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#currently taking bets on how long before i have to turn my graphics down
doctorho · 2 years
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If you knew what the bluebirds sing (part 22)
Royal!Viktor x gender neutral reader, 1.7k words
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hi guys <3 we're back with this again. i'm slowly building this story like a tower of lego blocks. yeehaw.
warnings: mentions of poison and daggers. nothing graphic though. everyone's fine. it's just talk of hypotheticals.
This time, you're alone with Jayce and Viktor in the dusty old archive room. Caitlyn had left her notebook with you – after Jayce's extensive promises to keep it safe – and then she was on her way, taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders before walking out.
”She said she'd report anything new she learns,” Jayce says casually, ”But apparently that's not very likely. Things seem to be pretty...stagnant.”
Viktor hums a little in acknowledgement, still eyeing the notebook, reading something with only half his attention on Jayce.
”Has anything changed since we last talked about this?” Jayce continues, picking up a small purple note, studying it, and then leaning back in his chair.
"I went to check it out." Viktor answers, simply. Like it’s a boring little detail. He doesn't even take his eyes off the notebook, open to a page covered in purple little notes and scribbled markings in Caitlyn's neat but rushed handwriting.
Your brain catches up to what he's saying, and you turn to look at him now, properly. He still doesn't look up.
"You went to-" Jayce starts, but it sounds like he isn't even intending to finish the sentence. Instead, he's just staring at Viktor with both of his eyebrows raised.
"That's dangerous!" He continues after a brief pause.
"What are they going to do?” Viktor answers, ”Beat me up? I bet that would have worked out really well for them in the long run." He adds, sarcastically, voice still calm. "It's not like they could get away with hurting me. Weren’t happy I was there, but I was never in any real danger."
"You can't know that." Jayce counters, his voice sounding a little thin. Frustrated, but thin.
"Sure I can.” Viktor argues again, ”Think about it. The worst thing they could do is kill me, and whoever comes after me could be worse for their little business. They'd be going in blind. A new ruler means a whole new system that they need to learn how to navigate." He explains, tapping his fingers on the table absent-mindedly as he speaks, "Besides, if I die, that’s not going to be my problem. I won’t care. I won’t even know at that point."
Then he glances at you and shrugs slowly. "...But I doubt they would go that far." He adds, "This current situation seems to be working out pretty well for them." He takes a deep breath, "They must have started years ago, when I was too young to actually know anything. Maybe even before my time."
“Have you lost your mind?” Jayce asks, and it sounds purely rhetorical, but Viktor answers anyway.
“Long ago, but that’s unrelated.” He says, like this is a totally normal conversation, not even bothering to look up at Jayce. Instead, he flips through the notebook idly.
“That’s–” Jayce starts, and then sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Do you have any idea how stupid this is?”
Now, Viktor looks up at him, properly.
You just sit there quietly, listening. Watching them.
It was stupid.
But it wasn’t reckless.
Like everything else that Viktor did as the King, it was, deep down, very, very calculated, and thought-out. Just because it might have put him in danger, that didn’t make it reckless.
That didn’t mean that he didn’t know what he was doing.
He knew.
He just didn’t care. Not about his own safety, not about his own life. They didn’t take priority in his actions.
It made sense, in a way; they never had, so why would they now? Like he said, his life had never been his own. It had never been a priority. His own personal comfort didn’t matter. There was a problem to be solved, and he wanted to solve it. He was going to solve it.
And he was right; the guards might have been running illegal underground operations, but they weren't dumb enough to actually do anything to harm the King.
Probably.
They look at each other for a few tense seconds, and then Jayce sighs a little and shifts in his seat, leaning to the table.
”I wanted to know what was actually going on.” Viktor explains, ”I wanted to see it. I wanted to know how they would react. How they would explain it to me.”
”And how did they?”
”Vaguely,” He answers, seemingly disappointed in his own answer, ”Told me it was just a transitional warehouse, things waiting for shipment. Failed to tell me what the things were.” He frowns a little, ”I did get a good look at who was there, though. And I'd imagine it served as a reminder for them, about where they are.”
Viktor takes a deep breath. ”They've been allowed to do this for too long already. I want to – ” He makes a wide hand gesture towards the table, and even though he doesn't finish the sentence, both you and Jayce know what he means.
Do something.
There's a kind of old, tired, simmering frustration in his eyes, one that he's barely containing.
”I still don't like you going there by yourself. Without telling anybody.” Jayce says, voice level and factual.
”I wasn't in any real danger.” Viktor says again, his voice now softer. ”I was prepared. Don't worry. I know how to take care of myself.”
His words sound like they're half reassurance and half something sharp, meant to sting. They look at each other for a moment, some wordless message being conveyed that you couldn't quite decipher.
Then, Jayce sighs a little. ”I know.” He says, and then he starts tapping his fingers on the edge of the table quietly.
Later, when you're alone with Viktor, in the quiet of his room, you look him over slowly.
He seemed calm as always, more relaxed now than he usually was out in public, his shoulders low and his sleeves rolled up, his hair messier than usual. He was sitting at the edge of his bed, quietly looking through one of his own notebooks, one hand thumbing through the pages and one hand resting on your thigh.
You lean back on your hands in your spot next to him. 
“When you said you were prepared,” You start, "What did you mean? Do you have a secret sword hidden in your cane or something?" You ask, only half-joking, studying his reaction.
"No," He answers, without even looking up, "That would compromise the structural integrity."
He pauses for a moment, leaning back slightly and meeting your eyes. "I have a dagger." He says, factually, "And some…carefully chosen chemicals. Anti-venoms and such."
You blink at him, once.
You shouldn’t be surprised. It made sense. Of course he'd have to think about stuff like that, of course he'd have to be prepared in case someone tried to harm him.
The thought still chills your insides, and hollows out your heart on its way out.
It made sense; someone in his position would have to acknowledge that other people wanted to take it from him.
It made sense.
But you didn't want it to be that way. You didn't want him to have to worry about hiding daggers and being poisoned. You didn't want him to live with something like that, under an ever-present cloud of knowing someone could try to kill him just because he happened to be born into a miserable role he didn't even want.
It was unfair and stupid, and you wanted to unravel everything around him that had lead to this being the reality that he lived in.
He says it so casually, too. Like, yes, of course he carries anti-venom everywhere he goes. Of course he has a hidden dagger always on his person.
For a single hollow heartbeat, you just look at him.
And then you swallow your sadness and your anger and your frustration, and try to focus on the moment again. On the here and now.
”You know how to fight with a dagger?” You ask him, trying to keep your voice light and pushing down your simmering emotions about the situation.
He tilts his head, just slightly, and licks his lips, pausing. ”In the loose definition of the word,” He answers, ”I mainly know self defense. I've never been very interested in learning how to proficiently stab anyone.” He explains, ”It's merely a precaution.”
He looks at you, and then averts his eyes again. ”Jayce made it for me,” He adds, ”A few years back. I think it makes him feel better.”
And again, you just look at him. With that hollow sadness eating at your insides.
You try your best to ignore it.
”It doesn't make you feel better?” You ask, your voice quieter than you'd intended.
He gives you a small smile, his fingers tracing some invisible pattern on the handle of his cane. ”Not much,” He answers, ”I think that if someone wanted me dead, I'd be dead already.”
”That's dark.” You note, your voice a bit too light, a bit too boneless, ”Didn't you just say you knew self defense?”
He hums a little in affirmation. ”Self defense, yes. But I can't perform miracles.”
”But it's something.” You argue, even though this, too, feels a bit too boneless.
He takes a deep breath and shrugs a little with one shoulder. ”I know how to protect myself if someone tries to attack me with a dagger.” He says, a little dismissively, ”But people can get imaginative, and I am not naive."
You try your best not to let the heartbreak show in your eyes. It's a terrible way to live; knowing that someone could always be trying to kill you. Knowing you had to be prepared for it.
You hate it.
You hate that he has to live like this, that he had to grow up like this, and that there’s nothing you can do to change that.
He just looks at you for a moment.
”If someone tries to stab you with a dagger,” He then says, his words slow, ”Grab their wrist with your thumb down, knuckles towards the person, and wrench the dagger out of their hand. Towards their thumb. Less resistance that way.”
Then, he takes a deep breath, studies your reaction. "Does knowing that make you feel better?"
Next
Tags: @aggressa @obsessive-sapphic @shadow-pancake9 @agatemermaid @scorpio-echo @kalisbury @viktoryscreech @ivetoldamillionlies @twilightdollie @cassandras-musings @kaimerra @raiden88 @emma-the-duck17 @thefiasco-onyourblock @pinkrose1422
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rohirric-hunter · 3 years
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That time of year again!
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opalesense · 3 years
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oh my god Your 'a sight to behold' work was mhmfmmsmamzx, i love it. im sosososoossosoo curious as to what graphic details you have in mind 😏
lose control
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zhongli, childe, diluc, kaeya & f!reader (NSFW)
3.5k words • ~22 min. read
summary: a part two to this where the boys are unable to fight their urges when they see you helplessly stuck in a wall.
warnings: slight dubcon, choking, cunnilingus, facefucking, a bit of zhongli favoritism oops!
notes: omg hehehe thank youu i’m so glad you liked it <3 i wrote it at 2AM and was so surprised it turned out decently well for my fuzzy brain HAHA anyway as for the graphic details... i only left them out originally because i wasn’t sure if anon wanted straight up full nsfw or not >////< but since you asked you shall receive... <3
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zhongli
 Zhongli effortlessly took the rocks off of you, waiting and watching your slight movements for a few moments before your eyes finally fluttered open. A throbbing pain in your temple sent one of your hands to gently massage it, making you wince quietly in pain. “Zhongli...”
 “This is the result of carelessness and insufficient planning,” he crossed his arms and studied your curves as he calmly scolded you. “Next time, let me take the lead.”
 As you laid there massaging your head, his eyes traced up and down your body, fixating on the way your legs were helplessly spread in front of him, parted in such a way that he knew he would fit perfectly if he sat between them. Following that train of thought, he uncrossed his arms and slowly climbed on the bed of rocks, letting his body hover over you and supporting his weight with a hand planted above your head.
 His free hand crept up your shirt, pulling it up in the process. The way he suddenly exposed your torso made you gasp and simultaneously wince again from the sudden movements. You weakly placed a hand on his forearm, initially in instinctual protest but then relaxing as you knew this was not just some stranger from the outside, but a man you trusted. “Z-Zhongli, what are you-“
 “Checking for injuries, of course,” he lied with a coy smile which made you softly giggle. His hand slowly caressed your bare hips and waist, noticing the way your skin formed goosebumps at his touch. You watched as his gloved fingers hovered over your bruises and scrapes, making their way up your torso then finally pulling your bra up to reveal your breasts. You swore you could hear the hunger in his low growl as his eyes were desperately fixated on your half naked body.
 “Zhongli, at least take me home first–“ you attempted to speak up but he interrupted you by wrapping his hand around your throat, applying pressure while his knee wedged itself in the empty spot between your legs. As you choked, you finally got a good look at his face. The amicable yet stoic expression Zhongli usually had was replaced with something more sinister, more lustful. With heavily breaths and shaky hands, you could sense he was getting needier by the second.
 “Right now?” you managed to whisper as you stared into his glowing amber eyes. Unable to form coherent words now, all he could do was press his forehead against yours and let his lips quiver as he fought the thoughts that flooded his mind. He knew he shouldn’t do this. He knew he should help you get home and ensure that your wellbeing is secured. A war raged on inside his head, the logical side of him trying to fight his urges, but he knew he couldn’t uphold this for long. His body couldn’t help but latch onto yours, grinding against you in desperation. You two didn’t need to say much to each other to know when Zhongli was craving you like this. Looking down at his knee slowly rubbing against you, you already knew what was going to happen. From the sight of you so vulnerable under him, your legs spread out in a perfect position for him to take you, all he wanted to do in this moment was chase his release. And yes, he needed to do it now.
 You tilted your chin up to plant a sweet kiss on his lips, slightly catching him off guard. He let go of your throat as he gave you another short kiss back, letting out what sounded like a whimper once he pulled his face away. You sighed contently as you glanced down at his growing bulge. “Well, make it quick, okay? Then we can continue this at home–“
 Immediately after hearing your approval, Zhongli wasted no time to lean down and wrap his lips on one of your nipples, immediately biting and sucking, causing you to arch your back and gasp at the sensation. He simultaneously freed his already hardened cock from his pants, slowly pumping it with his hand and letting out a low groan, sending vibrations to your nipple. You whimpered in pleasure, instinctively trying to pin your knees together in an attempt at modesty which only squeezed him closer to you.
 He let go of your nipple and lifted himself up, now standing in front of you and slowly pumping his cock as he looked down at the sight of your lewd position. “Please tell me if this is too much,” he managed to tell you before he lifted one hand towards a boulder and crushed it into a peculiar shape with one swift movement.
 Before you could process why he was now hovering the large rock over your body, you felt the earth rumble below you and push you upwards, straightening your spine as if you were laying on a table. Your legs began to dangle off the edge of the newly made platform as he locked you in place with the boulder he had shaped, which you noticed had a space carved into it only large enough for your waist to be pinned down. It was all adding up now as he grabbed both of your legs and pulled you closer to him, ensuring that you couldn’t escape his cleverly built trap.
 Lifting your knees over his shoulders and pulling your underwear to the side, you felt his erection prod your slick entrance before he slowly pushed himself inside of your cunt, groaning in pleasure as he grabbed ahold of your thighs for stability. He began to rock his hips back and forth immediately, leaving you breathlessly moaning at the little time you had to adjust to his size.
 “Only you make me feel this way,” he muttered as his grip on your thighs tightened. He leaned forward to pound into you at a better angle, his hips slamming into yours with each powerful thrust. “Only you can make me lose control of myself so easily...”
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childe
 “...I’m sure I can make all the pain go away and replace it with pleasure instead.”
Childe’s words echoed in your head as he yanked your underwear down and firmly gripped your ass, spreading your folds apart and making you shiver at the sudden exposure. You tried to wiggle your way out of the pile of rocks in protest, but that only pushed you further into his grasp, making him laugh at your pathetic attempt to escape. You didn’t want to admit that this was slowly turning you on, but looking down at the damp stain in your underwear, Childe knew regardless.
 “You make it so easy for me,” he traced a finger over your already wet folds, eliciting a whimper from your throat. “You make it so easy for me to conquer you and remind you that you’re mine to play with.”
 Even though you weren’t eager to get toyed around with, given the current circumstances of being completely locked in with nowhere to go, you weren’t completely opposed either. You couldn’t help but mewl at the feeling of Childe suddenly pushing one gloved finger inside of your trembling cunt, slowly curling his digit to massage your walls. “At least... take me home first...” you whined cutely, he thought.
 “Why should I when you’re already enjoying yourself here?” he pulled his finger out momentarily only to push back in with two fingers, “Look how wet you are when we’ve only just begun...”
 Childe could hardly contain himself either, but he didn’t want to verbally admit it. If only you could see how hard he was getting by the second just by staring at your vulnerable holes and the way your underwear hung around your knees, or the tiny squirming of your legs when he pushed the right spots inside you. If only you could see the way his eyebrows knitted together, breath stuttering as he fantasized about railing you into next year in this position, fucking you into the wall for hours until you cried for him to stop.
 But for now, he decided he’d show you some mercy and make it quick. As he used his free hand to unbuckle his pants and unsheath his cock, he was determined to hear your screams echo around the walls of the cavern first before letting you go. “Hold still for me, okay? It’s not like you can go anywhere, anyway,” he chuckled then pulled his fingers out to grip your ass and position himself behind you, “I’ll make you feel so good...”
 “Childe, wait–!” was all you could say before moaning in ecstacy as he began to drive his cock into your aching hole, each inch pushing apart your walls so deliciously that he couldn’t help but moan too. He stayed still for a moment, bottomed out inside of you, head pressed up against the rocks as he relished in the feeling of you clamping around his cock. But before you could relax and bask in the delightful feeling of being stuffed full, he squeezed your ass with both hands and began pounding into you with no second thought.
 Whatever pain you might have had before was surely gone by his penetration alone. He knew how good he was screwing you by the way you whimpered out his name in between moans, or the way you subtly pressed up against him with the limited movement you had, matching his rhythm. “You better pray that I don’t lose control and fuck you here until the sun rises,” he said with a dubious smirk that you wish you could’ve seen, “But I bet you would like that, wouldn’t you?”
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diluc
 To say Diluc was nervous as his eyes were pinned on your thighs rubbing together was an understatement. He could feel himself getting more aroused by the second, staring at your underwear and noticing a subtle wet stain that had developed beforehand. Your words were completely drowned out in his mind. All he could focus on was resisting his urges and maintaining his composure like a true gentleman.
 But surely a gentleman could be a little self indulgent now and then, right? Especially since you were tempting him so badly wiggling around like that, he couldn’t help but wonder if you were doing this to him on purpose.
 He took a few steps closer to the wall and adjusted his gloves before reaching into his coat pocket for a hair tie. “Could you repeat that again for me, dear?” he tilted his head as he gathered his long strands into a ponytail, never taking his eyes off of your glistening skin.
 You happily obliged, listening to him kneel down behind you, assuming he was just picking up another rock. “I was just saying how – Diluc?”
 Your assumption couldn’t possibly be more wrong. He interrupted you by pulling your underwear down to your thighs, licking his lips as his hungry gaze traced your wet folds, imagining what your face must look like by how he took you by surprise. His grip on your thighs tightened as he fantasized about you, the straps of your underwear still wrapped around his fingers to keep his hands on you no matter how much you squirmed underneath him.
 He leaned down to press a sweet kiss on your clit, eliciting a gasp from you in response. Smirking, he stuck out his tongue and began slowly tracing the wet muscle around your folds, savoring your taste and savoring the sweet moans you gave him at the same time. “Keep making those pretty sounds, my love,” he whispered, his hot breath against your cunt driving you crazy.
 His slow and sensual kisses on your cunt was only the start of his feast. Each kiss was accompanied with small circles he rubbed into your thighs with his thumbs and low periodic groans that sent vibrations through his tongue, making you whimper in ecstacy. But as much as he loved taking things slow and steady, he wanted to hear you cry out his name. He wanted to see how far he could take you to the edge by his control alone. He wanted to make those pretty legs tremble violently under his touch.
 In one swift motion, he began to prod his tongue against your entrance, stretching your folds by drawing circles with his eager muscle. If only the rocks weren’t holding you down along with his hands pressing your thighs into place, you surely would have been thrashing around at the way he teased you with his tongue alone. Slowly, he began to extend his tongue into you more, inching his face closer to your aching hole and stopping once his nose met your skin. The sensation of his tongue gently quivering inside you made you melt, even more so when he started to fuck you at a steady pace with his mouth, eyes fluttering closed as he relished in your taste.
 Soon, his movements started to reflect how hungry he really was for you. He bobbed his head steadily, stifling his moans so he could listen to yours. He took one hand off of your thigh to gently rub your clit with his thumb, still fucking you with his tongue and making you subtly rock your hips back and forth to match his rhythm. It hadn’t even been very long since he laid his hands on you, but your body couldn’t help but react to how worked up he was making you.
 And of course, he would notice these reactions. Your shaky rhythm against his was an indicator to hold you down firmly and quicken his pace, and surely enough, the heat in your core was starting to build up. You buried your head in the rocks, flustered and blushing more than you ever had before. “D-Diluc...! More... more, please!”
 When he pulled his tongue out, you figured he was just going to be mean to you and deny your orgasm but you were pleasantly mistaken. To your surprise, after a moment of rustling as he took one of his gloves off, he pushed two fingers inside of your needy hole and began to hit your sweet spot immediately as he fingered you, almost as if he had memorized what makes you cry out in pleasure. His eager lips began to suck on your clit as well, his heart set on making you cum on his fingers.
 Soon enough, you couldn’t contain it anymore. Your legs quivered as you reached your peak, your mewling and whining sadly muffled by the rocks but loud enough for him to hear you clearly enough. The sound of his name being echoed throughout the cavern as your orgasm exploded on his bare fingers was enough to make his cock throb. With heavy, warm breaths, he pulled his face and fingers away from you to let you calm down from your climax, his face flushed red and nose shining from your wetness. “So beautiful... I can never get enough of you, [Y/N].”
 You whined as he slowly let go of your thigh after giving you one last kiss on your sensitive clit. He licked his lips once more, lapping up all your wetness and wiping the excess that had dribbled down on his chin with his sleeve. With a chuckle, he stood up and placed his hands back on your ass, squeezing your curves and pressing his hips against yours. His clothed bulge fit so perfectly between your cheeks, snuggling comfortably in your wetness to leave a stain on his pants. He grinded himself into you even more at the sight of this, teasing you just for the fun of it. “Don’t worry love, we’re not going anywhere just yet...”
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kaeya
 “Now that I think about it, I do deserve a prize for saving you, don’t I?”
 Kaeya’s hands travelled from massaging your scalp to scaling up your jaw, one thumb tracing your bottom lip gently asking to let him in. You pouted stubbornly, losing your patience – you had been stuck here for a while and wanted to get out, after all. “Quit running–“
 But alas, he used this moment to stick his thumb inside your mouth, letting the pad of his finger massage your tongue. He let out a hum of satisfaction as your eyes softened, slowly submitting to his touch. “You’re being awfully defiant to the one person who can get you out of here. I ought to teach that naughty mouth of yours a lesson while I claim my prize, hm?”
 This man never knows when to shut up, a voice in your head complained. But admittedly, the way he stared at your mouth so longingly had your core light up a tiny bit. You whined in response at first, looking down (or up?) at his thumb disappearing inside your mouth then deciding it would be best to comply. With a small hum you opened your mouth wider, letting your tongue stick out as your eyes darted to meet his. He grinned contently, pulling his thumb out of your mouth to pull his cock out of his pants. No matter how many times you’ve seen his length, you never understood how he managed to fit himself inside you.
 “Good girl,” he tucked his hand under your neck to offer support as he pressed his tip against your awaiting tongue. He started rocking his hips slightly just to tease you, grinning evilly as he stared down at your eyes. “You’re so cute like this. So vulnerable and eager to please whenever I want you...”
 He began to slowly push himself into your mouth, letting out a groan of relief as he buried himself inch by inch. You sputtered a bit at first, not completely used to his length just yet, but secretly he loved whenever you choked on his cock. He let you ride out your choking a bit more as he nearly bottomed out, watching as your throat slowly relaxed around his bulge.
 His other free hand found its way on your cheek, caressing it as he started to rock his hips back and forth very slowly, basking in the feeling of your throat clamped around his cock. “Such a good girl, making me feel so good whenever I want... You’re doing very well, sweetheart,” he quietly praised, opting to listen to your muffled whimpering whenever he pushed in.
 A bit of restlessness started to kick in after awhile of fucking your mouth so slowly, and with a naughty smirk, Kaeya took both hands to grip both sides of your head. He started to thrust into your mouth at a quicker pace, occasionally pulling out to give you a breath of air only to bury himself in your throat again. He found himself unable to contain his moans at this point, letting his sweet, raspy praises for you ring through your ears. Your legs started to twitch in excitement the more he praised you for being so obedient and good for him that despite your initial defiance, you hoped he would take care of your needs later.
 Your thoughts were interrupted by his fingers running across your scalp then suddenly taking a tight grip on your head as he fucked your brains out quite literally. He began to get lost in the feeling, ignoring your pleas for air as you tapped his thigh repeatedly through tears. Even when he snapped back to his senses for a moment to pull out, he whined desperately as he quickly pushed himself back in, wanting to chase his orgasm so badly using your mouth.
 “S-So good for me... I’m gonna...! F-Fuck, no..!” Kaeya quickly and quite nervously pulled himself out of you, leaving you immediately coughing and gagging in your own spit and his precum. He grunted in frustration, leaving you confused and concerned as you continued to choke for air. He suddenly tucked his cock back into his pants haphazardly and went straight back to work on getting the rocks off of you.
 “W-What was that all about? Are you waiting until we get home or something?” your voice was clearly defeated as you watched him work. He only glanced back at you for a moment before chuckling and pulling one specific rock out of the pile to send the rest tumbling down, finally revealing your trembling body, exposed in all of its glory. You gasped in a mixture of relief and excitement as he hungrily climbed on top of you and pulled you towards him so your head wouldn’t hang off the edge anymore. You giggled at how disheveled and horny he evidently was, his movements ragged and needy. Who could blame him for looking so desperate when he was staring up and down your vulnerable body, waiting to devour you like a hungry beast?
 His hands worked with urgency as he ripped your underwear off and unsheathed his cock again, manhandling your hips to meet his. You gasped as he quickly pushed himself inside of your cunt and began pounding into you mercilessly, not letting you adjust to his size since you were already so aroused for him anyway. Your cute whimpers and gasps made him even more feral, and it was at this point that he decided to lean down and whisper the answer to your question earlier.
 “Sorry, sweetheart. I can’t just wait until we get home, I need to be inside you right now...”
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eremiie · 3 years
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Hiya! I saw that you followed me so I wanted to be nice and send a lovely request :>
I am sending this for Eren since we have good taste 😌 and so here’s your prompt—
Prompt; Reader is wearing baggy clothes (just cause that’s my thing, you don’t have to include it if you don’t want to) while blasting music and dancing; just having a fun time, not paying mind to the fact Eren is watching everything, occasionally recording and taking pictures, that is until he gets caught by the reader and attempts to share those visuals. It’s preferably fluffy, but I don’t mind having some or twist. Run wild!😉
delete it!;
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❥ eren x reader | 1.3k words | fluff
❥ thank you so much for being nice & sending in a request i appreciate you sm!! & yes we both do have some immaculate taste i see😏. i also love baggy clothes so i love that we are alike in that aspect hehe i hope you enjoy🤲.
❥ in which eren jaeger is a sneaky thing, and takes pictures of you while you dance your heart out.
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“i’m going back to 505!” you were prancing around your bedroom listening to your playlist for the first time in a while. it had been so long since you last listened to your favorite tunes and it was a shame since the last time you clicked on your spotify you added a lot of new songs to your playlist and then blatantly abandoned it for a few weeks.
eren had took you thrifting earlier and here you were, trying on some of the clothes for the umpteenth time making sure everything was to your liking and deciphering if you had to tailor anything or if you could revamp some of the shirts and jeans you bought. he rested on your bed scrolling through his phone, throwing you quick glances as you danced a little bit before throwing one of your shirts onto the bed and bending down to pick up another one and putting it on.
“it seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye!” you giggled while you turned around in your full body mirror making sure the current outfit you had on was cute, your jeans were baggy with ripped in the knees, the bottom overlapping your feet in the slightest while your shirt hung loosely around your waists, a graphic design detailing the front. “eren, is this cute?”
he looked your way his eyes lingering for a second too long on your frame. he absolutely adored the way you dressed and thought it was the cutest thing ever, how you dressed so comfortably and made everything look so good. he especially loved when you adorned your body with jewelry, pretty necklaces, rings and bracelets; but one thing he never understood was your infatuation with expensive sneakers. he watched you shake your hips and use your fist as a microphone while singing to yourself in the mirror and voicing the lyrics. he couldn’t help but smile at his girlfriend’s antics and chuckled. “yeah, i told you i like all your outfits.”
eren went to his snapchat on his phone, making sure his ringer was off before pressing down on the white rimmed button down near his home button, recording you singing to yourself in the mirror grinning stupidly at you. when you bent down to pull off the pants you were wearing eren immediately stopped recording, wanting to get more photos and videos of you to embarrass you later first. he saved the video to his snapchat memories.
“okay well i’m gonna put on these sweatpants since we’re not going out again.” you said while standing up to pull the sweats over your legs. “this shirt is cute though so i’m keeping it on.” eren hummed in response, now on his camera to wait until you did something ridiculous to take more photos.
the song switched and your hand slapped over your mouth, smiling underneath it. “eren, baby this is my song!” you bounced on the balls of your feet and went over to grab the hairbrush from your dresser beside your mirror, turning towards eren to give him a show. “eren, watch.” you said, snapping your fingers to draw his attention, little did you know it was already on you the entire time.
you stuck your leg out, stuttering your hip and grinding in mid air with your hands covering your face and eren immediately went to snapchat to begin to record again, you beginning to sing. “you got more than 20-20, babe. made of glass the way you see through me...” you started to laugh at yourself as eren’s smile got bigger and he began to laugh as well. you pointed at the brunette directing the next verses towards him with the brush up to your mouth.
“i wanna love me, the way that you love me! oooh, for all of my pretty, and all of my ugly too,” you stepped towards eren dragging your feet behind you singing dramatically while he snapped more photos of you acting silly, absolutely in awe with you, his girlfriend. “i’d love to see me from your point of view.” and with every word of that line you twisted each leg back and forth with your hands on your hips before busting out into laughter at how stupid you looked, eren joining in again.
“did you like my performance?” you asked him goofily heading over to straddle his legs on the bed.
“the song isn’t over, keep going.”
“so you do like it?” you poked at his chest right underneath where his phone was propped up by his arms before smoothing your hands over his shirt in adoration at the man in front of you.
“of course, now keep going!” he insisted and you huffed stretching your arms out.
“i couldn't believe it or see it for myself, boy, i be impatient, but now i’m out here
falling, falling, frozen, slowly, falling got me right,” you pumped your fist with every drag of the last couple words oblivious to the fact that eren was recording you from down below once again until the chorus came back around and you leaned down. “you’re not even paying attention to me you’re staring at your phone!” you whined flipping the device back with your hand and eren grabbed it hastily.
“baby i was paying attention.” it took you a second to process that was you who he was staring at on his phone, as a matter of fact it was a whole video of you singing to him, moving aimlessly sat on top of him, and you began to get flustered.
“eren! was that me on the phone? were you recording me? oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing, delete it!” you groaned reaching for his phone while he laughed at your despair.
“noo, you looked so cute and good and pretty.” he continued adding on words to butter you up, he didn’t want to delete the photos.
“eren!” your tone came out whiny. he grabbed your wrists and pulled you forward against his chest wrapping a secure arm around you and trapping your arms on either side of him so it would be hard for you to reach up and grab his phone which he kept at a distance.
“______, just look,” he went to his camera roll and went to the first photo he took of you and you narrowed your eyes, realizing it was when you had the jeans on and we’re dancing in the front of your mirror. he then swiped and the next one was you turned towards him with the same jeans on, the photo slightly blurry but you seemed to be about to sit on the floor.
“eren, this is embarassing, oh my gosh stop.” you were restrained from reaching for his phone and pouted against his chest, your cheek smushed.
“no it’s not. you’re so gorgeous baby, look,” you looked up at the phone again and he was now on snapchat, attempting to show you videos of you dancing without a care in the world, you using your hand as a microphone.
“i bet you’re gonna post these on my birthday, you’re so annoying.”
eren kissed your forehead and rubbed your shoulder with the arm wrapped around you. “i could post them now if you want.”
your body tensed up and you began flailing in eren’s arms causing more laughter to leave his throat. “eren stop! give me your phone!”
he flipped the two of you over so he was now on top of you, cooing you with soft ‘shh’s. “i’m just kidding, i’m just kidding.” you pouted again, but you were secretly relishing in the feeling of your sweet boyfriend on top of you, basking in his warmth as he closed his eyes. “just cuddle with me for a little bit babe.”
another huff of annoyance came from you, but you secretly too didn’t mind cuddling with him; no matter how many embarrassing photos or videos he had of you, and no matter how annoying he was.
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tainted-wine · 4 years
Text
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I hope you don’t mind this being exclusive for the Pro-Heroes!
(NSFW)
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Papers? Check. Writing utensils? Check. Lube? Check.
You were primed and ready to begin this cocktastic journey. Completing this project will be a great benefit to Thirstology. You can’t believe that they put their trust in you to collect such valuable information from several willing participants. There’s no way you’re going to let the people at National Thirst Studies down.
With your lower body completely bare, you and your ambitious pussy set out to begin the cockwarming interviews.
Yagi Toshinori/All Might
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Pre-Notes: The Symbol of Peace. It’s still surreal to see him in such a fragile state. Strangely enough, I never once asked myself: Does All Might fuck? “Obviously he was too pure for fucking,” is what I would have said before I devoted my life to Thirst Studies. But I have learned over the years that there is no such thing as purity.
------
After he got over the initial shock of you wearing no pants or underwear, you were finally able to begin your study and ask him the main question.
You barely dodged the spray of blood spewing out of his mouth. “Am I into what?” He sputtered.
“Cockwarming, sir. The act of settling a penis in a nice cozy orifice. There’s no movement, only penetration. Surely you already at least knew the definition when you agreed to this?” You offered him a paper towel, which he accepted with a choked “thank you.”
“Midnight told me this would be about intimate relationships,” he anxiously explained while wiping the red off of his lips. “But I wasn’t expecting to hear something that graphic.”
Ah, so he was talked into this. “Well, with your permission, I can give you a personal demonstration.”
His answer was inaudible the first time; you had to ask him to speak up in order to hear his adorably high “yes.” He was a lot shyer than you imagined. Poor guy was shaking like he was on a verge of a heart attack when you took his cock out and boy, did he put the ‘long’ in ‘schlong.’ But your mission wasn’t to admire the dick’s appearance, it was to learn how their owners used them inside a hot snatch. You climbed onto him and lowered yourself and ooooh shit, both of you were moaning as his inches sank into you. You couldn’t take it all, but it was more than enough to get the job done.
“Mmnngh, yes, very long. Pushing almost painfully,” You said through clenched teeth, scribbling in your notepad as you sat semi-comfortably in his lap. “Can you give me your input, Toshinori? How is this feeling for you?”
“Blrraaaffggg.”
“Toshi?”
“…”
He laid limp in the interview chair as crimson liquid continued to flow from his mouth. Well, this is troublesome. You’ll have to wait for him to regain consciousness to hear his feedback.
------
Conclusion: This was his first time experiencing cockwarming. He described it as ‘intense, but not unpleasant’. Unfortunately, whenever I ask for more details, he would get too embarrassed to share anything. Frankly, this isn’t the most fruitful start to my series of interviews, but it was a great privilege to meet the amazing All Might.
Shouta Aizawa/Eraserhead
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Pre-Notes: I honestly don’t even know who the hell this is. An underground hero, apparently. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you that he brought a cat with him. I told him that it needs to stay outside during the interview, but the difficult bastard was ready to turn around and leave unless I allowed the furball in. What a hassle. Do I even want to sit on this man?
------
You’re thankful that you did, in fact, sit on this man. His sleek ebony cat was relaxing in your lap while your pink kitty was stuffed with his cock. Despite his indifference to the situation, it was strangely intimate. Taking notes over a cute feline while his length twitched inside you was rather challenging.
“You seem like a rather exhausted fellow. Is it maybe the laid-back nature of the act that you find so alluring?” You asked.
“Mmhmm.” His arms circled around you to stroke his adorable pet.
“Being able to just wind down by giving your hard snake a wet hot crib to rest in?”
“Mmmmm.”
“I would appreciate a more elaborate answer.”
“Mmmmm...”
You shifted just enough to turn your head and see Aizawa’s head lolled back, his breaths getting heavier after each exhale. You can feel him quickly going soft inside you.
Ugh...
------
Conclusion: Given that he fell asleep in the middle of the demonstration, it’s safe to say that he finds the act very relaxing. I can only make guesses because the moment he woke up, he hurried me off his lap, picked up his cat and headed out. I did my best to chase him and ask if I could at least hear his final thoughts, but that bastard leaps on cars and buildings as skillfully as Edgeshot.
Hizashi Yamada/Present Mic
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Pre-Notes: I’m not sure what to expect from the Voice Hero. His radio show has hosted some surprisingly insightful interviews. Unlike the last two, he will hopefully have some truly constructive answers to give.
------
“Not gonna lie, I always wanted to try this!”
Both of you were red in the face as you sat on his throbbing cock. Despite the blush and slight shake in his voice, he was as cheerful as ever. “Sometimes I just wonder, it would be pretty cool to just have a hottie warmin’ me up during my show, ya dig? No sex, though. I know I’m not quiet enough to get away with that on the air!” He laughed loudly right into your ear.
Well that kinda hurt, but it’s nice to finally have a fully cooperative interviewee. You were actually able to ask all of your planned questions for once, and Hizashi gave a satisfying answer to each one.
Unfortunately, it just couldn’t go perfectly, and his phone ended up ringing near the end of the interview.
“Hold on, listener. I gotta take this.”
Did he really? You wished he would wait until you were done.
You felt him lean back as you remained on his lap. “Shouta, buddy! What’s goin’ on?”
Shouta? Does he mean...?
“Sorry about that! I’m not home yet, I’m doin’ a...special interview, with a hard-working thirstologist.” You heard the voice on the other end respond, and Hizashi made a noise of confusion. “Eh? What do you mean ‘you too?’”
Oh dear, he does. They actually know each other.
The conversation quickly transformed into an argument, a loud one. The two heroes apparently have some...tension between them.
“Oh, so I throw hints at you for years and you act as innocent as your cats, but you’ll sit down and let a girl hop on your dick during an interview?!”
You had to lift yourself off of his softening member and take shelter from his booming voice. He was tucking himself back into his pants with one hand as he marched out of the room, but his hurt and anger was still loud and clear. “Don’t give me that bull. I bet if I hit you with twenty one questions about cockwarming, you’d just pretend you’re asleep! Oh, you actually did fall asleep? Huh.”
You awkwardly collected your notes as the two gentlemen were seemingly making up.
“Damn right I’ve always felt this way. Oh man, you better get ready tonight because I’ve got over ten years of pent up feelings, and you’re gonna take it all.”
------
Conclusion: It feels good to have a full interview. In summary, Hizashi is intrigued by the combination of closeness and casualness of it all. His interest in cockwarming during his jobs also indicate a possible thrill out of doing it in public. In addition, I’d like to announce with some pride that I may have assisted in taking two friends to the next level of their relationship.
Hawks
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Pre-Notes: I’m eager to hear what the handsome winged hero has to say. I wouldn’t mind if we just stare at each other throughout the entire interview. My lust for him is unbearably strong and I’m not sure why. It’s probably just the horny writer’s obvious bias towards this bird. She could use another hobby.
------
Hawks laughed once you gave him the question that officially begins the interview. “Gotta admit, I’ve actually never tried it.”
That’s a surprise that you quickly jot down in your notes. “I see. Is it something you’re interested in trying? I can give you a demonstration right here.”
“Oh? I’d love one.”
You try not to look too excited as you leave your seat and move to undo his pants, but Hawks raises a hand.
“But I want you to do it on your knees.”
Your eyebrows furrowed. “My knees? How do I-”
“With your mouth.”
Oh my.
You granted his request and kneeled down to take his half-hard cock into your mouth.
“Ahhh, that’s nice.” He sighed loudly, spreading his legs more as he stared down at you.
You detached your mouth from him to speak. “Can you tell me what it is that you-mmffrrf.”
A hand pushed you back down onto his man meat. “No no no, just...stay right there. I’ll do the talking in a minute.”
You sat there with his cock growing in the heat of your mouth. Hawks’s eyes were closed, a small content smile on his face. Every time you lifted your head just an inch, the hand on your head pressed you back down. Just when this interview was starting to feel more like a hookup, he finally began to talk.
“Oh yeah, I’ve fantasized stuff like this. You got a shitty boss? I do, don’t tell them I said that, though. They’re always finding something to get on my ass about. Working me like a dog everyday, expecting me to pull off these insane missions flawlessly.”
All you could do was look up and listen to his rant. He must have loved the sight of you, going by the strong twitch of his length in your mouth.
“They just keep asking more and more from me. ‘Do this faster next time, Hawks!’ or ‘I know you’ve never done something like this before, but don’t fail us, Hawks!’ Sometimes I just wanna shove something in their mouths...like my dick. Can you relate?”
You shook your head as well as you could in your current position.
He shrugged. “Oh well. As far as I know, I’ll always be the one getting fucked by them. But something like this...” He pat your head. “Ah yeah, it would be so nice to see them like this...”
------
Conclusion: Hawks was sadly short on time and had to leave before I could even get into the questions. Going by the very personal feelings and frustrations he shared, Hawks enjoys the dominance displayed from cockwarming, and prefers it be done orally. I will respect his wishes and not reveal any of the opinions that he shared about the establishment he works for and its executives.
Taishiro Toyomitsu/Fat Gum
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Pre-Notes: It’s best that I continue to be honest: I’m anxious. Fat Gum is one of the biggest heroes around, and I just know that there is a deadly pillar of pussy destruction in those pants. I know that I should be more concerned with the questions, but it just won’t leave my mind.
------
“So, what experience do you have with this, Toyomitsu?”
The large man chuckled. He was currently in his skinny form, which you’re pretty thankful for since his fat form would have been beyond awkward to straddle. That would be like trying to hump one of those giant inflatable characters at parades. “A pretty lady I knew was really into it! I tried it for her sake, but I’ll say this with no ego, my sausage ain’t something to be taken lightly! Still, she was determined, and I was really digging just how strong her will was to take me.”
‘She sounds like a very brave soul,‘ you thought as your pen glided across your paper.
“I couldn’t believe it when she managed to get all of me inside. She couldn’t either, because she passed out! At first I just wanted to laugh it off,” he cackled as if to give an example, but his face quickly drooped into a somber expression. “But then I realized she wasn’t breathing...” His eyes shut in pain and sorrow. “And I couldn’t find a pulse...”
You nearly dropped your pen in horror. “My goodness, Toyomitsu. I’m so sor-”
“I’m just messin’ with ya! She’s fine!” His face immediately brightened up again, leaving you shocked and somewhat upset over the scare. “But seriously, if you want a seat on this big boy, I hope you’ve got plenty of lube on hand.”
“Don’t worry, I do. More than enough for the biggest flesh towers.”
But your doubts instantly returned when the bulging monster was freed from his pants. It’s huge. Toshinori may have been long, but this monster was unbelievable in both length and girth.
Your fear must have been evident on your face, because Toyomitsu asked, “You sure you wanna do this? Don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
You whipped out your bottle of lube and drenched your hands. “Thirstology is my passion. My life’s work. I am more than willing to put my life on the line for science.”
The hero raised an eyebrow. “It’s...not that serious, but I really like your guts, missy.” He gave himself a few strokes. “So let me tear them up.”
Even with the coatings of lube inside your pussy and on his massive cock, this was still the most arduous task you have ever performed in your life. You didn’t know it was possible to be stretched this far. The light blonde was mesmerized by your trembles and scrunched expressions and as you tried to take more of him, his mouth slightly open when he noticed the swell in your lower abdomen.
“Oh, that is hot.”
------
Conclusion: I did it. I took the Fat Gun. Fat Gum himself takes a lot of pleasure in watching the strain of someone trying to take him in, and due to his partner often being much smaller than him, the tightness is very pleasurable to him. He was the only interviewee that actually came during the demonstration, so I suppose it’s safe to say that he is the biggest fan of cockwarming out of the five. He was very panicked when he came inside me, but I reassured him that I am on the pill. This is still a hell of a mess to clean up, however.
(I hope the information I have obtained will be useful for the institute. Thank you for giving me this opportunity)
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thatmultifandomhoe · 3 years
Text
It’s You
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Pairing: Changkyun and Reader
Group: Monsta X
Word Count: 7,433
Genre/Rating: Valentine’s Day AU - Quarantine AU - Friends to Lovers AU - Fluff - Angst - PG-13
Overview: The last thing you planned to do was celebrate Valentine’s Day. Being single on a holiday that glorified love, especially during a pandemic, was the perfect sign to stay at home to guarantee avoiding having a broken heart. Especially when Changkyun, the one who held it, seemed to have plans of his own.
Warning: Mention of past unrequited love and having a broken heart - swearing -
A/N: Happy - early - Valentine’s Day sweet peas! And yes, Changkyun from Monsta X was the winner of the “Who Do You Want to Spend Valentine’s day With,” and I had so much fun working on this piece. I’m personally not a fan of the holiday - for reasons you’ll read below - but I hope that those of y’all who do celebrate have a happy Valentine’s day, and I hope that y’all enjoy this piece and get all the chocolate that you want this year!
Tagging: @srvdyv​​  @skyys-universe​​ @kpophoneybunny​​ @wheein-whanders​​ @ezralia-writes​
Music Playlist:
Main Master List:
Pinterest Mood Board:
The First Installment of the Hoe Catalog.
©thatmultifandomhoe 2021. Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.
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“Are you okay?”
Glancing over at the cell phone that was propped up on the dresser, you raised an eyebrow at the black screen. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You do know what day it is, right?”
Fingers pausing, you pressed your lips together, staring down at the button of the black jeans you had been in the middle of putting on. You had known what day it was when you went to turn off the alarm that had set for that morning. It had been painfully obvious, and as the pre-recorded song of birds chirping increased in volume, you had stared at the date for longer than you normally do.
February fourteenth.
Valentine’s Day.
“I’ve only been awake for an hour,” you said, stepping towards the closet for a shirt. It had been a miracle that Changkyun had called instead of his preferred method of randomly video calling. While it was true, you had been up for an hour, you had only started moving about to get on with the day about five minutes ago. And currently you were only wearing pants and a black lacy bra. Although, knowing him, he wouldn’t have complained.
There was rustling on his end and the clinking of a spoon hitting a glass. “I know, but I just wanted to make sure. You seemed pretty upset the other day.”
“It’s not that I’m upset…” You slipped your head through the hole of a black smocked square blouse with red flowers printed on it, adjusting the top so it sat properly. “I just...don’t like the holiday.”
Which was putting it mildly. It was more than a dislike, but as you went to look in the mirror to make sure there weren’t any tags sticking out, you silently thanked him for calling. You never hated Valentine’s Day. At its core, it was rather a sweet concept, one that year after year, a part of you hoped that maybe you’d be able to have someone to enjoy the holiday with. But after years of being single on the most romantic day, and having it ruined by dates turned sour, more often than not a dark cloud hovered overhead while you tried to simply get through the day.
You tried to find some spin on it to turn it around. Starting tomorrow and for the next week, chocolate was going to be anywhere from fifty to seventy-percent off. Sales were always fantastic no matter what the reason was. There were only so many chocolate hearts that you were capable of eating though.
“Why are you calling so early?” You said, turning the conversation back to him. It made sense why you were up – even on a Sunday there was always work to be done – for him to be awake before noon, that caused a bit of worry.
“Ah,” there was a thump that echoed on the call like he had dropped his phone, his voice sounding distant. “I have some things to get done today.”
“Yeah, but it’s nine in the morning. I thought you weren’t even coherent before noon.”
Changkyun forced out a laugh and you lightly smiled, gathering your hair into a bun before carrying him into the kitchen. Even though it was a simple phone call and was a bit distorted, it did nothing to dull the fluttering going on by the butterflies in your stomach. His lazy grin came to mind, and only ten minutes into the hour and you were smiling like a fool while stirring your coffee.
That was another reason why you weren’t entirely fond of the holiday. The entire day was dedicated to love, to telling someone that you love them, and here you were, having fallen for your friend and yet you refused to tell him. It was hard to pinpoint when these feelings began, but it was possible that they had been growing since the day you two met.
There was no doubt that you were a workaholic, always feeling weird if you bummed around for more than a few hours, so it made sense that on the rare day off that you took, something had to crash it. You had been indulging in some binge watching of your precious Inuyasha when your phone lit up with an incoming video call from Messenger. Immediately you had been hesitant. None of your friends ever video messaged you since unlike them, your cell was an android.
You hadn’t planned to answer him. Not only did you not recognize the name, or his picture - despite how attractive he appeared - but you didn’t normally answer requests from strangers. With that in mind and mildly annoyed in having to pause the episode, you were ready to hit decline and be on with the day. Except, you were a dumb ass, and hit accept by accident.
Turns out he had meant to call someone else and had been equally shocked when you answered. In fact, he had been less than classy upon seeing you in instead of his friend, the words, ‘oh, fuck me,’ slipping out before he could stop himself.
In normal circumstances, you might have rolled your eyes, or told him to go fuck himself, but it had been six months into the pandemic and he was the first new person that you had met in a while.
“I don’t usually fuck strangers,” you had said instead, not missing the way his eyebrow rose and how his mouth curled upwards in a smile. “But if you wanna buy me a grinder and have it delivered to my place; I might eventually be persuaded.”
There had been a tense moment, but when he let out a breathless chuckle, somehow you knew that you were in the safe zone. Turns out, the two of you had a friend in common who he had meant to call, but he hadn’t been paying attention to what he was doing and accidentally clicked on your profile. The call only lasted for a few more minutes before Changkyun apologized and with an awkward wave, ended it. You stared at his profile picture and next thing you knew, you were scrolling through his pictures, oohing upon finding an old one of him with silver hair and an eyebrow piercing.
A couple hours later, there was a knock at your door and after slipping on a mask, you were greeted with a delivery man that looked no older than sixteen, announcing that he had a grinder for you. Before you could say that you hadn’t ordered anything, he promised that it had already been paid for, tip included. Not one to turn down free food, you accepted it, and saw the note that was taped to the paper bag.
I’m not a weirdo I promise. Jooheon passed along your address, and I’m not about to let someone go hungry. From, a friendly stranger who hit the wrong button.
There was no second guessing on your part. You pulled his profile back up and hit the video button, only having to wait a few seconds before his face filled the screen, locks of black hair falling across his forehead as he ruffled it up.
“Did you seriously send me a grinder?”
“You sounded hungry.”
There was a brief pause, and suddenly you were giggling, shoulders shaking as you sat down on a chair, his own deep chuckles joining in not long after. It was odd, but after that – and after confirming with Jooheon to make sure he wasn’t a creep, which you were assured he wasn’t – the two of you fell into the habit of video chatting. Some days there was nothing to say. With the pandemic raging on and everything closed, it was nice to have someone simply be there after all this time.
Fast forward five months later, the pandemic had only grown worse, and not only had Changkyun proven to be a good friend, but he managed to worm his way into your heart.
“What about you,” Changkyun suddenly asked. “You’re not actually working today, are you? Forget the holiday, it’s Sunday.”
Rolling your eyes, you went back to the bedroom with the black coffee in one hand, and him in the other. “Not all day. I have a few graphics that I want to finish up or it’ll bug me. Should only take a few hours to do.”
“Only a few hours,” he teased. “I’m willing to bet you’ll still be working tonight.”
“Will not.”
“Will too.”
“Not.”
His end grew silent, and he suddenly cleared his throat. “We’ll see about that.”
There was something about that sentence that stopped you from entering the password to your computer. Glancing away from the screen, you stared at Changkyun’s picture, wondering why his voice had softened when he had said that, as if he knew something that you didn’t.
“What is it that you have to do?” You found yourself asking him again, not looking at the keys as you logged into your laptop, the bleeding hearts screensaver appearing as the icons loaded one by one.
“Just some…stuff. I’ll probably be off my phone most of the day.”
“Oh.”
With the amount of phone calls and video chats the two of you had, it had become normal to hear from him a couple times throughout the day. The text chat was filled with various memes, emojis, and conversations that ranged from how much is too much fabric softener? - all the way to late night conversations involving stories about crazy exes, to insecurities, dreams you’ve always wanted to do, and whether or not the world would ever go back to the normal that you both had known prior to March 2020.
Wetting your lips, you leaned back against the desk chair and cradled the mug in both hands. “Well, have fun with whatever you’re doing,” you said, keeping your voice light so he wouldn’t notice the shift in your mood.
It was suddenly so obvious why he wasn’t saying what he had to do. With the holiday approaching, Changkyun had asked if you had any plans for how to spend the day, and with that came your explanation for why you weren’t overly fond of this particular day. The blind dates that ended terribly and being single had been part of the reason why, but there was one particular instance from the past that was determined to ruin Valentines every year for you.
In all the years, there was one person that you had confessed to on Valentines. Jungkook was someone you considered a friend, but you had only told him the truth to get him to shut up about his girlfriend. Up until that afternoon she had been the ex that, from your understanding, despised being in the same room as him anymore. According to him, she showed up at his place with the usual, ‘I miss you,’ and ‘let’s try again,’ and somehow that all managed to lead to wild and hot passionate sex that was, ‘insanely good.’
If only that had been it.
Whether Jungkook got caught up in reliving the moment and forgot who he was talking to, he gave you a play by play of their reunion. From the way she arrived at his door, to the way she felt around him, he told every detail all while you were on the other end of the phone, fingers twisted and tugging at your hair as you sat on the floor of your childhood bedroom. On all the days, the last thing you wanted to hear was your crush talking about having to move to the living room because his bedroom reeked from all their fucking.
The conversation didn’t last much longer, thank god, but you hadn’t been able to grieve because in the other room mom’s voice could be heard as she talked about her day at work. Instead, you forced back the tears and it took everything to not break down when she smiled and handed you an orange teddy bear holding a red heart that said I love you, along with a bag of Lindt chocolates. She was unaware, and while everyone slept, you buried your face into a couple pillows to muffle the sounds of your crying. You were only eighteen and yet you swore your heart collapsed in on itself before exploding into a million glass shards.
“That fucking dick,” Changkyun had said when you told him.
The screen had been bright as the two of you video chatted, and you rubbed your eyes, tired but not ready to go to sleep. He had been doing the rounds of locking up and shutting off the lights while you spoke, only wearing a thin pair black and blue flannel pants. At least he held the phone pretty leveled so you weren’t forced to stare at his torso, but there had been several times where you found your gaze lingering on his muscular body.
“I mean,” you ran a hand through your hair, shrugging as he looked back at you. “It happens to everyone.”
Changkyun frowned though. “No,” he said, his voice gentle but firm at the same time. “No, it doesn’t. And that shouldn’t have happened to you.”
Blinking, you forced the memory away, shifting in your seat to get comfortable once again. Just because you didn’t enjoy the holiday, or didn’t have anyone to spend it with, didn’t mean that was the case with Changkyun. Why else would he be reluctant to say what his plans were? He was probably just being nice and didn’t want to appear like he was rubbing salt into an old wound that refused to heal.
“Hey,” Changkyun’s voice softened again, and as much as you knew you shouldn’t, you wished that he was here, in the apartment with you for him to hold you. “It’s still early in the morning. For all you know, there’s a Mr. Right, who’s going to stumble into your path today.”
You scoffed, the clicking of your mouse echoing in the bedroom. “I mean, I don’t have plans to go out.”
“Surprises can happen you know.”
“Alright Changkyun,” now that the internet was up, you glanced back at the phone. “I gotta get to work. Stay safe out there.”
“Always am. Talk to you later.”
“Bye.”
There was a pause, and when you looked back over, the call was still going. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for either of you to leave it going while doing work, the silence was never awkward, it was more comforting than anything, but this time there was a sense of something being left un–
“You look pretty today,” Changkyun said suddenly.
Blinking, your fingers tightened around the mouse as your heart raced. “What? You can’t even see me Changkyun.”
“So?”
“I could be wearing my pajamas for all you know,” your voice faltered, and despite the constriction of wearing jeans, you pulled your legs up on to the chair to hug them to your chest.
“I’ve already seen you in your pajamas,” he joked. “You’re still pretty though.”
He was smiling. You knew for certain that he was, and that made your palms turn clammy, forcing you to wipe them against the pant leg.
“Maybe I’m not, wearing clothes?” Internally you slapped yourself, instantly regretting those words, and perhaps your entire existence at this point. It was still early. Instead of work, maybe you could possibly bury yourself under all the blankets and never answer his phone calls again.
Hearing shuffling coming from the phone, you pressed your lips together, not entirely sure if you wanted to hear what he had to say.
“Are you trying to keep me from my plans today?” His voice deepened and if it weren’t for the fact that you were already sitting down, you were certain that you’d be on the floor.
“No, I’m just stupid,” you blurted out, slamming your hand over your mouth.
Changkyun chuckled, and suddenly the phone seemed closer to him because his voice became clearer. “I think you’re trying to seduce me.”
Oh god. No. It was absolutely the other way around. He was the one who had the advantage on his side, between the lip bites and the selfies he sent that captured his jawline that was perfect to cut glass with. Whether it was his godly features, or when the two of you were video chatting and he rolled onto his stomach and face planted himself into the pillow, you fell for him every time.
“Know what?” You rushed to say, ignoring his laughter. “I have work and you have things to do. Stay safe, and I’ll talk to you later. Bye!”
There was no hesitation. This time you slammed your finger on the end call button and for extra measure, tossed it away and on the bed, letting it disappear among the sea of messy blankets.
Shakily sighing, you slid further down in the chair as the edge of the desk pinned your legs to your chest to keep from falling to the ground. He had never said anything like that before. Sure, there were times where he’d see you do something or when you’d ramble on about a show or work, he’d might say cute, but that always felt like an afterthought.
“Damn it Changkyun,” you said, glaring at where you had thrown the phone and hating the fact that his words kept circling around your mind, making you feel incredibly warmer than you had been ten minutes earlier. Hating that while he was probably going to be on a date with some pretty girl who was worth his time, you were at home, working on a Sunday, wishing that the guy you hadn’t even met in person was here and telling you that in-between kisses.
You ran a hand over your face with a groan, fingers of course getting caught in the bun briefly as you sat up. There was work to be done, and with a click of the mouse, the programs you needed quickly opened up. It was fairly easy, and if you focused, would only take an hour, maybe even less to get done. But with Changkyun on the brain, all you wanted to do was curl back up under the messy blankets and daydream about him. About what it would be like to hug him, to hear his voice in person, and perhaps, spend a Valentine’s day with someone who wouldn’t let you down.
That wasn’t going to happen though. It was a daydream and nothing more.
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Lacing your fingers together, you quickly turned them inward, groaning in satisfaction at the loud crack that emitted from the joints. Outside the window that the desk was placed in front of, the sun had already begun its descent for the night. The sky was painted in splashes of orange with lazy clouds slipping in, the remaining bits of blue falling steadily behind.
Despite what Changkyun had predicted, he was only partially correct. With him swimming freely in your mind, you had been distracted, lost in a hazy daydream that made it impossible to focus on the graphics that you were trying to finish up. More often than not you stepped away from the desk, feet guiding you to the other room or in small twirls with the faintest lovesick smile. It was impossible to get anything done. So, you said fuck it. It was Sunday after all, and you weren’t expected to have those scheduled to be posted for a few days. Where was the harm in having one day to yourself? One with no work whatsoever to stress you out?
With work out of the way and having no other plans, another cup of coffee had been made and in the spirit of the holiday, your gaze had lingered on the makeup that sat on the dresser. Most of it had gone unused as the weeks melted into months. Tubes of lipstick and eye shadow palettes once loved had been forgotten about, and as you recalled, the brushes that you typically forgot to clean had been washed out of pure boredom. It was with new motivation that you grabbed a majority of the collection and hopped onto the counter in the bathroom, music playing from a playlist filled with songs from your younger years that held nostalgia, and simply played around with the colors.
By the time you were done, an hour had gone by, and you gained two cut creases with glitter, contoured cheeks, painted your lips, and looked like you were ready to go out for a date out in the city to be wined and dined. Instead, you slipped on a pair of fuzzy socks and slid into the kitchen with plans to see what frozen meal the freezer had to offer. If anything, it had the bare bones of a date. The location? Your couch. The hot leading man? Most likely the main character from whatever show you finally decided on after you gave a good scroll through Netflix. All you needed was utter disappointment and it could be considered a success.
You were torn between making the decision for frozen lasagna or chicken Alfredo, but a sudden and loud knock at the door stopped you. Eyebrows pulling in confusion, you carefully set the food on the counter, taking a moment to slip on the mask that you left hanging on the doorknob for situations like this. Not that they occurred often. With the exception of having food delivered, once the world realized that this pandemic wasn’t just a simple flu and doctors encouraged people to stay home, you hadn’t invited anyone over. It was lonely, and you missed your friends and family greatly, but this wasn’t a situation to take lightly.
“I’m sorry,” you said, opening the door once the fabric mask was securely on. “I think you might have the wrong…”
And you stopped. Stopped talking and stared. Stared at the man leaning against your door frame, wearing a black as ink suit jacket, a pristine white button up shirt was tucked into matching black pants, with the top several buttons undone to reveal a tanned and toned chest that you knew he took pride in considering all the gym selfies he sent. The black fabric mask he wore hid most of his face, but the corners of his eyes were crinkled together.
“I think I’m right where I’m supposed to be,” Changkyun said, his deep voice sounding better in real life than you had expected, and dreamed of.
He pushed off of the frame and it was then that you noticed the things in his hands. In the left, was a plastic bag stuffed with packaged containers, and in the right…in his right wrapped in pink tissue paper was a bouquet of red and pink carnations with babies’ breath mixed in. There had to be at least a dozen, perhaps a baker’s dozen, if not a few extra.
There were no words. After all the books you consumed to pass the time, articles you searched for work, and even countless texts sent to friends, everything escaped you at that very moment because he was here. He was actually here and standing in front of you.
“I know you said you haven’t had anyone over since this started. But I got tested a couple days ago, came back negative, and we’ve both been working from home this entire time so if you want…” Changkyun lifted the bag he held into view and this time, you could see that even though it was triple bagged, you were able to make a red dragon printed on the cartons. “I have Chinese food, and I’m willing to bet that Netflix has something for us to watch. If you’re not comfortable though that’s fine. I have plenty of food that we can—”
Except he didn’t get to finish what he was saying before you tugged him into the apartment by his arm. Immediately, your arms wound their way around his waist and you pressed your face into his chest, tightly hugging him.
“It’s you,” you said, feeling his right arm carefully rest on your back to hold you close, all while being mindful of the flowers that he was carrying.
There was a soft chuckle from above as he laid his head on top of yours. “It’s good to finally see you too.”
Smiling, your arms tightened around him once more before you stepped backwards, letting him enter the apartment completely. “You didn’t have to bring flowers you know.”
“And show up empty handed?”
You gestured towards the table for him to set the food down, taking the flowers and going to the sink. “You bought Chinese food. That more than would have made up for no flowers.” But while the vase filled with water and you trimmed the stems, gently adding them in one by one, there was a warmth spreading within your chest that came right from the heart, even more so when he chuckled. The only people to ever buy you flowers on Valentine’s day were your parents.
Like always, the silence that followed felt natural. The only difference was that you were aware that Changkyun was moving around in the kitchen with you, getting plates and silverware out without having to ask where things were because he had seen you do the same thing countless times before while video chatting. You just never thought he was actually paying attention.
When they were all in the vase, you tossed the ends in the trash and turned around, only to see that once again, he was watching you.
“Why are you staring?”
Changkyun shrugged, running a hand through his hair as the black locks fell right back into his eyes. “I was right.”
Tilting your head, you walked over to the table and set the vase in the center. You were already so close to him, but he leaned his head down, the black fabric of his mask brushing against the top of your ear.
“That you look pretty,” he said softly. “And it’s not because of the makeup. I had a feeling you might dress up today; you look beautiful.”
The air that you had been breathing was instantly stolen, and when you made the mistake of looking up at him, you realized just how close the two of you were. If it weren’t for the masks you both wore…
“You don’t look half bad yourself,” you teased, trying to not glance at where his lips would be. “You’re a lot taller than messenger video makes you out to be.”
He rolled his eyes and scoffed. Straightening up, Changkyun slipped his suit jacket off and set it on the back of a chair to undo the buttons on his cuffs, taking the time to roll each sleeve up to his elbows. “You’re meaner in person.”
Good god. You knew that he worked out, but damn. Maybe not for the first couple weeks, eventually Changkyun fell into the habit of sending selfies while he was working out at the gym. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but seeing his tanned arms and the white sleeve making its way up to his elbow, it sparked the butterflies and gave them a newfound fluttering energy.
“Do you wanna eat or not?” Not thinking of it, you reached up to unhook the elastic from around your ears, removing the mask and setting it back on the counter. With a glance up at him, you saw him raise an eyebrow before he mimicked your movements to take off his own mask, revealing the jaw that tempted your daydreams in more ways than you wished.
He smiled, and you handed him his plate and together, the two of you fixed up heaping plates of Chinese food, using the concept of needing to eat to distract yourself. Everything was still hot and as you settled on the couch, steam curled its way up into the air.
“Were you able to get your secret plans done today?” You asked, glancing over at him while Netflix loaded up on the TV screen.
“Why are you so interested in what I had to do?” He was focused on the dumpling that he held with the chopsticks, not meeting your gaze at all.
It wasn’t that you meant to be focused on that. But he had acted so suspicious on the phone earlier, and now he was here, having dinner in your apartment with enough Chinese food to cost a small fortune, along with sixteen carnations – yes, you counted while cutting them – on Valentine’s Day. There had been no warning, and as much as you wanted to believe that he was here for more than a friendly drop in, the idea of him having been on a date earlier in the day and was here to talk about it, about the possible other girl, killed the butterflies. You had already been through this once, you didn’t want to go through it again. Not with him.
Scrolling through the list of suggestions, you didn’t notice Changkyun looking over at you, or the way his face softened. His fingers tightened around the chopsticks and he leaned back against the cushion.
“What’s that one about?” He nodded towards one of the movies that was in the watch again section.
You raised an eyebrow, scrolling over to it. “Please don’t tell me that you’ve never seen Love Actually?”
“If I did, would I have asked what it’s about?”
Unable to stop yourself, an undignified sound escaped you as you wildly gestured with the remote. “How? It’s like the sweetest romance, Christmas movie ever. They play it every year. It even has Liam Neeson, the man promising to find and kill everyone, as a sweet dad who doesn’t kill anyone! That alone is a true Christmas miracle by itself.”
The thought of him being with someone else dissipated at the sound of his laughter. Even caught up in the excitement of this particular movie, you couldn’t stop the smile that grew. No matter what, even in real life or over video, you always found yourself grinning the second he laughed or smiled. He was without a doubt contagious, in the best way possible.
“What are you waiting for?” He said, gesturing towards the screen with the chopsticks, shoulders relaxing at the sight of your smile and apparent joy for the film. One that he had in fact, seen a few times over the years. “Press play.”
There was no hesitation. You were determined to culture him in what you deemed to be a classic in romance films. So, as you comfortably settled in, belly growing full of warm and delicious food, you once again missed Changkyun’s wide smile. It was the kind of grin that no matter what he did, or how serious he tried to be, simply wouldn’t go away.
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The empty dinner plates sat long forgotten about on the coffee table as another movie played, this one involving an action pack fight scene with aliens in New York City. Hours had passed since Changkyun arrived at your door, and despite it growing late and Valentine’s Day was nearing its end, his polished shoes were unlaced and tossed on the floor. A wine bottle had been opened up, and you sat much closer to him to share a blanket with him. You were blaming it on the wine for being so bold because when he stretched an arm on the back of the couch, you didn’t think twice about gently leaning your head against it.
You couldn’t even really blame it on the wine. It was the first glass for both of you, and you were a slow drinker, so you were as sober as a newborn lamb at the moment.
It was just like when the two of you would video chat with the same movie on, but so much better. Having him here, you were noticing the smallest things that you’d miss when on the phone.  At the base of his neck was a small mole that you never realized he had, or that he was wearing two thin silver chains – a pair that, now that you thought about it, he never went without. Behind you, he’d occasionally rub his fingers together and the metal of his bracelet would lightly clink against itself. With the few glances that you stole, his attention was solely on the movie and his jaw appeared to be pressed together.
Feeling a sudden weight, you turned to see him settling his arm around your shoulders. His wrist was now hanging over your arm, and it took all your willpower to not reach up with a free hand to lace your fingers loosely with his. When you glanced back up at him, he was in mid sip of his wine, throat bobbing with each swallow.
Shit. This was not helping the butterflies that seemed to have multiplied since his arrival.
Changkyun raised an eyebrow when he lowered his glass, softly humming in question, but you only shook your head and focused back on the movie. Except, now you were hyper aware that he was looking at you this time.
“What’s wrong?” He murmured, his thumb and fingers lightly rubbing against your arm.
That was another thing. His voice was deep. In the calls, the phone occasionally cracked and had made it seem lighter, but it appeared to be just the opposite. He was blessed with a voice that was able to drop lower than a bass, sending your insides to mush when he spoke. It was the type of voice that was destined to recite poetry and old sonnets, to hold three in the morning conversations that went wherever and everywhere. When he called your name, it never failed to send tingles running the length of your body. It was his voice, and you knew that you’d never grow tired of hearing him talk.
“Nothing. I was just thinking,” you said, leaning your head back, his arm comfortable and warm as you looked up at the ceiling, trying to avoid his gaze for a few seconds.
His fingers didn’t stop. The gentle caress, a small reassurance that he was in fact here and this wasn’t your imagination, made it harder to stay where you sat instead of curling into his side like you wanted.
“Thinking about what?”
Letting out a breathless scoff, you tilted your head towards him. Changkyun was a sight to see and you knew that if this was the only time you got to spend with him in person, you were never going to forget this moment.
Your smile softened. “That you’re actually here, after all these months of texts and video calls. You actually came here, and you’re real.”
“Did you think I was a robot or something?” Changkyun teased, but his fingers stopped moving, and that lock of hair fell back into his eyes again.
“Well, you did accidentally call me instead of Jooheon and last time I checked, we look nothing alike.” There was no thinking as you reached up and mimicked his movements to push that damn lock back, feeling how soft his hair was. It brought you a little bit closer to him and in that second, the world suddenly felt like it was no longer moving when you glanced down at his lips. Those pink lips that you wondered and dreamt about night after night, too curious for your own good on what it would be like to kiss him. Now was your chance to find out, especially when he didn’t lean back and appeared to be getting closer.
“Cookies?” You suddenly asked, leaning back to see his eyebrows start to pull together in confusion. Heart racing, you set your wine glass on the coffee table and walked around the couch to step into the kitchen. With only your back to him, you quietly let out a shaky breath. “I know I have some for us to munch on…”
Opening up a cabinet, you stretched on to your toes to search for the package of cookies that you knew were in there, mentally slapping yourself at having done that. He hadn’t backed away, hadn’t tried to stop you, in fact, if you allowed yourself to believe it, you would have recalled that he had started to lean in when you randomly brought up cookies. As much as you wanted to, the last thing you wanted was to lose your friendship.
You were pushing aside a box of crackers when his hand captured your wrist, halting your search. It felt like your heart was about to leap out of its cage when his fingers gently wrapped around your hand, and when his palm settled on a hip, it was equally as comforting as it lit a spark inside you. There was nothing you wanted to do more than to melt into his embrace.
“Sweetheart, do you really think I’m here to just hang out?” He asked, his voice low as he spoke into your ear, his body stepping closer to yours.
“You’re…you’re not?” You weakly asked, nervous because you didn’t want this all to be a joke.
The idea of this being a one night only thing thanks to the holiday left an ache in your bones. You wanted more nights like this with him, wanted to hear him call out your name with that gentle smile of his over and over again. Dammit, you wanted to wake up and have the blankets be stifling hot but not care as you crawled over to his side of the bed, searching for morning cuddles because fuck the person who decided that the workday would start at eight in the morning. The only person you wanted to spend this quarantine with, to be able to touch, to be worried and even scared about all this with, was Changkyun.
Changkyun’s breath hit the back of your neck as he softly chuckled, sending a shiver down your spine. “God, I thought I was being obvious. Let me try this differently.”
Still holding on to your wrist, he turned you around and once you were facing him, let go of your hand to step closer until your back was against the counter. With each breath your chest brushed against his, and when he pushed the hair that had fallen in your face behind your ear, fingers brushing against your cheek, you almost forgot to breathe.
“I know you’ve always had a pretty crappy Valentine’s day,” Changkyun softly spoke. His gaze was steady with yours, and even though he was being serious, there was a softness to his features that had the corner of his mouth curling upwards. “And I thought that the best way to keep that from repeating this year, would be if you spent it with someone, who loves you.”
Who loves…oh.
It suddenly all made sense. Why he didn’t want to say what he was doing to celebrate, him calling you pretty, the food and flowers, the coaxing touches, he could have rented a billboard and put up a neon flashing sign and you probably still would have been blind.
“Changkyun,” you whispered, reaching up to cup his cheek.
He softly smiled as he closed the remaining space between you to rest his forehead against yours, his palms sliding along your body until he had you wrapped in a hug. “There you go, now you get it.”
Giggling, you rolled your eyes out of habit. It was like him to be a smart ass during a moment like this. With that being said, the butterflies fluttered their way up to your heart, and all the daydreams that you entertained and thought nothing would come of them, now had the possibility of becoming reality.
“I love you too,” you said, running your thumb along his cheek as you watched his smile widen.
There was no hesitation, or smart ass comments this time. Instead, when his lips met yours in a kiss, your heart stopped racing. The butterflies finally calmed down and the world around you went out of focus as your fingers slid through his hair. His lips were soft, and thanks to the red wine, there was a lingering tangy sweetness that reminded you of raspberries. You found yourself becoming addicted to his taste, the kisses melting together until you lost track of how long the two of you stood there, content with doing nothing but being wrapped up in each other’s embrace.
A clock chimed out in the apartment, breaking the kiss which only served to make you pout at the loss of his lips. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Changkyun, who smirked before leaning down to give one more kiss, which quickly turned into two, then three.
“Don’t you have work in the morning?” He murmured, resting his forehead once more against yours.
“You trying to kiss and dash?”
His fingers gently pressed into your sides and you squirmed at his touch, giggling at his antics. However, he leaned his head back and sighed. “Like hell I’d do that. But you usually wake up earlier for work, and trust me, I’ll end up keeping you awake if I stay the night.”
There was no doubt about that, and to be truthful, you’d have no issue if that was the case. He was right, but as ideas turned in your mind, you shrugged. “You can’t go out driving though,” you said softly. “You were drinking.”
Changkyun frowned, head tilting as he removed a hand from your back to run through his hair. “Not even a whole glass.”
You raised an eyebrow. It took him having to say he loved you for you to understand how he felt about you despite his dine and wine attempt, and here he was, completely missing what you were suggesting. Either you were absolutely perfect for each other, or equally dense.
“Well, we also broke quarantine,” you said slowly, slipping a finger through his belt loop at the same time to bring him closer. “Isn’t the recommendation to stay at home for what, at least three days?”
He started to tilt his head, mouth opening to question what you were saying until he saw the smile growing on your face. Closing his eyes, he pressed his lips together before looking back at you.
“That was horrible,” Changkyun said. He slipped his arms back around you, pulling you away from the counter. His grin said otherwise. “At least I tried being romantic.”
“Well, I mean, if you really want to go back to your place by yourself…”
He didn’t let you say another word, his lips reclaiming yours again, because there was absolutely nothing that felt better than kissing you after months of dreaming what it would be like.
“Don’t go,” you softly murmured against his lips. “Not when you just got here.”
Maybe it was selfish. But you didn’t want to be alone again. Not when he had gone through so much trouble to make this night special, not when you finally knew that he felt the same way about you. After almost a year of staying inside the apartment whenever you could, of going without hugs or get togethers, being able to touch and kiss Changkyun felt like you were relearning what those were all over again. All you wanted was a few days with him.
Changkyun hummed, his arms tightening around you. “Sweetheart, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,” he said, gazing down at you as if he had considered the same thing.
The clock that had rang out to announce the hour of a new day and that Valentine’s day was over, continued to quietly tick in the other room. The Earth continued to spin, and outside, the world was exactly how it had been this morning, full of fear, what ifs, and the unknown of a pandemic that didn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon.
But inside that small apartment, wrapped in Changkyun’s arms, giggles and laughter filled the walls when he pulled you to the middle of the kitchen and spun you around for a late-night dance. It might not be the thing that changes the world, but for the first time, in a long time, hope began to blossom alongside the butterflies in your stomach. The memories of past Valentine’s days melted away at his kiss, until only the memory of him at your door remained.
Even when it hadn’t felt like it, love and hope had always been there. And now it was here promising lovelier days to come.
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onlydreamofmysoul · 3 years
Text
Cardigan (Wolfstar)
I sat down to write a teeny drabble with two lines from the song Cardigan by Taylor Swift. It quickly spiralled into this. (I really love it though).
Set in the cannon universe, cw for mentions of death, injuries and scars. (Nothing graphic though).
I knew you, dancing in your Levi’s drunk under a streetlight. 
“Shh! Pads. you’re gonna get us caught!” Remus half-whispered, his own voice a tad too loud for his own liking but his slightly tipsy state didn’t allow for a lower volume. Sirius spun into him smushing his fingers right up against Remus’ lips, both of them chest to chest under James’ cloak. It was hard to believe the four of them mused to fit under this - now it only just about covered Remus and Sirius even with Remus ducking down to Sirius’ height. 
“Come on Moony, you’re ‘Perfect Mister Prefect’,” He said, punctuating each word of the grand title with his index finger poking into Remus; chest. “Even if we do get caught, you can charm our way out of it.”
Remus rolled his eyes, but followed. The passage was dim and the ground was uneven and to be perfectly honest, they hadn’t yet discovered if this particular passage way had been caved in since they last explored it the previous year, but Sirius seemed sure of himself and that was enough for Remus. If Sirius was the one leading, he’d always follow. 
“Alright, but I’m late on a transfiguration essay, so if Minnie catches us, you’re on your own. I need to save my charm for that.” He said, his tone stern, but all his reserve melted when Sirius smiled up at him and pressed a victorious kiss to his cheek. 
“I take back your title.” Sirius said dramatically, looking at Remus with a smug righteousness. “Apparently ‘Perfect Mister Prefect’ isn’t so perfect after all.”
He pressed his mouth right up next to Remus’ ear just as they stepped out the little secret entrance, ducking under the ivy trellis that hid their little passageway. “It’s a good thing I like bad boys.” Sirius breathed, and Remus couldn’t wait any more, not caring whether the cloak revealed their ankles or not when he pulled Sirius in for a blazing kiss. 
“I love you, you know that, right?”
Sirius smirked and kissed him again. “That seems to be the general consensus.”
Remus laughed and took off walking again, tugging the cloak off as soon as they were far enough away from the school, catching hands and spinning under the soft glow of the lamplights illuminating the path to Hogsmeade. Sirius tilted his head back, still spinning, their hands acting as the axis that centred the entire universe. 
“I love you too.”
I knew you, hands under my sweatshirt, baby kiss it better. 
“Sirius, if you don’t start being more careful, I’m gonna-”
“What?” Sirius teased, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively, looking far too haughty for a man sitting on a countertop, his legs dangling in the air. “What’re you gonna do Re? You gonna punish me?”
Remus pursed his lips to try hide his smile, but gave in, kissing Sirius once briefly.
“No,” He said, pulling up Sirius’ jumper to get a proper look at the gash he had acquired after climbing a tree. Then subsequently falling out of said tree. “But I will send you to Madam Pomfrey and have you try to explain to her that you thought you’d be able to pull off a levitation charm if there was a ‘more extreme sense of urgency’.” He finished, mocking Sirius’ words from earlier. 
Sirius just scrunched up his face playfully in retaliation, before breathing in shakily as Remus coated the cut with a liberal amount of salve, watching in fascination as the skin knitted back together.
“There.” He said, straightening up to stand between Sirius’ legs, pulling down his jumper again. “Good as new.”
“Nah ah.” Sirius countered, shaking his head as his legs locked behind Remus’ back, binding them together. “Gotta kiss it better.”
Remus wet his lips, shaking his head in fond disbelief, but leaned in willingly, feeling the hot slide of Sirius’ mouth against his own cooler one. 
“All better?” Remus asked, panting slightly as they rested their foreheads together. 
Sirius shrugged, hooking his arm more firmly around Remus’ neck. “Close, but not quite better yet.”
Remus huffed a laugh through his nose, but gladly locked their lips together again, the pair fully intertwined as if they had been made for each other. 
(And maybe they had. For what else was the moon to do but love the stars?)
And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favourite. 
“Sirius?” Re said softly, pushing the door to their dorm open slowly. “Are you here?”
“Yeah,” Came a muffled reply. “I’m here.”
Remus stepped into the room, looking first to Sirius’ bed to find it empty. Remus frowned, looking around to find Sirius curled up on Remus’ own bed, his favourite cardigan folded gently around him.
“Hi sweetheart,” Remus said, voice hushed as he climbed onto the bed next to the other boy, noting the red stained eyes and puffed lips. “What do you need?”
At the words, anything that seemed to be holding Sirius together until that point shattered, the raven haired boy collapsing into Sirius’ arms. 
“Re,” He gasped, between his sobs as Remus just pulled him closer. “Why is it possible to love someone who hates you? Isn’t love supposed to be good? If it’s so great, then why the fuck does it hurt so much?”
Remus’ heart clenched. Regulus. 
“I don’t know sweetheart,” He murmured, holding Sirius close. “But it makes us who we are.” He cupped Sirius’ face so he could meet the raging stormy eyes. “It’s better to have loved and have lost than to never have loved at all.”
Sirius just blinked at him. 
“But for the record,” Remus said, touching their heads together. “I don’t think you’ve lost him. He’s just lost right now. But he’ll find his way back to you.”
Sirius nodded, and slumped against Remus’ chest, no longer crying, just breathing deeply. 
“You know Remus Lupin,” He whispered after a while. “I don’t care how long it takes, but I’m gonna marry you someday.”
To kiss in cars, and downtown bars, was all we needed.
“Oh Merlin, they’re snogging again.” Peter commented as he turned his head to spot James and Lily, leaning in for a kiss. Remus, currently with his tongue in Sirius’ mouth heard this, but let Peter discover the other couple in his own time.
“Christ, the pair of you are too. You’re all fuckin at it.” He grumbled. If Remus’ mouth wasn’t already a little preoccupied, he would have laughed. There it was.
“Right, I’m off to find humans capable of holding decent conversation.” Peter muttered and he might have left. He could have stayed and done a jig on the table for all Remus cared, but in this moment, he noticed none of it. What was the poem he had read somewhere? Stars and moths and rinds slanting around fruit. This moment.
You drew stars around my scars and now I’m bleeding. 
“Hey, look at this.” Sirius said somewhat excitedly, rolling away from Remus momentarily and returning with a quill and a jar of ink. 
Remus eyed him skeptically, his arm tucked under his head as they lounged on his bed, the curtains drawn to create the illusion of their own little oasis. 
“I bet I could draw stars on your chest and then your scars could connect them, like in astronomy.”
Remus bit his lip, looking at Sirius’ appraised expression. “I feel like I should say no,” He said slowly, even as he unscrewed the ink. “But go for it.”
Sirius grinned triumphantly and studied Remus for a minute, brushing the quill over his lips as he concentrated. Remus couldn’t help but muse that if Sirius put half as much effort into his schoolwork as he was doing here, he would be top of the class. Finally, Sirius ditched the quill, dipping a finger into the ink directly. 
“I don’t want the point of the quill to scratch you.” He explained, after noticing Remus’ raised eyebrow. Something warmed inside Remus’ chest while something cold trickled over the outside. Remus closed his eyes and let himself focus on the slightly ticklish, but mostly soothing sensation of Sirius tracing patterns over his skin. 
“Done.” Sirius muttered after a while and Remus opened his eyes, raising his head a little to peer down at himself. He looked like some abstract piece of art, covered in black and blue and red and green, scars shining silver between it all. 
“Woah,” He breathed, “That’s pretty cool.”
Sirius grinned, then pointed to a star just over Remus; appendix. “That’s Sirius right there.”
Remus hummed, pursing his lips together, then grabbed a jar of ink, tracing a star a little messily, right over his heart. 
“Nah,” He countered, “Sirius is there.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, but came up to press their lips together. In the morning, they both looked like works of art.
But I knew you, stepping on the last train, marked me like a blood stain. 
“I can’t believe this is the last time we’ll be taking this train.” James said, the four of them standing in a row on the platform, not yet ready to get on. 
“We’ll be back.” Remus said. “Someday, we’ll be back.”
Sirius linked their fingers together. As one, the marauders stepped onto the train. 
Mischief Managed.
I knew you, tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy.
Remus just stared at the auror. 
“Mr Lupin,” The man said gently, playing his hand tenderly on Remus’ arm. Remus didn’t know what his name was. It was probable the man had said it but Remus wasn’t listening. Everything had gone dark. “I realise this must come as a shock.”
Remus wrenched his arm back, shaking his head. “A shock?” He laughed a little manically. “No, you’re wrong.”
“Mr Lupin, we have evidence that Sirius Black was the one to-”
“Well you’re wrong!” Remus yelled. Or maybe he had whispered. It was possible he hadn’t even spoken at all, but the words swirled around and around in his head. “I don’t know how, but you’re wrong. You’re wrong, this isn’t right, you have it all wrong, he would never-”
Remus gasped, pressing a hand to his cracking heart as if it would hold him together. “He would never.” He repeated, his voice breaking, tears streaming down his cheeks. When they had gotten there, he didn’t know, but their presence was suddenly noticeable with the cold rush against Remus’ skin. 
“I’m so sorry.” The auror said and then he was gone. And Remus was alone. 
Had it always been this way? Remus alone. Remus with friends. Remus with Sirius. Remus alone. 
Maybe he had made the entire thing up. 
But dreams didn’t leave you feeling like the last kiss you’d ever had was from a  dementor, not your true love. 
It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. He had said that to Sirius once. 
What a fool he had been. 
I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water, when you are young they assume you know nothing. 
“It is believed this was a plan Mr Black had been staging for quite some time now.” A newspaper read. Remus snorted and threw it in the fire. Sirius couldn’t even plan a week in advance. What they fuck did these people know. 
But then, what did Remus know? His love was long lost, Rapunzel in a tower. Remus was no knight. 
But he knew in his heart, none of this was true. He knew. He didn't care what anyone else said, they may have known his thoughts, but Remus knew his heart. 
But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss. 
Sirius’ leather jacket still hung in the cupboard under the stairs. His hair potion, still in the shower. Remus couldn’t bear to see them. He could never throw them away. 
I knew you’d haunt all of my what if’s.
Remus should have fought harder for Harry. 
He should have, he should have, he should have, he should have. 
He should have known better.
What if.
A smirking smile and stormy eyes. Hair held up with a wand. Those same dark strands coiled around Remus’ fingers. 
The smell of smoke would hang around this long. Cause I knew everything when I was young. 
Remus woke up to James’ scream. Except it couldn’t be James. Unless… Had this all been a dream?
James opened his eyes and suddenly there was Lily. Lily and James and they didn’t know who Remus was. 
(Remus had been the first one to hold baby Harry. Before even Sirius. And now he didn’t even know him)
I knew I’d curse you for the longest time. 
Remus hated Sirius. Not for being the notorious mass murderer Sirius Black. But for leaving him alone.
Why is it possible to love someone who hates you? Remus wanted to laugh. His question to Sirius now would be this; Why couldn’t he stop loving someone he should hate.
Chasing shadows in the grocery line.
The students all murmured about the Grimm. The paintings gossiped about little else. Even the staff room had a few words on the subject matter. Remus tried not to let his heart flutter. 
(But his boy was free. And there was a grim on the loose).
I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired.
Walking down to Hagrid's hut, Remus thought he saw something rustle in the bushes. He stepped off the path and looked closer, barely even breathing as his heart thundered, but the shadows that had lurked were gone. 
And you’d be standing in my front porch light.
“Lie low at Lupins.”
For the first time in twelve years, amber met grey. 
“Re,” Sirius croaked, and Remus shattered. He pulled Sirius inside the door quickly, shutting it and reinforcing all of the charms around his little cottage, drawing all the blinds shut and placing a charm around the area so he would know if anyone approached the house before he finally turned, and there he was. 
And I knew you’d come back to me.
Not Mass Murderer Sirius Black. 
Not even Padfoot. 
But Sirius. Remus’ Sirius. 
“Re,” Sirius said again, “It’s not true, it’s not true.” He said, repeating the words as he shook his head, eyes filling. “It’s not true, I would never.”
He would never.
Remus shook his head too, pulling Sirius into the tightest hug they ever might have shared. 
“I know.” He whispered. “I know.”
You’d come back to me.
Sirius after a few weeks of good food and warmth looked a lot more like the boy Remus had once known, but there was no denying the person with his was now a man. Remus supposed they both were. 
You’d come back.
“I love you.” Sirius whispered one night as they were curled under a blanket, Remus reading as Sirius lay on his chest, the position comforting and oh so familiar. 
“Do you think you could ever love me again?”
Remus’ heart cracked as he set down his book and curled his fingers gently around Sirius’ jaw, tilting his head so Remus could look into that swirling sea. 
“Love you again?” He said, his voice nearly cracking in disbelief. “Pads, how could I love you again when I never stopped?”
And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favourite. 
“I can’t believe you still have this.” Sirius whispered, pulling the same cardigan he always stole out of the back of Remus’ drawer. 
“It used to smell like you.” Remus admitted. “But I wore it too much, I missed you too much.”
Sirius smiled, shrugging it on, it curling around his shoulders the way he curled into Remus, tilting his head up and pressing his lips against Remus’. 
“I can fix that.” He whispered and Remus held him close, taking his time. 
(For what else was the moon to do but love the stars?)
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Text
Small (A Halstead brothers + Halstead sister imagine)
Grab your snacks because this is a long one.
Warning: graphic depictions of violence.
Being short and able to fit into small spaces had its perks...but you didn't think it would come in handy in such a dire situation as this. Your mind wandered back to who knows how many hours ago, reminding you of how you got in the situation and what the current situation entailed. Needless to say, you were currently in hell.
***
"Sev? What are you doing here?" you asked as you opened the front door to reveal Kelly Severide holding a six-pack of beer.
"Heard your brother just worked a really tough case. He here?" Kelly asked.
"He's in the shower. Voight gave him the day off after the case yesterday. But, c'mon in."
You stepped out of the way and allowed Kelly to enter, and closed the door. You went back over to the kitchen where you were pouring yourself a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. After all, it was only nine in the morning.
"Want anything?" you asked Kelly.
"I'm good, thanks. But if you could put these in the fridge that'd be great."
"Only if I can have one," you joked, grabbing the beer and putting it on a shelf in the fridge.
"If your brother wasn't here, I probably would let you."
"Kelly?" Jay asked walking out of the bathroom in a pair of jeans, still without a shirt on as it was in his hand.
"My eyes!" you yelled, quickly covering them with your hand.
"Do you ever leave the bathroom with a shirt on? Or do you just put it on once you're out?" Kelly laughed.
"It's my house. I can do what I want."
"Well, put the damn shirt on. You're scarring the poor kid."
"Fine, fine, okay." He slipped the shirt over his head. "You're good now."
You uncovered your eyes and took a sip of your coffee. You were about to swallow when Jay decided it wasn't too early to mess with you. "Not like she hasn't seen dudes shirtless before. She really wants to see that one kid from her political science class shirtless."
"Excuse you?" you exclaimed after you had spit your coffee back into your mug, causing Kelly to look at you with a disgusted look on his face. "I do not!"
"You're not exactly quiet when you talk on the phone with Emma, Y/N," Jay smirked.
"You see this, Kelly? This is the shit I have to put up with every day."
Kelly decided to smack Jay upside the head. "Ow! What the hell was that for?"
"Be nice to your sister!" Kelly laughed. "Or else I'll tell her that I caught you and Hailey making out in your truck on my way out of Molly's the other night!"
"I knew it! I knew you guys were in love with each other! Kelly, I need you to put that statement in writing because Will now owes me fifty bucks."
"Wait, you guys made bets on my love life?" Jay asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee.
"So, he is in love with her!" Kelly yelled, giving you a high five.
"Okay, enough about me," Jay started, effectively putting an end to that conversation. "What are you even doing here?" he asked, turning to Kelly.
"I heard about your case last night and I figured you could use some company. I brought beer."
"Great. Once I finish my coffee, we can break into that. You catch the Bears game the other day?"
And, now that they were talking about the glorified game of catch that was football, you took that as your cue to leave.
***
A reminder popped up on your phone at 11 am sharp. Tell Jay that low oil light came on in car it read.
You walked out into the living room only to hear Kelly say, "I'm tellin' you man, girls love that shit."
You assumed that shit was some sex thing...so you didn't want to know in the slightest. You cleared your throat, and Jay turned to you with wide-eyes.
"Uh, Y/N, how much of that did you happen to hear?"
"All I heard was him saying girls love that shit. Thank God I didn't hear more. But, my low oil light came on, so can change it?"
"The light or the oil?" Jay asked, taking another sip of his beer.
You squinted your eyes at him. "The oil. I'm stupid when it comes to cars, but I'm not that stupid."
"I'll do it in an hour."
"I have a class at three."
Jay groaned. "Seriously? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"Because it just came on yesterday?" Jay raised an eyebrow. "Okay, fine it came on three days ago. But in my defense, you haven't been home during the day and it's hard to change the oil in the dark."
"I can do it in the dark," Kelly pointed out.
"I can do it in the dark," Jay mocked. "Of course you can, because you're a firefighter. I don't suppose you know how to fire a sniper do you?"
"Dude, I'm a firefighter, not a cop!"
"Listen, I don't care who changes it faster or who can do it in the dark. Jay, just please change my oil."
"Uh, fine," Jay groaned, standing up from the couch.
"No, I can do it," Kelly offered.
"You sure?" Jay asked.
"As long as you buy me lunch."
"I knew there was a catch. But, sure. Me and Y/N will go pick up lunch and we'll bring some to Will too and we'll be back before she has to leave for her class at three." He turned to you. "Sound good?"
"When have I ever passed up the opportunity for free food?"
"Never?" Jay guessed.
"Exactly," you answered, grabbing your car keys off the hook and tossing them to Kelly.
If you knew what was about to happen, you would have definitely stayed home.
***
"So, care to elaborate on you and Hailey?" you asked Jay as you were on your way to Chicago Med to drop off some food from Mama Garcia's to Will.
"If you give me that fifty bucks Will's gonna pay you, then I might just enlighten you."
"Nah, I'll just have Kelly tell me everything he knows instead. Or I can ask Ruzek--"
You were cut off by the sound of sirens behind you. "What the hell? I wasn't even speeding," Jay muttered.
"For once in your life," you shot back.
"Shut it."
Jay rolled the truck to a stop and you shot a look behind you. No one had gotten out of the car yet.
"They're probably just running my plates," Jay answered, seeing as you looked confused. "Some cops are weird and run 'em before they get out of the car. I made the mistake of doing that once when I was a rookie and the suspect fled."
"Oooh, did you get in trouble? I hope you got yelled at!"
Jay looked behind him at the cops who stepped out of the car. At first, he thought they might have been plain-clothed officers, but why would plain-clothed officers be driving a squad car? Then, he looked closer and it was as if he was transported back to four years ago.
"Y/N--"
"I was kidding, I don't care if you got yelled at or--"
"Y/N!" Jay yelled. "I need you to get down now, and call 911. Tell them my name and tell them to ping your phone."
"Jay, what's going on?" You slid off your seat and curled up into a ball on the floor, pulling out your phone.
"Just do it, dammit!"
Jay reached for his gun that he kept hidden in the glove compartment as your fingers flew across your phone.
You heard the tell-tale sound of a window being broken and looked up the see Jay covering his face, gun still in hand. Jay tried to push open the door, but before he could, the door was ripped open and he was dragged out of the car. "Detective Halstead. So, we meet again," you heard a deep voice say.
"Hello, 911 what's your emergency?"
"Detective Jay Halstead, intelligence. Ping this phone," was all you could manage to get out.
"You hear that?" another voice asked. "Sounded like a girl and it came from his truck."
"I'm alone!" Jay yelled. "I just came to pick up some food is all!" he protested. In a normal situation, he would've tried to fight back. But, this wasn't a normal situation. He needed them to take him wherever it was they wanted him and he needed them to do it fast so that they didn't find you.
"I don't know about that, Detective. Where's the fire from the last time I saw you? You never go down without a fight. Are you protecting someone, is that it?" He paused and nodded to his associate. "Check his car."
"You son of a-- Ahhhhh!" Jay writhed as a taser struck his stomach.
"Jay!" You jumped up at the sound of your brother's cries of pain. He never showed weakness, so this was bad.
"Take her!" the man who was holding Jay yelled.
You jumped out of the car and started running, but they were too fast and caught up to you within five steps.
"Let me go! Let me go!" you yelled as you struggled and kicked your legs out as you were picked up off the ground.
You saw Jay trying to fight his captor as well, but it was no use because as soon as he got tased again and showed weakness for a second time, they tied his hands behind his back. "Y/N, stop fighting," Jay gritted out. "It'll-- only get-- worse."
"Let go of me you fucking asshole!" you yelled, swinging your arms, hoping that you got him in the nose.
"Derek, I think this bitch needs a little lesson in obedience," the one who was holding you said.
"I'll do that in a second." He pulled out a syringe.
"Don't!" you yelled as you watched what he was doing. But it was too late, the syringe full of sedatives had already been plunged into your older brother's shoulder, ending all your hopes of escape.
"Now for you," he walked over, twirling a knife in his hands. He handed it to his associate, who held it against your throat.
"You scream or move, you die."
***
Jay woke up to a pain in his shoulder. All he could think was Not again. Not fucking Derek Keyes again.
But then, he heard your screams of pain coming from the other room and that immediately snapped him out of his groggy state. He had to get out of here. He could be tortured like an animal, after all, he'd already been through it once, but there was no way in hell he was going to sit back and allow it to happen to you.
He tugged on the ropes securing him to the pipe and tried to jam his shoulder into it to make it loose. It moved slightly and he knew that if he had time, he could get out of it.
You would no longer laugh at the story of Jay going through taser certification or laugh at how much he bitched about having to be recertified each year. Because God, taking a taser to the stomach hurt like hell. And, what made it even worse was that you were chained to the ceiling, so because of your short stature, you couldn't even put a toe on the ground. So now, when you were tased or hit, despite trying to double over, you would just swing back and forth, like a tormented and tortured rag doll.
"J-Jay!" you yelled as you were tased in the stomach and swung back once more.
"He won't put himself through this again, sweetheart. After all, he knows what's it's like. He'll just let you take one for the team this time."
"Liar," you gasped out.
"I have a better idea. How about we play a little game, just you and me." He fiddled with your bra strap that was falling down your left shoulder. They had ripped your shirt off before they had begun tasing you. You were just thankful they had let you keep your jeans on. "Don't you want to know what the game is?"
"No--" you were cut off by being tased in the shoulder, causing you to scream out.
"Not the answer I was looking for. Let's try this again, shall we? Do you want to know what the game is?"
"Y-Yes."
"See now that wasn't so hard." Keyes put his hands on your shoulders to stop you from swinging. "The game is simple. I give you a choice between two clothing items. You choose the one you want to take off and then...well, you'll see what happens from there. Now, here's your choice: bra or jeans?"
"Wh-what?" you stuttered.
"Did I stutter, bitch? Make your decision, bra or jeans?"
"Jeans," you gasped. At least you had underwear underneath. And, if he took off your bra and tased you there, well, you did not want to know how that felt.
He pulled out a knife and you instinctively tried to sway back away from him. Keyes chuckled. "Don't worry. This won't come near your face...yet."
Then, you heard the ripping of denim as your jeans were quite literally cut off of your body.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you the rest of the game," Keyes smirked. "Wherever I take clothes of off, you take a taser hit to." Without even giving you time to process what he had said, he stuck the taser into your left leg, causing a burning and writhing sensation to go up your entire body.
"Mercy! Mercy!" you yelled out. Honestly, at this point, you wished you would just pass out.
"One last choice," Keyes started, twirling the knife between his fingers. "I can continue having all my fun with you or I can get your brother and--"
"Jay. Take Jay," you gritted your teeth and said without thinking of the repercussions of your actions.
"What you want, you get."
Keyes unchained your hands and you all but fell into his arms to avoid falling on the cold, hard concrete. He tugged your arm, pulling you up and you could've sworn if he pulled any harder, that your shoulder would have popped out of its socket. He then dragged you over to a large steel door, put in a code, and pushed it open, causing it to scrape against the floor.
That's when you heard him. Jay.
"Let her go you fucking animals!"
"Oh, we're letting her go alright," Keyes chuckled sinisterly as he got closer and closer to the light of the small flickering lightbulb that was hanging from the ceiling, giving the space you and Jay were currently being held an eerie glow. "But the deal was her for you."
***
You didn't know how much time had passed. You tried to keep your mind off of Jay's screams from the torture chamber by translating all your thoughts into Spanish. That only helped for the first few though, because they all had to do with pain.
Me duele. Me duele. Me duele.
I hurt. I hurt. I hurt.
Pain. Pain. Pain.
You were currently tied to a pole about six inches away from the rectangular-looking pipe that Jay had been tied to before Keyes took him. Everything Jay had taught you about survival had gone out the window. Not that you thought it mattered. All he had taught you to really do was how to break zip ties if your wrists and ankles were zip-tied together and if you needed to hit someone, hit their nose with the heel of your hand and then run as fast as possible while their vision was blurry.
Your shoulders ached from holding your weight for so long and the bleeding on your stomach had slowed to a trickle after all those taser hits. Your thigh was still numb from the worst taser hit of them all, but you were slowly regaining feeling in it.
You heard moaning coming from the left of you and turned your head to see a shirtless Jay being dragged back over to you. His face was already bruising and there was blood dripping down his torso. As he got closer, you couldn't even bear to look at him. You were the one who caused this. You were the one who made him go through all this pain. If you would've just taken what Keyes was giving you, Jay wouldn't be hurting as much--if not more--than you were.
They tied Jay to the pipe once more and then Keyes crouched down to your height. You resisted the urge to spit in his face. "I hope he forgives you." He began to caress your face, causing you to grit your teeth to keep from crying out, in fear or disgust, you weren't sure which. "Because I sure as hell wouldn't, sweetheart."
"Get your-- hands-- off her," Jay heavily panted next to you.
"Nobody asked you!" The echo of the slap Jay had just received from Keyes could be heard throughout the entire basement, causing you to flinch backward, hitting your head on the pole.
"Ah, fuck," you muttered through gritted teeth.
"Now, I'm gonna go make a few phone calls, eat some food, maybe have some friends over." At the mention of friends, your eyes widened, hoping that didn't mean what you thought it did. "Oh, don't worry, sweetheart. It's not what you think...yet."
Then, he left and you scooted around the pole so you could be closer to your brother. "I'm a monster," you whispered.
"What?" Jay turned his head to look at you, trying to maneuver his shoulders under the pipe to loosen it once more.
"He said you or me, that I had to choose and I told him to take you. I'm sorry. I should've just let him--"
"No, what you did was the right thing. I'll be fine. I was worried about you the whole time you were in there." Only then did he get a good look at you and saw that you were only in your bra and underwear. "Oh, God. He didn't-- I can't forgive myself if he--"
"Jay, he didn't do that." You shivered, despite being covered in a layer of nervous sweat.
And, Jay being a detective and all, didn't miss that. "Can you move any closer to me?"
You tugged on the rope, using whatever slack it had left in it to slowly drag yourself closer to Jay. Somehow, you got yourself close enough to Jay that you were leaning against him. You felt the warmth of his chest and remembered when Jay had told the doctor one time that his temperature always ran a little high, that that was normal for him. And God, right now you were really thankfully for those extra point three degrees he had on you.
"You're warm," you mumbled.
"You're getting blood in your hair."
"But it's warm." You closed your eyes.
"No, no, no, no, no." Jay moved his shoulder, making your head move up and down.
"Stop it. Trying to take a nap before he comes back."
"No, no we are not doing that. You do not close your eyes on me, Y/N Halstead. Do you understand me?"
You blinked and opened your eyes. "Fine. But everything hurts."
"I know. I know it does, kid. But we're gonna get out of here, okay?" Jay craned his neck to look above him. Then, he looked you up and down. "Think you could fit through that air vent?"
***
"You've reached Jay. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. At the tone please record your message, when you have finished recording--"
"Dammit, Halstead. It's been two hours!" Severide grumbled to himself as he sat on the couch in your house. Then, he scrolled through the phone to find your contact.
He waited for a few rings. "Hey, it's Y/N. I can't come to the phone right now. But pro tip, send me a text and maybe I'll answer that. Bye! At the tone please record your--"
He slammed his finger down on the end call button and went to call the third Halstead in a row, Will.
"Kelly?" Will asked as he answered his phone in the doctor's lounge. "Not to sound rude or anything, but why are you calling me?"
"Have you seen Jay or Y/N?"
"Can't say I have, why?"
"They went out to grab lunch and said they'd drop some off to you and it's been two hours. I don't know, maybe something happened to them."
"Yeah, I'll call Voight. Maybe Jay got called in and Y/N's just at the district. I'll let you know what I find out."
"Thanks, man."
Will ended the call and scrolled through his contacts until he found Hank Voight's phone number.
"Voight," the gravely-voiced sergeant answered.
"Hank, it's Will Halstead. Any chance you've seen my brother or sister lately?"
"No. I gave Halstead the day off and I haven't seen Y/N. Why? Is everything alright?"
"It's just that Kelly Severide just called me and he said that Jay and Y/N were out grabbing food and it's been two hours and neither of them is answering their phones."
"Okay, I'll look into it and get back to you. Don't worry about it. They probably just have no service because of a downed line."
"Yeah," Will agreed, trying to be optimistic. "Thanks."
"No problem, doc."
Voight ended the call and walked out of his office and into the bullpen. It was a slow day in Intelligence and hell, Ruzek hadn't even shown up yet.
"Is Ruzek gonna show up or is he playing hookey today?" Voight asked, annoyed.
"I think he's just hungover," Kevin answered. "If we got a case though, I'll pick him up on the way there and wake his ass up."
"Hank." Voight turned to look at the stairs, seeing none other than Trudy Platt. "You all need to listen to this."
She pressed play on an iPad and your voice came through the speaker. "Detective Jay Halstead, intelligence. Ping this phone."
"That's Y/N's voice," Kevin said.
"Trudy, when was this call placed?" Voight asked.
"About an hour and a half ago."
"Okay. Atwater, go pick up Ruzek. Burgess, ping Y/N's phone. Upton, me and you are gonna go suit up and then go find Jay and Y/N's last known."
"Copy that," Hailey answered.
***
"No sign of them, Sarge," Hailey said as she walked around Jay's truck, which showed clear signs of forced entry.
"This is 5021 squad," Voight spoke into his radio, "I need you to roll the crime lab on our current location and notify all units, an officer and a civilian have been abducted."
"Should we call Will?" Hailey asked.
"No. Not until we get more information. We don't need him to know that both of his siblings have been kidnapped. Because, if he's anything like Jay, which there's a 99% chance he is, he'll do something reckless. And we can't have that, not with this case."
"Kim, do you have any pod footage from our location?" Hailey asked.
"I do, but it's not facing that way. Wait, I got something. It looks like there was a squad car...and Jay's truck is out of frame. Dammit!"
"Kim track that patrol car number, see if it was reported missing or stolen."
"Copy."
There was typing on Kim's end before she came back on the radio. "Patrol car was reported stolen from the police garage this morning. According to the GPS, it says it's at the bottom of the Chicago River."
"So, whoever did this ripped the GPS out. Great."
"Hank," Trudy's voice came over the radio.
"What do you have for me, Trudy?"
"You need to get back to the district. There's a package for you and it's got a DVD and a flip phone in it. Some kid dropped it off, said it was important that this be viewed by you and Intelligence."
***
"Anybody else getting deja vu from this? Or is it just me?" Adam asked as he popped the DVD into the computer as everyone else crowded around to get a view of the screen.
"If this is what I think it is, then it is not good," Voight agreed.
"Someone care to enlighten me?" Hailey asked.
"About four years ago, there was this dealer, Derek Keyes. We had a buy going down in Midway and he killed his own brother and took Jay. Sent us a DVD and a flip phone," Adam answered.
"We watched Jay get tortured like an animal," Kevin said.
"And then Keyes called," Adam continued. "He said he wanted all our CI files and to send a lone female officer. We made fake files and sent Erin Lindsay, but they didn't have him. So, Erin had to go back with them, and somehow, I have no idea how those two did it, but they fought off Keyes and his associates and got out of there alive."
"Let's get this over with," Voight said.
They all held their breath as the video booted up. When Adam did press play, they were met with you hanging from the ceiling and being tased. They could hear Jay's screams in the background telling them to let you go.
"J-Jay. Take Jay," you panted and were taken down and dragged out.
Then, the video switched to Jay being tased. Hailey thought she was going to be sick. They had her partner, the man she had finally shared her feelings with and she'd be damned if they took him away from her.
The phone rang and Voight flipped it open and put it on speaker. "Hello?"
"Sergeant Voight, so we meet again," Derek Keyes' voice came through the phone. "I wish it were under better circumstances."
"What do you want, Keyes? We both know how this goes."
"I know what you want," Keyes started, smirking on the other end of the call. "You want your detective and his precious little sister who just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I've gotta say, Jay is quite the martyr this time around. Not like his sister gave him much of a choice, but he did it willingly. Didn't even fight back when he got back in there, all he said was not to hurt her more than I already have."
"She's just a kid, Keyes!" Adam yelled. "Let her go!"
Adam was like another older brother to you, but he was the fun brother. He always said that if you went to a party and needed a place to crash after without telling your brothers, he was your guy. He was also the one who, whenever you had to be stuck at the district for whatever reason,  would sneak you a few dollars if you didn't have cash on you and you'd get Oreos from the vending machine.
"Oh, but that wouldn't be much fun for me now, would it?" Keyes chuckled.
"What do want?" Voight sneered.
"All of the drugs from the evidence locker. Meet me tonight at ten pm and you'll get your precious detective and his kid sister back. Send a lone, female officer. I'll send you the address."
Then, the line went dead.
"Okay, so we just go and check out all the drugs from evidence and throw them in a bag and do the meet. Simple," Adam stated.
"Are you out of your mind?" Voight asked, stepping closer to Adam. "Most of those drugs are laced, and there no way I am sending that much out onto the streets!"
"It's not just Jay this time! They have Y/N!"
"He's right, Sarge," Kevin backed up his best friend. "If it were just Jay, we might be able to get out of it without getting the drugs to Keyes. But, Y/N's got no way to defend herself in there, not with guys two times her size. You saw how she looked in that video and how she cried out for Jay. He'll do anything for her, Sarge. That's usually a good thing, but it might not be in this case."
They all knew what Kevin was getting at: If it was a choice between you or Jay dying, Jay would take the bullet in a heartbeat.
"Alright," Voight nodded. "I'll go sign out the drugs. Kim, get a wire on Hailey. Atwater and Ruzek, scope out the place and find the best spot to watch the drop."
***
"Jay, I swear to God if you break your damn shoulder--"
"I will not break my shoulder, Y/N." Jay gritted his teeth as he shoved his shoulder into the pipe.
"All I'm saying is that Will is gonna have to poke you with a needle if that happens."
"Listen, we're gonna get poked and prodded anyway." There was a soft clang as one end of the pipe came loose and popped off its bearings.
Jay quickly got his hands out of the rope and moved over to untie you.
"Oh, Thank God." Jay pulled the rope off your wrists, to see blood trickling down them.
"What the hell did you do?" Jay asked. His wrists weren't bloody, just raw, so he didn't know how yours had gotten that bad without you saying something.
"When they were hurting you, I just kept tugging on them. But it didn't work. They just got tighter."
"Yeah, because with the type of knot they tied you up with, the more you tug, the tighter it gets. Can you feel your leg yet?"
"How did you know it was numb?"
"I'm a detective. I notice things and you kept pinching your leg."
"It's better, I guess."
"Try and stand up, walk a few steps, and then we are getting out of here."
"How? You're gonna boost me up to that air vent where we have no idea where it ends and then I'm gonna go outside, pray that it's not snowing, and try and fight this guy off. Not to mention, I am literally just in my bra and underwear!"
"Listen, you probably won't have to go very far before someone who's concerned comes up to you and you ask to use their phone and you call Will, who will call Voight. If Will doesn't pick up, call 911. And, it's Chicago. People have seen weirder things than this."
You started walking around, making sure you could feel your leg. And you could feel it alright. You could feel it aching from your knee up to your hip, but you had to get out of here. You didn't know how much more of that you could take. And, you felt nauseous...but you couldn't tell Jay that or else he'd make you sit down and your escape plan would be dead in the water.
"Ready?" Jay asked.
"As I'll ever be," you answered, walking closer to him.
"You'll be okay, kid. We're gonna be okay."
You nodded, holding back tears, and then took a deep breath. Jay grunted in pain as he took your foot in his hand and boosted you up so that you could reach the open vent. Once you got your hands tightly wrapped around the entrance, Jay pushed so that your body was completely inside. You couldn't imagine the amount of pain he was in as he was having to irritate all of the wounds on his stomach and shoulders to get you up there.
You began your crawl through the dark and hoped that you didn't see a snake or a different type of reptile or rodent. Because, if you did and Keyes didn't kill Jay, you sure as hell would.
You crawled through the dark for what to you felt like hours, but in reality, it had only been three minutes, until you saw a speck of light ahead of you. You went as fast as your injured body would allow you to go, knowing that the outside world and freedom were getting closer and closer with every struggling step.
"Fuck," you muttered. You could see outside through the vent, but there was just one problem. You'd have to kick out the metal filter in order to jump outside.
You stifled a scream as you pulled your legs back, crunching them up to your chest which rubbed against the wounds on your stomach and kicked forward. You heard a creaking noise, taking that as a good sign, you kicked the filter seven more times with all the strength you had left and heard it hit the soft snow below.
You poked your head out, for once thankful that you were being held in a basement so that you were at ground level and wouldn't have to jump from four stories high.
But it was cold, oh so cold, and your lack of clothing didn't help matters.
Then, you heard Jay scream.
Hearing that kicked your adrenaline into high gear and you slipped out of the air vent and onto the ground, your feet making footprints in the snow. But, it was as if you couldn't even feel your feet on the verge of being frostbitten as you ran across the yard, further and further away from that place, closer and closer to safety.
But then, you came to a fence, which made your heart stop. You couldn't remember the last time you had climbed a fence! Yes, it paid to be small so you could fit in an air vent, but it did not help you the slightest bit when trying to jump a fence.
You gripped the metal and slid your foot into one of the rectangles, hauling yourself up as fast as you could.
But, you weren't fast enough.
You were ripped off the fence so fast that it made your head spin, the dizziness causing bile to rise in your throat.
"Let me go!" you yelled, kicking and screaming, hoping that your foot would make contact with any part of Derek Keyes' body that would cause him pain.
"Oh, where's the fun in that?"
"Please--" You couldn't finish your sentence before Keyes had slapped you across the face and then pressed a piece of duck tape on your mouth, effectively shutting you up.
"Much better. Now I can enjoy my peace and quiet."
You huffed and tried to scream through the duck tape, but it was no use. You tried to lick the duck tape like Jay had taught you, but you had been without water for so long that the tape wouldn't lose its stickiness no matter how hard or long you tried. Salty tears rolled down your face, wasting whatever water your probably dehydrated body had left.
You were once again dragged into the basement, meeting Jay, who was on the floor writhing in pain from the taser hit he had just received, chains on his wrists and ankles.
"Look who finally decided to turn back up, detective," Derek said, as he chained you to the pole. You knew that you'd probably need a tetanus shot from the rust getting into your cut-up wrists...if you ever go out of here that is.
"Op! Op!" you tried to yell stop through your duck tape, but that was the best you could do.
"Let her go, Keyes," Jay panted. "You want me, you have me. Now," he paused to take in some much-needed air, "just let her go."
"That was going to be the plan before I caught her trying to escape. I was going to take her and exchange her for the drugs and then maybe your people would find you in time. But, seeing as she is the escapee and you're just the accomplice, I think that she should get a longer prison sentence. That's how it works, isn't it detective?"
You whimpered, but Jay said nothing. A kick to his side made him remember who was in charge. "Yeah, yeah, that's how-- that's how it works."
"Precisely my point." He nodded at one of his associates who pulled out a syringe. Instinctively, Jay flinched. "Aw, is the big, bad detective afraid of a little needle?" Then, he plunged the needle into Jay's shoulder once more.
Jay tried to stay awake by focusing on you, silently telling you that it would be okay, but soon his eyes closed, the drugs taking over his system.
"Get him in the van, go do the deal," he told the guy who had just put sedatives in your brother's system. "As for you, sweetheart, it's time for another game."
***
"Hailey, van pulling up on your six," Ruzek said into his radio.
"Copy," Hailey answered. Seeing as she was unarmed, this needed to go smoothly. Not just for her, but for you and Jay.
As the van pulled up, Hailey's heart beat faster and faster. One slip up and she, Jay, and you would all easily be dead.
"Lone female officer," Keyes' associate said as he pulled up to Hailey. "Voight knows how to listen. You got what we asked for?"
"Sure do," Hailey answered, popping the trunk and pulling out the bag full of drugs. "All the drugs from 21st's evidence locker." She unzipped the bag, showing it to the men. "Now, give me my people, and then you can have 'em."
"That's not how this works. The drugs and then you get them back."
Hailey hesitated, but then she heard Voight's voice in her earpiece. "Do it, Upton. We have them surrounded."
She handed over the bag and he inspected it. "Get him out!" he yelled to the person in the back with Jay.
The door was opened and Jay was shoved out of the van, smashing his face into the gravel as the van sped off.
"Take 'em," Voight said.
"Sarge, Y/N's not here!" Hailey yelled. "It's only Jay and I need an ambo here! Now!"
"They- They got her, Hailey. Escape-- caught-- still there," Jay gasped as Hailey helped him sit up and wiped some blood from his face.
"Jay says Y/N's still there!" Hailey said and then the ambulance came up next to them.
Hailey undid the knots that were holding Jay's wrists and ankles together. They had switched out the chains for rope as soon as they were far away enough from Keyes' place that they knew that Jay wouldn't escape.
"Hailey, I counted- I counted the turns. They didn't give me enough and I woke- I woke up as soon as the van started."
"Sarge, I need you here, now! I think we got something, but I'm gonna need some help."
"Copy," Voight answered.
"Can you stand up, sir?" the paramedic asked Jay.
"Yeah, yeah I can do that." Hailey took his hand and helped him stand up and sit in the back of the ambulance.
"Jesus, man," Adam said as he saw Jay's current state. "You look like hell."
"Not the time," Voight admonished. "Hailey, what do you got?"
"Jay said he counted the turns. So if we can somehow get him in the car, I think he might be able to tell us where to go by backtracking."
"Halstead, you good to go?"
"Yeah," Jay answered, slowly standing up.
"Sergeant," the paramedic turned to Voight, "we really need to get him to Chicago Med."
"Listen to me, his sister is missing and probably being tortured right now. He is the only person who knows where to go because those other two sons of bitches who brought him here ain't talking. So, if you take him to the hospital and his sister dies, her death is on you. But if it makes you feel any better, one of you can ride with us," Voight sneered.
The paramedic reached behind her, pulling out a medical bag. "Take this. Use the hydrogen peroxide to clean the cuts. Use the bandages and gauze to cover them up, but remember to clean all of them." She looked at his stomach. "This one needs stitches, so I'm gonna need to keep him here--"
"No! We can just pack it, can't we?" Hailey asked.
"I mean, you could. It'd only work for a max of two hours."
"Well, we better work fast then," Voight said. "Hailey, help him to the car."
***
Keyes roughly grabbed your face in his hand. You were once again chained up and hanging from the ceiling by your wrists. The minute you stopped swinging, you did what you should've done hours ago. Jay wasn't here to save you and this wasn't going to get any easier. You were saving yourself in this one.
You spat in his face, resulting in you getting a slap across your face and then getting tased in the shoulder.
"I'm getting bored of this," Keyes said, faking a yawn.
He turned around and you used that moment to gather up all your strength and swing backward, using the momentum to carry you forward and kicking your legs out, successfully hitting him in the back, making him fall to the ground with a thud. You wiggled in the chains, ignoring the pain in your bloody wrists screaming out for you to stop. But, who were you kidding? They weren't going to budge.
"Tough girl, huh?" Keyes snarled as he stood up, pulling an orange lighter from his pocket. He flicked it open, flames slithering out. "Good thing I like tough girls. And, I also have another game."
You spit at him again, but he was too far away for it to reach him. "Go to hell!"
"I was going to tell you the rules, but since you wanna be so feisty, you can figure it out as we go."
He moved closer to you and reached up to your arms. You screamed out as the flames licked up your left arm, testing your restraints once more and trying with all your might to swing to the right, away from Keyes and his lighter. As you screamed, Keyes counted.
Then, he went to the other arm and did the same thing, counting to the same number and pulling the lighter away. But, since you kept screaming, he kept counting.
He then moved the lighter around your stomach for six seconds, and you screamed for another two. "You know what this means? Eight seconds the next place I light up. If you shut your goddamn mouth, I wouldn't have to do this."
"Fuck you!" You felt a wave of nausea again and this time, you knew you weren't going to be able to keep it down. "I'm gonna- I'm gonna--" And then you puked right down yourself. If you didn't already feel humiliated and at the mercy of Keyes, you sure did now. Chained up, covered in your own vomit, and just waiting to be burned once more.
This was how you were going to die. At this point, you just needed to accept it. Maybe if you shut up, you'd be able to die in a little less pain than you were currently in.
Keyes laughed at how helpless you were and moved his lighter to your collarbone. "No, no, please! Please just kill me! Please!" you pleaded.
"Where's the fun in that?"
Then, he held the lighter to your collarbone. You screamed and tried to get away from the lighter, but you were losing energy and through the pain, you remembered what Keyes said: If you shut your goddamn mouth, I wouldn't have to do this. So, you screamed for two seconds and bit your tongue as hard as you could to keep from yelling out once again, making more seconds get added to your burns.
"You're learning. That's good," Keyes said as he played with the lighter, making the flames go in between his fingers.
"I'll be quiet I promise!"
"Two more seconds." He moved the lighter to your thigh and was about to flick it to make fire spit out when he was loudly interrupted.
"Derek! We gotta go! They found us!"
Keyes threw the open lighter to the ground. "Looks like you'll actually get your death wish."
Then, he bolted out the door as you watched the flames moving across the concrete, quickly starting to burn the pile of rope that sat next to the wall, only making the fire accelerate.
***
"Turn left!" Jay yelled to Voight.
"Is that smoke?" Hailey asked.
Jay saw the black smoke. "That means a house is burning! Call CFD!" he yelled, his Rangers training and all the things he saw in Afghanistan paying off once again.
"This is 5021 Squad, requesting CFD-- Jay, is this close to where you were?"
Jay's face paled, realizing what Voight was insinuating. "Oh my God."
"This is 5021 Squad," Voight started again, "Requesting CFD and Rescue Squad. We have a house fire and possible victim inside in an unknown condition. Offenders assumed to be fleeing, patrol be advised."
***
Your eyelids felt heavy as you felt the flames licking the wall next to you, dangerously close.
Please let me pass out from smoke inhalation. Please let me pass out from smoke inhalation, you thought to yourself. After all, if you were going to end up being burned alive, you'd prefer to be unconscious when it occurred; it'd hurt less.
You thought that you might actually get your way for once today, two days? You didn't know how long you had been here. Your eyelids fluttered closed and you thought you were alive, but then you heard someone calling out to you.
Severide?
The first person you thought you'd hear from or see when you got to heaven, you assumed was going to be your mom, but apparently, that had changed.
"Want Mom," you mumbled, hoping she'd appear out of thin air. Because, you were in heaven and that's what angels do, right?
"Fire Department, call out!"
Why was Severide dead and why was he saying to call out? You were dead so why did you need saving?
"Fire Department, call out!" another voice yelled.
Wait, was that Cruz?
Holy shit, you weren't dead...not yet at least.
"In here," you tried to be as loud as you could, using the last energy you had, but it was just your normal talking voice. So, with all the strength you had left, you tried to clang the chains connected to your wrists and the ceiling together, hoping they'd make enough sound so that they could find you.
"Cruz, get the bolt cutters and cut these chains off her!" you heard Kelly yell. "I'll catch her and then we'll get outta here!"
The smoke hurt your eyes and you were so, so tired.
You felt yourself falling and your eyes shot open in fear. You tried to move out of the hold, but everything hurt...especially the newly added burns from Keyes which were especially tender.
"Y/N, relax. It's just me, it's Kelly."
"Kelly," you muttered, closing your eyes and slipping into an unconscious state.
"I need a medic!" Kelly yelled as he carried you out of the burning house and towards the second ambulance.
Jay was sitting in the first one, getting the cut on his stomach looked at. "Y/N!"
He moved to try and stand to get over to you, but he was pushed back down. "You can see her at the hospital," the paramedic told him. "I can't have you ripping the cut more than it is."
"Jay, she's in good hands," Hailey said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Please, just tell me she's alive." He made eye contact with Kelly who looked at Sylvie. She nodded.
"She's alive, Jay."
***
"Dr. Marcel, trauma victim is two minutes out!" Maggie yelled to Crockett who was standing at a computer, finishing some charts.
"I'll help," Will volunteered.
"Good, know anything else about the victim?"
"Kidnapping victim." Maggie paused, listening to the radio. "Will, you can't treat this patient."
"What do you mean I can't treat this patient?" he asked, taking a step closer to Maggie.
"Will, it's Y/N."
"What?"
"I don't need a wheelchair, Hailey! I can walk!" Jay yelled as he entered the ED, to be met with a shock-faced Will.
"Give it to me," Marcel said as Sylvie rolled you in on the stretcher, still unconscious.
"Y/N Halstead, 20-year-old female, kidnapping victim. Diminished breath sounds, most likely from smoke inhalation. First-degree burns on her stomach, shoulder, and collarbone, needs stitches in her right wrist and a tetanus shot. No broken bones that we could find, but it wouldn't hurt to check. Bruising on a lot of her body, but it looks superficial. Go through concussion protocol as well. There's a big bump on her head," Sylvie answered.
"Thanks, Brett."
"Trauma three!"
Will just stood, staring at you being pushed into the trauma room. Then, he flicked his eyes up at Jay. You were here because of Jay.
"She's gonna be okay, right Will?" Jay asked, walking closer to his older brother.
Will said nothing.
"Will!" Jay yelled once more.
Will's eyes darkened and he looked down at Jay. "She's here because of you!" If Jay had a shirt on, Will would've grabbed him by his collar. "You could've gotten her out of there and you didn't!"
"I tried! We tried to escape and they caught her. They took me instead of her to go back--"
"They took you back instead of her? God, did you even try to fight back, or did you just let them take her back and torture her?"
"Are kidding me right now? You don't think I tried? Look at me! I fucking tried but they chained me to a fucking wall, Will! There wasn't much I could do from there!"
"Okay, okay," Hailey said, stepping between the two men and placing her hands on Jay's chest. "Let's go get you stitched up. And, you two better work this out before Y/N wakes up. Because she will wake up."
***
Will tapped the glass of the entrance to Jay's hospital room, seeing as it was midnight and Will was working a double shift, he had grabbed some coffee to keep him awake. And, knowing Jay, he knew that he wouldn't sleep at a time like this, so he grabbed him a coffee, too.
Hailey had gotten up to go to the bathroom before Will had gotten there, leaving Jay alone. Jay looked up to see who was knocking and nodded his head, allowing his older brother to enter.
"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," Will apologized, handing Jay his coffee. "I know you tried your hardest, it's just, I'm used to seeing you come here in an ambulance, but seeing Y/N? That hits different. It's like everything I learned in med school flew out the window the minute Brett brought her through the ED doors."
"If only we didn't try to escape, then she could've gone when Keyes' people went to do the deal and she wouldn't be in this mess," Jay sighed, taking a sip of his coffee, being careful not to move his left arm too much.
"How's the shoulder?" Will asked.
"I didn't break it. Just hurts a lot. They said if I would've hit it a few more times I would've broken it though."
Will nodded, wanting to ask Jay how the hell you got yourself into this mess. But, he didn't want Jay to shut him down.
"Out with it," Jay prompted. "I know that look. It's when you want to say something, but won't."
Will raked a hand through his hair, tugging on the roots. "How did she even get in this mess to begin with?"
"We were just going to get lunch, that's all we were doing." Jay's voice grew quieter, as he realized that this entire thing was wholly on him and no one else. "I got pulled over and it was- it was Keyes. Must've stolen a patrol car. I- I told her to get down and call 911, but they heard her on the phone. They heard her on the phone and grabbed her, Will. I tried to fight back, but then I was drugged and..." He stopped and looked down. Then, he set his coffee on the table and put his face in his hands as his body began to shake with sobs.
Will stood up and put his hand on Jay's good shoulder, rubbing back and forth. "When I woke up, I was tied to- to a pipe and I heard- I heard her screaming for me."
"Hey, hey, it's okay. She's safe now. She's safe."
And, then Will's pager went off, alerting him that he had an incoming victim of a car crash. "I gotta go, little brother, but Hailey's back." He gave Jay's shoulder one last squeeze and slipped out of the room.
"Jay, I know what you're doing," Hailey said, dragging a chair across the small room to be closer to him. "None of this is your fault."
"But it is, Hailey! If I didn't have the brilliant idea to try and get her to go through that air vent and escape, she wouldn't be here right now."
"You were doing what you thought would get her out of harm's way. You did what you were supposed to do. It just...didn't work out quite right this time."
"Obviously. God, if they would've just taken me instead..."
"Hey, hey. Jay, look at me," Hailey said sternly, grabbing his face in her hands when he looked up at her. "She is safe now and I know for a fact that when Y/N wakes up, she's gonna need you. She can't have you spiraling. She's gonna need all the help, support, and love she can get."
"But what if she hates me?" Jay whispered. "I'm the reason she's in all that pain."
"She could never hate you, not now, not ever. And, Keyes is the reason she's in all that pain. Not you, most definitely not you."
***
You woke up to the steady hum of machines and you felt something in your arm.
Keyes was going to drug you just like he did to Jay. And the machines were so that he could electrocute you.
"Please wake up," you heard Jay mutter.
If he was here, that means the deal didn't go down as planned and Jay probably had more injuries. You couldn't open your eyes, for fear of what condition your big brother would be in because of you. If only you had gotten over that fence...
They didn't know you were awake yet, so you fumbled with the needle in your arm, hoping to pull it out to stop any more drugs from invading your system.
You jumped back as you felt someone's hand on your arm, keeping the needle in and your eyes shot open, to be met with just Jay.
You moved away from him, knowing that if he was back, Keyes would follow.
"I need some help in here!" Jay yelled as you reached once more for the needle in your arm.
"Y/N, we need you to calm down!" Maggie told you as she ran in, grabbing your hand to pull it off the arm where the IV was. "You're in the hospital, at Chicago Med. Will's here, but he's with a patient."
That was when you finally took in your surroundings. The hum of the machines were the monitors, and whatever was going into your body were drugs, but they were to get you better.
Your heart rate steadily slowed, until it was back to its normal rhythm. "There you go," Maggie said as she handed you a cup of water which you gladly drank. "I'll get Will and Dr. Marcel."
"Thanks, Maggie," Jay said, finally sitting down again. You ran the fingers of your left hand over the stitches on your right wrist and started poking at them. "Uh, no," Jay told you as he saw what you were doing. You looked up at him. "I know it's your first time getting stitches, but I can promise you, as someone who has gotten over 100, they aren't as interesting as they seem."
Luckily, Jay was saved from telling you to stop messing with stuff when Will and Crockett entered.
"Y/N, you're okay, kid," Will said as he gave you a small hug, careful of your injuries. You just looked at him and nodded.
"Now, Miss Halstead," Marcel began, "how are you feeling?" You didn't say anything, just kept staring. "Does anything hurt?" Again, he received no response.
Will and Marcel shared a looked, they knew what this could be. And, that didn't go unnoticed by Jay. "What? What's going on?"
"She could have sustained other neurological injuries besides her concussion, as it seems like she can't hear us," Marcel answered.
"You're saying our sister's deaf?" Jay asked, horrified.
"That's not what I'm saying, but it is a possibility. I just need to do a quick neuro exam to be sure."
He reached into his pocket, causing you to flinch and move back on the bed, your heart rate rising as you remembered Keyes reaching into his pocket to grab the lighter. This did not go unnoticed by the three men in the room.
"Jay, hand me that whiteboard and marker behind you, would you?" Will asked.
Jay handed it to him. "What are you doing?"
"Writing down what Dr. Marcel's doing so that Y/N knows. Because, if she did lose her hearing, she has no idea what he's grabbing right now."
"Oh," was all Jay said. If his sister went deaf all because of him, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.
Marcel's grabbing a flashlight, you read. And then he's gonna shine it in your eyes and you have to follow it w/o moving your head.
You nodded, understanding what he was doing, even though you could hear the whole conversation.
You completed the exam and everything seemed neurologically intact. The two doctors shared a look. "Jay, come with us," Will said.
"I'll be right back," Jay told you. He thought about squeezing your hand but thought it might be too early for him to do that without warning. When you squeezed Marcel's hand during the neuro exam, that didn't freak you out because Will had written it on the whiteboard, telling you what was about to happen.
"What's going on? She did everything right in there," Jay asked once they were out of the room.
"Everything is neurologically intact," Marcel answered.
"But..."
"But, she's traumatized, to say the least."
"So you're telling me that our sister won't talk because she's been through trauma?" Jay asked, quieter this time.
"Short answer, yes."
"Why?"
"There's a multitude of reasons. She might not feel safe and comfortable yet. Your captor might have told her if she talked, that he'd hurt her."
"He never said that to her," Jay said. "Not when I was there anyway." Then, he turned to his brother. "She's gonna talk, right? She won't be like this forever?"
"It's all up to Y/N, now," Will answered. "She'll talk when she feels like talking."
"Care to give me a timeline on that?"
"Could be hours, days, months. I've heard stories in my psych rotation of it taking years."
"So what do we do?"
"You just be there for her," Marcel answered Jay's question. "Both of you."
***
2 days since kidnapping
You were finally headed home after being stuck in the hospital, not that it really mattered to you anyway. The only difference was that you would get to sleep in your own bed and look at the pile of homework on your desk that should be getting done, but not doing it.
Jay unlocked the front door and you walked inside, glad to be home. "I'm gonna make us some breakfast. Anything specific you want?" Jay asked. You just shrugged. "Okay, breakfast burritos it is then."
You headed into the bathroom to shower while Jay was making breakfast. You hadn't looked at yourself in the mirror since you had been kidnapped, and quite frankly, you had no desire to. You had seen the number Keyes had done on your stomach, arms, and thighs, and you didn't want to see what he did to your face. If it looked as bad as it felt though, it'd give a toddler nightmares.
You stood in the shower, using mostly cold water, so your burns didn't hurt too badly. You used a washcloth in place of a loofa to avoid opening any stitches, cuts, or burns. And, you had switched out your face wash with Jay's since his didn't have scrubbing beads in it, so they didn't irritate the bruises on your face.
You showered and changed into your comfiest pajamas (careful to have your back to the mirror while changing so you didn't so much as peek at yourself), and wrapped yourself in your favorite blanket. You grabbed gauze, bandages, and the cream you were supposed to put on your burns to have Jay help you re-wrap your burn on your left arm. Then, you walked back into the kitchen, to see Jay wrapping up your burrito.
"Not only are we eating burritos, but you're one, too," Jay joked, referring to you being wrapped in a blanket, as he set the plate of food down in front of you.
You shrugged and nodded. You set the supplies on the table and then held your arm out to him. He moved a chair closer to you and spread the cream on the burn, put the bandages on top, and then wrapped it in the gauze. "Not too tight, is it?"
You shook your head no and then started to nibble on your burrito.
By the time you were only halfway done, Jay had eaten two burritos and put his plate in the dishwasher. "You're not getting up from the table until you finish that," Jay stated, turning to you.
You scowled at him, but he just smiled back. "I'll even watch Survivor with you while you eat. And we can watch as many episodes as you want...but if you don't finish that, we're only watching one episode. Sound good?"
You looked at him and nodded, and he went off to his bedroom to grab his laptop.
The episode started to play and you knew which one it was immediately: the three amigos episode where your favorite castaway was at the bottom with his two alliance members and they all played immunity idols to avoid going home that night. You looked at Jay and nodded, telling him that he made a good choice.
You slowly but surely finished your burrito, not before heating it back up in the microwave during the ad breaks, just before the end of the episode. "You know what episode comes next, right?" Jay asked as if you had no idea. "The one where Malcolm gets voted off."
That was your favorite player in Survivor that season, but seeing as you had seen that episode before, you knew it was coming. So, you just shrugged and moved to the couch to continue your binge-watching.
***
Jay slowly closed his laptop, trying to make as little noise as possible so he didn't wake you. The two of you had broken for meals and to go to the bathroom, but other than that, you had watched Survivor all day. Typically, Jay hated sitting around all day and doing nothing, since that meant he was being unproductive, something he had learned from his years in the military. But, seeing how distracted you looked when watching the show even though you knew what was going to happen, he knew he couldn't just leave you after everything that had happened.
You had fallen asleep halfway through the episode, so Jay finished it by himself, but was sure to jot down the time in case you wanted to finish watching it tomorrow. He turned on the lamp on the small table next to you and put a glass of water next to you in case you woke up in the middle of the night.
Typically, he'd sleep with a fan on, something that you now did as well, but tonight, tonight that was not going to happen. He knew he had to have as little background noise as possible in case you woke up screaming or gasping in the middle of the night.
***
You were chained to the ceiling once again. And, just like last time, your feet didn't touch the ground so you just hung there, practically limp. But, unlike last time, Derek Keyes was nowhere in sight.
You strained your ears to try and hear anything that would alert you that he was coming but you heard nothing, absolutely nothing except the clink of the chains when you moved.
That was until you heard yelling, Jay yelling to be precise.
"I said you for the drugs and this," There was a pause, you assumed so that Keyes could show whatever the hell it was to your brother. "this is not drugs!"
You heard Jay yell and then you heard a sound, like someone dragging a sack of potatoes across the floor. And, it was getting louder.
The door opened, revealing Keyes dragging Jay inside the room, followed closely by an associate of his. You tried to swing back.
"Get her down," Keyes commanded. "And then tie her up with that rope over there. Make sure her hands are tied in front of her though and leave a line of rope dragging on the floor."
"Don't touch her!" Jay spat with all the energy he had left.
Keyes punched Jay in the face. "Shut the fuck up!"
Jay spat out blood and made eye contact with you. I'm sorry he mouthed. You sucked in a breath, knowing that this would not be good for either of you if Jay was apologizing before anything even happened.
You were roughly taken down from the chains and tied up in the corner now. You could probably try and walk around, try and make a run for it even, but your hands were tied in front of you and that door would be too heavy for you to push open without them tied up. You needed a code, too. So, there was no escaping.
"Now, you're taking her place and you just get to watch," Keyes said as he chained Jay up to the ceiling.
"Do whatever you want to me! Just leave her alone!"
Keyes punched Jay in the stomach. "What did I say? Shut up!"
Keyes then walked over to you, pulling a lighter from his pocket. You tugged on the rope as hard as you could, moving your entire upper body to try and get loose, but it was no use.
"Now, I'm going to light the end of this and it's going to slowly travel up the rope and to your hands. Maybe I'll put the fire out when it just gets your hands, maybe I'll let you die a slow and painful death by fire. You'll just have to wait and see."
"Keyes you can do whatever you want with me! Just don't touch her!" Jay yelled, pulling on the chains and trying to move closer to you.
Keyes flicked open the lighter.
"Please no," you whimpered. He crouched down at the end of the rope, the flame dancing dangerously close to it.
Then, you heard a crash. Did Jay somehow pull off the unthinkable and break out of his chains?
"Y/N, Y/N wake up."
Wake up? What did that mean? You were awake. If you weren't you wouldn't feel the rope digging into your wrists--
You jolted awake as you felt someone gently touch your shoulder.
"Y/N, it's Jay. You're at home on the couch. You're safe." At this, you went to sit up but were stopped when you felt a wetness on your right wrist as if it had been sitting in water.
You turned and looked at your hand. It was covered in blood. Then, you looked at the floor and saw the broken water glass that Jay must've left out for you.
"I'm gonna throw a few towels on the floor and then we're gonna get you cleaned up, okay? Looks to me like you threw out a few stitches."
He left to go grab a few towels and then came back--this time with shoes on--and laid them on the floor. "Do you mind if I quick pick you up just to get you into the hallway? Wouldn't want you to get glass in your foot and have to get more stitches." You hesitated, but nodded, allowing Jay to carry you to the hallway, your blanket still wrapped around your shoulders, where he then set you back down and you followed him to the bathroom.
Jay flicked on the light and pulled out the first kit, while you pushed yourself up onto the counter using your good wrist.
"I need you to rinse it out," Jay said as he reached over and turned on the faucet. "That way, if it's really bad, I can tell and call Will to come over here. But, maybe we'll get lucky and we can just wrap it up for right now and get it restitched in the morning."
You placed your wrist under the running water, thankful that Jay had tested the temperature to make sure that it was not too hot and not too cold. After a few seconds, you took it back out and allowed Jay to gently pat it dry with a towel. Then, he looked at it and came up with his verdict.
"I think I know what happened," Jay started.
You furrowed your eyebrows. You didn't even know how this happened, so how did he know?
"I think you kept rubbing your wrist back and forth on that jagged edge of the table because there's a splinter in here." You jerked your arm away from him, hiding your hand back under the safety of your blanket. Ain't no way in hell he was digging into your open wound with a pair of tweezers, no way in hell.
"Relax, I'm not gonna take it out. I'm gonna call Will and he's gonna take it out and stitch you back up." You shook your head, no. No way were you even allowing your doctor brother to take a pair of tweezers into your open skin. "He'll numb it and everything, don't worry," Jay reassured you, pulling out his phone.
"Will! It's not Lanik calling to cover your shift, it's me." you listened to Jay's side of the conversation. "Y/N threw out some stitches and now there's a splinter in there, so I need you to come over and fix it." There was a pause. "Believe me, if I thought it could wait a few more hours, you wouldn't be getting this call." Another pause. "Yeah, you can just stay over here. No, just a blanket." Another pause, this time longer. "Yeah, I'll try and do that. See you soon."
He set his phone on the counter and turned back to you. "Okay, so here's the deal and I know you're not gonna like it." You raised an eyebrow at him, urging him to continue. "Will said that that needs to be wrapped in a clean towel." You pulled your wrist tighter against the fabric of your blanket. "And that is not going to cut it."
You shook your head, no. Your blanket was warm and it made you feel safe and secure when it was wrapped tightly around you. "Y/N, it's got blood on it." He paused, trying to figure out how he could do this. "Tell you what, if you let me wrap your wrist in a clean towel, I'll let you use my weighted blanket while yours is in the wash. Deal?"
Jay offering you his weighted blanket? What kind of fever dream was this?
Will had gotten that blanket for Jay when he got home from Afghanistan for the second time to help ease his nightmares. He kept it in his closet most nights now, but you did see him using it after some particularly rough cases. One of those times being when he had been kidnapped by Keyes the first time.
You nodded, telling him that you had a deal, and out your arm. He pulled a clean hand towel out of the closet and the medical tape from the first aid kit. Then, he wrapped up your wrist, not without you wincing, and taped it.
"Now, do you want to go to your room or the living room to wait for Will?" You pointed to yourself. "Your room it is then. Can I take that blanket? I promise I'll be back with the weighted one in three minutes tops," he promised.
Reluctantly you handed over the blanket, which blood had soaked through in a small spot, and then made your way into your room.
True to his word, Jay came back in holding his gray weighted blanket. He placed it over your shoulders, seeing as you were currently staring off into space, your mind wandering back to the nightmare that caused all of this.
What if Intelligence hadn't gotten Keyes the drugs? Was that what would've happened?
"Y/N," you were pulled out of your thoughts by Jay softly saying your name. You looked up at him. "Whatever you dreamt out there--because I know you were dreaming since I had to wake you up--it isn't real. Keyes is locked up and he won't ever be getting out." He didn't know that for sure, he just knew they had him and his associates in county at the moment, awaiting sentencing. But, he'd say anything to ease your fears.
You nodded half-heartedly at him and he looked at your desk, textbooks still open to where that had been before the kidnapping. "If you want to take a semester off, that's fine. If you want to go back or see if you can finish the semester online, that's fine, too."
You shrugged. In all honesty, you had no idea what you wanted to do. You knew you wanted to finish the semester because you didn't want all of your tuition money to go to waste, you just didn't know how you'd do it, if you even could do it.
"You don't have to make a decision now or even in a week, just keep it in mind." Jay grabbed your laptop off your desk and set it on your bed. "Mind if I sit next to you?"
You moved over, allowing him to sit on your bed and he opened the laptop and passed it to you, silently telling you to put in your password. You did so and handed it back to him. "Figured we could finish the episode you fell asleep watching."
Just as the episode had finished loading, you heard a door open and you pushed yourself back further into the bed. You could jump off and hide in the closet if you needed to. You didn't think you could fit under your bed anymore, but it was worth a try if--
"Jay! It's Will! Where are you two?"
You visibly relaxed as you heard his voice. Jay placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Breathe, it's just Will. It's just Will." He gave you a second to take a deep breath and exhale. "Good. Now, I'm gonna go get him and you're gonna go in the bathroom. We'll meet you there. Is that okay with you?" You nodded. "Good."
You made your way into the bathroom and sat on the counter again, your--well actually Jay's--blanket, still wrapped around you.
"Hey," Jay greeted Will as he stood in the living room, holding his medical bag, a backpack which Jay assumed held clothes since he was going to just spend the rest of the night here, a small whiteboard, and a pack of dry-erase markers. "What are the whiteboard and markers for?" Jay asked, taking Will's medical bag from him.
"Figured if Y/N was up to it, she could write on the board so we know what she's saying."
"Good idea."
"That's why I'm the doctor and you're the cop."
"Shut up. Y/N's in the bathroom waiting for you."
Will and Jay entered the bathroom to be met with you sitting on the floor sobbing. "Whoa, whoa," Jay exclaimed, crouching down next to you. "What happened?"
You shook your head, not wanting to tell your brothers. "It's okay," Will started, crouching down on the other side of you. He handed you the whiteboard and a purple marker, your favorite color.
You stared at it, wondering if you could do it. So, you just scribbled NO.
"Wanna tell us why?" Jay prompted.
You'll laugh at me.
"No we won't. We promise," Will reassured you.
You squeezed your eyes closed, letting more tears fall before you finally decided to tell them. I looked in the mirror for the first time since
You didn't finish writing the sentence, only set the whiteboard down and waited for them to read it.
Neither of them knew how to respond, because how did they respond to their little sister seeing her face covered in faded bruises for the first time? Jay wanted to say that it would all be okay, that he knew how you were feeling because of the number of times he had looked in the mirror and saw bruises on his face and body, whether in the rangers or from being a cop, but he knew it was different. It was different because being a girl came with more insecurities, one of them being your skin. And, even though you didn't wear makeup, this was different than not wearing makeup. You chose to not wear makeup. You didn't choose to have this happen to you.
So, Jay just wrapped one arm around you protectively and Will squeezed your good hand, both reminding you that they were there, even though they had no idea what to say at the moment. And, that was all you needed: comfort from family while you cried out all that you had been holding in.
After staying in that position for about ten minutes, you were finally calm enough to push yourself up onto the counter and let Will do his job. He unzipped his medical bag and pulled out a syringe and a bottle, of what you assumed to be the liquid that would numb the affected area.
"Hey, turn away now because I'm getting the needle out," Will told you. He turned to Jay. "You might want to, too."
You weren't afraid of needles per say, you just didn't like to see how big they were before you got the injection. It always helped to look away when you were getting an injection and to not look at it while the nurse or doctor was prepping.
Surprisingly, Jay was fine. Usually, his hands get all clammy and his face gets a bit pale. You just chalked it up to him not being the one being stuck with the needle this time. "I'm not gonna lie to you, Y/N," Will started, "This is gonna hurt since it's going into an open wound."
"Man, why would you tell her that?" Jay exclaimed as he unwrapped the towel from your wrist.
"Thought she might need to be prepared. Now, I'm just gonna wipe it down with some disinfectant and then give you the local anesthetic, and then I can get the sutures in."
Jay held out his hand for you, silently telling you to squeeze it. Will wiped it down and that didn't feel so bad.
"Hey, hey, look at me," Jay coaxed as he watched Will pick up the syringe. "Squeeze my hand as hard as possible. You won't hurt me, I promise."
Then, you felt the pain of the needle in your skin as you squeezed your eyes shut, gritted your teeth, and squeezed the ever-loving life out of Jay's hand. But, after five seconds, the needle was out and after a minute, you couldn't feel your wrist.
You let go of Jay's hand and Will pulled out a pair of tweezers to remove the splinter. After that, he disinfected the area once more and put in new stitches.
"Good as new," he told you.
Thanks, you wrote on the whiteboard.
"No problem, kid." You stifled a yawn. "Go get some sleep. We'll still be here in the morning. Promise."
You rewrapped the weighted blanket around yourself and looked at Jay, silently asking if you could keep it for the night. "I guess you can keep it just for tonight," he relented as your blanket had just finished in the washing machine and still needed to be dried. "Besides, if I need anything, I've got this knucklehead here to keep me company."
"Who you calling knucklehead, knucklehead?"
You rolled your eyes at their immaturity and walked to your room to go to sleep. But, instead of turning off the lights all the way like you normally did, you dimmed them. You knew you would be using that dimmer for awhile.
***
Will walked into your room the next morning--well, closer to afternoon actually--to see you still wrapped in Jay's weighted blanket, laying on top of your other bed sheets and comforter. The lights were still on and he was shocked that Jay didn't turn them off when he woke up this morning and it started to get light out.
"Y/N. Y/N, wake up." He gently touched your blanket-covered shoulder, making you flutter your eyes open ad look at him. "Morning, sleepyhead. Your head hurt? Any nausea?"
He waited for a beat to see if you would speak and when you didn't, he handed you the whiteboard and the marker.
No, why?
"Because it's 11 o'clock and you don't normally sleep this late and you have a concussion, so I'm worried about post-concussion symptoms."
I'm fine.
"Okay, well I'm gonna go make some food, give you some time to wake up."
You picked up your phone and saw a text from Jay telling you that your blanket should be dry and that he was at the district and would be home later.
You went into the kitchen and were about to go get your blanket from the dryer when you heard the flickering sound of a burner being turned on. Your eyes landed on the flame and you slowly walked backward, afraid that it would somehow burn you even though it was twenty feet away.
You winced as you backed into the table, hitting your low back. Immediately, Will turned off the burner and turned around. "Y/N? You okay?" You stood still and stared at the stove. "Hey, that noise was just the burner turning on. It wasn't anything else, I promise."
You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded. Then, you dropped the blanket and made your way to the bathroom to go take a shower.
"If you're showering, be careful with your stitches!" Will yelled to you. "And, I'll help you re-wrap your burns after, too if you need."
You undressed and gently unwrapped the bandages from your burns.
Keyes did this to you.
Keyes' lighter did this to you.
Fire did this to you.
***
"Hey, man, good to have you back," Adam greeted Jay as he walked into the bullpen.
"Thanks," he replied, taking a seat on the edge of Hailey's desk.
"How are you doing?" Hailey asked. "You look tired."
"I mean, I've been better, obviously," Jay answered, rubbing a hand on his face. "Y/N popped some stitches last night when she had a nightmare, so we had to call Will and deal with that in the middle of the night."
"Halstead, here to make your statement?" Voight asked as he emerged from his office.
"Yeah, you wanna just do it out here? Because I know all of you want to know what happened and it'll save me a lot of talking if I only have to say it once."
"If that's what you wanna do, then we can do that."
Voight grabbed a notepad and a pen. "Start from the beginning."
"We were just going to grab lunch, that's all..."
Once he was done giving his statement, Jay was drained needless to say. He was in the locker room and God, all he could think of were your pleas for help when you were both held captive. He was sitting against the lockers, head in his hands, quiet sobs leaving his lips.
"Jay," Hailey alerted as she walked into the locker room. She slid down the lockers next to him. "Jay, hey, it's okay."
"It's not okay, Hailey!" He yelled. He took a deep breath. "Sorry, it's just, she hasn't said a goddamn word since she was rescued from that house."
Hailey wrapped her arm around Jay, allowing him to lay his head on her chest. "And you're keeping all your emotions in to stay strong for her so she doesn't break any more than she already is, aren't you?"
"How did you know that?" he whispered.
"Because I know you, Jay. You always look out for others but sometimes you forget to look out for yourself. Just remember that I'm here if you need me."
"Thank you."
Hailey ran a comforting hand through his hair. "What if she- what if she doesn't forgive me?"
"She knows it's not your fault. You did everything you could. Hell, you even tried to get her to escape all while knowing it would be worse for you when Keyes came back. You did a good thing, Jay."
"She looked at herself in the mirror for the first time last night," Jay stated.
"What?" Hailey asked, confused.
"She hadn't looked in the mirror since before all this went down. Me and Will walked into the bathroom and she was sobbing. I didn't even know what to say to that. What do I do if she doesn't talk again, Hailey? I didn't know what to say when she broke down last night. If I can't do that, how am I going to handle the rest of this?"
"You just have to remember one thing. Y/N's still in there. It might take a little digging, but underneath all the dirt that Keyes buried her in, she's still there, just underneath it. You and Will just need to dig her out, one shovel-full at a time. And, I'm sure all of us will help with some of that digging."
"Thank you," Jay choked out.
How did I get so lucky? he thought to himself.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, Hailey still running a hand through Jay's hair and giving him the comfort he so desperately needed.
"I better get going," Jay whispered.
"I understand."
Jay stood up first and held out his hand to help Hailey up. He splashed some water in his face and dried it, trying to get rid of the tear stains and Hailey took something out of her locker.
"What's this?" he asked, taking the book, Corrupt, and a bag of pumpkin spice coffee from her.
"I saw the book on Y/N's to-read list on Goodreads and figured she could use the distraction. And, I remember her complaining one day about running out of pumpkin spice coffee."
"Where'd you find it? She looked everywhere for it and she couldn't find it because it's out of season."
"Never underestimate the power of Amazon," Hailey smiled.
"You're the best, Hails, really."
"So I've been told."
Jay rolled his eyes at that comment and the two parted ways, but not before Jay gave her a quick kiss on the cheek when no one was watching.
***
"How's she doing?" Jay whispered to Will as he entered the house.
Will motioned for Jay to follow him since you were sitting on the couch watching tv.
"I turned on the stove and she freaked, man," Will told his brother as soon as they were in Jay's room safely out of earshot of you. "She just like backed into the table and then she went and took a shower and everything was normal after that."
"Still no talking?"
"Not a word."
"Damn."
"She'll come around. She's a Halstead, our stubborn asses don't go down without a fight."
"You're right about that."
"I'm always right, little brother. We just have to wait."
"I don't think I have to tell you that Halsteads don't have a patient bone in their bodies. And, you are not always right. If I recall correctly, you violated a DNR your first year at Med, which was wrong."
"Okay, so I've been wrong sometimes, but I'm right most of the time."
"Shut up. Now get out so I can change."
You were continuing your Survivor binge when you felt the couch dip next to you. You looked up to see Jay.  I didn't even know you were home, you scribbled on your whiteboard.
"Just got home about ten minutes ago. I tried to be quiet in case you were sleeping. Hailey got these for you."
He handed you a book and a bag of coffee. How'd she know?
"Mentioned something about you complaining about being out of that coffee and she looked on that one website you use for your books."
Goodreads?
"Yeah, that."
You better keep her. I approve.
"Shut up," Jay joked. "And you better erase that before Will sees."
You erased it just before Will returned, this time carrying a bowl of popcorn. He sat down on the other side of you.  "Now, what episode are we on?"
And, you picked up the remote started the next episode.
***
4 weeks since kidnapping
"Coffee, kid?" Jay asked as you sat at the table eating a bagel. You had been up for two hours already and it was only seven am. You nodded at him and he pulled out another mug from the cupboard. "How long have been up? You're looking a little tired."
2 hours you wrote on the whiteboard.
Even though it's been a month and the bruises had disappeared, the burns had turned into scars, and the stitches had been removed, one thing hadn't healed: your will to talk. Everyone around you had been waiting for you to utter a single word, but it hadn't come yet. They'd gotten used to you writing in dry erase marker to communicate.
You had resumed all of your classes online so that you didn't have to go to class. At first, some professors were skeptical that you'd be able to pass the class because of how much time you missed, but when you, Will, and Jay showed up to your university's administrators and your  academic advisor to explain the situation accompanied by Voight, they relented. It helped to have the most infamous cop in Chicago on your side.
You put your head in your hands. "Hey, hey." Jay placed a hand on your shoulder and bent down so his eyes were level with yours. You lifed your head. "Everything's gonna be okay. We're gonna get through today and the next and the next. We've made it this far. We've got no choice but to continue," he told you, the last two quotes being something that Mouse had told him when they had both returned from Afghanistan as shells of the men they had previously been.
"And before you question me, I know this because you're coming to the district with me today. And, no, it's not up for discussion."
Okay, but I'm driving myself, you wrote, not in the mood to argue right now.  
"Listen, as long as you go, I could care less how you get there."
***
"Morning mini Halstead," Adam said as you entered the district.
"Damn, Ruz. Not running late for once? I'm shocked," Jay joked.
"I'll have you know that I am very punctual."
"Wow, using big boy words," Jay quipped as he punched in the code and then placed his hand on the palm scanner.
"Morning, Jay," Hailey said, giving Jay a kiss once he was settled at his desk.
"Morning, Hails."
Adam made a gagging sound and you smacked him on the chest. Shut up, they're cute, you wrote on your whiteboard.
"Yeah, Adam! Shut up, we're cute!" Jay yelled.
Yes, now everyone knew that Hailey and Jay were a couple. Yes, they had filled out the proper HR forms. No, neither had been fired. Yes, they were still partners. And, no, Will still hadn't given you your fifty bucks. Yes, he had probably forgotten all about the bet you two had made.
"Alright, everyone listen up!" Voight yelled as he came out of his office. "Seeing as everyone wanted to run out early last weekend, you know what day it is. Everyone's favorite: paperwork."
The unit groaned and you just scribbled on your whiteboard. Haha, you have to do big kid homework.
"Yeah, yeah, it's hilarious," Jay replied. "Now, if I'm not mistaken, you've been complaining about a test."
You rolled your eyes and walked into the breakroom, leaving the door open in case they started messing around and you wanted a break.
***
It was nearing eleven when you heard an unfamiliar voice in the bullpen. "Taser recertification day everyone. To testify in court, you need to be tased at least once every year to know the effects."
Taser. Keyes. Pain. Burns. Terrifying. No, Y/N, you can't think that. He's locked up 23 and one. Now, focus on your damn homework.
Which amendments are also known as the Reconstruction amendments?
Buzz
Buzz
Buzz
13th, 14th, and 15th amendments.
You heard Kevin grunt. "Bigger they are, the harder they fall."
What are the three clauses in the 13th amendment?
"Who's next?"
"Fine, I'll do it. Not like this hasn't happened before. Just, please do my shoulder. Lord knows I've taken more hits to my pecs and abdomen than I can count."
Yelling and groans of pain...from none other than your brother.
Keyes. Keyes had found you guys and he wanted to finish what he started. Somehow he had gotten in here and stolen the taser and now he had Jay. It was just a matter of time before he found you, too.
There weren't any perfect hiding places in here, but if you moved the couch you might be able to crouch behind it and call for help before he found you. You could call Kelly or Will and tell them to call another precinct to get over here and fix it. Because, if Keyes had gotten in here and gotten his hands on a taser, then the cops in the 21st district precinct obviously couldn't do their jobs.
You got off your chair, staying close to the ground to make it harder for Keyes to spot you. You pulled, moving half of the couch away from the wall.
"What was that?"
Shit, he found you.
You could fit behind there, right? Yeah, yeah you could fit behind there.
"Who moved the couch?"
You hugged your knees to your chest, hearing footsteps coming closer and closer to you, and squeezed your eyes shut.
Someone touched your arm and you uncurled yourself and started kicking. You heard someone moan in pain as you felt your boot-clad foot make contact with someone else. You hoped it was Keyes.
"Stop fighting! Stop fighting!" You felt another person coming closer and closer to you and you swung your arm out, palm making contact with what you assumed to be someone's cheek.
"Y/N! Y/N! It's me, Jay! The person you just slapped is Jay. And the person you kicked is Adam. You're in the district, you're safe."
You opened your eyes and slowly blinked a few times. You saw Jay in front of you holding his hands up in surrender, a red mark on his left cheek. Adam was rubbing his shin and Voight, Hailey, Kevin, and Kim were all standing in the doorway with looks of worry spread across their faces.
Tears began to roll down your cheeks. You couldn't believe you just did that.
Jay nodded to everyone and they left the room, Adam closing the door behind him. You looked down; you couldn't even bear to look at Jay.
"You're okay," he whispered. "Do you know where you are?" You nodded. "Good, that's good. That's really good."
You hugged your knees to your chest once more and frantically shook your head back and forth.
"I know you don't think it's okay, Y/N. But, I forgive you. I know it wasn't you who was doing that. Hell, I know better than anyone else in this unit. I know you're showing PTSD symptoms and that's fine. We just gotta take it day by day."
You finally looked up at him. Your lips began to tremble and your body shook with sobs. It had been a month! This should be over by now! You should be back to normal by now! Why the fuck couldn't you just get over it?
"I know it's hard, I know," Jay whispered. "Can I touch you?"
You nodded and he somehow squeezed himself next to you and wrapped you a hug, letting you cry it all out once more.
Ten minutes had passed and you were sure you had run out of tears when Jay said, "Let's go grab some Oreos from the vending machine downstairs, and then we can get out of here. What do you say?"
You nodded and he helped you to your feet. Then, you put everything in your backpack and walked out of the breakroom.
"You're okay little mama," Kevin said and enveloped you in a hug before you got past his desk. "You're good."
You managed to give him a small smile before you turned to Adam and pulled out your whiteboard.
I'm so sorry.
"It's not that bad, really. Beats getting kicked in the balls on a case any day."
You and Jay were walking down the stairs when you saw Voight. "Give that taser certification guy hell for me, will you?" Jay asked.
He nodded and gave you a pat on the back, Voight's version of a hug.
***
6 weeks since kidnapping
Jay put the finishing touches on your cupcake, complete with chocolate frosting and sprinkles, before sticking the candle in the top. Today was your 21st birthday. He had already made the mimosa you said you wanted to have when you woke up (you had mentioned it 3 months before and he had put it in his calendar to remind himself) and it was sitting in the fridge to keep cold. He grabbed his lighter and walked to your room.
Voight was nice enough to give him and Hailey the day off so they could spend it with you, during the day that was. You had mentioned that you wanted to go out with some friends to a bar, but that was before everything had happened six weeks ago, so he assumed it wasn't on. Nevertheless, he, Hailey, and Will were still on a mission to make this birthday memorable...even if your first drinking experience at a bar would happen at Molly's with your brothers and their friends instead of out at a bar or club with your friends.
He flicked on a lamp when he got to your room and then walked to your bedside, gently shaking your shoulder. "Y/N, wake up."
You rolled over and slowly opened your eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them. Seeing Jay with a cupcake in his hand, you gave him a close-lipped smile.
"Happy, happy birthday. Today's your special day. You just got a cupcake, now blow the flame away. Hey!" Jay sang and then pulled out an orange lighter and flicked it open.
Your eyes grew wide as the flame danced from the lighter and onto the candlewick.
"Make a wish." He held the cupcake closer to you.
"I'll be quiet, I promise!" You scrambled backward and into the furthest corner of your bed away from Jay and the fire he was currently holding towards you.
He hadn't heard you speak in a month and a half, no one had.
Quickly, Jay blew out the candle and pocketed the lighter. Holding his hands up in surrender, he just stared at you as you began to shake in fear.
"Y/N," Jay whispered, still holding his hands to show you that the lighter wasn't in his hands. "I'm not going to hurt you."
You didn't look up. You didn't stop shaking.
He was lying. It was a ploy to get you to talk so that he could burn you longer.
He took a risk and touched your arm and you yanked it away, expecting it to burn. "I'll be quiet, I promise!" you repeated.
"Y/N, it's Jay. Do you know where you are?" He flicked on the light, hoping that would help.
No answer.
"You're in Chicago. You're at home. It's your birthday. Keyes isn't going to burn you, I promise."
At the mention of Keyes and burns, you swatted at the air, hoping that you could knock the lighter out of Keyes' hand when he didn't have it flicked open.
"Okay, noted," Jay muttered to himself. He had never seen you this bad before, not right after the attack, not after the nightmare, hell not even after the taser recertification incident. You had never shaken in fear during any of those occurrences when your triggers made a surprise appearance.
But then, he put two and two together: him being taken away from you, you never being burned when he was there and then having burns when they rescued you, jumping when anyone turned on the stove, and now freaking out when he pulled out a lighter and lit a candle for you on your birthday, you not talking and promising to be quiet after he pulled out a lighter and moved the cupcake towards you. It all made sense now.
"Hey, I'll be right back, okay?" he told you, even though he knew you weren't able to hear him.
Jay made his way to his room and pulled out his gray weighted blanket. Then, he walked back into your room. You were only in your bra and underwear when you were with Keyes, so maybe having something else covering your body, despite the fact that you were currently fully clothed right now, would help.
Something soft and heavy landed on your legs. It didn't feel like Keyes was on top of you. It felt more comforting, calming, warm like you had more clothes on. Maybe Jay had somehow gotten his shirt back and had given it to you to keep you warm in this basement.
Wait, where did that lamp come from? There was only one lightbulb in here the last time you checked. And, why did it feel like you were sitting on something comfortable like a couch or a bed instead of on a cold, hard concrete floor?
Why was Jay standing up and not chained or tied to the wall? How did his face heal from the bruising so fast? Why was he wearing his pajamas?
Wait a minute, was that Jay's weighted blanket in your lap? And, was that your desk in the corner?
Jay noticed you looking around the room. "Do you know where you are now?" You nodded. "You know you're safe and in your room, right?" You nodded again, then took a deep breath and stretched out your legs, and moved forward, removing yourself from the corner and moving closer to Jay. "Do you still want your cupcake?"
You nodded and he handed it to you. "Are you okay going to see Dr. Charles today? I know you already had an appointment this week, but I think it might be good if you saw him again after what just happened." You nodded, agreeing with him. "You mind if Hailey comes over and stays with you? I gotta get ready and take care of something."
You gave him a thumbs up and he went to call Hailey while you sat in bed and tried to forget about the episode you just had by enjoying your cupcake.
***
"Halstead, what are you doing here?" Casey asked as Jay entered the firehouse after Hailey came over to stay with you.
"Oh thank God you guys are on shift. Severide here?" Jay asked.
"Yeah, in his office. Anything going on that I should know about?"
"Not really, I think I know why Y/N doesn't like fire though and I need the evidence pictures from the arson from when we were kidnapped to make sure I got it all straight."
Jay knocked on the door to Kelly's office and he looked up and waved him in.
"Jay, what are you doing here? Isn't it Y/N's birthday?" he asked, turning his chair around so he was now facing Jay instead of his desk.
"That's kinda why I'm here. She had an episode this morning when I gave her a cupcake. I tried to light the candle and then she flipped out and yelled I'll be quiet, I promise."
"She's talking?"
"All she did was repeat that sentence. The minute she saw the lighter and when the flame got close to her face, she freaked. So, I know this going to sound crazy, but is there any chance you found a small handheld lighter when you investigated the arson?"
"Let me see..." Kelly unlocked his filing cabinet and flipped through it, looking for the evidence file Jay had requested. "Here it is."
He laid the folder on the desk and Jay leaned over. He clenched his teeth as Kelly opened the folder, seeing the basement he was held captive in once more, even if it was covered in ash.
"Wait a minute, it's barely in the frame, but there's the end of the lighter. Let me friend the file on my computer and I can zoom in on it," Kelly suggested.
The clacking of keys could be heard as Kelly found the file and opened it, quickly finding the correct picture and pressing a few keys to zoom in on it.
"Oh, God," Jay whispered.
"What? What is it?"
"That lighter, it's the same color as the one I used to light Y/N's candle this morning. No wonder she freaked out."
"But why would she keep saying she'd be quiet?"
Jay nodded, pulling up a chair and sitting next to him. His eyes widened. He hadn't seen you get burned when he was with you, but what if that's what happened to you when they did the drop?
"Any way you can print that zoomed-in image out for me? I gotta get to Med."
"I can do that."
Kelly printed the picture and handed it to Jay. "Thanks, man. I'll get you a round at Molly's." Then, he quickly left and sped off to med, putting the pieces together.
***
Will was just walking out a treatment room, rubbing hand sanitizer in his hands, when a very determined Jay walked through the ED doors. "April, you mind charting the next patient? Jay's here and with that look on his face, well he's not gonna leave until he gets what he wants."
"Yeah, no problem. Good luck."
"Thanks." Will rolled his eyes.
"Will! Will I need to ask you something and you can't blow me off about this or claim patient confidentiality or some other legal bullshit."
"Legal bullshit? You're the cop here buddy, I'd expect you to care about the law more."
"Whatever, just is there some place we can talk?"
"Jay, I'm working. Can't this--"
"It's about Y/N," Jay blurted, knowing that that would most definitely get his older brother's attention.
"Okay, c'mon."
Will led the way to his office and once inside closed the door. "What's going on? What's so important about Y/N that you came to talk to me during my shift, not about a case, and left Y/N home alone on her birthday?"
"One, she's not home alone. Hailey's with her. And two, it's because I think I know how she got those burns."
"Fire, Jay. She got those burns from fire."
"I know that, smart ass. I mean, I think I know exactly how she got the burns." He laid the photo down on the desk. "That, that's a lighter. Now, if I remember correctly, first-degree burns are the worst because the fire directly hit the skin. Could that lighter have been the cause of her burns?"
Will typed away on his computer, pulling up the pictures of your burns, and looked closely at them, switching his attention from the picture of your burns to the evidence picture with the lighter. "But that's impossible," Will muttered. If the fire started at the floor and went to the walls, you'd either have burns on your feet and legs and/or on the left side of your body. But, you had them on both arms, your stomach, and your collarbone. And, the fire hadn't gotten high enough to be able to burn your upper body. "Unless..."
"Unless what, Will?"
"It's impossible to get these burns just from a burning building from the trajectory of the fire and the location of the burns. But, judging by the location and the severity of her burns, these most likely were made by Keyes holding the lighter to her, for longer than a few seconds. He had to have the lighter to her collarbone and stomach the longest, just by how bad those two are."
"You're sure?"
"I'm pretty damn sure, Jay. But, the only person who can tell if us if we're actually right, is Y/N. And, I don't think she's gonna wanna talk about this."
"Can you make her an emergency appointment with Dr. Charles?" Jay asked. "And, can you make sure you're there during the appointment, too?"
"What, why?"
"She had an episode this morning when I gave her a cupcake to wake up. I went to light the candle, she saw my lighter and the flame and flipped out. Then, she said that she promises to be quiet. You don't think- you don't think she burned her for talking do you?"
Will closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. It all made sense: the not talking, the jumping when he turned on the stove, freaking out when Jay lit a candle.
"Based on what she's done, it makes sense. But, I'll consult with Dr. Charles before the appointment to tell him what's going on."
"Thanks, man. Bring those pictures to him, too."
Then, Jay left the office, thinking that between two of them and Kelly, that they had solved the mystery of why you hadn't talked in a month and a half.
***
You walked into Dr. Charles' office very confused to say the least. Hailey was waiting outside, but Jay and Will insisted on coming with you to this appointment; you just chalked it up to them being more worried about you than usual.
But, as you sat between your brothers on the long couch with Dr. Charles seated in the chair in front of you, you got a pit in your stomach. This felt more like an intervention.
"Y/N," Dr. Charles started, "Are you okay if your brothers sit in on this one? Or do you want them to leave?"
You pulled out your whiteboard. I'm just wondering why they're here with me in the first place. I know this morning was bad, but I didn't think it was that bad.
"You know, that's a very good question and I'm really glad you asked that. Jay, would you like to tell Y/N where you went earlier today?"
You turned to Jay expectantly. "I went to see Kelly and I asked him to show me the crime scene photos from Keyes' place."
At the mention of Keyes, you tensed up. Will squeezed your shoulder. "Y/N, remember those relaxation techniques I taught you?" Dr. Charles asked. You nodded. "How about you try one right now."
You closed your eyes and pictured a beach, the waves crashing against the shore, the feeling of sand between your toes. You walked closer to the water's edge and felt the coolness of the freshwater, whisking the sand from between your toes away. You felt the sun on your face and squinted your eyes against the brightness of the day.
"Better?" Dr. Charles asked as he noticed your breathing had become slower and most of the tension had left your body. You nodded. "Go to the beach again?" You nodded in confirmation again. "Good, I can tell it's a place that really relaxes you. Are you okay for Jay to continue?"
You turned to Jay, hoping that was answer enough. And it was because he continued explaining why he needed the crime scene photos. "I knew that there was a possibility that Keyes' could've been the one to burn you, but I didn't know. So, I went to Kelly to see if there was a lighter in any of the crime scene photos. There was, an orange one to be exact."
Keyes flicked the orange lighter open, playing with the flame and letting it move in between his fingers.
"Y/N, the beach, remember the beach," Dr. Charles prompted, bringing you back to the present moment after you took a few deep breaths while thinking of the fresh smell of the water and the sand.
Jay looked at you, silently asking if it was okay to continue. When you nodded, he started once more. "So, I saw that and I remembered that you'd promised to be quiet this morning. I came to Med to talk to Will, and between the two of us, well we figured out that he'd burned you, Y/N."
Your eyes filled with tears at the memories of how terrified you had been. You were so sure you were going to die that day.
"Did he play some sort of sick, twisted game with you, Y/N?" Will asked.
You looked down as your lip began to quiver. He had, you wanted to say, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. He told me that if I talked he'd hold the lighter there longer and that's why the ones on my stomach and my collarbone are the worst and the one on my thigh isn't as bad because he said I was learning the game. That was what you wanted to say at least, but you couldn't even part your lips.
Dr. Charles handed you a bottle of water and you took it from him, feeling the coolness in your hands, a reminder that fire was nowhere near you at the moment. "Y/N I think he burned you if you talked, is that it? Just nod your head yes or no, you don't have to talk or write if you don't want to. You are the one in control here. And, if you don't want to tell us if he burned you for talking or what the game was, that's fine, too."
You moved your head up and down once, confirming both of your brothers' worst fear: Keyes had burned you for talking.
Jay wanted to speed all the way to Stateville Prison and burn that son of a bitch Derek Keyes for what he did to you. But, somehow, he kept his cool and just looked at you with soft eyes and grabbed your hand.
"Y/N, I have something I want to try," Dr. Charles started, "I've already told Jay and Will about it just so that they won't freak out, but whether or not you actually want to try it, that's all up to you. We do whatever you want to do."
You looked up at Dr. Charles with glassy eyes.
"There's this therapy called in vivo exposure therapy, nicknamed flooding. What happens is, we take the patient's biggest fear, in your case that would be fire and talking, and we bring it out in the open, exposing you to your biggest fear in a safe and secure environment. The logic behind this is that the anxiety and adrenaline only last for a certain amount of time and once those drop, you realize that your fear of this was unwarranted."
What would it entail? you wrote.
"What would happen is that either Jay, Will, or I would hold an open lighter near you."
You frantically shook your head no and leaned more into Will.
"Okay, then we won't--"
"Listen, Y/N," Will started. "You are in a safe environment. We will not let anything happen to you. Ever. You gotta believe us on that. We just wanna hear you talk again. Let us help you. Let me help you. You will be safe the entire time and if you want me and Jay to sit on either side of you, like we're doing now, while Dr. Charles holds the lighter, we can do that. Isn't that right, Jay?"
"He's absolutely right, kid. We'll be right here the entire time."
You grabbed your whiteboard and took a deep breath. And you promise this will work? You promise there will be a drop in my anxiety at some point?
"I think that there's a very high chance that will work. And, I can promise you that there will be a drop in your anxiety during this because there always is a drop. If we got anxiety and then that fight or flight instinct didn't leave, well life would be scary all the time. And that's just not how life works," Dr. Charles answered.
Okay, you wrote. We can do it.
"Do you want me or one of them to hold it?"
You pointed to Dr. Charles.
What relaxation technique should I use to calm myself down?
"I'd recommend using the body scan because it takes the longest, but you can use whatever technique you want."
You nodded and closed your eyes.
"You ready?"
You nodded once again and Will wrapped his arm around your shoulder in the protective-oldest-brother-way he always had and Jay gave your hand a squeeze, silently reassuring you that everything would be okay.
"Start by relaxing your feet now, so that you're that you're in the right headspace."
You clenched and unclenched your toes, taking slow deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, relaxing your toes one by one and focusing only on those sensations.
You heard the lighter flick open before you felt it. But when you felt it, it was near your face.
The smell of blood pierced your nostrils, whether it was yours or Jay's you had no idea. You were being held by one of Keyes' associates, his arm strongly wrapped around your shoulder. This time, you weren't hanging from the ceiling, but your arms were chained to the sides of you. Part of the chain laid in your right hand and it felt so heavy that you thought your hand was going to fall off.
He was saving the best for last, he was going to burn your face and let you burn from top-down. The fire would start at your cheek, move up to your nose, and then your eyes. You didn't want to even think about how much pain you'd feel when it hit your eyes. But, maybe you'll have passed out from shock, fear, or exhaustion by that point. You hoped you would.
Salty tears made your way down your face as you realized that this was it. You'd never see your brothers or your best friend again. You'd never graduate college. You'd never get to pick out the perfect wedding dress and walk down the aisle to marry the love of your life. Your last moments would be spent being burned alive in a basement, hoping against hope that someone would get here fast enough to rescue you. And, even though you knew Jay's unit was fast and wouldn't stop until you were safe, your hope was quickly fading.
"Any last words?"
"Please, please, no! I'll do anything! Anything!" you yelled, tugging on the chains.
But, he didn't burn your cheek for talking. Keyes broke the rules of his own game.
This was bad. It was just going to be worse for you. Your chest started moving up and down, trying to pass out from hyperventilation as fast as possible.
"Focus on your feet. Move the relaxation to your feet."
Who was that? It sounded like Dr. Charles.
"Relax, relax, relax."
Will was here, too?
But, whatever the reason, you focused on relaxing your feet. Maybe it would make dying easier.
The lighter hadn't moved closer to face as you made your way up your legs and relaxed your knees. Was Keyes going to burn you? Or, was he going to let you go?
"If you're gonna kill me, Keyes, then just do it!"
No answer.
You slowed your breath even more.
If Keyes didn't answer, that meant that he wasn't here. That meant, it was only fire. And, without Keyes to hold the fire. Fire couldn't hurt you. It couldn't hurt you.
"It can't hurt me. It can't hurt me," you whispered to yourself.
You dropped your head and shoulders and started to pant as the adrenaline wore off. Slowly you opened your eyes. "It can't hurt me," you said so that everyone in the room could hear.
Dr. Charles flicked the lighter closed.
You looked at each of your brothers. The person who you thought was Keyes' associate was just Will with his arm around you. And, what you had thought was part of the chain in your hand, was just Jay squeezing your hand.
"Thank you," you said to all three of them.
You turned to Will, to see him crying. "Why are you crying?" You turned and saw that Jay had tears in his eyes, too.
"I know the statistics of coming back from something like that, Y/N, of talking again. And I was scared- I was scared that you wouldn't come back from it."
"Hey, you're okay. We're okay," you repeated something that everyone has been telling you the past weeks.
You turned to Jay, knowing that this needed to be said. "And, Jay?" He looked you directly in the eyes. "I forgive you."
And that was all it took for a stray tear to roll down his cheek and for him to pull you into a hug. "I love you kid, you know that?"
"I love you, too. Both of you. Thanks for not giving up on me."
"Not a chance in hell," Will told you.
"Now, what do you say we go grab that mimosa?" Jay suggested.
"Yeah, let's do that."
The three of you said goodbye to Dr. Charles and left his office, meeting Hailey in the hallway. "I never got a chance to properly thank you for the book and coffee, Hailey, so thank you."
A smile grew on Hailey's face. "You're welcome." Then, she turned to Jay. "I told you she'd come around."
"You were right, babe...as always." Jay grabbed Hailey's hand in his and interlocked their fingers. "Think you can get someone to cover your shift, Will? Come out with us for some good old-fashioned brunch and day-drinking?"
"I think I might be able to manage that. Text me the place and I'll meet you there."
He started to walk away, on a mission to get someone to cover for him, when you remembered something. "Will, you owe me fifty bucks!"
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jessiebanethedragon · 3 years
Text
White Sands Warm the Cold Sea
Star Wars, The Bad Batch Pirate!au (Hunter x Reader
Summary: the reader, betrothed to a disgusting Coruscanti Lord flees her home world and lands herself in a plethora of trouble, a ship of clones, and one pirate captain whose cold exterior needs much more than the tropical seaside sun.
Warnings: Swearing, takes place in time periods where women have dowery's and suchlike. The readers dad and bothered are asses.
chapter one
Chapter two: The Stowaway
It is a disgusting day on Coruscant. Hot, humid and you can’t help but feel something sinister in the air. You feel hollow, and it is only partly due to the tightness of your dress. The yellow and green material wraps around you in layers. Your face is blank but your mind is racing, if you cannot convince your father to call off the marriage, how else can you put a stop to this?
Very few people talk about the war, and so how Lord Nython made his fortune is a mystery to you. What you have gathered from whispers of those in your household it was through a lengthy siege that devastated republic and seperatist forces alike.
“And the weather today is perfect for sailing, I bet those ships at the docks will be itching to set off.” Your handmaiden Seil says to you, and you frown, since when did she have an interest in the docks. But she continues playing with your hair.
“I'll get you the most expensive jewelry in the house,” She says with a smile you’ve grown up with. Perhaps carer was a more accurate term, considering she seemed to be the only person in the world that wanted the best for you. She returns with a pouch of all kinds of gold, silver and gems.
“There is a way to the docks, it is so lovely for a stroll. Away from the busy streets and such like.” You frown at her obsession with an area crawling with pirates.
“Seil what in the name-” You start saying, turning around to slip your flats on. And you stop, in her hands are your boots, made for riding as you had done so many times before.
“I thought these would be fitting, as they are your favourite.” She’s talking about all the times you told her how much you love how sturdy they feel around your feet. And how when you would run the fields, how powerful they made your legs feel.
And then it clicks. The docks, the boots. The tears in her eyes. While you were planning on an escape from this marriage, Seil had been planning an escape from every marriage your father would force on you. She ties the boots tightly, and places a hand on your cheek as you both take shaking breaths to compose yourselves.
And with your father still passed out in bed, and the sun barely rising, you slip into the streets and into the areas less traveled, sprinting off towards the ocean.
The docks are infused with the smell of fish, and the workers barely turn a glance your way as you shift through the swarms of people. You come to a halt at a clearing in the crowd, and your brain catches up with itself. What are you going to do now? With no money, skills, or plan, you begin to second guess yourself. You have time to make it back to the household with no one being the wiser. But you remember meeting Lord Nython for the first time.
His hand latched to yours like a monster squid to its prey, you notice that unlike some men he doesn’t ask ‘may I’ before touching you, and you briefly wonder what about you invites his hand onto your own. But your fake smile remains plastered on as he looks you up and down like a farmer regards the sale of livestock.
Your gut had told you then that all he could bring you was bad news, confirmed by rumors and stories of his wartime expeditions, and when he told you about the war, and the pathetic Grand Army of the Republic he spared no detail in his murder of an entire army.
Of course it's not the same as killing someone like you or me, those kaminoans are devils, and those freaks are just the same. Like hunting the same dumb peigion over and over again. We surely must have downed hundreds of them that day, but they are rats you see, you have to kill every last one in order to rid yourself of the infestation.
Education had not taught you about the Kamino Clones, but experience had, every sepratist man who held power despised them. ‘Scum of the earth’ your father had said when you asked about them. Telling you they had their emotions removed, and blindly followed orders given by the highest bidder. And when the G.A.R had fallen, they scuttled into exile.
And now you stand on the docks of Coruscant, two paths in front of you. Surely if you left Nyhon would send someone after you, he never seemed to back away from a fight, and given his reputation for always getting what he wanted, you doubted he’d take to your absence kindly. So that left you with leaving the only home you’d ever known, and given that you cannot sail, nor pay for passage, stowing away was your only option.
You briefly wonder about the procedure of stowing away, does one pick a certain ship or choose at random?
“Can I help you miss?” A Togruta man asks you, only his blue face visible from underneath his hood and cloak, but the markings give him away, as well as the point in the fabric over his head.
“I...I…” you pause to gather yourself. “I’m fine, thank you.” and you quickly turn away from him, walking down the docks at a purposeful pace. There are so many ships all looking to either load or unload supplies, but none of them seem to be leaving shortly. You need escape now, and not later. The longer you dwell the more the bad feeling in your stomach grows. You must lose yourself again because before you know it a man is rushing past you and shouting
“Sorry miss!” as he goes, you catch the clanking of metal and a glimpse of eyeglasses as he disappears up the ramp of a large dark oak ship, the name Havoc Marauder painted in red at the back.
Perhaps you have found your escape after all.
You very quickly decide the ocean is terrifying. After having snuck up the ramp and into the depths of the ship, you found yourself in your current spot. Huddled behind stacks of crates sitting on the wooden floor and being violently rocked around as the water crashes into the side from all sides. More than once you’ve had to close your eyes in panic when something particularly bad happens, but you refuse to appear weak - even if you’re the only person to witness it.
And the footsteps, even though the men seldom come below decks but you can hear them step ferociously above you. They sound like an army and considering you didn’t get a good look at any of them, you had no idea how many people you were hiding from. They’re loud, and kept busy by the Sea, you have no idea where you’re headed, but as long as it’s far, far away from Coruscant you couldn’t care less. And there are no windows here, so you have no idea how long you’ve been traveling for.
Footsteps start to make their way to the set of stairs leading down into your hiding spot, the small nook of the ship that resides in the belly of the beast. The steps you hear aren't as heavy as others, but they seem to keep most of their weight on their toes, you never quite hear their heel make contact against the wood. And you press yourself tighter to the wall, a tall frame passes you by, lean and with ashen hair the man halls a crate away from the other end of the room, and turns to leave. Your panicked eyes can do nothing but stare back at him through the gaps in the boxes, and they watch him squint for a moment, before he turns and heads back up the stairs. Crate in hand, and your heart in your chest. He cannot have seen you, if he had, why turn away? Panic consumes you.
☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠
“Sarge,” Crosshair says, thumping the crate of bread and dried meat down in front of him. Hunter simply raises an eyebrow at his vod, and it confirms Crosshair's hypothesis. The captain is in one of his moods again, when shaking off the nightmares is impossible and the hate inside him grows and simmers at fantastical measures.
“There’s a woman on board.” He tells him, casually popping a pick into his mouth. And watching as Tech’s and Wrecker’s heads snap up.
“A woman?” Tech asks with judgement. Crosshair rolls his eyes.
“Yes a woman, you know, the things that look almost like you except for their b-”
“I know what a woman is!” Tech cuts him off before things get graphic. His brother never having the politeness nor the decency to hold his tongue.
“There’s a woman aboard the Murader?” Wrecker tries to confirm, and underneath his wide captains hat, Hunter’s eyes darken.
“Listen very carefully.” He growls, the midday sun shining its way onto an unforgiving face. “If there is a stowaway. I do not care if you have to drag her to me with her intestines hanging out. Get. Her. Off. My. Ship.”
“But…” Wrecker starts, taken aback by the aggressive imagery.
“But what?” Hunter snaps, standing up and seeming small compared to his brother, but nonetheless intimidating. “I want her found and I want her off my kriffing ship.” He demands one last time before stalking back to the captains quarters.
Below deck you hear the slamming of a heavy wooden door, the sound makes your skin jump crawl with dread. Something has gone very wrong indeed, and it is not long before you see boots standing at the top of the steps down into the hold where you thought you were hidden. It is difficult to tell how many, two for certain, the change in foot size tells you that much. None of them talk, making it even harder for you to mask your panicked breaths. But just as one foot begins to descend the stairs, a voice from afar distracts it.
“Ship off the starboard bow!” it’s enough to get the men turning away from your concealment, and towards the voice.
“What does she fly?” Another voice shouts, much closer to you.
“Looks Weequay to me!” comes the response, which causes someone else to grumble something about eyesight and crowsnest. Frankly it’s all gibberish to you, starboard could be another hyper-ocean speedway let alone a part of the ship, and while you are sure you’ve heard the term Weequay before, you can’t place where or in what context you heard it. Laughter breaks you from your thoughts.
“That’ll be Hondo’s ship then!” A loud shout settles in your bones. Not one in anger but perhaps more so simple loudness. And whoever or whatever a Hondo is, it is enough to carry the shoes away from you and rush to another, more pressing task. Which makes you think you just may owe this Hondo your life.
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restapesta · 3 years
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Fucking Milkovich
words: 5.5k
Five times Ian pulled Mickey away from starting a fight and the one time the roles were reversed.
1. THE STORE
The old lady had been side-eyeing them since they accidentally bumped into her at the wine aisle, Mickey backing into her as he and Ian led a loud, heated discussion about whether or not the Rose that was in Ian's hand was the same one from the gay party they had attended a couple of days before.
Ian was dead set on saying that it was the same bottle of pink wine and that even if it wasn't, it probably tasted the same, all the while Mickey was dead set on proving to Ian that the bottle was most certainly not the same one and that they should crack it open and try it even if they were still in the middle of the supermarket. They were bickering back and forth, not paying much attention to their surroundings, and Mick had backed away from the rack of wines, unceremoniously colliding with the gray-haired lady who was pushing a cart filled to the brim with groceries. It was a miracle the items hadn't toppled out, considering there was a mountain of them. Ian wondered how steadily the lady must've been pushing the cart, and how close his husband had come from knocking it all down.
Mickey had muttered a quick sorry and Ian had shot the lady an apologetic look when she just stared at Mickey and the tattoos that covered his hands and arm, blatantly revealed by his short-sleeved t-shirt. Ian had told him he looked hot in it that morning, so Mickey had kept the jacket off, appeasing his husband's gaze. He felt a bit cold but Ian's eyes following unapologetically as his arms flexed made it all worth it.
Ian gestured for Mickey to leave the aisle with his eyes, accompanied by a sharp tilt of his head -- and they continued their way to the other racks of food and drinks, Ian placing the bottle of wine in their own basket. They weren't there for a full-on grocery run. They were in Costco purely because their snacks and beer needed stocking up, and they needed some shit for the mac-and-cheese Mickey had been craving. Ian had lost a bet while they were at work today so he promised to make him some -- a deed Mickey was quite happy about.
They bumped into the lady once more at the cash register. There were some people six feet in front of them (considering they kept their distance), unloading their stuff, and the woman was mere inches behind them, as if she was waiting in line with the couple, not behind them, pressed close. Mickey shot her a glance and when he noticed her scowl, he gave her a slight smile that Ian knew was obviously not a smile, but rather a 'hello lady I crashed into, why are you standing so close, back away from me and my tall ginger before I tell you to back the fuck away'  threat. He had a feeling the lady caught on to what Ian did, but chose not to comply, considering how her scowl deepened and how she seemed to press impossibly closer.
Mickey and Ian shared a look but kept their mouths shut, preparing to unload their shit onto the moving thingy -- but then the old bat spoke.
"Least you could do is let me cut the line." She was looking straight at Mickey, and to Ian,  judging by the look on his husband's face, it seemed as if he was considering it. But when his gaze swept over the pile in her cart -- the one almost spilling over -- he simply shrugged, "No. I couldn't."
Mickey kept unloading the few items they did have, and Ian followed his lead, but the lady was persistent. "You are very unkind."
Mickey simply muttered an 'uh-uh' as he grabbed the money out of his jacket.
"You should be ashamed."
Mickey rubbed his eyebrow with his thumb and Ian knew that signaled danger, so he pushed him lightly with his shoulder, gesturing for him to pay. Mickey obliged begrudgingly, choosing to ignore the bitch. The cashier was just finishing placing their shit into the plastic bag, handing it to Ian, also handing Mickey back the change. They were going to leave the place unscathed.
Too bad the bitch couldn't keep her mouth shut.
"You should put a leash on him."
Before Mickey had a chance to jump her and gauge her eyes out, Ian wrapped his hands around his torso and pushed him towards the door of the store, whispering 'calm the fuck down' to him curtly, the grocery bag in his hand making it harder to sustain his husband. It wasn't the first time he had done this, and he doubted it would be the last. It was somewhat of a struggle but Ian managed. He also tried to ignore the look of pure horror on the grandma's face.
When he was finally able to get Mickey through the door -- while the guy spewed graphic insults at the hag -- he let go, making sure to keep him a safe distance away from the store.
"What the fuck is it with old bitches being so fucking rude?" Mickey muttered loudly, grabbing the bag out of Ian's hand and pulling out the Rose. He opened the bottle easily and took a long gulp, emptying a third of the bottle with it. His face scrunched up immediately. "I fucking told you it wasn't the same one!"
Ian just shook his head.
Fucking Milkovich.
2. THE JOB
The day had been pretty slow. They had their regular cash pick-ups and deliveries, and they had finished most of them, considering how the day was nearing its end. Both Ian and Mickey were ready to get back home and crash on the couch, maybe down a beer or two, and especially take off the uniforms that had truly made them sweat today. Spring was coming, and fuck if Ian wasn't ready for the onslaught of discomfort the camo brought on with it. Mickey didn't look like he minded it much, but Mickey was Mickey, so it wasn't a surprise. Ian, on the other hand, was already considering alternatives.
They were delivering their last bags of weed, taking a long ass drive to fucking HerbalCare, knowing it would take them a while to get back home too -- but the Northsiders that owned the place were kind of their regulars, so they were used to it.
Both Ian and Mickey expected the usual chick to show up and pick up the marijuana when they eventually got to the place -- the one with the curly red hair and a sassy attitude -- but instead, an unknown guy did with a large-ass man following shortly behind.
The first guy looked like any other -- casual clothing, friendly face, easy demeanor -- unlike -- what Ian supposed was -- his bodyguard. He looked like a capo with his broad shoulders, tight black shirt, tattoos littering his body, head cleanly shaved. Ian glanced reluctantly at his own thug, mentally praying Mickey had a bullet that could take down the motherfuckers in front of them if necessary.
"Can I help you, gentlemen?" The normal-looking one spoke.
Mickey nodded, also slightly taken aback, but not letting it show. "We have a delivery for HerbalCare." He glanced at Ian. "For Dina? Wasn't it?"
Ian nodded slowly, assessing the situation.
"I'll take it from here." The guy responded, eyeing Mickey up and down. "Dina is currently busy at the moment." Mickey didn't seem too happy with the asshat's statement. Ian wasn't either, naturally. The man had an odd vibe to him -- he seemed on edge despite his cool facade, and Ian saw straight through it. He glanced at Mickey who seemed to have been noticing the same thing. They were not handing shit over to these assholes. There's a certain trust you had to earn before claiming a couple of thousand dollars worth of weed from Gallavich Security.
"How 'bout I just speak to Dina, yeah?" Mickey's voice was calm and eery -- he was in boss mode. The mode that even scared Ian, sometimes. It was dangerous territory these guys were treading on if Mickey had resorted to going into the mode only slightly less scary than Milkovich thug mode.
The dude, still nameless, smiled without humor. "Why don't you just give me the weed, huh?"
Mickey pulled out his gun swiftly, pointing it straight at the guy's head. The shock on his face only lasted for a moment before it turned into a smirk. The capo next to him pulled out his own, only slightly smaller than Mickey's, pointing it at Mickey's head.
Well, shit.
Ian pulled out the gun from his waistband, feeling slightly worried for his and his husband's safety, pointing it at the tall-ass man. It was like a scene from a movie. A poor, shitty-quality one.
"How about we all just put down our guns and we'll come back when Dina gets here?" Ian's voice was smooth and the silence hung lowly over them for a couple of moments. Ian was never a gun sort of guy, but rather a talk-it-out one.
They eventually all put down their guns, albeit reluctantly.
"Okay, then. Guess we'll be seeing you." The guy muttered as he turned his back to Ian and Mickey, capo following behind, shooting them a glare. Their movements were slow and deliberate, but eventually, when they were a safe distance away, the capo turned around and shot them the middle finger.
Ian was just barely in time to stop Mickey before he leaped out to kill the motherfucker.
He wrapped his arms around him like a boa constrictor, attempting to stop him from committing homicide. As always, it took a while.
Mickey growled after a minute or two, finally calming down, glaring at the spot the asshole thieves were a few moments before. "Oh, you fucking will be seeing me. You'll be seeing me in your nightmares, you motherfuckers."
Ian barely contained himself from rolling his eyes.
Fucking Milkovich.
3. THE ALIBI
Ian had been nursing a beer for the past hour while his worse half had already downed three. Mickey was on his fourth glass of Budweiser, slightly tipsy, but not quite drunk just yet as he and Ian enjoyed their night out, something one might even call a date (correction: something only Ian would call a date).
They had gone out for chicken wings, played some pool after dinner -- even took a fucking stroll out -- and now, they were chilling at the Alibi Room, enjoying each other's companies, talking about anything and everything, laughing at Kevin's jokes and making fun of Kermit and Tommy, the regular drunks of the Southside.
It was a slow day today, their job weighing a little extra heavy on their shoulders, but the night was swift, in contrast. In fact, they were having a really good time, letting go of all of the fucked-up things happening in their lives right now, the burden coming off of their shoulders, even for a little while. And Ian was especially looking forward to the sex that was bound to follow when they got back home. Hell, if Mickey continues drinking the beers at this pace, maybe even in the bathroom -- it truly only depended on the level of horniness the drunken state would illicit.
They were still enjoying their alcohol and horniness when Kermit had decided to remind everyone of a comment. Ian guessed it wasn't supposed to be that big of a deal. Both Ian and Mickey had dealt with far worse from people far shittier than Tommy and Kermit. But the comment  --  the one about how Tommy was against their wedding, saying it was a man-woman thing -- didn't really sit well with either of them. Ian had no idea how the topic even came up, and the whole 'kind of drunk and talk-y' Mickey wasn't helping the case, but the words most certainly had an undesired effect on the couple.
Mickey had stilled immediately.
It wasn't that big of a deal. Homophobes were all around them, and they knew that Tommy was as gay and as homophobic as any of them, and Mickey would probably ignore the comment had he not been this content with the night he was having.
Here he was with Ian, having a great time, enjoying his life, his marriage, and over-all his husband, and this asshole was going to ruin it with this comment. This stupid, meaningless comment.
Neither Ian nor Mickey lived in a fantasy -- the one where everyone was supportive of the gays and where love was simply love, no matter if it was between a male and a female, or a male and a male -- but sometimes, they forgot what world they actually lived in and in those moments they were at their most vulnerable to these sort of remarks. They cut them deep, Mickey especially.
He was so happy with Ian, so happy with his marriage, the life they shared, that the outside world rarely even mattered. But when he heard someone saying how they shouldn't have gotten married -- shouldn't have been enjoying their love and relationship, shouldn't be where they are now -- Mickey got pissed.
"Oh yeah, Tommy? Man-woman thing?" Mickey's voice was unnervingly steady.
Kevin eyed Kermit, silently conveying the question, "why the fuck would you say that". Kermit shrugged but Mickey only had eyes for dear old Tom. He was watching him like prey.
Tommy gulped, not as afraid of Mickey as he used to be, but definitely not one-hundred percent safe around him either. Everybody knew Mickey protected himself and his family -- Ian and the Gallaghers -- only. Everyone else could just go fuck themselves. Tommy fell into the latter group.
"That's just the way I've been taught. Y'all are good, enjoy your marriage." He attempted to climb out of the hole he had dug for himself but it wasn't really working. The asshole had made it too deep and had fallen into it headfirst.
"Oh, I'm so fucking happy I have your approval." Mickey bit back.
"Oh, no," Ian muttered lowly. "Mick."
"You should be happy I don't have a gun on me now. Now, while I'm on a date with my husband." He annunciated the words slowly, making sure Tommy understood and heard them very well and remembered them for good. Ian's heart fluttered at the mention of the word date, but he reeled it back in for now. He could enjoy it later when Mickey wasn't on the verge of murdering someone.
"Hey man, how 'bout you just calm down?"
Tommy really wanted to die today.
Ian was pushing Mickey out of the bar before he strangled the man with his bare hands. Mickey cursed as they were leaving, resisting his husband as he attempted to drag him out. Ian barely got them through the door, and when he did, Mickey tried hard to go back in.
Ian hissed at him to stop. Eventually, Mickey did.
"I see him one more time, I'm killing him, understood?" Mickey was baring his teeth at the bar as if Tommy could see him. "Him and his counterpart."
Ian closed his eyes briefly.
Fucking Milkovich.
4. THE BLEACHERS
It had always been their spot. From the beginning, it was a place for Ian and Mickey to run away to, not just to hook up, but to escape their lives and the turmoils of their families, each fucked up in its own fucked up way. It was easy for them to just disappear for a while, fucking against the fence, shot-gunning beer with no one to reprimand them for when they left the cans on the stadium, the world completely oblivious that it was the odd duo. Not just Mickey Milkovich, the infamous Southside thug, and not just Ian Gallagher, the skinny army ginger -- but both Ian and Mickey, a pairing no one saw coming, not from a million light-years away.
It was easier back then, sure, but now, it was better. They used to just fuck underneath the bleachers, making it nothing more than a hook-up spot, barely touching after sex, drinking beer like just a couple of friends, not like they were in between rounds, Ian aching for more, Mickey denying him access to it. Ian knew Mickey wouldn't even admit they were friends back then.
But then again, it was different then than it was now.
Now the bleachers were their spot. Not just a fuck spot like it used to be. No -- it was a hangout spot. They didn't have their own place yet -- that was still a work in progress -- and when the Gallagher house became too loud and too messy for them to just enjoy their night, outside of the confines of their room, they went to the bleachers.
It wasn't a regular occurrence, more like a once-a-month sort of thing, but it still felt great and rejuvenating -- it felt like them. A space in the dark where they could just talk and drink and mess around and make out in, unapologetically relieved of the burden on their shoulders, whatever it may be.
Tonight was a night like that, a night where all they wanted and needed to do was escape -- Terry's death was still weighing heavy on Mickey's soul, for reasons Mickey and Ian both had yet to uncover, and the house was brimming with too many Gallaghers with too many opinions and observations. They needed a break.
The spot under the bleachers was supposed to be reserved for them as always, and they had brought along a six-pack of beer as well, deciding to just get drunk, even if they still had to get to work the next morning. It would be a good ending to a shitty week.
But the asshole kids sitting at their spot weren't gonna let that play out.
Ian and Mickey were aware that they were grown-ass men, but it was ten pm and these children had no right to even be near the bleachers let alone smoking and drinking underneath them. They were far from teens and they reminded Ian of himself and Lip when they were mere eleven-year-olds trying to figure the messed-up world out.
Mickey didn't really see it that way. He was clearly just annoyed.
"Beat it." He said in a curt voice, flicking his wrist to point to the imaginary exit. Ian followed suit reluctantly, only after trying to convince Mickey to just let them have at it and go to the dugouts instead.
"No Ian, we came here because this is our spot and these little fuckers need to go." Mickey had responded.
Ian was aware his husband had issues.
He was used to it.
The kids laughed, the three voices laughing merging, sounding more like a pack of hyenas. "Watcha' gonna do about it, grandpa?"
Mickey had a very shitty couple of days.
Mickey was not a well-tempered person.
Mickey was on the verge of killing something.
These kids were the catalyst.
When Mickey took a swift step towards them, Ian was once again -- how many times was it, now? -- holding him back. The kids scattered around, scared shitless of the thug. They were gone in the blink of an eye.
Ian felt sorry for them, but he was happy that, at least, Mickey didn't dump their tiny bodies in the river. Not that Mickey would've actually done that.
Ian hoped.
"I was one second from threatening to eat them for lunch," Mickey grumbled. He then pointed at the free spot. "At least they're gone. Gimme that beer, I wanna have some good drunk sex."
He made a gesture with his fingers and smiled as if nothing had happened. Wasn't Ian supposed to be the crazy one?
Fucking Milkovich.
5.  THE GALLAGHER HOUSE
Debbie Gallagher was extremely annoying nine times out of ten. Ian Gallagher knew it. Mickey Milkovich knew. The entire Gallagher clan knew it. But today, she seemed especially bitchy.
It was a Friday night -- usually reserved for a good home-cooked meal, chilling on the couch, watching TV,  and just having a family night altogether. Even Lip and Tami were in the house on Fridays, bringing Fred along to play with Franny and Liam (who would more-so look after them than play with them).
That's how the nights usually went.
But tonight, Debbie the Brat had every intention of fucking it up.
She sauntered into the house, bitchiness oozing from her pores, head held high even though it should have been bowed down in shame. She was drunk off her rocks, and she was dragging Franny along with her.
"Hi, assholes." She greeted the family in the kitchen, letting go of Franny's hand, pulling her sunglasses off to reveal blood-shot eyes. God knows where the hell she had been today. All Ian knew was that she left the house sober with Franny and was now completely drunk, if not high, the little girl still trailing behind.
"Wash your hands, Fran," Liam instructed, eyeing Debbie up and down. She seemed even more fucked up than usual in his eyes.
She plopped herself down on the closest free chair which happened to be across Mickey. It was quiet for a few moments, everyone waiting for something to happen. Debbie was an unpredictable drunk, something they were only lately discovering.
It seemed like Debbie had woken up today and chosen violence.
She looked straight into Mickey's eyes. "Your cousin is a cunt."
Mickey raised an eyebrow while the other Gallaghers observing the exchange. Ian was sat next to him. He put his utensils down, not sure how this exchange was going to unravel, also pulling Mickey's knife out of reach, in a way he hoped was inconspicuous.
Just in case.
"She is a self-absorbed cunt who has no business in this house anymore." Deborah continued as if someone gave a shit. Mickey especially.
He shrugged. "Last I'd seen her was the morning after you guys broke up. I couldn't give less of a shit about whether or not she's with you or not with you. For fuck's sake, the break-up happened a long-ass time ago, get over it." Mickey looked down at his plate, continuing to eat his dinner, clearly signifying the conversation was over. He glanced at Ian when he couldn't find his knife.
Instead of moving on, Debbie grabbed a loaf of bread and threw it at him.
Mickey stilled.
Carl elbowed her hard but she paid no attention to the warning. She was having a staring contest with Mickey Milkovich. One she would eventually lose.
"Back the fuck off, Debbie," Ian warned himself.
She switched her gaze from Mickey to Ian. Her gaze was murderous. "Or what, Ian? You'll try and kill me with a bat?"
Collective silence fell over the table. Noone seemed to be breathing. All eyes switched to Ian, gauging his reaction, not believing the words that had left Debbie's mouth, but even warier of the ones that were bound to leave Ian's.
Ian had other things occupying his mind, though, and one of those things was his husband who was probably a second away from killing his sister-in-law.
"You bitch." Ian held Mickey down by his shoulders as he attempted to climb over the table and tackle her to the floor. "You and your condescending cunt can fuck off."
"Mickey. Come on." Ian pushed him out of the chair and shoved him lightly, indicating for him to go upstairs.
"No, Ian. She needs to be set fucking straight, or else you'll have a new Frank on your hands. This bitch." He fought against him as Debbie just sat still.
"Mickey." Ian shoved him towards the stairs, afraid he would have to explain to the cops how his husband murdered his sister if Mickey didn't leave the room, immediately. Mickey noticed Ian's serious expression, and slowly climbed up, all the while muttering to Debbie to go fuck herself.
Ian glanced at Debbie from where he stood.
"What?" She asked, innocently.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Debbie snorted. "Sorry if I hurt your feelings. Not like it wasn't true."
"I couldn't give less of a shit whether or not you think I'm crazy. You come in here and talk to Mickey like that again, I will be using a bat. Only then you'll see how crazy I can get." Ian was dead serious.
It was the first time since she came in that her eyes truly widened in fear.
He backed away upstairs slowly.
The rest of the Gallaghers were silent for a moment before they all collectively shot Debbie a dirty look, soon erupting in chatter, as if nothing had happened.
It had been merely a few seconds before Ian had entered their room, when Mickey finally started his rant, talking shit about Debbie, defending Ian being at the core of it all.
He had a lot to say, and Ian was going to listen to it all, like the supportive husband he was, always taking Mick's side.
As he listened to Mickey rant about Debbie, he thought about what he had said to her. It was true -- every single word that had left his mouth. He hoped she and the rest of them -- no matter who it was -- understood.
Mickey was more important to him than anyone else in this world, even his sister. He was Ian's family, his next of kin, the one Ian trusted and loved the most. When push comes to shove, he will chose him, no matter what. He will always choose his husband, the love of his life, his worse half.
God, he was soft.
Fucking Milkovich.
+1 THE STORE, THE JOB, THE ALIBI, THE BLEACHERS, THE GALLAGHERS
"You really keep me from killing people, man. Feel like I should thank you."
Mickey had muttered that lowly in the dark, his head resting on Ian's chest, both of them naked, enjoying their post-sex bliss. It was then when they were at their most open, letting out emotions and feelings that usually didn't seep into the mundane day.
Ian ran his fingers along Mickey's bare back, enjoying how Mickey shivered against them. "You do the same thing." He answered simply.
Mickey raised his head slightly to look at his husband. "No, I don't. I've never had to physically pull you away from stabbing or strangling someone."
"You do realize I usually get as pissed off as you do at these things."
"These things?"
Ian rolled his eyes in the dark. "C'mon Mick. You really think I'm okay with an old lady calling you rude and ignorant and judging you like you're nothing but a street rat. Or some assholes flipping us off after trying to steal our weed?" He adjusted his arm so it rested over Mickey's shoulder, Mickey's cheek pressed into his peck. "You think I don't get mad when Tommy talks about how we shouldn't have gotten married because we're men? Or how Debbie had the audacity to talk to you like that, in front of me."
"You never react to it, though. That's why I don't pull you away from starting shit. You kind of just stay calm." Mickey responded to Ian's short monologue.
Ian chuckled. "Mick. If I wasn't so busy pulling you away, I'd probably be the one murdering them all."
This time Mickey raised his head to fully look at Ian. They adjusted their positions so it was easier to keep each other's gaze.
"I'm serious," Ian responded to Mickey's expression of disbelief.
Ian was completely and utterly serious. That shit happened a lot.
In fact, had Ian not been so busy pushing Mickey out of the store, the plastic bag filled with shit they needed for dinner and the expensive -- but probably not correct -- Rosè in one of his hands, making sure his husband didn't go to prison for stabbing the geriatric bitch, he would have gotten really fucking pissed and probably have gone off at the grandma himself.
If Mickey didn't attempt to go after the fucking thieves, like the sociopath he was, Ian would've probably pulled out his gun and pointed it at the men's fucking back. Maybe he would've even tried emptying the clip.
Mickey trying to strangle Tommy was good enough of a distraction for Ian not to beat the asshole up himself. How fucking dare he talk about marriage like that, the drunk bitch. Ian would've been a second away from hurling himself at Tommy and beating the shit out of him -- but fuck it if Ian was gonna let Mickey get arrested for aggravated assault and risk his parole.
The kids at the bleachers didn't bother him. He knew Mickey had a soft spot for kids himself, so it was more of a hissy fit than a homicidal fit.
Debbie was the one that truly made his blood boil.
"You know," Ian began. "I would've probably signed a death warrant on Debbie and mine's relationship that night if you weren't there."
"How so?" Mickey was caressing Ian's cheek with his thumb, giving him the biggest case of heart-eyes. Ian didn't doubt that was how he was looking at Mickey himself.
"When she was saying that shit, all I could think of was making sure you didn't kill her. I barely registered what the fuck she was saying. I was trying to keep you from flipping the table and making Franny an orphan." Mickey rolled his eyes but kept silent. He knew there was truth in Ian's words. "But, if you weren't there. If Debbie had just started talking about me and the whole bipolar thing and I didn't have you to keep me from actually letting the words sink in..." He drifted off, not knowing how he would've reacted. The words would have probably cut him deep.
Shifting closer, Mickey pressed his palm against Ian's cheek. "Do we need to talk about how you should under no circumstance listen to your bitch of a sister? What happened all those years ago happened while you were manic and off your meds. Her using that as a comeback in an argument is low and a fucking betrayal. Right now, you are the healthiest you've been since your diagnosis and you shouldn't let her get in your head. Hell, if I have to, I'll fucking try and murder anyone to stop the words from -- what did you say -- sinking in?" Ian laughed wetly, feeling himself get emotional over Mickey's little speech.
"You're amazing, Ian." He finished. "I'm proud of you."
Ian pulled Mickey's body close, making their naked bodies press flush against each other. Their noses touched as Ian took a moment to appreciate what the universe had given him. The soft lines of Mickey's face, the blemishes, and the tiny scars -- the eyebrows Ian had joked were iconic to him -- everything that made Mickey Milkovich his Mickey.
A kid forged in hate and homophobia, morphed by the Southside into a short-tempered thug, capable of murder in the blink of an eye if you so much as looked at him wrong. A Milkovich taught to care for nobody but family, to stay loyal to them and never snitch, but also taught to put a bullet in their fucking heads if betrayed. A hard-ass and a thief, ready to shamelessly steal from any store of his choosing, barely giving a shit whether it lands him in juvie or not.
A man capable of so much love. A man who took care of Ian when he was at his worst, made sure to keep him safe and protected. The man who came out for him in front of his worst nightmare, all so he could keep Ian, even if he was nothing but a mess kept together by unawareness. A man capable of murder for Ian. A man capable of running away with Ian. A man capable of going back to prison for Ian. A man who loved Ian, and would always try to keep him safe.
"You done staring?" Mickey smirked at him.
Ian smiled, shaking his head slightly. "I don't think I'll ever be." He then added, quietly, "I'm so lucky."
Mickey nodded, his lips mere inches away from Ian's. "I am too."
Soft lips moved against each other slowly, creating a rhythm Ian never wanted to lose.
He knew he never would.
His life, even after all the worst possible shit a person could imagine, was pretty fucking great. All thanks to Mickey.
His husband.
His partner.
His soulmate.
His worse half.
His Milkovich.
THE END
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yournameyn · 3 years
Text
Feeling Deeply Chapter 5
Genre: Arranged Marriage Fic. Fluff turning into angst?
Pairing: Namjoon x OC
Summary: The story of two deeply feeling nerds who find themselves in an arranged marriage. (Details here). Our OC is called Brishti. It’s a Bengali name meaning rain. Namjoon calls her Rim (short for her pet name, RimJhim which means the pitter-patter of rain). She calls him Joon.
Warnings: NOT THE NAMJOON OF OUR DREAMS. Argument. Fight over tiny discrepancies that turn out to be a huge problem. Domestic violence. Not a happy chapter.
A/N: Have you ever felt this, reader? When you watch something and realise exactly what you need to realise in that moment? I’ve had that so many times - seeing my feelings mirrored in a show. That’s something that I’ve tried to have Brishti feel here. Also, this is how I see the natural progression of this Namjoon, the one who obliged to duty rather than his dreams. It took me a long time to write this but I love what’s come out. Let me know what you think!
Current Chapter: London, late 1963. Love fully blooms between Namjoon and Brishti. And yet, something’s not right. A visit to the ballet and a conversation brings forth realisations. The inklings that Brishti was trying to avoid transform into writing on the wall.
Previously in Feeling Deeply: Preface Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4
Chapter 5
The magic about new love isn’t really in romance or even in true intimacy. It’s in how violent new love is… and just how much time it takes us to feel it’s impact.
In the new love between Namjoon and Brishti, everything had been roses and honey, overflowing, swaying in a gentle breeze. They spent every second possible in each other’s arms. They had to tear themselves away from each other when they had to leave home. And even then, it hurt as though they were part of the same cloth.
Brishti had thought about how they had become woven, their souls an ornate tapestry. Namjoon had told her then about a Japanese tradition of weaving that was a sort of meditation and a kind of worship to a god called ‘Musubi’. The disciples say it is like being part of the cosmic tapestry. Being tied to each other.
“Just like we are… I felt a pull toward you and I followed it. I was scared… so full of doubts about who you were and how this was all going to go… I had promised myself that I would fulfil my duty… whatever happened ” Namjoon had said, petting Brishti’s hand gently, “And I… I still can’t believe it… It… you make me feel like I can… trust myself.” Brishti had looked at her genius then and wondered what a strange world it must be that made a man like Namjoon doubt himself, “Always, always trust yourself, Namjoon-ah.” and settled into the crook of his neck.
It was indeed a strange world that caused Namjoon to build an armour around himself. Because ‘London’ and ‘Lonely’ sounded just the same to him. His years alone in this strange place had been unkind, unrelenting. Brishti had been the only softness he had felt in a long long time. Armours built over years can break in an instant, though. For him, it was the moment when he and his wife had crossed the threshold to becoming lovers. High on the magic of new love, he had not realised it.
Sitting across from each other after that fateful evening, Namjoon and Brishti were both wide awake in the early hours of the next morning. Brishti buttoned up the shirt they never fully took off. Namjoon had tickled her with his toes. They propped their feet against the other’s to see just how vast the difference was (he melted seeing how small her feet were and hadn’t stopped playing with them since). Caressing each toe, he remembered something he wanted to ask -
“How did you know what Saranghae is?”
“Mm…” she stretched her arms, “I know what it means…” Brishti said.
“I know you know… from the way you… after I said it… You asked Yoongi about it?” Namjoon cautiously asked about the only other Korean Brishti knew. To his surprise, she nodded no, still denying him any information. Namjoon had to tickle her foot for the answer.
“Okay! Okay! Wait! Pleeeease!” Namjoon stopped and Brishti bent down to the bureau next to her bed and pulled out a textbook - LEARN HANGUL THROUGH ENGLISH. Namjoon looked more shocked than she had expected. “I asked Yoongi about the book-”
“You don’t need to Rim… I’m not learning Bangla, am I?” Namjoon said. He was touched but he didn’t want his love to do anything he couldn’t reciprocate.
“I would have asked you to learn it… if I wrote poetry in my mothertongue...” Brishti said. Namjoon was shocked. She went on, “You really think I didn’t know?”
Namjoon blushed and smiled and flopped over in Brishti’s lap. She brushed his hair as she explained, “You light up at the mention of lyrics and poetry, you keep a notebook by your side at all times, you’re moved by the things that people usually don’t pay attention to… I know you’re a poet, Joonie.”
Namjoon looked up at her and said, “No one has ever called me that…”
Brishti leaned down and kissed her gorgeous husband. “You are... From what I know, I bet all my books that you are a great one... And… I… I would love nothing more than to be part of your world of words, Joonie… It must be strange… to be understood but in a foreign language. If you would let me, I want to understand you in your language… Do you think that’s something maybe--”
He got up and all but jumped on Brishti, pinning her down to the bed with the cutest puppy-yell she had ever heard. “Yes! Of course, yes!”
They both understood that this was a proposal. The truest kind - a gentle request to explore Namjoon’s universe. They would later joke about how she proposed to him after a month of being married. Namjoon was completely delighted by this person with him, his person… one who really saw him.
He pulled her to him saying, “You’re the best part of my world, Rim...” and kissed her.
Each moment of love flowed through the next. When they had to be separated, they couldn’t wait for the next one, their moment again. On weekends they would visit museums and find their favourite paintings and sculpture or their favourite prehistoric relic and animal. Brishti hated the fact that Namjoon had to work overtime to compensate for these weekends and she often voiced how unfair it was.
In response Namjoon would just give her a peck and say, “As long as I have you, I’m happy.” This pricked her but she was too taken by the man before her to pay heed to it.
Namjoon was just about able to keep a straight face at work but everyone around Brishti was acutely aware of how much she loved Namjoon.
At one point, her colleague and best friend, Min Yoongi had yelled at her, “Yhaaaaa! Stop blushing?! It’s just a clock… what could be romantic about a clock?!” Sayuri-san, and she were hanging around Yoongi’s table when Brishti looked at his new flip clock and started blushing.
Brishti laughed along with everyone else but explained, “It’s involuntary… that’s what happens when you’re married to a poet.”
Sayuri-san corrected, “I know too many wives of poets to know that’s not necessarily true… It is true though, when you’re in love with a poet… Go on… tell us how exactly poet Namjoon makes you blush about a clock...”
Brishti blushed even more at that. Yoongi rubbed his arms and demanded, “Tell us because there’s some really weird things coming to my mind… like you guys have an exact time when...”
Brishti stopped his imagination, “No no no… it’s nothing like that… he loves digital clocks... because he loves to watch the time turn to 00:00… zero o’clock he calls it… and on days he feels sad, it’s like zero o’clock is always there to comfort him… like it’s a point when the whole world holds its breath and he can feel happy again… but these days… with me… he said he wants the clock to keep going after 23:59… he wishes time would stretch on… beyond 24:01…”
Yoongi sighed and sat back down, “You’re making me fall in love with Namjoon… ahhh that is beautiful. He should be published...”
“Imagine him saying this directly to you and you might know how I feel… I can’t stop talking about him...”
“Oh, we know. But honestly none of us care… your poet-librarian romance is getting us through our single-ness.” Yoongi reassured her.
The three of them continued to talk about the ways in which Brishti could repay Namjoon’s wordsmithing in graphic ways.
It was that evening, wasn’t it, when Namjoon had enveloped her back in the warmest hug as soon as he’d entered their flat. Brishti was in the kitchen when she heard him enter but hadn’t expected this. He kissed her neck while telling her the good news, “We got our first Korean client today… because of me… Mmmm… Why do you always smell so amazing?”
Brishti turned around and hugged him again, “That’s amazing! Namjoon-ssi! I’m so proud of you!”
“He’s from a wealthy family… so he can actually afford our firm… its not exactly the work I wanted to do--”
“It is a step toward that idea, right? It’s still good work, fighting for justice?” Brishti asked, stopping him from undermining his own work.
Namjoon nodded, “Yeah… He’s a dancer… Park Jimin. All the posh types know him as one of the best dancers in the Royal Ballet. They call him Jim… as if it’s too difficult to say Jimin?” Namjoon shook his head in disapproval. He began helping Brishti with the chopping and continued, “He was born in the UK and trained since he was 5... He got into the Royal Ballet but he’s been passed up to be a principal over and over even though everyone who has seen him dance apparently knows that he’s far far better… So recently he spoke to the director there... and of course the director made a racist slur and asked not to bother him with this again. He can’t even quit and work at another company because of the contract they have him on. There’s a non compete clause… meaning he won’t be able to dance with any other company. That’s all he wants… to be able to get out of that contract… I’m hoping to convince him to press charges on racial discrimination too. We’re not in the 20s anymore.”
When Brishti didn’t respond, Namjoon looked up at her. “That’s horrible… I’m so so glad you’re taking up the case. But please tell me what you ate when you were alone?” He looked down at the carrot he’d been failing to cut.
Namjoon scrunched his nose and admitted, “Canned food mostly.”
Brishti said, “I’m really really glad you’re getting to do work that you are passionate about, Joonie, you deserve it. Now, you should know how to cut a carrot.”
Namjoon pressed up against Brishti’s back. She reached back up to the nape of his neck and made him moan into her. Then… then Namjoon made her forget how to cut carrots.
He had these ways… Namjoon, with his touch, his voice, his languages both spoken and soundless. He was lighting new paths into her self. She loved learning him. Paths she didn’t know existed, that she’d been longing for.
The scars of the loneliness, emptiness that Namjoon had experienced had turned his longings into a kind of starvation. He needed to be nourished and also devoured. Brishti was just the creature to do it. He could feel her warm fingers trace rows of pleasure onto his skin. He felt them bear down and singe when the two of them had to move away from each other. He felt those ropes tug at him as the end of his workday neared. Namjoon closed his eyes each night at her touch, the feeling and fragrance of her body. He felt blooms of intimacy spring up like seedlings out of the soil of his skin. And deeper. In the earth of his soul. So he did the only thing he could. Reciprocate. Namjoon sowed his love, his desire, his need onto her, into her every night.
There were times, though, when she would feel his absence in the middle of the night and see him working in the dim light of a lamp. She knew he had to work hard to do what he wanted but she also saw he had to continually prove himself to people who weren’t even paying attention. The reason they weren’t paying attention was painfully clear to Brishti but she was yet to experience it’s full stab.
Namjoon wanted to shield her from it. He was counting on an armour that didn’t exist anymore to protect himself and his wife… the reason he liked his life again. Whenever she came out and switched on a brighter light, reprimanding him for straining his gorgeous eyes, he saw that it did prick her - this world and the unfairness he had to endure. She would say something small, an almost-complaint that alerted him… against her for some strange reason. She would say something that would be easy to ignore and yet would prick him, like - “I don’t know why they haven’t promoted you yet.” or “Why haven’t they taken up Jimin’s case yet? You’ve worked so hard on it.” Everytime she did that, he would have to pacify himself.
‘I’ve told her so much about the Jimin case… she’s just really invested’ Namjoon thought to himself. Just so he would avoid thinking, ‘I shouldn’t have told her.’
He would have to calm himself, give her a peck and try to convince her to stop worrying. “As long as I have you, I’m happy.” Namjoon would always say.
Then, Brishti smiled as she always did. While trying to understand why that sentence bothered her so much. After almost five months of exploring this wonderful man, some part of him still felt unfamiliar… like it didn’t fit in with the rest. Still, these things take time, she had heard from so many women over the years. Besides, she was blessed with a man far far above the norms. So, how could she prod? These are things Brishti had told herself - until the night she couldn’t stay silent.
The couple was coming up on their fifth month together and Park Jimin had gifted Namjoon a ticket to the final show of the season as a token of gratitude, for having heard his story.
Brishti was nervous about going to this kind of a gathering and had told her husband to meet her there.
She had enlisted the help of Sayuri-san to look appropriate for the event. Her slightly longer hair was clipped and her eyes were kohled. She wore a burgundy knee length fringe-ended dress that she had received from her gracious host, stylist and make-up artist - an inheritance of her brilliant life tucked into the black pearl beading and deco design. It was a big departure from the usual tie-die or band tees and jeans with her baggy coat. She had carried the coat but felt this strange sort of compulsion to stand in the cold air in the noodle strap dress, for him to see her.
She felt butterflies in her stomach and kept fiddling with the coat she had draped over her arm. It was electric when she saw him.
Namjoon looked gorgeous in a tux. All of Brishti’s nerves were soothed just by looking at him. He had brushed his hair back. Tall and dashing - better than any heathcliffe could ever be. And with his reading glasses, he looked like the lead of a romance novella that would make all the women swoon. Indeed she was swooning. Brishti was suddenly warm in the chilly, windy night. And when Namjoon saw her, blood rushed to her cheeks. Everything inside her was running helter skelter in a panic. Brishti felt everything drop in the few moments it took for Namjoon to reach the top of the stairs. Dolled up like this, outside of her element, she felt like an imposter. Some angel needed to be standing in her place. For the first time, feigning beauty, Brishti felt like she wasn’t worthy of her husband.
She was finally able to keep her feelings aside when he reached her.
Namjoon kissed her palm like a gentleman and whispered in her ear, “Let’s go home… I need a private kind of dance…” Brishti blushed. Namjoon put his arm around her and felt the chill that had settled on her skin. “Aren’t you cold? Why didn’t you wear the coat?” Namjoon asked. Brishti just shook her head no and the two of them walked in.
Brishti assumed that the ballet would be a welcome distraction from the storm that brewed within her. She had read up about the show, the piece they were going to perform -
Tchaikovsky’s venerated Swan Lake. The story of a young girl who falls in love with a prince who promises to save her but fails. Ofcourse there were finer nuances to the story but this was the basic plot. As the lights dimmed, Brishti felt pulled in by the music, the eerie beauty of it’s melody played in perfectly with the questions that were swirling around in Brishti’s mind -
Why do I feel wrong?
Is this what Yoongi was talking about? Anxiety…?
Why does Namjoon look so... different?
Why is he so quiet, so… distant…It’s like he’s keeping himself away from me despite being right next to me, arm in arm, like the true Namjoon is somewhere in a glass case? Deep deep beneath whatever this creature is who is next to me?
I’m thinking too much. No. What is this? Why am I feeling this way?
It’s the music… no its not just the music… something is fucking wrong because all I feel like doing is breaking that glass case that’s locked away My Namjoon and presented this fucking imposter. What the hell is going on?!
Brishti barely managed to keep it together. She kept her eyes on stage…
It was like seeing a moving painting being created by invisible hands and the music was the sound of the brushstrokes, amplified. Park Jimin was playing Rothbart, the owl-like magician who curses Odette into a swan until she finds someone who would promise to love her forever. The questions in her mind and the power of the spectacle before her forced her tears to keep flowing.
Namjoon saw Brishti cry and held on to her. But the more he tried to comfort her, the more uneasy she became, the more she coudln’t contain the tears in her eyes.
The curtain fell at the end of Act three when the prince realises he has been tricked. Brishti, somehow, mirrored his grief. The prince was cheated by Rothbart into believing that his daughter, Odile, was Odette. Rothbart relished his plan so despicably it made Brishti’s stomach turn. The prince had already declared to the ballroom full of people his vow to love and marry the maiden by his side - Odile, not Odette. Park Jimin played Rothbart so skillfully, so beautifully that despite being the villain, despite being covered from head to toe, he was the star. Rothbart giggled delightfully as he revealed to the prince that the girl in his arms wasn’t Odette at all. That Odette was waiting for her prince by the lake. The curtain fell as the prince felt the stab of betrayal and rushed to Odette.
Brishti rushed to where she did not know. She wanted to get away from Namjoon, from this feeling that she couldn’t understand, couldn’t explain. She was angry. She wanted to break something. Tears still flowing down her face, she found a corner that was hidden away in darkness. She went in. Brishti sat on the couch there, for what seemed like eternity, breathing heavily. Nothing made sense. It felt like her insides were twisting into each other. Suddenly, though, a door creaked open and out came an angel. A man, glowing, having just freshened up. He saw her, saw her fear and instead of pulling back in shock, approached with a strange kindness. He held her wrist and stayed silent for a moment.
His beauty was also a kindness to her. In that moment, Brishti could breathe a little bit better. He sat down by her knees, on the floor and when he spoke, his voice flowed like a tonic, “First time at the ballet? It’s overwhelming… I know. You’re okay. You are safe. Rothbart is not here. Talk to me… what are you feeling?”
The tears kept flowing. This man was different, she knew he understood what she was feeling like. She felt safe, but not as if she was with a saviour, rather as though she was with another victim.
“What are you feeling…” Park Jimin repeated. The pieces were falling into place in her head. This is Park Jimin, the man who danced as Rothbart. The man who should have danced the Prince. Who should have played Odette and Odile.
“I feel… rage.” Brishti trembled as she spoke. She could breathe again.
“Yes… Rothbart is… evil… I’m sorry-”
Brishti nodded her head no. “At the prince.”
Jimin was surprised. “Let it out. You can scream in here and no one would know.”
Brishti didn’t need another invitation, but her rage wasn’t a scream, it was a whisper - “I want to hit the prince. How could he not now? He couldn’t see that that girl was not Odette? Is he blind? The way she moved, the way she danced… which only means… it means that the prince knew… somewhere he felt doubt but he… He couldn’t fucking trust himself enough?! I don’t know why this is breaking my heart… Why can’t people trust in themselves?! It’s a pathetic fucking excuse and I can’t buy it… I just can’t. Why did the prince...” Her hands covered her face as she wiped her tears. She composed herself.
Jimin pulled out a kerchief. “May I?” Brishti nodded and he dabbed her face with care.
“The prince trusted his sight more than his soul. And now, Odette will die because of it. As always, the woman pays the price.”
“He dies too, you know.”
“What a waste…”
Jimin smiled, “Thank you… for watching the show, for feeling it so much.”
Brishti managed a weak smile, “Thank you.” Jimin stepped away and sat next to her, at a respectable distance. “I’m being lied to.”
Jimin nodded, “I know what that’s like. I feel that rage against the prince too. And still, we must be kind to our liars.”
Brishti clenched her teeth, “Why? Where’s the fairness in that?”
Jimin moves away, in a dejected kind of daze and pours himself a drink, “That’s the biggest lie, fairness. Cruel joke.”
Brishti walked toward the door. “I should go… Thank you.”
Jimin raised his glass to her.
Brishti wore her coat and walked toward the exit. She found Namjoon in a panic and suddenly felt like she could reach him. He looked so relieved to see her. She couldn’t help but feel awash with love as he crashed into her in the warmest hug. It was as if he was the one who was lost.
“Are you okay? Why were you crying?” Namjoon asked her as he stroked her head and held her in the hug for as long as she needed.
“I need to ask you something.” Brishti whispered as she pulled away. They began walking down the stairs of the theatre.
“Änything.” Namjoon replied.
“Your firm… they refused the Jimin case, right?”
Namjoon froze. His jaw locked up. “Let’s go home.”
The rest of the way, neither of them spoke a word. They entered their home in a cold silence. They washed the night off themselves and entered their bedroom, which was completely devoid of the heat and desire that usually filled it right up to the ceiling. What used to feel like an ocean, now felt like a vacuum.
When Namjoon walked in, Brishti reminded him, as kindly as she could,“I said I need to ask you something. You said, ‘anything’.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to talk about it.” Namjoon was cold again. Unfeeling. Unreachable.
Brishti tried her best to be calm… “When would you want to talk about it?”
Namjoon breathed in - “Why? Am I answerable to you?”
“Yes.”
“Well, we disagree. I don’t think I am answerable to you. What would you have done if I wouldn’t have told you about it in the first place?”
“I would still be feeling what I’m feeling… I would be even more furious though.”
“Fu- why would you be furious? I have to work there, I lost the account. I’m feeling hurt and disappointed in myself and instead of helping me, you’re angry?! What the hell could you be angry at?!”
“I’m being lied to. I’m being tricked.”
“What?!” the contempt on Namjoon’s face made her head throb. He was angry now.
“There are two Namjoons here. I’m being told there’s only one and--”
“That is some philosophical trash that you learned from one of your books. Real life doesn’t work that way. But how would you know?! You don’t have a real job. You have a hobby. A hobby of stacking books in order. You’re just plain lucky that someone is paying you for your hobby. That’s not a job. You of all people cannot tell me about the things I have to do to keep my job. I have tried my best to be as honest as I can be--”
“As honest as you can --”
“Listen to me!” Namjoon thundered. His loud voice might as well have been a punch. It rang through her body and rattled her bones. She had tears in her eyes but clenched them down as Namjoon continued yelling, “Enough… enough with the fucking tears. What the fuck are you so sad about?! I don’t need you to pity me. I don’t need anyone to feel sad for me. I have tried to be a good man - do you even know how much other men don’t even mention to their wives?! I told you everything. EVERYTHING. And now I’m being punished for it. Time and time again I tried to console you… even though I was the one hurting… I tried to be there for you and tell you… as long as I have --”
Brishti couldn’t take it anymore “Don’t. Say that.” She didn’t yell. Her voice was just above a whisper and yet it sent a chill down Namjoon’s spine. She wiped her tears. “I didn’t ask to be consoled. I was just… curious. If a few questions from me hurt so much maybe you should ask yourself why. I’m not lucky that someone decided to pay me for my hobby. It’s nice to know what you really think of my job. But whatever you think, I created my job. I created my life. I fought to come to london. I fought for the right to earn--”
“Oh please... spare me the feminist lecture...” scoffed Namjoon.
“Sure. Take up Jimin’s case.”
Namjoon felt the burn of white hot rage. He wanted to strangle her. He was so used to touching her… and she was his… in this bedroom, he had made her his. He wasn’t thinking. Namjoon strode toward her and held one massive palm over her mouth and the other on her neck and pinned her to the wall. “YOU WOULDN’T HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THAT IF I DIDN’T TELL YOU.”
It took him a few moments to realise what he was doing. Brishti was shocked and tried to scream but no voice came out. She was trying to get him out of his daze when he finally saw her, saw his Rim, horrified… by him. Namjoon pulled his hands back instantly. He saw a red bruise bloom where his hands were - on her face and on her neck.
“This is how you make your conscience shut up?” Brishti’s voice was hoarse. “You think this has nothing to do with your conscience? With the best part of you? The part that you made me fall in love with? Are you really telling me you don’t know that this is why you can’t write the way you used to… You’re killing my Joon and asking me to stay silent. I can’t.”
The searing anger still hadn’t died and it burst out of him, “Why are we fighting like this… over Jimin… why don’t you take up his case if you fucking love him so much?”
“What do you think I’m doing right now?”
“You… Why are you fighting for him against me?!” It was here that Namjoon realised his armour was gone. The idea of who he is... suddenly vanished. And the one thing that had made him feel safe, like his true self, was slipping away. “You’re saying… just tell me… you’re saying what I think you’re saying.”
Brishti did him the only kindness she had left in her, she explained, “Jimin wants to leave but can’t. He stays because he needs to dance. He stays because he cannot get out of his contract. You say you want to help people like Jimin, you roll your eyes at white people who can’t pronounce our names, you feel guilty for asians who have much less than we do… but then you also don’t raise an issue when your boss holds meetings in clubs where people of other races and dogs and women are not allowed. You work overtime for the privilege of weekends… You say you are trying but… as far as I know… you don’t have a non-compete clause in your contract, Namjoon.”
That hit him like an iceberg. Namjoon’s legs gave way and he just sat on the bed.
He watched as Brishti put on her coat and left, covering her bruises with a scarf.
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Chapter 6 - to be posted.
37 notes · View notes
hangmans-wingman · 3 years
Text
Our Little Secret - Chapter 4
Summary: With a crown comes those who wish to challenge it, save it, and take it.
Pairing: Knight!Din Djarin X Fem!Reader (OC Last Name)
Word Count: 5.2k
Warnings: Death. Slight mention of blood. Slow burn.
Chapter Song: Evermore - Dan Stevens
Divider: @firefly-graphics
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The silver fork in your hand scrapped across the ivory plate as the celebration feast was in full swing. While the venison tasted delicious and the wine was like sugar on your lips, you couldn't find your appetite. Your mother's elegant hand slipped over yours and gave a gentle squeeze.
"If you only eat this much at dinners, you'll save the kingdom a fortune." She playfully teased as you glanced up to her before shrugging.
"Perhaps that's where I will cut expenses where father poured out the coin." You joked back and your mother nodded knowingly.
"Probably. But your attire will make up for that. You do look stunning. I should've been dressing you like this all along. Perhaps you would've been married sooner." She added as she sipped her wine.
You rolled your eyes and scoffed. Your eyes searching the dinner attendants until you found him. Din was standing in a group of multicolored Mandalorians. They were all looking to a tall blue Mandalorian who looked like he could crush a skull with his bare hands. The name Paz seemed to come to mind but you would have to ask Din later. It didn't take long before you were admiring him, his armor polished so well you could see the reflections of the other Mandalorians in it.
"Or maybe you were saving yourself for a certain Knight...." Your mother's nimble fingers poked your side, making you turn and glare at her. "What? do you want to marry him?" She asked flatly. Her face giving nothing away.
"I-I... Well, I..." You stumbled over your words as you briefly glanced at him before you turned fully to your mother. "Is marrying a Mandalorian Knight even an option?" You asked.
"It is. The Knight Commander can offer him as a suitor. But it is frowned upon because you can't secure any alliances with that marriage. Alliances protect kingdoms." Your mother explained holding your hands, toying with your fingers gently. "But... is that what you want?" She asked again.
You opened your mouth to respond, ready to accept the words on the tip of your tongue before a scrawny squire came over to your chair.
"Your Majesty... I come with a letter..." He panted bowing quickly and holding out the letter.
His hand shaking as he caught his breath. You stifled a laugh seeing how red his face was from running from the front of the castle. You gingerly took the letter and thanked him. He gave a wide smile before running over to one of the Knights. The letter was a pale orange color with a silver seal on the front. It had two circles on it, one bigger than the other. You showed it to your mother.
"Ah, the seal of Tatooine. A desert kingdom to the very far east. Its symbol is two moons. Often known for its strange people and creatures" Your mother explained and you nodded. You quickly tore open the letter and began to read.
Your Majesty,
Our sincerest apologies for the death of King Rainerius. He was a mighty king who kept his kingdom prosperous and happy for a long reign. His mighty laughter and a great mind for politics will surely be missed. The Kingdom of Tatooine mourns with you.
We would also like to congratulate you on your coronation as Queen. We have heard many stories of how you are a true daughter of your father. We expect you will be a wonderful queen like your father. We would like to be a part of your reign.
We are sending a suitor who we hope would be able to rule by your side. Lord Pelgo is the King's nephew, and while he is older than your Majesty, he is quite charismatic and charming. We desire to see the Kingdom of Tatooine and the Trorus Empire as one.
Sincerely,
King William of Tatooine.
"Your first suitor!" Your mother cheerfully announced and some heads turned towards you. A knawing feeling took up residency in your stomach.
"Yay..." You answered no joy in your voice as you tossed the letter onto the dining table.
"Come now... even if you want to marry your Mandalorian..." Your mother whispered as you raised your brows. "....it is good to show interest in other suitors. To keep the kingdoms happy. Even if you choose not to marry them, it's a sign of goodwill to let them come to meet you. It's good publicity for a new queen." She explained and you sighed.
"Well, I hope there are a least a few decent-looking ones. Make it a bit interesting." You shrugged as you glanced back to where Din had been previously, only to find his spot vacated. You frowned a bit as you searched for him, only to never find him.
"Make what a bit interesting, cyar'ika?" Din's voice asked from above you. You jumped a bit before looking up to see his black visor staring down at you. Your mother was giggling next to you as she dismissed herself and went to find some other feast attendants to talk to.
"Life at court. You make my life interesting." You smiled as Din took the seat next to you on your right.
"Mhm." He grunted as his gloved hand toyed with the silverware laid on the table.
"How's the little guy?" You whispered leaning towards him.
Din glanced around before pulling back the flap of the sack to show you. Two big brown eyes looked up and cooed once they met yours. You reached up on your plate for a bite of meat. When you were sure no one was looking, you gave the hatchling a scrap. He eagerly scarfed it up.
"Quiet for a child," Din explained as he also stole some of the meat leftovers from whoever was in the seat and fed the hatchling.
"I bet he's hungry. I'll have the servants bring me some leftovers to my room for him." You explained scratching the top of his wrinkly forehead. He cooed as he enjoyed the attention he was getting.
"Your Majesty!" Chancellor Philbert's voice rang out over the crowd, drawing everyone's attention to you.
He was an older council member who had been elected when your father came to the throne. He was set in the old ways and even tried to have your father put one of your brothers ahead of you for the throne. Never had been a fan of a woman ruling the empire. The wrinkles on his face gave him the appearance of a bulldog. He was a short man with a nasty temper as well.
Your hand quickly landed back in your lap and you sat up straight. Din slowly adjusted himself, his fist resting on the table.
"Your birthday is coming upon us quickly. How shall we celebrate it?" He asked, his words slurring a bit as he had his fill of wine.
"I am open to ideas, Chancellor Philbert. What did my father do to celebrate his birthday?" You asked, your voice pleasant as your smile.
"He went on a grand stag hunt. But that doesn't seem to fit you..." He joked and raised his brows.
"You insult her," Din spoke out his voice gruff and intimidating even through the modulator. His visor trained on Philbert and his fits clenching together.
"Oh keep your helmet on, Mando. Our queen is a true lady, it would be below her status to go hunting with brutish men. Perhaps a ball would be more fitting?" Philbert offered.
You were thanking your mother's lessons on keeping your face stoned when inside your anger was beginning to bubble. Your mother was off to the side drinking, watching her daughter deal with her council.
"Well, I have been called my father's daughter numerous times. Surely I inherited his hunting skill as well..." You answered, brows raised with a grin on your face. "Or are you calling my lineage into question, Chancellor?"
The room fell into a hush as everyone had turned to listen in on the conversation. Din's hand that had been petting the hatchling, found your knee under the table cloth. His visor was still trained on the Chancellor and other council members. Philbert's face gave him a look of defeat at his fellow council member's words.
"I would certainly hope not, Chancellor Philbert. If you had ever come down to the archery range, you would see she is an excellent shot. Even with the crossbow." Tybalt's booming voice came from behind you.
He walked up behind your chair and placed a hand on the back, his face showing a slight frown. You bit your tongue knowing Tybalt was only boasting your skill to one-up the council. You were pretty great with a bow and arrow, but a crossbow was still giving you a challenge.
Din had been patiently teaching you since the technology had come to the kingdom. Of course, he was a natural with anything in the armory. It amazed you sometimes how skilled he was, quick and deadly when he needed to be. He was known as the best marksman in the knights currently, Tybalt boasted about it every time it came into the conversation.
The room had fallen silent as each side was quipping back and forth at one another. But your mother, who had seen this play out thousands of times when your father was king, swooped in to help put out the fire.
"How about both? A great stag hunt in the morning and a ball in the evening? A suitor is already on his way to meet our Queen. We could have a celebratory ball and invite suitors to come to meet our beautiful queen. We can serve the stag as dinner..." Your mother offered coming over to your side with a beautiful smile. The council looked between one another and discussed before turning back to you and your council.
"If that is the wish of Your Majesty. It is your birthday after all." Chancellor Ballard spoke up for the first time, you knew he was on your side secretly. Perhaps trying to save face for his council member who spoke earlier.
"I think that is an excellent suggestion by my mother to marry the old with the new. An honorary hunt for my father and a ball to celebrate my birthday. I expect my councils will be joining me to both correct?" You asked rising out of your seat, a smirk on your face.
"Your Majesty, we don't hunt or dance at balls," Philbert dismissed and you rose your brows in surprise.
"I guess we all get to try new things this spring right, Chancellor Philbert? Or is that below your status as chancellors?" You asked running your nail around the rim of your glass. Your eyes fluttering back up to look at Philbert since he was the source of the fire. His mouth opened and closed a few times like a fish gasping for air before he spoke again.
"You are right, Your Majesty." He answered as he sat back down in his chair amongst the other chancellors.
"Excellent. Mother, will you begin the preparations for the ball then? Winter will be upon us any day now so it will give us plenty of time to prepare and give the castle a good spring cleaning. Plus I need to practice both my archery and my dancing skills. Enjoy the feast, everyone." You announced pushing your chair back, your shadow standing up quickly beside you.
Everyone else stood up and bowed as your left, your long dress trailing behind you, your head held high as you left. Din's solid boot sounded on the stone behind you as he caught up to you quickly with his great strides. You noticed two servants walking towards the hall with more plates of food, you gently reached out to catch one.
"Will you please bring me a plate of the meats to my rooms? It was just so delicious that I wouldn't mind snacking on it later." You gave a warm smile as the two servants nodded quickly, bowing, and hurrying to the hall.
You glanced back at Din who nodded before following to your room. You opened the door to the shock of your nursemaid Glorianna waiting for you. She was dusting off some of the shelves around your room.
"Hello, my dear." She gave a gentle smile, her hair was cut into a pixie cut and she was soft and round. For the longest time, she was your nursemaid when your mother would fall ill. Now she served as your head maid in charge of the rest of them.
"Hello, Anna. Come to help me out of my dress?" You smiled walking over to the stool you sat on so she could fix your hair. Din stood awkwardly in the doorway, his entire form taking up most of the doorway but he had yet to step past the threshold.
"Yes. And you" She said pointing the hairbrush at Din, he turned and stared at her. "Need to go hide in that little room while she undresses with that dragon of yours." She ordered and Din looked at you.
"Anna.... how did you know?" You questioned turning to face her. She simply chuckled as the brush began to go over your head.
"Your mother. I was her handmaiden before and after your father. She came to me after your father died to tell me what you were hiding." She explained as Din passed by into the room with the hatchling.
You and Glorianna fell silent as he passed and the door closed. She gently tapped you on the head with the back of the hairbrush.
"Letting a man in your bedroom before you are married... are you trying to make a scandal?" She teased with heavy love implied.
You let out a giggle as she started to undo the decorations in your hair. Your gaze landing on the door with a warm smile knowing your Knight was waiting for you.
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Tybalt was sitting at his old oak desk in the Mandalorian cove, reading over the reports of the soldiers. Winter always made the knights restless, being locked inside constantly and the extra layers beneath their armor made them stiff. He had to find new ways to keep the knights in top condition. He heard a quiet discussion beyond the door of his office before there was a knock on the door.
"Enter!" He ordered as he marked his spot in the report and put away his glasses, something he was having to get used to using in his old age.
Din walked in and saluted him before coming to stand before Tybalt. Tybalt leaned back in his chair and smiled seeing his beloved pupil.
"What brings you here, Djarin? You should be guarding our beloved queen." Tybalt asked gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk for Din to take a seat. The tall shadow took a seat but sat upright with his hands on his thighs.
"Marriage," Din responded and Tybalt's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he sat forward in his seat.
"A-Alright then..." Tybalt cleared his throat as he looked at his young squire. "To whom?" He asked. Din's visor stared back at Tybalt as if answering the question himself. "Ah... I assumed so." Tybalt rose from his feet and went over to his bookshelf.
His fingers ran over several covers before finding a gray one and bringing it over. He sat down as his fingers flipped through the pages. Din's visor tracked him the whole way, his back rigid as stone. Tybalt finally found the page he was looking for before turning the book towards Din.
"By decree, the Mandalorian Knights are allowed to present one suitor if said suitor has passed all the Trials of the Knight and..." Tybalt paused as Din took the book and read over the passage. "is willing to give up his Knighthood in service to the crown."
"You mean I would no longer be a knight?" Din asked, his visor turning back up to Tybalt.
"Yes. You would no longer be a Knight of Mandalore. You would be King Consort to Her Majesty. You could still keep the creed but you would lose your brothers and sisters." Tybalt explained and Din sat back in his chair a bit, mulling over his words.
"She wouldn't allow it..." Din huffed as he sat the book back on the desk in defeat. Tybalt also leaned back in his chair, studying the body language of his squire.
"She would if you told her to. If you were willing to give it up." Tybalt explained as he folded his hands on the table. "Not to mention, that would give the Knights all the more reason to swear allegiance to the crown. You would secure their place in the kingdom. No future monarch would dispute their value. You could protect all the future foundlings. We would no longer be viewed as outcasts. Our numbers would grow." Tybalt explained and Din's visor seemed to find a wall to stare at.
"I was once a foundling. The Knights gave me a home. A purpose. Perhaps more would find their way here if one stood beside the queen." Din answered turning back to Tybalt who smiled and nodded.
"The suitor ball is just around the corner. All the suitors are being formally introduced to the Queen then." Tybalt commented plainly. Both of the Knights stared at one another a silence falling over the room.
"I'll need ballroom dancing lessons then," Din commented holding his hand out, Tybalt reached forward and shook it.
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You flung the door open to the joint room, only to find Peli sitting with the dragon reading a story. Peli was one of your mother's long-time servants and closest friend. Often known for being able to fix just about anything your mother needed. She had agreed to be put on the dragon babysitting roster. Which had grown since your coronation. Turns out your mother had a secret ring of Dragon Order members:
Glorianna, your wet nurse who still hemmed your dresses.
Peli, your mother's head servant
Sir Karga, your mother's head guard.
All had been put in by your mother for your eventual succession to the throne so you could be on the right side of the war between the orders. You were now grateful to be able to trust so many people around you with your little secret.
"Have you seen Sir Djarin?" You questioned and Peli looked up with surprise and shook her head.
"No, I haven't. But shouldn't you be getting ready for the hunt? You are still in your nightclothes." Peli teased pointing her hands at your silver nightgown.
"Yeah yeah... I'm working on it!" You explained waving your hand and shutting the door as Glorianna walked in with your mother.
"Darling, you look ragged, what have you been doing all morning?" Your mother asked as she hung up your ball gown.
Glorianna began to get out her tools of the trade on your vanity.
"Looking for Din. He... He usually is here in the morning..." You responded, your face growing hot with every word knowing how it sounded coming out of your mouth.
"He must be off doing important knight things. I'm sure he'll be waiting for you at the stables. Now hurry up and get dressed for the hunt. Wouldn't want to keep the council waiting." Your mother answered as she helped Glorianna get your dress out of the bag to start preparing it.
You quickly pulled on your riding outfit and were out the door with your crossbow in hand. You walked alone through the hallways and out to the stable. Your mother was right, everyone was gathering in the stable, and horses were being pulled out and saddled. You quickly made your way in and found the black thoroughbred Tybalt had given you as a young girl. You had given him the Razor for how fast he was. Sharp too in the mind and his turns.
"Hello, handsome." You cooed rubbing your hand over his white star as he snorted at you. "Let's get you saddled." You answered grabbing his halter and pulling him from his stall to get him saddled.
"Let me help you, Your Majesty." An auburn-colored knight offered, scrambling over to grab the saddle for you. Both you and Razor looked at him with surprise before you nodded at the assistance.
You busied yourself with adjusting the bridle of Razor as you felt eyes on you from every direction. Glancing up, the auburn knight was staring at you. Or so you thought. Turns out he was looking just past you at the looming figure at the end of the stall walkway.
"Almost done with the saddle?" You asked staring at the visor of the knight who did not respond. He was frozen in place as the knight walked towards your backside.
"She asked you a question." Din's gruff voice commented which made you jump. You reached back and playfully hit Din's chest. The strong beskar making your knuckles hurt instantly.
"Stars! Start announcing yourself, Djarin!" You teased, your chest rising and falling as the visor slowly panned to you. Even Razor snorted the suddenness.
"Mesh'la." Din flatly stated as he walked past to grab the saddle from the knight and jerked his head away from you. The knight bowed before walking away quickly.
"I wouldn't have needed his help if you were around this morning." You pointed out getting the bridle settled on Razor as Din tightened the girth around his belly. Razor just stood patiently as he knew this motion well.
"I had things to take care of," Din answered flatly as he walked up towards you. His chest against your, brazenly unlike him. "Do you need help up?" He asked, his glove coming down to find your hand. You stood there like a fish gasping for air. His closeness throwing off your teasing plan.
"S-Sure.. y-yeah..." You answered untying Razor and walking him out towards the mounting block outside.
Din followed behind you and held his hands together for your boot. You took his help and soon were on your horse. Din took the reins and led you over to the group that was mounting and adjusting their weapons. You recognized one of the knights on a bigger shire horse, Paz. His blue armor was bigger than Din's and he had arms like the size of tree trunks. But you knew the knights came in all shapes and sizes. You just like yours the best.
"Your Majesty! What an honor to go hunting with you. Djarin has spoken highly of you." Paz's friendly voice made you smile as you took control of your horse. Din soon was on the gray warhorse you had seen him sneak carrots to when you went riding.
"And it's an honor to be around so many worthy knights. It's good to put a name to face, Paz Vizsla." You bowed your head as Paz crossed his arm to his chest in salute.
"Showoff," Din grumbled as the party started to walk towards the woods. You giggled and rolled your eyes as you trotted your horse up next to Chancellor Philbert, who was struggling to stay in the saddle. His horse seeming to not enjoy the rider on his back.
"Chancellor, so glad you could join us today." You purred and gave the most Chesire grin you could as Philbert grumbled.
"Yes, Your Majesty, let's hope you hunt something quickly so we can return home." He grumbled as you moved to the front of the party with the hounds and scouts.
Din and Paz were soon on your flanks, and you felt at ease with your guard.
The sun was already high up in the sky before the dogs were alerted to something. Paz halted the hunting party and your face scrunched up at the idea. You didn't want to kill anything. Everyone knew it. This was just a test to see if you could put your money where your mouth had unfortunately dragged you to.
The hunting party had stopped just before a great meadow that was filled with beautiful flowers and warm sunshine. In the next tree line over, you spotted the creature the hounds had alerted to. A great stag was munching on leaves, minding his own.
"Lookey there, Your Majesty..." Philbert taunted and pointed his old finger towards the stag.
You took one deep breath before you rose your crossbow to your cheek, lining the shot up towards the heart of the creature to make it quick. In your peripherals, you could make out the blurry image of a black T-visor staring at you. The stag was oblivious to the crossbow aimed at it. You adjusted your aim and prepared to take the shot. Just as your finger went to pull on the trigger, Paz spoke.
"Is that a dragon over there?!" He announced pointing to the right and back a bit, gasp flowing and saddles adjusting as the men turned.
Luckily there were only a few of them minus your trusty knights. Everyone's head, including your own, turned towards where Paz was speaking. The hatchling's mother was your first thought.
While everyone was distracted, Din swooped in and grabbed the bolt from your crossbow. Your head-turning at the action to see him easily take the shot at the stag. It flew true and narrow and landed in the creature, who let out a great cry. You watched as he loaded the bolt he had taken from your bow was loaded back into his own. As if nothing had happened. You fired the trigger while the stag cried to mute the sound.
"Excellent shot, Your Majesty!" Din announced and the heads turned back around just in time to see the stag struggle to stand before falling. A few of the counselors cheered and Paz even chuckled.
"What a mighty kill, Queen!" Paz cheered as the group moved forward towards the deer. Chancellor Philbert took this chance to look at you with narrowed eyes before following the group to retrieve the stag.
"Din..." You turned to him, still shocked at his quick thinking. He turned his visor towards you and tilted it. "....why did you do that? You didn't have to..." You seemed at loss for words.
"They cornered you, into something you could never do," Din answered looking back at the group. "But I could." Din shrugged before nodding his head towards the group.
"My guardian..." You smiled as relief washed over you that Din had truly stayed to his oath. You reached over quickly and grabbed his hand and squeezed it. His visor returning to meet your eyes. "Thank you..."
And though he didn't say anything in return to you, you knew what he was saying. I would do anything for you, all you need do is ask.
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The hunting party returned without any issue, Paz electing to carry your prized stag back to the castle. You gave the fakest smile of pride as they strapped down the stag, blood coming from its nostrils. Din's hand found the small of your back and lead you away and back to the castle.
Once inside the castle, the hustle and bustle of the ball had already begun. The chandeliers were being lit. Flowers and ribbons decorated the great hall which had been turned into a marvelous dance floor. The smell of something delicious cooking filled the air. The floor was so polished it reflected the curved ceilings above it. Tables were around the outside so guests could sit and drink. You had formally opened the invitation for any suitor to come and dance along with noble ladies to get a chance at a husband.
In your room though, it was calm. Your dress had already been made and laid out for you as Glorianna fixed up your hair.
Despite your protests of the chosen dress, the committee seemed to be on board with it. It had only been a few weeks ago that the spatting match between mother and daughter took place.
"Mother, I am not wearing a ballgown. It's huge!" You cried out as you touched the sparkling fabric of the mountain of a dress before you.
It was a dark navy color with golden flowers growing on vines from the bottom of the dress. Gold trim around the cinched bodice and very bottom of the dress. It gave the traditional princess gown a run for its money. Your dressmakers knew how to wow a crowd.
"It's a ball, my flower! You have to wear a ball gown! I did to my first ball!" Your mother answered in response as your crossed your arms.
"I'm going to look ridiculous in that. I'll barely be able to dance in it. They are going to step on it and trip me." You pouted as your fingers moved along the featherlight tulle that made the dress very light and delicate.
"A true gentlemen would never step on a ladies' dress. You just can't marry them if they do." Peli answered as she undid the corset so you could try it on.
"Just try it. If you hate it, we'll make another one." Glorianna cupped your cheeks with a smile before leading you over to the dress.
You stepped in and closed your eyes as you let your little squad finish it up. Guilt ate at your stomach a bit since you knew Glorianna had painstakingly hand-stitched all the flowers. They were even tulips, your favorite flower, so you know she did it.
"There open your eyes, look how beautiful you are!" Your mother gleefully cried out as you slowly peeked your eyes open.
You made Cinderalla look second class in that dress.
Now you smiled at the dress with a bit of guilt at hating it before. You did look stunning, and your stomach turned with what Din would think of it. You easily stepped into it and in no time you were standing at the end of the long rolled out rug for all the suitors to come and greet you, kiss your hand, and try to whoo you.
Some had come from far and wide to attempt to catch your attention, while others were just a local duke's son. It was your choice in the end so no one was out of the league. But you were disappointed with each trumpet call of a new suitor. You were graceful with each, even Cobb Vanth who kissed your hand one too many times. And he was quite older than you, but still had a lot of charm up his sleeves.
You let out a huff as you turned to your mother who was grinning like a fox beside you. Even Johanna was giggling behind her fan, looking away when she caught your eye.
"I don't like any of them, mother." You whined and your mother nodded her head.
"I think you'll like the next one..." Your mother gestured towards the trumpets that sounded with the arrival of another suitor.
You turned back and straightened yourself up to look presentable. The crowds of men and women were chatting around your throne, leaving only the rug walkway open.
"Sir Djarin, Knight of Mandalore. Former squire of Knight Commander Tybalt!" The announcer called as Din appeared from around the curtains and began his walk up to you.
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thereaderstea · 3 years
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G´day tor-mon, how are you<3? Recommend me your favourite bts!jungkook x reader fics! so I guess its not an au?(no smut✋🚫)
Merry meet, nonnie! I am well, busy and a little stressed because I had a power outage yesterday, but well nonetheless ☺️ I hope you are merry in the holidays (if you celebrate) and are happy and healthy 😄🖤💜
asdfghjkl, my favorite JJK x Reader fics? I have to choose? 😰 *has an existential crisis*
Alright, after some deep reflection, an existential crisis, and fighting the urge to devour these fics again (you have a mission, tor-mon!), I present to you my current favorite JJK fics (this list is only bound to grow). These fics have made me feel so intensely and I think about these fics a lot (an unhealthy amount, probably). I sorted them by genre: fluff to angst to yandere.
tor-mon’s Favorite JJK x Reader Fics
Sugar and Coffee by @jimlingss​  ➵Fluff, Angst, Slice of Life | slice of life au |  pâtisserie school au | enemies to friends to lovers au | Slice of Life series | 23 ch series | 100.5k ➵You are quite the pâtisserie chef, or at least on your way to becoming one, but there’s that one person who always has to complain, Jeon Jungkook.  ➵A masterpiece, honestly. I remember cracking up so hard over their competitions, the banter, and dynamics, but nothing beats that one day after the dream... I don’t want to spoil! but I do want to warn that there is a wet dream (not too graphic and it’s not a lot, I promise) somewhere in there, but honestly, it’s so hilarious.
Chess of Ice by Jimlingss​ | The Reader’s Tea Reviews 1 | 2 | 3 ➵Fluff, a lil bit of Angst | sports au | curling au | trilogy | 42.8k ➵Jeon Jungkook is a rising star, that is, until he falls. Now he’s picking up another sport, curling. ➵I love a good team dynamic and the characters in this are everything 🙌🏻
Date in a Box by Jimlingss​  ➵Fluff | Service Series | oneshot | 9.7k (Jimlingss’s summary: ) ➵If you’re in a hurry then we’re here to help you! Everything you need in a box. Delivery less than five minutes. Upgrade and we can personalize your date even more! Guaranteed 100%! Don’t fret, we’re here.  ➵I love the entire Service Series because the concepts are so much fun and they’re hilarious and I love the service descriptions, aka the commercials XD
I Will Not Lose! by Jimlingss​ ➵Fluff | magic au | oneshot | 6.2k (Jimlingss’s summary: ) ➵A single bet - use every means to make Jeon Jungkook fall in love with you. ➵It’s fluffy and cute, and it’s got that hint of enemies to lovers, especially with how competitive the mc gets over this bet. And the ending! asdfghjkl ^.^ 
midas by @gukyi​  ➵Fluff, (light) Angst, Comedy | enemies to lovers au | ceo au| magical realism au | oneshot | 32k (gukyi’s summary: ) ➵jeon jungkook was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and the power to turn whatever he wants into pure gold. you were born with healing and invisibility powers but without a cent to your name. so when you’re plucked off of the streets for pickpocketing and assigned to be his minder as punishment, you realize you’re going to have to overcome a lot more than class differences if either of you are going to get what you want. (or,) ➵you become Jungkook’s magical babysitter ➵I really love this concept! This fic is what got me looking into magical realism as an entire genre. But also, who doesn’t love a good enemies to lovers? and from the master of enemies to lovers 🙌🏻
ice prince by gukyi | The Reader’s Tea Review   ➵Fluff, (very light) Angst | figure skating au | enemies to lovers au | oneshot | 22k ➵Your ice skating partner just had to break his leg right before a big competition and “of all people on this godforsaken Earth, you’ve been re-paired up with Jeon Jungkook, Ice Prince.” ➵an axel-lent enemies to lovers :D I love it so much! And I really love Tae and mc’s friendship and all those icebreaker questions ☺️
if i told you by gukyi​  ➵Fluff, (light) Angst, Comedy | friends to lovers au | college au | oneshot | 22k ➵Jeon Jungkook is a broke college student, so to pay off his debt, he sells himself as the perfect boyfriend. If only you weren’t a broke college student either, then maybe you could buy yourself a date with Jungkook. ➵The mc is so not what I expected, (no spoilers!) all I will say is that I really love how supportive she is. I also love how close they are and this Jungkook is too fluffy and cute! ^.^
a moonlight melody by gukyi​ | The Reader’s Tea Reviews 1 | 2 ➵Fluff, Soft Angst | fake dating au | orchestra au | vacation au | duology | 50k ➵Your best friend has pranked you too many times and you’ve done nothing about it, because you, quite frankly, suck at pranking. As such, Jungkook ➵This is so soft and magical and sweet and soft ☺️ and did I mention soft? but also all those memes! There is so much good and wholesome and hilarious dynamics in here! This is the kind of fic that makes me wish I had a big friend group to do crazy stuff like this (but I hear you have to leave your house and, like, socialize??)
Down With The Ship by @tatastaetae | The Reader’s Tea Reviews 1 | 2 | 3 ➵Fluff, Angst | pirate au | trilogy | 25.4k ➵ You board a ship to escape forced love; but you join a pirate crew to fall into the arms of your only true and constant love: the sea. (or, tatastaetae’s summary: ) ➵Captain Jeon Jungkook; a beautiful mess of blood and gold. His greatest treasure, may also be his greatest downfall. ➵Very very fluffy! I love the adventure and the antics and I still want to know what’s in that soup, Jin! But that ending, holy heck, I didn’t see it coming and I just malfunctioned and stared at my wall in shock for who knows how long, and I just love tatastaetae’s fluffy writing which always somehow wrecks my soul! ^.^
His Name by @jimlingss ➵Angst | multiple personality au | 8 part series | 52.4k ➵Jeon Jungkook has multiple personalities and gaps in his memory. It’s your job to treat him and perhaps help him remember his past... ➵This is the first bts fic I ever read (a special thanks to Nani for reccing it ☺️) and so it holds a special place in my black heart, especially because I sobbed so hard at 3 in the morning and my mind was stuck on this for days
Gravity by @donewithjeon | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵Angst, Fluff | ‘90s au | oneshot | 29k ➵Time can bring you together, but Time can also push you apart; will you and Jungkook be able to fight the distance and Time to stay together, or were you always meant to only share this descent to earth for just a moment, always meant to eventually drift apart? ➵I am a wimp when it comes to Time, but does that stop me from reading fics that exploit that weakness? nope! That last train scene destroyed my heart and that entire ending, the acceptance, stabbed me in the heart, for good measure.
written on the sky by @inktae​ | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵Angst, Fluff | apocalyptic au? | end of the world au | ‘seeking a friend at the end of the world’ au | oneshot | 22k ➵The 60-mile-wide asteroid was supposed to slip by Earth, but it’s a little late to change its course or do anything about it except to prepare for the end. So while you’re waiting for the end, find a friend, someone to hold a hand with at the end of the world. ➵I was sobbing before the fic even finished. The odd thing is that you know the end, but knowing doesn’t prepare you for the feels. 
below thunder showers by inktae | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵ Angst, lil bits of Fluff | sci-fi au | oneshot | 30k ➵ Yoongi leads Earth, while you lead a withered space station. You go to Earth to settle the tensions that have been brewing between Earth and the space station, and Jeon Jungkook, a broken soldier who holds a deep love for the rain, is there to deliver you. ➵we stan a fellow pluviophile ✊🏻 I am so conflicted over this Min Yoongi >.< but Jungkook is so soft and he really didn’t deserve to live this way :(
first light by inktae | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵Angst, Fluff | hotarubi no mori e au | 24.8k (inktae’s synopsis: ) ➵“Have you ever felt like the world is too loud sometimes?” “No. For me it’s always quiet.” ➵This fic wrecked me and made me so conflicted >.< I can never forget this fluffy, masked boy who lives in the woods and silence...
the swirling way of stars by inktae | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵Angst, Fluff | fantasy au | oneshot | 19k ➵You’re tasked with showing Jeon Jungkook what it’s like to live a completely normal life. ➵It’s just falling in love with life itself, the simple things, and it’s written so magically...how can you not fall in love?
the train of lost souls by inktae | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵Angst, lil bits of Fluff | fantasy au | oneshot | 13.6k ➵You have two options when you step on the train: you can live but forget your life, and everyone in your life will forget you, or you can move on and keep your memories for the rest of time. But, how can you choose when part of your soul rests on this train, and the other part longs for someone just out of reach... ➵Once again, I’m a wimp with Time, and the choices really get me thinking...
Pen Pal by @chinkbihh​  ➵Part 1 | Part 1.5 | Part 2 | Final 1/2 | Final 2/2 ➵Angst, Horror? | yandere au | murder and crime au | pen pal au | trilogy | 127.3k ➵Warnings: mental disorders (agoraphobia?), yandere, murder (stabbing)  ➵You sign up to receive a pen pal and are paired up with an inmate, jungkook. You just wanted to talk to someone who could understand what it’s like to be removed from society, but you just may be getting more than you asked for... ➵I love a good yandere fic, there’s something about a yandere’s demented psychology that calls to me, and it’s always so interesting to see how one yandere differs from another, especially in different scenarios. But please please please read and be mindful of the warnings in case it just doesn’t vibe with you.
Quarter Quell by chinkbihh ➵Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | +more  ➵Angst, Horror? | yandere au | hunger games au | ongoing ➵You have resigned to your fate as a tribute in the next hunger games when someone from District Two takes an interest in you...a bit too much of an interest, you’d say. ➵I am a little hesitant to rec this because it isn’t finished, but the premise is exciting and I am really amped for the next chapter in this fic, heck yeah! I mean, heck, a yandere hunger games au? let’s go! But please please please read the warnings in case it just doesn’t vibe with you
~*~
Bonus rec!
I haven’t read this fic, but my friend, Nani, rec’d it to me the other day, and it sounds so exciting :D so I’ll let her tell you about it:
Fan Identity by @tteokggukk​  ➵Fluff, Crack, Angst | enemies to lovers au | social media au | 37 ch series   ➵Influencer!JK is whipped for influencer!reader. Both don’t know they’re interacting with each other on their secret fan accounts. You’re rooting for the two long before they properly meet. But the best part? You’re rooting for their pseudos, Blair Witch and Seagull, as well. ➵I laugh, I pause, I gasp. The conflict between the two mc’s hurt. Honestly, it made the story worth the read.
~*~
Can I also...🥺...may I suggest:
10 Series by @deepdarkdelights | The Reader’s Tea Reviews 1 | 2 | 3 | The Reader’s Tea Analysis ➵10 Seconds | 10 Days | 10 Years ➵Horror? | yandere au | Bouquet Series | 10 Series | trilogy | 29.2k ➵You’re just a college student returning home from a late night out trying to finish up your ungodly college work...but “All it took was ten seconds” and well, now, you’re his. ➵How can I not include my favorite yandere writer, the master of yandere, herself? 🥺 I’m only hesitant because you requested no smut and I respect that, but if you are alright with a small smut scene (I promise there’s not too much) or even just skimming/skipping over it, I would highly recommend this series 🙌🏻 The smut scene is in the final installment (10 Years). It’s an all-time favorite from an all-time favorite writer. But please please please read the warnings in case it just doesn’t vibe with you.
~*~
Happy reading, carissima! I hope at least one of these fics will become your favorite, too ☺️ Let me know what you think as well after you’ve given the authors some love ☺️
Well met!
your fellow reading monster,
tor-mon 🖤
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jewels2876 · 3 years
Text
Secrets
A/N: I have Part Four of Neighbor Tom to entertain you! This immediately follows the events from Part Three of my series
Summary: You and Tom share secrets
Word Count: 804
No warnings
Divider by the lovely @firefly-graphics​
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You leaned against the doorway as the kids streamed into the classroom, daydreaming about the previous day. The rest of your Sunday had passed in a blur; you had spent most of the day hanging out with Tom and getting to know one another. Last night you had quite the erotic dream with Tom as your leading man. You highly doubted that you were going to make it through the school day on what little amount of sleep the dream had left you. “Hey, Ms. y/l/n! You teachin’ us today?” You pushed off the doorframe and walked into the classroom, shutting the door behind you.
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You pulled into your driveway and sighed. Teaching middle school was in your blood; you needed both hands and feet to count all of the family members who had taught or were currently teaching. But it wasn’t your passion; your passion was something no one, not even Sarah, knew you had. You raced into the kitchen, making sure the garage door shut, then kicked off your shoes and dug under your shirt to pull off your bra. The doorbell sounded and you shrieked in surprise. One of these days I’m gonna disable that damn thing, you promised yourself. You opened the door and grinned. Tom, once again shirtless, was sweaty and panting against your storm door. You pushed the small latch on the door to open it and invited him in. “Need some water?” you offered.
“I was going to ask if you wanted to run with me, but yes I’ll take water too.” He grinned as his breathing quickly evened out. You walked back into your kitchen, forgetting the bra you had flung off. “Am I just in time for something?” he asked as you pulled a glass out of your cupboard. You turned and noted your beige t-shirt bra hanging from his long finger; you nearly dropped the glass before groaning and turning to the water dispenser on your fridge.
“I just got home from work. The bra was the second casualty,” you explained as you handed him the full glass.
He took a large gulp then sighed dramatically. “What was the first casualty?”
“The shoes,” you giggled. “I don’t know why I think heels of any height are a good idea at school. How was your day?”
Tom wiped his arm across his forehead, lounging against your peninsula counter. “My call time was very early and since I didn’t sleep well last night, it made for a long day.” He took another chug of water. “How was your day?”
You put the back of your hand to your forehead and heaved a dramatic sigh. “The kids! The teaching!” You giggled. “Seriously though, same stuff, different day. I love my kids but I don’t always love the drama that comes with teaching.” You gave Tom another look up and down. “If I agree to run with you, will you keep this outfit or will you actually put on a shirt?”
Tom noticed the smirk on your face and nearly choked on the water in his mouth. Is she FINALLY figuring me out? Instead, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and grinned. “If you join me, I promise to keep the outfit.”
Your wide grin did something to Tom as you headed towards your hallway. “Give me five minutes to get ready.” You paused at the door of your bathroom. “Better make it ten.”
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Thirty minutes later you dropped at your front door, Tom chuckling at your dramatics. “Maybe we should trade careers for a day or two? I’m betting Marvel would get a kick out of you.”
You raised an eyebrow, a twinkle in your eye. “Marvel, really? Let me guess.” You raked your eyes up and down his frame. “Thor?”
Tom started to harumph then noticed you were trying to hold back a smirk. “You knew!”
Your peel of laughter filled the air as you lay on the cool concrete. “Not at first. But after you said actor, I googled ‘Tom,’ ‘actor,’ and ‘Atlanta.’ Boy did I get more than I bargained for.” You sat up, a grin still wide across your face. “Did you know you inspired an HBC?”
“The women involved are lovely aren’t they?” Tom sat next to you. “I’m just glad you haven’t defected to the SS HBC. Seb tells me they come up with some rather interesting pairings.”
“You don’t know the half of it,” you joked. You winced internally hoping he wouldn’t…
“And what do YOU know of it?” He turned to you, a wicked grin on his face. “Do you… are you…?”
You held up your hands and shook your head in denial. “Nice shoelaces.”
“They’re from the president.”  He locked eyes with you, the stormy green still bright in the twilight haze.
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mintseesaw · 4 years
Text
Mad Passion | 2
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Pairing: namjoon x reader Genre: arranged marriage au, smut, angst, fluff Word count: 14k Warnings: jealousy, possessiveness, graphic sexual content, unprotected sex Summary: As you become emotionally invested with your marriage, you have grown accustomed to being Namjoon’s wife. Not until you realize you barely have an idea what it is really like to be his wife.  *unedited
Part I | sequel 
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The midnight moon illuminates vibrantly on the clear, dark blue-ish sky— a clear view from the sky high cocktail bar and lounge, of which is about to approach its peak hours, serving exclusively to the hotel guests.
The four and a half thousand square foot space is indeed a perfect place to unwind minus the bustling crowd and unnecessary loud music. Among the tables neatly scattered in the open air terrace, the two men occupied the miniscule pavilion situated on the right corner of the sky high rooftop, the farthest possible spot from the little crowd growing as the night progresses.
Seokjin and Namjoon are currently on a business trip. Namjoon rarely joins him on his international-scale meetings one as he isn’t an expert of the global market of fisheries like Jin himself. This time, however, it was Namjoon who initiated the trip to meet a good number of businessmen to secure a majority vote on the retail corporation he had invested in several months ago. He was new to this particular field, which was why Jin was here with him. 
Jin was with him all through the course of said meetings. As Namjoon’s schedule abroad concluded today, it was safe to say the result of these meetings posed a good sign. Namjoon will soon take over another company. Of course, Jin wouldn’t let the night pass without them celebrating. He could’ve invited the rest of the group if they came along on the trip. So it was only the two of them who are celebrating, as Jin insists to call it. Namjoon could have turned it down, and calling his wife appeals to him more, but he really needs a proper drink even if Jin under the influence of alcohol means having to endure his annoying ass for an hour or two. “Your wife doesn’t have any idea on all of this, does she?” Jin nonchalantly asks, the alcohol cleansing his palate refreshingly from the numerous glasses he had. They had been in the pavilion for over an hour or two, he’s not certain.
Namjoon gave him a stern look, almost feigning innocence on the question his friend suddenly threw at him. “Know what?” There it was, the annoying side of Jin. Jin smirks, shaking his head. He could read his friend like the back of his hand. Amongst the group, he knows Namjoon the longest. Even with the passive expression he always wears, Jin could easily see through him.
“She doesn’t know? You’re screwed, Kim.” By now, both have already had a decent amount of alcohol in their system. The younger one, however, doesn’t appear as fuzzy as the older one. “She doesn’t need to know about my business affiliations. It would not matter what she would think of it.” He remarks, before emptying the liquor in his glass. His reply only made Jin snorted. “I bet you don’t.” He muses before continuing, “No doubt, it would be a pleasure to meet the woman who stole your heart. Hoseok told me a lot of things about you and her. I’d like to confirm it myself. After all, it’s been months since you secretly changed your marital status.” Also, he ought to know why Namjoon seems to talk too little about his wife, as if he was avoiding the subject itself. Namjoon’s eyebrow shots up. “Confirm what, exactly?”  “How smitten you are to the woman.” Namjoon leans his back on the couch, “Shut it, Hyung.” He shrugs, eliciting too little expression that only fuels Jin’s amusement further. Crossing his leg to the other, he continues to nag his friend. “I thought I’d never see the day, my friend. Have I not mentioned how surprised we were learning about your marriage in a newspaper?”
“You did, you couldn’t seem to move on from it, can you?”
“How can I? You didn’t even us at your wedding!”
“I already told you why.”
“Well, you have to give the girl a proper wedding. That is… if you already bear feelings for her.”
“There’s no need for that.”
“Did you ask her? Girls like those romantic shit.” Jin concludes, his own experience being his reference.
“The marriage is a part of the deal, Hyung.” He says in an indifferent tone, a pretense he had mastered through the years of his experience in the industry. Jin already knew the story behind his marriage, but the rare chance of pissing his friend off tempts him as always.
“If you don’t love the girl, you can easily get a divorce once you have secured the position. With the influence you have over the Korean government, there’s no way you can’t be granted a simple request.” Jin continues to press, enjoying the look of irritation growing on Namjoon’s face. Namjoon chose to keep quiet, distracting himself with pouring alcohol in his glass.
“What do you think the princess would feel if her castle has already been claimed by her King long before her father steps down on his throne?” Jin queries in a teasing manner.
“You forgot to mention she had long abandoned her throne. She already lost the title when she left.” Namjoon was quick to answer back.
Jin smirks, “Touché.” Namjoon purses his lips, letting the air be filled with silence. At the mere mention of the lost princess that is his wife, his mind wanders off. It’s been almost a week since he last saw his wife.  He misses her that no amount of alcohol could suffice. Although he consistently calls you every day, it was not enough to make peace with his mind. How should he converse with you to prolong the conversation? He loves hearing you talk endlessly, regardless of what it is about. The conversations feel restricted. Whether it was because of his intimidating self or you’re merely not interested to talk to him—he has yet to know why.
What is certain, though, is he will finally come home tomorrow.
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Mingyu quietly turns the ignition on the moment you climb inside the passenger’s side. Silence has awkwardly ruled between the two of you since two weeks ago especially when you don’t initiate a conversation, yourself. His actions are always calculated alongside the formality in his voice whenever you attempt to have a casual conversation with him.
And you figured, he might have been instructed not to entertain your friendly gestures, much less converse with you.
You find his awkward but formal disposition adorably hilarious, which sometimes make you laugh out loud, that in return, earns you questioning look from him.
Since his post as personal security detail two weeks ago, Mingyu always lingers on your whereabouts. The role he plays is obviously a college student, casually eating on a table far away from your usual spot, or pretending to read books in the library when you’re studying so he could unnoticeably guard you around. The pretense alone is a dangerous task, you presume, because he is an eye catcher and he has to stay low-profile not to gets busted.
You don’t even know how they can roam around the vicinity of the campus without alerting the security department. When you say ‘they’, you’re generally referring to the team of agents responsible for your well-being. After the incident involving your friend and one of them weeks ago, they have visually disappeared. But you were not that dense to believe they’re literally gone. For all you care, they are just scattered everywhere, pretending to be whoever they are. Namjoon is too smart to have the same men follow you around. If he intentionally wants to make you think he has removed an entire team in your care, he would strategically have new faces to do the job. As if Mingyu’s presence will make you believe that he’s the only person that guards you.
Until now, you couldn’t believe your husband selected Mingyu as your shadow amongst the couple of hundreds working under his security agency. Knowing he’s territorial when it comes to the male acquaintances you have, it makes you there’s an underlying reason for it. Perhaps, is it trap to test your loyalty? But the probability of it being true is too low, because why would your loyalty matter to him in the first place?
When Namjoon married you several months ago, not only has your life changed, but your feelings too. You used to dislike the thought of being forced into a marriage with him, with someone you barely know, with someone who has so many similarities with your father.
It wasn’t just a simple attraction that you have developed towards him, nor was the socio-economic status he has. There is not even extraordinarily admirable about his personality that could justify your feelings—that unavoidably blossomed through time.
He was not the typical guy, of course. Men his age are probably enjoying the time of their lives, partying and all that stuff or perhaps, struggling to even get a decent job that would financially support themselves. He was not the romantic type of guy. Sweet talks, knows how to make you feel giddy, charms his way to your heart— he is far from that. Strange, how he still unknowingly earns more brownie points the longer you live with him, despite the uncertainty.
The awkward tension between you two have improved after months of having formal and painfully monotonous interactions. Perhaps, the rare intimacy has helped you open up to him more casually.
Despite that, you couldn’t rest your mind with the fact that your relationship with him lacks emotional commitment.
While he has the money and power at such a young age, you have nothing but student loans and your father’s last name. While he sees to your every need, it was never really established what you two are aside from the arrangement of your marriage. Unfortunately, it was just that. There may be papers which legally conclude your matrimony as husband and wife, but there’s no certainty of mutual, requited feelings. Every single day that comes and goes around, you couldn’t stop yourself from wishing that the marriage had been alternatively a result of a conventional, romantic affair. Part of you wishes he could, at least, learn to reciprocate your feelings for him.
He asked you on a date before, the first and only one so far. It turned out as expected— a little awkward because he basically rented the restaurant leaving you two alone in the spacious, luxurious place which meant having to endure silence while he enjoys his food as you try to think of things that you could talk to him about. It was, nevertheless, sweet because you have not predicted he would be thoughtful enough to know the food that you like, having it served as the main course.
Since the date, Namjoon never really spoke about it or anything that may hint another one. You’re ashamed to even admit that you’re eager to know what he feels for you, now.
Has it changed?
~
It didn't take long before you arrive at the apartment.
Without waiting for your guard, you went straight to the bedroom, the same one you share with him. Despite his absence for six days, the scent of his signature perfume still lingers in the vicinity.
Heaving a sigh, you huff on the mattress, allowing your muscles to relax, and allow your mind to wander into nothingness.
Earlier, you magically crammed mind-draining essays due today as well as made progress on your provisions for your upcoming midterms. The mere thought of it all makes you want to take a nap before proceeding with your papers, again.
After a moment of silence, you decided to have a long, warm bath instead. It’s been ages since the last time you had one since you have a waiting husband in mind whenever you’re using the bathroom even though he has several spares in his penthouse.
You did just that. And about half an hour, the comforting and relaxing warmth seeping through every part of your body, and the peppermint scented diffuser further lets your mind float elsewhere. Before you know it, you have lurked farther into the depth of your endless thoughts, slowly leading you where darkness and dreamland meet. You woke startled by an endless sound of a familiar tone ringing. And as your eyes strained by the blinding light, you mindlessly search for the source. You couldn’t seem to find where it was coming from, although you know it was your phone. The mere sound of it tells it was not in the bathroom. Where did you place it, anyway?
Still dazed with the traces of your unsolicited nap, you carefully but swiftly climb out of the tub, grabbing the towel on top of the counter to quickly dry your body. You found it on top of the bedside table. The eerie silence inside the room made the sound echo all throughout, that you feel your ears bleed as it continuously rings.
Your thumb slides on the screen after you took a brief glance at the caller.
Your abandoned, dripping hair sticks irritatingly on your nape, soaking your towel as you forget to put on a robe.
“You’re not answering my calls.” Namjoon greets, his voice unrecognizably low.
What time is it there, again? You wonder. “Sorry, I dozed off in the tub.” You replied too quickly, words jumble in your mind as they stumble out of your mouth. Listening to the words seems wrong when you have come to understand what you said.
“You what?” He asks, sounding puzzled. A trace of concern laces in his voice more than anything, although you were too flushed to take the hint. “Uhh... Yeah, I fell asleep. Sorry about that...” You sheepishly falter. As you wait for his reply, you hear some shuffling instead on the other line. 
Your mind still is blank as white while struggling to come up with a better reply. 
“I heard that, but you fell asleep? In the tub? That’s not safe.” He probably just woke up. Perhaps, that must be why his voice is extra low, though he calls you every night and it sounded quite normal in his previous calls. “Right, I’m fine though. It’s not like I would drown or something.” You try to joke.
The silence lingers for a few seconds, before you hear him speak on the other line. “You should have rested instead of taking a bath.” He lightly scolds over the phone.
A chuckle bubbles past your throat, nodding in agreement. That was your initial plan. “I will...eventually.”
“Busy?”
This time, you hear people talking in the background. He’s in his hotel room, right?
“Just about. I had a long day, spent most of my free time in the library. I presumed, Mingyu already told you that, right?”
At the mention of his name, you didn’t see the way Namjoon’s eyebrows rose, as something weak but ugly feeling stirs inside him. “Hanbin communicates with him.”
Your mouth fell into an ‘o’, nodding as if he could see you. “Oh, right. He’s fine, right? I mean you approved of him as my guard?”
“Yes. Why do you ask? I trust that you’ll tell me if he ever acts inappropriately and I’ll make sure—“
“No, no, he’s okay, I mean… uh, he’s actually really formal.” You stammer, slowly growing flustered at the way you have spoken about Mingyu. The subject itself doesn’t really interest you, it’s just that you don’t want him to be dragged into Namjoon’s territorial issues especially when he’s not around.
Not only is Mingyu a taller version of Namjoon’s physique, he is also as attractive as your husband, which didn’t matter to you as Namjoon pretty much owns your heart, that you didn’t choose to.
“Good. I’m also expecting you to behave while I’m gone.” He warns playfully.
You scoff, returning the playfulness of his tone. “When have I not?”
“Of course. You’re a good girl for me, yeah?” He casually prods although the impact of his words seem to have struck you somewhere. 
You bit your lip, started pacing back and forth with the towel as the only cover in your body. What would he feel if you tell him that?
You decided to change the subject, “Hey, listen… uh… I heard your birthday is approaching.” You begin, recalling the conversation you had with the housekeeper. This would be your first time spending his birthday with him.
“Uhuh...” He trails, silently telling you to keep going.
“Do you have plans for it?” You nervously ask, biting your nail in agitation as you kept going around the vicinity of the room.
Being a part of the elite social class means birthdays are extravagantly celebrated. You had them when you were young. Yet, Namjoon has not mentioned to you about his birthday plans, if he has any.
“Plans?” He echoes with a curious tone.
“I mean parties and stuff.” You immediately clarified back.
“Angel, I don't celebrate birthdays.” He says in a casual tone as if he was just telling you a random piece of information.
Taken aback by his response, you repeated what he said in a form of question. “You don’t?” Namjoon has not sensed the change of tone in your voice.
“I don’t. I have to go, baby. I will call you again. Hmm?” He didn’t even wait for your reply, ending the call right away.
He doesn’t celebrate his birthday? 
Namjoon, who obviously has all the resources in the world to organize the most luxurious social events, happens to have disinterests celebrating his birthday?
You mean, you have too little enthusiasm toward social gatherings but that doesn’t mean you don’t celebrate your birthday. Even when you barely have enough savings to pay for your bills, you couldn’t let your birthday pass without treating yourself or spending the day with your friends.
It sounds weird, at the same time, lonely to hear that he disregards such an occasion enough to make your heart tug painfully. He must have had a horrible childhood, you thought. Or perhaps, he’s merely not fond of any kind of celebration. It shouldn’t be a big of a deal, right?
Slight dismay washes through you at the abruptness of the call.
What is it about him being away that bothers you? Is it his safety, your safety or...his mere absence?
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For the nth time since Namjoon left for his business trip, you had slept through your alarm which only meant you were late again in your first class.
The day progresses rather slowly. When it feels like you’ve spent ages sitting inside the lecture theatre, barely listening to half the professor was saying turns out to be just a couple of minutes whenever you check the time on your phone.
After what felt like a day, your break comes rolling around. Bearing the effect of sleep deprivation, your walk towards the dining hall was unusually sluggish. Fortunately, Jihyo was already on the table of your usual spot waiting when you arrived. 
Your shadow has yet to make his presence known which seems odd as he always tail you far behind, at the same time, intentionally allowing you to spot him wherever he is.
With his height, you could easily see the top of his head through the crowd, only that you didn’t need to look around because he’s in front of you and Jihyo, slightly wide-eyed with Jackson on his left, the former seemingly forced to be here.
Your eyebrows narrow in confusion. Though your friends knew you’re being guarded by him, they never really showed intention to befriend him.
“What’s going on Wang? Mingyu-ssi?” Jihyo seems amused at the mere sight, holding back her laughter as she notices the discomfort written in the poor handsome boy’s face. Your bodyguard surprisingly fits well in his all black casual attire like as if he is sporting a bad boy college student vibe. You couldn’t even point anything suspiciously odd with the way he casually holds himself as if he has his own world, not minding others’ business.
Jackson plops on the vacant seat across Jihyo’s and drags Mingyu on the seat next to him. He obligingly follows suit.
“He seems nicer and harmless than the other ones, Y/N. Had to befriend him before he makes me his next target.” Mingyu gazes at him with his sharp gaze that strangely reminds you of your husband’s stare.
“I can perfectly hear you.” He formally says to your friend, which presumably meant alternative to warning him.
Jackson paid no mind on the harmless threat, giving Mingyu a friendly smack on the back instead. “I know, bud. I’m not the enemy here, is what I’m trying to tell you.” He quips, which made Jihyo chuckle in return. Mingyu peers in your direction, then goes back to Jackson’s and Jihyo’s in utter confusion.
He probably has no idea what transpired before.
“You didn’t know?” Jackson attempts to confirm with a question.
“What?” Mingyu immediately asks back.
His act of ignorance isn’t believable enough for you. On his first day as your guard, you were stunned at how proficient he seemed to be on his pretense for someone who barely knows his way around the campus as if he’s been here before.
Shaking the thought away, you chose to butt in, “Don’t give him ideas.”
Jackson’s eyes slightly widen in realization. “You’re right. Anyways, I’m officially inviting you to eat lunch with us everyday. Is it a yes or a yes?”
Mingyu stares at him, dumbfoundedly.
“Shut up, Wang.” Jihyo laughs and then turns her head to meet Mingyu’s curious eyes. “Ignore him, but you’re always welcome to sit with us, just in case you’re allowed to— you know, eat with us.”
You only nodded in agreement.  
If he ever considers it, he never showed any sign that he did as he ate silently the whole time while he listened to the three of you converse endlessly.
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Like the past few days, the home feels different and strange without the towering owner lurking around the spacious vicinity like the king, himself. Namjoon never really confirmed when he will be back. He had not brought it up again after he once mentioned that the trip would take him a week. Perhaps, longer? It’s been a week. You don't know how long you’d manage without seeing him. His absence, as you first thought, would be a sense of breather for you for the first time since the marriage happened. But as days rolled around, you only hope for the week to end so you could see him again.
The longer you ponder over the thought of missing him, the harder it is to ignore the ache on the pit of your stomach, and desire pooling between your legs. The temperature on your body feels strangely higher considering it’s not yet summer and the room is fully air conditioned like the rest of the apartment. Your hair was pulled up in a bun, clothes thrown haphazardly on the cold, bathroom floor as you skimmed inside naked without bothering to close the door.
You let the shower run as you gradually get used to the feel of the water on your skin, your body shudders ever so lightly as you step under the running water, cautious enough not to get your hair soaked in the process. Shortly after, your shoulders slug as the water finally cools down your body, your insides almost relaxing.
You drew a long sigh, eyes closing, loving the therapeutic sensation of water as it soaks your body.
It wasn’t until you felt strong arms encircling your waist from behind that the heat spirals back into your body, especially in your lower region.
Their clothed body molding perfectly against your naked back as they pull your body impossibly closed. It was too sudden, and you were probably too lost in your own thoughts that you failed to hear any strange sounds, footsteps even. A shriek of surprise went past your throat, harshly squirming in reflex. You're too shocked to process who it is until he made a hush sound, calming you down. His lips found your naked shoulder, further making himself known through his gestures. “It’s me.” The familiar voice whispers next to your ear. Your violent movements instantly halted, but the shock still is evident through erratic beating of your heart. “Joon?” you softly call, trying to peer behind to have a proper look on him. In a teasing manner, he kisses your other shoulder, ruining your intent while your body is kept locked on his arms. By now, his clothes are already soaked against your back as wet as your hair as the running water continues to shower you both. And just as his lips found your nape, his hand cups one of breasts, softly squeezing the mound, his fingers gently pinching the pink nub. Your hand mindlessly flew to the hand on your waist that is keeping your body close to his, gripping it tight enough that your knuckles are turning white. Your eyelids fell shut at the sudden sensation, biting your lip to suppress any sound from your throat. His hand didn’t stop the gentle tormenting on your breast, his warm, sinful mouth now assaulting the skin on your neck, sucking it until the spot turns purple. The mere contact is enough to make you dizzy in need, intensely lighting your long overdue desire. And then the sensation stops all at once, his hand gone and his nose nuzzling your now-soaked hair. “J-Joon...” you softly beg. He didn’t answer, yet you could hear his ragged breathing, his crotch pressing hotly on your back. “Please,” you impatiently murmur. “Hmm...” Hums Namjoon, feeling his lips on your temple. “Please let me see you,” Your voice almost breaks. It’s been a week since you last saw him, his absence certainly overwhelmed you achingly.
His lack of response drives you into frustration. Then he swiftly spins you around, his hand on your hip pushes you further until your back is pressed flat on the cold tiled wall. Palms planted on either side of your face, entrapping you.
Your mouth left agape at the sight of him. His soaked white dress shirt, clinging to his torso like a second skin, further accentuating his lean body, his dripping wet slacks evidently showing the bulge of his arousal. Your mouth instantly waters at the sight, suddenly wanting to feel it under your touch, have your mouth and tongue taste him.
But you were too nervous to initiate a move. He continues to torment you under his wanton gaze, as if challenging you to protest against his captive. His eyes then roamed over the length of your body, feasting the view beneath his lashes, “Beautiful.” His fingers caught your chin, tilting it so he could look into your eyes.
His mouth draws nearer, until it lands on the wet skin of your cheek. He mumbles against your skin, “You have no idea how much I missed seeing your pretty face. Did you miss me, sweetheart?” Your eyes closing shut, nodding. “Yes,” You manage to say, while finding the strength to rub your palms sensually on his forearms that would hopefully coax him to initiate a move. He only hums in return, to your dismay. The running water from the shower head has stopped. Namjoon probably turned it off although it was too late as his whole body is already dripping with water.
His mouth is so close to yours, teasingly hovering over the corner of your mouth. When you ever so lightly tilt your head to the side, your lips caught his supple ones. Your delicate fingers found his cheeks, deepening the kiss. A groan vibrates on his chest, the weeks worth of abstinence has not been too kind for him, and he would undoubtedly break you if he suddenly loses the control he’s been nurturing instead of his desire.
Your actions, however, are doing so little for your own good. To your dismay, he was reacting too little, maintaining a minimal response. “Joon, please...” You mumble in between kisses.
“What do you want, sweetheart?” “I-I... I want you.” You moan, your voice almost failing you from the overwhelming heat of your desire.
The burning ache on his abdomen only intensifies at the mere sound of your begging. “You have me.” He says back in a soft voice, nuzzling your cheek while keeping a safe distance between your bodies. When your hand dares touch his crotch, a low growl rumbles on his chest, swiftly catching your hand on his, restraining your very intention. Tears pool in your eyes in desperation. And as much as you want him to fuck you senseless right this second, the desire to taste him was too intense and stronger to just set the thought aside. “Let me touch you... Joon, please...” His breathes quicken, refusing to entertain your offer. But it didn’t mean his desire is not spiraling wildly, his member twitching painfully the more your pleas feed his ears. His head momentarily threw back, and you use it as an opportunity to shuffle on your knees, your hands quickly found his crotch. Taken aback by your bold eagerness, he hisses harshly as your delicate fingers found his bulge. His intent to drag you back on your feet vanishes as he took in the sight of his naked goddess— blazing eyes returning his stare while hovering over his sensitive arousal. “Fuck, sweetheart.” He curses when you impatiently palms him while your other hand trembles as it attempts to unbuckle his belt. Helplessly murmuring, “Help me...” when you couldn’t seem to do it on your own. At your helpless plea, Namjoon quickly came to rescue your little dilemma. No more than a second, his large hand swiftly unbuckles his belt, your hand greedily undid his buttons, and tug his boxers enough to release his hard member. A gasp falls on your lips, taken aback at the sudden jolt of his thick cock against his stomach before your eyes. Surprise at the size of it, your insides clenches achingly, wondering how it had fit inside you before. But realizing why his entrance burns your insides despite your wetness, his huge cock filling you would extremely stretch your walls to fit himself.
You have seen it so briefly before on your first night together, but you haven’t had the time to admire it as Namjoon took you so urgently.
Your mouth waters at the sight of a glistening pink head, your cold, delicate fingers coming in contact with his slick member to wrap themselves around his thickness.
The subtle touch of your fingers felt too good. If it’s possible, his brown eyes only grew darker, that they are almost black now. Your mind is in shambles as both of your hands gently pump their way up and down his length.
His hips stutter at your ministration. As Namjoon falls into a state of euphoria, his head is thrown back, palms glued on the wall behind you to prevent his strength from crumbling. Drawing your lips near, your tongue did an experimental lick at the glistening pink head. The harsh intake of breath you heard from him coax you further, swiping the underside of his length with your tongue before slowly taking him in your mouth. ”Fuck!” He growls so sexily at the feel of your warm mouth. You felt his cock twitched, hips bucking at your warm, inviting mouth. Then you suddenly felt your bun loosens, followed by the pull of your hair as his fingers thread into your soaked hair.
“That’s it, pretty slut.” He breathlessly praises. He draws back before filling your mouth full again. His sensitive tip touching your throat has you moaning rather erotically which only turns him on further.
He is huge, and despite willingly taking him down to your throat, the length of his cock couldn’t possibly fit all inside your mouth. Your eyes closing for a moment, suppressing the urge to choke.
“Such a good little slut for me, aren’t you sweetheart?”
Namjoon’s grip on your hair tightens, manipulating the pace to his desired speed. You didn’t care, because his pleasure matters to you more at this point.
When he glides his cock back inside, you hollow your cheeks just in time, tight enough to have him nearly gasping his next breath.
You let him fuck your mouth slowly, until he picks up a pace. Assaulting your mouth with the intrusion while mixture of your saliva and his arousal continues to leak out of your mouth.
The sounds of pleasure you hear from him only intensifies your own arousal, your stomach heating up each time your core achingly clenches.
The darkness in his eyes and the way curses recklessly stumble out of his beautiful mouth while you suck him raw takes your breath away. You’ve never seen him this vulnerably clouded in pleasure. And you’d willingly let him fuck you again this way if it means having to witness him this helpless while he chases the feel of your mouth. Your eyes never left his as you peer up from your knees. The more you listen to his pleasure, the harder you want to take him in.
When you felt it twitch again, you deliberately took him deeper until you’re nearly choking.
Namjoon has had his fair share of women— all of whom are experienced, knew their way to pleasure him. But the goddess beneath him—his sweet angel, the woman of his dreams and dirty fantasies unknowingly had him at his mercy.
The addicting warmth and suction of your mouth pulling him further into the depth of bliss. “No, angel—” He rasps in between rapid breaths, wanting to prolong the fire until he gets to fill his favorite addicting hole, so tight, he could already taste the feeling.
You whimper, “No…” You wanted it so much. The thought of him cumming undone inside your mouth is a dirty fantasy you suddenly wish to fulfill right now.
“We’ll save it up for when I’m inside your tight pussy.“ He breathes, pulling you up and bracing you against the wall. Your thighs wobble from your previous position.
His eager mouth captured yours, harshly sucking your bottom lip, teasing it as his teeth gently pierces through your bruised lip.
He could taste himself in you as his tongue thoroughly laps the inside of your mouth. Until he moves down to your jaw, his tongue tracing his tracks down to your neck onto your already purple skin while his fingers found the pink bud of your breast. It was what made you react so sexily, moaning helplessly, burying your fingers in his hair tightly as his teeth punctures the skin then laps the area soothingly.
Your body continues to heat up in his ministrations despite the cold atmosphere in the bathroom, certain that your arousal now visibly pools out of your core to your thighs.
Your fingers hastily unbutton his dress shirt, impatient to reveal his bare torso for your eyes to feast on. But just about you had undone the last button, he crouches, robbing you of the chance to admire his body. His mouth encloses on your hard pink bud, his tongue teasingly encircling on the crown of your breast as his other hand works simultaneously, squeezing your mound inside his palm.
The sensitivity of your breasts adding up to the sensation of his mouth and hand is too much, panting as you struggle to catch your breath. Until his head lowers farther down, tracing his way down with his open mouth kisses.
Namjoon swiftly pulled your thighs apart, hooking your thigh over his shoulder to see all of you.
The mere sight of your sex could already tell how turn on you are, but it wasn’t enough for him. His fingers part your folds, dipping his thumb to feel your arousal. “Ah, you’re dripping, baby. Is this for me, hmm?”
His head lowers more, mouth hovering your pubic bone, teasingly planting sloppy kisses there.
The rapid intakes of your breath did not go unnoticed by Namjoon. A devious grin spreads on his lips as his thumb starts assaulting your clit enough to have your legs trembling from bliss. The reaction he seeks from you were generously poured out of your mouth.
“Yes god. Joon please—” Your hips jerking, needing more friction than what he’s giving. He was quick to restrain your movements, pushing your hips flat against the cold wall. Your whines of frustration soon echoes inside the bathroom.
Namjoon draws his mouth nearer, his nose erotically nuzzling your front sex that you could already feel his warm breath, “You smell exquisitely alluring, angel.”
Your anticipation shortly turns into desperation, continuously sobbing his name. Your heavenly pleas were enough to give you what you want, Namjoon willingly rewarded his tongue on your clit, licking your nub so good your eyes clenched from the sudden spark of sensation.
“So sweet…” he mumbles appreciatively, before sucking the sensitive nub in his warm mouth. The act alone has you panting in pleasure.
“Ahhh! Joon—fuck!” Your fingers quickly found his hair, your grip tightening the harder he sucks and laps your clit. You were drowning in need, darkness fills your vision as they remained shut, focusing on the sensation brought by his mouth’s ministrations. You could feel yourself leaking, and made it easier for him to slide his fingers inside your aching core, rubbing and curling them until you're visibly writhing. Cries of pleasure continue to pour out of your mouth.
“Ah! Joon! Oh god!”
Your beautiful sounds alone could bring him to hilt, his cock painfully growing harder, merely listening to you as his mouth and fingers drive you oblivion.
The painful tug of your fingers on his scalp as they tighten their grasp on his hair signals your forthcoming orgasm.
“That’s it, cum for me, little slut.” He mumbles against your sex, the vibration of his mouth against your core sending you further in the brink, as the knot of pleasure building up in your stomach snaps. You cry out, his name the only thing you can articulate of, as you climax deliciously against his mouth. Hips grinding to ride out your orgasm.
Namjoon greedily lap every bit of your sweet juices, while his thumb strums your clit to prolong your orgasm. He didn’t stop, not even when he hears you whining from overstimulation. He only withdrew his mouth on your core when you finally met his gaze, coming back from your high.
Your fingers raking his wet locks out his face as it keeps the span of his forehead hidden, wanting to see all of his pretty face.
Namjoon stood, his knees skillfully bracing you flat from the wall. He yanks his soaking, white top off his body, discarding it there before doing the same thing to his slacks proceeded by his boxers, revealing his perfectly honeyed skin body. This is the first and only time you had seen him completely naked right before your eyes.
The two of you sharing an expansive closet lets you have a glimpse of his naked torso once in a while, sometimes him adorning a pair of boxers while he selects his working attire for the day. But those times were always short lived, you shying away from staring for too long than casual glances.
From the intimate instances you had with him, you never had the opportunity to appreciate his nudity. Your eyes glint with pure admiration, seeing all of him now in front of you. Your tongue dazedly darted out to wet your lips, feasting purely on his body.
Namjoon yet again found your lips, his tongue unsolicitedly invading your mouth, fighting for the dominance which you willingly gave up. He took your responsiveness as an opportunity to pull your body in his embrace, your legs following on their accord as they automatically weave themselves around his hips over his back, your hands finding purchase on his nape. His very arousal pressing on your stomach has you moaning against his greedy mouth.
Namjoon gracefully carried you all the way out towards the bedroom, completely dazed in his kisses.
He didn’t let go of your lips all the way out, not until he dumps your wet body on the mattress. Namjoon kneels on the foot of the bed, hands grasping on your hips to flip you over.
“On your knees, sweetheart.” He commands.
A sound of what he initially recognizes as a moan tears out of you. He plants a small kiss to your hip, before he hears you object, “No!”
“What—“
“I want to see you,” You whimper, pulling his face closer, fishing for a kiss.
A smirk slowly made its way on his face, eyes darkening at the sight of you helpless in his mercy.
“You want to see me while I fuck you, is that it?” He trails, pulling your thighs apart, crawling his way between your thighs.
His nose nuzzles yours teasingly, hovering over your mouth.
Heaving a sigh in contentment, you nod. “I miss you...”
“Do you, now? Or... you only want to be fucked hard?” He murmurs, mouth ajar as it tormentingly touches your lips.
Your forehead creases in a frown, “That’s not true.”
“I’ve never seen you this needy before, Y/N. Tell me, what do you want me to do?” His fingers brushing wet locks away from your beautiful face.
“Please, fuck me...”
He nods, gently bucking his hips to slide his length on your slit. “Is this enough for you, sweetheart?” You whine helplessly.
“Joon, please… just fuck me!” Plea pours out of your mouth in complete devastation. His warmth doing nothing but fuel the ache in your core as it clenches in wanton need of friction.
You beg more and more, the longer he teases you. Namjoon lowers his head further in the crook of your neck, his teeth and tongue alternately grazing and soothing the sensitive skin. The sensation feel achingly erotic, until he not so gently bit your skin, enough to leave a mark. The mere distraction made you almost forget his tip on your entrance, until he thrusts so hard your eyes closed from the undesired pain, stretching you far too much.
“Joon—“ Your moan stifles, crying out at the painful intrusion. Tears brim in your eyes as his length stretches you fully, your slick wetness welcomes him in a swift but burning entrance. He captured your lips, somehow distracting you from the unavoidable ache of your union.
You almost didn’t want him to move from the burning ache of your walls around him. He rocks ever so gently, eliciting a sound of pleasure from you. The burning ache didn’t subside, but as he prolonged the small pace he started, you became used to the pain, chasing the tiny pleasure that comes with each thrust he gives.
The sounds you continuously emit signals him to keep going, until he picks up a pace. Soon after, sparks of euphoric bliss came shooting within your core, numbing the pain.
Your lustful gasps and his grunts were in unison as you both get used to the delicious friction of your intimate union.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” You deliriously moan when he suddenly pushes your thigh up on his shoulder, allowing his cock to plunge farther into your warm, tight depths until you’re writhing, your sounds were music to his ears further pulling him deeper in euphoria.
The feeling of your tight walls gripping around his cock is such a sweet, addicting sensation. The deeper he hammers into your core, the closer he gets to chase down the delicious spark of his pleasure. The new angle allowed him to discover the places untouched, thus finding your sweet spot, that has you rolling your eyes in the back of your end. Toes curling as sparks violently shoot through your core, intensifying the knot that holds your desire.
“I’m— oh yes, right there!” you gasp, “Fuck!” Your fingers tightly thread on his hair, mouth greedily seeking his attention.
“So fucking tight, sweetheart. You feel so good around me.” Namjoon growls in between sloppy kisses against your mouth. 
“So good… Joon, please... don't stop!” You sob, getting lost at your pleasure as you desperately chase the end.
Namjoon rolled his hips incredibly faster, ramming through you endlessly making you shudder from the intense sensation.
You could feel it, so close.
The violent pushes and pulls of his hips didn’t stop, rapid plunges in and out of your depths until the pleasure came rushing from the pit of your stomach.
“Joon!” You moan, the knot finally twisting, waves of euphoria shattering through your trembling body.
Namjoon’s hips stutter, savoring the feel of your clenching walls around, nearing his high. “Angel—fuck!” A long, carnal sound vibrates on his chest, as he picks up his speed while your insides tremor at the intensity of your orgasm, ferociously thrusting his cock so fast as he chases his own climax, and shooting his liquid generously inside you. His mouth attacks your breast to counter his sounds of pleasure. 
Your whimpers echo in the room, the post-orgasmic bliss mixes with the stinging sensation brought about by the love bites he generously marked on your skin slowly pulls you back from oblivion, while you listen to your pants and his rapid breathing.
When he finally comes back to his senses, his tired eyes briefly surveys your length. Your body remains still as your eyes are closed shut, chest rapidly rising and falling. Assuming you dozed off, he carefully untangles his limbs off of you to clean you up before tucking you in.
As he climbs off the mattress, your hand manages to grip his arm in time. “No, don’t go.” He hears you breathlessly whimper.
You look spent— satiated even. He could clearly see your eyes as they struggle to open still. He retreats back on the mattress, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead.
“I’m not going anywhere.” He reassures you in a soothing tone. A sigh went past your lips in relief. You gave him a subtle nod, trusting his words.
“I miss you,” You croak, you were just so tired, and sleepy. But you can’t seem to move on from missing him too much for the past few days.
He could see it in your eyes, the vulnerable side of you in the aftermath of the lovemaking.
“I know, baby.” He whispers close to your ear as he strokes your hair in a comforting manner.
His touch, so gentle in contrast to how he rammed you to the hilt minutes ago. It was as if he was cooing you to sleep. Few moments later, your consciousness slowly shrinks, finally succumbing to darkness.
The next moment your eyes open, the first thing they search around is him. His side of the bed is empty. And the moment you dared to move, you instantly felt the ache in your muscles and the numb feeling in between your thighs. Then your eyes noticed a shirt, which you have on. Just by the size of it, you knew it was Namjoon’s but you don't ever remember putting it on before you fell asleep.
How long have you been sleeping?
It was dark in the room, the dim lights supporting just enough so you could see your way through the room.
“Joon?” You call out, looking around the room. There’s no sign of him— until your ear caught a distinct clinking of glass, your gaze instantly landed on the very subject you were seeking for.
At the sound of you calling his name, his head snaps, instantly meeting your gaze as you struggle your way towards the corner of massive room.
He wore a pair of plaid pj pants and a plain white shirt similar to the material that covers your body now. His messy hair tells you that he had pushed back his locks more than once. His isn’t this long before, and you wonder how many regular haircuts he had abandoned to have it this long. With how endearing he looks with his hair, you made a mental note to have your way to stop him from cutting it any time soon.
When you shifted your gaze away as you near the stone coffee table, you saw there on top, a glass container of expensive alcohol, a liquor glass and an ashtray which made you turn your eyes back at him. You didn’t notice the stick in between his fingers right away.
“Angel,” he greets in a curious tone, surprised to see you awake.
“You’re not asleep.” You say, your stare following his fingers as he inhales a long draw through the stick before crushing its end against the ashtray. Smoke coming out of his mouth and nose as he exhales.
His hand caught yours, coaxing you to sit on his lap. His fingers brushing away your hair out of your face. “You okay?” His surprisingly gentle tone laces in concern.
You only nodded in reply, willingly obliging onto his embrace. Your thighs curling on his lap as his arms instantly pull you on his chest, preventing you from falling off.
The lingering smell of cigarette and alcohol from his breath mixed with his natural scent wafted through your nostrils as you find yourself burying your face on the crook of his neck. You didn’t know it could smell this intoxicating on him. As if your core is not literally burning enough from the intimacy earlier, you could feel yourself slowly leaking, core clenching painfully at the thought of his thick length inside you.
His hand rests on your back, the other on your thigh, the warmth in his body enveloping you from the cold.
You tilt your head to the side, “I didn’t know you smoke.” You say in dazed of your growing desire.
“Hmm, does it bother you?”
You didn’t answer. But let yourself drink in his exquisite smell.
You felt his palm soothingly rub your back, “You should rest, I’ve worn you out.” You cheeks heating up on his mere words.
Your lips pressing tiny kisses there, on the skin of his neck.
He stills, recognizing the intention of your sweet gestures. “Sweetheart—“
“Please, make love to me Joon.”
He sighs, “I was not gentle with you, sweetheart, it’s too soon for you.”
His shirt crumples beneath your fingers, “I want you.”
The way you beg him to take you made him forget how he was striving to control himself to fuck you again and again, until his needs are temporarily sated.
He was not gentle and the aftermath of the intimacy surely left traces of pain from how tight your core is. It was the reason why he’s now several glasses in from liquor, distracting himself because it’s too soon to satisfy the urge have his addicting vice.
With your plea, his restraint vanishes so quickly, giving you what you had begged for.
He took you there on the couch.
You were clinging onto him, urging for him to fuck you harder. Your sweet moans, your stinging bite marks on his shoulders, and your warm, tight core choking his cock brought him to the hilt. Cumming in the depth of your insides raw and hard. The thought of you bearing his child briefly feeds his mind as his liquid mixed with your juices gushes out of your core.
The alcohol, being the source of his early distraction, fail to restraint him to fuck you, again. For the third time of the night, you willingly gave yourself in to his carnal needs. Despite the evident ache in your muscles all throughout your body, his touch, his kisses and the pleasure he made you feel were enough to coax you.
The next morning, you unquestionably feel horrible. You could feel your head throb, and the slight attempt of moving made you whimper in pain. The burning sensation in your core is difficult not to miss as much as the ache in your body.
Namjoon is nowhere in sight and as much as you want to come search for him, the blinding light seeping from the floor to ceiling glass wall made it such a heavy task to do so.
What time is it?
You inwardly groan at the thought of missing your classes. You have done it a lot of times before that you literally couldn’t afford to miss some more.
Feeling the exhaustion from your body, you dozed off some more and only stirred awake when you felt something on your face.
With your eyes closed, you know it was no other than your husband. His hand moves from your face to your hair, gently stroking and raking your locks away from your face.
When the afternoon break came approaching, he paid a short visit to the room to check you in. He didn’t come to his office today, shifting his appointments through digital meetings in his study.
He’s been watching you for a few minutes now. Worry creeps into him, the intimate activities must have drained your energy empty. He mentally reminds himself to be gentle to you next time.
“Hey,” Namjoon suddenly hears you greet. His gaze lifted toward your eyes.
A smile slowly spreads on his lips.
“Good afternoon, sweetheart.”
He laughs when you groan, shutting your eyes closed in distraught as you realized it is indeed late.
Frowning, “I missed my classes.”
“You did. Your friend called this morning, I answered the call and told her you’re unwell.”
“Jihyo?“
“Yes. Perhaps, you’ve rested enough?” You nodded.
Unfortunately for you, that wasn’t the only time you missed most of your classes just because you were too tired to get up in the morning.
He didn’t falter the following days. Taking you one way or another. You even thought he would finally be sated with his needs after several days. You’re wrong. Because the more you allow him to touch you, the more he wants to take you shamelessly just about anywhere he can make his advances. “Joon, we’re in the kitchen.” You manage to say as his hand slides inside your sweatpants one Sunday evening. You‘re heating up a pasta that was abandoned several hours ago, starving from fulfilling your other needs. Miyoung must have kept the food in the fridge when she realized the two of you have no intention to eat the supposed lunch. Namjoon tags along, watching you prep the food in the microwave until he decides touching you seems like a better idea. His fingers almost there, where they were earlier on the bed, and if you weren't too hungry and spent, you would probably let him do you here. Your hand grips his arm tight, restraining whatever intention he has. “No one is here.” He insists, lips assaulting the skin on your exposed shoulder. The bulge of his crotch pressing on your back, feeling the evidence of his growing arousal.
A mere slave to his touch, you appeal, “Joon, can we eat first? I’m hungry,” when you feel his other hand sneaks under your shirt. His movements gradually took a pause, sighing in defeat. He kisses your temple before letting you eat in peace.
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“Listen, can I talk about something?” Mingyu gave you a brief glance, although he seems to have his focus fixed in front as he drives you back home. “Of course, Mrs. Kim.” He says politely. Your face scrunches up. “I told you to call me Y/N.” That was on his first day, you instructed him to address you by your name when Hanbin introduced you to Mingyu as ‘Mrs. Kim’. Mingyu nods without returning your gaze, “I could, but I’m not sure the boss would be thrilled to hear I’m on a first name basis with his wife.” He could be right. But you choose not to voice it out. Shrugging, “I’m sure he would not mind.” “You don’t want the boss to get mad.” He states as a matter of fact, then adds, “What do you want to talk about, anyways?” You shifted in your seat, slightly angling your body towards him. “So, do you guys know what time Namjoon usually comes home?” He didn’t speak right away, eyes narrow hearing your question.
“Hanbin does not tell me that sort of information, unless it’s necessary. My job is to guard you, anyway. Why do you ask?” There was something in his demeanor that changed, or was it your mind playing tricks on you? “I... Uhm...” You fumble through the right words that could explain your plan, but all you had come up with is a simple reassurance of his participation. “Can I trust you though? You know... not to tell him?” He clears his throat and shuffles on his right earpiece. Your eyes caught it. Is someone speaking on him through it? “I’m not sure, we don’t keep a secret to the boss.” He responds, shortly. Part of his job requires him to disclose your activities and anything related to your safety. Entertaining your antics might put him in serious trouble. Your eyebrows rose. “Ever?” You ask, testing the water. His cooperation would really help you out.
His forehead creases, sizing up your words whether it’s a trap or just some white lies far from a threat to his job. “Are you questioning my loyalty, Mrs. Kim?” The thing is, as the conversation prolongs, it would be difficult for him to avoid trouble, he thought as he fails to understand your purpose.
“No. Just... it’s a different kind of secret.” Your voice falters. If you want to keep a secret, why should you drag him with it? “A secret is a secret. It would cost me my job, you know.”
Your eyes roll as if you don’t know that. He’s not even letting you talk before deciding on his own. You wouldn’t even bother telling him if you don’t need his support to pull off your plan, how will you buy stuff without him tipping it all off to Namjoon’s right hand man. Speaking of which, perhaps, you shall consider tagging Hanbin along in your plan. Heaving an exaggerated, you convince him further, “It's not something bad, will you hear me out? You won’t be in trouble if you keep it a secret. Just promise me you won’t tell him?”
He didn’t look at you, nor made an effort to acknowledge it. “Hear me out first?” You try again when he seems doubtful. His focus was clearly on the road as he shows clear disinterest to listen to you.
“Fine then...” You surrender, crossing your arms.
Silence filled the air inside the car all throughout the journey home, with you frequently shooting childish glares in his direction the entire time. When Mingyu expertly maneuvers the car on the garage, you quickly climb off the car fully intending to ignore him just so you could stir guilt in him because you couldn’t directly admit you need his help.
Unexpectedly, Mingyu catches up with you and suddenly offers, “We can talk tomorrow. On your break.” Then he sprinted toward the flight of stairs instead of usually taking the lift  before you could even process his words. 
He changed his mind that fast?
Out of curiosity, you did try to talk to him again during that night but you couldn’t get a hold of him. And going to the basement where the team camps in could raise suspicion so you waited until tomorrow.
The following day, you notice an unfamiliar guy adorning a similar all black uniform. It does not bother you though since your husband owns a whole agency. However, Mingyu didn’t show up and was replaced by a new one. Although questions start stirring up in your mind, you never really voiced out your concerns to anyone.
When you got home that night, you attempted to wring out an answer from Namjoon. You didn’t need to find him because the moment you returned from uni, he was at the foyer with Hanbin, backs facing your direction. By the mere looks of it, he was sort of giving commands to his right hand man, something you couldn’t properly hear what it is about.
“Hi.” You finally speak, catching both of their attention. Namjoon made a gesture in his hand, dismissing Hanbin while you approached his tall figure.
As Hanbin passes by you, he sends a polite nod to your direction as a greeting, before disappearing from one of the doorways.
With a few steps forward, Namjoon met you half-way, eyeing you up and down. “Sweetheart,” He murmurs while swiftly reaching for your hand, to pull you in for a kiss.
It wasn’t even just a peck. His lips have instantly dominated yours, making sure he sucked and licked your lips enough to have you catching your breath when he drew back. Your cheeks instantly flame at the sudden ministration. You couldn’t even keep an eye contact with him, too embarrassed with how quickly your body reacted to his lips. Unlike you, Namjoon still wear a passive expression, not even a single affected by the kiss. Of course, he did more than just a kiss to you before. Keeping a safe distance from him, you took a step back. “You replaced Mingyu?” You begin inquiring. Out of all the things you can ask, it has to be the very reason for his anger. He didn’t seem one bit pleased to hear you mention your bodyguard’s name instead of asking how his day had gone like your usual opening question during dinner. “I did, should it matter?” He answers with another question. Nervous by the intensity of his stare, you shrug, “I was just wondering why he’s not around.”
It’s true. If Mingyu didn’t promise the talk today, you wouldn’t be this curious. “He’s back in the headquarters.” Namjoon briefly provides.
But the information was too short to rest your mind in peace. Why did he suddenly removed him as your guard? “Oh, okay.“ Something tells you, it’s not all of that. Mingyu’s absence, for all you care, could be anything work-related or personal as long as the boss is concerned. You‘re already aware that Namjoon does not take jealousy too lightly, and somehow you’ve presumed Mingyu will inevitably be victimized under Namjoon’s territorial behavior. The problem is, you couldn’t seem to think of any instance that would make your husband jealous. Unless... Namjoon knows something else you’re not aware of.  “Will he come back here?” You ask further, nervously fidgeting your bracelet while surveying his expression. His eyebrows knitted for whatever reason, significant or not. “No.”  “Why not?” Namjoon cocks his head to the side, his now pitch black eyes strangely spoke with raw emotions you couldn’t tell what exactly is. “Tell me one good reason why he should be here...” He suggests with a nonchalant tone. Unknown to you, his patience is shrinking as he lowers his head to eye you with his tense stare. You didn’t understand what it is for, but you couldn’t help your body as it faintly shudder under his stare. “I’m just curious—”
“How many secrets of yours have you told the boy, Y/N?” Your heart momentarily stops at the mention of your name. Because he rarely calls you by name.
Is he referring to the conversation you had with him yesterday? “W-What... do you mean?” The cold temperature couldn’t even cease the rising tension between you two. “You perfectly understand what I mean.” He answers right away, locking his gaze to you. Making sure you could see the way his eyes flicker with fire. Mingyu told him?
You fumble with words, confused at Namjoon’s anger towards you. “How...w-what...what did he tell you?” “What do you think?” Namjoon returns the question back. And it confuses you more now for how your inquiry has turned into a confrontation, especially that the unnecessary anger is directed at you. You should have not beat around the bush and just directly told him you wanted to surprise Namjoon.
Now, Namjoon thinks you’re actually keeping something serious from him. Did Mingyu really snitch on you? You quietly ponder over, as you recall what happened inside the car. Mingyu was barely participating in the conversation, and the way he responded to you... it was formal, and uncooperative like the usual. The fact that Namjoon knows about it is already a giveaway that Mingyu actually tell-taled. Unless... the earpiece— “If he told you about it, then you would know he didn’t even let me talk, unless he told you something else...“ You trailed. The longer you think of it, the more convinced you are that Namjoon knows something more, just from the look he bears... “We can talk tomorrow. On your break.” Mingyu’s words echo in your mind, once again. And as your brain slowly processes the information, it gradually makes sense to you…
The way he was talking to you in the car made you believe he didn’t want to participate in whatever ploy you have, but he quickly changed his mind once both of you were out of the car. It was not his two-way earpiece. But the car-- Namjoon saw the horror slowly creeping into your face. “You heard, didn’t you...” You breathed. Namjoon heard it clearly, fully comprehending the words you just uttered.
“Something must be in that car, isn’t it?” You press, further.
He is well-aware that you’re not stupid, and you’ll eventually find it out. He just didn’t imagine it to be revealed this way. Nonetheless, his lips only pursed as he remains calm and collected, no trace of remorse or guilt visible on his face. 
His expression tells you he was not bothered by the fact that you found out. You didn’t know how the fire in your eyes is effortlessly piercing his heart. The kind he does not want to see in your eyes. You scoff, “What else—Is my phone bugged?” You suddenly prod, tilting your head up so you could fully observe him through your lashes. His face, however, maintains a straight face. You waited for his answer, silently wishing he would debunk your assumption.  The lack of response only made you confirm it. Fury quickly courses within you, “Why?” Your hands rub your face in utter disbelief. “You have me tailed everywhere by your men, is that not enough?” You spat, resentment slowly clouding your mind, 
”You have my freedom under your mercy, now my privacy? What else do you want from me?”
“It’s for your safety—”
You laugh humorlessly, harshly brushing the stubborn tears on your cheeks. “Tell me, is everything in your apartment bugged? The bedroom? The closet? The bathroom—” “Hush sweetheart, your body is mine and only for my eyes to see.” He was quick to come to your side, catching your arms. You didn’t like the proximity. It makes you weak.
“I’m not your fucking toy! You can’t do this to me!” “Calm down, baby. I love my woman submissive.” He says in a soothing tone. His words as softly as they were spoken hurt you deeply, fueling your ire even more.
You didn’t know how you found the strength to slap him. Your hand trembles, stinging from pain after it meets his skin.
“Find another woman, then!” His face barely turned from the impact, proceeding to address your anger.
“Calm down.” He attempts to console, but it only did the opposite to your ego. You trash your arms out, hating the way he still has the upperhand despite the table being turned upside down. Your strength could never compare to his as you struggle to push him. “You are my woman. Need I remind you that?” Harshly shaking your head, “No! Don’t touch me!” His grip loosens on your arms, and you took it as your chance to sprint off towards the stairs, not wanting to repeat what happened in his office before.
You locked yourself in the bathroom, somehow trusting that this is the only place kept hidden from any prying eyes. Tears uncontrollably flow through your cheeks, face buried on your hands as you helplessly listen at the loud thumping of your heart. If you didn’t pull back, chances are he would have his way to take your weakness in his advantage. The strong surge of emotions you feel cannot even compare to his physical strength.
You’re confused, hurt and disgusted all at once. You didn’t expect how messed up this whole marriage thing could get, realizing you actually know so little of him, of what he does in a living. To think that you have learned to trust him because of the stupid affection you have been nurturing for months, makes your insides twist in fury. Perhaps, it was a spur of the moment thought that you regarded as a wise decision, as anger overpowers your senses. You didn’t understand how it transpired, accordingly. When you quickly packed up a few things put the bag underneath the bed while waiting for the night to progress, Namjoon didn’t come to the bedroom. You thought it helped you leave smoothly.
Little did you know, Namjoon was watching the scene unfold through the numerous cameras simultaneously viewing before his eyes on the screen of his laptop. It was taking all of his willpower to stop you and lock you in his bedroom until your anger subsides, but something tells him it would not do good to cool down your anger.
Funny how the situation unexpectedly turns upside down as he recalls being gutted with anger. Not liking how you so easily open up to others than him. He couldn’t deny the ugly feeling traversing within him when he listened to your interaction with the boy.
As the night rolls around, the burning sensation of the alcohol in his throat becomes addicting, taking more until the ache in his chest numbs.
Jackson’s apartment was the only place you could reach at this hour. Considering Jihyo is staying in the college dorm, you wouldn’t be able to get inside the building for it was already past two in the morning. His place was not even considered a hideout. But at that point, you don't even care if Namjoon comes along breaking down Jackson’s doorway to force you back at home. You only needed a safe place away to think at the moment because you couldn’t bare to see him, yet. And you’re well aware of the effect he has on you. He can quickly cloud your judgement over his will through his mere touch. That’s how bad you’ve fallen for him.
Few days of distancing should enough for you to sort your feelings, if he doesn’t come collecting you himself.
“You okay?” Jackson croaks, seeing you trembling a little. Minutes prior, he was ready to beat the shit out of the person who was smashing his doorbell like a madman. Never would he think it was you of all people.
“He didn’t... hurt you, did he?” He hesitatingly asks, seeing the traces of tears staining your cheeks. Shaking your head, “No. We just had a fight.” “He doesn’t know, right? That you’re here?” You gave Jackson a knowing look, “He probably does by now.” Jackson offered his bed on the first night, but you turned his offer down. You took the couch instead, somehow preparing yourself for the imminent devastation of the storm. Fortunately for you, no one tried to break their way into Jackson’s apartment that night, relieved that everything is still in place or it’ll surely make you guilty for dragging your friends to your problems with Namjoon.
That following morning, you transferred into Jihyo’s dorm, deciding it would be best for Jackson’s safety. Six days insufferably passed. However, it felt longer than that. Staying away had not concluded the fight you had with Namjoon. There was also no sign of Namjoon or his men lurking around the college or the dorm in the past few days. And it bothered you more than it should have given you peace. The thought alone made you realized, you were more affected by your action as you were deeply tormented by the thoughts of him and the possibility that he doesn’t want you, anymore.
Your anger towards him couldn’t tame your feelings for him. Maybe you have underestimated it as a mere attraction—infatuation, even.
That night, Namjoon showed up in the dorm’s doorsteps, to which you had already expected since the first night. But you’re still left surprised, nonetheless.
Your heart painfully tugs, as your chest rises and falls with rapid breaths. “What are you doing here?” Indeed, it was unfair. While you wallow in despair for days, he seems not one bit affected by the situation.
“You will go home,” He calmly orders, his eyes briefly scanning you over.
As ever, he didn’t fail to make your heart thump crazily from the mere sight of him. While you look worse—missing a lot of sleep from trying to balance your studies and your issues with him, he looks stunningly gorgeous, powerful, and unfitting to be in a place like this. “No, I‘m staying.” You insist. “I’m not asking for you permission.” He corrects you in a formal tone, before walking past your figure. “Namjoon—wait! Where are you going?” You panicked, tailing behind him as he immediately finds Jihyo’s room where he scans around the small space. This is barely a room to stay in, he silently thought. “Pack your clothes. I’ll give you five minutes before we go. Unless, you want to leave without them—” You didn’t let him finish, cutting him of mid-sentence. “No, I'm not coming with you.” You compel, determined to follow what you had planned in your mind.
The look on his face is all too familiar, the one that tells you he won’t take no for an answer. “Do not test my patience, sweetheart.”
“Namjoon, stop.” You begin, visibly in distress by the sudden shift of the situation. You are aware he always has the upperhand.
“I want to stay here. Can’t you at least give me that after what you’ve done?” You implore. As much as you miss him, you couldn’t afford to see him yet, or it could break you. “I already gave you space, that’s enough for you.” Shaking your head, “I didn’t ask you to. I left.” You say. His height does not intimidate you anymore, but the way he holds himself now, he seems different. As if he was deliberately trying to make you succumb to him.
“Sweetheart, I had all the means to stop your ploy if I wanted to. I didn’t, because I figured you would need it.” Declares Namjoon, drawing himself closer to where you stood.
You took a step back. “What if I don't want to?” You challenge.
He lowers his head, allowing you to have a glimpse of his dark eyes, silently warning you. “You don't have a choice, sweetheart.”
You let him win, again. Because you were left with no option. You couldn’t think of anything else that you could do to oppose him without compromising anyone, especially your friends. Nothing you could do but to give in for now.
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Namjoon already disappeared from somewhere when you entered the living room, leaving you all alone until you hear footsteps nearing towards your direction.
You turn to see who it was.
“What are you doing here?” You warily ask, utterly surprised to see him. How many more surprises do you need yo deal with today? By how ugly the events have turned out, you won’t expect to see him again, or anywhere near the penthouse. He gave you a nod as a form of greeting, before answering, “Working. What else do you think I’m here for?” “For Namjoon?” “Of course, he’s my boss. But he gave me a specific instruction to guard the queen.”
You only gave him a look, although with the obvious height difference, you had to tilt your head up to do so.
Your visible annoyance quickly amuses him. After what happened, he really has the nerve to smirk right in front of you?
“I’m sorry Mrs. Kim, but you look horrible today. You alright?” He shamelessly nags to which earns him scowl from you. “That’s nice of you to say.” You retort, “I’ve been missing a lot of sleep, thank you very much.” He laughs as if nothing really happened.
It’s not his fault, anyway. You don’t blame him for what happened. However, the urge to ask him why he’s back here almost slips past your lips. Only that you remember someone could potentially be eavesdropping to which you didn’t need unnecessary suspicions from Namjoon, anymore.
The conversation was short lived when Miyoung called you in, gesturing for you to come with her in the kitchen, not expecting to see Namjoon sitting in one of the stools in the island counter where food is sumptuously served.
Your footsteps stagger, half-considering to leave the kitchen. However, Namjoon patiently waits for your next move, as if silently ordering you to take a seat.
Heaving a sigh, you did just that, not wanting to stir an argument with him.
Once you sat down across from his seat, he starts placing various food from the empty plate in front of you, until it is almost full that you’re not sure if you can eat all of it.
“Stop... I can’t finish all of that.”
Namjoon pauses, peering at you in disbelief. “You can, it’s your favorite.”
You didn’t like the way he was acting up like he didn’t cause the problem in the first place. You hated how the impact of his action didn’t seem to affect him a single bit.
“I’m still angry,” You couldn’t help but to say.
His serious stare tells you he has no time for a confrontation, but so are you.
“I know, you can be angry for as long as you want. But please, angel, eat the food so I could have the peace. You haven’t been using your cards for your meals, did you intentionally do that to make me worry?”
You scoffed, his indifference to your issue only frustrates you even more. “Why would you think I’ll use your money while I’m gone?”
“You don’t have the means to live independently.”
“That’s not the point here, Joon.”
“It is, when you were not looking out for yourself. You haven’t been coping well… you look a few pounds lighter.” He said in a firm persistence to prove your inability to live well without using his resources.
So what if you were miserable? You couldn’t really force yourself to eat if you didn’t have the appetite to consume food. Either it was because of your distress over the fight or food simply didn’t appeal to you.
Speaking of, you barely touched the food in front of you. You’re not even hungry anyway.
“Shut up—“
Namjoon was quick to cut you off, dismayed by the lack of light in your eyes, you almost look like you’re about to pass out. “Why is it so easy for you to disregard yourself for your pride? If you have been taking care of yourself well I would have given you longer time to mourn in that little cubicle room you call a place.” Namjoon says in a clearly disappointing tone.
The fact that you lost a few pounds in a matter of days bothered him. It took so much of him to let you wallow in despair, he knew that disrespecting your privacy is not right and he understands how it left you scarred with the horrid feeling of betrayal. The same reason why he let you on peacefully for days, until he couldn’t handle it no more.
The short glimpse of you while he had you followed only did more damage to his heart than the peace he was aiming for. A single look from you and he already knew the fight took its toll on you deeper than what he had expected. Your physical state was the last straw to make up his mind to take you back, unwilling or not.
“My pride? You think it’s because of my pride? You think I’m mad because you outsmarted me with your stalking shenanigans?” You echo his words, finally losing the will to touch the food.
“What else is there to be angry about, I told you, it’s for your safety.” He counters back. His mind was spiraling wildly, uncertain how to handle this situation in a way it wouldn’t upset you more.
Namjoon was used to having the control in every situation, a single look from him and no other human being would dare speak further. He used to not care whether he could tear anyone apart with his mere words or sharp glares. He tried it with you and the impact only came shooting back at him, there in the depths of his heart, which no one had been able to inflict him with such raw powerful emotions, enough to make him bend helplessly on his knees.
“That’s the problem! You didn’t even tell me! I was kept in the dark all this time! And now what? You suddenly care about me when you didn’t even consider what I would feel when you gave everyone else something to snoop in about right under my nose?” You accuse, finding the strength to hit him with your words. A moment ago, you felt too empty to even bother a conversation with him. As the remnants of disgusting feeling stirs within you, you now want nothing but to lash out every bit of your anger towards him.
However, Namjoon didn’t want the confrontation this soon when he just had you back home. Though he would not avoid it, he believes now is not the time to talk it over.
“We can talk after you eat, sweetheart—“
“No, we will talk now!”
His gaze pierces straight through your eyes. Although his eyes almost reflected defeat, the aura he carries is so powerful. No one would ever dare scream or say no at him, unless, they don’t value much of their life.
You really are something. Someone who can never compare to him, someone whom he can easily crush in a snap of his fingers— but you’re not just some woman out there. You are his woman, the only one who has bewitched him—not only claiming his heart but also owning his dark soul. If you only knew the effect you have on him...
Silence fills the cold air, shortly. As you look away, not liking the effect he has on you, he quietly seeks for your eyes. He could always see through you—the emotions your eyes transparently reflect. He failed to see any of it when you turned your head away.
He sighs, before breaking the cold silence. “No one can access your phone, you don’t have to worry about it. It is for when… something happens, I could track your location and your digital activities.” Namjoon briefly explains.
There are things that should be left unsaid for your sake. His company has long strayed away from the black market since his father died. But the industry he belongs to will always bear ugly truths in order to sustain the reputation of his company. What he did, to put it into the simplest terms he could articulate of, protection does not only mean hiring people to be your human shields. In this digital age where perpetrators can utilize technology to harm their target, something has to be sacrificed to protect an individual alongside. In your case, it was your freedom, privacy and much more you have yet to realize. He didn’t want you to run away every time you learn something about him or the kind of business he has.
He could not tell you anything else.
“Liar! You’re only saying that to validate your action.” You say in an accusing tone. You got up from your chair, increasing the distance from him as the ambience gets suffocating.
“I’m not justifying what I did whether it’s wrong or not. I would do it again if it means to protect you. When have I not shown you I didn’t care?”
He didn’t mean no harm to disrespect your privacy, but that’s just a part of many things you would have to deal with when you’re married to him. Danger has come along with his name long before he was born.
As he steps closer, you quickly step away. Your head lowering, avoiding his eyes. “W-What are you… saying, you shouldn’t have kept it from me, in the first place. You don’t have to pretend you care. You’re only protecting me because I’m your responsibility.”
His forehead creases, “You are my wife. That makes you my responsibility, isn’t that the same thing for caring, sweetheart?” His hands extend forward to coax you closer.
You shook your head, “No.”
You couldn’t deny that he’s been attending to your needs, being more than just a guardian, crossing the line beyond the role of a mere provider. He became someone you have come accustomed as a husband despite the lack of emotional commitment from him, a friend under the guise of a husband. Even if you wanted more from him, who are you to demand such thing? The mere thought of your unrequited feelings towards him painfully tugs your heart.
Namjoon caught the raw emotions swimming from eyes. To what are those for?
“Have I not shown you enough? With my actions, with my kisses... when we make love—“
“Shut up, you d-don’t know what you’re t-talking about.” You stammer, turning your back at him as you feel your eyes welled up. 
“Then tell me how you feel, I can only take so much when it comes to you. I’ve never felt so helpless when I see you suffer, when you cry. Baby, I was so lost when you left. Tell me what I should do.”
“Stop… you’re confusing me with your words.” You croak, as you struggle to process his words.
The sound of his steps nearing made you still. Your eyes clenched shut, and as the tears stain your cheeks, you quickly wipe them away. Namjoon is so close, you literally could feel the heat of his body. 
“I’m not good at expressing my feelings. But I thought I made my intentions very clear. You don’t know how much I’ve missed you baby, please let me hold you.” Namjoon drew himself nearer, until your bodies are touching. When you made no effort to distance yourself farther, he cautiously encircled his arms around your waist.
You remain still as he pulls you even further in his embrace, nuzzling your hair from behind. You hate yourself for giving in too soon, the moment he has you locked in his arms, your anger quickly melts away. The warmth from his body felt too comforting as it slowly envelops your body, reminding you one again how much it tore you apart when you left. The ache in your chest, somehow, subsiding. You didn’t want him to let you go from his hold.
His nose traces an invisible path on the side of your head, loving the alluring scent of your hair. Softly murmuring just above your ear, “I have loved you since the day I saw you taking orders in that coffee shop. While you made me this crazy for you like no one else has ever done, you’re willing to leave everything. It was that easy for you to walk away and leave me, just like when you left your home for your freedom—“
The hard thumping of your heart is so loud as you cut him. He could probably hear it from the close proximity of your bodies.
“No, that’s not true! I didn’t leave you,” you pause, shaking your head violently to give emphasis on your point. Your heart aches, as your chest felt suddenly constricted hearing his confession. The information felt foreign in your ears, as if you were hallucinating. Is it true? Did he really know you way before you met him?
“I needed some time to think for myself. But I wouldn’t leave. I could never… I’ll always come back. I would come back to you.” Tears instantaneously flow in your cheeks. 
Namjoon spoke no more, as he squeezed your body in his arms, burying his face on the crook of your neck. Savoring this moment.
You in his arms.
You barely had a glimpse of what kind of his life he has, and have no knowledge of half the ugly things he had done. The deeper he falls for you, the more he willingly succumbing himself to your mercy, as if surrendering a dagger for you to destroy him through his weakness.
He silently wishes from the gods above that you would never walk away from his life again, when pieces of him slowly unravels to you through the course of time.
“Namjoon,” you whisper, seeking the attention you unknowingly have.
“Don’t leave me again, Y/N. I can take your anger, scream at me, hurt me— anything. I can take so much from you, as long as you’re right in my sight, the way I can protect you. I’ll give you as much as time alone.”
“Joon,”
“Promise me—”
“Namjoon!” You plead loudly, tugging his arm to gain the attention you want.
He takes a deep breath, confused at the tone of your voice. “Hmm?”
“I love you, too.” You murmur so suddenly.
He stills, hearing the words he had heard you say in his dreams. This time, he was awake with you in his embrace and he was uncertain if he actually heard the words right.
“Angel—”
“I love you so much.” You repeated, with a longing voice, this time you turned to face him. The look in his face tells you all of it. Shock was written all over his face, as if your confession was something he was not expecting in his wildest dream. Between the two of you, his confession of love for you is the most unpredictable thing you heard from him.
You tiptoed, reaching for his lips. He quickly met you halfway through, greedily capturing your mouth. His tongue went past your parted lips to dominate the kiss. You sigh against his mouth, missing the rich taste of his lips.
Nothing else matters now but his embrace.
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Note: Hope you all enjoyed this one sjajahahagj 
This turned out a bit longer than what I had initially written only because I kind of included something to introduce characters/details that are part of my upcoming series. 
mintseesaw © 2020
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killing-all-joy · 3 years
Note
“Can we stay like this forever?” but angst (analogical, Virgil says this while they're cuddling but when he falls asleep Logan leaves to go do something that might kill him)
virgil is bi in this, fyi. sorry if i wrote this in a way you Did Not Want Me To
cw: homophobia, death threats, guns, violence, injury, graphic murder (no major character death don’t worry), swearing
Logan felt Virgil’s head fall onto his chest. They had been watching a movie together, but it had finished long ago and now they were just cuddling on the sofa.
Logan put an arm around his boyfriend. Virgil made a noise of contentment. His eyes were closed but he still managed to direct a blissful smile up at Logan. Logan looked at him with admiration and love, hand moving to caress Virgil’s cheek and brush his hair out of his eyes. Virgil hummed happily at this, nuzzling into Logan’s touch. He took Logan’s free hand in his.
“Can we stay like this forever?” asked Virgil, running his thumb over Logan’s knuckles.
“I hope so.”
“Me too,” Virgil replied, moving his head a bit so he could kiss Logan’s hand. “I love you so much, and you’re so comfy.”
Logan chuckled, leaning down to place a kiss on Virgil’s forehead. “I love you too.”
Virgil hummed. “I love you more.”
“Falsehood.”
Virgil giggled. Logan thought it was the most adorable and beautiful sound; he only wished he got to hear it more. Usually Virgil was much more composed and displayed a negative attitude. Right now, though, he was tired and with his boyfriend—two things that lessened his need to have a filter on his words.
“You gonna stay with me, L?” asked Virgil.
Logan hummed.
He didn’t want to verbally confirm and end up lying to his boyfriend, but he also wanted to keep Virgil happy. A noise like a monotonous hum could make Virgil think Logan meant ‘yes’ when he actually didn’t mean that at all.
Logan continued to run his fingers through Virgil’s purple hair. It was soft and beautiful and Logan’s favorite hair in the world since Virgil was his favorite everything. Favorite person, favorite boy, his eyes were Logan’s favorite pair of eyes, he sometimes wore Logan’s favorite smile, etc. Logan constantly thought about how lucky he was to have Virgil.
After ten minutes of silence, Virgil fell asleep. This didn’t surprise Logan; Virgil hadn’t gotten more than three hours of sleep the night before. Him napping was good.
Logan stayed still for about thirty minutes after Virgil had fallen asleep, wanting to make sure he had entered a deeper sleep before Logan moved. When that had happened, Logan slowly untangled himself from Virgil and moved off the sofa, trying to be as undisturbing as possible. Logan stacked a couple pillows to replace himself so Virgil wouldn’t notice he was gone. He then tiptoed to his room, took a gun from the dresser, and then tiptoed to the door where he took the keys off the keyring and exited the apartment.
He quickly made his way to his car. He drove off and into the downtown area of the city. Parking in the parking lot of a small park, he rechecked his pockets to make sure he had the gun before exiting his car. He locked it, and then started walking to a nearby alley.
Logan wasn’t here for no reason, and that reason was correlated with why Virgil hadn’t slept well the previous night.
At around 4 a.m., Virgil had been awaken by a threatening text from an ex-girlfriend. She didn’t know Virgil was bisexual when they dated. She had learned yesterday, was very disgusted, and threatened to kill Virgil (perhaps worse) for not telling her that she was dating someone who was also into guys. She demonstrated that she had the means to and would strike when least expected. Logan had come over to Virgil’s house at eleven in the morning when Virgil didn’t show for their breakfast date, and Virgil, sleep-deprived and terrified, told Logan everything.
Logan was scared. This ex-girlfriend could clearly kill Virgil—and would, if she got her way. So, Logan had texted her, pretending to be someone with money to give her. They were to meet in this alleyway at 10 p.m.
It was precisely that time now (this was a rare instance where Logan didn’t want to be early), so Logan quickened his pace. He kept the hand on the pocket containing the gun.
He entered the alleyway. It was dimly lit by a streetlight, so he could faintly see the back of a person ahead. He figured it was Virgil’s ex. She had long, fairly straight blonde hair which was clearly dyed, and was wearing a brown leather jacket and light blue jeans. Her boots were dark brown and worn.
When Logan had reached the distance he wanted to be from the woman, he drew his gun. It was clear she heard him, because she started to pivot on her heels to face Logan.
“I don’t see a briefcase,” she called, taking a couple of stalking steps towards him.
“I do not have one with me presently.”
“Where is my money?”
Logan didn’t answer that question. He took a few steps forward of his own. “I did not bring money to this rendezvous.”
Her hand started to drift towards her pocket.
“You will leave Virgil Storm alone forevermore.”
She laughed. “You’re what? His boyfriend? Come to protect him? I bet you’ve never held a gun in your life.”
Logan rolled his eyes. He didn’t answer, though, as any information could give her the upper-hand. He pointed the gun at her head.
“You will not kill Virgil Storm,” he growled, knuckles going white on the gun.
She laughed again. “No.”
“I do not want to use force.”
She took another step towards him, feigning curiosity while still keeping the conceited confidence that gave her the dominating air in the conversation.
“If you don’t want to use force,” she said, running her tongue across her upper lip, “then why do you have a gun?”
“I will use force if necessary.”
She pouted. “But it’s not necessary. You could leave without any harm done to you, and-”
“You will kill Virgil.”
She nodded in consideration. “Yes, I will. But, still. You don’t have to use force. You could just as well let nature run its course.”
“I will not allow you to kill him.”
“You, someone clearly well-read and with a profitable career ahead of him, probably in science, are going to throw away everything you have for your boyfriend? When you have obviously never even come close to committing murder ever before?”
Logan didn’t dignify that with a response. Instead, he cocked his gun.
“If you promise you will not kill Virgil, I will spare you,” Logan threatened, gritting his teeth.
“Alright, you want to play dirty,” she conceded with a sigh.
Within the second, the gun in her hands was cocked, aimed, and had her hand on the trigger.
Logan fired.
Her eyes widened and her movements stopped, her firing arm slackening. She obviously didn’t think Logan was capable of murder. The bullet soared through the air and landed in her forehead.
Logan watched as her body fell backward. Her head hit the asphalt with a crack of what was likely the breaking of bones in the skull. Logan switched on the safety to his gun and slowly put it down, satisfied.
“LOGAN!” he heard a voice shriek, followed by dashing footsteps.
The voice was loud, terrified, and definitely spoken by someone who was currently crying.
“LOGAN!” There it was again, accompanied by the running footsteps that were getting progressively louder.
Logan frowned. Who could that be? He hadn’t told anyone what he would be doing.
Logan watched the figure round the corner and enter the alleyway. Logan’s eyes widened as he realized that it was Virgil.
Nevermind that Virgil was supposed to be asleep, how did he know he was here?
“LOGAN! Oh god, Logan!” Virgil shouted, running over to him. He stopped three feet in front of Logan.
“Why are you awake?” asked Logan curiously. “And how did you know I was here?”
“The neighbors were loud and you got a text that worried me so I checked it out,” said Virgil dismissively. “What happened?”
His last sentence was frantic, worried.
“Are you bleeding? Do I need to call 911? I heard a gunshot and I got terrified,” Virgil rambled. “Obviously someone fired a gun here and I was so scared they killed you, L, so goddamn scared...what the hell is wrong with you, going to a dark alleyway at night? I thought you said you’d stay.”
“I did not say I would stay, I merely made a noise acknowledging that I had heard your request,” Logan corrected.
Virgil glared at him. “Those were the less important of my questions.”
Logan sighed. “I am unharmed, Virgil. You do not need to call 911.” Logan glanced behind him. “In fact, I’d prefer it if you didn’t.”
Virgil looked confused. “Then what happened? Did they miss you? Why aren’t you in shock? Where are they?”
Logan took a step to the side and gestured behind him. “No one missed a shot.”
Virgil’s bewilderment did not cease. “I see a dead woman. Who killed her? Were you tending to her?”
“Take a closer look, my love.”
Virgil would have blushed at the pet name if it wasn’t such a dire situation. Virgil took a few cautious steps towards the corpse. His eyes widened in recognition.
“Oh...oh my god, it’s her,” said Virgil, no longer confused. “Who killed her?”
Virgil turned around to face Logan in time for him to hold up the gun. Virgil’s eyes widened. Logan was scared that it was in fear.
“You...you killed her,” whispered Virgil.
“I did not want to,” said Logan matter-of-factly. “Truly, I didn’t. However, she was aiming to kill me and I had no choice.”
“For me.” Virgil still seemed to be in shock by the news.
Logan blinked. He looked down at the gun thoughtfully. “Yes. She demonstrated the means and the desire to kill you. I confronted her. She tried to kill me and stated that she would kill you in the future. I killed her instead. Simple.”
Virgil shook his head. “You killed someone, risked so much...for me?”
Logan bit his lip, but nodded. There was a moment of silence.
“You idiot!” Virgil suddenly shouted. “You absolute moron! Why would you do that? I told you not to do anything about it, that I would be okay. We could have called the police! But no, you went out here and almost got yourself killed!”
“We fucking hate the police, Virgil!” Logan replied, not matching his boyfriend’s volume but still raising his voice. “Besides, she could have struck at any time! I was unwilling to take any chances! Not when your safety is concerned!”
“I am not worth you risking your life for!”
“Like hell you aren’t!” Logan shot back. He took a deep breath, calming himself. “I’m sorry for yelling. But what’s done is done. She is dead by my hand. You are no longer in danger.”
Virgil’s eyes narrowed. “You are much less bothered by that than you should be.”
“About murder?” asked Logan coolly. “You mistake my impressive education for having prosperity in my youth. I grew up in the most dangerous and criminal neighborhood in the city. I have certainly fired a gun before, and I have witnessed murder more times than that.”
“Have you killed before?”
Logan shrugged. He didn’t answer. “Let’s go home.”
“You haven’t.”
“There is always a worthy situation. Protecting your life will forever be one of them.”
Virgil was silent, looking as though he didn’t know how to respond.
“Thank you,” he muttered, looking down to his shoes. “Can we go home?”
“Of course, my darling,” replied Logan, putting his arm around Virgil. Virgil blushed at the term of endearment, leaning into his boyfriend’s side. “Now we can stay in each other’s arms without any external interruptions.”
Virgil smiled. “Logan?”
“Yes, V?”
“The authorities have wanted her dead for a couple of years now for a variety of murders. I don’t figure they will investigate someone who finally took her down.”
Logan grinned. “Thank you, Virgil. I was worried about that.”
They walked back to Logan’s car.
“I can’t wait till we get home and I can cuddle the shit out of you,” Virgil said excitedly as he put on his seatbelt.
“Nor can I.”
~
Taglist (I forgot it for my last one, sorry!): @somehow-i-got-an-account @justanotherhumanstuff @neo-neo-neo @fander-fic-recs
~
I know I kind of strayed from the prompt (did I?) so I’m sorry for that. It’s not as angsty as you probably wanted it to be, Lila, but at least there was a happy ending (right?). I hope you liked it!
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