#crappy movies | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stone-cold-groove · 22 days

Text

Teenagers from Outer Space - 1959.

#b movies #50s movies #teen movies #b-movies #title cards #movie title cards #opening credits #because of course they’re from outer space #crappy movies

11 notes · View notes

pink-jellyfish-mewmew · 11 months

Text

so happy they included one of my favorite jokes

#sorry for crappy quality #barbie #barbie movie #barbie 2023 #ken

8K notes · View notes

crotchety-old-blogger · 1 year

Text

Too Old to Handle

Has anybody noticed in today’s Hollywood that there's barely anyone over the age of 50 that has a supporting role, let alone in a leading role? (I said barely, not never)

Where are the old wise people with grey hair and wrinkly faces pointing in some direction, and utters words of advice and makes you bowl of hot soup before you venture out? I miss that.

I don't care to see in every, single movie or TV show, some snot-nosed fourteen-year-old or seventeen-year-old "actor" pretending to lead a resistance on whatever planet; or some twenty-year-olds masquerading as teenagers thinking they know, huh-huh, everything. STOP IT! STOP! IT! If I didn't know better, I might conclude that the entertainment business has a child fetish.

And don't get me started on today's soundtracks. I never would have thought in my lifetime we went from the great Sir John Williams to the pathetic Hanz Zimmer. Let me be clear on this: Zimmer does not compose music. PERIOD! Zimmer is nothing but a glorified DJ that records and combines whale queefs and screaming voices into something that he calls "music". Then the movie producers say, "Wow! What a great soundtrack!" There are some who so "this is music evolving." Uh, no. If anything, it's the devolving of music. Also, nobody wants to hire a big name like Williams anymore—he's too expensive, but his music is quality. (Not forgetting other quality composers e.g. Danny Elfman, Alan Silvestri, and the late James Horner) For Zimmer, he puts together some random percussions and synthesizers, never composing ANY memorable themes.

And what is with all this CGI lighting? I can tell that the actors are in a different place because no amount of careless CGI lighting will ever fool me. Rather it takes me OUT of the movie, having me think "I thinking I could have done better." There is no longer art behind setting up a scene. I can tell. It looks like I'm watching a live-action film set in photoshop. What's shameful is that the producers don't care anymore, which makes sense because 90% of the audience that goes to the movies are usually stoned out of their minds; so they go back and get concessions, they finish and go back and get more concessions, they finish, so they go back and get concessions, they finish and so they go back and get more concessions. Sounds like someone's getting rich at the theater, and it ain't any of us.

If I'm not getting quality from a movie, I don't think tickets should be one flat rate. Not at all. Something from the mind of Steven Spielberg or David Lynch—$20. Something like 2 Fast 2 Furious—$5.

Now, I feel that some of you are pulling away with the last comment. But seriously, there is no real story in the Fast and Furious movies, just a bunch of festering drivers who seem to be constantly constipated, so they race to the nearest toilet. Just look at the title itself. There's going to be a bunch of kids who are going to think that's how one spells "too". Then they're going to think it's okay to drag race down an empty highway at night, and it is NOT! PEOPLE WITH A LIFE SLEEP! I don't need to hear brainless bucketheads burn rubber at all hours of the night. Forget calling the cops, they're too busy finding new things to do with their doughnuts' hole.

And the school teachers can't teach children anything because the parents are like "You should not be correcting my child, let him spell how he wants!" Teachers are not paid enough; they are constantly being treated like shit, and they also are trying to be brave despite the reality that one of the twelve-year-olds students might have brought their uncle's AK-47 to class. Well, what do you expect? No one told him that was WRONG! "No, we don't use words like 'wrong' and 'bad' and 'no'. Those are negative words, and we avoid to them in Patrick's childrearing. We tend to say 'yes' and other positive words." Seriously? I think a lot of teachers would agree with me in saying, "F**k you, Serenity! And you childrearing, bullshit nonsense!"

I don't know why, they always talk about how education is important. You've heard the TV announcer, "Education is the most important thing for a child." Yeah, it is. So why not have the city or school owners—y'know, the wealthy men you rarely see—FIX IT!

Oh, that's right. It won't matter, because their wealthy child goes to a private school with other wealthy halfwits who could do some halfwit damage in life without half trying. But they will NEVER take the blame because money always gets them out of trouble. So why would they financially help people whom they see as inferior because we're poor.

Uuuuuuh, whew. I think I may have shared too much. Whoa! I've been typing away like crazy. Well, hope you liked this. Or maybe not. I don't care. You like it, good. Don't that's okay too. Respond with a rude message—you're getting blocked.

0 notes

robot-roadtrip-rants · 1 month

Text

when you think about it combining thousands of supersoldiers literally incapable of fear with a strictly atheist, rational regime was a colossally stupid decision, and not for the reasons you're thinking of

y'know those cheesy old horror movies where the protagonists are spectacularly stupid? like, they find a spoopy book bound in suspicious leather and go, "haha lets read from this WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG" and twenty minutes later they're being chased by demon minotaurs or something. and the whole time you're screaming "NO YOU FUCKING MORONS WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT WAIT WHY ARE YOU GETTING UNDRESSED NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO HAVE SEX" and then the demon minotaurs kill them while they're having loud passionate sex because god forbid horny teenagers should ever have fun. ok so hear me out, astartes and primarchs in the pre-heresy are the same as the dumbass teenagers, except for the sex-having part (i think they T-pose at each other instead)

think about it. THEY KNOW NO FEAR. they're missing one of the key instincts we possess for recognizing dangerous situations. most people who find a spoopy book bound in suspicious leather are gonna be, y'know, spooped spooked. they won't want anything to do with it. the more anxious/scared will straight up leave. but astartes literally can't get spooked! they might burn the book for being xenos filth or something but beyond that there's nothing to balance out natural curiosity and/or lust for war trophies.

and this combines really badly with the imperium's rationalism! see, even if you don't fear the spoopy book, superstition/religion/fairy tales/etc. still provide a powerful incentive to stay away from it. you're gonna look at it and go, wow, that book looks satanic, messing with it might summon demon minotaurs, i should stay away. but the imperium actively discourages that line of thought! there's no way the spoopy book can do any harm, it's just a spoopy looking book! in fact, you SHOULD read the spoopy book just to demonstrate how not-superstitious you are!

yeah so this is why fulgrim walks into a creepy temple full of ritual snake orgy and thinks, hmm that snazzy sword the snake guys are obsessively fucking around would make a nice trophy. or why it never occurs to magnus that making deals with the fair folk might be dangerous territory.

#warhammer 40k #primarchs #space marines #crappy horror movies #fulgrim #magnus the red #also the galaxy is fucking littered with spoopy books #someone was gonna summon daemon minotaurs sooner or later #kinda surprised it didn't happen sooner in retrospect

419 notes · View notes

the-abyss-of-fandoms · 1 year

Text

John huffs as his hair falls into his face for the 5th time as he digs for his S/Os soon to be garden: For the last time….

Dog looks at John every time he huffs and mumbles: