#desire to become female

[the-girly-boi]

#transgender #sex change #give up your manhood #become a woman #gender change #male to female #feminization captions #i want to be a girl #desire to become female #come out as trans

[lucy-sissy-blog]

Your destiny is always the best life you can hope for yourself! I'd love my destiny to transform me into a woman as girly as her! 😍🫦👙👠💗😇👄💖

#desire to become female #i want to be her #desire to become feminine #feminine beauty #my destiny

[wakkiwillow]

After browsing the internet for as long as I have, I've come to wonder whether or not my feelings are my own. Do I actually want the things I think I do, or have the algorithms and echo chambers come to define my desires. Am I just coasting off of other people's emotions and letting their words define mine?

I want happiness, but how do I tell if I'm trying to find mine or just chasing after other people's wants.

#feelings #thoughts #confused #desire to become female #or maybe its not worth it

[seducedbythegirlinside]

It's the small things that make the biggest differences. Take the time to look after yourself, inside & out x

#feminized husband #inner girl desire #you want to be a girl #feminised #loving your inner girl #become a girl #need to be a female #sissy ferminization #male2female #feminization captions

[insearchofdeath]

Supersonic Death Screams - An interview with Atrax Morgue ESOTERRA # 9 magazine (USA), 2001 What first attracted you to Noise? I started to be interested in experimental music in 1990, when I was 20. I was simply bored by the standard music and I needed to explore more that goes "beyond" music. The first noise band I listened to was Whitehouse and, at first, I didn't like them. Now, Whitehouse is one of my favorite bands, as well as Nurse with Wound, The Sodality, Sigillum S, Genocide Organ Organum, early Current 93, and Coil. I also knew about Cold Meat Industry, buying some of Roger Karmanik's first releases, like Memorandum's Aux Morts LP and Maschinenzimmer's 412 LP. I was hit very hard by the sounds of these bands, very obscure and harsh, and also by the quality of the packaging. At that time, I thought Cold Meat Industry was the label that completely satisfied my tastes. I wrote a congratulation letter to Karmanik and, since then, I have always had a good relationship with CMI. Brighter Death Now has influenced me very much, cause it's the very pure expression of darkness, pain, and death sounds. So in 1992, I recorded my first demo as Atrax Morgue, In Search of Death. I just tried to express my obsessions and desires through harsh electronic sounds and vocals.

Why are you fascinated with death, murder, and serial killers? I'm very obsessed with death and I think that's very clear in all of my works. My ideals and philosophy reflects that "we are constantly in a lackness"; we die and are re-born every moment. Death comes in a moment, in a moment that only faith knows. Death is the moment, the moment is death. Each breath we die, and next breath we are reborn. Each orgasm we die, and so we are reborn. Each sleep is like to die, and the awakening is to be reborn. I'm feeling always in a process, between life and death. I don't feel the passing time. The past doesn't exist; it's only an echo of noise in my mind. The future is destroyed because I live for the moment and I never see any future in front of me. My life condition is like a reflex of energy. A corpse falling into energy's power. Regarding reincarnation, yes, I believe in it, I feel the echoes of my past lives sometimes. I am interested in the pathologic and the extreme, because I think that through the extreme experience everyone can touch deepness himself. Murder is considered the most repulsive act, but it's part of nature, and nature makes the balance between good and evil, day and night. If there's light, there must be the darkness. If there's a birth, there must be a death. Serial Killers are only one of the many manifestations of evil. It's about our modern age and I think it's an interesting phenomenon. In most cases, serial killers show an attitude to sex-death fantasies, and it's just this dangerous mixture of sex and death, to become an obsession, the drive to kill. Kill to satisfy an obsession. I understand these guys. And I haven't shame to talk about it. I myself see death as a beautiful woman. Isn't that an attraction to be destroyed by the object of desire? Those who see beauty as death have seen their killing reflection in a mirror. I haven't any favorite serial killer or murderer. These creatures are only sad testimonials of the human condition.

Have you ever murdered anyone? If I had killed someone, I'll never talk about it to you, don't you think? With my mind I have murdered thousand of humans, and I'm sure that every person has had fantasies of murder at least one time in their lives. It is normal, I think. When I love, I give total love. When I hate, I give total hate. I have fantasies of murder when I see a beautiful woman. It's the same circle of connections between beauty and death. I have not experienced necrophilia but I find it very fascinating. In 1997, I made a short movie regarding this subject. It is called Cockskull Fantasy and it featured about fifteen minutes of masturbation with a plastic skull. The interesting thing about necrophilia is that you can love expecting nothing in return, just pure love. I think it's the highest expression of love, because it goes beyond, in any case. Like pornography, subjects are transformed into objects, in which register a cold, pathologic calligraphy.

Why do you feel so alienated? Alienation is just a rule for me. I have learned to survive with my alienation. But alienated by what? By people? By myself? I hate people, cause I hate myself. I despise people, cause I despise myself. I see the horror through others because I am the horror. It's all a reflection, a deformed mirror. I love people. I really love them. They are so kind, so loving. I love you all. I love myself. I am in love with myself. I am pure contradiction. The point between black and white. I believe in nothing, nothingness. I believe in the next moment. Now, passed. The next… I believe in my corpse, that is my own God. The only thing is to overcome myself, always, and make myself into a masterpiece again and again.

Have you collaborated with any other Noise bands? Yes, I did a collaboration with the Italian experimental Noise band Lunus, under the name Necrofilia. We did just a tape, nothing more. I also had a project with a friend of mine called Progetto Morte, in which I did the electronics and my friend the spoken words. We released two tapes. As Atrax Morgue, I have not collaborated with anyone. It is a strictly personal project. Atrax Morgue is only me, and I'm alone.

Tell me about your Murders fanzine. I released three issues of Murders in 1990. This self-printed magazine was the first step I did and the creation of Slaughter Productions. It was written in Italian and it featured articles about serial killers, necrophilia, extreme sex, and pathology. It also featured a review section about extreme Industrial music.

What equipment do you use? I use an analog synthesizer, a microphone connected with a multi-effect, tape decks and a mixer. Just that. As you can see it's really cheap equipment, but I think the most important thing you must use doing music is your mind.

How do your family and friends feel about your music? I don't have any sort of relationship with my family regarding my work and I don't care to explain what I do with my "music". I have good relationships with some friends, but this is always beyond my music. Atrax Morgue is simply a reflection of myself. My friends are very respectful with me about what I do.

Are you heterosexual or homosexual? I am sexless. I'm feeling between male and female. I am beyond sex. I am enchanted by female beauty because it's possessed with a sort of perverse power and attraction. My love for female beauty is so high that sometimes I feel like changing into a woman just to become my own object of desire. It's the other side of my nature. The metamorphosis is another little death, because I left the old skin, to become a new born creature.

What kind of reaction did you get when you first started performing in Italy? Not a very good reaction. I performed three times in Italy and the audience was bored and they had not a bit of an idea of what I was doing.

What is Italian society like? I don't know. I'm feeling not Italian and don't give a fuck about Italy. You can change any place in the world but you can't change your mind and your interior life. I've always felt outside of society, living in my closed, aseptic world. A world I've created specially for myself. I love to travel, but I'm always feeling the same sensation any place I go-- like a visitor from an outer space.

SOURCE

#atrax morgue #marco corbelli #industrial #My love for female beauty is so high that sometimes I feel like changing into a woman just to become my own object of desire. #It's the other side of my nature. The metamorphosis is another little death #because I left the old skin #to become a new born creature. #long post

[thefiresofpompeii]

session with the psychiatrist today and he finalised getting me a s*roquel prescription… upon a google i discovered that one of the most common side effects is supposedly weight gain so now i am actually considering the preferred alternative option of recovery which is k*lling m*self

#he is 1. russian 2. the sessions are being paid for and monitored by my father #i tried calmly and reasonably explaining to him that i do not suffer from bipolar disorder and that #the prevalent part of the symptoms which cause me direct discomfort or suffering in my day to day #life most closely correspond to adult ‘female’ adhd and autism; and that the #only psychiatric pharmaceuticals which would cause a legitimate positive impact on my life would be those prescribed to ADHD patients; #which means that what he really should be doing is writing me a reference form to speed up the diagnosis process. his response? #‘you have labelled your issues with these developmental disorders to absolve yourself of a responsibility to heal from them; since; unlike #mental illnesses; they are not temporary and cannot be cured; only alleviated’ #ok mental illness isn’t temporary either; total recovery is nigh impossible. plus; i don’t want meds for a cure. i want meds to be able to #manage and live like a functioning adult human being. as in; be able to concentrate on what i am invested in; to ameliorate skills and put #in an ounce of effort instead of floating mindlessly without concrete goals or desires #okay maybe i need depression meds. MAYBE. but i have a sneaking suspicion that the moment i start taking adhd medication and become #far more productive and accomplished by my own standards; my depressive state will begin to dissipate without psychiatric intervention #jamie.txt #tw ed implied #antipsych

[erwintiddies]

‘yeah im pretty into snk’ i say, actively avoiding anything that has to do with the 3 main characters

#literally everyone else is more interesting :| #im not tryna start anything im just voicing my shower thoughts #my old feelings toward eren were meh at best but once the atrocities started i was like oughhh i hate him now #something something the banality of evil or whatever. yeah we get it the world is cruel and you want to be free #but you are the cruelest man in the world and the most enslaved by hatred and selfish desire. boo. #mikasa i thought was boring and a product of female shonen character syndrome but i like her more than i used to #i have been waiting 4 seasons for her to become her own person and if that happens i think i could really love her #theres a lot riding on how her story ends though. i thought she was about to break free but then in the last episode shes like #am i to blame for my not-bf's insane genocidal rampage?? and im like girl PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU TO STOP #big sign that says **HADLAI THIS IS NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK BUT DONT READ PAST THIS IF YOU DONT WANT 2 HEAR ME COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR BLORBO** #i used to like armin but his approval ratings have TANKED in season 4 #im tired of people acting like armin is some uwu innocent boy or has any sort of moral leg to stand on #part of that could be the weird infantilization and or feminization the fandom forces on him. but it is very much a narrative problem too #name one good thing he's done (other than saving falco) since levi resurrected him. he is in his flop era for real #where are the big brain plays we were promised. i cannot get over how STUPID he was to convince the 104th to help eren in shiganshina #shoulda left him crispy on that roof and maybe we wouldnt be in this situation #and theres the whole nuking the liberio port thing which is like. ok other characters have committed similar atrocities #but they get flamed by the narrative and other characters for it #i think yelena brings it up once during the airing of grievances but i want to see reiner-level suffering and fallout from all this stuff #feeling incredibly dissatisfied with how s 4 handles him. i cant put my finger on it entirely but #to me it feels like there are narrative promises that have not been delivered on. its vague but that's all i got for now #or perhaps narrative precedents that are not being met #i will need to consult my sister because i am certain she feels the same way and she might have it in words already #me and crankycorvid were talking along similar lines too so i know im not alone in this #anyway stan hanji zoe

[the-girly-boi]

#transgender #sex change #give up your manhood #become a woman #gender change #male to female #feminization captions #i want to be a girl #desire to become female #come out as trans

[wakkiwillow]

There is a girl trapped in my skull. She slams her fists into her prison walls, hoping for her jailer to hear. He does, but it is pointless. The man on the outside ignores her. There are far more pressing issues at hand, and the man only has so much willpower.

#self denial #desire to become female #thinking #who cares

[seducedbythegirlinside]

#inner girl desire #you want to be a girl #feminised #feminization captions #loving your inner girl #become a girl #need to be a female #sissy ferminization #feminized husband #male2female

[tavarillasgalen]

ngl, i know books that depict sexism and stuff and show women overcoming it can be super empowering and it is indeed important to have books with that. younger me would have LOVED all of them so much. but the older i get, just... the more exhausting it is? it isn’t cathartic to read about anymore, it’s just depressing and frustrating and sad. because the older i get, the more i turn to books as a form of escapism - so i don’t want to read about sexism and stuff because i deal with that every day. i want to read books where sexism just..... doesn’t exist. where people of all genders are equal, no questions asked. 

the same goes for sexuality too. like, i don’t want to read about characters getting kicked out of their families for being queer when that’s one of my top fears. i do not want to read about queerphobia at all. i want to read about queer people just... living life. loving who they love. no problem. 

race is different, because i don’t experience racism, and i want to learn about what that’s like and everything. gender too, because i’m cis, so i don’t know what it’s like to be nonbinary or trans or genderfluid or what have you. though these can be challenging too bc intersectionality, so sexism and queerphobia are present in a lot of books, and those are the two things where i’m just like, i experience them, maybe not in the same way as the characters, but still, i don’t want to read about them.

i just wish there were more books where like... these real world problems didn’t exist? if you can have a fantasy world with dragons and magic and all this, you can have a fantasy world without sexism or queerphobia or racism or what have you. yes, books that depict real world issues are important and have their place and all that. but so too are books that don’t have them. i can’t tell you how refreshing it is in the rare instance where i find a book or a show and the fact that a character is a woman or is queer is never ever a problem and they’re just automatically accepted. it is so HARD to find any media like that. but when you do, it’s SO nice. More escapism, please.

#personal #another part of why i feel like i'm moving away from maas #because all of her books have sexism in them #and when i first read acomaf it was empowering to read feyre become high lady and all #but now it's just exhausting #and ngl has me deeply worried about elain's book #bc i love elain #and i like elriel #but i just know since her arc is going to be centered on choice and all..... #it's going to deal with sexism quite heavily #and i just don't have the bandwith or the desire to deal with that in fiction anymore #why is it so hard to find books where the female characters don't deal with sexism #or where the queer characters don't deal with queerphobia

[wanderingnork]

Character bingo:

Solas (your precious egg), Cole (he seems like a dear) and either Billie Lurk or Emily Kaldwin (or both if you feel like it)

Pardon the scribbles, I did this in markup on my photo app on my phone.

Solas: BINGO

Cole: BINGO

Billie:

Emily (adult):

#nork rants #just don’t find emily terribly appealing as a protagonist #she’s the unfortunate bearer of a bunch of female-protagonist archetypes i don’t enjoy #eg a female ruler who chafes so hard against the ~restraints~ of being a ruler #that she abdicates all power to go be ~independent~ #the narrative makes it quite clear why that’s a shitty thing #but her arc never seems to make it to her *understanding* #her desire to reclaim her throne has very little to do at any point #with recognizing the responsibility she abdicated #it’s much more about revenge #she doesn’t *learn* anything by the end and becomes a great empress not out of a true desire to do better #but by obligation and duty #i was not moved #BILLIE ON THE OTHER HAND #i love her your honor #development! growth! change! #best arc in the whole damn setting!!!

[blacksonicboy]

My transformation into a black man started just this momeng. My cocki coym

#inner girl desire #female transformation #roleplay meme #hrt #rp meme #ask prompts #girls that want to switch with a voy #something that will make me turn into a real woman #where i can sell my soul to be granted a wish and become a magical girl #roleplay prompts #young boys to suck

[chiarrara]

is "adult" supposed to feel like "man" while "child" feels like "girl"? is that a cis white patriarchy brainfuck thing or a my gender specifically thing?

#how do cis people feel about becoming adults? #is the infantilization of women interalized in all of you too? #is the disgust for women who have aged internalized in you to? #is the desire to break free of the limitations of your assigned gender a uniquely trans experience or also a generally female one? #i think the answer is yes #which doesn't help--unless it does #maybe there is nothing less trans about wanting to not be a woman the way it has been determined for you #maybe the source of transnsss is eternal and can come from anywhere #maybe transness is natures response to gender oppression #maybe it is the inevitable response #maybe creating a dichotomy to uphold a hierarchy naturally creates the tools for it's destruction #anyway