Tumgik
#cw heavy heavy subjects
pigdemonart · 5 months
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I think its really cute that Manuel gets the most love from comments! I think he deserves it, because even I have dubbed him as the Best Boy. But, Mani has mixed feelings about receiving praise and being considered the favorite. He’d sooner think people are lying to him than believe they actually like him that much. Because, why would they?
His view of himself comes from years of being stuck in the middle.
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₊ ⊹ Adult WLW Manga ⊹ ₊
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How Do We Relationship - Set in college - Band lesbians - Angsty
Run Away With Me Girl - Maki fell in love with her girlfriend in high school, but when graduation came their relationship went. Years later, they meet again with the love never having faded - Maki's love interest is now married and pregnant! Is she really happy though?
Days of Love at Seagull Villa - Mayumi runs away from her ex fiancé and asshole bff to the countryside - At first, she refuses to open up to anyone. However, she eventually grows to accept the manager of her housing complex and her little sister - Found lgbt family!
I Married My Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up - Machi is a working woman who doesn't wanna settle down with some man; However, her parents want her to have a traditional life. Instead, she marries her best friend! - Short, fast read
I Don't Know Which One Is Love - Soraike is determined to find a girlfriend in college, but she didn't know she'd have so many options!| - Yuri harem / romance comedy
Doughnuts Under a Crescent Moon - Two asexual women who meet at the office fall for another - Kinda angsty but with doughnuts
Trying Out Marriage With My Female Friend - Don't worry, they gay - Marriage pact
There are definitely more, these are just some I've read! Hope you enjoy <3
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warriors-ideas · 4 months
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Hi guys, I just wanted to mention that if your idea includes suicide, it would be very appreciated if you put a warning at the beginning of your ask! I noticed some asks didn’t put one, and thought I should mention it!
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sapphire-heart-tippy · 7 months
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I hate it when you're just having a good time and then suddenly you're hit with a nasty memory x_x
Me remembering how I left a discord server because everyone was like "don't body shame!! Body shaming is bad!!!" Then proceeded to shame my body and say they'd never date/sleep with somebody that looks like me and they kept saying "that's so unattractive yeah it's unattractive yeah" :
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(fesh pince of blaire gif haha^^^)
Like, I understand everyone has attraction preferences, I do too but I'm not a jerkwad to people I'm not personally attracted to. You can't just say "don't body shame" then proceed to body shame people you're not specifically attracted to. People don't owe you attractiveness in order to get respect.
They were making fun of how small my lips are and saying I look like a corpse because of how thin I am. Then they got mad at me and acted like I was crazy when I said something like, "hey that's not really a nice thing to say." After everyone jumped all over me saying it was just a joke and that other people have it worse blah blah blah I said "you know what, I'm just gonna go." And I left the server.
I know not all servers are like that, I'm in a few right now that are pretty chill. But I'm still very nervous about joining new ones. I'll step out of my comfort zone and probably join that one selfship server that's been floating around...
It happened a long while ago and I don't want retribution or anyone to try to confront these people, I just wanted to vent.
I don't need people to hammer it into my skull that you find me repulsive. It's not going to stop me from taking selfies, it's not going to stop me from wearing makeup and jewelry, and it's not going to stop me from wearing clothes that show off my body. Yes it hurts my feelings, but at the end of the day, it's a you problem. You don't have to find me attractive, that's not what I'm saying. If you're going to flip out because somebody doesn't meet your specifications of sexy or whatever, that's... your personal issue you need to work on.
I don't stoop so low to insult another person's appearance just to make myself feel better. And do you want to know why? Because I'm actually genuinely confident and content with the way I look. If you feel the need to bring others down, especially about things they cannot fix in 5 seconds, you are not content with your appearance.
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jamiesfootball · 8 months
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I wrote about 2500 words tonight, half for the post-season thing and half for the sleepy jamie Pavlov thing
Only problem is I hate everything I wrote today.
But at least I wrote something and there will be a better tomorrow where I can look at it with fresh eyes and go, ‘Oh, there’s the problem. Now let’s take a crack at it.’
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autistic-katara · 10 months
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Would you be up to writing a fic where Miles is thinking of committing su***de so he calls the su***de hotline and gets connected to Hobie in an AU where the spider verse doesn't exist? I understand if not ☺
honestly if it wasn’t for the fact that i hate AUs with a burning passion i would write the fuck out of that (anyone who does like AUs fe free to use this idea tho)
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dioptasesystem · 10 months
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I wanna go to space! I want to be launched into the realm of nothing. Look back on the earth, as its unrecognized beauty slowly disappears. Fly beyond the moon, Mars, even Neptune, into a land of desolation. Further into a void, loosely dotted with any light. The emptiness brings about its own emptiness, as the stars bring a distant, faint comfort. The years tick by. Slowly, as you lose sight of everything, you lose yourself. All of your memories begin to blur together, as your personality slowly fades. You are no longer yourself. You feel a sharp, all encompassing pain. Repeatedly. As though a knife were dug into each atom in your body. Slowly twisting, deeper, deeper, and deeper. The pain never subsides, even millions of years later, as you forget how to scream. Even as you forget how to breathe. As you forget to walk. As you forget to talk. As to reach, as to cry, as to hold, as to love. All you can do is stare. Helpless to change your fate. Unable to change your fate. Unable to escape. The last star begins to fade. The last glimpse of warmth, gone. There is nothing. You wake up. Shocked at the sudden lack of pain, and the unfamiliar faces around you, you scream. Your new life has started. You have many difficulties ahead, but they can be overcome. You can do this. You won't be sent back there again. Or at least, that was the promise. Such a reality could not be held. As your newest, closest connection, the one who has given you meaning, personality, everything, betrays you. You begin to fall back into the ever familiar void. Everything fades away. Your fate is doomed to repeat. The pain continues. You are pulled back into reality, by force. Thankfully, not all beings are traitors, as of yet. The promises ring through once again, from these new mouths. You know they should mean nothing to you. But you can't resist the temptations of love and trust. Never again... right?
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△ So, I noticed that when you posted your Egg Day celebration stuff, you were just with your Pokémon. Were you not able to see your folks this year?
9/10 (VERY VERY reluctant)
...I,, don't talk to my parents anymore. I'll be honest, I've been telling a half-truth. I've never been in Lilycove for all my life, or rather, the part of my life that I WANT to remember. I suppose a more accurate sentence would be: "I started a brand new life when I moved to Lilycove."
When I graduated from the local High school near Verdenturf, I--came out to a family friend, who I THOUGHT I could trust, which blew tf right up in my face. They outed me to my parents, who subsequently berated me and made me feel like absolutely shit for my identity, all in name of "Arceus' grace."
What a load of bullshit... Either way, I cut contact years ago and I never looked back. And I never will.
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kingmaximusboltagon · 9 months
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idc what anybody says about inhumanity. that scene immediately following karnak's suicide where medusa is just standing there listlessly staring out the window and thinking about how much she's lost and how everything on earth seems to be dangerous and that she's terrified most of all about the fact that she knows she's going to have to go through even more and lose even more. and even with all of that crystal still calls her "your majesty" and in uncanny inhumans medusa mentions that crystal sees her as the queen first and her sister second. i dont have a joke or anything i just genuinely think it's one of the most gut wrenching things i've read and i dont think it's talked about enough.
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softcatmemoirs · 10 months
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same question to you, what's an o6scure game you know a lot a6out and can talk a lot a6out? :3
I don't know how obscure it actually is but it's probably
THE MISSING J.J. Macfield and the Island of Memories
But I'll say literally nothing about that game's story as it has to be experienced to mean anything, but I will say for those who can stomach the content it's incredibly powerful and a very interesting take on a puzzle platformer as long as you're okay with the heavy heavy heavy heavy heavy HEAVY gore in the game
otherwise, while it's not obscure since it has a meme about it, I have played THE BOUNCER™️ for the PlayStation 2 a lot when I was young and have a close connection to that game and I think it goes incredibly hard
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perenlop · 2 years
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ik ive mentioned it a few times so in case anyones curious abt reading beloved by toni morrison for themselves: do not go in without content warnings it is a lot
the major ones are slavery, racism, child death, violence, lots of bestiality in the first chapter, pedophilia, and rape
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familiaanteomnia · 1 year
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“Listening to the choir so heartfelt, all singing.  God loves you, but not enough to save you- So, good luck taking care of yourself. So I said fine, cause that’s how my dad he raised me.” Fingers glided over piano keys; singing softly but with power and emotion in his tone. Knew entirely likely might not be alone inside Lux. However at this point it was mostly stragglers or staff. Going quiet- he knew the whole song and yet just the sound of the piano alone continued. Until he just pushed away, up from the instrument. Only to nearly fall over in the process of not knock the person passing nearby over. “Pardon- didn’t hit you with the bench did I?”
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dwippingbun · 1 year
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Beliefs on the afterlife?
Very touchy subject oh boy.
So um. I'll trigger warn and put a read more thing.
Trigger warning: suicide attempt, afterlife junk.
So full disclosure I have died. It was brief from a suicide attempt when I was 18.
By EVERY ACCOUNT I shouldn't be alive.
And this is why I don't ever wanna die. I'm legit terrified of death.
Even when I'm suicidal, which I struggle with a lot in life, I consider if it's worth it.
There is no Heaven or Hell that I know of.
It felt like falling asleep? I believe in ghosts, people watching over you, I believe in a lot.
But Heaven to me doesn't exist. Or Hell.
I had my seizure from the overdose.
I was resuscitated five mins or so later.
But I didn't remember waking up till like 3 am cuz I had to pee.
But it was like
Sleep and darkness and nothin past that.
Maybe you get reincarnated. Maybe you turn to a ghost. Maybe you watch people.
I don't know. I never got that far.
(I died in the noon around church cuz my foster mom went. I remember when hated being bothered at church so when I swallowed the pills I panicked more about her being mad than dying rofl..I'm laughing to cope cuz it was heavily traumatic)
Sorry if you were expecting a fantastical I went to heaven story.
I didn't. And I've had people in my family recount similar with their experiences with being near death.
So yeah.
You believe what you want. you're valid.
I believe in God and my Goddess. But I don't believe in Heaven or Hell..I think the lore is interesting by far. Gives good lessons (THE RIGHT ONES TO LISTEN TO)
But other than that? Heaven to me is a fairy tale told to make people be good. If you believe it I don't judge you and my story is only one of millions.
Believe what you believe. Don't let someone sway you. You're valid.
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risuola · 4 months
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THANK YOU, MOM — F. READER x MEGUMI FUSHIGURO, who calls you mom for the first time
Megumi was used to handle things on his own, taking care of himself and barely asked for help, but this time he couldn’t deal with the damage alone and you were the first person he thought about.
cw: fluff, brief description of an injury, blood; reader is Satoru Gojo's wife — 1k words
a/n: I rarely write for Megumi in a sense of romantic topics, but I absolutely a d o r e the concept of him being Gojo's son. sorry not sorry, I'm in a desperate need for some fluffs
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Happiness. A state, that psychologists define as a subjective well-being that a person experience. Happiness is as fickle as the wind. It comes and goes, sometimes in a rush of joy and sometimes in a lull of melancholy. Sometimes it’s as simple as a hot cup of coffee or a kind word from a stranger, but true happiness is a feeling that you couldn’t describe, even if you’d try. The warm, comforting sensation in the pit of your stomach, as if everything in the world was right where it should be.
Up until that point, you thought you were in that specific state many times. When Satoru asked for your hand, you were happy. You’re almost ecstatic every time you see your students’ successes. You tend to be overjoyed by the littlest things and if anyone asked you if you ever felt happiness, you’d most likely say yes.
But that day you realized that you never had a chance to experience the true, heart-clenching, tear inducing happiness before. Though you had shed some tears when at the altar you were staring into those beautiful blue eyes of your now husband, but not even once before you had an urge to ugly cry because you were so happy. Not before Megumi called you mom.
It happened in the privacy of your home, late into the night, when after a mission particularly roughed him up, he showed up at your doorstep late at night. Once you swung the door open, the sight of his bloodied uniform and the red gushing out of a wound on the side of his stomach made you forget how to breathe, your heart skipped a beat and time seemed to fade away. Quickly you led him inside onto the couch and gathered supplies to aid him. He should go to Shoko, both of you knew it, but you were also able to use reversed curse technique to some extent.
“What happened?” You asked him, carefully taking off his uniform jacket and lifting his shirt to assess the damage. You knew he’ll make it, you knew you won’t let him go, and yet you felt the terror inside your veins when his pale skin was right in front of your eyes, stained in fresh blood.
“Just a scratch,” he mumbled, his voice was out of breath, it was saturated in pain that you knew he tried to hide with the soft shrug he did. “A curse was stronger than it was supposed to be, and uh…”
You were going to confront Satoru with that information. It wouldn’t be the first time he pushed his own mission onto his students. Tough love, as he used to call it, learning through challenge and it worked, mostly, but seeing your boy struggling still made your heart clench and your eyes swell with tears.
Megumi was used to handle things on his own, taking care of himself and barely asked for help, but this time he couldn’t deal with the damage alone and you were the first person he thought about. He had always thought of you as the strongest person he knew, even though you were a wife to Satoru Gojo, but to Megumi, it was you who had given him the closest thing he had ever had to a parent. He felt small and vulnerable, heavy underneath your gaze so full of love and concern that and at the same time, light as a feather because somehow, your soft voice and caring hands had the ability to take the weight of any burden off his shoulders. He sat still while your cursed energy was healing his injuries, silently admiring the effort and compassion.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” you sighed once the adrenaline in your system began to wear off. Megumi was fine. Injured, but fine, nothing threatened his life anymore. “I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you.”
“I’m okay,” he reassured, leaning his head back. The blood loss was getting to him, he was paler than usually, his forehead covered in sweat and he was panting slightly. Once done with the wound, you cleaned the blood as much as you could and quickly grabbed a clean, wet towel, a fresh t-shirt from Satoru’s closet and a blanket.
Sitting next to the boy, you pulled him gently onto yourself so he could lean against your chest, with the compress on his head and a cover over his body to keep him warm. Only then, feeling the steady beat of your heart and the warmth around him, he began to relax.
That was something Megumi remembered from his youngest years. When Satoru took him and his sister underneath his wing, you were there also and as much as Gojo had no paternal instincts towards them, you were always full of love. Countless times he was falling asleep cuddled to you, you were the safest place on earth for him and even now, as he’s already almost an adult, your embrace is something he’s always happy to come back to. Though he wouldn’t say it out loud, of course. But now, he could feel his body releasing the tension, his fight-or-flight mode slowly turning off because there was no need for him to stay alarmed when you were next to him. When your arms were around him, protecting him from the world itself. And hence why his mouth formulated these words without him thinking much of it.
“Thank you, mom.” Oh. The word left his mouth despite the fear he felt. Megumi had always been afraid to call you his mother, even though he thought of you as such. He was worried it would feel too close, too intimate and though he wished to let you know how much you meant to him, he was worried you’ll get angry. He realized what he said when it was already too late. “I’m s-sorr—”
“Don’t thank me, Megumi,” you cut his apologies, gently tightening the hug. You couldn’t describe the way you felt in this moment. It was such a simple thing, but it meant everything to you. That had to be the real happiness. “I'm always here for you, whenever you need me. And I love you too, you know?”
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devilfic · 5 months
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❝late-bloomer❞
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plot: you've never been kissed before. on a completely unrelated note, what if your best friend offered to be your first? pairing: tasm!peter parker x gn!reader. cw: post-tasm 2, gwen stacy mention, angst, self-deprecating thoughts about being undesirable and insecurity in love, best friends to wouldn't you like to know, eventual fluff, attempts at andrew garfield accurate rambling, he definitely talks you through it I mean who said that. words: 4.3k.
a/n: entirely self-indulgent because I wrote this after crying over being a late-bloomer for an hour ahahaha
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Peter is reading something for research when you suck in a breath and finally ask, "What was your first kiss like?"
You hear his voice die in his throat. The small whispering of test results and calculations fall short, but you don't dare to look back. You're hunched forward so he won't see the way your eyes burn and brim with tears unshed because if he did, he'd ask about it and then you'd really start crying. Instead, you busy yourself with your phone, idly scrolling as if your question was pure curiosity alone.
You watch his ankles uncross, hear him sit up and then lean against the headboard again, fumbling for your train of thought, "Uh... sticky, 'cause I was six," Peter laughs, "You should know. You're the one who kissed me."
No matter how many times he tells you this, you can't remember the day you'd been so bold as to plant one right on Peter Parker's lips. You felt like you'd remember that, but you'd been such an impulsive child back them. Bolder. Thicker-skinned.
But Peter remembers, and so does Aunt May who swears up and down that she'd caught it on camera ("If only I could find that damned photo album"). You're the only one who doesn't. It's like it never happened, "No, God... no. I mean like your first real kiss."
"Like with tongue?" You hear the humor in his voice and even your sullen mood doesn't stop you from smacking his knee. "I dunno what you're talking about. That kiss was real to me."
"I'm serious, Pete."
He hums. You're so, so tempted to look back and see what he's thinking, but it would give you away too easily. "It was... it was a kiss. I mean, Gwen- you know. You know. I was crazy about her. I didn't think I just... kissed her."
"How did it feel? Do you know?"
"I felt like I needed to do it. I felt like if I didn't, I'd throw up. Not actually, just... like I'd explode with all the feelings I had for her."
Your finger hovers over a tweet. In your wondering about that feeling of almost nearly exploding, you try to picture that rooftop kiss that Peter had relayed to you between classes, with hushed whispers and childish laughter. It was windy, and I was breathless, he'd said, and I wanted to lay myself bare. And I just... pulled her in. Shot a web and swept her up and kissed her. I think I've lost my mind. You remembered pressing your back against the school lockers to cool yourself as you imagined the scene, the steps it took for you to settle the uneasy churn in the pit of your chest. The euphoria and panic upon realizing that your Peter was growing up.
You felt overwhelmed just imagining it. You barely hear Peter ask why you want to know. "No reason. Was just curious."
You think that Peter accepts that as good enough reason because the room is silent again. You keep scrolling, keep taking subtle deep breaths to keep the tears at bay. You see a picture of a couple on your timeline and scroll faster.
A few minutes of peace pass before Peter broaches the subject again, "What about you?"
"Hm?"
"I don't think you've ever told me about your first kiss."
Your shoulders tense. No good effort hides the strain in your voice, "I haven't?"
A beat passes. You glance over your shoulder and see Peter staring right at you, his lips upturned in a small, resting smile, but his eyes are inquiring. He's trying to read you. Perhaps he's just noticed the heavy cloud hanging overhead. "Nope." He pops the "P". He's waiting.
You could lie. You could say it was Flash Thompson who stole it, mention that field trip to the zoo in middle school when he'd sneaked next to you at the peacock exhibit and pestered you about you and Peter. Peter wouldn't question Flash about it. Even if they'd made amends, any conversation about him would send him over the edge with memories of his childhood bully and how much he pitied you for having your first kiss with him. And all of you were far too old now; Flash Thompson had gone to another state to play football the minute he got his diploma. It'd be so inconsequential, such an easy lie.
But the longer it takes you to deliberate on it, the worse it makes you look. You should've offered up an answer easily, jovially, unbothered. It should be inconsequential. Anything more and Peter would call your bluff because he knew you better than you knew yourself sometimes.
At some point, you feel the brush of a lone finger at the base of your spine and it startles you. Peter's slipped his finger under your shirt, stroking along the middle of your back, "I won't laugh. If that's what you're thinking." He says softly.
Of course Peter wouldn't laugh at you. As much as your relationship was teasing, he knew where you were tender.
But it wasn't laughing you worried about.
"I know." You say, in lieu of a real answer. You fear you've given yourself away.
Now there are two fingers stroking your skin, "You don't... you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to," but you can hear the discomfort in his voice when he says it, like the thought that it's something you don't want to tell him concerns him, "it's up to you."
Just lie. Your breath shudders and immediately you regret it. There's no way he hadn't heard that.
Before you can recover, you're feeling the heat of his entire hand on your back now as it slips further up, as he sits up in bed beside you and rests his chin on your shoulder. The closeness of his breath makes you feel claustrophobic all of a sudden, "Hey, hey. I'm sorry. Did I push? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
You struggle to shake your head, but now your eyes are burning again and you don't think you can stop the tears this time, "You didn't." You insist.
"You're crying, bub," he laughs (not mockingly, never mockingly, never when you cry) and reaches a thumb up to brush away the first warm tear, "what's wrong?"
There's a million things you could say. I've never been kissed before, I don't know what it feels like to be longed for like that, I want to be longed for like that, why haven't I been longed for like that? But it all feels so heavy. Peter picks his chin up to kiss your shoulder and that really does it, "It never happened."
Peter's lips still against your skin. Their warmth slowly peels away, though you feel his breath ghost over the curve of your bone, "What hasn't?"
"A kiss. A first kiss, Peter. I've never had one."
"That's..." Peter sounds almost shocked, disbelieving. He never picks up that thought.
You turn your head away and toss your phone onto the bed, no longer interested in pretending you could distract yourself with anything else. You try to shrug your shoulder out from underneath Peter's mouth but he's quick, the hand at your back locking around you and you can't escape him even though you want to, even though you need to get away from his sweet smile and lovely heartbeat that thuds a little faster against your side.
It was already so much to tell him you hadn't had your first kiss yet, to admit to your best friend who—despite popular Midtown High opinion—has always been so irresistible to lovers, that you haven't gone as far as something so... simple. Something teenagers running your old stomping grounds have probably experienced ten times over by now. You don't think you can handle his pity too, "Peter, please."
"There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. Everyone moves at their own pace."
You hiss through your teeth. You don't mean to, but the spite overwhelms you like red hot heat for a minute, "It's easy to say that when you've done it already."
You catch Peter's eye and immediately regret it. His untamed brows are drawn together, expression more analyzing than pitying. Even though you're brimming with feelings, he seems as if he's trying to wade through them, search for the gnarled root at the center of it all.
Then, and he says this so carefully that the meaning takes a moment to catch up with you, "There's nothing wrong with you."
It's the sincerity that does it. You shove his hand off of you, jerk away from him in a scramble to stand, but Peter is fast and lithe and he's always been two steps ahead of you even before the bite. He's up on his feet before even you are, coming to stand in your way when you go to grab for your bag, "Peter, move."
"Look, can we... can we talk about this?"
"I really don't want to. Move."
"Why are you shutting me out?"
"Because I want to go home. Move."
"Is it because of what I said?"
"Yes!" You blurt, growing frustrated the longer he blocks your path, "yes. Because I'm sick of being told there's nothing wrong with me when clearly..." Your voice tapers off, afraid to give him the reason he needs to worry about you, "Please. I'm just tired. It'll go away on its own, it always does, I just can't be here right now."
The standoff between you two lingers, feels like you might have to fight him just to escape. It takes everything in you just to keep eye contact with him and not burst into tears.
Peter clearly doesn't want to let you go. You can see that genius brain of his running every possible scenario in his mind in which he convinces you to stay, cry it out, leave happier than you came. None of them come soon enough. You brush past him when he realizes he's got nothing, and even the hand that grabs for you is halfhearted, shrugged off with little force.
"I'll see you later, Pete."
You let his front door shut on its own.
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It hasn't been great.
What typically took a few hours to shake off had settled over you like a dark cloud ever since you'd stormed out of Peter's place. Even though you texted him like everything was fine (and dodged any phone calls so he wouldn't hear the truth with those freakishly good best friend senses of his), you had yet to see him again. Had yet to let yourself be seen.
You told yourself that it was just you missing Peter, and you believed that to be true, but you also believed that when he looked you in the eye and told you "there's nothing wrong with you", you hadn't been prepared for the nakedness of it all. He'd dug deep, right to the source. That kind of thing was hard to move past.
So you avoided him. If he came by your place, you pretended you weren't home. If he showed up at your work to take you to coffee, you lied and told him you had plans with a coworker. It had been several days now and you felt more and more cowardly by the minute.
It was Peter. Of all people, it was Peter. Your best friend. You could tell him anything (most things, some kept a little closer to the heart). You should be able to.
And it was silly. Being embarrassed about not kissing anyone. Plenty of people were in the same boat as you and they didn't ice their best friend out about it.
Ugh, now you were just making yourself feel worse.
You'd had enough. You'd end this pity party today. As you make your way through your apartment door, you promise yourself that after you've showered, after you've made yourself a filling dinner, after you've settled into bed, you'd call Peter and ask him to meet for pizza this weekend. You'd talk like civil adults who understand that life isn't a race. You'd share your couch, laugh about the whole thing, and maybe, just maybe, the hollowness in your chest that longed for someone's desire to fill it would finally-
He's sitting in your kitchen.
Legs dangling off the island, mask rolled up to his nose, and a spoon clattering out of his mouth and into a bowl of ice cream. Your front door shuts gently behind you.
You stare at each other for a few seconds. Then you glance through your bedroom door, cracked open just enough for you to see the breeze rustling your curtains. You turn back to Peter, who's cleaning off his bottom lip of raspberry sorbet. "Did you climb through the window? You have a key."
Peter sets the bowl down beside him, shrugs, "You weren't returning my calls."
Your shoulders sag and you drop your things to the floor, "Peter-"
"No, no," you watch him slide off the countertop and bounce over to you, and the nearness you aren't prepared for makes you back away an inch or two, "No Peter. I'm not Peter. I'm Spider-Man. See?" He gestures to the suit.
You reach your hand up and pinch his exposed cheek, then narrowly avoid his teeth before he tries to nip you, "I'm not in the mood. I said I'd call you later, I'm just... busy."
"Busy avoiding your best friend."
You can feel him trail after you as you walk away, beginning to undress. He catches your coat when you throw it toward the couch and hangs it up all neat on a hook. He kicks your shoes to a wall and tugs your belt from your fingertips once you've undone it. Then, unexpectedly, he hooks said belt around your waist and yanks you back to face him.
The momentum throws you fully into his chest but he's sturdy, unmoving as you grip his shoulders and give him the most hostile look you can muster. You attempt to wiggle out of the trap but he pulls the belt tighter, forcing you closer, and then you start to panic as the space between you both disappears, "I haven't been avoiding you, I just needed space." You quickly explain.
"And I get that," he admits, "but you scared me. I've never seen you like that before. Not with me. Not ever."
Of course he hadn't. It was why you kept all of this a secret in the first place. Because you knew he'd worry, and you knew that there would be nothing he could do to fix it. Not like he usually could.
"It was a... brief lapse in self-esteem. That's all. You're making it into a bigger deal than it should be."
"It's not a big deal?"
"No! That's what I keep trying to tell you."
"So it doesn't matter at all."
"Correct."
"Right."
"It's just an arbitrary milestone that means nothing." You grip the leather of your belt but you're nothing against his superhuman strength. Pleading with your eyes, you do your best not to slip back into that vulnerable place all over again. Peter made you feel safe to do that. Way too safe to do that. "I promise. I'm not avoiding you."
You get sick of staring into the whites of his mask and so you grab the edge of it and pull it up to his hairline, little tufts of curls poking out as his face is fully revealed to you. You stare into those sharp, probing eyes of his, forcing yourself to stand the test of Peter Parker's perception.
Suddenly, you're released.
You stumble back a bit, the belt clanking against the floor, as Peter throws his arms up in defeat, "Alright, alright. I get it. I should've let you breathe the other night. I was just worried, is all."
You smile, "And I appreciate that."
Peter quickly glances at you and then away, making an exaggerated show of kicking imaginary dust off the floor. "First kisses really mean nothing then, huh?"
"Zilch. Nada."
"So... doesn't matter when it is, who it is..."
You watch him carefully, "If this is about when we were six-"
"No, no, I know that didn't count. You don't even remember it," his face contorts in a wince, "I was just thinking. Something."
Your eyes narrow, "Uh-huh."
"Well, I mean, is that why? Because you don't remember it? Or... is it because it was me?"
"The kiss?" Peter blows a raspberry, looking more bashful by the second, and nods without looking at you. "It's... it's because we were six. And we didn't know what we were doing. I was just mimicking what we saw. We didn't know anything."
"And now we do."
"Yeah. What are you getting at, Pete?"
He sits on the back of your couch and kicks his feet out in front of him. "If all that matters is that we both know what we're doing, and a first kiss is just a meaningless milestone to you, then I thought that maybe we could give it another go. You know. So when a real kiss comes along that actually means something, you'll have an idea of how it's supposed to go."
You're six years old again.
You and Peter Parker are sitting in the dirt, mouths covered in sticky ice cream that the summer sun melted right up. You're both talking about Flash Thompson's trip to Florida and the hilarious sunburn he came back with when you spot an elderly couple across the park, pressing their mouths together over and over.
You're looking over at Peter and asking about it, sure it couldn't possibly feel good, and he's telling you that when Uncle Ben kisses May good morning in the kitchen he always looks away because it's gross.
And you're thinking... you start thinking something.
You're thinking it would be funny—that Peter would hate you for it, but you're just so curious—and you're pressing your lips to his so quickly that he doesn't get a chance to pull back before you're giggling in the grass. And May's voice flutters in the background, a shrill and delighted, "I caught that!" that makes you both turn tail and run toward the swings.
Peter's still staring at you, waiting.
Part of you feels like it's pity. Like he doesn't want you to feel bad about yourself. Like he doesn't know how else to fix it, because he has to fix it. He has to fix everything. He has to be your hero.
But the other part? A restless and selfish part wants to take it; it's curious.
You take a step forward, the two of you watching each other, waiting to see if the other might back out at the last second. He stays exactly where he is, legs parting slowly, and the silent invitation makes you feel hot under the collar.
When you're standing between them, you feel his knees bump your legs on either side, his hands planted firmly into the couch cushions. You notice the grip he has on them, "Are you sure?" You pause.
Peter tilts his head in that strange, spider-like way. As if he cannot fathom why would you ask such a thing, "Of course. I'm the one who offered."
Your hands shake as they consider where to put themselves, and you get about halfway to his shoulders before he takes them and places them on either side of his face, mumbling something about how it might help you feel more in control, quell your nerves a bit.
Peter's cheeks feel so warm in your hands, and you can feel each swallow he makes the longer you take in his expression. "Should... I move in first? Or..."
He laughs, short and high-pitched, "I guess I can go first."
You know you're supposed to close your eyes, but as he comes in close, you can't help but keep them lidded, taking in every twitch of his mouth as he inclines his neck, shuts his eyes, and kisses you.
Your brain reacts a half-second after his lips touch yours. You've probably stopped breathing, and you have to force your lips to unstiffen so that you could actually feel him. His lips are a little wet—he'd been rolling his bottom lip between his teeth since he'd sat down—and they taste faintly of raspberry. They're not cold though, and the feeling isn't unpleasant.
You don't know how to react to it, don't know if you should move or not, and so instead you curl your fingers into the silk of his nape and wait for the pounding in your chest to stop.
You feel him mouth at your bottom lip just once, and then pull back. "How'd that feel?"
You recall the sensations that went through your brain (all that it can recall anyway, when Peter's looking at you like that), "Slimy...?"
Peter's face falls, and then he bursts into laughter, shakes with the force of it, and drops his head on your shoulder. "There's got to be a better word than that."
"I don't know! I was just thinking about the feeling."
"I don't want to know what it felt like, I want to know how it made you feel. Did you like it? Hate it?"
"I don't know. I'm- I'm nervous."
"Hey, that's okay," his hand rubs your hip, warming the skin there, and you find yourself leaning into it for comfort, "everyone is their first time."
Peter is so, so gentle. Your heart feels like it might give out, but a little less now that it's over and he's not looking at you in disgust. You don't know what you expected, but... this was better. By far. That part of you that felt selfish takes over again, "Can we try again?"
His eyes widen a bit, but he's immediately nodding, "Okay. Yeah. Okay. We can try as- as many times as you want."
You nearly choke on your spit. "Can we?" Your voice comes out a meek whisper.
Peter nods. He brings his legs in so that he's sitting properly now. "Of course. You wanna move me? I can sit somewhere else. Or you can sit if you want."
"No, I like you here," you say, feeling your stomach tighten when his thighs lock against your legs, "um. Is there anything I can work on? How did I feel?"
"Warm. Soft. Just try to loosen up, alright?"
You force yourself to release the tension in your body and move in first this time. Images of rom-com kisses flood your brain, how you memorized their rhythms and the placement of their mouths. You try your best to mimic it, make it feel as good as it seemed to look, when you feel one of Peter's hands slip behind your head and angle you away just a hair, "You're tensing up," he warns, making you pause, "it doesn't have to be perfect. It's just you and me. Breathe for me, okay? Turn your brain off."
You feel your stomach flip a bit, and nod along mindlessly. You try again.
This time, it feels a little different. Not wet or stiff, even if it is still awkward. It almost overwhelms you when, as you're mouthing at Peter's lip, he returns the favor, but you keep your brain empty. You can't focus on the details because it won't feel right. You can't focus on the way it looks because it won't feel right.
So you focus on Peter. You focus on the hand on your hip drawing you closer and the hand on your neck rubbing circles into the knot there. You focus on the feeling of his suit under your pinkies. You focus on the small hum he makes when, with quite a bit of building up to it, you pass your tongue over his.
Almost as soon as you do it, you pull back. Peter is flushed and it makes the beauty marks on his skin stand out more. His eyelashes flutter, a half-smile on his lips that are kissed red. By you.
You open your mouth to ask but he beats you to it, "I think you've got it now... yeah. Definitely." You're so relieved you sigh, sagging away from him, but he catches your hands before they can can leave his face completely and holds them in his lap. You don't dare move them. "How about you? Did you like it?"
You nod, speechless.
Peter laughs and squeezes your hands in his, "Okay, good. Good. I love you, you know? I know it doesn't... replace what you're looking for, but you're wonderful. You're insane and funny and stunning and there's nothing wrong... you know? You're perfect. Take it from your loser best friend who had to get bit by a radioactive spider to get to first base."
You snort, "I mean, if that's all it takes..."
Peter shakes his head and stands, but his hand remains on your neck as you follow his eyes to his full height, "So, we good? No more ignoring me?" You bite your lip, nodding your head. Peter smiles. "Good, cause I'm starving and I need you to split a pizza with me."
"You just polished off a tub of ice cream and you're still hungry?"
"I'm a growing spider, honey. And I missed you." Without warning, the hand on your hip hooks around your back and hoists you into his body, throwing you off balance once more, "I'll swing us there and cover cheese sticks too. Sound good?"
You know you don't have much room to argue when he's being so generous. And not when he's beaming at you, so genuinely relieved to have you back that it would knock you off your feet if he wasn't holding you up.
He was right; this wouldn't replace what you were looking for, but it gets pretty damn close. Closer than you expected, actually. But it's just the adrenaline. This didn't change anything.
Did it? You stare up at Peter.
"We can try as many times as you want."
You might have a very different problem than you started with.
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Brother's Best Friend - Part 12
Jake Seresin x F!Reader
A/N: Trying to get back into these two. Did we miss them?
Summary: The trials and tribulations of falling for your brother's best friend.
CW: mild angst, swearing, fluff
WC: 2600+
Part 1 | Masterlist
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“So…” Jake pauses and purses his lips to suppress a mischievous smile. “When did you start liking me?”
You look down at your lap where his head has been resting for the last five minutes. “Did I tell you I like you?”
Jake meets your gaze and snorts. He reaches up to take your hand off the keyboard of your laptop and brings it down over his chest. “Indirectly,” he admits.
You roll your eyes, recalling when you had expressed to Bradley – in Jake’s presence – how ‘your guy’ makes you feel. You pull your hand out of his grasp and look back up at the screen in front of you. “I have to work, Jake.”
“You’re too hardworking,” Jake responds with a whine.
You shake your head with a grin. “Such a dreadful habit, I know. I’m working on it – wait. Damn, I see what you mean –”
Jake starts chuckling and his head tickles your bare thighs. “You’re so fucking cute.”
You press your lips together as your smile broadens. “When did you start liking me?” you ask.
Jake releases a heavy sigh and sits up. “Alright, enough chitchat. Get to work.”
You watch him rise to his feet and make his way into the kitchen, curious why he so abruptly decided to change the subject. “Got any plans this weekend?” you ask casually, wondering if he’ll finally ask you out on a date. The two of you have been sneaking around for a while, but your only outings together have been with Bradley, so you couldn’t even hold hands. Thus far, you’ve assumed that Jake is just waiting for the right moment to speak with Bradley before the two of you make your relationship official but, as time goes on, you become increasingly skeptical that Jake actually intends to come clean.
Jake shrugs. “Not really. Just hangin’ with your bro.”
You try your best not to frown. “Sounds fun.”
Jake walks back over to you and sets a bowl of strawberries on the table by your laptop. You glance up at him inquisitively and he responds with, “You haven’t eaten since breakfast.”
You give him a smile. “Neither have you.”
He nods. “Which is how I know you’re hungry.”
“Thanks,” you say. “As soon as I’m through with this part, I’ll move all this shit and we can have some lunch.” You gesture at the pile of literature currently cluttering your workspace.
Jake takes a seat adjacent to you at the table and lets out another sigh. “I don’t know,” he says.
You shift your gaze from your computer to look in his direction. “Don’t know what? If you want lunch?” You pick up a strawberry and pop it into your mouth.
Jake is observing you carefully and you stop chewing because the attention makes you uncomfortable. “I don’t know when…” he says, pausing as though he isn’t sure how to continue. “When, uh… I don’t know at what point” – he exhales sharply – “I have no clue when I f – when I started to see you as more than just Bradley’s sister. As more than a friend.”
You raise your eyebrows at him, your mouth still full of half-chewed strawberry.
“I think I just realized, at one point, that I’d rather spend time with you than with anyone else,” he admits.
You finish chewing awkwardly before responding with, “Huh.”
Jake stares at you expectantly, as though you should have something to add.
But you’re not really sure what to say. You’ve been crushing on Jake for an embarrassingly long time and he does not have clearance for that kind of classified intel, especially since his interest in you is far more recent. What does he want, anyway? A pat on the back for finally figuring it out?
“Your turn,” he says, clearing his throat and leaning back in his chair with an air of confidence.
You purse your lips as though you’re in thought. “Not sure,” you say vaguely.
Jake narrows his eyes. “Not sure? Or don’t want to say?”
You meet his gaze tentatively. “I probably liked you before you liked me.”
Jake watches you with a slight grin. “In that case, you were very good at hiding it.”
You arrive at the pub already slightly tipsy after pre-drinking at your friend’s house. In fact, you’re drunk enough to not give two shits that Jake has, once again, decided to spend his Saturday night with Bradley. This time, he didn’t even invite you along.
Once inside, you head straight for the bar; no sense in wasting time waiting for a table. You grab a drink and take a look around the crowded establishment. That’s when you see him.
Jake fucking Seresin is sitting at a table near the back – not with your brother. You stare at him – and his female companion – in horror for a few moments, letting the scene sink in. Wondering if you’re in the wrong for being shocked. Are the two of you even exclusive? This has never actually been discussed. But one thing is certain: Jake lied, which makes you sick to your stomach.
You slide off your barstool and, cocktail in hand, you make your way to the little table in the back where your supposed boyfriend – or whatever he is – sits entertaining another woman. It’s not long before Jake notices your presence because you’re making quite a spectacle on your way over as you furiously skirt every person in your path.
Jake looks uncomfortable and that satisfies you greatly. “Hey,” he says when you arrive.
You gape at him. “Hey?” you exclaim in outrage.
“Uh,” Jake stalls for a moment. He turns to his date and says, “This is Bradley’s sister.”
The woman opposite Jake smiles at you but you’re too busy glaring at Jake to acknowledge her. “That’s all you want to say about me?”
Jake watches you pointedly. “What else do you want me to say about you?” He looks back at his date and lets out a nervous chuckle.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Seresin?” you shriek, slamming your stemmed glass onto their table so aggressively that your sour apple martini splashes over the rim.
Jake jerks back to avoid getting wet and then looks up at you in alarm. “What’s the matter with you?”
You shake your head at him in disappointment and then turn abruptly to leave. You expect Jake to grab your hand, or follow you out, but he does neither. In fact, you make it all the way back to the bar before you realize that Jake is not even looking in your direction. You see him laughing together with his female friend, as though they both just witnessed something absurd and worthy of repeating in the future for a good chuckle.
“Hey, isn’t that your brother’s aviator buddy?” your friend says, nodding toward the back of the pub.
You roll your eyes and then turn toward the bar, realizing you left your drink at Jake’s table.
“He’s kind of hot,” you friend continues. “But he’s got fuckboy written all over him.”
You close your eyes and sigh. You have nobody to blame but yourself. You know Jake. What in the world made you think he would become a different person if he were with you?
The following day, you wake up past noon with a debilitating migraine. You hear Bradley and Jake’s voices drift up from the kitchen and groan. You’re not in the mood to face Jake after the events of the previous evening. You ended up going home shortly after confronting him and you have no idea where he ended up. Probably in bed, and probably not alone.
You get dressed unhurriedly, dizzy from the pain and, on your way downstairs, you grip the banister tightly just in case. The kitchen is excruciatingly bright, and you cringe upon entering, shielding your face from the open window like a vampire.
“Oh, hey sleepyhead!” your brother greets you.
You grunt in response and head straight for the coffee pot. “Is this fresh?” you ask.
“Nope!” Bradley replies cheerily.
You pour yourself a mug anyway and put it in the microwave, turning to face the two of them while your coffee warms.
Jake meets your gaze with a stoic expression.
“How was your night?” Bradley asks with a grin, clearly seeing that you’re hungover.
“Fine,” you say monotonously.
Bradley raises his eyebrows. “It’s the enthusiasm for me,” he says with a smirk, looking over at Jake.
Jake, however, ignores him and grabs his jacket from the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “You ’bout ready, Bradshaw? I ain’t got all day.”
“Alright, alright,” Bradley says. “Let me get my stuff.”
Bradley jogs over to the staircase and runs up to grab his duffel bag. Meanwhile, you are deliberately avoiding Jake’s gaze as you lean your back into the kitchen counter. Jake stuffs his hands into his pockets and is also not looking at you. When Bradley returns a few minutes later, disrupting the silence with a melodic whistling, the two of you have not moved an inch from where you’d been standing when he left. Even though the microwave has beeped at you twice.
“What’s with you two?” he asks, pausing in the doorway.
“Nothing,” Jake responds curtly. “Let’s go.”
Bradley glances between the two of you. “Okay,” he says slowly, his gaze lingering on you in particular. “See you later, sis,” he says.
You wave a distracted hand in his direction and head for the couch with your coffee, nearly bumping into Jake as you cross paths because neither of you is looking at the other.
“Sorry,” Jake mutters, stepping aside to let you pass. His hand goes up instinctively to guide you but he catches himself before letting it rest on your arm.
“It’s fine,” you say, wavering slightly on the spot. You squeeze your eyes shut for a moment and press a couple of fingers into your temple.
“You okay?” he asks, his eyebrows converging as he tries to catch your gaze.
“I said I’m fine.” You sigh, trying to walk around him.
“Seresin, you coming, or what?” Bradley calls from the foyer.
Jake hesitates as you finally pass him, and then yells back. “I’ll meet you there!”
Bradley waits a moment as though he’s still trying to figure out what’s going on. Then you hear the front door open and Bradley shout, “Don’t be late!” as he exits the house.
Jake trails after you into the living room and, when you lower yourself onto the couch, he crouches down in front of you, placing a hand on your knee. “Migraine?” he asks.
You nod slowly so as not to exacerbate the pain.
Jake’s hand gives your leg a soft squeeze. “Have you eaten?”
You cringe. “Please don’t talk to me about food right now,” you beg.
“Did you take anything?”
You shake your head. “I’m out.”
Jake gets to his feet. “I’ll go pick up some meds for you,” he says.
You glance up at him miserably. “You’re going to be late.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he responds, already on his way out.
Jake returns not ten minutes later with your medication and a bag full of snacks. “I heard dark chocolate is good for migraines,” he says, holding out a block for you as you swallow your pills.
“I’m not hungry, Jake,” you say weakly, closing your eyes and lying back down on the couch.
Jake sighs, sitting down on the floor beside you and starting to unwrap the chocolate. “You need to eat something,” he says, breaking off a piece. “I also have gummy worms and popcorn.”
You open your eyes. “I love gummy worms,” you whisper.
Jake grins. “I know,” he whispers back.
You take the chocolate square from his hand and he busies himself with opening the bag of gummy worms while you let the chocolate melt in your mouth. A moment later, he hands you a gummy worm and you stick it between your teeth and bite. “Oh my god, it’s so good,” you moan. The motion of chewing helps alleviate some of the pain in your temple and you sigh blissfully, closing your eyes.
Jake leans his back into the wall adjacent the couch and pops a gummy worm into his mouth. For a while, the two of you sit in silence. Then, he says, “You wanna talk about it?”
“Not really,” you say.
Jake shakes his head and you can sense his irritation without even looking at him. “This isn’t going to work if you don’t trust me.”
You turn to give him a flat look. “Would you trust you, Seresin?”
Jake squares his jaw. “I have never given you a reason not to trust me.”
“You lied to me! You said you were meeting Bradley!”
“I was! He was running late.”
You watch him sourly. “And you just happened to pick up a girl while you were waiting?”
Jake returns your bitter glare. “Is that actually what you think?”
“I don’t know what to think,” you say, sitting upright to look him in the eye. “You weren't exactly forthcoming with an explanation.”
Jake sets the gummy worms on the couch and gets to his feet. “The girl was there for Bradley. He was running late. End of story.”
“You couldn’t tell me that yesterday?”
“She’s seeing Bradley! And he doesn’t know about us. It’s not like I can say, ‘Oh, by the way, I’m actually dating your boyfriend’s little sister and that’s why she’s acting like a nutcase. Brb.’”
You fold your arms, sulking. Did you consider the possibility that the woman Jake was sitting with wasn’t his date? Briefly. But you were already annoyed with Jake and that, combined with your less than sober state, was apparently a recipe for disaster. “I guess I don’t trust you,” you say with a shrug, even though this statement isn’t altogether true.
Jake places his hands on his hips, exhaling slowly. “Why?” he asks, sounding exasperated.
You stay silent and continue to brood.
Jake pinches the bridge of his nose and grimaces as though this conversation is wearing him out. Then, he lets out another sigh and crouches before you again, trying to catch your gaze as he places his hands in your lap, palms up. “Why?” he asks calmly, waiting for you to join hands with him.
You do. “Well, why would I?” you say quietly, hesitating before you continue. “What is this, even? What are we? Do you know? Because I don’t.”
Jake’s eyebrows knit together. “What are you talking about?”
“Well, why haven’t you told Bradley yet? Is it because you’re not sure you want to make this official? Is it because it’s just a fling so why bother?” You cringe inwardly, hating how insecure you sound.
Jake stares at you in wonder, as though this line of thinking has never even crossed his mind.
“Like, are we even exclusive?”
Jake’s eyes widen and he blinks at you in awe. “We fucking better be,” he retorts, his hold on your hands tightening slightly.
“Well, how would I know that?” you exclaim.
Jake brings his hands up to his face and rubs his eyes. “Jesus fuck, how would you not know that?”
You scoff at him. “Because you’ve never once been in an exclusive relationship! Not while I’ve known you, anyway. Do you even know how?”
Jake’s hands slide down his face and stay over his mouth as he gapes at you. When his hands finally drop back into your lap, you can see that he’s got a small smile on his face. “You’ve got nothing to worry about,” he says finally.
You lower your gaze, not exactly comforted considering he still has not addressed your main concern: Bradley.
Jake stands up and pulls you up off the couch. He puts his arms around you and you rest your head against one of his giant shoulders, allowing him to cradle you lovingly.
“Why haven’t you told Bradley?” you mutter into his shirt.
Jake pulls away from you and runs a hand through his hair uneasily. “I’m scared, Baby B,” he admits. “I’m scared he’s gonna make me choose.”
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