#dissociation diaries | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caintooth · 4 months

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seeing people my age talk about how scared they are of memory loss, which they only associate with old age, is so surreal to see as a 24 year old who has actively experienced memory loss for a long time now

there are causes for memory loss besides dementia and alzheimer’s, i hope y’all know that. dissociative disorders, trauma, brain injuries, thyroid problems, even just stress and lack of sleep can fuck up your ability to store, process, and access memory. and that’s just a few of the many causes i can think of off the top of my head right now.

please stop treating disabled people like some scary “other” that you might become only in the distant, decades-away future. we are your age, too. you may become one of us sooner than you know. stop acting like memory loss marks the end of a life, when so many of us have so much living left to do!

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lensdeer · 1 year

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Diary comic on living with a dissociative disorder

Started thumbnailing the pages in an attempt to brute force myself out of a particularly long episode a couple weeks ago. It didn't quite work (it's debatably still ongoing?), but at least I got a comic out of it ig

plz excuse the bad scan quality :c I'll get a proper scanner soon; fuck fighting with my phone's camera every time I want to post art

#art #furry art #furry deer #dissociation #depersonalization #DPDR #DID #OSDD #traditional art #anthro art #anthro sfw #diary comic #lensdeerart

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autisticundertale · 1 year

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ATTENTION PLURALS! Whether you have DID, OSDD, UDD, or some other form of plurality, this could be extremely helpful for you!

Our mother has created and put for sale discreet plurality journals! These journals include spaces to write information about system members, important information (contacts, family, friends, partners, etc), system rules, pages to keep track of physical/mental health (diagnoses, suspected conditions, symptoms, triggers, etc), a built-in calender to mark and keep track of things, a section to keep track of switching, a mental health journal, and a section for general journaling shenanigans!

Note that it is queer friendly, including a segment for pronouns in each member's bios/the bios of loved ones, as well as not monogamous assuming in language or nature.

Here are the links to them, and the three cover options available to pick from! (Frog cover, flower cover, and owl cover.)

Here are some example pages (minus the mental health journal and regular journal pages, both of which are at the end, and have 100+ pages.) Most of these pages have multiple copies, so there is plenty of room! For example, the "our switches" section has 50 pages.

Order to support our mom (and in turn, our family) as well as get something that can help your system! Please reblog for more systems to see!

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worthless-misery · 7 months

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Dear diary...

As days go by, everything just feels more and more meaningless...

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kazoosandfannypacks · 11 months

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reddit user: here's some sound thinking as to why I headcanon this fictional character as neurodivergent

the rest of reddit: NO WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL OF THOSE POINTS CAN BE REFUTED YOU'RE AN IDIOT AND MUST DIE OF SHAME THAT'S JUST A NORMAL DUDE

tumblr user: i think this character is neurodivergent because. the vibe.

the rest of tumblr: OH MY GOSH BESTIE YOU'RE SO RIGHT LOOK AT MY LITTLE NEURODIVERGENT SON I'M NEVER GONNA STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM

#tumblr #reddit #autism #neruodivergent #adhd #obsessive compulsive disorder #dissociative identity disorder #kazzy's diary

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dissociativecollective · 2 months

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I always have you in the back of my head.

#writing #dissociative identity disorder #quotes #nature #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #prose #poetry #love #journal #diary #journal prompts #writeblr #landscape #personal writing #writers on tumblr

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thattheater-kid · 2 months

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The most validating thing I ever experienced is:

Me: yeah I think Logan was the host for like a year in middle school.

My childhood best friend: FOR REAL? THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.

Me: how?

My best friend: you used to go by Logan and any time something happened, no matter how horrific or painful, you’d just sit there and stare blankly, and then respond like a robot. you used to scare the shit out of me cause someone could die and you wouldn’t even cry. you’d just shrug and go back to work.

#also the fact that I used to sign my diary entries #they were signed with my own name but why would I feel the need to sign them unless there was a chance someone else would write them?#did system #plural #plurality #actually plural #actually did #plural system #system things #dissociative system #plural things

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emberglowfox · 10 months

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i often call my dissociation 'autopilot' because it works well as an explanation but my god do i feel like an actual robot on autopilot these days. not just because 'i'm not in control of myself' or whatever, that's normal, but because i feel like the autopilot is beginning to break down. i've been zoned out for so long that it's run out of normal behavior to reference, so it's referencing what was a shoddy replica to begin with, and that results in a lot of oddities

mostly i've been noticing myself happily responding to people without actually even looking in their direction. like my eyes and head will just lock and i'll go a whole conversation animatedly replying while looking in the wrong spot (i'm usually very good about eye contact, or at the very least looking at people). also my reaction time / processing speed is waaaay slowed to the point where i'm starting to get nervous about driving so. that's cool

#cannot figure out what the hell is going on ive been told my dissociation/derealization is largely a defensive response #but the fuck am i defending against now? im not actively in college for a few months i dont have (read: can't find) a job i do nothing 24/7 #i do not feel like a human person. and i USUALLY dont but now i really dont #what if my brain melted into schlock. that would be nice #sparks speaks #/vent #sorry new followers this is the only place employers dont check so its my silly diary <3 #block sparks speaks or vent if u dont wanna see idm

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gently-decaying-flowers · 3 months

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i hate eating i hate anxiety i hate my parents i hate dissociating i hate sensory issues i hate being social i hate having low energy i hate not being happy

#eden’s diary #vent #tw eating issues #tw anxiety #tw dissociation

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dessanescence · 4 months

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Diary comic 12-9-2023

#diary comic #autobio #comics #mental illness #dissociation #death note

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skinwalkee · 22 days

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i’m going to be skinny and sexy by summer.

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caintooth · 3 months

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Okay this is a little weird but I have a DID question.

I had a friend in high school who claimed to have DID. I met several alleged alters and she really would change a lot between personalities, even seeming stronger, having a higher body temp, and having different handwriting as certain alters. She also definitely had a real, terrible childhood that I could see causing her to split off an alter for protection. At the time I was about 80% convinced.

It's been years and we're still good friends, but she hasn't mentioned any alters since high school, and she has also not mentioned being able to integrate some or all of her alters, even tho we talk about mental health often. I haven't seen her be (or at least I haven't noticed her being) any of the alters I would recognize from high school. But I also used to spend almost every day with her and now I go weeks or months without hanging out with her so my sample size is smaller.

Starting a few months after I stopped seeing her every day I started to become more skeptical of her claim to have DID, because it felt a bit too much like a movie to me at the time. Sometimes I could request time with a specific alter and they would show up, but sometimes they wouldn't. It didn't seem like she was someone else without willing it, very often if ever. She had like 3 main alters when she told me about it - a protector, a little kid, and one more I can't remember and didn't see often - and she allegedly acquired a cat alter sometime after that.

I'm split about it now. I believed her for the most part at the time, because she really did seem different, but I also knew that was the kind of thing high schoolers sometimes lie about so I was always mildly suspicious. Now looking back I feel bad doubting her because if she was telling the truth, it would probably really hurt her to know I doubted her. But also that is the kind of thing high schoolers sometimes lie about! I had other friends lie about similar shit. And I haven't seen any evidence in so long and it hasn't come up in just as long.

I've always wanted to ask her about it but I don't want to embarrass her or harm our friendship which is still strong despite this question lol. I know you're not a doctor and it can be dangerous to speculate, but I just wondered what your perspective as someone with DID is?

This is such a strange thing to anonymously ask a stranger.

Are you hoping I’ll tell you she was faking? Are you hoping I’ll validate your assumptions about her inner life? What you have described is incredibly textbook for DID.

To help you understand, let me explain that Dissociative Identity Disorder presents in two ways, typically: overtly, or covertly.

An “overt” presentation is as you were describing her high school presentation— the disorder is easier to see as an outside viewer, because an “overt” presenter has (comparatively) more visible switches between alters, with (comparatively) more noticeable differences between their abilities, voices, interests, personalities, mannerisms, etc.

And so, a “covert” presentation is the opposite of this, where the disorder is not very obvious to an outside viewer at all. Switches may seem seamless, or they may seem to not switch at all. Alters do not have as many outwardly visible differences, may have similar or same voices and mannerisms, may not speak openly about their differing opinions or likes/dislikes.

DID is a disorders which forms, as you acknowledge, to protect the haver from trauma. And because the disorder is trying to protect you, it can shift between “overt” to “covert” presentation as needed.

A system may present more overtly, for example, if some alters are better emotionally or physically equipped for a task than others, if some alters are more likely to be treated in the way the system most needs at the time, if some alters have stronger interests and knowledge about a certain subject, etc. And many systems, myself included, find themselves presenting more overtly simply when they are safe and comfortable with the people around them!

In contrast, then, a system may present more covertly when it is not safe to have visible differences, and/or to help disguise the system as one person. Alters may mimic each other to help keep their differences from putting them in danger, and this can happen so discreetly that the system themself may not even be aware of switching when it happens. This being said, systems can also present covertly just because super visible differences are not needed to keep them safe / if being outwardly visibly different from one another doesn’t serve as much of a purpose as being inwardly different.

Systems can also move between these modes for other reasons besides safety and comfort, but as far as I know, those are the main two reasons. And I want to clarify that this move isn’t, most of the time, a conscious choice. The disorder kinda decides for you.

So, if your friend who once presented very overtly around you and spoke of their DID often, is now showing a much more covert presentation and not sharing details of their disorder with you… I have two guesses.

One, your friend may simply be in a different phase of their life, where they don’t feel the need to share many details of their DID with you. People can decide to be more private about things they were once open about, and there’s nothing wrong or suspicious about that.

Two… Your friend is presenting covertly around you for comfort and safety reasons. Maybe they no longer consider you a person they can openly be themselves around.

You might want to reflect on why either of these reasons might be the case. I am not going to tell you your friend is faking. Everything you described is very typical of DID and, again, I think it is very strange you would come into my ask box seeking my opinion on this, as if you assume I, and very good friends of mine, have not presented in similar ways throughout different points in our lives.

Have you considered, I don’t know— just asking about how her headmates have been doing lately? This is indeed a very weird way to handle your feelings about this.

#diary #dissociative identity disorder #did #actually did #actually dissociative #dissociative system #did system

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plushie0bsessionzzz · 1 month

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Does anyone wanna fast with me tomorrow??

I wanna see how long I can fast :3 but alone, it's boring

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worthless-misery · 9 months

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Dear diary...

I need a long break from reality.

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perfectlyunknownn · 3 months

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where is the off button

#thoughts #bpd #diary #writing #bpd fp #actually borderline #actually bpd #mental health #bpd thoughts #dissociation

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dissociativecollective · 2 months

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I'm trying to see this for what it is: a new chance, an opening, a beginning. A clean slate. A way of the universe undoubtedly showing me that this phase is over and I'm ready [or not] to dive into the next. But all I can see is defeat. All I can see is the fear of not deserving to end up where I want to be, where I should be, where I feel I have to be. My thoughts are overwhelming. My doubts are endless. I'm a well that's filled to the brim with poisoned water. I'm a finished painting, a portrait painted in the most vibrant colors. But the knife is tightly grasped in my hand and I want to scratch off layer after layer and start again, just to figure out who I am and do something different. Something new. It's all old news and repetitions of past mistakes and regrets and I don't know how to break free from this trap. It comes down to this: I'm scared senseless. This fear has become part of me and I don't know how to look at the future without feeling overwhelmed by it. I want to write about hope next, but I don't really feel it right now. But I think I'll feel it one day. I know I will. I must.

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