#cue the ‘I’m an adult virgin’ song

[madebythejungle]

CHARACTER SHEET.

BASICS.

full name. John Clayton III, Lord Greystoke pronunciation. rip i’m bad at phonetics don’t ask me this nickname. Tarzan height. 6′7 age. 44 ( doesn’t know it ) zodiac. Leo spoken languages. English, several African languages/dialects of different tribes, French, Russian, Spanish, Italian, German, “Mangani” ( the general language of the troupe of apes he grew up with ), most - if not all - various languages of animals/if he’s met the animal, he probably speaks their language

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair color. Dark Blond eye color. Blue with small bits of green skin tone. Lightly tanned body type. Bulky Giant Man/Athletic accent. he instinctively adapts his accent to match that of whoever he’s speaking with, though after learning of his birth parents’ nationality, he will typically speak with an British accent unless he has a reason to speak in a different accent dominant hand. Ambidextrous  posture. Slumped, almost curled in on himself scars. A large bite mark wrapping completely around his left shoulder from front to back, multiple smaller scars covering his body, a large scar across one of his sides, more to be added once I finally write up my scar headcanon from the books. tattoos. A small “S” written in script on his left side, near his heart for Shuri most noticeable feature. His height and his large, slightly disfigured hands

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth. The African Congo hometown. None, technically birth weight. Unrecorded/Unknown birth height. Unrecorded/Unknown manner of birth. Natural first words. the name the African tribe called him, “Tarzan”, when he was eighteen years old and someone in Wakanda asked him who he was, because it was the only name he had ever had in reference to himself siblings. T’Challa ( adoptive younger brother ), Shuri ( adoptive younger sister ), Akut ( adoptive ape brother, by his ape mother Kala ) parents. Lord John Clayton II ( father ), Lady Alice Clayton ( mother ), Kala ( adoptive ape mother ) parental involvement. For the first six months, his father raised him in the jungle while simultaneously caring for his mother, who laid sick and dying in bed - but when she finally did die, John Clayton died as he buried her, killed by Mangani apes. From that moment on, John was raised by an ape known as Kala, who had recently lost her own child and took John in as a replacement after finding him in the small house his father had built, and was by her side until she was killed when he was sixteen.

ADULT LIFE.

occupation. Hero / Lord Greystoke / personal advisor to T’Challa current residence. A small house in Wakanda / Greystoke Manor in England ( verse dependent ) close friends. Shuri and T’Challa, Bucky, Thor, Bruce relationship status. Single ( main verse ) financial status. Kind of swimming in cash, but he never does anything with it driver’s license. Has one, but never really uses it. Owns a Jeep Wrangler, but never really drives it. criminal record.  None, has diplomatic immunity in most countries as an official adoptive son of King T’Chaka (T’Chakka? I can’t remember oops)

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation. pansexual romantic orientation. panromantic preferred emotional role. submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  |  unsure preferred sexual role. submissive |  dominant  |  switch  |  sex repulsed libido. Ultimately nonexistent until he loses his virginity, then it’s fairly high turn on’s. strong people, caring people, uhhhhh honestly he doesn’t know he likes something until it happens turn off’s. manipulation, liars, animal abuse love language. giving small gifts, listening, soft touches relationship tendencies. Blonde women, literally any man ever ( cue me Just realizing that the two ships he has with women are Literally both blonde oops )

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. anything by Queen, according to him, but i say the bad touch by bloodhound gang just bc it’s Fucking Hilarious to me even though it’s not actually accurate hobbies to pass the time. Exploring, reading, learning new things physical illness. none left or right brained.  an even mix, but slightly more left-brained fears. abandonment, losing the people he cares about, not being able to protect people self confidence level. medium-low, has bursts of high-confidence vulnerabilities. his sister, otherwise not much. he can be wounded just like everyone else, even if he is better at pushing aside his pain to continue fighting

Tagged by: @halfbrecd

Tagging: @seesgood @ghoststorytm @facemypast @primankapustoty @battlesthatmatter + whoever wants to, really

#meme ﹥ ᴛᴀɢ ᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ( dash ) #headcanon ﹥ ʜᴇ ᴡᴀs ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴀɴ ᴇᴠɪʟ sᴘɪʀɪᴛ ( marvel )

[losingitinjersey]

Getting To Know Me Masterpost

Thanks to @marines-sweat-hard, @eatprayandbehappy and @prodigalbrad for tagging me in these getting to know you posts!   I did one of them relatively recently so I’m going to omit that one below and link to it here.  The others can be found below!

Relationship Status: Happily married to an incredible partner!

Favorite color: Green and blue!  

Lipstick or chapstick: Lipstick!  Every time I wear chapstick my hair gets stuck to it.  That and lipgloss.  So evil. 

Three favorite foods: Lol you think I can choose?!  Anything with bread and cheese.  Gosh, how am I on keto.  SANDWICHES!  Fun fact, I worked at a Togos/Baskin Robbins for a year and gained soooo0o0o much weight but damn was it a delicious year.  Pizza!  Gosh this third one is taking too long to decide.  Let’s go with burritos!  

Last song I listened to: “First Day of My Life” by Bright Eyes

Last movie I watched: The Do-Over  :)  If we’re talking about in theatres it would be Star Wars: The Last Jedi (twice!  But that’s mainly because the first time I saw it I fell asleep, whoops.  But who can stay awake for a movie that starts at 10:40 p.m.!  Gosh I’m old.  Or maybe just narcoleptic?  

Top 3 shows: Of all time or just now?!  If we’re talking about all time it would obviously be 1) Buffy the Vampire Slayer  2) Freaks & Geeks and let’s go with 3) Pushing Daisies.  Currently I’d say 1) Grace & Frankie 2) Jane The Virgin  3) Magicians

Three favorite bands: Eve6!!!!  Zee Avi, Green Day

Books I’m currently reading: Nothing... I should start the new Stephen King book, Sleeping Beauties

10 Facts About Myself

1. When at all possible I prefer to eat with plastic utensils. Mandatory for spoons and especially if I have to season something.  I can’t taste past the metal.  I had braces for like 7 years and feel like they permanently effed up my taste buds.   

2. Ever since I can remember I’ve loved squirrels, I attribute it to Sword In The Stone and just how playful and fun they are to watch.  I even asked for a squirrel themed birthday party when I was a kid.  They only had Rocky & Bullwinkle themed decorations back then so my Dad ended up drawing a squirrel on my cake :)

3. It is my lifelong goal to read every single Stephen King book written.  I’m currently about 35% of the way through which doesn’t sound like a lot but sure is when you think about how prolific a writer he is and how long his books are.  Plus I keep rereading my favorites of his :)   

4. I used to have a very large fear of dogs.  When I was a kid we had a dog for about 6 months before we gave him away due to being mean to my sister and I.  Then I tried to befriend two dogs who were having a fight and ended up underneath them.  Follow that with having an exbf who had a very possessive and mean mastiff it took me a very long time to not cross the street when I saw even the cutest doggo coming down the street.  

5. I grew up as quite the musical theatre nerd.  Not in the way that I was in drama class (though I was in middle school) but I was obsessed with listening to soundtracks and watching musicals at home and on stage with my mom in SF.  Give me a good Les Mis, Rent, Music Man, Singing In The Rain, Bye Bye Birdie, Newsies song any day and I will belt out all the words.  

6. Ever since I can remember I’ve watched the Oscars with my mom.  When I went away to school she would come up to visit me so we could watch them together or we’d watch them at the same time and text each other through it.  Knowing actor/movie trivia has always been a thing of ours that I cherish.  

7. I’ve changed a great deal throughout the last several years.  From being in a relationship to a deadbeat from age 20-29 to finally learning my worth and value and taking the scary step to end that relationship really helped set me on the path to where I am today.  My self confidence has grown exponentially along with my zeal for life.  

8. For a short stint I was in charge of group travel at my job and led a group of 75 adults to China for a 9 day tour.  The second trip I led was to Greece and on that trip the cruiseline we were booked on went bankrupt and we had to rebook all the tickets and adjust the timeline.  I met the CEO of the tour company and he told me I was one of the most organized leaders he’d ever met.  Mind you, I was 24 at the time.  I still use this line in interviews today.  

9. I have an 84 words per minute typing certificate.  Growing up my mom made me do Mavis Beacon Typing classes during the summer which helped but I really learned how to type fast thanks to AIM, ICQ and MSN Messenger.  This skill has helped earn me the role of taking minutes at all of our board meetings.  I’m not good at paraphrasing so I literally type verbatim during every meeting.  This makes for some very cramped hands at the end of the two hour meetings.  

10. I tend to be a very happy individual.  Being positive and joyful comes naturally, which I am grateful for, but it’s hard when I meet new people and they question my intentions or sincerity.  It immediately throws me off and makes me question who I am and how I should act more than it should.  Need to remember to be true to myself regardless of the situation.  Cue Mulan’s “True To Your Heart” song!

If you made it this far, kudos to you!!  Thanks for reading and learning a bit more about me :)

#getting to know me #everything you didn't need to know #introduction posts #feel free to ask any questions!

[bookloversreviewer]

Title: The Perfect First

Author: Maya Hughes

Genre: New Adult Romance

Cover Design: Najla Qamber, Qamber Designs

Release Date: ‪April 25, 2019‬

Get your sneak peek at The Perfect First and read see the fateful meeting where Seph utters the fateful words, “How long do you last in bed?”

Read the chapter now! https://www.mayahughes.com/tpf-chapter-reveal

BLURB

“How long do you last in bed?” Those were her first words to me, swiftly followed up with, “And how big would you say you are?”

Cue the record scratching, what?!

Persephone Alexander. Math genius. Lover of blazers. The only girl I know who can make Heidi braids look sexy as hell. And she’s on a mission. Lose her virginity by the end of the semester.

I walked in on her interview session for potential candidates (who even does that?) and saw straight through her brave front. She’s got a list of Firsts to accomplish like she’s only got months to live. I’ve decided to be her guide for all her firsts except one. Someone’s got to keep her out of trouble. I have one rule, no sex. We even shook on it.

I’ll help her find the right guy for the job. Someone like her doesn’t need someone like me and my massive...baggage for her first time.

Drinking at a bar. Check.

Partying all night. Double check.

Skinny dipping. Triple check.

She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. The walls I’d put up around my heart are slowly crumbling with each touch that sets fire to my soul.

I’m the first to bend the rules. One electrifying kiss changes everything and suddenly I don’t want to be her first, I want to be her only. But her plan was written before I came onto the scene and now I’m determined to get her to re-write her future with me.

GOODREADS LINK: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43802284-the-perfect-first

AUTHOR BIO

Maya Hughes can often be found sneaking in another chapter while hiding in the bathroom from her kids! :-) I’m a romance writer who loves taking inspiration from everyday life, namely my husband and biggest fan. Inspiration also strikes when I hear a song, meet someone new or daydream while at soccer practice.

I’m the mom of three little ones, the wife to an amazing husband and also work full time. Some of my favorite things are cinnamon rolls, white wine, laughing until I can’t breathe and traveling with my family.

AUTHOR LINKS

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mayahugheswrites/

Bookbub: http://bookbub.com/authors/maya-hughes

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/mayahughes

Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/mayahughes

GIVEAWAY: https://www.facebook.com/1937501096480185/posts/2387997341430556/

Title: The Perfect First

Author: Maya Hughes

Genre: New Adult Romance

Cover Design: Najla Qamber, Qamber Designs

Release Date: ‪April 25, 2019‬

Get your sneak peek at The Perfect First and read see the fateful meeting where Seph utters the fateful words, “How long do you last in bed?”

Read the chapter now! https://www.mayahughes.com/tpf-chapter-reveal

BLURB

“How long do you last in bed?” Those were her first words to me, swiftly followed up with, “And how big would you say you are?”

Cue the record scratching, what?!

Persephone Alexander. Math genius. Lover of blazers. The only girl I know who can make Heidi braids look sexy as hell. And she’s on a mission. Lose her virginity by the end of the semester.

I walked in on her interview session for potential candidates (who even does that?) and saw straight through her brave front. She’s got a list of Firsts to accomplish like she’s only got months to live. I’ve decided to be her guide for all her firsts except one. Someone’s got to keep her out of trouble. I have one rule, no sex. We even shook on it.

I’ll help her find the right guy for the job. Someone like her doesn’t need someone like me and my massive...baggage for her first time.

Drinking at a bar. Check.

Partying all night. Double check.

Skinny dipping. Triple check.

She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. The walls I’d put up around my heart are slowly crumbling with each touch that sets fire to my soul.

I’m the first to bend the rules. One electrifying kiss changes everything and suddenly I don’t want to be her first, I want to be her only. But her plan was written before I came onto the scene and now I’m determined to get her to re-write her future with me.

GOODREADS LINK: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43802284-the-perfect-first

AUTHOR BIO

Maya Hughes can often be found sneaking in another chapter while hiding in the bathroom from her kids! :-) I’m a romance writer who loves taking inspiration from everyday life, namely my husband and biggest fan. Inspiration also strikes when I hear a song, meet someone new or daydream while at soccer practice.

I’m the mom of three little ones, the wife to an amazing husband and also work full time. Some of my favorite things are cinnamon rolls, white wine, laughing until I can’t breathe and traveling with my family.

AUTHOR LINKS

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mayahugheswrites/

Bookbub: http://bookbub.com/authors/maya-hughes

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/mayahughes

Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/mayahughes

GIVEAWAY: https://www.facebook.com/1937501096480185/posts/2387997341430556/

[meowingatthesea]

Hey babe it's revenge time. I challenge u to answer every even ask that starts with a consonant.🎀

Babe this is cruel and unusual punishment. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?Eww no they're basically my older sister 2. You talked to an ex today, correct?Define ex 3. Have you taken someones virginity?yup I ran into their bedroom and stole it from their deskDid you hang out with the person you like recently?No we need to get our shit together 6. What are you excited for?Folklife is in two weeks!7. What happened tonight?I practiced for covenant renewal and gave a speech on what Judaism means to me8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?Listen its their choice not mine10. What is the last beverage you had?Water. I am high and as such suuuuuuper thirsty11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?One. @coolgaycanada my bitch 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?Lol no13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?Stay up too fucking late with one of my best friends then regret it when I have to wake up at 5 on Sunday 14. What are you going to spend money on next?New headphones mine broke 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?Of course. Especially because ill go to mitzvah corps. 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?@oh-bitch-you-wary or @inconvenientcalamity18. The last time you felt broken?YesterdAy?19. Have you had sex today?... 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?Sign me the fuck up24. What do you want right this second?Take a shower25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?harlet 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?No. Thats a requirement of being my friend and being my friend is a requirment for dating. 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?Rory pooping in the hallway during the show. 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?@cushiestcomplaints ily so so much 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?Depends on what they did 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?No they're super nice and we've known each other since we were like 332. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?Nope. Not at alllllllllll. 34. Listening to?Clinton the musical. 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?Mechanical pencils are where its at36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?I hope theyre at home rn they're probably asleep37. Do you believe in love at first sight?Lust at first site yes love no38. Who did you last call?My mom 39. Who was the last person you danced with?Emma, in the wings of Annie while waiting for our cues. 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?We both wanted to kiss someone and we were convenient options. 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?Long long ago 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?No I don't hug adult figures in my life. 44. Do you tan in the nude??46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?No I wanna @oh-bitch-you-wary hmu47. Who was the last person to call you?My sister, to talk about the Broadway show she just saw48. Do you sing in the shower?FUCKING BELT IT49. Do you dance in the car?see above answer 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?6th grade?52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?did you read my blog59. Take a vitamin daily?yes I'm under nourished 60. Wear slippers?No61. Wear a bath robe?I should62. What do you wear to bed?Sweats and an over large shirt63. First concert?Idk man64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?Target duh65. Nike or Adidas?No66. Cheetos Or Fritos?Cheetos 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?No68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?Idk73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?Yesssssss rarely but once or twice74. What is your favorite book?DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE75. Do you study better with or without music?music I have memorized 76. Regularly burn incense?Nah78. Who would you like to see in concert?Haley kiyoko 79. What was the last concert you saw?Does Nanny Dichols count?80. Hot tea or cold tea?Hot81. Tea or coffee?Tea82. Favorite type of cookie?The good kind83. Can you swim well?Semi84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?Yup91. Best room for a fireplace?ALL OF THEM 92. Do you want to get married?Eventually

[jacksonandeli]

Modern day relationships (and music)

A broad topic – friendships, romantic relationships, work relationships, cue music and we have a movie that is somewhat predictable but offers great entertainment at those you’re watching’s expense.

A few years ago, my mum went through a very short phase of blaming herself for my brother and my singleness; thinking we lacked the social skills to meet a significant other. As funny as that sounds, she wanted grandbabies and neither of us were ready to give them to her, let alone be in meaningful or promising relationship. Soon after, my brother sorted that out and I was off the hook!

Like many fathers, my dad forbid me from dating until I finished school. Knowing this was the rule and being the obedient child that I was, I never entertained it. Sure I fancied the jock, the nerd, the new boy in school and went to all the school dances and socials, but I can honestly say, not once did I feel like I was missing out. My friends were all having meltdowns and fighting with each other on who fancied who first. Having that mind-set, entering university and focussing on going abroad and travelling, boys remained at the bottom of my priorities. Every father’s dream, right?

Watching programmes like Friends painted the picture of what adult friendships should be like, in my late teens and early adulthood it felt like that my adult life was heading that way. I was part of a tight knit group who had different interests, jobs, backgrounds, aspirations but enough similarities for it to just work.

I’ve always been interested in people, especially if they were different. Different in culture, upbringing, ethnicity. When I finished university and went abroad to America, again my exposure and experience of different people shaped my tolerance and perspective. I met people in different settings, socialised with a lot more older and younger people. I mention these instances, because like most of my opinions or thoughts, I believe I have them because of my exposure and experience.

I read something years ago, or perhaps it was someone’s words of wisdom to me, that I needed to view friendships/relationships like an investment. If I am constantly putting in to it and there is no return, it’s a poor investment. Sometimes it requires more of me and sometimes there is more in it for me. About three years ago, I made a commitment to only arrange and agree to meeting up with people I really wanted to spend time with. This freed up a lot more of my time and budget; not having superficial chit chat and mindless conversations for the sake of it; and as a result I have a handful (which these days is a lot) of rock solid, dependable and loyal friends.

I still love meeting new people, and London is a great place to meet people of diversity, and yes, there is always room for more friends, but I choose carefully who to let into my ‘inner circle’ of trust!

When it comes to working relationships, I see these as needing to be professional and respectable – working together doesn’t always mean playing together. I think the playing together sometimes puts strain on working relationships and can affect the way we work together (yes, it also could be a benefit). Sure the odd occasion celebrating a colleague’s birthday, going for drinks and the annual Christmas party is a good way to get to know each other and relax, especially since we spend most of our time together, but I find the one thing in common (work) tends to dominate most conversations…booooring!

My mum is an ironer, she irons everything from bedsheets, pyjamas and underwear. Growing up, even going to the grocery store, we’d have combed our hair and our clothes were ironed and presentable. For my mum, the way we are seen and behave is a reflection of her parenting, perhaps a personal issue for her, but I always think about this and think, would my parents be proud? So I approach my behaviour towards others, respecting my elders, engaging with younger people and work ethic on that.

When it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, I think I am the only unmarried adult in the world that hasn’t tried online dating and thinks it is a weird way to meet someone. Perhaps my ‘perfect’ childhood, watching princess movies and reading fairy tales has tainted my view of reality. I’m somewhat of a traditionalist, call me old fashioned, my knight in shining armour shall find me and it will require as little effort on my part as possible. Feel free to wish me luck with this!

In this modern day, I think things are too accessible and easy to escape. Divorces are easier to get, online dating offers a catalogue of options that you can pick and discard and no one needs to know about it. Who needs human contact when the internet allows you to engage with others and the world without ever combing your hair and ironing your clothes?

I read a book called #Struggles, living in a selfie centred world by Craig Groeschel. And there were a few stand outs for me. He writes about a study where a group of people’s moods are assessed before and then 20 minutes after being on social media and majority of them felt ‘more depressed’ and lonely afterwards. Another study of young people evidenced how they prepared a script when calling and ordering pizza because they were so anxious about not being in control of their conversation – these days with texting and caller and ID, you are always in control. He mentions the days when caller ID did not exist and the phone would ring, you would answer not knowing who was on the other end and you were actually able to hold an impromptu conversation.

I realise I have now gone over my paper limit and have mentioned the word “music”, all but once (and now twice excluding the title).

One often hears of people saying ‘this is our song’, I understand that songs can remind one of people and events in their life. I recently watched a Grey’s Anatomy episode where a man started singing a song to a lady who was suffering with Alzheimer’s and as a result she remembered her wedding day and that the man was her husband. I remember the first time a seventeen year old boy asked my thirteen year old self to slow dance at my brother’s sixteenth birthday party, the song was Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now by Starship.

Whenever the song, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol comes on, I immediately think of my Canadian friend – why, I don’t know. I don’t know the lyrics or what they mean, but they remind me of my friend.

The Barry Manilow song, “Oh Mandy” is really annoying. I have had this song sung to me in so many ways, I don’t know all the lyrics, but why do people think they are charming when they sing it to me? Don’t they realise someone else thought of that idea before.

The very first album my mum bought me was, True Blue by Madonna. I remember the cover, I remember the excitement, and I remember learning the lyrics to every song. Thinking about it, did I understand them? I would say no. I mean, the lyrics of ‘Like a Virgin’, I had no idea what she or I was singing about, but it was MADONNA!

My very first concert, Indecent Obsession, I mean with a name like that and with their first song release titled ‘Kiss Me’, what was my mum thinking allowing me to go! Did I realise the meaning of their name and what the song was about, I don’t think so! But I remember the tune/melody and it was my first concert with friends.

According to researchers at mind.org, they found that music releases dopamine, the feel-good chemical in your brain. It also found that dopamine was up to 9% higher when volunteers listened to music that they enjoyed. So having fond memories associated to music can only be a win-win!

[sexeducationsurveys-blog]

Nevada, United States

Interviewee Demographics

Gender:                               Female

Age:                                       Over 21 and less than 90; alternatively, old enough to know better

Marital Status:                  Married on paper; WINO (Wife In Name Only)

Race/Ethnicity:                  Caucasian

General Location:             Las Vegas, Nevada

 1.       What area did you grow up in and did that have an impact on your sexual education?

I was born in Nebraska, but moved to Las Vegas, Nevada for second grade, and have lived here since.

I don’t believe my Midwestern birth had anything to do with my level of sexual education or my beliefs (my parents were not from the area, I left before any of the social mores could be ingrained), but I strongly believe that enduring decades of the Clark County School District’s abysmal excuse for sex ed (starting during the AIDS onslaught, no less!) profoundly shaped my views.

Some people might claim that growing up in Sin City affected my values, but, if anything, I am more conservative/prudish than some people from rural/not-so-sexually-advertised areas. Since I was always exposed to Crazy Girls ads and such from a young age, I grew to ignore them.

2.       What were your family’s beliefs regarding sex?

Polar opposites: sex basically didn’t exist and was never talked about  .  .  . except for catcalls and lewd remarks when some hot broad appeared on the TV, or vague whispered censure or loud guffawing when somebody in the news got pregnant.

Sex was NEVER mentioned, nor was puberty or any form of human development; in fact, I had absolutely no idea what menstruation was until my menarche happened at the age of 7.

I had to investigate the phenomenon on my own (and with no Internet), since the extent of my mother’s involvement was to pull me into her bedroom, close and lock the bedroom door dramatically, back me into the door, put her hands on my shoulders, then demand, “Has anybody been messing with you?!”

Cue clueless-yet-terrified-and-stammering-response.

My mother was in utter denial of the idea that I could be menstruating and continued with that approach for at least five years; after all, only teenagers went through that, and no one ever talked about it.

We were never told about male and female anatomy, either; I guess we were just supposed to figure that out from all of the (sometimes) veiled comments that (mostly) the males in the house made.

Here’s something that will date me: I clearly remember watching The Blue Lagoon on HBO with my father in the room (and he was making crude remarks about Brooke Shields) when the pond/swimming scene came on.  I, being unable to see the screen much in the dark room, asked my father what was going on.  He refused to answer, got offended and just shut up.  I had to figure it out for myself.

You should conclude that parts of the rest of that movie didn’t go over too well, either, and that I didn’t exactly try to watch ANY movies with my father after that.

I learned from several different sources (often from exchanges during arguments or from filed paperwork) that my mother had had a hysterectomy after I was born, ostensibly so she wouldn’t have any more children.  My father almost constantly referred to my mother as “being on the rag” when she was being disagreeable or would not do what he wanted, and he would tell her during almost every argument (when he wasn’t dumping a pot of hot spaghetti water on her head) that she should “shove your rag in your mouth” to gross her out and shut her up.

There was a very definite gender divide, and the level of misogyny was incalculable.

While not strictly related to sex, the following anecdote is related to gender and sexual expectations. I had a sister who was 11 years older than I was; she had just started college when I was 7.  My parents did not want her to go to school, even though she had excellent grades and seemed reasonably intelligent, so they dissuaded her in every way they could think of (e.g., they didn’t pay for her to go, she had to have at least one job to pay her own way, they refused to fill out scholarship or other aid forms, they made her pay significant rent, she never had a car and had to pay to take a bus three hours each way to school, they berated her whenever possible, etc. ) The only reason they eventually “permitted” her to go was because a relative told them that my sister would have a much better chance of catching a husband if she had a year or two of college under her belt, and given her looks, she really needed the help.

Hyeah.

Of course, she was told to avoid all young men for any reason, though, because she’d get a reputation. As what, I was never told.

The boys, on the other hand, were encouraged to do anything or anyone they wanted (as long as it was a female), including the 30-ish bar singer who apparently gave my teenage brother (why the hell was he in a bar???) some form of VD.

Males (married, somewhat less so) could “play around” (or at least leer) at will, but girls (especially wives) could not; bad things (like pregnancy or death) happened to bad girls, and listening to raunchy songs or reading dirty books was bad.

For girls.  Your father having “nudy” magazines is just fine, because, you know, we never talk about those, and, no, that wasn’t a violent screaming match you heard when your mother found your brother’s porn stash and he objected.

I clearly remember an incident with my mother yelling and then muttering at me while Tina Turner’s What’s Love Got to Do With It? was on the radio. She was incensed at me for listening to that trash, as it advocated women having sex without love/women having casual sexual relationships/a woman refusing a man’s honorable advances.  I pointed out to her that the lyrics actually were about a woman in denial that she was deeply in love, trying to convince herself that it was just a physical thing, when it clearly meant a great deal more. Mom didn’t care.

In general, no information about sex, girls do not have sex before marriage but must somehow lure husbands without getting a reputation and then they dutifully have sex as their procreational duty while the husbands’ eyes and other parts wander, and mothers do not talk to their daughters or interfere with their sons.

3.       What are your current family’s beliefs on sex?

Wow, there’s no single or suitable answer for that, particularly as the question is phrased. Do you mean, a) the family that consisted of my husband, me, and our children, at the present time, or, b) what values did my husband and I have or do we have now, or c) what did we, as parents, try to do to educate our children about, or d) did my birth family’s beliefs change?  I think you actually ask parts of those questions later, so I’ll answer them there.

4.       How would you describe your personal stance on sex or sex education?

What are you trying to ask?

I do not personally desire or need to have sex.  I don’t see people as sexually attractive to me personally, although I can appreciate their allure objectively, for others.  My greatest desire is for sleep, and that’s not sexual in nature; if you want something I seem to have an almost-sexual desire for, I’d say a yarn hoard or a mantled black leather Inverness coat (don’t ask for further details, trust me).

I believe that sex should not normally be a casual act; there should be a positive relationship first, and that no one should ever feel forced into it.  There should be open communication and consent by all involved. All parties should be of the legal age of consent, all should use appropriate methods of birth control and disease prevention, no one should be permanently physically damaged, and no animals should be involved, unless they are stuffed versions or Furries, I guess – other than those requirements, I’m pretty laissez faire: what consenting adults or similar do in private quarters without harming anyone is fine by me.

5.       Are you a parent or guardian? If so, how many children do you have?

Yes, I have four or five children, depending on if you count the husband.

To somewhat answer a possible question from above: my husband really had no involvement with the sexual education of our children, unless you count them laughing or screaming when they saw him naked.  Everything was left to me, as, beyond his family’s and his personal discomfort with sexual topics, my husband saw it as not his business to educate four daughters about girl things.

Anecdote about husband’s sexual education: He did not know what the word “virgin” meant until he was 15. And his parents were Catholic. Think about that.

Second anecdote about husband’s sexual education: He “attended” me (that’s a VERY generous term) during the birth of my fourth daughter.  An elder girl (also present) and I clearly remember him saying, “There’s something coming out . . . but it’s not a baby!”  To this day, the sibling remarks that a father of four of his age should have at least known the different orifices by then.

6.       What kind of area do you currently live in and how has it affected access to your or your children’s sexual education? Are there any specific limitations preventing you from getting the sex education you or your children need?

I live in Las Vegas, Nevada, which means that the Clark County School District’s personnel (all of whom have different opinions/excuses) are supposedly in charge of formal sex ed.

These people have done their damnedest to block all attempts at education, in all areas, but especially anything regarding sex.  See some of the most notable anecdotes below.

7.       Do you believe anything in media shaped your children’s perspectives about sex, gender roles, or body image?

I can’t point to anything specific that had an overwhelming affect in itself, but the widespread use of internet and social media sites in the past decade has really changed what is available, both information and disinformation.

Regarding the CCSD: there was a national news story about a local biddy who didn’t want students to learn anything about sex in their sex ed course, because they should either go to their parents or learn about it online. Great logical response, there.

8.       Do you believe your children are in any way influenced or affected by politics concerning, sex, gender, or body image? If so, what concerns might you have?

I feel that it is very important for all people, but especially females, to be aware of the political and practical ramifications of what is going on, locally, nationally, and globally.

I’ve always tried to have my children see more than one viewpoint on major issues, usually by discussing current events with them and/or making them read online and print stories from sources with different agendas/biases. They could then form their own opinions, which don’t necessarily have to (publicly or privately) agree with mine.

The conflicting images of beauty, morality, gender roles, stereotypes, and many other issues are being brought up as the United States struggles through the Trump Period.  I could write a tome on issues from the last year, but those wouldn’t all be associated with sex ed.

9.       How old do you believe a person should be when they begin their sex education?

That depends on what you define as sex education (maybe you should have asked that or defined what you mean by “sexual education” or “comprehensive sexual education,” so you and the respondents could frame/classify the answers better).

Babies in utero, particularly boys, experience sex education without any intervention at all.

If you want to ask about what point after birth people should start sex education,  consider that everyone gets some sex education from supposedly unrelated topics and from all of the sources around them, including media, spoken words, family attitudes (many times, what is NOT said is more powerful than wat IS said), religion, clothing, housing, everything around them.

I believe that relatives should begin the basics when or even before a child is capable of understanding the terms/concepts (and these may not involve written words at all).  You don’t need to go into excessive detail, but even toddlers can see that diapers or PullUps (indeed, probably everything around them!) are gender-segregated (why?) or that there are parts of their bodies that are acceptably viewed in public or can be touched by other people, and others that are not (e.g., “Do NOT strip in the McDonald’s PlayPlace tube maze!!!”)  The idea of self-respect and consent can be absorbed without mentioning sexual intercourse, religion, morality, or disease.  Proper anatomical terms should be used from the beginning; even though family members may use nicknames in private, they should know the real terms, and not be made to think that they are intrinsically dirty.

I think that the biological and at least legal aspects of sex (since some people get up-in-arms about anyone other than parents teaching morality) need to be taught in schools/semi-neutral ground, particularly since many parents have no idea what they’re talking (or not!) about.

The actual SEX education can also be absorbed from everyday lessons, and this is where the family’s values come in, for better or worse.

Sex is a biological process that should be explained like any other; why would you factually-but-simply explain to a toddler with a skinned knee what blood is and why a cut bleeds, but not mention to a tween girl why (and from where else) she might bleed, or make that natural process seem mysterious and shameful? Should sex be something anyone should have whenever they want, or should the topic of sex and even the entire body and face of females be covered, lest they tempt men?  Well, if you’re going to advocate the latter, then at least inform BOTH genders about the biological facts, THEN add on your values, and tell children WHY you believe that.

As for terminology: I wouldn’t try to explain to a toddler about estrogen and the menstrual cycle or why human chorionic gonadotrophin is important, but I would use age-appropriate language to explain what is happening to their elder sisters or mother and why most of the sixth-grade boys are shorter than girls and tend to carry their books in front of them.

Many of the modern physical/psychological problems of adolescence could be cleared up with a little open, honest communication, and that habit should have started at birth.

10.   Have you, a family member, or a friend broached sexual education to a member of the younger generation? If so, what methods did you use and what was the person’s reaction?

As mentioned, my husband wanted nothing to do with the topic, which was probably for the best, as his giving any explanations probably would have scarred my daughters more.

I tried different approaches, with varying success, for my four daughters.  I don’t think anything really worked, and they’re all going to end up learning (if at all) on their own.

Since I endured menarche at 7 and puberty in a house which shunned information, with no forewarning and no assistance, I was determined that would not happen to my children.  All of them knew the basics of what was going to happen to them before they were 7.

I used books, videos, personal stories, and even trips through the grocery store.  Daily life is an opportunity to learn, and learning should not occur in only one location.

The elder two were within two years of each other, so I basically went through the semi-formal information/lessons once or more with them.  They were generally disinterested and probably don’t remember much, but it was apparently significantly more informative than anything the CCSD provided.

For the younger girls, who were within three years of each other but years separated from the elders, I was more concerned with the problems of the elder girls and was more lazy about the subject; it was easier to get books and internet sources for them, and they grew up hearing the lessons the elder ones endured, so their knowledge was more from osmosis and self-taught than lectured.

Depending on the topic and the mood, the girls could be deathly bored or start screaming for brain bleach.  It depends on how you present the subject.  Humor helps.

11.   If you, or someone else, has provided a sex education to your children, how do you believe it has affected them?

See brain bleach note above.

I think the factual presentation of information, integrated throughout daily life and through ad hoc and specific lessons, has made my daughters generally blasé about sex, which could be good or bad.  They still have adolescent worries (which is bad, considering two of them are now old enough to see Thunder from Down Under), but the mystery (the bad/addictive kind) is not so alluring.

Then again, I had my eldest read some “romance” novels when she was 14, to counteract a popular teen book series of the time, so she now has some very weird ideas about male vampires.  And other things.  I think I’m more worried than she is.

12.   Do you believe that comprehensive sex education should be taught in schools? If so, who or what kind of person do you believe would be most qualified?

“Comprehensive” means very different things to different people.

The biological and legal aspects, consent, physical and emotional protection, yes, those are the absolute minimum that should be taught, as any other biological or civics subjects needed to be a functioning adult should be.

Different viewpoints, different attitudes, LGBT+ issues, absolutely.

The problem is, HOW comprehensive do you mean, and when?

What I’ve just mentioned is far beyond what the vocal people in this area would accept, particularly for elementary school children.

A school nurse, a health teacher, or someone with factual knowledge (not the long-term sub who’s supposedly teaching English but says “aks” all the time) would best be qualified, but the CCSD requires “qualification” now to teach middle school sex ed, and the local teacher has no clue what he’s doing and keeps being absent for the lectures on sex, so …

13.   If your child attends a public, private, or charter school that provides a sexual education, what has your and their experience been like with the institution(s) involved?

I could genuinely write a book on this topic.

In general, the CCSD does not want students to learn, they want them to proceed through 13 years of cattle-car daycare, and they sure as Hell don’t want them to learn anything about sex.  Even mentioning the topic obliquely results in pregnant (ha!) pauses, political stammering, stonewalling, and denial.

Some of the more notable anecdotes:

My CCSD sex ed experiences began in the middle school PE orientation, when the gym teacher stage-whispered in front of the whole gym (with the boys in the next bleacher section) about what to do when we were “being M” (dramatic pause, eyes skittering about) and how to get out of the required showers in that case.   Of course, she couldn’t explain what she meant, because the boys might hear.  ???

Tenth grade health required ONE DAY (one class period, less than one hour) to be on sex ed.  It was “taught” by an assistant football coach/driver ed coach with no degree or even formal training on the subject; he also didn’t speak English well.  He was clearly uncomfortable and couldn’t even pronounce medical terms; he resorted to (incorrectly) using slang, and ended up telling us to read the photocopied information for ourselves.  I missed one question on the test, even though I had to wade through factual errors and slang on the test to guess what the answers were supposed to be, because I didn’t know the street number of the address of the Health District VD Testing Office on Shadow Lane.  Yup, that’s what was emphasized.  And we STILL weren’t told what sex was; we were in tenth grade, didn’t we know already??

In my senior year, all of the seniors (because, of course, younger students weren’t having sex!) were required to endure a day-long seminar on HIV/AIDS/VD.  However, anyone who was 18 or over, or anyone whose parent objected, could get the day off. As I was the first person in the State of Nevada to be emancipated from my parents, I signed myself out of the class, and purposely walked by the window-walled classroom and waved at the miserable occupants.

First daughter: Near the end of 5th Grade, for weeks, she was morose, depressed, closed down.  I finally pulled her aside and asked what the problem was. At length, she told me about how she heard (only parts of the lecture, as it was almost whispered by the school nurse, and no one could hear anything) that she would suddenly start bleeding when she got to 6th Grade, and she would have to wear a badge on her pants to tell everyone.  No one explained why she would be bleeding, or why she’d have to tell everyone, or what she would have to do; she was terrified and confused.  When I explained that she had probably heard “pad” instead of “badge”, and I reminded her about the menstrual cycle, she looked up, shocked, and asked, “Why couldn’t they just have used the words you’ve been telling me for years?  Why make such a big deal out of it, keep it a secret?”

She was supposed to have comprehensive sex ed in 8th Grade Health, mandated to be taught by a state-certified teacher.  The teacher was notably absent four times that year – all on the scheduled days the sex ed curriculum was supposed to have been taught (and it was only one day long!)  He always left the substitute teacher with dittoes on other topics, with replicative fade and factual and spelling errors; the sex talk was never given.

I was the only parent in a high school of 2500 students to ask to see the sex ed materials before the material was given to my child.  I was impressed that the nurse had a breast self-exam fake chest, but dismayed that it was kept away from boys and not used in the class (hey, if the girls are squeamish about examining themselves, the boys aren’t; teach them!  And, yes, men do get breast cancer).  The textbook never mentioned sex or how sperm met egg, yet the photocopied packets for class had pictures of opened-to-camera diseased crotches that so grossed out students that I guess the abstinence-only approach was somewhat successful – for a few minutes.  They sickened and scarred my daughter.

On the first day of one health class, my daughter was told that, since the students were in high school, they all knew what sex was, so the teacher wouldn’t have to go over that.

Funny thing was, the girls started whispering and chatting when the topic of the age of consent came up – they had no idea there was a minimum legal age, what consent was, or even that they could say no.

Second daughter:  Online health course also never mentioned sex, but at least didn’t have diseased pictures; however, it focused on shaming those who had sex, and the main topic/project was about the costs of having a baby/setting up a nursery (without mentioning how the baby was made), probably as a deterrent.  There was also no discussion of breastfeeding, and the project made some extremely outdated and dangerous assumptions.

Third daughter:  In her 5th Grade, I was the only parent who asked to see the corporation-sponsored videos being shown; I was questioned about why I would possibly want to see the boys’ or combined-gender versions of the films, as my daughter would never see them.

The volunteers who photocopied the gender-limited, color-coded (pink = girl, blue = boy) information packets switched the information, so girls took home advice that they should wash their scrotum every day.  I still want to know what the boys got.  Principal unhappy.

She wanted to take the high school health class early, but, after over six months of delay and excuses and numerous rounds of phone tag, I was given the (not written anywhere) rule that students can’t take the class early, and that, despite her previous high school credits and interactions with high school and college students, the class was not suitable for someone her age.  After all, she might get into a chat with an older teenager, and discuss some adult themes.  How dare she!

Fourth daughter:  5th Grade highlight was a video/animation about how HIV was rolling onto a beach from the ocean, and the lifeguards were T-cells.  The video never mentioned how a person gets HIV, how to prevent it, nothing that stuck, at least – everyone was just staring at the cartoons.  There was also a video with something about some part of the body called an ovary, that it was the size of some nut, and it did something, but the girls weren’t taught what or why.  Sex and reproduction were never mentioned.  However, they did get the corporate pack of pads/supplies from Always, and that had a pamphlet.

She was thrilled to learn that 6th Grade biology had a module on sexual vs. asexual reproduction, but was again disappointed that the unit never mentioned what sex was or what the sex cells were or what that had to do with reproduction.

The stonewalling continued with this child, with the principal of Nevada Learning Academy/Virtual High School claiming that it was inappropriate for my daughter to take Health early, for various excuses that lasted for months, and finally culminated in the excuse that the class talked about human trafficking, which was inappropriate for a 10-year-old girl.  Funny, the local media ran a story THAT week about an 11-year-old girl being forced to prostitute herself on the streets – why would you NOT want a 10-year-old to know about human trafficking, and how to avoid it??? I also talked about the lessons I’d given her on female genital mutilation, circumcision, birth control, and abortion, but that was irrelevant, as was the fact that I had signed the permission form – the principal was personally uncomfortable with those topics and the political ramifications of letting my daughter into the class, so my daughter couldn’t hear about them.

Meanwhile, she has two college-aged sisters taking sex-related courses, a 14-year old sister exploring her sexuality/orientation, and a mother who lets her read anything she can comprehend, which, since her reading level is Level 13/College and Career, is pretty much anything she wants.  We’re considering having her bring in the PBH 429 textbook (Public Health 429, a senior-level course on Education for Human Sexuality) to her reading class, just for fun.

14.   If there was anything you would like to add or remove to your children’s sex education, what would it, or they, be?

I would have wanted to add a great deal more information, but life got in the way.

I will never feel that I did an adequate job, but I hope that my daughters continue to learn and be open to learning, rather than ignoring the world and living in their own little bubbles, however permeable they are.

15.   BONUS QUESTION: Is there anything else you would like to add or address about sex education or on this interview?

You really need to learn how to better construct a survey or a list of interview questions.  It would be helpful to have at least demographic questions and topic/project information at the beginning, along with a very neutral explanation of what the project is about and what the information will be used for (keep in mind that how you phrase that could heavily skew respondents’ answers).  The type and composition of your questions results in confusion, repetition, omission, and frustration.  I was reminded of several things I would have liked to mention that were extremely on-topic (to what I THOUGHT, before I got the questions, the topic was supposed to be), but I was never asked about them, and I forgot about them as I went on. The topics of the questions do not proceed logically.  There was a major emphasis on being a parent, making most of the questions irrelevant to those without children.  If this was even a semi-formal project, with more than a few respondents or a need to tabulate or classify results, these questions would be unusable, unless all of your respondents added in responses about the same issues without communicating with each other.  You could have chosen to include ranged-answer or other types of questions to help make the answers more usable (e.g., “At what age did you have your first formal sex ed course/session in a school (if any)?)  Overall, EVERY question needs to be reworked for this to be usable as anything other than very initial social research.

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[bookloversreviewer]

Title: The Perfect First

Author: Maya Hughes

Genre: New Adult Romance

Cover Design: Najla Qamber, Qamber Designs

Release Date: April 25, 2019

BLURB

“How long do you last in bed?” Those were her first words to me, swiftly followed up with, “And how big would you say you are?”

Cue the record scratching, what?!

Persephone Alexander. Math genius. Lover of blazers. The only girl I know who can make Heidi braids look sexy as hell. And she’s on a mission. Lose her virginity by the end of the semester.

I walked in on her interview session for potential candidates (who even does that?) and saw straight through her brave front. She’s got a list of Firsts to accomplish like she’s only got months to live. I’ve decided to be her guide for all her firsts except one. Someone’s got to keep her out of trouble. I have one rule, no sex. We even shook on it.

I’ll help her find the right guy for the job. Someone like her doesn’t need someone like me and my massive...baggage for her first time.

Drinking at a bar. Check.

Partying all night. Double check.

Skinny dipping. Triple check.

She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. The walls I’d put up around my heart are slowly crumbling with each touch that sets fire to my soul.

I’m the first to bend the rules. One electrifying kiss changes everything and suddenly I don’t want to be her first, I want to be her only. But her plan was written before I came onto the scene and now I’m determined to get her to re-write her future with me.

GOODREADS LINK: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43802284-the-perfect-first

AUTHOR BIO

Maya Hughes can often be found sneaking in another chapter while hiding in the bathroom from her kids! :-) I’m a romance writer who loves taking inspiration from everyday life, namely my husband and biggest fan. Inspiration also strikes when I hear a song, meet someone new or daydream while at soccer practice.

I’m the mom of three little ones, the wife to an amazing husband and also work full time. Some of my favorite things are cinnamon rolls, white wine, laughing until I can’t breathe and traveling with my family.

AUTHOR LINKS

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mayahugheswrites/

Bookbub: http://bookbub.com/authors/maya-hughes

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/mayahughes

Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/mayahughes

GIVEAWAY: https://bit.ly/2FWXjeZ