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hyunjilicious · 3 years

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what is and what should never be [bucky barnes]

A/n: ok, so. Im really fucking insecure about this. I literally poured my heart into this fic. I'm genuinely unhappy with the beginning, but I promise you, it gets better!! I don't have it in me to rewrite it for the 4th time. I really hope you'll still like it though. If you ask me, this is the best fic idea I even had. Please, please, if you enjoyed it, let me know!!!

Summary: It was you and Bucky. An unlikely couple that shared equally disturbed pasts. When you get a day off, your paradise turns into hell as Bucky's nightmares return, leaving you alone to deal with The Winter Soldier. (FLUFF, SMUT, ANGST) 12k

Warnings: 2 smut scenes - they're graphic but not extreme, fluff, angst, violence, mentions of death and suicide, blood, a fight scene - also quite graphic but it was written to serve the angst. I don't want to spoil the ending, but if you really connect with the characters, you will not hate me!!

This day had been long awaited. After months of back to back missions and endless efforts to climb up the greasy pole of US social standards, words failed to describe how ecstatic you were to know, that for the next 24 hours, your whole schedule would fully be in your hands.

You had the freedom to do just about anything you wanted, and the simple fact that the rest of the avengers left to deal with some paperwork excited you to no end. You woke up when it was time for them to take off, and made a snarky remark about heading to the gym - something along the lines of having a productive day centered on self development.

Just about 20 minutes later, you and Bucky, now also alone in the Stark Tower, decided to start off your day on the right foot. He offered to make protein smoothies as you changed into something comfortable and fitting for a workout, but neither of you got their job done.

You had no idea how that happened, but before you knew it you were wearing your sports bra and still had your pajama pants on, moaning on the counter of Tony's kitchen as Bucky had lodged himself between your legs, hungrily exploring the heated skin of your neck, peppering you with bruise marks that represented his adoration for you. "You heal fast anyway" he shrugged, pulling you closer and digging his teeth into your flesh, sucking profusely and eliciting an erotic moan from your lips.

With every new hickey he left, another one would disappear, which in turn would make him even more frustrated, “The hell should I do? Tattoo hickeys on you!?” he groaned, moving up your neck. You caught his cheeks into your palms and kissed him back, smiling as he kept getting more and more aggravated.

It didn't come as a surprise when the blender went berserk, splattering fruit pulp, almond milk and protein powder all over the pristine walls of the room - both of you have long forgotten about it.

The way Bucky cleaned the mess was the epitome of not giving a shit, and you couldn't find it more endearing. He bitched and whined his way through the whole process, and tears formed at the corners of your eyes at the ridiculousness of the half assed job he just did.

You eventually reached the gym - of course, against all your pouting and begging to put off this session. "Doll, you're the only avenger who can't fight. A punk on the street could snap your purse and there would be nothing you can do"

Wrong, he was not. You couldn't fight - but at the same time that didn't mean you were defenceless. It was your immense power that for months on end made your teammates consider you a liability. The energy that surged through your veins had been too great for you to handle, and in fact, it still was, but now, thanks to the joined efforts of Tony and Bruce, there was a way for that power to be contained. Their solution came in the form of two massive shackles wrapped around the length of your forearms. They were made of dimeritium and kept all kinds of energy from leaving your body. But, even so, that energy was in full form, buzzing inside every fiber of your being. And so, while wearing them you couldn't attack anyone, but there wasn't a way for them to harm you either. That field of energy protected you from every kind of damage and wounds you had ever encountered, ranging from fist fights to automatic rifles to guided grenades.

"I'm the only one that doesn't need to know" you huffed and puffed, annoyed but still determined to get this first training session done with.

But that never happened. Halfway through your warm up rounds, your teasing side awoke and it took you about ten minutes to go from batting your eyelashes and flaunting your ass, to nonchalantly cupping his cock into your hand.

No one could blame Bucky for not even trying to stop you. Bless him, he did everything he could, but he was never able to resist you. And probably never will be.

By the time you were done at the gym, both your bodies were coated in lecherous layers of sweat, no of them being from actually working out. It was only a matter of time until you managed to break his self control and he had you sprawled on all fours in the middle of the boxing ring, moaning your soul out as he pounded your pussy.

The momentum made your whole frame rock back and forth, your hair falling around your face, "Holy fuck-"

The room vibrated with the vulgar slaps he afflicted on your bare ass. You arched your back and cried his name out loud, "Come on, Bucky- I- harder please-"

"How are you already so needy?" he chuckled, caging your waist between his strong arms and pulling you up until your back reached his chest. "I ate this pussy this morning before we got out of bed"

"You know I love your tongue-" you giggled out of breath as you tried to look at him over your shoulder. "But it doesn't compare to your cock"

"What does?" Bucky rhetorically questioned before picking up his pace. He kept slamming his hips into yours, fucking you at full force as with each thrust, his cock rammed against your walls hard enough to make you see stars.

"I'm really fucking close, Buck" you whined, feeling your knees start to refuse to maintain your weight any longer.

"Don't cum yet" he panted, "Wait for me"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck-" you cried out loud, liquid pleasure seeping out of you in the form of fresh tears streaming down your cheeks. "Please-" you whined, "I can't hold it anymore, I'm-"

"Not yet, baby" Bucky groaned, easily stopping you from wiggling around in his hold. His thrusts became sloppy and the orgasm got the best of him. He buried his face deep in your shoulder as his high forced guttural moans to rip from his throat.

As he filled you up with his cum, as much as you wanted to comment about him making you wait and then not even bothering to tell you you could cum, you couldn't. Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and your chest heaved as the spiral of bliss seemed to go on and on, tons of ecstasy propagating in long painful waves across your body.

"Fuck-" Bucky panted as helped you up, "I could get used to days like this. We should retire"

"I'm not retiring-" you teasingly shook your head, "not until you find a way to give me a baby"

"I'd give you all the babies" he retorted, tugging your hand.

It caused you to lose your balance and stumble into his chest, "I love you"

"Love you" Bucky kissed the top of your head and spun you around. With his palms on your hips, he started guiding you towards the door, "Let's get you cleaned up"

And then, another wave of unproductivity followed. You showered, ordered pizza, whined about how there was still some smoothie left on the floor, and after you warned him about it, your face fell as Bucky stepped directly in the middle of the puddle of almond milk. He was fuming, the incident wiped any traces of happiness off his face. He mumbled something about that being the last pair of comfy socks he had left and something about Tony's devices being a constant pain in the ass.

He went on and on until you ambushed him with kisses up his neck and shoved your hands under his shirt. In an instant his bickering turned into soft giggles as he innocently relaxed under your touch. You eventually cleaned up the mess and tried to make yourself busy. Nothing worked, you weren't in the mood for anything and at the same time, even though you did absolutely nothing all day, you felt a wave of tiredness envelop you.

At about 4pm, and you Bucky had already been lazily laying in bed, a mess of tangled limbs under the fluffy duvet. Your conversation started from the tactical gear he swore would look better on you than on him and then wondered how you didn't know how to sow.

"I'll hit you" you threatened.

"I'm sorry" he laughed, holding onto your forearm as it was resting on his chest, "But you know how much I love it when you get angry at my misogynistic jokes"

"It's rude" you scoffed - you didn't mean his jokes, but the fact that when he grew up, women were not anywhere near where they are today.

"You know I don't mean it"

"I know you don't" you laughed, "Otherwise I'd have actually hit you"

"Don’t worry" Bucky said, "I'd hit myself if I was that stupid"

"Cute" you smiled, kissing his shoulder. Looking up at him, you promoted your chin against his chest, "Do you miss it? The 40s i mean"

He thought about it for a second. "Nah" there was a bit of nostalgia in his tone, but you believed him. "I've kinda made my peace with the fact that everyone from my old life is gone. I wouldn't want to go back now. I got you. I got all of you guys. I'm good now, really good"

"I'm glad" you beamed, feeling yourself warm up from the inside just thinking of the progress he made. After a few seconds, you spoke up again, "But what about the society? Like the day to day life? How do you like the 2010s?"

"I can't lie" Bucky laughed, "I liked Romania better. Much simpler."

"You lived in a dead beat apartment, hiding everyday" you scoffed, "How was that better?"

"I don't know… maybe it was the simple life. Apparently I'm all about that"

"You'd move back there?"

"If you came with me?" he questioned, looking down at you. There was genuine sincerity in his eyes and a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. "Wouldn’t even think twice"

"Maybe one day" you sighed with content. You snuggled back against his side, and closed your eyes. "We're not done avenging yet" you mumbled.

He didn't say anything to that. You didn't know whether he was getting lost in thoughts or if he was starting to drift off, but you would have been fine with either. When he spoke up again, you didn't expect the conversation to take this route.

"About Romania…" he sighed, "What made you come with Steve back in 2016?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean-" he muttered, rubbing his light stubble, "I know why Steve came-" Bucky chuckled, "And Sam's all up his ass, so there's that. But what about you?"

"I-"

"I'm aware of the rift I caused between you guys back then. So that's why I'm asking. What made you stand by Steve from the beginning?"

"I knew how much you meant to him. And I know how this is going to sound, but I felt sorry for you, Buck. I know what it's like to be alone, to have everyone turn against you. You deserved better"

"Love-?" he called softly, his voice nearly breaking. "What do you mean you know what it's like to have everyone turn against you?"

As you maintained the eye contact, you felt tears prickle, "I know it wasn't fair of me to keep my past a secret, but-"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to-" he said softly, his eyes warm. The pain was readable on his features, he hated how your whole demeanour changed.

"It's not that I don't want you to know, it's just that I hate talking about it. Gives me nightmares."

"Then we can just drop it" Bucky murmured, gathering you closer.

"I wish you could know without me telling you" you laughed, "You make everything better and easier. I should've told you, I know. It isn't fair to you. We've been together for almost two years but as far as you're concerned I didn't exist until I joined the avengers. I don't even know how much they know. We never talked about it"

"Love, listen to me. I'm here whenever you want to talk about it. You didn't do anything wrong. There are a lot of things about me that you don't know either. We're not those people anymore. No one can blame us for trying to escape out past"

"Yeah, you're right" you sighed.

Gathering your power, you pushed yourself up and settled beside him, with your legs crossed. You grabbed his hand pulling it into your lap, and intertwined your fingers with his as you spoke.

"Forget the official story, there's no truth to it anyway"

"I really didn't believe your mum was a criminal and that you were in a mental asylum" he joked.

"Good-" you smiled, his words lifting the atmosphere a bit. "Truth is, I don't know anything about my parents. But I have my assumptions. I grew up in that soviet facility so I never met them. I was told it was owned by a group of socialite scientists who wanted our help"

"Our? Who's we?"

"There were 7 of us"

"Did they have the same power as you?"

"Approximately. When we were younger, we used to comply and do everything we were told but as we grew up, things started to change. We weren't happy. Who could be? Considering we were being held in cells and studied like lab rats. We started to act differently and some might even say we tried to rebel, but that didn't work obviously, and that's when the restrictions began. For the last 3 years I spent there, there hadn't been a day where the temperature passed 0°C."

Your skin crawled as you recaled the endless nights you spent shivering your way to sleep. Everything around you was ice cold. But it wasn't for the sole purpose of torturing you. It was your only weakness. As the temperature dropped, so did the movement of the atoms that made up your body - eliminating your powers to the point where you were barely alive.

"One day, as spring came, we wanted to break out. We made a plan, and figured that as soon as we were out, we'd be fine. We were wrong. We were off about the weather and they got us before we even exited the perimeter. That's when the avengers heard about us."

By now, Bucky's eyes were wide with genuine curiosity, his mouth agape as he took in the information you provided. With every word you spoke his grip tightened around your fingers and his eyebrows gathered even further. There was discomfort and anger in his features, but he didn't interrupt you once.

"After that, the restrictions got tougher. We realised there was no way out. A lot of things came together in that small time frame. I realised what that place actually was days after we tried to escape. My friends - or that's what I thought they were, figured out another plan. Why fight when you can just eliminate the premise?"

Bucky moved his lips but no words came out. He cleaned his throat and sat up a bit, "What- what do you mean?"

"They tried to kill me" you said, plastering a sympathetic smile on your lips, hoping it would make it easier for him to hear.

"What the fuck. Why?"

"I think my dad used to be part of that team. And I think he made me the way I am. Now I don't know why he wasn't around anymore, but that team wasn't trying to get us to do anything. They were trying to make more of me. So if I was dead-"

"There would be no reason to keep the other kids…" Bucky finished the sentence for you.

You nodded.

"And what happened?"

You bowed your head trying to find a way to put your words together. Bucky didn't rush you, just reassuringly rubbed his thumb across your knuckles, waiting. When a tear from your cheek slipped and landed on the back of his hand, you looked up and took a deep breath. "I killed them. All of them."

He didn't say anything. Didn’t move a muscle, as he waited for you to continue.

"I didn't even want to do that, Buck" you sobbed, breaking down. "I killed over 20 people because I was afraid. I didn't even move. I was in the corner of my room the whole time, but everyone who approached me was fried to death. I don't even know how I did that. I was just scared"

"Oh, baby" Bucky cooed, pushing himself up to wrap his arms around you. You fell against his chest, crumbling in his embrace. "I hope you know that was not your fault, ok?" he asked, rubbing your back. "You were just a kid, alone and afraid. It breaks my fucking heart, those bastards. Please don't feel sorry for them"

"I feel sorry for the other kids"

"They tried to kill you, Y/n" Bucky countered, "If you hadn't killed them, I would've gone after them. All of them"

"They were desperate..."

"So were you!"

"I can't help but feel like a monster sometimes, you know? Like I'm reckless and out of control. There are times when I'm all happy and excited about what tomorrow would bring, and then i remember what I did, and I have a hard time fighting away the thoughts that try to tell me I don't deserve that"

"What you deserve is the fucking world ok?" Bucky said, tilting your chin so you could see just how serious he was. "This past couple of years, you saved hundreds of lives and I know for a fact you did it out of the pure kindness of your heart, not because you wanted to make up for anything in the past. You're a fucking angel. You're the embodiment of good, you hear me? I know you. You'll never understand how much respect I have for you, and how in awe I am with the kind of person you are. Please, don't ever think less of yourself. Ever, ok?"

Tears rolled down your cheeks as his words proved to be much more than you were able to hear at that moment. "Thanks, Buck. That's sweet of you to say-"

"It's not sweet of me to say, it's the fucking truth" he scoffed, but he somehow managed to make it sound loving. "You didn't even fucking try, but just being around you made me feel like a person again. You're amazing, Y/n. We're all lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you."

"You're gonna make me cry" you sniffled, curling yourself into a ball against his chest, "I know you were in a dark place when we met. I'm glad I managed to help you through it"

"You pulled me through it" he sighed, tightening his hold around you. "I went from wanting to die, to thinking that I didn't even deserve the easy way out. Look at me now."

"Buck, stop"

"I love you so fucking much" Bucky laughed.

His whole frame shook as he pulled you back down, safely holding you between his arms, "You're amazing" he added, kissing the top of your head, "Perfect"

"I said, stop" you chuckled, slapping his side, "I get it, you like me, can we-"

"I adore you" Bucky cut you off after grabbing the sides of your face between his palms. "And thanks for trusting me. I know it wasn't easy for you to talk about your past, so thank you. I'm always here for you. If there's anything ever, I got you, ok? Forever"

"I got you too" you added, kissing his cheek and then moving along his jawline, "No matter what happens, you'll always have me on your side. I'm all yours, Bucky"

"Yeah, you are, doll. All mine"

After that talk, how you managed to fall into a deep sleep will always remain a mystery. Nightmares didn't make their way into your mind, and you settled for a dreamless slumber, actually fully content for the first time in a long while.

But not everybody processed grief the same way. And if Bucky mentioned earlier that he was lucky to have you, as you were pulled out of your sleep, you realised that he wasn't as lucky as you were when it came to the mysteries that creep up on you when you least expect them.

"Wake up sunshine"

The sound reached your ears, but it wasn't Bucky's voice, so you just groaned in response and rolled over to the other side, completely pressing your face into the pillow.

"Buttercup, it's time to wake up"

The voice seemed uneasy, as if the person speaking was actually terrified. You opened your eyes wearily, and were met with the usual, complete darkness of your room.

"Come on, Y/n" they spoke again. You turned to see one of Tony's maintenance robots hovering above your body, one small screen lit up on its front. Blinking a few times to rid yourself of the sleep still lingering in your eyes, you managed to make out the faces of Tony and Steve, both staring at you.

"What's going on?" you mumbled.

"You've got incoming," Tony announced, and then shook his head at whatever someone next to him had said. The microphone wasn't performant enough for you to hear what the other person said, but it was not like you cared.

"Incoming what?" you questioned, still confused out of your mind.

He turned his attention back to you, "The asshole"

You frowned and Steve scoffed, "Y/n, it's Bucky. He's not well"

"Wh-" you mumbled, your head snapping to the side, only then realising his side of the bed was empty. You shuffled your arm around the sheets, still warm. "What- what happened?"

"He's gone rogue, Y/n" Steve announced, genuine worry and guilt audible in his voice, "You need to make sure he doesn't leave. You need to stop him"

Tony's workstation. You needed to get the shackles off your arms if you wanted to stand a chance, "Tony? How do I take these off?" you asked, pointing to your cuffs.

"Already taken care off" he nodded, "Get to my desk, it's unlocked. All you need to do is actually get there. If you can"

"If I can-?" you began asking, but a loud explosion sound cut you off, causing the bed to shake as a wind blew through your room. "What the fuck!?"

"He may have found the grenade launchers" Tony smiled bitterly.

"Y/n," Steve called for you, "Please, be careful. And call us. Me and Nat will take the jet but I don't know-"

"Don't worry" you shook your head, jumping off the bed and rushing to your closet. You chose the first clothes you saw laying before your eyes and put them on, ready to go look for Bucky. "I got this, I promise"

"Oh, and Y/n?" Tony said, making you turn to him at the last minute, "Try not to fry my tower"

You nodded and refrained from making any promises you didn't know you could keep.

As soon as you walked out the door, the sound of automatic rifles going off became deafening. Stepping over piles of broken glass, you made your way to the emergency staircase, heading to Tony's lab. You did so with maximal caution, knowing that if you were spotted, there would be no going back.

Descending the last remaining flight of stairs until his work station, a rush of adrenaline surged through you, knowing just how close you were. Silently rounding the corner, your eyes landed on Bucky's frame, easily holding one of the remaining SHIELD agents up by the neck.

He turned to look at you, eyes cold and empty. Not even rage. There was nothing there. No expression, no empathy, no feeling. It was as if he was dead. This wasn't him.

"Buck-" you panted, raising your hands up in the air, signaling surrender. You eyed Tony's desk, determined to stall him until you managed to free yourself of the cuffs.

You took a cautious step to the side, hands still up in the air. Bucky watched you as the man struggled against his hold, legs spasming uncontrollably as he kicked and squirmed, even though it was so clearly in vain.

"Don’t mind me-" you smiled, sweat flooding your pores as you slowly approached your destination. "I'll just-"

"You'll just what-?" Bucky groaned, flinging his victim with impeccable ease. The agent's body flew across the room, crushing into the only device that had the power to help you get through this. As the work station crumpled under his weight, so did your hopes of getting out of this.

"Bucky, hey-" you mumbled, afraid of pissing him off, "I-"

"Who the hell is Bucky?" he frowned, starting to march towards you. Your blood ran cold, knowing you didn't have what it took to keep up with him. You were never able to dodge anyone's blows, let alone his. When he reached you, his hand instantly reached around your neck, lifting you off the floor, "SHIELD?" he asked after taking a look at your attire. Although not carrying the emblem, it was probably the only explanation that made sense to him.

"Well, um-" you huffed, holding onto his wrist in hopes of not running out air, "No, not SHIELD"

"Then who are you?" he growled, tightening his hold on your windpipe.

"Fuck-" you gasped, kicking your legs, even through he didn't even flinch when you hit him. "You're not gonna believe this but, um-"

"Try me"

You looked into his eyes, hoping it would serve as some kind of a memento, that maybe he'd remember you. "You know me, Buck. It's Y/n, I'm- your girlfriend?"

Even saying it made you feel weird. This killing machine, apparently hell bent on wrecking havoc, was not the man you loved, and you cringed just imagining his reaction to hearing your words.

And it did turn out to be worse than expected, as he spun around, doing a complete 180° with your body before slamming you down on the floor. The wood cracked under your bones, knocking the wind out of you. The pain of the impact was excruciating, propagating along your body in waves of some physical agony you had never felt before. The sound of your bones cracking made you sick to your stomach. Your ears caught the sound of your arteries being torn as your organs collapsed.

And if you felt every inch of your body being shattered and destroyed, it was God's way of making you pay for your parent's mistakes, as when your wounds healed mere seconds later, the pain did not go away. Your nerve receptors still registered damage to the tissues, and no matter whether you were actually as good as new, your brain couldn't process that.

What consumed you the most was the fact that as you struggled to stand up, the pain of broken limbs lingered on. But you fought through it, gathered yourself and stood up, facing him again.

You winced with every muscle contraction, but eventually your eyes met his. He showed curiosity, along with something else. Something else which you wished wasn't determination to finish you.

"Can we-" you whimpered, extending a hand, "Can we talk?"

"Talk!?" Bucky raged, grabbing your wrist and twisting your arm to the point where he spun you around, your back pressing against his chest. "Not here to talk" he growled into your ear.

The hairs on your body stood as you heard his voice. Even though it was technically the same voice you loved more than anything in the world, it made you now shiver with a fear you've never experienced before.

You didn't get a chance to sink too deep in your thoughts before Bucky raised your arm, dislocating your shoulder and busting your humerus into pieces. The pain cut your legs at the knees and you screamed in agony, falling to the floor at his feet.

"Stand up" he commanded, slamming his foot into your side. The momentum made your body roll away, until you settled back on the ground, face deep in the rubble. Your muscles pulled you to your feet with ease, but the pain coursing through you was immense, nowhere near close to what you thought bearable. You felt the skin being ripped from your body and when you looked down, your clothes were torn, soaked in blood, but your skin was intact. It was what you needed to keep going - to get inside your head the fact that you were fine, because at this point, the pain was one bruise away from making you faint.

"Bucky, please-" you cried.

"Stop calling me Bucky!" he yelled, starting to approach you again.

With every step he took, you slowly backed away. "Please, listen to me, just a second, please!"

He shook his head no, a demented smile on his lips as he closed in on you.

"Bucky-"

As a reply to your question, his fist flew up, slamming into your jaw, hard enough to throw you to the ground, "Why do you keep calling me-"

"What else do you want me to call you, huh?" you yelled at him, vision blurred under too many layers of tears. "Tell me, and I'll do it if it'll get you to listen to me."

"I don't want you to call me anything-" he cocked his head to the side, unstrapping a handgun from his thigh. He loaded it as you barely managed to crawl away, "You can take the pain. I respect that. Let's see how well you do with these lead bullets"

You saw them in slow motion, barely managing to duck your head behind the remains of what once was a heavy wooden bookshelf. The bullets missed your chest and face, but you saw them, felt them penetrate your skin, ripping through your muscles.

The sound of your tissues being pulled to shreds made you feel sick to your stomach. As the bullets left your body, your wounds closed back up, leaving you a crying mess on the floor. Your throat constricted due to the wave of shock that hit your body, and your lungs started hyperventilating. Lightheaded and gasping for air, you struggled to crawl away from him, tears marching down your face and ending up on the floor, nothing but diluting the droplets of blood that had fallen from your body mere minutes before. Your heart was in overdrive and your vision blurred as every fiber of your being threatened to let you down. "Please-" you screamed, your voice breaking as you raised your hand for him, "Let's talk, please. That's all I want. Give me a minute"

But he didn't. He didn't even consider it. Instead, the force that controlled the body of the only man that ever managed to make you feel safe, tortured, destroyed and consumed your body for what felt like the better part of an eternity.

You had been thrown through walls, shattered windows, had glass shards lodged into your body from all angles. He unloaded cannon after cannon on you, used up all the ammo he had on him, only growing more and more annoyed when you refused to give up.

There was no way to know how much time had passed. Now you were standing by the window, inches away from the spot where two nights ago, you and Bucky clicked your glasses, smiling at how far you both had come. He laughed, saying he wouldn't have made it without you. And then he kissed you, confessing that the thought that maybe you couldn't have made it without him either, was what kept him going.

And then there you were. 48 hours later, again, just the two of you. But now there weren't any champagne glasses between you, just his metal arm, wrapped around your neck, this time, as he said, for the last time.

"I don't get it-" he scowled, teeth gritted and frustration in his voice, "Why don't you fight me?"

"I can't fight you" you whimpered as your tears poured down against his cold hand, "And even if I could, I wouldn't."

"WHY?" Bucky screamed, and for a second, you thought you saw a crack there, a glister of emotion hidden deep in his otherwise beautiful eyes.

"Because I love you" you cried.

But there was none. He rolled his eyes and pushed you back, your body slamming into the window. You should've thought faster, been more witty and considerate, but terror washed over you and in the heat of the moment, you grabbed onto him for dear life, pulling him down with you, plummeting to the ground from what looked like the 70th floor of the Stark Tower.

If until now you had been afraid of what you'd have to endure, it was now that you met true terror. You'd survive the fall, but he wouldn't.

Even in the air, approaching the ground at a dangerous speed, he kept fighting you. Even in this state, you admired his determination - he had a job and wanted to get it done - even if that job was killing you. A man of his word.

By now, the pain was unnoticeable. If you wanted to keep him alive you had to act fast. Clinging to his body despite his vicious protests and ruthless blows, you used your momentum to turn the two of you around. And you did so at the last second, as before you knew it, your bodies crashed into the boulevard below, sinking down into the asphalt as it crumpled under your weight.

The impact cut your breath away and there was a gnawing feeling all over your body, as if you had blades under your skin, pulling your body apart fiber by fiber. But you snapped out of it.

"Bucky!" you yelled, slapping his cheek.

He had fallen completely on top of you, his head pressed against your chest. He didn't move and the continuous buzz in your ears made it physically impossible for you to tell whether he was breathing for not.

"Bucky, please-" you cried, trying to move him so you could see his face.

Nothing.

"No, no, no!!" you screamed, "You can't die, baby, please! Not like this, love. Please come back to me, Buck, I'm begging you!!"

You remained there and wailed, with him glued to your chest. Your arms had wrapped around his motionless frame, keeping him as close as you could. Nothing could have gotten you to stop. Tens of people gathered around the crater your fall created around your bodies, police showed up, cameras were pointed at your faces, but you didn't care. If he died, so would you.

"You're all I have, baby-" you muttered, voice hoarse and dry from all the wailing and crying, "Please, you can't leave me. This can't be the end of us. Please, I don't know what to do, Bucky, please!"

You were soaked. In blood, and you didn't even know whether it was his or yours. God, how you hoped it all belonged to you, how the pool of blood you laid in was all yours. Tears soaked your face, pouring down your temples as your whole frame shook with your sobs, that was the true agony. You'd rather spend the rest of your days fighting for your life if it meant he got to see the sun again. You wished he'd hate you, rather than not feel anything at all ever again.

"Please-" you said again but this time your voice didn't even reach your own ears, you didn't hold that power anymore, "Please, you need to come back! You deserve so much better than this. You're the best man I have even known, you can't die like this, not today, Bucky. Not today!"

By now, the people around you had scattered. They knew your identities and for all the wrong reasons, feared you both. You were grateful for that now, you were alone with him again, as the sun began to set and a chilly New York night began to settle.

Still, you didn't move. You still had faith. Or you were just stubborn. There was no way you'd pull away until someone either pried him off of you against your will, or someone that you trusted showed up promising they'd help.

None of them came, and you remained there, cradling his frame to your chest begging whatever God was listening, to bring him back. You didn't know if one of them heard you, or if it was just blind luck or fate, but you only realised his metal arm was lodged under your body when he moved it.

"Buck!" you cried, cupping his cheeks in your bloodied palms as literal life cursed through your veins. "Oh god, you're ok, you're alive!! You came back to me!"

You managed to hug him close one more time, before he pushed himself off of you. In the process of standing up, his eyes met yours for the briefest second. Again, nothing.

He gathered himself to his feet, wordlessly bending down to grab your hair. He forced you up and you instantly obliged, following him back into the building.

Once inside, he knocked you through a glass door, your body once again absorbing his fury. The pain had dissipated into a dull ache, and this time, you stood up faster. "I can do this all day" you sighed, the lie slipping past your lips with such ease, as if the energy inside your core wasn't running dangerously low.

"What did you just say?" he questioned.

He seemed taken aback, "I said that I can do this all day"

"Who are you?" Bucky yelled, marching towards you, determined to get answers out of you through nothing else but brute force. He slammed you back onto the floor, only to straddle your thighs and pick you up by the collar of your shit. "Why won't you just fucking die!?"

Circling your fingers around his wrists, you searched for his eyes, "Wanna know what keeps me alive?"

"Are you stupid enough to tell me?"

"I might be" you shook your head, "but I'll still tell you"

"Why?"

"Because I know you won't kill me" you cried, "I know you know me. I know you're in there somewhere. The man I love. I know you don't have it in you to kill me"

"Try me" he laughed, drunk with the power you were so willing to give him.

"These-" you panted, raising your arms in the air to show him your cuffs, "These are what's been keeping me alive but I know you won't-"

But you never finished the sentence. He didn't even think twice before ripping them off your arms and throwing them onto the floor, along with all the other mess you two had made.

You never thought he'd actually spare you. So it wasn't a surprise when the first thing he did after freeing you, was reach for his knife with the sole purpose of driving it through your chest.

But you were faster. You framed his face into your palms, releasing the energy from your body and allowing it to flow through his. It felt weird, wrong and chaotic, and the power surge wiggled itself out of your control, until a blast between your bodies sent you both flying back across the room, falling down onto the floor.

And this time none of you stood up.

"I leave them alone for what, a day?" Tony sighed, walking out of his Iron Man suit.

"Holy shit!" Steve cried out, his knees betraying him as he tried to rush to you.

"No, wait!" Nat stopped him, "You can't wake them up until we get them somewhere safe. We need to make new cuffs for Y/n, and find a way to keep Bucky contained in case, you know… he's still not Bucky"

Steve was fuming with anger, nostrils flaring, "These are my friends you're talking about!" he exclaimed, pointing to your bodies on the floor, "Your friends too, Nat. You see them like this and the first thing you think about is restraining them!?"

"We need to make sure we're all safe" she sighed with sympathy, grabbing his hand for a comforting rub.

"You make sure you're safe-" Steve scoffed, "I'll make sure they're alive"

"Hey-" Nat stopped him, "If you touch her and startle her in any way, you die!"

Her words hurt him but he knew you never would. Steve felt his heart shutter just imaging what you must have gone through. He was ablaze with pure determination to prove Nat wrong, and to do right by you and Buck. "I carried her in my arms while she was passed out when we rescued her from that facility-" he fummed, pointing at you, "She never knew a man that didn't try to hurt her before. And when she woke up, she was afraid. Scared for her life. She cried in my arms and begged me to not let them take her again! She was never anywhere close to hurting me! She's good. So good. There's only good inside of her, I trust her to not hurt me more than I trust myself, ok? If I'm wrong, so be it. I die. I don't care. She deserves someone to look after her. If I had to chose, saving her would be the way I'd want to go"

His rant left Nat speechless. She just gave him a simple nod and stepped back.

Carefully, he picked you up and carried you upstairs, as Tony put his suit back on and carried Bucky.

Never in your life had you woken up this fast. Your eyes snapped open and you sprung to your feet. 3 pairs of anxious eyes watched you, all of them ready to jump into action in case the situation called for an intervention.

"What-" you gawked, scanning the room, "Where is Bucky? Is he- is-"

"He's fine, Y/n" Steve assured you. He stood up and slowly approached you, arms outstretched. Your first instinct was to go for it, but when you reached him, you placed both your hands in his, and looked up at him with teary eyes.

"Are you sure?" you whimpered, "Can I see him?"

Sympathy took over his features, but Tony jumped in, "Absolutely not"

"What-" you turned to him, "Why? Did I-?"

"You didn't do anything wrong" Steve hummed, engulfing you in a hug even though you remained stiff in your spot. He rubbed your back, eager to soothe your worried mind, but you were too out of it.

“Can I just go?” you whispered, pulling back just enough so that he could see how serious you were, “I need to see him, please”

“Are you mad at him?” Nat asked with caution and your face fell.

“No!” you gasped, stepping away from Steve’s embrace, “No, not even one bit. I know that was not him, I know it’s not his fault. But when Bucky wakes up-”

“If he wakes up-” Tony sneered, roaming around the room. He nursed a glass of whiskey, as a mixture of disgust and exhaustion was readable on his features.

“When he wakes up!” you spoke through gritted teeth. Determination coated your words and the hairs on your body stood as you refused to even think of the alternative. “He will wake up. And I have to be there”

“What if the Winter Soldier wakes up?” Nat asked.

“That didn’t stop me last time”

“Oh, no!” Tony butted in, stepping in between you and Nat, arms outstretched, “You know I’m not one to cry after money, but you and your pal left me with $37 million worth of damage. You two are one broken cup away from getting thrown into the streets”

The sum he mentioned made the skin on your back crawl. You didn’t even have $37 dollars to your name, but it made sense. Your body alone crashed through three TV’s, one gamma ray projector and if you thought about it, you remembered Bucky pulling apart one of the Iron Legion robots, and only the thought made you flinch.

“So-” Tony said, “You two? Never in the same room again!”

“Take these off then” you suggested, pointing at the cuff on your wrists.

“Ha” Tony exclaimed, “A big chunk of that money comes from you frying all my electronics up until the 12th floor. Absolutely not”

“Tony, I’m serious” you whined, “He will hate himself. I need to be there! I need to make sure he doesn’t take all the blame on his shoulders”

He frowned, and sighed. He wasn’t an unreasonable man, and you hoped that core deep inside his chest really made up for a heart. And… it did. None of them were happy about it, but they finally accepted. Nat and Tony would have never probably given up if it wasn’t for Steve - right now, like so many times before, he really did seem like your guardian angel.

They ended up monitoring the room, and Tony waited for your signal, one hand on his cigarette, the other on the Iron Man suit. He was all talk - if anything was to go down and you would actually be in danger again, he wouldn’t even think twice before tearing his towers into pieces if it meant he could get you out alive.

And so you left, thanked them in the form of a simple nod, and headed down the dark hallways.

Oh, how you hated this.

What consumed you now had nothing to do with the pain you had endured in the past 24 hours. Its source was not physical, yet your whole body ached. You felt the weight of the world on your shoulders - and in some way, it was - Bucky was your whole world, and the fear of losing him breathed down your neck.

It had been about 20 minutes since you stopped in front of the door that led to the room he'd been confined in. When FRIDAY announced that Bucky woke up, you rushed over, only for a hazardous sense of anguish to stop you dead in your tracks. Judging by the way he sat in the corner of the room, his fingers aimlessly tracing every indentation in the handcuffs Tony had restrained him with, you had no problem telling which one of him woke up. He broke your heart. His room was equipped with 5 different cameras and 2 microphones. Completely unaware of them, he sat inches away from one, and your heart shattered, sinking 3 stories below when you heard him whimper.

It was soft and quiet. His whole frame shook as he wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. He was hunched down, brown hair covering his perfect face, but still, his sadness brought you to tears.

You heard him again. He sniffled as he laid back against the wall. His eyes were bloodshot, lips almost white and dry as his chest raced up and down. His muscles clenched and his feet bounced against the metal floor, it was a sight you never wished you see ever again.

Softly, you raised a hand, and thought twice before finally knocking.

"Go away," Bucky called, voice all hoarse and dry as it broke halfway through.

You were able to see him on the small screen next to the door, but he had no idea who came to visit.

Out of instinct, you knocked again before typing in the password and ever so slowly walking inside.

Instantly, he looked up. He was surrounded by an air of darkness and despair, ever so obviously tormented to the peak of his capability.

He stared at you for a few seconds as his eyes watered, and then he gathered his lips into a straight line, shaking his head. "Please, go"

"Bucky, I-"

"Please" he cried, head falling forward as he toyed with the metal edges of his prosthetic arm. He shook his head, "Please, don't do this. Just, go"

You took a deep breath, only then entering the room far enough to actually be able to close the door behind you. Slowly turning back to him, your palms sweated as you had no idea what to say to him.

"Can you talk to me, Buck? Please?"

He chuckled, "About what?"

"About whatever it is you think you did wrong, I-"

As he heard your words, his hands instantly flew up to cover his face. He was, however, stopped, as the cuffs on his left wrist kept him from moving too much. While a new row of tears flooded his cheeks, his eyes met yours, "Look at me.. I need to be restrained while you're alone with me"

"Those cuffs would literally do nothing to stop you from escaping, and you know it"

"Maybe it's just a sense of reassurance"

"To who?" you scoffed.

"To them" Bucky responded, nodding his head towards one of the cameras. "I'm a monster" he added, wiggling his cuff restrained hand, "I'm a danger to everyone"

"Oh for fucks sake" you rolled your eyes, marching up to him. With absolutely no remorse, you grabbed his hand and harshly pulled apart the metal that had him restrained to the bed. Before he got a chance to say anything, you bent down, unclipped the microphone from the foot of the bed, threw it on the floor, and stepped on it, until it was nothing but a small pile of shattered plastic.

And you kept going, destroying the second microphone along with the 5 cameras on the walls as Bucky watched you with surprise. You finished by going for the door and locking it from the inside. "You think I'm afraid of you?" you asked softly, "For 6 hours you did your best to kill me and failed miserably. Look at me, I'm unscathed"

"Did you hear yourself?" he cringed, shaking his head, "I tried to kill you"

"Ok, I know I said that you did your best-" you said, mentally scolding yourself for the error in communication. "We both know that wasn't you. That wasn't you, Buck. It was Hydra. It was the winter soldier, not you. My Bucky would never-"

"Y/n-" he stopped you, "I know you don't see things the way I do-"

"But I see them the right way"

"Listen-" Bucky sighed, driving his hands through his hair. For the first time that night you actually saw his full face, his cheek and signature scowl, his blue eyes and the tilt of the corner of his mouth - your soul melted when you associated the picture with the words that came out of his mouth. "I can't blame you for being here. I can't. If the roles were reversed, I'd be doing the exact same thing. But, holy fuck-" he sighed, pausing to gather his thoughts. Bucky looked you up and down. His lips quivered and his head fell to the side as a sad smile appeared on his lips. "Remember this morning? How we talked about our hypothetical child?" he laughed and shook his head, "Even if I know we could never have a kid because we're both sterile, it was still the most beautiful thought that ever crossed my mind, Y/n''

"Mine too, Buck-"

"And what did I do?" he dismissed your empathy, "Two hours later I was unloading an AK-47 into your stomach, like the brainwashed maniac that I am!"

"Don’t say that!" you exclaimed, "Don't you dare think about things like this!"

"Why wouldn't I?" he threw his hands up in the air, "What does it matter whose fault it is? I get to live with the consequences."

"But-" you breathed out, "We can work through this. You did it before. You can't let something that hydra did dictate your life, Bucky. You deserve so much better. You deserve to be happy!"

"I tried to kill you!" he screamed, for the first time losing his calm and standing up to be at the same level as you.

"That was not you!"

"So what?" he huffed, "I was there, Y/n! I will never, NEVER get the feeling of crushing your bones out of my head! I felt your neck snap! I choked you with my arms! That is not something I can live with! I can't live a life by your side if every time I look at you I'm reminded of those horrible things I did to you!"

"Buck-" you cried, looking at him from behind too many layers of unshed tears, "Please, don't say that"

"I'm sorry" he responded in the same fashion, his pain coating every word he said. "When I close my eyes I see you laying in a puddle of blood. I can't stop hearing your screams of agony. Agony that no matter how you put it, was caused by my hands. That's not something we can live with, Y/n. You were not made for this. You really do fucking deserve someone that won't wake up one day and try to murder you in cold blood"

"And what do you deserve, Buck?" you quietly asked, searching for his eyes, "To live your life alone? Forever? If you had been with anyone else, this would have turned out so much worse. That cute barista three blocks down that always scribbles a heart on your coffee cup? She's cute, yeah. You deserve to be loved by someone, but if that someone was her, you wouldn't be drowning in guilt right now, Bucky, you'd be mourning her. Yes, you got troubles. Yes, you've got a past more fucked up than anyone else I have ever heard about. That's the kind of shit you can't change. But whatever you do from now on, is in your fucking hands and yours alone. Don't try to tell me you're not worthy of having someone, because that's the fattest load of crap I've ever heard. You're a good man! With a fucked up past! And a dark side that you need to fight! And you have me! I don't care you dropped Tony's piano on my legs, apparently I can take it! I'm here for you no matter what! You don't want to be with me anymore? Fine. But don't you dare push me away, thinking that a ruined future makes up for a ruined past"

"Who's to say I won't try it again?" he asked, "I don't know what triggered the transition. But what if once a week I end up trying to kill you-"

"Apparently you can't!" you laughed bitterly.

"Ok, so I can't" he nodded in approval, "Is that what you want? I should be your rock, your best friend, I should always be there for you. Do you want to have your whole world turned upside down whenever my brain decides to go berserk?"

"See, Buck" you sighed, "Of course I don't want that. I can't fucking stand here and tell you that I do. What kind of credibility would I have then? But you know what I want? You. You and whatever nazi shit that comes along. I want you. To help you. To have you with me. To see you everyday. If every Saturday at 10am you decide you want to kill me, you best believe I'm sacrificing my morning coffee just so we can kung fu around the living room"

He looked at you for a long second, the corners of his lips fighting a hard battle against the hint of a smile that started to show on his features. Eventually he caved and chuckled, shaking his head, "That was a bit funny"

"And fucking true," you cried, going for his hands and bringing them up to your chest. He winced, but you spoke up again, determined to not let his mind torture him.

"I love you, Bucky"

"How do you not hate me?" he choked, shaking his head in disbelief. "Can you seriously look at me and not get even the slightest instinct to run away?"

"Bucky..." you breathed out, cupping his cheek. "How could I run away when I've never seen you in more pain than right now?"

"You're an angel, you know that?"

"I've been called a lot of things" you giggled, "Angel isn't one of them, but if that's what you want, I'll take it"

"Come here" he whispered, wrapping his arms around your frame. He had you nuzzle against his chest, his hold keeping you tight and secure. His heart beat against your cheek and your eyes watered again. There wasn't one thing in the world you wouldn't do for that heart - to make sure it keeps beating, and that it keeps the man you love alive. And content, above all. All you wanted right now was for him to accept the things that happened. You wanted to take whatever weight he was carrying on his shoulders, and put it upon yourself. "I love you so much, Bucky" you cried against his chest as your hold tightened around him, "I hate to see you torn like this. I don't want anything to ever happen to you. It terrifies me. I love you with all that I am. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. You deserve the world, baby"

"So do you" he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

You felt his chest shake, a deep rumble echoed from the depths of his lungs. You looked up to see him fight back a sob, his eyes wide open, glossy and red, trained down on you, "I love you too much to do this, Y/n. I'm sorry, I don't think I can"

"No!" you gasped, pressing your face back against his shoulder, "Don't do that. You can't do that. No"

"We won't work, Y/n" Bucky said as he brought you even closer, "I can't look at you anymore. I can't look at you without dying inside. You don't want to live with me like that"

"Yes, I do!" you sobbed. "I'll work with anything you give me, I swear there is nothing more I want. Just you. Just you and me. Bucky, please don't do this"

He held you close for what felt like half a second, but rationally speaking, your legs were getting numb. You just stood there, clinging to his body, taking in his scent and listening to his breathing even out until he pushed you away. Oh, how you didn't want to let go. Ever. But you did, and choked back a sob as soon as you felt the cold air of the room brush against the part of your body that had been pressed to his.

"We should get some sleep, Y/n"

"Are you coming with me?" you whimpered, afraid of the answer he might give you.

Bucky shook his head, "I think I'll just sleep here tonight"

That broke you. The shock and terror cut your breath away. It felt impossible - the feeling of losing him. The amount of pain that surged through you. At that particular moment, you felt like cracking your chest open to grip your heart into your hand and pick apart the broken parts. But not even that felt good enough, you were fairly sure you'd be left with nothing. It felt like a slap across your cheek, like a cloth had been placed over your mouth and your legs cut at the knees. It felt like the end.

Optimistic by nature, not even you could deny the reason he wanted to sleep alone. It was clear as day.

"If-" you mumbled, tears coating your face at their own free will, voice shaking as you barely managed to articulate the words over the violent sobs that ripped their way out of your throat. "If I promise to not do anything to try and convince you to stay… can you promise me that in case you decide to leave, you'll come and tell me first?"

"Oh, doll" Bucky broke down all over again, throwing himself at you again. He collapsed on top of you, molding his body around yours. "I promise, angel"

You just nodded. That was all you could do. It took another few moments for you to gather yourself and stop wailing, but you did, and then, with nothing else other than a sad smile, you left.

Your feet carried you to your room, and you were ready to collapse on top of your bed. Eager to cuddle into his pillows. They smelled like that shower gel you got him and you hated it. You wanted his scent. Not even caring how ridiculous it sounded, you padded over to the chair in the corner of your bedroom, the one Bucky uses to discard all his worn clothes.

You wanted to find a shirt he wore, one that smelled exactly like you knew him, but before you reached the clothes pile, your attention was drawn to the window.

Steve was standing there, facing the busy streets outside, hands in his pocket and his head turned in your direction.

"I didn't see you, sorry" you gasped, as your eyes accommodated to the darkness.

"It's fine" he shook his head, "I just figured you'd turn on the lights, you know, like the normal people. Didn't think I'd scare you"

"Yeah, sorry" you sighed, plopping down on the edge of the bed. "I did even think about turning the lights on"

He didn't say anything, but you saw him nod. He knew your pain. He lost enough in his life, and seeing his best friend sink back into his darkness was surely not easy for him either.

"Is he ok?" Steve eventually asked.

You shook your head, "He's too good of a man to be ok"

"That is Bucky" he laughed, and you couldn't help but do the same. The irony.

Steve's curiosity was palpable in the room. Words could not describe the appreciation you had for him for respecting your boundaries and not pushing you in a moment like this. But he deserved to know.

You opened your mouth to explain to him what happened, but as your mind processed everything all over again, you broke down. "I think he's gonna leave-" you cried.

Steve was quick to gather you in his arms, engulfing you in a bear hug, helping you stand on your own two feet. "What do you mean?" he asked, concern tracing his tone.

"I understand him, I do. And I promised I won't try to get him to stay if he doesn't want to. But- but I should've done more, Steve. I should've shown him somehow how much I love him. But I'm afraid he'll leave, and I don't want to live-"

"Hey, hey, hey" Steve hurried to stop you, petting your head softly before urging you to look up at him. "Bucky loves you more than I ever thought possible, ok? There's no question about it. I'm sorry I'm doing this, but I think he'll postpone it anyway"

"What?"

"The man wants to marry you, ok?" Steve smiled, "He asked Tony if he had any work for him so he could raise money. Can you imagine how that went down? He was red like a tomato, but he didn't think twice. James Barnes used the computer to look for rings for you. The Bucky I know? Never would've done this. You brought to life a part of him that no one else has seen before. He loves you. With all that he is. And trust me when I tell you, he won't stand to be away from you. You're his whole world, Y/n. He's my best friend, trust me when I tell you this is something you'll work through. I'll help, we'll all help. You're not gonna lose him, Y/n. He's so beat up about all of this because he loves you this much. He's all yours. If he decides to leave, I need you to be strong because he will be back. I got him back 70 years later. You just need to trust him. Trust his heart, ok?"

"Oh my god" you cried, "I don't know what to say"

"Don’t say anything" he chuckled, "We've been through so much together. All of us. Even if we try, nothing pulls us apart, ok? How many times has Loki died, hm?"

"God, Steve!" you scoffed somewhat amused and pulled back just to hit him, "Did you seriously compare Bucky to Loki!?"

"It got you to smile, didn't it?" he laughed. "But I'm serious. You've both been through so much worse than this. You'll get through this one too. And in case you ever feel like you won't, I'm here, ok?"

"Ok…"

Funny as it all was, it worked. He calmed you down - to some extent. Gave you hope you didn't know existed. If it wasn't for Steve, you probably would have not been able to fall asleep. And even though dreams didn't visit you, and you never relaxed enough to actually get some rest, you just dozed off. All clothed and curled diagonally on the bed, you cuddled Bucky's pillow to your chest as your eyes slowly fell closed.

When you opened them again, it was still dark out. You had no idea what pulled you awake as you struggled to sit up on the bed, but then you heard Bucky's voice again, from the doorway.

"Y/n?"

“Buck?” you gasped, turning around. Only his silhouette was visible, head hung low and hands deep in his pockets. He was leaning against the doorway, silently awaiting your response.

Right then and there, you felt your world collapse. Steve’s monologue made you actually fucking believe things would be fine, but here he was, keeping his promise. In the buttcrack of night, he kept his word, bidding you a much feared farewell.

“Is-” you sobbed, jumping out of bed and rushing towards him. You almost knocked him off of his feet when you flung yourself at him, but he was quick to reciprocate, caging you between his arms. “Is this it? You’re leaving?”

He didn’t say anything which frankly made everything worse. You broke down even further, clinging to his shirt as if it was the only source of oxygen keeping you alive - it sure felt like it.

“Look at me” Bucky urged you, tilting your chin up, “Please?”

You slowly lifted your head, your eyes meeting his.

“I’m sorry, I will make it up to you” he whispered, a frown settling above his tired eyes, “You’ll see”

“What does that even mean?" you questioned, tired and sick of this ongoing conflict that should not even have been an issue to begin with. "You don't have to make up for anything"

"I know you see things like that" he cooed, rubbing his thumb along your cheekbone. He spoke softly, his breath fanning against your skin, somehow, even in this situation, managing to calm you down. "But you can understand me too, right?"

"I don't want to" you shrugged, "I don't care. Why does it matter if I understand you or not if you're gonna leave anyway?"

"I'm not leaving, doll"

"What!?" you beamed, pulling away from his hold and grabbing his face in your palms, "You're not- but you're-"

His whole frame softened, "I'm not here to say goodbye, Y/n. I'm not going anywhere"

"Oh god" you gasped.

"Come on, come here" Bucky chuckled softly, bringing you back into his hold, "I'm staying here. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. You're the most badass woman I know and I managed to break you"

"I love you, Buck"

"I love you more, Y/n" he sighed, "I'll make everything right, I promise"

"Oh, fuck" you breathed out relieved, "Just do whatever you want, I don't care. You're here. That's all that matters."

"And we also need to teach you to fight-" he added, "For real. And find a way for you to take those goddamn shackles off in case this happens again"

"Tony won't be too happy about it" you laughed.

"Fuck if I care-" Bucky said strenly, pointing at you, "Next time, you need to be able to stop me. And fast"

"Maybe it won't happen again"

"Maybe not" Bucky nodded, "But if it does, we need to be ready"

"Thank you" you said, "I know I didn't play this right. I know I literally dismissed everything that you must have gone through today. I'm sorry"

"You don't get to be sorry" Bucky stopped you, "Not after-"

"Then you don't get to, either!"

"Meh" he shrugged, "We'll see"

"Bucky!"

"I love you" he laughed, bending down to pick you up. He planted his hands on the back of your thighs, picking you up with ease and walking you over to the bed. You plopped back against the fluffy mattress with a huff, and giggled as he crawled his way on top of you. Instantly, his lips met yours. It was exhilarating, the kind that made your chest ache. You moaned against his lips as love transpired through his touch. It was overwhelming and the first happy tears of the day streamed down your temples as you arched yourself against him.

"I'm so weak for you, fuck" Bucky groaned, his right arm reaching around your back and pressing you against his chest. "You're everything" he added as he kissed his way along your neck, "I'm all yours forever, Y/n. I love you too much"

"I'm here, baby" you moaned, hiding your face into his shoulder, "You're mine, Bucky. All mine."

His lips didn't leave your body as he pushed himself up just enough to be able to reach the buckle of his jeans. The sound made your core ache, and your mouth watered.

There was no patience in his movements. He barely pulled his jeans down to his knees before ridding you of your pajama pants. He lodged himself between your thighs, his mouth instantly back on yours again.

"Come on" you panted, steading your arms against his strong back. Your legs found their way around his frame, ready to pull him closer.

When Bucky guided his hands between your bodies to align the tip of his cock with your opening, you whimpered in anticipation. Agonisingly slow, he trailed his tip along your folds before reaching your clit. With a blissful moan, he reached further up, tapping his cock against your bare cunt a couple of times before returning his attention back to you.

"I got you, baby" he hummed, pecking your lips. "You ready? Is this ok?"

With eagerness, you nodded and wiggled under his weight, your pussy aching for him. "Yes, yes"

When you felt his cock push past your folds, you moaned out loud, your voice cracking with the pure pleasure that took over your being.

He eased himself in, going all the way until he all but knocked the breath out of you, and he stopped. Bucky reached down to kiss you again, his cock motionless, balls deep inside of you.

He bit down on your lip and you giggled.

"Felt your pussy clench around me, doll" he laughed, "You're good to me"

"You may be all mine, Buck, but I'm all yours too"

"Holy shit" he panted, shaking his head in disbelief. It was as if you weren't real. He'd have pinched himself, but if this was a dream, he really did not want to wake up. So he kept going.

Nibbling at the skin of your neck, he started to pull himself out of you. The slow pace was driving you insane. Your need grew so strong you felt everything. His breath, the way his hair tickled your chin, his strong around around your shoulders, his massive thighs rubbing against yours, every small vein along his cock that drove you closer and closer to the sweetest bliss you had ever known.

He got you all worked up at an agonisingly slow pace, before his thrusts became more and more aggravated. You moaned with each thrust despite your struggles to keep quiet.

"You know how much I love hearing you, doll" Bucky shook his head as he drove himself back inside of you all the way, "Moan for me"

"Fuck, ok" you gasped, and closed your eyes as you started to fall apart. You gripped the bed sheets into your hands and pulled as he kept fucking you, deep and hard.

"You're so good, baby" he groaned, "So, so good for me"

He sunk his teeth into your shoulder, fervently sucking deep, maroon marks all ice your skin. Gutural grounds betrayed his air of self control as a plethora of curse words escaped his lips. "Taking me so fucking well. I can't keep going like this, you're too fucking tight-"

"Cum, baby" you encouraged, voice low and tender as you spoke against his ear, "Cum for me"

"Don’t have to tell me twice" he chuckled.

His thrusts started to become sloppy and irregular, as his eyes flew closed. You missed the blue of his eyes, but his mouth was slightly agape as he panted his way to an orgasm.

His chest heaved against yours, "How do you feel so fucking good?" Bucky cursed, eyes still closed as he barely managed to mumble his words between the numerous grunts of pleasure that forced their way out of his throat.

You gave him no answer, instead just clung to him tighter, "Fuck, Bucky, I'm close-"

"Come on" he encouraged, hurrying to rub your clit. His fingers found your bud in an instant, working experienced, familiar circles that almost drove you over the edge. "Cum with me, ok?"

You nodded, gathering your lips between your teeth. He kept fucking you, harder and faster until he had turn limp under his weight. You came as his name rolled off your lips, and he followed seconds after, pumping his juices deep inside your pussy.

You felt his absolute pleasure as he breathed heavily against your shoulder. He kept going until you were both spent, and then fell down beside you.

"Bucky-" you whined, turning over and curling into his side, the lack of contact making you more needy than ever.

"Yes, darling?" he panted, tapping your chin.

"Nothing. I just love you"

"Love you too, doll" he huffed, spinning you around so you laid on your back.

He effortlessly helped you out of your shirt and plopped down on top of you, his head resting on your bare chest. His warm, right hand cupped your breast as he closed his eyes. He wrapped himself around you, "Hold me" he muttered, "please"

"Always, Bucky" you said, engulfing him in the tightest hold you could muster. Only then did you feel him calm down completely, and there was nothing in the world you could ever ask for.

If you liked it, please reblog and tell me what you thought? :)

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #sebastian stan smut

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fanficsrusz · 3 years

Text

Lure Of The Maw Chapter Two - Henry Cavill Pirate AU

Warnings: Eventual Smut. Kidnapping. Mentions of physical harm. Men being Pervy. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN SOCIAL MEDIA CONSUMPTION. NOT ME. THEREFORE I DO NOT ACCEPT ANY RESPONSIBILITY IF YOU GET TRIGGERED FROM THIS POINT ON. If you read and you feel like I’ve missed a T/W then please let me know nicely and I will adjust ❤️.

Pairing: Y/n x Pirate Henry cavill

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: Y/n’s sheltered life comes crashing down when pirates use her to get what they want.

A/n; I take way to long to update anything but here we are 😂. I still have no idea what I want to happen do enjoy the nonsense until i finally get a proper plot.

Chapter one

Sleep came like the falling of an axe. I knew it must come but I fought it with everything that I had. Those defenceless hours, oblivious to my surroundings, were enough to light up my whole body with fiery sparks that make me want to scream with anger and cry with fear. I am utterly wired until that time when I cannot fight it anymore and the sleep is as instantaneous as it is unwelcome. I have some warning though, when my thoughts become intertwined with random ideas, impossible ideas, I seek my flimsy bed, not what I'm used to, and hope I can get maybe even an hour's sleep before I have to experience the horror show that is reality.

Tucked into the little shelf that night, the sleep pooled on my eyelids, and the wooden ship was filled with the soft sounds of people sleeping. The wind swooped up, over the heights of the sails, rushed and rustled through the creaking beams, and gradually ebbed away through the crags to silence that wasn't filled with the waves crashing against the side of the ship. No longer did the rocking make me feel sick, but instead created a soothing rhythm to which rocked me to sleep.

The previous day had been quiet, nothing to feel the numbing void of darkness that was offered from the bare walls. Those few hours alone was enough to make me crave any type of communication, any voice, any entertainment. But instead I only found comfort in the darkness of my eyelids.

I had no idea how long I had been asleep for until I woke to the sound of breathing that wasn't my own. It was heaving, like a man's and rapid as if he's run into the room. I listen, still, trembling as the memories of where I am rush back. He's moving slowly, his heavy feet creaking floor boards that are silent for me.

"Wake up, Princess" there booms that deep voice that still sends shivers down my spine and despite the heat that floods my body, I remain still in the poorly lit room. I can hear him lean against a beam in the room, his hands tapping gently against metal - probably his sword, or belt buckle. The way he calls me princess is more of a sarcastic humour rather than being respectful and I fight the urge to roll my eyes beneath my closed lids.

I can hear him huffing to himself when I don't respond to him and within seconds he's calling out to me again.

"For God sake, heavy sleeper are we?" I hear his weight shift again and this time the heavy strides of his steps come closer and before I can even register anything, I can feel his hand on my shoulder as he roughly shakes me.

My eyes shoot open as a gasp leaves my lips and he pulls away from me. I sit up straight and throw my legs off of the bed as I jump to my feet, trying to make my body appear as large as possible, as if he was a bear.

"I would prefer it if you didn't lay your dirty hands upon me again, captain!" His title came out as a bitter poison that I hoped would cause him some pain, something I had come to do just as he called me princess. I could have walked away had it not been for the smirk. That little rise in the corner of his mouth he was oblivious to combined with the cool detachment in his eyes that was mixed with a playful gleam of excitement that seemed to spark in his eyes.

I had unintentionally given him inner delight. He was savouring the moment as if it was a sweet nectar.

"Sleep well?"

Maybe it was his stupid face or his stupid tone, or maybe just my lack of control but I once again found my self taking a swing at him with as much ease as the restraints around my wrist would allow. But with a grunt Henry caught my wrist mid air.

That deep, low, chuckle that only he could manage echoed through the cabin again and I felt my teeth dig into my cheeks as he tightened his grip on my wrist.

"Barely even awake and already taking swings at me." his smirk remained unchanged as he stared down at me and with a rapid jerking motion of my arm, I pulled my hand from his grip.

"You're going to have to be faster than that next time"

Henry's stillness scared me. Perhaps it is the faint sunlight making his skin gleam, or the lack of wind letting every hair hang without movement, I'm not sure. He doesn't even blink. Our bodies sway with the movement of the ship, a lazy and understated rocking motion. It's times like this where if this was someone else, I would turn away and try to hide from their gaze, but not with Henry. He had this power over me that even I couldn't explain.

Henry had quite forgotten what one can see in peripheral vision and his eyes are walking from my hair line to my feet and back up again. In short, he is staring and there seems no end to his fascination. The only time his gaze breaks is when I clear my throat in an attempt to calm my thumping heart.

"I guess I will just keep on practicing".

With a swish on my dress, I take my seat again, holding my back straight and folding my arms as best as I could as I turn my gaze to the small window in the room.

I can feel Henry's gaze on me for a moment longer and from my peripheral vision I can see his tongue lick over his bottom lip.

"I have some businesses to talk to you about". The playful tone in his voice had stilled and instead was replaced by a more serious one and I rolled my eyes.

"And what's that? Is my scent to hypnotic for your idiotic crew" sarcasm.

I expected some sort of laugh or sarcastic comeback but instead all i got was a serious response.

"We have received word from your father" just like how Henry had turned serious, I too felt my body stiffen as I snapped my head to look at him, analysing to see if he was telling the truth.

"What?"

"Read for yourself" He produced a single piece of parchment from his pocket, the bright red wax sigil was one I was oh so familiar with.

With a push I was on my feet and with two large strides I found myself inches in front of Henry as I snatched the paper from his hands. My eyes skimmed over the cursive letters, my mind numbing at the words that laid there.

"It seems we have a deal"

Shock brings a quietness within, a moment to feel my emotions change gear and numb my soul for what is to come. My brain stutters for a moment and my eyes take in more light than I expected, every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up.

"Looks like he really does care about you after all" Henry's sarcastic tone returns and for once I don't know what to say.

"No" that's the only word on my mind as I reread the words over and over again. "My father would have never made a deal with people like you!"

"Well whether you believe it or not, Princess, your father has agreed to disburse the taxes back to my people in exchange for your safe return".

My eyes glance up at him through my lashes and I shove the paper back into his hand as I turn my back to him, not quite sure what I was feeling. How could my father bargain with - pirates?

With a sigh Henry continues.

"I'm just waiting for word from a friend in the village to make sure he does what he says and then your father has demanded that I leave you with a fleet of his royal guards, about a four days journey from here" I hear his voice waver a little and all I do is remain silent.

"So that's it then? I can go home in four days"

"As long as your father keeps his end of the deal then you will be sipping tea and eating your fancy pansy food by the end of the week and I will be nothing more than a distant memory"

That's what I was afraid of. Maybe it was seeing the same castle walls for the past countless years or the constant routine of being followed by guards everywhere, but with Henry, I felt a spark of excitement, endless thoughts of what could happen rather than knowing every little detail of what my future holds. And even if Henry didn't say it, I could see the look in his eyes when I disobeyed him or talked back to him. He enjoyed it just as much as I did.

His face remained motionless for a second more before his lips turned up again in what I had come to assume was his factory setting.

"Did you think I was lying? That I wouldn't keep up my end of the deal?" he chuckled lowly as he stepped forward and I felt my feet remain in their spot. "Just because I'm a pirate doesn't doesn't inherently make me a liar"

I could feel his breath on my face, the smell of alcohol strong but not unbearable, instead it was almost intoxicating but for all the wrong reasons.

"I had a mission princess." I watched as his eyes darkened and I felt the way his warm, rough fingers found my skin, wrapping around my neck with ease as he gently squeezed. I could breathe but I was more than aware that he could take that from me at any moment. I didn't move, didn't jump or didn't scream. I only stared at him, watching my reflection in his eyes.

"It wasn't to take you…. To torture you or - have my way with you" I heard the desperation in his voice and I to felt a familiar warmth in my stomach as I tried to control myself.

His eyes remained focused on me, as did mine on him. I swallowed hard and it made me all the more aware of his hand on my throat and the power he held over me.

Just as the warmth became almost unbearable, he pulled his hand away and it left a burning that I know no one could even recreate.

"No. It was to simply get your father's attention" Henry cleared his throat as he turned away from me, trying and failing to hide the fact that he was readjusting himself. "and Now that I have that, you can rest easy. Enjoy your few days at see and then you can be back home"

Seeing the effect I blatantly had on him made my heart twirl and hearing his voice made my stomach flutter. I can't help but feel this way about him.

Pin-drop silence...? How is that remotely possible with my heart somersaulting. His mahogany hair moving through his fingers as he brushed it back in a way I have come to adore and his cerulean eyes locking onto me as he turned back to face me in a trance with such intensity; looking away is unthinkable. His eyes constrict as he winked at me, unaware of the repercussions. The dimples that indent in the corners of his embellished skin is my last coherent thought as I become painfully aware of the silence that wrapped around us.

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as Henry looked in my direction, he grinned and I snapped my head away, knowing that if I continued to stare I would get lost in his big blue eyes. I could feel his eyes still on me, I silently inhaled and exhaled, hoping that his thoughts about me were good.

"I'm hungry" I quickly spurt out, not really knowing what else to say. What else could I say? I want to feel your touch on me again? I don't want to go back home because I can't stop thinking about what could happen between us? You make me feel something I've never felt before? I want to have your cock as deep inside me as humanly possible? This man was turning me into a harlot.

Henry smiled to himself, his eyes dropping as he inhaled deeply.

"Very well, i'll send something in".

With a nod of his head he sent a member of the crew off to fulfill my request. Henry turned around to leave but not before taking one last look up and down my body. He may have thought I didn't see that, but I did.

"Captain?" I called out hastily and he stopped in his tracks and his attention was back on me.

I said nothing and only extended my binded hands in his direction. Henry raised his eyebrows in confusion before finally letting them fall as he realised what I was asking of him.

"What? No!" he huffed out a chuckled and I let my arms drop back to my body

"How does once expect me to eat with these"

"Well you seemed to manage quite fine when trying to attack me earlier. Not to mention how you busted my lip not too long ago as well" Henry crossed his arms and my face remained stoic.

"it's not going to happen, Princess. No offence but I don't fancy waking up with a knife to my throat" I opened my mouth to protest but decided against it seeing as he was half right.

I felt my lip twitch in annoyance as I suddenly accepted the fact that the binds were there to stay for a while longer and I shifted on my feet.

"I don't blame you. I would do the same if I was in the same situation - fight back that is." His eyes softened a little in reassurance and my heart once again flipped. "But nonetheless, the ropes stay tied".

Henry once again turned to leave me but for some reason I just couldn't stop myself. I wanted him to stay with me almost.

"My father really isn't a bad man" I watched as Henry's shoulders stiffened and he sighed heavily.

"How I do wish to live in that fantasy world you get to live in"

He slowly turned again and the soft expression and playful smirk were gone, instead replaced with an angered grimace.

"He is a bad man. He's a murderer and a thief." his eyes remained dark with rage.

"Let's just say I wouldn't lose a night's sleep if I got the chance to kill him myself, I can tell you that" his rage subsided a little as he noticed my wide eyes and his chuckle once again filled the room.

"Don't worry, princess. Your daddy's going to be just fine unless he goes back on his word. if he takes you and then goes back on his promise, he's going to lose more than just you. He'll lose his limbs, his eyes, he's tongue and just about everything else".

I remained silent through his little threat. Henry huffed a little, running his hand over his beard.

"I'm not a monster, princess. I may be a brood and violent at times. But I have my reasons for the way I am. Can you say the same for your father?" His voice became softer and calmer than I had heard before. I couldn't tell who was lying. Him. Or me. The one person who kept saying my father wasn't a monster.

I saw those gravity-drawn shoulders painting a picture of Henry's heart, as if neither it nor his soul would welcome a beat. I see in his eyes that his brain had built some new walls with him so lonely on the other side. I too knew that same feeling as I felt the tears burn the edges of eyes.

My eyes fell to the floor and I watched as he stepped closer to me, his hand coming to tap my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

His eyes were so different in that moment, more soft than I knew eyes could be. The dangerous pirate who could kill me at any second was gone and instead they were the eyes of one who cared deeply. If it were anyone else I would drop my gaze, but with him, I'm drawn in closer, always wanting more. In his eyes is humanity, the person he really is and not what the world saw him as.

"The world is a cruel place and the truth is cold, y/n" he spoke my name with such delicacy and it made me feel warm inside. Never before did my name sound so beautiful.

"you've had the luxury of hiding from it, but I haven't. You could judge me for the way I turned out and I can sure as hell judge you too. Safe, naive, sheltered, believing that everything is good and all is right. All the while my people are being beaten, hung, dragged behind on horses as they scream for their lives - " his voice grew in volume and the rage he felt was understandable and I felt sorry for him. " - and for what? For not being able to pay some ridiculous tax?"

Henry's breathing became heavy, rugged and uneven and my heart ached to hug him, to apologise for everything.

"All I can say is ask him yourself when you get back. See if his eyes speak true to his innocence." Behind that icy stare was a mountain of pain, yet extracting it would bring pain and instability.

We stood in silence, the only thing keeping me from crying was the fact that my teeth dug into my cheeks, a trick I was taught by a maid to control my emotions years ago.

Neither of us moved until a knock filled the silence and we both shifted away from each other. I wiped my eyes of their vacant tears and Henry cleared his throat. I turned my head away from the man who entered the room with a tray of food, and I listened closely as I heard two sets of footsteps leave the room without another word.

My thoughts were blank. What a strange occurrence. Normally my thoughts were twisting and turning; suffocating me with their whispers. But now, nothing. What did I know? I knew nothing. I lived a lie and now I didn't know what to do.

I chewed my nail impatiently, my foot bouncing against the wood below them and I needed answers of the truth.

"Princess!" that deep voice called out to me from down the hall outside my room and I jumped to my feet, straightening out my dress a little in the process.

The second I saw his head of hair peer round the door, I allowed my face to hold its stoic position as I waited to see what he wanted.

"Good evening. How was your dinner?" His eyes fell to the empty plate that once held an array of foods from chicken to nuts and dates, not what I had expected from a pirate ship. In all honesty they could have given me a stale piece of bread and I would have consumed every crumb within seconds.

"It was satisfactory" I held my head high as he picked up the plate and handed it to someone else.

"Oh my sincere apologies on behalf of the ship's cook for disappointing your majesty" he gave a small bow and it stunned me how his cocky nature had quickly returned and I was still caught up in my emotions.

"Are you mocking me, Captain?" His eyes squinted slightly as he drew out a long hum before nodding profusely.

"hmmm, yes" he laughed loudly and I rolled my eyes.

"Well if that is all you intend to do I request to be alone"

"That's not all I came down here for".

He peeked my interest and I peered at him intently.

"No, I came to check in on you. Give you a little bit of company" Henry looked around the room as if he had never seen it before himself as he took a seat on a chair that sat in the corner, the wood creaking under his weight.

"it does get awfully lonely down here and something tells me you aren't one to go without attention"

I stared him down and blew a strand of hair from my face.

"Don't take me for a fool, captain" my voice was strong and unfaltering and Henry held his hands up defensively.

"Caught me in a lie you did" he chuckled again before sitting back comfortably. His eyes stared at my body again before landing on my face that I was sure had a tint of red.

"Alright, I confess - You fascinate me"

Words left me as my mind went blank.

"w-what?" the only word that seemed I was able to speak.

"Well I just can't stay away. I'm actually going to miss having you aboard. You've got a fire inside you that no one seems to dampen. Never before have I had someone speak to me the way you do. I thought about the day someone finally did and I imagined what they would look like. But a princess never seemed to fit that description. You're definitely more than I bargained for".

I felt almost embarrassed as he stared at me, the warmth in my stomach almost matching the warmth that radiated from my chest.

"Not once have you wailed or cried in self pity. You haven't begged for your life or your father's" he shook his head as he seemed to remember something, an inside joke maybe. Henry wagged his finger at me and chuckled.

"But you. You take swings at me, spit in my face and you fight back".

I felt a small smile pull at my lips as pride filled me.

"So?"

"so, if I stay here for a little while will I get hurt again?"

The smile on my face grew a little at the admittance that I had managed to hurt him.

"No" I simply said, taking a seat on my bed.

"tell me. Will you be happy to return?" The smile I had faded just as quick as it had appeared and even I didn't know the answer to that but thankfully Henry was too eager with his questions to allow me to linger on that one.

"What's it even like there? To live in luxury? I reckon my imagination doesn't do it justice"

I felt a sarcastic remark bite at my tongue and I couldn't control it.

"It's more than an animal like you deserves" I glanced at him briefly with a glint of resistance before turning my gaze back to the wall.

"Oh I see. You know it's funny, princess" Henry stood from his seat and slowly marched to stand in front of me, hands behind his back as his eyes remained on me. "Your lips insult me… But your eyes twinkle as they do"

I swallowed the lump in my front as I crossed my legs and straightened my posture.

"I have no idea what you are talking about"

Henry chuckled, stepping closer to me before leaning down so his face was inches away from mine.

"You know what I think? I think I am no more of an animal to you than you are a rich, spoiled brat to me" our eyes met and I could see the resistance that both of us held. His eyes flickered down to my lips for a second and I could tell he didn't mean to do it. "I think we both know that there's more to each other than meets the eye"

I so badly wanted to reach out to him, to run my fingers through his salty hair. But my pride held me back and Henry thankfully stood up.

"Be honest, there's a part of you that's thriving on all of this. Being amongst pirates and being at sea away from civilization and prying eyes. And being more than a pretty face in a perfect little world" his voice turned dark with desire as I stared up at him, not quite sure what to say.

"So you admit you think I'm pretty"

"and you don't deny anything else"

We both held our gazes strong and anyone could feel the tension that surrounded us.

"You see, I can be quite perspective - for an animal" He chuckled lowly and I still remained silent.

"Well princess, I bid you goodnight. I'm going to be turning in soon."

Henry turned to leave and I suddenly found my voice.

"Can you leave a candle burning?" Henry smiled and simply nodded, pulling a match from his pocket and sticking it to create a flame that lit the room much more.

"I'm sorry for leaving you in the dark, princess." he smiled softly.

"And maybe a blanket?" Henry's eyes flooded with guilt as he finally noticed the way I clung onto myself for any warmth.

"You've - you've been cold?" I watched as his gaze turned to his men who stood outside the door and their faces turned white with fear.

"My sincere apologies, Princess. My men should have been on that and I promise you the right consequences will be taken"

I laughed quietly as I watched the men scramble to find a blanket and within seconds one was being handed to me.

"Now for God's sake we are not your servants, no more requests".

I wrapped the scratchy blanket around my body but I couldn't care less because the warmth was all I needed.

"Good night, princess"

"Good night, captain"

Tbc

(tags will be added in reblog)

#Henry Cavill #henry cavill fanfic #keanu reeves #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill one shot

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thirstyforcharacters · 3 years

Text

*Damaging the Petals (Obi-Wan Kenobi x Senator! Reader

Summary: You and Obi-Wan have a rare night to yourselves in the midst of the Clone Wars. And of course, you only have one thing on your mind.

Notes: It’s finally ready! It feels like it's been forever since I've written anything. That's mostly because a new semester of college has begun (I'm in week 3 atm and it feels like it's week 300000), and I have much less time to write. It took me 3 weeks to write this because I literally have almost no free time, and I thought I'd only get a chance to finish this weekend, but I actually had a bit of time today, so here comes the Obi-Wan smut! Hope you enjoy! (no she/her pronouns, no y/n)

Warnings: smut! 18+ only! inappropriate use of the Force, oral (female receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, y’all), a smidgeon of choking

WC: 2.2 k

“Can I ask you something?”

You and Obi-Wan were lying in your plush canopy bed together, enjoying one of the very few evenings you were able to snag alone in the midst of the Clone Wars. Being a Jedi and a senator in a secret relationship was hard enough in normal circumstances, but during an intergalactic war, it was practically impossible. But somehow, you were able to make it work. It was the small moments like these, in between Obi-Wan risking his life for the greater good, and you writing up anti-war bills that would inevitably be rejected by the chancellor (which always confused you), that made the hell you were going through worth it.

You were mindlessly watching a random holodrama, your head in his lap and his fingers running through your hair, which normally would put you right to sleep. Right now, though, you were keyed up. One unfortunate consequence of not being able to see each other was the fact that your sex life was dwindling. The few intimate moments you had together were fantastic (you both made sure of that), but they were so infrequent that you found yourself left on edge more often than not. And Padme putting this particular idea in your head at lunch earlier that day wasn’t helping anything. Now, the cadence of his fingers gently tugging at your hair made your heart pump faster.

“Anything, flower.”

Your heart swelled for a second, the sweet nickname he reserved only for you briefly making you forget the impure thoughts that swirled around your head. But they soon returned, and you knew that if you didn’t ask now, the tenderness of his actions would soon make you forget your purpose. You looked up at him from your place in his lap, and his eyes were already on you, giving you his full attention.

“So, Padme told me something that her and Anakin do in the bedroom, and I was wondering if maybe we could try it? Only if you’re comfortable with it, of course,” you asked.

He raised an eyebrow, “Oh? And what would that be?”

“Well, they occasionally use the Force to… enhance their activities. I know that you stick to the code a little more than Anakin does, so if that’s too much of an inappropriate use of the Force for you, I get it. If it’s not though, I’d really like to try it,” you explained.

“That’s an interesting topic for senators to speak about at a business lunch,” he quipped, his eyes sparking with mischief.

You rolled your eyes, “Did you really expect us to talk about Senator Organa’s clone citizenship bill the entire time? No matter how good of an idea I think it is, it is a bit boring to talk politics for that long, even for a senator.”

He chuckled, shaking his head, “Of course not. As for your question, I would be willing to give it a try. But, you have to promise that you’ll tell me if it’s too much, or if I’m hurting you in any way. The Force is a powerful tool, and I do not wish to damage your petals with it, my flower.”

You smiled at his tender words, “You have my word, Obi-Wan.”

He returned your smile, then rearranged your bodies so you were lying beneath him. It started as gentle as always; Obi-Wan always preferred to be delicate with you. The soft, yet passionate kisses that your lover pressed to your lips made your head spin. He began removing your clothes then, peeling off each layer as if he was peeling the petals off of a rose. The only time his lips left yours was when he pulled your blouse over your head; otherwise, it was like he couldn’t get enough of you. And you couldn’t get enough of him, either.

Once you were fully nude, your lover started to trail kisses down your body. He gently nipped at your neck, though not enough to leave marks. You both knew that doing so would be detrimental to the secrecy of your relationship, but that didn’t stop him from leaving marks in other places. There were many mornings after your escapades where your inner thighs and breasts were covered in small bruises and marks. Running your fingers up and down those spots always made you blush, remembering the passionate nights before. Even though he did blemish your skin with his teeth, in most other ways in the bedroom, he was gentle and loving.

A soft nip to one of your breasts brought you out of your thoughts, and you gasped out in surprised and pleasure as Obi-Wan soothed the mark that he left with his tongue. His lips wrapped around your nipple and sucked harshly, making you arch into his mouth. His other hand moved to toy with your other nipple, making soft whimpers of pleasure fall from your lips. You could feel him smirking against you as he continued his ministrations, reveling in the way he could make you so needy for him with just a few tweaks to your breasts.

Eventually, though, he was getting bored with this game, and his hands moved down to your legs, each one gripping your thighs and pulling them open, exposing your dripping cunt to him. Even though he was being on the gentle side, you could still tell that you would probably have marks on your thighs tomorrow. Obi-Wan placed his head between your thighs and looked up at you. The fire in his eyes made you even wetter for him; you knew that you were an absolute goner. Without so much as a warning, he licked a stripe up your pussy.

You cried out in surprise and wound your fingers into his hair. But almost as soon as you had, you felt a hand grip your wrists and pull them until they were above your head. It couldn’t have been Obi-Wan’s hands because they were holding you open, so there was only one thing it could be. Your realization, combined with the soft, teasing licks Obi-Wan was pressing to your pussy, made a wave of heat rush through your body.

Obi-Wan looked up at you and almost moaned out himself. Your body stretched out before him, being held down by invisible hands, was probably the most arousing thing he had ever seen.

“Does that feel okay, flower? Not too much?” he asked softly, not wanting to overwhelm you.

You couldn’t help but smile gently at his sweetness, “It’s perfect, Obi.”

And it was. The hands holding you down were slightly warm to the touch, and they were holding you down just enough to keep you still, not enough to hurt you. It was exactly like how you had imagined it.

He smiled back, “Good. Just wanted to be sure.”

And he dove back in with renowned fervor. He ate you out like he was a starved man, eating his first meal in weeks. He enjoyed giving you oral almost as much as you did, so he was always willing to give you what you needed, just as you were for him. The symbiotic nature of your sexual relationship is why it worked so well, and it was why the few times you would get alone were always wonderful. There was never taking without giving; you both were generous lovers, responsive to each other’s needs.

His lips worked dutifully, licking up every bit of wetness dripping from your core, and all you could do was lie back and take it. Obi-Wan’s own hands on your thighs, combined with the Force holding down your arms, successfully kept you completely still, defenceless against whatever Obi-Wan had planned for you. Soon, you were close, your wetness dribbling down his chin. His lips suctioned to your clit and two of his fingers pressed into your entrance, making you come harder than you thought you had before, and that was just from his lips. He moaned against you while he worked you through your orgasm, taking everything you gave him and still pumping his fingers to help you ride it out.

When you came down, Obi-Wan removed himself from between your thighs and moved up to your lips, kissing you softly. You reciprocated as best you could, but you were already exhausted. And you hadn’t even gotten to the best part yet.

“Are you doing okay, flower? Not too much?” Obi-Wan asked.

You nodded in agreement, “Yes. ‘M fine. Need more.”

He quirked up a brow, “More? Well, you know I can’t say no to you.”

You tried to use your legs to pull his hips back down to yours, but found that your ankles were now being held down by the same force holding your wrists. You didn’t quite know how you didn’t notice that before, but you weren’t complaining. Actually, you loved it.

He noticed you pulling against your invisible bonds and smirked a bit, “Eager?”

“Need you, Obi. Please.”

Luckily for you, Obi-Wan wasn’t really in a teasing mood. Neither of you had been lately, since your sexual escapades have been few and far between. That might also be why he still felt so big, even though you had taken him so many times before. Every time he was inside of you, it took your breath away. This time was no exception. You couldn’t hold back the desperate sound that tore from your throat when he pushed in, almost as much as you imagined he couldn’t keep the low groan that fell from his lips contained.

“Please, Obi,” you begged, “need you to move. I’m ready.”

Of course, he complied with your request. Though at first his rhythm was slow and steady to get you used to the feeling, before long his hips were snapping into yours at a rapid pace. Whenever you tried to arch your back to meet his thrusts, the Force would push you back down. Your body was completely at Obi-Wan’s mercy. You couldn’t even bring yourself to speak; the ecstasy you were feeling proving to be overwhelming in the best possible way. The only vocalizations of your pleasure that you could give were needy whines, and Obi-Wan was drinking it in. Every soft sound that fell from your lips served to spur him on further.

“You always feel so good, my flower. Still so tight for me, even after all of this time. Every time we’re together feels better than the last.”

Somehow, even his dirty talk had an air of elegance about it. It certainly didn’t lose any effect, his words made your moans grow louder as you grew closer and closer to your peak. His hands were planted firmly on the bed to steady himself as he thrusted into you, which is why you squeaked in surprise when you felt a phantom force start to rub circles on your clit. The surprise quickly became pleasure, and you gasped out his name in broken syllables as you felt another hand slowly close around your throat. This particular kink of yours wasn’t utilized too often, as it wasn’t exactly the most delicate of treatment. But the feeling of the phantom limb squeezing your neck was what brought you to the edge.

White hot pleasure flowed through your body, and you knew that you had never felt like this before. You were lost in the feeling; it was so intense that you didn’t even register when Obi-Wan came to his own high. You only vaguely heard him murmuring sweet nothings into your ear, and barely even noticed him running a cloth between your thighs to clean you off.

When you had fully regained your awareness, Obi-Wan was cradling you to his chest, running his fingers through your hair and whispering, “You were so wonderful, flower.”

“Thank you,” you replied quietly, signaling to him that you were finally back.

He tilted your chin up so you were looking at his face, a serious expression crossing it.

“That wasn’t too much for you, was it?”

You shook your head, “It was exactly how I thought it would be. Thank you for doing this for me.”

His serious expression gave way to a loving gaze. It truthfully was something you never thought you’d see from him when you befriended him all of those years ago, and now that you had it, it was something you would always treasure.

“I can’t say that I hadn’t thought about it, either. I was just hoping you would bring it up first.”

You giggled, “I don’t think those thoughts have any place in the Jedi Code.”

He shook his head, a fond smile etched across his features, “No, not exactly. I don’t think the council would be very happy with me right now.”

“Probably not. Improper use of the Force and all,” you joked.

His fingers moved from your hair to your face, gently tracing your jawline, “I love you.”

“And I love you,” you reciprocated.

Sure, what you had was complicated. It went against all rules, and everything that your boyfriend was supposed to stand for. But in this moment, none of that mattered. You had each other, and you would navigate the rough waters of the galaxy together, no matter what.

#obi wan kenobi #obi wan #obi-wan smut #obi-wan kenobi smut #obi-wan kenobi x reader #obi-wan kenobi x you #obi-wan fluff #obi-wan kenobi fluff #star wars #Prequel Trilogy #obi-wan kenobi fanfic #obi-wan fanfic #x reader #x reader smut #x reader fanfiction #x reader fluff

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cowboylarries · 2 years

Note

you’ve got mail

i finally listened to walls but better and gave it my complete attention and i am writing this ask

kmm ➡️ always you : bop! fun! lifts the mood!

then you bring us right into HABIT????? that’s pure commitment right there that’s ROMANCE it was ALWAYS YOU YOURE THE HABIT ITS BEEN AGES DIFFERENT STAGES ALWAYS YOU !!!!! 👏👏

HOW DARE YOU put too young then fearless 😭😭😭😭 that broke me that broke me

AND TWO OF US???? RIGHT AFTER THAT LITTLE “MOM I DID IT” IN FEARLESS?????? I’m going to find u bc do u understand the power that holds? do we know whose voice that is anyway just IMAGINE louis in 2016 not being sure where to go with his solo stuff and dealing with everything and talking to his mother 😩 promised you i’d do this and then he DID IT 🤧🤧 tou hurts very much

okay what’s next oh dlibyh well you’ve broken my heart by making me listen to tou i might as well keep this box of tissues next to me just one sad song after another because I can’t take this in this fragile state his voice 😩😩😩 doing better…. yeah…….

are you going to make me listen to perfect now next that’s the pattern you’re going in aren’t you ???? yes you are 😔💔 i Fuckin knew it and you did it anyway 😩 ok i will cry because i cried to this last week too 🥺 keep ur head up don’t hide away this is PERFECT companion to dlibyh it’s so soft I swear why did he put it at the end I mean I know why but this Oooooooooh would’ve been beauTiFUL after dlibyh it’s so soft so much like a hug 🫂 IM EMO I adore this song even though it was everybody and their mother’s least favorite off of walls but it’s ok it’s ok

oooohch ouch ouch we made it ok keeping with the soft song theme that’s ok sitting in my room thinking about this yep never coming down because you’re perfect we made it together it’s all going to be okay 🤧🤧

DEFENCELESS?? no thank you! this entire playlist is really just us sitting in a small quiet room just listening to a happy louis and then a sad louis reassuring us it’s all going to be okay what is this album and why is it so sad and hopeful 😩

ok walls now this makes me feel better because I love the chorus and the video and he was defenceless and now he’s telling us what he did and i’m not over how he had put defenceless NEXT TO otb on the album because that was Quite An Emotional Ordeal but you’ve done something here I like it

only the brave I have no words about it because you know I’ve been crying I’m going to cry more !! i won’t talk about it in depth I’ve done that too many times we all know what it’s about

great playlist thank you 💚💙

i’ve been waiting for this moment :)

until i was putting it all together i really didn’t realize just how many sad songs there are in walls?? like they are all so soft with a tinge of sadness but yet hopeful at the same time!!! he is truly an artist <3

always you into habit is maybe my fave part about the playlist, although i do think that i did a pretty good job connecting all the songs into the next one. that’s the main thing that i try to switch up or connect bc i love albums that do that so seamlessly

anyways!! i’m glad you liked it <33333

#i really love reimagining albums and this was hard but i’m pretty proud of how it turned out #thanks for giving me a challenge <3 #seven 🧜#answered #walls but better

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hes-writer · 4 years

Text

If I Could Fly

Summary: y/n wants harry to come home

Warnings: angst and a bit of fluff

Word Count: 3522 words

Based on: Harry being really busy all of the time, like hardly coming home or spending time with the reader and one night the reader is at home listening to ‘If I Could Fly’ and she’s just wishing the words he sang in the song were true

____

“I can’t believe you’re leaving before you even get here,” Y/N remarked, a hint of dismay enveloping her voice at Harry’s statement. Her fingers gripped the phone tightly, almost as if the device was the only connection between her and Harry.

He was miles and miles away from her, somewhere where the sun rose while the moon adamantly plastered itself on the night sky where she was. She wished countless times that maybe one day he would surprise her by coming home unexpectedly, his arms in an open gesture, bags laying heavy on his feet beside his worn Vans with the brightest smile on his face. His clothes would reek of the airport and travelling and his tired face drooping where the eyebags lay underneath his lashes. Harry would release a quiet breath of relief when his girlfriend trudged down the stairs with the same loving arms that he comes home to every time he returns, legs peeking out from an oversized hoodie that he left for her and an equally happy yet worn-out face that would glimmer once she saw him.

But that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, and it hasn’t happened in months.

“I just need some time alone, Y/N,” He replied with a soft tone, fatigue was taking over his every limb and was seeping his throat. The thought of passing out in a dreamless sleep in his plush hotel bed was too tempting. “Please understand,”

“I do understand that you need time alone. But I don’t get how you can go so long without seeing me,” She dug her fingertips into her bare thighs, limbs folded beneath their shared bed. The lamp on her bedside table was switched on to dimly cover the room in an orange-yellow hue. She eyed the shadows on the wall with a sad stare, chest slowly deflating at the thought that maybe he didn’t miss her at all.

Harry sighed through the speakers, his lashes weighing heavy on his lids as another wave of tiredness washed over him. “I do miss you and I do want to see you,”

“Then why don’t you?”

Harry’s first world tour was a global success. Millions of his fans saw him from all around the world and it made Y/N very proud of him. The endless joy and happiness he brought to peoples’ faces made her admire his caring nature more and more each day. Sometimes she felt as though their relationship was in the back burner of his mind, but he proved time and time again that that wasn’t the case. Until now, that is.

His tour had ended in September. Usually, he would be on the first plane back home to celebrate his achievements with Y/N, but work commitments smothered him and he never got the chance to visit her. And she did try her best to take time off work, but her studies didn’t agree with what she wanted. School was becoming increasingly difficult with the upper-division requirements being thrown at her, to be finished in the four-year timeframe it took to finish her degree. Y/N just couldn’t find the time to drop everything and spend a few days in a rented hotel just to see him--no matter how much she wanted to.

Y/N thought to herself that she could handle a few more weeks without Harry, choosing to focus on essays and research papers that needed to be read and written. However, a few weeks turned into months, and soon the holidays passed by without as much as a glimpse of his face showering her. She didn’t want to throw him under the bus, but it was clear that Harry didn’t bear the same weight as she did. His excuses built every time they shared a call, the disconnection between them was obvious in the sense that their calls lasted only a few minutes--nothing like the hours they shared, drunk on wine, talking about anything and everything.

The couple didn’t spend the holidays together as Harry was stuck, unable to find a flight back home and Y/N forgave him because it wasn't like he promised to spend it with her. It was okay until she caught the pictures swirling on social media. A massive grin plastered on his face as he partied on a yacht with Kendall--- a slap to the face, a shot of reality. Whatever it was, it broke Y/N down on Christmas day where she walked down the living room alone. The Christmas decorations mocking her lonely festivity, the tree decored with red and green ornaments and presents stuffed at the base. All invitations to spend the day were rejected in favour of spending it with Harry, hopelessly hoping that he would open the door with an apologetic face and a present in his hand. She was stupid to even let her fantasies take over reality.

“Y/N,” Harry’s gruff remark of her name brought her back to the present. “I’m heading to bed now,”

“O-okay,” She stuttered out a response, not having much in her to argue more about why* they needed to see each other. “I love you,”

“Love ya’too,” The ringer clicked shut, signifying that he had hung up. The receiver emitted a dull tone as Y/N took the time to press the end button on her screen.

______

Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to play a playlist full of sad songs but Y/N was way past questioning her decisions when she was drunk on white wine and sadness. The dejection that floated in her lungs made it difficult to breathe--or maybe it was the heaving sobs she was about to release when the first few piano keys of If I Could Fly reverberated in the cold bedroom. The vinyl player that Y/N bought Harry added a sense of nostalgia to the record spinning continuously. A symbolism that Y/N couldn’t move on from ever-changing times and wavering discomfort that the world threw at her. She wasn’t able to adapt to his needs of having time for himself. At the same time, she wondered if he understood her apprehension--if her sense of abandonment was discernible in the way she practically begged him to come home.

If I could fly, I'd be coming right back home to you I think I might give up everything, just ask me to

It hurt more to recall that Harry had written this song for her as a way to commemorate the same despondency he felt while he was away. The relentless urgency to drop everything and come home to her used to be something that laid all cards on the table and left no questions to be asked. Their actions were enough to show much they truly loved each other.

Pay attention, I hope that you listen 'cause I let my guard down

Right now I'm completely defenceless

And when they were smothered with each other scents, legs tangling underneath the sheets as his strong arms wrapped around her waist like a taut bowtie did they see each other at their most vulnerable. It seemed as though Harry was drained from everything, having given his all to the fans, his everything to the ever-prying lenses of the media. His whole being to be extracted by questions and criticisms yet nothing could refill the void in his chest like Y/N did. Her love was powerful enough to have him addicted to the feeling.

For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart

For when you're lonely and forget who you are

She reminisced their conversation on the blank wall in front of her, the flute of wine held by her unsteady fingers as she gulped another swallow of the burning liquid. The feeling of Harry’s soft palms draped over the expanse of her eyes, covering her sight even more so than her closed lids. His excited giggles tickling her ears as he directed her body in front of his, encouraging her to walk wherever he needed her to be.

I'm missing half of me when we're apart

Now you know me, for your eyes only

Y/N could remember his words clearly; how he confessed his deepest desires for a love that only she could give, how he uttered the three words she longed to hear ever since she watched him flip a pancake on the pan, chin jutting over his shoulder when he heard a soft giggle after seeing the pancake fold on itself in a failed execution. He didn’t know who he was without her by his side, a piece of him seemingly swimming in a sea of the unknown when he failed to hear her voice on the daily.

I've got scars even though they can't always be seen

And pain gets hard, but now you're here and I don't feel a thing

And when he opened up to her for the first time; about his past and the pain, he endured with previous relationships that left him with nothing but a reminder that most people only liked him because he was Harry Styles. Handsome, rich and a branch of connections; a mere business transaction to be stepped on to move up in the industry.

I can feel your heart inside of mine, I feel it

I've been going out of my mind, I feel it

His hand grabbed her dainty wrists, lips puckering to press a gentle kiss at the crown of her head. Their chests faced against each other, his head ducking down to meet her eyes as he continued to place the flat of her hand against where hist heart lay. The hammering of his heart felt as though it would beat right out of his chest and Harry wondered if she could feel it through his thick skin, the layers of vulnerability being peeled back in a moment of openness and complete trust between the two of them. Y/N looked up at him with a confused face, brows quirking in a silent question until she felt it--the dull throb of his heart against her palm.

You’ve got my heart in the palm of your hand, he admitted.

Know that I'm just wasting time

And I hope that you don't run from me

The music drifted to silent background noise, Harry’s voice coming stronger with more emphasis on the words that meant the most to him. Y/N’s heart clenched; how could she run away when all she thought about was him? When all she needed was his figure beside her, warming her up when the morning breeze developed goosebumps on her skin? She thought about the times she relied heavily on him that her happiness didn’t exist without him; what a sad conclusion to her dumpster day. She didn’t want to flounder her brain with doubts, not when she could call Harry and get a direct answer from the source.

Y/N shakily dialled his number, thumb drifting past the screen to see his profile pop up right before the keypad signalled that it was ringing.

And it rang until she got sent to voicemail. She tried again, hoping that he was too far away to hear the ringing of his phone and that he would answer soon before she deteriorated in on herself from overwhelming emotions of missing him and ruminating what this meant for their relationship.

The dial tone screeched her ears, making Y/N want to throw the device across the room in frustration. Beep.

_____

Harry rested in his bed for the next few weeks, dizziness dissolving into thin air once his bum hit the soft mattress, instantly relaxing his tense muscles from the activities of the day. His face mask lay folded on the nightstand, his pink beanie crumpled from being stuffed in his coat pocket. He sighed softly as he was met with silence; the city was sleeping, the roads were empty with an odd couple of cars. The only thing running was his mind taking him to his last conversation with Y/N--the irritation they held for each other coupled with fatigue surely wasn’t the way he preferred to have ended the call before he left for Japan.

He wanted complete isolation from the outside world--as outside as it gets. No phones, no social media, no paparazzi following him to and fro his dinner to a restaurant. Living as a normal person even if it was only temporary.

Still, he couldn’t help but eye his phone planted screen-down on the table. The lifeless device seeming odd when it wasn’t buzzing incessantly.

“Fuck it,” Harry muttered, reaching over to press the power button for a few seconds, watching a bitten apple appear on the dark screen. “Come on,”

His breath got caught in his throat when his lock screen popped up; a picture of Y/N and him in their backyard. His face was scrunched in a smile while her pink lips pressed a chaste kiss on his skin, her hands squishing his cheeks as he jokingly tried to getaway. His arm was outstretched in a selfie pose, ending in teasing jokes about Harry’s inability to take such photos on his own. The phone buzzed in his hand, the tag of missed calls making Harry sit up straighter on the bed, followed by a line of “Voicemail(s)”.

Harry used his fingerprint to unlock the device, clicking on the green phone app to check out his messages. He rolled his eyes slightly at the automated machine instructing him to press whatever buttons until the keypad appeared and a message from Y/N started playing.

“Why won’t you come home?” She wailed through the receiver, stuttered breaths muffling her words but still discernible. “Why won’t you come home to me, Harry?”

He clicked on the volume button, increasing the painful cries that Y/N released. The shakiness of her voice caused a chill to crawl up his spine; he couldn’t believe that she even thought of saying that to him. Of course, he wanted to come to see her.

But not right now.

“Don’t you want to come home anymore?”

She sniffled a bit, ceasing her dry sobs as she tried to control her breaths. In the background, he could hear the piano chords of a special song that made the ache in his chest much more prominent.

“I understand. I get it,” Her quiet confession caused him to strain his ears further, almost too quiet to hear. “But I miss you and it hurts,’

“It hurts too much and I’m not sure if I can take much more,” The pain in her voice was too much to bear for Harry, “I haven’t seen you in so long. It’s all my fault,”

Harry shook his head, curls catching his temples as he desperately tried to deny her words as if it would do anything. “No, no it’s not, Y/N”

“I should’ve flown out to see you. I should’ve tried harder to understand. I should’ve been more prepa--,” Beep.

He hurriedly tapped on the next message, his heart pounding against his ribcage. He had barely unpacked his items, his toiletries scattered in the bathroom but everything else was otherwise intact.

“Remember this song?”

He nodded, hearing the melody in the background.

“Do you s-still feel the same?”

Harry nodded once again, cradling the phone between his neck and shoulder. His large hand shoved his electric toothbrush and toothpaste in his toiletries bag. He sheathed his head in the pink beanie, face mask elastically going around his head. He slipped on some socks and his black Vans. He made a quick conversation with his friend who had generously let him stay in his home, for the time being, informing him that he would be leaving earlier than planned.

The ride from the house to the airport seemed like the slowest time he had ever experienced, his body itching to hold Y/N’s frail and pliant body in his arms. The taxicab made great headway for him to book the next flight home, his small amount of baggage making it easier to go through security and the checkpoint. He felt a couple of stares on him as he sat near the boarding gate, but the people kept a respectful distance from him, giving him shy smiles and timid waves to which he returned despite the turmoil in his heart building with each passing second that he spent away from Y/N,

The next announcement informed him that his flight would be boarding soon, making him stand up and stretch his limbs, passport and boarding pass on hand for a breezy exchange. He walked the tunnel with a heavy heart, his duffel bag feeling denser on his shoulder. Harry greeted the flight attendant with a small smile before plopping on his designated seat. He sighed heavily watching the runway blink with various lights.

His mind was dizzy with words to say to Y/N when he came home but he knew that there was only one thing that Y/N wanted; honesty.

_____

His driver welcomed him with a polite nod and tired smile, the early hours of the morning paired with the unforeseen circumstance causing a pang of slight guilt on Harry’s part but he couldn’t quite focus on that when he was practically the closest he had ever been to Y/N for the first time in months. His jaw twitched as he refrained from clenching it at the thought.

The car slowed down to a stop, his thoughts distracting him from the drive to the airport and to his home. “Thank you, James,”

The man nodded in appreciation, “Welcome home, sir. Been a long time, huh?”

Harry felt his eyes gloss over at the emphasis, “Yeah,”

He exited the vehicle, breathing in deeply as he took in the sight of his home where Y/N would be. His feet couldn’t take him to the door fast enough, tripping over the gravel a few times before eventually reaching the front door.

The house was eerily silent, a blanket of coldness lapping at him when it would usually scorch him with comforting warmth and the scent of vanilla cookies. He toed off his sneakers, curling his toes from being confined for hours. He ascended their staircase where their bedroom was, noting the way the Christmas tree was still up, yet the presents remained unopened.

“Y/N?” He whispered, his timbre hesitant yet excited with building anticipation of seeing his love for the first time in quite some time. He found her curled up in their bed, dressed in his frequently worn ‘donuts’ hoodie, her feet clad in his black Nike socks. Y/N even had one of his basketball shorts draped over her waist, his red patterned bandana clutched between her small hands.

Her cheeks were pink with dry tears staining the skin, lashes curled with exhaustion. Harry mirrored the frown on her lips, the crease between her brows deepening until her mouth choked on a sob. She was crying in her sleep.

He dropped his bag softly on the ground, slippery socks causing him to fall by her side, barely catching his weight before it crushed her and jerked her awake. Tears cascaded from her closed lids, silently muttering his name.

“Shhh, I’m here,” He caressed her hair, pressing kisses on her temple. He laid against the headboard, pulling her pliant body closer until her head met his chest. “Don’t cry. ‘M home,”

Her chest rattled with a breath, lurching her body awake. She awoke with a gasp, frantically looking around to take in her surroundings, realizing that she was still where she drifted off last night.

“Hey,” Harry quipped, watching Y/N with glazed eyes, catching salty liquid on his waterline.

Her head snapped upwards, seeing Harry’s face staring down at her. Y/N opened her mouth to speak but no words escaped. She fought against his grip, almost melting at his arms wrapped around her body. Her knees straddled his waist, burying her face against the junction of his neck and shoulder, smearing the skin with wet tears. Her hands enclosed his thin waist into a compact hug, pulling him as close as he could go to hers. She was afraid that he might disappear if she let go.

“You’re here,” Y/N sobbed, hauling back to press her palms against his wet cheeks, green eyes gazing back at her. “You’re home. With me,”

She leaned in for a heated kiss, whimpering at the touch of his soft lips on hers. Their mouths moulding in a searing act of love that relieved both of their chests in silent agreement that they were okay.

Harry pulled away, knocking his head gently against the towering headboard, his breathing heavily from the passionate kiss, “I’m here. I’m home. With you,”

________

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#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles one shot #harry styles angst #harry styles imagine

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insomniasymphony · 3 years

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Phinks Magcub x Male Reader [Sunny days of a desert]

Constellation: Phinks Magcub x Male Reader Words I got: → Sun → Warning → Too Late Rating: General Audience

►► And there will always be a moment for two to find a way into problems that nobody asked for, right? ◄◄

The sun in the sky shines scorching hot to the ground, further heating the sandy ground at your feet and driving the sweat from your temples down to your chin. Phinks has his jacket loosely tied around his hips, and though his figure seems to float baselessly in the wave of dust and hallucination, you are sure that the wetness of his shirt is already reaching down to his ass.

Whatever Chrollo hopes to gain in this desert of endless sand and scattered stones, forcing this job on someone else, because one supposedly has better things to do, elicits a strained sigh from you.

Your tongue sticks blandly to the roof of your mouth, your throat itches and for a moment you are overcome by the sad certainty that you will both die of thirst if there isn't a finishing line in sight soon. At the same time, there is hardly anything better than being able to spend this time with Phinks.

His heavy steps feather, though the ground seems to give way beneath him, perfectly natural as if he were doing nothing else all day. Beads of sweat slide along his arms as he walks, drawing your gaze to the strong muscles that sometimes twitch slightly. He is more than handsome, that much is certain.

“Are you planning to stare at me the whole way, huh?” A quick glance over his shoulder gives a clear view of his striking face. Even in these moments, he has something of a typical thug you'd imagine in a ruthless gang. One of a hundred reasons why you became interested in him in the first place. You were drawn to his face and however it happened between you, in the end, Phinks always calls you when he needs to do something on his own. You've been spending an astonishing amount of time together since you first met.

Because Phinks wants it that way. Although he actually prefers to turn to Feitan – his actual companion.

Another sigh escapes you as you shake your head and put on a small grin because the boredom is at least as great as the heat in this place.

“There's nothing else to see here,” you return nonchalantly, giving him a wink, for he truly won't kill you for it. After all, you're alone and if he buries you alive, he'll have only himself left in the vastness of nothing.

Without further ado, Phinks stops. Hands buried in his trouser pockets, he looks at you with raised brows. “Are you fucking with me? This job is important. Concentrate.”

“I'll concentrate as soon as there's a reason to. Until then, I prefer to stare.”

“One of the reasons I can't introduce you to the boss. You just don't take it seriously.” Disparagingly, he eyes you.

Boss. There aren't many things that really define Phinks, but if anything it's his consuming impatience and his loyalty to Chrollo. The latter is almost annoying and you can't help but roll your eyes and cross your arms in front of your chest. “It's enough if you do that.”

“Now move it.” Stiffly, Phinks starts walking again, simply overhearing your rude tone as if it doesn't bother him in the burning heat. “You've been falling behind for hours.”

“You're welcome to go ahead,” you suggest. “Maybe your boss will be happy to have you cross the desert for him and possibly not get lost in it for forty years straight, as our ancestors did.”

“Don't be like that. This job is important and I hate waiting, so just move the hell along.”

With a snort you start moving again, can feel the skin tingling and itching as sweat clings stickily to you. There seems to be a light breeze coming from somewhere and even if the freshness is quietly gratifying, it is still stuffy and hot.

Phinks doesn't notice any of this. His steps carry him forward and it is annoying that he never thinks of taking a break. Not that he has had to take fourteen breaks in the last three hours because of you, but if you didn't sometimes instinctively fall to the ground and stay there, he would have marched through the entire time. At least that's the impression he gives.

The heated breeze becomes more penetrating the further you get and you can't help but look around. To your right, there is only endless desert, on your left a rock, accompanied by even more desert. In front of you, the muscles of Phinks' back are working under his sweaty shirt and you can't help but gulp.

Then, for a split second, your gaze falls over your shoulder.

And you doubt your own sanity. Because it's easier than panicking.

A tornado of endless sand rears up behind you. A dust devil, chasing ominously with three more right in your direction.

“Phinks?”

“We're not taking a break. Now shut up and move the fuck on.”

“I'm with you on that one. But we might want to hurry up.”

“What?” Perplexed, he turns to you before he notices the nightmare too and all colour drains from his face. A moment later, he turns back around. “Run!”

Before you can say anything, he is already running and you can't help but follow him. But it isn't ten minutes before you feel like you are breathing in sandpaper and exhaling dust. Your heart is pounding in your chest and the heat has probably turned your head bright red. Your muscles ache and the rasping on your lips seems to ring in your ears as you see a small rock that is split into half, with enough space for at least three people to shelter.

You have to tell Phinks. But your voice is scratchy and the torment in your lungs is so great that you can't get out more than a “There!”.

In fact, Phinks' attention slides for a brief moment in the direction you tremulously indicate, but his enthusiasm is low. Instead of turning and heading for the protective rock, he just keeps running.

He probably wants to die. Stupid idiot.

Without you, though.

You let him go as you head for the rock and shortly afterwards you disappear into the shelter of the hollow. The sand tornados that sweep crushingly over the ground, bring so much sand with them that you can't see anything for a moment until you realise that they're faster than Phinks can run. And his limbs seem to go limp too as he slows down and keeps glancing over his shoulder.

The storm, carrying itself upwards in a circle, tugs at Phinks' clothes, ripping his top up far enough for you to muse at his abs under tender skin. Then your eyes wander down a little and the wish for the wind to shift its weight downwards pops up as a joke in the back of your mind until you realise that Phinks will die if you don't do something. No matter how strong he is, his strength will do him no good against a pillar of sand. So you jump up. Because, damn it, there are two of you in this situation.

Hastily you run in his direction, passing one of the tornados and feeling the small grains literally rubbing against your skin. Phinks is almost trapped, defenceless in the midst of the storm, and just as his legs lift off because any help seems too late, you reach out in his direction.

“Hey!” you yell to get his attention, and sure enough, you immediately feel Phinks' surprisingly soft, hot and sweaty hand in yours. At the same time, you clutch at a tiny stone anchored hard in the ground, trying to keep you both down.

Two of the whirlwinds move on while the third lingers nearby and you can't help but pull Phinks out of the maelstrom. With difficulty, you try to get away, dragging your companion's airborne body behind you, until it takes only a powerful pull to drag you both out of the heated wind battle. In the process, you stumble backwards over your own feet and crash to the ground, Phinks in tow.

He lands hard on top of you, slamming against your chest and making a choked sound somewhere in between as all the air is forced from your throat.

“Hah... I didn't realise you liked to take flying lessons,” you gasp a little later as Phinks slowly disengages from you. Arms right and left at your side, he thrusts his heavy body upwards before lingering above you a moment later. You have never been so close to him, never felt his heat to this extent, and at the same time, you wish nothing more than for something to fall on him so that he is once again fully on top of you.

“And I didn't realise you wanted to be smacked so badly,” he snaps back before he tries to sit up, but you instinctively grab his collar and pull him down to you.

“Boy, what are you doing?” he grumbles in annoyance before shaking his head and looking at you out of his jet black eyes. He's tempting and you're not ready to let go.

“There might be another storm coming or something. We should stay in a safe position for now,” you return as calmly as you can. But Phinks is not half as stupid as some might think. Without hesitation, he pulls you into a sitting position with him, before twisting the corners of his mouth and looking at you stiffly, before sighing and holding out his arms.

“What are you doing?” you inquire, at least as irritated as you are hopeful.

“We both know what this is about.”

“I don't, or I wouldn't be asking.”

“How can a guy be so stupid? I'll warn you just once: don't make me say it.”

“How can a guy act like a shy schoolgirl? Don't tell me you-” You don't get to the end before Phinks has leaned forward, wrapping you tightly in his arms. His heated skin presses against yours, sweat seems to stick you together, and for a moment you can detect Phinks' perfume alongside the pungent smell of two men. And although his embrace is far too tight and painful, you can't help but rest your head on his shoulder and enjoy the moment.

If that is the danger in the heat of the sun, then you are ready to walk through the desert every day.

[Picture is from a card collecting game] [Wanna love me on A03? Go here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31197974/chapters/77107394]

#Hunter X Hunter #hunter x 2011 #hunter x reader #phinks magcub #My writing #my ao3 #fanfiction #fanfic #only fans #male reader

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justlostinautumn · 4 years

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Abandoned 6

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Klaus Mikaelson x Fem!Reader:

After her friends and boyfriend continuously leave her in danger and abandon every plan she makes for them the Originals slowly mend her breaking heart. The gang’s enemies become her friends with her and they don’t know how to feel about it. The last straw is walking in and seeing her boyfriend cheating on her and she runs to the ones who always care for her. What will the gang do when they lose something irreplaceable?

Everyone:

“Y/N, let me…” Damon shot up startled by Y/N’s startled entrance, but Y/N held her hand up.

“Let you what? Explain? There is nothing to explain, we all know what’s happening.” Y/N growled pointing at him and Elena.

“You don’t understand!” Damon argued, Y/N looked on with disbelief did they really think that she was that stupid?

“What don’t I understand? That Miss Damsel in Distress over there needs you all the time? That you are willing to let me die, your girlfriend for some fucking manipulative bitch? Or the fact that it will always be Elena? Damon this is the problem I was always understanding, but I’m tired.” Y/N’s tone was even and calm but the look in her eyes froze Damon to his place. Everyone else was just standing there after running in after the shouting. On one side you had Damon and Elena with the rest of the gang minus Enzo and Tyler who stood by Y/N and on the other side, you had the Mikaelson's and co.

“What the fuck Y/N?” Elena screeched at Y/N’s nickname for her, all Y/N did was roll her eyes and raised a brow asking her to try and argue with her.

“Put a muzzle on your bitch Damon.” Y/N sneered, Y/N was tired of being nice to them when all they do is walk over her and use her. There was also this burning rage inside her that was dying to explode out of her, it was something she has never felt before… ‘but, everyone has a breaking point, right?’ She thought to herself. It’s only fair she takes out her rage on them cause they do the same to her… after all they are friends, right?

“Y/N!” Caroline looked furious and Elena started to sniff loudly and let out a dramatic sob, Damon pulled her in close hugging her. ‘As always, cue the waterworks because Elena doesn’t like being called out.’ Y/N thought to herself as she rolls her eyes

“Just like always protecting defenceless Elena.” Y/N shakes her head, letting out a humourless laugh. “For a vampire, you suck. Can’t even defend yourself.”

“Shut up!” Elena snarls at Y/N, only making Y/N smirk broadly at her. Y/N knew this was wrong antagonising Elena like this but something in her wanted to see what she would do. She wasn’t scared about what could happen, she was just royally pissed at her friends. Why should she care when they don’t care for her?

“And you called Katherine manipulative… I guess you were right Kat.” Y/N looked at Katherine, they shared a knowing smile and Y/N looked back at a furious Elena, she was going red with her rage and Y/N could see it beginning to boil over… it was working! Y/N couldn’t help her smirk broadening at Elena’s reaction. God this felt good! It felt good to stand up and say what was on her mind for a change.

“I’m nothing like her!” Elena shouted, taking a step forward. Y/N wanted to see what she would do; would Elena be stupid enough to attack her with this many Originals in the room. In a cruel, twisted way she kind of hoped she would.

“You’re right, you’re nothing like Kat… you’re worse!” Y/N smirked as she watched Elena’s smug smile fall quickly, realising she wasn’t going to get her way. Y/N was pinned to the wall by Elena who snarled viciously at her and Y/N laughed. It left everyone shocked that she wasn’t screaming, that she was just laughing at Elena’s anger. The next thing anyone knew Elena was on the floor, neck broken and Klaus was looking at Y/N with a stern look but a smirk pulling on his lips as he tried to contain his amusement. This was a new side to her and he was loving it, there was something so powerful about the way she held herself and fought back… a fire he’d never seen before and he loved it.

“Do you have to antagonise everyone in the room?” He smirked, shaking his head at her and all Y/N did in return was smirk with a small shrug. She looked around the room to see everyone was tense about what was happening, eyes locking with Damon and she could see a mixture of emotions running through his crystal blue orbs.

“Just being truthful.” Y/N said walking past Klaus stepping over Elena. Damon quickly ran to Elena, picked her up and put her on the sofa sitting next to her holding her hand. A coldness ran through Y/N at the sight, it still hurt as much as she didn’t care. She’d loved him, he should’ve treated her like that at least once.

“You need blood.” Klaus said, catching Y/N’s arm, lifting her chin with a soft touch and observing the bruises forming around her neck. But the look Y/N gave him said enough to know she wouldn’t be taking any of his blood anytime soon, with a slight shake of her head she pulls away and looks back at the gang. A silence filled the room as both groups watched one another waiting, tension was thick and no one wanted to break the silence.

The girl that was now in front of them wasn’t their friend, this girl was something else. She looked at each of them and they saw the darkness in her eyes and they were scared of what might be said… what might be done. There was almost something cruel about her and maybe they brought it upon themselves, but they thought they were all friends and she would forgive them and move on like always. Tyler and Enzo watched on with amused looks on their faces, they knew this would eventually happen. The gang was hoping that their friends would help them but they seemed to receive no help from them.

“You know what I find interesting?” Y/N asks almost like she’s talking to herself.

“What?” Jeremy was pissed off, his harsh tone caused Y/N’s piercing E/C orbs to focus on him and he repressed a shiver at her cold look.

“That none of you are surprised about Damon and Elena. I know they are about as subtle as a gun, but I thought my friends would tell me about my supposed best friend is hooking up with my boyfriend.” Y/N tilted her head at them, the look in her eyes was almost sinister. Daring them to lie to her, daring them to try and make it not their fault, daring them to do anything.

“There was always speculation, but nothing confirmed.” Caroline answered, she had always been a good liar but Y/N could see through the excuse. It was always excuses with them, in one form or another… did they ever get tired of it?

“Always quick to defend and with the excuses Caroline.” Y/N shakes her head and Elena begins to stir on the sofa, Y/N ignores her and closes her eyes and composes herself. She wasn’t going to let herself cry in front of them, they didn’t deserve anymore of her tears.

“It’s the truth!” Jeremy answers sternly trying to drive the point home, he would always defend his sister. A Hunter who protects those he is meant to hunt… it’s a little twisted.

“George Orwell said ‘The very concept of objective truth is fading out of the world. Lies will pass into history.’ I don’t think you know what the truth is anymore.” Y/N said and there was a look of pity in her eye and they all stood there shocked.

“You think they tell you the truth about themselves? All the things they’ve done to us? All the things they’ve ever done?” Damon got up leaving Elena’s side and was standing in front of Y/N, his eyes were black , none of the beautiful blue shining through. He pointed at everyone behind her and she didn’t take her eyes off him. It left him with an unsettled feeling in his stomach because when she looks at him he doesn’t see the love she normally has for him in her eyes. He’s met with nothing, an empty look… the lights are on but no one's home.

“I know exactly who they are and what they’ve done. They told me the truth when it comes to their plans, but you know that Damon. Otherwise, you wouldn’t use me, would you?” Y/N tilting her head and Damon saw a flash of something in her eyes, something familiar and he could feel something in him squeeze. Was that pain? Did he see pain flash in her eyes, a look he’s seen often after they used her to get information. When they used her for bait and they lied about the reason why they needed her, when they used her as a puppet for their own personal gain and her safety and security was just an afterthought, when they put their happiness over her own or when they would compare her to Elena or someone else. There were many times he’d seen that look, but yet she always came back… she was always there for them no matter what, was this the straw that broke the camel's back?

“Y/N…” Damon started but trailed off there was nothing he could say that would fix this. He had ruined it and it was no one’s fault but his own.

“Why?” Stefan looks at Y/N with a furrowed brow, drawing her attention to him and away from Damon who was pulled into an embrace by Elena. Y/N stiffened at their intimacy, he didn’t push her away like he did with Y/N, he didn’t flinch at her touch or brush her aways or take a step back so she wasn’t crowding his space.

“That’s my question. Why me?” Y/N tilting her head, her eyes leaving Damon to look at Stefan. They soften slightly when she looks at Stefan. She had a soft spot for the younger Salvatore you can’t pick your family.

“Everyone loves you, I don’t know why but they do. You have this thing that draws people in and no matter what they do or how bad they are you are willing to stand by them not forcing them to change unless they want to. You are a magnet and you draw people in, no matter how hard they try to run from you. Sending you in always worked, people want to be in your light and we used it to get what we wanted… we never told you anything about them because we knew you’d say no. So, we would send you in blind so that you could distract them without knowing and it would sometimes lead you to get hurt.” Stefan spoke he looked ashamed at the fact he knew the answer, it was almost like he wanted to say he didn’t know why. But, Stefan swore to himself if something like this happened he’d be honest with her… he knew that they’d break her and he’d have to do this, so why didn’t he do anything to stop it? He just stood by and watched.

“Y/N, please.” Damon pleaded, looking at her.

“What Damon? Please what? Understand? Forgive you? There’s nothing left for us and you made sure of that. I’m tired of waking up to an empty bed, to a note… sometimes saying where you are. I’m tired of being stood up on our dates because you forget… maybe you don’t forget and you’re too busy getting your dick wet. Damon I’m done being second fiddle in my life! I’m done with you and I’m done with everyone who thinks it’s okay to use me to get their fucking way. Why should I forgive you? Because you’re going to change and be there?” Y/N growled at Damon she couldn’t seem to contain her fury any longer.

“You think they won’t use you?” Damon barked laughter as he was trying to antagonise her now to react to him. He was pissed that she was almost so calm about everything happening, he wanted her to feel as hurt as he did.

“The fuck!” Klaus bellowed making his way to Damon, eyes shining yellow, but Y/N got in the way, not taking her eyes off Damon as she rested one of her hands on Klaus’ chest and the other on his cheek gently stroking it. Damon got the reaction he wanted just from the wrong person, but he was going to push and see where it went. He didn’t like the way his girl was touching Klaus.

“You heard me! You are going to use her and then dump her.” Damon sneered at the hybrid and Y/N tensed at his words, her hand calming Klaus froze in place and a threatening growl not only leaving Klaus but the others as well. Klaus pushed forward to go for Damon but Y/N’s hands became firmer on his chest and he looked down to see Y/N hadn’t taken her eyes off Damon.

“He’s not worth the energy.” Y/N said coldly and she saw the light in Damon’s eyes dim and the realisation hit him. Damon felt hollow, he took a step back and was met with Elena’s arms that felt wrong… she wasn’t the one he wanted soothing him.

The room was thick with tension and silence. Letting out a deep breath Y/N turned her back to the gang and looked Klaus in the eye, she was tired and over this all she wanted to do was go.

“I think I should get home. I’m sure my parents want to talk to me before they leave.” Y/N sighs, this was another conversation she wasn’t looking forward to. Before Klaus could talk he was interrupted.

“Y/N… I’m sorry.” Damon spoke softly and Y/N’s head snapped in his direction, something in her wanted to soothe him. But, she also knew she could never forgive him. “I never deserved you and you never deserved to be treated like that.”

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” Y/N said her voice and face showing nothing, Damon lowered his head as he thought about her words. “I didn’t deserve to be treated the way you treated me, but that never meant you never deserved my love or forgiveness… this isn’t just using me as bait, this is using me and then throwing me away like I was nothing more than a dirty sock. I was your girlfriend and I was always your last priority unless I was needed.”

“You can’t leave me.” Damon continued softly, almost begging.

“I was always here, the person who was always leaving and never here was you. I can’t even count the number of times I woke up to a cold bed sometimes with a note, more often without and always for the same reason. Damon, I’m tired. Tired of being alone, being used as bait, you only being with me when it’s convenient.” Damon looked into her eyes and could see the dam was about to break and took in a deep breath and realised he had truly fucked up.

Klaus pulled her close to him fearing that she might go back to him, but when he felt her lean into his embrace he relaxed slightly. He watched as the gang watched them closely and he saw how broken Damon looked as he watched his girlfriend, well now ex-girlfriend, relax in the arms of his enemy.

Y/N let out one final sigh and decided it was time for her to leave, but before she could leave she was called back.

“Y/N!” Elena shouted, Y/N sighed what more was left to be said?

“What? You got everything you want, what more from me could you possibly want?” Y/N was tired and wanted to curl up in bed, her parents would be leaving soon and she knew they’d want to talk to her. Who knows how that was gonna go!

“I wish things could have been different.” Elena looks just above Y/N’s head and she knew Elena was lying.

“Don’t lie to me!” Y/N moved forward growling to be caught around the waist by Klaus. Y/N was fed up with the lies she had been told and her overall frustration at both Damon and Elena was at its peak. All Y/N wanted to do was break Elena’s neck.

“Not worth it.” Klaus threw the gang a dirty look, trying to keep her close to him but she pulled away.

“You’re right.” Y/N turned quickly leaving everyone to watch as she left, not saying another word. They weren’t worth it, she was done.

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jaskiersvalley · 4 years

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Silver Tongue and Silver Hand

Content warning for: major character injury, loss of limb, lots of blood.

It wasn’t all that unusual for Geralt and Jaskier to part ways for a little while at times. Which was why it never occurred to Geralt that something might have been wrong when his path was silent for a few weeks. Yennefer had been there though, keeping him company with her own brand of social scorn. They were at a tavern, Geralt trying to pin down the person who put out the call for the contract while Yennefer got to wander through the town.

How the group got the drop on her was still beyond logic. One moment she was admiring some cloth that would make for a gorgeous, sleek dress and the next moment she was waking up cuffed, her magic suppressed and with a throbbing headache.

“They got you too, huh?” A familiar voice pulled her violently back into consciousness.

“Jaskier!”

“The one and only.” Jaskier really sounded far too cheery for someone who was also chained up. At least he looked whole with only the softest hint of bruising in faded yellows on his temple.

There wasn’t much they could do, Yennefer’s powers were bound, both of them were chained and without a hope of getting out. All they could do is talk, not even quietly at that given the distance they were from each other.

“Geralt will come, don’t worry.” Yennefer tried to reassure their bard but it only earned her a mildly worried “oh I hope not”. Which was never something she wanted to hear. While Jaskier didn’t know the ins and outs of it, he’d picked up enough to know that their captors were planning some kind of ritual and choice was involved.

Unfortunately, it was something Yennefer had heard about. A potion to boost luck which meant that while life couldn’t be taken for it, a sacrifice had to be made by an external party. And the harder the choice, the more sacrificed, the more powerful the potion. With Yennefer and Jaskier there, it could only mean one thing. Geralt was going to have to choose.

Sure enough, not long later they were being dragged to a cavern. In the middle was a cauldron, slowly bubbling away and there was a wooden block on either side. Their captors wrestled them into position, Jaskier’s left arm was forced onto one block, hand dangling over the gently steaming cauldron. Opposite him, Yennefer’s right arm was pushed into the same position. Not a few minutes later, Geralt marched through the door, looking murderous. His swords were dripping blood and he was breathing harshly as he took in the scene before them.

“Geralt! I am so glad you could join us,” the leader of the group crooned. “As you can see, we have a game set up here.”

A gesture to the cauldron and a smile. Both Jaskier and Yennefer were pinned, a blade to their throats. And a good with an axe to their sides, poised and ready to make the cut.

“It’s a simple choice. One of your companions will walk out of here unscathed. The other, well, they’ll be leaving minus a hand. So what will it be? No more spells? Or no more songs?”

Everyone waited, all eyes on Geralt as his gaze flickered between Yennefer and Jaskier. It was the moment Jaskier remembered what the sorceress had said, the spell needed a sacrifice. Without it, it was ruined. And any ingredient could upset it, it was a fussy potion and one that required more work than it was worth.

“I don’t-” Geralt licked his lips nervously.

“Choose!” Their captor demanded. But it was obvious Geralt was stuck, unable to decide, to condemn either of his companions.

The lull from the lack of choice meant their captors weren’t as attentive, focus on Geralt. That was broken when Jaskier twisted, right hand reaching for the axe and, without hesitation, he swung it through the air and onto his own arm. His scream was lost in the yells as his hand fell into the cauldron and the whole room descended into chaos.

Prioritising was difficult, Geralt couldn’t get to Jaskier without his opponents getting in the way. And Yennefer was helpless too, cuffed as she was. It was only years of practice that meant he could fight his way through those throwing themselves at his sword to free Yennefer. For good measure, Geralt sent the cauldron and its contents flying, strewn over the floor and utterly useless. Together, they whipped through the room, killing all until they were by Jaskier’s side. The bard was curled up, his bleeding arm clutched to his chest and tears of agony streamed down his cheeks.

“Let me see,” Yennefer urged and tugged at the injured limb despite Jaskier’s pained protests. A curse left her lips.

It was the matter of seconds to open up a portal and Geralt was hefting Jaskier into his arms as though he weighed nothing. Stepping through, they were in a mansion, Yennefer’s home without a doubt.

“Put him on the bed,” she pointed Geralt in the right direction. She was already off and gathering her supplies. First things first,something to dull the pain before cleaning the wound to stop infection taking hold.

Blood and tear streaked, Jaskier looked up at them and swallowed the potions Yennefer pushed towards him. The burning agony died down into a dull throb and finally, he could think.

“Why did you do it?” Geralt demanded, trying to keep his attention way from where Yennefer worked.

“It was the only way. Ruined their potion, you didn’t have to choose. It was the logical option.” He whimpered and tried to pull his arm from where Yennefer poured something over it that burned to his core. A ‘tsk’ and an iron grip kept him in place. “You need her spells more than my songs. And-” Jaskier looked away, ashamed, “-her beauty had more value. Her looks have more of an impact than mine ever could.”

Two sets of eyes regarded Jaskier in silent disbelief. Sadness filled Geralt’s eyes while Yennefer tried to tamp down on her emotions. The dumb bard actually cared for her. Idiot. Words weren’t going to be enough this time, this wasn’t a debt she could clear with a few sharp words hiding some kindness or help.

Silently, she finished doing what she could for Jaskier. Ensured that his wound would heal cleanly, as pain free as possible. All through it, Geralt held Jaskier’s remaining hand.

Healing took a lot of energy, and Yennefer may have slipped something in Jaskier’s medicine to help him sleep. She needed to talk to Geralt without him overhearing.

“I can’t grow a hand back, no matter how much I want to.” She told him and was met with a soft, resigned ‘I know’. “He’s never going to play again.”

That time, the ‘I know’ held more pain. Geralt was slumped forward in his seat, shoulders hunched.

“He knew it. Before he cut his own hand off. I saw his face.” And she wished she hadn’t, the realisation, the determination, the agony. Yennefer had seen it all and it was going to haunt her for a long long time.

“Who would you have chosen to save?”

The guilty look that flashed over Geralt’s face told her everything she needed to know. Jaskier never really stood a chance in the face of such a choice. He knew it too, that was what the realisation had been. It didn’t stop the guilt from eating away at both Yennefer and Geralt.

“He’s lost his livelihood,” Yennefer finally said, knowing they needed to lay out all the facts. “He won’t be able to follow you around and earn his keep, and he’s even more helpless, defenceless like this. And nobody will want to take him in without a way for him to pay.”

It was the truth but damn did the truth hurt. Geralt gritted his teeth, trying to find a loophole, a way to ensure Jaskier had a future that was comfortable and safe. He couldn’t even teach at Oxenfurt when he couldn’t play his beloved lute.

“Fuck.”

They sat in silence, not looking at each other, ears attuned to the soft breaths of their bard in the other room. Without saying anything, both Geralt and Yennefer made a vow to try and do everything in their power to help Jaskier.

Healing took a while. There was a false cheer around Jaskier as he tried to make light of his situation. Once, Geralt even caught him with his lute, held the wrong way round, trying to learn how to place the fingers of his right hand for chords. In the end, the lute was carefully laid down next to Jaskier and a shaking hand stroked over it.

By the times soft, pink skin covered the end of Jaskier’s arm, his smiles were brittle, breath hitching around the forced jovial attitude. Magic had eased his healing, left him free of gnarly scarring but it didn’t help the fact that Jaskier still only had one hand.

“Right, well,” he looked at Yennefer who stood by the door expectantly. “Thank you for everything but I suppose I really ought to get out of your hair.”

Where he was going to go was beyond Yennefer and Geralt. They hadn’t asked because they suspected Jaskier had no idea, but they could afford him the dignity of not ripping open his facade. Even as Jaskier refused steadfastly to stay, citing adventure calling him. All three of them knew he had no way of repaying care he had received and each day was another he couldn’t afford.

“Come with me,” Yennefer said, not accepting refusal. When Geralt moved to join them, she fixed him with a glare. “You stay.”

She led Jaskier through a portal and Geralt was left alone in the home. He thought it was especially cruel that Yennefer had Jaskier’s lute on her back. There was no telling when she would come back and where she was dumping Jaskier. It was almost better to not know because Geralt would have gone after him, with the noble notion of rescuing him, even though he knew full well that his lifestyle was not one that could keep a one handed bard alive for long.

A portal opened on the other side of the room and Yennefer strode through, accompanied by the soft sounds of a lute being strummed. And Jaskier’s laugh. He stepped through after her, playing with the world’s widest, teariest smile Geralt had ever seen. Where his hand had been missing was a silver replica, dancing over the neck of the lute.

“Geralt!” Jaskier beamed and waved his new hand. It reeked of magic, freshly wrought and powerful. Yennefer only looked a little smug.

“You sure you don’t want a glove?” Yennefer asked, offering the garment up to Jaskier.

“Who plays lute in a glove?” Jaskier shook his head. “This is now my signature look. Silver tongue and silver hand. Oh the ballads I’m going to write!”

It seemed that their worries were over. All debts paid off in one fashion or another. The guilt still lingered but Jaskier’s smiles were genuine now, easing the tightness in Geralt’s chest. Though he hadn’t had to make the choice, he still had to live with the consequences, as did Jaskier. But at least, now, they wouldn’t have to separate as a result of it all.

#geraskier #gennkier #geralt/yennefer/jaskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #yennefer of vengerberg #the witcher #who knows what the OT3's tag is?#i have no clue #long post #tldr: jaskier makes a sacrificial play #cw: blood and injuries #cw: major character injury #cw: loss of limb #cw: blood

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dreams-of-wings · 5 years

Text

Being a part of the Core VK's, and daughter to Hades

Relationships with the Core Four:

You and Mal are half sisters - same dad, different moms. Mal hated you for a long time, even when she had yet to meet you, she knew of you and that made her blood absolutely boil. You were the daughter Hades raised, while he just left her and her mother. You both eventually get along, and once you do, you're inseparable, as thick as thieves, partners in crime, the works.

Evie thinks you're cool. She doesn't have a problem with you- then again I don't think she has a problem with anyone really. She likes your style, she wouldn't wear it, but she likes it because you work it and make it look good. She gets to know you more when you and Mal start hanging out and she kinda becomes like your sister as well.

Jay thinks you're awesome. He witnessed your hair burst into flames one day when someone pissed you off, trying to steal something your rightfully *coughcough* found. Definitely asked you about your powers and wondered why you could still use magic. It was kinda hard to explain, but basically on the island you can only do a few things - all of which require direct contact. Lounging/parkour buddy.

Okay, but please tell me why the thought of harmless, got bullied a lot, soft boy Carlos/intimidating, protective Daughter of Hades, just makes me melt. Like, you save his ass a lot. You knew Carlos before you knew the rest of the core four - back when it was Mal and Jay, Evie did her own thing, and Carlos was just kinda left to fend for himself. It's okay though, you'll protect him.

Background:

No one knows who your mother is

Not you

Not Mal

Not even Maleficent

Hades doesn't like to talk about her

She died before you had the ability to retain memories

She wasn't the first or the last of the people that were claimed by the terrible conditions of the Island of the Lost.

Medical care wasn't exactly top notch, and no one really cared about the ones who passed the first few years.

Just ment more supplies for the rest of them

You weren't allowed to wander the isle as a child, he kept you locked away - worried Maleficent might try something (and worried that if anyone found out about you being his daughter, they would have something over his head).

It was thanks to Hades tucking you away, that Maleficent was never able to find you.

You started sneaking out when you turned 10

You proved you could handle yourself, so Hades let you run free.

Besides 10 years had passed since you were born and he figured maybe Maleficent didn't care about you anymore.

It took you and Mal a while to trust eachother.

When you trusted her enough, you told her about your dad.

She didn't say anything and just left you - she was so angry and conflicted, on one hand she wanted to hate you because you were the child Hades' stuck around for, the one he raised, and fathered, and protected from Maleficent.

After a few weeks she found you in your own little corner if the island you carved for yourself, and explained everything.

Suprise, you're sisters!

Evie knows you're sisters

To be honest, you could be leader of their group, and also could be considered one of the most problematic kids on the Island, but you're too laid back.

You could go out of your way to cause trouble and make life on the island even more miserable than it already is.

But that takes too much effort.

Uma and Harry have no beef with you other than the fact that you're Mal's friend.

They try to get you to join their crew almost daily.

"Nah, you guys are good at what you do without me."

You're welcome at Ursula's fish and chips any time.

Uma doesn't even find your rejection insulting, you're just. So chill?

Her crew has rules, training, errands to run, collecting protection fees, and helping her at her mother's restuarant.

No thanks

Too much work

You like Mal's mom's way of doing things, "When you're evil, doing less is doing more."

Mal's crew just kinda hangs out together and roams the island being cats basically - lounging and loitering where you're not supposed to, subtly stealing things, knocking things over, just chilling and having fun doing whatever you want.

Your kinda crew.

Storyline:

When they go to Auradon, they take you with them

You weren't invited because again - no one knows who your parents are.

But you guys are kinda a package deal.

Ben was all for it when they called him.

"The more the merrier!"

He thought it was just an early sign that this was a great idea and he was making a difference.

You dont get to say bye to your dad because it was a very last minute thing.

You just kinda disappear.

But to be honest he's used to you just not showing up for weeks or even months at a time.

It's the reason why you were able to keep who your father is a secret for so long.

You come out the limo looking as cool as a cucumber, with your arms crossed as you stand next to Mal.

"This is more than you said there would be!" Fairy Godmother is not so subtly whisper-yelling at Ben.

"They wouldn't come without her- it was all of them, or none of them."

"Well maybe that should have been a sign, Benny-boo!"

"You know we can still hear you," you say while purposely chewing your gum in an obnoxious manner, just to get on their nerves.

They're already getting on yours.

In all seriousness, you whisper a, "Just say the word and she's toast," to Mal.

Screw Audrey.

Of course they split you all up for the most part.

They're worried if they put all the VK's together in one class, it may be too much for the teachers to handle.

They're not wrong.

To be honest though, you're a handful all on your own.

Your teachers wonder how things managed to burst into flames for no apparent reason all through out class.

Some jerks thought it would be okay to pick on Carlos when Jay isn't around him.

For some reason they think that just because your a girl, you're weak?

Must be the stupid "princely boy needs to save the day" mentality that runs rampant in Auradon.

You set someone's hair on fire.

And someone else duffle bag.

This would probably be a good time to mention that the VK's already know you can conjure fire.

They just think that your parent/parents are witches and you just have an affinity for fire.

Carlos normally either sticks to you or Jay when he isn't practicing with Ben.

You dont see your fathers statue in the hall of villains when you guys break into the museum - mostly because he's in another hall completely.

There's a whole hall dedicated to God's and goddesses as well as Hercules story.

You dont bother to offer up your powers when you're escaping, you know Mal's got it covered.

Helping Mal bake love potion cookies.

While the others are doing this because their parents would have their necks, you're genuinely doing this for your father. You know all he wants is to get off the island.

Causing a small lawn fire when the Sleeping Beauty's family and Chad get in Mal's face.

Your bursted into blue flames when Maleficent crashed Ben's coronation.

Having Mal's back after she was announced to become a new Lady of the Court.

Honestly you dont know what the big deal is about Mal using her magic.

Of course you go with Evie, Ben, Carlos, and Jay when they go to the isle to get Mal.

When Evie goes to talk to Mal you go visit your father.

He's a bit upset with you because he's seen you on TV so he knows you left.

But he can understand you not wanting to be trapped on this island forever.

"I'll find a way to get you out, soon."

"Say 'hello' to Mal for me"

Of course you couldn't.

Harry flirting with you and trying to recruit you again when he snags Ben.

When the battle at the docks ensues, you dont need a sword to fight.

Like Hades with his Ember, and like Mal and her Mother with their eyes, you dont need magic to use your flames because they are a part of you.

Sure the island managed to hold you back, but you can bring just enough to the surface to make any sword you grab on to too hot to handle.

Your powers are useless against Uma when she crashes cotillion.

You know, being surrounded by water and all.

"See ya, Y/N."

"See ya, Uma."

Surprisingly hard for you to make enemies

Except for Audry you know.

Of course you are Mal's planned maid of honor for her wedding.

Evue already has a dress made for you, and it was super hard for her not to gush to Mal about it because that would have given away the suprise.

You pretending to be defenceless against Hades when you all go to pick up the next chosen VK's to come to Auradon.

You keep your flames concealed of course because this would be a terrible time to show that both you and Hades share the same flaming blue hair.

You honestly surprised no one put two and two together sooner.

Definitely not there for the meeting where Mal decides to close the barrier for good.

But you were there for when Mal told Evie.

You were also the first to figure out Mal was hiding something. She wouldn't tell you right out though, but you knew something was up because that pause to answer Evie was too long.

Going back to the isle with the others to get Hades ember after Audrey turn Mal old.

"Hey girls~" was the greeting you both got from Hades when Mal tried to grab his Ember.

"Long time no see, Y/N."

Mal just glares at him.

You sit on the table where the Ember was while you let Mal and Hades have their little musical number. Mal kinda let her anger come through.

"Hey!" You would not be dragged into this, thank you.

You went to stand next to Mal when she asked for the Ember one final time and looked at your father with a shit eating grin, because you know deep down he won't say no to his girls.

"The Ember won't work for you."

"Yes it will. We're blood."

"You're only half Hades."

"Well then I guess two halves make a whole, right?"

"Those are my girls~"

You, Mal, and Uma joining together to break Audrey's attempt to keep you guys trapped in the cabin.

Helping Evie be the peace keeper when you all battle the suits of armor in Ben's castle.

You chase after Uma and Harry when Mal breaks the news about the barrier.

Which means you didn't get turned to stone.

Helping Uma reignite the Ember so Mal can take on Audrey.

Telling Mal you want to go back to the Isle along with Uma, Harry, Gil, and Celiea.

She's heart broken because you're her sister and it was kinda supposed to be you both against the world.

You can't turn your back on the kids from the isle. Like Mal, so many of the younger ones look up to you. On top of that you also can't imagine not ever seeing your dad again.

She understands, and when Hades comes to wake up Audrey, you go back to the Isle with your father.

You finally agree to join Uma's crew when you return.

Shes happy but also let's you know shes sorry you had to leave your sister.

You're hanging out with your new crew at the Fish and Chips when it's almost time for Mal to announce that they will be closing the Barrier forever.

You, Uma, Gil, and Harry are huddles up together around the TV.

But when Mal announces they will be opening the barrier for good you all cheer and you run to go get your dad.

Yay big family reunion!

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amazingdriverfics · 4 years

Text

Crowned by the devil - ch. 7

Summary: Kylo shows to you just how much you care and you change your mind.

Warnings: injury treatment, NSFW content, lil bit of angst

A/N: forgive me for cutting the smut, but next chapter we’ll have a bigger part dedicated to it. Also sorry for not posting so much this week, my College just said we’re going to have online classes and I lost my mind for a bit.

Hope you like it!

Previous Chapter Following Chapter

Hot and salty were the tears falling down your face, it wasn’t long after Kylo left when you broke down. For starters you hated medical environments, it remembered you too much of the day you lost Juney and the fact that Ren mentioned her during your argument wasn’t very helpful. You knew he was right, your adoptive mother always wanted you to leave Tatooine, to be happy and to have a chance to enjoy all the things Kreat didn’t allow you to.

One thing led to another and you never had the strength to leave the sandy planet or your past behind no matter how much it hurted. You tried to forget a part of it covering the biggest part of your scars with tattoos, however, the ‘K’ couldn’t be covered and no matter how much money you got from the bounty hunts, there was no way you could afford the proceedings to make it less visible, so you stopped looking at it and only touched it when showering. Part of your weakness towards Kylo came from the fact that you allowed him to touch the scar, Stars you were stupid.

To make it worst, the dark knight was right about the rest too, you knew the two of you were too much alike, you felt a connection - one you had been trying so hard to ignore -, you were angry all the time - it was the only way you knew how to deal with your feelings - and, yes, you were pretty sure you didn’t deserve anything good, after all when was the last time something good had happened, you had given up happiness long ago and you convinced yourself that you were okay with it, then Kylo Ren got in the way and rubbed in your face just how tired you were of your sorry life. Living in the Steadfast made you feel alive, Cardo was the first friend you ever made, Phasma taught you something after years of nothing and Kylo was something else, he not only turned you on, but was the only one to make you feel vulnerable and, at the same time, brave enough to tell the truth straight to your face. No matter how much you tried to hate him, you couldn’t do it, you didn’t love or trust him, but you were somehow grateful for his presence in your life.

Before you could try to figure out your life some more, a white medical droid entered the room caring a lot of black bandages and a couple of pots filled with blue viscous bacta. “Miss l/n?”, immediately, you turned your head in its direction. “Yes” you answered awaiting for instructions. “I’m medical droid F-88L and I’m here to start your bacta treatment. I’ll help you to sit on the bedside”.

Sitting for the first time was hard and painful, despite the painkillers running in your veins, your side complained and throbbed, pain hitting you in strong yet slow waves causing your finally dry eyes to become wet again. When you were finally able to shift positions, legs falling out of the medical bed, feet almost touching the cold ground, a relieved moan left your mouth and tears left the side of your red and puffy eyes. It wasn’t long before the droid started to move, applying the cold liquid to your wounds after taking your small medical vest off leaving you only in your panties.

The sensation of the bacta against your skin wasn’t the most pleasant, it was sticky, but at the same time it provided some very much needed relief, and thanks to the black bandage which also sticked perfectly to the hurt area, the bacta didn’t met areas where it wasn’t necessary.

All of a sudden, you felt the sticky sensation on your back precisely where the ‘K’ insignia you carried for all those years was, causing you to jump out of the bed, the brusque movement making your side complain and your blood pressure to go down clouding your vision as the room became blurry. Without you noticing, a pair of nurses entered the room helping the droid to place you in the position you had been. “Please calm down, miss” one of the nurses said her voice still seeming a little far, but you allowed yourself to calm down, your breathing becoming steadier, your blood pressure returning to normal levels.

“Wh-why are you applying bacta to my scar?” you asked voice failing as you stuttered, pain clouding you mind at the same time that fear ran through your veins, triggered by the touch on your scar. “The Supreme Leader asked us to treat it, we will make it less visible”. Her words made you cry again, the thought of Kylo caring so much about you that he would spent his Order’s money to help you deal with the worst memory of your life hit all your buttons. “Hm, okay, go on”.

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Kylo watched as she slept on the medical bay from the small window the room had, the drugs made y/n seem at peace as she probably slept a sleep without any dreams, she was always so stunning he thought to himself. The fight had taken a toll on him, he knew he was right, but at the same time she was as well, they didn’t really know each other very well and Ren was determined to change the scenario. As an apology he asked the doctor to treat the ‘K’ shaped scar on her back since the words ‘I’m sorry’ would never leave his mouth. He also knew how much those memories haunted her and he wanted to do everything in his power to keep her safe even if it meant keeping her safe from herself.

“Master Ren” Cardo’s voice echoed in the corridor causing Kylo to be slightly ashamed from being caught staring at y/n sleeping. Clearing his throat he looked to his knight preventing his face from showing any emotion, in times like these he missed his mask. “Yes, Cardo?”.

“Well, don’t get me wrong, sir, but me and my brothers are a little worried about you” the knight threw up his words as if speaking quickly would prevent Kylo from being angry. “Why?” Ren asked, face already showing irritation as his tone increased a bit. “You see, y/n is a troublemaker” Cardo laughed a bit remembering their training sessions “ - and that’s exactly what makes the two of you perfect for each other, but we all know how you feel about her and we are afraid of the outcome -” his speech was interrupted as the Supreme Leader angrily said “That is nothing of your business” as he stomped out of the medical bay.

Kylo knew things would work out between him and his Empress, simply because he could no longer imagine living without her.

----------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------

It had been a full cycle since the last time you had seen Kylo and you were dying to see him again. You needed to thank him for the treatment and, even though you weren’t going to say you were sorry for what happened, you wanted to say that after thinking a lot you decided to give the experiment a try. You didn’t really have anything to lose after all and you owned it to him - or you told yourself that -. The truth was that in the same amount your feared love, you wished for it and as much as you tried to deny it, Ren was getting in your soft spot, despite your previous belief that it didn’t really existed.

The time you spent without him was also very sad, you spent all the time looking into the wall and not having what to do took your mind to bad places, memories flooding your brain constantly making you wish to disappear, you were also constantly thinking about Ren, how you were going to say what you wanted, if you should give in to your needs and desires exploring his body with yours, if you should really try to get to know the man, if you had what it took to rule a Galaxy - the answer in your head often being no -. The good part of your endless obsessive thinking was that it clouded the physical pain almost like medicine, the price - your mental health - wasn’t worth it though.

“Troublemaker?” the nickname and his tone instantly made you laugh, you hadn’t realized just how much you missed Cardo until he showed up. He felt like comfort and as you looked right into his blue eyes the bad thoughts went away. “Hey, asshole” you said, trying to hide the relief you felt in the knight’s presence with your mocking tone.

“Good to know you aren’t easy to kill” he said giving you a tired smile and sitting in the couch Kylo had previously slept in. “I’m offended that you even considered me easy to kill” you said putting a dramatic facade on.

“You’re tiny don’t blame me” he mocked, resting his chin on his hand, eyes glimmering with amusement knowing it would piss you off. “Very funny, Cardo” you faked a laugh “Next time we fight I’ll hit your crotch and we’ll see how defenceless I am”.

“You worried me” he said, losing the brave facade and the mocking tone, vulnerability showing in his traces. “I saw it all, and even though I have seen and done some pretty nasty things I thought that I would pass out”.

“Yes, I didn’t think I would make it either, but I guess I’m tougher than I presumed” a sad smile cracking on your face as the words left your mouth echoing through the white room. “Now I will have to endure the next phase of this ‘experiment’ whatever that is” you shrugged. “I can’t tell you what it is, but you are not going to like it at all.” Cardo said, his relaxed posture coming back and causing you to get a little bit scared of what was coming. “Unfortunately, I have to go troublemaker, need to kill some bad guys” he said faking an attack to illustrate what he was about to do.

Before you could even interrogate the man, he stood up ready to leave the facility. “Wait, can you please tell Kylo to come if you see him?”, Cardo gave you a quick nod and left you behind to deal once again with your memories.

----------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------

“You called me?” his deep voice filled your ears making you jump a little bit from the scare, as anxiety immediately started to eat your insides as you remembered why you asked Cardo to get his master. “Hm, yes. I need to talk to you” you said trying to sound confident as you usually sounded like. As you started to get up, Kylo went to help, his touch on your arms making you shiver.

When you were finally sat, the knight skins left yours, making where he touched feel cold. “Thank you. I’m going to start talking before I regret it” you started avoiding to look at the tall figure still standing, but this time near the couch. “I wanted to thank you, really thank you, what you are doing for me by treating my scar is something I can never repay” you looked at him quickly seeing his face showing no emotion as his hands were in fists. “And, well, I’ve been thinking about the discussion we had - if you can call it that - and, turns out you weren’t totally wrong, so I decided to give this, whatever this is, a chance”.

As soon as you were done, your eyes travelled to him again waiting anxiously for his reaction. While he didn’t say anything, an uncomfortable silence started to fill the room making it impossible for you to breath. The man stood still watching you just as hard as you watched him, not doing anything to show you that he cared for what you said, just as it was about to become unbearable, his voice echoed through the walls.

“You don’t have to thank me for it, I did because I wanted to” he shrugged, body finally starting to move as whole as he made his way to the bed sitting next to you. “I’m glad you decided to try, you won’t regret it. I’m also taking the fact you said I was right - even though I already knew that - as a personal victory” while mocking you a smile showed up in his face, lighting his features and eyes up, it almost stopped you from giving him a remarck back. “You shouldn’t, I was the one mostly correct” a smile also making its way into your features.

“Let me show you how grateful I am for your decision” he purred in your ear, ignoring your comment. Soon he was in his feet again walking towards the door and locking it also making sure that the small window was covered with the curtains. “What are you-” your question was interrupted with his lips as they sealed yours in a deep kiss, Kylo’s tongue dominating yours without mercy. His hands explored your body, always careful with your wound, his right one finding home in your tight squeezing it hard as you kissed while his left one stayed in your hair pushing it slightly every now and then.

You tried to win over his grip in your tight to press them together, a gesture to relieve the pressure building in your core as the blood flooded directly into your clit, making it sore and getting you wet.

Kylo finished the kiss trapping your lower lip between his teeth while his brown eyes, almost black with the desire, bored directly into yours making you even wetter. His hands left your body and made their way to the bottom of the medical vest before carefully taking it off. As soon as your bare chest was exposed, he stood a couple of inches away, taking in the sight of your body, as instinct you rubbed your thighs again and placed your fingers on your nipples squeezing them. Just as you started to play with your nipples, an animal sound left Ren’s mouth while he got closer, his hands taking yours off your nubs as he substituted them with his mouth.

He kissed your nipples just like he had done with your mouth, switching between teasing it with his tongue lapping and swirling around it and trapping the tip with his teeth pulling it slightly as his hands massaged the bottom of your breasts. You were a moaning mess, the building sexual tension and the amount of ruined sex moments with the knight making you more sensitive to his touch.

With his eyes fixed on yours, Kylo started to make his way down slowly in an almost torturing pace, kissing the path to your clothed pussy, lips closing around the skin on your belly leaving some red marks on it, tongue teasing the skin just above the underwear you still had on. Trying to make him go faster, you put your hands on his soft black hair and tried to push him down, but the man was stronger and the only result you got was a smirk in his face. Keeping your hand in place you let him do his way, watching as he kissed the inside of your thighs shortly after you spread them for him.

“Who would’ve known that such a bitter person would smell so sweet” Kylo whispered into your underwear, nose lightly touching your clit making you squirm. Taking his time he lowered your panties letting it fall to the ground, with his fingers he spread your pussy lips showing yourself completely to him. “Such a pretty pussy, I’ve been dreaming of eating this out”. As soon as the words left his mouth, his tongue met your folds in a long lap starting right from your hole and ending on your sore clit causing your head to fall back as a relieved moan left your mouth and your grip on his hair became tighter.

Everytime a pleasured sound came from you, you could feel his smile against your cunt and because of the way his tongue lapped over and over again on your clit alternating directions, there were too many of them. The man was a master at pussy eating, he knew just how much pressure to put on your nub and from the way he did it you could tell he liked it.

As two of his thick fingers entered your hole, curling inside of you and hitting the sweet spot, his tongue continued the work causing your inner walls to clench from the amount of pleasure coursing through your veins. It wasn’t long before you were rubbing your cunt against his face, making him a mess, his chin and cheeks shimmering with your pleasure as he moaned into your pussy aroused by your actions.

When Kylo stopped licking on your clit to suck on it, the building orgasm crashed causing your eyes to close, as your body shook, your legs closing on his head and keeping his mouth connected to your cunt. The only thing leaving your mouth was his name over and over again, your senses clouded from how much pleasure you felt. After Ren finished fingering you through your orgasm, he got up proudly showing his face covered in cum as his fingers sticky and shiny traveled to his mouth, leaving it cleaned not a trace of your arousal on it. “I will never be able to live without eating this pussy, I’ll eat it for breakfast from now on” he said, voice deeper than normal. All you could do was nod, not trusting your voice after having the most incredible orgasm ever.

#crowned by the devil #kylo ren #kylo x reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren x reader #kylo x you #kylo ren smut #knights of ren #cardo #star wars #adam driver #supreme leader kylo ren

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dailytomlinson · 4 years

Text

Zayn channelled R&B, Harry went full-on rock, Niall found his sound in folkish-country pop and Liam just went all over the place. And on January 31st, 2020, Louis Tomlinson became the final member of One Direction to finally release a debut album. I have to say, it was well worth the wait.

Having been through quite a few downs in the last few years (losing both his mother and sister), Tomlinson has packed quite a lot of emotion into this heavily Oasis-inspired album. And you can tell.

This album is sort of like him looking back at the glory days of One Direction with a fond reminisce, while also forging a new path (or should I say, direction) with a sound he seems to have found a new home in.

There are some songs on this album, like “Don’t Let It Break Your Heart” and “Perfect Now,” which will take you straight back to One Direction’s glory days. He channels the pop singer in him, the part that thrived with the global sensation that was the band, and it definitely carries that bittersweet nostalgia that every 1D fan can associate themselves with (I certainly could). The other part channels the new sound Tomlinson is headed towards: old school Britpop, with a heavy Oasis influence.

Here is a track by track analysis of the album:

KILL MY MIND

Right off the bat, the heavy Britpop vibes can be heard. It’s very different from the kind of music Tomlinson has made in the past, and it kind of gives you an idea as to what direction he is about to go in musically.

As Louis has said in his track by track analysis for Apple Music, “This was a statement of intent. This is where I want to be, this is where I want to move into.” He navigates this song with a sort of swagger that is enhanced by the strong guitar riffs in the background. The northern English accent is prominent in this track and overall, this whole song is very British. And it is definitely a fun and exciting way to kick off this album.

DON’T LET IT BREAK YOUR HEART

This is what I’m talking about when I say he also touched on his One Direction roots. The chorus of this song will instantly remind you of a 1D song. It could easily fit into FOUR or Made in the A.M. Tomlinson has acknowledged that this is definitely right up the band’s alley and says that “it’s just one of those songs that’s trying to promote hope regardless of what life throws at you.” And it is definitely a nice song to be humming along to, and for all the 1D fans out there, it adds for a great nostalgia factor.

TWO OF US

This is definitely one of the most emotional songs on the album. Written by Tomlinson for his mother, who tragically passed away a few years ago, it will tug at your heartstrings and maybe get you to shed a few tears along the way. Tomlinson has said that he “wasn’t ready to write the song” but it is definitely “the most special song I’ve ever written”.

When he released this song a few months ago as a single, he said in a statement, “I just feel like musically, I almost needed to get this song off my chest. People say writing is a part of therapy and in a way, I feel like I’d been avoiding writing this song because I knew I only had one chance to get it right. I don’t mean to be too soppy about it, but if ‘Two of Us’ can help just one other person who’s going through the tough time that I went through, then that would make me really happy.”

It is a very raw tribute. Louis has sung his fair share of ballads in the past, but this is definitely his most emotional and personal one yet if the lyrics “You’ll never know how much I miss you / The day that they took you, I wish it was me instead,” are anything to go by. It is truly a beautiful way to remember his mother, who I’m sure would be very proud.

WE MADE IT

This song was also released as a single, and while it’s not one of my favourites, but it’s a good song nonetheless. The song is very road trippy, and the meaning is pretty straightforward: we went through some pretty difficult times, but we made it.

The lyrics tell a story of him looking back at his past and acknowledging all the good and bad times. The song proclaims that we — as in Tomlinson and his fans — made it ’till the end. It is in a similar vein to One Direction’s “History,” which is also like a tribute to the fans of the band.

TOO YOUNG

This is one of my favourites from the album. If you want a sweet but sad little song, this is it. It seems like Tomlinson is singing about being young and reckless, as well as finding someone he would possibly want to spend the rest of his life with. However, it’s too much responsibility for a teenager to comprehend.

In other words, they were too young. (Hence the song title.) It is kind of like an apology to the girl he loves, asking her to forgive him for the stupid mistakes he made because he was “too young” to figure out what all of it means.

Its a beautiful, stripped-down song, with just Tomlinson’s beautifully unique voice powering through some soft acoustic guitar in the background. It is a pretty honest song, as Tomlinson puts it, “We all made mistakes when we were younger, and I just wanted to capture that idea of true honesty.” “Too Young” is the kind of song you’d listen to with a reluctant smile on your face, somewhere between forgiveness and acknowledgment.

WALLS

The title track of the album. Again, very Oasis, but also very different at the same time. Another taste of the new path Tomlinson has forged. I say Oasis because he literally lifted elements from 3 Oasis songs to put on this track, while also giving Noel Gallagher credit as a lyricist and composer. The live guitar riffs add a really fun edge to the otherwise kind of emotional song. Not my favourite in the bunch, but it certainly is a good song to belt out on a road trip.

HABIT

This is also one of the songs I really loved. I feel like this is Tomlinson at his best — when he’s just being himself. It is very festival-esque, in a way. Emotionally deep with subtle instrumentation to back it up, this song has quite a storytelling vibe to it.

The music immediately makes you want to nod your head along to it, and it is very lively and spring-y. It’s emotional, but at the same time, it makes you want to skip along the sidewalk on a nice sunny day. Or sing it along with your friends at a campfire and Louis’ extremely unique voice just elevates it.

It also has an Easter egg from the One Direction days, according to Louis, “There’s a line about the place that we all grew up with in the band, and that was an apartment complex called Princess Park. It’s like an Easter egg for the fans, I’m sure they’ll like that.”

ALWAYS YOU

Definitely an instant favourite of mine — and packed with a lot of emotion. The music is very skip-in-the-step and upbeat so it doesn’t seem like it, but the lyrics are extremely meaningful. The moment the song begins, it instantly brings a fond smile to your face. It is clearly about a man travelling all over the world but always coming back to you — because its always been you.

Yes, it’s that love song. That happy, comforting, good-natured song that is just about that one girl who has captured his heart that he always comes back to.

As Louis puts it, “It’s very autobiographical, me making that realisation that its always been that one person, that no matter where you are and what you see, you miss that one person.”

It makes you feel content, and it makes you feel like you’re home, and it just makes you very happy as you listen to it. “Always You” has some beautiful harmonies and generously shows off Tomlinson’s vocal range, and is easily one of the best songs on this album.

FEARLESS

This one is a belter — and Tomlinson really doesn’t hold back. It is a ballad, something Louis really knows how to do well. Tomlinson really lets go in this song, reaching for those high notes and successfully hitting them, while also trying to capture what it felt like to truly be young, to be fearless.

“Tell me, do you still remember feeling young?” That is what he is asking of us, as he navigates through what it felt like for him and remembering his own youth, reminiscing with fondness.

It is a bittersweet feeling, and it is quite evident as you listen to the song. It is very raw and nostalgic in a way as it will definitely make you go through a trip down your memory lane, as you try to answer his question.

PERFECT NOW

This song is very One Direction. It is in a similar vein as the band’s highly successful ballad “Little Things.” According to Tomlinson, “it’s kind of an extension to “What Makes You Beautiful,” the band’s first single.”

This is his way of telling the world that he absolutely loves the band and wanted a song on the album that reflects his love for it. This song is very simple and stripped down. It tells a story about a girl being beautiful despite her insecurities.

He also mentions not fitting into your jeans, à la “Little Things,” but it works. It’s not my absolute favourite, but it is a cute song nonetheless.

DEFENCELESS

Defenceless is a song I really like. It starts off quite unassuming and doesn’t really catch you, but as the song builds, and the beat drops, and Tomlinson belts out those high notes, you’re hooked right in. The harmonies and background music add a lovely touch to this song, and the bridge is really beautiful.

No, really, the composition in this song is stunning. It’s hard to describe but it kind of is like a comforting happy melody, like something that can easily be used in a video montage. The music just makes you feel really happy, like basking in the sun on a warm spring day.

The song is basically about being vulnerable and experiencing many different feelings: “One day you might be feeling great, youthful and amazing, and the next day you might be feeling a bit down in the dumps.” And that is being defenceless (against your feelings).

ONLY THE BRAVE

This song is the last and the shortest track on the album, and it’s wildly different from the rest. It is a song about what it takes to stand on your own and is the perfect way to round off a very emotional album.

It is very soft and quiet and has a retro vibe to it. The way the end drops off leaves you thinking about everything you just listened to and the lyrics are extremely beautiful with lines like “It’s a church of burnt romances and I’m too far gone to pray” and “It’s a solo show and it’s only for the brave.”

This song will bring a small smile to your face, and it just seems like a classic, like going back in time. And having a song about what it is like to tear the walls down and stand on your own is probably the best way to end an album that is very aptly titled Walls and “Only the Brave” does exactly that.

FINAL VERDICT

Walls as a whole is a pretty impressive debut. It is a cohesive body of work. This has definitely laid a foundation for the kind of music we can expect from Louis Tomlinson.

Although he doesn’t really experiment a lot like some of his other bandmates, Tomlinson sticks to what he knows. He also shows us what he loves in his sound, and it works for him. I have always thought that he has an extremely unique and soothing voice, and this album has utilised it beautifully.

Walls is one of those albums that could over the years easily become a staple classic. It is very emotionally packed, and it seems like the kind of album you can fall back on a few years down the line to find some familiarity and homeliness — like an old friend.

You can definitely see the ambition. Perhaps Louis isn’t taking too many risks here is because this album is more like a reflection of his past. He’s working on tearing those walls down to become a whole new person. Along the way, he adds hints of the kind of sound he’s headed towards.

This album is a foundation for something new and exciting. We don’t quite know who he really is yet musically, but it is definitely a promise for some exciting things to come, and something tells me, for Tomlinson, this is only the beginning

#affinity magazine #walls review #louis tomlinson #020220 #wpress

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caravaggiosbrushes · 4 years

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From the fic prompt list: fitzier in either 35 or 46, I'm up for some good comfort piece 🖤

Hello bby, I finally finished it! Thank you for the request and I hope you’ll like it :*

35: "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

46: "Please don't say that about yourself. Please don't believe that. You're so much more than that. You're so…"

The party has long become a blur of too warm lights, too bright colored skirts and crinolines, and too many amber drinks in glimmering crystal glasses, by now.

It's not the first party or public gathering they attend since coming back, but James is still disoriented by the fact that this is people's daily life. That this was his daily life too, until a few years ago. A lifetime ago.

Most of all, he is shocked by the loudness of it all: the combination of alcohol and constant chattering and clinck-clinck of crystals and fine china plates and the scraping of chairs on wooden floor and the talking, the talking, the talking. Everyone seems to have every kind of things of greatest importance to discuss with him and Francis and James can't blame them -he knows they are quite the curiosity of the entire city, possibly the entire Country, right now,- but nevertheless he still finds himself wishing he and Francis could leave, unnoticed, and just go home. God, he is dreaming of the silence of their home right now: its quietness, its soft lights, their two bedrooms that most nights are simply their bedroom and the room that holds James' clothes and belongings. He dreams of that, right now, of being held by a pair of strong arms in the comfort of their bed which was Francis' bed and still is, for their housemaid, but for the remaining of the time is their bed and that simple thought brings so much blinding joy in James' chest.

Thinking about this, he realizes that Francis has left his side for quite a while now. He has left some time ago, politely making his excuses and smiling at everyone in their little circle, but wasn't explicit about why he wanted to step away or where he was heading to. James hasn't followed him, nor asked anything, even if the moment Francis has stepped out of his line of vision James felt unbalanced, as if someone has cut off one of his limbs.

Now, a quick look around the room is unsuccessful, Francis is nowhere to be seen, so James takes advantage of that and uses it as an excuse to go looking for him and stepping away from all the chattering and talking, at least for a little while. "If you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I think I'll go searching for something as dangerous as the Passage itself." All eyes are on him in an instant and James offers them his most convincing smile, "That would be Sir Francis, of course."

Everyone laughs, delighted at his joke and assures him that is alright and please come back with him soon, we would absolutely love to hear more of your stories!

With a final smile, James is finally free to leave and wander around for a while.

It's only after a couple of strolls around the room, completely unfruitful, that he starts feeling a bit anxious and then, of course, ridiculous because of that. They're not- there anymore. There are no dangers here. Francis is alright. He is alright.

Still, James feels the collar of his uniform cutting at his throat like a rope, feeling hard to get his breathing under control. It’s only when he steps out of the salon, in search of a bit of fresher air that will hopefully have a calming effect, that he notices him.

Francis is standing with his back to him, apparently staring at one of the larger paintings hanging in the hallway. The relief upon seeing him again is more powerful than anything else and James couldn’t, for the life of him, tell what the subject of that painting is. Everything is blurred, except for Francis.

He closes the distance between them with much too controlled steps (he would run to him like an insubordinate child, if only this were a dream).

"Captain Crozier," He calls for him, voice almost reverberating in the empty hallway, "Here you are, man. I thought you had fled the scene already." without me, is what he can't add.

As soon as James gets a look at his face, however, he realizes it was the wrong thing to say. Francis doesn't mirrors his -calculated, but still- easy tone of voice, quite the contrary: an expression of deep concern and stress is painted on his face, deepening the lines around his eyes and mouth. James would like to smooth them all away with light touches and even lighter kisses.

He can’t do that. He doesn't move.

Francis finally meets his gaze and visibly steels himself, taking a breath, avoiding his eyes once again.

"I'm sorry, James. It wasn't my intention to leave like that." He rubs at the spot in between his eyebrows with a nervous touch, "But I couldn't take it any longer."

James feels puzzled and his face must show it. "Take what?"

Francis meets his gaze and looks so, so tired, so much that James wishes he could hide him somewhere under his coat and says his goodbyes and just leave, finally leave and take him home.

He can’t do that. He doesn't move.

"Well," his posture is perfect, but the tiredness weights visibly upon his shoulders. He looks presentable, yes, but he doesn't look the best version of Francis Crozier that James is so well acquainted to. "Being asked questions they don't really want an answer to." Francis keeps his voice low, barely audible, "Listening to all those empty chatters- I couldn't bear it before, but at least back then I had alcohol to distract myself. Now I'm defenceless against these-" He shakes his head and shuts his mouth. "My apologies. Pay no mind to this, is just me doing what I do best: brooding and being of no entertainment."

His weak attempt at relieving the tension fools neither of them.

James wishes he could take a step towards him, place his hands on Francis' shoulders, take his face in his hands and say exactly what he wants to say.

He can’t do that. He doesn’t move.

"Francis, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Oh, I'd say I do, James." He gives a short laugh, all bitterness, "Quite a handful of things, actually. I can even tell you the exact number of things I am sorry about, if you want-"

"Don't do this." He stops him, before he can lose himself in those thoughts.

"I try not to, you know that." Francis nods, "but," what follows is almost spit out, Francis’ face morphing into an expression of anger, disbelief and deep, profound sorrow: "Everyone keeps- complimenting me, James."

James nods and then nods again, because he knows. He knows what Francis means: it's exactly why he doesn't like social gatherings anymore, it's the reason why they both avoid them now, as often as it is socially acceptable. It’s why sometimes James still wakes up at night covered in cold sweat, his mind replaying in an endless loop his every mistake, forcing him to live it again and again.

"Pay them no mind. It's painful, I know it is." He tries his hardest to put everything he really means in these words, "They don't mean bad, they simply have no idea of what you've faced."

Francis holds is gaze and ah, if only James could step closer and place a kiss, just one single kiss would be enough, on his furrowed brow, that would be enough. It would smoother the tension that holds Francis' face and body as taut as a violin's string. Jamous would whisper sweet nothings directly on his skin and kiss him and simply keep him close, waiting patiently for those thoughts and memories to leave him.

But everything James can do here is taking one step towards him, and look at him, pouring every thought and gentle touch in his gaze, hoping Francis would be able to translate them and understand them.

Maybe he does, because his eyes widen just a fraction, in disbelief (that's so very Francis).

"And you, too." He says, "You lived what I lived and you can still do- this," he gestures at the open door of the salon, far away on the other end of the hallway, "But I can't, because of course I can't. I'm broken, I can't even go to fucking parties." He shakes his head quickly, out of pure nervousness, arms straight at his sides. James' hand burns with the need to touch him.

"Captain Crozier," He says, as firmly as he can, and keeps talking only when Francis is looking at him, focused, "You know how much I respect you," how much I hold you close to my heart, how deeply I feel towards you, how much light your eyes bring into my days, "But sometimes you're the most infuriating of men."

Francis stands there, stock still, expression just a little bit confused and it would be almost comical if it weren’t this important of a matter.

"Do you know why I stepped out of that room?" James doesn't leave him time to answer: "Because I was suffocating. Because I couldn't hear my own thoughts anymore with all that talking and those noises and because my mind kept wandering" towards you, my personal North Star, "Do not think that you're the only one who finds this hard. I know you do and that's understandable," James takes another step closer, decency be damned: he has to make him understand, "And I wish you wouldn't have to feel this way, because it pains me immensely to see you troubled. And I know I can do very little about it-"

"False." This time it's Francis the one who interrupts. He hasn't taken a step back. He's holding James’ gaze, his eyes almost flaming when he goes on: "False. You can do so much- James, you're the only thing that makes it bearable-" the sound of footsteps stops him and they both take a step back, quietly. They know how to do it.

A couple who James cannot bring himself to be interest in, walks by and they exchange a polite greeting. He hopes they won't take notice of his too rapid breathing.

Francis clears his voice and James busies himself by finishing his whiskey, slowlier than what he would normally do.

They step closer to each other once again at the same time, as soon as that couple is out of sight. Francis places a hand on his free one and holds it gently, but surely, "You're the only thing, James."

He almost doesn't let him finish before saying: "And you, as well, to me." Turning his hand just so in Francis’, to brush his thumb on the side of his palm, "You know that. I just… I wish you could see yourself as I do."

His gaze becomes softer at that. "I'm just a mess of a man-"

"Francis." James almost snaps, "Do you know how long I've been-" enamoured. obsessed. in love. "Admiring you?"

He frowns, probably surprised by the question. "I... couldn't say."

James makes sure to look straight in his eyes, "Since I read about yours and Ross' expedition." He delights in Francis confused, even more surprised and a little bit shocked expression, "That's right. Even before we were formally introduced." Francis looks like he wants to say something, but James has a point to prove and doesn’t stop, "I read about the two of you doing incredible things and you especially- you embodied everything I dreamed to be. Still do. A great man, brave and adventurous, a responsible captain who takes all the best decisions and God, I was so envious of you." He laughs shortly, thinking about his younger self.

Francis looks genuinely affected by his confession and his voice is almost a whisper, "You never told me this."

"I never told anyone." He shrugs, holding his gaze, "What I'm saying is that what happened doesn't make you a bad Captain. And God, it doesn't make you a bad man, Francis. Quite the contrary, in fact."

Francis looks speechless, lips slightly parted, blue eyes shimmering.

"I," His voice shakes a little. He takes a breath and smiles with such fondness that James’ heart swells underneath it. "I think it's time for us to go home."

He wouldn’t ask for anything else.

"Let's go home."

(send me a prompt from this list!)

#ask #ask susan #my writing #fitzier #the terror #james fitzjames #francis crozier #i tryyy #fanfic #burningfreeze #as always: english is not my first language #so be aware of that

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killmygoldenn · 4 years

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Louis tag game II

I was tagged by the lovely @foreverfanficaddict to do this!!! Lol this was in my drafts for a long time haha but here goes:

If he hadn't been a part of One Direction, what band would you like him to be a part of? I'll tell it once, I'll tell it twice and I'll tell it a million times. ANYTHING Louis and indie I'd be a hoe for. So if it were up to me I'd love to see him in like Green Day or The Killers. Maybe even Artic Monkeys. Or of course, more of britpop like Oasis.

If you had to listen to only one song from walls for the rest of your life, which one would it be? This is so hard lmao. But probably Kill My Mind or Walls. AND of course Defenceless! Lol I know it's not one song but I don't care hehe

What do you think Louis smells like? ooo many fans have said he smells like vanilla and baby power (I'm: soft) I think I'd say vanilla and a bit of cigarettes.

If you had the chance to ask him only one question, what would it be? Wow okay. I never really thought about this a lot. It has always been a lot I have to say to him than ask him. Maybe his favourite moment from his experiences? Or maybe the moment in his life where he felt the most loved and successful? (lol it's not like I'd ever get to ask him these but yeah) Same as @foreverfanficaddict all I can think of rn his album. How is LT2 going to be? When are we getting it? (I'm greedy lmao)

Where would you take him to eat, a pizza place, burgers, or something traditional from your city/ country? Incheresting. I mean I'd probably go to pizza place because we can both vibe on that. BUT if I had to take him to an Indian place, I'd probably give him some Chaat. Or Vada Pav. Let's test his spice tolerance lmaoo

A song from another band/soloist that you would like to be his? afagshs again maybe Mr. Brightside by The Killers. I will never shut up about him covering it. His British accent just makes the song better for me.

And last, just post a pic of him, I need more Louis in my life!

A DRUNK BABIEEEE adorable I want to CUDDLE

CULTURAL. RESET. HOLY SHIT LOOK AT HIM😳😍(sometimes I'm a little het for Louis I'm SORRY)

this is possible one of my FAVOURITE Louis gifs look at the HAPPINESS in his face my heart is bursting with love🥺

a daily reminder!! I love you guys and he loves you too take care lovelies and just hold on❤️

I'll tag: @iii-was-stumblin, @defenceless-louie, @infinitelyxlarry, @theelectronicbrain, @rahashirley, @sunshineandthemoonlight, @vinylmendes and @blulouisboi!

#if you have already done this you can igmore lol #I don't know who all had been tagged before #agshsjsjs this was so much FUN #louies tag game #tag games

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evoedbd · 4 years

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Forevers

Summery: Kya had long since accepted that she was in love with a scarred soul. That she would go to the ends of the world to see Helena smile. To be the reason. The depth of her dedication was no longer a tidal wave, or rather, Kya was no longer beneath the crest of that wave. She rode it, above its overwhelming power and yet helpless to alter its course. A gentle awakening where some realizations are made between snuggles. Purely fluff. ************** The morning was lazy. Sunlight spilled through the windows, dancing across the tangled sheets of their bed. Helena was the first to wake, for once not roused by nightmares. She felt light, bathing in a cautious happiness as her arm wrapped a little tighter around the woman snuggled into her side. Kya was a mess, as usual. Her dark hair was tangled and frizzy in its specific places, falling over her sweetly flushed face. Her cheek swelled, with half of her face smooshed against Helena’s breast. A minuscule pile of drool gathered at the corner of Kya’s lip, trickling down onto Helena’s naked skin. The American’s cheek was sweaty, overheated from being pressed against Helena’s skin all night. The shorter woman’s curves tucked perfectly into Helena’s body, pressed so tightly that Helena could feel the dampness of sweat down her entire left side. It was part of her magic, that she was always warm. Kya too was a warm person, meaning that the thin layers of sweat where they touched for hours on end were not uncommon. There was a blissfulness, waking in such a state. Reminded that these small discomforts existed because the love of her life was snuggling into her. That they were safe. Kya had always been a cuddler, even when Helena had tried to reject her. Despite sheets between them like barriers, somehow Helena had always woken with the girl snuggled up to her. Mornings in the castle when Helena had been forced to untangle without waking the stubborn girl had been the hardest fight of her life. Once their relationship had evolved into romance, Kya’s snuggling had been more welcomed. Still, that had been clothed to a degree. Now, Helena felt safe enough to shed all her attire. Kya always matched her, touched by the intimacy. Thus, two space heaters had formed a cuddle puddle. “Stop thinking so hard.” Kya’s sleepy voice was muffled by Helena’s flesh. At that, the Sorceress blinked, reaching out in an effort to untangle Kya’s hair. Helena always cradled Kya’s head to her chest, holding her lover close. Due to her unsettled dreams, Helena often clenched her fist in her sleep, or tangled her fingers in Kya’s hair for comfort. “Forgive me. I do not mean to concern you, my love.” Helena’s voice was equally as soft, as if any louder would disturb the blanket of lazy peace surrounding them. Slender fingers began to tuck raven locks behind Kya’s ear, always lingering in the affectionate touch. There was an absent mindedness to Helena’s actions, as if she were stepping through the routine as her mind wondered. Kya quietly pressed her lips to Helena’s skin, offering the gesture with the same sleepy look of awe she had every morning she woke beside her lover. “I wasn’t looking for an apology, Helena.” “So you remind me every time I offer one.” The Sorceress chuckled. The sound was hollow, an attempt to convince the world that she was perfectly fine in her moment of bliss. However, doubts began to creep. Memories of the castle nipping at the heels of sweet dreams and loving kisses. “And I’ll do it every day until I die. As your girl, I take my role very seriously. I must constantly remind you how fantastically wonderful you are, even if you can’t see it.” Kya declared in a mock serious tone. She meant every word, that was evident, yet there was an underlying playfulness that drew Helena in. Kya had a way of disarming the Sorceress without overwhelming her entirely. Kya could be serious, so serious that Helena’s mind couldn’t roam beyond the woman’s words. Kya could become her existence, offering the love she had never experienced before. Other times, Kya could deliver her reassurances in such a casual way that Helena might have missed them if she didn’t hang on every sound to leave the American’s mouth. It perplexed her how these deep and serious confessions could be delivered with such a casual acceptance. Kya had long since accepted that she was in love with a scarred soul. That she would go to the ends of the world to see Helena smile. To be the reason. The depth of her dedication was no longer a tidal wave, or rather, Kya was no longer beneath the crest of that wave. She rode it, above its overwhelming power and yet helpless to alter its course. “You are beautiful, Helena. All of you.” Kya declared, her playfulness falling away as she propped herself up on a single arm. Her stone coloured eyes roamed over the expanse of Helena’s body, taking in the luscious curves and battle forged muscle. Even scarred, Helena was the most perfect woman that Kya had ever laid eyes on. Real with her imperfections, yet almost ethereal with her radiance in the morning light. The mix of powerful and vulnerable was intoxicating, pulling Kya closer even when there was no space between them. “Your hair is like moonlight. Its so soft. Whenever you lean close, it tickles my face, hides me from the world so I can only see your eyes.” Kya began, reaching out to take some of the strands between her fingers. She carefully brought the ends to Helena’s face, delicately using the platinum locks as a brush across the Mage’s features. It tickled, that was obvious by the way Helena’s nose crinkled and her brows twitched. Despite that, a soft smile began to form and quiet chuckles escaped, indulging her otherworldly lover’s strange behaviour. Kya kept her strokes slow, taking time to memorise every single detail of the masterpiece that was Helena’s face. “Your eyes are so...” Kya trailed off, seemingly lost in the Mage’s gaze. Helena watched Kya’s throat bob, swallowing down her own emotions as Kya finally found her voice. “Wow... I mean, they can be more blue than a sapphire, or the sea. Then they can go black when you’re closer to your more primal magic. When you’re protecting me. It’s like, your own way of telling the world nobody is going to hurt your family. Your magic doesn’t scare me, Helena, because I know you. Its a part of you, and you would never want to use it to hurt me.” Once again, Kya allowed her words to trail off, her lips curled into a somewhat coy smile, tinged with flirtatious mischief as if she were about to say something meant only for Helena’s ears. “You know, I totally had a thing for Willow as a teen so... I actually find your magic eyes really sexy. Different, but, well you know..? Exotic?” Kya’s words earned a soft gasp from Helena. The Sorceress opened her mouth to speak, yet no sound could escape but a soft squeak. Meek as a mouse with its voice stolen by the sweetest kiss of magic and wonder. Could she ever fully explain how deeply such a simple gesture rendered her defenceless? How each compliment was an infusion of love that left her ready to burst? How had she found a woman so perfect and yet so insane? A woman who could see tenderness in dangerous spells. Who could look at the element of destruction itself and think it beautiful? Sexy? Desirable in a partner? “Your lips are so soft they should be illegal. Your kisses always make me feel loved.” Kya continued to leave Helena speechless, leaning down to lock her lips with the blushing Sorceress’. Helena’s response was instant, pressing into the gesture as if seeking more. The kiss was gentle, simple, given both women were too busy smiling, yet the message was delivered. Kya tenderly broke away, shifting to pepper chaste kisses over Helena’s face. A playful nip to the chin earned a gasp, whereas a peck on the nose earned a chuckle. Each kiss was a spark, leaving Helena’s skin tingling in its wake. The Sorceress missed the feeling of Kya’s lips, even as the next kiss was delivered. It was impossible, to long so desperately for something already in her grasp. Addiction and craving paled in comparison to the raw need simmering in Helena’s veins. “Kya...” Helena tried to speak, her voice catching in her throat. The need was stronger than anything Helena had known. It was not just for the carnal pleasures she had been exposed to. It was for the smell of Kya’s hair. The annoying ways it tickled her nose in the night, or tangled around her fingers. It was for the sweat between their bodies, the discomfort when her arm went numb from Kya’s weight over it. For the times they disagreed, for their awkward fumbles and differences. For the agony that being parted caused. Helena craved everything of the woman beside her, positive and negative alike. Kya’s mere existence was her addiction... but how could she even put that into words? “Oh no. If I am being this gay, I am going all out. I’m not half assing my big, loving confessions.” Kya interrupted, brows lowering in mock disapproval as she pouted. Helena stared, utterly confounded at being at a loss for words. It was adorable, the way Helena’s lips parted and her cheeks flushed. It was moments like these where her true vulnerability came to light. Helena was powerful, composed and a few years older than Kya. Yet, for her years, she was almost like a teenager learning her womanly body when it came to gentle moments like these. Where Kya could find something else to admire that Helena herself seemed so unable to understand. In love, Kya was the guide, leading Helena through the highs and lows. The Sorceress took several moments to process, simply allowing Kya to continue brushing her face. Then, she smiled, a silent surrender more radiant than the sun. “I love your neck. Its warm and always smells like you. Its safe. Every night I want to come home and snuggle. Just breathe you in. Cuddle the woman of my dreams.” Kya continued, shifting to rest her nose against Helena’s throat. The Sorceress brought her arms around Kya, taking a moment to embrace the girl before she pulled Kya over her chest, between the brackets of long legs. At this, Kya’s breath caught, leaving her trembling above Helena. “-Holy shit.-“ Kya interned, processing her alarm. She could feel the warmth of her Mage’s core pressed so closely just below her belly. Kya was hyperaware of every smoother texture that betrayed scars along with the prickles of regrowing hair. She felt the ripple of muscles that had been forged by practicality, thighs tensing around her hips as Helena processed the moment. A reflex reaction to having someone laying over her. “-Holy Shit!-“ Kya internally cheered, mentally repeating the words before falling into wordless gushing. This was huge! A pure moment of trust from the Sorceress that blew Kya’s mind and heart to pieces. Shards of happiness cut her to the bone, filling her with such giddiness that she couldn’t help but press a loving kiss to the hammering pulse beneath her lips before leaning back enough to gaze down at Helena. “-Wow. Yep. I like this. Best view in the world.-“ Kya concluded. She had been like this with other people, yet never had she anticipated the intimacy she would feel when it was Helena. Breathtakingly gorgeous Helena, with chaotic morning hair and sleep filled eyes, touched with the softest curious amusement and quiet content. Her eyes promised seduction and love along with the disgustingly domestic feelings all wrapped into a jumbled mess of bliss. What was best was that there was no fear in those sapphire depths. Her lips curled into a tender smile, shyly inviting Kya’s into a gentle kiss. One became more, long and drawn out between them as Helena’s arms tightened around Kya’s body, hands leisurely roaming up and down the American’s unmarred back. “-I can’t believe we’ve come this far. She’s so amazing. I love her!-“ Helena sat up, taking Kya with her. Their breasts pressed together, the curves of their bodies melting into each other. Beating heart to beating heart. Kya surrendered to her racing pulse, offering her an ecstatic smile. She rested on her knees, aiming to take her weight off of Helena despite their closeness. One of Kya’s arms wrapped around Helena’s shoulders, earning the softest hum of approval as the Sorceress returned the embrace with tender yet firm arms wrapped around The American’s waist. Helena’s scent was home, enough to lure Kya towards peaceful dreams. Contentment was heavy in her limbs, drawing her eyes closed as she continued to breath. For the sleepiness she felt, an equally powerful spark drove her on, reminding Kya that the task was incomplete. She had yet to map Helena’s body. Yet to give her cheesy list. To complete her daily devotions. Cautiously, her other hand ran down Helena’s neck, trailing down until Kya’s palm pressed over her heart. Words were not needed, not when Kya could feel Helena’s heart leaping to greet her. Attempting to burst through the Mage’s chest. “Your heart is so strong. Even as everything was crushed and torn from you, you held your kindness. Like a treasure hidden away, a light in that dark place you were left. Every time I feel your heartbeat I remember how you fought for me. How even when you wanted to die, you chose to live because you promised me forever.” Kya had to take a moment, struck by the seriousness of her words. She had meant for this to be light, to just love Helena, yet the weight of her words suddenly rested on her shoulders. This was more than love. It was more than just enjoying the moment or fantasising about forever. It was beyond simply dating. The way Kya felt was commitment. The desire for their forever. Not just fanciful words and longing, but a legal forever. A show to all the world that Helena Klein was HERS. That SHE was Helena Klein’s. “-I don’t want to wait for forever. I want now.-“ The realisation led to a flood of words. “Helena, if waiting for forever means I miss the now, then why should we keep saying forever? I want to be with you. I want to see how many years it takes for your hair to go from moonlight to white. I want to be the first to notice every new grey hair, or wrinkle. I want to become that annoying old couple that shouts to one another. Every now I will have until the day I die, I want you to have,” “My love-“ Helena began, only to have Kya’s rambling continue. “And we have so much to work out, but I couldn’t hold that in anymore. I don’t know if marriage and kids is our thing, but I lo-“ This time, Helena was the one to intervene, pressing forwards to seal her lips over Kya’s. The dark haired woman let out a muffled sound of alarm. Her body reacted before her brain could catch up, leaning into the Sorceress. It took Kya a few moments before she settled, surrendering to her love’s guidance with a content sigh. Helena responded with a hum of her own, smiling into the kiss as her hands roamed along Kya’s spine. Her fingers sought out every bump, circling each bone gently before climbing higher. The touch was rather slow, calm despite the emotions packed into their kiss. One of Helena’s hands massaged with firm fingertips, seeking out every tension in Kya’s back. The other was light fingernails, scratching the most beautiful patterns into Kya’s flesh that left her tingling. “Kya...” Helena murmured, pulling away from Kya. The smaller woman made a soft sound of disappointment, whining a little at the loss. With the kiss broken, sense came rushing back. The world was no longer a haze of pearlescent hair and warmth. Kya could make out the seriousness in Helena’s sapphire eyes, mixing with the traces of content happiness that lingered from waking. The Mage’s subtly swollen lips were curled into an almost shy smile, softened by her lack of dark lipgloss. She felt the soft hairs at the base of Helena’s head, tickling her fingers as she clung to her lover. It was so tempting, to pull Helena back and relish in the moment. To forget the world and time in favour of pure bliss and endless love. Instead, Kya swallowed, waiting for the Sorceress to catch her breath. “What moments I have in this life are yours, Kya. We are walking this path together, even if we do not know the road ahead. Of that, I have no doubts. No regrets.” “Yeah?” Kya questioned in an awestruck tone, pulling away enough to inspect Helena’s face. “You’d agree to marry me?” She breathed in absolute amazement. In a single moment, all her thoughts latched onto the idea of their wedding. How would Helena look in a flowing white gown? That line of thought left Kya’s lips trembling in an effort to keep what was left of her composure. She knew Helena was far from the virgin that white gowns were made for. So sinfully, wonderfully far... “With one stipulation...” Helena’s words left Kya’s soul floating. No condition could be too much, no request too extreme. One tiny condition to meet and a new life could unfold with Helena. One little thing and Kya Klein would no longer be a fantasy scribbled in the pages of a diary, no longer bound in the dreams of a hopelessly in love woman in the middle of a war. “Tell me about this Willow who contends for your heart.” All at once, Kya’s cheeks flared even as her laughter tumbled free. This was sure to be embarrassing.

#lovestruck voltage #post cannon #helena x mc #lovestruck helena #helena klein #pure fluff

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