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#comforting kili
shirefantasies · 2 months
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A Headcanon For Each Member of Thorin’s Company
Mini post between full request posts! Just felt like jotting these down hehe
✧ Balin knows a little bit of Elvish, but never lets on to that because, quite simply, it’s infinitely funnier not to. What fun would it be letting the elves shit talk him if they knew he picked up on bits of it?
✧ Dwalin’s dream wife is someone super soft and sweet. He’d die before he admits it, but he loves the idea of being the hero for his princess even if he acts like it’s an inconvenience.
✧ Some of it is natural, too, hardening from many of life’s experiences, but part of why Thorin puts on such a tough act is because he actually feels really awkward in conversations. For example, thus man dwarf cannot flirt to save his life.
✧ Oin hates being dismissed because of his hearing, but also? It can so be used to his advantage. The younger ones are squabbling over something stupid and trying to bring him i to it? Oops, sorry lads, can’t hear ya.
✧ Gloin is the proudest father. He can barely go a few minutes without busting out his locket’s picture of Gimli or telling a story about him…or both! Practically ready to throw hands with Bombur, who isn’t even competitive, on who has the coolest son.
✧ Bifur was quite the heartbreaker back in his heyday. He’s still a great flirt, but less people can understand him now so his lines often go unnoticed.
✧ Bofur quietly envies his brother’s family. He may not want fourteen kids or anything, but being around the wee ones warms his heart and he especially lives the idea of having a little girl someday if Mahal so blesses him.
✧ I of course adore the fanon/cast canon that Bombur has a huge family, but also? By dwarf standards his wife is super hot, so the others may make fun of him, but can’t deny that he scores!
✧ Dori is a way better cook than he seems like he is. The role tends to get passed to Bombur as he loves it the most, but since he grew up taking care of his brothers Dori knows his way around the kitchen!
✧ Nori loves cats. If he sees a stray in a village he offers it food and coaxes it over. The others marvel at how much the creatures love him, too, like some sort of instinctive trust.
✧ The others talk big about the ravishing women they’ve seen and he tries to keep up, but Ori doesn’t really actually get it. That’s how he realizes that, even though there isn’t such a word for it, he is demisexual. He also is more attracted to human women, they just seem softer and sweeter to him.
✧ Part of the reason Fili carries so many blades is because he enjoys crafting them. It’s a skill he learned from his uncle Thorin, standing at his side and helping before taking up the craft himself.
✧ Fili was the one who defended Kili from derision by other young dwarves when he chose to learn archery, an unusual form of combat in their culture. From then on, Kili vowed to become stronger and faster so he could defend those he loves, too.
✧ Bilbo bonds with Ori over sewing and knitting, smiling as he learns he has company because quite frankly he never thought a dwarf would know such arts, let alone join him as they teach each other.
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gingery-juniper · 4 months
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I can't stop crying over this
I had top surgery recently and it's hard to share that joy safely. The comfort and acceptance this brings me is indescribable.
Commission artwork of my oc/self-insert character.
I can't thank you @pistachiozombie enough for these wonderful sketches you did for me!
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telesodalite · 1 year
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[Some spring memory]
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Stolen Away
This is Day 20 of Fili whumptober!
Warnings:  a headache?
Word count: 740
After a long and grueling council session, Fili’s one saves him. 
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Please refer to the warnings of this story.  If you go past this point you are consenting to reading this content. 
Hours. It had been hours of screaming, yelling, threats and general disagreement, and the dwarven council of Erebor still had not come to an agreement. Fili could already feel the headache pulsing behind his eyes as he sat at the end of the table of aggravated darrow and dams each set on their own desires and caring not for any adjustments to help settle the arguments. Now, Fili loved being King. He loved his people, his home and what the dwarven empire at his fingertips stood for. But meetings like this made him want to run away and hide. He had already glanced at the door a few times debating on doing just that.
Ever since Thorin retired his title and ran away to the shire with his consort, Fili had been at wits end trying to appease his disciples. His brother helped as much as he could from his position, never have the elves and dwarves had such good relations and trade in their history allowing both civilizations to thrive in each other’s allyship, but on days like these, not even his brothers comforting smile could wash away Fili’s woes. He did know who could however.
“Ok, time for a break,” the dark haired Durin mutter to Fili’s right, his own frustrations showing in the bend of his brown and the slight snarl on his lips, “this meeting has officially been brought to a respite. Everyone is to report in an hour with their new points of topic suggestions. Go,”
There were grumbles and whines but Kili sent them a look of fire and strutted out the door, urging the rest to do the same. Soon enough the chamber was brought to quiet as Fili remained seated alone.
The King rubbed his face slowly and groaned into his hands, ignoring the mountains of paper work piled around him.
“So the echoes ring true, the King is in need of saving?” a light and tender voice called out, the sound alone bringing a smile to Fili’s lips. He peaked through his fingers with a pleading look, his heart calming at the sight of his beloved watching him in a mixture of concern and amusement. She came to sit on the table in front of him and held out a glass of orange coloured liquid, “Kili said the meeting was a rough one,”
A small ‘mmh’ sound was all he could muster as he accepted the glass, his headache lessening the moment it touched his tongue. He closed his eyes once more and leaned against his wife with a sigh.
“Oh my poor gem,” she chuckled, and Fili felt her hands taking away the crown on his head. She replaced it with her fingers running through his long golden locks. The feeling made him purr in delight, and he wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer, not willing to let her go anytime soon.
“I’m better now that you’re here my jewel,” he grinned up at her from were he sat. As cheesy as it was, he was delighted to see the flush of red across her cheeks.
“Silly dwarf,” she muttered leaning down to kiss the top of his head, “did you get anything done at least?”
“Not a thing,” he moaned back, “Everyone’s at each other’s throats, no one wants to do anything differently, even if it gets them to same results at the end, and I’m sure half on them only put up their ideas to annoy the other half,”
“And how long do you have until the meeting is interval is finished?”
“An hour or so,”
“Plenty of time to steal you away then?”
Fili caught the mischievous flint in her eyes as she spoke and sent her a knowing look.
“To were love? I’m tired,”
“To nap then, somewhere quiet and soft?”
“Then save me and steal me away jewel,”
He stood to take her hand but gasped as she lifted him from the ground, her strong arms wrapping around him and pulling him to her chest like he weighed nothing.
“Now what on middle earth are you doing?” he spluttered, the burning of his cheeks apparent.
“What does it look like?” she grinned, nuzzling into his cheek, “I’m stealing you away,”
And that’s what she did, and Fili couldn’t have cared less about the stares and strange looks he received being carried back to the safety of his chambers in his wife’s arms.
✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ 
See full 31 day whumptober 2022 Master List here
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wild-lavender-rose · 1 year
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Delicate
Pairing: Thorin x fem!reader
Category: Hurt/Comfort
Summary: While training with Fili, you sustain an injury to your arm. Your husband Thorin finds you trying to stop the bleeding and is infuriated with Fili. Angered by his outburst, you remind him that you are far from the delicate queen he thinks you are. 
Warning: Description of injury, swordplay, brief insinuative kissing 
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    “Come now, Fili.” You twirled your sword and shifted into a position of defense. “We both know I need the practice.”  
    “She speaks the truth.” Kili’s scoff caused you both to shoot him a look. He held his hands up in surrender. “What? You saw how she handled the last orc attack. If Thorin had not been there to save her,”  
    “Kili.” Fili’s deep voice was enough to quiet him. He turned back to you. “Fine then,” his sword rose. “Should you need me to stop,”  
    “Just begin.” You ordered, jaw set. 
     Kili was right, your swordplay was weak when the orcs had attacked your little hunting party. An orc had overtaken you easily, disarming you and getting you to the ground with an awful wound to your side. If Thorin hadn’t been there to block the orc’s final blow you would most surely have died. It had taken weeks to recover. But now you were strong and well and furious at yourself. You needed to get better at fencing, you had to. Hence your current position in the armory’s gigantic room dedicated to practicing for battle, awaiting Fili’s first blow.  
    It came unexpectedly, knocking you back a couple steps. Kili tensed, his casual position leaning against the wall growing forced. You gripped your sword with both hands.  
    Fili stepped forward. “You’re too focused.” He swung his sword twice. The clang of metal echoed throughout the room. “Allow your instincts to take control, they will serve you well.”  
    You shook your head, blocking his swing before taking one of your own.  
    He sidestepped it easily, striking out for your legs. You gasped as you fell, rolling over in time to block his death blow.  
    Fili’s eyes were worried. “You’re dead, my lady.”  
    You growled and pushed up, ignoring the sting in your leg as you fought back out of anger, of fear. Fili walked backwards, blocking every blow. “Better.”  
    “I must be the best.” You jerked back as he jabbed at your stomach, sweat growing hot on your skin.  
    “It’s impossible.” Kili called out.  
    You looked at him, gasping as Fili sliced his sword along your arm. “Focus on your opponent.” He ordered. “You cannot be the best if you do not,”  
    “Fili, that’s enough!” Thorin’s voice boomed, startling you both.  
    Your sword fell limp by your side as you looked to see Thorin striding towards you. “My love,”  
    “How dare you taunt her? Has she not been through enough?!” Thorin’s shoulder brushed yours as he advanced on Fili.  
    “No, Thorin, you do not understand,” you reached for him. “I asked for his assistance in this matter, both him and Kili.”  
    “You asked for this?” Thorin nodded to your arm.  
    You looked down, heart twisting at the cut Fili left when he sliced his sword along your bare skin. “It’s, it’s just a scratch.”  
    “I thought such things were implied,” Thorin’s tone was dark and murderous as he turned on Fili once more. “You are to be gentle with my queen during training, Fili.”  
    “Yes, uncle. I’m sorry,”  
    Anger flared within you. “I do not wish to be treated gently, not by Fili nor anyone else.” In two steps you were standing between Thorin and Fili, glaring up into his stormy expression without fear. “Perhaps if my training had been harsher I would have been able to protect myself from the orcs.”  
    “That is no reason for-,”  
    “That is every reason.”
    “My love,” Thorin’s expression grew tainted with worry. “Your skin, it, I cannot stand the thought of it carrying anymore scars,”  
    “And why not?” Your anger grew as you tugged your shirt up, revealing the ugly scar hiding underneath. “I would rather have a million scars to remind me I am getting better than a scar to remind me of the time I failed.”  
    Thorin opened his mouth, then closed it. Kili and Fili were silent.  
A tear slipped down your cheek. You shoved it away, brushing past him to stalk out of the armory, your sword clattering to the ground.  
                                                 # # # # #  
    “Do you need help?”  
    You looked up from where you were cleaning the cut on your arm to see Thorin lingering in the doorway to your shared chambers. You had changed into a white dressing gown, your left leg exposed up to the thigh, revealing yet another cut Fili had given you when he had knocked you to the ground. Thorin’s eyes lingered over the wound but he made no comment.  
    You bit your lip and returned your attention to the wound. “I am capable of tending it myself.”  
    “Do you…wish for me to leave?”  
    “No. They are your chambers as well, my king.”  
    Thorin stepped into the room and shut the door behind him, his voice remaining soft. “I wanted to…to apologize. For my actions.”  
    You stilled. Thorin was not known for being quick to apologize.  
    “When you…when the orc attacked you and you were injured, I thought that I had lost you. I don’t ever want to feel that way again.”  
    “Then allow me to train.” Your gaze met his once more. “You are not the only one who felt helpless that day. I must learn to be better, Thorin. I cannot, I will not stand by quietly and expect you to save me.”  
    “And I support you.”  
    “What?”  
    “I support you,” Thorin crossed to kneel before you, putting the bloody cloth you had been using to take your hand in his. “I will help you to train and I promise I will not go easy. I will train you as if, as if you were one of the men.” His gaze shifted down to your bare thigh. “Or, I will try at least.”  
    This caused you to smile. “Thank you, my king.”  
    Thorin smiled back, the gesture causing his eyes to twinkle with relief and something else. You watched as he leaned down, shuddering as he brushed a feather light kiss beside the cut on your thigh. “I love you.” He whispered.  
    “I love you.” You breathed.  
    “Please, allow me to help you, I must…make amends for my actions.”  
    “Yes, my king. You may proceed.”  
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meadowsofmay · 10 months
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today my emoticonal coping mechanism stumbled me upon thinking about middle earth's father figures, found fathers and real fathers. me, who have always wanted my father back to my family which was not possible due to my parents splitting and who could only see him at weekends because of work and school, is thinking about elrond and thranduil and bard and thorin and theoden and even aragorn and boromir who clearly became father/uncle figures for hobbits. i am thinking about them.
about elrond who went through so much and yet, he raised elladan and elrohir into great and proud, stong elves, who cared for estel even though he was his adopted son and was ready to sacrifice alot for his only daughter. he just wanted a happy family, he wanted to protect them all under the roof of the last homely house but wasn't able as they all picked their own fates.
about thranduil who really wanted to protect his son after losing every other dear to his heart in the battle. but he got so overwhelmed with the grief that he almost lost legolas in the worst way possible — he lost the trust his son had in him as in his parent.
i am thinking about bard who raised his daughters and a son alone in the cold, damp town, carrying a burden of a failed hero in the heart and people's hero on the face. but all he ever wanted is to keep his children in his arms safe and sound.
and about thorin who became fili and kili's big, strong, role model father-figure that they looked up to and followed almost blindly because they believed in what thorin believed. they wanted to stand on the same ground thorin stood. they wanted to be by his side when thorin achieved what he set his mind to because thorin raised them well. he raised them as warriors and good, proud dwarves. even in the exile they should have known that they are powerful and thorin did his best to implant that.
about theoden too — who lost his son but still kept love for his nephew and niece. he fostered them under his wing, trusted them unconditionally and these kids loved him to the ends of the earth. he was ready to give eowyn the throne — she was ready to sacrifice herself to protect him in battle. they were one of the biggest joys to his heart. they loved him.
boromir got to experience what it is like to be a father he and his younger brother never had — he watched for years as his father was picking favourites and being dishearteningly rude towards the one he loved the most in this world. boromir saw these young, small, unprepared for war hobbits and wanted to give them at least a piece of good memory from the trip that was about to become terrible and fateful.
and aragorn. sweet, soft-spoken, kind aragorn who was raised by elves and had a heart of a human. he was such a protective, caring character — the way he treated frodo like he is his son that aragorn wanted to save from the burden, — i was convinced from the moment he started talking he is going to be an amazing father one day. i fucking trusted him.
i am thinking about them tonight. it's not a good night but these thoughts help to get through.
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Note
heyy, I just noticed your requests are open for the hobbit! this is my first time interacting with your blog but I've been on a Kili brain riot for the last few days so here I am
anyway, I'm here to request something for Kili! possibly, Kili wanting reader to meet the Company since they are some of the most important people in his life and reader being very nervous about it but it all ends well? (post BOTFA, everybody lives) thank you🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️
KILI YES!! If you have read my thoughts on Thorin's company you know I would let him destroy me, no question asked :)
Aiden Turner really stole the screen, gave us the best Kili we could ask for and the go on with his life like nothing happened uh?! Just by looking at him I'm having palpitations, it's embarassing.
Here, have this short fluffy story to cheer and comfort yourself
Remember that english is not my first language, so please correct me if you see any mistakes!
Love
Ardisia 🖋
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THEY WILL LOVE YOU AS I DO
From: the Hobbit
Pair: Kili x reader
Genre: comforting fluff, everybody lives AU
Warnings: none (please correct me if you think there are)
A/N: if you would like to read more of my stories here you can find my masterlist my paypal would be so apprecieted since I'm saving money for my surgery and university :)
Kili had left the Blue Mountains with no intention of finding a partner, he didn't think it was a priority, not when such an important mission was at hand.
Destiny had other plans for him however. All he needed was a single look at you to understand you were his One, but he did not dare to act until the Battle was won and he could confess his feelings and intentions safely.
After months of courting and Kili visiting you secretely in Dale he decided it was time for you to meet his family and the company he travelled with. They were the most important people in his life and he wanted to introduce you too in the group.
So, after nights spent at thinking about how he could do just that he came up with an idea. A dinner. But first he had to tell the others about his courting and that made him a little nervous. He knew his position and he was worried his union would not be considere fitting enough for a prince.
Once a week the company and Dis had the habit of having breakfast all together. Kili decided it was the ideal moment to share his news.
If he thought he would have to face judgement or any kind of obstacle he was wrong. Everyone was very supporting, all of them ready to meet this sweet creature that had Kili's heart.
Together they organized a dinner for the following evening, everybody excited to meet you.
That afternoon Kili took a pony and rode to Dale happy to share the invite with you and stopped only once to arrange a bouquet of wild flowers to bring you.
When he knocked on your door you ran to open and Kili was there, smiling brightly behind those colorful flowers. His smile was your favourite thing in the world, he could light up the whole room with it.
Not even after an instant after you closed the door he kissed you sweetly, as only him could do.
"Amrâlimê… I missed you so much." he kissed you again and caressed the braid he did the last time he visited you. After he had given you the courting bead not a day had gone by without you weraing it. Kili would braid you hair again everytime before he would have to go back home, so that you coul have his touch in the hours or days you spent apart.
"I missed you too darling." you smiled in the kiss and he smiled back.
"I have good news for you!" he was so excited he couldn't keep it to himself anymore.
"Do tell my love."
"I told my family and the company all about us and our courting. They invite you to dinner with them tomorrow evening. They can't wait to meet you." your smile dropped a little. Kili had talked about them a lot obviously, from his stories they seemed to be great. What if they found you lame?
"Did- did I do something wrong?" Kili asked seeing you spacing out.
"No, absolutely not my darling, but... what if I'm not what they expect me to be? What if tomorrow they meet me, thinking I am more than what I am?" Kili caressed your cheeks and smiled again.
"You don't have to worry about it. They will love you as I do amrâlimê." you nodded, not really reassured, but less nervous.
The following afternoon Kili visited you again. You wore your nicest clothes and he had to take very deep breaths everytime he looked at you, you were simply gorgeus. He rode with you to the Mountain and, the more you got close, the more nervous you were.
When you entered the hallways of Erebor your palms were staring to sweat. Kili noticed and took your hand, guiding you to the dinner room still smiling, because Kili always smile.
When you entered, everyone was already waiting for the two of you. Kili had told you they were excited, but not HOW MUCH excited. Fili literally pushed Kili away to hug you and so did some of the other dwarves. Bilbo was a gentle men, bowing and kissing you hand, Dis made you feel at ease and Thorin kept asking questions to know more about you, his smile, so similar to Kili's, growing with each answer. Everyone was so sweet, your future husband had not done them justice when he told you how great they were.
The best part had been eating with them. It was so funny seeing Bilbo jumping up and down his chair to stop the dwarves from doing something and them not listening. It made you laugh wholeheartedly.
Kili watched you all night, trying to see if you were comfortable in the company of his family and it was very obvious to him you were enjoying them. It made him happier than he imagined.
The dinner was followed by a lot of songs and stories. You had never listened to anything like that and it had all of your attention. The way Balin would tak about their adventures or the songs, all of that gave you goosebumps.
Only when it was very late you started to fall asleep, comforted by the warm hug of your Kili and the feeling of having found a new home.
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nico-di-genova · 8 months
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aroace Fili 🤝 aroace Legolas
Both being tired of Kili and Tauriel’s Shakespearian romance
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legolaslovely · 2 years
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Alone
A/N: Hello friends! I hope you enjoy this little story. It was a nice way to step back into writing after some time off due to some career stuff. Leave it to Kíli to make me come crawling back haha!
Pairing: Kíli x Reader 
Word Count: 1,446
Warnings: talk of mental health issues, Hurt/Comfort, reader is a dwarf, reader wears skirts
Summary: You find Kíli alone during a hard day and he invites you to spend some time with him.
All credits to pinterest photos used below are in an original post here
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It wasn’t often that you saw the royal corridors glowing in the afternoon sunlight. It was richer and more golden than that of the early morning, blasting, rather than sneaking through the high, thin slices of painted glass above you. It was as if the sun itself had lit the many torches lining the walls, instead of the tireless guards of the mountain who you knew actually kept them bright and tidy. As you walked toward your chambers, you slowed to admire the colorful beams along the stone, lest your duties keep you from ever enjoying them again. After all,  it was customary for you to leave your quarters just after dawn and only return to them once the sun was safely tucked away for the evening. This day, however, you had a break in your schedule and you meant to enjoy the performance before you. 
Until you were interrupted.
     “(Y/N),” you heard.
You turned to see Fíli. The sunlight- orange and red and blue from the stained glass- danced in his golden hair like unbound fire and winked at you from his shining beads. Not that he noticed. He was concerned.
     “Have you seen Kíli?” he asked you.
     “Not since breakfast this morning,” you said.
Fíli hummed. He looked at the dull floor, again missing the magic around him.
     “Why?” you asked. 
     “He… I’m not sure. He was very quiet during our meeting with Uncle’s advisors this morning. But I may be making something out of nothing.”
You knew that wasn’t likely. Fíli was always right when it came to his brother. Even more often than you were. 
     “He’s probably off with his bow somewhere blowing off some steam,” Fíli said.
You agreed. “If I see him, I’ll send word to you.”
     “Thank you, (Y/N),” he said with a soft smile.
He turned from you and walked down the corridor the way he came, head cast down as he went. 
You too ignored the dancing sunlight as you made your way to your chambers with purpose and speed now, no matter how the colors around you begged for your attention.
*
As usual, two guards flanked the large doorway to the rooms that you and Kíli shared. You nodded your greeting to them, flashing a smile that you knew wasn’t as bright as intended due to your worry. The lock to the door clunked and you opened the heavy wooden door until you saw Kíli sitting at his desk straight ahead. Though he heard your entrance, he didn’t turn to you. 
You spoke to one of the guards in a soft voice that Kíli wouldn’t hear. “Rava, will you please send word to Prince Fili of his brother’s whereabouts? Assure him we will be spending the afternoon here and will see him at supper.”
Rava nodded and left.
The room was so still and quiet that your presence alone seemed to send harsh waves over still water, like a ship assaulting a tranquil lake.
     “Would you like to be alone for a while?” you asked.
     “Stay if you’d like,” Kíli answered, his voice deep from lack of use. There was no teasing in his words, no smirk, no smile. 
The moment you decided to let him be, leave him to those thoughts and emotions you didn’t yet understand,  he slid an extra chair out from under his desk with his foot. He placed it beside him, facing him, waiting for you.
At the doorway, you slid out of your heavy boots. You stood them up neatly next to Kíli’s and made your way to him, shedding the outer layer of your clothing and tossing it on the neatly made bed before standing behind him. Only then, with your hips pressed against the wooden back of his chair, did you see what he was doing. He was painting.
Fili was right. Something was wrong. Painting was an activity Kíli only took part in on his darkest days.
He was surrounded by a mess of supplies, sitting hunched over in his chair, his hands in fists, his ever-twitching legs still and tense. He stabbed his brush into a jar of water and swizzled it with a ferocity that would have startled any onlooker. You, however, knew it was an energy of concentration that gave Kíli his heavy hand, not one of rage. 
He explained it to you once, how painting helped him. When his thoughts circled and conversations replayed and the voice in his head growled and sneered its harmful words, painting was the only thing that gave him peace. Mixing hues and shades took him somewhere else, set him free, while his texture work- stippling and sweeping and everything in between- left the world quiet. He could escape his own mind for a while. Be alone.
With you. 
He’d wound his hair back into one thick braid, possibly at the beginning of his session. Since then, however, it had come loose, dropping long locks into his face and strands that would tickle his cheeks and forehead with every breath. You guessed that he’d been impatiently tucking them away behind his ears ever since, because the closer you looked, the more crusted paint you could see in his dark hair.
Testing, you took a piece near the front of his head and twisted it in your fingers until it became a sturdy rope. Before you could slide it behind his ear, however, Kíli straightened his back for you, silently giving you permission. He continued to work, using a knife to blend some colors, while you deftly wove his hair into a tight, but comfortable braid that would stay in place until he was finished. You ignored the fraudulent pigments in his hair and the way they peeled away from his strands and stuck under your nails. On days like this, it wasn’t unusual for you both to end up striped with paint, little consequential pieces of art leftover from Kíli’s spell.
You pressed your lips to the side of his head and cupped your hands over his shoulders in a way that wouldn’t impede his work. The scent you breathed in was so perfectly Kíli- soap, sweat, and smoke, now with added hints of acrylic and oil. You kissed his hair and left him to his painting, his freedom and peace. His shoulders curled and he hunched over the desk again, intent on his vision.
There was a book waiting for you on your bedside table. It was something you’d asked for from the library of Dale and had been delivered to you the evening before. It was a piece of human fiction, one recommended to you by a friend you’d met in the literary building. 
You took the leather bound book from where it had been left and brought it with you to the seat Kíli had pulled out for you. Gently, so as not to shake the desk, you sat in the cushioned chair and lifted your skirts to cross one leg over the other. Content to sit for the remainder of the afternoon, you opened the book’s cover, excited to begin the story. As you flipped to the following pages, however, a strong hand took your ankle. You jumped, surprised at the fingers wrapping around your naked skin, and watched Kíli as he brought your foot to rest in his lap. Looking down past his canvas, he then reached for your other calf, squeezing it as he lifted it to rest next to its twin.
He didn’t look at you, his expression didn’t change, his heavy brows didn’t lift, but as he continued to dab his paint brush over his work, his free hand gently slid your skirts up your legs, like lifting a sheet off a sleeping babe, freeing you from the round of your knees to the tips of your bare toes. He caressed your skin, swiping his thumb over the plump muscle of your calf and the bones of your ankle and knee as if he planned to paint you next, and create your image from touch alone. 
As excited as you were to have this book delivered to the mountain, you didn’t pay it much attention that afternoon. You were busy spying on Kíli, peeking at him while he blended and mixed colors. Watching the shadows gradually lift from his face, releasing the lines in his forehead and the downward turn of his rosy lips. Grinning to yourself when he unwittingly left streaks of blue paint on your legs. Feeling every moment of Kíli’s affection- that which he gave to you even in his darkest moments. 
Because even when he wished most to be alone, he wanted you there.
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teacupcollector · 2 years
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My Lover, My Monarch, My Friend (Thorin Oakenshield x GN Reader)
The Hobbit/LOTR Masterlist Summary: Thorin notices changes and unhealthy habits begining to form. All he can do is do his best to show you that he cares.
@robin-the-enby​ Requested:  Hello! Is it ok if I ask for Thorin and an s/o who struggles with an ed? Preferably anorexia, but you can leave it unspecified. I would just love some comfort...If you'd need more information, I'll gladly provide it! But if this is triggering for you or you don't want to write it, that's completely fine, just let me know <3 Thank you so much!!
A/N: This is my first time writing about an ED if this is triggering or hurtful in any way Let me know and I will remove it immediately 
Warnings: Slight description of an ED, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
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Thorin knows something is off with you, but he couldn’t pinpoint why his lover is so closed off recently. He notices you training more and more each day. You both don’t take your romantic baths together anymore. You both haven’t been intimate in a long time. Not that, that’s all he care about, he fell in love with your mind before all else. Though maybe it was your voice when you talked. The way your lips moved and how soft they looked, but still that voice would only speak when you had something brilliant to say. He hasn’t really heard your voice in a long time unless it was the small grunts and panting breath from training. You seem to be getting more and more tired recently, your stamina has been dropping and he is worried for you. You’re more pale and have been having constipation so he assumed that you were sick. He has offered his best healers and yet you refuse. Every injury you sustain on the training goes overlooked  -Not by him but by you- 
As of right now Thorin is in the dining hall waiting for your arrival. You both haven’t eaten any meals together in a long while. He decides to abandon his meal and grab yours before heading to your bed chambers. He neglects to knock since this is also his room. As he walks in he sees you putting on a night gown. He catches a glimpse of your body for just a moment and his brows knit together for a moment before you turn around with a gasp as the door shuts behind him.
“T-Thorin! I didn’t expect you to come to bed so soon.” You say. 
Your eyes glide down to the plate in his hand before looking away. Thorin pauses for a moment before setting the plate down in a seating area in the chambers.
“Would you like to eat  amrâl? (Love)” With out a second thought you shake your head.
Thorin raises a brow. “Aren’t you hungry?” He asks and you shake your head. “No my love. I was about to go to bed.” You say with a false smile.
Thorin looks at you for a moment before he shrugs. He catches you taking a breath of relief which confuses him further, but decides to leave it. 
“Let us sleep them my love.” He says as he begins to strip in front of one of the many wardrobes. 
He can feel your lustful gaze on him and he smirks, He doesn’t expect anything tonight but he loves the way goose bumps crawl over his skin when he feels you looking at him. Even after fifty years of being together he still gets that way. He hopes you feel the same way he does. 
He is now in a pair of sleep pants but lacking the night shirt. He looks down at the scar that litters the middle of his chest. He ignores that for now as he turns to face you. Which you are in bed already facing away from his side. Thorin looks as you bundle a blanket around you despite it being in the heat of summer. Thorin needs to get to the bottom of this. He decides to let himself rest.
The next day he is in the company of Balin.
“You look like you need an ear?” Balin says concerned.
Thorin is silent for a moment. “I am worried for my lover...”
“Why?” Balin asks.
Thorin begins to explain all that has happened, from not joining him at dinner, to refusing his loving advances, whether it be a kiss, cuddle, or making love, He tells his worries of how cold you are when you both do touch, how you shiver in the dead of summer. How you refuse to talk about how you are doing. Balin sighs.
“I don’t think it is in my place to tell. I say be patient and coax them out of this pit they are in.”
“I have tried Balin. I have tri-” Balin cuts him off.
“You might not have tried everything...” He says before removing himself from the room.
Later that night Thorin walks into your shared bedroom and sees you sitting on the furs near the fireplace. He sees that you are also bundled with furs. He takes a moment to sit behind you. 
“Hello my amrâl. (Love)” He says as he kisses the back of your head. He feels you lean against him.
He moves your hair away from your shoulder exposing your neck. He begins to place small kisses starting from the back of your ear to open mouth kisses to your shoulder. He begins to nibble and suck loving marks on your skin. His hands come to the front of your body. He feels you shiver against him and he can’t help but smile. He uses his left hand to turn your head toward him. He brings you into a gentle kiss. Your lips are slightly chapped but he ignore it for now as he begins to lay you down against the furs. He feels you tangle your hands in his hair as he places more open mouth kisses on your neck going toward your collar bone. He begins to lift the bottom of your gown while massaging your legs. He pauses his kisses for a moment before continuing up to your torso. As he feels along it you gasp and sit up quickly.
“I-I know what you are doing!” You exclaim and Thorin has a look of shame on his face.
“Why are you refusing to eat?” He asks and you turn away from him.
“My love...” He says in your native tongue. “Please tell me.”
“I... I feel that...Thorin, I can’t...” Thorin begins to protest but stops.
“You don’t have to tell me right now... But I want you to eat my love.” “I ca-” Yes you can. All of us will be there to help you...” Thorin says hoping that his words will get through to you.
Tears begin to collect in your eyes as he brings you into his arms. 
“My love you are the most beautiful being in all of Middle Earth... If I have to tell you that and worship your body every hour of the night I will. All I ask is you eat.” He sees you hesitate for a moment before cutting in on your thoughts. “If... If it’s a weight thing that you don’t like... I will glady get you some vegetables. You know... Like what the Elves eat...” He says slowly.
“We can start with that, you can have many beans and nuts for protein.” 
“Thorin you do-”  He cuts you off
“I do... You are my lover, my monarch, and my friend... I will not stop until those demons inside your head have left you. Until you believe that my words are true and that you will always look ravishing in my eyes, Even now I can’t keep my hands off you.” He says with a smirk which causes you to giggle. 
“Let us sleep. We will start in the morning.” You nod as you both head to bed.
It has been a few months now, and within those few months you went from a vegan diet, to a vegetarian diet and as of right now you are having your first sliver of meat. You feel yourself begin to sweat as you feel the company’s eyes on you. You stab the piece of meat with your fork and sniff it. You feel the urge to gag but your mouth is watering at the same time. You look over to Thorin who has a big smile on his face. You feel the warmth of his heart through his smile and you smile back. You end up stuffing the piece of meat in your mouth and clasping your hand over your mouth as to not spit it out. You chew, and chew, and chew before swallowing. You turn to Thorin who is waiting in anticipation. You open your mouth and lift your tongue as everyone cheers happily. Thorin leaves his seat and brings you into an embrace.
“You did wonderful my love!” He says.
“A true warrior you are my monarch!” Fili says.
“Absolutely! You are so brave your highness!” Kili exclaims.
You feel tears of happiness fill your eyes as you hide your face in his chest.
“I don’t know if I will eat meat that often... I might stay with veggies for a little while longer.” You say sounding small.
“Well this is a great first step. If you wish to stay with your original diet none will judge you. You did such a good job and you continue to make me proud every single day. I hope you always remember that.” 
You let out an uncontrollable sob and hug Thorin for dear life. You hear the skidding of chairs against the stone floor before you feel multiple bodies pile on top of your and Thorin’s. You and Thorin let out a laugh as they all continue to complement and cheer for you.
“I’d...” Your voice causes to voices to stand still. “Can I have more beans? They are very good.” Thorin’s eyes and smile widen. as he cups your cheek.
“That’s my lover...” He says as he places a tender kiss on your lips
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ally-holmes · 1 year
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Lion and Fire | Fili x Original Character
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My Fanfic Masterlist | Multifandom
Fandom: The Hobbit
Pairing: Fili x OC | Background Thorin x Bilbo
Rating: Mature (just in case).
Content Warnings: canon divergence, everybody lives/nobody dies, the Durins are bad at romance, fighting tournament, misogyny (we’ll fight against it).
Summary: When Thorin tells Fili that Dáin has offered to introduce him to his goddaughter Maen and that expects them to get on good terms and, maybe, end up married, Fili decides that he’s going to hate her. Little does he knows that she’s not only beautiful, but she’s also smart and strong. He expected to be the one with an opinion on the matter, yet she confessing that she won’t marry him hurt his pride deeply. 
Word Count: 8012
Also available on AO3
This work was created to be part of the Deanobingo2023 event by @deanobingo​ It fills the Character Card with Fili and the General Prompt Card with Hurt/Comfort.
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Lion and Fire | Oneshot
It's common knowledge among dwarfs that less than a third of their population are females and that pregnancies and deliveries are highly complicated and dangerous, therefore their children and dwarf ladies are cherished and cared for. However, a young dwarf lady in the Iron Hills turned the tables by giving birth eleven times, always quickly and powerfully. Among those eleven babies, seven of them were females. Those rarities gave the family high recognition among the population of the Iron Hills up to the point in which king Dáin pleaded for the couple to be the godfather of their youngest.
Their fame allowed them to marry their first daughter to a well-off smith. They loved each other, of course, but if the daughter hadn't been the first of eleven children the possibilities of marrying someone with a better position and income than them would've been remote at best. She gave the smith five children, four of them females, and two of them in one go. There was no such word in khuzdul for siblings that shared the womb although, in the common tongue, it was 'twins', apparently.
The success of that union helped the second daughter marry the son of the head of the guards. That was an impressive jump. Four wonderful daughters followed their marriage and the rumor of the magic of those dwarven ladies spread.
As the siblings of the youngster kept growing and marrying, she rolled her eyes with disgust and complained when her family insisted that because of the gift they obviously had she was meant to be kept indoors learning how to knit, sew, cook, and work in other small works like woodwork for tools or toys, and metalwork for jewels.
"Maen!" she heard her name being called and stopped in her tracks. Comically slowly, she turned her body to face the voice. King Dáin was looking at her with an arched brow. "What are you doing in the armory? Again."
"I rather not answer that, sire."
Shit. She shouldn't have said that because then the piercing look of Dáin noticed the axes she had tucked in a blanket. He sighed and approached the twenty-seven-year-old, "We've talked about this, Maen. You are a lady and–"
"I can fight as well as any other dwarf!"
"That's not the point. The point is that female dwarves are so scarce that the danger of the battle would reduce their number and it may cause our extinction."
Her frown and the fire in her eyes made Dáin smile. That young dwarf was like a daughter to him and he couldn't resist the pride swelling in his chest due to her determination.
"Very well. You'll be trained," her eyes lit up. "But do not expect any help just because you're the goddaughter of the king. You'll face the training like the others and if you fail you'll retreat."
"I won't fail!"
And she didn't. In fact, Maen became the best warrior of her generation. She was fast and strong with great coordination; her oldest brother-in-law forged her axes, sword, and knife with extra care. Maen's family had not taken greatly Dáin's decision to allow her to learn how to fight and smith among other things, but her bright smiles and good mood pushed them to accept it and help her the best they could.
Nevertheless, she grew up and the perspective of her marriage was smothering. Being the last of the sisters in line for marriage awakened a dark monster among the Iron Hills' population as every single male dwarf, despite their age, sent their intentions of courting the young dwarf once she was of age. Dáin cut that nonsense when the harassment became increasingly dangerous and he stated that whoever put his hands on his goddaughter without her proper consent would face a death sentence.
Kind of luckily for Maen, the year she became legally suitable for marriage was when the company of Thorin Oakenshield reclaimed Erebor successfully with the help of Dáin's army in their last moments. Not many people knew that Maen had an influence on Dáin's political decisions, but she did. When Thorin's letter begging for help arrived, she started thinking about the war machines they could carry to the Lonely Mountain to face the dragon, yet Dáin refused and put his foot down in that decision. She didn't let the topic drop, though, and thanks to her the Iron Hills' army was ready to part when Thorin's cry for help arrived. She had overpowered Dáin's stubbornness with her own.
The battle of the five armies was bloodshed. She fought back to back with Dáin and his second in command. Maen killed with both hands, not stopping until all their enemies were down, even if her arms were hurting badly or if her armor was soaked in blood. Once the battle had been won, Dáin looked at her across the battlefield and nodded highly pleased with her performance. Maen was a warrior and that day she proved to her fellow dwarfs that if they wanted to court her, they had a long battle ahead.
Prince Thorin and his nephews had been badly injured, but not deadly, which was great news for them. Winter was upon them and they had a decision to make: either they went back to the Iron Hills leaving the Oakenshield Company and the men of Laketown to their own volition, or they stayed trying to help and tending their own injured warriors.
Maen accompanied Dáin to the meeting with the elven king, Bard of Laketown, the wizard, Thorin, and a hobbit. While Dáin took a seat, she stood behind him with a hand carefully placed in the grip of her sword. She listened quietly while the discussions developed. The elven king was being a royal ass, Bard was a great leader, while Thorin and Dáin were being stubborn dwarves unable to see the privilege of a short alliance with the elves as they were able to provide them with food for the worst of the winter; no more than three months.
She cleared her throat when everything was starting to get ridiculous and Dáin closed his mouth immediately. Maen felt Thorin's eyes on her, but she didn't say anything, she didn't even move. Dáin sighed leaning back in his chair.
"Fine. Fine, you're right. Before the roads become intransitive, I'll send the healthiest injured dwarves back to the Iron Hills with word of sending back some of our resources for the winter. In doing that, we'll reduce the number of people in need in Erebor," Dáin conceded to everyone's surprise.
Gandalf studied Maen as if he was able to see through her soul.
"We need a place to stay as the dragon burned Laketown and Dale is inhabitable just yet. However, we understand that our number, although reduced after both the dragon attack and the battle, is still an inconvenience for Erebor and Mirkwood. I propose to divide our number and if you have room for us, king Thranduil, some of us would go with you, and the others would stay in Erebor, if possible." Bard was diplomatic and careful with his wording, but he wasn't giving any alternative. His people needed help and he was going to get it, he was willing to bend but not to break.
Maen fought her need to smile, but Dáin could sense her good mood and nodded to the man.
"Cousin, what are your thoughts? I haven't seen the mountain yet."
"I– I have not explored it in its whole. I do not know the extension of the dragon's damage," Thorin explained.
Bilbo, the hobbit, twisted his nose, looked around the table, and pressed his lips together before finally deciding to speak. "Um… I did. I came and went. Not much, really. I didn't want to get lost. The mountain is huge," that seemed to please Thorin. "There are a few large rooms whose structure is sturdy and it could keep all of us safe and such. Um… It might be like camping, but inside the mountain, though. We might need to build some tents inside to isolate and keep the warmth close to us because those rooms have very high ceilings."
"Huh… It can be done," said an old dwarf with red clothing and a white beard. Balin, if Maen remembered correctly, had been standing between Thorin and Bilbo's chairs, listening and not really talking, until now. "The forges were almost destroyed when we fought with the dragon inside, but the fire is still working and I'm thinking we might be able to use the old calefaction system. We can also get some fires in those rooms. And if some of the Iron Hills' dwarves are staying, they can guard the delicate parts of the mountain."
"My people would be under your orders, cousin, don't fret. I could go back if you don't need me here."
"We have a solution there. That's interesting," Gandalf noted with a controlled tone. "However, there's also the need for food. Even if Dáin gladly sends something from the Iron Hills, it wouldn't be sufficient."
"The lake is not incredibly far, but fishing can be dangerous depending on the weather," Bard explained.
"And Mirkwood is still dangerous to go hunting there. Plus, is farther than the lake," Bilbo pointed out.
"I guess there's no other option but to help you. However, if you expect this help to be–"
"It must be free or it wouldn't be 'help'," Bilbo spat with cold politeness.
Maen smiled then before biting her bottom lip. Thorin had seen her reaction and he looked at his cousin searching for answers as she had not been introduced at the beginning of the meeting.
"It's not like we can starve, and–"
"Then you must keep all the men in your realm," Maen cut him piercing his iced eyes with her own brown ones.
Dáin smiled smugly. "She's right, elven king. If you won't help the men that stay in Erebor, then you must take care of more of them. I'm sure I could take all my healthy dwarves and only leave here the badly injured ones, plus the company. It would be much easier for the Iron Hills to aid less than thirty people than three-hundred."
Thranduil was about to make a smart remark, but Gandalf's soft chuckle made him keep his mouth shut. His son, prince Legolas, accepted the previous conditions in his name. He was about to leave for the north, but he had stayed by Gandalf's plead to help with the negotiations.
"Beorn had offered to provide Erebor with flour and honey before the paths got cut due to the weather. If your majesty needs some aid with those ingredients, I'm sure he'll–" Gandalf was cut sharply by Thranduil dismissing the offering.
"We'll be ready to settle in half of the men. I'm sure some scouts would be able to hunt for the ones remaining in Erebor to survive the winter."
"Thank you, king Thranduil," Bard nodded to him.
With everything solved for the moment, the dwarves exited the tent with the hobbit. Bilbo seemed to have taken great interest in Maen, as he was glancing at her but trying to be subtle about it.
"May I help you, Master Hobbit?" She inquired with a playful smile.
"Oh! I'm… Uh… It's just, I…"
"The little guy must be intrigued about what's a dwarven lady doing here, are you not Mister Bilbo?"
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize. Most females don't do war, as it's supposed to be extremely dangerous."
Thorin arched an eyebrow at her, "It is extremely dangerous."
"Funnier than knitting."
"This is my goddaughter, Lady Maen, the Fire of the Iron Hills. I did not have time to introduce her before, cousin. She's responsible for our quick answer."
Confused, Thorin looked at her. "I kept pushing Dáin to come to Erebor and help you with the dragon. We were about to go out of the Iron Hills when the news arrived."
"She's a handful, cousin, a handful. Although, I have a proposal to make you," his tone and the fact that he was wrapping an arm around Thorin's shoulders made him tense.
"What proposal?"
"Are you interested in an alliance between Erebor and the Iron Hills? Stronger than the one we already have, of course."
"I won't be marrying her."
"Mahal, no! You're ancient for her!"
Bilbo snorted at that. Thorin shot him a look.
"Your nephews, on the other hand… Fili's the heir, is he not? Maen is Kili's age, so it wouldn't be such a difference between her and Fili. What do you think?"
"I won't impose a marriage upon my family."
Dáin laughed in good spirits, "If you believe I can make Maen do anything she's not comfortable with, you're highly mistaken. All I'm asking is if you think they could meet, and see what happens."
"Couldn't you have talked to me about it before?" Maen sighed.
"Now, where would the fun be in that?"
Things got settled then without any promises or concessions. Maen assisted Bilbo in tending the survivors and arranging the mountain for the winter. She wasn't as close-minded or prone to prejudice as her fellow dwarves, therefore she immediately took a liking to the hobbit which made Bilbo feel at ease in her presence. Before the worst of the winter fell upon them, and once the Iron Hills' supplies were well stoked in Erebor, Maen left with Dáin.
Five years later, Thorin reached out to Dáin accepting the proposition of having Maen and Fili meet, but he was clear enough that Fili had the final decision, not him.
That's how five years after the battle of the five armies, a caravan of dwarves from the Iron Hills closed the distance with Erebor once again. Rumors about Maen had been spread among the Ereborians; they knew about the good luck of the females in her family and that she was Dáin's goddaughter, yet even if they believed that they couldn't comprehend that she being a warrior was just as true as the other things. When she showed up in the throne room with a gorgeous magenta velvet dress with golden embroidery, intricate braids in her hairstyle, and beautiful jewelry designed for a princess more than for the youngest child of a poor family, the rumor spread that she was well educated, feminine, and, in no way, a warrior.
The throne room was occupied by king Thorin, his consort Bilbo, and his advisor Balin. Dáin stomped happily forgetting all about protocol much to Thorin's amusement.
"Cousin!! It's good to see you where you belong. Up and healthy, no less. Good. Good," he nodded vehemently.
"I hope the journey had not been too difficult for you, Dáin."
"Nothing can break us, Thorin. Ah! You better remember Lady Maen," with a gesture of his hand, she made a small bow.
"Impossible to forget. Welcome, Lady Maen. I hope your stay in Erebor would be pleasurable."
"If I may, sire, allow me to compliment the state of the mountain. In only five years, it has changed too much I can barely remember where all the debris was."
"Indeed. Time flies and we've been using it wisely. My consort has taken special care in the election of your rooms, and I've been warned that you would need free access to our library if you are to be happy under our roof," Thorin stated with a mischievous glint in his eyes that contrasted with the deepness of his voice.
Maen blushed violently as Dáin laughed, "There are two places that cannot be kept away from Maen, cousin, one of them is the library and the other is the arena. Don't let her fool you, she's as much of a handful as your nephews when she's determined. Not as mischievous, perhaps."
"I'm standing right here," she deadpanned.
She had been thinking about this meeting since Thorin's letter arrived at the Iron Hills, yet she never, in her wildest dreams, imagined Thorin Oakenshiel burst into laughter at something she'd said. Maen stopped breathing due to the surprise, and when she locked eyes with Bilbo, she relaxed as the consort had a familiar welcoming and caring air surrounding him.
"Well… Where's the lad?" Dáin asked then.
Thorin seemed nervous then, glancing at his consort. "We might have misplaced him," Bilbo pointed out.
"But don't fret, Dáin, Dwalin, and Dís are looking for him at this very moment," Balin added.
"He knew I was coming, didn't he?" She asked Bilbo directly.
The hobbit cleared his throat changing his weight anxiously. "Of course! We– Um… We told him this morning."
"This morning."
"Then we could prevent him from going out of the mountain," Thorin explained.
Before she could say anything else, the door burst open with amazing strength. A dwarf lady wearing a rich Durin's blue dress and an impressive braided upsweep, with mithril beads on her beard, appeared stomping in furiously; on one hand, she was carrying a heavy hammer while the other had a firm grip on the back of the clothes worn by a blond dwarf being dragged by her. A few steps behind them, a huge bald dwarf full of ink had another dwarf on his shoulders carrying it like a sack of coal. The dwarf lady didn't seem put off by the presence of the Iron Hills dwarves, it mostly fueled her anger if Maen had to go by the way her frown deepened.
She dropped the blond dwarf to the floor, right at Thorin's feet. The bald dwarf hadn't dropped the other dwarf that was fighting with all he had kicking and punching him without result. Thorin closed his eyes a moment before grunting an 'Up' full of ire.
The blond dwarf stumbled to get to his feet, when his blue eyes found his new audience, he ran a hand through his messy mane and stood excessively self-satisfied. Maen arched an eyebrow utterly unimpressed.
"Lady Maen, allow me to introduce you to my sister, Lady Dís. This is her son, and Crown Prince of Erebor, Fili," when Thorin noticed Maen's eyes glancing at the other two still struggling, he sighed. "And that's the chief of the guard, Dwalin, and Fili's brother, Kili."
"We do apologize for this terrible first encounter," Dís rapidly assured.
"Please, do not worry. I had been warned that he had been misplaced."
Fili rolled his eyes and Maen fought her urge to just push him. She had made a long journey to come and meet him!! The least he could do was behave like a proper dwarf.
"I was also told that I share a birth year with Kili," she looked pointedly at the dwarf on Dwalin's shoulder. The young dwarf stopped fighting to get free. "I must say I beg to differ."
Thorin snorted, "You and I, both."
"Why don't we show our guests their rooms?" Bilbo asked looking at Balin.
"Great idea! I'm sure you must want to rest before supper is ready," the advisor smiled at them.
"That'll be great, Master Balin," before following him and the others, Maen took Fili's look on with an enigmatic smile. The prince twitched under her scrutiny. "It would be impossible for us to get to know each other if you keep running away, prince Fili; and here I thought you were called Lion for a reason…"
As she left she could hear Dís loud laugh and a pleased, "I like her already!"
The quarters Maen was placed in were beautiful and cozy, they had a clear hobbit influence and she loved it. Bilbo had left a small stock of books in her room with a nice note. She felt moved by Bilbo's easy way of making people around him feel taken care of one way or another. Thorin's good humor was a total surprise, yet incredibly welcome. The brothers' stunt had hurt her, however. She couldn't understand how someone could just be so disrespectful to someone they didn't know. Maen understood that maybe Fili had already someone he wanted to court and he hadn't talked to his uncle about it, but they could've talked about it at least. There was no need to run away and reject her like that. Perhaps Fili had heard about her humble birth and that was a dealbreaker for him even though it didn't seem to be the case with Thorin or Dís.
As she considered the possibilities of the prince's behavior her mood soured. Something heavy sunk into her stomach.
When supper was ready, she walked to the dining room next to Dáin. Thorin's company was there, as they were now noblemen. Fili and Kili kept mostly for themselves although their mother confronted them with harsh whispers every now and then. Maen took this opportunity to get to know the others and she found herself charmed by Ori's shyness as he explained how he was now the head of the library and he'd been taking extra care of the books with Bilbo. Maen shared her love for books and complained about how scarce her library in the Iron Hills was compared to what she'd heard of the one in Erebor.
Ori's older brother, Dori, complimented her on her dress and she immediately explained that the intricate work had been made by one of her sisters.
"I'm not as good with fabrics and threats as I am with the sword, I'm afraid."
"The rumors are true, then?" Nori asked with a glint in his eyes. As far as she had been able to perceive, Nori loved all kinds of digressions of the norms. That included the fact that Maen was a warrior.
"Without having listened to the rumors myself I'm not able to confirm nor deny them, Master Nori. However, I am in fact a warrior. I came here five years ago a helped in the battle."
A snort made her turn her head sharply. Kili, bright red, was choking on his food.
"Seriously?" Bilbo muttered tiredly as he approached the young prince to clasp him in the back, "This is a divine punishment for trying to make fun of her. Just so you know," the hobbit whispered to him; it was so loud, however, that the whole room heard it.
Maen approached Dwalin after dessert had been eaten, and she started a conversation about axes and their different forms. It immediately engaged the warrior in an enjoyable chat about the advantages and disadvantages of long axes, short axes, extra curly axes, and so on. When Maen told him that his brother-in-law was the smith that made her weapons, Dwalin immediately showed interest in giving them a few blows and he even invited her to the arena.
Before the night was called off, she approached the princes. Without the ceremony and respect that she should show them due to their rank, she sat in front of them with an eyebrow arched and her arms crossed on her chest.
"Well? Anything you want to say to my face or you two rather whisper each other's ears off like a couple of grannies?"
"What are you doing here, exactly?" Kili wondered with a frown.
"I've been asked to come and meet with you guys. Dáin's idea is that, if Fili and I like each other we could get married."
"And if I don't want to marry you?" Fili spat straightening his back.
Maen snorted rolling her eyes, "Sweetheart, right now I'm the one who won't marry you. You haven't even been nice enough for me to be able to consider you a friend in the future. I'm going to stay here as long as Dáin wants, so you better grow up and face the fact that I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."
"What if we make you leave?" Kili whispered in a poor try at being menacing.
She giggled. "Ow, you're cute. I won't leave. It's refreshing being somewhere where I don't have to be looking over my shoulder for someone to shove courting gifts in my face."
"Are you that popular in the Iron Hills?" Fili seemed skeptical and Kili was blushing so hard that his brain was going to melt.
"Dáin had to make a decree for them to leave me alone. It worked… for the most part."
*
Two weeks after that terrible first day, the princes seemed less ridiculous around her, which was great, but they still treated her like a pest. When Dís or Thorin agreed that Fili would accompany Maen to the market, he made her wait for at least an hour before showing up sweaty and dirty from fighting in the arena, Kili close behind him; as might be expected, the fact that the brothers were together implied that they lead her to the market and then ignore her in favor to talk to each other, the shop owners, or cute lady dwarves that walked through the market.
Maen kept feeling unwanted, disrespected, and hurt. The murmurs around Erebor saying that there was no way she was a warrior because she was too delicate, too soft, too nice, too girly… didn't help to improve her mood at all.
On the second day of the third week, she was invited to witness the tournament between warriors from the Iron Hills and from Erebor in the arena. Apparently, Thorin and Dáin had decided to rescue that form of healthy entertainment in order to cheer her up. She, boldly, asked Thorin if Fili was going to participate, to which he assured her that he would.
The day of the tournament rolled by and Maen was nowhere to be found. The rules were simple: no biting, no hurting in extra sensitive areas, and no killing; the local fighters would walk to the center of the arena and a visitor fighter would decide to duel him. Usually, the best warrior or, in this case, the prince, was the last one in moving to the center of the arena as it was the big show to close the tournament. As the time to start came close and all the visitor fighters were in their place, Fili approached his uncle with a concerned frown.
"Where is she?"
"Clearly not here."
"Uncle, we're doing all of this for her entertainment," he complained.
"No. We're doing this because you begged for a chance to make it right with her."
"While showing off, of course," Bilbo chimed in.
"That too. However, we cannot force her to come and see you fight after how badly you've treated her."
"This is not fair!"
"Shut your mouth and go to your place. I didn't raise you to whine like this, Fili," Dís snarled.
Dáin had listened to the exchange with a pleased and smug smile on his face.
The tournament started strongly. Dwalin was one of the first participants and he demolished the Iron Hills' fighter in less than ten minutes without breaking a sweat. Fili paid half attention to the arena as his eyes kept searching in the audience for someone familiar hoping that Maen's curiosity pushed her to go down there even if it was camouflaging herself to blend with the Ereborians. Kili, who wasn't a participant in the tournament, approached his brother from behind the fighters' bench.
"Nervous? You're next."
"No. I don't care. She's not even here."
"Does that mean that you're going to perform badly because your girlfriend is not here to see you win? Pathetic."
"Oi! She's not my girlfriend."
"Of course not," he scoffed. "Maen said clearly that she wouldn't marry you if you keep being an ass, and you've been even worse than an ass. Now you like her, though, and you cannot stand the idea of her marrying one of his many, many, many, many–"
"Shut your mouth."
"–many, many, many suitors in the Iron Hills. Who knows? Maybe Dáin offers her to marry his son."
A spike of jealousy bloomed in Fili's eyes and Kili smirked.
"If you perform greatly I'm sure Ori would talk to her about it."
Kili was a mastermind… on occasion. He knew that Fili had grown wary of the little librarian due to the amount of time he spent with Maen talking about books, and it was the right amount of fuel needed for his brother to stomp to the middle of the arena when his turn came.
The visitor fighters looked directly at one of them, one who had stayed in full armor –helmet included– since the beginning; it seemed as if they knew that fighter wanted to destroy the heir of Erebor. What if he was one of Maen's suitors? Fili was screwed. Kili gave his brother a thumbs-up and ran to his mother.
"Fili's going to die."
"Perhaps," she smiled.
The fighter faced Fili with a long sword in hand, and a couple of axes stored on his back. He bowed to the prince as requited and then waited for the signal to begin.
Fili took the initiative of the first blow. They shared some tentative blows, not really revealing their strength, and suddenly Fili used all this strength on one blow that the fighter wisely dodged, he punched the prince in the face with the hand holding his sword and Fili stumbled to the side. Fili's helmet allowed me to see his face and hair, but the fighter's blow hurt nonetheless. Grunting, Fili charged against him and, this time, the fighter responded with similar strength pushing his body against Fili's not allowing him to take any advantaged position. When Fili punched the fighter in the guts he didn't emit a sound, the dwarf was tougher than expected.
The fighter gained an area against Fili. As their swords were pushing against each other, none of them ready to yield, the fighter crushed Fili's foot making him lose some strength in his attack which gave the fighter room to disarm him, go around him, and kick his back throwing the prince to the floor.
Instead of taking that point of advantage and winning the battle, the fighter receded, threw his sword to a corner of the arena far away from him, and pulled his axes from the back. He gave them a colorful twist in his hands before turning to the prince. Fili had taken off his helmet with fury, his hair was a mess, and his eyes were lit with determination and ferocity. He couldn't see the features of the fighter, but the small bow was mockingly enough to fuel the prince's anger.
Fili took his throwing knives from their hiding place and threw them in quick succession; the fighter hit every one of them with precise movements of his axe while approaching the prince. Without anything else to throw, Fili launched himself to the floor made a turn, and grabbed his sword just in time to block one of the axes. He rejected the attack and ran to where his discarded shield was; how had he been so cocky as to believe he wouldn't need it, he didn't know.
The audience held their breath, the arena was in complete silence apart from the fighters' weapons crashing. One of the axes got blocked by the sword for the seventh time, but this time the position prevented Fili from pushing it back; the other ax hit his shield repeatedly, over and over and over and over. The hits were fast and strong, never hesitating nor showing tiredness. Fili's shield arm felt every hit like a jolt until a particularly hard hit shocked him from the wrist to the shoulder provoking a spasm that made him drop the shield with a painful moan. The fighter then kneed him in the uncovered side throwing him onto the floor once again.
As the prince fought to stand up, the fighter kicked him again before throwing his sword far away from his reach. The fighter stood proudly next to the whining prince and slid his ax under the blond's chin waiting for him to admit his surrender.
"I yield. I yield!!"
Fili's words made the arena break to sound again. The fighter retreated his weapon, yet he didn't move and Fili was too tired to try to get up.
"That's my girl!!" Dáin's yell overpowered the other voices.
The fighter tilted his head to one side, still facing Fili. He put his axes on his back again before pulling the helmet off. Maen's face appeared then and Fili was unable to produce a word.
"Fili, the Lion of Erebor, had been defeated by Maen, the Fire of the Iron Hills. This tournament has been–" Thorin kept with his speech but Fili couldn't make sense of his words.
Maen nodded at him and turned leaving him on the floor of the arena.
*
Fili sat heavily in a chair by the fire. His body ached horribly after the fight, bruises had been blooming on his torso, and his shield arm was stiff. Kili handed him a mug of warm ale with a cheeky grin.
"She kicked your arse."
"Of course she did," Thorin claimed. "Lady Maen is one of the best warriors of the Iron Hills."
"But she's a lady!!" Fili complained.
"Excuse me?" Dís looked pointedly at her son, who immediately cowered in his chair.
"What I don't understand is why you don't just ask her to spend some time together. You clearly like her," Kili pressed.
"Durin's are bad at romance, lad," Dwalin laughed.
"What do you mean?" Kili was suddenly interested while Fili just sipped his cup.
"Do you remember how Thorin treated Bilbo during our journey?" Balin asked in his calmer voice. "He was insufferable just because he thought the hobbit was cute."
"I did not!"
Dwalin snorted at Thorin's outrage.
"It was sad to see."
"It happened the same with Dís. She made your poor father bleed and cry before accepting his proposal," Balin added.
"Why did you shove me into this mess?" She complained and punched her brother's arm when he laughed.
"I didn't treat Tauriel badly when I met her," Kili thought out loud.
"That's because you're more like your father," Balin explained, not allowing the others to jump at the mention of the elf.
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" Fili claimed the attention was on him again.
"Stop being an ass to her would be a good start. Although if you really do not like her that much I could always ask her out–"
"Kili don't mess with your brother when he's clearly suffering."
"Yes, mother."
"I have to say you're quite lucky, lad. Maen's not like any other lass; not even like any other dwarf. She wouldn't hold a grudge for long. It's up to you."
Dwalin's words echoed in Fili's mind as his eyes looked over the flames.
Not far away from the royal quarters where they were having their little chat, were Maen's. She had taken a very long bath, and dried carefully her bushy mane of dark brown hair before tying it in a careful braid whose sole objective was to avoid it tangling in her sleep. She sat next to her own fire with a romance book in her hands. Her focus wasn't the best at that moment, hence her relieved sigh when her torture was cut short by a knock on her door.
Bilbo Baggings was on the other side of the door with understanding showering his features. Maen invited him to enter the living area, pleased by the tray with backed goods and tea that Bilbo placed carefully on a small table.
"I hope you like scones, Lady Maen."
"I cannot say I've had them before, Mister Bilbo, but please, call me Maen."
"Bilbo for me then." After taking a few bites with a meaningless conversation, Bilbo twisted his nose, cleared his throat, and brushed the crumbs away from his fingers. "I wanted to apologize."
Maen blinked in confusion, "Please no, do not do such a thing. You've been nothing but nice to me, Bilbo. There's nothing you should apologize about."
"I beg to differ. I– I presumed that because you're a dwarf you'll have it easier here, that you'll click with Fili faster than– Well… I'm a hobbit, not a dwarf, and you know how reserved dwarves could be; I had it hard with the company for a big part of our journey, and when Thorin confessed his feelings I could only think about the council opposing and the Ereborians just hating me.
"I'm not entirely sure how I managed to have the position that I have now, but I'm certain that I own the company a big deal of it. Especially to Thorin.
"I shouldn't have presumed that you wouldn't feel left out or unwanted by your fellow dwarves. I guess you and I are alike on that front as I had been pinned down as an oddity by my fellow hobbits back in The Shire. I didn't quite fit there."
"Female dwarves aren't meant to be warriors, there's too little of us and pregnancy is a deadly risk on its own. The armory called for me daily, nonetheless, and Dáin was kind enough to consent to my training instead of pushing me to the knitting room. Even if that can be seen as an oddity in the Iron Hills, my family is well-known there, and I received offerings for courting way before I was of age. It wasn't ideal, of course, but being here makes me miss it. At least there I'm not underestimated."
"Fili likes you. He really does, Maen. He's just as stubborn as his uncle when it comes to facing his feelings. Did I tell you that the first time Thorin saw me, after arriving late I may add, he looked at me, head to toe, and said 'so, this is the hobbit' as if making fun of me? The audacity!"
"I expect you've made him resent that, Bilbo."
"Why, of course!! Soft, he said. Me! Ha! You've been way too nice to Fili, never losing your temper or chewing his head off. It's time for you to put your foot down, and let me tell you that your performance today was spotless. Everyone in the mountain is talking about it. There are rumors about 'the Lion and the Fire of Erebor'."
Maen laughed anxiously, her face warm with blush.
*
Three days after the tournament Fili offered Maen to spend a morning in Dale as she hadn't seen it since the battle and their market was interesting. That led to her waiting at the front doors, as usual, two days later, although this time she had taken the precaution of inviting Ori with her. Nori was obviously close, but he appeared to be ignoring them.
Ori was explaining with great enthusiasm the rich quality of Dale's paper and ink when Fili approached them. Maen glanced at him with an arched brow.
"Are we in a rush?" She questioned in lieu of a greeting.
Fili hesitated in his septs frowning, "Not that I'm aware of. Why?"
"You're on time."
"Yes."
"You're never on time. Usually, I would have to wait for at least an hour for you to be here."
Fili cleared his throat lowing his face with shame, "Yeah. I apologize for that. Um… Shall we go now?"
"Aren't we waiting for Kili?" She looked around in confusion.
"He's not coming."
Maen stared at Fili as if he had just shaved his beard. "On time and without Kili. I'm afraid to ask if Lady Dís had some sort of conversation with you."
"She did not."
"Huh… Well, I appreciate the changes, of course, yet I had already taken the precaution of getting my own companion as I was expecting you and your brother to be busy with each other. Ori here is going with us."
"I'm sorry Fili, I would leave you two alone, but Dori has given me a list of things to purchase in Dale. And you know how Dori can be if he doesn't get what he wants."
"No. It's– It's fine, Ori. The more the merrier. Shall we go then?"
Maen shared a conspicuous look with Ori before following Fili and some guards toward the ponies. Ori had been her ally in the mountain as well as Bilbo, and when she voiced her worries about the journey to Dale becoming just another day of being mistreated, Bilbo had suggested bringing Ori with her and the little scribble had beamed with the prospect of visiting Dale's market again.
Tables had turned and Fili wasn't happy about it.
Dale was impressive and richly decorated, their buildings were colorful and stunning; some of them had kept most of their past structure and there were marks of orc weapons on some walls. Ori explained to an astonished Maen, that Bard had rebuilt the city wanting to keep the memory of past times; like a homage. She understood the sentiment, there were claw marks in Erebor still and she already assumed it was a reminder of what could happen if they weren't careful with their greed.
The market was crowded, full of men, but also a good amount of dwarves and elves. Maen was bouncing on her feet excited to see, touch, and buy whatever came across her. She did not ignore Fili on purpose, although she must admit that having been used to being ignored by him she stopped thinking about reaching for him long ago, therefore her mindset was sure that he was just ignoring her as usual. Ori and Maen enjoyed every second in the market, they bought some books, paper, ink, quills, fabric, yarn… It was ridiculous.
After long hours waiting in the market, the dwarves started to feel hungry and then Maen turned to look for Fili and found him frowning, his mouth pressed in a sad thing line.
"Should we come back to the mountain to eat, or should we find a tavern here?" She asked him.
Fili scowled. "Let's go back."
Ori gave Maen a guilty look.
It wasn't until they were back in Erebor that Maen approached Fili, she crossed his path impeding him to run to his quarters. She waited until he gathered the patience and courage needed to look her in the eyes.
"How does it feel?" To her question, Fili frowned deeper in confusion. "Did you enjoy being ignored? Did you feel unwanted? Disrespected? Hurt?" Fili's expression opened up with a glint of awareness in his blue eyes. "Yeah. Is not very nice, is it? I did not intend to ignore you today, yet I expect that with you discovering how that behavior of yours hurt me, you'd be more careful in the future."
Not waiting for an answer, Maen nodded to the prince and left.
He didn't ignore her again.
*
Fili was running but he was not advancing and right before his eyes, Azog stood fighting against Maen. The frustration built up inside of Fili, he needed to reach her before the pale orc hurt her, he had to– he had– he–
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO" he screamed as Azog skewered his spear across Maen's torso.
He woke up with a jolt of pain in his own wound. A sheet of cold sweat covered his skin. He traced the long scar from his chest to his belly with his fingers still in a daze when a hard knock on his quarters' door awakened him completely. It was the middle of the night, there probably were five hours before dawn. Fili put on a gown and padded towards the door, opening it with caution. A young guard stood there uncomfortable.
"Sire, my apologies for the disturbance."
"What's wrong?"
"It's Lady Maen, sire, she's in the arena and we don't know how to proceed. Master Nori order me to ask you."
The prince frowned registering the information, "Leave her alone. I'll– I'd be on my way. Do not disturb her."
"Aye, sire."
Fili got dressed faster than ever, he grabbed his sword and headed to the arena. He nodded to the guards and to Nori, but they didn't share a word. There, in the arena, was Maen training with her axes, only a couple of torches illuminating the room. Fili recognized the tension in her shoulders and the determination in her frown, she'd had a nightmare.
He approached her with determination. Maen glanced at him and stopped her movements, but she didn't say anything, nor did he. With a nod of acknowledgment, Fili and Maen started sparing although not as violently as in the tournament as neither of them was wearing armor.
Tired to the bone due to the exercise, Fili got himself stuck in the same position that pushed his defeat in the tournament. Instead of kneeing him in the side as she did that time, Maen swapped her foot under his forcing him to lose his balance and fall to the floor on his back. She smiled at him, openly and sincerely. Fili laughed, offering his hand for her to take expecting her to help him get up. Maen threw her axes to the side and grabbed his arm, yet before she could pull him, the prince pulled first, making her fall against his chest.
Maen let out a surprised gasp before laughing at the childish move. Fili pushed his luck just a little farther, turning them in the arena until she was under him. She stopped laughing and arched an eyebrow at him, challenging his next move. Fili blushed violently; his eyes darted from her eyes to her lips. Sighing, the prince rolled to his side until he was on his back looking at the ceiling next to Maen, who was now looking at him. Fili noticed the movement in the shadows in the corner of his eye and he was sure that Nori was ready to intervene if he had done what he really wanted to do.
Instead of that, Fili pulled out a richly decorated mithril bead and handed it to Maen.
"I, Fili son of Dís, Crown Prince of Erebor, solicit permission to court you, Maen, goddaughter of Dáin Ironfoot, with this courting bead I had made myself."
Maen burst into a childish laugh, "Only you could ask with such a posh manner while both of us are sweaty and tired from a spar session in the middle of the night."
"That's not an answer," Fili singsonged twisting the bead in his fingers.
"Yes, you idiot! But beware, if you behave like an arse again I can call it off anytime."
"I won't."
Their laughs echoed in the arena ignoring that they had Nori win a huge amount of money.
It wasn't until that night, at supper, when with all the company and their families reunited around the table, Fili approached Maen with a wooden box.
"This is the first courting gift of many. Although I'm aware of what tradition requires for me to give you, I expect to know you better than to gift you some expensive fabric for embroidery."
Maen pressed her lips to avoid smiling too soon and she opened the box. The typical courting gifts a dwarf lass received were focused on her alleged skills in textile matters, some woodwork, maybe jewels… Fili had gifted her a dagger whose grip and sheath were engraved with loving care and decorated with precious gems.
"Fili made it himself. All of it," Kili explained filling in the silence. "He had been a pain in the ass for the last three weeks because–"
Dís hit her son in the ribs to keep him quiet.
Maen looked at Fili, his smirk had become a shy little smile and his eyes were bright with nerves and hopes. A small movement of his brows made her understand that she hadn't accepted the gift properly yet.
"I accept the gift. It's perfect, Fili. Thank you."
The tension abandoned Fili's body to the point of him needing a chair before fainting.
At one point, in the future, people would remember Fili and Maen not as the King and Queen Under the Mountain, but as the Lion and the Fire of Erebor.
The End
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kilikina34512 · 2 years
Text
Ten Days
My first ever writing challenge! This was hard for me to write at moments. Celiac Disease is something I live with and while I didn't suffer the same rejection that the reader of the story does, I've heard stories of others who have. It also puts words to some of the fears I have, so it was hard but nice to write. I hope you all see the "new beginning" that I felt in the end.
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Pairing: Bucky x fem!reader
Summary: Following a new diagnosis, you avoid Bucky and the rest of the Avengers in fear that they won't accept how your life has to change because of it.
Warnings: hurt/comfort, soft!Bucky, moment of self-hate, discussion of Celiac Disease (symptoms and such), mentions of medical treatments, rejection, anxiety/fear, tell me if I missed something.
Word Count: 3,298
Divider courtesy of @firefly-graphics. Make sure to check them out!
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Ten days.
You had avoided Bucky, and the rest of the Avengers for that matter, for ten days.  Avoiding them was a job in and of itself considering you worked in one of the offices on the lower floors of Stark Tower.  There had been a lot of keeping your phone off so you couldn't be tempted to answer calls or texts.  You'd made the hours you left the office for lunch and to go home irregular so they wouldn't know when you leaving and weren't.  This task had been helped by your assistant who fortunately had a shinier backbone than you because not even Natasha could intimidate her into letting the former assassin into your office.  
You were seriously going to talk to people in HR about her getting a really good bonus at the end of the year.
From making yourself seem not at home to avoiding areas and places you frequented, it was easy to see that you were going above and beyond to not run into your boyfriend or any of his friends.  Mostly your boyfriend, if you were being completely honest with yourself.  But hey, avoiding two realities that were hard to face was a lot of work.
You didn't want to face the fact that you'd lied to Bucky, for the first time, about a very serious topic.  And you weren't ready to possibly face even more ridicule and disappointment.  That's why, eleven days ago, you'd lied and told Bucky that your doctor's appointment had gone fine and you were actually perfectly healthy.  
Which was the lie you'd been avoiding dealing with.
You'd actually left your gastroenterologist with the diagnosis of Celiac Disease, an autoimmune disorder that causes your intestines to react to gluten, a protein often found in wheat, rye, or barley, but seems to be in to just about any and everything these days as well.  The problem with the disorder is that over time, your the reaction had caused damage to your small intestines, which led to malnutrition, aches in your joints, fatigue, constipation, bloating, stomach pain, and sometimes nausea.
What had hit you possibly the hardest was the knowledge that there was no cure for this disease.  Instead, you had to completely change your way of eating.  All pizzas, pastries, and doughs were out of the question.  No more beers with the group.  Buns and breaded foods were untouchable.  Research had also taught you that prepackaged foods or frozen meals were a no go as well unless it explicitly said "gluten free" on the packaging somewhere.
You loved food and that had been a hard blow to handle, but it only got worse from your perspective as the doctor continued to explain that the damage to your intestines had caused them to become inflamed.  Due to the fact it would take at least six months for your body to start healing, he didn't want to put you on an oral anti-inflammatory.  Nope, instead, you were going vegan too.  All meats and animal products were just as against the rules as gluten.
You'd went home after that and cleaned out your fridge and cabinets, but looking at the that it left you with only a few veggies, ketchup and mustard, and a box of KIND bars that were conveniently already gluten free and vegan, you were lost on what you could eat now.  
You decided to do what would become a huge regret and the basis for why you'd lied to Bucky.  You called your mom.
Your mom had always been there for you in her own way, you didn't think this would be any different.  You thought she'd be a support for you, help guide you through what exactly to do.  But that wasn't exactly how that went down.  You can still hear your mother's voice in your head.  "I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, sweetie," she'd said with all the pity in the world for your plight.
"Thanks, Mom."  You sighed before continuing on with the other purpose behind calling and telling her about your diagnosis.  "I was hoping you could help me figure out what to do about this since it affects all of us."
The long silence, even through a phone, had been stifling before she almost innocently asked, "What do you mean it affects all of us?"
"It affects us all when we sit down to have a meal together or celebrate a holiday or birthday.  A whole new menu will have to be created and I can't imagine how much harder it will be to cook in this new style."  This statement just made you feel so guilty.  You loathed having to be the reason for such a big change in how you spent time with your loved ones, it left a weight on your shoulders that you hadn't had before.
"Can't you just, oh I don't know dear, pick the veggies out of things we already make?  You know your sister's birthday is next month and she always wants me to make my quiche.  Surely, you can just pick it apart."
You weren't sure if your mother's words made you want to scream or sob in frustration, but the weight of guilt became even heavier.  Your family was all about traditions, even down to the meals made for your birthdays each year.  You always had the same thing, each individual's favorite food and cake.  Now, thanks to your new diagnosis, you were throwing a wrench into that.
You sighed sadly, "No, Mom, that's not how it works.  Especially not for that meal.  Quiche is purely animal products thanks to the ham, eggs, cheese, and milk in it.  Not to mention, the crust is pure gluten thanks to the wheat.  I can't pick the vegetables out of it because they'll still have bits of egg and such on them and I could still be ingesting gluten thanks to cross-contamination.  I have to be extremely careful about food now."
Now, it was your mom's turn to sigh, except hers sounded like frustration.  "Well, maybe you should just eat before you come because I'm not forcing your sister to eat something she doesn't like on her birthday just because you can't."
The statement would've sent you to the floor if you hadn't been sitting down already.  You quickly made an excuse and rushed off the phone, placing it beside you on your sofa as you sat there wondering how to feel about this.  
Your heart felt so heavy with devastation.  Was it really so much to ask that your mom, your family, support you in what was better for your health?  It's not like you were doing this to join in on the craze it had been once.  This was your doctor's orders for your medical condition.  If you disregarded the orders, you'd continue to do more damage to your intestines.  That route led to destroying parts of your intestinal tract, surgeries, maybe even a colostomy bag.  What was so wrong with wanting them to work with your limitations?  
Guilt overtook the devastation.  Did your mom have a point?  None of them had to eat that way, they didn't have the diagnosis.  You did.  You really thought over your mother's last question.  Could you just eat before you go over?  If you did that though, it meant sitting around the table while everyone else ate food that you loved, food you knew was delicious and reminded you of home, food that was some of your favorites, right in front of you while you sat there left out completely.  It would be the biggest tease, like dangling a bone in front of a dog and never giving it to them in the end.  It felt cruel that your mother would want you to feel that, feel like you were missing out.  
Maybe, once you'd fully accepted this new lifestyle and way of eating, you could be okay with sitting around foods that you used to be able to eat without it bothering you.  But this diagnosis was brand new and there was no way you'd be able to accept it yet.  Tears at the idea of sitting through dinner without getting to enjoy food, snacks, and birthday cake with the rest of your family were already spilling down your cheeks.  
A new self-hatred began to brew.  Your body was too broken.  You could never enjoy "normal" food again.  You were doomed to be left out for good.
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Sadly, ten days later, that feeling had only continued as you learned the difficulty that finding gluten free and vegan foods had become.  As a result, you'd resorted to cooking lots of vegetables every day so you'd have lunches and dinners and using your KIND bars for breakfast.  Don't even get started on coffee either.  God, how you missed having creamer in your coffee...
Your longing for creamer was what you'd been thinking about as you entered your apartment, only to freeze in your tracks at the brunette that stood in front of you.  The brunette that obviously had broken into your apartment if you really wanted to get technical.
"What are you doing here," you asked after you came out of the surprise of seeing him in your living room.
"I need to know," Bucky said, his eyes downcast.  Your big, burly Avenger wasn't able to look at you and his next words just created a fissure in your heart.  "Have I scared you in some way?  Is dating the Winter Soldier finally catching up to you?  I understand if you feel like you need to protect yourself."
You whispered, "No, that's not it at all.  I've never been scared of you."
"Then what is it?  Did I do something?  I thought things with us were okay, I don't understand why you don't want to be with me anymore.  I never stopped loving you."
"I love you too, Bucky.  I never stopped."
Bucky looked up at you, and not only did tears form in your eyes, but they silently slid down your cheeks, creating silver tracks down your face that matched the silver lining his own eyes.  "Then what did I do," he whispered dejectedly.  "Why do you want nothing to do with me?"
That guilt you'd been feeling the past eleven days suddenly increased tenfold and the weight of it was nearly enough to send you to your knees.  This wasn't what you'd wanted, but you knew what was coming.  You knew you'd have to be honest and you'd have to face what you'd been avoiding.  At least Bucky knew the end of your relationship was coming, just not for the reasons he expected.
Your heart was already beginning to crack more and more as the realization dawned on you.  You couldn't put this off anymore.  This man you loved was going to walk away from you.  Reject you and what your life would need to be.  Knowing you couldn't prevent this any longer, instead of dragging it out, you just ripped off the band aid.  Best to get all the hurt over with immediately.
"You didn't do anything Buck, I lied to you."  You made your way to your sofa and collapsed onto it as you explained your diagnosis, the symptoms, the fact that it was incurable, and the treatment for it and the steps to healing.  Bucky had asked questions throughout your explanation of your situation and you'd explained all you knew from the doctor's information and your own research about the disorder.  When you'd finished explaining to him, he sat there silently for a moment, absorbing all you'd told him before he looked at you as if you'd lost every brain cell in your head.
"That's why you've been avoiding everyone," he asked incredulously.  "Avoiding me?  Because your diet is different now?"
You furrowed your brows at the question.  "Well, yes.  That's kind of why."  Why did he sound like he thought you were being stupid?  
He scoffed.  "That makes no sense."  Your eyes widened in surprise before heat rose up your neck and into your face.  Indignation had you shooting to your feet, in turn surprising your super soldier, before you paced in front of the sofa.  
"It makes complete sense," you admonished.  "This affects everything from now on!  No more late nights with pizza or Thai take out.  I can't join the gang for a drink at the bar when the superheroes decide they want to have a party night.  We can't go to just any ol' restaurant for a date anymore.  Everything I eat now is homemade because I'm not sure where it's safe to eat at in this city!  And I'm sorry, I can't sit around you or your friends and be okay with watching everyone else eat food that I love and enjoyed once upon a time while I'm stuck there with nothing to eat.  I'm not a good enough person to be able to do that."
He blinked as he took in what you said.  "I wouldn't ask that of you, doll," he breathed as he rose from the sofa and caught your arm, effectively ending your pacing and forcing you to stand in front of him.  Cold, metal fingers gently pushed your chin up until you were looking at him before he continued.  "I can see how this affects everything, but it doesn't change that I want to support you through it.  You might have to help me, but I'm willing to learn whatever I need to so that you don't get sick again.  
"I'm not the only one either," he continued as water filled your eyes at his comforting words.  "Every Avenger loves you.  Steve beams whenever he gets to show you his art.  Sam seeks you out because you laugh harder at his jokes than anyone else.  Nat loves having a female friend that accepts her.  Bruce is comfortable enough to smile around you, and not awkwardly, I might add, and you're basically the only one who can put Tony in his place and not have him act prideful about it.  Not a single one of them would have a problem with this change."
"But they shouldn't have to," you sobbed, the dam on your emotions breaking.  "You shouldn't have to either."  Your heart filled with warmth despite your head telling you to be cautious.  All you wanted to do was fall into those reassurances, but your own family couldn't even accept this.  Why would anyone who didn't share blood with you care that strongly?
"Who told you that, doll?"
You sniffled as you responded, "My mother."  You explained the conversation you'd had with your mom as you felt Bucky stiffen more with each word until you were sure his body was just as hard as the vibranium of his arm.  He never cared much for your mom, but he knew you loved her and never tried to cause problems for the relationship you had with your family.
Bucky closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before opening them again.  His hands made their way to your cheeks, holding your face with such tenderness that you cried more.  His thumbs continuously wiped the moisture from your face as he lovingly said, "I don't care what anyone else wants, but you.  You are the most important person to me.  You are my future, and if we have a future that lacks gluten or even meats and all that stuff, then I'm fully ready for that.  Let me prove it to you, can I get that chance?"
You hesitated for a moment.  Cross-contamination was a real issue and you were terrified that it could happen if you didn't cook for yourself.  That aside, there wasn't much you could eat to begin with.  The rejection was on the tip of your tongue, but Bucky's sweet, puppy eyed stare showed you how much he wanted to do this for you.  Suddenly, you felt your head nodding in his hands.  He grinned before pulling you into his safe, warm embrace and let you get the rest of your pent up emotions out before he joined you for dinner that night.  That night, he didn't stay over, but instead kissed you on the top of your head before telling you he'd call you the following day and that he'd be planning to invite you over for food soon.
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Ten days.
Ten days since you'd explained your condition to Bucky and he'd asked for the chance to show you how accepting he was of your new lifestyle.  Your stomach roiled as your hands shook with nerves.  A large hand enveloped yours as Bucky looked down at you.  "Just trust me," he said with a smile on his face.  You could see the gleam of excitement in his eyes as you rode the elevator in the tower up to the Avengers floors.  You'd tried to ask Bucky questions about what was happening today, but he just kept telling you it was a surprise.
And that was the first word that you heard as the elevator doors parted.  A loud chorus of "Surprise!" rang through the entryway to the first floor of their residence, which was where their kitchen, dining, and lounge area was.  You gasped as you looked at the smiling faces of your friends before Nat pulled you away from Bucky and looped her arm over your shoulder, guiding you towards the dining room.  
"If you ever question how much we all care for you," the Widow quietly said, "you'll leave me no choice but to hit you."  Despite the threat, you couldn't help but smile at your friend.  You knew she meant well and that she'd never truly hurt you.  Your feet stopped as you rounded the corner and a loud gasp filled the air once your eyes locked on the dining table.  
It was full of food.
"What is all this," you breathed as Bucky came up behind you and led you to a seat.  Tony was the one who answered though.  "This is dinner.  I had a few calls made, got in touch with a chef that prepared both gluten free and vegan food, by the way, you should try The Herb Garden on Hudson Street.  Anyway, all of it are things you can eat.  Jackfruit BBQ, heart of palm 'lobster' salad, grilled corn, garlic knots, fettuccini alfredo, mushroom risotto, spring rolls, and salad.  Any foods you life, let me or F.R.I.D.A.Y. know and we'll keep it stocked for you to have when you stay over with Manchurian Candidate over there."
You looked over the selections and it all made your mouth water.  It also looked so... normal.  "Wait," you asked as everyone started to grab servings of various options.  "You guys are eating this too?"
Steve, who sat across from you, smiled as he answered, "You might not fight bad guys like us, but that doesn't make you any less one of us.  You're family.  Not a single one of us wants you to feel different."
"Besides," Sam chimed in, "it's just food.  No need to make a big deal out of what's being served as long as it's good."
You looked around the table and saw the nods and smiles of agreement of each and every person there.  Your gaze fell on your boyfriend last, who was grinning lovingly at you before placing a kiss on your forehead.  "They're right," he said just loud enough for you to hear.  "You're family and we take care of our own."
Tears filled your eyes again, but you blinked them away as you enjoyed the warmth that filled your chest.  You loved this team, this man who chose to stay by your side.  As you filled your plate with a bit of everything to try, you couldn't help but hear a small voice in the back of your head that told you maybe this didn't have to be the end of a normal life as you knew it.  Maybe this was just the start of a new normal instead.
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kiliinstinct · 2 months
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just wondering, but how often do you block people and for what reason?
Uhhh, I haven't blocked a single soul this year, but is this including porn bots or in general? Cause with porn bots the answer is, "a lot." And I think the reason Kinda obvious. Outside of a constant influx of porn bots, my reasons can be varied. It can be "This person has sent me hate on x amount of occasions or is obviously trying to start fights with me." But it can also be, "This person has said some very bigoted stuff and I am NOT comfortable." But it can also just be "I'm not in a healthy mental state right now and am feeling very self conscious and bad so I'm going to soft block this person for a little while so as to not continue comparing myself to them." Really, blocking can be done for a multitude of things and if I'm blocking for that last one, usually it lasts like.. a month at the most and I unblock. I might not follow again, but I unblock.
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telesodalite · 1 year
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[A doodle that was supposed to be of the bros a few years before the Erebor "trip", got a little out of hand and turned into background practice...]
[Bonus without dialogue]
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#I really don't wanna have to say this. but like. pls. no shippy stuff folks. pls.#Right. with that out of the way. back to usual tags-#Good grief this piece took awhile. and I didn't even plan it?! I was thinking about hcs i'd seen and started doodling-#-and now there's *this*. Pft. Anything for the dearest of blorbos ig lmao.#fili and kili#fili#kili#fili durin#kili durin#the hobbit#middle earth#tolkien dwarves#[telesodadraws]#Whoo. random hc time!#Fili's wearing one of his Mama's old undershirts as a sleep shirt. because. hand-me-downs and comforting stuff#I like to think that. while they are indeed fairly comfortable money-wise later in life. they still-#-they still are all kinda used to sharing stuff and making the most out of everything they have.#Dis spent most of her childhood during unstable times. rough living ya know? She's not gonna let anything go to waste.-#-nearly everything is kept till it's no longer useful. if not wanted tho. its donated or passed along to other family members.#It probably irks Thorin a bit? Not because he doesn't see the benefit. But because if he was able. he'd shower his family in excess.#Dis doesn't see the point in splurging on unnecessary stuff. but she'd allow Thorin to occasionally get frankly ridiculously-#-ridiculously priced gifts for the boys on special occasions.#Perhaps Fili and Kili's traveling outfits are a mix of new stuff and slightly worn yet obviously cared for items bc of this? Idk#Anyways. Relating a lot to some of the insomniac Fili hc's I've seen lmao. Poor sleepy guy lol#Gotta do the 'lean on the actually awake sibling' move. either to leech some of their energy. or to regain some warmth lol#My own lil bro is somehow a morning person despite like. everyone else in my family being decidedly not. that.#Kinda thinking Kili is sometimes like that. just the one that's up and smiling while everyone else grumbles and takes an hour to wake
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I need a comfort game set in Erebor after the battle of the five armies where everyone survived, you play as Bilbo or maybe as a hobbit that has come to help Bilbo and the whole point of the game is to help regrow the mountain.
Like, you have to find rooms in the mountain with the best sunlight or rooms you can put in windows. You have to find which plants grow best where and can choose to put in garden beds in the balconies. You can add big trees outside where Smaug destroyed and put veggie and medical flower gardens inside, a special garden to attract Beorns bees ect. All the while you can interact with dwarves that wonder in to see what your doing and every now and again Thorin comes to check up on you or maybe Fili and Kili come to pull a prank or help you to get out of their royal meetings. The better your gardens, the more dwarves come to see and interact each with their own craft skill that you can work with to improve your gardens more. For example if a dwarf that can smith likes your garden and talks with you a lot they might offer to craft you new metal gardening tools or if they work with glass they can make you a stained glass window with deco that will still let in the sun. Stone workers can craft you beautiful pillars or raised garden beds ect.
I just need this to be a thing…
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i-am-still-khel · 1 year
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Whumptober 2022 - No. 17 - Breaking Point
Fili/Kili, T
Dead Batteries AU (Tumblr / Ao3)
--
Kili’s roommate was never in their room. Kili went to class, ate breakfast from the cart in the science center, ate dinner in the dining hall, and came back to his room alone. He often did his homework right after class, and got a headstart on the longer running assignments.
He did not have a computer, so he spent a lot of time in computer labs that were mostly empty in the evening. The other students either had their own computers or they had found something better to do than homework and watching documentaries on YouTube on a Friday night.
Kili was not really paying attention to the video playing on the computer screen. His headphones were laying on the table next to the keyboard and he could hear the tinny sound of voices as the screen flashed from image to image.
The computer lab was empty except for a student on the far side who was typing furiously. She had been there when Kili had arrived hours before.
Instead of watching the video Kili was staring at his phone.
He had pulled up his conversation with Fili. The last message had been sent weeks ago before Kili had even left. It was a single letter.
July 29, 20—
// K. //
Kili’s thumbs hovered over the keyboard, but he typed nothing.
If he scrolled back a few pages he knew he would find their texts from May—teasing, loving, and just talking to each other—from before Kili said he was leaving.
Fili had left that night and Kili had not heard from him for a week. Texts and calls had gone unanswered. Fili had avoided him at graduation and he was never home or in the shed when Kili drove by.
When he finally saw Fili after that, they fought. Fili had said that they would not be seeing each other again in 2 months so they might as well start now. Fili had said that he did not want to see Kili.
They had seen each other; their town was not that large that they could avoid each other.
Fili had shaved his head. And he smiled a lot less.
Kili had texted to let Fili know when he was leaving. He had hoped they would part on better terms. Or least terms that did not make Kili dread going home for the holiday breaks. The dorms closed for Thanksgiving, and instead of going home or getting wrangled into someone else’s family event Kili had booked a hotel room for those four nights with his quickly dwindling savings.
Kili logged out and stuffed his headphones into a pocket. It was cold outside the building, but Kili sat down on the steps. The university’s lamps created a warm glow that ended at the edge of campus.
Kili pulled out his phone again and before he could talk himself out of it—”It’s almost midnight.” “He won’t want to talk to me.” “I’ll call tomorrow… next week… after finals… when I’m home.”—he dialled Fili’s number.
When the phone rang for the fifth time Kili resigned himself to the call not being answered. It still stung even when he was expecting it.
But the sixth ring doesn’t come.
“What do you want?”
“Fili?”
A huff of exhaled breath. “Who else would it be.”
Kili did not say anything. He had not expected to have to say anything, so he had nothing planned.
“Hello?” Fili’s voice was dark with irritation.
It was rough in the way it was after Fili had been smoking. The staticy sound of loud music comes through the speaker. Kili knew where Fili was. He could see it perfectly if he closed his eyes. The adults would be playing poker, drinking, and smoking, while the teenagers pretended not to drink and play-acted at adulthood until they all ended up in the rec room watching whatever old movies that Dwalin, Thorin, and the others kept at the club house.
A muttered, “Fucking Christ,” interrupted Kili’s thoughts. And then the sound of voices and music cut off. A rustle of fabric and a muffled slam. “What do you want, Kili.”
“I…” Kili dropped his head to his knees and fought back frustrated tears. “I’m sorry, Fee. I fucked up. I—”
“When has ‘sorry’ ever fixed anything?” Fili snapped.
Kili groaned. “Fili—”
“What.”
Kili curled tighter, his free hand gripping his hair. “I miss you. I should never have come here.” Hot tears streamed down his cheeks where they were instantly chilled by the lake breeze.
There was silence on the other end.
“Fili?”
Kili pulled his phone away from his ear to see the screen.
Fili had ended the call.
“Fuck.” Kili buried his face in his arms and sat there for a long time. By the time he moved again his tears were dry and he could barely feel his fingers or his ass because of the cold.
He opened Fili’s message thread. Slowly he typed out, “I’m sorry.” Hit send. Then he opened the ‘Options’ for the thread. He scrolled to the very last option. He hesitated and then hit okay.
/ Are you sure you want to delete all messages? This cannot be undone. /
Kili hit okay again.
And all the messages were gone.
But he did not feel better.
He felt like his chest was in a vice.
He stayed there until he could not feel his fingers. His numb hands could barely unlock his dorm room door. It was empty.
He was alone.
He crawled into bed with his clothes on. And desperately tried not to think about how just about a year ago he had woken up in Fili’s bed after that fight with his dad. He had felt safe, warm, and loved. And now it was all ruined.
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