✨Connor and Nicky Incorrect quotes Pt. 3✨
because i need to ease myself back into creating bc APPARENTLY trying to jump straight back in produces nothing. here's the lovely generator used!
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Chris: I lost Connor.
Nicky: How did you LOSE Connor?!
Chris: To be fair, they are very small.
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Chris: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Nicky is walking in this room.
Connor: *wheezes in "older than Nicky"*
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Chris: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?
Connor: We're chopsticks!
Chris: Well... that's cute!
Chris: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?
Nicky: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.
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Nicky, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Connor, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.
Chris: What the fuck are you guys doing?
Nicky: Playing systemic oppression.
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Chris: So, what's it like living with Connor?
Nicky: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."
Chris: ...
Nicky: I love them so much.
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Nicky: I haven't seen Chris and Connor for fifteen minutes now.
*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside is seen rolling down a driveway, with Chris and Connor running after it in a panic. Nicky doesn't look outside at all.*
Nicky: That probably means they're getting into trouble.
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Nicky: Guess what number I’m thinking of.
Chris: 420?
Nicky: No, that’s really immature of you. Someone else guess, and please take this seriously.
Connor: 69.
Nicky: Yeah it was 69.
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(the New York ending)
Connor: What do I get?
Nicky: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.
Connor: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.
Nicky: It won't be you.
Connor: I'll get my coat.
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(Chris made an excess of pasta and asked Nicky and Connor for advice)
Nicky: You made enough pasta that you could take it to lunch tomorrow. Put it in a container.
Connor: Shovel the pasta into your face. Do it. Put it in your face. The future is meaningless but the pasta is now.
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(Connor neglected to tell Nicky that too much caffeine makes his heartrate explode and almost fainted)
Nicky: Connor is restricted to decaf for the rest of this adventure.
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Connor, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.
Nicky: Do you think other people can’t hear you?
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Nicky: Connor is playing hard to get.
Nicky: Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.
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Nicky: What is wrong with you?
Connor: Loaded question. Elaborate.
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Nicky: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.
Connor: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?
Nicky: I like the way you think.
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(Hollywood ending)
Nicky, contemplating real hard with the actors:... i feel like doing something stupid
Connor, without missing a beat and quickly looking up from the script he's reading: Im stupid!
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Ralph: What’s up with Connor? They’ve been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?
Chris: They're just a little overwhelmed.
Ralph: Why?
Chris: Nicky smiled at them.
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Connor: This food is too hot... I cant eat it.
Nicky: You’re very hot, and I still eat you.
Everyone at the table: *silence*
Chris: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!
Ralph: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!
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Nicky, setting down a card: Ace of spades.
Chris, pulling out an Uno card: +4.
Connor, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!
Ralph, trembling: What are we playing?!
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Nicky: I like to think of myself as a semi responsible adult here.
Chris: Connor is 70% of your impulse control and you know this Nicky.
Connor: I feel like Nicky is the more responsible one of us two though.
Nicky: We are both 70% of each others' impulse control.
Connor: Just two lil beasts in pinwheel hats spinning on the merry-go-round at dangerous velocities, holding each other’s hands so the other doesn’t fall off.
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Connor: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?
Chris: *crouches down*
Ralph: *kneels down*
Nicky: *sits on the floor*
Connor:
Connor: I hate all of you.
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Chris: What do you want then?
Ralph: Er… something work related.
Chris: What department is this?
Ralph: Sorry?
Chris: Well, if it’s work related you’d obviously know what department this is. What department is this?
Ralph: *looks at Connor and Nicky* Some sort of homosexual department?
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Connor: I told Chris to grab snacks for everyone.
Ralph, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?
*Connor, Chris, and Nicky raise their hands*
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(Connor would probably end up in a hospital if this actually happened)
Nicky: Today at 7 am, Connor poured a Monster energy drink in their coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.
Chris: I watched Connor brew their coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think they ascended into the astral realm.
Ralph: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.
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Connor: Your smile? It makes my day.
Nicky: Your happiness? I live for that.
Ralph: A room? Get one.
Chris: Hotel? Trivago.
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Ralph: I sleep with a gun under my pillow.
Chris: I sleep with a knife.
Connor: Both of you are pathetic.
Ralph: Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?
Connor: Nicky.
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Ralph: You have friends and I envy that.
Nicky: You're welcome to share my friends.
Ralph: *looks at Connor and Chris*
Ralph: I don't want those.
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Connor: My gender is in a constant state of flux.
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Connor: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".
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Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-
Connor: No returns.
Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...
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Nicky: Connor told me that brown is just navy orange, and I have never been more disappointed with something I agree with.
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(i like to think Connor often wakes Nicky up to tell him this stuff)
Connor: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.
Nicky: Go the fuck to sleep Connor.
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Connor: Bro-
Nicky: No, no, hold up, rewind.
Nicky: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??
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☆Here's a bunch of hilarious (and pretty accurate) incorrect Connor and Nicky quotes from here!☆
Connor: *in a jail cell* What about my Miranda rights?! You're supposed to say that "I have the right to remain silent"! NOBODY SAID I HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!
Nicky: *in the cell next to them* You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity.
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Nicky: Damn, the power went out.
Connor: Don't worry, I got this.
Connor: *stomps feet*
Nicky: What-?
Connor: *sketchers light up*
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Connor: Fight me!
Nicky, standing behind him holding a knife: *mouths* do not
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Connor: that's the longest worm I've ever seen.
Nicky: that's a snake.
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Connor: Change is inedible.
Nicky: don't you mean inevitable?
Connor, spitting out a bunch of pennies: no i really didn't.
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Connor: how do tall people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you?
Nicky: Connor, my dearest love, it's four o'clock in the morning.
Connor: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?
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Connor: *Makes Nicky a cup of tea and puts salt in it*
Nicky: *sips tea*
Connor:
Nicky: *finishes tea*
Connor: didn't it taste bad?
Nicky: yeah, but i didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Connor, tearing up: oh, okay.
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Nicky: here's the cold medicine you asked for
Nicky: *dumps three shopping bags of wine on the counter*
Connor: ... thanks
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Nicky: i think i need a hug.
Connor: good thing I'm hug shaped!
*45 minutes later*
Nicky: You... you can let go now
Connor: No, I absolutely cannot.
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Connor: honk.
Nicky: what?
Connor: HONK.
Nicky: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PEICE OF SHIT?????
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Nicky: When do you usually sleep?
Connor: whenever I collapse is entirely up to the gods
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Nicky: let me see what you have
Connor: A KNIFE
Nicky: NO
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Connor: I wasn't that drunk.
Nicky: You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.
Connor: BECAUSE YOU ARE!
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Nicky: Is something burning?
Connor, leaning seductively against the counter: Just my desire for you.
Nicky: Connor, the toaster is on fire.
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Connor: I never tell people I'm gay right off the bat. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm married to a man, right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.
Nicky:
Nicky: I love you.
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Connor, trying to brag about how they're technically 6 months older: When I was your age-
Nicky, mocking Connor: When I was your height.
Connor:
Connor: listen here, you little shit.
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Nicky: being half-asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world.
Connor: Unless you're home alone.
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Nicky: Connor, what are you doing?
Connor: *shaking a cat shaped piggy bank* I'm just trying to figure out how much change I have inside.
Nicky: You could always take it out and count it.
Connor: Where's the fun in that?
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Connor: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value, other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Nicky: I wrote you a poem.
Connor, already crying: you did?
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Nicky: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.
Connor: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERYTIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!
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Nicky: did you get the eggs like I asked?
Connor: even better!
Nicky: What did you-
Connor: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.
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Nicky: I can't imagine what Connor is planning. but I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.
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Bonus Pirate au incorrect quote (of which is kind of a spoiler, but it's too funny and accurate to not put in)-
Nicky: You know you've got it made when you see your picture everywhere you go.
Connor: Those are wanted posters!!!
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