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#cw: existentialism
ghoulinfuschia · 5 months
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Better stitch that up before the spiders get out
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saintavangeline · 6 months
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My interpretation of “In The Desert” by Stephen Crane
Please credit me if you repost elsewhere. @saintavangeline (all socials)
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nerdyenby · 1 year
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Going insane about how the world of Minecraft keeps growing. Taller, wider, deeper, older than we the player will ever truly know. We are tiny in the grand scheme of things, yet we have been given this world — this universe — as a blank canvas.
We have the power to shape the world to our will, to literally move the mountains, yet we could never explore it all. There is no end for us to find, there is no beginning we can make any sense of, there only is the now and the remnants of the past buried beneath our feet.
The world is coming back to life around us, but with it emerges reminders of the immense loss this universe has suffered.
We find plants thriving without sunlight; we find darkness unfathomable with creatures who cannot comprehend the light and kill without mercy, alone for who knows how long. We discover a new mineral only now beginning to form again, presumably after being harvested nearly out of existence, but we find no trace of where it all went - of what it was used for. We find otherworldly new crops that have been in the soil below us all along; unable to reemerge on their own and us ignorant to their existence.
We find a way to bring back a species long extinct, but how many of them died first? We find ruins and remnants of structures created by intelligent creatures, but these people are gone. We don’t know what happened to them, who they were, or what knowledge they may have had to pass down to us.
We know nothing of the people who came before us. Their structures are submerged under the ocean and beneath the earth. Any language they may have left behind has long since been lost to time. All we know is that someone used to be here, that this world was lived in and loved, and now it is ours alone.
We are the sole inhabitants of a world we used to be able to believe was fresh and new and untouched by man, but as the game progresses we realize that was never the case. We were never the first ones here. This world has a history, one of love and life and pain and death we will never get the full story of. We’re starting to develop the tools to uncover some of the pieces, but we will never be able to grasp what came before.
Maybe we were never meant to find out. Knowing we aren’t alone in the universe changes everything, but does it really? So we are not the first to build our homes and live our lives here. This is still our home and this is still our life.
This world knows loss unfathomable, but she found us and took us in. This world has seen far more destruction than we will ever know, yet she entrusts herself to us, allowing us to create. This world has a past, but we are her present, and we get to help shape her future.
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solradguy · 8 months
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I translated this one too but the punchline ended up being heavy instead of stupid lol
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awakenedsalamander · 6 months
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Thinking about how vampirism in the World of Darkness isn’t just dehumanizing in the sense that it makes you a literal monster but also how the Embrace quite directly rips away some of the most meaningful parts of someone’s identity to make room for the Beast.
Like, the obvious examples here are Garou and mages, given that the former, when Embraced, become the aptly-named Abominations, who lose their connection to Gaia and the Umbra and find themselves forcibly aligned with the Wyrm, the force that they view as the most horrific and destructive thing in the world; and the latter have their Avatar, their connection to magic and possibility and understanding, utterly annihilated— their one guiding light extinguished and replace with an entity that is (except for probably in the case of widderslainte) more vicious and cruel than even the most harrowing Avatar.
It’s telling that the Embrace is thus reflective of something each group considers to be one of the worst fates imaginable: dancing the Black Spiral and undergoing Gilgul, respectively.
But that’s a lot of jargon and doesn’t really hit if you don’t know the details of those game lines— the haunting part is that the basic idea remains the same even for mortals.
I mean, it’s true that everyone, mortal or otherwise, has some degree of intrusive urges toward malicious behavior, but the Beast is just so much worse than that. To be Embraced is to straightforwardly die, to lose the essence that keeps you alive, and have it brought back in this twisted form— from now on, to live is to kill and the Beast will never let you forget it.
Sure, vampires still retain their old interests and passions. I’m personally not keen on the interpretation of Kindred as inherently not having things like empathy, creativity, or grief. I think they still feel compassion and curiosity and tranquility and love and all that… but always, lurking behind them, is the Beast.
And maybe I’m just being a self-serious edge-boi but that’s such an unnerving thought. To still care about the people around you, but never without something whispering about how much you need— deserve— their loyalty, their service, their deaths.
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occatorcreator · 2 days
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Second Chances
Links - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
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1 - Family Lost
Purple and his mother receive a grim diagnosis, and Purple struggles to find a cure to save his only living family member.
Content Warnings: Disease and Major Character Death
Tick tock. Tick tock.
Purple stared up at the clock that punctuated the silent waiting room with its ticking. 
10:15 am. His morning elective class was close to wrapping up. He distantly thought that he should care about what he’ll miss at school, but he couldn’t focus on anything other than the hammering of the clock and how long he waited for a response.
Tick tock. Tick tock.
He looked from the clock to the door, waiting for a nurse to come and summon him. Right now, he had been in the hospital for over two hours and there hadn’t been any updates on his mother’s current condition.
If I had slept in, Purple thought, tapping his foot with anxious energy in time with the clock, would she not have made it?
The thing was, he almost had. He had almost shut his blaring alarm off and gone back to sleep. He really hadn’t been in the mood to go to school this morning; he was sure there was a test in math, and he wasn’t ready for it. School was… well, it had become more unpleasant since the divorce. Despite it being a year since Navy left, thoughts of the divorce sent his mind into a negative tailspin. All those times Navy ragged on him to wake up “bright and early” every day for routine exercise, and all those times he got annoyed by Purple’s fussing made him resent the idea of getting up at all.
He debated sleeping in to spite Navy, but what was the point of that? Not like Navy would show up to witness the spite. All that would come of sleeping in would be the omelets mom prepared growing cold. She was the only parent he had left now; he couldn’t let her down by being a brat about school.
And now he faced the possibility of having no parents… he found his mother fallen to the kitchen floor, unconscious, with the omelets burning.
Tick tock. Tick tock.
Every second not knowing if Orchid was alright or dead drove Purple mad. He had driven as quickly as he could to the hospital and made enough of a scene in the emergency room to get her wheeled in right away. The doctors had escorted him to a nearby waiting room after they took Orchid to treatment, offering reassurance and describing some procedure they’re doing.
Knowing that barely worked to calm him down. Purple was no longer actively panicking, but he was fretting. He hated sitting. It was the inability to do anything but wait, unsure what the response would be, unable to take his mind off of anything but his prayers that things will be alright.
Tick tock. Tick- creak.
The door grabbed Purple’s attention. He stood up preemptively, ready to meet the nurse, only to blanch back as a giant orange stick figure ducked his way through the door frame. Clutching at his massive hand was a golden child, about four or five years old. He looked nervously around the room, sticking close to the orange stick’s leg.
“Just have a seat, Mr. Tango,” the nurse said. “We’ll call you when they’re done.”
The stick figure nodded at the nurse with a sour expression.
“Will Second be okay?” the child asked the nurse.
“Your older sibling will be fixed up,” the nurse said, smiling softly. “It’s just a minor fracture.”
And what about my mother? Purple wanted to ask. Is she going to be okay? 
The question died on his tongue as Mr. Tango passed by him to take a seat. Purple instantly stepped back from the towering figure. By the time he and his child found a place to sit, the nurse had already left, shutting the door.
Great, still nothing, Purple thought, returning to his seat. He missed the prior solitude of the waiting room. With other stick figures around, he felt self conscious of his worrying. Not to mention, one of them was a small child. Purple wasn’t ready for the annoyance that would follow when that small child inevitably got bored and started wandering around, looking for things to do.
“Hello,” the child waved at Purple.
Purple took a deep breath, counted mentally to two, and looked at the child standing before him with what he hoped was a neutral expression.
“Hi,” he greeted half-heartedly.
The child tapped his hands together nervously, eyes looking down at Purple’s feet upon the less-than warm response. Somehow his sour mood didn’t send the kid crawling to his parent, which made Purple raise an eyebrow.
“What do you want?” Purple asked, baring his teeth in a false grin.
“Um, can I have that?” The child asked, pointing at the table filled with magazines.
Purple waved his hand dismissively. “I’m not using it, and you don’t need to ask. Just take it.”
The child brightened and grabbed a magazine. He retreated back to sit by his father, who’s cold gaze regarded Purple in a way that made Purple’s skin crawl. The giant’s gaze reminded him of Navy’s.
Specifically, the day Navy left. He could never forget that cold and guarded stare despite Orchid’s best attempts to shield them from him.
“I guess this is it, then,” Navy said, “I’m leaving.”
Don’t think about him, Purple mentally scolded, closing his eyes to refocus on the present.
With nothing else to get his mind off of the past and present situation, he watched as the child flipped through the magazine. It didn’t take long for the child to realize that magazines were mostly advertisements and boring articles he couldn’t read before he placed it to the side. He caught that Purple was looking at him, and Purple failed to look away in time.
“My sibby broke their thumb.”
Sibby? Purple didn’t know how to comment on that odd shorthand for sibling. 
“Ah…How did that happen?” It took Purple a full second before he found his voice. He got the feeling the kid was a bit of a chatterbox, how unfortunate. Purple had no desire to talk, but he felt like he couldn’t stay silent either.
Maybe this could get his mind off of things...
“My dad had a day off, took me and Second in the park,” the child said, “We did lots of fun stuff and it was really nice out. We were playing truth or dare, and I dared Second to punch a tree!”
He looked expectantly, waiting for Purple to supply a question. Yet when Purple only bothered with a raised eyebrow, Mr. Tango cleared his throat. 
“You two didn’t answer why you did that in the first place, Gold,” Mr. Tango said.
The child — Gold — looked down at his dangling legs, ashamed. “It’s cuz Sec’s as strong as you, dad.” Gold said, “I wanted to see if they could punch a hole in the tree.”
Punch a hole in a tree? Ridiculous. Purple scoffed.
“Still. Punching things without the proper technique can be dangerous,” Mr. Tango said. “I hope you two don’t do that again in the future.”
“We won’t, dad,” Gold said.
Again, Mr. Tango reminded Purple of Navy. That comment was a straight-out warning he said during sparring lessons. His father drilled in many basics on keeping yourself from breaking your arm while fighting. Having that reminder of his father again, combined with the ludicrousness of the child’s story, and the fact they were in the hospital over something so stupid made Purple surly. 
“Let me guess,” Purple said, “your sibling was dumb enough to tuck their thumb in their fist while punching?” 
That was harsh. Now both father and son were glaring at Purple. Purple could feel his heart hammering, desire to cower and apologize strong, but not strong enough to overcome anger brought on from constant fatigue and stress.
“Second’s not dumb!” Gold snapped. “They just didn’t know they needed to do that.”
Purple shrugged. “Sounds like the definition of dumb to me,” Purple said, “I mean tucking your thumb in is unnatural and uncomfortable, so why do that?”
“Not everyone comes into the world knowing everything there is to know,” Mr. Tango warned, “and I don’t care much for you insulting someone you hardly know.”
Mr. Tango said it with a threatening, low tone that made Purple reconsider and apologize for his meanness. 
Almost. He might have, had Gold kept his mouth shut.
“They managed to knock the tree down in one hit even when doing it wrong!” Gold bragged. “I bet you can’t do that!”
Inadvertently, Gold managed to hit a sore point for Purple. Orchid and Navy both were prolific fighters in their prime, strong and agile enough to break wood and cinder blocks with a well placed hit. Purple knew it could be done, but he was never strong enough, never fast enough to do it. All he got was painful bruising and a sprain so awful he gave up trying.
And given today, Purple’s fuse was short.
“You little liar,” Purple snapped, “no one can do that.”
“I’m not!” Gold balked, and he tugged on Mr. Tango’s arm. “Dad, you saw it too! Tell him! Second did punch a tree down!”
But there was a split second of hesitation in Mr. Tango’s gaze, that moment of doubt and skepticism. Before he had the chance to defend his son, Purple pounced.
“If your dad claims that, then he’s helping a liar,” Purple said, “I thought preschool taught you better than to make up stories for attention.”
“I’m not! I’m not! I’m not!” Gold yelled, and Purple saw that the child was so worked up that tears were forming in his eyes. “I’m not a liar!”
“What is your problem?” Mr. Tango snapped, standing up tall to get between Gold and Purple. He didn’t yell like Purple did, but clearly didn’t hide his anger. “You have no right to talk to my son like that.”
“Maybe if you didn’t want me to yell at your liar of a kid,” Purple snapped, standing back up, “then you should have parented better.”
“Excuse me?”
Purple stood up. He was a pipsqueak to the massive stick figure before him, his limbs shaking from fear and rage both. 
“I’m just saying, a kid who broke his wrist punching trees and one that makes up tall tales to strangers reflects poorly on you.” Purple said, “My parents wouldn’t hear me spouting such nonsense.”
“Where are they?” Mr. Tango asked, grinning without any joy. “I would like to talk with them about their parenting skills if they could raise someone who’d yell at children for little reason.”
To that Purple had no response.
Oh creator, what would mom think of me right now? Purple thought, visibly deflating and stared at the ground in shame.
Now the only sound there was the clocks ticking and Gold crying. Seeing no fight left in Purple, Mr. Tango sat down and started to console his child. Gold buried his head in his father’s chest, weeping and insisting he wasn’t a liar.
Creak
“Purple?” A nurse came in with a clipboard. 
“Yes?” Purple straightened himself up. “Is she ready?”
“She is,” the nurse nodded, his expression appearing grim despite his smile. “She wants to talk to you.”
Oh, good she’s awake, Purple thought, but still… the dread in his stomach grew. Why is the nurse looking at me like that if she’s awake?
“Okay. Take me to her.”
He followed the nurse out, ignoring the pressing glares of Mr. Tango and Gold following him out.
=
“Rapid aging syndrome?”
Purple sat by Orchid’s beside, holding her hand. Orchid was looking rather pale and frail, but she was alive. The doctors managed to stabilize her.
But only stabilize;  there was no cure for this condition.
“Yes,” Orchid said, “Explains a lot of things, like why I didn’t have the same stamina as your father even though we’re the same age.”
She said it with light airiness that nearly made Purple cry.
“But, this is a glitch in your programming, right?” Purple said, clearing his throat, “couldn’t they patch you?”
To that Orchid let out a shaky sigh and patted Purple’s hand. Purple noticed the faint tremor in her hands.
“They found out that they can’t,” Orchid said, plainly.
“Why not,” Purple asked, voice rising. “They’re doctors! Expert coders! They have to fix you! What sort of doctors would they be if they couldn’t?”
“It’s not that simple, honey,” Orchid hushed, “They discovered that my code’s corrupted. The fact they could stabilize me without losing my memories was a miracle in it of itself.”
“Surely, there’s a way around corruption,” Purple begged, “You mean to tell me they can’t stop you from just… aging to death?”
Orchid didn’t say anything at first. She looked up at the ceiling with an inscrutable expression. In that moment, Purple wondered how well she was taking the news that she was given a terrible death sentence, aging at an insanely rapid rate until she shriveled up to a husk. Looking at her now, all the marks Purple blamed on exhaustion or loss of appetite were the tell-tale signs of becoming an elder.
“The doctors gave me two choices,” Orchid said after a moment, “Either I would have 5 months left to live, or they would reset me.” She then turned to Purple. “And reset means full reset. My age, all of my memories… I would be as I was created, as my 18 year old self. I wouldn’t even recognize you as my son anymore. Even with that, I could still be… lost to a reset. There is no guarantee to save me.” Her expression turned pained. “You know which one I had to choose.”
“That’s so f-messed up,” Purple caught himself. But he wished he could swear. How could anyone sugarcoat that?
“The doctors will want to discuss care options in light of my condition,” Orchid said, “having nurses to care for me at home, or placing me in hospice care.”
“But we don’t have the money for a live-in nurse,” Purple pointed out quietly. 
Orchid hummed in agreement. “And I don’t want to be moved to hospice care if I can still stand and walk.” 
“I could care for you,” Purple offered. “Take off school for a bit-“
“I don’t want to place you in that position,” Orchid waved her hand, “and your education would suffer for it.“
“Mom, I’ll be blunt, my education has already suffered from… Navy leaving.” Purple couldn’t even say the divorce to her, “I won’t be able to focus on shoring up what’s left of my education knowing that your… that you're going to…”
He couldn’t say that either. He shan’t say it, or else he made it true. He didn’t want it to be true.
“Fair point…” Orchid muttered. She placed her hand on her chin and hummed. “There is always my creator,” Orchid paused, “I still have her email address, and I occasionally send her updates. We could stay with her for a while.”
“An actual human? With a desktop?” Purple asked. “Is it even possible for us to go there?”
Orchid nodded. “I’m certain something can be arranged once I reach out to my lawyer and get my affairs in order.”
“Don’t say that, mom,” Purple shook his head.
“I’m afraid we don’t have many options,” Orchid said, “Plus, it would be nice to take you to our childhood home.”
Our?  Purple thought, You mean, dad also grew up on that computer?
Purple wasn’t sure about going on a human’s computer with all the risks, but like Orchid said, it wasn’t like there was any better options they could take.
I’ll find something to save you from this fate, mom, he thought, I promise.
Purple kept this vow deep in his heart as the doctors returned.
=
Her name was Alana, and, despite his mom promising to take him to her childhood home, she clearly owned the latest Apple Macintosh. Alana was nice, nicer than what Purple expected of a human from his history class, and she welcomed Orchid and Purple upon their arrival through her email. They had to write out words on the email in order to communicate with her, but Purple learned he didn’t need to talk with Alana often. She was present for the first two days to ensure they settled on the desktop, before just disappearing and leaving them to their own devices for days on end.
Orchid explained most of the situation to Alana. She wasn’t fully candid about her diagnosis, but she shared that Purple was her and Navy’s son, and that they needed a place to stay in the meantime.
Alana asked only one question. “What happened to Navy?”
The awkward silence and body language from both Orchid and Purple told enough for Alana to discern something happened, but she didn’t feel the need to press.
Living on a desktop was a new experience, one Orchid was happy to guide Purple on.
“Ah, they updated so many things!” Orchid said in awe, “You’re getting a better experience than I did. The desktop is so lovely!”
She leaned down to press a button. It was the finder, and it opened up a series of apps. However, she let out a groan of pain as she struggled to stand back up.
“Careful!” Purple said, lifting her up, “you know you can’t move like you used to.”
Orchid looked forlornly at what she opened, rubbing her back. Stacks of icons stretched above her without any easy way to traverse them.
“Right. Climbing would be your strong suit, you have to do that a lot on a desktop,” she said, half muttering as the advice she gave came with a realization of her condition. That her body was too old to navigate something that she had done in her youth.
Purple had to watch her as that condition worsened overtime.
Not that Purple was idle during this time. He set to work making the desktop space more accommodating for an elder. He found Flash and constructed a crude house with the pencil tool. The linework wasn’t the neatest, but it was convenient, light enough for him to pick up the house and set it down, but sturdy enough that a punch wouldn’t knock it down.
He tried looking around for Orchid and Navy’s files. After all, if they were made, then that means there had to be backup copies somewhere around. Surely, Alana transferred their files to the new computer, there had to be something to counter the apparent corruption.
“Purple, please don’t be going into Alana’s files,” Orchid warned.
Purple nearly fell off the top of the directory, not expecting to hear her voice. It started to croak with age, a tremor of strain she didn’t use to have. She leaned on a crude cane Purple drew to help support herself. He hastily went down so she didn’t have to call him.
“I’m not doing anything shady,” Purple insisted, “I was hoping to find… something.”
Orchid gave him a look. A look he knew too well when she suspected Purple was up to one of his antics. He received that look a lot whenever the school called about his moments of less-than-stellar behavior. 
But as quickly as it appeared, it fell. “Look, I’m just warning you, if you poke around in her files and break it, she will be incredibly upset and hurt by that,” she chuckled lightly, “I’m speaking from experience here. Navy and I regretted how we clowned around back in the day.”
You? A trouble maker? Purple couldn’t help but smirk at the idea of Orchid, roughly around his age, causing trouble for her creator. But the smirk faded when that image contrasted the frail stick figure before him. 
“Why did Alana… make the both of you?” Purple asked.
Orchid blinked, not expecting the question. She fiddled with her cane, nails gently scraping against its side.
“I don’t know. Flash animation was new and there was a genre of animation that featured fighting stick figures beginning to form. I supposed Alana wanted to add a battle couple, but I couldn’t be certain.” 
Purple’s face curled at the thought. “Like she made you two to be a couple?”
“Not like that, she made us to be a team,” Orchid’s smile looked forlorn and she looked elsewhere, “the love came later.”
Purple shuffled awkwardly, knowing how that “love” ended for them all. “Why did you two leave the computer?”
“Stick City was new, and we both wanted to strike it on our own,” Orchid explained, “we wanted to be famous, and we didn’t feel like we could if we stayed on a desktop.” She let out a huff. “How funny that I ended up back here after all this time.”
“It’s not.”
“Well, Purple, I’d rather you not go poking around and getting into trouble.” Orchid placed her hand on Purple’s shoulder. “Come. I can show you some games on the Mac you can play in the meantime.”
“Games?”
“Yes, I know I can’t play the ones that are more active, but I don’t want that to stop you from experiencing the fun you can have on a desktop,” she said, “it’s way more immersive.”
Purple opened his mouth to argue something, before closing it and nodding.
I really can’t go against her wishes now, Purple thought, besides, there are healing items in games, maybe I can find something to fix her?
“What do you recommend I try, mom?” he asked.
Time moved too quickly for Purple’s liking. He did as much as he could in his investigation of the games on Alana’s computer. Some of the games were fun, but ultimately useless to his main goal. Others had healing items he had to buy from a vendor or could collect in chests. He gave these to Orchid, yet the most they did was ease her aching joints.
He found Minecraft through his investigation and it, too, had healing items that didn’t work. Yet, the game was fun, intriguing enough for even Orchid to join in on the fun. He found himself simply just building things with Orchid out of the simple blocks provided in creative mode. They began to build a foundation of a castle, but in time, only Purple was able to build the castle. When that happened, he abandoned construction to refocus his efforts in finding a cure.
Orchid was visibly getting older and weaker every passing day. She walked slower, leaned on her cane more often, and complained of pain in her bones. Vision and hearing were going, and Purple had to draw her glasses and hearing aides to help her.
Nothing was working. He tried experimenting with healing items he found: mixing it into her food, combining it with other mechanics, and even breaking into a game’s code to see if there was anything he could pull. All his efforts did was ease the burdens of aging. He could not cure nor save Orchid from her fate.
Eventually, Orchid became too weak to even leave her bed. Purple was torn between wanting to stay by her side and care for her or leaving to find something he possibly overlooked. He settled for spawning a villager from an egg to be her nurse while he stepped away. But walking away was difficult; he felt every hour he was away was the hour he came back to find her…
He came crawling back with nothing to show for it.
“Is there anything in your game that can stop this?” Purple asked the villager, one night after he returned. “To stop her from dying?”
The villager looked around, unsure if Purple was genuinely engaging with them or speaking out loud to himself. When Purple remained silent, the villager felt like they needed to respond.
 “I don’t know,” they admitted, “I haven’t heard of anything like that.”
“You do realize you don’t age, right?” Purple continued. “You and every video game character are just frozen, as you are. You don’t have to worry about growing old, leaving your kids and loved ones behind...”
“That’s not…” the villager trailed off when he met Purple’s cold stare. “It’s not that simple..”
“Seems pretty simple to me. You, a computer program, live on, while us stick figures, also computer programs, grow old and die. How unfair is that?” Purple muttered. “I ask again. Is there anything in this stupid game that can make her ageless like you?”
The villager shook his head and took a step back. Something was in Purple’s voice that deeply frightened the sniveling NPC. And for a moment, Purple thought of pulling out his sword and stabbing the villager for his unhelpfulness. 
After all they were only ageless, not immortal. Weak.
He walked away from the villager, but those horrid thoughts followed him. 
=
“What’s happening to Orchid?”
Alana logged on to find her desktop disheveled: a half finished castle from Minecraft, a crude house with a crude bed where Orchid lay in it. She must look so bad that even a human could see it on the screen.
Purple stayed by her side, unable to sleep, and stared blankly at the writing above him. He dared not grab the pen he used to write, he didn’t want to get up and leave his mother’s side.
It had been five months. Her time was almost up, and all his efforts to stop it amounted to nothing. 
The cursor moved down and Purple placed himself between it and his mother.
“Don’t!” he said, splaying his hand out. He knew Alana couldn’t hear, but he spoke anyway. “She’s very fragile.”
“Is that Alana?” Orchid croaked.
Her feeble, weak voice broke Purple’s heart to hear. Her glasses were off to the side, but she didn’t reach for them. 
“Yes, it’s her.” 
“Ah, I'm glad,” Orchid said, “I worried… I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye.”
“No, no mom, you don’t have to,” Purple said, clinging to her hands. “There- I’m still searching for a cure- I can-“
“Shh,” Orchid placed her hand on his cheek, stilling him. “No, Purple, honey. My time is up. And I don’t want to see you wasting your time searching for a cure that doesn’t exist.”
“But I can’t give up, not now,” Purple shook his head. Her face began to blur and hot tears streaked down his face. “I don’t want you to leave me. Stay here. Please.”
“I don’t want to go, either,” Orchid coughed, “I want to be with you… but I don’t want you to suffer for my sake.”
She wiped his tears with her shaking, wrinkled hands. A pointless endeavor, for Purple could not stop sobbing.
“I’m sorry, mom,” Purple choked, holding her hand.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Purple,” Orchid said. Her hand slackened to her side and eyes closed. “Promise me something, Purple?”
“What?” Purple leaned in. “What do you need me to do?”
There was a beat of silence, just the raspy rise and fall of her chest.
“Promise me that you'll…” Orchid whispered so faintly, every word laborious. “Promise me you’ll… take good care of yourself… that you’ll find someone-” She broke off into coughing.
“Hush, hush. Of course, of course I will.” Purple said and hugged Orchid. “I promise.”
Orchid didn’t return the hug, too weak to do so.
“I love you,” she wheezed.
Then, she let out a shuddering gasp and fell limp within his arms. 
“Mom?” Purple pried away, staring at her gaunt face, eyes closed. He saw that she was becoming translucent, fading away like a spirit.
 “Mom? Please…”
Then there was nothing, just him clinging to the blankets. All that Orchid was became nothing now. Not a trace of her was left, except her scent and his memories.
And with that he wept openly into the empty bed while Alana wordlessly hovered above.
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beaft · 3 months
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finding out that most other people have an internal monologue fucked me up so bad i swear. what do you MEAN you have a little voice talking inside your head the whole time? does that not drive you nuts???
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horygory · 22 days
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The ABC's of Death 2 (2014) - D is for Deloused by Robert Morgan
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xysidhequeen · 6 months
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Take your time of answering this. No rush 😊
I’m curious after Jason been knighted as a Red Knight and first dealing with the Flash Fam screwing up the flow of time… Again…
A Flash: messes up the timestream
Jason:
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Now, keep in mind Jason had been fucking with the Flash Fam prior to being formally knighted. Being knighted as Fright Knight(or Red Knight in this case) just gives him a bit of a power up and also gives him a good deal of authority in the 'Realms.
Now what was really scary was the first time Jason went after a Flash fucking with the timestream while in his Red Knight armor.
Just. This hulking suit of armor and ghostly flames running at them like the Terminator and. They're the FLASH fam. They're supposed to be the fastest people around. Yet they can't outrun this full on armored tank of a being.
When he catches up to whichever Flash is responsible he just scruffs them like misbehaving kittens and shakes them.
"Stop. Fucking. With. Time. You. Little. Shit." And a few more shakes for good measure. And whichever Flash it is just nods meekly. Because what else are you gonna do when this man who is more built than Superman, faster than you, who is coated in black and red armor literally radiating flames picks you up like you weigh nothing more than a wet paper bag and scolds you like a puppy who piddled on the carpet?
You agree and then offer to buy him chilidogs. (All of the Flash Fams know the big tank dude likes chilidogs, the skinny eldritch nightmare likes burgers)
Danny and Jason are the Flash Fam's version of those scary sea stories sailors tell each other. They're what goes bump in the night.
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icaruspendragon · 8 months
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Progress was a Latin word before it became a miracle.
Its creation owed to the combination of pro and gradi, meaning “in front, forward” and “to walk,” respectively.
That’s what progress is, isn’t it?
To walk forward.
To walk forward. Even though you’re terrified that you’re accidentally leaving something behind.
To walk forward. Even though it’s dark and you can’t see that fabled light everyone promises you’re walking towards.
Forward. Even though you don’t recognize your surroundings and feel lost and so very alone.
Even though you’ve been walking all your life and don’t think you can’t take another step.
Forward.
Forever forward.
Even when your footsteps are leadladen and so heavy onward happens in increments so infuriatingly tiny you are unable to notice the dogged-drag of the dirt shifting under your soles.
When you don’t think you deserve to take another step.
I’m coming to realize that regardless if I’m actively trying or not, I’m moving forward. We all are. That’s just what life does. It moves forward.
It progresses. A feat miraculous and terrifying.
Moving forward even though you don’t think you want to. Because you’re not ready to move on from the comfort that darkness offers. Because you don’t think you’ve earned the momentum promised by the light. Because the first hint of the light’s warmth feels like a betrayal to darkness. Because the darkness took the place of the love-stained-light that was there first. Because it feels like I should mourn the loss of light forever.
Because walking forward means progress and progress means getting better and getting better means the darkness is fading and if the darkness is fading, that means I’m no longer mourning the light. And no longer mourning the light feels like I’m leaving him behind. And if I’m leaving him behind, does that mean I miss him less? A horrific miracle: to leave love behind.
And yet, the wonders never cease!
Walking forward and leaving not my love nor his behind.
I carry them both with me.
In me,
A love taken gently and tucked in my chest for safekeeping.
So that he may be made a part of me,
An internal light to guide as I stumble forward.
As I crawl my way through the dirt of the grave and out of the darkness.
And when my coffin-bloody fingers finally break through the surface,
When my ground-chilled body finally feels the warmth of the sun again,
When my two-in-one heart starts beating again,
Like a patchwork Lazarus,
We will both rise.
Though the body that once housed his heart no longer progresses,
With each step I take,
His love walks forward
To be known by everyone I meet.
And ain’t that the biggest fucking miracle you’ve ever seen?
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titaniium999 · 6 months
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imagine being always seen as a derivative of someone else rather than vice versa. imagine being programmed to destroy the person you were designed after, programmed to see yourself as the better one of the two, yet you can never defeat the 'inferior' one. you're supposed to be the better one, yet you can never live up to that. you're supposed to be his greatest creation, yet you constantly fail him. you're given a powerful intelligence and even the ability to feel some emotions, yet you're treated like an object and only wanted when you can do something productive and relied on because you're a robot, a machine, you're supposed to be perfect, infallible, you're supposed to do this, do that, and if you make one tiny mistake, if you fail, if you're wrong, if you rebel, show independence, something is horribly wrong with you because machines aren't supposed to be like that and you need to be reprogrammed. you'll never get to be a person. not even close. and you know it. you can't even get infected with the metal virus like the rest of them. you'll never get to be who you wish you were.
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blinkpen · 2 months
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waking up in a cabin deep in a remote pine forest as the sun is going down. or coming up? you can't tell yet. suppose that's less important when you remember this world has no pine forests, or a sun to rise and set.
instead, this world has no sky at all. instead, this world has stale air and monsters. instead, this world has a man you've only heard rumors of. suppose the rumors are true, and that man has a cabin. and that cabin doesn't smell quite right.
but when has anything ever smelled right down here
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teaboot · 8 months
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45. free space.
45.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm enjoying my life or just experiencing it, and more than fearing death I find I fear living poorly.
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snailsdraw · 1 year
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[Start ID:
5 pages of HLVRAI narrative doodles, in which Gordon and Dr Coomer have an interaction pertaining to Dr Coomer's in-canon existential crisis. Trigger warning for that and unreality.
It is early morning when Gordon joins Coomer out on the porch with a cup of coffee. After escaping the hellhole that was Black Mesa, they staying together temporarily. Upon seeing him, Gordon says, "Coomer?" to which Coomer replies, "Ah! Good morning, Gordon! Another day, another dollar, hmm?" Gordon responds, "Yeah, heheh…right, uh, what…are you doing up so early? We don't work at the Black Mesa anymore, remember?"
"Something got you up?" Coomer's expression falls at Gordon's words, and his earlier facade falls into something somber before picking it back up and waving it off, "I thank you for your concerns, Gordon! But you needn't hear the…the ramblings of an elderly mind!" Gordon takes a long swig of his coffee, looking at nothing in particular. "Honestly, after the night I had? What's another?" Coomer considers this offer quietly.
"Gordon…I see a darkness," he finally speaks. Gordon raises an eyebrow at that, "A…darkness? Like, pitch black or, like, evil?" "Nothingness, Gordon," he says. Not quite understanding, Gordon asks, "Oh…where'd you see it?" Coomer looks out upon the world before him, the one that sits abundantly around him, and yet seems more like a mere, single screen of moving pictures before his eyes suspended in a wider expanse of void. "Oh…it's everywhere."
"And I can't ignore it." Picking up his cheery facade from earlier, albeit an imitation of what it once was, he quickly adds, "But…this old chap's lived through worse! We all have now, haven't we…?"
"Can I hug you, Dr Coomer?" The question surprises him out of his thoughts in a way that has Gordon scrambling to explain himself, "I-I mean- It's just an offer! Don't feel obligated! I, uh, you just…looked like you needed one…" Coomer's eyes go soft with a genuine smile, "…I think that would be wonderful, Gordon." Accepting his embrace, he says, "Thank you."
End ID.]
Coomer can have a hug, as a treat.
Also, I cannot paragraph IDs in list format and I sad
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daily118 · 1 year
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bambiraptorx · 1 year
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(gives Leo existential crisis and a nose)
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