#depressive state

[fem-blade-adept]

Hate it when people say “You only like fictional characters or OC’s. Why not have a crush on real people?” Here, I have a comprehensive list of reasons:

When real people are there for me in the true depths of my sorrow, when I’ve hit true rock bottom.

When real people genuinely care for my emotions and feelings.

When real people don’t want me dead just for existing.

When real people break down the walls I build to make me feel truly happy.

When real people willfully want my friendship.

When real people stop attempting to exploit and take advantage of their relationship with me.

When real people aren’t excessively flaky.

When real people don’t run away when I show some actual emotions for once.

When real people stop treating me like I exist for their benefit

Humans have treated me like a tool and a stepping stone for years and I’m sick and fucking tired of it. You want to know why I don’t have friends?!? Because no one has shown they deserve that right!

I have been there for EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS and done my best to be there when they needed me, but when it came down to it, EVERYONE refused to do the same for me.

Fictional characters don’t do that.

#emotional trauma #emotional disaster #emotional rant #depressive state

[junosartsthetic]

I apologize in advance but the next fic I post will in fact be another Pol fic because I’ve fallen into a depressive state and he’s one of the few things that makes me happy. Sorry.

#this sounds super depressing #mainly because i have depression #but also it’s chill #I’m chill #everything is fine #this is how I cope #shitposting #shitpost #this is a shitshow and im the ringleader #jjba #depression #depressive state #chronic depression

[theperplexedpoet]

the light of the mind

this is a place of shadows cast of pens bled between the lines where gods go to the gallows fast by the darkness' designs where the fates' allotments are made kept in verses to remind that this is the last act betrayed “this is the light of the mind” shine it bright and shine on let no day dim your light it is yours to dine on to grow your appetite and it is yours to share with whomever you will when you've plenty to spare so the dark corners fill this is a place of shadows cast of verses bled for the signs where gods go to the gallows fast and where the darkness defines how much of the fates' threads are frayed before they're even assigned and this is the pact we've obeyed “this is the light of the mind” shine it bright and shine on let no day dim your light try to not be their pawn need a queen in this fight each move yours to decide any way that you please shine on all on your side and choose who that will be this is a place of shadows cast of dreams penned here to divine where gods go to the gallows fast for an escape to be mined and each the fates they know their trade know each thread as they unwind and this is the tax we have paid “this is the light of the mind” (7/31/22)

#poetry #introspective articulations #sociopolitical #twenty years a poet #depressive state #depressive states of america #society #interacting #systems #navigating systems #engaging #sylvia plath #borrowed lines #homages

[theshadowrealmitself]

I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them

People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human

“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”

“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”

“Yeah!!”

“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”

“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“

“How illogical”

“That’s what I’m saying!!!”

#star trek #Vulcans #Humans #not based on a specific thing #but I used to know this annoying couple that were ‘family friends’ #who would show up to potluck dinners and the like and would either bring nothing or bring something really just. out of left field? #like a bag of frozen chicken to a bbq #and then proceed to make sure they are first even if it was stated to let kids go first #would take HUGE amounts before anyone else got a chance to get a plate #and then make off with the leftovers again even if they were already claimed for #and it wasn’t a food insecurity thing trust me I would never speak bad about a person getting food if that was even a remote chance #the adults who raised us knew them really well and we’d been to their house a ton of times #they were just dicks #and yeah. they’d occasionally insult the food. while eating the MAJORITY of it. #it was so weird at their home they would go out of their way to get the healthiest options possible #you know the really bland tasteless expensive stuff that apparently was healthier #but then if they were visiting our house they would. eat all our unhealthy snacks. #that always pissed me off so much as a kid because we actually had a food insecurity thing going on #and also a variety of other reasons that are a bit too depressing to bring up on this post #but anyways we’d hardly ever get to have nice snacks #and this couple would just take them all??? even after we’d tell them repeatedly that it was ours and those snacks weren’t gonna be #replaced #hated that couple #if you’re wondering why they were ‘family friends’ it’s because the couple who raised us #(it feels weird to type it out like that but apparently legal guardians doesn’t fit since they never finished petitioning 💀) #liked having them around because it made them look like ‘such great Christian’s’ being nice to the people #that no one else wanted to be friends with #I always thought that was a really weird and fucked up reason to be friends with someone #this got long sorry 😭

[sarahgarlits]

Depressive State

In the past three weeks, I found myself off my usual routine and triggered into a depressive state. It was a challenging time where I struggled to take care of myself properly. Daily tasks like showering, eating nutritious meals, and keeping up with cleaning my apartment fell by the wayside. However, I’m happy to report that today marks a turning point. I’ve made some positive changes and I’m…

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#abuse survivor #abuse survivor blog #Complex PTSD #depressive state #ptsd

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

The funny thing about the PJO cabin system is that everyone's always all 'oh the twelve' this and 'the twelve' that but that's absolutely not even remotely accurate. To start, right off the bat it's thirteen, not twelve, because they don't count Hades. But not really because before Percy, there were no big three kids, so we're down to ten active cabins already but it's actually eight because Artemis and Hera don't make demigods.

And of those eight, Mr. D is stuck at camp (thus not really making new demigods all that often) and his only two kids don't even sleep in a cabin, they sleep in the Big House with him.

So, pre-Percy, there are seven active cabins at Camp Half-Blood:

Glee club, the Jocks, the Nerds, the Geeks, the Farmers, the 'Sketchy Kids' and the Popular Kids.

Or, in other words, the Apollo, Ares, Athena, Hephaestus, Demeter, Hermes (and the unclaimed kids) and Aphrodite cabins.

What's cool is that you can already see the cabin dynamics in the show. For example, the Athena cabin allies with the Hermes cabin for the numbers. The Hermes kids plus all the unclaimed kids? It's the biggest cabin in the camp by far. It's a battle strategy. Luke and Annabeth's close relationship is just the cherry on top for Annabeth. It'll be really cool to see how the show develops the differences in the cabins during the series.

#pjo tv show #pjo series #if i remember correctly it's the Hermes cabin then Ares and Apollo in terms of numbers. Aphrodite would probably be next. #but the Athena Hephaestus and Demeter cabins were always under twelve kids. #they state exact numbers in one book... and if you don't want spoilers turn back now #but after the war theres only three Hephaestus kids left so like.... the numbers go real fucking low #the entire camp population plummeta #iactually really fucking depressing watching this camp filled with small tiny children knowing that only a very small fraction of themlive

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X' #and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!'' #babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness'' #it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!'' #& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell? #you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse? #but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck? #your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross? #HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like. #anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

[high-theyre-frendough]

the desperate need to overshare in the hopes that someone will find me and my life interesting to prove someone gives a shit about me and my life story to motivate me into staying alive and convince me i’m worth it

#♻️ realizations but traumatic #depressive state #depression #depressing thoughts

[unnecesarrythought]

Lately, I've been feeling a messy kind of depression. I would tend to forget things easily, I can't focus so much, I'd love to feel so much and be happy that when there's no more stimulation to react to, when I'm finally alone in my room, I break down. I cry. So hard. Last night, I asked myself, "Can someone die from too much sadness?" Because that's what I felt. Last night, after getting high from touching myself, all that was left was the feeling of emptiness -- I was, and I still am empty after. I felt my heart beating so fast, pumping too much blood that my body can't handle anymore, it's as if my heart was literally going to tear itself apart. It was painful, but not the physical kind. It was painful, because it hits me right inside my body -- it's an organ-kind of hurt that you think, at some point, your hurt would just burst, instantly killing you. Instantly killing me. As I cry. As I mourn. As I grieve. As I drown in things and feelings and in a state of mind that's weakening me.

I've been feeling like a mess these days. I look happy and composed and controlled, as if I handle my life so well, but deep inside, my brain's literally disorganized its thoughts. I don't know what I want to do. I'm struggling to focus, to keep myself afloat. After every party or hangout or reunion with friends, I go back to breaking down and swallowing all the pain alone. IT. HURTS. EVERY. SINGLE. DAMN. TIME.

I am at this point in life that I don't struggle so much anymore to be higher in the ladder. My life is starting to stagnate. And I think it's because my mind's getting more convinced to end my life anytime soon. I don't see any future in me anymore. I just float, drift away, flow according to the tides of the stream. I just wanna end me. i just wanna end it all.

And I realized I already reached my 27th year and I've always had this thought that I would actually end my life when I reach 27. Metaphorically speaking, my life might have started ending itself the moment I reached 27. And now I'm just an empty shell. Soon, I'm not even moving and breathing anymore.

But maybe until that day comes, I'll let my depression be happy too. Because depression loves to party too.

#musing #note #reflection #self-note #suicide #suicidal thought #depression #depressive state #goodbye #goodbye note

[never-quite-there]

I haven't had the energy to type a post for the past few days, even though it's these days that I want written down so that I can reflect in the future.

Moments of joy and happiness, which are eventually swallowed by sadness and emptiness. I can't really express this around friends and family, and just show a neutral self. I guess this does make it easier and helps me forget my internal voice that surfaces when I am alone, and at my worse.

In these moments alone I really feel lost, and empty. I feel everything, and also nothing at the same time. I am not sure how to describe it.

I feel that my search for happiness is behind a giant, dark, mountain, full of fog and void of sunlight. I have to climb this huge mountain of tasks in order to even see where the happiness can be found. I'm just not sure I can do it, and even if I do, it's a very long way away. How much longer can I go on like this? Is happiness just a hopeless desire for me?

#hopeless #helpless #dark thoughts #depressive #depressive state #sad #alone #search for happiness #empty feelings #numb

[cirkkaa]

my roman empire

#my art #you wouldnt understand... #the promised neverland #ray #emma #rayemma #clip studio paint #saw a rayem mention today and this rush of love i felt.. phew so hard i ended up drawing despite this depressive art state im in #things will be better

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

it is possible to regulate your emotions themselves. when you regulate your behavior responses to your emotions, you will consequently regulate your emotions themselves. but even further than that, it is possible to rein in your emotional responses over time to be more manageable, just by asking yourself in the moment things like “Am I right to be this angry about such a small thing? Is my sadness about this situation valid or is it caused by selfishness/greed/pride?”

The people who tell you that emotions can’t be controlled and only behavior correction is possible are lying to you and constraining you to a miserable existence of always languishing & roiling beneath the surface.

#- HK #it is not healthy to be so emotionally volatile that you are crying every day or raging every day or entering depressive states every day #not only is it not healthy to behave that way it’s not healthy to *feel* that way #and I know some ppl don’t wanna hear it but this applies to temptations too #mobile #x

[featherymainffins]

I hate to say it but I might have to admit that Redditors can be pretty based sometimes

#dead by daylight #dbd #dbd unknown #dbd the unknown #pls pls pls you can trust me to be normal about that i am completely normal about that i am so normal about these themes #and their direct opposite i am normal and can be trusted with anything that's either like Th//e La//st Uni//corn or its direct opposite #like no. no i have to remember that bhvr have no idea what they're doing. i must not get sucked in. i must remember better games... unless #like no you have no idea what id give for this to be intended like aaaaugh i am unimaginably insane about the inhuman desperately #trying to be human in any way it can and the world continually rejecting those efforts #just like i am incredibly abnormal about humanity as a horror for the inhuman and the active rejection of humanity by something #that is; despite its best efforts and thw verdict of its biology; human. haha humanity as a horror you are forced to be and #perhaps always were but never had the chance to realise it. anyway. i digressed. #also the actual reason why Oh Gross (aka The Unknown) looks like that is because the lore states that some people thought #it was just a typical serial killer and gross is just a cumulation of everything everyone has ever thought about it #(god thats depressing) #so yeah. sorry no themes of humanity here i think. though id kill for them.

[lipt-97]

came back just to post these. okay bye

#gbf #belifaa #did you get triple zero (summon)? the sanfaa scissoring summon? SSS? i sierotixed it. It was awesome. Everythung in gbf is going right for #e except for the fact that i had to sieroticket it but its alright. just the notion of so much lucilius is just enough to put me back on my #feet again it’s almsot unreal how much lucilius-centric stuff theyve pushed out the past few months. his GBVSR debut. his summon. #Omg when I saw the gbfes fashion show i was a few seconds behind zen and she told me “You wont believe this” and I was like “WHAT? BELIEVE #WHAT? WHAT? WHAYT DO YOU MEAN” and the official lucilius cosplayer walked out in his robes it felt unreal unreal like it was seeing my onl #dreams come true after years and years of being like Theres no way they’d do that. There’s no way they’d make a cosplay for lucilius in his #robes because hes in his void outfit forever. BUT THEY DID…..AND THERE WAS BLOOD UNDER HIS SKIN….AND HIS LIPS WERE GLOSSED…AND HE HAD A LIT #LE BIT OF TAREME AND TSURIME (TARIME) ACTION ON HIS EYES AND EVERYTIME HE WALKED HIS ROBES KIND OF FLUTTERED AS HE SHUFFLED ALONG I HAD TO #SIT ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR lay down on the bathroom floor and I almpst puked from how nauseous it made me i was OVERJOYED BEYOND MY PHYSICAL #LIMITATIONS OF HAPPINESS . I WAS SO HAPPY. THIS YEAR HAS BEEN UTTERLY MISERABLE FOR ME AND I HAVE NOT BEEN THIS DEPRESSED SINCE HIGH SCHOOL #BUT SEEING LUCILIUS like this genuinely blew me off my socks . I don’t know if i should be 100% thankful because I’ve been trying to figure #out how to balance my emotional state with the media i consume but #I think i really needed it. thank you lucilius for ending my 2023

[lizleeillustration]

Stop asking me stupid questions.

(Don't come at me, I cope with humour, okay?)

-->Don't repost, but feel free to tip if you like my work!

#state of the world #depression #mental health #comics #humour as a coping mechanism #dark humor

[idiopathicsmile]

*crawls out from under a table* listen. i thought i was doing pretty well against seasonal affective disorder this year—making strides, learning new coping mechanisms, internalizing strategies—but it turns out what i was actually doing was enjoying the benefits of an unseasonable sunny spell. now where i live it is cloudy and dark and it has been unremittingly cloudy and dark for days on end and i have forgotten the feeling of natural light on my skin. my brain is missing an ingredient. my soul itself has rickets. is it possible to apply fish oil directly to the personality? can you shine a light therapy lamp bright enough to reach my shriveling heart? it is so dark outside. it is so dark. i can feel myself starting to transform into a goddamn tim burton character. fucking feed me to that weird snake creature from beetlejuice. not in a vore way.

#depression cw #my only succor is reading fic and also complaining #if you've got any good fic recs throw em my way #or if you wanna complain about the current state of the heavens BY ALL MEANS pull up a chair