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#cw scott cawthon
notapersonwwww · 1 month
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I'm just tired of having this rolling around in my head. I don't like Matthew Patrick. I think he's a fair weather liberal who cares about minorities when it's convenient to him. His response to Scott Cawthon sealed that for me. He plays the "both parties suck and our system sucks," "No ethical consumption under captalism" cards right before defending SC for donating to anti-choice and queerphobic law makers. Like Trump.... remember Roe vs Wade? Yeah SC wanted that. And MP didn't even actually acknowledge the anti-choice aspect. He instead chalked it up to the fact SC is pro military.... also pretty fucked up considering how corrupt our military is in the US. So basically "Yeah he voted for anti-trans lawmakers but he did it because he supports our super corrupt military!" while ignoring how he also supports women not having bodily autonomy.
Also the whole comment section of Diehardpizzer's video gives me the ick. Like fine support MP that's your prerogative but like everyone is so fucking weird about some adult man they don't know.
For reference I'm anti military industrial complex not anti every person who's every been in the military.
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its-me-vivix · 4 months
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Hey everyone hey!! Aaaaa here are some celebratory doodles of the baby girl I did for you! Thank you so much for your kind messaging these past days regarding my fnaf fanarts! I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart! I might post some more if you’d like! Anyways have a very lovely day! 🐰💜🔪🩸
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its-stimsca · 7 months
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William afton filling children’s rooms with hallucinogenic gas and feeding them nothing but wafers stim board
X | X | X
X | O | X
X | X | X
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silentfoxproductions · 9 months
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Hey if I get hate for this I'm not sorry.
Yea. Scott Cawthon donated to bigoted sources. It fucking sucks. I'm still gonna fucking enjoy the games and songs and watch the movie.
That shit was a huge part of me cracking out of a shell of a strict Christian home life. I'm an adult I can make my own decisions and I'm gonna watch the funny bear movie!
He's not like JKRowling and continue to go after minorities in any of the series he's made.
He's retired. Someone else took over the studio.
Let's take the L and leave it there. If you wanna pirate the movie, snazzy man! Pirate it!
But don't hate on people who wanna watch the movie just because idk....THEY LIKE THE FRANCHISE.
Let's separate creator from creation, mkay?
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aloeverawyvren · 5 months
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There's Mpreg, in a FNAF book... You're not kidding, are you?
Im so fucking sorry you had to find out about this but yeah
Book 5, story 2 is about a game programer that's a huge dick to everyone, he play tests a game about Springtrap and it doesn't work, and a few days later he gets cravings and shit.
Blah blah blah, anyways, he has to go home from a date because of the pressure in his stomach and cuts himself open and a small Springtrap falls out and calls him daddy before he succumbs to bloodloss
It's. So. Fucking. Wierd.
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callmepip · 1 year
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no, you know what fuck this. fuck you. we need to talk about the FEAR in william’s eyes here. Like all he wanted was to be loved by someone. by ANYONE. And to be a fair and decent business owner. like wow scott cawthon and fnaf, i expected better from you than a message about how abuse victims ultimately deserve to bleed out in a springlock suit. i suppose you think that's feminist because one of the kids is a girl. what about henry’s sexual empowerment? fuck this shit. william deserved better. i've had it with this franchise. whatever at least we have fanfic. new chapter of my willry kinktober entry will be up on friday
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sonicattos · 1 year
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How do u think sonic and tails would handle fnaf? Would they pitty purple guy?
i love random questions like this jffjfj i was fixated on fnaf like a year ago (i didn’t like it very much, personally, but i was very fixated on the lore for some odd reason)
sonic wouldn’t really be into fnaf all that much. tails might be interested in the robot aspect, but i don’t think she would like the story either and find it pretty unsettling.
and no they would not. he’s a fictional murderer
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fictionkinfessions · 2 years
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You know what? Just because I'm fnaf kin doesn't mean I'm supportive of scott cawthon. I fucking hate him, and I pirate or get used copies of any games in my source. I use the internet archive to read the books.
Hell, I got a used copy of help wanted on the switch yesterday, and was so glad that I could play it without giving money to this man.
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marcellamars · 10 months
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Alright Tumblr. What are your thoughts on FNAF and its creator?
a) I enjoy FNAF through pirating and fan content, but I hate and don’t support Scott.
b) I enjoy FNAF and support Scott.
c) I used to enjoy FNAF, but when I learned about the creator’s political views, the series has been heavily tainted for me.
d) I always hated or disliked FNAF even before the creator came out with his views.
e) I don’t care or don’t like FNAF, but I support Scott.
f) Out of the loop about FNAF and Scott, don’t know what happened
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jaycee-penny-art · 2 years
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Yo fnaf people:
I don’t know if this is something people have discussed before but I just thought of something pretty interesting: What if there are 4 Afton kids?
I was rewatching MatPat’s theories (which I know is unforgivable but it’s a nostalgic guilty pleasure, I apologize lol) and I was reminded of the Midnight Motorist cutscene. In this cutscene we see what appears to be the Afton household and supposedly see Michael and William interacting with each other. We then see William bang on someone’s door and demand that they come out. When that doesn’t work he goes out back to find a broken window and footprints in the dirt, both human and animatronic. This scene is accompanied by the lines, “Ran off to that place again. He will be sorry when he gets back.”
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This scene made me think, “what if William has another son we’ve never seen before? And if that’s the case, maybe this son is Gregory.” And once I had that thought, a lot of details started to click into place.
In Security Breach, Gregory is shown to be a homeless child with a vague background. We don’t know much about him except that he’s somehow found himself at the pizzaplex after closing hours. But by hacking the game, a secret room was discovered behind the balcony Sundrop leaps down from. Many have theorized that this is where someone has been hiding out, or even been living in. There’s shown to be food, clothes, and various trinkets from the gift shops. It could be possible that Gregory is the one living here, and perhaps this is “that place he runs off to.” And maybe the animatronic footprints in the dirt are Glamrock Freddy’s? I don’t really know how all that would work but it’s an interesting idea.
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This theory might also explain Glamrock Freddy’s line of, “I feel you are broken” and Gregory’s response of, “don’t worry about it I’m fine.” It’s hardly speculation at this point that William was an abusive father to his children, and the Midnight Motorist cutscene provides some damning evidence to support that. Not only does he use very threatening language but many have also speculated that he could be an alcoholic, as he is turned away from what appears to be a bar named Junior’s. It stands to reason then that he could be physically abusive as well, and perhaps punishes Gregory when he runs away from home. Maybe Freddy is able to sense bruises or injuries on Gregory’s body that are meaningless to Gregory, as he’s gotten used to his father being physical with him. He’s also shown to have bandages on his model, which could be his attempt at covering up injuries that actually require more attention. And I don’t like referring to the cut dialogue that was uncovered, but I do feel it’s worth mentioning that Freddy specifically describes Gregory’s injuries with the word “blood”.
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And of course there are the not-so hidden references to Sister Location, with Staff-bots resembling characters from this game and even the recreation of the room where Michael watches TV. Now I’m not gonna attempt to rationalize all that or explain what it means but it does establish a clear link between Security Breach and Sister Location, or more so The Afton Family.
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And lastly, I feel like this might also give some motivation to Gregory’s character. By the end of the game he is determined to work with Freddy to uncover the secrets of the pizzaplex. Additionally, he’s concerned that more people will disappear if he does nothing. It’s possible that he knows how dangerous his father is, and maybe even knows of his kidnappings/murders. Perhaps Gregory’s entire mission in Security Breach is to put a stop to his father’s madness.
Obviously all of this gets insanely messy from a timeline perspective, but it’s clear that Gregory is not just some random kid. And I believe it’s possible for him to be the never before seen fourth child of William Afton. God damn, 8 years later and this game still has me theorizing. I’d love to hear what you think!
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redbuddi · 2 years
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The Fnaf Fanverse is Wack
So for a little while even though I stopped being a fnaf fan I would keep my ear to the ground in terms of the drama in the Fanverse cause it was nuts. But after Theft King (A Fnaf News Youtuber) was rightfully ousted for some absolutely batshit behavior, I realized that this sub-community is so bonkers that it couldn’t go un-reported on. I deadass considered actually making a video essay again, but after realizing that doing so could have bad consequences for my friends I decided not to. But I can’t just not put out my findings, so I’m making a post on Tumblr where it’ll most likely either go nowhere, or at the very least be pretty contained. So for those of you annoyed that FnaF still has people supporting Cawthon, enjoy the schadenfreude under the cut.
(CW: for Transphobia, Social Engineering, Blackmail, Online Harassment, Grooming, and Pedophilia)
For those who don’t know, Scott Cawthon, creator of Five Nights at Freddy’s, started a project called the Fanverse Initiative, wherein he would bring in the most popular fan game devs, and give them money to fund an official game to be sold on Steam, along with merchandising opportunities. On paper this sounds pretty cool, supporting his most dedicated fans with the opportunity to be a part of the main franchise, but the more you’ll learn about Scott’s behavior, the less altruistic his motivations may seem.
I would also like to clarify before continuing that Cawthon was ousted for donating to transphobic politicians shortly after the Fanverse was announced, meaning that most likely these people’s contracts were already finalized and there probably isn’t a way for them to back out of it. However, as you’ll soon see, this clearly did not prevent them from speaking poorly about FnaF, nor was it so ironclad that their games couldn’t be kicked out. I am not criticizing these people for signing on, but for their behavior after the fact.
The Joy of Creation & Nikson
TJoC is a fan game centering around Scott Cawthon himself, as well as his family, being haunted by the Freddy’s Animatronics which have somehow crossed over into the real world. I’ll give it to Cawthon, he was a lot more chill about someone making a game about him and his family than I would be. There’s no compromising details in the game itself, but it’s still a weird thing to do about a real human man who is still alive.
The game’s Dev, who goes by Nikson, was called out for making extremely transphobic remarks. He has admitted to this, saying that he “[Wouldn’t say] that nowadays.” However, this does not prove that he is no longer transphobic, just that he wouldn’t be transphobic out loud. It should also be noted that this was part of a thread wherein he expressed annoyance at people saying that if he doesn’t support trans people then he is against them. The problem is that not only does he not acknowledge why his previous behavior was wrong, but also that he seems to think it is possible to take a neutral stance on weather or not trans people are people.
If you believe that there is any form of debate in the possibility of trans people being valid, then that means that you do not think that trans people are valid. This implies that he does not regret his statement because it was wrong, but because people got mad at him for it. While people do not need to be constantly declaring their support of trans people, the fact that he seems annoyed to do so, even after the context of his previous statements, makes it clear that he has not changed at all.
FnaF Plus & Phisnom
FnaF+ is a remake/reinterpretation of the first FnaF game. Phil/Phisnom was first recognized by Scott after his fan remake of FnaF 2 was taken down. According to this interview, Scott’s reasoning was that it needed to be taken down because it was being considered as a replacement for the real FnaF 2. While Cawthon was fully in his legal right to do so, I do think it’s very funny that one of the few fan games he took down he did because people liked it more than his game.
Phil released a thread after the info on Scott’s donations came out defending Scott, a thread that is extremely revealing. You can read it for yourself, and I trust your critical thinking skills enough to understand what’s wrong with it, but for fun and convenience there are segments that I’d like to highlight.
First off, the general refusal to state what people were mad at Scott for, Phil is as vague as he can possibly be. He also regularly contradicts himself, for example in one part of the thread saying “Ignorance can cause just as much harm as malice,” but later describing Scott as “Well-meaning but sometimes ignorant,” and still claiming that his “Good [actions] far outweighs the bad.” While Scott has helped people and made donations to charities, including the Trevor Project, he has still given a huge amount of monetary support to anti-queer establishments, and this is not cancelled out just because he has not expressed openly hateful behavior. He has contributed to making life systematically worse for trans people, and has never done the same for pro LGBT charities, nor has he even apologized for his donations. Despite this, Phil says that Scott’s response was “The best thing he could’ve possibly done.” I should also note that Phil made this thread while never once disclosing that he has a financial incentive to continue supporting Scott.
In the final part, Phil expresses that he still loves FnaF and will continue to support it into the foreseeable future...
...And then Security Breach came out and he didn’t really like it.
Only then did Phil feel disillusioned with FnaF. When it was something that affected him.
Flumpty’s 3 & Jonochrome
One Night at Flumpty’s 3 is the third in a series of games that were made to satirize FnaF’s initial boom in popularity.
The game’s developer, Jonochrome, was ousted for having a romantic relationship with a 13 year-old girl while he was 21. This relationship had continued for 5 years. When it came out, it was publicized without the victim’s consent, supposedly by a third party, however Jonochrome did confirm that the allegations were true.
While the victim for the most part vouches for Jonochrome, stating that she does not feel that she was harmed, and I wholeheartedly believe that this should not have come out without her consent, it is still the fact of the matter that Jonochrome, as an adult, entered a relationship with a minor, something that I firmly believe is inherently abusive. And even if the abuse was unintentional, it was still abuse.
Despite this, Flumpty’s 3 is still available for purchase. You may think that this is because of contracts and distribution issues, but as you will soon find out, that is not the case at all.
The Pear
Several months ago, three Fanverse Devs, Ultranite, Ramanov, and Mechlus, were revealed to have been collecting a large amount of inside information on other fangames for the purpose of leaking and potential blackmail, alongside personal information up to and including pictures of Scott Cawthon’s children. Chatlogs showed that they had been purposely being friendly to other devs for the sake of gaining information, but speaking cruelly behind their backs, even willing to destroy their own projects if it meant being able to spite other creators, Kane Carter in particular.
In the wake of this, their games Chompers and Jr’s were removed from the fanverse. While I do believe Scott did the right thing, I find it telling that he gladly removed projects that were nearly finished when the controversy affected him, but when it doesn’t, like in the case of Jonochrome, he is more than happy to continue platforming and profiting off of abusers.
The video here also states that Phisnom had suspected these three of leaking, gave them fake information, and saw them bragging about having said fake information. But in that case shouldn’t he have warned the other devs? I feel like if he had then it would have been mentioned that people were warned, but instead it seems like this came as a huge surprise to everyone. It’s just speculation on my part, but that seems like kind of a dick move.
Popgoes Arcade/Evergreen & Kane Carter
Popgoes Evergreen is a remake of Carter’s Popgoes fan game, with Arcade being a sort of teaser/tie-in game, which itself is also a remake of the teaser/tie-in game also called Popgoes Arcade which was for the first remake of the original Popgoes fangame. I know it’s confusing, I’m sorry.
Kane Carter is not nearly as bad as any of these other people, from what I’ve found, but he is a massive bootlicker and seems to have a really thin skin. He continually states that the fanverse is doing fine actually, (In one tweet celebrating the return of TJoC’s transphobic dev,) he constantly updates people on FnaF news, meaning he is more than happy to play spokesperson for Scott Cawthon, he seems to be constantly monitoring his steam reviews, and his Twitter banner image still has Flumpty’s characters on it, which I’ll assume the best and say that maybe he just never got around to changing that, but Kane you should probably fix that some time, it's not a great look.
Theft King
Theft King is a Fnaf news and drama channel. I’ve used his videos as sources several times here, as his reporting has been pretty comprehensive, but do not mistake this for endorsement, Theft is not a good person.
Recently, Theft has been heavily criticized by the Fanverse community for his behavior as a youtuber. It all started when he released a clickbaity video about how the fanverse might be ending, including thumbnails and a title implying cancellation. This inspired several other video creators to follow in his footsteps, and Kane Carter, ever ready to defend the Fanverse, made a tweet expressing his frustration at this. Remember that tweet where he celebrated the Return of the Transphobe? It was that one.
Theft King took this very personally and reached out to Carter, and when he didn’t get an instant response, felt the need to make an open letter to Kane in the form of a video. Even though, by all accounts, it seemed like Carter honestly just missed his message, and Theft was aware that that’s all it was, at this point he was so incensed that he hosted a reportedly five-hour stream where he continuously attacked Kane’s character, up to and including saying something so insane that if I quote it you’ll think I’m lying, so please click on this link and just hear it for yourself.
I can’t even begin to imagine how surreal it must be to be Kane Carter and hear someone say that about you.
In the wake of this, more people came forward with evidence of Theft acting entitled, bullying smaller creators, and in general being extremely shady in the way he acquired information, in one case discouraging a game dev he interviewed from checking with their lawyers to make sure the interview didn’t break any NDA’s.
Obviously all of this is bad, but think about how it started, with Theft implying that the Fanverse might not be doing so hot. All of these controversies, and the other community members have either ignored them, or done very little about them. The Pear Controversy was so nuts that you think it’d be all over the internet, but it’s not. The grooming, the Transphobia, even the attempted blackmailing, and everyone just keeps on truckin’. But the moment someone says that things might not be so good, they bury them.
Theft might have deserved it, but the next person to speak up might not.
Conclusion
Time and Time again a Fanverse dev will do something horrible, and everyone will say to not judge the rest of the project for it. And then it’ll happen again, and again, and again. The people acting this way are not outliers. They are not an accident. They are what happens when you bring together a group of people absolutely dedicated to denying problems. Any other fandom has been able to withstand controversy and grow from it. People still make Voltron fanart. Steven Universe is being re-evaluated far more favorably these days. The Danny Phantom fans were the first people to hate Butch Hartman. And many Fnaf fans acknowledge that Cawthon did something very bad, and continue to make fan works, and that’s fine.
But these people are not like that. They refuse to criticize Cawthon. And what a funny coincidence that these people are the same people who profit from Fnaf looking good. But honestly, I don’t think that’s all there is to it.
All of these people (Save for Theft and Jonochrome, who absolutely should have known better,) are young adults just breaking into game development, people who grew up with Fnaf and loved it enough to make games about it. And then suddenly their idol swoops in and takes them under their wing, even giving them game deals. What an absolute dream that must be, to work on the things you love being mentored by your hero. That’s why it’s honestly kind of hard for me to say this, but I feel like I need to:
To any Fanverse Devs who may be reading this, you are being taken advantage of. You have clearly demonstrated the technical and artistic skills to make great art, you even have fans that follow you through the whole way. You don’t need Scott to show you how to make games, you already know how to make games. He wouldn’t have let you in if you didn’t. But he is using you. He’s taking your creations and slapping them on shirts and plushies to pad out his bank account until the next Fnaf comes out. And as much as you’d like to deny it, until we see evidence to the contrary, a portion of the money he is making off of your work is going to politicians dedicated to making the lives of queer people worse. It might not be a lot, but it’s more than zero.
I won’t act like you all could easily just strike out on your own. Even if there weren’t contracts involved, it would be absurd for me to imply you could just quit and do your own thing and make a living that way. That’s just not how real life works. But even if you can’t do anything about that, you can do something about the community you lead, a community that is made up primarily of kids and teens. Kids who may look up to you the way you look up to Scott. You owe it to these people who have supported you through it all to give them the utmost of honesty and humanity. To learn and grow from your mistakes to show them that they can too. To do what you can to make the world better for whoever comes after you when you're gone.
Cawthon’s statement after the donations scandal came out displayed a very “fuck you got mine” attitude, and I can see it bleeding through to the Fanverse devs, the idea that if it doesn’t directly affect you, that it’s not your problem. But you don’t have to be like that. You can be better than that. You just have to let yourself. Cawthon doesn’t want you to be better than him. I mean, just look at how he reacted to Phil’s FnaF 2 remake.
This is not a call-out post, this is a wake-up call. All of us, especially those who are born white, strait, cis, etc have a number of bubbles we have to pop as we grow up. We all have a point where we have to realize that there are things we do and say without even thinking that harms other people. It sucks having to realize this, because it means you have to recognize how many people you may have hurt without even realizing, but it’s an important step in becoming an adult. Do not trust anyone who says that there’s no way things can be better. You might not be able to save the world, but you can make things better for someone out there, even if you’ll never know who it is. And games, especially horror games, have told some of the most powerful and life-changing stories of them all.
Don’t deny yourself that potential.
I do not encourage any sort of goading or harassment toward any of these devs or the people who work for them, and if you decide to do so anyway then you clearly don’t understand what I’m saying here at all. I do not want to start a witch hunt. I just wanted to say the quiet part out loud.
Thank you all for reading.
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Why LadyFiszi should be fired
Note there is a list of majorly dark/upsetting CWs below the read more. READ THE THREADS WITH CARE.
CW: Transphobia (including T slur), intersexism (including H slur), Ableism (R slur), Antisemitism, adult stuff discussion/mention, Very dark themes (Including: gore, Proship/Profic/Antianti shit, murder, necrophilia, n*zi fetishism, SA & CSA), gr*oming, p*dophilia
•Here is a large twitter thread on why
•Here is a tumblr thread on why (+ a bonus explanation of some things about Pinkypills, too)
•AND REMEMBER TO SPREAD AWARENESS AS MUCH AS YOU CAN EVERY WHERE YOU CAN AND INCLUDE THE TAG "#FireLadyFiszi"
•A reddit post compiling some incidences with dates alongside it + Scott Cawthon's statement on firing Ladyfiszi
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zazakisan · 6 months
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𝕎𝕖𝕝𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖!!
🌛 Chilean 🇨🇱 (Esp/Eng)
🌛 Straight - Ally (She/Her)
🌛 I mainly do AU's and humanizations of the things I like, and also do OC's
🌛 Currently Hyperfixations: Softhorror Games
🌛 Ask/Request Open !!
🌛 Main Tags: #zazakiart , #zazakiocs , #fnafthefazbearfilesaus , #some nights in poppy's
🌛 Gacha Side Acc: @zazakigacha
🌛 More info, my Commisions and my socials
DNI (Do Not Interact): Ped0s/Gr00m3rs, Support !nc3st, Homophobes, Racism to any race, Scott Cawthon haters, people who thinks Softhorror "ruined" horror
CW: Sometimes my art contains slight blood/gore!!
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♥︎ 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 ♥︎
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butchdykekondraki · 11 months
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what is dsaf?
dsaf / dayshift at freddys is a franchise of three visual novel style story games about jack kennedy (orange silly fellow with a dead family (aka the player!!!)), dave miller (aubergine man (aka william afton)), phone guy (scott cawthon (aka harry / scottie / whatever their name depends on the game ur playing). i have to put the rest under cut for spoilers lol . lmao . oh also cw 4 mentions of emotional manipulation, abuse, murder and stalking
the just general plotline goes like this; >dee kennedy (jacks younger sister, later goes on to posess the puppet) is killed at fredbears family diner and henry and dave pin the murder of jack >jack gets springlocked at fredbears while hiding, henry sees him and laughs before leaving him to die >jack escapes (somehow. good for him i suppose!) and leaves to his brothers home
>he starts working at a freddys location (he is later fired for doing unsavory acts on an animatronic) (while this is happening dave gets fired from a DIFFERENT freddys location for throwing foxy into the grand canyon. its never elaborated on how he could fucking do that but whatever) >dave greets jack in an off-camera security room after they end up working at the same location from there theres two options, you can deny daves help and get the 'good end' or you can do the dave route / bad end (<- fun fact youre actually supposed to do the bad end if you want the 'real' ending of dsaf!) UM thats all i can say if i wanted to say more i'd have to explain both fucking paths and i think ive already made a wall of text oops
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littlegreenpotato · 10 months
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Reading - 10/06/2023
!!CW// Mention of ED, Depression, Social Anxiety (all minor)!!
This post contains links to books and products that you may wish to buy. I'm not sponsored by anyone, I just know how annoying it can be to be told about something and not know where to buy it, so I included links. If I've mentioned something you would like a link on, please let me know and I'll edit one in at the appropriate location. Please be aware that I am from the UK, so all sites linked are UK based
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I have a very weird relationship with books, in that I grew up reading frequently, loving it, and being known at the kid who always had at least one book in their bag. Then I got Gifted Kid Syndrome and dropped reading like a particularly ugly doll and moved on to watching YouTube and playing video games.
That analogy is a little iffy, actually. I never fully dropped reading, I just stopped doing it nearly as frequently, and one day I asked myself if I should actually bother putting the book in my bag because it's just taking up space and getting damaged. I still bought books all the time, and officially own 300 at the moment ("officially" meaning that that's how many are in my personal library log, I know I have more than that around) but I would probably only read one a year, if that. More often than not I would take books out of the library, read perhaps a few pages of one of them, then renew them for 6 months swearing I would take the time to read them just to return them unread.
A lot of the reading in my teens happened in school as part of my English classes at GCSE. These classes consisted of reading pages together in lesson, often aloud. Sometimes we would be told to sit and read until we got to a certain part, then we could put the book down and answer some set questions. In the final 10 minutes there would be a discussion. I did actually read during these times, but it was only because if we didn't we were reprimanded. As a formally gifted reader, I hated the aloud sessions, and would read ahead because others read too slowly (and it would somehow be almost 10 years before a doctor told me I might have ADHD). When I was inevitably told I had to read, I had to ask where we were. More often than not the teacher assumed disinterest and pretending to read the pages, and I would have to explain that I had actually just read ahead, and was on the next week's set of chapters already. I got reprimanded for that once, too.
Classroom trauma aside. The point here is that I didn't do a lot of reading in my mid-late teens. In 2018, I discovered Goodreads, and their reading challenge. I, not fully knowing what I could or couldn't do, set myself a challenge of reading five books that year, and I finished all five. My challenge says I read 5/4 because towards the end of the year I was worried I wouldn't hit target and lowered the count, but I did finish my book in the end. For those interested, I read:
The Silver Eyes, Scott Cawthon
Sherlock: The Essential Arthur Conan Doyle Adventures, Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat
Can I Tell You About Eating Disorders?, Bryan Lask
We're All Mad Here: A No-Nonsence Guide to Social Anxiety, Claire Eastham
I Had a Black Dog It's Name was Depression, Matthew Johnstone.
As you can see, three of these books were mental health based. I was attending therapy in 2018 and my therapist recommended I read about my disorders as well as having therapy sessions, as reading about them might work better for me than just talking about them every few weeks. That whole thing is a completely different post for some other day, but it did make me pick up reading again, and Claire Eastham's book would actually be the first example of what would eventually develop into my own personal way of "tagging" books. I decided to study it like I would a book for school, and ended up writing important or interesting information in the journal my therapist suggest I have. I still have those notes even now.
Despite this boost back into my hobby, reading was still something I had to work hard to do. In 2019 I read 17/15 books, 2020 saw me reading 12/20, 2021 was 15/15, and 2022 was 5/15. My reading habits fluctuated massively, and I was still struggling to finish the books I already owned. Also, my actual book count in 2020 was 11. I mistagged a book as read and for some reason, despite correcting the mistake, Goodreads still added it to my reading challenge count.
In 2019 I started university, and you can see that my reading count did go up, but it wasn't because I was reading the books I was assigned for class. Some of the books I read from 2019 onwwards were class books, and were counted towards my reading challenge count, but a lot of the things we were asked to read for lessons or assignments I read notes and papers on because I couldn't get past the first couple of pages without being unbelievably bored. Likewise, I wasn't taking notes on anything I read like I did for We're All Mad Here. I just read the book and moved on, no notes, no comments, no annotations.
Recently, I handed in the final assignment for my course. All the reading I had to do for classes and papers is over, and I'm free to read how I please until September, when I (hopefully) begin my masters degree. This is lucky, as my father and I started a reading challenge together at Christmas, we want to read 100 books together. We're on book two right now because leisure reading has been slow for me due to being a student and trying to balance my social, student, and family lives. Hopefully I'll finish this book this month and we can start another together, and it's my choice this time! I have no idea what we'll read next, but I want to do a book I haven't read yet, as my first recommendation was a book I was reading for an assignment that I was actually enjoying. Though I am also getting really into Alice's Adventures in Wonderland again, so I might make him read that, who knows.
Anyway.
I think I am actually beginning to enjoy reading again. A massive part of why I stopped in the first place was because the books I was reading simply weren't enjoyable. I had to pick them up for school and analyse them excessively, and I hated it. I genuinely blame Kazuo Ishiguro for my disinterest in reading, now, because Never Let Me Go would have been a fantastic book if I didn't have to over-analyse, reread, and deconstruct every sentence of it. I saw his name pop up on a university reading list last year and I actually complained to my classmates and lecturer because I was so dreading having to analyse another one of his works. Though, again, I think I would have genuinely enjoyed and appreciated Never Let Me Go if it wasn't for the fact I was reading an A-Level book for a first year GCSE class because my teacher thought we were all sooo smart (newsflash, we all failed the mock exam on Ishiguro's book and had to quickly switch tracks to do an actual GCSE book. We read Heroes, Robert Cormier, but were given the option of either set of exam questions in our final test. We all chose Heroes).
Throughout my time at university I did manage to sneak books I actually enjoyed reading into assignments, and built a habit of trying to do that at least once for each assignment, but I often ended up using the same book in different papers because I found they could be used across multiple modules. As we had to do a lot of reading and talking about what we read, I ended up writing in my books in pencil. Then, eventually, used pen and highlighter. They were my books, so it didn't matter.
I regret this choice.
Not because the books are "damaged", but because they look awful, and it's hard to write neatly in books. I stopped writing in them aside from maybe putting my name in the front cover because there were twenty of us in class and we often showed each other our books to point out extracts and such, and I didn't want to lose my copy. My annotating looked sloppy, and I despised it. I feel like I ruined the flow of my favourite poetry book because I used highlighter in it. I now have a clean, signed copy that I haven't directly annotated (for anyone who's read past posts, it's Neil Hilborn's book!). As you might guess, however, discussing books is difficult when you haven't been able to write down your points.
When it came to writing for my dissertation, I was finding it incredibly hard to keep track of my thought processes, comments, and ideas. Then, I saw a TikTok where a book tagger was talking about small, coloured sticky tabs, and I decided to give them a go. I don't think I understood it very well, though, and should have probably looked up more information about book tagging. I'm just now realising while writing this that the tags likely went all over the page, not just towards the ends. I also didn't like the fact that these little pointed tags were just...well...pointers. You still had to physically write in the book to leave comments. I was past doing that, I already knew I didn't like it, so I gave up on tagging. It was then that it came to me that I could probably use some form of clear, removeable cover to annotate my books. I was thinking a full page cover that I could draw, annotate, and highlight on. Maybe something like sheets of thin, white baking paper, or perhaps something like those plaster sleeves for paper that people use in folders. In my research for such an item I remembered my friend showing me clear sticky notes! Unfortunatly, I couldn't actually find any that were book page sizes, but they do come in standard sticky note size, and can easily be layered together to cover a whole page. I had found my method of annotating!!!
These sticky notes did not solve everything right away. I still had to learn how to use them. I learned immediately that highlighting was out of the game, as the highlighter fluid wouldn't dry before I needed to turn the page, and would therefore bleed and mark other pages. I either had to slow down my reading, or use something else. I turned to bic multi pens. Stick a note, choose a colour, find a line, and underline it! Problem solved, I could now annotate with ease. This did present another problem, however...after a few chapters, the books could no longer close properly. I decided that writing up my annotations would solve the problem, and set out to buy a notebook. The café terrace at night notebook from Waterstones became my victim, and I began writing up my notes so I could remove my sticky notes and eventually close the book properly again. Usually I would be a big advocate against wasting plastic like this, but I researched the sticky notes I'm using and found out that they're widely recycled, because they're made out of the same type of plastic as water bottles! Amazing!
My tagging method is broken down as such:
Put a clear sticky note on the first inside page of the book.
Select what colours I would like to use while annotating (usually ones that match up with the cover's colours), and write what each colour means on the sticky note. -> Typical annotations are "lines I like, comments, research, activities, ideas"
Read, placing sticky notes as needed for annotating.
Write up sticky note annotations key in notebook.
Write annotations in notebook in the same colours used while annotating in the book (with any yellow annotations being written in black and highlighted in yellow for ease of reading)
I used this method of tagging my books solely for the ones I was reading for my dissertation, and basically all leisure reading stopped this year because of said dissertation. Any book I picked up to read leisurely ended up analysed with sticky notes. Writing up the notes became its own little side project as it was taking up too much time, but since submitting my last assignment all I've wanted to do is finish writing up my notes for Leif Bersweden's Where the Wildflowers Grow: My Botanical Journey Through Britain and Ireland. Mostly so I can begin on my notes for The Trespasser's Companion (Nick Hayes) and continue reading it, as that book has ended up with so many notes that it's difficult to annotate new notes. This is honestly a downside to this method, but one I'm willing to work with. I find that I can take a break from reading my book while still enjoying it by writing up my notes. Though I do also absolutely adore Leif's book, and find that writing up my notes allows me to connect with a book more because I'm now looking at it through my own comments, favourite lines, and interesting facts I've found. Basically, I found a way to tag books that sticks with me way more than the more widely-used method of small slips of coloured sticky notes and pens.
Recently, I've started to apply this method to a book I'm actually reading for lesisure - the one my dad chose for our reading challenge. It's The Chimp Paradox, by Professor Steve Peters, which does sound like an educational read, but dad and I have a general interest in subjects concerning the mind. And we both have ADHD and are actively trying to learn more about it. This book helps, the chimp analogy is also one used for ADHD, so I can relate it to that easily. I realised I was having trouble reading for long periods of time despite actively enjoying the book, and I kept finding lines I liked and activities I wanted to take note of. Then I realised I still have clear sticky notes in my pencil case, and I can use them in this book despite having no intention of using it for any assignments. I can still analyse and annotate the book at my leisure and write up notes on it. I started the entire thing again and began to do this, and I'd read the first chapter in no time at all despite my first attempt splitting the first chapter across two days. I felt more connected to what I was reading, too, like I understood it more and was paying closer attention to it. I could take more from what was being said, and had things to say about it. As a bonus, this method of reading will help me connect with my dad more as I always have my notebook in my bag out of habit, so I can actually show him my notes and we can discuss the book in detail without me getting confused and lost.
The likelihood is that tagging my book like this and analysing it when I don't need to is helping me in my enjoyment of reading because it's giving my ADHD something to do during an otherwise quiet and still activity. I'm no longer sitting still, occasionally moving a hand to turn the page or take a sip of tea, a nightmare for my particular brand of ADHD. Instead I'm consciously thinking about the words I'm reading, underlining lines I want to draw attention to or particularly enjoy, and writing comments about what I've just read. It's not much more movement, but it's movement! It's engaging in a way I can't achieve by solely reading the book.
This method of reading has really helped me to understand why people tag their books in the first place, and though it takes longer for me to finish a book because I'm pausing to underline things and write notes, I feel like I can actually say now that I read as a hobby. Already, I want to go back to books I've previously read and go through with sticky notes and pens to draw out my favourite lines and make little comments. The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home (Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor) is one that I'm particularly excited to go back to, as I enjoyed it thoroughly and know there's several lines I would like to draw attention to, and comments I'd like to make. I'm also currently reading What The Hell Did I Just Read by David Wong as I came across it in Waterstones and absolutely could not put it back on the shelf after reading the first few lines. I read some of it on a slow journey home, but I am more than happy to start again and do some annotating, I have a feeling it won't be able to close once set down after the first two chapters because of the amount of notes that will be in it. I may have to bulk buy some more sticky notes for this one. I say I'm "currently reading" it, but I've decided to put it down for now as The Chimp Paradox is a university library book, and is therefore on a time limit as I have to return it by a certain date as I'm technically no longer enrolled at my university (my masters application is still processing). I just cannot wait to annotate it, though.
I'll have to come up with a set of rules for myself so I don't end up with several books full of notes all waiting for one specific book to be written up, which is what is sort of happening right now. I have to finish writing the notes for Leif before I begin the ones for Nick or Steve (more likely Steve because of the time limit). I'm pretty sure I have one or two poetry books that need their notes writing up, too, but I own those so they're not on a time crunch for their notes being written. I might also buy another notebook so I can write up the notes for multiple books at once, so a bigger, or more annotated, book doesn't severely delay things. Though this is all thought processes that can wait for a bit. Right now I'm writing up Leif notes when I'm taking a break from reading Steve's book, and that's a good system. Sometimes I'm going to want to write things up rather than read, and that's fine. I also know I'm not going to go back through all the books I've ever read so I can do notes on them. I might not even annotate all the books I read from here on out. It's just something I can do while reading if I choose to do so, not something I must do or I'm not allowed to read the book. That isn't feasable or fair on myself. This isn't a task, it's a hobby.
Speaking of hobbies, this entire blog started out as me wanting to do movie and book reviews, and that plan has yet to come to fruition as I haven't done a single movie or book review. I said in this post that this blog is now for whatever I want to write. I can write anything and, if I want to share it, it goes here. Part of me still wants to do my long winded movie and book reviews, however. I never deleted my Mitchells vs. The Machines review, and am occasionally going back to it to add bits. That being said, I think it will be a lot easier to do book reviews with this method of reading, as I won't have to sift through my brain to try and remember paticular things, nor will I have to spend ages flicking back through the book to find particular quotes. It'll all be in my notebook. I won't promise anything, as this blog is also a hobby, but it's just something else about the way I'm choosing to read my books, now.
It feels so nice to be actively excited about reading, again. It's been far, far too long.
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sappy-hours · 3 years
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?????????????? what the fuck is this guy on
"No I don't support LGBTQ"
"I dont agree with them (LGBTQ)"
"My best friend is pansexual" (poor girl)
"I don't agree with her decision" (implying sexuality is a "decision/choice" you can make)
(found on Dawko's newest videos comment section)
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