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deanismysavior · 2 years

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Any thoughts on Mike's suicide attempt in S1? Do you think there could be a call back to that moment in s5?

I'm going to be honest, the first time I watched the show, I really didn't pick up on the implications of the quarry scene, but upon rewatching it, boy did it get me. The context around that scene is so heartbreaking, and we even hear Dustin saying "I don't need teeth" to Mike while Troy is threatening him; he's saying to Mike that his teeth aren't worth Mike's life, and yet Mike is perfectly ready to step off the cliff if it means that his friend doesn't get hurt, because he doesn't see the value in living any more if it means they have no way of getting to Will and if so much of what Mike believed about the world no longer holds true. I really think that one of the reasons Mike clung so tightly to El was because it gave him hope that there was a way to overcome that darkness that took over Hawkins, the darkness in losing Will, and when he's not only lost Will, but also lost that one thread of hope he was clinging onto so tightly when he thinks El left, Mike doesn't know how to make sense of his reality or what the next step to take is. This is what giving up for Mike looked like, because at least then Dustin could keep his teeth, and he could do some good. I really think that Mike felt so powerless in that moment, because all through season 1, we saw Mike actively trying to help to find Will even when he was told not to. He wanted to do everything and anything in his power to get Will back safe and alive, and if that meant putting himself in danger in the process, then so be it. But Mike felt as though he alone wasn't enough to save Will. I really think that the quarry scene is kind of the turning point for Mike's arc, because he relinquishes his role as leader of the party here. He no longer feels like what he has to contribute is meaningful in this endeavor, and I also think that this feeling of worthlessness that Mike felt at the quarry is also helplessly intertwined with his entire relationship with El. El once again steps in and plays her part as the superhero to save Mike's life, and of course he's grateful to her for that because I'm not really sure that consciously Mike wanted to die, but at the same time, I don't necessarily think he felt relief in her coming back because he felt like his own life mattered, I think he felt relief because he could still cling on to that hope that Will could be saved. But even still, Mike believed that El was the one who mattered, and not himself, and I think this moment is really key in understanding the development of Mike's superhero idolization and fixation on El when Mike thinks she dies at the end of s1, because El symbolized this hope and this new understanding he had of the world, this ability to change the boundaries of reality, and in his eyes, this was the only way to get Will back, so without her in season 2, he throws himself into being Will's protector without truly believing he's enough to protect Will.

I think we're really meant to see the significance in this moment when it's called back in season 2 with Ted saying, "If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?" Because it contextualizes this scene completely differently than the initial interpretation that it was just about Dustin. The connotation was that people believed Will had either jumped or been pushed off of the cliff into the quarry, and Mike had been willing to follow. It indicates to us as viewers that there was so much more going on in this scene than what initially met the eye, and that Will was always centered there.

I think it would be a great narrative choice to see a callback to the quarry, but I'm not quite sure how I would want that to happen yet. I think that so much tragedy has already taken place there that I would like to see some form of healing taking place in a return to the quarry, an intimate conversation about loss and how much the friendship (or something more) that exists between Mike and Will means to them both individually. I'd like to see a reclamation of the quarry in a way that doesn't lack the acknowledgement of the trauma surrounding it, but that also makes it a meaningful place to look back at and think, thank God it didn't end this way for us.

#byler #byler endgame #byler nation #ask #mike wheeler #will byers #el hopper #stranger things #st #the quarry #will byers is gay #mike wheeler i know what you are #cw suicide attempt

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sad-leon · 4 months

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Continuation of This Post

KoFi || Patreon

#sad•leonart #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise leonardo #rise leo #rottmnt leonardo #rottmnt leo #cw suicide attempt #tw suicide attempt #suicide attempt #its just an attempt and that distinction is important to me #vent art #vent post #couldnt think of a good caption #something about being sad and pathetic but not in the way that makes people want to help you #but in the way that makes you horrible to be around #something something holding a knife to your neck but losing the courage to do anything else #but worse cuz he's got portals

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glacierruler · 9 months

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Nimona Analysis

Hi, so for those of you who don't know, I watched Nimona last night and kind of live blogged it! So if you click on that link, those are my live reactions to the show. Some of them more thought out than others. And also I was wrong a whole lot near the end of the movie. This post will be the analysis of the movie itself, I'll be analyzing the characters a little bit later. I'll come back and put links to the character analyses after I finish each one.

I'm going to tag two people specifically who I think would love to read this, based off of the interactions I had while liveblogging! @duck-in-a-spaceship and @wolfxkissed (I hope you don't mind the tag wolfxkissed, I just know you said that you'd like to read this!)

This post will contain spoilers for the movie Nimona

Also this is probably the longest text post I've ever made

Some CWs: suicide mentions, suicide attempt, trauma, religious trauma, brainwashing, cult like behavior, abuse, isolation, ableism, queerphobia, death, attempted murder, murder

Please tell me if I missed any, again this movie is dark, so this analysis of the movie will be touching on the darker aspects of things.

Okay, the first thing I want to say, is I love the writing that went into this movie. Each and every single character had thought behind every action they made. And while my live blog went somewhat deep into some of the actions behind the characters, it nowhere near does them justice. However, before we analyze the characters I want to analyze the movie itself(which will have a bit of character analysis in it, but not nearly as much as they all deserve). I'll be trying to go in the order of most light hearted to most dark.

I think that Nimona was specifically made for the Tumblr queer and ND folks, don't get me wrong, it was probably made for queer and ND people in general, however based on the humor, the beliefs of the characters(especially Nimona herself), and the execution of how the movie shows certain things just leads me to believe that at least one of the main writers for this show is a tumblr user. (/hj /hsrs)

Now with that, let's get into the movie.

Again this is not a scene by scene analysis of everything but a lightest to darkest topics analysis.

First I want to talk about the usage and reversal of common tropes. Usually the light and dark knight trope is used to symbolize who's in the wrong and who's in the right. You're usually rooting for the light knight and booing the dark one, the dark one's the villain. Which is why I like how they did this, they took that trope and reversed it, but they did so by making it so that neither knight were the actual villain. Both were hurt and brainwashed into a society that they hoped and wanted to accept them. Pitted against each other because of misunderstandings, lies, and where they were in their character arcs.

I want to talk about the isolation and loneliness that Nimona feels throughout this whole movie. In the scene where she's remembering her trauma vividly, you can't help but feel for her. She tried to be loved by every creature, but all of them inherently knew that she was different than them somehow, and she finally makes a friend, Gloreth, and she's a human. Someone who had embraced Nimona for who she is, instead of turning her away. Now I believe there are two reasons for this.

The creatures ignoring Nimona is to show the way a lot of ND folks tend to be ignored by those that they wish to be friends with at best. I want to touch on this more, but despite being ND myself, I don't think I was on the receiving end of this, or if I was I didn't really notice 'cause I was busy with my friends who are almost all slightly ND.

How trans people are villainized and ostracized in our society, and that when kids are younger, they tend not to care deeply about things like that until their parents take a stance on it. I say this because Gloreth did not care about the shapeshifting at first, she had been a bit nervous because it meant that Nimona was different. But overall Gloreth had found it cool that Nimona could do that(which was my internal reaction to my friends coming out before I realized I was genderfluid myself, I didn't know it was possible so it was the coolest thing ever and I wished that I could do that, although it seemed Gloreth was content with not being able to shapeshift so that last part might not apply to her).

What makes this so heartwrenching, is at the end of the scene, you see the first time Nimona was villainized by others, being so surprised and hurt physically and emotionally. They had all seen something so different in this little girl that they had known, and decided she needed to die because of it. The thing that had saved Nimona, her ability to shapeshift. The trait that I believe she comes to hate most about herself.

Which, okay, I know that one's going to be hard for me to explain. But hear me out. (I say as if that movie didn't touch on her self hatred of her powers at all, despite it being like a main plot point.) Nimona had been ostracized and almost murdered because of her powers, called a monster. As strong as she is, when something like that is ingrained into your head, it doesn't matter how much you know it's not true, it still feels true. Her powers are I think the one thing she hated and loved about herself the most. She loved being able to transform, to be herself, there's no denying that. But everyone else hated it. They hated her for it.

Which brings me to all the underlying and not so underlying queerphobia in the movie. Not in the oh this movie is so queerphobic way, but in the oh this movie went through and showed all the queerphobia that todays society had and still has even with people who say they're progressive, it is calling us as a society out for this which is sadly rare to see in movies and shows that make commentary about society. It's less rare now, but still rare or not done right. But with this show, they did it so well. So much thought was put into this. With some of Ballister's lines really hitting how, transphobia especially, can come from more 'progressive' people or even people in the community. Especially the, "Not everyone is as accepting as me,"(paraphrased) line. Telling someone to hide who they are, can make them feel isolated and alone, and it hurts worse when it comes from someone who you thought would at least come from someone on the same page as you. Really emphasized by the fact that both of them are seen as villains for something that's not their fault.

This is one of the reason's that I really like Ballister's character arc, and how he grows in the movie. He's not perfect, and I'm so glad about that you have no idea. If he or Ambrosius had been perfect I would've hate watched the rest of the movie, simply because of everything that's happening around and to them, it would've ruined the movie. idk, maybe that's just a me thing. Anyways, back to what I was talking about. He was set up for the murder of the queen who we learned was questioning everything about Gloreth. Because of this and the prejudice already against him because he wasn't of noble blood, it was easy for the population to believe that he had killed the queen. In fact, I believe that if this had happened irl, we would've believed that. But I'll hop onto that point later. Because of the position he had been placed in, one would think that Ballister would be able to understand where Nimona is coming from better, but he doesn't and can't because of how he himself had been raised and brainwashed. Which again, will be the next point I talk about, although it's hard not to talk about it here too much as well, because Ballister's dangerous misunderstandings about Nimona come from being raised in a cult-like environment. And you see him battling his thoughts, especially in the later part of the movie, having realized that he was asking small minded questions that were hurting her. But because of how he viewed her and how he was trying to change how he viewed her, it still got to him in the end. However, you can still see the character growth because he can't call her a monster. Which is when you see Nimona's despair and hatred for herself as well, because she did. She called herself a monster, and she ran out believing it.

However a lot of the underlying queerphobic subtext comes from Todd, who is quick to beat up those who divert from what the director wants/says. Much like how queerphobia comes mainly from the Christian church in most places. Todd mocked Ambrosius for being in love with Ballister, he beat up Ballister asking for information on Nimona. Which might not be seen as queerphobic, but with the situations and circumstances, it is. It is literally to show how queerphobia like that comes from high ranking places, and the people in those places either join in or turn a blind eye to everyone. This is more based on what I was feeling during the film though, so I don't really have much to back it up with.

Now before getting into the darkest aspects of this story, I want to talk about the cult-like behavior of the monarchy in Nimona. This monarchy raised noble children who raised noble children who raised noble children to rise up and be able to defend the kingdom from monsters, which we either knew coming into the movie, or learned later throughout it, was a bs excuse to maintain power. An excuse that came from the 'monster' being hurt by the humans, instead of hurting the humans like everyone has been told had happened. The director knows this, she has to, based on her speech to Nimona pretending to be Ambrosius. The queen had been looking into things, so the queen had to be killed. It was also a strategic move killing the queen, because, at least from my perspective, the director seems more like a beloved religious figure, especially with how she dresses, I wouldn't be surprised if that was why they chose that outfit for her. To symbolize how governments will take a certain religion, and use it for their own power, and if something diverts from what the religion wants, then it's this horrible evil thing.

Throughout this film both Ballister and Ambrosius made choices that most people would get mad or upset at, because they don't necessarily understand these choices. But both of these individuals have been raised in this cult like environment that thrives off of lies for their whole lives. And nothing had ever challenged that false perception of the world before, so they had no way of knowing anything else. And it was heart wrenching because I know what it's like having to go through that.

Ballister was ostracized because he had worked his way to the top, which the director did not like. Although she pretended to let him in so she could frame him for the queen's murder. But there was really only one person on Ballister's side, his boyfriend, Ambrosius, and then he lost that as soon as the queen died. (Which, to be fair to Ambrosius, if your bf was holding the sword that killed the queen in front of everyone you would think your bf killed her as well).

But I think the most telling part of how fucked up this cult-like institution had become, was that Ballister thought everything would be fine if he showed his bf the clip of his sword getting switched. He thought, that if that had happened, there was no way that Ambrosius would think he was a murderer anymore. And then the confrontation happened, and the director was whispering lies in Ambrosius's ears, to keep him on her side. Forcing him into a situation to choose, between the person he knew the most, or the institute. And in his mind, he had to choose the institute, because everything pointed to his boyfriend being the murder, yes he finds out later that it's fabricated by the institute, but he had no way of telling that, and so was torn between this decision.

I think the only thing I didn't like is how rushed it seemed at the end of them breaking down everything. Like, yes, it took a while to get there, and it probably took months for society to look like that again. But it almost seemed like it had only been a week at most. It's about the only thing I don't like about the Nimona movie, and it's simply because of my personal experiences with being forced to believe something that wasn't true. It can take years just to be able to change that mindset, and everyone in this civilization had the mindset of Gloreth is perfect and unwavering and slays the monster! And it just felt rushed to me. Again this is more of an opinion than a fact, but it is based off of my experiences with that.

Now for the darkest part imo, the part where Nimona actively tries to kill herself. After years of being alone, hurt, isolated, and treated like trash. She finally thinks that everyone else is right, that maybe she should just die, it would be easier on everyone without her. And you can't help but want to tell her that she's not a monster, that she's cared for. But she had just been discarded by someone who she thought she could trust, something she doesn't give out easily after what happened with Gloreth. And it took Ballister a while to be able to save her, in fact, based off of where he was and how fast she was moving, plus his injuries, logically, he couldn't have been able to stop her. But, speaking from experience, sometimes what keeps you alive, what keeps you from killing yourself, doesn't make logical sense, doesn't fit what you had thought everything to be or where you thought that person was. And that is why I'm so glad they did it that way. They didn't have a heart to heart, it was literally him holding her back from running her heart through a sword. I don't really have much to say here, without going into some personal stories, that I'd really rather not go into right now, but yeah.

Is there something that I'm not seeing and/or overlooking, probably. And I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on this movie!

#nimona #nimona spoilers #glacier rambles #cw sui attempt #cw suicide attempt #cw religious trauma #cw trauma #cw abuse #cw queerphobia #this gets really dark

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sluttyhenley · 2 years

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No. No miracle here. That woman fought like hell.

#911edit #911verse #911women #911 on fox #9-1-1 #maddie buckley #jennifer love hewitt #tvedit #tvgifs #dailytvedit #dailytvfilmgifs #cw suicide attempt #blood cw #*#9 1 1

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millerdoc · 1 year

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Peter Capaldi's grandfather...

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Lover is rejected by landlady's daughter, and shoots himself with a revolver

A young Italian is lying in the Royal Infirmary, Glasgow, suffering from a revolver shot in the breast, which the police state was self-inflicted in consequence of a love affair.

The injured man is named Giovanni Capaldi (27), an ice-cream merchant from 172 Westmuir Street.

For some time past Capaldi had lodged with Mrs Dougan at 256 East Wellington Street, where the attractions of the landlady's daughter seem to have set aflame the heart of the Italian.

Unfortunately for the lodger, his suit was not too well received, and on Saturday night Capaldi solemnly informed the mother that if her daughter could live without him he could not live without the daughter.

Some time later a shot was heard, and Capaldi was found suffering from a wound in the left breast. The motor ambulance wagon was secured, and the Italian was conveyed to the Royal Infirmary.

The bullet has not yet been extracted, as it had lodged under the heart.

#peter capaldi #peter's grandfather #giovanni capaldi #cw suicide attempt

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forwhomtheteasteeps · 1 year

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Autistic Javert

I've always had a headcanon that Javert is autistic like myself. I always felt drawn to him and his actions and thoughts which feel so much like my own, but I keep struggling on how to put this into words. I've tried here to sum it up a bit but I'm still missing something. I also feel like I should point out that this reflects my own experience of being autistic and my own interpretation of a fictional character- please don't yell at me if your experience differs.

Javert is a victim of the same prison industrial complex that he enforces. He is poor from an awful background and tries desperately to mimic the authority figures that he sees. In this he succeeds, but it gives him nothing but hardship.Like many autistics he is drawn to a situation where he mimics the wrong people in a bid for comfort and safety. likewise:

Javert seeks to follow all the rules as opposed to figuring out what is right on his own. He says himself that he obeys without question, and enforces the law exactly as written with no nuance so as to avoid thinking about it. As an autistic I have found myself blindly following rules and structure implemented by another person or structure so that I don't have to figure out what is right or wrong, I can just do it.

Most critically, Javert has a meltdown when it turns out his rules were not safe and true, and that things were not as he sees them

This poor man. He gets confronted with Valjean and basically says "yeah ok, it's fair. You can shoot me or stab me or something, I know the rules" but then Valjean refuses to follow the rules! He breaks all the patterns, he breaks all the sensible and logical structures to which Javert has set himself up to follow. and Javert cannot handle it. He shuts down, he panics. He wanders around near the address that Valjean gives and after learning of the rescue of Marius Javert gets even more distressed, he leaves Valjean free. His distress increases, he leaves a note of what he sees as failures in the prison he drowns himself.

He drowns himself. Because someone kept him from following all the nice safe rules. Valjean was undeniably a criminal, a thief and and escaped parolee who had once tried to flee from prison itself , but he was simultaneously a good honest man who killed no-one and saved lives when he could. This dichotomy hurts Javert so badly that he cannot think or function, and he eventually kills himself. Having your safety net yanked away from yourself and finding none of your rules or structures are able to give you comfort or a path to follow can and will cause distress. In fact it was one of the causes of my own suicide attempt. Not that I was chasing a convict with a heart of gold or anything, but I did have one of my big safety nets turned upside-down and i was completely floundering. This attempt lead directly to my diagnosis and my therapist told me my reactions were not uncommon for someone autistic like myself. Ever since then when I reread Les Mserables I felt such sympathy for Javert. He had always been my favorite character but since that time in my early teens I've cried like a baby at his death in every adaptation. I understand him, sometimes too much, and it hurts.

#cw suicide #cw suicide attempt #javert #jean valjean #les miserables #les miserables musical #actuallyautistic #actually autism #autistic headcanon #I'm seeing the musical again soon #I have to bring all the tissues because I will be crying the whole time #Oh God emotions

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showfallmediamaintenance · 8 months

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[OOC: BEFORE YOU READ. THIS CONTAINS WHAT I'D CALL AN EXTREME DEPICTION OF INJURY AND A SUICIDE ATTEMPT. IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ANY OF THESE. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ THIS. DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF TO READ THIS.]

[Video transcript begin.]

[The camera is placed at mid-torso height, Edgar paces in front of it, slightly further back, his hand running through his hair. There is a large building looming behind him, the windows are illuminated, some even appear to be slightly open, giving him a light in the dark night. He is very close to the outer walls. Uncomfortably close.]

Stupid fucking… ugh!

[Edgar kicks a rock, sending it flying across the area he stands in.]

I can't keep checking messages. I have to go through with this, no matter what. I'm the issue, everyone would be safer without me. I have to do it eventually. It's for the best. They'll realize they're better off with me gone within a few days...

[A frustrated growl escapes from his mouth. He turns to the large building, then raises his hand up, fully showcasing the hole in his hand for a few seconds. He flips the building off, and puts his hand down.]

Fuck you, Showfall! Fuck you and your stupid shows. Your corporate hands are stained with the blood of innocents!

[The tone of his shouting turns melancholy towards the end as he lowers his voice to a regular volume, his rage dying out as quickly as it had come.]

And... so are mine...

[He takes a short pause. Turning away from the building and back toward the camera.]

That poor unnamed employee, Tom... Not to mention the countless actors my work as a mechanic has probably killed. Mentally adding 'murderer' to the list of reasons as to why I should be hit by a train. Not like it needed more, anyway. That list would be enough to convince anyone to push me onto the tracks.

[After 4 minutes of more pacing. Edgar punches himself in the leg.]

Why am I such a damn coward? I couldn’t even go through with it that night! Fuck–

[Suddenly, he freezes, an expression of realization appearing slowly on his face.]

Wait. What the hell am I even waiting for? I should just do it now before anyone can find me!

[A sad smile spreads across his face as he walks over to where the camera is resting. Only his legs are visible for a few seconds, and now that he's closer, it is clear that they are shaking slightly. Eventually, he steps back, a slightly larger, sharper stick in his hands. Tears fill his eyes as he stares the sharpened stick down. He stands still for 3 minutes and 21 seconds. Then, he finally moves, clearing his throat.]

Well, then. This is it for me, I guess. My big finale, at last. Not a soul to see me at my lowest, nobody to stop me... At least the sky is pretty tonight.

[Facing the camera, he grips the stick in his one hand tightly. Raising his arm high into the air. His eyes are shut tightly. He brings his arm down quickly, but, to the left, a raven, hidden by foliage, loudly croaks out a call. Startling Edgar, causing the stick to embed itself closer to the right side of his torso. Though, he keeps his grip, looking down at where the stick has placed itself.]

Gh– Oh, fuck you, random ass raven–

[He shudders, but still manages to keep his hand firmly on the wood.]

I– I can– w– work with this. I just n– need to–

[Edgar adjusts his grip on the stick and begins to twist it. He almost immediately crumples to his knees, the fall turning him away from the phone to face to the right, figure backlit by the mall. His jaw muscles clench, trying to not make any noise, but he fails. He throws his head back as he lets out an agonizing, nearly deafening scream of pain. The sheer volume of it causes it to echo throughout the forest, the sound faintly coming back to the small area Edgar is in, almost as a sort of mockery, overlapping with his own continuous cry. Despite the blinding pain, he continues to push and twist it into his torso, having convinced himself it's the only way he could keep the people he loves safe.]

[He finally finishes getting it through, and the noise slowly halts. Blood drips off the other end, and the red liquid begins to crawl up the wood. Slowly staining the stick red.]

[The color drains from his face as he stares down at the stick once more, which can be seen fully impaling his torso. Bits of flesh caught on the end that went through are very easily seen, blood oozes out of both wounds. He collapses somewhat towards the camera, turning slightly, so his face is visible. His breathing is ragged, and as he speaks, his voice is quiet and hoarse, the scream having taken an immense toll on his throat.]

Did I really…

[He pauses, his tears glinting in the low light, his expression one of pain, and one of immense regret. He turns his head to look to the sky, the movement seeming to take a lot of energy. His words become halted and quiet, growing quieter by the second. The moon reflecting in his eyes.]

Shit. I don’t think I… want this… anymore…

[Edgar lifts his arm, reaching for the stars. Hoping something could help him undo what he's just done to himself. It drops back down with a disappointing thud. He breathes out a laugh.]

Funny. How that works. Once it's done... you regret it... and you can't fix it...

[The rest of the world seems to still as tears pour down his cheeks, caused both by regret and pain, he smiles again.]

I guess I failed you all again, huh?

[He attempts to take a deep breath. It ends up being shallow and shuddery.]

Sorry… everyone. Bye...

[A rustling in the grass as his body goes limp. The forest is quiet, now, save for a few animals rustling about in the bushes, footsteps faintly approach.]

[Transcript end.]

#(ooc: now... I KNOW this looks bad. But I do keep promises. I swear. /gen)#(ooc: apologies if it didn't live up to expectations. I just a little guy. and a few bits were hard to write for me– hee hoo.)#cw suicide mention #cw suicide attempt #cw blood #cw gore #cw injury #showfall ask blog #showfall media #showfall #encoreverse blog

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