#college!frank continuing to soothe my soul

[the-cult-of-russo]

gotta know how u think billy would be as a dad with his kids :D

I had so many requests for Dad!Billy headcanons 😭

I hope you're ready for this chaotic ramble.

Please remember this is my Billy I'm writing

-

You know those parents who take like a million pictures of their kid and show them to everyone? The kind that talks about their kid nonstop to anyone who'll listen? Their family, friends, the poor random old lady at the store that just wants to buy some damn milk.

That's Billy.

He's such an unbelievably proud parent, his pride for his kids knows no bounds. It doesn't even need to be some kind of milestone worth celebrating, everything his kid does makes him proud. You better believe when his baby has an explosive crap and ruins their clothes, he's boasting about it the next day to Frank and the guys at Anvil.

-

He's incredibly protective. Murder is a possibility if his kids in danger. He wants nothing more than to keep his kids safe. If they're being bullied, it takes all of his willpower to stop himself from kicking the kids ass for doing that to his kid. He's not above picking a fight with the bullies dad though if they don't get their little shit head in check and also making it known to the principle that this shit won't fly with him.

~

"Mr Russo, I don't think you understand how serious this is. Your son broke a kids nose," the principle mutters with a glare.

Billy tilts his head, regarding the teacher with those unsettling eyes that has the old man squirming in his seat.

"You’re damn right he did," Billy replies seriously, a proud tone to his voice. His dark eyes cut to his left where his son is, practically his double. As Billy smirks, unable to help himself, his son wears the same one although he's lowering his head to hide his amusement.

"We don't tolerate that behaviour here, Mr Russo," the principle huffs. Billy's eyes harden then as his eyes narrow, sitting forward in his chair just the right amount to be imposing. The second the man leans back he knows it worked.

"You know what I don't tolerate? My kid bein' bullied. You assholes won't do shit to stop it, so I say let the little fucker get a taste of his own medicine. Serves him right for messin' with a Russo," he smirks wickedly.

~

He teaches them self defence, wanting them to be able to look after themselves if it ever came down to it. Naturally, for their 16th birthday, they're gifted with a big ass knife.

-

Billy as a dad is so stupidly soft.

We all remember the scene from the show, right? Where he's in the hospital with his mom and he says;

"Maybe you did me a solid, you know? I mean, the way I see it, you want weak kids, give 'em everything. But if you... if you want 'em strong... treat 'em hard."

When he has a kid of his own he realises just what utter garbage this is. The idea of all the shit he's been through making him into the tough son of a bitch he is today is born from trauma that he still hasn't dealt with. The way his brain tries to rationalise what he went though. To make it make sense instead of it being so goddamn senseless.

But if he's honest, more than he'd like to admit, he finds himself wondering just what his life would have been like if he grew up in a loving home. What it would be like to feel wanted and cared for. To rise to the top being helped and cheered on by others instead of clawing his way there with bloodied and dirty fingers, the weight of the world bearing down on him as he's beat down at every turn.

He never wants his kids to feel that way. Not even a fraction of how unloved and unwanted he felt. He does everything in his power to make sure they know just how much he cares about them. There's literally nothing he wouldn't do for his kids. They could turn up at home one day and confess to a murder and Billy wouldn't hesitate to ask where the body is so he can handle it for them.

-

Billy is ridiculously sentimental when it comes to his kids. Drawings go up on the fridge and when a new one takes its place, the old one goes into a box of many others that he can't seem to ever throw away. He has multiple pictures of his kids at his office, even some framed cute drawings they did for him. He's kept all the mementos from the pregnancy, birth and onwards. They're his little treasures.

-

Billy is super supportive of everything his kids do. He makes sure they get a good education but he never pushes them to do something they don't want to do. Despite the large college fund he's got for them, if they choose not to go to college, he doesn't pressure them. Instead, whatever hopes and dreams they have, he does everything in his power to support and help them. Whether that's moral and emotional support, money or even breaking a few jaws of people standing in their way.

-

Let's look a little bit at how he is throughout some of the ages of his kid.

Billy with a baby is a sight to behold. No one has ever seen Lieutenant William Russo so goddamn soft. Once he's got hold of his baby, you've got no chance of getting them back off him. You'd have to fight him. He adores holding his little one close, soaking them in. He's constantly holding them no matter what he's doing and baby carriers and wraps are a godsend to him. You'd heard about them from a friend and told Billy and you better believe by the time the baby's born that he's an expert on all things baby wearing. He's a perfectionist and carrying a baby wrong can be dangerous. He makes sure he knows how to do it right.

Just as he has little affectionate touches for you, he has the same for his baby. His large hand stroking their tiny head and little hair. His finger stroking their chubby little cheek. He's a tactile person and touch is grounding for him. It soothes him to do so with his baby and reassures him they're really there and that they're okay.

He's super attentive. Of course he works a lot but as soon as he becomes a dad, he doesn't stay late anymore and makes sure to have days off. The second he comes home, he's making a beeline for his baby, scooping them up with a grin. He loves to read to them, something that continues as they grow up. His weekends used to be restful or if he was feeling like a masochist, he'd work from home. But now weekends are his time to shine. By the time you wake up on a Saturday morning, he's already up with the baby, making you breakfast as he's got the baby attached to him via baby carrier.

As his baby grows into a toddler, each milestone makes him tearful and full of pride. He kisses any booboos that happen and he's constantly playing with his child. He has a pretty silly side to him that most don't get to see. Making his kid laugh and smile brings him the greatest joy.

He loves taking his toddler to the office with him. Everyone dotes on his kid and treats them like royalty.

When they turn into a small child, he watches with a proud smile and amusement as his kid wants to fight with his men, watching them 'beat' the shit out of them. The guys at Anvil are more than happy to very dramatically go down, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when the tiny Russo grins smugly at their 'win'.

Their first day at school and Billy's a mess. It's such a turning point and he doesn't know how to deal with how fast their growing up. But every achievement at school, even minor ones, and he's showering them with praise.

He encourages them to work hard and as soft as he might be, he is still the boss. He makes sure they do their homework and don't fall behind on their studies.

One thing Billy loves is teaching his kids stuff. Whether that's mundane stuff to help with school or teaching them shit he knows like survivalist things, because you can never be too prepared, right? He loves helping them with school projects and answering any questions they might have about one of the many things he's knowledgeable about.

When his kids moves onto those hard teenage years, the ones where everything feels so dramatic and world ending, he's a little tougher when it calls for it. Billy is no novice to rebellion, he has a rebellious streak of his own and marches to the beat of his own drum half the time. He respects that. What he doesn't respect or tolerate is behaviour that's going to fuck his kid over in the long run or self sabotage. He will be firm and a hard ass if he needs to be to keep his kids on a path where they don't get hurt or ruin their life.

Billy has a zero tolerance policy on drugs. After the shit with his mother, he won't budge on this. If he finds out his kid is dabbling in drugs, they're grounded until they're old enough to move out.

-

No matter what age his kids are, Billy loves them immensely. He wants to be the father he wished he'd had growing up and he pours all of his anguish and pain from his upbringing into it. Channeling it into the purest form of love for his kids. To break the curse that had hold of him. He won't perpetuate the cycle.

Being a father brings him a sense of completeness and peace he didn't think was possible for him to achieve. It fills the void that's been eating away at his soul from his lack of love as a child and he loves every second of being a parent. Even the hard moments.

-

Bonus:

The Russo's and the Castle's go on monthly camping trips together. Billy loves the outdoors, the mild survivalist feelings he gets from it without the real danger. He loves taking his kids there, teaching them everything. In his role as dad and uncle, he sits around the camp fire at night, the light of the flames dancing along his face as he very theatrically tells the kids a spooky story.

You and his kids are his immediate family but the Castle's are his family too. So he really loves it when you all get to spend time together like that.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #the punisher #billy russo imagine #billy russo headcanons

[blouisparadise]

Here are so many amazing bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of November. We hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Work Me Breathless | Explicit | 1678 words

Note: this is the sequel to this fic.

Louis visits Harry at work after the doctor got a new promotion. They christen his new office...

Louis leaves a little breathless.

2) Skeletons In My Closet | Not Rated | 2051 words

Basically soft core porn. Harry decided to treat Louis on Halloween.

3) Looks Like We Made It, Look How Far We’ve Come, My Baby | Teen & Up | 2161 words

Louis and Harry are going to officially move in together, they’ve chosen the house and everything is ready, they just need to wait a few months before the owner gives them the keys.

So what’s the problem, you may ask. Well, they’ve been arguing for days and Louis is honestly considering strangling his alpha with one his ridiculously ugly designer scarf. Okay, not really. But he’s going to lose it soon if they don’t stop fighting.

4) Little Devil | Explicit | 2241 words

The pair had just finished taking a round of shots when the one and only Harry Styles saunters over, clapping Niall on the back to say hello. “Louis,” he drawls out, not even trying to hide the fact that he’s raking his eyes over the smaller boy. “You know this is a costume party, right?” Louis rolls his eyes, starting to ramble on about how he is in a costume and what a nit Harry is when he gets it. Harry is saying Louis is a devil.

“And what are you supposed to be Styles? An angel, really?”

“It’s a costume Lou, ’s not supposed to be real,” he says with a smirk, sliding past Louis but stopping long enough to whisper, “I can assure you, I’m no angel baby.”

5) After the Lilo Kiss | Explicit | 2477 words

"I guess I need to show you who you belong to, hmm baby boy?" he growled in my ear while choking me with his other hand.

6) Oh So Thankful | Explicit | 3034 words

Or the one where Louis and Harry both stay at college for Thanksgiving break, and decide to spend the holiday together.

7) Tell Me What You Want (What You Need) | Mature | 3246 words

Louis didn’t plan on getting laid tonight. When he invited Harry over the day before, it was completely innocent. Just two lads hanging out. He still doesn’t plan on it, no matter how hard he’s getting as Harry’s fingernails start scraping over his nipples lightly every time they pass.

8) Calling Out For Someone To Hold Tonight | Not Rated | 3819 words

Harry’s straight. Louis isnt. They still manage to fall in love.

9) Your Love Delights My Soul | Explicit | 4186 words

"Alpha..." Louis moaned against Harry's lips, chasing the friction against his thigh.

"You are my one and only," Harry bit his jaw, "And you know it quite well. Pretty sure I remind you every night, but you have to rile me, have to make me angry. Why, Omega?"

10) Life and Death | Explicit | 4122 words

In which Louis is Life and Harry is Death.

11) When You Turn Off The Lights | Explicit | 4305 words

Gothie Louis/Normie Harry.

12) On My Mind All The Time, Say You're Mine | Explicit | 9261 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

“Dude, we’re inside, and it’s night time. Those don’t look as cool as you think they do.” Louis could kick himself, he sounded so stupid, but it certainly got the guy’s attention.

It was at that unfortunate moment that he noticed several other things about this hot asshole, that he hadn’t noticed just staring from afar. First, when Louis spoke to him, his gaze was kind of unfocused behind his sunglasses, and secondly, that he had a red and white cane folded up under his arm.

“I’m… Blind,” the man chuckled, awkwardly.  

Louis wanted to melt into a puddle out of pure embarrassment.

“I— am so sorry. I have to go.”

“Hey, wait, wait,” the man soothed, grabbing at Louis’ shoulders before he could get away.

“I’m sorry,” Louis repeated, looking down at his shoes.

“It’s alright,” He cackled. “I get it a lot. More than you know.”

13) Let's Break The Internet | Explicit | 9505 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here. Please note that the pairing for this fic is Louis/OMC.

The one where Louis is an Only Fans baby.

14) With the Certainty Of Tides | Mature | 13980 words

“Love you,” Louis whispered in the dark. He didn’t know what time it was or where the light had gone, he knew that he was in Harry’s arms, basking in the afterglow of all their love and he’d be a fool to not tell Harry that. As if Harry didn’t know.

“Love you,” was whispered back, as if Louis didn’t know. They confessed to each other as if it was their first time saying it, raw and painful, and listened to it the very same way, but they knew those words to be the only ones true.

With all the certainty of the tides, with all the light from the sun, with all the steady beats of their hearts, they were deftly in love, in secret and so loudly. They were brave and fearless and strong and hopelessly devoted in every sense of their breaths.

“We made it, baby,” Harry mumbled, bringing their lips into a final kiss, sweet and soft and the color of pink. They already knew that, didn’t fight tooth and nail and argued through every petty year and bleed their hearts into the words they sang and on their skin for them to have not made it home.

They were home.

15) A Moment In Time | Explicit | 14004 words

The one where Harry and Louis used to be together, until they weren’t, but with a twist of fate and a bit of magic, could this be their chance to find forever in each other’s arms?

16) I'm Still A Little Bit Yours | Mature | 14921 words

“Harry?” Louis asked to the empty apartment. "What the hell?" He sat up on the bed, his comforter pooling around his waist. The place wasn’t big enough to lose someone. Harry must have left in the middle of the night. And then he felt it. The new twinge of pain in his already bruised heart. He forcefully threw his upper body back and grunted in frustration. Then he looked over to the bedside table and noticed a note under the cup of cold chamomile tea he never got around to drinking.

He reached over and there were only two words scrawled on the otherwise blank page, “I’m sorry.”

He was so damn stupid! He curled up on his side sobbing and trembling. He covered his face with the comforter, tears soaking his pillow, as he begged his body to go back to sleep.

17) I Couldn't Face A Life Without Your Lights | Mature | 15538 words

Louis and Harry are college students who haven't been the same in the past two years.

18) Practice In Pencil, Seal It In Pen | Explicit | 16486 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

Harry is in love with Louis but he doesn't know.

19) Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) | Not Rated | 16683 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

The one where Harry wants a little more in the bedroom and has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth.

20) The Animals, The Animals | Not Rated | 16721 words

Admittedly, it’s not the first time Louis Tomlinson finds himself in handcuffs.

The difference this time is these handcuffs are attached to a year long sentence. Not just that, but a year long sentence sharing a cell with a possibly mute 19 year old with dark eyes and even darker secrets.

21) Colder Weather | Mature | 19103 words

When Harry comes around, it’s the coldest time of year. Louis, for once, just wants Harry to take him away from colder weather.

22) Across the Grey, Salty Sea | Explicit | 19968 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

Prompt 212: Alex from Dunkirk and French escort/prostitute Louis who ends up in Alex’s quarters more nights than not. Alex gives him his dog tag to wear maybe just a lot of smut and dirty talk with Louis being a pretty princess.

23) Blinded By The Sparks | Explicit | 22205 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

Harry is a scammer who drifts from casino to casino. Louis is the new waiter who wants in on the scam.

24) Rainbow Bloom | Mature | 22711 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

Louis is in denial. Louis has been in denial for far too long. Then Harry enters his life and everything changes.

25) What A Sight For Sore Eyes | Not Rated | 24216 words

Louis’ playing Danny in their uni’s production of Grease. They’re missing a Sandy, and Harry’s sort of been in love with Louis for a year.

Everything else just kind of happens.

26) MISSING | Mature | 26950 words

Louis brothers report Louis missing after they can’t get hold of him for 24hours

Harry Styles and Charlie Stone, detectives of the teenage homicide and missing persons division, are long time friends of the Tomlinson's and take the case.

27) Even The Best Laid Plans | Explicit | 25175 words

Louis wants to have sex with someone and decides Harry is the perfect alpha for the job.

28) Sunflowers, Sunshine, And You | Explicit | 28778 words

Sunshine county is small but mighty and Harry takes pride in knowing nearly each and every person that lives inside of it. For nearly eleven years now he’s been sheriff, and not one of them he’s ever regretted settling down here.

He knows the road names like the back of his hand, knows the people and the animals and the way the world works here. In all of the time he’s been here, not a thing has changed.

So, all things considered, when he starts seeing a beat up pickup truck roaming through town with plates he’s never seen before, Harry, to be frank, jumps on that like a fly on fresh dog shit.

29) Blue Songs Are Like Tattoos | Explicit | 30739 words

“Good morning, University of California, you’re listening to KALX 90.7 FM Berkeley, this is DJ Harry Styles. If the owner of the tapes I’ve been finding around the studio doesn’t come forward and introduce himself, I’m going to continue tossing them straight in the trash!”

or the DJ Harry and Rockstar Louis fic.

30) Sweet Like Honey | Explicit | 33117 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

Harry and Louis need money and they find an unconventional solution in the form of PornHub. It’s not supposed to be a big deal.

31) When Our Worlds They Fall Apart | Explicit | 42228 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

Harry put his hand over his heart as if Louis had wounded him. “You’re so harsh, my liege! Perhaps you need to relieve some tension…” He let his voice trail off suggestively.

“The day I ask YOU to relieve tension is the day I lose all my wits and join the Imperials,” Louis said. “It will never happen”

Prompt 325: Star Wars AU with Harry as Han Solo and Louis as Leia.

32) Somewhere In Between | Explicit | 42765 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

Louis wakes up early. He brushes his teeth and can only stomach a piece of toast for breakfast, dressing quickly and heading for the car. He pulls into the parking lot of the Department of Dominance and Submission just as they’re unlocking the doors. It takes him all of an hour in the uncomfortable chairs to fill out the paperwork to the best and most accurate of his ability, handing it over to the receptionist as soon as he’s finished and wiping his sweaty palms on his business trousers.

There’s a high chance that within ten to fifteen business days, Louis will be matched with a dominant.

Shit.

33) Spoonful of Sugar | Explicit | 42900 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here. This fic is also a sequel to this fic.

Louis Tomlinson cares for his family above all else, a fact that’s led him on a twisted path peddling drugs to support them. Just as he’s made the decision to jump ship, Louis gets snared between the two largest crime syndicates in the city. To keep his family safe he’s forced to trust the man that failed to keep his promise two years ago, the resident drug lord he’s unknowingly been working for, Harry Styles.

34) Breakable Heaven | Explicit | 44594 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

“What do you think?” Louis gets captured by Harry’s green eyes, unable to look away or even take a breath.

“I think you’re the most magnificent creature I’ve ever met.”

“You must not have met many creatures then.”

Harry’s eyes glance downward to Louis’ lips and his tongue darts out to wet his own. “None like you.”

35) You're The Habit That I Can't Break | Not Rated | 44940 words

When Louis crosses paths with a green eyed stranger in prison, he learns that some habits aren't so bad.

36) Fine Line (The Story of Us) | Not Rated | 46191 words

Walking through Harry's album Fine Line. Each chapter reflects a song off the album.

Harry knew he was a lucky guy, really he did. He knew that in the cosmic pulling of straws he had pulled the long one and basically won the lottery. With a number one debut album, millions of adoring fans, and many a celebrity praising his work Harry should feel happier. He should be skipping instead of walking, singing instead of talking, and grinning from ear to ear. Maybe he was ungrateful. Maybe he was numb to it all. Or maybe he had a big, ocean-sized crush on his best friend.

37) Tastes Like Summer, Smiles Like May | Explicit | 47519 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

A cold prince, an alpha with nothing left to lose and a kingdom with a secret.

38) A Silent Whisper (That's Left Unsaid) | Explicit | 50842 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

A Fake Relationship & Exes to Lovers AU ft a failed proposal ten years ago, an oblivious Harry, an overworked Louis, Zayn as the protective best friend, a meddling aunt and a lot of talks about weddings and rings.

39) Lost And Found | Explicit | 51736 words

Where Louis is just looking for his dog but finds love along the way.

40) Don't You Know That I'm a Moon in Daylight? | Explicit | 58770 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

Prompt 79: Louis and Harry fell in love in the 18th century, Louis wanted Harry to convert him into a vampire, but he ended up resenting Harry for it. Fast forward to our modern days, they haven’t seen each other since then, but one day they meet again through a mutual friend. Harry was bitter for a long time, but he accepted that being angry wouldn't erase the fact that Louis was the love of his life. He wanted to court and spoil Louis like in their original time period, but Louis avoided him every time Harry tried to reconnect. Happy ending!

41) The Guesthouse | Explicit | 61951 words

Louis has a secret that could break him. With every trip to the Guesthouse, with every fuck he offers himself up for, he gets a piece of the freedom back that he's lost.

Seven nights a year he goes to the exclusive sex club; every day he fights to keep that little bit of information to himself.

And there's another thing - his unwavering and pointless obsession with his bandmate.

There's the Guesthouse, and then there's Harry, and Louis works tirelessly to keep the two apart. Soon, very soon now, he won't be able to.

42) My Friend Lost A Bet | Mature | 74965 words

The one where Louis ends up on the list of potential fake-boyfriends for Harry Styles because Stan really sucks at football bets.

43) In A Sea Of Mist | Explicit | 126725 words

Note: This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest. Check out the full collection here.

A Greek Mythology/Camp Half-Blood AU where Harry is lost, the road to peace is a wretched one, and somehow, through a mist of confusion and regrets, Louis seems to be the only thing that makes sense and everything Harry needs.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

#bottom louis #top harry #blp fic recs #monthly fic recs #fic recs #larry

[lightofpage]

Hurts Like Hell

Ch. 3 The old familiar sting

Ch.2

Ch.1

The Friday night that he called found Karen in her usual spot on Friday nights, sitting at the sixth bar stool in at Josie’s with Matt and Foggy on either side. Foggy was showing them old college photos he had found of Matt and him while Matt told the stories that each photo captured a moment of. She was snorting with laughter over a Jack and coke.

Karen was still laughing when her phone rang. It was an unknown number and she didn’t have to guess who it was. She walked quickly to the door outside waving her phone at Foggy when he called out to her.

She stepped outside into the cold night and she was breathless when she answered the phone.

“Frank?”

“Karen”

His voice sounded strained, like he was in pain. Karen froze.

“You're hurt, where are you?”

He listed off the address and a key code as Karen frantically pulled a pen and pad of paper out of her purse and wrote down his address.

“I’ll be there soon.”

The line disconnected and Karen hoped that he hadn’t passed out and dropped the phone. She was typing the address into Google when she heard the door to the bar open and Matt call her name.

“Karen? Is everything ok?”

She turned to him wide eyed, her heart must be racing. Karen assumed he heard everything-stepping outside hadn’t done shit against his hearing.

“Matt, I have to go.” She wasn’t in the mood for an argument, not with Frank possibly bleeding out.

“I know. If you need help, call me. If it’s bad, we can take him to Maggie and go from there.” There was concern in his voice, but also compassion. Karen felt like crying.

“Thank you, Matt, I’ll let you know.”

He nodded and she jogged to her parked car across the street. She was 17 minutes away. 17 minutes. A lot could happen in that time. Karen tried not to imagine the worst possibility, instead replaying all the shit he’d been through. Torture, shot to pieces, broken bones…

Frank Castle seemed invincible and Karen prayed that tonight wasn’t the night she learned he wasn’t.

At every stoplight her fingers tapped anxiously against the steering wheel of Ben’s car. She pulled up to a warehouse on the outskirts of the city.

She closed the car door and approached the entrance, one hand gripping the .380 in her purse. Karen typed in the code and the door opened with a buzz. There was one flickering light in the hallway that lead upstairs. At the top the door opened up to an office overlooking the warehouse below.

Inside was a cot, a table littered with magazines and half assembled firearms. There slumped on the floor by the cot was Frank. The flip phone still open in his hand. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was shallow.

“Frank!”

She ran to him and knelt beside him, “Frank, c’mon-you gotta wake up for me.” His Kevlar vest was strewn across the floor beside him, the white skull was now mostly red. His shirt was cut and there were three bullet holes in his abdomen. It looked like he had started bandaging them before he passed out, but the pressure dressing was already soaking through.

Karen grabbed the gloves out of the first aid kit that was in disarray on the floor next to him. She grabbed more gauze and pressed hard against one of the wounds. With one hand on the gauze she added a second layer to the dressing.

His eyes flickered open and she breathed a sigh of relief as she moved onto the next dressing.

“There’s two more in my back that I couldn’t reach.”

Frank looked pale and Karen’s hands shook as grabbed the trauma shears to cut the rest of his shirt off. He leaned forward with a pained groan.

“Goddamnit Frank.”

There was so much blood. She grabbed more gauze and pushed down hard.

“Yeah, it was a rough night.” He muttered weakly.

“Frank I can’t do this alone. I can’t- there’s so much blood.”

Karen hated hearing the tremor in her voice, it was a reminder of the stakes at hand.

“No hospitals.”

“I know, I know-but you’re losing too much blood, you need fluids-you need…”

He slumped forward into her, passing out. Karen shucked off one of the gloves and pulled out her phone, muttering an angry “Fuck you Frank Castle” as she found Matt’s number.

The phone rang for but a moment before he answered.

“Karen?”

“Matt, I need your help” She told him the address and nodded when he told her he’d be there soon.

While she waited, she worked on holding pressure praying to a God she no longer believed in. It was not a pretty sight when Karen and Matt took a shoulder each and got Frank to the car. The stairs down were particularly challenging.

They laid him down in the backseat, Karen would worry about the blood stains later, and drove to Clinton Church. Karen grit her teeth the whole way, too frequently she looked in the rear view mirror at his bulking form.

“He looks like shit Karen and his heartbeat is thready, but it's regular. He’s been through worse.”

Matt said after ignoring her own erratic heartbeat for as long as he could. Karen nodded, holding back tears. Her grip on the steering wheel tight.

“Thank you, Matt. I know this isn’t…I know he’s not…” She struggled to find the words. Her brain a mess of horrible outcomes.

“You love him, right Karen?”

There was no anger or judgment in his voice, just a matter a fact statement. Karen glanced over at him, her eyes wide in shock. It was so not like Matt.

“I do. Yeah, I do.”

It was the first time she admitted it to anyone. Matt nodded, “Then you have my help. Always.”

This time the tears did fall.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

Once again, it was a struggle to take him inside the parish. Another set of stairs. When they got him to the basement, Maggie was already prepped, fresh bandages, an IV pole and fluids already set up and waiting for a patient. They laid him down and Maggie got to work placing an IV. Frank’s eyes flickered open and he started to resist. The group scrambled, shouting at him to stay still, but it was Karen’s voice that reached him.

“You’re safe Frank. Not a hospital. You’re safe. Let them help you.”

He settled and her hand stayed on his shoulder as Maggie continued. When the IV was placed and the bag of fluids started running, she took his blood pressure and sighed when she finished releasing the valve on the sphygmomanometer and the air hissed out.

“It’s low of course, but not as bad as it could be.”

Karen smiled for the first time since the ordeal began, “Good. Thank you, Maggie, thank you so much.”

Maggie smiled fondly, “Of course. We’ll take care of him, you should get some rest.”

Karen shook her head, “I’ll stay, if I can?”

Maggie nodded. Karen felt a hand brush her arm and she turned to face Matt.

“His heartbeat is stronger. He’ll get through this. Don’t worry about work-stay however long you need to.”

Karen hugged him tightly, “Thank you Matt, seriously.”

Matt smiled and took his leave. Karen pulled up a chair, her hand clasped in Frank’s. She stared at this broken man, remembering how his path had crossed with hers. More like she stepped in the way of his. She had his face memorized since the day he left her in the woods. Every line of his furrowed brow, the small smile he flashed her in the café, and his eyes…she’d seen too much to think they’re empty, haunted yes, but full and clear.

Karen was pulled from her thoughts as Maggie started to change out the new bandages. Karen cleared her throat, “So, still helping those in need?”

Maggie glanced at her with a sly smile, “These church doors will always remain open to those who have nowhere else to go.”

“Even for…” Karen glanced over at Frank.

“Even for the Punisher, yes.”

Maggie’s hands were swift and gentle as she threw the soaked gauze away and cleaned his wounds. Karen’s gaze wandered as she took in all of Frank’s scars, it scared her how much she cared for him.

“It looked like the bullets didn’t pass clean through, we’ll work on getting those out when he’s more stable.”

Karen swallowed and gripped his hand tighter.

“He’s lucky to have you.” The kindness in Maggie’s voice was soothing, a balm for Karen’s aching heart. Karen smiled at her words, “I don’t know about that.”

Maggie cocked her head, her eyes bright, “Now why would you doubt that?”

Karen shrugged, “My presence in his life, uh-,” she took a deep breath, “I think is a distraction. One that he doesn’t want.”

She looked away, missing the fluttering movement of Frank’s closed eyes and the twitch of his lips. Maggie did not.

“Mmm, well. He seems to be a very focused man.”  

She finished the bandage and pulled the covers over Frank before taking a seat on the edge of his bed, facing Karen.

Karen let out a laugh, “That’s one way to put it.”

Maggie leaned forward, meeting Karen’s gaze, “But he’s still a man. He’s not a machine. Whatever his cause may be- revenge…justice…it can only last for so long before it takes its toll. It can still break a person, even one who seems infallible.”

Karen brushed away a stray tear as Maggie continued, “And in those moments, we all need somebody.” Maggie took placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, “I remember what happened that night, Karen. You were prepared to die. You could have run, but you stayed...you were ready to sacrifice yourself for those people.”

Father Lanthom’s death was still fresh in Karen's mind, as with everyone else’s death, but being in the church again made her memories stand just behind the door of every thought.

“Don't make me sound so heroic." Her words were bitter, "I was ready and Father Lanthom... he shouldn't...he shouldn’t have done that.” Karen sniffed.

“My point is Karen, you are brave and you are strong. You have the strength to help a soul such as Frank's. Father Lanthom was a man of God, one of the few true men of God out there. He was ready to make that choice. You are not at fault. That mad man who threw the knife is.”

Maggie’s expression was calm and she was so sure. It almost made Karen want to believe her, but the guilt still brewed heavy in her blood.

“Still, so many people,” Karen gasped, her shoulders shaking as a sob tore through her, “So many people have died. Because of me. I’m not a good person, I’m no-,”

“Karen,” Maggie laid a hand over Karen’s. “It’s not your fault.”

Her eyes were red and her tears felt heavy.

“It’s not your fault. There is evil in this world and you are not part of it. We don’t always have a choice as to the path that God puts us on or what tragedies will befall us while we are on it. This man, you? My son? Everyone has a role to play, even if we don’t know it. Sometimes pure goodness can’t win against such forces-sometimes it takes the Punisher. Sometimes even those who are in favor in the eyes of the Lord must carry heavy baggage. A bad person wouldn’t feel this hurt so deeply, Karen. Forgive yourself.”

“I don’t know if I can,” She whispered.

It was quiet in the basement. They sat in silence for a moment, surrounded by statues of saints. Ordinary people called to do more, to be more.

“Then love. Keep loving. Sometimes it's the only answer.” She said it fiercely.

Karen’s blue eyes were glistening as she stared at the older woman.

“You will find the truth-even if it is hard to see-when you love.” Her words lingered in the quiet room as Maggie stood, gathering her supplies. She placed them on the side table and allowed Karen time to collect herself.

“You should rest. He will make it through the night.”

Maggie was not surprised to see the woman shake her head, “No, I’ll stay. Thank you.”

Shrugging her shoulders, Maggie turned to leave. She paused for a moment, and turned back to face Karen, “You see all these saints Karen?" She gestured to the statues, "A wise man once said 'Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.' We do not know what God has in store for us. We must live our lives fully to find out.”

A somber smile fell over Maggie’s face as she walked back up to the rectory.

Karen continued to sit by Frank’s side, Maggie’s words ran through her mind as she watched Frank’s even breathing. She found comfort in it. She sighed and folded her arms on the mattress, letting her head rest in her arms, knowing full well her body would protest in the morning. Right now she didn’t care, she wanted to sleep at the side of the man she loved. It didn’t take long for her breathing to slow and sleep to take her.

Frank opened his eyes and looked at Karen. He softly ran a hand through her hair and she sighed in her sleep. He'd heard every word and it broke his heart. Frank knew this is the fight he would lose too. He’d been at war with himself over her and this was his breaking point. He wasn’t alone in his pain. He wasn’t alone in sorrow. He was reckless, only surviving the next day so he could fight another night and it was killing him. So maybe-maybe he’d allow himself this one good thing while he has it.

#long post #sorry #Guys I know I'm posting a lot but I gotta get it all out before going back to work lol #so this was only going to be 2 chapters but now I'm not sure how many #kastle #kastle ff #kastle fic #kastle fanfic #kastle fanfiction #IDK if there are even any punisher spoilers #daredevil season 3 spoilers #yes