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#continuum mechanics
goatposter · 6 months
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confidence posting today
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Haven’t updated here in literally forever due to life events but we’re still here and still going. A little fun red shift/blue shift for you all fine folks 😜🌌⌛️♥️🪐✨💙
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chasingfictions · 2 years
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can you hear me? (there’s no one left to sing to)
Fandom: Yellowjackets
Pairing: Laura Lee x Lottie
Words: 5k
Rating: T
They’re on the banks of the lake, Lottie’s head in Laura Lee’s lap. Both of them lying on their backs, toes sprawled out into the steady lap of the freshwater.
(Or: The only thing Lottie’s still sure of is Laura Lee.)
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Lottie Lee sadfic-established couple fluff fic combo pack. loosely based on me listening to "cassandra" by florence + the machine and having unspeakable emotions. anyway i love them a lot.
read on AO3!!!
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drlavenderpepper · 2 years
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I GOT AN A LET'S GOOOO
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musicallisto · 4 months
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36,59,82 for the Spotify wrapped?? ily xoxo and if u are going through finals rn I hope you survive
36. Stray Kids - TASTE
59. League of Legends, Jackson Wang - Fire to the Fuse
82. EXO - Call Me Baby
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jackoshadows · 1 year
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The Nature paper: Traversable wormhole dynamics on a quantum processor
Physicists Create a Wormhole Using a Quantum Computer
Physicists have purportedly created the first-ever wormhole, a kind of tunnel theorized in 1935 by Albert Einstein and Nathan Rosen that leads from one place to another by passing into an extra dimension of space.
The wormhole emerged like a hologram out of quantum bits of information, or “qubits,” stored in tiny superconducting circuits. By manipulating the qubits, the physicists then sent information through the wormhole, they reported today in the journal Nature.
The experiment can be seen as evidence for the holographic principle, a sweeping hypothesis about how the two pillars of fundamental physics, quantum mechanics and general relativity, fit together. Physicists have strived since the 1930s to reconcile these disjointed theories — one, a rulebook for atoms and subatomic particles, the other, Einstein’s description of how matter and energy warp the space-time fabric, generating gravity. The holographic principle, ascendant since the 1990s, posits a mathematical equivalence or “duality” between the two frameworks. It says the bendy space-time continuum described by general relativity is really a quantum system of particles in disguise. Space-time and gravity emerge from quantum effects much as a 3D hologram projects out of a 2D pattern.
More here
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familyabolisher · 8 months
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do u have any recommendations for where i can learn about this “disintegration of the couple form”? because it sounds fascinating.
i mean it's more a logical corollary to family abolition than anything else—the cluster of behaviours by which we identify the normative couple form (monogamy, then to varying degrees: intent towards marriage, intent towards cohabitation/split incomes/financial interdependence, cisheterosexuality, and so on) are highly contingent properties which are imbued with significance only by the social apparatus which organises and sustains the family. it’s impossible to meaningfully talk about “marriage,” for example, as a practice independent of the social + legal conditions by which it comes into being; it provides crucial legal apparatus for the nuclear family unit and serves as a cudgel for coercion in maintaining it via its various mechanisms of entrapment, and ideologically reifies this notion of a sole lifelong partner with whom you raise a child or children and thus stabilise the distribution of your property and assets/fortify the white race/etc. aspiration towards marriage, even between couples which may not wholly fit the “normative” bill, arises from the significance ascribed to it via its position in the ideology of the family. if the family is gone, it stops being useful. even monogamous couples who are at a distance from the conventional marriage-kids-whatever continuum only have a framework by which they can meaningfully think of themselves as 'monogamous' and behave as such because of the ideological logics thrown behind sex, romance, and relationships in the first place.
that, obviously, doesn’t mean that nobody will ever be in what we currently term a ‘monogamous relationship,’ but that the centrality of the monogamous relationship in the cultural zeitgeist around sex + romance will be done away with. like, it simply stops being a useful or coherent concept at the point of family abolition. this is true of whatever language we use to talk about sexual relations—gay, lesbian, queer, bisexual, butch, femme, to name a few, are all terms which have meaning in our discourse only due to the contingent conditions which give rise to them. when the material conditions change, the language we use to ascribe meaning changes with them.
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cyanogoth · 1 year
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A nonexistent human being. Or is he? (character analysis of Johan Liebert)
A few months ago I’ve read a book which was recommended by one of the Monster’s fans, - “The Divided Self” by Ronald David Laing. He suggested Laing’s work to everyone who’s confused about Johan’s mindset and motivations, just as I’m sure a lot of us were… It was a GREAT recommendation, so insightful that I wanted to share my thoughts and the interpretation I developed.
Any blockquote in this post is from “The Divided Self”, there will be too many to sign each of them, so just keep that in mind :)
It’s going to be a painfully long read, but hopefully a rewarding one too.
PART 1: DEFINITION OF ONTOLOGICAL INSECURITY, TRUE AND FALSE SELF
Firstly we need to get familiar with a few concepts from Laing’s work which will be important for understanding the rest of the essay. His book describes schizoids and schizophrenics, exploring the mechanisms behind their illness. But it is important to understand that he, although a psychiatrist, acknowledged mental illness primarily as an existential/philosophical problem rather than a purely medical one. He saw more value in understanding the patient's experience of the world rather than endlessly examining and manipulating their body. 
The first term we will need is ontological insecurity. Let's compare how Laing describes someone who is confident in his own reality - and someone who is not.
The individual, then, may experience his own being as real, alive, whole; as differentiated from the rest of the world in ordinary circumstances so clearly that his identity and autonomy are never in question; as a continuum in time; as having an inner consistency, substantiality, genuineness, and worth; as spatially coextensive with the body; and, usually, as having begun in or around birth and liable to extinction with death. He thus has a firm core of ontological security.
<...>
The individual in the ordinary circumstances of living may feel more unreal than real; in a literal sense, more dead than alive; precariously differentiated from the rest of the world, so that his identity and autonomy are always in question. <… > He may feel more insubstantial than substantial, and unable to assume that the stuff he is made of is genuine, good, valuable. And he may feel his self as partially divorced from his body.
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If a position of primary ontological security has been reached, the ordinary circumstances of life do not afford a perpetual threat to one's own existence. If such a basis for living has not been reached, the ordinary circumstances of everyday life constitute a continual and deadly threat.
For an individual who’s unsure of his own existence, life becomes a constant struggle to preserve his self. All efforts are made to avoid engulfment, implosion, petrification. Fear of being absorbed is essentially fear of being understood, caught up, seen, loved, "grasped".
To be understood correctly is to be engulfed, to be enclosed, swallowed up, drowned, eaten up, smothered, stifled in or by another person's supposed all-embracing comprehension. It is lonely and painful to be always misunderstood, but there is at least from this point of view a measure of safety in isolation.
The way to deal with this fear is to take one’s true self out of the real world, completely out of reach of other people. A true self withdraws into the depths of the inner world, its connection with an individual’s body is interrupted. That which interacts with the "outside" world and controls actions, movements, words, facial expressions is the false self. A carefully falsified image designed to deflect the gaze of others.
…[he] never allows himself to 'be himself in the presence of anyone else. He avoids social anxiety by never really being with others. He never quite says what he means or means what he says. The part he plays is always not quite himself. He takes care to laugh when he thinks a joke is not funny, and look bored when he is amused. <…> No one, therefore, really knows him, or understands him. He can be himself in safety only in isolation, albeit with a sense of emptiness and unreality. With others, he plays an elaborate game of pretense and equivocation. His social self is felt to be false and futile. - Laing describing his patient
However, another fear, of petrification, or objectification, clashes with the previous one. Fear of being absorbed makes one flee from the gaze of others, but by hiding from it, an individual ceases to be perceived by anyone, which once again puts their substantiality into question. An individual is very much afraid of being perceived by others as an object, as something inanimate, as a machine, as an “it” without subjectivity. It’s as if any potential observer is Medusa, who can instantly turn an individual to stone with a mere gaze. This fear pushes a person to "existential suicide" - he pretends to be "dead", giving up his own autonomy before someone else can deaden him and treat him as an inanimate object. Also, as a way of protecting himself, an individual might turn everyone around him into stone too - because a phantom, hallucination, or an object couldn’t harm him, only real human beings are capable of such.
Fear of implosion is the same as fear of absorbing the real experience of life. An individual is empty, he is a vacuum - but this vacuum he begins to think of as himself. Any substantial relationship with the world and people threatens to "tear" him, so he avoids it, too.
Now let’s clarify what is false self, how it relates to the true one and the world.
If the individual delegates all transactions between himself and the other to a system within his being which is not 'him', then the world is experienced as unreal, and all that belongs to this system is felt to be false, futile, and meaningless.
Here’s an illustration from “The Divided Self” to better visualize what is meant here.
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The reality of the world and of the self are mutually potentiated by the direct relationship between self and other. In Figure 2, there is a vicious circle.
the person who does not act in reality and only acts in phantasy becomes himself unreal.
The true self resides in an imaginary, devoid world of phantoms. It becomes unembodied, not represented in the real world. The real world, in return, loses its vitality in the eyes of a schizoid, viewed now as filled with objects.
The false self is a mask, a performance, an imaginary identity with little or nothing to do with the true self of the individual. Laing describes cases in which the false self starts to emerge in childhood and such children are described by their parents as remarkably obedient, compliant, undemanding. They conform perfectly to the expectations of the family and the environment. They begin to mockingly imitate what is desired of them. This is not necessarily an absurdly "good" image; it can also be absurdly evil, if that is what the world wishes the individual to be.
The point of having a false self is to not let any part of the true one slip to the real world, where an individual has no power over what will be done to it. To give something about him away is to rely on others mercy, and it’s a risk a schizoid can't afford.
in reality, in 'the objective element', nothing of 'him' shall exist, and no footprints or fingerprints of the 'self shall have been left.
Now to the interesting part - how all of that correlates to Johan.
PART 2: ROOTS OF JOHAN’S ONTOLOGICAL INSECURITY
Firstly, of course, dressing up as a sister. He probably could sense already that it’s done for a reason, not for the fun of it. The family led “a quiet life”, which is probably difficult to do with two kids. So, my suggestion: the twins grew up with the feeling that they have to hide from some sort of danger and avoid attention. But, Anna didn’t have to hide her real appearance, unlike Johan, for whom pretending to be someone else became an important part of remaining safe.
Did he conceal as someone else, or was he only an imposter for the real human that for sure is present in the world?
Because everyone, besides mother and sister, only knew the sister, the girl, the daughter. She was definitely real. Was he really ever there?
Even the mother couldn’t tell them apart. He became an illusory twin.
The moment their mother hesitated could only solidify Johan’s intrusive thoughts. She had someone in mind, could it be that she hesitated because at that exact moment couldn’t tell where the kid she’d given up?
Did he only stand a chance to live, physically and existentially, only if he concealed as someone else? Because if people could see him for what he truly was, he would not be saved.
My guess is that Johan's perception of himself was so distorted that he no longer thought of himself as the real thing; that the true self worth protecting wasn’t inside of him, it was his sister, and he was fake in his entirety. He was a mere pretender who had to ward off danger from the true self. Johan's saying "I am you, and you are me" and referring to Anna as "my other self" indirectly confirms my assumption - he began to see himself and his sister as an integrated system, where he is nothing more than a facade and his sister is the living, real, substantial, human one.
The mother's hesitance in choosing between the two children added fuel to Johan's already flimsy sense of his own substantiality. What if she was not choosing between the twins, but simply could not at that moment figure out which one was which? Keeping a particular child in mind, she just couldn't tell who was really the kid she was thinking of and who was posing as such? Where is the real child and where is the false one?
The feeling of insecurity, the loneliness, the pain of their mother's abandonment, the sympathy for this sister, and the enormous guilt that the real one of them two had fallen into clutches of monsters. The twins' whole life consisted of constant attempts of intruders to destroy their lives and identities.
The days after Anna’s return prior to being found on Czech-German border mark Johan’s existential death.
Something in him collapsed in that interval of time. When his mother was choosing between them, he was still a normal child (or, at least, nothing described in manga showed us his abnormality) - afraid of being abandoned by his mother, of being handed over to be torn apart by sinister strangers whose intentions were unknown, but from whom he’d been running for as long as he could remember. All these feelings died in him. When and how exactly, we don't know, but a completely different Johan crosses the Czech-German border - detached, horrifyingly tranquil, indifferent to death. In a sense, he no longer has anything to fear, the short chain of events has been so devastating that he unknowingly committed existential suicide. Even if it’s death that’s awaiting them, no one will be able to put their hands on them, no one will be able to twist their souls and minds.
Laing’s patients often described their inner world as a wasteland, devoid of any sign of life. There are quotes from his book in which Laing talks about his patient and cites his words:
The self becomes desiccated and dead. In his dream world James experienced himself as even more alone in a desolate world than in his waking existence, for example:
“.. . I was standing in the middle of a barren landscape. It was absolutely flat. There was no life in sight. The grass was hardly growing. My feet were stuck in mud… ”
“. .. . I was in a lonely place of rocks and sand. I had fled there from something; now I was trying to get back to somewhere but didn't know which way to go… “
Reminds us of something, doesn’t it?
And it’s a precise reflection of Johan's world, the real Johan, where his self ended up imprisoned. However, he was a little luckier than the other schizoids - there was room for one more person in his world.
Mentally, Johan never made it out of that wasteland, only his body was saved. He calls this landscape a scenery of the Doomsday, not only because his body was close to death in that very space, but because it so strongly resembled Johan's inner landscape. It was the last place his soul has seen.
PART 3: KINDERHEIM 511 AND THE LIEBERTS
One’s true self, residing in a world of phantoms, ceases to engage with the real world through the individual's body. What is this body occupied with meanwhile?
Instead of being the core of his true self, the body is felt as the core of a false self, which a detached, disembodied, 'inner', 'true' self looks on at with tenderness, amusement, or hatred as the case may be. <…> The unembodied self, as onlooker at all the body does, engages in nothing directly.
This offers an answer as to why Kinderheim didn’t have the same destructive impact on Johan as it had on other children. His true self was already out of reach, it couldn’t be obtained no matter what they did to him externally.
They could get nothing from him. "They could only beat me up but they could not do me any real harm." That is, any damage to his body could not really hurt him.
In a sad way, the experiments on Johan's psyche were not successful, for he himself, quite unknowingly, subjected himself to all the horrors to which the Kinderheim warders were about to subject him.
You cannot kill what is dead, drain what’s empty, objectify what’s inanimate. That's why they didn't make it.
But Johan, of course, is the result they strived for but couldn’t achieve: a human so terrified and defenseless that is pushed to abandon his sensitivity in order to survive.
Thus, to forgo one's autonomy becomes the means of secretly safeguarding it; to play possum, to feign death, becomes a means of preserving one's aliveness. To turn oneself into a stone becomes a way of not being turned into a stone by someone else.
It seems to me that Johan was ready to settle down and stop running after escaping Kinderheim 511. But he left the orphanage with a critically dangerous revelation - sometimes it’s either you, or everyone else; his actions clearly show that he won’t hesitate to obliterate everything and everyone if it ensures safety. I just don’t think he expected to find himself in a similar position so soon, when he was adopted by Lieberts.
The thing about him is that he played along, he became what the world wanted him to become, yet it wasn’t enough to finally be left alone. The man they ran away from showed up at their doorstep and Johan lost his temper. Nothing helped the twins to escape monsters - living under different names, with different caregivers, in different places, together, separated- NOTHING was ever enough.
Maybe it was around the time his plan to be the last one standing was formed. Wiping out every sparkle of life from the world was the last attempt to gain safety.
Johan doesn’t care much about dying because his existential death has already happened, he already feels a lot more dead and frozen than alive. He already convinced himself that there’s nothing true about him, and out of two of them his sister is the true self. It doesn’t matter if he dies, he was never there from the start. But even after the gunshot he hopes to live through his sister.
Everything that comes after that wretched rainy night is an attempt to secure himself and his sister from the world that was on their tail for as long as they lived. He is ready to be separated from her and let her live under a different name if that’s how the monster finally loses track of her; he’s ready to enter the underworld, to take control of the German economy, to kill people.
It seems to me, because of the confinement of his true self in the realm of insubstantiality, he became unable to perceive people from the real world as alive and autonomous, that’s the sad reason why he could kill so easily. What he saw around were ghosts, objects that were mimicking human beings, not actual humans.
But there were exceptions.
Only Anna and Tenma are shown together with Johan in the wasteland of his inner world, where his true self dwells - them being there with him is a way of telling us, readers, that only these two truly know Johan. And therefore, only they can be spared.
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I just want to emphasize: for Johan, “destroying the world” and “be the last one standing” wasn’t something he did for fun, or just because he could. It’s the last endeavor of a tortured child convinced in hostility of all living things to find peace.
PART 4: THE TALE OF THE NAMELESS MONSTER
The self is, however, charged with hatred in its envy of the rich, vivid, abundant life which is always elsewhere; always there, never here. The self, as we said, is empty and dry. One might call it an oral self in so far as it is empty and longs to be and dreads being filled up. But its orality is such that it can never be satiated by any amount of drinking, feeding, eating, chewing, swallowing. It is unable to incorporate anything. It remains a bottomless pit; a gaping maw that can never be filled up.
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In the tale of the nameless monster, Johan can be both the monster and the boy who has been possessed by a foreign entity. That depends on how you interpret it.
This tale could be an allegory for what is happening to the twins, which are represented as nameless monsters. Johan could not remain himself, all the time hiding under different "faces'', changing names and identities. However, he couldn’t stay in any of them for long. His nature was bursting out, destroying these masks and whatever and whoever was around in the process. Nina on the other hand, even knowing her past, accepted the truth. Accepted her mother's choice and hardships she had to endure. She no longer tries to appear to be someone else, having chosen to move on with her life.
A second interpretation: Johan-the-Prince and our Johan are both weakened boys on a brink of death. For each of them, letting the Monster in, something scary, unnatural to humans, was a way to survive. So our Johan suppressed his sensitivity and susceptibility by pretending to be a not-quite-human, until traces and even references to his humanity have all but disappeared.
I don't think the fairytale manipulated Johan as a child, messing up his consciousness. What’s truly sinister about this picture book is that it foretold his fate.
As an adult, he picks up this book and sees himself in both the monster, who could not bear the present self and took on another's form, and the boy, who in an attempt to survive has ceased to be human, has destroyed everything around him. All that remains is solitude.
Imageries of the prince and the monster merge into one, and in one thing they are similar - in a fear of losing their lives, they lied primarily to themselves, and that lie destroyed the being of each of them. Neither monster nor prince really saved what they were protecting so desperately.
In addition, the book itself was an object from Johan's distant childhood, now almost forgotten, and served also as a reminder of the times when he was an ordinary, normal child.
Johan was wearing masks all the time, but the greatest of all his deceptions was not to live under the names “Johan Liebert”, “Franz Heinau”, “Erich Springer”, or any other for that matter. The most atrocious lie was to wear a mask of the nameless monster, even convincing himrself that this is who he is, that the emptiness and void is all there is to him. Wearing the guise of the nameless monster for years he had almost lost every memory of being human, and the book in his hands was a painful, violent reminder of his cowardly self-deception, his abandoned humanity, his forgotten self.
PART 5: I AM NOT YOU, AND YOU ARE NOT ME
From the moment the book falls into his hands, Johan probably realizes that his worldview is very much distorted. One of his fundamental beliefs about himself has been undermined, so debunking the rest of his illusions becomes a priority.
He remembers orchestrating the massacre at Kinderheim, but his belief that he was always capable of such things is shaken. He suspects that in his lost memories he will find the answer to the question he didn’t even think of asking. If he wasn’t born a monster, how did he become one?
We are not allowed to listen to the entire contents of the tape from Kinderheim 511. Only his attachment to Anna becomes apparent from it; but maybe he proceeds to talk about the Red Rose Mansion next. During interrogation he could recall his sister's words, which he heard again and again after her return. Her story was told in the first person POV: “I saw <....> I heard <…> I was <...> I ran <...>”. On recording he could repeat verbatim the words of his sister, and then, as an adult listening to it, misunderstand the meaning of those words. After all, he heard himself saying “I was taken <...>, I saw people die <...> , I ran away…” And only on the basis of this would he latch on to the story about the Red Rose Mansion as an explanation for what he had become.
Johan then decides to destroy the place. Although he clearly doesn’t recognize it, it doesn’t ring the bell yet.
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Johan at that moment still considers himself a single set of personalities with his sister, and believes that in his mother's eyes they looked the same.
I can only assume that he told Čapek that Nina would kill him because he mistakenly thought that Nina held the same opinion about their connection as he did. If he's willing to kill for her, she'll do the same. Of course, he was wrong: he saw himself as an extension, a shadow of his sister, taking her joy and pain as his own; Nina, as much as she loved her brother, did not see herself and him as one, and clearly drew boundaries between her being and Johan's.
The capacity to experience oneself as autonomous means that one has really come to realize that one is a separate person from everyone else. No matter how deeply I am committed in joy or suffering to someone else, he is not me, and I am not him.
The assumption of being taken away by Bonaparta and being cast aside by his mother was one of the last crutches guarding him from the horrifying truth - he was the one who turned himself into a monster.
He cries when he hears Nina's story. Realizing that they’re not one, and she has never perceived Johan in this way. She is not his true self, and he is not his sister's false self. He sees more and more clearly the outlines of the true self within him, and he does not like the picture emerging before him at all.
All the “saving” he was doing turned out to be a sham that didn’t bring any of the twins the expected result. He experienced the guilt of denying himself existence and grew so enraged that he decided to kill himself. He now saw his true self - destructive, without a good reason. And realized it had to be eradicated, along with the man, the Monster, who made him that way - Franz Bonaparta.
PART 6: RUHENHEIM
The final stage of Johan's collapse, the massacre at Ruhenheim.
When he gets to Bonaparta's old house and finds numerous sketches of him and his sister as children he understands that Bonaparta was not “a monster outside of him”.
He refers to him as such when meeting Čapek, implying that Franz is to blame for him becoming a murderer. Upon seeing these sketches he recognized that Bonaparta's intentions had changed greatly over the years, and both Anna and himself were able to escape their fate because of his suddenly awakened sympathy. Not that this excuses Bonaparta, he was the one who designed the experiment after all. But these sketches were a confirmation of his kind intentions towards the twins, whatever they may have been at the outset.
It turns out that when Bonaparta came to visit the Lieberts, he was no longer a threat to Johan and Anna. Johan now knew that the night he shot the Lieberts had indeed stumbled and made a fatal mistake which tore him apart from Anna and plunged him deeper into the abyss of despair.
The event that finally convinced him of the animosity of the world and the lack of a safe corner anywhere in it was a figment of his mind which was led by fear.
This discovery was the final straw for Johan. Any image he had of himself collapsed for good.
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The ending of "Monster" is Johan's realization of the fact that he undoubtedly Is. He exists, he is real, and he is him. And he was among the people who denied him the right to live; he was incapable of standing up for himself and recognizing his right to life, as his sister managed to do. He was so eager to erase any traces of himself from the world that didn’t notice the huge trail of blood dragging behind him, that was solid evidence of his existence, the only thing he had left.
He didn’t need to do horrible things that only left him and Nina traumatised. That left him all alone, miserable, separated from her.
He tried so hard to evade the evil people that he killed his Self before anyone had a chance to lay a hand on it.
When he set out to be nothing, his guilt was not only that he had no right to do all the things that an ordinary person can do, but that he had not the courage to do these things over and against and despite his conscience which sought to tell him that everything he did or could do in this life among other people was wrong. His guilt was in endorsing by his own decision this feeling that he had no right to life, and in denying himself access to the possibilities of this life.
After everything he learned about his past, Johan can’t forgive himself. For throwing himself into oblivion, for locking himself in the darkness. For making himself a monster that he was not born to be, that he had a chance not to become.
He was just as capable and deserving of normal life and real, deep connection with others as any other human being. He just convinced himself that he wasn’t one, and nobody dared to contradict him.
There is a desire in him to preserve not only himself from being consumed, but also those he cares about from himself. He thinks of his love as disastrous - because of it, Anna lost her brother and adoptive parents. Tenma, who saved him, was forced to be on the run for several years after becoming a murder suspect.
If there is anything the schizoid individual is likely to believe in, it is his own destructiveness. He is unable to believe that he can fill his own emptiness without reducing what is there to nothing. He regards his own love and that of others as being as destructive as hatred. To be loved threatens his self; but his love is equally dangerous to anyone else. His isolation is not entirely for his own self's sake. It is also out of concern for others. <…>
…what the schizoid individual feels daily. He says, 'It would not be fair to anyone I might love, to love him.' <…> He descends into a vortex of non-being in order to avoid being, but also to preserve being from himself.
He wishes to die now more than ever - a real death, this time. Not just existential, but total. The true end, as he called it.
Appearing in front of Bonaparta and Tenma, he doesn't aim at Franz, because he no longer blames Bonaparta for what he has become.
Johan said the only thing everyone is equal in is death, and what was behind his words: he says to Tenma that not everyone is worthy of saving, of being loved and forgiven, and Tenma should've finally realized this after meeting him and really knowing him. Because he's a monster, and being cheerful, having hope and light in their life is something that others can have, but he can’t; he's completely out of this human world and the only thing he has in common with everyone else is that they are mortal and so is he.
But even in his death he is mistaken. Once again believing he has no right to exist, he hopes to laugh at the world one last time, and die at the hands of the man who once saved him. After all, he certainly wouldn't have done it, knowing what Johan would grow up to be.
Isn’t that right, Dr. Tenma?…
Nina forgave him and the man who saved his life long time ago doesn’t regret his choice anymore and commits to it. The only people dear to him have recognized his right to live, whatever he may be.
Alas, how this affected him, we don’t know, and all we’re left with is speculation.
As a sentimental person, I want to believe that it meant something to Johan.
But what I really don't doubt is that Johan by the end is a completely different character to the one he used to be. Broken, disarmed, miserable. But it’s finally truly him.
"I think I must have figured out how the show ended. The Magnificent Steiner, he probably, became human again."
PART 7: THE FINAL ESCAPE
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A mother plays a huge role in the development of her children's ontological insecurity - sometimes by being outright dismissive, sometimes by simply enjoying the child's undemanding and calm nature.
Here's what you can read about the mother’s impact in “The Divided Self”, those are Laing's reflections and descriptions of several of his patients.
... we suggest that a necessary component in the development of the self is the experience of oneself as a person under the loving eye of the mother.
His own feeling about his birth was that neither his father nor his mother had wanted him and, indeed, that they had never forgiven him for being born. <…> He was treated as though he wasn't there.' For his part, not only did he feel awkward and obvious, he felt guilty simply at 'being in the world in the first place'. His mother had, it seems, eyes only for herself. She was blind to him. He was not seen.
She had a great deal to say about her mother. She was smothering her, she would not let her live, and she had never wanted her.
Johan’s mother's choice was the first one in the long list of his miseries, it also triggered his ontological insecurity. And how could it not arise when the mother herself abandoned one of her children?
However, Johan was unaware that his mother had thought up names for the two of them, even before he and Nina were born. It turns out that the arrival of the second child was not an unpleasant surprise to her, she was looking forward to having them both.
She had always acknowledged the existence of both her children, and in her eyes they certainly weren’t a one big entity divided by chance into two bodies, one of which was never meant to be there.
But Johan looks truly disturbed after listening to Tenma. And this new revelation could also be another beginning to despair.
There is a door that must not be opened. What lays behind it: a paradise, or another monster?
Tenma, by telling him that the mother had given names to both of them, might have brought Johan down to a new hell. Where the mother recognised the reality of both her children and yet seriously chose which of them to keep.
This sort of thing doesn’t happen in real life, but since it’s fiction we’re talking about, I think we should pay attention to the fact that Johan wakes up only after hearing Tenma’s words. There is a symbolic meaning of him being stuck between life and death for so long.
It’s like he was resisting to be alive again, refusing to stay awake, choosing to be in a coma rather than walk this Earth again. But yet he didn’t die - a part of Johan was holding onto life despite all the horrors it brought to him.
In his last waking moments, he was miserable after discovering all the truth about himself. He really wanted to die, he thought it was the only thing he was deserving of; but Tenma didn’t shot him, his sister forgave him - and it wasn’t the outcome he expected at all. It started an inner conflict he didn’t have the time to resolve.
Johan as well could see the memory of mother’s choice in a different light. By opening up to Tenma he admitted it as a serious enough cause for him to abandon his humanity, as he really was living in a world full of threats. Hiding and pretending came natural to a child that didn’t know any better. And his mother, however hurtful her choice was and how wrong was the very fact of it, loved both of her children, Johan knows that for sure now. Maybe, he could finally forgive himself for becoming a monster. There was no one left to blame for the way he had turned out, no one to take revenge on - even himself.
(I know it can be confusing, so I’ll clarify, just in case - by “forgiving himself” i don't mean he simply dismissed the damage he did to others. He could only forgive the one he, with his own hands, inflicted upon himself, finally realizing, he had no other choice in his circumstances.)
He had a chance to accept that he had the right to exist all along, from the very beginning.
Finally, I want to get into the last excerpt from Laing's book. These are his patient's words from their conversation.
I could only be good if you saw it in me. It was only when I looked at myself through your eyes that I could see anything good. Otherwise, I only saw myself as a starving, annoying brat whom everyone hated and I hated myself for being that way. I wanted to tear out my stomach for being so hungry. 
<…> Everyone should be able to look back in their memory and be sure he had a mother who loved him, all of him; even his piss and shit. He should be sure his mother loved him just for being himself; not for what he could do. Otherwise he feels he has no right to exist. He feels he should never have been born. No matter what happens to this person in life, no matter how much he gets hurt, he can always look back to this and feel that he is lovable. He can love himself and he cannot be broken. If he can't fall back on this, he can be broken. You can only be broken if you're already in pieces. As long as my baby-self has never been loved then I was in pieces. By loving me as a baby, you made me whole.
<…> It was terribly hard for me to stop being a schizophrenic. I knew I didn't want to be a Smith (patient’s family name), because then I was nothing but old Professor Smith's granddaughter. I couldn't be sure that I could feel as though I were your child, and I wasn't sure of myself. The only thing I was sure of was being a 'catatonic, paranoid and schizophrenic'. I had seen that written on my chart. That at least had substance and gave me an identity and personality. [What led you to change?] When I was sure that you would let me feel like your child and that you would care for me lovingly. If you could like the real me, then I could too. I could allow myself just to be me and didn't need a title.
I walked back to see the hospital recently, and for a moment I could lose myself in the feeling of the past. In there I could be left alone. The world was going by outside, but I had a whole world inside me. Nobody could get at it and disturb it. For a moment I felt a tremendous longing to be back. It has been so safe and quiet. But then I realized that I can have love and fun in the real world and I started to hate the hospital. I hated the four walls and the feeling of being locked in. I hated the memory of never being really satisfied by my fantasies.
The above passage resembles Johan in many ways: the hunger he felt for real life, the doubt of being loved by mother, the bond which he developed with Tenma…. The last has to be special for Johan: the doctor didn’t simply let him off the hook in the end, he actively chose to save his life.
And just as Laing's patient laments how difficult it was for her to give up the label of "crazy, schizophrenic” because it was the only description she felt could be applied to her, Johan couldn’t part with the mask of the nameless monster for the longest time. It was, after all, the only constant in his life. And now he knows that "nameless" part isn’t really true. Or maybe it doesn't matter anymore. He is just him.
It’s up for a debate whether Johan chose life or death in the end. There’s evidence for both and this ambiguity is sure intentional on the author’s part. 
I just want to believe it was a newfound hope that got Johan out of the hospital bed.
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magicalrocketships · 9 months
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Remember that de-aged Max fic I posted 1200 words of and was DEFINITELY absolutely not writing any more of?
Anyway I absolutely wrote more, but this is set six years earlier and is a little study in contrasts, because this time it's mostly about tiny Daniel. Here you go:
Daniel goes small early in race week in Malaysia.
Max sees the commotion over by the drivers' rooms, and then he sees someone going for one of the Go Small kits that hang under first aid kits and by fire extinguishers the world over. They are simple, mostly fold-small extremely stretchy t-shirts and drawstring stretchy shorts with these weird adjustable shoes that can be fastened to fit to most feet. He assumes it's one of the mechanics or engineers and doesn't think much more about it, and then he overhears someone saying for god's sake keep him out of Max's eye-line, don't want the poor kid yelled at for getting in his way.
Max does not feel like that is very fair. He would not yell at a child. He only gets mad with stupid adults, not little kids. It is not his fault that so many people are stupid.
But then he spots a curly haired baby Daniel clambering up on to the tool table to reach for the chocolate bar that one of the mechanics has sneaked into the garage and Max spotted hidden away earlier, and he shouts, "Daniel, no."
Baby Daniel immediately freezes, hand outstretched, knees perched wobbly on the edge of the workbench. He peers guiltily over his shoulder, but Max is already half way across the garage, looping an arm around Daniel's waist and stopping him from tumbling off.
"I wanted the chocolate," Daniel tells him. He does not flinch away from Max's touch, and consents very easily to Max helping him down from the workbench. He is not in the least bit bothered by being told no. He does not seem afraid at all.
"It is a Snickers bar," Max tells him, "and you are allergic to nuts, little Daniel. Also it is not yours and climbing on things in the garage is dangerous."
Daniel's little bottom lip goes out. "I'm not scared. And I can eat nuts."
"Hmm," Max says. Daniel cannot eat nuts, no matter what face Daniel is trying to pull right now to pretend he can. He might die and that would be very bad, not just for the space-time continuum but for Max in particular, who likes having Daniel as a teammate. He considers. "Are you hungry or are you bored?"
Daniel's face lights up, which is how Max ends up sitting in the hospitality area with Daniel sitting next to him, feet swinging, as Daniel eats a sandwich and talks with his mouth full and tells Max about going karting with his dad. It is very cute because Daniel is very cute, all curly hair and no fear and looking around at everything. He must see all the bewildered faces of everyone walking by and seeing Max hanging out with him, which is not fair because Max likes kids and is good with them. They are mixing Max from the track up with Max in real life. Daniel beams at him with mayonnaise on his chin. Max wipes it off with a napkin.
When Daniel has finished eating his sandwich and has drunk his juice and eaten a blueberry muffin he manages to get literally everywhere, Max takes him back to the garage and they get Daniel settled in the cockpit of his very own Formula 1 car and baby Daniel is incandescent with joy. Then they walk down the paddock, and everyone comes to see Daniel because everyone loves Daniel and tiny, curly haired Daniel is excited and interested and brave. He is not shy at all, not like Max was when he was younger. The only exception is when he sees Lewis with his dog, Roscoe, and then he hides behind Max with his hands on Max's hips and peeks out from underneath Max's arm. Lewis picks Roscoe up and waves his paw in Daniel's direction, and Daniel dives behind Max's back before he sneaks his head out, and gives Roscoe a very little wave back. Then Daniel holds Max's hand for a bit before going back to running around him in circles because he has too much energy for such a little boy. Some of the photographers take pictures of him, and when they get back to the Red Bull garage, Daniel is carefully settled on top of a stack of tyres so that somebody else can take pictures. Daniel demands Max be in one of the pictures with him, and he rests his elbow on Max's head and Max laughs as they take the photo.
It is a very nice day and little Daniel is very cute and he skips around Max asking him questions and peering into things and trying to climb on anything within climbing distance.
He passes out face first on the sofa in the driver's room, and suddenly Max feels the overwhelming compulsion to squeeze his eyes shut, and when he opens them again, it's not a seven year old Daniel staring back at him, but a teenager, with spots and braces. He devours a burger and fries in about four seconds flat that someone brings him from hospitality, and he's just asking if he can go in the car again when Max has to squeeze his eyes shut. When he opens them, it's just normal Daniel, sitting on the sofa in his very stretchy Go Small outfit, and grinning.
"That was so cool," Daniel says, laughing. "Thanks for keeping me company, Maxy-Max. When it's your turn, you'll have to come hang out with me, I'll return the favour. We'll have a whale of a time."
"Yes," Max says. "Okay."
&&&
It is six years later when there's a little knock on Daniel's apartment door.
Daniel, not entirely sure he actually heard anything, and especially because no one called up from the front desk downstairs, opens his door expecting nobody to be there.
Instead, there is a little red-cheeked baby Max, struggling to hold up a pair of too-big shorts and drowning in a t-shirt. His socks are falling off his feet. "I am Max Verstappen," Max tells him, shy and awkward. He has one hand pressed to the back of his neck, scared and unsure.
Daniel's face softens. "Hello, Max," he says. "I know who you are. Why don't you come in, and we'll get you all fixed up."
Max, uncertain and very small, steps inside.
&&&
Again, thank you to Lena @stolemyhheart for making sure it read okay and Em @powerful-owl for letting me have her best de-aged verse ideas and talking about this with me for ages. For a fic I'm absolutely not writing, I sure know a lot about what happens at every stage of it.
Edit: there's more of this verse here.
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cuubism · 1 year
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k so I've been thinking about the mechanics of hob's immortality because (as I think you've mentioned) we don't know EXACTLY how it works — just that he can't die.
now as I see it there are several options, some of them I've seen and some of them I came up with because I thought they would be interesting. also this is pretty long, so feel free to ignore, but I have Thoughts and Must Express Them. (tw gore)
option 1 is the most common one, where hob heals fast & if you do something that would kill a normal person, he just heals from it. maybe he goes unconscious for a bit, then he wakes up and he's better. so there are questions about does his heart actually stop for a while and then restart, what happens if you cut out his heart / cut off his head / blow him up or sth. your standard impossible-to-kill package. sometimes this option includes Father Time interfering so hob doesn't age.
option 2 is a variation which personally I like a bit better: hob heals faster than whatever kills him. so if you try to blow him up, he heals really fast so he doesn't actually get separated into a bunch of tiny pieces. cutting off his head? his neck heals into place around the knife. shoot him? the bullet is pushed out of his body as it quickly heals. but with a minor injury, he has to deal with it like anyone else, because his body doesn't need to heal super fast to avoid him dying. a paper cut won't kill him, so he has to live with it for a while. his cells are regenerating at the exact right speed so he isn't ageing or getting younger.
option 3 is that he heals at normal person speed, but no matter what you do, he just doesn't die. so if you stab him, he'll bleed out and out and out and he'll pass out but he'll still be alive even when he has almost no blood in his body left. if you blow him up, he will be alive while being a bunch of tiny pieces. so there are possibilities for some sort of unending torment.
option 4 is that he heals normally, but if you kill him, he goes unconscious for a bit and wakes up with no injuries or even scars he's acquired since the last time he was killed. each almost-death is like a reset button. maybe he ages between deaths and resets to age 34 each time he "dies", maybe he doesn't age for some other reason.
option 5 is possibly my favourite. in this one, it's just impossible for anything to kill him. like, he's impossibly lucky — you fire a gun at his head, it'll miss or the gun will misfire or he'll duck impossibly quickly. a building falls down with him inside, he happens to be standing in just the right spot so that he doesn't get crushed. the spacetime continuum bends around him to preserve his life. this version of hob would be injured & get sick like a normal person, he'd just always be lucky enough to recover. he doesn't age because his cells just happen to not deteriorate over time. some questions here about how the 17th century went — according to this theory, he would've found food before he starved, which doesn't quite make sense with "do you know how hungry a man can get when he doesn't die but he doesn't eat", but we can ignore that for now.
so basically I have lots of ideas and feel like they could all be really interesting... thoughts?
i honestly love pretty much all the options for different reasons and i'm not sure i could even pick one i think is "canon" because there are so many possibilities
the first one (he heals faster than normal) is the one i see in fics the most, which makes sense because it's super plot-convenient especially if you're writing action. i think it's maybe... the least interesting thematically? it just makes writing easy XD does make me wonder about if he was blown up or something, but maybe he just magically avoids getting completely blown up and just gets a bad wound he can heal from. i do like the idea of him "dying" in the sense that his body shuts down, he just comes back because death doesn't take his soul. makes for great angst potential
option 2 is FUN. hob: 5000, injury: 0. he gets blown up and yeets back together. "you cannot kill me in a way that matters". kind of eldritch terror hob, strange feral creature hob too.
hob just surviving despite anything works really well with his characterization, I think. it pairs with his sheer determination to live. you can drain all of his blood but he'll still come back. you can do anything to him and he'll still want to live. it's resonant. i also like the idea of him having to heal normally, it's almost too easy if he just heals automatically. life isn't easy and hob knows that well. and he still wants it. this also matches with the way death describes what she's done: she withholds her gift, she doesn't bestow a favor. so whenever hob was meant to die, death just doesn't show.
aging between deaths and then resetting is a fun idea. it would make his life easier in some sense because he wouldn't be caught out as an immortal as easy. it makes me wonder, if he "dies" of old age does he just revert, too? does he meet death each time and she does some kind of magic to put him back? almost has a reincarnation feel to it. hob gets to reinvent himself over and over, as he does in canon.
i LOVE the luck one, it's funny and charming XD hob just wilding his way through life avoiding bullets at every turn. this would require a lot of power on the part of the endless, i think, but it is VERY fun. hob can do a little Metaphysical Parkour as a treat.
i propose a sixth, which is not very canonical but would still be fun to play with: hob cannot die, but he can be killed. (sort of in the way that vampires won't die but can be killed). so hob will live "forever" in the sense that he will not age and die, will never perish of any natural malady or illness, but he can be killed so he must safeguard his life very carefully. i think it's extremely unlikely hob would have made it to 2022 (probably wouldn't have even made it to 1489) with this eventuality, but it lends a tasty weight to any moment when hob actually does risk his life. he can be killed, but he still jumps in front of his stranger with no hesitation when trouble arises. some things are worth the risk; what those things are is very interesting.
one time hob does get seriously injured in one of these stunts protecting dream, nearly dies, manages to pull through, and dream says, "I did not think you would live," and Hob just grins at him through the blood all over him and is like, "didn't I tell you when we met that I wasn't going to die?" the sheer hubris of that man, but it works out for him.
again this goes against the canon framing of death's gift - or lack thereof - but i think it's fun.
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mysticstronomy · 6 months
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WHAT IS THE THEORY OF GENERAL RELATIVITY??
Blog#337
Wednesday, October 4th, 2023
Welcome back,
General relativity is physicist Albert Einstein's understanding of how gravity affects the fabric of space-time.
The theory, which Einstein published in 1915, expanded the theory of special relativity that he had published 10 years earlier. Special relativity argued that space and time are inextricably connected, but that theory didn't acknowledge the existence of gravity.
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Einstein spent the decade between the two publications determining that particularly massive objects warp the fabric of space-time, a distortion that manifests as gravity, according to NASA.
To understand general relativity, first, let's start with gravity, the force of attraction that two objects exert on one another. Sir Isaac Newton quantified gravity in the same text in which he formulated his three laws of motion, the "Principia."
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The gravitational force tugging between two bodies depends on how massive each one is and how far apart the two lie, according to NASA Glenn Research Center.
Even as the center of the Earth is pulling you toward it (keeping you firmly lodged on the ground), your center of mass is pulling back at the Earth. But the more massive body barely feels the tug from you, while with your much smaller mass, you find yourself firmly rooted thanks to that same force.
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Yet Newton's laws assume that gravity is an innate force of an object that can act over a distance.
Albert Einstein, in his theory of special relativity, determined that the laws of physics are the same for all non-accelerating observers, and he showed that the speed of light within a vacuum is the same no matter the speed at which an observer travels, according to Wired.
As a result, he found that space and time were interwoven into a single continuum known as space-time.
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And events that occur at the same time for one observer could occur at different times for another.
As he worked out the equations for his general theory of relativity, Einstein realized that massive objects caused a distortion in space-time. Imagine setting a large object in the center of a trampoline.
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The object would press down into the fabric, causing it to dimple. If you then attempt to roll a marble around the edge of the trampoline, the marble would spiral inward toward the body, pulled in much the same way that the gravity of a planet pulls at rocks in space.
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In the decades since Einstein published his theories, scientists have observed countless of phenomena matching the predictions of relativity.
We asked Elena Giorgi, an assistant professor of mathematics at Columbia University a few commonly asked questions about general relativity.
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What is general relativity?
General relativity is a physical theory about space and time and it has a beautiful mathematical description. According to general relativity, the spacetime is a 4-dimensional object that has to obey an equation, called the Einstein equation, which explains how the matter curves the spacetime.
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What force is explained by general relativity?
General relativity explains gravity, and in this theory, it is not really a "force" anymore. The gravitational field comes out of the description of general relativity as a result of the curved spacetime.
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When was the theory of general relativity established?
General Relativity was established in 1915 by Albert Einstein and the first solutions to the Einstein equation were found already in early 1916.
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Is general relativity proven?
General relativity has passed all the experimental tests so far, but its applicability is expected to break down when [the] effects of quantum mechanics (the theory of the very small particles) should become dominant
Originally published on www.space.com
COMING UP!!
(Saturday, October 7th, 2023)
"CAN WE LAND ON JUPITER??"
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raccoonfallsharder · 2 months
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I think Rocket's actually smarter than Tony in the sense that Tony has a bunch of super advanced tools. Sure a good amount of them he probably invented but we also know he steals inventions. He stole Quentin's hologram tech, who knows what else he didn't make. Tony has notepads and things to write stuff down, to visualise what he's doing, to keep track of equations. Rocket needs none of that, I've never seen him write down anything, it appears he can just do quantum mechanics in his head. Really the only Deus ex Machina tech Tony made that we see is the Arc Reactor. Rocket as you said regularly builds shit he's probably never conceived of before in minutes.
YESSSSSSS
all of this
great points, great points
i know iw/endgame were meant to serve a specific purpose of wrapping up the og avengers storylines but im like…. you all were like “how do make time machine?” and didn’t immediately call the guy who probably has to do regular maintenance (with unique upgrades) to make his spaceships survive literal jumps through the space/time continuum??
(everyone talks about the bowie’s ridiculous ship design but i headcanon that the mechanics of it generate a way of either condensing information or creating an “information shield” that allow for less wear-and-tear AND/OR outright danger of improper reconstitution through the jump-points if we assume they operate through mechanics similar to current theories on teleportation? has there been any canonical talk of how jump points work?)
anyway tony’s like. fine. i guess. but rocket was an underutilized resource, constantly & repeatedly & vocally underestimated & underappreciated by the avengers. possibly because of classism, or possibly because they continually are like (insert snooty condescending voice) “he eats trash! he’s a raccoon!”
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You linear life forms are so funny😆⌛️🌌🪐✨
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impernious · 8 months
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Hey! So I'm super new to Tumblr, please be kind.
I'm a tabletop rpg designer. I develop games and do freelance writing. Most of my current work is with Onyx Path, but I've done some stuff with Magpie, Green Ronin, and JWP (back when that was still a thing).
Things you might have read and not realized I was involved:
Exalted: Essence (I wrote the social and combat mechanics) The Trinity Continuum (I developed the mechanics for the Core and Aeon, and I developed Adventure!, I also wrote on a ton of other books like Assassins) Avatar Legends (I wrote the Kyoshi era adventure in the companion) Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th (I wrote on a couple of supplements for this) Mage: The Awakening 2e (I wrote the magic system for the core book) Vampire: The Requiem 2e (I developed almost all the supplements for this before Paradox stopped approving things)
If you want to see a full (not at all up to date) listing of my work, you can find it at my freelance website.
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creat0r-cat · 9 months
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Iplier Egos Head Cannon - What Song in "Encanto" Did They Get Emotional During?
Darkiplier
Surface Pressure
Deep down he really does care about his “brothers”
He thinks he needs to keep up the tough guy act to make them think he isn’t afraid
He is
He REALLY is
He’s worried about the space/time continuum, keeping order, and making sure the ipliers’ existence stays a secret
He tries not to let the others see the tears that involuntarily start to fall as Louisa sings about her struggles as the strongest sister
Wilford
He probably heard all of the songs before watching the movie
He wouldn’t really cry for any of them in particular (feeling that he doesn’t necessarily relate to any of them)
However
He would look at certain egos to watch their reactions during different songs
He would notice the small things that happen and slowly learn more about his “brothers” based on the musical numbers and their lyrics
After the movie, he’d probably go and visit the egos that had the worst reactions (who got the most emotional or those who would straight up leave the room)
He did get a little bothered listening to “Dos Oruguitas” though
He didn’t get emotional per say
But watching Pedro die with the love song in the background kinda reminded him of when he lost Celine
Fortunately, he opted not to dwell on it too much
Actor
Waiting On A Miracle
This boy is INSECURE because of his breakup with Celine
Is he good enough?
Has he done enough?
Is he really worthy of anything?
He wants to be better
He wants his life to be better
But everything seems to slip through his fingers, coming back to resent him later on
He just wants someone to open their eyes and see that he’s worth their time, even if that person is Dark
Mirabel dancing on screen, singing about how she wished to be noticed as part of the family, made Actor tear up, wiping them away before someone could see them
Eventually, it got to be too much (especially seeing how Mirabel was pushed away by her family after trying to help them) and he left the room, using the excuse of getting more snacks
As soon as he entered the kitchen, he had a silent breakdown
Googleplier
Surface Pressure
I can’t really hear Louisa sing “I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service” without thinking about Google and his first objective
Yes, his secondary objective is relatively important, but the first one is.. Well it’s his PRIMARY objective
If he can’t do anything other than hurt people, then what is the point of him being there?
His optics widen and his mechanical heart speeds up
“How do you feel?” survey pops up and he clicks on one
“I’m in this picture and I don’t like it”
Bingiplier
What Else Can I Do?
He’s imperfect
That’s all I really need to say, but I’ll continue
He’s always compared to Google and he knows deep down that he’s worth more than his search bar abilities
He doesn’t want to be perfect like Google
He just wants to be himself, which is hard when everyone is always doting on him for every mistake he makes
Isabella creating spiky plants and beautiful flowers in front of him makes his optics widen and he slowly smiles, feeling an odd mixture of happiness and sadness as he watches her accept her imperfections in spite of her family’s expectations
Dr. Iplier
He doesn’t really get emotional during the songs
However
When it’s revealed that Bruno has been shunned by his family because of his gift, he smiled sadly
“How unfortunate,” he thought, “for someone to be abandoned because of something uncontrollable and never be spoken of again for fear of taboo”
He’s seen patients in the hospital who never have anyone visit them
He always feels sad when he finds out that someone has been abandoned
He secretly makes trips to animal shelters for that reason, to visit the abandoned animals and give them some love
He gets happy again when Bruno is reunited with his loved ones who welcome him back with open arms
Yandereplier 
Dos Oruguitas
He wouldn’t relate to any of the English songs enough to have a real reaction
He gets emotional during certain parts of the movie because he recognizes a lot of what’s going on in the Madrigal family (Toxic family roles and stuff like that)
He feels bad for the characters (especially Mirabel and Bruno)
But when “Dos Oruguitas” starts playing and we find out the heartbreaking truth behind Abuelo Pedro’s death
WHOOOO BOY the tears start FLOWING
He hates to imagine the pain Abuela went through, losing the love of her life
Yandere, being a very romantic man, can’t stand the thought of his own senpai leaving him
Like, she’s everything to him!
He’d become very protective of her after watching this movie, afraid of anyone taking her away from him
He’s fine with the movie though, loves the music for the most part
Yancy
Friggin ALL OF THE SONGS
He loves music and finds each of them so amazing
He also kinda relates to each of the English sung songs in their own way (except “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”)
WOAM: The want to be extraordinary and help others
SP: The need to be the tough one and look out for his fellow prisoners and weaker “brothers”
WECAD: The want to live life how he wants without being the picture perfect civilian that the world wants him to be
He thinks very highly of this movie and loves it to bits
He does eventually become frustrated with how often “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” gets sung by people both online and in real life
Like, he gets that it’s a catchy song, but still, give it a break
Illinois
Waiting On A Miracle
Yes, Illinois is a special adventurous and flirtatious boy 
But not everything is really as it seems with him
His whole “Everyone falls in love with me” act is a facade
He’s trying to convince himself that he’s loved / cared about by someone
He took up adventuring to be different
To be a conversation starter
To be interesting so that somebody
ANYBODY
Would look his way and want to be around him 
After all..
He wasn’t special or cool enough growing up to have many / any friends
He sees way too much of himself in Mirabel and ends up leaving the group for a few minutes to cry in the bathroom
Engineer Mark
Waiting On A Miracle
What else needs to be said?
If given pictures of Engineer and Mirabel everyone would say they were the same image
Insecure
Feels unwanted
Wants to be impressive and help those around him with his talents and ideas
Hides behind a false persona of happiness
THEY
ARE
THE
SAME
PERSON
He’s close to leaving the room but stays put, activating his space helmet which is also soundproof so no one can see / hear him start to cry
Poor man can’t hear “Waiting On A Miracle” without having a breakdown
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poorlydrawndirk · 6 months
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We're on air.
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More precisely, I was on air when I recorded this, but the details are largely irrelevant. Because I don't really feel like covering fuckin' introductory quantum mechanics and telling you exactly how the influence of the Skaian universe, when applied at the quark level and taken alongside the probabilistic effect of quantum behavior, superposes via particle states and results in the formation of what you might refer to as "overlapping timelines". And that's already getting real abecedarian about this shit.
Yeah, sue me. Try boning up on basic physics while you're at it.
So. I'm sure you'd love to hear about how I managed to rig this sick as hell channel-cum-blog up and get it to straddle the space-time continuum like an antediluvian Olympic gymnast doing mad splits over baby's first toy pony, but that ain't the point of this little exercise. Posting what's effectively a vlog is enough of an onanistic venture without adding Skaian Principles For Dummies: Electric Boogaloo to the schedule.
Where was I?
(Rhetorical question. Don't answer, if it needed to be said.)
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The name's Dirk.
Strider. Yeah, that Strider.
I'd be more worried about internet safety, but seeing as there are only up to two people alive around here no matter how far you pull my timeline back, and I'm one of 'em, it doesn't exactly compute. Face it, brosephine: you aren't getting to year 24xx post-hilarocaust, and you sure aren't getting past that. Wasn't shat out of a lab yet when you were committing identity theft and scamming doddering old ladies out of their sadsack pensions.
(If you manage to get pizza delivered out here, I'll tip extra.)
Besides, you already knew my name, didn't you?
Maybe your next question's going to be:
"Why are you calling this a vlog when it's obviously just a blog?"
Or maybe,
"Why is your URL poorlydrawndirk when it's totally malapropos?"
Buckle in, kids. Strap yourself into that convertible toddler-safe harness and keep your ass glued tight to all the prime polyester-lined foam, because this ride's about to pull into the station and vehicular standards are some passé 21st century horseshit.
The first thing you have to understand is that even peering upon the brink of these echelons of irony is a skill that you'll never grasp in your life. But that's fine. I'm around. And if it puts your mind at ease,
I'll be the one pulling the strings here.
(There's the tired callback. It's not wrong, but it's tired. Worn out enough for it to be begging you to take it out back behind the shed and put it out of its misery.)
(I'll leave it at that for now, because self-referencing is one thing, but if I get any more meta, I'll have to start narrating in twelve-point Times New Roman.)
Anyway, I'll be breaking it down, just this once. Magnanimous as hell, I know. I could wax poetic and in doing so obfuscate the actual meaning once more from obtuse minds, thereby adding another strata to irony so layered that it's settled past sedimentary and is ready to unearth some fossil formations, but let's be real. That shit would fly over your head so far it'd be trying to dial ground control at Houston.
Here we go.
Vlogs aren't cool; making one ironically is.
Putting in this much effort into making a multiversal vlog makes it cooler, ironically.
Putting in this much effort to make a multiversal vlog when the doomed timelines are all inherently fuckin' doomed, as the name implies, and therefore functionally useless to communicate with, makes it more ironic.
I have Heart powers and am able to achieve my ultimate self through my alpha timeline. Therefore, not only is this pimped-out vlog functionally useless, but I actually don't need it at all.
Which means this wasn't too hard to set up to begin with. Ironic, considering the complex presupposed conditions necessary for bridging that 'verse gap.
And despite framing this as a vlog, this is obviously a blog.
Even though it's just a blog, all these drawings I've made had you convinced that I really thought I was posting a vlog.
And in a way, I'm still making one. It ain't the traditional format, but the almost videographic mannerisms I've been laying on you more than compensate for the fact that the video part of "vlog" doesn't exist.
Except it does, for me.
And because it does, none of these pictures are drawn to begin with. They're all film stills. Screenshots, if you prefer.
Which makes the qualifier of "poorly drawn" untrue.
But it's also almost true, because you can call them poorly drawn by virtue of them not even being drawn. Ride that definition of "poorly" down the one-way rail and you're here, selfie central, population two, me and you.
Of course, that means we have to cover the quandary of truth itself. What constitutes the truth? Titillate that thought for a second.
If I consider the attached files to be selfies, but you consider them to be illustrations, which is it actually?
An analysis of the "truth" means that we have to start delineating how much of this is subjective, tying us in bed with the concept of knowledge. The Socratic take calls for dialectical conversation and inquiry via questioning; therefore, if I just bequeath my knowledge to you on a pretty little metaphorical platter, it won't mean fuckall. So we have to keep digging. Get your pickaxe ready, 'cause we ain't hitting any diamonds of wisdom any time soon.
In fact, maybe that ain't the right direction. Flip it turnways. We gotta climb a li'l higher for what we need.
Maybe we gotta head to the roof.
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now. brought cal.
where making this HAPEN.
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Haha.
Just fuckin' with you.
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Welcome to my blog, dude.
Want water? Imagine I got you a nice, chilled glass.
Let's get this parasocial relationship pumping.
Questions? Concerns? Misguided pseudo-parental queries about whether or not it's safe for your pipsqueak to be exposed to a full dose of radically Stridered bullshit?
Cool.
Make it all three and drop it in the asks, yeah?
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