#cody needs a raise and a beach vacation | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ironmandeficiency · 4 years

Text

beach please

pairing: rex / reader / cody

word count: 6166

summary: once the war ended, you retreated to scarif for much-needed time to recenter yourself. rex and cody worry when you don’t answer your comms for days and leave coruscant to find you, fearing the worst. turns out you’ve just been drinking and partying, now sporting two new tattoos.

a/n: the self-created duke of scarif is jimmy buffett & i was inspired by his song “margaritaville” & “beach please” by kevin fowler.

canon changes: everyone listened to fives abt the chips & palps was discovered to be a sith lord. the clones were given human rights, a generously low locked-in rent if they lived on coruscant, and as much back pay as the republic could afford (not much but better than nothing).

“master y/l/n, there’s still so much to be done-”

“and you can have someone else do it. you must not be capable of recognizing the importance of reevaluating the way we interpret the code, or else this conversation wouldn’t be occurring.”

obi-wan blanched at the barely tamed fury radiating from your force signature. this was the second time in less than a year that he felt something so raging from your force signature, the time before this meeting being the aftermath of umbara. before the nightmare that was the siege on the shadow planet, it had been decades since you were angry enough about something to raise your voice to the council. it took a very great transgression to ignite your anger into something scathing and this meeting was doing exactly that.

the council was meeting to discuss the senate’s plans to have the jedi spearhead efforts to repair the galaxy and quell the revolts in areas that still wanted to continue the war. palpatine was manipulating both sides and if it weren’t for fives and kix, the republic would have been none the wiser when chancellor palpatine executed the order to have the clones murder their jedi.

“how are we going to guide the galaxy through the changing times if we’re unable to reevaluate our own beliefs and how the war impacted them? so many of our padawans were raised in this war, far different than how they should have been brought up.” your mind drifted to ahsoka and late-night conversations spent trying to make sense of the reality of war and how she’d been nothing but a soldier since she left the temple at fourteen. “the senate is not our responsibility nor our lead authority. we were their pawns once and despite seeing the consequences on geonosis, we let ourselves get wrapped in politics. think of what we lost because of it.”

eeth koth was deeply disturbed by your entire demeanor as well as the words spilling from your lips. if there was ever a jedi that made you want to leave the order, he’d be it. douchebag. “our duty is to the galaxy, to maintain peace! you can’t expect us to sit back and do nothing when people are struggling!”

obi-wan shared your sentiment but strived for more unity than polarization within the meeting. “but aren’t we struggling just as much as the rest of the galaxy? time must be allotted for us to heal the wounds of war before we’ll be able to successfully help others that are suffering, if that’s what’s agreed upon.” a few jedi nodded their agreement, masters plo and gallia among them. shaak looks close to being convinced but seems to still be hesitant to comment on her opinion.

“in order to help the galaxy, we must help ourselves. our emotions must be looked into with more than just the intent to throw them away at a moment’s notice. knowing why we feel the things we do can help us with far more than just our connection to the force.”

this was an idea that obi-wan has spent many years struggling with but it took the end of the war to guide him into believing that emotions aren’t the enemy, it’s how they’re utilized that counts. he explained this concept to his fellow council members and it was a sentiment you agreed with immensely.

saese scoffs at the mere idea of doing more with emotions besides dispelling them into the force. “that sounds a lot like allowing your emotions to cloud your judgement, master kenobi, something your lineage is quite popular for-” oh he crossed the line. saese was not about to talk shit about your creche mate and closest friend or his lineage and get away with it.

“no need to pardon my language, master, but it sounds a lot like you’re allowing your own emotional shortcomings and the bantha fodder you call intelligence to cloud your judgement.”

even mace was stunned at the verbal jab that came from your seat. kit had been mid-drink and it took him several seconds to recover from the way he choked on his water. you were normally calm and collected, a voice of reason amid the chaos. this time, however, you were at your limit. this was your cue to leave.

mace spoke up as you neared the door. “y/l/n, where do you think you’re going?”

“i’m going to heal and allow myself to enjoy the peace we gave nearly everything to obtain. if you want to join me, feel free to let me know.”

your robes billowed out behind you as the council meeting dissolved into chaos. you were convinced that if your seat was close enough to master yoda’s that you’d be sporting a few new gimer stick bruises. thank the force for the little things.

later that evening, you boarded your personal ship and set the coordinates for scarif. that was the perfect place to go as a jedi that didn’t want to be found by anyone that they didn’t fully trust. who would think to find a monk on a planet filled with booze, sex, and other carnal pleasures? a few comms were sent telling the recipients that you were going on vacation and to call if you were needed, giving them a new private commlink and vague hints at where you’d be.

scarif, here i come.

“she hasn’t commed us in nearly a week! what reason is there to not worry?”

“rex, she would have called us if there was something wrong.”

“you know as well as i do that there are still radical seppies trying to keep the war going. the kidnapping of a jedi would surely be cause to fight!”

cody sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. he conceded that you ignoring their comms was highly unusual, yes, but you weren’t the type to throw yourself heedlessly into danger like some of the other jetti they knew (cough cough, skywalker and kenobi). “no one in their right mind is going to think to look for a jedi on scarif, the place is too carefree and without a permanent stuck up its shebs.”

rex knew there was a valid point to the statement. he vaguely recollects general kenobi’s mild yet humorous complaints about the “uncivilized, booze-blooded” inhabitants of the beach planet. general skywalker’s only problem with scarif, it seems, was the fact there was sand nearly everywhere, the drunks and constant parties posing no issue to the younger jedi. the reason for his disdain of sand was never expanded upon.

“i’m still going to look for her, feel free to come with.” they were free men who had no one to report to, no one telling them where they could go or when to eat and sleep, so of course rex was going to look for you. with this newfound freedom cody and rex moved into a middle-level apartment together, nothing too fancy but quite a contrast to their former living spaces under the gar.

rex chose to join the police force on coruscant and quickly climbed the ranks, excelling in every task thrown at him. he was a force to be reckoned with, crime rates dropping rapidly within his first month.

cody hasn’t made a new career choice yet, the commander still trying to find his own path. he had tried his hand on the police force but he quickly realized it wasn’t his cup of tea and left rex to it. he’s helping with groceries and other living costs with his back pay despite rex’s protests for him to put it to better use (what better use is there for credits than helping you survive day to day? that’s what they’re made for).

they were given a ship by general skywalker -anakin, rex’s mind supplied; he had corrected them many times about not using the rank- that the man had modified himself because he “wouldn’t want any friends of mine flying around the galaxy in a piece of junk.” apparently any sort of ship/speeder/droid/anything not built and/or modified by the man was inferior in nearly every imaginable way. it was a kind and meaningful gesture that anakin was willing to go to such lengths to protect them, no matter how unnecessary. the war was over after all, there was no need to have blaster attachments on their civilian speeder.

“like i’m gonna leave you to your own devices, di’kut. of course i’m going with.”

“you better hurry and pack, i’m planning on leaving no later than 1800.”

sitting in the reclined beach chair with two margaritas, you haven’t enjoyed yourself this much in a long time. the togrutan brother and sister you met soon after your arrival had become dear friends in your two months on scarif, the three of you becoming a trio commonly seen hitting the best parties all over the planet. miek wasn’t as much of a party animal in comparison to his sister briel who was known for her wild drunken antics.

you had been there and lived in your small ship for a total of two days before they offered you a place with them. no one lived alone on scarif, they said, and it would be wrong to let you continue to be deprived of the peace the waters brought when it was lulling you to sleep.

meeting the duke of scarif during your first week planetside was quite an exhilarating experience, to put it briefly. duke buffett was an older man with hair as white as the sands he loved to party on day and night, one hand perpetually occupied by a drink and a guitar strapped to his back. he was known to play and sing during the parties he attended, his carefree attitude evident in his voice.

although no one would have guessed by looking at him, he was a fierce conservationist who would either have his guards fight anyone caught littering or, if drunk enough, would fight them himself. you’ve held him back a time or two when he clearly wasn’t in shape to do said fighting and helped ease the situation back to a fun normal.

now you weren’t a heavy drinker by any means, but your tolerance was better than most because of your connection to the force. this made you a favorite drinking buddy to many of the planet’s permanent inhabitants and tourists. of these numbers was the duke himself whom you would sometimes humor by opening drinks with your lightsaber. it was a splendid game that won you diplomatic immunity (apparently he can do that) on the planet after two weeks of jedi party tricks and fight-preventing.

time had become even more of a social construct than you had believed it to be before the war. there were parties going on at all hours of the day and night and the concept of solitude was forgotten. everyone here extended a hand to each other, friend or not-yet friend (there were no strangers on scarif, just friends you haven’t made yet). what little pain felt was carried by all until it was so faint that it seemed to heal itself. the waters healed, you had no doubt in your mind.

the sun was high in the sky when the ship landed next to yours behind your current residence. you were, of course, not home to know where it landed but you did see said ship flying overhead as you relaxed on a blanket next to briel and miek. maybe they were lost, but you had confidence that someone on the island would help them in what they need. this was the way of scarif, after all.

you were distracted by the drinks in both of your hands, alternating sips between the two. you were outfitted in a flowy summer dress that had ridden up a smidge too high while you were lounging on a reclined beach chair. briel was rubbing - lotion? sunscreen? - something on your exposed thighs as you relaxed, enjoying the way the breeze felt on the moisturized skin.

this was the best decision you’ve ever made, coming to scarif. eventually you were going to leave, yeah, but that was a problem for future you. for now, you were going to enjoy the endless sunshine and copious amounts of alcohol that aided in your relaxation.

they had seen the docking bay protruding into the sky like a gundark among loth-cats and decided instantly that you weren’t going to be there. you had told them ages ago that the vibes (you used that word a lot to describe force things to them) that came from industrial buildings bothered you terribly. something along the lines of wearing on your psyche, if they remembered correctly. instead, they flew a little lower than they probably should have to search the ground for where you landed your ship.

it took longer than they would have liked it to, but your ship was eventually found behind a medium-sized hut not too far from one of the many beaches. cody found just the right angle to land next to it and not hurt either shuttle, not trusting rex to touch the controls (his vod was a terrible pilot).

both men decided that even if scarif was a peaceful planet, they still didn’t know what to expect, so they equipped themselves with their blasters and lower armor before leaving their ship. first order of business: check to see if you were in your ship. if you weren’t, they could cross that bridge when they got there.

just as they were beginning to open the ramp, a man emerged from the hut and began to storm their way. he was togrutan, with yellow skin and lavender stripes on his lekku and montrals.

“hey! you two! what’s your business with that shuttle?” he sounded like he was ready to fight them about the ship, which worried the brothers, but he slowed his advance when he noticed the two blasters pointed in his direction. good, this guy wasn’t a complete di’kut.

cody was the first to lower his weapon, quick to take the diplomatic approach. rex followed suit but didn’t soften the intimidating stare he threw at the man. there was a reason your ship was there and they were going to stop at nothing to find out why. “we’re looking for a friend of ours, she hasn’t answered our comms in over a week and we were worried, it isn’t like her to not reply. last we talked to her she was here on scarif.”

the togrutan paused for a moment, inspecting the appearances of the men (clones, his mind told him, the telltale armor and near identical faces hiding nothing) in front of him.

the blond had an air of confidence about him, an almost dangerous sort of confidence. his armor was painted with a shade of blue that was pleasantly similar to the waters he just returned from, pieces of it chipped from what he supposed were rough times in battle. his jaw was set, hand hovering above where he holstered his weapon seconds before.

he didn’t appear to be bloodthirsty, just protective; who he wanted to protect, however, was still a mystery. there was a passion in his eyes that wasn’t even mildly held back. he seemed to be skilled in channeling that passion into his every thought, every action. with a note to himself to not get on this man’s bad side, he switched his focus on the blond’s companion.

miek’s gaze shifted to the other clone and quickly decided that he liked this one better. there was an extremely intimidating scar along the side of his face, yet this one seemed far less willing to shoot him on sight. he still has a grit and presence about him that told miek that this one wouldn’t hesitate to fuck your shit up if need be, but he had tact (thank the stars one of the clones had a sense of discretion).

he could tell that this one had some sort of authority over the blond, clearly serving as a high percentage of the other’s common sense. miek’s mind, after analyzing the men thoroughly, gives names for the men before they introduce themselves. “you must be the famed rex and cody! come, i’ll take you to the shoreline!”

he gestured for them to follow him and was genuinely shocked when instead of doing as he suggested, he was tackled to the ground. miek spit away everything that had gotten into his mouth, unable to move when one of the men pinned him down. this was officially miek’s worst day in over a decade.

he caught a glimpse of marigold stripes on leg armor just over his shoulder, confirming the identity of the man on top of him as rex. “how do you know our names?!” rex’s voice sent a shiver down miek’s spine (the blaster against his back also helped in that), and the togrutan reaffirmed his choice in his favorite clone: not rex.

“i’ve heard stories about you two! from y/n! i’m assuming you’re here about y/n, right?” the blaster was removed from his back and a little bit of the weight was taken off him. he must be saying something right. “she’s been staying with my sister and i, and i promise you she’s perfectly safe!” rex moves his weight completely off him now, allowing miek to stand back up but not move more than a few feet away from him.

“where is she?” cody’s voice was hauntingly low, nothing about him betraying his tension except for the hard glare felt like lasers. he had the same desire, same yearning to protect someone - that someone miek now knew was you - and it burned brighter than a hundred suns.

“last i saw her was thirty minutes ago on the shore with briel, my sister. i can take you to them if you would kindly not threaten to shoot me again. my name is miek, and i would say it was a pleasure to meet you both but then i’d be making myself a liar.” he had no idea where that bit of snark at the end came from but it seemed to sway the clones to his favor. why it did, he had no clue, but at least he wasn’t getting shot.

they walked silently for a few minutes, the two troopers beginning to slightly admire the view while keeping eyes on miek. it was a beautiful planet, there was no denying that. you were surely enjoying yourself in the sunshine, always finding a little bit of time to bask in the nature of whatever planet you ended up on during the war.

it was strange to cody, not feeling eyes on him as he walked with rex on the beach. when he would accompany general ke- obi-wan on trips to the temple or into the streets of coruscant, he constantly felt the eyes of many on him. they would be expressing curiosity, shock, disdain, or something in between, and cody could feel every bit of it. here, it seemed, no one cared that he was a clone. no one was leering at him for walking too close to them or for just breathing the same air as them. cody was blissfully able to blend with the people here and he loved it.

he was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice when miek had come to a stop in front of a small cluster of reclinable chairs. a large umbrella provided the area with a patch of shade and a smidge of reprieve from the sun’s blistering heat.

“see? she’s perfectly fine.” miek’s voice broke their precious silence. “i’m assuming you both can find your own way back to your ship, so i’ll be headed off.” miek left them quite quickly and rex guessed (with a bit more amusement than was warranted) that it was because he nearly shot the man on more than one occasion minutes earlier.

“cody! rex! when did you two get here?”

a familiar voice drew their attention and it took them a second longer than it should have for them to realize that yes, you were the one lounging in front of them as if it’s all you’ve ever done in your life. you were extremely relaxed and your posture conveyed your state perfectly, two margaritas perched in loose hands, both half-empty. an ivory summer dress flowed loosely around you, the front hiked a bit too high for the men to keep their imaginations under control. that wasn’t even acknowledging the neckline of your dress (or lack thereof) that made their throats a bit dry and minds slip into the gutter.

rex and cody cleared their heads after indulging the images for a second, the latter clearing his throat before replying, “just a few minutes ago. you haven’t answered our comms in over a week. rex had the idea to come and visit to see how you were doing, so here we are.”

that was really sweet of them to check up on you, you thought with a smile. you felt a bit guilty about not answering their comms. normally you were careful to reply to theirs and every other message you received soon after getting it, but as stated earlier, time has become a social construct that didn’t really matter while on scarif. you gestured for them to sit, and they took the open chair to your left. they didn’t bother laying back, just sitting shoulder to shoulder in the same chair with their eyes on you.

offering them both half-drank margaritas was a subconscious action on your part that surprised you. what shocked you even more was the fact they accepted the drinks with soft, fond smiles. kriff you missed them, how you’ve been able to go this long without seeing them was beyond you.

you smiled warmly as you introduced your boys to briel, who was smirking a bit too widely than would be deemed safe (you didn’t notice this, seeing as you were too busy drinking in the sight of your boys and the way the sunlight made their eyes glow). her eyes drifted to your thighs as she put in very little effort to hide a laugh. dark clone trooper eyes decided to see what was so amusing to the togruta, and they choked on whatever words they were contemplating.

on your thighs were rex and cody, left and right respectively. or, more accurately, on your thighs were six-inch tattoos of rex and cody.

both men were in quite show-offy poses, appearing to have the intent to make them look like pin-ups. the lower half of their armor was equipped but they were shirtless, faint details of scars and sweat appearing to glisten in imaginary sunlight.

cody’s face was set in a smolder the likes of which would send half the women in the galaxy into puddles at the commander’s feet. his dc-15a was held aloft in his right hand while his left arm was holding his helmet in place in the crook of his hip. his left foot was stepping on a small heap of droids which brought his knee up a bit, and he was facing the inked rex on the opposite thigh.

rex’s wild smile could catch the soggiest piece of kindling alight with the allure and charm it held. his eyes were sparkling with a pleasant mirth not often seen in the man. both hands wielded his trusted dc-17’s, the right blaster pointed at the droids under cody’s foot while the left was pointed in the air, blaster bolts coming out of both. his helmet was under his right foot, jaig eyes almost peering into your soul and welding marks visible from his customization of the phase 2 helmet.

commander and captain are both beginning to flush at the art in front of them. they were flattered to see drawings of themselves look so dashing, and seeing it on your body roused feelings they had spent years repressing. their biggest question now was whether their likenesses on your body translated into something more on your end.

“nice to finally meet my friend’s muses,” briel quips, “it’s hard to get her to talk about something that isn’t you two when she’s plastered.” she pauses a moment, thinking of her next words and chuckling to herself. “she’s barely spent three consecutive days completely sober since she got here, which means that you two are almost all she talks about.”

this deepened the heat in their cheeks as you playfully swatted at briel’s shoulder. “that is not true!” a moment of silence. “wait, what day is it? that miiiight make a difference.”

rex chortles at the admission. “glad to see you enjoying yourself, cyare. but kix would be enraged to hear that you’ve been drinking nearly every day for two months, and we can’t exactly blame him.” he grinned as he took an experimental sip of the drink you gave him. it was stronger than he expected, but it had an underlying sweetness not often found in margaritas. he liked it.

sitting up, your dress covered your ink as you expertly drank from the margarita in cody’s hand while he still held it. the commander sent you a soft glare, wondering why you didn’t just get a new drink but enjoying the moment nonetheless. “kix shmix, his face isn’t on my thigh so i don’t really care what he has to say right now.” you lean toward cody and rex before whispering, “you didn’t bring him, did you?”

all three of them guffawed at the question, you joining their laughter solely because of how happy the joy radiating from your boys’ force signatures made you.

calling them your boys had become second nature after mere months of fighting beside them. you spent an inane amount of time with them during planning and actual combat, and were just as much their general as their actual generals were (despite you not carrying the honorific). any free time was spent with one or the other if available, but if they were both occupied you would make your way toward the barracks and join a few games of sabacc.

there were nights you’d spend in the barracks with either battalion (depends on which group you were assigned to at the time) and be welcomed there as if you were a fellow clone. they taught you to play sabacc and you enjoyed playing with them despite the fact you had the most rotten luck with the game.

winning didn’t carry any weight when you were able to spend time with rex and cody, shamelessly basking in the way they always seemed to have some sort of physical contact with you every moment possible. when rex and/or cody returned from whatever responsibilities held them earlier, the men were quick to relinquish them a seat next to you with a sly grin.

their vode noticed the affection shared for the jedi on sabacc night number two and didn’t hesitate to spread word of it around to the rest of their battalions and beyond. on the nights you accompanied them on trips to 79’s, men under rex and cody both (read: fives and boil) made sure that the rest of their brothers and the occasional civvie knew that you three were off-limits to anyone but each other. you were their jetti & they were your captain and commander, no one would get between that even if it wasn’t decided among those in question.

“nah, he’s kept his head in his work. he just got his civvie medical license, started his own private practice on naboo.” rex was extremely happy for his brother, although it was strange to not see him nearly every day. it took a while before he was used to the lack of vode around him at all moments, but cody has been a massive help with that transition.

cody nodded before adding onto his brother’s statement. “and besides, we’re not that cruel, cyar’ika.” you grinned at the endearing tone, choosing that moment to snag another drink from the glass in cody’s hand. he swatted at your hand gently but didn’t put up a fight otherwise, just smiling at how carefree you’d become.

during their comms you did sound at peace, and the times where you’d appear via hologram to him your posture was less rigid than it was during wartime. scarif was good for you, cody knew this. the knowledge of your happiness, however, couldn’t prevent selfish thoughts from returning to the front of his mind. thoughts of you leaving scarif with him and rex, lighting up their apartment better than the sun with nothing but a smile were pipe dreams he indulged in when nightmares of war caught up to him.

“y’know,” you began, “no one would ever tell me what that word really meant.” the men froze, trying to play it off. they were saved only by the fact you kept talking. “none of the men ever gave me a straight answer, just saying that it was something you say to someone you trusted. i even asked duchess satine about it when i was on mandalore. she asked who was using the word and when i told her it was you two, she just grinned like a tooka with a rat tail hanging from its mouth.”

duchess satine was most definitely going to be receiving a gift in the near future.

briel chose that moment to speak for the first time in a while, crossing her arms behind her head. “i’ve never been to mandalore nor heard a lick of what i’m guessing is its native language, but you’d have to be a fool to not guess its meaning by now.” her words were directed at you but they made the men sputter.

“what is that supposed to mean, brie?”

“seriously? please tell me you’re kidding.”

briel was absolutely incredulous. how could a member of the highly revered jedi order, known for the wisdom of its members, not read between the lines? they were giving her plenty to work with in terms of evidence of their affections that they weren’t hiding very well, how did you not know?!

silence followed her words and she came to the startling realization that you were, in fact, not kidding. “look at them, these two adore you! they followed you here like stray tookas when you didn’t comm them enough.” the men didn’t even bother looking offended as they were called out by the togruta. they were scared you’d be disgruntled at the blatant show of care for you but briel wasn’t done. “sithspit y/n, you got tattoos of them because you said you missed them so much!”

hold on, rewind, what did she just say?!

“you… missed us?” rex’s voice was softer than anyone had heard it be in a long time. part of him aches to throw his drink over his shoulder and take you into his arms with no regard to the outside world, yet he restrains himself. this could very well be a trap, an illusion or extremely detailed dream the likes of which he’s never experienced.

then again, how would that explain his mind creating a taste for something he’s never had before?

he concluded that this was indeed real, and he very well could do exactly as his heart desires if he let go for just a moment, just long enough for the contents of his glass to seep into the sand and his calloused hands to roam your exposed skin.

but he also remembers long talks with his ori’vod about their mutual affections for you. how selfish and uncaring it would be for him to try and keep you to himself after spending so many nights lamenting with cody about the way you made them both feel more human. the way you tethered them to sanity when the war threatened to dispose of what little control they had over themselves or their fates, the softness of your fingers intertwined with theirs whenever you had the chance. both men would contemplate the way you’d taste as you downed several shots at 79’s or cups of the contraband moonshine brewed by the men, wondering how much would be the alcohol and how much would be you and wishing that they could find out.

it would be a betrayal far greater and even more despicable than that of palpatine and the republic, and rex didn’t think he could handle losing the respect of his ori’vod no matter what was given in return. not even you.

the togruta woman officially lost the last speck of patience she held for the clueless, lovesick trio, groaning that she gave up as she left them to their own devices.

you were confused. why would you not miss them? did those years of fighting next to them and caring about them and loving them not translate to the idea of missing them when they were gone? yeah you were a little tipsy when you got your tattoos, but that didn’t change the facts as to why you got them: you wanted cody and rex by your side and moments spent without them were moments spent unhappy. they were your boys, the two reasons you kept fighting in that cursed war instead of returning to the temple with your tail between your legs at the first sign of combat.

cody downed his margarita with a solid gulp before taking your right hand in both of his, face twisted almost identically to his brother’s while processing the information you presented. he marveled in the familiar grooves and calluses from battle that were beginning to soften, thoroughly enjoying the fact he didn’t have to hide anything from you or the rest of the galaxy about the love - cody was sure now that this was indeed love - he held for you and you alone.

“is that true, cyar’ika?” cody’s voice was sickeningly hopeful. he’s never allowed himself to hope, knowing that diving too deep into desire could lead to consequences tantamount to death. hearing you stumble over your words as you admitted to loving him, loving him and rex both in the same capacity, cracked the last mask of stoicism he had in his reserves. his mouth was smiling but his eyes were wet, and anyone who didn’t know him would think the man was karking mad.

you weren’t as focused on your boys as you would have been any other moment, too busy trying to figure out what you said for cody to ask about and oh. holy shit, i said all of that out loud. then, a brief moment of clarity. i said every bit of that, but they’re not leaving. they’re instead moving closer, taking my hands in theirs and then- “have i ever lied to either of you?” your heart once again overpowered your brain, taking over your vocal chords and bringing voice to your thoughts.

rex nestled his glass into the sand before going to his knees in front of you, eyes sparkling from both the scarif sun and unshed tears. “you could never, ner’jetti.” he rested his chin on your knee not blocked by cody, his subconscious deciding to nuzzle his head into the hand that had come up to his face.

within seconds, the clunky armor had taken to the sand. they didn’t startle at the sudden exposure to just their bottom blacks because they could feel the soft humming of the force around them, knowing that it was merely you making them more comfortable. you were pulling them toward you and into your reclined chair, rex’s chin in one hand and cody’s hands in the other. they were quick to take a hint, immediately moving to either side of you to lay on their sides, facing their jetti with soft smiles.

rex made quick work of wrapping an arm around your waist, face burying itself into the crook of your neck as best he could. he inhaled your scent, the familiar ozone that came with the force mingling wonderfully with scarif’s ocean water and the tropical drinks you’ve been keeping yourself busy with.

cody tangled one hand into your hair, fingers softly moving as he rested his other arm slightly above his brother’s. the hand touching your waist softly stroked your side as he let his eyes drift closed, the force wrapped around him like a blanket of protection.

no one spoke of love in the hours you spent wrapped in each other’s arms in that uncomfortable-for-three-people chair. the admissions and conveyance of all the love held between the three of you was saved for the privacy of their ship. cody and rex worshiped you and you did the same for them, no one allowing there to be a single doubt as to where your hearts belong.

#star wars reader insert #star wars fanfic #star wars imagines #star wars the clone wars #star wars #captain rex #captain rex x reader #captain rex imagines #commander cody #commander cody x reader #commander cody imagine #captain rex x reader x commander cody #poly rex x reader x cody #commander cody x reader x captain rex #beach please #this is fluffy as hell #i refuse to ship him with qui-gon #ct-7567 #cc-2224

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psychedellic-phase · 4 years

Text

Fifteen (pt 13)

(gif by me! I use the iphone app momento)

tw: language, angst, mentions of drug use (relapse), mentions of miscarriage

word count: 7.3k (im sorry)

masterlist

series masterlist

Spencer got up from the cold tile floor, fuzzy unicorn in hand, and faced the window above the kitchen sink. He stared out of it, admiring the snow that was still falling lightly, wondering if it was raining in Seattle. His memory flashed to the last time he stood in the rain with you, but he tried to shake the images away. Instead he watched the snowflakes hit his windowpanes and melt. He hoped that maybe you were somewhere staring out of a window, admiring the dreary weather, and thinking of him too.

He found his place against the dishwasher again, sliding down as his mismatched socks gave way so he could stretch his long legs out fully. He pulled the nearly empty box onto his lap and appreciated the light weight of it, as he continued with his twelfth letter and thirteenth item. Thirteen, a number whose history of unluckiness stems all the way back to the thirteen attendees of the Last Supper, and tracks through the number of steps leading up to the gallows, all the way to the number of letters in the names of some of the most infamous criminals.

Thirteen was a haunted number, which rightly accompanied a haunting letter.

“This one’s long. It’s a month of tarnished memories packed into a few pieces of paper. So far I’ve gone through half of a college-ruled one subject notebook and I’ve had to change pens twice. It’s nearing 2:30, and the wine is finally hitting my empty stomach. Sorry in advance for the way my handwriting will be. I’ll try to make this make as much sense as I can.

If you look at your thirteenth item it is the notepad I stole from that resort in Florida. There isn’t much around to signify this letter. You don’t keep mementos from one of the saddest days of your life, but for some reason I took this useless paper and shoved it in my purse on my way out. Good thing I did, or you’d have no item to attach to these memories. Though I suppose that might be better.

The resort was where we were going to be at for our ‘babymoon,’ whatever that is. What a dumb idea, I’m still mad at myself for letting Garcia talk us into one. She just made it sound so appealing.

Once everyone knew I was pregnant, Hotch pretty much sat me in Quantico with Penelope. There were a few local cases where I was lucky enough to go visit the ME’s office, but usually I kicked my feet up in her lair while you were out in the field.

“A what?” I said one day as she ran DNA through CODIS. The two of us were drinking herbal tea, and I was barely 16 weeks. I just looked like I had a big lunch in my stomach, not a baby the size of an avocado.

“A babymoon. It’s like a honeymoon, but you go when you’re pregnant. It’s one last trip for mommy and daddy to go on and spend quality time together. How many trips have you and Dad-Wonder even been on?”

I shrugged. We didn’t travel much for pleasure. We traveled for work, so on our rare days off we liked to be at home.

“I mean we’ve gone to Vegas and Connecticut a few times.”

She rolled her eyes, “Visiting family, my dear, is not a vacation! I was thinking you two would go to the beach. You guys relax and wade in the ocean and Spencer can build sandcastles that defy every law of physics!”

I laughed at that. You and the beach? It just didn’t feel natural to me. Probably because you aren’t capable of actually relaxing.

“That does sound fun,” I said and I spoke to my barely there stomach, “And it would make daddy take a few days off.”

Penelope squealed and started clicking at her computer, “I’ll find a resort online right now! Okay so how about Marco Island? It’s gorgeous and in Florida, so it’ll be like eighty and sunny, even in the beginning of December.”

“I’ll have to talk to Spence about it. I mean I know it would be fun and all but we really should be saving money for a crib, and car seat, and bassinet, and high chair, and a rocking chair, and a baby swing, and a—“

Garcia stopped me from spiraling out of control, “That is why you throw a huge baby shower! People buy those things for you.”

I rubbed my tummy again, “Oh no, Daddy is very particular about what things are bought.”

“That’s why you have a registry, Momma Bear. Now, no more excuses.”

Before I could even call you, she had put in both of our requests for days off and we had a week long reservation at this fancy resort that you see listed at the top of this notepad, the “Crystal Cove”.

I was only slightly mortified that she did all this without me asking you. Mostly, I was happy. I was afraid you wouldn’t say yes, but if PG already booked it, you kind of had to agree. And to my surprise, you did.

When you got back from that case we were at home, you eating something I had poorly made from a random cookbook on a shelf. I had decided to start cooking more, so I could make homemade meals. I wanted to be that mom who cuts sandwiches into flower shapes and always has fresh baked bread and cookies laying around. I wanted us to be those parents; the ones who are so sickeningly in love that their kids roll their eyes every time they kiss. We were those parents, kind of, if we could even be considered ‘parents.’ At that point, I don’t think we were. But we were definitely in tooth-rotting, sickeningly sweet love.

“So, I have a surprise for you,” I said, coming up behind you and rustling your hair.

“Hm?” You said, stuffing your face like you hadn’t eaten in days. You probably hadn’t. You’re the king of forgetting to eat. Maybe that’s how you stay so skinny.

“I booked a trip, well I guess technically Garcia did.”

“A trip?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, a trip, to the beach. Penelope called it a ‘babymoon.’”

You laughed, “A babymoon? I’m not familiar."

I smiled and sat across from you, “It’s like a honeymoon, except it's just me and you relaxing and spending quality time together before this lil dude makes his appearance.”

You smiled, “I’m telling you, it’s a girl.”

I rolled my eyes, “It’s definitely a boy, but stop ignoring my offer.”

“Well, it’s not really an offer so much as it is you telling me that we’re doing this.”

“Okay, yes Garcia helped me book it already, and yes she put in our requests for days off, but you can say no.”

You did your little nose twitch scrunch thing, “I’d never say no to quality time with you, Love.”

You leaned over and kissed me, and I squealed, “I’m so excited! I have to buy maternity bathing suits now! Oh and a sunhat!””

Spencer smiled fondly, recounting that day. He was thrilled to go, minus the part where he’d have to wear shorts, and flip flops. Something about the piece that goes between your toes makes him squeamish. He was looking for the right opportunity to use something special he had bought for you, and you had just given him it. A week on a beautiful beach with the love of his life? That would be the perfect time to ask you what he had been waiting to ask you since JJ’s wedding. He was going to take Hotch’s advice; stop waiting, start doing, and get down on one knee with a blue velvet box.

He never got the chance to. The trip was supposed to be in the beginning of December, around your week twenty-four. You never got that far.

He got up from the ground, immediately digging around in a drawer full of pencils and compasses and rulers, finding the blue box in a corner. It was covered in pencil shavings and dust. He hadn’t looked at it in months. He held it delicately in his hands before opening it.

It was plain, but he remembered you said that was what you wanted.

“Oval, of course and silver,” You had explained to Penelope and JJ at a night out years ago. Derek and Spencer sat on the opposite side of the table, but his ears perked up at the mention of rings.

“I like just the band,” JJ said, admiring her own ring, “And I have Henry’s birthstone, the citrine, so I didn’t need another one.”

“What kind of stone Y/N? I’d love a pink diamond! Or a ruby! Imagine!” Penelope gushed.

You shook your head, “I’d take cubic zirconia, if it was coming from the right guy.”

Both Penelope and JJ stuck their tongues out, “Nuh-uh!” Garcia said, grabbing her phone to scroll through more pinterest photos.

“Spence will be getting you a diamond.”

You rolled your eyes and whispered, “Don’t jinx it JJ! And I don’t want a diamond.”

Her mouth dropped, “No diamond? Really.”

“Diamonds aren’t ethically sourced.”

“Lab grown! Get lab grown!” PG piped it, showing you a picture of a ring, just an oval in a plain silver setting.

“That! That’s the one!” You said and Garcia giggled, going on a rant about her dream wedding.

Spencer had gotten that exact ring. Lab grown, oval, classic, beautiful. It was what you wanted, and you deserved everything you ever wanted.

Spencer looked at the notepad. He could tell you had a hard time picking an item for this letter. He knows this letter is the end, the other two are the epilogue of a story he wishes you kept writing. Crystal Cove is the place where he had planned on asking you to marry him, but it ended up being the place where your love story ended. He tossed the notebook to the side and decided that the souvenir for this letter was now going to be this ring. This ring that sparkled and shined, even in the dull incandescent lights of his kitchen. This ring that belonged on your finger, and not in the back of a drawer. This ring that you didn’t even know existed, but if you had, maybe you’d still be together.

“I did buy three maternity bathing suits, and you bought shorts. Spencer Reid in shorts. It was going to be the best trip ever. We were going to snorkel and look at sea turtles and sunbathe and drink virgin piña coladas by the ocean. We were going to get couples massages and spend every moment loving and appreciating each other.

The actual trip? Much different than the one we had planned on paper, but let’s first discuss that time between the hospital and the trip.

It was four weeks. Four weeks of me sitting at home while you were off at work. Four weeks of the door opening and Derek walking through, not you. And on the odd chance that it was you opening the door, you’d be appearing at odd hours of the night to grab a new suit or a file or a snack and then getting back in your shitty car and going to your apartment. Each time I heard that comforting sound of your satchel hitting the floor, I’d crawl out of the cave of blankets I was in to find you, and you’d act like I wasn’t even there.

For the first few days, you asked me how I was and if I was feeling better, then you’d check your phone and wave goodbye. After that, I was lucky if you’d say hello, then I was lucky if I even got a glimpse of you. You never held me. You never kissed me. You never told me you loved me.

I got all my information about you from Derek. Every day I texted you, “Have a good day at work! Talk soon?” And everyday you didn’t answer, so I’d ask Derek if you were okay. He’d always tell me what you were doing. Usually you would take a stack of files of cases to a dark room and make preliminary profiles to send back to the departments, alone. I’d tell him thank you, and the next day would be the same nonsense.

Those four weeks dragged. It was like every minute was an hour and everyday was a year. I was healing, even without you, everyday I felt better and better. But that’s relative to the day before. I haven’t felt ‘good’ yet. I haven’t felt ‘happiness’ yet. But I will. And I’m counting on that.

My mandatory leave was four weeks, and at the end of that Hotch called me in for a ‘mandatory psychological evaluation.’ I didn’t tell you about it because you weren’t speaking to me, and even when you did you were angry and snappy and rude.

I didn’t pass the evaluation. Even though the BAU wrote those damn questions, I still didn’t pass. When my four weeks were up, you were expecting me at work, and I never showed. You didn’t notice how not okay I was because you were too busy handling your own feelings, which I understand. You have to take care of yourself first, deal with your own trauma before touching anyone else’s. So, your trauma was none of my business, a concept you should've applied to my healing process.

I was supposed to come back on a Monday and when I didn’t show you came to the house. You opened the door and yelled my name. It was a sound I hadn’t heard in weeks, and it felt good. I thought you had finally come home. I thought you were finally ready to heal with me, but you weren’t. You were there to judge me.

I think I ran to where you were, a smile on my face that I didn’t think I was capable of making, “Hey!”

You looked so put together in a neatly pressed suit, but your eyes exposed you. They were bloodshot and the bags were so large they almost reached the end of your nose. I had on one of your shirts; it was comforting at the time. Not so much anymore.

You looked me up and down, a small scowl forming on your face, “Where were you today?”

I took a deep breath, and I lied, because lying to you felt easier than telling you the truth. The truth that I was not deemed stable enough to come back, even though I wanted to. I needed to be distracted. I was ashamed, scared, confused.

“I-I didn’t go.”

“Didn’t go? You’ll get fired Y/N.”

I sighed, “No, my leave got extended.”

I could feel the way your eyes bore into my skull as I dodged eye contact.

“Extended?! It’s been four weeks.”

“I’m not ready!” I desperately wanted you to see through it. I thought I was ready, but the papers disagreed.

“Hotch let you do that?” Your voice was increasing and I found myself inching away from you.

“He encouraged it!” Another lie. He didn’t ‘encourage’ it. He forced me.

You rolled your eyes, grabbing your bag and opening the door again.

“You’re leaving? Spencer c’mon I-”

You cut me off by slamming that door in my face.

That’s when I started closing myself off. I started dreading the sound of your feet against the floor at three am. I started to put my own walls up, but they would dull in comparison to the Great Wall of Spencer you built around yourself to keep me out.”

Spencer was always good at putting walls up. In fact, you were the only person to ever get him to take (almost) all of them down. There’s a side of him he doesn’t show anyone, a side of him that he reserves for himself, and when something happens, that’s where he goes. He goes to the corner of his brain where he feels safe, and the walls come up to protect him.

And in those last four weeks, he did just that. He put the walls up, shut you out, and decided that was better. Except it wasn’t better, it just was easier. It was easier for him to bypass you and find a new outfit for work tomorrow. It was easier for him to disappear in the office until the odd hours of the morning. It was easier for him to hide away from you, because when he’s exposed he always gets hurt. It was easier to act like everything was fine, even though everything was the opposite of fine.

He never needed to go to the house, part of him was drawn there like a moth to a lantern. He was drawn to you. As much as he didn’t want to see those four walls, he still needed to check on you. He just did it in his own damaged way. He’d get a glimpse of you in old sweats and a shirt with a hole in it, hair a mess and mascara from two weeks ago adding to your eye bags and he’d be reminded that he couldn’t be there for you. He would never be enough, and he’d retreat into the comfort of solitude.

He was so preoccupied with being hurt, that he didn’t realize just how much he hurt you too.

“I had forgotten about the stupid trip, and so had you. You were too preoccupied with work and not speaking to me and I was preoccupied with crying and trying to speak to you. I only remembered the trip when I got an email from the airline about the flight, they had to move our seats or something stupid. I decided that was a reason for you to actually need to speak to me like I was a person, so I took advantage of it.

I intercepted you at home one day. I had been sitting in the kitchen waiting for you. You came home at two am.

“Hey,” I said, immediately as you walked through the door. You looked surprised that I was up.

“Hi, I’m just gonna—“

“Spencer, stop. We have to talk.”

You crossed your arms, not leaving the threshold of the door, “No. I told you a million times Y/N, I don’t want to talk.”

“Not about...” I couldn’t find the words and you started up the stairs.

“Are we going on this damn trip or not?” I said, my voice cracking from lack of use.

You stopped, looking over the banister at me, “You didn’t cancel it?”

“I didn’t think of it until now. We’re supposed to leave in two days.”

You groaned, “Why didn’t you cancel it?”

I threw my hands up. As if all of this was my responsibility?

“I was preoccupied! Did you cancel your days off?”

You shook your head, rubbing your face, “No, God. Can we still get a refund?”

I was hurt that you didn’t want to go, but not surprised. As I stared at the front door from my spot at the kitchen table I decided that I was going to go no matter what. It was going to be refreshing to look at the ocean instead of an empty nursery. That would be my distraction.

“I-I’m going. I’ll pay for your half, but I’m going. I’m losing my mind here, Spence.”

You looked at me again, still contemplating your options.

“I get it, okay? You can’t be in this house, but neither can I. Maybe we can talk and stuff on neutral ground. I-I just want you there with me, the way it was supposed to be.”

Then you took me by surprise, you nodded, “Yeah, yeah we’ll go.”

I’m sure I lit up like Rockefeller Center at Christmas, “Really?”

You rubbed your eyes, “Yeah, we can go Y/N.”

I was feeling lucky, so I pushed it, too hard, “Are you staying tonight?”

Your voice went from sleepy to sour, “No.”

And you vanished up the stairs, taking all my hope in us with you.

I knew deep down it wouldn’t end well. I knew it was going to be fighting and yelling and arguing, but any time with you was good time with you at that point. And I favored the little bit of serotonin and dopamine you flood my brain with as opposed to staring at the gray walls of the kitchen alone.”

Spencer only agreed to go because he thought he was getting there. Everyday he felt a little better when he’d walk through the door, but he still wasn’t ready. He thought a week of no work and no one to talk to except you would bring the walls down. This would finally be the catalyst in a reaction that was taking far too long to complete. He also couldn’t stand the thought of you flying and spending a week alone. He felt better about you being alone here because you weren’t really alone. You had Derek visiting, Garcia dropping off baskets, phone calls from Emily, the odd visit from Rossi, and apparently phone calls to Hotch, but on that island you’d really be alone, and he was worried about how you’d handle it.

“So two days later we got on a three hour flight to Miami, and I drove our rental car to this resort. We didn’t talk much the whole time, besides some small talk about the flight and other odd comments. It was painfully awkward, and I regretted even coming.

We didn’t speak until I used the keycard to open the door, and we stared at the one king sized bed in the room.

“Oh,” was all you said when you realized you’d have to share with me.

“What?”

“There’s only one bed.”

I rolled my eyes, “Spencer, we’ve shared a bed for three years.”

You just stood at the door with your hands fidgeting on the handle of the suitcase, “I’ll call down and ask for a cot to be brought up.”

“A cot? Are you serious?” I couldn’t believe you, “Why come if you wouldn’t even share a bed with me? I said I’d be fine alone.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but changed your mind.

“Great communication skills Spence. Really, I’m impressed.” You rolled your eyes and finally started to unpack your bag, “I came because I was worried about what you’d do here all alone.”

Part of me was happy you were worried, but a bigger part was annoyed, “I’ve been handling being alone fine, thanks.”

You scoffed, “Yeah. That’s why you need Derek to bring you food everyday, because you’re doing so well.”

I bit my tongue and tried to speak calmly, “Well at least someone checks on me everyday.”

That shut you right up.

The three days you were there went as follows: we slept as far apart from each other as we could, despite how badly I wanted to cuddle into your arms. We’d get up in silence, eat breakfast in silence, walk to the beach and read in silence, eat lunch and dinner in silence, and each night we’d yell at each other until we fell asleep on opposite sides of the bed.

Remember what I said to trigger the fight on December third, your last day there? How could you forget? It’s the fight that broke us up.

“So, I was thinking of going to a counselor,” I said, staring at the waves lap the sand from the balcony of our room. The air felt cold for eighty degrees. But maybe that was just because the air between me and you had been cold for weeks.

You were sitting next to me, but I could tell you were worlds away.

“Spence,” I nudged, trying to snap you out of your daydream.

“Hm? What?”

“I said I’m going to go to a counselor.”

You twisted your face, “A counselor? What for?”

I shrugged, “I-I think it’d be good for me. It’s a grief counselor.”

You turned to look at me, your brow covered in sweat and your eyes watery. You were incessantly bouncing your left leg, rubbing at your nose, and you seemed disinterested in every single thing I was saying or doing. In fact, you’d been acting that way since the first day you disappeared to your apartment.

“Counselor? Yeah,” You were fidgeting, barely making eye contact.

A feeling I can only describe as pure dread formed in my stomach. I thought I might puke, but I swallowed the feeling and kept talking, “I got a recommendation from Hotch. He said he went to Dr. Stevens after Haley died. He said it really helped.”

You were still not listening.

“I think it’d be good if we went together.”

That finally got your undivided attention. “Together?” You snapped, “No.”

“Why not?” I said it with an air of exhaustion and despair. I was tired of this. So fucking tired of it.

“I’m not going to a damn therapist, Y/N,” You seethed, your metal deck chair scraping against the concrete as you stood in front of me.

The sky looked stormy, palm trees whipping in the wind as you came before me. The bags under your eyes looked like bruises, and you had on sleeves. It was eighty and you had on sleeves.

“Okay, I’ll go alone then. I think he could really help us though.”

I was giving up on fighting. I didn’t understand how when I was at my absolute low you could just keep kicking me while I was down. All I wanted was for you to go to someone and talk about it. That’s it. You were acting like I’d asked you to move a mountain for me, which, might I add, at one point you would have done.

“He? You really think a male therapist is going to help? You lost a baby, Y/N—“

“WE,” I clarified, for what felt like the fiftieth time, “We lost a baby.”

You rolled your eyes and ignored me, “You lost a baby. How does a male therapist help you through that?”

I was angry now. It was bubbling up to the top and I thought I might explode.

“He’s a grief counselor! He’ll help me through my GRIEF! And I think you should go because clearly you have a lot going on. You always have! You should’ve been seeing someone for years.”

“Oh, I have a lot going on?” You sneered, “Of course I have a lot going on! I go to work everyday to bring you home a paycheck so you can sit around all day and do nothing.”

I stood up, got close to your face, “I’m on leave.”

“Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that.”

You bypassed me and went inside, and my hot anger turned into wet anger and fat tears were rolling down my cheeks.

“Do you know how traumatic this was on my body? Do you? Everything hurts and you were supposed to be there! You were supposed to take four weeks off too! You were supposed to be there for me!”

“Yeah and who’s there for me!” You yelled, louder than I think you ever had; at me at least. You had thrown your suitcase on the bed, haphazardly grabbing your clothes from the drawers and shoving them in.

“I would’ve been,” I said softly, coming up behind you to grab your arm lightly, “If you had let me.”

You pulled back, “Don’t touch me!”

I reached up to wipe my eyes and crossed my arms in front of myself defensively, “I want to be there for you, Spencer. I do. Why won’t you let me?”

You didn’t answer, because even you didn’t know why. You just stood over the suitcase, one arm on either side of it, hair matted to your sweaty face, panting and panting.

The facts I had chosen to ignore were staring me in the face again. Or maybe I was just that oblivious.

“I’ve never seen you like this. This isn’t you, Love,” I tried to say in my most soothing voice. The dread had clawed its way back up to the back of my throat.

“Or maybe this is me,” you said softly, and I swear you were crying. Or maybe I hoped you were, that way we were both sobbing. That’s as close to togetherness as we could get.

“Maybe this is who I am now, or who I’ve been all along.”

I reached out for you again, but stopped myself, “No, Spencer. The real you isn’t this angry, and bitter, and mean.”

You slammed your hands against the bed, “Yes it is!”

“Is that what you’ve been doing all this time?” I said sadly, shaky breaths between words, “Is that what you’ve been going to your apartment and doing?”

You turned around, skin sweaty and eyes red, “What? What are you talking about now? God, do you ever stop talking?”

I snapped, ignoring your last jab there, “Are you using?”

Your face contorted into a sour expression, “Am I using?”

“Yeah, Spencer! Are you? Because I can’t see any other reason for why you’re so irritable and sweaty and out of it! So I’ll ask you again, are you going through withdrawal?”

You looked like I had literally punched you in the gut, and I kind of had. It was a low blow, I’ll admit it, but I was seriously worried about you. If an event would trigger you, this would’ve been it.

“What? No!”

I wasn’t sure whether or not I should believe you, but I knew I had to support you either way. I love you, even when you’re angry at me, I still love you. Even when you throw clothes and seethe at me through gritted teeth, I still love you. That’s my fatal flaw. No matter how many reasons you give me to stop loving you, I never will.”

Spencer let out a shaky breath, lower lip pinched between his teeth. Was he really that terrible? He didn’t remember being so spiteful. Reading it back, he understood why you thought he was high, and he had thought about it more than he cared to admit. But he hadn’t touched the stuff in seven years, and he wasn’t about to start again now.

‘No matter how many reasons you give me to stop loving you, I never will.’

That line made him want to cry, hands clenching the ring box as if it were a stress ball. That line simultaneously felt like a stab in the gut and a breath of fresh air. He had given you so many reasons to walk away, and the one reason to stay was there in his palm, unused.

““It’s okay if you are. I understand this is a... hard time. I’ll support you through this,” I put my hands out to touch your chest.

“I’m not high and haven’t been in years!” You swatted my hands down.

“Then what the hell is going on!?”

“I’m angry and I’m sad and I’m heartbroken!” You yelled, going back out onto the balcony to stand in the rain that had started pouring down in sheets.

“Spencer! Stop!” I followed you out, tears mixing with rain to the point that I didn’t know which was which.

“I’m just confused! It’s hard to see the point in all this anymore. Maybe it’s just not worth it,” You said, yelling at the ocean not at me. Rain soaked our clothes instantly. Part of me was hoping this scene would end like the ‘notebook’ we’d kiss and you’d spin me around. I guess this is kind of like the notebook, it’s a story to help you remember us. Except you don’t have Alzheimer’s and I wrote 15 letters, not 365.

“Maybe what’s not worth it?” I was yelling too, just so you could hear me over the sound of the wind and the rain.

“This!” You gestured between us. I felt like you knocked the air out of me, my whole body stinging.

“But I love you!”

“All of this has made me realize that love isn’t everything! I love you too but we need more than that!”

That was the first time I’d heard you say ‘I love you’ in a month, but it was a double edged sword. I bit my lip so hard I think I started bleeding, “Love isn’t enough? Are you kidding me, Spencer?”

You swallowed thickly, “No! I’m not kidding. I’ve never been more serious!”

“So what? That’s it?” I said it quietly, but I wanted to scream at you. I wanted to scream that you were being an idiot. You were being ridiculous. You were being unnecessarily cruel. But I didn’t. I was tired and water logged. I had finally given up.

You ran your hands through your hair, “No–it’s–we we aren’t over Y/N. I’m just saying that it’s gonna take more than love to fix us.”

“Well maybe if you were ever home, we could actually try. But you aren’t. You’re always gone! So explain to me how we’re going to fix this. What’s it gonna take Spencer? What do you want from me?”

You took a deep breath, uttering words I was so sick of hearing, “We need space and time.”

“Space? Time? It’s been a month Spencer! I let you go to work. I let you spend every day at your damn apartment. I stopped calling. I stopped checking in. How much more space and time do you want?”

“Thirty-four days,” you mumbled, just so I could barely hear. The thunder rolled, mostly drowning it out.

“What was that?”

“It’s been THIRTY-FOUR days, Y/N. Thirty-four. I don’t know how you expect me to be okay after only thirty-four days.”

“I don’t expect you to be fine! I expect you to speak to me! To look at me! I want to go to bed crying and have you there next to me. I want to be there for you when you’re crying. The only way we get better is if we do this TOGETHER!”

The anger looked like it melted off of you, and I took that as my opportunity to approach. I threw my arms around your soaked body as you shook with sobs into my shoulder. I held you like my life depended on it, because in a way it did. You wrapped your arms around me too, and everything felt okay. We were standing in the pouring rain, holding each other as we cried, and somehow I felt more okay than I had in the thirty-four days prior. It felt like maybe you were coming back to me.

You weren’t.

We stood like that for what felt like hours, and eventually I pulled you inside. I wish I didn’t. I wish we stayed there, holding each other in the rain until the sun came up and dried us off. I foolishly thought the rain washed our sins away.

“It’s going to be okay,” I said, my head on your shoulder as we wrapped ourselves in towels, “I promise.”

You shrugged me off of you, going back to packing your bag.

“Spencer, stop packing, please,” I begged, grabbing the items you were putting in and taking them back out.

“I don’t want to be here anymore,” you said plainly, taking a shirt and putting it back in.

“I-I thought—“

“Thought what, Y/N? That because I cried to you and told you I loved you that we were magically okay?”

I stammered, “No. No! But I thought it meant we were in this together now.”

“You just accused me of relapsing an hour ago.”

“And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, but that’s not a reason you should go,” I pleaded, reaching for you again. I thought if you walked away I’d never see you again.

“You don’t trust me,” your voice cracked.

“No, Love, I—“

“Don’t call me that.”

The pain in my chest bloomed, sending a wave of heartache through my entire body. A heartache I still haven’t been able to shake. It’s still there. Some days it's a thunder crack and sometimes it's a low grumble, but it’s always there. The rain hasn't stopped.

I hadn’t even realized that you were completely packed until you zipped the suitcase shut.

“You’re really leaving?”

You stopped at the door, hand on the handle, to turn and face me. I didn’t need to use my profiling skills to see how much pain you were in, and my pain doubled at the sight. I’ve always been an empath when it comes to you, feeling what you feel like it’s my own.

“I am.”

I crossed the room and threw my arms around you, sobbing into your chest. To my surprise, you wrapped your arms around me lightly.

“I understand,” I said, looking into your eyes, “We can’t be there for each other the way we need to.”

You nodded into my shoulder, “Stay. When you get home from this we’ll talk. I just need a few more days.”

I shook my head, finally coming to the realization that we didn’t work anymore. We weren’t healthy anymore.

“Don’t bother. The writing’s on the wall, Spence,” my voice wavered, and I regretted every word as they left my mouth, “I’ve been waiting for that person from the hospital to come home to me. I’ve been waiting for the Spencer who lends me his shirts and fact dumps and eats IHOP and ice cream with me to come home.”

I felt your breath stop under my arms, “But that Spencer, the Spencer I love, isn’t here anymore. We need to be alone.”

I felt you shake with tears under me, and that triggered mine, “We have to break up.”

I wish I never said it. I wish I gave you those few days, but we both know those few days would’ve turned into weeks and months and we would’ve ended up here anyway. I wish you didn’t let me say them. I wish you kissed me to shut me up and told me I was being stupid. I wish I didn’t watch you go down that elevator, tears on your cheeks. I wish I didn’t spend the other four days in an empty king sized bed, crying for you.

I realize now that you changed. I did too. Instead of wishing for the old you, I should’ve learned to love the new you. I think I would’ve, if I had given it a chance. Actually, I know I would’ve. I think I’d fall in love with every version of you that could ever exist or has ever existed. You and I, we’re meant to be together.

I know you probably don’t believe in it, but I like to think that we’re twin flames; we’re two halves of one soul that somehow ended up in two bodies and constantly pull to find each other again. I’ve read a lot about them recently. Twin flames don’t necessarily end up together. They can even just be two people with an intense friendship. They’re people who help each other grow, even if that means they’re only in your life for a short time. I like to think that we are that case, and that in some parallel universe I’m with you and we have our daughter and we’re happy. I just wish that I was in that universe now.

I know it’s for the best that we went to the damn Crystal Cove and broke up. I’m sure someday in the future I’ll be pleased with that decision, but for now, I still regret it.”

Spencer stared at the notepad, eyes flicking between that in his left hand and the ring box in his right. He took the ring out and admired it in the light. It glinted and glimmered, delicately refracting light onto the cabinets. He slid it halfway down his ring finger because that’s as far as it would go. He imagined it was on your slender, perfectly manicured hand instead of his, but an ache formed where his heart was when he realized it’d never end up here.

Spencer grabbed the notebook. It was unlined and the paper felt flimsy and thin. He got up from the floor to find a pencil in the drawer the ring had been hidden in, and took it out to scrawl his own letter to go with his own memento. A sixteenth letter for a sixteenth item you had no idea even existed.

“Y/N,

I’d like to consider this letter sixteen, to go with the engagement ring that’s in my palm. I bought this ring the day after we ate dinner at Rossi’s and showed everyone tiny FBI onesies. I have your perfect ring here in my hand, a plain silver band with a lab-grown diamond in a four-prong setting in the center, just like you told Garcia you wanted. I should’ve given it to you the day I bought it, but I waited until the perfect opportunity presented itself.

What you didn’t know about the trip to the Crystal Cove was that I was going to propose to you there. I was going to get down on one knee in the sand at sunset after dinner. I even had a whole speech planned. I was going to tell you that I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love you, or that anyone would ever love me the way that you do. I was going to say that it amazes me how everyday, I wake up and love you more than I did the night before. And everyday I think it’s be impossible to love you and our daughter more than I do right now. I wanted to tell you that I want to wake up every morning and feel that for the rest of my life. I want the good, the bad, the ugly, I want it all. I want Korean film festivals and IHOP breakfasts and to talk to the moon. I want tubs of ice cream and overly sentimental flowers hanging from the wall. Most of all I wanted to say that I want to spend every day of my life making you happy.

That speech still applies today. I still love you enough to ask you, but I don’t think you love me enough to say yes.

It’s okay. It really is. I haven’t decided what to do yet, but if you do read this, just know that it’s okay. I promise you, it’s okay. I’m not the bitter, angry man I was at the Crystal Cove anymore. I changed again, and I hope you’re right. I hope we are twin flames and your soul will come looking for mine, and I hope it happens in this universe, not the infinite parallels that may or may not exist. I miss you and I want nothing more than for you to come back. Come home, Love, please come home.

-SR”

He stared at the notebook page, before tearing it off and folding it in half, placing it in his pocket for safekeeping. He went on his computer and bought the cheapest one-way ticket to Seattle that he could find. He needed to see you. He needed you to see this letter, see this ring. He needed to make this right.

The flight was a red eye, leaving at midnight, so he’d get to the Seattle field office by eight. He looked at the leather watch and saw that it was nearly nine. He decided had to finish, and he had to finish now, as he grabbed letter #14.

PART 14

------------

Taglist!

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tabloidtoc · 5 years

Text

People, August 12

Cover: The Bachelorette Hannah Brown betrayed

Page 3: Chatter -- Chris Pratt, Gemma Chan, Lizzo, Danielle Brooks, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Goldblum

Page 4: 5 Things We’re Talking About This Week -- Rihanna’s mini-me goes viral, Keanu Reeves spreads kindness, Lifetime is making a college admissions scandal movie

Page 6: Contents

Page 8: StarTracks -- Hugh Jackman on the beach

Page 9: Brad Pitt and Margot Robbie and Leonardo DiCaprio, Prince Harry, Laverne Cox

Page 10: Celeb Sons All Grown Up -- Elizabeth Hurley’s son Damian Hurley, Rob Lowe and son John, Pierce Brosnan and son Dylan, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas and son Dylan

Page 12: Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello, Jamie Lee Curtis and daughter Annie Guest, Thomas Rhett and pregnant wife Lauren Atkins with daughters Willa Gray and Ada James, Ashley Darby and Michael Darby and son Dean Michael

Page 14: Stars’ Animal Pals -- Lake Bell, Liev Schreiber and rescue dog, Orlando Bloom and dog Mighty, StyleTracks -- electric pinks -- Kelly Rowland, Nicole Kidman, Celine Dion, Marisa Tomei, Kristen Bell, Rihanna

Page 17: Lady Gaga’s new guy Dan Horton

Page 18: Meghan Markle’s side job -- guest-editing Vogue

Page 20: Heart Monitor -- Terry Crews and Rebecca Kings-Crews celebrate 30th anniversary, Leona Lewis and Dennis Jauch just married, Britney Spears and Sam Asghari going strong, Sandra Bullock and Bryan Randall birthday date night

Page 23: Bindi Irwin engaged to Chandler Powell

Page 24: Angelina Jolie’s next big move

Page 26: 90210 is back

Page 29: Stories to make you smile

Page 31: Passages, Why I Care -- Vanessa Hudgens helps raise money for the American Cancer Society in memory of her father

Page 32: Weddings -- Cody Williams and Maria Flores

Page 35: People Picks -- Descendants 3, One to Watch -- Sarah Jeffery

Page 37: Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw, The Nightingale, After the Wedding, Q&A -- Poppy Montgomery

Page 38: Luce, Moulin Rouge! The Musical

Page 39: Serengeti

Page 40: A Black Lady Sketch Show, CMA Fest, the real-life players of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood -- Steve McQueen played by Damian Lewis, Sharon Tate by Margot Robbie, Squeaky Fromme by Dakota Fanning, Bruce Lee by Mike Moh

Page 42: Books

Page 44: Cover Story -- The Bachelorette’s Hannah Brown -- single and stronger than ever

Page 54: Jennifer Lopez turns 50 -- inside her epic party

Page 58: A librarian turns detective -- using a computer and her intuition Rebekah Heath helped identify a vicious killer’s unnamed victims

Page 61: Nathalie Emmanuel thriving after Game of Thrones

Page 64: Kathy Griffin is still standing

Page 71: When he found out his sister desperately needed a liver Fox News correspondent Ed Henry volunteered

Page 74: Adopt these Adorable Pets on Clear the Shelters Day August 17

Page 76: Kelly Clarkson -- a voice for shelter pets, the first animal shelter turns 150

Page 78: Style -- Linen -- Claire Foy

Page 81: Beauty -- Get your best hair ever -- Jessica Alba

Page 82: Try a new haircut -- Ciara, January Jones, Celine Dion, Kim Kardashian West

Page 84: Enhance your hair color -- Heidi Klum

Page 87: Food -- Camila McConaughey’s black bean soft tacos

Page 95: Second Look -- Jersey Shore Family Vacation stars

Page 96: One Last Thing -- Idris Elba

#tabloid #the bachelorette #bachelorette #hannah brown #adopt don't shop #pet adoption #clear the shelters day #nathalie emmanuel #game of thrones #got #missandei #adopt a shelter pet #emilia clarke

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animalkingdom-an0nymous · 6 years

Text

Say It

Disclaimer: No gifs or photos are mine unless stated otherwise.

Subject: J X Y/N

Something was going on with J. I didn’t know what it was, but I could feel it in my bones. He was avoiding my texts, my calls. Hell, I’d even stopped by his grandmother’s house and when she answered the door she claimed he wasn’t home.

But I’d be damned if I let Joshua Cody’s avoidance skills deter me.

He’s nothing more than a friend, I thought to myself as I drummed my fingeres against my kitchen table, debating whether or not I should stop by his house again. That kiss? It meant nothing, Y/N. Get it out of your head. I sighed, tapping my foot against the floor. I felt restless, unable to sit still for longer than a few seconds at a time.

The kiss that meant nothing, the kiss that I couldn’t stop thinking about had occurred during spring break. J’s uncles had realized he was on vacation and threw a huge party at their house, inviting everyone from our high school. J and I didn’t have many friends, but everyone showed up because of the booze, drugs, and half naked girls hanging out by the pool. It had been overwhelming, to say the least. Craig was loving it because he was too fucked up to care that someone had literally puked in his bed, and Deran was having a blast lighting things on fire and jumping from the roof to the pool.

I’d escaped for some fresh air when I felt an arm wrap around my neck and pull me backwards. My back landed against J’s chest and he just felt so warm and so inviting and he smelled so good, I couldn’t help but lean into his embrace.

Maybe the beer had lowered my inhibitions, and his too, because one minute I was leaning back against him and the next thing I knew I was turning in J’s arms and leaning up, pressing my mouth against his.

My lower belly warmed at the memory of that kiss. His tongue sliding against mine, the way he cupped my face between his wide palms. But it was J, my J, the J that had been my best friend since we shared a pack of Doritos in kindergarten. And you know what? I didn’t give a damn. I reveled in that kiss because I’d wanted it for too long, craved it for too long. I’d idly sat by after J lost his mom, watching as Nicky coddled him and tried to insert herself into his new life.

Sitting by and watching that shitshow had been absolutely miserable.

Not to mention that she started fucking his uncle.

So, sue me. I took advantage of the fact that he was single and I was single and we were both enjoying ourselves. It was just a kiss, nothing more. But it had been nearly three weeks and each day I could feel him pulling farther and farther away until he stopped texting me altogether.

Gnawing on my bottom lip, I counted to five and stared at my car keys that lay directly in front of me. Stay, go, stay, go. It was just past noon and I knew for a fact that no one would be home other than J. Deran would be at the bar, Baz would be M.I.A. as always, Pope would be doing... whatever Pope did, and Craig would be balls deep in some coked out beach bimbo.

Not taking a second to change my own mind, I grabbed my keys and bolted out the door, practically jogging to my car and speeding to J’s house. If that kiss ruined our friendship then so be it, but I refused to let him shut me out. I deserved an explanation and I deserved a goodbye.

The gate was open when I got there and as I pulled into the driveway I realized the garage was open, too. J’s truck was the only vehicle in the driveway and I smiled, proud of myself for seizing the moment yet again. That smile vanished, though, when I remembered what I was about to do.

Ignoring the ball of anxiety that was quickly forming in my stomach, I took a deep breath and got out, walking through the garage slowly before entering the backyard. The pool was empty and there were no signs of life. I scratched the back of my neck thinking that maybe I’d been wrong. Maybe J had gone to the bar with Deran. Maybe-

“Y/N?”

I turned towards the sliding glass door that led to the kitchen. J was looking at me with furrowed eyebrows, coming outside and closing the door behind him. Wearing his signature faded jeans and white converse paired with a soft looking gray t-shirt, I swallowed, suddenly feeling far less brave.

“Hi...” I trailed off, playing with the rings on my fingers.

“What are you doing here? Why didn’t you call first?” he asked as he slid the door closed behind him.

I looked at him incredulously, suddenly raging mad. “Why didn’t I call? Is that some sort of joke?”

J opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again. Listen, I-”

“No, you listen to me. I get that you regret what happened at the party and that’s fine. We were drunk, it was a mistake. But you’ve been avoiding me for weeks, J. Weeks. Why not just talk to me about it? Why act like I don’t exist?” My voice had raised a few octaves and he looked over his shoulder before glancing at me with wide eyes.

“Lower your voice. Nicky’s inside.”

I laughed hollowly, feeling completely broken. He didn’t care that I was upset, didn’t care about our friendship. He cared about the ex girlfriend that was passed out on his couch. I hated that I was so invested in him, but even more than that? I hated that I’d somehow managed to fall in love with the one boy who was completely unattainable.

I finally shook my head, tears forming in my eyes. “Fine. Have it your way. I’m out.”

“Y/N!” J called after me when I turned on my heel and began walking towards the garage. I felt absolutely humiliated and wanted to get out of there as fast as humanly possible. Eleven years of friendship right drown the drain because he couldn’t get his shit together and act like an adult about a stupid kiss.

“Stupid kiss!” I hissed as I entered the garage. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

“Hey! Can we talk about this, please?”

I abruptly stopped, causing J to slam into my back. His body was hard and I could have gotten lost in it if I wasn’t so damn mad. Turning, I shoved my finger against his chest. “Now you wanna talk? You’ve had three weeks to talk to me about it and guess what? You ghosted me.”

J gave me a pained expression, swallowing. “There’s been some stuff going on with my family.”

“There’s always stuff going on with your family! Don’t hide behind them, J. Don’t you dare stand here and lie to my fucking face!” Tears rolled down my cheeks and I wiped them away angrily, not wanting to give him any leverage over me.

“I understand that you’re upset, but you need to lower your voice.” His voice was low, firm. It shook me to my core.

“You need to go fuck yourself.”

“Y/N...” His jaw clenched so hard that it hollowed out his cheeks. He looked... angry. And hot. So fucking hot.

“And why are you the one that’s so pissed off, huh? You’re the one that’s been avoiding me like some little baby that-”

He stepped forward, invading my space. I could smell the soap on his skin and it made me dizzy. He made me dizzy. "Please don’t cry. I know I’ve been distant, but it’s not because of that kiss. Trust me.”

Still on edge, I shrugged, taking a step back. I needed space, I couldn’t think straight. J was just... intoxicating. He was the kind of boy you could get lost in. Hell, I did get lost in him and look where that got me.

“Fine,” I finally said, crossing my arms over my chest. I couldn’t fight the small amount of triumph that soared through me as I watched J’s eyes travel down to where my crossed arms had pushed my breasts up. “Tell me what’s been going on then.”

His jaw clenched again and my breath hitched. “I... can’t tell you.”

My heart sank. It was excuse after excuse. “Fuck this. I’m out, J. Have fun with Nicky.”

“Don’t do that!” he said with a raised voice as I turned away, preparing to leave. “She’s hungover and sleeping on the couch.”

“I’m sure,” I mumbled over my shoulder. “What a mistake that kiss turned out to be, huh?”

One minute I was walking out of the garage, prepared to go home and have a good cry with my cat. But J wrapped a hand around my arm and hauled me back against him roughly. J was never rough.

There was always an anger brewing just under the surface. I could feel it. J always came off as cool, calm, and collected. But I could feel that anger coming out right now in the way he tightly gripped the inside of my elbow. I hated it and loved it all at once.

He stepped forward, simultaniously pushing me back until I was pinned between him and the metal counter that was pressed against my ass. Our eyes met, held, and I felt my heart slam against my ribcage.

“It wasn’t a mistake.” J said through gritted teeth, his hand still gripping my arm so hard I was sure it would leave a bruise. Not that I minded.

“J...” I trailed off, feeling vulnerable. His hard chest was pressed against mine and his face was so close our noses were practically touching. I could count the freckles on face, see the small scars on his skin. Up close and personal with J Cody.

“Say it wasn’t a mistake.”

“J, I-”

“Say. It.” He spoke through gritted teeth and I clenched my legs, feeling heat pool between them.”

“It wasn’t a mistake.” I whispered.

That was all it took before his mouth crashed against mine in a bruising kiss. I gasped and J took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth, sliding it along mine. My gasp ended in a moan as I finally snapped out of it and realized what was happening.

My arms snaked up over his shoulders and I laced my fingers behind his neck, pulling him tighter against me as the kiss deepened. I felt drunk on him, heart pounding and skin tingling as he slid his hands through my hair, pulling just hard enough for me to release a noise low in my throat. I looked up at him as he pulled away, our lips still millimeters apart.

“You want me?”

I nodded my head, running my hands through his hair, down his neck, over his chest. I was in awe that this was actually happening again. And we were sober. We had no excuse this time.

“Promise?”

“I promise, J. Just kiss me again. Please, I-”

J cut me off, kissing me again and releasing my hair to cup my jaw between his wide palms, tilting my head just slightly before sighing into my mouth, happy with the slight angle change.

My own hands began to wander, sliding down his chest and over his abdomen, feeling the ridges of his abs as his stomach contracted at my touch. I smiled against his mouth, one hand lazily moving lower, lower still, until I cupped his hard cock in my hand. It was... impressive, to say the least. I was no virgin, but I had to admit that I was slightly intimidated.

J groaned into my mouth and slid his lips over my jaw and down my neck, licking and biting. He stopped at my collarbone and pulled back, reaching down and grabbing the hem of my shirt before tugging it over my head. I was about to do the same to him when I realized where we were.

I squeaked and reached for my shirt, whipping my head back and forth. “Someone could see us!”

He smiled and shook his head, tossing my shirt across the garage. “No one’s here. Trust me.” J reached for me and I pulled back, laughing at how crazy the situation was.

“We can’t do this here.” I laughed.

J arched an eyebrow and stepped forward, reaching behind me and cupping my ass, squeezing hard before lifting me up on the counter. “So, you don’t want me to fuck you? Right here, right now?”

My jaw dropped and my eyes widened. “What?”

J made a face and pulled back, his cheeks turning red. “Shit, was that too much? Should I not have said that?”

I threw my head back and laughed before reaching out, grabbing him by the shirt and yanking him against me, pressing a soft kiss to his pillowy lips. “No, you should definitely say things like that.” I slid my hands under his shirt and pushed it up, revealing the expanse of his torso. He helped me, pulling it over his head and tossing it to the side.

“Never pegged you for a freak,” he said with a laugh. “But I think I can manage.”

“Don’t disappoint me, Cody.”

There wasn’t much talking after that. J quickly rid me of my bra, his hands cupping my breasts, thumbs toying with my nipples. I moaned as they pebbled and it only spurred him on as he leaned down, taking one delicate tip in his mouth and sucking. Hard. He pressed my nipple against the roof of his mouth and I cried out, my hands tangling in his ear and tugging.

“J, J, J,” I moaned, trying to pull him off. I was on sensory overload.

“Shhh,” he cooed when he pulled back, looking up at me with glassy eyes and a swollen mouth. Jesus Christ, I’d never been more attracted to him. At that moment, J could have told me he was selling my soul to Satan and I wouldn’t have cared.

“Fuck me,” I whispered and cupped his hard jaw, pressing my lips to his.

J straightened up and moved between my legs, his fingers toying with the button of my shorts. as he pressed his forehead to mine. “You sure?”

“I’m sure that if you don’t fuck me right now I’m going to actually, literally, physically murder you.”

J laughed before unbuttoning my shorts, tugging them down my legs to reveal the lace pink thong I was wearing.

“Shit...” he breathed, eyes glued to my center. I was wet and I knew he could see it. My face felt hot, I felt exposed. Feeling like I needed to protect myself, I tried to close my legs, but J quickly wedged his hips between them, running his hands up my thighs.

“Don’t hide,” he said against my lips. “It’s just me.”

Yeah, I thought to myself. It’s you. I got lost in the kiss, barely paying attention to the fact that he hooked his fingers into my underwear. J slid them down my legs and the discarded pink lace hung off of one shoe. Not my classiest moment, but I didn’t give a shit.

“J,” I whispered, desperate. “Please.”

He nodded, sliding his left hand up my inner thigh, moving closer and closer to where I needed him most. When I felt his knuckles brush against my clit, I bucked against him, my jaw going slack. He repeated the movement, hyper focused on my face as my body tensed and tightened. My spine stiffened when he slid his middle finger inside me, curving it up so that he brushed against that sweet spot inside me.

I whimpered and buried my face into his neck, biting and sucking his tanned skin as he pressed soft kisses to my bare shoulder.

“So fucking pretty,” he mumbled as he added a second finger, laughing slightly when I jumped at the slight stretch. “God, so good for me. I’ve wanted this for so long.”

My hips began moving and he leaned forward, pushing me back so I was leaned against the wall. J watched as I moved, my entire body wiggling and shifting, my hips moving at their own volition. I couldn’t fucking help it.

I was drowning in him.

“J, please,” I sobbed. A knot was forming in my stomach and I was close, so, so close.

“Come for me,” he murmered as he leaned forward, licking my collarbone and sucking so hard I was sure it would leave a mark.

“No,” I shook my head, my eyes nearly rolling back as his fingers curved up yet again. “I... I want...”

“What do you want?” J looked at my face intently, so focused on the pleasure he was giving me.

“I don’t want to come until you fuck me. Please... I want it to be with you. Please.”

I sounded desperate, pathetic even, and I didn’t care one bit. I needed this and I knew he needed it, too. I needed it like a starving man needed food. I was so wrapped up in J that I truly thought I would burst into tears if he wasn’t inside me within the next sixty seconds.

J nodded his head and pulled his fingers out of me. I whimpered at the loss of contact, slightly hating him for the fact that he’d gotten me so needy.

I watched as he brought the two fingers that were inside me into his mouth, sucking them clean before reaching into his pocket for a condom. “You taste sweet,” he murmered absentmindedly as he unzipped his jeans and shoved them down his thighs just far enough to reveal his cock.

If my jaw could have hit the floor, it would’ve.

J was... huge. Not necessarily long, but so thick. Uncut. It looked hard and heavy, and my mouth watered at the sight of it.

His nimble fingers slipped the condom on and he settled between my legs, cupping my face between his hands. Our eyes met and I nodded. He kept one hand on my face, the other reaching down to line himself up with my entrance.

“Wrap your legs around my waist.”

I did as I was told.

“Higher, Y/N. Up around my ribs a bit, yeah?”

I moved my legs high, feeling like I was more exposed than ever. When I felt his tip at my center, I stopped breathing. J pushed forward slowly, gripping his cock at the base. His brow was furrowed, sweat dripping down his temple as he pushed into me.

“Ah!” I gasped, feeling a slight burn as I stretched around this.

He paused, allowing me to adjust. “You alright?”

I nodded my head, my nostrils flaring as I lifted my hips, wanting more of him.

J kissed my forehead. “That’s m’girl.”

I took a deep breath to try and relax, but on the exhale J jolted his hips forward, forcing his cock into me. I couldn’t help the sharp cry that tore through my throat, my back arching as J wrapped his arms around me, holding me securely against him.

“I’m not gonna move until you tell me,” he whispered against my sweaty skin, his arms around my back and his body half hovering over mine. My body felt like a stick of dynamite that was about to detonate. I couldn’t breathe. J was all around me, surrounding me, sucking me in.

J’s hips shifted slightly in a small thrust and I knew he was struggling. “Move,” I whispered in his ear, my arms wrapped around his shoulders.

J pulled out almost all the way, hands moving down to grip my waist before he thrust back in. Hard. It was so intense I couldn’t even make a sound, my mouth letting out a silent scream. He did it again. And again. And again. Each thrust was harder than the last, his body tightening and tensing every time he sheathed himself to the hilt.

“Fuck,” he whispered gruffly, slowing down and reaching between us, his thumb brushing over my sensitive clit. “Come for me. Ugh, fuck... please.” He was thrusting hard, sloppy, as close to the edge as I was.

I began grinding against him and it was game over. My orgasm hit me like a freight train. My legs tightened around him and I clung to him like I’d die otherwise, crying out against his neck.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God.” Each word was punctuated by a thrust. “J, please. Do it. Come for me.”

Watching J Cody as he came was a thing of beauty. His jaw clenched, his nostrils flared, he left a brusing grip on my hips. But his eyes never left mine, not once. He was with me the whole time, riding it out as his thrusts slowed and his body relaxed. He eventually sagged against me, resting his forehead against my chest and kissing the place between my breasts while I ran my fingers through his hair.

“This changes things, huh?” I asked, suddenly nervous that we’d ruined a decade old friendship.

J finally pulled away from me, slipping out of me. I was cold and exposed, my body stiff. He noticed.

“This doesn’t change anything,” he responded as he took the underwear that was dangling off my shoe and adjusted it, slipping the lace up my legs. I hopped off the counter, helping him. “We’re still best friends. Now we’re just... more.” He ran his fingers through my freshly fucked looking hair.

I nodded my head, leaning up and kissing him softly. It was as though I needed a reminder that it had actually happened, that we happened.

We were so lost in the moment that I didn’t hear someone come into the garage, popping the beautiful bubble we’d been stuck in.

“What the fuck is this?” Nicky was already shouting.

Here. We. Go.

#J Cody #Josh Cody #Animal Kingdom #Finn Cole #Animal Kingdom tnt #michael gray #smut #one shot #fanfic #finn

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wineanddinosaur · 5 years

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Best Practices: Piña Coladas Should Be Fun

Piña Coladas taste like a vacation, even if you drink yours at the kitchen table after shoveling snow, or live in a tropical climate all year long. There’s something undeniably festive about a frosty glass of velvety-smooth rum, pineapple juice, and cream of coconut.

Unfortunately, like many tiki and tiki-adjacent drinks, Piña Coladas are easy to bungle. Saccharine supermarket mixes and other teeth-shatteringly sweet iterations abound.

We asked bartenders how they tackle this cocktail. Here are five pro tips for making excellent Piña Coladas at home.

What to do

1. Juice fresh pineapple.

Going the extra mile to make fresh pineapple juice seems fussy, but it makes a big difference. “Packaged stuff pales by comparison no matter how good it is,” Jim Kearns, beverage director, Recreation at Moxy NYC Downtown, says.

Store-bought juice can be cloying. The natural sweetness of fresh pineapple juice, however, balances the rest of your flavors.

“Canned pineapple juice falls flat on the tongue and makes you want to add more sugar or more rum, when it really isn’t needed,” Robert Cate, food and beverage manager, Coppin’s Restaurant & Bar, Covington, Ky., says.

Happily, the best part of juicing fruit at home is you can’t overdo it. Chop up a pineapple (or buy pre-cut fruit, just be sure it’s fresh), throw it in a blender or food processor, and blend until uniformly liquid. Any extra juice can be frozen, or you can have it for breakfast tomorrow.

If you happen to be prepping this cocktail in advance, freeze your pineapple chunks before blending. It will give your finished cocktail a lovely, frothy consistency.

2. Your coconut matters.

Whenever you make a cocktail with just three components, every ingredient matters. This is true of boozy Manhattans and bitter Negronis; and it’s especially important when you’re making something predominantly sweet like Piña Coladas. Check the ingredient list on canned coconut cream, or cream of coconut. Some prepackaged varieties are loaded with added sugar and stabilizers.

“Coco Lopez is easy to find and never fails,” Cody Henson, bar manager, Trade Room, Savannah, Ga., says.

3. Crushed ice > cubed ice.

Crushed or pebble ice is best here because its small, uniform size ensures even dilution. Of course, most of us don’t have a fancy ice machine at home. The pro secret? Head to your local Sonic Drive-In to pick up a bag of pebble ice for a few dollars. No, seriously. Erick Castro, of Polite Provisions and Raised by Wolves in San Diego (among others), told VinePair the fast-food chain uses bartender-approved Scotsman ice machines for its fountain sodas.

If you’re preparing a Piña Colada on the rocks, shake your ingredients in an ice-filled cocktail shaker, and then pour your mixed drink into a glass filled with crushed or pebble ice.

For frozen Piña Coladas, put your rum, pineapple juice, and coconut cream in the blender, and then add your ice. Start with approximately one cup of ice per cocktail, knowing you can add more. This isn’t an exact science; you mostly want the texture to be evenly slushy.

“Too much ice is a bad move but so is too little,” Henson says. “In the Caribbean bartenders will measure the ice, start the blender, then add rum until they get the consistency they want… Perfect every time.”

4. Enjoy it.

This is an inherently fun drink, reminiscent of beach and pool parties, or indulgent afternoons at TGI Fridays (no judgement). Decorative umbrellas are optional but encouraged.

What to avoid

1. Don’t automatically add lime.

Some bartenders swear by a squeeze of citrus to offset Piña Coladas’ inherent sweetness, but it’s technically not part of the rubric. “I understand why people want to put lime in a Piña Colada to make the drink more balanced, but a Piña Colada is creamy, and creamy drinks should not have lime,” Yael Vengroff, bar director, The Spare Room, Los Angeles, says.

Fortunately, if you’re juicing fresh pineapple and using quality coconut cream, your drink won’t need acid to balance its flavors. It will be sweet, but not too sweet. All that’s left to do is sit back, take a sip, and set sail.

The post Best Practices: Piña Coladas Should Be Fun appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/dos-donts-pina-colada-recipe/

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janerchambers88 · 7 years

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12 Best Adventure Towns For An Affordable Fall Vacation

You don’t have to break the bank to have a once-in-a-lifetime adventure this autumn. With so many canyons, lakes, mountains, and more to explore right here in the US, you’ll find there’s a perfect fall vacation for every budget!

Top Adventure Towns You Can Afford

We looked into the cost of a week-long fall vacation to bring you 12 outdoorsy destinations where adventure knows no bounds. Whether you’re searching for a rock face to scale, a mountain to climb, or a river to cast your fishing line, these adventure vacation spots across the country have it all (and for an affordable price!).

Instead of roughing it in the woods during your trip, consider booking a vacation home with all the comforts and amenities you’re used to. By staying in a FlipKey rental, you can fuel up with a home-cooked meal prepared in your fully-stocked kitchen, or enjoy a comfy bed after a long day outdoors. From secluded mountain retreats to cozy cabins surrounded by trees, all that’s left to do is gather your friends and find the perfect rental in one of these amazing adventure towns.

Prices reflect the median cost for a week-long stay in a two-bedroom rental in that destination, between the months of September, October, and November.

Pahoa, Hawaii: $795/Week

The alternative to Hawaii’s glitzy, one-size-fits-all beach vacation, Pahoa is a sleepy town known for its abundant natural beauty and laid-back atmosphere. Wade into the waters of Ahalanui Beach Park, a spring-fed pool that’s volcanically heated to a balmy 90 degrees Fahrenheit. For spectacular snorkeling, plunge into the Kapoho Tide Pools. Need a day off from outdoor adventures? Walk along the raised wooden boardwalk, and admire the century-old buildings that give it a “Wild West” feel.

See all Pahoa vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Cody, Wyoming: $959/Week

Cody, named after its legendary founder, Buffalo Bill Cody, is a charming blend of old and new. It sits at the edge of Yellowstone National Park where buffalo roam (yes, really!), geysers gush, and the pristine wilderness awaits outdoor enthusiasts. Rent a cozy western cabin in Cody and see why travelers describe this one-of-a-kind adventure town as a “must-see!” Filled with natural wonders and a brilliant display of colorful foliage during the fall, choose Cody for your affordable fall getaway.

See all Cody vacation rentals on FlipKey!

McCall, Idaho: $990/Week

This Idaho adventure town may be known for its renowned winter skiing, but plan a trip to McCall during the fall and witness the roadside explosion of color that starts to pop every October. For panoramic mountain views, slip a kayak into the water and paddle around Payette Lake. Prefer to stay on land? Wander through the forests of Ponderosa State Park—which covers a thousand-acre peninsula that juts into the lake, or make a tee time at McCall Golf Club. With its stunning scenery and exhilarating outdoor experiences, you can explore from sun up until sun down in McCall!

See all McCall vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Whitefish, Montana: $1,120/Week

Once you arrive in Whitefish, however long you’re planning to stay just won’t be enough. Lace up your hiking boots, and head to Glacier National Park, the “Crown of the Continent.” At the park, gaze at the arresting fall foliage or choose a trail—long or short, easy or challenging—for panoramic views of the rugged Rockies. Other activities nearby include cycling, fishing, golfing, and even huckleberry picking. There’s no better time than fall to enjoy all Whitefish has to offer the adventurous vacationer.

See all Whitefish vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Ellijay, Georgia: $1,120/Week

A hidden gem in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Georgia, Ellijay is a quiet town perfect for your fall getaway. Rent tubes and float down the Ellijay River for a unique view of the area, or tour the sprawling local vineyards. And what’s a trip to Ellijay without a stop at the apple orchard? Located in Gilmer County, the “Apple Capital of Georgia,” there are many farms nearby for apple picking. If you’re not feeling active, sit in a rocking chair on your vacation home’s porch and take in the blazing leaves and breathtaking mountain backdrop.

See all Ellijay vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Taos, New Mexico: $1,200/Week

Searching for a place that balances thrilling outdoor activities with laid-back, low-key vibes? Then Taos is your answer! Whether you fill your days hiking through Taos Ski Valley (watch out for wildlife!), rafting down the Rio Grande, or marveling at the ancient ruins of Taos Pueblo, there’s never a dull moment here. Rent a private casita on the outskirts of town and escape the hubbub of everyday life.

See all Taos vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Lake Tahoe, California: $1,260/Week

What would a list of idyllic fall adventure towns be without Lake Tahoe? Set amidst the jaw-dropping Sierra Nevada Mountains, this city boasts the largest alpine lake in North America and is a hot spot for autumn excursions. Visit the Gondola at Heavenly and ascend the mountains for a bird’s eye view of the area, coast across the clear blue water in a pontoon boat, or hop on a mountain bike to explore. Just one trip to Lake Tahoe will convince you that this destination truly has it all!

See all Lake Tahoe vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Logan, Ohio: $1,266/Week

Often overlooked, Logan packs lots of adventure within its borders. It’s tucked away in the Hocking Hills region, where you’ll find cascading waterfalls, towering gorges, and dense forest extending for miles—right in Ohio. Need a reward to motivate you along your hike? Make the trek to Ash Cave. This enormous, horseshoe-shaped cave is found at the end a tree-lined path and will take your breath away. Roam the wilderness by day, and cozy up around the fire in your Logan vacation home by night for the ultimate fall vacation.

See all Logan vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Durango, Colorado: $1,330/Week

Mountain bikers, hikers, hunters, horseback riders, rafters, fishermen, and more are drawn to Durango. Home to the two-million-acre San Juan National Forest, the roaring Animas River, and an interesting Old West heritage, this outdoorsy destination is one of the top adventure towns to visit, especially during the fall. Tour the scenic landscape on foot, or climb aboard a coal-fired, steam-powered locomotive and travel along the same tracks that early settlers used over a hundred years ago. No matter how you choose to explore, you’ll discover something new in Durango each time you visit.

See all Durango vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Sevierville, Tennessee: $1,374/Week

Picturesque nature trails cut through the colorful foliage, leaves rustle with the wind, and rivers rush down the sides of mountains: Sevierville is at its best during autumn. The city is surrounded by wilderness, with the Great Smoky Mountains National Park only minutes away. At Foxfire Mountain, soar amidst the treetops on a zipline excursion or cross the river by walking the longest swinging bridge in the US, the Bridge to Prosperity. Adventure abounds in the beautiful Smoky Mountains, and you’ll quickly see this hidden gem is no exception.

See all Sevierville rentals on FlipKey!

Moab, Utah: $1,420/Week

Moab’s dramatic landscape and extraordinary attractions beckon all types of outdoor adventurers—hikers, bikers, climbers, white water rafters… you name it! This fiery destination is situated at the edge of Arches National Park and Canyonlands, making it a popular base if you’re looking to explore the extensive network of trails—Balanced Rock and Slickrock—that snake through the sprawling red rock playground. Experience an unforgettable sunrise from 2,000 feet above the Colorado River at Dead Horse Point, or watch the sun dip below the horizon from the backyard of your vacation home.

See all Moab vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Lake Arrowhead, California: $1,551/Week

Nestled in the heart of the San Bernardino National Forest and known for its infinite recreational activities, Lake Arrowhead is widely referred to as “The Alps of Southern California.” Its mile-high location provides the ideal setting for hiking, biking, boating, and more. Explore the pine-scented trails that surround this adventure town, drift across the lake in a paddle boat, or browse the specialty shops in Lake Arrowhead Village. With so much to see and do here, you can be sure there’s a new adventure to be had every day of the week!

See all Lake Arrowhead vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Affordable Adventure Towns For Fall Vacations

Pahoa, Hawaii

Cody, Wyoming

McCall, Idaho

Whitefish, Montana

Ellijay, Georgia

Taos, New Mexico

Lake Tahoe, California

Logan, Ohio

Durango, Colorado

Sevierville, Tennessee

Moab, Utah

Lake Arrowhead, California

The post 12 Best Adventure Towns For An Affordable Fall Vacation appeared first on FlipKey Blog.

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kevingbakeruk · 7 years

Text

12 Best Adventure Towns For An Affordable Fall Vacation

Top Adventure Towns You Can Afford

Prices reflect the median cost for a week-long stay in a two-bedroom rental in that destination, between the months of September, October, and November.

Pahoa, Hawaii: $795/Week

See all Pahoa vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Cody, Wyoming: $959/Week

See all Cody vacation rentals on FlipKey!

McCall, Idaho: $990/Week

See all McCall vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Whitefish, Montana: $1,120/Week

See all Whitefish vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Ellijay, Georgia: $1,120/Week

See all Ellijay vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Taos, New Mexico: $1,200/Week

See all Taos vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Lake Tahoe, California: $1,260/Week

See all Lake Tahoe vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Logan, Ohio: $1,266/Week

See all Logan vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Durango, Colorado: $1,330/Week

See all Durango vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Sevierville, Tennessee: $1,374/Week

See all Sevierville rentals on FlipKey!

Moab, Utah: $1,420/Week

See all Moab vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Lake Arrowhead, California: $1,551/Week

See all Lake Arrowhead vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Affordable Adventure Towns For Fall Vacations

Pahoa, Hawaii

Cody, Wyoming

McCall, Idaho

Whitefish, Montana

Ellijay, Georgia

Taos, New Mexico

Lake Tahoe, California

Logan, Ohio

Durango, Colorado

Sevierville, Tennessee

Moab, Utah

Lake Arrowhead, California

The post 12 Best Adventure Towns For An Affordable Fall Vacation appeared first on FlipKey Blog.

from Tips For Traveling https://www.flipkey.com/blog/2017/08/24/affordable-adventure-towns-fall-vacation/

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mrrolandtfranco · 7 years

Text

12 Best Adventure Towns For An Affordable Fall Vacation

Top Adventure Towns You Can Afford

Prices reflect the median cost for a week-long stay in a two-bedroom rental in that destination, between the months of September, October, and November.

Pahoa, Hawaii: $795/Week

See all Pahoa vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Cody, Wyoming: $959/Week

See all Cody vacation rentals on FlipKey!

McCall, Idaho: $990/Week

See all McCall vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Whitefish, Montana: $1,120/Week

See all Whitefish vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Ellijay, Georgia: $1,120/Week

See all Ellijay vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Taos, New Mexico: $1,200/Week

See all Taos vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Lake Tahoe, California: $1,260/Week

See all Lake Tahoe vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Logan, Ohio: $1,266/Week

See all Logan vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Durango, Colorado: $1,330/Week

See all Durango vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Sevierville, Tennessee: $1,374/Week

See all Sevierville rentals on FlipKey!

Moab, Utah: $1,420/Week

See all Moab vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Lake Arrowhead, California: $1,551/Week

See all Lake Arrowhead vacation rentals on FlipKey!

Affordable Adventure Towns For Fall Vacations

Pahoa, Hawaii

Cody, Wyoming

McCall, Idaho

Whitefish, Montana

Ellijay, Georgia

Taos, New Mexico

Lake Tahoe, California

Logan, Ohio

Durango, Colorado

Sevierville, Tennessee

Moab, Utah

Lake Arrowhead, California

The post 12 Best Adventure Towns For An Affordable Fall Vacation appeared first on FlipKey Blog.

from FlipKey Blog http://ift.tt/2ivp98v

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