Claire style sketches no.1
Dior pinafore dress overtop of white schoolgirl blouse, with YSL bracelets/bangles and studded ranger boots.
Complimented with a cute bow and sheer crystal-woven hose.
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hello.
i will spare you the boredom of reading a text full of inconclusive nihilism, don't worry. however, i genuinely don't know anything about anything and i am willing to embrace that. i shall quickly swerve vortices of toxic thoughts that come along the way, as i always have.
i'm just a girl, more or less than that, born into a random place ruled by a system with certain values. values which i should strive to be perfect in their understanding, to be spared the ultimate quest for meaning, to be given that meaning by them.
when i was even younger, i would wave my hand at trees thinking that they would appreciate it. this doesn't lead to anything, i just wanted to share that.
i also wanted to share to you why i think i am unwise, and unspecial, with no intent of sarcasm.
i strive to be perfect. i study for hours to get perfect scores (something i don't find honorable because it isn't something i want), i recognize the power of money, i like pretty things, i like owning pretty things, i like being appreciated and obsessively work towards it etc. however, i do think obsession gives me a fabricated sense of purpose and i refuse to judge it as good or bad. ever since i was born, i have been fabricating my reality. and what i fabricated is truly real. i am powerless and omnipotent at the same time. pre-determined and free. i am out of the bounds of duality. goddess and killable carbon-based organism.
don't you think, darling, that you are the same? i see you as the very same essence. we are all ugly, disgusting, marvelous, beautiful; driftwood and God, consciousness incarnate. we don't own anything, we are nothing. nothing has value and we haven't created value. language, however unintuitive it might seem, is mathematical. therefore, we are living it its boundaries (the most famous analogy is in 1984 by kafka or wittgenstein, i believe).
but, the thing is, we are aware. others are too. we see and experience everything. we learn, we understand, we experience music. we are the driftwood and the environment, the creator and created. where my mind cannot comprehend feels like where the truth lies. therefore, i am illiterate and i choose to live accordingly, to both this fact and all the ideas i've shared.
i hope this queendom of my fabrication makes you find solace in your troubles, too. have a nice day or night. <3
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