#dan turning into an emo teen | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

if-th3n-else · 1 year

Note

Hey Amanda : ) Love your blog! Random question: I’ve been listening to a lot of French music lately and I was wondering if you have any favorite songs you want to share. Thanks x

Heyy sorry for the long delay :/

So tbh I pretty much don't listen french music lmao

But if you are into rock music, yuou should listen to Indochine, it's the most famous french rock band, they've been around since the 80s and they also always had engaged texts about queerness, war, etc.

Check : L'Aventurier (aka their most famous song we always butcher at karaoke cause it's too fast lmao), 3e Sexe, Canary Bay, Tes Yeux noirs, La vie est belle, J'ai demandé à la lune, Les Tzars, Trois nuits par semaine, College Boy, and basically everything.

There's also Superbus, another rock group, I don't really follow what they are releasing now. You can check : Lola, Butterfly, Travel the World, Addictions, Apprends moi, Mes défauts, Je reste encore, C'est pas comme ça...

Also gotta out myself to my french followers as I used to be a big Kyo fan during my emo phase lmao. They are not a emo band but they were there during the emo eras and most of their texts are sad af lmao.

If you want to feel included in the middle of french millennials just learn the whole lyrics of Dernière Danse, we all go batshit crazy when this song starts playing. Also check : Le Chemin (we also go insane for this one), Je cours, Chaque seconde, Pardonné, Je te vends mon âme, Dans ma chair, Sarah, Sad Days, Ce soir (honestly just listen the entire albums 300 Lésions & Le Chemin I love every song), Comme des frères, Le Graal.

Mylène Farmer, I'm not a die hard fan but still I would love to see her live cause she's famous to put on the greatest show. This woman is kind of a legend. She revolutionized music videos, and she has an aura... you either love her or you hate her tbh. She has a very special kind of voice and people don't like her cause she sings A LOT about death, but she also sings very explicitly about sex and non gender norms.

Check: Pourvu qu'elles soient douces (the music has a 20 minutes clip and it's the one that revolutionized the music videos), Sans Contrefaçon, Désenchantée, Ainsi sois je, Les Mots, C'est une belle journée, Dégénération, Oui mais... Non, California, L'âme-stram-gram, Innamoramento, a personal favourite of me: it's a Baudelaire's poem she put into music (I'm a big Baudelaire's poetry enthousiast).

If you're into rap, then absolutely check Diam's. Again she came from my teen years, she doesn't release music anymore, she chose another path. BUT she is very important to the rap scene in France. She is the first female superstar rapper here and everyone still respect her today (if they don't, don't trust them). She was walking in the middle of a male field with basically her talent and her spite and that's all. And most of the french women of hip hop wouldn't be here today if she didn't path the way. Again, I'm repeating myself but more of her texts are not very joyous lmao. She also talk a lot about France's society racism and sadly, currently listening to her in 2022 and well... it's still very true...

Check : La Boulette, Jeune demoiselle (definitely not a deep text but a veryfamous song of her), Parce que, Cause à effet, Dj (another french millennials karaoke moment lmao), T.S. (definitely her most heavy song it's about her suicide attempt), Marine (this one is about Marin Lepen a french far right politician that has been now multiple times in the second turn of presidential elections), Ma France à moi.

You can search "variété française" if you want to listen to all of our classics from the 80s (or before) to the 2010s. Basically I don't really listen to a lot french music but when I do it's probably classified as "cringe" and "old" by everyone else lmao. I kinda stopped following whatever music has been released after the 2010s.

Again, sorry for the late reply, also sorry about the typo, too lazy to read myself ^^

Hope it helps :)

#misc #answers #skinnyscottishbloke #french music

4 notes · View notes

dumdrop · 3 years

Text

Hood Up For Safety

Video by The Grumps

#game grumps #gg #the grumps #dan avidan #danny sexbang #arin hanson #egoraptor #starbomb #nsp #ninja sex party #tmph #ten minute power hour #dan being relatable #i seriously do this all the time #dan turning into an emo teen #dan being cute #per usual #video

126 notes · View notes

awsugar · 2 years

Note

I think mcrs popularity more than doubled after they broke up. They played stadiums only occasionally, tending to play smaller gigs. Now, every single tour date sold out instantly, in MK alone that was more than 100,000 tickets! I feel like the attitude towards mcr has changed as well. Back then they were given a lot of shit for being emo and having young fans, and they were mostly put under the same heading as fob, panic etc. I think now there’s a real widespread belief that mcr are objectively in a league of their own. Fob and panic could never in a million years sell out concerts like mcr are now doing. It’s really interesting and I wonder what caused it to happen - was it the random break up? Was it older emos such as Dan Howell referencing them which caused the next generation to start listening to them too? Or was it simply because their music is that good? I personally liked mcr before they broke up but only really listened to their albums front to back afterwards.

yea i mean ive talked about this quite a few times but you're right, theyre definitely more popular now than they were back then, easily seen by the size of the venues they're playing now. like yea they did headline reading and leeds during dd, but the majority of the rest of their shows outside of festivals were clubs. the ticket sales for this tour are insane.

i just think its a combination of like achieving this Legend status after they broke up, but also the hype of the reunion. if they hadn't broken up i don't think they'd be selling out venues of this size. the benefit of breaking up for 7 years and then announcing a reunion tour is that all of the people who didnt get a chance to see them before are like ravenous to finally see them now that the opportunity is there.

like i do get the impression that 14 year olds think that all mcr fans (or a majority) are in their teens. like when gerard had to turn off his insta comments i read some of them and there were QUITE a few comments that were like 'your fanbase is young teens you really cant be silent on this' and like. that is simply not the case. insta and twitter fandoms tend to skew younger imo so all those teenagers are seeing mostly teenagers and thats how they form that opinion. but the fact is that like i would say a majority of mcr fans are actually in their 20s and 30s. and MOST people in their later 20s and 30s, especially those who have been mcr fans since the early days, are not active in the online fandom. im different <3 but like that skews the perception of the fandom bc a majority of the loud voices ARE pretty young. anyway what im saying is that a lot of mcr fans are older now, and were probably teens when mcr were active and possibly their parents wouldnt take them to see them so now that they have the chance and they dont need their parents permission theyre like snatching up those tickets. i think thats definitely a factor too. like i hardly even remember seeing a young person at the shrine. nearly everyone there was an adult.

also like im not going to get into the lecture but theres a reason the "emo trinity" exists, theres a reason mcr are lumped in with fob and panic and it was never because people thought they sounded similar sonically. are mcr in a league of their own? yes. but these bands still have a large overlap in fanbase.

the thing you said about fob and panic not being able to sell out concerts like this. i think thats like. i cant actually decide if thats true. and i dont think its easy to compare bc neither of those bands broke up in the same way that mcr did and got back together. the fact is that mcr have 11 million monthly listeners on spotify but fob and panic have 17 and 18 million, respectively. by the numbers, fob and panic have more fans. mcr are benefitting from the hype of getting back together after 7 years. so idk. when fob came back from their hiatus it was fucking huge, and they did go on an arena tour with panic. i saw them at the barclays center in brooklyn which is where one of my mcr shows is. sooooooo idk. i think thats hard to gauge.

anyway i dont really know what caused it. like its very clear that public perception of mcr changed while they were away and that they became much more popular in the mainstream during that time. bc the other thing that i didnt mention is that the online fandom is SOOOO much smaller now than it was when they were together, and even a lot smaller than it was in say 2016 when i came back from a few years away as a fob stan. so i dont think the 'new generation' as you called it is contributing THAT much to these crazy ticket sales. its kind of a mystery.

#anonymous #asks #im gonna make queue bend and break

29 notes · View notes

fagrackham · 2 years

Text

I mean say what you will but it is kind of hilarious that for years these emo teen girls were like dan and phil are gay and dating and everyone was like shut up they arent stop being weird and then literally years later after all the hype died down it turns out that the emo teen girls were in fact right

#i literally remember where i was when that video dropped #i never watched tem #*them but like the entire hangout stopped and instead of putting it on the tv we crowded aeound someoens phone

8 notes · View notes

girlactionfigure · 3 years

Photo

Only when he got older he realized just how fortunate he and his family were to be alive.

“The extermination of most of his relatives and millions of other Jews by the Nazis; the intrusive, unemployed immigrants who survived and crowded his parents’ small apartment; his sickly childhood; his mother’s dark moods; his own ever-present depression” - all of this, he survived, according to Patricia Cohen of The New York Times.

He was born in Brooklyn to Polish-Jewish immigrant parents on June 10, 1928.

One of his earliest photographs (attached to this story) shows him as an infant - “a plump, round-faced, slanting-eyed, droopy-lidded, arching-browed creature” held by his mother, with his older siblings, according to writer Margalit Fox.

Growing up, Murray as he was then known “harbored ongoing fear of the perils that might lurk outside of his home and neighborhood” and remembered how he celebrated his bar mitzvah, according to writer Stephen Whitfield.

That's when his father discovered that much of his extended family had died in concentration camps. The young boy thought he had "done something very bad, that I had made him suffer more than he had to."

“The death of members of his extended family during the Holocaust . . . exposed him at a young age to the concept of mortality,” according to NPR.

“As he got older, he was constantly aware of his marginality and difference,” wrote Whitfield.

He seemed to be always sick, but when he was well, he could be naughty. He remembered his mother often called him “vilde chaya”, which in Yiddish meant "wild animal".

“His view of the outside world was often limited. . . and the little that he could see from his window,” according to PBS. “It was during this time that he began to draw and to allow his imagination to run free.”

He made a name for himself as an illustrator. When he received an opportunity to write his first book, he used the title "Where the Wild Horses Are" - unfortunately, he realized he couldn't draw horses, so he told his editor. His editor would respond, "Well, what can you draw?"

He would answer "Things."

He would become “the most important children’s book artist of the 20th century, who wrenched the picture book out of the safe, sanitized world of the nursery and plunged it into the dark, terrifying and hauntingly beautiful recesses of the human psyche,” according to the New York Times.

He remembers receiving a letter from one fan:

In an interview with NPR, he is quoted as saying, “A little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved it. I answer all my children's letters – sometimes very hastily – but this one I lingered over . . . I wrote, 'Dear Jim: I loved your card.' Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said: 'Jim loved your card so much he ate it.' That to me was one of the highest compliments I've ever received . . . He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”

~~~~~

“Maurice Sendak has been one of the most consistently inventive and challenging voices in children’s literature,” according to PBS. “His books and productions are among the best-loved imaginative works of their time. Like the Grimm brothers before him, Sendak has created a body of work both entertaining and educational, which will continue to be popular for generations.”

“Roundly praised, intermittently censored and occasionally eaten, Mr. Sendak’s books were essential ingredients of childhood for the generation born after 1960 or thereabouts, and in turn for their children,” wrote Fox. “He was known in particular for more than a dozen picture books he wrote and illustrated himself, most famously ‘Where the Wild Things Are,’ which was simultaneously genre-breaking and career-making when it was published by Harper & Row in 1963.”

He brought “to life a world of fantasy and imagination,” according to PBS. “His unique vision is loved around the globe by both young and old.”

When he died in 2012, the Washington Post wrote:

“They say that a creative adult is simply a child who has survived. Sendak survived a great deal, losing relatives in the Holocaust and struggling through a childhood that he remembered as “a very passionate, upsetting, silly, comic business.”

“And his books captured this — never talking down, yet always reassuring.

“The best writers are the ones who trust their audiences. Sendak did. And we trusted him right back.

“Sendak did not lie to children. He did not attempt to say that the world was more or less difficult than it was.”

~~~~~

In 2008 in the New York Times, Sendak revealed that he was gay and had lived with his partner, psychoanalyst Eugene Glynn (February 25, 1926 – May 15, 2007), for 50 years before Glynn's death in May 2007.

In that article, Sendak said he never told his parents: "All I wanted was to be straight so my parents could be happy," he recalled. "They never, never, never knew."

In a 2011 interview with NPR host Terry Gross, Mr. Sendak said "finding out that I was gay when I was older was a shock and a disappointment. I did not want to be gay. It meant a whole different thing to me — which is really hard to recover now because that's many years ago. I always objected to it because there is a part of me that is solid Brooklyn and solid conventional and I know that. I can't escape that. It's my genetic makeup. It's who I am."

Elisabeth Hoffman of the Baltimore Sun wrote, “Why do we pass laws that isolate, demean and shame people for something so utterly personal? It's no surprise that gay teens are bullied. No surprise that Maurice Sendak had to hide part of his identity from his parents — and from his readers.”

“In that often emotional NPR interview, Sendak also said: "I have nothing now but praise for my life. I'm not unhappy. I cry a lot because I miss people. They die and I can't stop them. They leave me and I love them more. What I dread is the isolation. There are so many beautiful things in the world which I will have to leave when I die. But I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready."

~~~~~

“His work . . . did not seek to forget the emotional threats that scarred his life,” wrote Whitfield. “Sendak’s recollections of dread and danger instead became the source of a painstaking creativity that [Golan Y.] Moskowitz [author of “Wild Visionary: Maurice Sendak in Queer Jewish Context”] readily calls illustrations of “genius.” Sendak believed that his fantasies must instill truths, rather than confirm the conventions of innocence, and this thinking revolutionized the way that young people were understood and addressed.”

In that last interview with NPR, “the beloved children’s writer and illustrator was 83 years old and in declining health. He was feeling the loss of people close to him who had died in recent years. Inevitably, the discussion turned to issues of mortality … By the time it was over there were teary-eyed people in cars all across North America. One listener, Brent Eades, left a message on the NPR Web site: “I happened to be listening to this extraordinary interview while on the early-morning commute from my small Ontario town to Ottawa. I was entirely absorbed in it; and the final couple of minutes left me with tears streaming down my face, which I’m sure nonplussed my fellow commuters.”

~~~~~

In “Where the Wild Things Are”, Sendak wrote:

“ . . . the wild things cried, “Oh please don’t go we’ll eat you up-we love you so!”

And Max said, “No!”

The wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth

and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws

but Max stepped into his private boat and waved good-bye

and sailed back over a year

and in and out of weeks

and through a day

and into the night of his very own room

where he found his supper waiting for him.”

~ jsr

The Jon S. Randal Peace Page

21 notes · View notes

childishgabbino · 3 years

Text

this is really my first time logging on since 2017. I’m no longer an angsty teen but now a fully realized adult.

lots of cringe and nostalgia on here but it’s kinda crazy to think how much this website really shaped my teenage years—

• the acacia brinley vans bath and body works flower crowns galaxy leggings quality blog days

• the rise of one direction honestly deserves a post of its own considering all the late nights spent reading fanfiction (also all the time spent trying to prove that eleanor calder is a clone amongs other conspiracies)

(also remember the chaotic anti taylor swift misogyny that ensued like deadass remember when halsey made that haylor song)

• the british youtuber dan and phil zoella dashcon superwholock MISHACON phase

• the 5sos “emo” warped tour pop punk fall out boy panic at the disco phase

• and the 2014 ✨aesthetic ✨ spilled gasoline on the pavement arctic monkeys thigh gap doc martens I wanna kill myself and write poetry about it phase (but lets be honest this one is eerily relevant again)

• the anime cosplay attack on titan sword art online weeb phase

• the |-/ twenty one pilots saved my life ryan ross brendon urie TALL GLASS OF WATER DALLON WEEKES obsession

• (regrettably) the hamilton, pentatonix acapella musical phase

despite the shitshow those years were, I think I turned out okay. (still mentally ill and queer, but okay for the most part!)

anyway, I just wanted to say hey to anyone who still might be on here. thanks for the love, learning, and collective trauma from 2012-2016 <3

39 notes · View notes

jxmieswxnter · 3 years

Text

sergeants university au

just random moments that have definitely happened

Jamie once turned up at Gavin and Dan’s in the middle of the night because he didn’t know where else to go. He was shoddily dressed when Dan answered the door, having been woken up. Jamie was sad with puffy eyes, and explains that his parents had phoned him, and it had been too emotionally taxing for him to deal with (because his parents are assholes). Dan immediately bundles him into the apartment. He and Gavin settle him on the couch and stay up with him and watch films with him because Jamie doesn’t feel like talking about it. And Dan makes hot chocolate and popcorn. The next morning, despite the little sleep they had, Dan gets up to bake Jamie’s favourite cookies and Gavin gets up to make breakfast.

They all went to pride together. Ben looked the most ridiculous but the others didn’t mind. Gavin wore a shirt that said “the token straight friend.” Charlie wore his usual stuff but wore a rainbow gay pride flag (”progress” variant) as a cape. Dan also wore his usual stuff, but had his pride pin badges (rainbow, bisexual, trans for his sister) on his jacket. Jamie, finally feeling more comfortable and it being his first pride (prick parents being unsupportive) and wears a bi-coloured outfit. They all have a great time.

None are particularly adventurous with their outfits (honestly some barely have style) but they did one of those “buy each other outfits” things by picking names out of a hat: Gavin got Charlie, Dan got Gavin, Ben got Dan, Charlie got Jamie and Jamie got Ben. Gavin, honestly, had no idea what to do so just sort of picked things at random. The pieces didn’t go together but were alright on their own. Dan, who may not be the most adventurous but is surprisingly stylish - it’s all neutrals so everything works with everything - and so goes along that route. He also gets Gavin some platform boots so he can be tall. Ben was mischievous and picked out a more flamboyant outfit, nothing extreme just enough to push Dan out of his comfort zone. Surprisingly, he really liked the pieces, especially the jewellery. Charlie got Jamie some wonderful corduroy dungarees and stripy shirt, a very kidish outfit to remind Jamie he’s still young - because Charlie thinks everything through - and Jamie loves it so much he wears those dungarees far too much (usually about twice a week). Jamie was a bit stuck on what to get Ben so asked everyone, who all gave completely different answers. Ultimately, he picked a few good quality basic pieces and funky socks, and Ben was delighted.

They’ve all done each other make-up before despite most of them not have any experience, and those that do, have minimal - Dan had an emo phase as a teen so eyeshadow and liner, and Ben’s attempted drag a few times.

#midsomer murders #midsomer sergeants #gavin troy #dan scott #ben jones #charlie nelson #jamie winter

21 notes · View notes

daretosnoop · 3 years

Text

Lessons I learned from the Games

Most of this is just silly, some are actual lessons.

SCK/SCK2:

If you’re going to get murdered, get revenge by leaving clues to the blackmail you have on potential suspects and hope to god someone figures it out

If you’re investigating a crime, being a random transfer student at the end of the year is probably not the way to go, but no one cares because they’re too busy with college applications.

If your niece is coming to your place to investigate a murder and you’re not there, the least you can do is set up a cage to trap any possible break-ins.

Nothing beats being able to hold a gun to the murderer #whySCKremastered???

Teens dealing with pressures to meet college and parental demands

Teens resorting to drugs

Teens dealing with sexism that’s found in abundance in college and work environments

Teachers not giving a shit about what students are going through.

STFD:

If you’re getting death threats, play it cool. Keeps the perps unhinged

Toxicity of fan culture

Throw all CEOs into the closet

Nothing beats Jazz

If you’re going to commit crime in an actor’s community, you must do it with flare

MHM:

If you’re going to buy a Victorian mansion, the least you can do is check for ghosts. And also hire a carpenter beforehand

Never invest your life’s savings into anything

Treat those who help you with basic decency (my god Rose!)

If you’re snooping on someone, don’t give them any indication that you’re onto them

If someone slips a threatening message under your door, open the door.

Victorian houses have all sorts of booby traps, FIND THEM.

TRT:

Don’t trust anyone who’s eager to be your friend

Trust the weirdos and grumpy people

Learn French

Don’t leave incriminating evidence that reveals your lies

There is no such thing as too much food

Women in history have been badly treated by (male) historians.

It’s called the past for a reason

Turn a bad situation into an opportunity to learn

If you’re going to do crime, at least ensure you have an escape route that’s not blocked by the snow

Don’t date people who pressure you to marry them/ask you to prove your love for them

FIN:

As a woman, if you want anyone to take you seriously and help, you have to be adamant, sassy, and everything men don’t like to see in women.

If you’re a POC, the chances of the police helping you decreases

Capitalism sucks

Police suck

Misogyny in capitalism

Old theaters are amazing

Don’t trust the person who’s trying to be your friend!!!!!!

Don’t talk to suspects about your case

Have confidence in yourself

SSH:

Colonialism still exists in the form of capitalism

The art industry is completely profit driven

Mexico and America tensions

The Mayans

They never talked about what happened to the Mayans…..

Don’t deal with shady salesmen

Sometimes saving money contributes to a bad system

If you accepted a position, take your work seriously

Don’t trust the guy trying to be your friend!!!!

Master the art of amnesia should you ever need to use it

Even if you disband a group of art thieves, it’s best to be humble

No one in life is going to help you, even if you get pushed into a monolith

DOG:

This game is why it’s important to put your dog(s) on a leash! (insert that dog vine: “it don’t bite. Yes it do!”)

If we didn’t have uptight rangers, the parks would be burnt to smithereens

Misogyny exists in the woods

People who are just trying to do their job always get a bad rap even though it’s because of them the park still exists!

Gangsters are bad, but also low-key cool

Get back at your enemies by making a fake grave of them

Old people have interesting stories

Gold can release arsenic into water

Always check well water before using

Wood mice are bad for health

If you’re going to get tied up and tossed into your tool shed, keep a scythe on hand

Go birdwatching at night

Torque is a fancy word for screw driver

If you’re a POC, people are most likely to suspect you.

CAR:

There is no job security if you end up in hospital

Sometimes you really need a 2000 calorie sundae

If you went to jail, people are most likely to suspect you first

Don’t spy on your co-workers

Don’t trust the person who’s trying to be your friend!

Don’t procrastinate on a job

If you’re miserable in life, maybe it’s time to sign up for some therapy

If you have a sad backstory, you’re automatically entitled to everyone’s sad backstory

Mental illness: depression

Health awareness: niacin, don’t eat junk food like a 2000 calorie sundae

Don’t dump someone just because they’re not able to give you a lavish lifestyle

DDI:

If you’re going to trash someone’s boat, don’t leave your business card behind

If you’re tired of small mindedness, it’s best to just leave

It’s always handy in life to know boating skills

If you’re trying to report suspicious activity, communicating by bottles is not the way to go

Don’t feed wild animals!

Capitalism sucks

Look carefully at your environment, you never know what clues are left behind

Always make a plan B in case plan A doesn’t work

Don’t be afraid to explore

SHA:

Never trust the guy who’s trying to be your friend!!!

Always trust the grumpy guy

Horses die easily

There is no such thing as over ripe vegetables

Sunflowers should be planted near gardens so that bees come

Respect chickens

Falling in love with a criminal is difficult when your dad’s a cop

It’s handy to know how to ride a horse

Ghost towns are terrifying

Farmers work hard and should be respected

CUR:

Don’t trust the person who’s trying to be your friend!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t be a negligent parent

Before getting married, make sure your partner has a good relationship with your child

Don’t trust creepy people

America and British will always oppose each other

Talking parrots are always handy

British aristocracy was supported through colonialism #got Loulou on his Travels, uh huh

If you’re a spinster, you’re going to be the mom of something

If you’re afraid of becoming a monster, best be dramatic about it

It’s really important to have good communication between partners

Don’t stick your new wife in a room that still has pictures of your old wife and where all the furniture has covers on them

If you have a manor, you better explore it before some 12-year-old gets hurt exploring it

don’t go to great lengths to protect a rock

calling something that skips every generation a “family tradition” is just rude and exclusive

don’t leave your child alone for so long. Don’t keep them away from people their age

don’t write memories, no one wants to hear your life story

CLK:

if you’re going to presume someone’s identity, you better nail the part down hard

don’t blow up the kitchen when there’s only three people in the house and you were the closest and last one in the kitchen

emotional manipulation

gas lighting

if someone mentions stolen jewellery, putting back what you stole just incriminates you

even if you have psychic abilities, don’t be an ass bout it

no one ever tips because no one like the system. Pay your employees what they deserve!

Even though the depression’s going on, people are still dumping money in psychic lessons and dress making

No one ever gives anything away for free

Even if you’re promised money, don’t put too much trust in the promises of others

Don’t be rude to the person who’s trying to help you

If your partner is demanding to be spoiled during an economic depression, find a better partner

People aren’t as smart as you, tell them straight where you left your will.

TRN:

The dumb blonde joke is not funny

Cops are useless and unhelpful

People are more willing to listen to adults then teens/young adults

Celebrities are much different in real life then in their celebrity world.

Don’t steal someone else’s ideaà artist theft

Old trains are super cool

People aren’t as smart as you, tell them straight where you hid your treasure

Don’t dump someone just because people think they’re dumb

DAN:

Capitalism sucks

The fashion industry is brutal

normal size representation

Boss’s can be crappy people

Don’t blackmail people

If you promised to do work, you better dedicate yourself to it

Having a healthy fear of giving away personal information is not a bad thing

Don’t aid stalkers

Covid-precaution: cover face with mask. Act erratic to keep people away from you

Concept of older men dating younger women is actually frowned upon

Love is mysterious

Flashlight on the many women who helped decode during WW2 but largely remain unrecognized by countries today

Forgery is okay sometimes

CRE:

Indigenous cultures continue to be badly and negatively portrayed in media

Capitalism sucks

Environmentalism

Academia is not as research oriented as one wishes it was

Daddy-issues

Native Hawaiians forced to “work with” big corps in order to survive.

Tourism industry and its affects on the environment and native population

Sometimes an upgrade is not a good thing

ICE:

Animal conservatism

Capitalism sucks

International competitions suck

Running away from humans to hide in a cabin and bonding with a wolf is not a bad thing

Never enter a sauna alone

It’s bad business to kick customers out

If your customers are falling asleep everyday in a common room, it’s probably not a good sign of booming business

Don’t be chill over bombs exploding near your hotel

Always handy to know how to drive a snow mobile

Don’t volunteer to be a maid, ever

Cops are useless

CRY:

Don’t dump your job on your girlfriend

There’s nothing wrong with being emo

Men being emotional and desiring love and affection

Men being abused in relationships

Even if your relative leaves you a ton of money, it’s no excuse for not being a good guardian/parent

Don’t trust strangers. Don’t eat food from random people

Customer service is awful. Even when the customer is trying to instigate a horrible reaction in you, you got to put on a smile

Always trust the eccentric lady

Nancy’s sad backstory allows her to hear everyone else’s sad backstory, unless you’re a guy, I guess.

A date in the cemetery is not a bad idea

If your partner demands you to spoil them, get a new partner

People aren’t as smart as you, tell them where you hid your treasure

VEN:

Anyone can help out on an international mafia case

The mafia is very creative and artistic

Capitalism sucks

Assert your independence as a young woman by dancing in a cat suit on stage? I guess?

Money can be found anywhere

Eat the rich

Don’t trust the person trying to be friends with you

Possessive relationships are red flags

Don’t steal a cheap neckless if you’re a notorious thief

Cops kind of useful for once.

HAU

Don’t pull a prank on your partner before your wedding

Don’t invite someone who used to date your partner and still has feelings for them

If your partner is missing, actually look for them instead of sitting around

Crows are amazing

Fiona might have lost her parents at a young age and her life as a hermit definitely had its side affects, but she also saved herself from the misogyny women endured

RAN:

If your friend gets kidnapped, please, at least fake some concern

Don’t waste time with monkeys

The only other person on the island is probably the culprit

WAV:

Girl bullying can be worse than boy bullying

Don’t trust the person who’s trying to be your friend!!!!!!

TOT:

Nancy’s sad backstory allows her to hear everyone else’s sad backstory, unless you’re a guy, I guess.

Academic institutions are struggling to fund research

Capitalism sucks

Even if you hate your lead, don’t sabotage the team

Communication is important

Even if you hate your job, don’t sabotage your team

SAW:

People who resist to change just become boulders in the way of progress

Boomer mentality is soul destroying

Emotional manipulation

Gas lighting

Depression

Sometimes you have to cut away from those you love in order to maintain your sanity

Nancy’s sad backstory allows her to hear everyone else’s sad backstory.

If you have to give your partner a gift every time you fight, you might have relationship problems

Don’t be in a relationship just because you’re used to it

Don’t force someone to adhere to your expectations in life

If you’re unable to talk to your partner and so resort to haunting her inn, you probably have relationship issues

#nancy drew

9 notes · View notes

ne-fe-li-bata · 3 years

Text

Aye yo CORPSE! ...

Dead ass;

You can't convince me that Corspe was/is/does ;

in no particular order..

• Deserve to be held ( I would smother him with my chest and hold him tighter than he has ever been held) & protected from this world

• Pyro! Mans loves🔥🔥🔥 - mostly his fav elemental (Leo is a fire sign); “WOOO... now that’s a fire!”

• Loves knives/weapons- has a collection (quite a nifty 1, ay thank-a-you) & even knows how to use butterfly knives/ tackle combat.

Has a collection of weapons (brass knuckle, daggers, swords, knives,etc.)

• Highly interested in combat/training. Most likely has training in some sort of combat. Loves any form of physical combat < UFC,MMA, Boxing, any type of martial arts>

• Absolute proper gentlemen / clearly has the utmost charm/cunning

I.e holds the door open & will slap yo ass on the way in, moves you away from street side when walking, pulls chairs, defends your honor, etc.

• Takes A . L . O . T to truly capture his attention- but once you have it ..%100

• With his person; protective/obsessives/ possessive/ sensual/ affectionate .

< mine is mine. me no share -like absolutely not at all>

“ You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down for ya“

• RP'er on DeviantArt/chats had his own OC. (also prob had his fav person to RP with)

• Watched mostly nothing by anime/cartoons (nick/CN) as a kid & also mostly watched certain shows/movies as a kid well into his teens

(could recite quotes/scenes as second nature)

• Not a major musical theatre type of kid. But musical movies/shows was 1 of his favs- but still highly interested/ in love with theatre/musicals/preforming arts none the less.

-EYES DON’T LIE

•’staring problem’ he’d just stare at you -deep in his head (both good & bad) you’d have to bring him back to you ..”babe- eh, come *snap*back to me. What’s on your mind my love?’

• Genuinely a really warm person- but only to certain people, but comes across cold & distance

• Grew up in the internet & knows the way around the 'business' & 'faceless' YouTubers/celebrities

• His teens/ late adolescents consisted & grew up on YouTube O.G videos/ video game commentary/content;

Cry.. <Cry was a huge part of my life & still hold a special place in my heart. Corspe just like I was most likely devastated with the shit that went down>

Jack

Nova

Sp00n

Jontron

Smosh

Nigahiga

Shane

Jenna

Hanna Hart

Phil/Dan

KevJumba

Ray William Johnson

Pewds

Machinima

EMT

ERB

Wassabi Prod.

VlogBros,

-etc

• Has an oral fixating (lovebites indefinitely <like dead ass ya’ll be chillan/ out & he’d attack you> & just needs something in his mouth always)

• Fidgety af, always need to be playing with something in his hands/playing with

• Is a goddamn absolute certified freak--but also super soft bean boi. (can't stress how this boi needs& deserves to be protected)

• Constant hand/arm touching/stroking for comfort.

• Daddy{papi} / Mommy(mamá) . Master . Sir kink - hard control kinks- but highly sub.

hard(er) kinks

• Lovebites = M I N E

obvs fishnets/ crossbody straps/ lingerie

lace

collars/ restraints

toys

•RP

degrading/praising

sub/dom switch

showing/proving your actually/completely & utterly his/ he’s completely & utterly yours..

& of course you know it's go time when 1 - if not both of you has kitty ears on.

over stim

*no touchy/ don’t let me go*

“look at what I’ve done to you”

“you kno only I can do this to you”

“look how greedy you are for me”

“look at the mess you’ve made because of me’

“cum on my face”/’cum for me”

“who do you belong to” / “you belong to me & only me”

100% all black clothing 🖤

*that once we get home / I swear I’ll deal with you right here, right now* look

primal play “when you run from me, it only makes me want you more” “you know imma find you kitten”

pet names (beast< i feel like you call this man “ (a) beast”-he about to lose his absolute fucking mind> , “oh Corpse/______, you absolute fuckin’ beast- my God” kitten, babyboy/girl, baby(e), bae, my love, lover boy, my darling, slut, needy little bitch, cum slut, lil’ whore, master/mistress, king/queen”

“only yours” “just ______” “ no-one but _____” “only____” “only you”

‘I’ll keep you so no one can find you or bother us’

“that’s my girl” / “that's my boy”

“would you like to/ I saw----”

“look at me” “don’t look away from me”

GROWLING / talking through clenched jaw

not breaking eye contact

• his name & ‘Corspe’ being cried out

“cry out my name for me baby. know who you belong to”

video/sexing/teasing

breeding kink

voyeurism

abrasions

aftercare af

impact play

24/7

edging

accidental stim; “holy fuck- I’m so turned on by you rn”

rope bondage

begging

worships

• But also soft kinks;

MEME SENDING

head on lap/chest

naps

playing with hair

matching outfits

voice messages

always touching (somehow)

no space between bodies

picture taking together/ just of you

body rubs, head rubs

massages

competition

play fighting

“this reminded me of you”

“I remember you said” “I know you...”

“you know I love you”

“I can tell by your eyes”

“ugh- I swear to shit imma marry you 1 day”

“nothing really made sense until you”

“do you wanna watch”/ “WAIT!? YOU HAVEN’T SEEN?!”

“damn- you really do love/like me, eh?”/ “you are SO fucking mine”

“that’s my girl”/ “that's my boy”

pet names/ “MY_______” “YOURS”

long stares

dates- stay at home dates are his fav, as your attention/focus is just on him

choker/necklace/ jewelry (that 1 of you bought- NOT LIKE HIGH PRICE TAG, but like seen it & was like ‘omg ____ would so wear...’)

cuddles with movies /anime watching time

just being in the same room/on call- even in silence

* emojis*- just some sort of communication

inside jokes/ puns/dark humor

seeing 1 another with kids

future kink (family, travel, etc)

playing video games

dancing/ singing with 1 another

Sitting on the ground, wrapped around his leg when he streams/edits

Nerf gun fights

Watching him record (tracks/editing/streaming)

• Loves- loves surprises <like dead ass would set up a surprise date/ do a scavenger hunt for you/ surprise you with your fav thing>

• Loyalty is everything & his best attribute (& pride)

• The music that he make is from the soul/heart. He pit everything has has/what he has left into his art

• No one has seen the real him - a side he truly hides

• He's both book & street smart

Taught himself through YouTube/Reedit/online

• Fav actors; Jim Carrey/Robbin Williams/Will Smith (?)

• Man’s straight up dangerous. we only know like a quarter of him & people fall at his feet. ( h e . i s . n o t . t o . b e. F U C K E D . w i t h)

• Hates silence

( constantly needs background noise) <also can't fight me on this babyboi cuddles pillows/blankets for night-night time>

• People don't understand the pain he is in every day, unless they have fibromyalgia/GERD/high functioning (sever social)anxiety/depression/ agoraphobia

(my mom suffers with fibro/depression <I myself have GERD/ sever social amenity/depression>& I wouldn't wish those illness on my worse enemy...)

• Over all pain has changed him

• Has dealt with self harm since a young age- most likely 9- 11 yrs old. (as someone else who’s suffered with SH for years- when you become so numb it 1 of the only ways to feel some sort of anything/makes you feel like you’re alive)

• Addiction (drugs/people/things)

• Wrote & read a lot of fanfiction

(most likely his main source of reading in pre/teenage years)

• Is a hopeless romantic but has his guard way up

• Obsessed with Japan / Studio Ghibli

• Doesn't think he deserves any of the recognition/ fame he's gotten--but definitely deserves it all as he's creative & inspirational as fuck. Also he’s worked so hard for it & had put himself through so much

Contrary is highly appreciative of those that are supporting

• Doesn't do it for the fame but for the fact he know how he's gotten people through hard time (just like those on the internet got him through)

• Was a scene boy that vibe’d of myspace/ listens to a lot of ‘scene’ pop-punk, emo/ scene band shit (band?)

• Also is/was a major tumblr boy

• Would be a phenomenal father

• His love language: physical touch & words of affirmation

• He would flinch at touch movement but would melt in your hands

• Face caresses would trigger anxiety/ tears.. but once he’s calmed/comfortable would burry his face in your touch. neck & chest

• Still caught up in daydreams

• A part of him is still never satisfied even if it’s exactly to the pin point detail of what he wanted

• Has at least 40/50(ish) songs he hasn't released

• Mommy & daddy issues (not saying his home life was really- really fucked - but non the less- it certainly wasn't the best).. Also wants to protect/provide for his family (especially his sister) & was prob closer to a grandparent/aunt/uncle)

• Definitely prefers to be by himself, as every time people come around, it's like;‘"this is why I'm okay (ish)with being alone"

• lost an important person to him due to O.D/ suicided..

• Also most likely to of heard his "friends" shit talking 'Corpse' or something correlated with him

• His pride is his biggest sin (next to lust)

• Has single-handedly defined a huge part of 2020 ( in the best way)

• Went through a fighting stage where he was ready to fuck anyone up on a drop of a dime (middle/'high school'/street fights- possibly even under ground)

but also a stage where he cut absolutely everyone off for a solid couple years

• Most likely obsessed with 1 of 3 creatures; lion, dragon, wolf ( 5ish- possibly bear/fox)

• Dinosaur obsessed

• Internet & video games raised him

• He raised himself

Quick to adapt to surroundings/situations.

• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was his shit ( I CAN SO SEE YOUNG BABYBOI RUNNIN AROUND THE HOUSE IN A POWER RANGER SUIT) "IT'S MORPHIN' TIME MOTHER FUCKER"

fav ranger- green

• Has up until next year planned out & is working on the next 'version of corpse' ( PR, vids, music, etc)

• Also med/high key this man was most likely in a physcward (more than once) ..

• This man deserves more than he'll ever give himself recognition for & knows in the back of his mind--people will hate just to hate

• Rose is his fav flower 🌹

•⛈️🌧️. >🌞. Loves storms/ rain & prefers them over sunny days

• Loves the moon/stars/space (?) < observatorium dates = fuckin mint>

• Pixar/Disney lover

• Fav Pixar movie.. either Wall.E or Toy Story

• Pixar > Disney

• But fav Disney movie- Beauty & the Beast (?)

• Most likely had a Jackass obsession's (doing dumb hoodshit)

• Fall is his fav season (?)

• Horror/ thriller movies/shows over everything (obvs)

• Had an escape place in town where he’d hide from the world- that absolutely no one knew about.

• Was really into graffiti/ street art

• Arested as a youth - but charges dropped- or was still considered a mirror (either fighting/ possession/ trespassing/ vandalisms)

• Arrested on heavier charges (also same as above - but not tried as an minor)

• also-ALSO ... thou he feels like he owes people something. HE DOESN’T OWE ANYTHING TO A N Y O N E . His mental & well being is the most important.

• On a side & major note. You can't deny that this man single handily is a (in my opinion) the 2nd biggest “C” that define 2020.

• Was most likely really into skateboarding/BMX

• Late night drives/impulsive road trips & playlist/ sitting at lookouts, just in silence & touching 1 another.

• Clingy af-.. but could also be distance & cold af- especially on high pain days. stormy brain days. PTSD episodes.

• Slow dancing/ dancing around the apartments. with or without music.

• Rocking out with each other- screaming lyrics in each other face.

• “hey baby- how you feelin”

*grunting* *shuffles over & lays on chest*

• Huge comforts for 1 another;

Especially when going out, being wrapped around him for comfort & reassurance. Even being at home alone together- panic attacks are shit, PTSD episodes are even more shit. helping each other with bathing & caring

When he’d be hiding from his reflection- or stares just a little too long. Going up behind him & worship him (vise versa)

• He’d be your biggest hypeman/ #1 fan (vise versa)

• Would LOVE you wearing his clothes/jewelry & would love to wear you things.

Was probably engaged to his ex (that's why he gets offt when people mention "corpse wife"

There'd be days where he'd be so distance & cold.. & tell you to leave but wouldn't let you.

He'd sit in the bathroom with you when you shower/have a bath.

As he doesn't sleep most night. He'd be up just watching you sleep & caressing you.

Lil spoon > big spoon.

I love you... genuinely . turly. madly. deeply.

#dear cropse #if youre seeing this #i kno youll be okay #im sorry for everything you've had to go through #plz kno #to me #you are my brightest star in a universe of supernovas #you make everything okay for me #till fate do us part #i kno 1 day we'll meet #the universe will bring me to you & you to me

2 notes · View notes

guccifloralsuits · 4 years

Note

hi we were talking about books yesterday and i was wondering if you have any good fiction recommendations? 😇😇😇

Yes, I have so many! I broke them down into relative categories, so there’s a little mix of everything. Please read the actual synopsis before diving in though, as some have major trigger warnings.

Books considered “classics”

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston: a book which I come back to in hard times of my life. There’s something so…necessary about this story. Prose style was great. I would rec this book to every person I know.

Mrs. Dalloway by Virgina Woolf: I read this when my life seemed to be changing faster than I could keep up. Beautifully written. Came at a time when I needed it.

Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys: written as a prequel to Jane Eyre and a modernist masterpiece honestly. THE original meditation on the ideal of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl

The Color Purple by Alice Walker: you’ve probably heard this name from the adaptation. Let me tell you. This book deserves all of its acclaim. I think I’m gonna re-read soon.

Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austin: this is super mainstream for The Literary Circles but it’s for good reason, this book is just? Fun? An honestly enjoyable read? plus when I was taking my SATs way back when they had an essay section, I could use this book for literally any prompt they gave

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë: this book is wild. Everyone is a messy bitch who lives for drama & I love it. I just finished it and omg

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath: my emo teen- girl rebelling ass ate this shit up back in high school. Is this book overrated? I don’t care. I love it for nostalgic value anyways

The Handmaids Tale by Margaret Atwood: startling beautiful lines. I have almost half this book underlined. A popular read in recent times, with good reason.

A picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde: I fundamentally disagree with everything written in this book. That is exactly the point. About being gay & sinning. I would not recommend this as a ‘light’ read though. Easy to get swept up in Wilde’s sharp wit & not catch the intentional malice behind what he says, underneath.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez: I just. Love this. That’s all I have to say. Yeah.gif

All The King’s Men by Robert Penn Warren: The nihilism of Oscar Wilde but set to a political backdrop in the 30’s with stylistic prose akin what you’d read from Hemingway. Probably not for everyone’s taste. But right up my alley in terms of political intrigue. If ur a stuffy English Major with who likes books about corruption, you’ll like this.

Popularized books that are worth the hype they had:

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls: there’s something so…engaging about the way this is written. It’s pretty much about kids who have to act like adults for their shitty parents. I couldn’t put this down though.

Dark Places by Gillian Flynn: as with all her novels, this gets dark. This gets ugly. An absolute thriller, & I can’t recommend her books enough. (You might know her from Gone Girl & Sharp Objects. This story follows similar tone). Honestly I rec anything by Flynn.

The Princess Bride by William Goldman: you’ve probably heard of or seen this movie. Well guess what? the book is even better.

YOU by Caroline Kepnes: aka the adapted Netflix series where dan from gossip girl plays plays joe, who is basically Dan but Unhinged. But like, the books are great. “Hidden Bodies” which is the sequel to this is even better, in my opinion. Just plz don’t romance Joe cus you saw penn badgley in a Netflix poster & were thirsty 4 him

Lesser Known/underrated books which could use your love:

A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley: A reimagining of King Lear, set on an Iowa farm in the late 1970s. Powerful and disturbing

The Gold Bug Variations by Richard Powers: specifically for classical music lovers. Basically a long meditation on supernal mysteries of music, specifically Bach’s intricate Goldberg Variations (you’ll wanna have the Glenn Gould recording to hand), & those of the DNA molecule (especially as a code to be broken) It gradually dawns on you that the two couples listening to the music and studying the molecule are themselves engaged in something strangely molecular and musical. You won’t always understand this book, but it keeps taking your breath away.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn: did I buy this book solely because of this tumblr post? Yeah. But it was easily one of the best decisions I’ve made. The way he manipulates letter-language is wild. Woah. Highly recommended.

The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window & Disappeared by Jonas Johnson: a 100 year old dude escapes his nursery home a steals a suitcase full of drug money then goes on a giant crime spree. HIGHLY entertaining. We stan a King

The Sellout by Paul Beatty: probably the greatest satirical comedy written within the last 50 years. I said what I said.

Children’s/teen/YA books you should absolutely read

The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster: wonderfully creative, beautifully told. Takes abstract constructs and turns them into concrete beings and landscapes in amazing, engaging ways. Please read this. One of my all-time favorite books. Takes the protagonist, Milo, on a fantastical adventure borne through boredom on what he though would be another average day. Seriously. I love this book. So much.

Coraline by Neil Gaiman: another beautifully creative foray into a parallel universe where something Not Quite Right lurks beneath a pretty surface. If you’ve seen the movie adaption - great. Still read the book. It’s absolutely worth it.

Love that Dog by Sharon Creech: technically free verse poetry from the perspective of a young boy dealing with the loss of his pet dog who has to write poetry for a class assignment from his teacher. This is…so good. Oh my god. Oh my god? Poetry for non-poetry people.

The Giver by Louis Lowery: Listen. I know you were forced 2 read this in primary English. I know you probably hated it on principle. But this shit was all that kept me going, when I was younger. It made me feel so understood, before I could define trauma or the meaning of depression. This book made me feel seen.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky: ya know what? Fuck 2013 tumblr for dumbing this book down into a basic ass Grunge Anthem. I have never seen a book so adequately grapple with how awful romanticizing trauma can be. This book goes into the horrible side of adolescence in a way that’s genuine, and in a way which doesn’t put trauma/mental illness on a pedestal. I needed that shit, when I read it. I still love this book today. The lines will stay with you forever, after you read some of them.

All the Bright Places, by Jennifer Niven: this was another one of those books that I read in an essential time, which lodged into me afterwards. About two teenagers who meet while standing on the bell tower of their school, both contemplating suicide. Highly recommend. Prepare to cry.

You didn’t ask for Poetry but I’m including some because I am poetry TRASH:

Rice by Nikky Finney

A Thousand Mornings by Mary Oliver

One Big Self by C.D. Wright

LOOK by Solmaz Sharif

Poetry for people who think poetry is inaccessible to them:

New American Best Friend by Olivia Gatwood

Our Numbered Days by Neil Hillborn

Depression & Other Magic Tricks by Sabrina Benaim

There are literally SO SO SO many books I could also add, but these are the ones that came to mind. Bolded ones are those I especially love. Happy reading!

#book recs #classic literature #children’s literature too #if I could only rec one #I’d pick phantom tollbooth #followed by Their eyes were watching god #words #srry if ur on mobile & this is a long post #quarentine things #recs

27 notes · View notes

vhanities · 4 years

Text

RICHARD VAMIR DIES IN FIVE MINUTES but that is not how this story starts.

It starts like this: the five friends plan to meet near the cafeteria at Five Clover’s in ten minutes, that is at 5:34 pm. It is a humid overcast day, the depressing kind. The sky is grey, the air is frosty. If you run through the hive-like campus corridors of their school, you might even feel the bitter slap of the wind on your cheeks. Just the perfect kind of day for this.

At 5:20, the first one to arrive is Dante Browns. He sits inside, by the board that reads Today's Special being followed by a blank list. The waitress smiles at him when he looks up and he smiles back, eyes lingering on the soft edges of her face before shifting to look at the rush of students outside. Most of them are tired after three hour long lectures and some of them are probably Art History students walking to Professor Whitmore’s deadly class.

Five minutes later, Filippa Rosende arrives. “Notes for Richie because that fucker loves to miss classes,” she says while stuffing herself inside the opposite bench. “And my love for you because I love you.”

Dan scoffs. “What do you want?”

But before Filippa can reply, Samaira Shikhar walks inside the cafe, attracting all the eyes around instantly. It's not that she's particularly charming or well-liked, it's just that she's the Samaira Shikhar ─ student council president, head of fashion studies, Instagram influencer and just generally, the prettiest face around. Which makes her all the more untouchable. She's wearing a brown wind coat over a white blouse and darker brown dress pants that linger above her ankles. An inappropriate dress for the day, but of course, she doesn't know this yet.

She'll know it soon, but for now she's as indifferent to those eyes as she is to the future.

Just like Han Kai Tuo, Chinese bred and born, who arrives last. “Sorry, got caught up with the repainting work in the Mezzanine.”

“Its chill, where's Richie?” Samaira asks, eyeing Kai, who is trying to fit his larger than life legs beneath the table. He settles for leaving one of his legs outside the counter before turning to reply.

“I don't know, wasn't he supposed to come along?”

Then it starts. I told you. Five minutes.

The four of them receive identical texts by the same sender. I'm sorry. I love you. Goodbye.

Clair isn't small enough to be a small town but isn't large enough to be a city. It is a kind of town where everyone knows everyone knows everything about anyone. Big enough for a small mall, a public boulevard, its own emo-punk street (Cyberhub), McDonald's and Pizza Hut ─ it's a town larger than other towns but still half as big as the smallest city on radar.

There are three parts in division: the Greens, where the rich people live a destination countryside life; downtown, where everyone else live and Bench Street which isn't a street as much as it is a strip of a neighborhood hanging on a loose piece of land jutting out of the hills around Clair. It's where everyone goes to do unnecessary things, teens go to smoke, adults go do whatever adults do and townspeople just do their own thing. It's a place of rumors, gossips and secrets.

And in a town where first impressions make or break you, rumors of any kind can soil your reputation forever.

Each one of these five friends are known for different things. Dante is known by his last name, by the criminal empire his mother heads but doesn't claim. Samaira is known by her perfectionist nature, by her parent's foreign nationality. Filippa is known as the peacemaker, the star, the one everyone can rely on and look up to. Kai is the awkward geek but talented at heart. He double majors in fashion tech and psycho-sciences although no one is sure how that works.

And Richard? Well he was known as the adopted son of his father, the mayor. Before that, he was known as the son of runaway criminal Damien Stitcher. And now? He'll be known as the dead boy.

Because when the town looks down on you and your mother has become someone else entirely and your father is gone and your sister hates you, there is only one thing left to do.

Richard Vamir died five minutes ago, but he knew what was going to happen before his killer did.

tagging: @astorsa , @inkingfireplace , @jugularss , @etheriiums , @vviciously , @nepeinthe , @vigilantscar , @sapphicsyn , @windswiftcupid , @modeans3 , @agnodice-writes , @liarede , @wherearethecrabs , @nemowritesstuff , @semblanche , @waterfallofinkandpages , @maskedlady , @margswrites , @vandorens , @cafisky , @crimeofmine , @notquitenovelist , @isaakandreyevs @books-of-lunacy , @llesbianwrites , @doevell , @thechapelscrow , @xnmasked , @crypticsx , @thatsadwriter , @where-the-sky-writes , @latrantem , @drewdropps , @noxstories , @writing-instead-of-fighting @elliewritesstories , @kaatiba (to be added and message to be removed. find me and the whole darcy, darcy content on my wattpad!)

#not having photoshop #just sucks #plain sucks #anyway heres the prologue #with a mysterious narrator #* wip: darcy.

82 notes · View notes

awkwardtaco056 · 4 years

Text

so now that i’m no longer in the Hell that was school and after finding the lovely blog @endcringe i’ve decided to talk about my own experiences with cringe culture, bullying, and why it’s Really Bad to not let people enjoy inherently harmless things, especially neurodivergent people (read more because this is gonna get long and triggering at times, TW for mentions of bullying, suicide, child abuse, a brief mention of incest shipping. I won’t be naming any of the peers that I discuss my experiences with, because my point with this post is Not to “cancel” anyone, I just want to speak out on my experiences)

I’m neurodivergent; I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 8 years old. I didn’t know a lot about it, and a family member even painted it as “oh it’s nothing blah blah blah just apply yourself more. Because of this, I had no idea about the concept of hyperfixations until I was in my late teens. Due to that, I would obsess over random things and my family would shame me relentlessly for it. My mother said I had an “addictive personality” and that she feared I’d end up a drug addict or alcoholic because of it.

I look younger than what I am, I’m short, and small. AKA, the perfect candidate for being picked on by people bigger and stronger than me. People made fun of my art when I was around 13, but fortunately that was an instance where spite fueled me to improve drastically. However, just because I happened to take the shitty comments and have it fuel me then does NOT mean bullying people will have that effect all the time. At some point someone put my old South Park fan art on a cringe blog. I was temporarily hurt, and a little angry, but I realized that if someone was making fun of a 15 year old’s art, they probably didn’t have much going for them in life, so I moved on.

Fast forward to high school. Everything was horrible and I’m not exaggerating when I say I barely made it out alive. I was living in an abusive household up until January 2018 and I found comfort in many different interests. I’ve always found great comfort in music and the arts in general. In 2016, I drew a picture of a mermaid. I was inspired by the chocolate opal gemstone, and I thought it’d be fun to draw a gay chubby mermaid with dark skin and a rainbow tail and freckles. Junior year was lousy and I wanted something that sparked Joy. I was immediately told that “scientifically, mermaids wouldn’t look like that. Mind you, my take looked like this:

Obviously I wasn’t going for realism, I just wanted to draw a cute mermaid. However, they continued to tell me that they wouldn’t look like that, going as far as writing so on the back of said drawing. When I got angry at her for taking it too far (as I’d established before that I didn’t like it when people wrote on my art without permission), they got angry back, accusing me of being unable to take criticism. Heated by the accusation, I went as far as asking my art teacher if it was fair for them to say that, and she said no, stating that constructive criticism would be talking about how I could improve my lineart and coloring in the digital version. I took her actual helpful criticism and since then have improved Drastically in digital art. Even with that being said, I found myself hesitant to participate in things such as MerMay because I was leery of hearing that peer berate me for having cartoony mermaids.

During high school I grew to love many musicians, a lot of emo/alternative stuff, a couple being Twenty One Pilots and Melanie Martinez. I love how unique TOP’s style is, their open discussion of mental illness, and as someone who had a rough childhood, I connected with every single song on Cry Baby. It was like nothing I’d ever heard. I started listening to mashups featuring all these different artists I love, adoring how they could change the tone and sound so drastically. A peer Bully of mine in junior year condemned these two artists, declaring that they made “Bad Music” simply because it didn’t fit their tastes. They’d throw my drawings on the ground, write over them in pen, steal my headphones so I couldn’t listen to music, push me around, complain that mashups sucked and gave them a headache, and in general shit all over conetnt that was actively preventing me from committing suicide.

Some family members were no better. Once high school hit, I began listening to Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and My Chemical Romance. Their deep complex lyrics stuck with me. I would write down quotes from my favorite songs and thanks to hyperfixating, I remember each studio album in order My mother resented when I fell in love with the “Emo Trinity” because “the Columbine shooters were emo and that event traumatized me” Despite that, not only did the Columbine tragedy occur in 1999 and none of the bands got together until the early 2000s, but I have a pretty good feeling those groups aren’t For gun violence. The other side constantly criticized the fact that I love FOB, P!ATD, and MCR because I’m black and “why must you listen to that white people music.”

I grew fond of Dan and Phil in high school (and I’m still a fan to this day!), I loved Phil’s kindness and positive aura and I deeply connect with Dan’s sense of humor and personality. Their content made me happy during some very dark times in my life. It’s November 2017, I’m over a close peer’s house at the time, and notice PINOF is upon us. I drew the PINOF whiskers on my face, my plan being to quietly watch them in the corner of peer’s bedroom on my phone through headphones, the others were doing their own thing and I knew they didn’t like them, so I thought they’d respect it if I silently indulged in it. Unfortunately, the complete opposite happened. I was immediately shunned and locked out of the bedroom, told that I’d only be let back in if I washed the whiskers off because “absolutely not”. Me, being stubborn, washed them off temporarily but drew them back on in the room. Life during then was especially bad for me, as the abusive household I was in was getting worse. They noticed, of course, and even though all I wanted was to enjoy this small tradition in a time during a deep depression, I was immediately shoved out the room and locked out, only to have said peer’s family members notice. I’m a relatively shy person, so this was honesty a really harrowing experience that had a lasting effect on me.

I grew to adore Sanders Sides as well, but the moment I found out most of my peers didn’t like Thomas, I was terrified. I stopped watching Dan and Phil’s content for months and shied away from other fandoms too, only occasionally indulging in times of complete solitude. One time when said peers were due to visit my house for the first time, I saw the Phandom and Fander stuff I’d hung up on my wall in my little sanctuary that was my bedroom (it was the first time in years I’d had my own room), and I was filled with panic and fear. I took them down and hid them away, genuinely terrified of what they’d do to me if they saw. It’s still incites so much anger in me to this day because they turned around and ended up shipping incest, but somehow liking D&P and Sanders Sides was So. Much. Worse.

They were baffled by my actions, despite having humiliated me Twice by going on a private blog of mine separate from everything so that I could fully indulge and laughing at everything on there, once at a peer’s house, once right in school. I don’t think they realized how traumatizing it was to have a large group of people in public laughing at something I was deeply self conscious about for all of my life. I put on a brave face at the time, but ended up crying in the bathroom after first period began. I continued to be treated as lesser until things came to an ugly head August 2018 when I ended up in the hospital because I nearly attempted suicide. Years of child abuse, bullying, and being deemed “cringy” made me feel like I didn’t deserve to be alive, that everyone would be happier if I were gone.

After arguably one of the lowest points in my life, I cut them off and slowly began to embrace the Real Me. I started letting myself enjoy the things again, made true friends and even found love, my first boyfriend ever at 18. I still get choked up retelling it, but when PINOF 10 dropped, after he found out how much I’d been hurt over the incident in 2017, I was greeted with a photo of him with the whiskers on his face. I cried for a while, blown away at such a pure act of kindness. He listens to me ramble about my interests, he compliments my taste in music, he watched K-12 with me.

This got incredibly long, but my point is this: Cringe Culture hurts people. You might think it’s whatever if the Thing doesn’t apply to your interests, but content you’re denouncing as cringy could be something that’s keeping them alive, that one flicker of light in a void of darkness. When I was contemplating suicide, I listened to The Black Parade, repeating Gee’s words to myself over and over, that nothing in the world was worth hurting yourself over. Some friendly joshing here and there is okay, but actively ripping someone to shreds constantly to the point where they have a mental breakdown in front of you and later on plan their own demise is disgusting. Nobody should abuse anyone for having harmless interests, no one. Unless you’re participating in p*dophilic/inc*st/s*xual assault/inherently abusive ships/content and pretending it’s not bad because “Fiction doesn’t impact reality!”, you have every right to like what you like and be happy. Read homestuck. Play Undertale. Draw up the Wildest OCs you can imagine. And stay away from people who try to rob you of innocent fun, life is too short and in this cruel, unforgiving world, you deserve to be happy, whether you’re a 13 year old who draws cute furries, a 16 year old cosplayer on TikTok, a VSCO girl, a 30 year old who writes/draws self insert art or a 20 year old who adores Invader Zim.

Cringe Culture is just bullying under a different name, and it can lead to many instances of people, especially fellow neurodivergent folk to feel isolated and ostracized. Attempting to bully someone out of an interest they have isn’t going to fix them; it’s more often than not going to cause more damage. I suffer from diagnosed C-PTSD, anxiety, and depression, and sometimes I still find myself trying to over-justify my interests. To all who are roped up in bad homes and lousy “friends” who berate you for your innocent passions, I’m sorry you’re suffering, things will one day get better even if it doesn’t feel like it, and fuck those people. I’d also like to note that sometimes even if it seems more terrifying, it’s better to have one or two close friends you can truly trust than a whole group that walks all over you. You have every right to call them out for treating you poorly, and if things don’t improve, you also have every right to leave.

You have a right to live your True Self.

47 notes · View notes

under-the-blue-sun · 4 years

Text

(more than just a) summer fling

summary: dan howell absolutely despises the beach. but maybe a model named phil can help him out with that.

word count: 3489

rating: teen & up for swearing, but it’s mostly just fluff

warnings: profanity

note: abwug7te6fighi i wrote this ages ago for the @phandomficfests‘s bingo with the prompt summer fling but i forgot to post it so uh...here it is i guess? enjoy! <3

read on ao3

If there was one thing Dan knew for certain, it was that he hated the beach.

Sure, it may seem kind of ironic because his family literally lived in a beach house, but he despised everything about the beach. He hated the sand, the saltwater, the traffic that would pile up for kilometres outside his home, everything.

He was not alone in this. His family also hated the beach. In fact, when his mother woke them all up one morning and announced that they were heading the beach, Dan almost burst out into laughter. The idea of his family going to the beach in summer was ridiculous and unfathomable Dan thought it was a joke at first, until he looked at his mum's expression. He was even more shocked when he saw his father nodding along. His father for one was extremely cynical against the commercialism and the crowded nature of their local beach in the hot weather and his mother would constantly complain about the overrated nature of the beach which would cause traffic, little to no parking and the loud parties which meant no one could sleep through the night. He doubted his little brother Adrian had even gone to the beach with his family in his life. The last time Dan remembered going was when he was six, when he threw up in the sea because he swallowed too much seawater, something his family will never let him live down. Dan shook his head to get rid of the embarrassing flashback and he snapped back to the present.

"We're doing what?" Adrian asked incredulously.

"Don't pretend you didn't hear me, Adrian. We're going to the beach." their mother replied.

"But why?" Dan questioned.

"And...and what?" Adrian added.

Their father slammed his newspaper down. "Your mother is right. You two boys have hardly been outside for the entirety of this summer, playing video games and scrolling through social media and whatnot. You need a bit of fresh air."

Dan and Adrian both groaned. Dan desperately did not want to go to the beach. The beach really did have everything he hated. The texture of the sand made him uncomfortable, the sea brought back bad memories and the people were abnormally too loud and happy. Plus, he would be forced to dress in skimpy clothes which made him feel way too exposed when his normal fashion choice was a black hoodie and a pair of black jeans. Call him emo, but he did not want to go to the beach.

Unfortunately, both brothers had no choice in the matter. After eating breakfast, their mother and father forced them to get ready and by afternoon they were both awkwardly standing in the beach, mats and sunscreen in hand.

“I bags the blue mat.” Adrian demanded. Dan shrugged and gave it to him.

“I don’t really care.” Dan replied, whipping out his sunglasses with plans to catch up on some missed sleep that afternoon. That plan was immediately foiled by his father.

“Get off the mat, Daniel, and give it to your mother.” his father yelled from the parking lot.

And that was how Dan ended up sitting down on some rocks near the end of the beach, contemplating life and existence.

He could see Adrian in the distance, playing ball with his friends, having a particular sort of happiness about him that made Dan almost envious. His parents were merely tiny dots in the horizon, lost among the other spots and speckles amongst the beach. Dan sighed, lost in his melodramatic and existential thoughts.

“Sorry sir, I’m afraid that you have to move slightly. You are just in our picture.”

Dan looked to see the voice and saw that it was a man with headphones and a shirt that said “CREW”. He realised that there was a whole photoshoot happening to his right which he didn’t even notice. Oops.

“Uh, of course. Move to my left?” Dan asked awkwardly.

The man nodded. “Yes, thank you sir. My deepest apologies.”

Dan opened his mouth to reply, but the man already went off to attend the photoshoot. He could see him gesturing the model to climb on the rocks. Interested in this endeavour now, Dan turned to watch.

The model truly was stunning, there was no doubt about that. His pale, snow-white skin pleasantly contrasted with his jet black hair styled up in a quiff. Blue eyes almost blended in with the horizon and the sky, pupils seemingly perceiving something in the far distance.

Yes, there was no doubt this model was beautiful. If Dan saw this photo in the shops, he would definitely be looking at the man more than he would be admiring the brown trench coat he was advertising for.

Dan was definitely staring now, but he almost didn’t notice. He was now lost in the sea of blue, his wonderful ocean eyes, his time and place had been forgotten. That was until the model turned his face to inspect Dan, confused and intrigued.

Fuck, wank, fuck. What do I do now?

Panicking internally, Dan turned and winked at the guy. Oh god, what have I done now? The model turned a pleasant shade of pink and faced away from Dan.

To avoid any more awkward encounters, Dan took out his book and began to read. His eyes could not stay on the book, and he had that unstoppable urge to look at the model. He quickly glanced up from his novel, seeing that the model was staring at him. It was now Dan’s turn to blush, fully turning away from the photoshoot now.

Minutes, hours and some sort of time might have passed, but Dan was unsure, too lost in his own thoughts to have a perception of time. The next thing he knew, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Dan turned around, thinking it was his mum or dad, but suddenly made eye contact with the model from earlier.

He was out of his trench coat now, dressed in more casual clothes. However, he was just as good-looking, his denim shorts bringing out the blue in his eyes.

Dan could see up close that his eyes were a mixture of blue, green and yellow, somehow making the person more attractive. The guy grinned at him, making Dan swoon.

“I saw you staring at me earlier.” he said. Dan raised his eyebrows.

“You too.” Dan pointed out. The model laughed.

“Touché. Hey, how’s about we go out for lunch?” he asked.

“Moving quickly, are we...” Dan’s voice trailed off as he realised he didn’t know his name. The model chuckled.

“Lester. Phil Lester. And you are?”

“Dan Howell. Look, Lester, not going to lie, you are hot and all -“

“You think I’m hot?” Phil interrupted. Dan rolled his eyes.

“Look, the thing is, I do don’t normally go off with random boys I meet on the beach.” Dan said.

“There’s always a first.” Phil pointed out.

Dan sighed. “No.”

“Please? I might even give you a free kiss.” Phil said.

"A free kiss? That is an unmissable deal." Dan said, shaking his head while fighting back a smile.

"Isn't it?" Phil said, winking.

“Well, I guess I’m going to have to take you to court for abduction.” Dan replied, taking Phil’s hand to so he could get up on the pavement.

Phil grinned. "At least I have experience in looking good for the mugshot," he quipped back. Dan smirked.

"So, model boy, any plans for where you want to go?" Dan asked. Phil shrugged.

"How does fish and chips sound?" Phil replied.

"Sounds great."

On the way to the fish and chips restaurant, Dan learnt three things. Firstly, Phil was only seventeen despite looking a lot older and more mature which Phil immediately took offense at. The second thing he learnt is that he was from Britain and that he came all the way to America just to get a photoshoot done.

"I'm from Britain too. I moved here when I was ten, but the accent still stayed." Dan said.

"It's good to meet a fellow Brit from all the way across the seas."

"Well, it is the land of the free."

The third thing he learnt was that Phil wanted to keep his model career for as long as he can, and then use that status to get into his dream job as a weatherman.

"A weatherman? Why?" Dan asked, bewildered with Phil's dream.

"Weathermans are cool!" Phil said defensively. Dan rolled his eyes.

"Sure they are, Lester." Dan replied. Phil continued to protest until they reached the fish and chips store, where they managed to secure the last seat at the very back.

"Well, I've talked all about me, Howell. What's to learn about you?" Phil asked. Dan shrugged.

"Nothing much really. I'm pretty uninteresting." Dan said. Phil leaned closer to Dan. Dan's heartbeat quickened. He could see every detail of Phil's face now, from his light freckles to the shape of his lips.

"You're pretty cute for an uninteresting person." Phil said, gazing into Dan's eyes. Dan immediately went red and looked away, ignoring Phil's smug face.

To Dan's relief, the waiter quickly came by to take their order. Being an intelligent man, Dan tactfully used this opportunity to change the uncomfortable way the conversation was going.

"So...Mr Lester...what made you want to become a model anyway?" Dan asked, running a hand through his hair. Phil squirmed in his seat.

"Don't call me...that. That's my dad's name." Phil said after a long pause.

Dan smirked. "I thought you wanted to be a weatherman."

"They're not addressed like that!" Phil protested.

"The question at hand?" Dan said, raising his eyebrow. Phil shrugged.

"I had been modelling since I was young, I guess. My mother would always make me and my brother Martyn go for these photoshoots just for a bit of fun. Then a clothing brand, Burberry I think, contacted us and invited me to do a collection with them. And the rest is history I guess," Phil replied.

"So from then on you just became a part time model?" Dan asked, intrigued.

Phil sighed heavily. "Sometimes it feels more like a full time job, to be honest." he answered. Dan tilted his head.

"What do you mean?" Dan inquired.

"Modelling takes up a hell lot of my time. I always seem to be at photoshoots, 24/7. Often I find I have to do homework on set in between shoots. I mean, I love modelling but I definitely prioritize school, you know? I don't know." Phil said in a wistful tone. Dan nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I agree. Like - well - obviously it's not, like, a full time job, but I am involved in the local theatre company and half the time -"

"Theatre company. Of course you're a theatre kid." Phil interrupted.

"What?" Dan replied. Phil laughed and shook his head.

"Never mind. Sorry, go on." Phil answered.

"And half the time I'm rehearsing or practicing and the other half of the time I have to do work and assignments and study for tests. It's like I have no free time for myself. And I honestly really enjoy theatre, but it takes up a lot of my time." Dan replied.

"What musical are you doing?" Phil asked.

"Bring it On. There's a lot of dancing, but I'm Randall the DJ so I kind of just stand there and watch everyone do exercise." Dan said. Phil gasped.

"Wait, wait, I know that musical! It's composed by Lin-Manuel Miranda, isn't it?" Phil replied.

Dan nodded in response. Phil gasped again.

"I wanna see you do it!" Phil whined. Dan laughed.

"You wouldn't be able to, Lester. It's all the way in March." Dan replied.

"I will fly over here on March and I'll see it myself. Just you wait, Howell."

Dan laughed in the moment, but he felt something inside his stomach swirl. He was having a lot of fun right now - probably more fun that he ever will this entire summer - but in the end he knew this thing he had with Phil would just be a summer fling. Phil would fly back to England, continue modelling, and then find another person to keep him company. He would be happy there, but Dan felt selfish and wanted him for himself. What was Dan going to do after this? Study more? Rehearse more? Stay sadly single as he watches everyone around him find a significant other? He knew in his heart that Phil would mean more to him then he would ever be to Phil. To Dan, Phil would be his first fling, his first "boyfriend", his first...someone. To Phil, Dan was nothing more than another person to keep him interested.

He would probably forget about Dan by the time they even did the dress rehearsal.

---

After ravenously eating their fish and chips, the pair decided to go on a walk on the beach. They made a bit of small talk on the way until Dan decided to drop his darkest secret.

"Phil. I have a confession to make." Dan said.

"What is it?" Phil replied in a hushed tone.

"I don't like the beach." Dan admitted, articulating each consonant to bring more emphasis to his confession. Phil stopped in his tracks and gasped dramatically.

"No." Phil said in disbelief.

"It's true. I don't like the beach, and I never will." Dan replied.

"But - why?" Phil said, lost for words.

"Probably because I still have PTSD from when we did Surf Education by the beach and everyone watched me swim even though I never did any formal training in swimming and I was doing okay until I swallowed saltwater and I choked in it, meaning I had stopped swimming and I kind of drowned and my maths teacher had to save me and then I threw it all up while everyone else was learning how to surf and I stayed home sick for two weeks because I was too mortified to face any of them again and I never made eye contact with my maths teacher ever again." Dan replied. Phil made a face.

"Yikes." Phil replied, "I don't really know what to say."

"Anyway, so I hate the beach."

There was a brief and slightly awkward silence in the air.

"Okay, so you had a traumatic experience. But come on, the beach isn't that bad! The sand is...squishy. And nice. And warm."

"They get in your clothes and you find them in your hair weeks after you went to the beach."

"The view is...pretty."

"Come on man, I live in a beach house. I see the view every day."

"Well, the - wait. You said you live in a beach house and...you hate the beach?"

"Yeah?"

Phil then started laughing. Not just normal laughing - the type of laughing where you can't breathe, where your stomach hurts, where tears start streaming out of years. Phil started doing all the above at once, in the middle of the pavement to the beach. Strangers started giving him and Dan strange looks, but Phil didn't seem to notice. Phil finally started taking deep breaths and stopped his laughter.

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me. It isn't even that funny. It's just...the irony of that. On point." Phil said.

"Yeah, I get that a lot." Dan said.

"How about we make sandcastles?" Phil asked.

"What are we, 5?" Dan snorted.

"Hey! Sandcastles aren't just for children. Let me show you." Phil said, hopping down on the sand. Dan stared at him from the pavement, only watching as Phil encouraged him down. Nothing happened.

Frustrated, Phil took Dan's hand and dragged him down, almost landing headfirst in the sand. Somehow, Dan had only just managed to not fall on the sand and he was now resting in Phil's arms. They briefly made eye contact in the awkward position before Phil hoisted Dan up.

"I did not consent." Dan said as Phil dragged him closer to the ocean.

"Don't worry, you'll appreciate it." Phil said, letting go of Dan's hand to bend down and mold the sand.

Dan sighed and bent down at Phil's eye level. He began to mold some sand. He created a short mound and drew a sad face on it with his finger.

"There's my sandcastle." Dan said, lying down on the beach. Phil lightly slapped his shoulder.

"Make a flag for it at least." Phil said. Sighing, Dan sat up and looked around for the nearest stick. He groaned.

"But the sticks and leaves are all the way over there." Dan whinged. It was now Phil's turn to sigh.

"I'll come with you." Phil said, standing up to follow Dan.

"Wow, not going to lie, those flowers are pretty pretty." Dan said. Phil glanced at them.

"Oh, they're the camissonia cheiranthifolia cheiranthifolia." Phil said. Dan gave him a funny look.

"What?" Dan said, amazed and confused.

"Or the Beach Evening Primrose, as it is more commonly known." Phil clarified.

"How the hell do you know that?" Dan asked. Phil shrugged.

"I have an appreciation for botany." Phil said. "I grow a lot of plants at home."

"What is that one, then?" Dan questioned, pointing at the reddish purple flowers on the left. Phil squinted.

"I believe that is abronia maritima, or the sand verbana." Phil said. Dan looked at him in wonder.

"You know what? I'm not gonna even." Dan said.

After deciding on what flowers, leaves and sticks they wanted for the sandcastles, and after Phil flexed more of his knowledge of flora, they walked to where the sandcastles once were.

"No, they were destroyed by the sea!" Phil exclaimed.

"It's fine, we can make new ones." Dan said. Phil looked back at Dan with a wide smile.

"What?" Dan asked. Phil shook his head.

"Never mind." Phil laughed. "Anyway, I have an idea. We'll do a competition for the best sandcastle. Loser owes winner a something?"

Dan thought about it. "So a Dan vs Phil?"

"Pretty much," Phil responded, shrugging. Dan smirked.

"You're going down, Lester," Dan said.

"Am not!" Phil protested. "Just you wait."

And so the made sandcastles till sundown, both concentrating on their creation, adding shells, flowers, sticks, leaves and all kinds of things. It was a wholesome moment, filled with a childlike playful innocence. At one point Dan decided to throw a sandball at Phil and they ended up having a sandball fight for a solid five minutes before they were both choking on sand and decided to stop.

"I think I'm done." Phil said decidedly.

"Me too." Dan admitted. "Woah!"

Phil's sandcastle consisted of many different castles within a circular gate. It was large and impressive, a huge fortress that towered over Dan’s minimalists mansion. Shells and plants were all over it, used for decoration, and even the water from the sea was utilised to create a moat. Dan whistled impressively.

"Alright, I concede. You win. I owe you a something." Dan sighed, pouting. Phil laughed at the look on Dan's face.

"It's fine, I'll get you a coke. Then you owe me something." Phil said with a wink. Dan felt his entire face flush red.

"Yeah, yeah." Dan muttered, attempting to hide his warm face from the attractive model. Phil grabbed Dan's hand and pulled it across the beach.

"Come on, beach house boy. Brighten up, we can't all be winners." Phil teased. Dan rolled his eyes fondly.

"Stop flexing and get me a coke." Dan whined.

After a long wait in the queue, the two tall teenagers sat on the empty side of the beach, watching the stars and listening to the party from afar. The dark sky blanketed the beach, the lonely moonlight illuminating Phil's fair face. He watched Phil grin and turn to him, his heart beating faster and faster with every second.

"You know, you still owe me something." Phil mused distractedly, gazing off into the dark sea.

"I guess." Dan replied quietly, the right words trapped in his dry mouth. He quickly glanced at Phil, only to find him looking right back at him.

“What do you want to owe me?” Phil whispered. Dan shrugged.

“Whatever you want, I guess.”

A split second passed in time, and suddenly they were kissing under the night sky, cold ocean water brushing their feet. As milliseconds passed, Dan slowly felt his heart begin to calm and their heartbeats were soon in sync, comforted by the other's presence.

“Today’s been a good day. I want this again. I want all of this again.” Phil said.

“Me too,” Dan replied. “I think I just want you.”

Phil blushed and smiled quietly at Dan’s compliment. Not breaking eye contact, Dan took Phil’s hand in his.

"I really like you." Dan murmured quietly.

Phil smiled softly. "I really like you too.”

Maybe they would be more than just a summer fling.

10 notes · View notes

wiccamoody · 5 years

Text

on fandoms, deppy, glee & my life changing through media

sometimes i think i must be silly or too obsessed or too attached when i think about how much dan and phil, and being in this community, have changed my life.

people laugh when people talk about celebrities and fandoms changing their lives, and maybe one day they will be that realization that the celebrities and the fandom didn’t really change anything, that they were just a catalyst to the change you went through. maybe i’ll figure that out in 20 years or something, but right now the change is distinctly tied to these things, these people, these fandoms.

i’ve been in fandom (and by fandom i mean internet fandom) for just over 10 years now. i remember being around 9 or 10 and wanting more from harry potter than just the books and just the 5 movies that were out and just the pc games we had. i did some googling and found fansites and forums and fanfiction and i was probably too young to be reading and looking at a lot of what i was looking at but i was sucked in and completely gone (and harry potter still remains the one constant fandom in my life. despite all the bullshit, it’s my one fandom for life, at least right now). i’ve been in many a fandom ever since this, and while i’d say harry potter and twilight (which i got into around the same time new moon came out) had the largest influence on me as formative fandoms, glee came into my life sometime in 2010 and that changed everything.

i was 11 when i started watching glee. probably too young, but the awful jokes they made mostly flew over my head which is probably a good thing. glee was…my life. harry potter was too, and then twilight, but glee had this impact on me in such a different way than those two. harry potter was my escape in my childhood, something i could easily turn to, like a comfort blanket. twilight was my bridge into the young adult lit world, and into the emo, goth, monster loving phase i haven’t quite left yet. but glee…glee shaped my whole world for me.

i recognize that this is quite problematic; the whole show is problematic. it complicated my relationship with myself, with others, how i valued my self worth, and ultimately in really formative years of my life (11-14 was my prime glee phase, also my prime puberty phase, and i started high school at 13) left a lasting impression that i carried with me. i wish i had been past those years when the show was airing, i wish i knew how to critically consume media but i was a literal child.

it was great though. despite having to go through my late teens unlearning things, glee was so fucking great. fandom was great. fic was great, feeling seen was great. but now i’m just haunted by it and i love to hate it. and i know it changed my life. for the first time watching it i felt this…feeling of comfort, in an odd sense. glee was supposed to be (key words here: supposed to be) a show about the misfits, for the misfits, and comedic. it was all of those thing for me because i was a kid and i was lost and confused and stuck and i didn’t know how to critically consume media. i used to have episodes on to help me fall asleep. i spent all my birthday and christmas money on music and boxed sets. i read fic and i wrote some in my head because i was too chicken to post anything and i spent hours combing through twitter. it consumed me and i let it because it was a safe space for me. again, very problematic looking back, but it was that first space for me to feel comfortable.

i grew up in a very accepting household, but my mum’s old school in that she relies heavily on “gaydar” and always said she would know if i were gay and she knew that i wasn’t. and mum’s always right, right? a few other things happened in my life tangentially to that, and i just never had the space to think about my sexuality as anything other than straight. i didn’t question…anything about myself because i was a walking conglomeration of self-hatred and glee character personalities, and my mum knows best, right? but i latched onto glee and what it was supposed to mean, and i latched onto klaine and everything it meant to me, and when i was constantly asked “why are your favourite characters always the gay ones?” i never had an answer besides i liked them and they’re just…my favourites, when deep down they resonated with me in a way i hadn’t experienced before so i kept them close to my heart.

the glee got progressively shittier and my interest was waning and i turned to other things. my best friend got into these dan and phil guys some time in october 2014 and begged me for months and months to watch them until she sat me down in december 2014 and forced me to watch a dan video because “you’ll like it and you’re a lot like him!”. and i immediately felt both of those things.

i fell so fucking hard for them. i spent my entire winter break that year watching everything with them in it that i could get my hands on, consistently watching the sunrise as vyou after vyou played and i scrolled endlessly on tumblr, taking in everything i could.

i was so lost, 15 going on 16 and depressed without knowing it, feeling like everything was going to fall apart when i touched it, like my existence was the end of the world because i am also very dramatic. but watching them was (and still is, really) an escape. from reality, from my feelings, from everything.

to make a long story short (because this is already so very long) despite everything happening in the phandom, i found so much solace in it. it was this space that fostered so much openness about sexuality and shit in our lives because a lot of people were my age. i was older and i knew how to critically consume media and i wanted to challenge the adults in my life so i took a lot of comfort in what this community was, and still is.

i don’t know if i would know i’m a lesbian (which i still have trouble typing out; words have power and stigma, and this one has been used against me in many ways) at this point in my life, or earlier, or at all, if it weren’t for this space. there are a lot of things i wouldn’t have known about myself without this space, far too many to list. i don’t even know if i would have gone to get help again, to get an actual diagnosis instead of shrinking away from help because the first “professional” i reached out to told me my mental health was just a minor issue in my life, that just breathing and willing away the thoughts will help. i don’t know if i would be on the recovery journey i’m on right now if dan hadn’t made that video about his depression. the list goes on, in this personal sense.

and i wouldn’t have the people i have in my life now if it weren’t for this community. if i hadn’t said fuck it and decided to write and post and then taken the leap to join a word war chat and get angry to the point of joining idb and ceasing my position as a lurker and have everything spiral into what it is now, i would probably still be who i was just under 2 years ago, and that person was so sad. the friends i’ve made in this community have truly enriched my life and i’m so happy to have them in my life and to be able to call them friends, more than i can say.

there are so many things in my life that wouldn’t have happened without fandom. i could be here for hours and hours listing and explaining, but i’ll save anyone reading this far still.

people still laugh when i talk about fandom, especially when i say it’s changed my life. people who don’t get it will never get it, and i’m trying to brush that off and unlearn the shame i’ve instilled in myself over the years because people are mean. i’m not sure why i typed all that out. it’s been on my mind, though, and i wanted to put it somewhere. media changes people. the media we consume is important, whether you’re a fan of the media or not. it’s important to society and important to individuals. fandom’s been there for me in too many ways to say, but i wanted to get some of that off my chest. i’m ~feeling things and i wanted to say something. even if no one reads this i’m happy to have gotten it out and sent it into the void. i’m obsessed, yes. silly for sure. but i’m not silly for knowing that things have changed my life, and to continue to say that they have. i still have a lot to unlearn in the way of shame, and i know owning it is part of that. so maybe my conclusion to this massive wall of text is this is me owning it right now, owning the thing that people like to laugh at. it’s a step in the right direction, at least.

#maybe this is like a blog post or something idk #am i using tumblr as intended? idk lol #i just wanted to get this out #this is a ramble

9 notes · View notes