#confused old man syndrome I tell you what

[beardedjoel]

smother - part ii: resistance

dark!joel x f!reader

series masterlist | main masterlist | ao3 | kofi

summary: joel knows how to break you just right, to get you feeling helpless enough to accept what he believes you need. somewhere deep inside of you, you think you might like it. 10.9k words (sorry) chapter warnings: 18+ MDNI! noncon, nonconsensual touching, dubcon - reader eventually enthusiastically consents but the syndrome is stockholming so its dubcon, reader is a virgin, big juicy age gap (reader is 19, joel is late 40s) masturbation (m), nipple play/groping, manipulation, joel def has a corruption kink, joel gets a bit violent in this chapter, y'all get a lot of touching and (kissing), if these darker tags aren't your cup of tea please keep scrolling! a/n: okay i'm even more nervous about this chapter than the first, idk how it got so long but i really hope its tense and enticing for you all! i love writing dark joel, this has been such a thrill so far tbh! get buckled in for heavy duty smut next chapter too ✌️

Light spills in around the thick, heavy curtains, drawn tightly shut. Just a glowing sliver on the edges and underneath, telling you it’s at least well into the morning, that you’ve been asleep for longer than you’d expected to. Your brain is a scrambled, hazy mess from the way you’d finally been able to pass out, still encumbered by Joel’s grasp holding you down. After a while his heaviness had a calming effect, the opposite of what you’d ever thought would happen when he first came into your bed last night. But now, he was nowhere to be found, the other side of your bed cold and empty, such a stark difference that you start to wonder if maybe you’d imagined it, dreamed it all last night. 

You get up to let some light from the day in, your eyes burning as they adjust and you see that it looks to be late afternoon already. How many hours had you been out for? 

Recollections of the night before flood your brain - Joel’s warmth pressed so close to you, his hard body molding softly into yours like he knew how to keep you safe, take care of you, just like he’d said. Yet there’s still an unease surrounding the thoughts, that he’d made the decision for you, came into your bed and lied. It sends a shiver up your spine, half thrill and half fear as you contemplate what you should do next. Maybe plotting a way to Jackson is the right move, but something about Joel was keeping you here, something you couldn’t quite put your finger on yet. It was more of a feeling, something indescribable that came over you when thinking about him. 

Could he really save you, like he said? Or was he just a sick old man with a fantasy? One he’d fulfill before tossing you out just as easily as he’d taken you in.

You sigh heavily and sit on the edge of the bed for a few moments, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. You finally decide you have to leave this bedroom sometime and face Joel again to see if those same confusing feelings from last night persist, or even to clear the air between you two. You freshen up a bit with a toothbrush and homemade toothpaste that Joel had left out for you before fixing your hair to an acceptable enough level. You creep out of the bedroom, soft and quiet movements with socks padding your feet as you listen to hear what Joel is up to downstairs. No sounds of cookware or silverware clinking on plates, no rustling on the pages of a book, no distant sound of him chopping wood outside again. Until you do hear something. 

A sound almost in between a whimper and a groan, and it’s right there, the door diagonally down the hall from yours. You freeze, brows knit together as you wait to try to hear it again. The next time you hear it, it’s more urgent, more gruff, a loud exhale. Was it a pained sound? You couldn’t quite tell as you walked closer, noticing the light spilling from a crack in Joel’s door out into the dim, windowless hallway. 

One peek through the opening in his door has your eyes widening. A gasp sticks itself in your throat but you clap your hand over your mouth when you take in the sight before you. Shit…

All your eyes immediately focus on is Joel’s cock, heavy and thick, hanging out of his pants in a tight grasp in his hand. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, practically in perfect view through this open sliver in the doorway. His eyes are closed, lost in the moment as he grunts a little bit more. You avert your eyes almost immediately, standing frozen with your cheeks burning. You’re not completely unaware, and you do have an idea of what he’s doing. You can’t help but flick your eyes back to him as another strained exhale leaves his lips, your eyes drifting down to where he’s sliding his hand in quick jerks. His cock is pink and slick as he runs his hand along it, and you start to tune into the lewd, sloppy sounds that it's all making as flesh hits flesh over and over again. You squirm in place, feeling your knees go a bit weak before you finally notice it. 

Your underwear. 

It feels like something screeches to a halt inside of you, everything moving in slower motion for a few seconds as this information sinks in. Joel’s face, turning more red and eyes rolling back as he pumps his cock with your underwear from yesterday in his other hand, a fist tightly wrapped around the material. You shudder, but find the little zing traveling further to a spot right between your legs, making you clench your thighs together tighter.

It’s all so… so… a feeling you can’t quite explain that starts to make your skin hot, and a scene you don’t know if you want to stop watching. You are just curious after all, you lie to yourself in those few seconds of continued peeking on Joel’s private moment.

You sense a difference in his movements, flashing your sight up to his face where his eyes are open now, gaze locked on yours, heavy lidded as a smile plays on his lips. He doesn’t stop, though, like you thought he would, and it practically steals the breath from your lungs. 

“Oh… sh- sorry,” you blurt out, panicky and quiet before you can think about it, covering your eyes with your palm and hastily pulling the door shut. 

Joel can’t stop smiling, a wry, devilish thing as he continues in fast, long strokes on his cock. You knowing exactly what he’s doing in here is only urging him on even more, the look in your eyes as he’d caught your stare on his glistening, ruddy cock making him harder. 

His smile grows when he realizes you haven’t stopped enjoying the show, not at all, despite your appearances of shutting the door behind you. What he realizes you don’t know, is that he can see the shadow of your feet underneath the door, tiny, anxious movements that catch the light and cast shadows. 

If you want to listen, he’s surely not going to disappoint you, another little groan slipping past his lips and he tightens his grip and speeds up, picturing you in his mind. He can practically see it now, one of your perfect little hands clasped over your mouth outside his door, trying not to make a peep, your body rigid as you lean closer to listen. Those perfect little hands that should never have to lift a finger, should always be taken care of. A pulse of pleasure wracks his body at the thought of him being the one to do that for you. 

“Fuck,” he whispers hoarsely. “Fuuuuck…”

A few more swift tugs on his length and he’s stuffing your underwear right at the head of his cock, thrusting once and cumming hard into the fabric with a loud moan, the only thing on his mind the mental image of you in nothing but these. 

He’s not too weak to admit he’s already completely addicted to you. Your pretty face, the way you’d finally given him those few little smiles yesterday. How you fit so wonderfully in his arms last night once you’d decided that you needed him. Joel knows he’ll do whatever it takes to keep you as his, to make sure you understand just what you need, how you need him. He sighs as he leans back a moment, then stares down at your underwear, his creamy release staining it now looking like one of the most beautiful sights. To paint you with it himself would nearly kill him, send him into a point of no turning back. No, there’s no doubt now that he’s addicted to this… And god help anyone who tries to take it from him, even you.

The moment you hear Joel’s longer, drawn out groan you scurry away, light as can be on your feet and tiptoe down the stairs in a hurry. The mortification you’d feel if he opened the door to you standing there listening in is more than you can bear. You wish you hadn't been curious, hadn’t wanted to stop and stare just to watch just a bit longer. It wasn’t your fault that you felt completely embarrassingly lost when it came to… sex, but you know it was wrong to invade Joel’s privacy like that. He had left the door cracked, hadn’t he, though? Your brain devours the information, barely able to latch onto that train of thought before the next one comes barreling in. 

You pace back and forth in the kitchen, hands wrung anxiously over and over again in front of you. You gaze at the staircase practically every millisecond, waiting for Joel to come down, wondering if he will. You two have to confront this, right? He knows what you saw, and you certainly know what you saw, the image burned into your mind now. All the details seem hazy in your panic, but all you can think about is your underwear in his hands, and how your current pair feel damp now against your own will. You’d felt this before - attraction and arousal - but not like this. You had been so close to everything this time, not just hearing stories or thinking about kissing a boy you thought was good looking. This was a full fledged man, pleasuring himself right in the next room to you. It makes you break out in a sweat, your body hot and breathing shallow as the floorboards creak under your rushing movements. 

You sigh and continue pacing for another moment before trying to make yourself busy by putting on the kettle, maybe to make some tea, something to calm your frayed nerves. If Joel didn’t wind up kicking you straight back out into the wilderness after that debacle, you’d be surprised. Maybe you should think about kicking yourself out to avoid any of this awkwardness. You make a split second decision to grab your things and go, your first steps out of the kitchen interrupted by heavy footfall upstairs, lazily making its way down to you.

You stand frozen, your plan quickly forgotten when you see Joel, moving with confidence, his steps nonchalant and unhurried as he approaches with a satisfied look on his face. Not angry, not embarrassed, just a casual, almost smug look plastered on his features. You look at a spot past him before dipping your eyes to the floor, your face already heated and flushed. He’s wearing jeans again but this time with a plain, moss green henley shirt rolled halfway up his forearms. Another shirt showing off his strong, muscular form, and it’s killing you inside, especially now that you’ve seen just that much more of him. 

“Sit,” he says plainly, finishing his walk to the kitchen table where he pulls out a chair, settling himself down. When you dare to glance in his direction, he’s giving you a look that sends a shudder up your spine, already knowing he’s about to ask much less nicely if you don’t heed his words. Your shaky hand pulls out a chair, perching yourself on the edge, hands holding on to one another for dear life in your lap. You feel like a child about to be scolded for doing something naughty, and you suppose in many ways that’s exactly what’s happening right now. 

“J-“ you start, with Joel cutting you off before you can even get a syllable out. 

“You enjoy listenin’ to that little show? Gettin’ a little peek?” Joel asks smoothly, a hint of irritation but also gratification in his tone. He leans forward onto the table with his forearms pressed against the wood. 

“N-no I didn’t… I mean I didn’t see much. I didn’t hear… I swear. I’m really sorry, that just made things so… uncomfortable…” you ramble on, feeling like a bumbling idiot as you’re sure your body is about to catch fire. 

“Did it?” Joel asks, eyebrow lifted in casual questioning. It makes you stop, your lips sitting parted with words you can’t express, clouded by confusion. 

“Well… didn’t it? I’m - I don’t know what’s… normal… That didn’t feel…” Your eyes search his face wildly, and you know he can see you, trembling like a fawn stood in the clearing of a forest just before it bolts. 

Joel sighs out a long exhale. “Seems like you enjoyed it, standin’ outside my door.” He states it as a fact, not a guess, and your stomach twists as it sinks. How he knows is beyond you, and you can only sit in your shame now, eyes fixed downwards on the table. You’ve never found knots in wood so interesting before as you stay transfixed by the glossy surface.

“Nothin’ to be ashamed of. Just curious, weren’t ya?” he says, his voice rumbling softly. His hand inches towards you across the table and you finally get the nerve to look up at his eyes. They’ve gone gentler, full of understanding. You’re sure your expression gives everything away, your shock, your intrigue at what you’d witnessed. “Weren’t you?” he asks again, and you finally give him a little nod.

His lips twitch upwards in a wry grin just as the kettle starts to whistle, the sound ramping up rapidly into the silent room. You both stare at each other for a few moments, still processing your answer to him. The screeching reaches a fever pitch, making your skin start to crawl, so you push your chair out in a hurry to grab it off the stove. Joel’s hand shoots out, his large hand snatching your thigh, fingers wrapping around and digging into the flesh through your sweatpants. You halt, your ass plopping right back into the chair as Joel stares at you through narrowed eyes.

“I’ve got it,” he says sternly. He waits a moment longer, making sure you’re fully seated and about to heed his words before standing up. The kettle is at a deafening scream, but Joel seems in no hurry, sauntering over to the stove. You breathe out a sigh of relief as the sound tapers off, Joel setting the kettle to the side while he busies himself with reaching up to some open shelving along the wall where you see several jars full of different types of tea leaves. He’s silent, moving slowly, as if to make you sweat it out, and you admit that his plan is working. You don’t know the last time you felt such an odd, burning fear inside of you. Different than facing infected, than being so hungry without knowing where your next meal is coming from. It’s primal, deep down inside of you, meek little claws in a vice grip at the core of you, a burning that travels downward repeatedly, right between your legs. You notice you’ve started trembling without even realizing it.

He brings a steaming mug over, setting it on the table in front of you. It smells mainly of chamomile, maybe some lavender - you see Joel read your mind on wanting something for your nerves. Instead of retaking his seat across from you, he walks around the table, doing a slow, deliberate lap. His feet, although shoe-less, make an impact along the floor, and you feel like each one sounds like a drum along with the way your heart is beating in your ears. He circles back and pauses behind your chair, sliding his forearm across your chest, tucking it close to your neck.

You really were trapped now. Not just by your own mental doing, unable to make yourself leave at the first sign of trouble with this man for god knows what reason, but truly, physically ensnared by his embrace. His arm wraps tighter across the top of your chest, his hand squeezing on the shoulder where it snakes around.

“Tell me…” he leans closer, lips coming to your ear, a hint of a smirk in his tone although you can’t see his face now. “That the first cock you ever seen? Or just the first you seen one like mine?” 

Your head swims, unsure of how to answer. He has you trapped with this question, either answer damning to you. You sputter and scoff out a chuckle, shaking your head. 

“No, you say? Which one, honey, c’mon it’s a simple question.” His arm tightens, fingers digging in along your shoulder. “No judgement here, just a curious man, thas’ all.” He says the words as if he’s expectant of a certain answer for you, following a hunch and looking to confirm it for himself. He knows, he knows, he knows. He knows you so effortlessly, reads your mind like it’s the simplest thing in the world. You worry he sees right through you right down to your debased thoughts, the ones where you give in to him and these foreign feelings you want to chase.

You shake your head again. “I haven’t…” Your cheeks burn with the confession, hoping he won’t make you actually say the words. You struggle uncomfortably in his grip, his scent invading your senses now as well, mint and leftover coffee from this morning and your stomach burns so hot you think you might be sick now. He responds with a tighter grasp, his arm starting to press a bit on your windpipe.

Joel blows out a breath, the sound nearly grating next to your ear. “Never seen a cock before till today? Till you saw mine the way you did? That so, darlin’?” He sounds amazed, excitement creeping into his voice. 

You swallow hard, fighting back tears, but you nod for him. “Y-yes…” you admit with a shaky voice, willing yourself not to cry again in front of Joel. 

“Oh, hey, hey, that’s okay. Must be an awful lot to see it jus’ like that, no context for any of it…” he murmurs, his voice oozing a sick sympathy as you sense his excitement building. “Shouldn’t have had to see it as a surprise. If it were up to me, darlin’, I’d have made sure it was perfect. Y’would’ve been amazed by the things a cock like mine can do for ya.”

He tuts quietly, his lips grazing along the shell of your ear. You squirm a little, your breathing picking up as you strain against him. You remember how much you’d liked his lips right under your ear last night, how badly you’d wanted to hate it, but here you were yet again, enjoying it. 

“Now I’m gonna ask you somethin’, honey, and I want you to be honest with me, mkay?” Joel says. Your options feel limited so you motion with a nod for him to go on, his arm digging into your throat further when your head bobs down.

“Be honest, now, remember.” He squeezes your shoulder hard. “How old are ya, honey?” His lips graze your ear again and your legs tense, thighs pressing together. You nearly have to bite the inside of your cheek to stop the little moan that wants to slip out of you. 

You chew your lip, telling him the truth before you can even think about it too hard. “I’m nineteen.” You don’t know why you tell him the truth, why you give him any part of you, but you do. 

“Hmm,” he murmurs in a low little groan. His fingers brush along your shoulder, across your chest a bit, loosening his tight grip. “Thank you for tellin’ me the truth, sweetheart. I appreciate that.”

“H-how old are you?” you ask in return, getting a haughty chuckle from Joel. 

“Older’n you,” he says simply, a little growl caught in the back of his throat as his nose buries itself in your hair, taking in a deep breath.  

“B-but I told you…” you whimper a little as he tightens his hold again, leaning further to press his head into your shoulder and neck. 

“Why d’ya wanna know? Wonderin’ why an old man like me is gettin’ your panties wet?” he asks, amused at your expense, knocking you down just one more peg. 

You blink hard and feel yourself flushing again, warmth radiating throughout your body all the way down to your fingertips. You’re angry that he seems to know every damn thing about you, and you feel like you know nothing about what he’s thinking. “I don’t understand… any of it. Why -“

“It’s all natural, sweetheart. Happens when you find yourself likin’ what I’m doin’,” Joel tells you, voice starting to sweeten like honey. His hand strokes your hair, smoothing the sides. 

“I know…” you bite back, only to feel Joel move his forearm closer to your neck. Your breath hitches. “I just mean… I - I want to know how old you are.”

“You persistent little thing…” He smirks again, looking impressed by you. “I’m in my forties, that’s all y’need to know.” He pauses for a brief second, not wasting a second to keep contact with your skin, his calloused fingertips stroking along the hollow of your neck. They trickle down, gentle and fluid as water as he ghosts along your chest and over your stomach. You shudder and try to keep your eyes open, succumbing to the pleasure of it all - nobody has ever touched you like this, taken their time to feel you out and seem interested in every part of you. It’s a slow, tortuous movement while his arms reach down over you, thick muscles on display, until his fingertips brush along your waistband. They trace back and forth along the crimped edges of the band, tied tightly. He plays with the strings, a clear contemplation to untie them any second. It makes you start to tremble even more, the way you feel powerless and know you couldn’t stop him even if you wanted to.

Joel abruptly stops, pulling his arms back before he starts to walk around the chair, standing in front of you now. He doesn’t crouch to your height, standing tall and proud as he towers over where you sit. His fingers reach forward slowly and gently, thumb and forefinger taking your chin delicately, holding it like something he might break. You can finally see his expression, look into his eyes, and they’re a dark abyss full of mystery and that hungry look he’d flashed at you a few times yesterday. 

“Get the sense you’re feelin’ a bit scared right now, hm?” he suddenly asks.

You swallow and then nod for him, eyes barely blinking as you try to keep track of every single movement he makes. His grip on your chin flashes tighter for just a moment before he lets it go, leaving a little red mark in his wake.

“Good girl.”

Your stomach turns as you realize he wants this, wants your fear to permeate the room so he can devour it, to know that he has this hold on you. Joel leans forward, one hand planted on the table next to you, the other coming down to rest on your thigh. He’s tender in his touch, letting his hand soothingly find its way up your leg.

Joel’s eyes bore into you, trying to capture your attention and hold it, but you can barely summon the courage to look into those dark pools, worried they’ll draw you in forever. Instead, you squeeze your eyes shut, focusing on your shaky inhales and exhales as Joel’s hand rubs your thigh.

“Don’t you like it, sweetheart? Feels good to be touched here, doesn’t it?” You don’t answer him, eyes squeezed shut even tighter, a quiver starting on your lips. You try to ignore the way your body responds to the touch, skin blazing right where he’s touching and that pooling of heat starting between your legs.

“Now c’mon, open your eyes f’me. I want to take care of you, honey. Jus’ like we agreed to last night. You need me to take care of everythin’ for ya, never make you have to worry or lift a pretty little finger again. I can show you everything.” Joel pauses, waiting to see if you’ll heed his command. His hand wraps a little tighter around your thigh, fingers squeezing.

“I said… look at me. Open your eyes. Nothin’ to be afraid of.” His voice has a shake to it from trying to keep it even amongst his building frustration, his desire to have you under his thumb already. You finally brave it, your eyes opening slowly to find a softer smile playing on Joel’s lips as his face comes into focus, just a few inches from yours now.

“I want you all to myself… d’you understand what I’m sayin’?”

You nod. His smile grows, much more foreboding now.

“That’s a good girl,” he says, fingers squeezing your thigh again, brushing his thumb along the inner part, sending a set of sparks hurtling up your spine. “And you’ll stay? Won’t try to get away from me, will you?” he asks, a wicked raise of his eyebrow telling you there’s only one correct answer here.

Your face falls a little bit. “Wh- what would you do if did?” you dare to ask.

He laughs, a mirthless chuckle before he can even stop himself. “Oh, honey, what’re you gonna do? Where’ll you go? You wouldn’t get barely ten steps outside this door ‘fore I got to ya.” His eyes pierce yours before studying your face for a few moments, challenging you. “Best that you don’t even try, yeah?”

You don’t reply, hoping that the fear in your eyes and trembling lips are answer enough for him.

“Come and sit w’me, how about that? I’ve got a few more questions for you.” Joel offers you his hand and you pause, eyes fixed on his tan, rough skin - hands that have worked hard for an entire lifetime. He takes the initiative to grasp your hand instead, giving you a quick tug that has you standing up to start following him. He completely dwarfs you in every way, his hand practically enveloping your entire fist as he pulls you along towards the couch.

You don’t know what otherworldly urge possesses you so suddenly, but you glance over towards the door, then back at Joel before you muster up everything you have and shove him square in the back, yanking your captured hand back in the process. He stumbles forward, your hand slipping from his and you quickly gain your balance and bolt. You reach the front door, fumbling with the lock and knob as you hear Joel grunt loudly behind you. 

“Don’t you understand? There’s nowhere to go, sweetheart,” he calls after you angrily. You don’t dare turn around as you fling the door open with a strength you didn’t even know you possessed, feet moving of their own accord as you sprint down the stairs and towards the oncoming woods. You can hear Joel’s huffs behind you, both of your shoe-less feet pounding on the frozen earth. It hurts, the cold ground combined with all types of brush and wood littering the forest floor that are now jabbing into your feet with every step. This was stupid, this was a mistake, you’re going to die out here if he doesn’t do it first.

“God… damn… it…” you hear Joel pant behind you, knowing he’s close, that it’s almost over now. You’re weak and frail still, much too slow to outrun a towering powerhouse like Joel. He was right - there’s no fighting it, no escape from here unless he allows it. Maybe it won’t be so bad… maybe you do enjoy the way he speaks to you, the way he’s been touching you… maybe it’ll all be just what you’ve needed. You’ve always wanted more than what you had, wishing for someone to care just a little more, to have a family again.

You lose yourself to an almost transcendent train of thought, letting it wash over you. As if the universe was trying to tell you the right decision, you feel your foot collide with something sharp and you stumble, a sure way to get you back into Joel’s arms. He catches you as you go down, upper arm squeezed into his grasp as his other wraps around and yanks you by the front of your collar, tearing your shirt all the way down to the middle of your chest as he tugs. You’re pulled into his chest with a hard thud before you both go down with the momentum of it all, his body landing on top of yours on the hard, frozen earth.

“God damn it, girl, what the hell you think you’re doin’, huh?” Joel huffs out, arms pinning you down by the wrists as he breathes heavily right in your face. You grunt and struggle, squirming against the ground, but it only serves to help Joel push you into the frosty dirt even harder, his own grunts slipping out of his lips. 

“Like it when you struggle…” he says closer to your ear, leaning down. His lips turn into a chilling leer as he bares his teeth down at you. “But too bad we can't play a little longer, you’ll freeze out here. Get up,” he demands, pulling back and then fluidly plucking your body up off the ground as he stands. He hooks one of his arms through yours and begins drags you, your feet scrambling to keep up with how quickly he’s moving. 

You’d barely gotten far, just like he said you would - it’s only a short distance back to the cabin where he slams you against the wall, clutching one hand around your throat, not hard enough to put much pressure, just to show you he could, if he really wanted to. His body crowds closer as your back presses against the hard, unrelenting wooden logs adorning the outer frame of the cabin. The chill of the air settles in and you shiver, feet throbbing and chest prickling with goosebumps from the frozen air entering your lungs in large heaves. 

“Told ya, girl. You don’t need to go anywhere. All y’need is right here. I can do anythin’ I want with ya, can’t I?” He spits his words out angrily, eyes blazing. His head is cocked, looking down on you with scornful, yet hopeful eyes. His gaze travels to your chest, the way your shirt is torn to almost reveal everything there, eyes flickering hotly on the sight. Both of you stand with huffing breaths, chests heaving and letting out little cloudy puffs of air as your exhales hit the air. 

You nod, whimpering as his grip gets slightly tighter around your throat when you don’t answer right away. Your entire body trembles against him, afraid you’ll collapse any second as your knees buckle. His entire frame is pressed against you, keeping you upright, the warmth of him the only thing keeping you grounded and afloat right now.

“Thas’ right, it’s just me ‘n you out here. I’ll take real good care of ya, never let anyone hurt ya again. Ever.” A hand snakes around to your hair, smoothing it as he pulls your head off the wall, tracing his palm down as he pets you. “Now c’mon.” He yanks your entire body by the waist, holding you close as he hauls you back inside, pulling the door shut behind you two and locking it.

Joel brings you to his original destination before you’d run - the couch - and sits back, pulling you down with him, maneuvering you to settle on his lap so that you’re straddling him. His hands wrap around your back in a possessive, tight hold. You squirm a little bit, the feeling of him enveloping you like this making you hot, a sheen of sweat breaking out over your entire body.

“S-stop…” you mumble as you continue to struggle, his hands only seeming to get stronger the more effort you put in. You start to shove and push at his chest and one of his arms comes from around your back to catch your wrists in one fell swoop, pinning them against his chest. 

“Better knock that shit off quick,” he commands, grunting as he continues to hold your squirming body. “You got me offerin’ you everything I know you want, and all I ask is you do what I want, sweet girl. Be here w’me.” His tone is somehow cruel and hard but soft and caring at once, like he really believes that he needs to act this way to care for you right now.

“N-no, you’re hurting me,” you cry out. “You said you wouldn’t let anyone hurt me…” You think that maybe your reasoning will have any kind of effect on him, and he only smiles softly. It disarms you a little, your struggle starting to die out as you look at the hidden anger behind the smile, the desire to let out the hidden beast within him. 

“Let’s get one thing clear,” he says, letting go of your wrists to grip your cheeks between his thumb and forefinger, squishing them together. Your hands fall limply to your sides, skin burning on your cheeks where he’s pressing in harder. “Only I can make you feel pain. Nobody else. Nobody’s gonna hurt you when I’m around. And I’m the only one who can make y’feel good too, understand? But if you’re not gonna be a good girl ‘n pull this shit, I can’t help what I’ve gotta do to get you back to bein’ good, hm?” His eyes track across your face, awaiting a response. 

You shake your head in small movements, squeezing your eyes shut and squirming one final time to try to slide off his lap. He sees your desperate eyes and his blood rushes a little hotter through him, tugging you harshly to situate you back perfectly centered on his lap.

“Please…” you whimper quietly, unsure of what you’re asking for now. To be let go? To be held tighter? For someone to just make it all okay?

Joel drops your cheeks from his tight grip and looks at you a little more sympathetically. “Okay, okay, c’mon, no more strugglin’ sweet girl. I’ve got you. Not gonna hurt ya. I just wanna help ya.” 

He leans forward and his lips find your neck, peppering wet, urgent kisses from just underneath your chin all the way down to your collarbone. It’s all too much, the emotions bubbling up as the adrenaline leaves your body. You shake a little, feeling the now all too familiar sting of tears behind your eyes that quickly manifest as tears that roll down your cheeks. Joel must sense a heave in your chest as you try to hold back your sob because he pulls his lips off of you and looks up to see your eyes shining as tears start to fall at a more rapid pace. 

“Shh, shh,” he coos. Both of his arms wrap around your back and pull you in so that your chest is flush with his. Your head drops instinctively to his body and you find yourself wrapping your arms tightly around his neck before burying your face in his chest. 

“Oh, c’mere, sweetheart. Let it all out… shh…” Joel says quietly, his palms splayed along your back, rubbing up and down in a soothing pattern. You finally break completely, finally let yourself sob. Your entire body is wracked with shaking heaves of breath each time you start another wave of tears. You bury yourself deeper into Joel’s chest, your face burning red hot with embarrassment, but unable to stop nonetheless. He’s warm and soft against you, the comforting fabric of his shirt soaking up the tears you pour out. 

Joel continues his soothing ministrations, his hands uncharacteristically kind and sweet, holding the back of your head against him now, like he’s encouraging this, even, this release of emotion from you. It makes you sob even harder to realize the only person you have in this world to comfort you is a man you met yesterday, one who hasn’t shown you a consistent side to himself since then. You don’t know how long you cry for, the last two weeks of pure desperation and the flood of emotions since meeting Joel have all collided into this one meltdown, Joel’s chest taking the brunt of it as you continue sobbing.

“Oh, that’s it, there we go…” he hums calmly, his chin resting on the top of your head as he keeps stroking along your back. You finally start to let up, choking back little sobs as they climb their way up your throat. 

“Jus’ breathe… there ya go, honey. Take some deep breaths for me now, okay?” Joel says calmly, continuing to chant little encouragements in your ear. You turn your face to lay the side of your cheek along Joel’s chest for a moment, a few remaining hiccups shaking your body as you sniffle. Your entire face feels puffy, like everything is two sizes too big for you now, cheeks wet and sticky as your tears start to dry. You slowly lift your head up and Joel quickly catches your face between his hands, thumbs going to work wiping your tears.

“Beautiful…” he murmurs as his eyes scan your flushed, glowing face. His lips turn into a gentle, small smile while he continues to wipe down your cheeks for a moment longer. “Now don’t that feel better?” Joel looks at you with concern now, his head tilting as his fingers continue to stroke along your face. You look so broken and fragile right now - the thought exciting him, sending a twitch beneath his jeans that he doesn't even have the mind to be ashamed of. You're close... so close to being his.

“I g-guess…” you murmur, unable to say if it really does feel much better. You feel lighter now, unburdened of the pent up emotions that had been weighing you down the last few weeks, but you still had to grapple with the fact that you were here now, with a dangerous man who seemed intent on keeping you here no matter what.

“Listen, darlin’...” Joel starts, a heavy sigh escaping him. “You’re too sweet for this world, you deserve to be protected… That’s all I’m tryin’ to say here, to do here. You wanna know what I thought when I first saw ya?”

Your eyes widen in curiosity, letting him go on.

“Thought that the universe sent me a gift. One look at ya and I knew you had to be all mine. Like y’were made for me, I swear it…” he gushes before his eyes go more serious. “I can show you how good it all feels, sweetheart, d’you understand?”

You shake your head slowly. “S-show me how good what feels?” you ask tentatively.

Joel leans forward, his lips brushing along your jawline then ghosting to that sensitive spot under your ear. His breath tickles you in just the right way and you shudder, hating that he seems to have pinpointed your weakness.

“Show you… just how good it feels… to submit to me.” His lips press onto your neck gently, his tongue poking out to taste the salt of your skin. “Show you what your place is here.” He sucks a little harder on your neck, eliciting a tiny sound from the back of your throat. “I’ll give you everything, you’ll see. I can see you want it, sweet girl. I can see how badly you need it.” His hips thrust upwards into yours on his last words, grinding against you slightly. Your eyes flutter shut when his lips kiss your neck again, rough but gentle, as Joel always seems to be. You squirm, your body and mind still mixing signals with each other, unsure if you’re fleeing or giving in. 

You consider his words heavily, the weight of them pressing down on your chest, nearly choking you. It makes your entire body tingle, the way he’d said the word submit, not even fully understanding all of what that would entail. But he’s right, you do need someone, you need something in your life that won’t fail you or run or disappear. You’re desperate for it at this point, needing it like you need air and water. You’ve seen nothing but loss and sadness and lived with a desperation to just be loved and cared for in the deepest ways. 

Maybe it was fate, like he said. Maybe you were meant to stumble into that clearing just at the right time, just when you so fiercely needed everything he’s offering to you. 

He pulls back and stares into your eyes, trying to read the look behind them, trying to gauge how you’ll respond as you sit silently. You feel tears building on the rims of your eyes again, quickly wiping them away before they can fall. 

“Let me show you, hm? How I’ll take care of you.” He thumbs your chin as he stares at you, a look of wonder in his eyes. “We need to get some more food in you, darlin’. Barely ate a thing yesterday.” His bargains immediately begin to work as you notice your stomach rumbling and empty again as if on cue. You nod slightly and he gives you a half smile.

“That’s a good girl,” he coos. “Now hold on tight.” Before you can question him further on why, he’s lifting you up off the couch, and your arms scramble to fling around his neck so you don’t fall backwards. Your legs wrap around his middle for extra support as he carries you to the kitchen table, settling you down on top of it now, legs dangling off the side as he lets go of his grip under your thighs. You find yourself reluctant to untangle your arms and legs from his warm, safe body, but he begins to pull away, heading for the fridge. You watch him with a frown as he bends down, shuffling a bit in the fridge before pulling out an item wrapped in a thin cloth. He opens a breadbox on the counter and reaches in, tearing off a chunk of bread before plating it and unwrapping the block, revealing some type of cheese.

“Sheeps cheese from Jackson. And some bread I made. Should tide y’over till dinner time, don’t you think?” he asks, bringing the plate over. He nudges your legs apart with his knee, a silent command that you follow mindlessly before he steps in between your thighs. One hand brushes along your thigh as he gets closer to you, eyes pasted right onto yours. His near glare is nearly too much to keep focused on as he grabs the piece of bread and brings it up to your lips. You pause, gaze faltering as you scan his face, a little stunned.

“Y’need some food, darlin’. Now eat.” Another command, another test to see how pliant you are, how willing you are to accept the entire package he offered you. You crane your neck forward enough to bite down on the piece, tearing some off as he holds it for you, never breaking eye contact with him. His eyes quickly flash back to a satisfied, pleasant look from the darkness that had threatened them moments ago.

“Good girl.” The words burrow in a little more, your thighs tightening against his, sending Joel gazing down with a smirk pulling at his lips. “Another,” he says quietly, holding the bread up to your lips again. You don’t falter this time, taking a quick bite and chewing as Joel smiles down at you, letting his thumb brush across your lips.

“You’re bein’ so good f’me now, what happened?” he says smugly, picking up the cheese and feeding you again. Each time he does it, you take the food more eagerly, Joel stepping closer until he’s pressed against the table, his hips as close as they can be to the apex of your thighs. You can sense the excitement radiating off of him now, the pure satisfaction that you’re not putting up a fight, accepting the care he’s pouring out onto you.

“Now you see how I can take care of you, darlin’? That’s just a small thing, honey, makin’ sure you get fed. Now tell me how much you appreciate it, hm?”

You feel your cheeks warming up at the blatant coaxing from Joel, the way the heat of his body presses so close to you now as his finger lingers on your lip after the last scrap of bread goes in.

“T-thank you, Joel,” you say, quiet and mousy as you avert your eyes downward.

“Oh, such a good girl.” He pets the top of your head down the side, stroking a gentle, long path down to your shoulder. “Feel better now that we got you full?”

You nod, swallowing hard. “Y-yes, thank you.” Mousy. Quiet. The way Joel seems to like, the way that you can’t help but be when he questions you like this, when his eyes search your depths so intensely. Your heart clenches at just how quickly he’s already worked his way in, has you saying just what you know he wants to hear. 

“Not bad for an old man baking bread, huh?” he asks, winking as he caresses your cheek. You tilt your head down, failing to conceal your little smile in time as a breathy chuckle makes its way out of you. You can sense the lightness fill Joel and the entire room as he notices, cocking his head and leaning closer to you.

“That a smile I see, darlin’? You think it’s funny to call me an old man?”

You shake your head, pulling your lips tight to suppress your smile. “N-no, you’re n-not…” 

“Oh, too sweet, ain’t you.” He wraps his arms around your middle, drawing you close again. “Y’know, you’re so pretty when you smile. This old man’d like to see more of that, y’know.”

Your smile falls quickly as discomfort settles in again at the way he’d cracked through your façade just now.  “Why haven’t you just… hurt me yet? Or done what you want with me and tossed me out?” you ask suddenly, blurting the words out before you can think twice about the possible consequences. 

Joel clicks his tongue and lets his lips part slightly, showing his surprise - a rare moment from such a guarded man. 

“That what you think this is?” he asks quietly, forebodingly. The pure control in his voice is a skill that you can tell he’s exercised many times. “Just want to squeeze the life outta you and toss your body out for the damn animals? Or fuck you senseless then turn you to the cold? You really think that little of me after I fed you, clothed you, helped you?”

He doesn’t sound quite angry, but something deeper that takes a minute for you to register - you’ve hurt him. Wounded his ego, made a dent in this brick wall of a man. A power you suddenly wish you didn't have over him.

“I don’t… I don’t know…” you admit. “You scare me.”

He leans forward, his dark irises going icy as he captures your rapt attention with this one single glance. 

“I should,” he spits out with a twitch of his lip. “But only if you give yourself reason to, yeah? I never want to hurt you, sweetness, never.” He goes softer, brushing a finger along your cheek, sending you trembling with a quivering lip. “Jus’ want you to be here w’me, lettin’ me take good care of you, and you do the same f’me. Somethin’ so beautiful here, you ‘n I…”

You sigh heavily, your body slumping in defeat. You’re exhausted, your nerves frayed and mind overstimulated from all of the inconsistencies, the back and forth with him. If what he says is true, if he wants to treat you kindly, give you all he’s promised, you know what he expects in response. You can feel it in the undertone of every word he says, every tiny movement when he touches you. He wants you to belong to him, to have you sucked so completely into his world there’s no going back. To have you fear him and look in wonder at him and worship at his feet and let him touch you and feel you and be completely yours and you be completely his. Your head spins, a dizzy sickness overtaking you at how utterly lost you feel right now. How badly you crave it and are equally repulsed by it. 

You dip your head down, eyes on your lap as you let the wave of churning fear wash over you.

“Eyes up, darlin’,” Joel reminds you, fingers tracing on your thigh to get your attention. 

“I… believe you,” you say, turning your gaze to him again. It’s not an answer yet, not a yes or no or anything at all. A fact.

“I know you do,” he says, a serious expression curling into a smile. “Only say what I mean. Are we clear, then?”

Joel’s face inches closer to yours, leaving just a few inches between you, now. “Y-yes,” you mutter, rapidly scanning over his eyes to try to read anything there but the inky darkness that seems to permeate above all else.

“Good,” he says proudly. “Now gimme a smile, darlin’. Need to see you lookin’ happier ‘round here.”

You pull your lips into a tight smile that seems to suffice for Joel as he carries on, moving until his lips hover just above yours. You notice yourself starting to tremble a little bit, shoulders tightening up, and Joel holds you close as his brows come together.

“You ever kiss a man like me, darlin’?” he whispers, licking his lips.

Your lips part, words failing you for a moment as you contemplate him. Your throat is suddenly dry and itchy as you glance down at Joel’s lips. “N-no…” You shake your head. “I haven’t… haven’t been with… anyone…”

Joel stills completely for what feels like minutes, his lips twisted to the side in a wry smile now. “You sayin’ you’re a virgin?” he asks bluntly, his hands naturally tightening their grip on your back, fingers digging in as they slide a little lower towards your waist.

Your face burns first, then your entire body is set aflame as embarrassment sets in. You know you shouldn’t be embarrassed, but you can sense Joel’s experience, almost having some strange need to impress him with your own, coming up empty. Your eyes look down, staring at the middle of his shirt before you nod once, blinking away a quick sting of tears at your sudden humiliation. 

“Christ,” Joel bites back all the things he wants to say for a moment and tuts as he notices your glassy eyes, scraping his fingers along your back. He tightens his hold on your waist and tugs you even closer so that your hips are flush with his. He moves his lips right next to your ear, making you shudder as they brush close enough to touch for a moment. “Had a feelin’. You have no idea… how turned on that makes me, sweet girl.”

Joel’s crude words have you gasping a little, a breath caught in your throat as you stutter out a sound to try to answer him. His lips press on your neck again, kissing a little more fervently down to your collarbone and then he pulls back, one hand going to your face to cup your cheek. 

“Such an innocent little thing… so sweet…” he murmurs. “‘S okay to touch me, y’know.” Your hands tingle with anticipation as he says that, but you don’t know how to move them, where to move them to, or if you want to touch him.

“I - I don’t…” You shake your head, and Joel captures one of your hands in his, holding it gently and rubbing his fingers along yours. 

“I got ya, I’ll show y’everythin’ you need to know, how’s that sound?” he says, gazing down at you intently, waiting with baited breath to hear your response. 

“You mean…” you ask, cheeks flushing as you’re unable to finish your sentence. Joel places your hand on his chest, spreading your fingers out to splay across the space between his pecs. He nods softly and you wiggle your fingers a little, feeling the planes of his chest, hard but warm underneath your palm. He glances down to where your hand explores a little more, running your fingers gently over to the right side of his pecs, then the left, and smirks. 

“I mean all of it, you sweet little thing. You don’t know how good y’could feel, do you?” Joel breathes a little heavier, his expression losing a bit of its controlled façade, that vague look of craving revealing itself in his eyes again. “I could give you so much… oh, you pretty thing, you need it.” He shakes his head in disbelief of everything he’s learned about you. “Untouched… so innocent…” he says more quietly, his hands finding their way back to your waist, thumbs hooking under the waistband at the back of your pants.

“I’m n-not sure… I-I don’t know -” you stutter as you feel his thumbs touch bare skin before one of his hands trails under your shirt, moving upwards. Your eyes blink a little slower, a flutter of your lashes as his calloused pads scrape along your skin, leaving a blazing trail that tingles all the way to the base of your spine. It pools quickly there, your core starting to heat up as his hand travels higher, the other playing at the hem of your shirt, starting to lift it. Your breath hitches, eyes going wider as your shirt moves, but you don’t squirm, don’t try to stop him.

“Y’do know. I can see you want it, sweetheart, look at how you respond to me…” He breathes in and out a little shakily. “Respond to a man takin’ good care of you…”

“W-what are you doing?” you ask, feeling your back almost halfway exposed to the air.

“Think you know what I’m doin,” Joel huffs a stony hearted chuckle. “Just wanna see how pretty y’are, take a peek, thas’ all.”

You shrink back a little, eyebrows pulled close together, shaking your head in small movements. “I’m scared…” you whimper finally, showing Joel the fear that’s been building deep inside of you. You don’t know how to want this, when to know your body is telling you it’s okay. You’ve somehow lost complete trust in any of your instincts, unsure of where along the way that happened. 

“I know, I know,” he purrs, still pulling your shirt higher. His lips dart down to your stomach, where your bare skin is starting to show, kissing sloppily along all the fresh skin he hasn’t seen yet. He starts speaking against your body, kissing in between his words. “Nothin’ to be scared of when you got me though, y’understand? You let me take care of you, and you’ll never worry a day in your life. Be my good girl, my everything. Just gotta trust me.” His nails dig into your back, a sweet, welcome pain, bringing you to the present. It’s too easy to lose yourself to his lips, his touch, his words. Your hand stays steadily placed on his chest, barely daring to move now.

You stare with your mouth open, and at your silence Joel drags his mouth up your chest and to your neck before looking at you expectantly.

“I don’t… know…” you murmur, less convincingly than the other times, an observation that Joel doesn’t fail to notice. He gathers the fabric of your shirt and tugs on the front hem of your shirt, pulling it taut along your back, drawing you closer to him as his lips sit merely an inch from yours.

“Think y’do know,” he says, greedy hands under the front of your shirt now, pulling the hem up. “I’ll be so gentle, honey…” He pulls your shirt up further and you drop your hand from his chest, allowing him the freedom of movement he needs to finish the job. 

“Okay…” you whisper, unsure if the two syllables even resonate far enough to reach Joel’s ears. You start to feel your legs trembling as you see his face registering your one word, the only thing he’d needed to hear. 

“Good girl,” he breathes out, exuding pure elation. “Oh, I’m gonna make you so happy, darlin’, gonna give y’everythin’.” He practically snarls as his hands get back to work on your shirt, lifting each of your arms to tug them through the sleeves, then tossing your shirt aside after it's over your head.

A growl tumbles out of his throat when he takes in your breasts, and you hunch your shoulders up a little more, your arm flying up to cover your chest now that it's exposed. Joel’s hand grabs your wrist, strongly wrapped around it as he tugs it away.

“Don’t have to hide ‘em from me, nothin’ to hide from me now,” he snaps, tossing your arm back to your side. His hands reach up to tease at the swell of your breasts, and you sit half in shock, letting his fingers send tingles across your skin as he explores your chest. He runs errant fingers down along the curves as he stares downwards. Your breath catches when he rubs his thumbs over your pebbled nipples, you back arching towards him as you gasp. 

“So soft ‘n pretty…” He grins, continuing to watch the way his hands work along your skin, a little more rough as he gropes your tits, rolling your nipples just to observe your reaction. The little pinch sends waves of arousal through your body, pooling deep inside of you, making you feel your underwear get damp again. You’re already panting, the sensations he’s bringing out in you so strong that you can hardly contain the little noises slipping out of you as he continues touching your chest.

“I - I’m…” you pant. “Joel…”

He pauses for just a moment, leaning closer and brushing his lips across your cheek. “Know you’re feelin’ good, aren’t ya?”

You nod dumbly, completely awestruck as he pinches your nipples again, sending your back arching and hips pressing into his. It’s maddening and confusing all in one, the way he’s able to work your body like this and make you feel a hot burning starting to blaze across your skin. 

“Pretty girl never had her tits touched, has she?”

You shake your head urgently, a breathy moan pulled out of your throat as he pinches and tugs a little harder on the hard buds. “P-please… stop… it’s too…” you whine, scrunching your face, unsure if you actually want him to stop. You feel wild, feral almost, the strangest sensation pulling at your insides as he tugs one more time.

Joel smirks in satisfaction, going back to caressing you more lightly, giving you some relief. One hand travels down to rest on your hip, the other up to your face to cradle your cheek in his palm. 

“You’re fun to play with, jus’ like I thought you’d be…” Joel muses as he touches your face. “You’re bein’ so good f’me, too, honey. Lettin’ me see you ‘n touch you.” He looks at you almost curiously now, like he’s studying you. 

“Think you deserve a little reward for bein’ so good for me, finally seein’ some sense.” He pauses, watching your face morph into a soft, intrigued look. “How’s that sound, hm?” he asks, pinching your cheek. 

You tilt your head at him. “A reward? Wh-“

“Exactly. If you act like a good girl, gotta reward ya for it.” Your heart beats a little faster as you take in his words, your thighs clamped as his voice comes out low and teasing. “C’mere, sweetheart,” he says, wrapping his fingers around your cheek and pulling you closer as he leans in. “You deserve to feel good, do you realize that? You’ve been denyin’ yourself somethin’ so good, but turns out it was so that I could show ya.”

“I - Joel - I don’t know…” you blurt out, your stomach twisting. The fact you can barely say anything but those same three words over and over is starting to frustrate you. 

“Don’t go gettin’ shy on me now,” Joel replies, his hand now cradling the back of your head. “You’ll enjoy this.”

He leans forward again, completely closing the gap between the two of you as he presses his lips to yours. It’s soft at first, testing you, and you blink once in surprise, not able to force yourself to press your lips back into his at first. But your body naturally starts to melt into him a little, his hand stroking against the back of your head calming you into submission. Your hands twitch forward, gently touching the bottom hem of his shirt and holding onto it just slightly. The feel of the fabric grounds you as you feel your lips press back into Joel’s, sending a wave of heat over your body. Your cheeks burn and your skin prickles as he groans quietly and pushes his lips a little more aggressively against yours before pulling back slightly. 

He looks down at you with a smirk. His hand digs into your waist a little harder, the possession he’s feeling clearly evident. 

“Tastes sweet, darlin’,” he says quietly before leaning back in, kissing you again. Your hand tugs a little harder on the bottom of his shirt and you feel yourself cracking under the pressure, like you’re about to burst into a million little parts like a piece of dropped china.  

His mouth opens and invites you to do the same, so you follow his lead. You’re frustrated, unsure of yourself, not understanding the way your body just moves with his, mirroring his motions. 

Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. Maybe your first kiss is supposed to feel just like this. Maybe you’re supposed to be afraid and unsure and terrified yet intrigued in a way you can’t ignore. You wouldn’t know any different, after all, and your body already yearns for Joel to keep going, to press his lips harder onto yours, to feel his warm, soft lips all over you. You don’t even quite understand where the thoughts come from, it’s like your body is telling you without your mind having to get involved. 

You open your mouth the tiniest bit, allowing Joel to kiss you deeper. He pulls back just enough to suck a little on your bottom lip and you whimper and your brows scrunch. How… how could it feel so good?

As if to send you asking that question a hundred more times, one of his hands skates his fingers up your spine and you shudder, falling apart just as his tongue swipes across your bottom lip. You nearly gasp but find your own tongue hesitantly brushing against his. He hums quietly in satisfaction, continuing the motions of his tongue with small variations - darting into your mouth, licking your lip. 

You feel your entire being aching and warm now with the way Joel is pressed as close as he can, hips flush with yours. You want to move your own hips, to push them further and further, your body urging you on again without telling you quite what it’s doing. 

You yank your head back, completely breathless. Joel’s hand scrambles to the back of your head, holding it in place as he devours your lips again, not letting up just yet. 

“Wasn’t done w’you yet…” he mumbles before kissing you again, his tongue and lips more aggressive now as his hand slides to the back of your neck, gripping tightly. When he’s had his fill he tucks his head back enough to get a read on your expression, smirking. He sees the wonder in your eyes, the confusion, the struggle, but he welcomes it all, now. He knows he has you - his prize, his to keep, his to take. He can practically feel the ache of want oozing out of your pores now as you sit trembling slightly on the table, your soul and tits bared to him, equally enticing. A perfect paradox, he thinks.

You look so perfect - like a pure, innocent angel sent just for him. He knows you can be exactly what he’s looking for - someone to call his own, to protect and guide and keep close to him. His perfect girl.

He buries his face in your neck, inhaling your scent and musk like it’s the last time he’ll ever get a chance to before his lips rumble against you. 

“Lemme take you upstairs, show you how to be mine," he offers, in a way that's not an offer at all, but an instruction, a test.

He’s quiet and seductive with his words, a low, gravelly lilt to his voice that makes your head swim. You’re hazy, a practically drunk feeling coming over you now. You’d tried alcohol once, and you remember feeling a bit like this - cloudy and out of control of your own body. 

Before you can stop yourself, body buzzing and lips puffy and parted in need, you nod for him.

reminder i have no taglist now! follow @beardedjoel-updates and turn on notifs!

#fic: smother #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #dark!joel miller #dark!joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #x reader #tw: blood #<<< for the cover photo

[clusterbuck]

let the words fall out

in which buck has impostor syndrome, i project a little, and maddie knows exactly what's going on with him | 1.2k, G | ao3

There’s a feeling Buck gets sometimes. 

It’s the soft echo of a lingering question, something scratching at the inside of his skull. It’s the nagging uncertainty of walking past a cashier when you know you’re not buying anything, but wonder if you might have accidentally squirrelled something into your pockets anyway. 

It’s the feeling of constantly being on the edge of another what if.

It tries to come knocking the night Tommy first kisses him, but there are too many things swirling around his head for it to find a solid foothold. He’s too consumed by thoughts of holy shit that just happened and holy shit I want to do it again to give any space to the quiet whispers of doubt.

Then he drives to Maddie and Chimney’s house the next morning, because he desperately needs to talk to someone and it feels too big to be contained in a voice over the phone, and it hits him as he climbs out of the Jeep.

He freezes, one hand still on the car door. There’s a beat, and then another, then Maddie appears at the door of the house with Jee-Yun hanging on to one of her hands.

“Buck?” she asks, her face tipping into a frown.

“Buck?” Jee-Yun echoes, but she looks considerably less confused. 

“Everything okay?” Maddie asks, and Buck wonders what his face is doing.

“Everything’s great,” he says, and believes up to ninety percent of it. 

But the tiny voice in his head has started to make itself known.

Maddie looks like she doesn’t fully believe it either, but she inclines her head towards the house anyway. “Well, do you want some coffee?” 

“Yeah,” he says, gratitude settling in his chest. “Yeah, I’d love some.” 

He follows her into the house and to the kitchen, settles at the table and lets Jee-Yun climb into his lap and start playing with the strings of his hoodie. 

Maddie doesn’t say anything as she makes the coffee, and Buck can’t quite tell if she’s letting him gather his thoughts or hoping they’ll spill out of him, unprompted and unbridled. But he sits there, wriggling toddler on his lap, and can’t even figure out where to start. 

He’d gotten in the car breathless and eager, ready to tell his sister about this new part of himself, but now he’s starting to doubt himself.

What exactly is he going to tell her? That he kissed one man, one time? That one man kissed him, to be more exact? It seems—presumptuous, to start announcing things based on three minutes in a half-lit kitchen. 

What if he’d been imagining it? 

You kissed him back, the part of him that isn’t vibrating at the speed of a hummingbird’s wings points out. You wanted to do it again.

But what if—

His thoughts are interrupted by the mug of coffee placed in front of him, by Maddie settling into the seat across from him and staring him down. “Are you freaking out?” she asks, holding her own mug up to her face. “You look like you’re freaking out.” She sighs. “Buck, Eddie’s going to forgive you. You just need to apologise, explain why you were acting like a twelve-year-old.”

“I thought we said fourteen,” Buck mutters, and Maddie snorts.

“I don’t think that’s the key factor here.” 

“Anyway, that’s not what I’m freaking out about.”

“So you are freaking out about something,” Maddie says, and points an accusatory finger at him. It’s a gesture he’s seen Chimney make at least a hundred times.

“I—” Buck starts, and Maddie gives him a look he thinks older sisters might have encoded in their DNA somewhere.

“Yeah, a little,” he admits. “It’s—it’s a little stupid.” 

“Tell me anyway,” Maddie suggests.

He sighs, wraps his hands around the warm mug of coffee. He considers hiding behind it, but only for a moment. “Uh, so, Tommy kissed me last night—”

Seventeen different expressions flicker across Maddie’s face, and she settles on something soft. “Buck,” she says, in a voice not unlike one he’s heard her use with Jee-Yun. “It’s not stupid to freak out about that.” 

Buck scrubs a hand across his face. “That’s not the part I’m freaking out about, exactly.”

Maddie waits, quiet, for him to find the words. 

“I got in the car to drive over here because I wanted to tell you,” he says. “That he kissed me, and I liked it. I like him. I wanted to tell you that I’m—” he looks down at the tabletop. Jee-Yun squirms in his arms. “Bisexual,” he says, and the word feels too big to fit in his mouth. “I think.”

“Buck,” Maddie says again, reaching out to cover his hand with hers. “These all sound like good things.” 

“But there’s part of me that keeps thinking—what if it’s a fluke?” he says, the words falling out of him all at once. “If I thought I liked it but I was just faking it somehow, and then I come out to everyone and it turns out I’m just a big fat liar?” 

Maddie frowns. “Why would you be faking it?” 

“I told you it’s stupid,” he mutters.

“It’s not stupid,” Maddie says. “It’s—do you remember when you were thirteen, and you asked Jenny Whatsername on a date?” 

Buck blinks. “Why do you remember that?” 

“It was your first date ever,” Maddie says. “And the night before, you called me. You kept asking me how you know if you like someone. I told you that you kind of just know, but you weren’t having it. You wanted proof.” 

He must look confused, because Maddie smiles, the edges of it just a little bit sad. “I think you were worried you were faking it then, too.”

And Buck remembers, now. He remembers trying to go to bed the night before his first date ever, and being struck with the absolute certainty that he didn’t actually like Jenny, and he was going to show up for their date the next day and ruin dating for her forever. 

“And then I went on the date, and everything was fine,” he says slowly. “That what you’re getting at?” 

“You took her to homecoming your freshman year, didn’t you?” Maddie asks. “That’s like, practically married for junior high.” 

“So what are you saying?” Buck asks, fingers tapping against the ceramic of his mug. “That I should get it together?” 

“That you should trust yourself,” Maddie corrects, gentle despite the chiding note in her voice. Then she grins. “So, Tommy, huh? You gonna see him again?” 

He ducks his head like he’s suddenly fascinated by the patterns in the grain of the tabletop. Heat prickles up the back of his neck, and a smile spreads across his face before he can stop it. “Yeah,” he says, and looks up at Maddie. “He’s taking me on a date. Uh, tomorrow.” 

“You have butterflies, don’t you?” Maddie asks. “You look like you have butterflies.”

“I—maybe,” Buck admits, in what is quite possibly the understatement of the century. The thought of his date with Tommy sets his veins on fire, electric and alive with possibility. 

“There you go,” Maddie says, with the smile that’s always made him feel like everything is going to be okay. “Proof.” 

#911fic #shush emma #emma writes #aaaaaaaaanyway. haha!

[eshithepetty]

LISTEN. I KNOWWW that the polls haven't even started, but I'm impatient, ok, I'm just putting this out there now cause I can't take it..... anyways - I've seen people do powerpoints as a way to campaign for their blorbos in the various polls that have been going on, so!! I thought I'd do one of my own for the @autismswagsummit ^^ as I simply can't pass on any chance to be brainrotted over this series, it seems...

ID under cut, as it's very long!

[ID: a powerpoint presentation campaigning for Mob from Mob Psycho 100. It's formatted in dark purples and pinks.

The first slide is the titlecard, differing from the main slides by having a pink holographic aura, like the ones from the show, as the background. The text says:

"#MOBSWEEP 2023

Aka why you should vote for Mob in the upcoming autistic swag summit. Please

(JK follow your own heart ^^ but for your consideration:)"

The second slide is titled: "Who is Mob, aka Kageyama Shigeo?" and below the text lists:

"Source: Mob Psycho 100, which is also where Reigen comes from;

The protagonist! Only with background character syndrome (which is why he’s named ‘Mob’ – it’s kinda like naming your protag ‘John Doe’ lol);

A 14 year old with the psychic strength to destroy the world. Which he’s not very happy about actually;

Cause really, he’s just a nice, gentle boy who simply wants to improve and impress his crush by getting swole :) Oh, and he also experiences the horrors. Btw."

On the right of this text, there are two images: One is a zoomed in screenshot of Mob, his face blank and confused, and the other is an official art of the show, depicting Mob in the center, aura glowing, with many of the show's other characters around him, with the show's title at the bottom of the image.

The third slide's title is "Ok but tell me more about the autism", and below, the text says:

"Gladly ^^

Ok, first off – symptoms:

Bad at reading social cues, detecting sarcasm, lies, etc.;

Struggles with recognizing/expressing emotions. Has what could be called psychic meltdowns;

Very honest and blunt, sometimes appearing ‘ruthless’ as a result;

Explicitly low empathy, in that he can’t feel what others are feeling;

Actually very compassionate, and follows a really strict moral code;"

There are no images in this or the next slide.

The fourth slide is a continuation of the previous, with the text being:

"Abnormal reaction to sensations, but instead of overreacting, he underreacts, rarely responding to physical touch and disturbing imagery. Has shown to be at times sensitive to loud sounds, however;

Prefers following a routine. One of his biggest conflicts with Reigen literally arise from the man often calling him out of the blue and making him suddenly adapt, which Mob finds really annoying/upsetting;

Struggles in school. Explicitly bad at math, japanese and PE (really passionate about the latter tho), which could be for a variety of reasons, autism related conditions (like dyscalculia/dyslexia/dyspraxia) being one of them;

Has felt like an outcast for most of his life. Even if he grew up in a pretty loving environment, he recognizes that he is different to others, and people sometimes treat him as such (in a /neg way);

His main arc is about overcoming trauma and… just masking (and how to stop doing it), pretty much, lol."

The fifth slide, in contrast, is mostly just images, placed upon a white background. The title for this one is "Alternatively, just look at him:"

The images, from top to down, and then left to right, are:

Three cropped subtitles out of screenshots of the show, which say:

"I'm sure I just got the wrong idea again. How embarrassing."

"He's detached from urban legends, fads, and other hot topics among people."

"You just can't lie, can you?"

The fourth is a cropped screenshot of Mob's explosion meter. Both in Japanese and English. Specifically, it says: "Progress towards Mob's explosion: 92%". Additionally, there is an annotation above this image, saying: "Literally has a meltdown meter ksfdks"

In-between these and the next column of images, there is also a transparent image of Mob, him standing stiffly, faced towards the camera, his standard, blank expression with a small smile on his face.

The next column of images goes like this:

A screenshot from the show, done in paint on glass, of various kids towering over Mob, who's standing in the middle of the image, small. Their expressions wary, from sneering, to frowning, to looking disgusted. The subtitles at the bottom say, with one part blocked out due to spoilers: "[spoilers] didn't treat me any differently even though I could use psychic powers."

Next two are cropped dialogues as well. They say:

"This version of him was created from being suppressed and locked away."

"Social skills like that are beyond you."

And on the right of the slide is one vertical image, showing one of Mob's books, with the subtitles translating the Japanese title of the book as "The Proper Way of Reading the Room". Next to this one, there is also an annotation, saying: "He has a book on learning social cues :’)" That's all for this slide.

The sixth slide is titled "Is he good rep though?" Text below is:

"Well, to answer the first thing relevant to this question… no, he’s not actually confirmed canon autistic. But c’mon.. it’s so obvious. This kid is not fucking allistic like c’monnnn

Of course, what people consider good and bad rep is gonna vary from person to person. But to explain why a lot of people see him as very positive rep:

"1) He’s the main character, so he gets the most spotlight, and the narrative is formed around his pov, in that we only see things that are relevant to Mob, and visually things are often represented in the way Mob sees them as well (take the body improvement club or Tsubomi, for example), which puts all viewers soundly in his shoes and makes him easy to relate to and sympathize with, and makes it clear how important his emotions and view of things really are;"

On the right of this are 3 images against a white background. The first one is a screenshot of the Body Improvement Club - 5 very buff and large dudes - standing against an explosively red and yellow background, with all of them enthusiastically flexing. The caption below that is "The body improvement club! ...they're supposed to be middle schoolers lol".

The next two, below the first one, are two screenshots of Tsubomi. The one on the left has her smiling, her eyes wide and bright, the background being pastel pinks and yellows. The one on the right, however, has her frowning, the background turned black, her eyes dark and disinterested. The caption below says: "Tsubomi :) And how her design subtly changes alongside Mob’s view of her".

The seventh slide is a continuation of the previous, with the text being:

"2) He’s a very well rounded character, with well thought out strengths, flaws, motives, and his overall story is very cohesive and satisfying; 3) His autistic traits are portrayed neutrally – in both where they help, and where they can cause conflict. It balances between him learning what things he would benefit to address and deal with, and what things he shouldn’t be trying to change at all, and as the whole message of the show emphasizes – he is no more or less special than anyone, no more or less of a person – he is simply human, and his autistic traits are just part of what makes him himself."

This one has images next to it as well. The first one is a screenshot of Reigen looking towards the camera (at an off-screen Mob), hand to his chin, eyebrow raised and smiling, some food crumbs still stuck to his face, as he says: "Today you happened to save some people that only you could have saved." Next to it is the annotation: "Reigen reassuring Mob about how his inability to read the room and feel empathy actually can be a huge benefit sometimes :)"

The next image below is a zoom in of Mob's face, his eyes shadowed by his hair, the scene's lighting dark, as he says: "I'm not being mocked, nor am I easily taken advantage of." The annotation next to this one says "Mob learning to recognize his emotions and assert himself better as the story goes on!"

And the last two images is a screenshotted dialogue, saying "You don't think changing yourself for someone you love is natural?" "I don't. At least, not when we're talking about [spoilers]" (The last bit is blocked out again).

The eight slide is also a continuation. The text says:

"4) He is loved. Loved by his friends, his family, his allies… even most villains come to take a liking to him. In fact, he’s something I haven’t seen many autistic characters be – he’s admired! So many characters, and even viewers of the show I’ve found, really admire him and want to be more like him. And not because he’s a perfect person, or super smart or anything, but because he sincerely tries his best. And I just really appreciate that, personally,, 5) And more than just loved, he is accepted – the whole main arc and the resolution of his story centers around that, around how important it is to feel accepted by the people around you, in all your entirety, no matter how strange or destructive you may feel yourself to be. And how you need to come to accept yourself in the same way as well. I just think that’s a really sweet in a story centering around a neurodivergent person :’)"

And the images next to it are as follows:

A screenshot of dialogue from the show, saying: "At first glance, Mob may seem unreliable, but his strength is undeniable." The annotation clarifies with: "The ‘strength’ in question, in this case, being Mob’s ability to reach out to people ^^";

A screenshot of Teru placed against a blindingly white background, him grinning widely, looking down, eyes shining, as he says: "I knew it, you really are amazing!". Next to him, there is a small caption of "Lol gayass /pos";

And a screenshot of Mob, in the bottom center of the image, small, as he is surrounded by various characters. Most of them are smiling encouragingly, with the ones closest to him, like Reigen, Ritsu, Dimple, Teru and Tsubomi, being bigger and placed in the front. A small caption at the top says: "He has so many friends and allies ueueeueueue.."

The ninth slide is titled "Additionally:" and the text lists:

"Psychic powers as a metaphor for being nd/othered, if that suits your fancy;

His design is iconic and versatile;

The boy has. Issues;;

There are many other characters in mp100 who can be read as autistic. Not a single neurotypical in this show /hj

Mob has more than just autism swag. I’ve seen people with bipolar disorder, ADHD, anxiety and those who are plural (etc.) also relate to him :)

He is simply the Boy ever"

Next to the last line is a small, low quality image of Mob smiling from the manga. The rest of the images, on the right, are:

The meme "I can be your angle....or yuour devil", with images of Mob instead - on the left, him smiling brightly and blushing, placed upon a colorful magenta background, and on the right, a panel from the manga: Mob in one of his explosion states, surrounded by fire, face shadowed, hair pushed back by his powers and waving in the air, and his eyes, wide and eerie, being the only features on his face that are visible.

On the right of these images, there is a smaller one, of Mob in another one of his explosion states (the one from episode 3, season 1 of the anime). He is facing to the side, aura surrounding him, hair pushed back by his powers and his eyes a glower. His pupils are red.

Below these, there are three images of, in order, Serizawa, Tome and Ritsu. Serizawa is sweating, nervous, Tome is sweating even more and yelling into a phone, and Ritsu is simply glaring towards the camera. The annotation pointing to them says: "A few of the other autistic blorbos in question :] (as I personally see them at least)".

And the last is a panel from the manga, of Mob sobbing, tears and drool dripping messily down his face, his hair waving in the air. His expression is somewhat blank despite the clear distress, and the text boxes next to him read: "His tears won't stop. It's an emotion he has never experienced before."

And the tenth, final slide, is formatted the same as the titlecard with the pink aura background, and says:

"Thank you if you got this far <3

Have good days everyones, and remember, the true win for autism is the fun we had along the way :]

Buh bye!! ^_^"

Around this text, there are various images of Mob. Counter clockwise, starting at the left corner:

A low quality screenshot of Mob flying in the air;

Mob, in his puppy hoodie, sweating in distress as he points at a vase;

Mob caught mid smear frame, his leg kicked high in the air as he jumps, his school bag swinging to the side, his expression comically flustered.

A panel from the manga. Mob's eyes are shadowed, chopsticks held to his face, as he stares to the side and says "Tch... Shut up and eat.";

A Mob in an alleyway from the anime, smiling, pointing and looking up and to the left (the center of the slide);

A photo of a Mob plushie tucked into bed;

A low quality screenshot of Mob, standing against a wire fence, facing forwards, his eyes appearing a bit angry due to his hair cowering them.

End ID.]

#autismsummit2023 #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #kageyama shigeo #autism swag summit #tumblr polls #autism #powerpoint presentation #I tried to keep this relatively spoiler free ^^ also feel free to ask me to elaborate on anything in this #trust me im ready to ramble whenever sjdfgsj (bearing in mind that im not busy at least) #though. tbh thats not That much of an excuse bearing in mind that i definitely did this in place of my real responsibilities 😳 oops #can you blame me though. its literally The Autism poll cmon #my own post #described #the id took like 3 hours to write.. ough. desperately hope theres not any mistakes in there

[yandere-kokeshi]

Hello again, this is Asexual anon. Thank you so much for answering my last request! I wanted to ask if you could do the Asexual darling ask for yandere Gaz, Price, Alejandro, and Valeria? I'm not sure what your character limit is so my apologies if I'm asking too much. I hope your having a happy holidays ✨

Yandere Gaz, Price, Alejandro, and Valeria with a gn asexual reader

Warnings: yandere behavior, descriptions of asexual and mention of sex, stockholm syndrome, and insecurity. 

A/N: hi!! Doing this was really fun, and a break from my usual work, so ty <3. I’m so happy you requested Valeria. She’s underrated :(! And happy holidays, asexual anon! (Can I call you something else than asexual anon – I feel weird /hj 😭)

The last one they requested

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick:

Being the youngest on the team has its perk, which means he knows a lot about the LGBT+ and much of the club. When having the chance to find out himself, Kyle simply shrugs his shoulders and moves on. 

Honestly, you didn’t even need to tell him. Somehow, he knew. A gut feeling, possibly. 

Despite the others, he’s a bit more relieved to show you his affection more; he sees the same factor that sex isn’t the most important within the relationship. Plus, he prefers to show you his love by physical touch, and more things that he can share with you.

Kyle is really supportive, especially on making sure you feel loved and heard. Despite his understanding, insecurity can catch up to you — he ensures, and promises that he’ll never stop loving you, and will never ever make you uncomfortable. 

He adores the time when the two of you just hug, especially after when he comes home. No matter what, he loves how warm you are, the tightness surrounding his neck and your arms, and how the both of you missed each other. 

Kyle really enjoys giving body massages, and as much as he likes to bold about them, his hands are magic. Within minutes, he works out the muscles in your back, and lower part. The back, you once knew as strict, being anew.

Captain “Price” John:

With his age and being the eldest on the team, you’d think he would know, right? Wrong. He knows nothing about it, and is really confused once he finds out or when you tell him.

However, once you fill him in, he completely understands why you identify as asexual and 100% respects your decision — shrugging his shoulders, and saying something along the lines of: “More ways to love you, yeah?”

Even though you might fear it'll change the 'relationship', it won't. It'll stay the same, and no matter what, he loves you for you. And the fact you felt comfortable to tell him it, shows him that you trust him; or to a degree where he can really show you how much he loves you.

In a weird but loving way, John enjoys giving foot rubs — kissing your feet, rubbing lotion into your skin and ensuring that you’ll be a melted puddle after the living session.

Nicknames galore: Love, sweetheart, darlin, and never stops; rarely using your name and always greets you with his sweet pet names, and a kiss on the forehead.

Despite his size, he really enjoys having your entire body weight on him, especially your legs. Whatever you can, just putting a body part, whether that's an elbow on his, a leg on top of his knee, or hand-holding, he enjoys your touch and presence.

Alejandro “Colonel” Vargas:

He wouldn’t get it first, whilst he knows more of the ‘old society’ than others, he still doesn’t know the term; looking at you with a raised eyebrow. 

Once you explain it to him, or him researching the internet, he comes to terms with it — nodding along and immediately moving on, as like the others, it doesn’t matter to him anymore. Alejandro wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable, therefore he can live without it. 

He’s an ultra romantic and flirtatious man. The relationship continues on, with him expressing his love even more somehow, and going all out to show you how much you mean to him. Alejandro gets you flowers, each different colors for each day of the week when he's home, and lightly pinches your butt when he walks by.

Of course, he shows his love by cooking — making his mama’s recipe for dinner, and serving it with warmth, much love, and a kiss on the neck for good luck.

Within the stretch of your feelings, sometimes fear and insecurity gets too much. Pushing you too far from your husband. When it comes down to it, he feels bad– terrible. Society has deemed it as ‘bad’ or ‘horrible’, when in fact, there are a lot of factors why you’re asexual.

He always reminds you that he’s always appreciate your love, and personality rather than sex. It’s just another things to show love, and there’s way more things to express than having time in bed. No matter what, he loves you for you.

Valeria “El Sin Nombre” Garza:

Within her flirty and upfront nature, she’s disappointed. Of course, she knows what asexuality means — her being a freak outside, means she knows everything about the club. 

But, she has a hard time with it at first and is honestly insensitive about it. Her first question is “You sure?”, and asking if you’d ever actually had sex to make sure. But, she comes around quickly and apologizes for her heartless remarks. Her main focus is you, and she would never force you into something that makes you uncomfortable, or fearful. Instead, Valeria will continue on loving you like she’s always done; not caring about the asexual part because it doesn’t matter.

However, her inappropriate jokes will not be toned down. Sure, she’ll try; for you and your comfort. But sometimes they slip out, and before she can realize, she’s already making a few others. 

Despite her rough demeanor, she’s quite a love bug — going all out on spoiling you and ensuring that you know sex isn’t the biggest part of a relationship. 

Physical touch galore. No matter where you are, she’s beside you and giving you all types of attention: making you sit on her lap, admiring you, painting your nails, etc. She’s always touching your waist, giving you chaste kisses, then happily watching TV beside you when she’s done with work. 

Valeria really enjoys sleeping with you, either naked or just in her skimpy underwear and no bra. While most would see this as sexual, it’s not. Her way of sleeping is by smothering you with her heat, and asking about your day as she rubs your arms and legs, lullabying you to sleep towards the end of the day. 

—

Masterlist || Please consider reblogging and commenting instead of liking. It helps me as a creator!! Stay well!!

© yandere-kokeshi 2023 — Do not copy, modify, edit, repost, or use my works for ASMR readings, tiktoks, or other content.

#kokeshi!! #yandere blog #yandere x reader #yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere female #female yandere #yandere headcanons #memberofkurtistown <33 #ask #yandere mw2 #yandere cod #yandere call of duty #yandere Alejandro #yandere price #yandere gaz #yandere valeria #yandere x gn reader #yandere x gender neutral reader #asexual #yandere x darling #yandere john price #yandere Alejandro vargas #yandere valeria garza #yandere x y/n #the icons are not mine #they belong to their rightful owners #mw2 x reader #valeria x reader

[starliights-shining]

Bayverse Sideswipe hcs? :D

Of course, I hope this is what you are looking for! Please request again, Bayverse Sideswipe has to be one of my favs to write for! Anyways, Enjoy :)

Cybertronian S/O

He and his S/O are unseparable. Like you cannot get just Sideswipe, or just his S/O, it is always both or niether of them. He does not like when someone tries to pull him aside or away from you to tell him something, if he can know so can you!

I also like to think that if his Cybertronian S/O is taller than him, since in the movies he a little short. So with that, i think he has a tiny tiny tiny bit of little man syndrome. He's cool, but when it comes from you something just sparks in him and he like 'youuuuuu, have no room to talk rn'. being small doesn't bother him, he just thinks is funny to go along with the small=alwsy angry, because we all know Sideswipe is the coolest out of the two brothers.

That's another thing, he constantly talks about his brother, sometime it sounds like Sunstreaker is dead, and Sideswipe is reminiscing on old time with his lost brother. Bring this up and he'll look at you all confused, 'hes not dead, he's jsut hardheaded and didn't wanna come with.'

He likes to hold your servo, digits interlinked while walking or jsut inspecting whatever Sam has brought the autobots with.

Oh, since he has like skates, I can 100% say he has taught his S/O how to skate, unless youre alt mode is a bike, then, you two go skating together. Thats what makes you two so unstoppable on the feild, even when Cons are in their alt mode, you two can easily catch up to them and its like the fight ended jsut asa quick at it started.

Human S/O

If he has a Human S/O, he does not let you come along for the right or fight. Its the only reason you two argure. You constantly bring up the fact that Sam is there, and him combating it with, 'Sam, isn't you, I don't have an attechment to Sam.'

His spot is you, but not like ask him and he'll melt. He's more of a threaten you and he gets far to aggressive then he expects himself to be. He just knows its far to easy for a con to hurt you then it to hurt him, and he would never foorgive himself if he let a con be the reason you are no longer on the floating rock in space.

He He tries to act like he doesn't have a Human S/O around the autobots. Either you show up at the silly little base there stay at or one of the bots followed him to you. Some random met up in the middle of the night, in the middle of no where. They'll bring it up to him and he'll deny deny. He'll let them met you when he thinks the war and the cons are gone, or its been a minute since somethings happened.

I love the idea of him just insisting on being like your 'driver' whenever you need to do something or go somewhere. If he's not busy DO NOT get in your regular car, he'll take you :) And this gets human guys attention, because he likes a fancy ass car AND you drove it and got out of it. This makes him just a tad jealous, like all these human guys are drooling over you cause of the car you showed up in. but it doesnt last long, when you guys leave he just shows out a little and laughs about it.

We all know he likes to make jokes, which means he makes jokes more often when around you, either to lift the mood or just get your to talk. I also feel like he likes for you to make jokes for him, he just enjoys hearing you talk and its bonus points if you make him laugh. He's never been uptight and just enjoys being able to not have to worry about war and deceppticons, so being around you just help him enjoy his life.

#transformers #bayverse #bayverse sideswipe #tf sideswipe #sideswipe x reader #tf x reader #bayverse x reader #transformers x reader #Sideswipe #transformers movies #Tf dark of the moon

[aglassoforangejuiceee]

Old Skool #2

Summary: steve introduces bucky to a girl he’s sure they’ll both like

Warnings: dark themes, non-con/dub-con elements, mentions of drug use, reader deals/struggles with mental health, dealings with trauma, single parenthood, single mother reader (has a genius 4 year old), slow burn (kinda), blackmail, stockholm syndrome, angst, more tags to be added…

(2) Tell Me Something I Don’t Know

“Bucky?” the concern could be heard for miles, the sharp clap of a car door meeting its seal. You look to your left, surprised to see Steve looking around the damaged vehicle.

“In here,” you shudder at the feel of eyes on you. You force yourself to brush it off as you walk away from the sergeant. “Uh, hi Steve.” you naw on your bottom lip, anxiously teetering on your toes as you meet him just past the garage opening.

His blue eyes soften as he looks at you, pale cheeks reddening in embarrassment. The earlier anger you saw when he walked up shocked you, reminding you of the last class. His going to say something, but the other man speaks. “Thanks for answering my text, glad to know you’d still pick me up.”

The ire in James tone has you turning. You look between the two super soldiers. The tension palpable between the two. “We’re not doing this here,” The whisper spoken so personally, it felt like you were intruding.

“Mommy?” You face is pinched as you turn to your daughter. She’s eyeing you skeptically, and you honestly return a look of confusion. You’re by her side within a moment, shaken that there were witnesses to your swiftness.

“Hey baby, I need you to go to your room, go get your blueberry. wait for me.” The secret was conveyed perfectly. You watch her, you pay close attention to her eyes.

You kiss her on the top of her head. The tiny hairs on your back raise sharply. It’s too quiet as you watch her disappear down the hall, but you know they’re there, watching.

When you turn to face them your muscles are taught. You vision sharpens as you pay close attention to them both. “I’m not going to pretend like this was some accident,” You roll your shoulders, “So what do you want?”

“Y/n,” Steve starts, eyes startled, alarmed in a way that makes you watch him closer. His hands are held up placatingly, your eyes dart to James. He’s taught himself. “Please calm down, we just want to talk-“

“Get to the point Steve,” your tone is harsher than you wanted it to be, evident at his stricken expression. The silence is tense, you’re hearing sharp, listening out for your kid.

“It’s really not what you think doll,” The stoic soldier speaks up, his voice raspy from its momentary absence. You narrow your leer at him taking in his entirety. He looms in front of your tool shelf. The blue of his eyes are conflicting, dark and yet dangerously inviting. There was a hunger in his stance, like a predator stalking its prey… further unnerving you.

“Bucky, stand down.” Steve pleads softly. “I don’t want you to scare her, she’s-“ He cuts himself off. A grimace on his face as he looks back at you, ashamed, bashful. “Just stand down-“

“You gonna stop me Stevie?” Bucky’s tone was further unsettling now. Joyful and murderous. A creak in the floorboards throws you into over drive.

You’re behind the door connecting your house and garage in a moment, locking the door and shifting alarmingly fast to your daughter. As the door kicks in your already in your room, slinging your duffle along your body as you cling tightly to Nineve.

“Mom-“ she whimpers but you shake your head hard, silencing her fears. She’s burying her face in your shoulder as you silently slip through the window, closing it behind you with delicate diligence.

Your senses feel like live wire, your body electrified as you speed around the back of the house as you hear the two super soldiers argue and cause a rampage through your small quaint home.

“Buck stop!” Steve sharply reprimands. “She’s not supposed to be like the others, she’s different.”

A dark chuckle shakes the frames of the house as you sneaky into your car. “Then why’d you wait so long to introduce us, mhm punk?” There’s a pregnant pause. “You know I don’t like you holding out on me. Otherwise, I’ll start looking for myself,”

“They’ll kill you if you did. If they found out-“

“You’re gonna tell them?” Another pregnant pause, “Because if you do, you have to tell them what you did too.” Two heavy steps forward.

You clutch Nineve and quickly cover her mouth before she begins to cry. Just a moment baby, Please, you beg with your eyes as you listen to the bickering men.

“You know I wouldn’t do that, but Buck,” There’s further commotion, more rampage. “Buck-“

“Where the fuck is she?” James angrily snarls, “Come out doll.” He taunts.

“Bucky,” Steve hisses sharply. A few powerful thuds and bangs makes Nineve shake violently. Your hand is drenched in tears. Your heart begins to race but you stifle your breathing, calming your self. You’re sympathetic to her senses, but you can’t chance them catching you too soon.

The air becomes densely silent. You turn the key and shift gears, pulling out the garage in seconds. As you’re in the street, shifting gears and pulling off you see the both of them charge after you. Scrambling over themselves to get in their car.

But the head start was all you need. You’re whipping through traffic unnaturally fast as you make your way to the interstate.

Nineve clambers out of your hold, crying and screaming. “What was that?! Momma what was that! Why were they here?”

“Nonny please, stop screaming-“

“Mommy!” She squeals.

“Nineve stop yelling at me.” You reprimand sharply. Her cries quiet immediately. She hiccups and wraps her arms around herself. “I’m sorry.” you immediately apologize.

She’s quieter than normal. “I know that was scary. And I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry you had to hear that.” You let out a shaky breath. “And… and I’m sorry for snapping at you. I shouldn’t have, but I needed you to stop screaming.”

Nineve hiccups, but scoots into your side, clicking the seatbelt over her small lap. She snuggles closer as she wipes her tears. “I’m scared too. And the last thing I need are the bad men coming after us and the superhero’s getting involved.”

“B-but mommy,” She asks, voice shaky with tears. “I was scared of the superhero’s.” her small hands squeeze your side as she tries to hide beside you.

You rest a trembling hand on top of her head, doing your best to sooth her as you turn sharply off the interstate into the forest line. Honking horns and screeching tires the least of your worries. “I know baby, me too.”

—

When Nineve wakes up, you stop for gas in some fairway station, in the middle of somewhere Minnesota. She rubs her puffy eyes, taking in her surroundings. The area ear achingly silent as you turn off the vehicle. “Where are we mommy?”

“Minnesota, somewhere.” You tell her unsure. You reach to the glove box and grab the envelope. You thumb out enough money to fill the tank. You get out with the key, locking the door as you walk around your car to the pump.

You tense as you pump the gas, looking over your shoulder repeatedly, alert and ready to make a mad dash.

How has life managed to catch up with you so suddenly? You know you can’t keep running forever, but super soldiers? How did they even find out?

Your heart drops to your stomach. It was right in front of you. Steve was in your class, and despite your disregard of titles and accolades, you should’ve been more aware of the circumstances. But still, you felt blindsided. Why? Why target you? And why come after you now? And why was he so unsuspecting at first?

Your thoughts are interrupted but the shift in the silence. It’s impossible for them to have found you, or even caught up to you. Quickly you shake the nozzle and put it away. You close the gas tank opening and hurry to climb into your car. Nineve is dozing again, she’s tightly clutching her stuffed charmander. No doubt her mind is replaying the recent events. Softly your reach out to her as you pull off sharply. “Nonny,” you murmur, you shake her lightly to wake her.

“Yes mommy?” she whispers and rubs her eyes. “Your dreams, they’re scary aren’t they?” you ask carefully.

“Yes.” She says with a weep. You slow the car down to a crawl before turning off into the woods again. You stop when you’re far away enough from the road. You turn to Nineve in the dark of the early morning.

“Listen closely Nineve.” You tell her softly, “I won’t ever let the bad men get to you ever again.” She weeps more and you pull her close, holding her in your arms and cradling her. “I promise, I’ll keep you safe. We’ll never go back to the bad place ever again. Never, ever again.”

“But mommy-“

“No one is ever taking us again. I’ll keep you safe.”

—

“We should be close.”

“She could be anywhere,” The voices alert you, they’re dangerously close. You look down at Nineve, carefully laying her on the floor of the car. You cover her with the blanket you keep in the back, hiding her and keeping her warm from the chill outside.

You make a rash decision. Locking the car manually so not to alert them of your location. You listen to their feet crunching on the twigs and fallen leaves. Easily sneaking up behind them, watching them and listening from afar.

“You shouldn’t have gone to her house.” Steve grumbles. James scoffs. “I wanted to see her for myself. You got to see her, it was my turn.”

“You were going to grab her. The fuck is wrong with you Buck?”

James stood and turns to look at Steve. He gets in his face, “You know as good as me what it’s like now. How far removed we are from the world around us. And how the horrors we face have gotten to us,” James is sneering now, “Don’t you go cursing at me, you think you’re better than me? Huh? You think because they all trusted you and your heroism that that makes you better than me Steve?”

“I didn’t mean it like that Bucky.” Steve acquiesces. James takes a pause, “I’m the only one who actually knows you Steve Rogers.”

You shudder at the intensity in which they stand. James words eerie as he speaks them with a chill. “Don’t you ever forget that.”

You step back, unaware of your steps. The crunch of leaves and twigs makes them sharply turn. James cheshire grin makes your cheeks got hot, Steve’s blue eyes fill with relief.

James is the first to move, but Steve is close on your heels. “Don’t come any closer.” you step back two feet for the several steps they took.

“I’m sorry we scared you doll, that was my mistake-“

“Save it.” You defensively snap. “Who sent you?” You ask them sharply, gaze shifting between them rapidly. They pause. Confusion as clear as day on their faces.

You’re stunned. Their reactions weren’t at all what you were expecting. “We came here on our own,” Steve speaks up. “I’m sorry, I should’ve went about this a completely different way.” Steve begins to plead, James rolls his eyes.

“Just spit it out Steve.” James agonizingly encourages. “Spare her the bullshit, clearly she can handle it. Right sweet face?”

You give him a pinched look, but nod anyway. His grins darkens. Steve stalls, eyes remorseful. “I- I don’t even know where to be-“

“We’ve been watching you doll.” James says proudly. “Stalking you is the right word. Stevie here has a stuffy for you,” He dramatically stops and leers suggestively, eyeing you up and down, up and down, patiently slow. “And I have to say, I have one for you too. You look great after the kid.” He winks.

You feel raw, unprepared for this kind of confession, you’re completely at a loss of words. Suddenly exposed in a completely light. This couldn’t really be happening.

“No fucking way.” You utter and drop your defensive stance. “You show up to my home, unannounced, ready to what?-“ You look at them incredulously, “Kidnap me?! Terrify the fuck out of my child, because you want to get your dicks wet?”

James chuckles, Steve at least has the decency to look ashamed. James clears his throat, “You’re a smart girl. You’re right Steve,” he hums, “I like her.”

“You’re not serious.” Your blood boils beneath your skin. You feel the heat rise off you rapidly. “No no, you can’t be serious” You repeat sinisterly.

“Y/n,” Steve says your name softly. You level him with a dark glare, your vision tunnels, a red ring firing behind your irises. “Y/n,” He says your name softly again, “Where’s your daughter?”

The questions puts out your flame of fury immediately. Again displaying your hidden strengths your to her within the blink of an eye. She’s waiting patiently as you walk up to the door. You unlock the door and smile at her. She smiles back. “I knew you would come back.”

“Of course I would.” You reassure her. You run your finger over her cheek, catching a stray tear. “Mommy, you were really angry just now?” She asks slowly.

You look over your shoulder, “Yes, I was.” You look back to her, “I need you to get back down okay, stay there until I come back to get you.”

“Are we safe mommy?” She asks worriedly. You nod quickly. “We are, we’re just being followed by idiots” You admonish the two genetically manipulated men. “I’ll be back.”

And surely within the moment, you stop them mid trek in your direction. “Shit doll, don’t scare us like that.” James laughs lightheartedly.

“Is she okay?” Steve asks gently, blue eyes searching your dark ones. He’s intent in trying to gauge your reaction. “She’s fine, she’s safe.” You assure him.

“I’m sorry for scaring you both.” He apologizes. “I- I’m just sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” You tell him softly. You look between him and James. The later standing against the trunk of a tree, amusement in his eyes.

“Who are you running from if you don’t mind me asking sweet face.” James asks with a dark grin. He stands straight and walks carefully to you. You allow him to get close, and he towers over you. “Why? Don’t you know?”

“Humor me.” He challenges playfully, the mirth in his eyes contrasting the danger rolling off his shoulders. “Buck.”

“Cmon Stevie, she’s a big strong girl.” James is captivating as he speaks, but you don’t miss the way Steve comes around you, the both of them sandwiching you. You shudder, becoming overwhelmed with them so close. “Right doll?” James eyes become so soft, melting you on the spot.

You nod slowly, finally finding your words when he repeats his question. Completely hypnotized by his gaze, you don’t shy away when Steve presses himself to your back, hands firm on your arms. “Tell us babydoll.” Steve murmurs against you, lips at the top of your head.

“Ethos.”

#dark!stucky #dark!stucky x black!reader #dark!bucky barnes x reader #grey! steve #dark!stucky x reader #black! reader #mcu au #mutant!reader

[onyxisnotuniqueenough]

i don't exactly know how to deal with this - I'm not a big enough person on tumblr to have ever been confronted to this type of comment :

but it still surprised me to see this when my experience on here has honestly been overwhelmingly positive and I've never really talked or met someone who'd comment something like that on here.

i don't honestly think it's wrong to put this person on "blast" (even though, let's be honest, me posting about it is less of a blast and more of a nice summer night breeze.) since they have commented this publicly for everyone to see - so i see no issue in answering in a just as public of a way.

anyway just wanted to say that I think it's kind of sad that you value fictional characters and people in general based on their physical appearance, and that you seem to forget there is an actor aka a real person behind that role.

and oops - guess what - whatever you think of the appearance of any fucking actor - that's not the part of their job that fucking matters!!

Now, let's try to see walk a few centimeters in your shoes. In your eyes, Foggy is ugly as fuck. So that means he can't get the girl, right? Is that how the story goes? Whatever his personality, his humor or his charm - everybody always only looks at physical appearance and there is not ONE person on this earth who cares, or should care, about what's really underneath.

now apparently, Hallelujah, Karen is attractive in your eyes so she deserves love. Ugh, but that is SO RUINED by the fact that she's ANNOYING AS HELL.....EW.....

There's 2 ways for me to take that Karen is annoying comment.

1 - it's the Skyler White Syndrome and any woman who worries, cares, makes mistakes or has any kind of character flaw is just a nagging annoying woman who's ruining your badass man show. like "guys? what the fuck? there's someone else than a muscular superhero dude or the very evil/murderous/manipulative/actually annoying guy that i somehow forgive on my fucking screen!!! hide that shit or else my masculinity will dissappear!!!!!!!!!"

Now since I don't know your gender or your background - this could be either internalized misogyny or plain old sexism at play. Couldn't care less. Either way it's stupid to think that a female character is either perfect or horrible, a mary sue or a bitch. and that you'll complain either way.

2. I give you the benefit of the doubt. You finding Karen annoying has nothing to do with your gender or what you think of women in media and entertainment and more with the fact that you honestly do find her annoying. What exactly has she done to be described as annoying? Is her dialogue bad? Is her story taking away from Matt's? Are her decisions stupid or irrational and you just can't take it when a character makes actual mistakes?

What exactly are you criticizing her for? Because since I've written my post about romantic relationships i'm willing to bet that your "Karen is annoying" thing is said in a romantic context and that it's just the way she speaks or her personality that you dislike, and this has nothing to do with what actually makes her character interesting or how her backstory has shaped her actions and behavior.

Now I get that we all have our favorite characters - and we have characters we don't like to see on screen. But I wouldn't say that Foggy "being ugly" and Karen "being annoying" qualify as legitimate reasons for you to think they don't deserve to have romantic relationships or that they. "TERRORIZE" MATT??

What kind of show have you been watching? Did you get a bootleg iron man dvd and get confused? where are you getting this from?

Are you saying that you take any conflict that Matt can have with his friends is terrorism? That they're ruining his life? That every time they say they're worried, everytime they tell him not to be Daredevil, because of their own love for their FRIEND, that's terrorism???

Matt cares about them just as much as they care about him, and I'd hardly qualify their overprotectiveness, or honestly, with Matt putting himself on the brink of death all the time, just protectiveness, as TERRORISM.

These "two bums" deserve to be on the show because they're an essential part of Matt's character development and Matt's life in general. He needs loved ones to protect, loved ones to worry about him, loved ones to encourage him, loved ones to call him out from time to time, loved ones that have been through it with him and have stuck with him for a long time.

And the two actors that play them deserve just as much of a chance to get to bring something new to their performance and get to share the screen with long-time friends.

you know.

in the reboot of a show that they were major characters of.

i think i got everything out. hope you're willing to expose yourself to a different opinion and that you read this whole post @nyxxhecate

also. your blog is pretty empty. you should get on that if you don't want people to think you're some spam account.

the end :)

#daredevil #matt murdock #foggy nelson #karen page #elden henson #deborah ann woll #daredevil born again

[evilvvithin]

Hewitt Factory pt.2

Pairing: Thomas Hewitt x F!reader

Summary: As you get to know another member of the family, there’s a hope to escape right in front of you. Will you take it?

Warnings: hostage | angst | stockholm syndrome

Words: 1,604

AO3 link

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Minutes, hours, days, weeks passed by. You had no way of knowing the time or day. You couldn't tell if it was night or day even, all you knew was that everything felt like eternity down here. You got used to the atrocious smell and darkness. You lost your fear of the man that kept you down here like a pet. You were never chained down ever again, but you also couldn't leave. His family upstairs, growing their cannibalism business, believed you were already dead a long time ago. You always thanked god how lucky you were that none of them ever went down here. They always just came to the doors and yelled down at "Tommy", giving him orders and calling him names, thinking he didn't understand what was going on. He was surprised the first time you called him by his name, but he never stopped you from doing so. You came to the realization that the family probably wouldn't hurt you, but as long as they were under the influence of so-called Sheriff Hoyt, they did what he said. He was the head of this family. Everytime he came down here to the door, you noticed Thomas got anxious and his body tensed. It was like a mix of anxiety and rage. You learnt his body language well since he couldn't speak. 

He believed your kind and gentle words, together with your obedient behavior, actually made him like you in a certain way. Your plan was working, but you didn't know how to move on to the second phase which was actually getting out of here. With his help you'd get out easily, but what if.. 

The sound of a bowl being placed on a small table next to the bed woke you up from your daydreaming. 

"Thank you, Thomas."

You had a feeling he liked the fact you called him his full name instead of Tommy or Tom like his family did. He felt like a grown man, not a boy. You stood up, walking over to the chair and taking a seat to eat. The wet floor didn't bother you anymore as Thomas got you a pair of leather shoes. You didn't want to know where he got it from, all you cared about is that they kept you dry. Closing your eyes you ignored the meat in your bowl and imagined it's pork. It only took you a minute to finish and when you finally opened your eyes, he was sitting at the table across from you. The table was way smaller than average tables and his massive frame squished behind the edge, balancing on the chair made you chuckle. It was the first time in who knows how long you laughed. You heard his muffled moans through the mask. 

"No no, it's just.. you are too big for this table."

He rested his chin on his hand and just kept staring at you, at your lips, still turned into a smile. 

You couldn't deny you somehow found comfort in his presence.

"Boy! We have work!"

Hoyt's voice immediately made your smile and light mood disappear. Thomas furrowed his eyebrows as he always did and disappeared behind the heavy doors up the stairs. 

"There you are! What's with the bowls, Tommy? You made some friends?"

Unnerving laughter followed his words.

"Some rats? You're feeding some rats down there aren't you, boy!"

You couldn't make out any other words as the two of them kept walking away. You had an idea where they were going and the thought of another body strapped down the butcher table made you sick. 

A nap doesn't sound so bad right now. 

__

Your body was being shaken as if someone was trying to wake you up. Did you sleep so long and Thomas returned already? 

"My dear.. what are you doing here?" 

Wait a - Thomas didn't talk. This voice belonged to an old lady. You quickly opened your eyes and saw her bending over above you. 

"Talk to me sweetheart, are you okay?"

She shook your shoulders once again. 

"Yes I just - I just felt sick so I laid down."

Her face was even more confused than before. She stared at your shirt, it seemed like she knew it from somewhere.

"Thomas gave it to me, together with the shoes."

Her eyes widened when you said his name. She grabbed the edge of your shirt and pulled it up slightly.

"Hey!"

She touched and checked your whole body.

"Tommy, he takes care of you?"

You nodded as a reply.

"The whole time, down here?"

Nodded again.

"Did he ever do anything to you?"

You shook your head this time.

"Who else knows about this?"

"No one, well, except you now."

You watched her lips disappear into a thin line, thinking about the whole situation. 

"Ooh, darling.."

Her forehead filled with wrinkles. 

"Help me, please."

You begged her with your eyes. She didn't mean any harm to you as you previously believed. Hoyt was the only dark sheep of this family. 

Your heart was racing as the chance of getting away was so close. 

"I can't. I-"

Her voice jumped and she backed away from you.

"Just lead me out of here. I won't tell anyone about you or this place, I promise!"

You reached out your hands to her to stop her. 

"Please."

The silence felt infinite. The woman grabbed your hand and forced you to follow her, up the stairs.

"They are out now, hunting."

She whispered those words you barely understood. Leading you down a dark hallway, you noticed some decorations from bones. It didn't even surprise you. You had so many questions but remained silent. Nothing except escaping mattered at the moment. She opened a large door and pushed you outside. The sun blinded you and a sharp pain shot through your skull. You were used to darkness only for too long. 

"Go!"

She yelled at you as you were just standing there, covering your eyes. You wanted to thank her for saving your life, but she immediately shut the door behind you.

"What have I done, what have I done. If he finds out.."

You heard her silent rumbling through the door. As soon as you got used to the light a little, you decided to not waste any second and sprinted into the forest. You didn't have any idea where you were.

Anywhere is better than in the house.

The adrenaline took over your exhaustion and you didn't stop until all you saw around yourself was trees. The hell house was far away as well as any roads or any signs of life. You collapsed on the ground at a tree and just breathed heavily. You couldn't believe you just got out with the help of a family member. You were free and safe since no one knew about you except Thomas and the old lady. 

Thomas..

After you calmed yourself a bit, you kept walking deeper into the forest. Remembering the old lady's words, you didn't dare to go anywhere near the roads, especially during the day. You could tell the night was coming soon. After a good hour or two of mindless walking in the forest, you stumbled across an old caravan. It was covered in mold and bushes, grass coming out of the floor inside. You were thankful the weather was so hot even during the day so you knew you didn't need to use one of the moldy blankets you found. 

Stay here through the night and then find some civilization, some town. Gas station would do, I just need to make a phone call.  If I find anyone willing to give me a ride home, even better.

It only took you a few seconds to fall asleep. Not for long. It was still dark when you were woken up by what seemed like a whole pack of dogs barking around you. For a moment you thought it's Hoyt's work, but the barking disappeared in the distance as soon as it appeared. You couldn't get any more rest as you had an uneasy feeling. 

Slowly crawling out of the caravan, you carefully listened for any unnatural noise to make sure you're all alone. It must've been early morning, it wasn't completely dark and you were able to see a little. Making your way through the forest, you finally noticed some lights in the distance. The wave of energy allowed you to sprint closer to them in a matter of minutes. 

Gas station. Just like you wished.

You waited behind the building until you calmed down from the running and then entered. The young cashier greeted you without even giving you a glance. 

"Sir, may I use the phone? It's an emergency."

His eyes were bored into the screen of his phone.

"Aight, make it quick."

He mumbled his response that you almost didn't hear his words. You doubted he even caught what you were asking him for but you didn't care and rushed towards the phone in the back. You dialed the number quickly and you could hear the typical sound in your ear as it was successful.

Soon I'll be home. Soon..

Your mind went blank and you lowered the phone, looking at it. 

"Hello?"

You heard the voice coming out of the phone clearly but you didn't react to it.

"Hello? Is this a joke? It's 5 in the morning!"

The pictures of Thomas sparing your life and then keeping you safe from the rest of his family flashed in front of your eyes. 

He helped me..

Maybe I can help him too.

#thomas hewitt #slashers x reader #slashers x you #thomas hewitt x reader #thomas hewitt x you #slashers #fanfiction #slasher fanfiction #leatherface #tcm #the texas chainsaw massacre #angst #mari.fic #*Hewitt.Factory

[portagas-chan]

Toji x Reader: Stockholm Syndrome

A/n: Zenin Toji was assigned on a mission to kidnap [L/n] [Y/n] and kill everyone who tries to get in the way of it. This contains swearing and smut.

Toji loved gambling more than anything else. He sat by the bench watching horses racing as he bet on one. Shiu Kong approached him and sat down beside him. "Why do you bother betting on horses when you have never even won before?"

Toji glared at him, "Let me enjoy this in peace."

Shiu lit his cigarette and puffed out smoke, "I've got a job for you. It's worth a lot." Toji grinned, "How much are we talking about?"

"30 million yen," Shiu answered making Toji lick his lips at the price.

"What's it about?"

"It's very simple. You have to kidnap a girl named [L/n] [Y/n], kill everyone who tries to get in the way, and send her to this old rich man. I will give you the address of her workplace. It seems the old man has taken a liking to her and is rather desperate to get her," Shiu explained.

Toji leaned back on the bench and looked up, "So I'm suppose to sell her off to some old perverted filthy rich man trying to get in her pants?"

"That's another way to put it," Shiu looked at him before showing him a picture of [Y/n] and the old man who wants her. Toji grinned widely when he saw how [Y/n] looks like. "No wonder that old man is desperate to get her."

What Toji said made Shiu narrow his eyes at him, "But she's not for you, Toji."

Toji chuckled, "I know, I know."

[Y/n]'s POV

It was late at night and the restaurant is about to be close when another customer came in. He was wearing a black compression shirt with white baggy pants. He had a scar on the corner of his lips.

I approached him and noticed that he was very tall, "I'm sorry sir but the restaurant is about to close."

He looked down at me with a blank face. His cold stare made me shiver for some reason. I didn't know why but I had a bad feeling.

He sighed, "I thought I made it in time." He turned around and left leaving me in confusion.

"I thought he would at least put up a fight," I muttered but shrugged it off and continue to clean up.

I bid my manager farewell and wear my purse as I left the restaurant. I walked alone at night, heading back home when someone grabbed my arm making me halt. My heart was beating so fast. My worse nightmare was coming true.

I turned around to see the same man that I saw before and sighed in relief. "Is there something I can help you with?"

He ignored my question, "Are you [L/n] [Y/n]?"

"Yes, how do you know me?" I raised my eyebrow in suspicion.

He grinned widely, "Good."

"What-" I was cut off when he suddenly picked me up and put me over his shoulder. My eyes widened in fear as I panicked. I was getting kidnapped. I squirmed around trying to get off him but his grip was too strong.

"Let go of me!" I shouted.

I gasped in surprise when he suddenly slapped my ass, "Shut up and do as I say."

"No, let go of me!" I continued to struggle and he rolled his eyes.

He stopped in front of a black car and opened the front seat throwing me inside. He walked over to the driver's seat and sat down. He took out a rope he kept inside his car and tried to tie my hands together.

I struggled pushing him away and I could tell that I was pissing him off. He roughly grabbed the back of my head with a fist full of my hair making me yelp in pain. He slammed his lips onto mine shocking me from his sudden action as I froze on the spot.

He forcefully put his tongue in my mouth and I shut my eyes wanting this to end already. He finally stopped kissing me and I panted for air. He smirked at the sight, "Just be fucking obedient or else it will get worse from here."

I stopped struggling when I saw the look in his eyes. It was filled with lust, frustration and craziness.

He harshly grabbed my cheeks with his hand making me look up at him, "That's a good girl."

He put on my seat belt before putting his own and started driving.

Tears started to form in my eyes before coming out as I quietly sobbed. The whole ride was silent except for the sound of engine and my quiet sobs.

He started, "I've never introduced myself to you, did I? I'm Zenin Toji also known as the Sorcerer Killer. It's nice to meet you, [Y/n]."

I can't believe this man. Is he seriously introducing himself to me in a proper way as if he isn't kidnapping me right now? "It sucks to meet you, Toji."

Toji laughed as if to mock my situation.

"Where are you taking me?" I hesitantly asked.

"You want to know what's going on or you want to find out when you get there?" Toji gave me two choices and obviously I chose the first option.

"The first one," I answered and Toji snickered. "I'm an assassin hired to kidnap you for an old man who's trying to get in your pants. He's filthy rich too!"

I looked at him like he's crazy, "You can't fucking do that to me!"

Toji laughed, "Yes, I can! Do you know how much your pretty little face and that sexy body worth?" He gripped my chin and leaned closer to my face, "30 fucking million yen! Can you believe it?"

"Stop fucking laughing! This isn't funny!" I glared at him.

"Say whatever you want, darling but that money is mine," Toji coldly said without a hint of sympathy.

My face turned into a look of despair when I realize he wasn't going to free me in anyway.

The car stopped in front of a closed gate as a security guard knocked on Toji's window. Toji rolled down the window, "I've got the girl."

"What girl?" The guard asked.

"[Y/n]," Toji smirked and the guard looked at his companion motioning him to open the gate. The gate opened and Toji and drive inside the mansion.

I looked through the window, trying to accept my cruel fate. Toji parked his car and got out of the car. He opened the door to the front seat and leaned inside as he took off my seat belt.

"Get out," He coldly said and I did as he said.

Toji put his arm around my shoulder making sure I won't escape as he walked inside the mansion. My lips trembled as tears threatened to come out. This is it. This is where the happiness of my life ends.

We went inside and saw an old man siting on a very expensive fancy-looking couch surrounded by bodyguards.

I grimaced at the sight of the old man. He was a disgusting perverted ugly fat pig. I really don't want to be sold off to him. I really hate this.

The old fat pig laughed in joy, "You must be the sorcerer killer, Zenin Toji. As always, you never fail when it comes to business like this! Now, [Y/n] come sit on your sugar daddy's lap."

I internally gagged and looked at him in disgust. I was about to walk towards him when Toji held me back.

"Wait, where's my money, old man?" Toji asked.

The old fat pig grinned, "Of course! How could I forget?" He snapped his finger and one of his bodyguard placed a black suitcase on the table opening it revealing 30 million yen.

Toji grinned widely at the sight of the money, "This is real money. Perfect!" Toji let go of his hand letting me go but I gripped his arm tightly making him look at me.

I looked at him with tears coming out from eyes and sliding across my cheeks. My lips trembled with fear. I was scared. I shook my head signaling him that I don't want to go.

The old fat pig was getting impatient at this point. "What's wrong? Come here already!"

Toji glared at the old man before looking back at me, his facial expressions switching immediately. He gave me a smug smile, "Tell you what, darling. I will give you two more choices."

I looked at him in silence waiting for him to continue.

"Be in the possession of this pathetic old fart or be in my possession," Toji smirked at the last sentence.

I quickly went behind him clutching his shirt, "I want to become your possession."

Toji licked his lips seemingly satisfied with my choice, "Now, that's more like it."

"What did you say?!" The pathetic old fart looked like he was about to explode from anger. "Get that girl and kill him!"

"Close your eyes, darling," Toji grinned and I did as he told me.

Before I knew it, it was over in a flash. I stood there with my hands covering my eyes when Toji untied the rope on my hands and I opened my eyes. I saw blood splattered everywhere and the old fart was dead. I couldn't care less though. I'm glad he was dead.

Toji suddenly carried me and I hugged my arms around his shoulder and my legs around his waist as I clinged onto him like a koala. His other hand was holding the suitcase filled with money and we walked out of the mansion.

This time, he gently sat me down at the front seat of his car before getting into the driver's seat. He wasted no time and drive away from the mansion.

I broke the silence, "By the way, this is a fancy car you have. Where did you get it?" I looked at him.

"I stole it," Toji said in a monotone voice. I burst out in laughter, "I knew it."

Toji looked at me and slightly blushed at the sight of my laughter.

We arrived at what seemed like his apartment and I got out of the car. He walked ahead of me and I walked behind him as he unlocked the door to his apartment.

He opened the door getting inside and he pulled my arm dragging me in before closing the door and pinning me against it. He locked the door and wasted no time kissing me.

I gladly kissed him back putting my arms around his shoulders. I pulled him closer to my body as I made out with him opening my mouth to let his tongue enter.

Toji roughly kissed me grabbing my hair pulling me close before breaking the kiss for air. We breathe heavily with a string of saliva connecting our mouth.

Toji took off my shirt and threw it on the ground and I took off my shorts at the same time leaving me only in my undergarments.

Toji smirked at the sight, "All this just for me."

He picked me up putting me over his shoulder and slapping my ass harshly making me moan in pain. It was going to leave a mark for sure. He walked towards his bedroom and threw me on the bed.

He got on top of me and took off his shirt exposing his muscles and abs.

"Like what you see?" Toji cocked his head to the side with a smug smile. I blushed in response making him chuckle.

"Don't be shy, darling because there's more," He took off his pants and his huge hard cock twitching inside his boxers was visible.

My eyes widened at the sight, 'Its so big!'

Toji smirked at my reaction leaning down to kiss me as his hands worked to unclasp my bra and taking off my underwear.

He kissed my neck sucking on it leaving a mark as his hands played with my boobs pinching on my nipple making me moan.

He sucked on my nipple and lightly biting on it while his hand went to pull on my other nipple as I squirmed under him.

Toji traveled down to my pussy as he stared at me from that angle making me blush from embarrassment.

"Look at you, all wet already," Toji said as he blew on my pussy making me flinch. He licked onto my pussy eating me out earning a loud moan from me. He sucked on my clit while his fingers rubbed on my pussy.

"Toji~" I moaned his name. Toji got up to kiss me as his fingers entered my pussy and stretching it out by making scissoring gestures. I moaned in pain, "Toji, fingering hurts."

I looked at him in pain and his eyes softened. "Okay, then I will make you feel good."

Toji travelled down again as he eats me out constantly licking and sucking on my clit.

"It feels weird," I muttered as I grabbed Toji's hair and pulled him closer to my pussy as my back arched. "I think I'm about to..."

I wasn't able to finish my sentence when I came all over Toji's face which he gladly licked. "Delicious," Toji smirked and I blushed.

Toji got up and pulled down his boxer, releasing his monstrous cock. I stared at it like I've never seen one before.

"Your first time seeing it?" Toji asked and I nodded my head. "Do you think it will fit inside of me?"

"Don't worry, we will work it out," Toji kissed my forehead reassuringly.

I stopped him as I got up and kneeled down in front of him, "I want to make you feel good."

Toji furrowed his eyebrows, "You sure you're okay with it?"

I nodded my head and licked the tip making him shudder. I licked his cock before putting it inside my mouth. Its so big that I couldn't fit everything inside my mouth so I used my hands to stroke the rest of his length.

I continue to bob my head on his cock making Toji groan in pleasure. Toji was starting to get impatient with my slow pace and he grabbed the back of my head moving it at a fast pace.

I gagged when his cock hit the back of my throat as tears came out. Toji was lost in pleasure as he continued to make me suck his cock at a fast pace.

"Fuck," Toji cursed when he felt that familiar sensation. He continued to bob my head until he slowed down before stopping completely when his cock hit the back of my throat and came inside my mouth.

I removed his cock from my mouth and gagged and coughed. Toji gripped my chin making me look at him. My mouth was open with his semen dripping from my mouth and tears coming out due to gagging.

Toji was hard again. He liked this side of me. You looked so erotic. He kissed you again not caring that he was tasting his own semen.

Toji broke the kiss and flipped me over as I was now on all fours with my ass facing him.

"Sorry, [Y/n] but I can't hold back anymore."

"Huh?"

Toji entered his whole cock in one go making me scream in pain as he tear my virgin hole. I could feel blood dripping down my thighs.

"Bare with me, baby. I promise you will feel good soon," Toji said as he kissed my cheek before fucking me from behind.

Toji pressed my head on the pillows as he continued to fuck me roughly at a fast pace.

Slowly but surely, the pain was subsiding and I was starting to feel good. His huge cock was big enough to hit that certain spot which made me feel pleasurable.

"Yes! There!" I moaned in pleasure as he continued to brutally hit that spot over and over again. He continued to fuck me mercilessly.

I felt that feeling again, "Toji! I think I'm about to cum again!" I moaned loudly when it was finally released. However, Toji continued to pound inside my sensitive pussy before he also reached his high.

Toji groaned in pleasure as he threw his head back. He came inside of me. We both panted heavily and Toji slipped outside of me. My body went limb and I was about to close my eyes when Toji picked me up and sat me on his lap.

"Toji, what are you-" I was cut off when I saw Toji's grin.

"Round 2."

Toji slipped his hard cock inside of me again and he placed his hands on my hips helping me to move as I bounce off his cock. I started riding him until we both reached our climax.

His bedroom was filled with the noises of groans and moans.

We finally reached our high and I panted heavily. I held Toji's cheeks with my hands before softly kissing him to which he returns. Toji was handsome. He was an assassin but I couldn't care less about it. He saved me. If it wasn't for him, I would have been living my life in the worst way possible.

I hugged him tightly and he embraced me back gently carressing my hair. That was when I realized,

I fell in love with my kidnapper.

#jjkxreader #toji #zenin toji #tojixreader #toji x yn #toji fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen

[asgardianangel]

For the sugar baby series can we see how it for reader and Lalo’s relationship now.? I would love to see her with a tiny bit of Stockholm Syndrome.

Oooh yeah

Stockholm syndrome headcannons

Warnings: Manipulation, NSFW, slight breeding kink from daddy Lalo, imprisonment, implied relative death, memory loss from trauma

Two years have passed, and everything seemed like a blur life was a routine and so was motherhood.  

At least loneliness wasn’t a problem you had a bubbly three-year-old unaware of the controlled situation around him just focusing on the things that made him happy. Lalo made sure of it. 

The best toys and activities were always at his reach the smile on his little face made you happy, but you couldn’t help but feel guilty. Guilty to the fact of raising him with a man like Lalo. But you couldn’t do anything about it except from playing house with him. 

Lalo was busy doing God knows what most of the time but always made room for both of you. In some instances, you would watch him bond with your baby and there was a spark of the man you fell in love within the beginning.  

‘Papa is here’ his voice would whisper in comfort as he cuddled your son. You admired his soothing interactions especially in the dead of night when all is almost quiet except from the occasional crying. Then it ends with Lalo singing in his mother’s tongue. 

For such a controlling man he certainly had a gentle singing voice you would watch him for the doorway of the nursery in a trance and he would notice... 

Memories were important to you but there seemed to be a gap as time went by. These past two years you were held in almost complete isolation your mind was limited to only Lalo and your son. You couldn’t exactly remember all the things Lalo has done but the absence of your grandparents left a scar. 

'I made as painless as possible' his voice would echo

frustration caused you to have meltdowns at least one a day but you were ‘slowly getting better’ said by Lalo’s voice. Sometimes screaming the house down was about right. 

Lalo was a caregiver to you not only as a father he would cook majority of the meals and hold you and stroke your hair when you felt like all is collapsing around you in the midst of waking up screaming

Special occasions like birthdays and Christmas he would finally take you out to new places. When you were in the presence of other people you had the strange urge to cry for help and you didn’t know why. 

Lalo would understand the desperation and kept you in your place at all times. 

‘You really want to leave me and Eddie bebé?’ 

‘Have him grow up without his madre and me without my loving wife?’ 

After his questions came the threats when you still didn’t understand  

‘you know I could always leave alone dark and cold mi amor (my love) in the basement again’  

 Pleasure was the distraction and Lalo used it for the advantage. He would make you forget certain things with his hands mouth and cock. 

‘That’s a good girl’ he would praise lightly when you submitted yourself to his body pressing it against yours. Sweet spots were instantly found, and he made you beg ‘plea-se let me let me cum’ you would whine. And with the rasp of his deep voice ‘I think you can do better than that querida’ he would chuckle teasing you. 

Lalo made it clear that he wanted another child (many in fact) his shadow would come to the bedroom enticing you to bless him with another baby ‘démosle a Ed un hermanito o hermanita (let’s give Ed a little brother or sister)’ he would whisper in the nape of your neck. Humming in confusion (since you needed to work on your spanish) you would ask what he meant when he said that.  

Lalo didn’t tell you he would show you. 

Now you bask in the sun the garden was exceptionally beautiful as you watched your son chase butterflies. It was so dream like then you felt the hand of your husband wrap around your growing belly. 

“I’m so happy with you and our children querida” 

And you responded with a sweet kiss to his lips 

#lalo salamanca #better call saul fanfic #headcannons #sugar life #lalo salamanca x reader

[bumblingbabooshka]

[TUVOKTOBER: Day 20] Workforce.

TEXT: "I know this must be confusing for you but you're ill, very ill, and you must accept that reality if we're to have any hope of treating you. You're suffering from a syndrome on which I happen to be an expert. You say you remember me and I don't doubt it - what you're experiencing now is a relapse. I helped you before and I could help you again if you'd just-" A great, near overwhelming sense of shame and error washes over Tuvok as he realizes that he's begun to cry. It's the same sense that something is dreadfully wrong which has plagued him for the past few days - that he is wrong. That something terrible has been done to him. That he is behaving shamefully. But even as he feels this there is a stronger feeling, rising above all else: DO NOT TRUST THIS MAN. "…If you'd just listen to me. All this nonsense, all this turmoil. Don't you want it to end? Don't you want help? I can't help you if you're going to act like this. You're one standing in the way of your own treatment, I'm sorry to say. I hope, with time, you'll see that." END. THOUGHTS: Based on this line from 'Workforce'

But it did also remind me of that scene in 'Plato's Stepchildren' where Spock was forced to laugh and cry and seemed both distraught and enraged by it. That and the fact that Ravoc says Tuvok accused them of 'stealing his katra' - essentially his soul, tells me that this is a very difficult thing for Tuvok. Not only was he brainwashed to forget about his old life but he was made to act in a way he'd find shameful, antithetical to the person he is and has worked hard to be. It's like a double loss almost since for Vulcans, their control is a very important part of their identity. I wonder what the process of returning to himself again was like for him. It's not only remembering the details of his old life but mastering his emotions once again - something we've seen in both Spock & T'Pol is difficult for Vulcans to do once they've begun expressing and experiencing emotions without the blunt distancing of logic.

#rambling under the cut #st voyager #st voyager fanart #tuvoktober #Tuvok #st voyager workforce #bea art tag #angst! angst! angst! #Tuvok lowkey went through the goddamn ringer this episode #no resolution to that either #spent most of the episode trying to uncover what the hell was going on - trying to warn his fellow crewmates - getting captured and #drugged etc etc and then he' literally has no lines after that. The episode also has almost no allusions to Janeway & Tuvok's friendship #which I feel was really a missed opportunity. Instead it's preoccupied with two romance plotlines. #I get why they did that but c'mon...you couldn't even have it mentioned? Like by Chakotay when he's trying to get Janeway to remember? #Or at the very end? It could've easily been a Chakotay-Janeway-Tuvok thing. BOTH Tuvok & Chakotay were working to try to reveal the truth #and help Janeway + the crew but it's just a Janeway-Chakotay thing in the end bc they're doing a romance. WHATEVER. #other than that & the fact that I don't care about one romance and hate the other one - Workforce is such a good episode to me <3

[princess-of-thebes-1995]

I could not sleep last night till late. So, I wrote a drabble.

The thought of you getting swollen with his child made the older man smile with glee. Once again, he was smoking a cigarette and laying down on his bed. Before he took you, this was his routine. Back to square one. Lonely and bored. Feeling incomplete. Without you, he felt insecure and depressed. Bitch dependency syndrome sure was no laughing matter. He could not wait to get his hands on you. He wanted to rip your soft and long hair locks and slap you like he did when he first came to your house to rape and kidnap you.

Ungrateful slut. He was mean to you he admitted. But, he changed after your first suicide attempt. If you stopped resisting him,he would have given you more rights and freedom. I mean he let you get leisure time with Queenie every Wednesday. Grindelwald frowned in confusion. You would go to the park on the grass and lay down like a dead slug. How peculiar you were. He admitted he was jealous that a Qilin bowed to you of all people. Filthy muggle. What else could you do to him? Bringing a grown man on his knees?

Meanwhile, in a remote place, Credence was wearing an oxygen mask. Dying sure hurts. His breath was ragged from time to time. The thought of you getting swollen with his child... not his but that mean old monster. He sure knows how to ruin everything. That good for nothing narrowed minded tyrant.

He knew you were unaware. Credence wanted to tell you of your state of health. But, figured his uncle was best to tell you.

#fantastic beasts #fantastic beasts secrets of dumbledore #secrets of dumbledore #yandere gellert grindelwald x reader #gellert grindelwald #gellert grindelwald x reader

[twigg96]

So I was just thinking that Beau has a Major Middle Child Syndrome for being the youngest. The acting out for attention. The trying way too hard to be his father at a young age because he looks up to Daryl so much. Imitating the stories he’s heard of Merle, the good and the bad just to get a rise out his old man.

And now… I can’t stop thinking… what if it wasn’t just Phoenix and Beau. But Phoenix, Beau, and a third whoopsie baby. One (maybe two if you’d like to have surprise twins) that’s possibly much younger than their older siblings. One that might have been conceived after Daryl is released from the Sanctuary. Neither you or Daryl are expecting them and maybe it’s because of their unique birth and the circumstances he just went through that Daryl puts so much effort into making sure their safe, secured, and raised properly. Or maybe it’s because it’s the third time you’re raising a child. And you know what they say about thirds. But Beau might resent his little siblings for a while. Especially if he’s still too young to understand that he’d have to share his father’s affections when before it was just he and Phoenix.

Idk just some food for thought I’ve been chewing on recently. XP

Update for this HC after having a talk with my brother:

Imagine Beau having his kiddo at the same time his siblings are born. His kiddo growing up with their aunt/uncle. Daryl being that gray grandpa dad that is always at every sports event with cookies for the whole team because he’s got like 5 kids that are technically his on the team and enough free time to make them now that he retired from work. That dad that looks like everyone else’s grandpap at the prep rally. That dad that doesn’t get asked “which ones yours?” But “which ones are your grand babies?” The dad that goes by first name only to not only his youngest. But his grandkids because it became too confusing correcting them all the time. The dad that has way too many pets, smokes way too much, drinks too often, and has too many pets. The dad whose older kids come and kidnap the youngest to spend the weekend with them and get them out of the house. Telling them tales of “when dad was cool” making the youngest wish they could have been there.

Anyway that’s the update for now… lol good night y’all!

#the walking dead #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon x female reader #daryl x reader #daryl dixion x reader #daryl x y/n #daryl imagines #twd daryl #daryl x you #daryl dixon #daddy daryl

[silverspleen]

Sometimes it sucks getting like... bad vibes from authors.

Like, on the one hand an author that you like with a voice and writing style that feels so natural and easy for you to read is great, because you can assume that all/most of their other work is going to feel just as buttery to the brain. But on the other, if you really don't like an author's writing style, even books with concepts you think are great become a slog since you're like... side-eyeing the text the whole time with your previous bias.

I can tell you with confidence that I like Jay Posey's writing. I know that he writes for video games and it comes across in that his writing feel very.... Straightforward and simple but not in a bad way. I like how he shows but does not tell, he does exactly ZERO telling which I love in scifi, I want to be confused and use context clues to figure out what’s happening. I like how he makes characters. I like how he does little character moments and you can tell he cares a lot about these little individual people in his post-apocalyptic sandbox. He write a child character and he wants him to be a little difficult but he also wants you to care about him, he is a child and life is fucking tough if there are techno-zombies running around trying to attack everyone.

I can also tell you that I don’t like James Lovegrove’s writing. That I think he’s a mean writer and very clearly a White Guy. And when I tell you that I say it with the conviction of someone who wanted to like The Age of Ra SO BAD and is having a bitch of a time getting though Redlaw, which has vampires in it for god's sake, I should love it. But he writes like he’s doing everyone a favor and just... Something Bad bleeds across and I don’t know what it is besides like British White Man syndrome but I don’t like it. The overarching bad guys will be old white politicians but he will somehow simultaneously write a person of color or a lesbian where that is explicitly part of their identity and make them enemies with the protagonist, white guy. He cares but in a way where he cares about the protagonist being so cool and the world being so grim and suck that everything else suffers for the mean vibes.

#the dragoon diaries #books

[letstalkwhump]

Let's Talk Whump No. 10

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community. I’m Malice and I’ll be your host. 

Today we have @suspicious-pools-of-blood joining us to share his whump story!

Tell us a fact or two about yourself!

I'm a butch (he/him) and I enjoy rock climbing, leatherworking, and losing my entire goddamn mind over Xena: Warrior Princess. 

What does whump mean to you? 

To me it can range anywhere from a trope to a vibe involving some kind of hurt. I definitely consider angst to be whump.

How did you find the whump community? 

It was actually very straightforward; I was up one night and the word "whump" kept rattling around my brain, I'd probably seen it tagging a fanfic at some point, but I didn't know what it meant, so I looked it up and found a definition followed by the Tumblr community. Specifically, it was albino-whumpee's writing that came up, so I was introduced to whump and box boys and WRU all at once. I stayed up all night reading their stuff and then made a sideblog and dove in, dragging my OCs down with me. 

Do you think your views on whump has changed? Maybe the way you consume whump media?

This community was basically my first foray into reading original fiction online instead of just fanfic, and now that's definitely what I read most.

Favourite whump trope?

One of my favorite tropes is carewhumpers--not of the bad caretaker variety, but more whumpers who don't let whumpee have any caretaker but whumper themself. Relatedly, I like captor bonding (not sure if that's an actual term, but that's what I call it because the term Stockholm syndrome has a super gross history), as well as intimate whumpers, nsfwhump/noncon/dubcon, slavery, power imbalances, etc. Also a big fan of a whumpee who internalizes their hurt hard enough to become a whumper against a new whumpee, continuing the cycle of violence and abuse rather than the typical whumped-turned-whumper trope where the two characters just switch roles. I really like the mental/emotional side of whump, seeing how both whumper and whumpee feel about what's happening, why whumper does what they do, and how the whump changes both of them as people.

And your favourite piece you've written? 

Really hard to pick, but currently I'll have to go with Not You Too and its companion piece Wish . It's more angst than any physical whump, but it's an important piece for developing and understanding the psyche of my main character.

What's your writing style like? 

Oh man, calling myself out here on this one. Don't be like me, kids. Often times I find that not being sober helps me get over mental blocks that prevent me from getting the words onto the page. It depends on what I'm writing, but usually a couple bourbon old fashioneds or an edible get me into the mood to write, night time, lights off, candle lit on my desk, relevant OC or WIP playlist playing. I'm trying to get better about that though because needing to be intoxicated to write is not good. I try to write regularly but usually I just end up sitting in front of my Notion board for hours on end while procrastinating on work I should be doing.

Is there anything you struggle with writing?

Cisheterosexuality is fuckin impossible for me to write.  I have no experience with it so I'm profoundly confused when I have to write about it for plot reasons

Is there anything you're working on at the moment?

The current piece I'm working on is my main character's first time sleeping with another woman. I am, if nothing else, committed to realism in writing, so I did spend more time than I wanted to today remembering my own first time and cringing but hey, at least I got the vibe!

Do you have any writing advice?

Make some lil guys and rotate them in your mind; literally no one can stop you

Shout out time!

@winedark-whumpk-whump has some truly fantastic stories and was really encouraging when I was struggling with engagement and feeling self-conscious about my original content.

Anything you'd like to add? 

Thank you so much for this interview, this was lots of fun!

Thank you for joining us, @suspicious-pools-of-bloodod ! It was great to have you here!

And to all you folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

#whump community #whump interviews

[mygwenchan]

STRAY THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING LOVE SYNDROME III - EP7

Another week, another episode of unhinged silliness and kink! And judging by the preview I've seen, this episode is gonna get spicy~ ✨

And we're starting off with a barbecue, my German heart is happy (I really need to clean my grill for that Angrillen tradition!)

Yes, J'Belle, tell us all the gossip~ Oh, a new name! Poom it is? Well, he goes right onto my Love Syndrome/Unforgotten Night character chart. I'm making one rn, cause maybe maybe I'll be able to remember who is friends with whom and who is an ex-boyfriend and... let's just say, I've only started yesterday and it's already a mess lol

Jealous Itt is jealous and Day loves it! In fact, Day loves it so much, he's willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. Oh my... Day ate well that night

J'Belle, not the sausage reference please OMG 🤣

Barely 10 minutes into the episode and it's already sexy time again~ Yeah, this ep is giving. Imagine if all amnesia cases could be solved with some good old humping in the sheets. The doctors would be jobless lol

On a side note: Is that Frank's real tattoo or a sticker? Hmm... I think I need to take a closer look. For science (Update: Yep, it's a real tattoo ^^)

And suddenly we're in a serious conversation about love vs using someone to satisfy their needs. Well, it is an important question Itt is asking here

"I want to remember..." Omg Day?! Are you finally coming around? Are you finally being nice to Itt? "...why did I even date a silly person like you" Dude... why are you playing us like this 😩 The sadistic tendencies are strong in this one

New drinking game just dropped: Every time someone eats cake, you have to drink a shot!

That fortune teller is my new spirit animal "Hit him with a stick and his memory will return" WHY?! 😂 (also, I have a feeling there was a raunchy joke in there that got lost in translation. Something something long hard sticks...)

(Itt smacking the memories back into Day, a reference image)

Oh no! There is a lurking shadow behind Day and Itt that will cause trouble? Who is it? Who keeps calling Itt from an unknown number? I need to know!

Aha! So the creepy guy is actually Pee! But did they really name the kid "Pee"? Really? Or is this another translation error. For the actors and character's sake, I really hope it's an error...

Anyway... Suddenly there's a flashback and guns and drama! So Pee is mafia as well or had a crush on Itt and wanted to get rid of Day or? I'm confused 😅

Flashback time again~ This time it's Itt bike racing. He actually used to be a little badass. Now he's a softie who only eats cake. See kids, this is what love does to a man lol

Day really needs to learn how to chill. Maybe he should pick up yoga or makramee or something

Noooo! Itt don't run onto the race track! Don't be stupid now, boy! ...And of course he is stupid, ah... 🤦‍♀️ Tbh Itt kind of deserved that punch

Awkward silence while Itt storms off and everyone else just stands around. Yeah, I've been in that situation before. It's super uncomfortable when friends of yours are a couple and they fight in front of you. Best strategy in my opinion is to quietly escape to the loo (the bathroom, an introverts best friend 🤗)

Also, another drinking game just dropped: Every time a group of guys stands awkwardly around Day or Itt, you have to drink two shots! Bonus round, if there's cake involved

Omg is Day going to cry?! He totally looks like he's going to cry. Aww, poor baby... Nope, never mind. Day decided that he'd rather break his arm again than to shed a single manly tear. Oh my

Ohhhh! Night is back, my sweet boy 🥰 He's so cute

And Night and Gear are once again the ones who have to fix Itt's and Day's relationship *le sigh*

"If you feel tired, how about running away?" Oh Night, I like you! Yes, Itt should totally go on a vacation, that boy really needs a break. Day can deal with his anger issues alone for all I care

And Itt is gone~ Can I just say that I love how both Gear and Night are so angry at Day? You go tell him, boys! Hehe (even though it looks like Gear almost get's drowned by Day in the next ep, it's still worth it 😌)

Alright, that's it for this episode! Next episode we'll get a new love interest for Itt, Day will have another temper tantrum and almost kills his brother-in-law and Night will be a lil cutie as always. So stay tuned~

#i think i'm actually getting used to frank's wig lol #love syndrome #love syndrome iii #love syndrome the series #gwen's watchlist #midnight thoughts