#dee honeybee brown

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Friendly reminder about therapy: the person there is not going to cure you. They are going to help you fix yourself, by teaching you new ways to do things, to think about things, or to give you a safe space to air things out.

As of May 5th, I will no longer be actively in therapy. 

I do feel that being in therapy has helped. It has given me new ways to look at this, and new tools to try, with the reminder to change things. As the saying goes, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, is the definition of insanity. 

I was not making meaningful changes, so I was not seeing meaningful changes in how I was living.

Ending therapy does not mean an end to this blog, nor does it mean an end to my problems. It simply means I have taken what I can from therapy, and I now have the tools to go on about my life without it. This may not be permanent. I may return to it one day if things get worse, or if I encounter new problems in life. 

So this is a post about a reminder of what therapy is: it’s a learning opportunity, to learn about yourself. You can use that to get better, or you can not use it. It may take you much longer than it took me to get to a point where therapy is unnecessary, and for some people, it may even take their entire lives.

If you’re on this journey and using, or have used, therapy, I wish you all the best in bettering yourselves, and to remember to keep your expectations realistic. 

#thefairyartmother #the fairy art mother #angel cat #devil cat #dee honeybee brown #therapy #shoulder angel #shoulder devil #mental illness #death anxiety #death anxiety help #thanatophobia

[danhalen]

hello! i was tagged by both @emietook and @blue-da-ba-dee so i’m going to do it twice but in the same post.  i don’t really use a media player? i have spotify but i don’t use it the way i used to use itunes so there’s not really one catch-all place where all my music ends up.  i just have eighty different goofy ass playlists.  so for one of them i’m going to use the “songs” folder on spotify and for the other i’m going to use the collab playlist i have with my friend and just use the first twenty songs that come up that i put on there.  y’all didn’t need that explanation but you got it anyway. but anyway the rules are open up your media player or whatever equivalent, shuffle it, and post the first twenty songs, then tag ten people. okay here we go.

SONGS

1. topographe - corridor

2. lost feeling - bad things* 

3. fair - remy zero

4. SING - my chemical romance

5. we the common (for valerie bolden) - thao & the get down stay down

6. please don’t tell my father that i used his 1996 honda accord to destroy the town of willow grove, pennsylvania in 2002 - pet symmetry

7. passing afternoon - iron & wine

8. not with haste - mumford & sons

9. this year’s love - david gray

10. crooked teeth - death cab for cutie

11. sweet sun - milky chance

12. honeybee - the head and the heart

13. this heart’s on fire - wolf parade

14. as you sleep - something corporate

15. come pick me up - ryan adams

16. highway 61 revisited - bob dylan

17. show me the meaning of being lonely - backstreet boys

18. angel of small death and the codeine scene - hozier

19. nellie - dr. dog

20. doin’ time - lana del rey

COLLAB

1. S.O.S. - one man army

2. the hunger - the distillers

3. dear chicago - ryan adams

4. bellyache - yak

5. blue song - mint royale

6. carol brown - flight of the conchords

7. dear child (i’ve been dying to reach you) - anthony green

8. i know it’s true but i’m sorry to say - violent femmes

9. perdida - biig piig

10. in the summertime - the rural alberta advantage

11. bubble pop! - HyunA

12. when the night feels my song - bedouin soundclash

13. digital witness - st. vincent

14. caitlin - jamaican queens

15. girl anachronism - the dresden dolls

16. rush - big audio dynamite

17. mall music - nice as fuck

18. II: the road giveth - rent strike

19. the obituaries - the menzingers

20. victory lap - propagandhi

*fun fact, olympic snowboarder and love of my life shaun white plays guitar in that band.

tagging: @pitchburgh even though i’m sure she’s been tagged, @lemahieus, @lipstickbuzz, @optimus-prime-numbers, @gyldensternn, @kenleyjansen, @knivescha0, @thelongeststorm, @sonnygrayy, and @saltybuttcombo

#finally getting to these! #thank you guys for tagging me! #emietook #blue-da-ba-dee #friends #tunes #accidentally posted it before it was done lol #long post

[greenfinches]

what do you think was dennis' inner reaction after mac came out in hohc? i was just rewatching that episode and i'm not entirely sure how to interpret his facial expression™

hey honeybee!! sorry in advance for how long this got

• i think dennis was 0% prepared for mac to come out. i think all of them were unprepared. they’re clearly in shock after mac walks out, and the first thing they do is reiterate to themselves and each other that they all still hate mac. in dee’s words: it’s not a gay or straight thing, it’s a mac thing. dennis agrees with her in the same scene: yeah, it’s a mac thing.

• so i guess the question then is like... what is that, exactly. what does that mean. what is this particular attribute mac has thats apparently so terrible

• out of everyone in the gang, mac is arguably the person most capable of change. both physically (in s7 and s13) and emotionally (his coming out arc and all the subtext leading up to it), mac is the one who’s changed the most from 2005 to 2018

• with that in mind: the gang didn’t start verbalising their hatred towards him until the later seasons. the gang didn’t seem to hate mac at all until the later seasons. dennis definitely didn’t. they’d call him annoying and talk shit abt him, but he wasn’t singled out the way he is now.

• if the gang’s stability relies on stagnation - and if the gang collectively rely on stagnation, and the stability and familiarity it provides - then i think it’s fair to say that mac’s ‘thing’, the thing dennis and dee are so disdainful of and feel so threatened by in hohc, is that he’s changed. worse than that: mac‘s willing to change, and he’s willing to keep changing

• it isn’t a gay thing or a straight thing. it’s that mac keeps breaking routine. dennis is a creature of habit, even if he doesn’t want to be - he likes going to the same restaurant every month, watching the same movies, doing the same dumb shit with the same people, he likes being anchored down to paddy’s and everything it represents

• he’s an alcoholic, he has reoccurring issues with drug addiction, he has a (mostly) untreated personality disorder and huge amounts of trauma that he hasn’t dealt with. dennis uses routine to pretend his life is stable - and in order for that to work, he needs the gang there to help keep the illusion going. the gang need him for the same reasons. i think their codependency goes deeper than any of them rlly realise.

• and then all of sudden, mac puts 40 yrs worth of repression and self loathing behind him and admits, openly, that he’s gay. he breaks the unspoken rule that change isn’t worth it and that stuffing shit down w brown is safer

• dennis immediately latches onto the familiar narrative of “i hate mac, this is a mac thing”, bc the alternative is admitting that none of that is true. he resents mac for being a constant reminder that the world isn’t static and people aren’t either. dennis is scared of change - mac insists on changing. dennis avoids self-awareness at all costs and seeing mac actively seek it (even if it’s only for brief moments at a time, even if he doesn’t always get there) sets something off in him that he doesn’t know how to deal with

• i think dennis’ reaction internally was just... everything at once. anger, shock, fear, resentment, confusion, the realisation that maybe change isn’t as out of his reach as he thinks - and he repressed all of that as quickly as he could by re-establishing the status quo and trying to minimise what just happened (laughing it off, insisting he hates mac, insisting that change is smth only mac does)

• tbh i think this is why dennis has been so erratic recently - in s13 especially, but it’s noticeable in the second half of s12 too. seeing mac change so substantially has made him recognise that this world/mold he’s built for himself isn’t actually all that comfortable, but unlike mac he has no idea how change works. he’s never done it before and he doesn’t know where to start. he just knows that he’s unhappy

• he has all this nervous energy and nowhere to put it, so it comes out via Big Feelings, via his move to north dakota, his move back again, the way he lashes out at the gang (especially mac) in s13

• i think mac knew on some level what was keeping him stuck in place (being in the closet, his self-loathing, wanting his dad’s approval), but i don’t think dennis has that kind of clarity. he’s desperate to be someone different but he has no idea why or what he’s running from - which scares him, bc he hates uncertainty, he hates feeling out of control, and he hates that the world he’s spent most of his adult life building (paddy’s and the gang) is coming apart.

• mac is a tangible, inescapable reminder that nobody is incapable of change - nobody‘s immune to it. i think dennis knows that and he doesn’t know how to feel abt it, so he reverts to what he knows: he gets angry, bc anger is smth familiar that he can hold onto and comfort himself with, even if ultimately it damages him.

• 14x01 Dennis Goes to Therapy

#anonymous #ask tag #f: iasip #for real tho my love this is so long i’m so sorry!!!! #im on my bullshit tonight and u touched on a topic i have lots of feelings abt #also. why do i always read hohc as hero or homecoming. why do i do that.