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#cm incorrect quotes
incorrect-ralvez · 3 days
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After finding out Spencer and Luke were together
Garcia: I tried to be supportive for Spencer, I really did. But, I wanted to kill myself.
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xervoxs · 2 days
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patrickispinky · 5 months
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Derek: are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Emily: i'm the knife
Jj: *from across the room* she's the little spoon
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*the BAU team noticing Y/n and Spencer Reid*
Emily: hey- Derek. look at how close they’re standing. 
Garcia: they’re practically breathing the same oxygen. 
Derek scoffs: that kid’s got nerve. yesterday he literally took a whole step away from me when I stood too close to him- went on about something like germs in the air or whatever. 
Garcia: yeah, well, my love, you are not Y/n. 
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JJ : An apple a day keeps the doctor away
Emily : Slowly bites into an apple while menacingly looking at Reid
Reid :
Reid : Emily what the fuck
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blackhillfilmss · 1 year
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Y/N: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Emily: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies
Penelope: Socks are Feetie Heaties
JJ: Forks are Stabby Grabbies
Spencer: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties
Derek: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies
Y/N: Stamps are Lickie Stickies
Hotch: *annoyed* You’re all disappointments
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ralvezfanatic · 2 months
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Y/N, to Spencer while straddling his lap: Glasses stay on during sex.
Spencer, who was about to take his glasses off: Oh, um.. okay.
Y/N: Wait I meant that as in my glasses. I'm blind as fuck.
Spencer, slightly confused: Oh. *moves his hand to take his glasses off*
Y/N: Wait no, keep yours on too, they're super hot
Spencer, still confused and now flustered: ...
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bucker3911 · 7 months
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reidxtrminds · 6 months
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Rossi: Call the kids, they're not listening to me.
Hotch: I'm not their dad.
Rossi: Just do it.
Hotch to the kids, Spencer, Derek, Emily, JJ and Penelope: Okey everyone ! Line up, the car leave in 5 minutes !
The kids: *Immediately line up and follow Hotch like ducklings*
Rossi:
Hotch:
Hotch: No listen, LISTEN I'm not their-
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lilliejareau · 1 month
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emily: *wakes up in hospital after battle with ian doyle*
hotch and jj:
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veryberryjelly · 2 months
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coping mechanisms
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spencer reid x fem!reader ( platonic or romantic x )
prompt : one leaning their head onto the other's shoulder suddenly and they just freeze
𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍
i made a playlist specifically for this concept which you should definitely check out -> here <-
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the jet was quiet aside from the peaceful rumbling of the plane's engine lulling everyone to sleep.
emily and derek were both fast asleep propped up in the chairs in the centre of the plane.
jj was sat next to the brunette skimming over case files while hotch and rossi were having a quiet discussion at the other end of the plane.
which left you and spencer sat next to eachother, with an earphone in each of your ears while some music played through them.
after cases the plane tended to get quiet and you could never stand it, so very early on in your bau career, you had made a playlist specifically for the plane ride back to virginia.
nothing too loud or happy as you weren't always in the best mood, everything soft and calming and just comforting.
after a particularly rough case a few years ago, everyone on the jet had been on edge and just quite melancholy since you left the police station.
and sat across from you, spencer looked the most out of it.
he's features looked sunken from the days without sleep poured over this case, yet his eyes were wide open. unable to fall asleep.
while he usually read on the plane, his book was discarded next to him on the couch.
you couldnt look at it anymore.
so you pushed yourself up from your place on the opposite couch and sat yourself next to him.
you offered him an earbud silently, not wanting to disturb anyone else on the plane.
when he hesitated, you explained.
" sitting here reliving it isn't going to help anything. it helps stop my mind wandering if i'm listening to something. " you said quietly, your other earbud still in your hand for him to take.
" thanks " was the soft response from him as he took it and settled it in his ear.
I can't forget that night, You said I looked like Suzi Quatro
In the morning light, faded to oblivion.
And I said, "That's alright, at least we feel alive"
At least we feel alive
There's nothing you can do
I know that I want this
No one likes to lose
Know that I got this.
the sultry tones of suki waterhouse banished almost all the thoughts of the last few days from his mind and instead he was focused on the sounds flowing through your earbud.
since then, it had become almost a tradition on the jet home.
one earbud each and a couch shared between you.
sometimes the two of you would talk while it played, other times you'd both be reading or even filling out paperwork.
but always on the plane home, you would listen to music together.
to the point where you would always just gravitate towards eachother on the jet as everyone made their way in. and everyone knew, not to block any way for the two of you to sit together.
everyone had their coping mechanisms for after cases, and they couldnt deny either of you yours.
especially considering it was such a healthy one.
this case had been a rough one though. you hadn't been able to save the unsub or his last victim and being right infront of him when he died just made it a lot more real.
his blood stained your shirt, and your skin.
it was spencer who helped you wash it off when you were a bit too dazed to move.
you sat closer than usual on the jet, the outside of your legs pressed against each others as the jet flew over a state you couldn't pinpoint.
after not sleeping for three days, you couldn't physically keep your eyes open. your eyes fell shut as the sound of the cranberries flooded your ear.
your head dropped onto the nearest surface, which happened to be spencer's shoulder to your left.
while you could feel your mind slipping off into unconsciousness, you felt the surface you had rested your head on almost flinch.
you lifted your head up, prying your eyes open as you realised what you had done.
" sorry, i haven't slept the last couple days. didn't mean to use you as a pillow " you apologised, lifting your hand to wipe under your eyes, attempting to wake yourself up a bit so it didn't happen again.
" no no, it's okay. just startled me " he replied. while his tone was still quiet, his voice was quiet.
" you're not usually so jumpy " you observed.
" didnt sleep too well either. " he admitted
" why don't you get some sleep ? it's gonna be a while until we get back to quantico "
he pondered it for a few minutes before ultimately shaking his head and muttering a quiet ' i'm good '
you knew why he didnt want to sleep. it was the same reason you didnt sleep after a particularly tough case for spencer.
to make sure he was okay. protect him.
" you can sleep, spence. i'm fine " you punctuated your point by dropping your hand down onto his thigh in a light pat.
" i will if you will "
with that promise, you settled your head down against his shoulder again, his head taking moments to rest ontop of yours.
the comforting words of delores o'riordan comforting the two of you as you drifted off into a comfortable and safe slumber.
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger?
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incorrect-ralvez · 2 days
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Rossi: It's locked. You got a lock pick?
Hotch: Yeah-
Derek: *kicks in the door*
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xervoxs · 3 months
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Hotch*checking under the bed*
Hotch: see no monsters in here
Reid: and closet..
Hotch*opening the closet*: see..
Hotch: Emily?
Hotch: come out, now
Emily: i'm lesbian
Morgan*coming out of nowhere*: i knew it
Reid*screams*
Hotch: what the..
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patrickispinky · 5 months
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Emily: i can't find my pen. are you sitting on it again?
Y/n: no.
Emily: stand up.
Y/n: i don't want to.
Emily: why?
Y/n: *mumbling* because i'm probably sitting on your pen 😔
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spencestiel-michelle · 4 months
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*Fire alarms go off in FBI building at 7:45 am*
Hotch: alright, that’s the annual fire drill. everybody stay calm and exit the-
*Penelope RUNS out of the room*
Hotch: GARCIA? 
Penelope, running down the hall: I NEED MY PLUSHIESSSS. THEY WILL SURVIVE!!!
Hotch: it’s just a drill-
Reid, fretting: HAS EVERYBODY READ MY EMERGENCY FIRE DRILL PROCEDURES???
*Emily throws herself through the glass window* 
Derek: we’re on the sixth floor, how’s she gonna…? 
Hotch: will everyone please calm down, it’s ONLY a- 
*Reid stops, drops, and rolls around the floor* 
Derek shrugs and starts doing super-spy moves (somersaults, unnecessary turns, etc.) to maneuver around the building, evading the “fire”
Hotch: i truly don’t know why i even try…… where’s Dave? 
*David Rossi has yet to step inside the building this morning with the foreknowledge of the annual fire drill*
Rossi, sipping coffee, leaning against the building: i wonder how he’s doing this year. 
*JJ arrives late*
JJ: hey, what’d i miss? 
Rossi: annual fire drill. 
JJ: ah.
JJ: ooh. 
Rossi: yeah. 
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Emily, walking in the meeting room : Hi everyone
No answer
Emily : Guys ??
Penelope : We can't hear dead people.
Everyone : nods
Emily : You guys are so dramatic it was ONE TIME
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