Tumgik
#dean eventually flipping the script and slowly starts learning about this new sam and starts advocating for him
cattlehymn · 3 years
Text
goth!Sam au: in which Sam runs away, goes to Stanford, and developed a gender nonconforming goth style, which he loves and finds it creative and freeing + john would hate it + it lets him explore all the “bad” things John never let him near. 
Maybe Jess is goth! They meet and she’s charmed by all the monster lore he knows and stories he could tell and the seriousness that he told them with, tho he always laughs it off when she asks if he’s ever seen anything himself. 
When Sam asks about her style and her beliefs more she knows they’re genuine questions of interest, and she can see that maybe his interest is more personal than he lets on. 
Maybe Jess goes to church and Sam goes along with her, and they sit in the back, and she teaches Sam about all the intricacies of her belief and how to pray. Maybe Sam doesn’t know if church is for him but he finds comfort in the idea of a creator who would never think of him as a mistake.
They walk through a graveyard afterwards. Sam’s been to hundreds of graveyards by this point in his life, but as they walk he listens to Jess’s reflections on death and her words put new perspectives in his head. 
She believes that the dead shouldn’t be separated from their past life. Body + spirit + soul, coexist together in one being. A person now dead still has a value, has a story, and their body is an extension of their time on earth. Souls depart, ghost linger, and bodies stay. 
With Jess, beauty in the transition from life to death had never been clearer. She awakened an appreciation in him.  
Jess practices witchcraft and she wants to share that with Sam too. He gets weary and his stomach drops thinking about what john would do to him if he ever caught him listening to this kind of stuff. 
When Jess reads his palm, she kisses it, and tells him he’s going to live a long life, and Sam doesn’t know why but he starts crying, and Jess, in all her kindness, just wraps her arms around his waist and holds him. They rock back and forth and maybe she’s crying now too. She never shows him her palm.
Sam starts to feel himself channeling something, maybe a power? he thinks they’ve opened a floodgate now learning about all this stuff, but he feels strong? secure? 
The things Jess has taught him makes sense in ways that the things he was raised on never did. It all feels so exciting (if not a little forbidden) to know all the things he knows now. He’s afraid to practice on his own, but just knowing that he could if he wanted to feels liberating.
Sometimes he thinks about dean and wishes he could explain all of this to him. Tell his brother that he’s changed and how he’s so much happier for it, and he thinks maybe there’s a chance dean would be happy for him to, but then he immediately buries the thought. 
Dean can’t know. He’d probably hate Sam, like how Sam knows John would hate him if he ever saw what his youngest child has done with his new life. He doesn’t even want to know what John and Dean would say about Jess, He gets defensive just at the thought.
She’s all that’s important to him now. Her and the future Sam wants to make with her. She’s given so much love and patience, and he hopes he’s given just as much back. His chest warms at the thought of her. and he thinks quietly to himself that John Winchester can’t take that away.
Maybe they get Halloween tattoos, and Sam thinks it’s hilarious because this is his first non hunter related tattoo he’s ever had and it’s probably a monster tatt or something equally campy. 
When dean shows up to the dorm and sees Sam for the first time in two years, Sam is pinning him down pissed off and disgruntled from being awoken abruptly, he’s still in his sleep smeared eyeliner/eyebrows/and lipstick from yesterday. He’s got a little gay dangly earring hanging down from one ear and a black stud in the other, he looks down at his older brother who looks exactly the same as Sam remembers him and dean lets out a laugh
Before they leave to go find John, dean tells Sam to “not bring any of that girly shit” cause it’d just cause problems, to which Sam ignores him, placing his makeup bag in the rucksack Jess helped him pack. She helps him put on his spiked/patched denim jacket that they had worked on together last fall (it’s got both their signatures on it). She gives him a kiss goodbye and tells him not to miss her too much, and also if he ever see’s any of those monsters he always use to talk about he better be sure to call and tell her all about it. 
18 notes · View notes