#describe my sexuality

[bulldog-butch]

i’m gonna say something controversial yet brave: sexuality labels are a convenient tool we use to define something that is undefinable

#you literally cannot change my mind #if you accept that sexuality is about something other than genitals than you also have to accept that there are going to be millions #of definitions for the same labels #and that’s okay #who you are attracted to cannot possibly ever be described with one word #put weirdo little brains and desires are too complex for that #*our #anyway #i’m right #bork bork!

[sualne]

and now...

#one piece #trafalgar law #monkey d luffy #lulaw #<- it's not but for tagging purposes ig. sometimes fellas hugs and that's it. shit is complicated in the vamp au. #my art #my comic #op vamp au #described in alt text #they were supposed to be dressed but the anatomy turned really good in the first panel and yknow how it is #now if you see being naked as inherently sexual/sexy then it unfortunately change the tone A Bit but thats not the point here #among the things i want to explore in the au is luffy fresh out from his 2 years training being so utterly defeated despite it all and #how he would react to that.

[chrollohearttags]

went down the rabbit hole on YouTube of other black ppl who are aromantics, virgins, never dated, etc. and I’m sitting here cheesing so hard bc I’ve never felt so validated. Like it’s not something I’ve ever felt ashamed or bad about and I’ve never had the desire to lose the ‘v card’ or be in a relationship but I feel like sometimes it’s hard to talk to other people about who aren’t and it’s just reaaaally nice to see other people that look like you sharing the same experience.

#I was watching a mommy blogger expose vid #and now we’re here #but it’s so nice to feel validated in ur experience #cherry chats 🍒 #aromantic #lgbtqia #like it gets hard when you have friends who talk about dating and sex and you can’t really relate to them #the main reason I don’t talk to many of my gfs anymore bc they’re in relationships and one’s pregnant #and I don’t have much to say #sexuality discussion #cw sexuality #they described everything I was feeling too #not wanting kids #not wanting to be married #and even not wanting to be touched

[captainkirkk]

I just found the 'Identity Shenanigans' tag is not a common tag despite 20 pages of fics. Have you found any tags that reaaaaalllly should be common tags?

Yes, so many! Tags that either aren't as widely known/tagged as much they should be considering how well-used they are. Or popular tags that I find aren't specific enough. Or tropes I just personally love and wish were used more often. Off the top of my head:

"Age reveal" has LESS THAN A PAGE of fics on ao3, which is bonkers to me. I love the 'character is revealed to be Baby' trope so much (when it's done well, ofc)

"Pampering" - I have always been very loud about how much I love this trope. We see it in fics sometimes, but it's rarely tagged or gets glomped into "comfort""

"Power reversal" - We have the vague "power dynamics" tag but it's usually full of fics about people of authority taking advance of others. I'm interested in the reverse - people of power choosing to (temporarily or even permanently) give up their power to someone they explicitly trust. Kings serving their sick servants. Generals taking orders from their soldiers because they're too injured to lead. Overwhelmed leaders finding joy in suddenly having no responsibilities. Platonically/romantically/sexually this is a fun trope to explore.

"Hiding injuries" only has 7 pages of fics on ao3."Hiding medical issues" has 1.6k fics on ao3 which is great, but I find limiting sometimes. (Although, does an injury count as a medical issue? It requires medical attention, but I always assumed "medical issues" referred to illness/chronic disease/etc.) And "character concealing something painful" is one of my favourite tropes, but it's not always something MEDICAL that they're hiding. Characters can hide abuse, neglect, bullying, assault, manipulation, magical curses, etc. I wish there was a more specific tag for this but it's one of my favourite things and I want to search for it

#there are more but this is just what comes to mind #my posts #ask #anon #tropes #maybe 'power reversal' is too specific to be a trope? #i know we have non-sexual dom/sub as a tag but that's not quite what i mean #it can be an element of it but doesn't describe the specific trope i'm describing #fic ideas

[prince-liest]

How did you figure out you're aromantic?

Oh, god, what a short question for such a long process, hahaha. First off, didn't figure it out until recently, age 27, but here was the approximate (and very truncated in the amount of internal conflict and introspection involved) step-by-step process:

Figured out I was queer in high school because I felt the same way about women as I did about men! Spent about 5 years thinking I was bisexual.

Figured out that I'm not actually attracted to men when I read a post describing the experience of compulsory heterosexuality and related with it intensely, which was a very freeing experience. Spent 6 years thinking I was a (nonbinary) lesbian!

Hooked up at parties a couple of times out of curiosity and then took up my best friend's offer to fuck and realized that I got the same amount of skin-crawling distaste about that as I did about sexual contact with men, thus realizing I was ace.

Let that domino tip over into the, "Actually, identifying as gay has for a long time given me the same anxiety as I used to feel when I thought I'd have to date a man, and also I'm 27 years old and have never, ever actually wanted to date another human being. When people ask me what my ideal partner is like, I start listing off ways in which they should not bother me or demand my time or be part of my life. Maybe I just don't want... anyone." domino, and the subsequent "I'M FREE!! (from trying to date women)" euphoria was identical to the "I'M FREE!! (from trying to date men)" euphoria, so.

That's where I'm at!

I'm a generally introspective person, but I'm also really great at gaslighting myself into ignoring my own discomfort, so largely it's been, haha, a diagnosis of exclusion. First I excluded men, then the discomfort with women grew large enough that I was able to exclude them as well. Reading about other people's experiences and realizing where they paralleled my own was immensely helpful! So was being close friends with a very poly person who slowly and fully unintentionally changed my perspective on how I view relationships in a very poly-and-relationship-anarchy-as-default way, which incidentally is extremely compatible with aroace queerplatonic ideals and definitely softened me up to be ready to accept that particular realization.

Also, please let this be a sign that just because you identify with one "thing" doesn't mean that you're committing to it forever! <3

#ask #personal #Anonymous #hilariously enough the gender thing was way easier #I basically tripped into it by accident by gleefully ““hiding”” my pronouns from people for a long time #until I hit social circles that just fully assumed that meant that I was nonbinary and I was like “oh... I can DO that?” #YOU HEARD OF ASSIGNED GENDER AT BIRTH NOW I BRING YOU ASSIGNED NONBINARY IN COLLEGE LMAO #sexuality #aroace #aro #hope this helped anon! everyone's journey is different #there are a lot of things I can look back on that were Definite Signs #including amusingly me thinking the concept of aromanticism was STUPID because “what they are describing is just what EVERYONE is like”

[hualianisms]

camilikha on twitter posted with mtl the part of the TGCF Audio Drama production team's talk where they discussed hua cheng's character concept, and i love what the AD team said so i attempted a rough translation of the CN text:

"The core of Hua Cheng's character: Ultimate beauty, ultimate danger, ultimate devoutness The simultaneous contradiction and balance in his feelings: On one hand, he has a yearning desire that is blasphemous; on the other hand, he sees Xie Lian as sacred and inviolable, so he simultaneously possesses a devotee's sense of worship and sacrifice [1], and restraint [2]. His love is akin to a fire in the abyss; on the surface he approaches everything with effortless skill and ease, but in his heart he is always simultaneously suppressing and yet burning with fervour and zeal."

*translation notes:

[1] "献祭 worship and sacrifice" here refers to the religious act of a worshipper making sacrificial offerings to their god. the sacrifices offered to the god can be other people/things, or oneself.

[2] for the part about "restraint 禁欲", the CN phrase used refers to religious asceticism or abstinence (the AD team used many phrases with specifically religious connotations in this description of HC). however, "asceticism" felt to me like the wrong eng word for HC as he is not ascetic at all, nor is his devotion or love chaste. I struggled to find an eng word that fit here, but this is what the AD team was likely referring to (his abstinence during the centuries before he met XL):

(I think the AD team may also have been referring to how HC initially attempted to hold himself back early in Book 1/Arc 1 for fear of overwhelming XL at first (during the period before they started kissing and HC realized XL fully reciprocated his attraction and desire).

and just my thoughts but i love how the AD understood HC as character so well! i love how they highlighted how he is simultaneously the concept of the most faithful devotee, and the most ardent lover. whether it's his religious devotion or his romantic/sexual love for XL, it's intense & passionate to the highest degree

i also love how they described the juxtaposition btwn HC's effortlessly calm & competent exterior, vs the intense passion he holds within. i really love how well the AD understands his character and allows HC to be as layered, multi-faceted and gorgeously romantic as he's meant to be

#tgcf audio drama #hua cheng #hualian #tgcf #heaven official's blessing #the AD is my fav adaptation they rly understand the characters so well and are most true to the novel #i love how they highlighted how he is simultaneously the concept of the most faithful devotee + the most ardent lover #and how whether its his religious devotion or his romantic/sexual love for XL #it's intense & passionate to the highest degree #i also love how they described the juxtaposition btwn HC's effortlessly calm & competent exterior #vs the intense passion he holds within #i really love how well the AD understands his character and allows HC to be as layered #multi-faceted and gorgeously romantic as he's meant to be #my translation

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

i love skk theyre so everything

#and i mean this literally my perception of them changes so often #theyre all of it at the same time #like with all hcs really #they exist in thr void #yes they're dating yes they've been pining since 15 no since 16 since 17 they didn't realize they liked each other until now theyve been #hooking up since they were teens actually since the dungeon scene no they've never fucked but they really wish they did or they dont #but it would be nice if it was with each other theyre basically friends with benefits they made out on the side sometimes no theyre so #oblivious or repressed they dont even think about it theyre literally just weird besties who think about each other all the time theyre #literally best friends until the end they dont even like each other romantically or sexually but theyre there until the end actually theyre #somewhere in between and they dont know how to describe it other than it being them #what they are is soukoku it just IS dazai and chuuya and that includes whatever the fuck theyre doing #etc etc #skk

[sualne]

kiss you in aroace, and we're both boys.

#one piece #monkey d. luffy #trafalgar law #lawlu #my art #described in alt text #me drawing luffy in orange and law in blue because its the aroace flag: im so smart (its also the canon colors but shh). #i had forgotten i had made these. when surviving a tummyache that day. this is about like. i wanted to like. explore aroace&aroace #relationships and how you're more likely to be affectionnate among fellows aros and aces because youve made it clear theres no intentions #behind it. like man. imagine a beautiful world when no one has to feel like they cant hold or kiss their homies because it's seen as #inherently romantic or sexual. also im still trying to figure out how to draw kisses and this was a good opportunity to try again.

[soup-scope]

petition for erik to write vincent and sam using old ass slang. PLEASE THEY WERE BORN IN THE 80’S AND GREW UP IN THE 90’S PLEASE ERIK LET THEM USE OLD ASS SLANG

Also the idea that quinn was turned 50 years ago in the 70’s, that means he had to be born in like the 40’s/50’s if quinn was turned in his 20’s/30’s. no wonder he’s such a prick

anyways. now i wanna design quinn in mind with that aesthetic. anyways. have a great day

#my thoughts are so scattered all the time my apologies #but my point still stands #vincent and sam def use 80’s/90’s slang and quinn is an old asshole #those are the thoughts #also erik described darlin and quinn’s relationship as a ‘dalliance’ so it was DEFINITELY romantic/sexual but placing my bets on the latter #redacted asmr #redacted audio #asmr boyfriend #boyfriend asmr #redactedverse #redacted darlin #redacted sam #redacted tank #redacted vincent #redacted quinn

[sugarcoatednightshade]

Tired of seeing fic on ao3 claiming to be based off dune the book series when it’s very obvious that the writer has only seen dune the movie(s).

Yes, it matters. Yes, these are very different works. You’re probably doing this for visibility; I don’t care. Archive Of Our Own is a fucking archive, stop labeling your works with a tag you know is factually incorrect. It makes it impossible for me to filter for fics I want to read.

#ao3 #dune #dune books #dune messiah #written because I’ve seen so many fics claiming to be based off the book who have no idea who Alia is #like girl! that’s my girl!!! #if your fic doesn’t contain Alia The Murderous Toddler then I don’t want it in my house in my home in my life #also the fight between feyd and paul went so differently in the books vs the movie. like it’s barely even an obstacle for Paul in the books #the differences are subtle in fic but really obvious if you’re expecting to see one thing and then all of a sudden it’s something else #(did I just describe all of fic? yes. but I hope y’all know what I mean. we are working off of different canon baselines) #seriously Alia is 15 pounds soaking wet three year old child. and she kills the baron . for fun… #also the fremen are not prudes. most people get this. but really neither is the rest of the empire??? I mean the harkonens obviously were. #.like that.. but also I get the feeling that no one else really cared #I’m only on the second book so I could be wrong. but from here it seems like the dune universe has a very fluid understanding of gender and #and sexuality. and polyamory. and drug use. #shout out to face changers gotta be one of my favorite genders btw #anyway. ugh. #long rant is long

[sharkgirldick]

why arent you attracted to cis dudes?

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, anon. You gotta promise not to tell cis dudes who don't respect boundaries, okay?

I'm plenty attracted to cis men. My issue is that I'm very picky about which guys I'm attracted to (cis or otherwise.) However, I'm more willing to give things a try with a trans man (or someone man-adjacent) that I'm not, initially, physically attracted to. Namely, because then I can be pretty sure they're not a chaser and also sidestep Cis Bullshit™.

I'm more broadly attracted to women (or people who are woman-adjacent) so while I do often avoid cis women, it's less applicable.

As such, rather than just say "I'm attracted to anyone regardless of what gender they identify"*** (which is true) I specifically state I'm not into cis dudes because it cuts out a lot of chaff and I avoid the worst of transfem chasers.

#text post #ask #anon #***I'm bisexual. do not use how I've described my sexuality here to try and say I'm something else or I'm blocking you #this is a quick and general explanation cuz I get this question too much

[themthistles]

i think that while micro labels can seem useful and affirming ultimately they're isolating and kind of an obstacle to your understanding of self. that's because you can never find a word specific enough. there will never be a label or two labels or even ten, twenty of them to perfectly capture and describe all of your thoughts, feelings, experiences, preferences, needs, interests, identities, etc. because you learn more and more about yourself every day and then you change and your wants and needs change with you. having to hop between labels, fearing that you don't 'fit' into a label anymore (both in your own and others eyes), worrying how soon your current label will wear out, questioning if you'll ever fully fit a single one. all that causes a lot of uncertainty and anxiety which could be avoided by just picking a more general thing and molding it according to what it means to YOU. because words will always mean different things to different people, you will never be understood immediately and maybe never completely by anyone but yourself and that's fine

#another thing is that micro labels often feel like they fracture the community unnecessarily #idk how many times i've seen fighting over hyperspecific ace labels and what they mean and if people described in them even belong #and honestly i think this discourse wouldn't be so vile and neverending if people accepted the idea of falling under general umbrella #and accepted that you can't describe complicated weird and wonderful act of human existence with a couple of words #you don't need to explain yourself to anyone #i know in our present pronouns/sexuality/gender in bio carrd era it feels like you have to but you really don't #people aren't entitled to a short summary of your inner world and you can't speed run connection #also feel the need to say: i have nothing against people who use micro labels #if you feel like your micro label describes you perfectly? i'm really glad and happy for you #i'm just expressing my own thoughts and feelings that come from personal experience with exploring these things #at some point i started doubting if i could call myself a lesbian #i thought oh i'm not exactly what a lot of people generally think of when they hear that word #oh they'll misunderstand and i'm not being my 'true self' i'll find a word that fits me exactly if i just keep looking #and then i found out being aroace is a thing and boy did that add a lot of anxiety and confusion to the pot #i didn't feel like i fit in with both communities wasn't lesbian enough wasn't aroace enough #but at some point i just got tired of trying to justify myself to others and to myself #identities aren't houses you live in they're more like seas or rivers flowing into one another #and spaces where they intersect are vague and hard to define and they shift and change and this metaphor is getting away from me #basically #words are complicated #but they're the only direct way we humans can communicate #it is what it is #so make art #a lot of it #oh also unrelated but if you ever tell older queer folks that they're using wrong words to describe themselves i am going to jump you

[infestedguest]

I am legitimately devastated to learn that “women are my favorite guy” isn’t yet another phrase spawned by tumblr meme culture like I assumed it was, and that it actually originates from a song created by some cishet white guy named Kyle who has built an entire tiktok career off of making fun of neurodivergent people.

#I’m not gonna listen to the song bc it’s either going to be dogshit and I’ll hate it or it’ll actually be good and I’ll hate it #how can a phrase so bisexual have such shitty origins #this guy was just smashing words together and accidentally described like half my sexuality #worst case scenario he thought it was funny because ‘associating women with non women things funny nyuck nyuck nyuck’ #I haven’t actually watched any of his tiktoks and normally I would before making a post like this #because going off of what other people say they include I’m pretty sure watching them would be an incredibly upsetting experience for me #like normally I’m pretty thick skinned when it comes to shitty jokes #but this just hits way too close to home #as someone who was socially ostracized as a kid because I was neurodivergent and was painfully aware of how other kids viewed me #dj crazy times #kyle gordon #tumblr meta #anna talking about stuff #women are my favorite guy

[uncanny-tranny]

How do I know if I'm bi?

So this might not be a helpful answer, but it is my genuine thought, and I want to be honest: You know you're bi if you find comfort, or happiness, or understanding of yourself in that label. It's not necessarily about split attraction to multiple genders.

Yes, bisexual people will often be attracted to more than one gender (not just man and woman, either! Many bisexual people aren't attracted to both binary genders because bisexuality is yet another complex and nuanced component of human sexuality, which in itself is inherently complex). Yes, many bisexual people express those attractions, and yes, many bisexual people share things in common. But frankly, not every bisexual is going to have similar experiences or thoughts or expressions of sexuality. My bisexuality is going to look different than yours might because I am a different human being. As such, I think it's less helpful to say "to be bisexual, you need to have these experiences," but it's more helpful to say, "if you find comfort in the bisexual label, use it"

The worst that happens with sexuality labels is you find one that matches better. I used to use the label pansexual when I was younger - the worst thing that happened was I stopped using it a year later when I felt it didn't accurately describe my feelings anymore.

If you suspect you're bi, there's likely a reason for that, and there's nothing wrong with you investigating that further. However, I don't want you to feel like you need to Prove Yourself to even use language that accurately describes your sexuality or sense of sexuality - no matter if that language is as simple as saying you're bisexual or not. Sexuality is an important aspect of identity for many folks, and you deserve the opportunity to make it as important or inconsequential as you want. Nobody is going to throw you in jail for not being bisexual or queer "enough." There's no law that says you have to have a 50/50 split attraction to binary men and women only to be bi. There's no bisexual card we hand out to you, saying you've been vetted as Bi Enough.

#ask #anon #bi #bisexual #lgbt #lgbtq #like my sense of sexuality is very convoluted and i still use bi because it's the closest i've got and that's FINE #if i was a bit younger i might have used a label like abro but i *personally* don't have any attachment or care for it being used for me #and that's fine!!! there can be two similar people in terms of sexuality who use COMPLETELY different language and labels #just like a person like me (trans man) could be on hormones and use he/him and masculine language and 'only' call themself a butch #(quotes around the word only because butch isn't a secondary identity compared to an identity like mine) #that's the beauty about language and our conceptualizions of ourselves! #we want to be understood and we cobble that together in as best a way as possible #language is naturally limiting because our feelings and thoughts are too deep for it i think #there is only so much we can do to be understood. so we do our best #what i want you to do is do your best. it's not about being Perfect in how you describe yourself. that's not the point!!! #there are things about myself that will mever be described by language and that's good i think #i think that's the same for most people. we are too complex and we should learn to find beauty and celebration in that

[tinukis]

i may seem to lean in more towards romanticism of zolu but imma be real here

theyre a whole secret third thing to me like— idk how to explain it it other than their love and bond transcends what romance and platonic. yes i will draw them smooching and have hearts flying all around them but it is not exactly romantic/platonic... (i mean honestly i dont mind how ppl interpret zolu whether its my art or in general)

bc i saw this one comic that just... perfectly described zolu and the strawhats to me? it was about law catching zolu and then discussing with the other strawhats about it and they explained that luffy does in fact love everyone equally and the same. for luffy, romantic nor platonic is Not a thing to him. (this is how i view luffy's aroaceness !! love isnt a category for him. love isnt something he could just pick and choose or whatever. love is just... loving someone. love is for the people very dear to him.) and in the comic, the strawhats say that zoro's the one and only guy who could keep up with luffy's energy and antics. so they dont mind the things they do together in privacy or in front of them. they know how much luffy loves them ALL EQUALLY and they all love him back

on topic of zolu and aroace... i've been around spaces and talked to a few zolu shippers (qpr shipping count) and noticed how many of us are at least on the aro/ace spectrum. there's just Something about zolu's special relationship that attracts us, and if you ship them and are aro/ace, im certain you'd agree. (even if you arent, we can mutually agree that they are a third thing, right?) like, theres something so... aroace about their relationship. they can be seen as romantic and they can be seen as platonic, but what can be absolutely certain is that their relationship is definitely queer. bc it's not something you can easily describe or that their relationship is The Norm. theyre insane for each other. luffy's the sun. zoro's the moon. luffy's a good. zoro's the king of hell. they complete each other. they absolutely need each other.

my memory is horrible and i cant say the words properly but basically: zolu's love and relationships transcends romance and platonically. yes you can see it as either, but as an aroace, i Feel it is way beyond that.

and again, will repeat it a million times over (mind you, it's not canon. it's a widely accepted HEADCANON. if you think luffy's sexuality is something else, thats cool): i believe that luffy's aroaceness is way beyond "not interested in attraction/xyz/whatever" like yeah, he doesn't think about it because it doesnt matter much to him. he doesnt apply whats romantic or platonic to HIS relationships. he can recognize romantic, sexual, platonic things. it's just not his thing to really think hard about (he doesnt think much in the first place (affectionage)) he feels love for the people he cares about and if they feel loved by him, however he approaches the love (and if they accept that kind of form) thats all that matters to him. he doesnt label/categorize love because it makes no sense to Him to prioritize someone over the other just bc he loves that someone a different way. he loves everyone equally and treats them as equals.

and when it comes to Any luffy ships, calling his significant other "partner" is what fits best. theyre not just best friends, theyre partners.

this is a mess of a rant but this is just how i feel abt zolu, luffy, his ship pairs, and his aroace hc :]

#tin talks #i feel the need to like say this a million times over bc i feel it's just not enough to get my point across #it's just... hard to describe yknow? #thats how being aroace feels to me and how i see aroace characters/hcs #but a character like luffy really made me understand my own sexuality better even if i cant put it into words #he helped me accept my aroaceness #luffy #headcanon #aromantic #asexual #aroace