord! i am desperate for any sort of help with this.

#actually dissociative #dissociation #depersonalization #derealization #dissociative amnesia #dissociative fugue #pls help sexy mental illness tumblr

[korya-elana]

Yesterday I thought “We don’t need therapy. We don’t need a diagnosis. We’re doing just fine!”

Walking home from work, I was suddenly at the complete other end of town and very lost after a fugue state. Even looking at a map, I can’t figure out how we got there.

I seriously need to stop putting bullshit out into the universe

~Em

#did osdd #system #system things #dissociative fugue #fugue state #dissociative amnesia #system issues #plurality

[ask-me-about-therapy]

MY DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY POEM : Within one body, many souls reside, A fractured mind, with secrets to hide. Personalities shift and identities blend, A puzzle of memories that never seem to end.

One moment, a child with innocence pure, The next, a warrior, strong and sure. A protector, a victim, a rebel, a clown, Each one fighting to wear the crown.

A world of chaos, confusion, and pain, Lost in a labyrinth of the mind's terrain. A life fractured, shattered, and torn, A constant battle, from dusk till dawn.

But amidst the turmoil, a flicker of hope, A chance to heal and learn to cope. To find a way to unite the fractured soul, And make the pieces whole.

So here's to those with DID, May you find the strength to be free. To embrace each part of who you are, And shine bright like a shooting star.

#dissociative disorder #dissociative amnesia #dissociative identity disorder #dissociadid #dissociation #dissociative system #actually dissociative #dissociative fugue #me dissociating #eating dissorder #time to dissociate #did alter #did i hallucinate that #did osdd #did disorder #actually did #did #did community #did positivity #did system #did memes #osddid #actually traumagenic #dissociative alters #alter #osdd tag #osdd problems #osdd alter

[tethered-dissociation]

I woke up this morning to find I left myself the weirdest note on my desk. I'm having more and more dissociative fugue episodes recently.

note:

safor! you're going ignore that in your mind.

bowe - well we have to do something.

what is that supposed to mean???

#dissociation #derealization #dpdr #depersonalization #tw dissociation #dissociative amnesia #actually dpdr #actually dissociative #dissociative fugue #fugue #mental illness

[fqirycollective]

Dissociation Help from Professionals

tw// mentions self harm

This is hopefully the first of a series of posts. We are very early in the medical stages of getting a diagnosis, however the professional we work with has diagnosed us with PTSD and we have started trauma work. Due to this, we only have a handful of coping mechanisms and I'd prefer to have more before creating a post on it. However, we do have quite a few dissociation help tips that others may find beneficial. Keep in mind what works for us may not work for you.

Temperature

Many systems will say try running your hands under cold water to help with dissociation. This is because the change in temperature brings your mind back to the present and reminds your brain that you are in fact there, and not somewhere else. However, we don't always have access to cold water or ice to hold. Because of this, we were told how not only does cold work, but warmth does as well. To do so, we were told to rub our hands together really fast to create friction. This friction warms your hands up. We were then told to put our hands to our face, because the warmth on your hands doesn't always alert yout brain but it's more widespread when it's on your face.

Sensory Items

This is a huge one for us. Sensory items are things like fidgit toys, slime, etc. We personally have the most success with this one. We don't do well with fidgit spinners, but we have a lot of success with pop it toys, slime, play dough, and cloud dough. While playing with these, it gives us something to do with some type of our senses. The slime, play dough, and cloud dough all keep our feeling and sight senses in the present and keeps our brain activated. The pop it activates both our feeling and hearing sense. Because sensory items activate multiple sense, it brings the brain back to the present and prevents it from disconnecting as much.

Pain

I am not advocating for self harm. I want this out there. However, pain does help ground some people because it also brings your brain back to the present. In order to do so safely, and as a healthy alternative to self harm, we wear a bracelet. Whenever we feel heavily dissociated, we snap that bracelet against our wrist. It provides the enough pain to ground us in the moment, without harming us. Again, I don't advocate self harm. But since pain does help ground us and it helps ground other people, I wanted to provide a healthy alternative instead of self harm.

Music

This is suggested by the professional we work with, but it doesn't help us. However, since it was suggested, I want to share it with you all as well. Listening to music is something that activates the hearing sense and brings your brain back to the present. Although this isn't backed up by fact or anything, I personally think more upbeat music will help more than slower music to activate that sense. But again, that's not something we were told and instead is something that I think based off logic.

Sleep

When all else fails, we deal with it until we can sleep it off. Due to systems having a strong connection to the conciousness, as well as sleep's connection to conciousness, sleep definitely helps with dissociation. It doesn't always help us, but we've also noticed a lack of sleep causes heavier dissociation so sleeping does help. This is not something we were told to do, but instead something we just noticed helps.

A special note about daydreaming: Yes and no. For us, it depends. Sometimes it helps with dissociation, othertimes it doesn't. However, daydreaming is a form of dissociation so doing so may cause higher dissociation levels. This is why music doesn't help us, but it may for others who dissociate so I wanted to give a special point about daydreaming.

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