#content i know it's not terribly interesting but this is fairly major for me and there's...

[fuckyeahaudiodrama]

REC: Neon Inkwell - Of That Colossal Wreck

“An existential science fiction horror [which] follows five survivors who awaken on a vast space station, intended as humanity’s last defence against oblivion. Little do they know, however, that other beings are interested in the facility…” (x)

7 episodes / approx. 2.5 hrs

a long-anticipated limited series by Jonny Sims and Sasha Sienna, exploring what it means to be human, how identity is shaped, and what can be done when all seems lost.

first standout thing about this series is the sound design (and the music.) it’s GORGEOUS, discordant and haunting, and really just sets a mood before the story even gets its stride. reportedly, the RQ production staff got to mix things up and try out new roles for Neon Inkwell, so Katie Seaton actually got to do the music and sound design for this series. i have to assume this means she was responsible for bringing the alien “whistlers” to life — and i just think they’re so goddamn cool. i want to know everything about them. check out this post for a sampler of that. i was so impressed overall that i’m currently checking out some of Katie’s other work.

obviously, i knew i was going to enjoy the writing — Jonny Sims has produced nothing but bangers from TMA to both of his published novels, and what i’ve seen of Sasha Sienna’s writing in the TMA bonus “What the Ghost?” episodes, as well as their ttrpg work, left me with no doubt that i would enjoy any characters that they helped to develop. but i was still really moved by how each character interacts with the others individually. despite being a fairly short series, there’s somehow room for the development of all six characters — in fact, for the majority of the cast, they’re as in the dark about their own personalities as the audience is at the start of the story, so you get to go on that journey together. i thought that was a neat new spin on the classic amnesiac protag trope that i see so often in this flavor of sci-fi.

this story is at least partially a space survival horror. that being said, the worldbuilding necessitates some pretty daunting existential questions about human ethics, community, and personal identity. from a narrative standpoint, i was wondering how such a short series would even be able to deliver satisfying answers to all of this, but i think it was pretty well done. no spoilers, but man — that finale was like a whole round of emotional gutpunches. a surprisingly hopeful finish.

i already miss these characters terribly ;_; i didn’t even have them very long, but they’re all so lovable and their group dynamic has so much potential. highly recommend checking it out (but mind the content warnings for each episode.)

strong start to the new feed!🪶a behind the scenes episode has been promised soon as well, so look out for that :)

__

similar to: Deviser, Project Nova & The DECA Tapes (premise, setting) ; Red Valley, Down & Janus Descending (vibes)

#neon inkwell #of that colossal wreck #audio drama #podrecs #it’s so funny the first episode of this has Such similarity to the first ep of project nova #but project nova is comedic and this is Dramatic. cool to see similar ideas explored so differently

[matchbet-allofthetime]

❗Transformers Rant Post❗

(note: this is all done in one sitting and is based on personal observations and continuities I know are linked through concept art, canon continuations, etc, so I THINK this is all fairly (if not almost fully) accurate, but if not, don't come at me, tf has been my special interest for my entire life. If it sounds ramble as hell, that's because it is. My bad.)

OKAY SO

Here we go

Hopefully there's a cut because this is long and I get pissy. Enjoy.

So i just learned that in transformers Rise of the beasts, they based Optimus' face under his battle mask off of Peter Cullen (aka THE VOICE OF OPTIMUS PRIME SINCE 1984)

And from what I'm aware, they only publicly released that they made that design choice AFTER trailers released and people were saying Optimus' design was terrible and ugly, which is so disrespectful

And I'm gonna cry about this ajdjdj

While also on this topic, I am sick of being told "bayverse sucks!!!" Or some other equivalent when people talk about the bayverse movies

Because Optimus was voiced IN EVERY ONE OF THOSE FILMS by Peter Cullen, so that's just,,, don't disrespect who MADE YOUR FANDOM WHAT IT IS (give him credit for how well he did everything at least, you don't HAVE to like bayverse, no one is forcing you)

Transformers fans (mostly newer ones/ones who have gotten into the fandom in the past three to four years, I've noticed) are the vast majority of those who are CONSTANTLY bashing designs.

It's been done with bayverse (YEARS after the films released and did FANTASTICALLY), it's happened to Earthspark, and now to ROTB. This is bullshit and so disrespectful. You can criticize a design without being a dick, for one, and two? The animators didn't ask your god damn opinion.

And ALSO the reason they did his model after his face in rotb? Because *Hasbro wouldn't hire Peter Cullen this time around so (I assume) they did it to honour him because he was disrespected and tossed to the side by Hasbro because Hasbro sucks ass

He's the reason we HAVE OPTIMUS PRIME. Not a single voice could've fit, not a single person would've made Optimus who he is other than Peter Cullen.

He's the reason we have transformers prime. (Because he VOICES OPTIMUS HERE TOO) And the TFP movie (TFP beast hunters predacons rising, where he ONCE AGAIN VOICES OPTIMUS). And he's the reason why we have the continuation of that, which is transformers robots in disguise (WHERE HE IS, ONCE AGAIN, OPTIMUS MOTHERFUCKING PRIME) And then THAT became comics with tfp's characters that didn't exist anywhere else in canon (as far as I'm aware, it's been a while, IE knockout and breakout with their TFP DESIGNS, etc) then became earthspark later down the line, which was a mix of mtmte, TFP, and bayverse designs in concept art bc it combined ideas

Bayverse is ALSO ALSO the reason we HAVE ROTB. AND BUMBLEBEE 2018.

The reason I say he's responsible for all of these? The reason I say that Bayverse is a backbone for transformers (branching off from G1 ofc)? Because every single new fucking continuity or series or comics or whatever the hell is ALWAYS based on preexisting designs merging with new ideas.

He made Optimus Prime who Optimus Prime is and frankly I am a little god damn sick of people saying "this series/movie is bad" or whatever just because they don't like it

Anyways I had to rant but I'm not sorry about it and I hope others can feel a bit heard because I am so fed up with online slander.

I grew up with Bayverse. It gave me my entire start to this fandom. It gave THOUSANDS OF US STARTS TO THIS FANDOM. It is the SOLE reason we have so much we have now, as much as we have- and god damnit, you don't have to like it but UNDERSTAND it is the ONLY reason you have more than 3/4 the content this fandom currently does (if not more)

/end rant

#dohma.rant #transformers #tf rotb #rotb #tfp #transformers prime #tf rid 2015 #tf rid15 #maccadam #yeah i take no fucking criticism on this #sick of it tbh #transformers bayverse #earthspark #tf earthspark #peter cullen #tagging this boi a lot

[imperatriceauxdiamants]

Bdsm isn't hot.

(forewarning, I'm talking about violent acts, pornography, the shitty men in the general BDSM domain, and misogny, skip if you don't wanna read this sort of content)

I'll start with a brief summary of my experience. I've worked as a sex worker as some of you may know, and I've participated in bdsm circles as a normal person. I've excercised both domination, sadism and submission, masochism, and I consider myself having a fairly good idea of how the domain is. I'm now off this domain since maybe 4 years? And now I only engage in healthy sexual dynamics.

Most times when there's criticism of bdsm and it's orbiting domains, the practitioners come out of the woods saying stuff like "You haven't got a Good Dom, he's not a real Dom", or even "You haven't done your research". I've participated in fetlife, I've participated in munchies, I've participated in several clubs, both as invitee and member....

I've met, without going into graphic detail, several men that enjoyed inflicting body damage to their submissives. They said they loved their submissives, one even was with his submissive since years and did marry her. But why exactly hit, damage your lover's body, sometimes in permanent ways, or cause her excruciating pain? To the person you love?

Theres also this other category of dominators that were more into the theatrics, the domination aspect of things, not the pain stuff, but I found that this category of Doms were incredibly fucked up internally as well. They saw stuff on pornography (most of them said their intro to bdsm was through porn, obviously), they saw the man making the woman submit, often, VERY often in very humiliating and violent ways, and enjoyed it. They enjoy inflicting humiliation through submission. Why humiliate your lover? Why try to kill their grace as a woman? Why want to squish down a strong woman Why wanting the complete submission and subservience from a human? It's that sort of idea where there's no good answer. Everyone in those circles avoids this question and it's answer. They say copes like "I like it" yes, but the WEIGHT of the act is still there. Submissives say this because they can't bear with the real answer, that they have shit poor esteem, that they think their value lies in their sexuality, their apperance, their woman person.

And Doms seek out submissives that will give them sexual satisfaction, if the submissive doesn't wants to give out, the Dom will quickly dump her, and blame her. The submissive will feel like shit, and be told not all Doms are like that, by fellow submissives. Then she falls for a sleeker Dom that will know how to leverage her into sexual acts. The Doms, being porn addicts will think about their own sexual satisfaction, and when it comes to pleasing sexually the submissive, they'll ado acts that please themselves FIRST, meaning, doing acts BECAUSE they like it, not because they want the submissive to like it. It's just not on their minds. They're in bdsm because they want their satisfaction, the submissives are just means to an end.

I've NEVER heard nor seen of strictly platonic bdsm. Never. It does NOT exist. It's a whole ass lie.

The sheer majority of submissives are women, and a fuckton of them are in terrible, deeply terrible mental state. They frequently have low self esteem, deal with trauma, ptsd symptoms, and use BDSM as a cope, like a way to relive their constant stress related to their mental state.

Myself I was seeking some sense of value in myself, I legitimately thought I was only good for my own body, because I felt everything else about me was deeply fake. I couldn't think of anything interesting in me. I just ditched my university diploma, I was drifting from job to job, I only had a useless diploma in my pocket, I legit thought, "Well I'll be liked for my body if I have nothing else to offer" and OH boy, when I started out in BDSM I was dazzled by the amount of attention from both women and men, that wanted to fuck me, I was agast at how people WANTED to be my friend and so on. It was a complete change from my solitairy life before. I didn't have a support network, I was working at shitty jobs, I couldn't muster up some esteem. Then that's how I got stuck in bdsm. The non-bdsm world was cold, the bdsm community was warm, why leave it.

But when I started to realize how fucked up the Dom's were, and how the women were deeply in shit mentally and physically and socially, I thought, maybe I'm not the exception, I'm in deep shit, and I WAS DENYING IT. I thought I was in fantastic state.

Looking back to pictures I took of myself all I can see is deaaaaaad eyes, like, those lifeless eyes.

There's so many ways to make sex truly enjoyable, and many ways to create deep friendships.

And you, do you think you're lying to yourself? Did you recently had a hard truth moment with yourself? Are you REALLY doing well? I think, while my expose on BDSM is an extreme one, there's tons of people out there that are coping from their poor mental health and thinking they're actually doing well, they participate in very unhealthy activities like binge drinking, hanging out with shitty friends, abusing drugs, etc.

You're living with yourself all your life, might as well make yourself a good roomate for yourself.

#eod after dark #antikink

[robo-milky]

My secret…?

[In regards to the 300 Followers Secrets Event]

Picrew Credit

I honestly get jumpscared and feel whiplash whenever I see the screenshots of my bots floating around- ngl

In-depth lore:

When I first made Rook, Char Ai was *barren*. There were only one about few TWST bots. I didn’t really mean to fall into the rabbit hole at first, since it was recommended to me by the ‘text generation’ community. I’ve always been a fan of text generations like DungeonAi, WriteHolo, and NovelAi, but if you’re familiar with those two— DungeonAi fell from grace when it got monetized (like I don’t blame them, it does cost a lot to run the bots— especially with so many users). WriteHolo went well, but NovelAi swept me off it’s feet with its user interface and customization. I find myself using Char Ai so much more, and the reason for that is because of how in-character the bots could be. When it comes to any fan content, my personal preference is how accurate and authentic a character is— and Char Ai happened to serve— and it was free!

Learning to use Char Ai was a pain— cause I had to relearn a whole new format and technique of inputting information, but I think I’m fairly confident in it now. I’m no tech bro but I think I did enough research to scour the Char Ai discord itself to make a bot I would be happy with using. Even though the majority of examples were copypasting the game lines, a good chunk of it was experimenting and thinking of what to leave in and what to leave out. The bots I’m confident in have their character settings private, but I made the weaker ones public, so people would know what to expect.

I’ve noticed for the past months, there was a new influx of users— especially with TWST and I’m really happy about that! But I’ll admit I’m a little salty I can’t edit my public bots anymore, because editing is disabled when a boy is popular enough ;; I’m also a little disheartened newer Char Ai users won’t know how certain functions work because of the amount of updates and UI the site has went through… If people are interested, I’m willing to make a tips/tricks guide thingy to get the best/most satisfactory response possible?? It really depends on how serious you want to take it, cause in the end— it really is a silly AI masking as a character. If you put in enough effort, it’ll pay off~

I do have a lot of WIP/Private bots being worked on, but I never really released them because someone else already did those characters— and because… I’m a perfectionist- I like having full control and being able to change and edit whenever something is off.

Will I make or release new bots? …Maybe?? Idk if there’s a big demand for it or if people chat with my bots cause they were the only one, or for it’s quality. (I’m sorry if that sounds cocky—)

I’ve always been lowkey about Char Ai because of the stigma AND moral grey area AI has. I understand the complexities of AI sourcing literature from the internet without permission and it is terrible. I’ll admit I don’t exactly know which model Char Ai uses (recalling the last time I’ve read its FAQ), but whether you use it or not is up to you ^^

I can say that everything sourced within my bots are either direct voicelines from games, or I made up them up to add lore.

#bestie- if you know you know #hiii you can bully me now ;;;; #I ain’t linking it #meowing 🌸 #cat scribblez 🌸 #char ai 🌸 #twisted wonderland #twst #rook hunt #twst rook #twst idia #idia shroud #oc: cloche🎊 #300 followers event

[kyogre-blue]

Roundup of manhwa I've been catching up on and/or rereading recently. These are unfortunately mostly on Asura Scans, so linking or bookmarking them is useless. I really hate that about their site.

The scores are in regard to what I expect of the overall genre, not general quality per se. I'm not expecting deep, profound writing here. The range is A to F, with A being an easy recommend, B having some flaws but also having some really strong points that make it worth reading, C being extremely average, not terrible but not really doing anything well enough to recommend, and D being largely a waste of time. F is for outright offensive. But there won't really be many failing grades on this list because I just drop them and forget lol. Plus minus is based on my personal enjoyment.

Return of the Disaster-Class Hero, ch74 - Rank: B+. I really enjoyed it, but it's just that the different aspects are overall passable to good (art, humor, battles), plus it has some presence given to supporting characters (Hugo, Sungjae) and relationships, which I happen to enjoy. Additionally, the story actually advances, which can't be taken as a given lol... Unfortunately, the manhwa has been on hiatus since Aug 2023 due to the artist's health and later passing. It's unclear whether it will continue, or how it will look or progress if it does.

The Novel's Extra, ch93 - Rank: C. I was initially going to rank it higher, but while the art is nice and the characters are passable, the pacing is a mess. I genuinely couldn't tell you what the direction of the story is even supposed to be, despite how many chapters it's been. Have we even advanced at all here? I sure don't know.

The Protagonist's Younger Sister, ch33 - Rank: B, though this notably has the lowest chapter count here by a wide margin. Cute story and I like the protagonist family. It's just that it has always updated very slowly, and I'm not even sure it's still updating, so the pacing feels dragged out even if it's actually fine as a whole. But like I mentioned separately, the story has only just passed basic setup, so I don't even know for sure where it's going in the long term.

SSS-Class Suicide Hunter, ch113 - Rank: A. If I have to pick a manhwa I consider most overall impressive among those I've read, it would probably be this one. It has a very strong sense of its protagonist and what it wants to say, and it uses very distinctive arcs with strong supporting characters to do it. The murim arc was obviously a standout, but I think the romance genre arc that is wrapping up was impressive in what it dared to do. They really said "yeah, the protag falls in love and gets married, this is part of his growth as a person." I genuinely did not expect that they would go through with it and let him actually stay married. That's a thing they did. In general, this is just a very solid story, and I hope they are able to adapt it in its entirety, though that will probably take years to come.

I’m a Martial Art Villainess but I’m the Strongest!, ch92 - Rank: B. This one has a female lead (and thus a prominent romance) but it also does a lot of fight scenes and training and stuff like that. The fairly unusual (in my experience) combination of elements works well for me, though the actual contents are fairly average, nothing amazing or terrible, just okay enough. I think my biggest take away aside from the genre combination is the ML's big boobas. I seriously want the MC and ML to bang, they deserve it.

Ending Maker, ch56 - Rank: B. Actually, this one hasn't had any progress since I caught up on the TLs a while back, but I wanted to note it. I like how much focus is given to the relationship between the MC and his love interest, and I don't really have any major complaints. However, I hope they're able to flesh out the plot going forward. It's been very "go to a place, get a thing" without really giving any major weight to anything that's happened, and the supporting characters haven't really left an impression either.

The Duke's Redemption, ch50 - Rank: B-. This one also hasn't updated since I caught up on it a while back, but adding here. Pros: strong focus on the relationship between the MC and the duke, setup for potentially interesting conflict with Serpens not being chosen as the hero per the OG plot. Cons: art is kinda mid, the actual story so far has been largely filler or not very interesting in and of itself. They've built up the foundation of Shion and Serpens as a relationship, but the stuff around that could have been done a lot better.

Doctor's Rebirth, ch150 - Rank: C+, though that's being generous tbh. It is the definition of extremely mid. However, it does make me lol at least somewhat regularly about how gay the entire supporting cast is toward the MC. Truly peak shounen experience. Whether it's his master, his master's assistant (love triangle), the original novel's demonic hero protag, secondary novel villains A through D... they all want him so bad. It's very funny to me personally.

The Extra is Too Strong, ch50 - Rank: D+. I'm adding the plus purely because I spend a lot of time lolling about how buff absolutely everyone is. This includes the one notable female side character and background female characters. That aside, I'm curious what they're going to do with the original novel's protag. He's mentioned several times and with quite a bit of detail about what his deal was, plus he has a non-standard design, so I feel like we will eventually meet him and something is planned for that.

Return of the 8th Class Magician, ch81 (complete) - Rank: C. I know there's other series with a very similar title, so to be clear, this is the one where the MC has long light brown hair (lol) and regresses uses dragon tongue. A complete story that has no particular flaws, but tbh I don't think it has any particular strengths either. The thing I remember most about it is that, around chapter 60 or so, there is a note from the artist that directly says they're about to start deviating from the novel they're adapting. Immediately the main villain is introduced, dragon lore gets updated, and the MC's father is brought up, so you can just tell, yeah, his father is going to be a dragon. And he is. I didn't have any issues with the manhwa-original (presumed) ending, it was done more smoothly than I would have expected, but the whole story just didn't serve anything to make me really excited. Fine read tho, if you've got some time to kill, and the MC is quite pretty.

Trash of the Count’s Family, ch121 - Rank: C. The art is nice, and I liked the initial sections, but the pacing is a mess and nothing meaningful seems to happen. The biggest issue is probably that the MC is just not a type I care for, and the supporting characters don't feel like they're fleshed out enough to stand on their own. The entire story, with over a hundred chapters, has been just endlessly picking up power-ups in preparation for the supposed war, but 120 chapters in and we're still not to the actual war, so... I do think that I'm finally seeing the appeal of the crown prince, so there's that.

The Newbie is Too Strong, ch90 - Rank: C-. This is also a pretty basic series, but the popoi are cute, the MC doesn't annoy me, and I am legitimately interested in the plot mysteries. Also, it does seem to be promising to introduce some recurring side characters in the future, so there is some room to grow.

Overpowered Sword, ch88 - Rank: C. It's a shounen, functionally. I enjoy it in a brain off way, and I will say that I first shipped Leon with Eclid, but now I keep thinking that Karen is good, I ship Karen. However, it has a weakness in that the arcs aren't particularly interesting in themselves. Not enough emphasis on fucked up backstories for the villains and new allies, I guess. Shounen runs on fucked up backstories.

Of All Things, I Became a Crow, ch107 (complete) - Rank: C+. This is a female lead transmigration romance. It's cute! I like it well enough and it's complete. Not really a lot else to say.

#reading manhwa

[prairiesongserial]

20.7

CONTENT WARNING: This update contains gore.

Friday straightened her skirt outside the door to the lounge. She had tidied herself up after her walk with Sacha on deck, but she still felt rumpled after that conversation. She didn’t know what to do with herself. It wasn’t like she could start the murder investigation early.

Of course, that line of thought had landed her back on the disappearance of Ms. Écuyer. Friday decided to spend the rest of the afternoon wandering the ship, snooping in the crew-only areas until she was spotted and escorted out. She didn’t learn anything except that the bowels of the ship were loud, steamy, and crowded with mechanical parts. Ms. Écuyer could have been hiding anywhere.

Friday decided to give up when she got hungry. The next time she saw Sacha, she’d ask him what he thought about Ms. Écuyer, but for now, she wanted to have a word with Val.

She found him in the lounge as usual, sitting in an armchair with a cup of tea and a book. The lounge was fairly empty for this time of day; it was already after seven, but besides Val, the only people sitting in the usually buzzing cluster of chairs were Helene and d’Angoulême–and they were smoking and chatting under their breath in French, clearly not interested in outside conversation. A few seconds later, Friday noticed John was also in the lounge, sitting alone at the bar.

Friday went directly to Val. She sat on the arm of his chair and peeked at his book. The print was tiny.

“Where’d you find that?” she asked. “That’s not one of yours, is it?”

“There’s a library,” Val said. “It has mostly popular novels.” He paused. “You’d like this one.”

Friday’s heart flipped over. After days of being completely shut out, the door being opened just a crack felt like a major win.

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“It’s about a detective. His client had her pearls stolen.”

“Oh, well, heaven forbid her pearls are stolen,” Friday said, forgetting for a moment to pretend to be a rich socialite. “What happens then?”

Val set the book down on the opposite arm of the chair. He raised an eyebrow at her, letting her know he only had so much playfulness in him at the moment. It was a familiar expression, and one of Friday’s favorites on him. She was tempted to descend from the arm of the chair into his lap, one hand keeping his cup of tea safely upright while she surprised him with a kiss. It was a selfish instinct.

“You’re terrible. I don’t want to read it myself, I want you to tell me,” Friday said with a pout. “Anyway, that’s not why I came over. I want you to have dinner with me.”

Val paused. His grip on his teacup shifted almost imperceptibly. Helene and d’Angoulême appeared to be listening in, judging by the glance Val gave over Friday’s shoulder.

“Helene, go to dinner with me,” d’Angoulême said.

“Only Americans eat this early,” Helene replied, though she was already putting out her cigarette in a crystal ashtray.

They had switched to English just so that Friday would know she was being purposefully left out, which was actually a great help.

“Oh, save us a couple of seats, would you?” she said over her shoulder, keeping her eyes on Val.

“Our table is full,” d’Angoulême said.

“What a shame,” Friday said. “I’ll have to hold a spot at our table for you at lunch tomorrow. We must become better friends.”

She thought she saw a light in Val’s eyes as she toyed with the two ladies, though it was short lived, disappearing again behind his teacup as he took a sip.

d’Angoulême and Helene departed for one of the dining rooms, rudely failing to accept Friday’s invitation to lunch. The lounge was left to Val, John, and Friday.

“Thank God,” Friday exclaimed, sliding from the arm of Val’s chair so she could talk to him properly. “There’s going to be a murder, and there might have been one already. Val, what the hell happened to you last night?”

Val’s gaze flicked back to her, suddenly serious. Under the collar of his shirt, Friday could clearly see the edge of a bandage. His wrist had been injured, too, she noticed with surprise. Another bandage peeked out from beneath the cuff of his sleeve. It was such an odd place for an injury, that when she’d seen his bloody sleeve last night, she’d assumed Val had used it to clean up a bloody nose.

“I don’t know,” Val said.

John came over from the bar to join them.

“I woke up like this,” Val went on. He took a sip of his tea like he wished it was something stronger. “I don’t remember anything from last night.”

“And no one’s said anything to you about it today?” Friday asked. 

“No,” Val said. Her eyes flicked back to him–she sensed he was shrinking away from the topic.

Friday took the seat across from Val, looking him over and carefully holding her tongue until she was absolutely sure of what she wanted to say. With no other information to go on, Val’s attacker had probably been Casimir Brus. During the game that morning, every passenger had been present, and none of them had so much as a scrape–except for Casimir, who had worn that conspicuous eyepatch.

When Friday called him an attacker, she meant it. Last night, she’d assumed Val had been an equal, if drunken, participant in a more or less meaningless catfight. But the injuries just didn’t make sense, if that were the case. Val hadn’t taken any of the damage you’d expect from a drunken fight. No bruised knuckles, no split lip. Instead, the fight had drawn blood on Val’s neck and wrist, which was just weird. There were other places he’d be more likely to have been scratched–face, chest, arms–and the two injuries had bled a lot for fingernail scratches.

When Friday considered Casimir’s injury, she was all the more sure of her read on the situation. Casimir had hidden whatever happened to his eye with an eyepatch, even though it made him extremely conspicuous. He only would have done so if the injury was so serious he couldn’t show it in polite company. For Val to take someone’s eye out–or try to–he would have had to have been fighting for his life.

“Is there anyone you’re suspicious of?” Friday asked.

Val shrugged. He’d finally set his tea aside, and his hand rubbed over the bandaged spot on his neck.

“Can I see the cuts?” Friday asked. “Maybe I’ll be able to tell if the other person had a knife.”

Val’s expression twisted. He shook his head and gave a firm “No.”

Friday would have liked to argue the point, except there was a scream from the other side of the ship.

*

Friday jumped out of her chair and motioned for the boys to follow her. She hurried down the hall, which had quickly become crowded with curious passengers. She lost Val and John almost immediately to the milling people asking each other who had screamed and what the hell was the matter.

Friday hurried on, glancing down every side passage. It didn’t appear that the scream had come from the passenger cabins, and she’d already passed the main dining room without incident. She climbed the stairs to the mid deck, even though she thought as she did that whoever had screamed couldn’t have been that far away.

She exited the stairwell onto a somber circle of people and stopped short. The crowd had formed just outside the game room where they’d all gathered that morning. On the other side of the circle of people, Friday met eyes with Sacha. He looked frantic.

Friday stepped forward, steeling herself. Expecting to find a body still didn’t prepare her at all.

There was blood on the floor. The pool of it took up the entire width of the hallway and climbed the walls on either side in two sweeping arcs. There was so much blood that the body was almost the secondary spectacle.

Friday stared down at the body for a long time. The head had been cut off and tossed carelessly to the side. When she looked back up, more people were approaching from the other side of the hallway. d’Orléans and Casimir joined Sacha and Conti, d’Orléans loudly complaining that the two of them had never come back–until they saw the body. d’Orléans swore in French and pulled a handkerchief from their pocket, pressing it to their nose and mouth to cover the smell of blood.

Helene and d’Angoulême stood next to Friday. They clearly hadn’t made it to dinner; they might have been the ones to discover the body. Helene clutched d’Angoulême tightly to her chest while d’Angoulême breathed heavily into the crook of her arm. The crowd had grown behind Friday as more people found their way up to the mid deck, including the Dumont couple, who’d come up to stand on her other side.

Friday suddenly realized she didn’t know who she was looking at. No one in the crowd had moved or said a thing, and with the man’s head rolled to the side, she couldn’t tell who it was.

“Ernestine, may I have your handkerchief?” Friday asked.

Ernestine wordlessly placed it in Friday’s waiting hand. Friday lifted her skirt up so it wouldn’t drag and stepped into the pool of blood. When she reached the head, she used Ernestine’s handkerchief to slowly turn it face up. She frowned down at it, trying to see past the sheen of blood over his features.

"This is…" she said, looking up to meet eyes with Sacha once more, "...Clovis Girard."

20.6 || 20.8

#story

[someonetookmyawesomename]

It must be painful to sail a dead ship 🥀

Tell me something about it, since I haven’t the slightest who they are? 😅💐

(Warning, this is gonna be long as heck because I'm sad my ship is dead, so I'm sorry in advance if I talk too much)

YES SAILING A DEAD SHIP IS PAINFUL (My chosen ship is Liir/Trism from the wicked books)

Here's just a summary of things that you can expect to experience:

you have nobody to talk about it with (yes, even on tumblr. So far, I've only met 3 people who are interested, and they're all pretty busy, so I'm alone on this 99% of the time

There is very little art (I've seen less than 20 works most of which were commissioned by @lillifaba so I have her to thank for what little I can find)

Even posts such as headcanons and rants are nonexsitent

Next to zero fanfiction (there is less than 30 works on AO3 that have my favored characters tagged. They don't even appear as minor characters in most works about wicked)

Most of the fanfiction that do feature them usually only use them as minor characters

As for those that use them as major characters, most are abandoned and are about a decade old if not older

Unless you have the skills to make your own content, you're stuck licking crumbs off the floor

Now that that's out of the way, here's some basic information about Liir and Trism:

They're both characters from the wicked book series which provides a fairly adult backstory to the wicked witch of the west from The Wizard of Oz

Neither of them appear in the wicked musical, because their story happens after the events of the musical

They're part of the next generation of characters from the books

Liir is the son of Elphaba (the lead heroine in the musical AKA wicked witch of the west) with her definitely murdered (in the books) lover Fiyero

Unlike his mom, Liir does not have any sort of happy memories from his childhood

Elphaba gave birth to him while in a coma, so she refuses to acknowledge him as her son

he was heavily bullied throughout his childhood for his weight (he was on the chubby side as a child) and was almost drowned by his bully

Unlike his extremely motivated and go-getter mother, his terrible upbringing made him more weary and passive

He achieves greater things compared to his mother, but only because he was forced to do so, not because he wanted to

He kind of just stumbles through life, winging it as he goes

Despite that, he is extremely mentally strong and is able to withstand torture and threats to his family

Liir has a wife named Candle

She kind of accidentally forces him into a relationship with her because she r*pE$ him and gets pregnant while he's in a coma in an attempt to warm his body to keep him from dying (I know, shit got messy real fast)

Trism is a soldier Liir meets when he enlists in the army (Liir enlists after Elphaba is killed because he was a literal teenager at the time with nowhere to go)

Trism is described as being VERY hottt (Kinda reminds me of America/Alfred from Hetalia when it comes to looks, blonde, handsome, and VERY muscular) which appeals to my gay senses

He and Liir initially don't get along that well, but in true enemies to lovers fashion, they get together later on

Trism becomes a dragon trainer working for the current ruler of Oz

Unfortunately, the ruler is corrupt and uses the dragons to oppress the masses, murdering countless innocents

Trism grows tired of working to oppress the people and Liir convinces him to kill the dragons

They become fugitives and in the process become lovers and start fricking (yes I enjoyed this part and I'm not ashamed)

Trism delivers my favorite line from the books "Are you slow, or are you just falling in love with me?" I love me a cheeky man

This all happens while Candle is pregnant

In order to reunite with candle and keep her safe, Liir sends Trism to pick her up (He literally sends his lover to pick up his wife my goodness)

She refuses to come with Trism

Trism leaves alone and gets captured and tortured by the government for killing the dragons and to get info out of him

Liir reunites with Candle, but she refuses to tell him what she did when Trism came to pick her up

Trism and Liir don't meet for many years (I think like a decade or 2)

When they do meet again, they're on opposite sides of a war

Trism is training dragons again, but this time he plans on participating in a revolution that destroys the emerald city, Oz's capital in an attempt to depose its corrupt ruler

Liir on the other hand wants to avoid the attack because it would kill many innocent lives

I'm not explaining it very well, but both of their choices are honestly quite valid

Liir gets kidnapped and tortured in order to force him to work for Trism's side

Liir still refuses to work with Trism

They both acknowledge that after many years of separation they still love each other

But don't get back together because they're on opposite ends of a war

It turns out Trism never needed Liir's help because he manages to help conquer the emerald city just from his experience with dragon taming alone

The political issues get resolved after the war but Liir and Trism never get back together

To add insult to injury, Liir and Candle have a major fight that ends in divorce

By the end of the books, Liir is left all alone waiting for either Trism, Candle, or both to return to him

It's left open-ended whether either of the two decide to come back for Liir

Why I ship Liir and Trism:

There's this comfort and openness in their relationship that isn't there with Liir and His wife

Liir and his wife were simply forced into a relationship because of a sudden pregnancy that honestly did not make sense to me how it happened

Liir and Candle are also just terrible for each other

Their relationship becomes icy and toxic near the end of the books

Trism is highly protective and supportive of Liir, loving him even after he gest captured and tortured

Throughout the story, Trism is often mistaken as Liir's husband because of how close they are

Liir and Trism both worked for the military and share plenty of experiences together

I imagine that after the events of the books, Liir and Trism reunite and they apologize for causing each other so much pain as well as help each other get through the traumas they experienced

LIIR AND TRISM HAVE SO MUCH ANGST, HURT/COMFORT, AND ENEMIES TO LOVERS POTENTIAL

It's a shame people don't really know about them

Here's some extra things I just wanted to express:

I'm so invested in their relationship that I can't even read fanfiction about other ships right now because I keep fixating on them

I'm lowkey salty that most people in the wicked fandom only seem to care about Elphaba, Fiyero, and Glinda (I'm NOT an anti, this is just me being an envious, bitter, unreasonable bitch who can't accept that my ship is dead. I understand why people like Elphaba, Glinda and Fiyero, I'm just jealous that these characters seem to be the only ones getting attention, but it's understandable because they're the main characters in the musical)

I'm hoping that one day, Liir and Trism follow the steps of Achilles and Patroclus and go viral so I can finally get some friends who also ship Liir/Trism

I think the wicked movie will be shit, but if there is the chance that it might convince people to read the books and maybe increase the number of Liir/Trism supporters, then I'm willing to support it

I'm incredibly starved for Liir/Trism content and will jump at any opportunity to talk about them

So yeah, thank you for coming to my TED-Talk. I'm sorry I ran my mouth so much! I just got excited that somebody asked me about Liir and Trism

#I am in pain #I am in misery #It's hard to be in a #dead ship #I hope I meet more peope interested in #liir/trism #liir thropp #trism bon cavalish #liir #trism #wicked #son of a witch #wicked the musical #wicked: the life and times of the wicked witch of the west #out of oz #fanfiction #elphaba thropp #elphaba #glinda #fiyero tigelaar #fiyero

[dreamingoftinystars]

I’m doing one more reading wrap up for 2022 because I want to share some of my favorite reads with all of you so here are my top 10 books of 2022 in no particular order! (Note: this does not include any of alice oseman’s work because they would be the majority of the list, and this list does not include any Harper Collins books because whilst I have no influence from my silly little blog we do not cross picket lines here <3)

1) Frizzy by Claribel A. Ortega

I do not know how to explain to anyone what this book means to me. Whilst I am white and not explicitly represented via this book, I have really funky hair that I was judged for throughout my life and can be really fucking frustrating to deal with. This book made me feel through some solace that I was not alone in that struggle. In a lot of ways, it healed my inner child and my current self because I was seeing those scenes of her mom struggling to do her hair and I saw myself and how much of a struggle doing my hair used to be. This book meant the world to me. And is only one of two graphic novels on this list (considering how many graphic novels I read I’m surprised there aren’t more). 

2) What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo

My therapist gave me this book to read, and I had no idea when I picked it up how impactful this would be for me. I know the popular memoir of the year was Jennette McCurdy’s, and I did read that and found it to be absolutely heart breaking and wonderfully written. But this book changed me. It was one of the best books I have ever read. The content is not light, but as someone who has diagnosed PTSD and has been told they have CPTSD by their therapist- this book fucking wrecked me and showed me that I am worthy of love and that my trauma does not need to define me. This book is so important to me.

3) In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado

This is another memoir about trauma, specifically dealing with domestic abuse this time, but it’s done in a very unique way. I recently read House of Leaves, which is a fictional horrorish book and it reminded me pretty strongly of this book when I read it. The way in which Machado utilizes the house to be representative of this terrible situation was really well written. As someone who has existed in a house in a not great situation, this book really sat with me.

4) This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

I know that I am so basic for this one, but it is genuinely so good. This book is so hit or miss for people, and it absolutely hit for me. The storytelling, the relationship, the heart break. This story killed me. I devoured it in such a short amount of time, and it has yet to leave my brain. I love this book so much. It is one of my all time favorites. 

5) Chemical Gardening for the Amateur by Charles Henry Connors and Victor A. Tiedjens

This is such a random pick I know, but part of why I loved this book so much is that it is a book about chemical gardening from 1939 that I got from a local bookstore where they had miss marked it as $3.00 and they gave it to me for that price (it is definitely worth more than that). But it is so cool. Reading about how these techniques that we still use today were being developed and showing how people can use them for their own gardens and plants is so fucking neat????!! Also there were so many pretty pictures in it. I read this fairly quickly whilst at my girlfriend’s house because I just hyper focused on it and loved every moment of it.

6) When You Trap a Tiger by Tae Keller

This is one of my favorite middle grade books that I have ever read (like genuinely). Part of why this book hit me so hard is that my grandmother was at the hospital the exact day that I read this. I had genuinely no clue what this book was about, and it relating to that type of event made this book hit even closer to home. It was a really good story overall though.

7) The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green

As someone who has OCD, it was so interesting reading a memoir (ish) by someone else who has OCD and seeing the overlapping in our general thinking patterns. I am a fan of John Green’s work (Turtles All The Way Down is a super important book for me), but this collection of short stories or remarks was just something that I really enjoyed reading. It was not like earth shattering, but it was a really good book. 

8) Sick Kids in Love by Hannah Moskowitz

I love chronic illness representation so much. This was probably my favorite romance that I read this year. Whilst I do not have the specific conditions that the MCs had, the general like problems that come from having chronic illnesses was something that I significantly related to. And getting to see a romance where those aspects were included is something that was really really nice for me. It was also just a really fun teen romance book (I am a sucker for romcoms).

9) The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen

This is literally the book that I recommend to people when they tell me that they want to try a graphic novel. It is like a middle grade to early young adult read, but it is one of my favorite graphic novels. It does a really cool thing with utilizing traditional Vietnamese fairy tales or folk stories to weave this story between modern day and the past. It was a really interesting way to showcase generational trauma, and a new way of discussing the immigrant experience that I have not seen before. It is also queer representation! And the art style is absolutely brilliant!

10) Yerba Buena by Nina LaCour

I am a Nina LaCour bitch. Her work is always outstanding in my opinion (at least her newest releases). I really enjoy the way in which she weaves a story together. I very much so enjoyed this like non-traditional take on a romance centric story. For me, a lot of books with a romance centric plot line have become just romcoms and whilst there is nothing wrong with that, I prefer having some substance to the plot in a lot of instances. I personally feel like LaCour does that really well. This book was so good in my opinion.

I know this is a long post, so I won’t make it longer. But thank you if you read my thoughts at all. And I hope whatever reading you partake in is fulfilling for you (or whatever media you choose to consume)!!

[go-to-the-mirror]

I was reading Dianna Boileau's (first person to receive gender affirming surgery in Canada) autobiography/biography the other day, for school reasons, and I just got reminded of this quote I wanted to share, because it made me... really happy.

Context for it, this is a letter sent to Dianna while she was dealing with the aftermath of her friend Rosemary's death in a car accident and the subsequent legal stuff related to it. This caused her to be outed, and subsequently ridiculed and harassed by the general public, but she also received many letters in support. This is one of them.

Dear Miss Boilsaw: Just this afternoon I did what I had hesitated doing for quite a while. I phoned your lawyer, Mr. Willis. I congratulated him on winning your acquittal as I have been following your case from the sideline with quite some concern, although I don’t know you. Actually, I wanted to lend you a sympathetic hand during what must have been a terrible ordeal for you, but I thought, probably correctly, that you and Mr. Willis would not be interested in meeting a stranger at the time. Putting myself in your place, something I can do very easily, I am sure that publicity would be very undesirable. I am not interested in publicity for myself but I have written my name, address, and phone number as a gesture of my good will. Perhaps like you, whereas I am not interested in publicity, at the same time I am not ashamed nor afraid of what I am. I have some things in common with you, apart from being the same age. I am a man but have at times lived as a woman because— well why do you? Why do others? Reasons or guesses could fill a book. I am a respected citizen and I know of others from all walks of life who are this way inclined too, and I have interesting and serious discussions with them on WHY? I have also discussed this with psychologists and doctors, though the majority of them know very little about the phenomenon of transvestism. The majority of them have had experience only with those who have had trouble with the law, and as a result have pretty well only a one-sided view of this personality trait among a surprisingly large percentage of males, if the truth be known. I call transvestism a phenomenon rather than a deviation because of my personal understanding and experience about it. I confess, that if I were not a transvestist myself I would be inclined to take a narrow-minded view of these people and call them, at best, cranks. Here is a big job to educate the public. I live as a man and it is only during some of my leisure that I indulge in fancy feminine thinking. I enjoy this, and in fact it is more than just fun, and in fact if I were not interested in normal sex, I would also choose to live as a woman permanently. I know people who are doing this. Some have taken the sex-change operation, some have not, for various personal reasons. One very good reason, as Mr. Willis has said, is the very high cost of the operation. Also, one wonders, how successful can this operation be, and how much pain and confinement is involved. We know of the Denmark and Casablanca operations, and one may also have an operation in Mexico. Some of my close friends are also now in the female hormone treatment stage— under the guidance of Dr. Benjamin of New York, possibly the foremost authority on this matter in North America. His waiting room contains a constant flow of transsexuals, many of them living and working as women. If ever these patients have a brush with the law where their identity and sex are put under question, they have a letter from Dr. Benjamin which explains everything. Wouldn’t that be a help? Finally, on the feminine side, I wish to compliment you on your taste in dress. I am naturally also interested in fashion. Also, I have been fairly successful in electrolysis treatments which I have taken for a year now. Now I personally am quite content with my lot. I have a busy and productive life and enjoy helping others. Also I have now got to understanding myself— or my selves, and have a peaceful and enjoyable existence. I offer a hand of friendship to you because it may be a mutually pleasant and rewarding experience. I feel I have done my personal duty in writing to you through Mr. Willis. Give me a ring any week night, say about 5 to 7 p.m., or even later, if you like. Yours truly, John Brown

(Page 156 - 159)

I know I was reading the account of a trans woman, but it still made me feel emotions. If you want to read the book, you can find it on archive.org here. (archive.org/details/beholdiamwoman00dian).

Content warnings for sexual assault, transphobia/homophobia, police, car accidents, death, prison, and suicide.

#it's like idk. we've always been here in whatever form #transgender #pride #transphobia #homophobia #so glad i chose to do this project on dianna #bc reading her autobiography is really great #and makes me feel lots of emotions #and i wanted to share some of these emotions to the tumblr people but if i did i would have scrolled tumblr for hours i know me #landscaping your mind chapter one #uhhh obligatory pls dont be mean to me in the notes. i dont think you will im just anxious

[serialreblogger]

Got my own place!

#i moved out a few days ago #which is (partly) why i've been relatively quiet lately #apologies for the #personal #content i know it's not terribly interesting but this is fairly major for me and there's... #well. it's my blog i suppose i'm allowed to post about myself once in a blue moon right? #anyway what's absolutely wild is that for the first time in my life going on high alert at every sound isn't actually justified #like. for the first time in my life i'm having like... a disordered level of trauma-hyperawareness #like i didn't really realize until now just how exhausting it was at home. knowing it was unhealthy and unnecessary #to be on high alert all the time (every second of the day especially when dad was home) #but even if it wasn't *necessary* in recent years it always MIGHT have been. i learned from my entire childhood that i could never be safe #he did that. he chose to do that. a hallmark of abuse is how unpredictable it is i suppose. but now for the first time in my life #i'm. safe #i'm safe #and i don't quite know how to cope with that #how do i live when every sound is a safe one? how do i live when i know there's no one waiting for the opportunity/inclination to hurt me? #one thing i'm realizing is that i remain significantly more fucked up than previously assumed #(or at least. than i'd previously assumed. or than i'd allowed myself to acknowledge for my own protection) #i don't want to see him again i know that much #and i also know i can't avoid it #what right do i have? he hasn't done anything in years #no. that's a lie. he pinned me against the wall barely months ago #he's fucking abusive and i don't care that he isn't anymore he has never been sorry or tried to make amends and i don't want to see him #hm. that's a conversation to have with the sisters i think. and then mom #god i have no idea how to do this #might be wiser to just suck it up and keep on faking it #...no. that's no way to heal. i can't keep doing that. not when i have a choice #well. i'll think it through #i'll think it through and choose my steps as wisely as i can. what more can one do? #linden's originals

[spockandawe]

Okay, I think I found what I really wanted to root out with Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu and the physicality of their book relationship.

Because I will argue for days that Wen Kexing is terribly touch-starved, especially at the beginning of the book. For eight years, as the Valley Master, he’s only allowed Gu Xiang within a meter of him. They have a fairly casual relationship, but they straddle an awkward line between family and master/servant, and as the Ghost Valley Master? Everyone in Ghost Valley, including Gu Xiang, is at least a little frightened of him. He’s affection-starved as much as he is touch-starved, and having one person who cares more than she’s frightened isn’t really enough to overcome that degree of isolation. When a servant woman is combing his hair and accidentally hits a snag, she begs for her life, and his first reaction is to ask if someone forced her to wait on him. He’s been the Valley Master since he was a very young adult, and he’s been in Ghost Valley since he was a child.

And it’s so interesting to me that a lot of cnovels really emphasize that when the leads are in a relationship, it’s their first relationship, and they never wanted anyone else, but Wen Kexing (and jing beiyuan in lord seventh, which is an interesting parallel) really directly subvert that. Gu Xiang almost immediately remarks that Wen Kexing spends plenty of nights with male courtesans, and partway through the book, Wen Kexing uses a handkerchief from a famous courtesan to treat Zhou Zishu’s injury. He left the valley and entered the human world, and immediately threw himself into the arms of other men.

And Zhou Zishu, I would say, is also touch starved and affection starved, but is coping differently from Wen Kexing. No matter how strained and/or political his relationships with the Emperor and the government are, and even though he took charge of the Four Seasons Manor at... fifteen, iirc, he did have at least one close, affectionate (for a zhou zishu value of affectionate), trusting relationship, with Liang Jiuxiao. And where Wen Kexing starts the book with a comfortable relationship with Gu Xiang, Zhou Zishu starts the book knowing that his shidi is dead, and in Lord Seventh, we see the ways that he failed and/or “failed” Liang Jiuxiao, with Jiang Xue, and with staying at his post during the final battle instead of rushing off and trying to find his shidi, and it working out... not well. And I think it’s fascinating that unlike Wen Kexing, when he leaves Tian Chuang to reenter the human world, he’s content to be almost completely solitary, and focuses his attention on seeing the sights and drinking good wine.

A really interesting parallel to me is in the Ye Baiyi extra, where he mentions that it’s only human nature to crave food and sex, and he’s too old to care about sex, so food it is. Because that’s not a thought he ever shares with the other characters, but it’s very interesting to me that in the novel, in that first burst of enjoying their freedom, Wen Kexing is so focused on physical intimacy, first with courtesans, and then with Zhou Zishu, while Zhou Zishu is much more focused on physical pleasure must less dependent on other humans, like sightseeing and wine.

But once Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu are in action together, and once Wen Kexing definitively gets invested in Zhou Zishu, the physical progression of the relationship is really interesting to me. Wen Kexing gets very handsy and very forward, very quickly. Zhou Zishu tends to either endure or push him away, depending on the situation, but compared to something like, say, svsss, there’s much less ‘but i’m not gay though’ and much more generalized irritation until he (much more slowly) gets invested in return. 

And I probably would have brushed it away except for that one scene where they were about to do it, and get interrupted by the Scorpion King. First, this line, which makes it absolutely clear that as much as Zhou Zishu had given up on living a long, normal human life, Wen Kexing was in exactly the same position. Now, seeing Zhou Zishu potentially get a new lease on life, he’s forced to reckon with the idea that it might be possible for him to live on in the same way, which casts a whole new light on how casually he slept around with courtesans and propositioned Zhou Zishu earlier in the story, versus where he stands now.

They were both lone wolves who had been caught in hunters’ traps, struggling with all of their strength to free themselves to no avail, and thus, were willing to gnaw their own legs off without mercy.

[Wen Kexing] hadn’t been able to help following him, from watching him. Then a revelation had dawned— He’d realized, for the first time, that if Zhou Zishu could live like this, was it also a possible for him to live like this?

And then when Wen Kexing starts to catch a fresh round of feelings, Zhou Zishu’s response says volumes about his prior reactions whenever Wen Kexing got forward with him.

“A-Xu, sleep with me once. This way, we’ll keep each other in our hearts. You won’t die so easily then, and neither will I. What do you think?”

He said it jokingly, yet Zhou Zishu did not reply, only looked at him oddly. A while later, he finally asked, “Are you truly sincere about this?”

Wen Kexing laughed, his body tilting towards Zhou Zishu. He spoke, nearly against Zhou Zishu’s lips, “Can’t you tell if I’m sincere or not?”

Stunned, Zhou Zishu paused, then said in a low voice, “I… truly can’t tell. I haven’t experienced many instances of sincerity over the course of my life, and can’t identify it. Are you?”

Wen Kexing's fingers drifted up his shoulder, and tugged his hair loose. Dark hair cascaded down, making the tough man before his eyes look a few degrees more fragile in an instant. He dropped his cheeky grin, and in a soft voice, filled with momentous certainty, said, "I am."

Wen Kexing is most starved for touch, while Zhou Zishu is most starved for sincerity. Zhou Zishu was up to his neck in court politics in Lord Seventh, where a major focus of the story is about how sure, the Crown Prince may be deeply in love, but he’s the future Emperor, and ultimately, his feelings land way down the priority list. Up until this point in the story, with Wen Kexing waxing eloquent about how pretty Zhou Zishu must be, and calling it ‘mariticide’ when Zhou Zishu hits him, and being like ‘no no let’s hear the man out’ when the Scorpion King wants them to put on a sexy show for him, Zhou Zishu hasn’t been able to tell whether  Wen Kexing means it. 

I love me a story where the leads are terrible communicators and it causes them much Suffering, but this is a really tasty variant that I don’t feel like I see that often. Their hungers are so similar, but just disjoint enough that they can’t understand each other’s reservations. For a soulmates story like this, it’s just the right kind of tension to make the relationship work extra well for me. They’re in sync about this, as they are about so many things, with just enough of an offset that they’re both left ever so slightly uncertain, and it isn’t until they trust each other enough to ask a question as plain as ‘are you truly sincere about this?’ that they’re finally able to close the gap and reach that understanding with each other. 

#wenzhou #wen kexing #zhou zishu #faraway wanderers #meta

[astaroth1357]

Unpacking the Angel Event (Through My Own Perspective)

Okay so uh… this was a very uncomfortable seat the Devs have offered us today and like all things that give me moral uncomfiness, I HAVE to analyze it. Blame the ethics classes. A full disclaimer, this is not spoiler-free and is pretty much entirely just me unpacking my own feelings here. What may bother or not bother me could really affect you and there is nothing wrong with that. You are entitled to your own perspective. This is just me trying to walk through all the stuff in this event that just… rubbed me the wrong way. So let's get to it.

The Costumes

So. Let's start at the beginning. Diavolo apparently had the bright idea to put everybody in magical costumes of their angel forms (or something like it in Satan's case). This is… problematic.

The reason the brothers lost their angel forms was because they fell after the Celestial War… who's greatest causality (in their eyes) was their sister, Lilith. So one could imagine that their memories as angels aren't particularly happy ones… By this point in the "continuity" (this is Post-Attic, more on that later), they would have known that Lilith didn't actually die which may soften something like this a little. I dunno, I'm not one of them and trauma is uniquely personal to the individual, but the bigger issue is that Diavolo thought this was a good idea to start with to which I say! - I'm not at all surprised by that. Hear me out.

Diavolo is heavily implied to have had a huge ass crush on Angel Lucifer. He's also uh… probably a little sheltered (as sheltered as the royalty of Hell can be) and probably not used to think of his subjects' feelings on the things he does before he just does them. This is fairly evident in other events where he'll order the brothers to do XYZ task even if they want no part in it. It doesn't surprise me at all that Diavolo would want to see them (Lucifer) as angels again and not take into account how that could affect them. I don't think that'd be malice on his part, just shortsightedness, and he likely would have apologized if any of the brothers expressed an emotional problem with it to him directly.

Do they have problems? Yes. But since the event kind of wipes them of their true selves, that's better discussed elsewhere. Moving on.

The Bangles 

Holy fuck, how do we even approach this? So Simeon, in conjunction with Michael (probably, at this point I have to wonder if he's telling the truth about this) gives the brothers jewelry, presumably to wear to the party, that would… I'm not even sure. Curb their impulses? Force them to be mannered? The important thing is he did not tell them about that little detail before they put the bangles on…

This is… also problematic. First, we can try to establish Simeon's intentions versus what actually happened: 

The bangles were (likely) intended to be removable. It was the mixing of the magic that locked them in place so we can assume he didn't mean this to be a permanent change.

The magic on the bangles was probably amplified by the angel costumes. What this means is though we can assume that Simeon never intended them to become quite so… different, we'll never know just how much influence he was actually trying to put on them. It could have been anything from suppressing their sins to full blown force you to say please/thank you. We'll just never get to know now… 

I won't be the first person to liken this to mind control (nor the last) because… that's kind of how it turned out. Even worse still, it would have been completely involuntary on the brothers' part. Simeon DID NOT tell them what the bangles were going to do. Now, he claims later that he would have eventually, but we don't get to know when that would have been. I presume at some time after the party, because like. These are our boys. They're not going to consent to wearing something like that, they're just not.

This poses all kinds of questions and problems ranging from issues of consent to anatomy and even the worth of good deeds done out of obligation vs. free will and… I mean quite literally when I say Jesus Christ, Simeon, what the hell?!

I could write a completely different post debating whether or not what Simeon did actually had any moral merit but I won't because it'd be very dry and boring. I think the most interesting thing to take away here is that Simeon thought it was okay to do like, at all, and with approval from Michael (maybe) no less… That reflects something on angel society that I doubt will get explored but I need to ponder farther…

This section is all kinds of sticky so we need to move on.

The Development(?)

First off, to new players, don't worry this probably isn't canon (at least to the main story continuity). The Brothers should be back to normal in the new chapters and this won't have a long term effect on anything (aside from maybe a tie in to the next event ala Beach event-> Games). That's how Obey Me has always treated their events it seems and I sure hope they stick to it now. But, these are still the same characters going through a unique situation and that can offer some insight so… Let's discuss.

I mentioned earlier that the brothers had problems with this… Unfortunately, I think we only get to see Lucifer and Satan's thoughts in any detail because everyone else is too far gone by the time we reach them… Lucifer can pretty much be summed up as troubled and unhappy because (you know) not a lot of great memories as an angel. I presume that his wounded pride after the fall may also contribute. 

Satan is… more complex. I’m honestly more bothered by his change than anyone else’s because even he expresses how weird this is for him... (We get confirmation that he never in fact had an angel form, btw). Poor baby is going through a full on identity crisis and there’s a certain part of his mind that he’s not even allowed to use right now... Anger. The Avatar of Wrath, born from Wrath, can’t get angry and… Something about that just bothers me at a deeper level, not even I can express properly…

Everyone else is too far gone once we reach them. Their personalities are completely different and they can’t even acknowledge that’s the case. They think that they’ve turned a new leaf but we know that’s not the reality, that leaf was very much turned for them and it doesn’t make anything feel any better…

This may be my own opinion, but part of me thinks that this portion (and only this portion right here) was actually what the Devs were going for. They wanted us to be uncomfortable by all of this for like, story reasons. It’s a narrative trick. Think of the phrase “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” I think they were trying to use the absence of the brothers’ usual flaws and traits as a weird way of celebrating them. Kind of like saying, “We could have given you guys these perfect brothers, but they’re not perfect and we know that’s why you like them. Look at these perfect guys, doesn’t it feel wrong?” The answer is, yes. It does feel wrong. And under other circumstances, it would be affirming like they’d be intending, “I don’t want this emotionally-open non-otaku, give me Levi dammit!” But when you add this intended discomfort with the already sketchy way we got here it just makes it all the worse… 

And absolutely NONE of this is helped by...

The… End?

I think the thing I hate about this event the most (actually legitimately hate) is how it ends. In that it doesn’t. It kind of just… abruptly stops right after Lucifer starts coming to himself again. Though I suspect that’s because they’re putting incentive into getting the event cards, this in NO WAY does the narrative any favors.

Most people are not going to get those cards. Even with Lonely Devil as an option, it’s a huge time/resource commitment to get there. Because of that, the majority of people are not going to get to see the aftermath of what happened. We don’t get to see how the brothers feel about what happened. We don’t get to see if they do, in fact, come to and if they have any takeaways from the experience or if they’re utterly disgusted by it. The player character doesn’t even get the option to comfort them after something that was probably terribly traumatic. It. Just. Ends.

What that means is all of that discomfort that we had just lingers… There’s no resolution or pay off. It just… stays… This is the worst possible thing they could have done. If you want your audience to feel uncomfortable, that’s one thing, but unless you’re telling like, a psychological thriller you gotta settle them back down again! Deep moral conflict is not a turn on!!!

Personally, I don’t hate that this thing exists. I don’t. The part of me that majored in Philosophy loves analyzing media like this so I can’t say that I didn’t get anything out of it. I don’t think all media should play it safe, it’s okay to leave the audience with no good answers or a feeling of unease, but you really got to be self-aware of it. The biggest flaw of this event, in my opinion, is that it rarely comes across as self-aware of its own horror. You get a very brief glimpse of it from Solomon when he comments on how creepy things are, but Simeon’s happy. Diavolo’s happy. And though he’s a little uneasy, Luke’s pretty content, too. Add that to the abrupt ending and we never get to know if ANY of them realize how awful of a thing this was to do to the brothers... It makes it all come off as an endorsement of mind controlling your friends into better people and (to me) that feels really, really wrong.

So in conclusion… I dunno. If the next event isn’t something along the lines of “Angelic Demons Part 2: Fixing What We Fucked Up!” then I think they really botched this one guys… I hope somebody was taking notes.

#this is pretty much an essay #fair warning #long post #even for me #obey me angel event #obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me

[hahanoiwont]

WAITT!! do you have any fanfic recs? PLEASE IT’S SO HARD TO FIND GOOD UT FANFICS! Also any dancetale fanfics specifically?

Sure! I was actually midway through compiling a rec list anyway--I feel like my more Sans-centric first arc of WWU is fairly short, so it might leave people wanting more Sans-centric gen h/c fic. Here are some you may not have seen before, since they're all under 10,000 hits:

Memories in the Void (Kuma_in_Pink): ~90k, ongoing. This fic begins with an ordinary afternoon out going terribly wrong, and proceeds to have the classic "cast must view one character's important memories" trope in a really interesting way, going from Sans's childhood to (presumably) genocide runs and finally post-pacifist. Really confronts some questions that are underexplored in the Undertale fandom, I feel, and the author is really nice. Please go leave them a comment if you check this one out! But, uh, probably not a good fit for big fans of Asgore. This is Soriel, and I believe the only shipping fic in this rec post.

remember a second ago (nilchance): ~4k, oneshot. Papyrus, as an intangible phantom, follows his brother through a genocide run after his own death at the hands of the human. Really well done, and a great Papyrus and Sans study.

Baby Spinach (dotYoo): ~40k, complete, first in a short series. I finished this fic for the second time this morning. This is a babybones fic, with Gaster as a major character who encounters Sans and Papyrus as a couple of surprisingly self-sufficient children and bribes them to come home with by offering half of a sandwich (he ate the other half) and free access to high-level scientific research. I cannot recommend this fic highly enough--both the tone and characterization are just lovely, and fill a hole I wasn't even aware of in the fandom. Gaster's struggles with the rules and structures of socialization and child-rearing are often comedic, but never feel like a punch down; and once you know how to look for it, his disarming quirkiness hides a keen mind who absolutely knows what he is doing. Sans is adorable through the whole thing, and his rapport with Gaster is utterly charming. Seriously, I generally have some rough points with kidfic, but I love this one.

Those are my very favorites of the less-known fics I've read lately, but I'll put a couple of others under the cut.

Getting to the Root of Things (dotYoo): ~14k, complete. Ending and aftermath of a Flowey Possession AU, which are always interesting to me. Lots of good h/c and Sans and Papyrus learning to communicate with each other. Healing from the ground up.

The Doctor's Charges (Aeris_Blue): ~150k, complete. Tragically published during the 2018-2019 era when fics were simply not getting as much recognition. This one's another babybones fic, where Sans is a big fan of Gaster's, and Papyrus is therefore a secondhand big fan of Gaster's, and Gaster is charmed by the two of them as he continues to make increasingly less necessary visits to the orphanage they live in until he chooses to adopt them, after which much of the story begins. Sans and Papyrus are twins in this one, which I love. It has an unhappy ending, which unfortunately means that I stopped reading about 2/3 of the way through and chose to imagine everyone was happy forever; but it was certainly worth it to read the parts I did get to!

And finally, for something more Frisk-centric and much more in line with Whither Then:

The World, Upside Down (Last_Haven): ~130k, first part of a series. This fic features a deeply flawed but well-intentioned older Frisk, who finds themself in a strange sort of reset years after their pacifist run...they've somehow gone from their own world (UT) to a version that is much less friendly (UF). Now as an experienced adult, they make their way through the Underground in order to free their friends and find a way home. This fic inspired a lot of my very early ideas about what Underfell is and how it works, and the climax is especially well-written and gripping. The sequel is a set of side stories for the main fic, and features a romance between UF!Sans and Frisk; but if that's not your thing you miss absolutely nothing by sticking to the first story--it's a full and complete story in and of itself. It's been a long time since I've read this fic, but I still remember it--I was honestly shocked to come back to it and find that it was obscure enough to fit in this post. If you like AU-hopping and deeply flawed but still good characters, this is a great fic to look through.

I think that's all I've got--as for Dancetale, I will make this confession: I have actually not interacted with that much multiverse content. I'm pretty sure UF is the long and short of AUs I've actually read about...and only then in connection to UT, I'm pretty sure. I mostly just see a lot of art and invent the characters from there?? Which may be why my characterizations are slightly off the beaten path. Or, I assume they're off the beaten path. I guess I wouldn't know?

#long post #undertale #fic rec #it may surprise you to know that what i read is not totally congruent with what i write #but i get too easily frustrated reading things that are /almost/ exactly what i would want to write #and i just don't write ship but i'm happy to read it #so i read a lot of stuff that i love a lot but wouldn't write myself #it inspires me a lot but it's different enough that i can channel that inspiration back into my own writing #instead of starting a million unfinished ideas #........tho tbh some of the baby blaster fics tempt me. there's so much potential in that ay #*au #and so many ways to go that haven't been explored... #maybe one day #but in the meantime! here's some cool stuff

[goldeneyedgirl]

Who’s ur favorite and least favorite twilight character and why?

LOL, oh man. Prepare for Discourse, Anon. 

My favourite character is Alice (that might be very obvious). I think she was wasted in Twilight, and that she has so much potential. 

She has no recollection of being human. She is a totally blank slate with a gift that is essentially an extra sense or limb. Like, this girl cannot be ‘okay’. I believe in my heart of hearts that Alice functions differently to other people. I mean, I infer from canon that her visions taught her everything that she needed to know - from how to feed, to how to convince Jasper, to how to join the Cullens. She’s going to get the wrong answer? She’ll change what she says!

And that is utterly fucking terrifying - especially if she was aware and doing it intentionally. But I do not think she is, in that sense. I just don’t think she would have any idea of how to live without her visions showing her what to do next. Alice is a hostage to her own gift, and always has been. 

Even her interactions with Bella and Edward in canon are really uncanny, like she’s playing a role - which is more reflective of SMeyer’s piss-poor writing ability than any sort of intention - but indicative that Alice is Not Okay, and kind of explains a lot about how the Cullen family is portrayed. 

A lot of what I love about Alice, and her relationship with Jasper, are things I’ve absorbed from fan-content - what we can infer from the information we’ve been given. Her conviction about her and Jasper, to me, is beautiful and both terribly childlike, and something someone who has suffered deeply would absolutely cling to as a lifeline. The idea that Jasper isn’t just her husband, but her very best friend and confidant as well, paints such a lovely picture of the symbiosis they have. I think that, whilst it’s normally Poised, Confident Alice to Rescue Struggling Depressed Jasper portrayed in fandom, that there is a distinctive possibility that two individuals who were both fucked over in the gift department and were holding onto reality by a strand found each other and rescued each other might be closer to the truth.

I also LOVE fashion, so I kind of get Alice on that level; and I treat Alice - when I write her - as someone with mental illness (like myself) because I find that very satisfying to write, and to explore. I can PROJECT, which is super fun.

Jasper’s a close second because holy moly, he has so much potential from a fic-writing perspective? This is a man who was not a good person as a human - like, there are Varying Reasons he would join the Confederate Army and be proud of being a Major, but that’s a TOTALLY different piece of discourse so we’ll put a pin in that because statistically, it meant he was a racist fighting for racist ideals. And THEN he is changed into a vampire and joins the Southern Wars, falling further into evil as far as violence, hate, and senseless death goes. 

Like this man was a full monster.

And it was eating him alive.

So he just walked away. Alice did not save him. Peter did not save him. Jasper walked away. Peter gave him the opportunity to do so. Alice offered him goals and a way to improve who he is. There’s nothing he can do about the evil he sowed, the legacy he has created. And he has to live with that every single day for eternity. Has to deal with the burn of his thirst, exacberated by years of gorging on human blood, every single day. There is no solution to/for Jasper. It’s one hell or another. And that is so much fun from a fic-writing perspective. 

Plus his dynamic with Maria is so crazy fun - Mother? Lover? General? What does ‘good terms’ even mean? I assume it’s code for ‘cold war’ or ‘not actively seeking the other’s destruction’, but who knows. I love that. 

Jessamine is also super fun and beloved by me, but that’s because she’s either Jasper-derivitive or my particular portrayal of a separate character, so she doesn’t count. 

As for my least favourite, that honour goes to Edward. Full disclosure, I have not read Midnight Sun, only skimmed parts, because the only thing worse than that would be reading EdBella fic. 

I think he’s an arrogant, misogynistic, controlling little brat, honestly. He’s above the rules and the laws when it suits him - at the cost to everyone - and he condemns Rosalie and Jasper so quickly and thoroughly with very little in-text justification. 

He says that Rosalie is vain - well, Captain Dipshit, maybe after being violently and fatally gang-raped by a group including her fiance Rosalie might deal with a lot of body issues - and copes with them the best way she can. Maybe after being raised with a priority of being beautiful above all else, and then harmed in such a grotesque way because of her beauty, and then becoming more beautiful might fuck with your mental health a little, Eddie.

Edward has a bad habit of classifying women in absolutes like Madonna/Whore, depending on his personal beliefs - which, as a frozen 17 year old from the 1900s, is fairly goddamn dubious. Rosalie and Tanya are both ‘bad’, Esme, Alice, and Bella are all ‘good’. But there are no women that Edward fully ‘trusts’ or allows to ‘win’/direct him. He prizes Bella because of her unreadable mind - she is a puzzle and something to possess. They are never partners. Edward uses Alice, Who Tries Her Very Best, as a weapon against Bella multiple times. I often wonder if it isn’t Edward who encourages Alice, off-page/off-screen, to play dress-ups, to make Bella into what Edward expects in a wife. 

Edward is over-indulged by both Esme and Carlisle; honestly, with his gift, I wouldn’t be surprised if he manipulates the family into their slightly toxic dynamic (it’s hard to tell because of SMeyer’s obvious bias, and the perspective of the novels) because it benefits him so much. It puts him second only to Carlisle - Jasper cannot be trusted despite his comprehensive understanding of vampires, especially when it comes to turf battles, and Emmett’s just a frat boy. Or is this the portrait Edward has painted so he gets to be #1 Son?

Edward is the goddamn architect of every disaster the Cullens face because what he wants is dangerous and illegal. Without Edward’s Volterra Tantrum, Aro never would have challenged the Cullens in Breaking Dawn. Victoria’s attack would have been neutralised before the Cullens even got wind of it. Bella never would have gone cliff-diving or solo-hiking if Edward hadn’t dumped her in the cruelest way possible. 

I honestly, truly believe that Edward shouldn’t have had a mate, let alone a wife and child. 

Also, movie!Edward looked like he needed a fucking shower and a flea dip in nearly every scene. 

Bella’s a close second because I have known girls like Bella and fuck me, they are deeply unpleasant to be friends with. She fucks over EVERYONE in pursuit of Edward. I understand that she doesn’t have the same interests as Alice, but not once just she make a suggestion for an alternative activity or a compromise (and that could be Bad Writing again, because Bella appears to have very few hobbies beyond ‘reading’ but it’s what we’re working with). 

In fact, I would argue that Alice tries her very best to be Bella’s friend, but it’s a futile attempt - Bella tolerates Alice because of Alice’s proximity to Edward. If Alice had been a human student at Forks High, you can bet that Bella would have dumped her as fast as possible. Bella has very few moments where she’s positive about the people around her outside of the Cullens (by association with Edward) or Jacob. Charlie gets mostly pity. Everyone else is looked upon with disapproval and judgement (which, again, reflects toxic writing tropes.) 

And Bella martyrs herself at every opportunity. There’s a lot of discourse where Bella’s neglectful childhood is examined, but Bella fucking lunges into the ‘victim’ role at every possibility. And ultimately, I really don’t see Bella maturing or learning anything at all through the series. It’s always about what she wants, above everything else. She succeeds because she and Edward are incredibly selfish individuals who are enabled by the parental figures around them. 

Second runner-up is Carlisle. 

#alice cullen #jasper hale #twilight discourse #twilight renaissance #bella swan #edward cullen #my thoughts #Anonymous

[betweentheracks]

Updates//Recent Inactivity

Hello all! This is me finally taking some time to sit down and offer up a rundown on how life is currently going as a means of explaining my inactivity. This is a personal post that is guaranteed to be both rambling and emotional so if that is not your cup of tea, I understand and happily advise you just skip over this post as it is not relevant to the actual content this blog was intended for.

EDITED: After reading this back I now realize this is really just me spilling the tea on my own life and is laughably dishy in details which is extremely not my usual stance on my personal privacy. But idk, it was cathartic so I'm leaving it as is despite the urge to redact 70% of what I say.

I'll start with the good news that I am officially out of lockdown and have remained COVID-19 free since my return home from the hospital. This also means my son finally was allowed to come home to me which is dazzling and exciting and also a little terrible too. He's at a precocious age where tantrums are the cool way to communicate and having been gone for so long completely thrashing his established routine has caused friction. He came home and his parent was not the same as when he left; is much weaker and less energetic than before, paler and shaky - but also there's the addition of my best friend having moved in to assist and take care of me/him while we all do our best to muddle through.

The readjustment has been rough and a lot of this week has made me incredibly thankful to have practically zero memory of how I was as a child. There have been injuries: I have been whacked in the face with the metal cover for a floor vent while dozing on the sofa instead of paying rapt attention to whatever silliness he was showing off to me, there was his complete dismissal of me asking him to stay back and away from the hot oven as I pulled lunch from it's fiery jaws only to then be faced with a toddler quickly approaching with his hand raised to touch so I naturally made a move to block him and in the process I let go of the oven door which slammed upward and clamped my arm tightly between it and the inside cavern of the oven while it was set to a roasty 400 degrees Fahrenheit - earning me a mangled arm with burns of varying degrees, and then we also had that fit where it seemed like a much more grand idea to scale the babygate cordoning the stairs and I had to rush up them to stop him from tumbling face first down two flights and of course did the falling all on my own and did it backwards then slammed painfully into the wall of the landing. This all happened within a 48hr time frame and makes me wonder why I am so catastrophically inclined.

I have bruises that range the majority of my spine courtesy of the wall and stairs, two minor first degree burns on my forearm that are in the shape of an equals and quite large despite the lack of actual pain I feel from them, and the underside of my forearm was instantly blistered then popped then melted down into a horrid glob of skin mush and sticky red-orange and is a second degree burn that I have been assured is no real cause for concern as long as I tend it with care. In all, I managed to escape my momjuries relatively unscathed and with a child that was scared senseless at having hurt his momma and is quick to listen and never stops cuddling me in the time since. Here's hoping he isn't significantly traumatized from this since exactly none of this is especially his fault and is due to my clumsy, accident-prone status in life.

So yes, The Toddler has returned home to me and after some happenings we have settled and are happy. However, his blast from the past father has suddenly just decided to reemerge after more than a year of radio silence and static and has slapped me with a custody petition. Hooray. While I have no worries on this matter due to my mother working for one of the top custody lawyers in the state and snagging him as my representation, and the utter lack of competency on my estranged baby daddy's end clearly being displayed in literally anything and everything the idiot does/says, I do have to now go through the overhaul of a custody case and that is just so weak and exhaustive. Not to mention the basis of his claims that I am not fit to raise a child are founded in my health concerns and the crazy work schedule I keep; ironically, my health is making it so that I have much less insane hours and makes this fairly moot but to each their own I guess. Also worth noting on this matter is that he only did this now because he was recently placed under penalty for child support back pay and nothing in this world matters to him like his money and this is his special way of getting one over on me for tampering with his meager earnings. (He's a wannabe musician - the soundcloud rapper sort, just so we are all on the same page here). If I thought for even a second this was a genuine desire to be an active and stable parent I would be a lot less pressed to act in favor of making it legally binding that he can only see him under a supervisory condition and share time evenly, but it just is not believable in the slightest.

So the thing is - my health is actually quite dismal presently. I'm due in for open heart surgery on the 8th of April and until then I have been doing my utmost to mind all the nagging I get from doctors, PT specialists, the surgeons that will be slicing and dicing me, and my in-family medical practitioner that sometimes remembers he is also my brother and not just an MD. But like, you guys, this surgery is terrifying and technically is two surgeries rolled into one. They'll be cracking my chest open and then stopping my heart while they lift it from where it sits sweetly unhinged and lopsided in my body and very finely shave away some of the excess muscle that has built up around the wall of my heart as well as some unfriendly scar tissue that has lingered since my last surgery years ago. Granted there is no accidental slip that nicks my ugly gargantuan heart and renders me as good as dead, once this first part is finished the other surgeon will need to be deft and very quick to place this ventricular assisting piece in the valve that has all but given up on functioning altogether and do so in the time remaining before the time limit for my heart being essentially unplugged from by body is up, which would also feasibly mean my death. Lots of exciting and terrible sounding consequences, am I right?

Well let's bear it in mind that I am just below 30 in age and therefore not duly experienced in the realm of facing down my own mortality via making all necessary legal arrangements and managing my affairs and assets so that, in event of my untimely death, the custody case still doesn't stand a chance of snatching my son away to the sad misfortune of being raised by a man that has stated openly he only has interest in his kids so far as what they can do for him/get for him in terms of benefit and that he would be unwilling to be hypocritical and never deter his children from drugs and a lifestyle of extremely questionable moral integrity and hygiene alike. Eugh. But I also have had to make sure there is a DNR in place just in case things go wrong during the operation, my will has also been finalized and notarized, all my savings and financial/material assets have been squared away to come into my child's inheritance when he is of age and, most importantly, a document that states clear and direct instructions for him to be placed in care of my mother or, if she is unwilling or incapable, he will be under custodial order and guardianship of my best friend whom he has always viewed as a pseudo-dad anyway. Legally binding and even in light of the paternity petition this document supersedes parental right by way of the provided evidence I have submitted to prove a lack of parental credibility. That's right, I spent days lowkey stalking and sleuthing about to capture what I needed to show this man for what he actually is and I have precisely zero guilt or shame for doing it; this is my child on the line and that means momma doesn't have to play by the rules of snitches getting stitches or whatever other scary street rules he tosses at me as idle threats. (He's done this routinely for all the years I have known him, and it is somehow both pathetic and hilarious because he knows for a fact that, if I wanted, I could throttle him in less time than it would take for him to form a rational thought between his drug soaked braincells - I was also a person of less than savory character not too long ago and can handle myself very well. But I digress because I am losing my track of thought.

After the surgery I will have so damn much PT and rehab, all of which will be specific to varying parts of my body that will need to be reworked and strengthened. Weeks, months of it really. This surgery is major and hits heavy enough that I will be in the hospital for at least 10-14 days just recovering from it without taking into consideration any number of complications that could pop up. Hell, if they get in there and find a situation worse than they currently have an understanding of in the limited capacity of cardiology tech can provide of such a gnarled beastly heart and realize they can't really do anything with it after all, I'll be added to the transplant list. I think this is more daunting to consider than the surgery, honestly.

In that way that doctors have about them, I was "comforted" by being informed that this was an inevitability and I would have been faced with this in a matter of years - less than a handful actually - but the way COVID-19 chewed through me sped it up. I'm sure my years of substance issues were also very helpful in this endeavor, but either way I still am unsure whether I feel better knowing this or not? Mostly I think I feel conflicted and hopeful tempered with the caution of life being super shady in the ways it has often brought me to the doorsteps of dying in situations that seem like odd chance. I also am gifted with being so capable in jinxing myself that I brought myself to COVID-19 ("The way life is going I'll probably square up with Rona next week or some bullshit." Positive test flagged within the following week) and also into labor ("Watch me go into labor on Labor Day since that would be the sort of universal pun that would strike my bad penny having ass." Indeed hatched my youngling on Labor Day of that year) by saying some things within the scope of my bad humor that instantly manifested as reality so I'm not taking any risks here lol.

The gist is that life is really stirring up the winds over here and so I haven't been online and posting anything that would make my blog valid in a fat minute. I do apologize for this and also for the fact that this post took me nearly a week to type up, but when things calm a little I will be back in full. For the time being I will be sporadic and do what I can when I can!

Thanks to anyone that read this mess all the way here! And a big thank you to all of you still supporting me!

#racks chats #entirely too long and too personal

[beybladefanboy]

Beyblade Seasons Ranked

Here is my personal ranking, from worst to best, of the seasons of Beyblade Metal Fight: Metal Fusion, Metal Masters, Metal Fury, and the awkward spin-off Shogun Steel. Yeah, let’s get into that:

4 Shogun Steel

Honestly even if I did like Shogun Steel for what it is, it would still be at the bottom just by default. It can barely be considered part of the Metal Saga. The main characters in the last three seasons are either absent or reduced to supporting roles in favour of new characters who aren’t nearly as interesting or likeable. It is by definition a spin off. It feels very disjointed from the rest of the series because of these factors along with the lighter tone, the changes to the Beyblade system, and even some continuity errors particularly with Fury. Bringing back Doji again was also the biggest leap in logic this whole series made and feels downright lazy. The whole story just feels like a watered down Fusion with many of the story beats being similar and some characters never growing past mere echoes of the old characters. Some of the bey battles are fun and Ren and Takanosuke are decent characters but there’s a reason this show doesn’t get much attention. It falls into the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy trap of being overly dependent on original series sucker punches for its appeal and not putting as much effort into the new stuff. So as a result, the new stuff, some of which has potential, isn’t as fleshed out as it should be. This show is honestly fine on its own but awful when compared to the Metal Saga and it is comparing itself to the Metal Saga. This show intentionally put itself in the Metal Saga’s shadow and seemed content with being just that: a shadow of greatness.

3 Metal Masters

Okay, this is where I’m gonna start pissing people off. Don’t get me wrong, Masters is great and I don’t think it’s clearly worse than the other two seasons or anything. I think the main three seasons are very close in quality and putting them in any kind of order was incredibly difficult. However, I do think Masters is slightly weaker than Fusion and Fury. First off, it introduces Masamune. I don’t like Masamune. I find his whole “I’m the number 1 blader” shtick incredibly obnoxious and he’s everything I don’t like in real Americans: self absorbed, disloyal, big mouthed, entitled, and just annoying in general. He did have good character development over the course of the season but I personally can’t stand him. The pacing of this season also isn’t the best. With the exception of the Dark Tsubasa arc (which I’ll get to!), the season is just a normal world tournament until they get to America, which I don’t find very interesting. Kenta is also criminally underused. In Fusion he was basically a second main character and there are some episodes specifically following him. Then in Masters, he’s pushed aside in favour of side characters. People say Fury underused characters, and I’ll get to that, but holy crap, Masters gave Kenta no room to grow. Aside from him though, the other characters are used really well. I particularly like how Kyoya and Ryuga are incorporated. This is actually the season where I grew attached to Ryuga during my viewing in December. I was starting to like him in Fusion but this season cemented my newfound attachment. This season also gave us the dark Tsubasa arc, which is one of my favourite plot points from the show overall. It’s a fascinating look into the mind of a character I already really liked and it allowed Tsubasa to develop a lot. I love the conclusion that you cannot drive out the darkness in yourself, you have to accept it as part of who you are in order to properly control it. It’s brilliant, and I can personally relate this message to my own life. The dark Tsubasa arc is probably the strongest part of the season overall as the rest of it until we get to the HD Academy conflict kind of drags for me. However, when we do finally get to the HD Academy conflict, it is very fun. The whole “spiral energy” thing was actually pretty creative and while brainwashing isn’t a new concept for this show, I think they went more in depth with it in this season and it was pretty interesting. So yeah, still a really good season.

2 Metal Fusion

If I was ranking based on nostalgia, this would be number one. In fact, it probably deserves to be number one. However, I do have a few problems with this season that hold it back and it’s not the pacing. Actually, out of all the seasons, Fusion probably has the best pacing. The main villains, Doji and Ryuga, are introduced early in the season and all the characters are developed throughout the season, building up to the final tournament: Battle Bladers, which is also set up fairly early. The story is predictable but very well-structured. My biggest problem with this season is the plot twist with Gingka’s dad. Not only is it painfully obvious, but the reveal of the twist drags the plot to a screeching halt for nearly an entire episode, hurting the pacing and making an entire episode an exposition dump. It also made Gingka’s dad a terrible character. You can argue that him abandoning his teenage son and making him believe he was dead was for the greater good, although I personally still think it’s messed up, but breaking Gingka’s point counter like that was a step way too far. That moment serves to further the story by forcing Gingka to work harder to get into Battle Bladers. But did it have to be his dad who broke the point counter? I argue it didn’t. Gingka’s dad was flat out abusive to his son on that occasion and was pretty cold to him in general as Phoenix and yet the plot and even some of the characters praise Ryo for doing this. Why?! The way the story is structured puts Ryo in the right for abusing his son which disgusts me. That is my biggest problem with this season and possibly the whole series to be honest. I hate it that much. However, apart from that and those random filler episodes with Sora that in my opinion were boring, this season was really solid. Like I said, the story is told well and the characters are all introduced and developed well. Battle Bladers is definitely the highlight of this season, having the most intense battles and hardest hitting moments. Those episodes are exhausting to watch, because of Reiji and Ryuga. Reiji was randomly introduced in Battle Bladers and decided to try and rival Ryuga in how much he could traumatize the characters (and younger me). I have no idea why they decided to do that, but it worked. Ryuga in this season is the best villain in the whole series. He has such a presence to him: his (dubbed) voice, his sadistic expressions, his abilities, the music that plays when he’s onescreen. He’s over the top but in my opinion, Ryuga is the perfect balance between entertaining and intimidating. He’s even slightly sympathetic by the end of the season when he gets taken over by dark power and is seen trying to fight its control. They managed to both make Ryuga an irredeemable psychopath and found a believable way to redeem him. I love that in the end, Gingka isn’t fighting to defeat Ryuga, he’s fighting to defeat the dark power, which came from the greed and hatred of humans. Basically, the problem isn’t humanity, it’s humanity’s greed/hatred and being consumed by these feelings lead to evil. That is genius. This season also had two of my favourite battles in the entire series: Kyoya vs Ryuga, and Gingka vs Ryuga.

1 Metal Fury

Yeah, I said it. Fury is my personal favourite season. It probably has more wrong with it than Masters and Fusion but honestly, Fury’s strengths more than make up for its weaker parts for me. The only problem I have with Fury that actively hinders my enjoyment is Kyoya’s poorly handled arc, which I’ve been over multiple times and wrote a whole fanfiction rectifying. To sum it up briefly: it was rushed and weakened Kyoya’s character when it had the chance to develop him. I will admit this season also had too few episodes. I don’t think it was rushed per say, it just feels like parts are missing. There should’ve been more leading up to Nemesis’ revival and an actual epilogue episode because as it stands now, Fury ends really suddenly without much actual confirmation of where the characters we know and love ended up. It’s kind of jarring. Overall however, I really love Fury. I love the adventure style story and there's so much variety to the bey battles this time around, both in terms of the beys themselves and the stadiums. It’s just more interesting to watch. It also did a great job giving all the major characters victories, not just Gingka. This is something Masters also did well and a gripe I have with Fusion: Gingka gets all the major victories in Metal Fusion and pushes the other characters to the wayside. Well, Masters and Fury fixed this issue in my opinion. The very final fight of Fury against the shadow Nemesis could’ve been executed better in my opinion. However, it hits all the right emotional beats for a final battle and still grabs my attention rewatching it, so I can put aside my criticisms of it while watching it. Also, I like that “destiny” is something these characters are controlling themselves and can go either way rather than being some unstoppable force that they will all give in to eventually otherwise they’re villains. Because that’s how Yugioh does it and it’s probably my biggest problem with that show. In that series, it feels like the characters are all just blindly accepting “destiny” and those that don’t, Kaiba and Marik most notably, are deemed villains for wanting to take control over their lives and not be governed by some invisible force. Yes, I know Marik went to some horrible extremes using this logic but it still bothers me that the only characters in that show that don’t throw their lives away blindly following someone else’s whims are deemed villains. It’s just kind of messed up. Fury thankfully subverts this. “Destiny” is not an unstoppable force in Beyblade, it’s the will of the characters and those characters are allowed to make their own choices. It makes the story more interesting and the characters more likeable because the characters are the ones driving the story, which feels so much more natural. Yeah, I really like the characters in Fury. Honestly, I’m more attached to Yuki, King, and Chris than anyone introduced in Masters and the other legendary blader characters all bring something different and interesting to the table that I don’t think older characters could have. I also like how the old characters are used. Sure, Tsubasa and Yu are underused this season. But guess who also got a lot of focus last season? Tsubasa and Yu. And some of the characters who were underused in Masters, Kyoya and Kenta, get more focus in this season. They did mess up Kyoya’s arc in my opinion but the effort is there and I appreciate his presence before and after that. Kenta especially was severely underused in Masters so this season decided to make him relevant again and they did it in such an endearing way. You all know how much I love Ryuga and Kenta’s friendship. It’s one of the things that should have gotten more focus but what we do get is good enough build up. This season was the one that drew the most emotion out of me during my most recent viewing and that was because of Ryuga and Kenta. I was devastated by Ryuga’s death (even if he may not actually be dead, that’s certainly what it felt like in the moment) and the scene where he gives Kenta his power was the most touching moment in the entire show for me.

Well, that ranking probably pissed some people off. Again, I love the classic three seasons. (I’m not a fan of Shogun Steel but it has its moments.) Choosing between the three of them like that was incredibly difficult, especially Fusion and Fury. In the end, I just had to go with my gut.

#beyblade #beyblade metal fight #beyblade metal saga #metal fusion #metal masters #metal fury #shogun steel #metal fury is underrated #i mention Yugioh as well #I talk about that show on my main blog #I do recommend it #but damn do I hate the way it handles the destiny theme #honestly fury is the only story I've seen that handles the destiny theme well #fusion handles it decently too #but the way fury did it kinda blew me away