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hit-it-or-crit-it · an hour ago
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Wizard Breakdown Tracker, episode 137
I was, as is nearly always true, correct last week in that we have not covered much more time and therefore this is still really just an Essek Breakdown Tracker (with honorary Yussa). I'm hoping that next week they will destroy Cree and buy themselves enough time to at least heroes feast and rest up, if not get a proper night's sleep in what is apparently the intestines of the Somnovem ward, and I can speculate again on some of the other wizards.
As a reminder, Caleb Widogast is a PC, not an NPC, and therefore ineligible for this.
Currently sidelined: Allura, Pumat, Trint, Astrid, Eadwulf, Ludinus, Oremid, Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk, and Lady Vess DeRogna who's presumably looking at this from the afterlife and just thinking "are you fucking kidding me? this could have been me, being screamed at by horrors beyond comprehension, if the person whose soul I smashed like a cheap beer bottle had the common decency to remain as such."
Essek Thelyss: Essek has been keeping a low profile because of the restrictions of actual play, namely Matt is too busy making nightmare noises with his own mouth, but I in-game, I think that he's just intentionally pretending the last couple of hours did not happen because there are more pressing issues now. As a result he is coming off as slightly bored, which I'm into.
Here's what we do know: Essek is somewhat injured, has a great dex score, has a GREAT intelligence score, might be using cantrips to flirt but is definitely using them to stop people from screaming, cast some extremely sexy lightning, and should be paired up with Veth more frequently because that was really funny. He is probably going to have to counterspell a cat really soon. You know. Normal things.
You know how if you've been having a bad mental health time, and you finally are able to drag yourself out to something, but it's like, a friend of a friend's experimental modern dance, or a movie you didn't particularly care to see, and you're like "I'm doing it! I'm out of the house, like a normal person! This is good!" but also the thing you are doing is not particularly enjoyable. But you're just like "you know what? I peeled myself off the couch for this and put on a clean shirt, and I guess it is happening to me, or at me, or around me, and I suppose that is some small victory, and I hope this will be relatable to people on the internet as an experience one day."
This is Essek. Is the Astral Sea Lovecraftian Nightmare Science Museum a great time? No. Is it a step up from several straight weeks of alternate guilt and panic attacks at the outpost? Maybe not! But it sure is a step somewhere, and that, my friends, is possibly a victory.
Conclusion: downgrading him back to 8/10 on the grounds that he seems like the kind of person who would be like "you know what? I could be in endless torment here and I am not." But also literally the purpose of cosmic horror is to jack up your breakdown levels so I doubt he (or anyone) is getting much further down than that.
Yussa Errenis: As mentioned, heads turning into eyeballs in a fantasy setting is totally chill for me. Having your personality subsumed into a fractured insane hive mind such that death is welcomed as a release, not so much. The reason I hate zombie movies isn’t gore. I can look at cracked skulls full of breached blood-brain barrier all day. The reason is that this monster wears the face of someone you love, but is just a mindless vessel of hunger who does not recognize you in turn.
MAN THIS INSTALLMENT GOT KIND OF DARK AND I DID NOT MEAN FOR THAT TO HAPPEN.
Anyway my kind of joking statements about Yussa may hold a bit of water, but there is a bright side. Per the Astral Projection spell, if Yussa dies in the city and the silver thread tethering him to the material plane is intact he wakes up in real life, which would be nice, but also, no guarantees.
Should Yussa survive and return to the material plane I think it would be great if, when the Mighty Nein go back to talk to him again after this arc, he's like "yeah I could see you playing the worst ever game of What Time is it Mr. Fox in the city, what a poor decision" and they're like "poor decisions you say?"
Conclusion: Praesidius Junction J̵͚̔ų̷̣̀ṇ̷̡̃c̶̯͝t̶̡͝î̴̟̈́ŏ̶̟̑n̵̻͆̎ ̶̢͚̔͘j̴̰͚̅u̵̺͊̈́n̵̬̫͊c̵̯̈́̅t̵̜͔͘í̵̦̻̎ȍ̵̖̔n̷̲̬͛̒j̴͔̿́u̶̘̠̓n̷̰̕c̷̡̙͝t̶̨̅̋ỉ̸̗͉͠o̷̯͑͋n̶̰̽̒ HELP HELP HELP [high pitched Matt scream]/10
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mpregking · 2 days ago
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*to the tune of the intro to gold digger*
MY METATARSALS
OH GOD MY KNEES
TWISTED MY ANKLE
I STEPPED ON SOME BEES
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legendofmarshie · 2 days ago
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oh of course the ever given had to make me hyperfixate on my pirate au and mermaids back in late march / early april, but now that we’re four days into mermay??? nothing. nada. zilch.
every day the world goes without cursed mermaid astor is an unforgivable sin
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thecrookedpineapple · 8 days ago
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I :
Switch the lids on the ice cream containers
Hide rubber ducks around the house
Collect hundreds of plastic bottles and dump them into the big tub and sit in them when I hit a new follower count
Draw horrendous hybrids
Chirp
Scoop peanut butter and eat it plain
Make popping noises when I groan
Say "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" to this one kid at school who I don't even know their name but they get really annoyed when I keep doing it
Will hide in the - opposite gender from my own - bathroom to skip class
Sometimes scratch the wall or scratching posts around the house because it feels good
Will eat cursed combinations of food
Can sound like an elk
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xxrat-punkxx · 8 days ago
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I have never played red dead redemption before, but clearly tumblr wants me to as now I am seeing a lot of cowboy dilf men on my dash
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idiosyncraticrednebula · 11 days ago
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Interesting how some people label male characters that have been traumatized, have emotional problems or have their agency taken away from them as "female-coded".
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leqclerc · 12 days ago
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I got such a cursed ask on this fine day oh my god... 💀
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viivyre · 13 days ago
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* ❝ tidbits re: Morgan’s fate during the Fall of Camelot Arc / —   * joined headcanon between me, @veqva​’s Morgan Le Fay & @vvasilisa​​’s Sir Mordred
In the very onset of the Fall of Camelot Arc, in a heated argument between both, Arturia killed her sister Morgan.
After being confronted by Mordred in which the latter revealed to be King ‘Arthur’s’ son, Arturia was first & foremost rather perplexed. Not only was it impossible for her to have fathered a child, she furthermore had never indulged in any relationship with anyone aside from Guinevere. When thus inquiring who Mordred’s mother was, Morgan’s name fell. Alarmed, Arturia wordlessly turned on her heel & left, hurrying towards her sister’s chamber to confront the latter & bring light into a rather askew situation. Mordred would remain behind, unable to cope with her “father’s” rejection thus deeming her incapable of interfering with what was about to happen. 
          Upon finding & confronting Morgan in her confusion, Arturia immediately learned two, very important facts. Firstly, Morgan confessed having lied & manipulated her way into Arturia’s court by abusing the King’s noble heart & feeding into her ideals, having sowed seeds of doubt ever since her husband Rebel King Lot’s revolution. She stated having used her position to rile up the more ‘chagrined’ elements in Arturia’s ranks to amass an opposition capable of toppling her & making way for Britannia’s new ruler, Mordred. Secondly, upon further confrontation, she revealed that Mordred was her offspring whose appearance & physical growth she altered via witchcraft when the girl was still a child, while feeding her lies about her heritage, insinuating that the valiant King Arthur & Morgan had a child together. Shattered, Arturia would further inquire for the reason why, leading to Morgan laughing & responding that she saw no reason not to do so. She continued to spew forth insults & execrations, neither feeling sorry nor showing a modicum of remorse whilst sneeringly implying that Mordred is indeed their child & that, in order to prove that this isn't then truth, Arturia would need to reveal that she has been a woman pretending a man all along, ensuring her downfall either way.
         Throughout the course of Morgan’s admission, Arturia had already begun to grow more & more irritated, unable to keep face for the first time in decades; she commanded her sister to drop her false claims & that she expected her to leave Camelot come dawn. Failing to do so would leave the King no choice but to sentence her to death; again, Morgan merely laughed, saying there is nothing “King Arthur” could do to stop what had already been set into motion, eventually leading to Arturia to snap. Subconsciously coerced by her code of chivalry [namely to punish those heinous & vile] but more importantly overwhelmed by shock & anger, the King reacted fatally humane in a situation of high stress & tension; in her rage, Arturia struck first & strangled the other with ironclad hands. 
        Morgan’s last mockery (deeming her sister not ladylike & her behavior indecent of a King), the very vitriol in her eyes & choked laughter would continue to haunt her in long past her death.
         Upon coming back to her senses, Arturia immediately disposed of her sister’s body via burning, trying her utmost to clinically work through all that had just occurred. Needless to say, despite having mastered the ability to completely numb her feelings to the point where people in the past had accused her of being inhuman, having murdered her own sister in seemingly cold blood & all the revelations bestowed upon her beforehand had a rather devastating effect on her. In the following days, Arturia began to grow paranoid, believing that Morgan had not died & would come back to haunt her, that her own brothers-in-arms were conspiring against her & that Mordred, who had miraculously disappeared, was merely waiting for a chance to strike. Utterly overwhelmed by her own emotions, Arturia eventually confessed to Lady Guinevere who in turn suggested to confide in Sir Lancelot, one of the last few knights that had remained by his King’s side.
          This confession would later on become detrimental in Mordred’s soon to follow rebellion; upon returning to the court with her assembled rebel forces, Mordred challenged Arturia on the spot, accusing both, the King & Queen of adultery while announcing herself as Arthur’s true & legitimate heir. Throughout the ‘trial’, when Morgan’s death was revealed by Sir Lancelot [who tried to defend his liege], Mordred furthermore accused the King of sororicide & having fathered a child with the now aforesaid dead sister (deeming wanting to keep their ‘affair’ a secret the reason why King Arthur had kill her). It was then, again through Lancelot, that “King Arthur’s” true identity as a woman was revealed thus rendering Mordred’s claim null and void. This second crushing revelation sent Mordred in a frenzy in which she declared war.
         The following chain of bloody encounters would result in the Battle of Camlann &, after a long & gruesome skirmish in which most of both opposing forces would lose their lives, the death of Mordred & Arturia. While the latter emerged victorious (thus remaining undefeated in combat for nearly two decades), she would perish of blood-loss after being carried off the battlefield by the last living Knight of the Round Sir Bedivere.
where exactly does this headcanon come from? [reasoning based on source material under the cut]
In T.H White’s The Once And Future King (which is a retelling of Malory’s version of the Arthurian Legend & the very medium I draw inspiration from), Arthur learns of Mordred’s name relatively early through Merlyn & is also told that this particular child will one day cause his downfall. Out of fear & haunted by the prospect of failing the prophecy, Arthur commands all newborns born in the same year as Mordred to be put on a raft which he then sets on fire. It’s a deed that keeps haunting him & eventually serves as one of the most striking motives for Mordred’s hatred towards his (in this version) biological father. Aside from other accusations he brings up against Arthur, especially the idea of killing innocent babies for seemingly no valid reason (& in vain too given how Mordred managed to survive) is later seen as a pivotal reason for some of Arthur’s knights to turn their back on him. 
          Similar to the story above, Arthur furthermore confessed his deed (a) killing the infants & b) having accidentally fathered Mordred) to Lancelot & Guinevere. 
          Arturia’s story naturally progressed a little bit differently; unlike in the source material, she has been warned of Morgan indirectly; shortly before his disappearance, Merlyn revealed that Morgan is her half-sister but was cut off before he could finish the sentence leading to Arturia inviting Morgan to court out of a genuine desire to get to know her better & reunite with her last living family member. This would naturally prove to be a massive mistake.
        Since Arturia was never aware of Mordred’s existence due to never having had any sort of ability to father a child (which thus renders that part of The Once & Future King null and void) she would of course never feel compelled to kill innocent infants. This means Irene, Odile & I required something else that would eventually lead to some of Arturia’s remaining knights to turn on her in order to follow Mordred's rebellion due to them questioning the righteousness of their King's heart. Arturia killing her own sister in seemingly cold rage would naturally serve perfectly as that aforementioned cause for shock & “betrayal” (which furthermore indirectly led to Arturia’s status as a woman being revealed; a pivotal revelation that led to Mordred snapping & declaring war).
          Seeing how Arturia already had lost a significant amount of her loyal following due to appearing “inhuman” & unable to understand the hearts of men, this whole debacle (+ the Lancelot / Guinevere affair which Mordred had revealed by accusing both of adultery) would prove to be the final nail in Camelot’s coffin (which, consequently, is a topic for a different, unnecessarily long meta). 
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imaverycatgirl · 14 days ago
She's making B̴̧̡̡̺͖̦̱̫̟̪̫̘̖̞͉̲͐̌̋̓̑̓͂̀̂͗̇̅̈́̾͜͜͜͠Ȩ̵̡̘͙͍͙͖͉̭̲̘͕͇͎̖̣̝̜͇͈̬̺̝̻̘͇̦̜̥͉͆̉͊̋̂̉̒̿̍̈́̇̍͗̔͛̎̄̏͒̆̆̀̄͛̕͜͜͝A̵̛̙̻̦͍̥̪͉̹̹̹͔͎͓͍̗̱̲̙̝̩̖̭̖̜͖̪͖̒̀͗̽̀̂̄͒́̋̋͑͗̎̾̓̇̈́͛̉͗̃̔̽̐̓̂͛̔̆̚͘͘͜N̷̡̢̡̡̨̛̛̛̯̞̻̲͉̻̭̩̪̰̙͎̗̤͕͓̗̜͍̳̻̱̺̫̹̤̝̦̪̻̮̤̑̓͛̏̀͗̀̏̿̇͊͆͗̓́̌̐̌͊̏͒̍͋͊͑̀̍͐̚̚͘͜͠S̷̡̛̲͕̮̫̞̟̺̰̳̠̲̝̮̱̜̰̄́͆͒̒͂͛͋̈́̒͐̓̋͒̏͛̈̈́̇͒͆̐̉͊̔̾̊̃̈́̐̈̉̈̑͌̀̌͆̂̌͘̚ ̴̨̢͚̬̓̑͝ͅW̸̢̡̜̩̙̣̗͎̰͓̼̼͍̘̬̼͉͚͈͈̳̭̞͓͇̠̖̝͚͙̬̜͎̯̱͚̣̣̤̥̱̊̾̔̈́̀̈́͂͛̊̍̇̿̋́͌̀͊̑̔͌̎̌͋́͘̚͝ͅḦ̴̡̡̢̡̛͈̳̞̺̠͎͎̟̳̣̻̲̗̪̘̰̮̩̲͚̥̟̺͔̥͔̲͓̖̞̝͙̹̗̱̻̙̈́̏̉̈̈̒̅͌̀̌̓̓̽́̈́͋͌͐̒̀̐̽̽̐͂͐͛̇̽́͑͗̚͘̚͜͠͝ͅĄ̵̦̮̫͔̫̤̙̼̘̺̹̯̗͎̯̩͆̍̈͑̀͆́̀͊ͅT̴̨͍̭̬̻̦̘̪̙̗̝̤͖͕͕̙̙̗̤̝̖̩̗̲̦̥̫͎̙̲̫̪̲̤̦͚́͑́͘͝͝ͅͅͅ ̷̨̛̭̖̜̩̫͎͙̭͈̲̩͇̳̜̠̦͍͒̑̊̽̐͌͂̓̃̾͛̐̉̿̐́̔̅̌͆͘̕̚̕̕̚͝͠T̴̢̛̩̼̥̱̣̘̠̳͈̗̝̣͈̘͖̖̦̐̐̄̏͐̒͒̂̓̃̃͂̇͊̂͆̋̑̊͗͊̉̂̉̈́̿́̄̕͘̕͝͝͝Ḧ̶̡̢̧̨̥̤̬͙͎͖̺͈̜̜̥͙̪̲͖̺̼̰̞̮̺̘͚̣̺͙̭̟̻͖͎̲̣̹̳́̔̐̂̒̿͂̾̅̏̾̆̑͗̇̈́͂̾̎̊͆̋̂̆́̓͆̚͠E̴̢̛̬̞̰̝̟̦̗̺̲̫̤̥͎̝̤̥̻͙͉̦̣̹͉͙̥͉̳̲͇͖͙̖̹͙̜̼͋͂̉̈́̅͊͂̎̀̈́͂͛̿͋̉̚͜͝͝ͅ ̷̛̫͖̥̫̳͎̻͕͔̘̬̙͓̪͇̦̺̞̠̤̼̗͉͈͖̠̠̩̖̲̭̜̞͈̼̟̳̟͔͛̈̑̂̃̏̐͠F̸̼̘̺̰̼͙̐͂̉̔́͆̆̓̽͊͗͒̇̑̓̌̍̌͐̍̀́̈́̌̄͒̚̚U̷̧̮͔̘̻̦͎̬̜̟̞͚̼̍̀̈́͗̃̆̄̊͋́͌́̔̋͘͜͠C̵̢̢̢̧̧̢̛̛̻̺̘̯͇͙̣̙̟̘͙̜̜̻͎̮̰͔̖̹͎̻̺͎͚͙̯̻͍̝̝̤̰͕̙̰̒̎̽̋̋̏͐́̉͐̍̍̉̍̋̈́̄̃̓͌͗̍͑̀͋́́̕͘͜͜͝͠K̶̢̝͕̗̥̜̦͙̀͋̋̄̈́̂̈́̃̆͘͘͠͝
BEANSSS
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zel-zo · 16 days ago
Zel, Zel. Zel Zo my friend. I am fucking cackling over Catboy dsmp. Thank you
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HDSJKLFHSDK HI JOLT DIDN’T EXPECT YOU TO COME OUT OF THE WOODWORK TO SHAME ME BUT O K A Y
Also this is ENTIRELY your fault: You rbed the Dsmp content, it got on my dash, Wilbur posted HIS vids and I was like “Hey, I like Wilbur, and I trust Jolt’s taste in fandom, what could go wrong :D”  /hj /lh /nm
Catboys.
Catboys can go wrong. 
In all seriousness though you inadvertently dragged me into the DSMP fandom and then I dragged my partner into it so thank you very much for this new hyper fixation lmao💛 Glad you got a laugh out of the cat boys, who knows I might do another batch XD /lh
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feelitstillmp3 · 16 days ago
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OH GOD REMIND ME NEVER TO LOOK IN ME N MADIES DMS AGAIN
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