#club my cousin would like pull me apart from the group sometimes to talk or to go down to the little stream or wherever. and then he would

[holylacydoll]

and you know, it's quite strange

#when my memories of traumatic events were gone #i didnt even know i was missing them #like people often say they dont remember what happened to them and they know the memories are gone #but one day i was just sitting and thinking of my older step cousin and then my brain was like #hey u remember that he exploited the fact u looked up to him as a cool older cousin to sexually assault you right? #and i. like. we were really poor for a while and lived with my ab*sers family. my grandma and his sister and all her kids. #i was in elementary school. i only lived there for 1st & part of 2nd grade. but there was a big forest behind the house that all us kids #loved to play in. we'd eat huckleberries & we also got the adults to help built a pretty awesome fort. but then my older cousin basically #took over it & he & his friends who were twins always hung out in it #& there was like a secret club they had going on & me & my younger cousin always wanted to hang out with them #but they excluded us and so we were really desperate for their attention & to hang with the cool older kids. like once they made us walk #through this like really thick muddy swamp & my little cousin & i were so short we couldn't get through easily. #like i was 2nd grade max & she was in kindergarten. so ofc the taller kids could get through fine & it was like a club initiation. but i #couldn't do it & so i cried & my ab*ser got mad at them for not letting us play with them. so basically they were forced to let us hang out #& everyone in the club had a postition & my cousin was the leader obviously. we would have jobs like clean the fort or go pick huckleberries #or look out for animals bc we pretended there was bears in the woods. usually all we found was deer or a rabbit. #it was rlly fun honestly to explore the woods like that. i miss it a lot. i miss the trees in the pnw. but of course in order to be in the #club my cousin would like pull me apart from the group sometimes to talk or to go down to the little stream or wherever. and then he would #like at first it was just looking down my pants but after time it became putting his hands down my jeans & having me do the same to him #this was 1st grade & it might be what started my fascination w/ s*x at a young age. that or it started in kindergarten?? diff story. #at the time it felt weird but good & like i didn't understand anything but for some reason i knew wasn't allowed to tell anyone bc it was #something i shouldn't be doing. and maybe you could say it was just two kids being curious together but he was in at least 7th grade at the #time. like it's one thing to experiment when ur young w/someone your own age but its another thing to do it to your younger cousin. idk. #but after this i just sort of became obsessed w/ the feeling. like b4 i got my own computer i literally used to google sex on yt & watch it #in the living room with my family just w/ the computer faced away from everyone else. i didn't do anything else just watched it. #when i got my own tablet my ab*ser monitored all my online activity. i think that's when it went from fatherly love to being a f*ckin p*do. #like omg. that tablet i got for xmas rlly ruined my life. i did so much w/ older creeps i didn't even know i was a victim until years later. #but worst of all my stepf*ther used it against me & said he'd tell my mom what i did. it was like he was always trying to start a fight. #he really enjoyed arguing with us and then making js apologize.

[mischiefandspirits]

A Villian’s Kid

Knows People

Sequel to A Villian’s Kid: Knows How to Cheat

Stephanie hummed as she read through an apartment listing. It was starting to look like she might end up taking Tim up on his offer after all.

“- gets dragged in, he’s going to -- Oh, hey, Stephanie!”

She looked up to see a group of girls stopping at her library table. Of the six, she recognized three of them. Marissa Crow had gone to the same high school as Stephanie, just a year ahead, and they’d shared a weightlifting class for the three years they were at school together. Yasmine Gonzales was on the medical track like Stephanie so they had a few classes in common. Sasha Bellamy lived in the dorm next to Stephanie’s and she and her roommate sometimes let Stephanie crash with them when her own roommate was getting on her nerves.

The three smiled at her and Sasha nodded to the table. “Mind if we sit with you?”

Stephanie shrugged and moved her things closer to her. “Go ahead. I’m mostly just wasting time until my three-thirty class.”

The girls gave their thanks as they settled around the table. Most of them pulled out books, laptops, or tablets to work, but Marissa and a girl with green hair Stephanie didn’t know turned to each other to continue whatever conversation they must have been having before they walked up.

“Are you sure there’s nothing he can do?” the vertette asked with a frown.

“Nah,” Marissa sighed. “Most of his buddies are already working that night and the few who aren’t won’t be able to cover for him, he’s checked, and he’s not risking big nose’s wrath by bailing.”

“Who’s got a big nose?” Stephanie asked and turned away from her laptop at the first sign of entertaining gossip.

“Penguin,” Marissa groaned. “My older bro works for him. Ryan was supposed to get Lyra and me into this cool new club in Newtown this weekend, but Penguin’s got this big thing going on tomorrow night. If Ryan gets nabbed by the Bats, there’s no way he’ll get bail in time to take us.”

Stephanie tapped her pen against the table. She knew the club Marissa was talking about. It was an exclusive place that had popped up three weeks earlier and was suspected of hiding a magical drug ring. The Bats had been trying to get into the club to scout it out on the civilian side, but it was too gritty for Brucie and the club was more about connections than money or looks so Kate couldn’t work her magic. No one could use Red Hood’s connections without being tied to Red Hood as a result, so he was out too. Tim was reaching out to some of his Draper contacts, but that would take time.

“You’re talking about Lotus, right?” she confirmed. “If I can keep your brother out of trouble, would you bring me with you? My cousin and I have been wanting to go, but he’s been too busy to take me.”

Marissa and Lyra shared a look while Stephanie noticed a few of the other girls pretending not to glance at her.

“How can you do that?” Lyra asked.

Stephanie shrugged. “I know a guy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I need a favor.”

Jason grunted, not looking up from the work Roy was doing on his helmet.

“You know how you’re working a deal with Penguin tomorrow night before the bust,” Stephanie asked poking at a device on the table near them until Roy slapped her hand away.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Uh-huh. Anyways, I need you to get Ryan Crow out of the building with you before Dick and Damian crash the party.”

“Never heard of him.” He tilted his head to Roy.

“Me neither. You sure he’s one of Hood’s?”

“Nope. He’s one of Penguin’s.”

“And why would I save one of Penguin’s goons?”

“Because you’d be the best pseudo-ex-brother-in-law ever?”

“Pass.”

"Is that seriously how you describe yourselves?"

“Because he’s getting me into Lotus this weekend,” she offered instead, ignoring Roy's muttered comment.

Jason’s gaze shot up. “How old is this guy exactly?”

“First of all, I’m an adult.”

“Barely.”

“I’m nineteen!”

“Exactly.”

“Might I remind you what you were doing at nineteen?” she said, poking Jason's arm. “That’s right, putting heads in duffle bags.”

“It was just the one bag!”

“Right, so no judging if I decide to date older men. Anyways, gross, no. I’m friends with his sister and she agreed to take me, but we won’t be able to go if he gets nabbed in the bust.”

Jason watched her for a moment, then rolled his eyes and turned back to the helmet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stephanie was lying on her back, considering what to do with her latest bribe, when she felt eyes on her. She turned to see Marissa, Lyra, and their friend Nancy huddled together, occasionally glancing her way.

When they realized she was staring back at them, they flinched. They whispered between themselves for another moment, then came over.

“Hey, Steph.”

“‘Sup.” When they didn't say anything else, she asked, “Did you need something?”

“Uh, yeah, kind of.” The three shared a look again as Marissa cleared her throat. “You know that favor you did for me last month.”

“With Penguin and Lotus?”

“Yeah, that. Thanks again, by the way. How the hell did you manage to get Ryan onto the team escorting Hood’s goods?”

“Told you I knew a guy. I’m just glad you guys could bring me to the club. Never would have gotten a chance to go before the Bats shut the place down.” Stephanie grabbed her water bottle from where it was sitting next to her and took a drink. “Why were you asking?”

They once again shared a look. “Well, Nancy was wondering if you could give her a hand with a similar situation.”

Nancy looked a little pale, but nodded. “See, my boyfriend works for Riddler and he was supposed to have Friday off so we got tickets to a concert, but then Batgirl and Red Robin busted one of his operations so the rotation got all shuffled around. Now he’s working and we’re going to miss the concert. I was hoping… I mean, Marissa and Lyra told me what you did for them…”

“So you wanted to see if I could get your boy off the hook,” Stephanie finished.

She nodded. “I’ve got two extra tickets because my sister and her BF were going to come with us, but they broke up so the tickets are yours if you can help me.”

“What’s the concert?”

“Saffron and Poppy.”

Well, she did like Saffron and Poppy. And Duke would owe her one if she brought him since he’d been going back and forth over asking Bruce for the money to get tickets, with it only getting worse as the concert grew closer and prices skyrocketed. (Honestly, what's the point of getting adopted by a billionaire if you didn't extort said billionaire for the greater good?) And Tim was still in Riddler’s system so it wouldn’t be hard for him to take one guy off the work schedule.

“Alright, deal.”

“You can do it?”

“I know a guy who can. What’s your boy’s name?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Sig, remember how I brought you to that concert a few weeks ago?”

Signal eyed Batgirl warrily. “Yes.”

“Time to repay the favor.”

“I’m going to regret this.”

“Says the guy who likes jumping off bridges.”

“Gotham Harbor is safer than one of your schemes.

“Thanks. Anyways, a friend of mine thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him while he’s at school in the afternoon. Right in your patrol timeframe! Mind looking into that for me?”

“No? I really don’t think that’s what we’re supposed to be using our detective skills on.”

“Aw, you thought that was a request,” she cooed, patting him on the helmet. “You owe me, remember?”

He groaned. “Fine, but then we’re even.”

“You got it!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You going to tell me why you need Alvin Draper to give this guy an alibi?” Tim asked as he adjusted his leather jacket.

“Nope.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Tim, you’re not going to believe -” Bernard cut off as he came into Tim’s office to see a trio of people hanging around in the room.

Tim was at his desk, slumped in his chair with his keyboard in his lap and staring blankly at the computer screen.

A blonde girl was lying across the couch. She was wearing a sleek suit that was slightly rumpled from how she was laying as well as a nice pair of aviators that were pushed onto the top of her head. She also looked insanely hot.

A familiar young woman was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, stretching. Cassandra Wayne was equally hot, especially in the tight-fitting dance clothes she was wearing.

Bernard was loyal, but heck if he wasn’t tested by all of Tim’s incredibly sexy older siblings and friends.

Then again, Tim is also incredibly sexy, he thought as Tim set the keyboard back on the desk and stretched in a way that showed off the toned body hiding beneath his boring work suit perfectly.

“Hey, Bernard, what are you doing here? I didn’t think we had lunch plans today,” Tim said with a smile, ruffling his hair cutely.

“We didn’t. Just thought I’d surprise you.” He didn’t do it often, not wanting to give the stiffs Tim worked with any more reason to question their young boss’s competence, but it was fun to do it every so often and he always made sure to call Tam beforehand to be sure he didn’t interrupt anything.

“So this is Bernard?” the blonde asked. She sat up, setting the bag of chips she’d been eating from on a side table and pocketing her phone.

“Yeah, this is him,” Tim said with a nervous expression Bernard didn’t understand. “Steph, Bernard. Bernard, this is my friend Stephanie.”

“The Mythical Stephanie,” Bernard said with an impish grin and turned to the girl. He looked her over again and nodded. Yeah, he could see why Tim wouldn’t even consider giving anyone else a second glance while dating her. At her confused expression, he explained, “Tim used to talk about you all the time when we were in school together. Considering none of us ever saw you, we thought he made you up. Darla was sure he was lying about having a girlfriend as a way to let her down easily. I just figured he was gay and using a fake girlfriend as a beard.”

“Really?” Stephanie asked, donning her own impish grin as she glanced at Tim.

“You’re fired,” Tim huffed and she blew him a kiss. “What were you saying when you came in, Bernard?”

Bernard smiled at Cassandra then walked over to drape himself over one of the chairs in front of Tim’s desk. “Okay, so you know how Cluemaster has a daughter? S-something. Stacy, I think. Stacy Brown.”

Cassandra gave a small cough as she gracefully settled into another one of the chairs.

“Oh, yeah, Stacy! I’ve heard of her,” Stephanie chuckled, walking around the desk to lean against the back of Tim’s large office chair.

Tim’s face was blank as he nodded.

Bernard felt like he was missing something, but carried on. “Well, I was on the conspiracy forums during my morning lecture -”

“Of course you were,” Tim said, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hands with a soft smile that had a warmth settling in Bernard’s chest.

“R-right, so I guess Stacy’s taking after her old man and now rumors are going around that she got hired here, so two main theories have popped up. Get this, apparently, you two are working together. The real reason you took the company from Wayne was that you plan to use her connections and Wayne Enterprises’s power to become the next Lex Luther.”

“Oh my god, yes!” Stephanie shrieked, bouncing and shaking Tim’s chair. “Tim, Timmy, Timbo! Let’s go supervillain! We could totally take over the world! Beat Lexy at his own game! Imagine the look on Mercy’s face!”

“Luther wishes he was Tim,” Cass said and gave Stephanie a high-five when the blonde leaned over Tim’s desk for one.

“For the record, I’m not against dating a world dictator, but I would like some forewarning,” Bernard teased.

“We’re not going supervillain,” Tim laughed, shoving Stephanie off his desk and righting the stacks of paperwork she’d knocked over.

“So theory one was great, what’s the other one?” Stephanie asked.

“There's actually a bunch of theories, but most of them aren’t getting any traction. The only other one that is says that she’s the mastermind, that she’s seducing Tim to get the Wayne fortune so she can establish her own criminal empire.

Stephanie cackled and Cass shook her head while Tim raised an eyebrow.

“We’ve been broken up for years and now they want to throw out gold-digger accusations,” he snorted.

“Wait, you seriously dated a supervillain's daughter?” Bernard asked, perking up.

“Like the guy who had a crush on a mob princess for the longest time has room to talk.”

“Not judging. Just surprised. I mean, everyone calls her GU’s Godfather around campus. Doesn't seem your type.”

“Wait, she's called what?” Stephanie said, all laughter dropping from her voice as she frowned. She shared a confused look with Cassandra and Tim.

“Yeah, it’s kind of a well-known secret that she’s got connections to some of the big names like Penguin, Two-Face, and Ventriloquist. I mean, no one knows, but everyone’s pretty sure. Some think she’s even got connections to people like Red Hood, Poison Ivy, and Riddler.”

“Why would people think that?” Cassandra asked.

“She’s been doing favors for people, hence the Godfather nickname, and sometimes the favors involve some high-level stuff. Plus, she refuses to tell anyone how she did it other than that she knows people.”

Tim and Cassandra turned to Stephanie, who gave an awkward chuckle.

“Oops.”

#stephanie brown #Tim Drake #bernard dowd #cassandra wayne #batgirl #fanfiction #ceo and bodyguard

[bitchapalooza]

More hetalia highschool AU, 🌟magic team🌟 edition :)

Under the cut bc it is long ❤️

Vladimir is that one kid obsessed with Twilight but only for the vampires; it was his first ever exposure to vampires thanks to his dad thinking Twilight was an appropriate book for a 11 year old. Team Edward going strong for five years, he'd proudly declare like it actually mattered. He tries his best to dress goth at school even though his uniform gets in the way. Fake ear piercings(his parents won't let him pierce them yet), over the top makeup, he's dyed the top half of his shoes black because his parents were concerned about his obsession with black and wouldn't buy him the black tennies he wanted— "mom look, these are marked down for back to school! Can I pleeeease get them???" "....may I know why the black ones specifically?" "They match the ever nothingness of my soul." "Yep! The white ones it is then!" "Mooooooooooom!"— Vladimir has been dubbed the cringy vampire kid of course.

Lukas is into pretty much anything concerning cryptids and magical creatures because they can't be proven to be fake or real, which intrigues him. He carries a book about mushrooms at all times and info dumps on pretty much anyone about identifying poisonous mushrooms and which mushrooms are safe to eat. His backpack is covered in buttons and pins to show off his interests. He keeps an amethyst in the front pocket of his backpack, reason unknown other than to just randomly pull it out and let Mikkel look at it. He's that kid that always wears his hoodie no matter the season, he never takes it off. Under his hoodie is always a crude worded t-shirt that the school would not approve of, much less his parents. He's relatively quiet and because he's quiet he's considered a weird kid.

Arthur can't decide if punk is his style or if goth is. Either way, his way of self expression at school in addition to the uniform is horrible. Checkered black/red shoes his grandma got him with his older brother's hand me down worn out greying socks—"can I PLEASE just have my own clothes???" "we have perfectly good clothes for you in the garage! I can fix them up to fit you better and everything!" "but I want cool NEW clothes!" "those are cool clothes and as far as the other kids know, they're also new. Now get your transformer backpack and get to the car. I put a new patch on it last night so that should hold it for the rest of the year."— Old Pierce the veil shirt, with holes chewed into the collar from his older brother Dillan, peeking out from under his white polo. A black and red choker to match his black and red slowly tearing apart too big flannel on top of a black pull over. A deep blue beanie, the hoodie of his pull over almost constantly on top when outside the school. He dyes a part of his hair a different color every month. He spikes his hair using too much gel and is convinced he looks good. He talks too much about bands and always gets Vlad and Lukas going on and on about fictional creatures he does not FULLY believe in himself. He does, however, believe in magic and loves Harry Potter, more specifically the Weaselys, to bits.

Natalya is a sophomore, a year behind the boys, and she just kinda pushed her way into the friend group until they eventually accepted her into it. They were the only three she knew who liked occult related topics. She's on the baseball team because she wanted an excuse to hit things with another thing and NOT get detention because of it. She wears the khaki uniform skirt and takes full advantage over being able to wear any kind of tights underneath; skull pattern, plain black, blood splatter pattern, fire pattern. Anything that makes her feel like a badass. She's always talking about antiques and forging weapons, more specifically knives. She has a whole collection of fidget toys but her favorite is this pea pod keychain her father gave her. She's always talking about how she'd like to be a medical examiner and to just prove that she's serious, she'll bring up a picture of a human model and point out the difference between a self inflicted fatal wound and a homicide. She puts up a charade of being able to see and talk to ghosts to freak out Alfred, her extended friend first met through Tolys.

They collectively believe they're cool and that other people know this. They're genuinely blind to the obvious snickers sent their way, being called losers and nerds. They're really knowm for like really pathetic things like; Natalya is Ivan's, tallest and most intimidating member of the wrestling team, weird younger sister by a year. Lukas is just the weird quiet kid that reads by the courtyard garden during lunch. Vladimir is not only the vampire goth kid but the kid who's parents believe the teachers are giving his son low grades on purpose and will yell at them for it. And Arthur is just. He's another Kirkland, immediately assumed to be a massive trouble maker because of his now graduated brother Alistair and one grade above him brother Dillan. Everyone loved his eldest brother Darick and sometimes compare him to Darick.

Compared to what others THINK they do, such as witch craft for some odd reason, the four of them do pretty typical teen activities. Like hang out at the mall. Do their honework together. Play video games and D&D when they have the chance. The boys do have sleepovers still as they have since meeting each other in middle school, Nat not really being a fan of sleeping where she doesn't live but comfortable enough to go to their houses and just chill for the day. They have become friends because of their related interests but thats not what they're ALL ABOUT.

Fun facts/stories about these losers I thought about while bored as fuck:

• Lukas, in his freshman year, went on a nature hike field trip with his lit class after reading Into The Wild. And he brought his mushroom book of course. They walked around, looking at the sights, talked about the book. Lukas just stops at one point, falling behind the class. He picks up a mushroom, goes to the teacher and is like "You see this? Its not poisonous." And straight up fucking eats it without warning. The teacher called an ambulance even though Lukas kept telling him he was fine and that that mushroom was 100% okay to eat raw, but for sure better off cooked. Lukas calmly shows the paramedics his book and they're like "yeah that actually was safe to eat, we don't need the book to confirm that, but um. Please don't ever pick something off the ground and eat it again. Just. Please don't do that, son." .....he did it again before leaving to go back to school but this time he didn't tell anyone.

• In elementary school, Natalya brought in a model of the human brain she asked her dad to borrow. He had to say yes because she was his only child genuinely interested, not bored of, his medical profession and he found it very cute and honoring. So she's at show and tell, its her turn right, and she silently goes up to the front of the class and pulls out the model brain. Teacher tries to step in because, hey, these are 6 year olds—AND WHY DOES THIS 6 YEAR OLD HAVE A PLASTIC BRAIN??? But Nat just shooshes her. In surprised shock, the teacher is just quiet as Nat begins to explain parts of the brain and their function— which was all wrong actually. She knew the words and everything but she didn't get the locations right. She sounded confident and smart and she was telling this to a bunch of 6 year olds so they believed her of course. End of the school day, her dad is having a hilarious conference with his youngest's teacher about the brain incident.

• Vladimir loves reading. He's loved it since he began to learn how, even if his dyslexia gives him grief along the way. So since he loves to read he'll always get excited and read ahead in class or in the public library reading club. One summer, the reading club was reading The Giver and it was getting really good. Vlad was loving the story, so much so that Vlad began to read ahead in his own time when he really wasn't supposed to be, the club was reading it together out loud and discussing it. Now he's read enough and worked hard enough to figure out how to help himself focus better and understand each word and sentence without having to reread it all multiple times over or get stuck. But sometimes the meaning and context to what he's reading doesn't ALWAYS process with the words as he's too focused on reading the words right and it passes right over his head. So Vlad is reading ahead and he's getting to the part where The Giver has given Jonas the memory of the sled again. And Vlad just sits there after reading that paragraph. He rereads it. And rereads it again. And then he leaves his book on his bed, goes to the the hall closet and takes out the ironing board. He grabs a plastic container to use as an ill attempt of a helmet and he just. Rockets down the staircase and hits the wall. He screams and cries and his parents rush in from the livingroom. When asked what happened he just says "I wanted to understand the sled scene better! Now I do and I feel really bad for Jonas!" He just couldn't quite grasp WHY the sled accident hurt, never had a broken bone nor sled afterall, and needed to find out. And that's how Vlad got his first broken arm at the age of 12.

• When Alfred and Matthew moved in with Arthur's family, Arthur didn't like it. He was a moody young teen but he was also just tired of the full house. His cousins were loud and nosey. He had to share a room with his four older brothers already and now with Matthew while Kathleen and Alfred got a room to themselves. Arthur thought this was so unfair. So his solution was to run away. He was 13, he needed a place to have some peace and quiet for once. So he texts Francis and Lukas, the only two of his friends living in his neighnorhood. Francis is not on board with helping him run away at first but then Lukas brings literally all his camping gear for Arthur's use and then Francis is on board because he had the feeling Arthur was going to get himself killed somehow. So as the elder one of the group he accompanied Arthur and Lukas out to the short stretch of woods behind the last street of their neighborhood, intending to go to the big clearing before hitting the roads leading to the airport and whatever else buildings. They're out there setting everything up together and they're done by like 4 pm. They sit down and talk, munch on oreos and other snacks Arthur deemed as essential survival foods. Then Francis looks at his cell and remarks "wow its already 6! Ah, Lukas, we should get home. Afterall, neither of us ran away so we still have supper to eat. Come on Lukas, let's go before our parents come looking for us." They exchange goodbyes, Francis trying his best to hide his cocky smirk. So Lukas and Francis start walking off, Arthur crawls into the tent and eats half a cookie before frowning and feeling too alone. He didn't expect to feel alone because all he wanted was to BE ALONE. Before he knows it, he's running out of the tent yelling after his friends to stop and wait up. "Oh whats wrong, Arthur? I thought you wanted to run away." "I— I forgot I hadn't fed my rabbit is all! I'll run away tomorrow! I'm not... Feeling lonely if.. If that's what you think...." Arthur did not run away the next day. Buuuuuut the three plus Vlad made a tree house together in the Kirkland backyard that they still use today!

#if you thought these four would be cool kids in this au then you thought wrong #hetalia #hetalia au #hetalia england #hetalia belarus #hetalia norway #hetalia romania #hetalia magic team #there should be more content of the magic losers + belarus tbh magic team is a bad group name but so fits their collective vibes so well

[flowerfan2]

We’re getting close to the end, folks!  Chapter 17 of 20 is up.  This one features some cuddles/comfort, a trip to NYC, a sparkling holiday party, and a romantic dance.  Enjoy!

David x Patrick, A03, 5k this chapter.

Chapter 17

David is sitting outside on the lanai, drinking his coffee and ignoring Alexis’ texts.  He doesn’t know how to answer her question.  He’s not sure why she thinks that texting him about the same thing over and over will make any difference, when he clearly told her, three days ago, to stop bothering him about it.

The problem is that he’s running out of time to make a decision, although in a way that’s a decision in itself.  He knows that the adult thing to do is to talk to Patrick about it, but if a little more time goes by, he won’t have to.

It’s only a few days away from one of his family’s most honored traditions, their annual holiday party, which has now become the Rose Motel Group holiday party.  This year, it’s at a trendy club in New York City, and it promises to be even more spectacular than ever.  David is expected to attend, whether he’s working remotely in Florida or not.

Of course, his parents would understand if he didn’t come… but he’ll pay the price, he knows it.  His father will have that sad look of disappointment, and his mother will be hurt, but hide it under fancy words and an extra ridiculous outfit.  And he really can’t stand the thought of upsetting Alexis.

It’s not only guilt, either.  David misses his family.  For better or worse, they have continued to be close since their days in Schitt’s Creek, and it’s not all due to concern about David’s mental health.  David genuinely enjoys their company, most of the time, and he’s come to rely on them.  Especially Alexis.

David had managed to put the holiday party completely out of his mind until Alexis started texting him about it.  Apparently his father finally caught on to the fact that he hadn’t committed, and put her on the case.  It’s been easy not to think about it, or anything to do with his old, sad, non-Patrick life, here in sunny Florida where the Christmas decorations look wildly out of place on the palm trees.  Even Patrick’s thoughtful gift of a menorah hadn’t overcome David’s willful not-thinking-about the holidays, annual festivities included.

He’s so happy here, with Patrick and no one else, in their bubble of suburban domesticity.  They pretty much do whatever they want, no one stopping in to put demands on them, no one asking questions.  Sure, they spend some time working during the day, but they’re never more than a few feet apart, unless one of them leaves the house to run a quick errand.  It’s not very realistic, and it might well have backfired, but so far it hasn’t.

Frankly David finds it comforting that Patrick is here, safe from all the demons that have been troubling him.  Although now he has to rewrite that story a bit, seeing as Marcy’s heath scare happened here in Florida.  But at least Patrick is far away from the site of his employment melt-down and his ill-fated night on the town with his cousin, cocooned in this little bubble where David can keep a close eye on him.

He worries about Patrick.  Over the past few weeks the Patrick he used to know is making his appearance more and more, but he’s still not the same.  Almost worse than the quiet sadness he sees in his eyes when he thinks David isn’t looking is the tentative surprise he shows when something goes right.  

It’s ironic, David thinks, that now, more than three years after their break-up, Patrick is the more damaged one.  It’s not what he ever imagined, when he thought about their future.  In the hazy mist of his imagination, Patrick was always and forever steady, guiding David through the stormy waters of his turbulent life.  (David acknowledges that his imagination is prone to purple prose.)  But life didn’t turn out that way, and he can only thank the universe that fate and shitty weather in Milwaukee brought them together again.  

David finishes his coffee and goes into the house, toeing off his shoes just inside the door.  He makes a cup of deliciously scented jasmine tea for Patrick, and heads back into the bedroom.

Patrick is still in bed, curled up in a ball with the duvet almost covering his face.  He hadn’t wanted to get up when the alarm went off, muttering to David that he didn’t have to do any work until the afternoon, and burrowing back down into the blankets.

David puts the tea down on the nightstand and slides under the covers, spooning up against Patrick’s back.  He moves slowly, trying to gauge whether his presence is welcome or not.  He knows Patrick isn’t actually asleep – his eyes flickered open when David entered the room.  The fact that he’s still in bed despite this isn’t a tremendously good sign, but David knows all too well how sometimes just getting out of bed can seem overwhelming.

To an outsider, he thinks that Patrick probably seems fine.  He is taking care of himself, doing what needs to be done in the house, and even starting a new job.  He gives the impression to others that he is completely in control, friendly and capable – and David thinks that more and more, it’s not a façade.  But David sees these moments, too, when it’s all just too much.

He curls his hand around Patrick’s arm, gently.  “Hey,” he whispers.  “I brought you some tea, if you want it.”

No reaction.

“Or you can just nap for a while.”

Patrick stirs, inching back towards David.  

“Okay if I nap too?”  David asks.

Patrick takes David’s hand and pulls it to his own chest, tucking his arm around David’s.  David can feel Patrick’s heartbeat against his palm.  

“Mmm.”  David presses a kiss to the back of Patrick’s neck.  “Sweet dreams, baby.”  David closes his eyes and breathes in the familiar smell of Patrick’s skin.  There are a lot worse things to do than cuddle his boyfriend through a difficult morning.  David can handle this.  He’s starting to think there’s quite a lot he can handle, when it comes to Patrick.

He knows Patrick was up late last night, going down rabbit holes on the web.  At some point David had woken up and peered at the screen of Patrick’s laptop, so he knows he was reading about depression.  He hopes it helped.  The internet can be a scary place; he’d probably be better off talking to someone.  David would talk to him about it, if he let him, but ever since their first few conversations Patrick hasn’t wanted to discuss it.  

David has almost fallen asleep when Patrick turns over and squints his eyes open.  

“You don’t have to stay here with me,” he says, blinking at David.

The sentence seems to carry more weight than he intended, and David shakes his head and puts his arm around Patrick, pulling him close.  “I’m not going anywhere.”  David shifts on to his back, and Patrick tucks himself against David’s chest.

“You have work.”  It’s a half-hearted protest at best, mumbled against David’s sweater.

“I already told Rory to move my meetings to the afternoon.  I’m fine.”  David presses a kiss to Patrick’s head. “I’m exactly where I want to be.  It’s a perfect day for sleeping in.”

Patrick is quiet, while David rubs his back and shuffles closer until they are entwined just right, legs and knees and arms all pressed together.  

After a few minutes David feels Patrick’s breath slow, and his hold on David relaxes.  He’s about to drift off himself, when Patrick jerks himself awake again.

“You okay, honey?”

Patrick nods, his chin digging into David.  “Yeah.  Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.  It’s all right.”  David strokes Patrick’s shoulder and back, making lazy circles, hoping it will help.  

“Thank you,” Patrick whispers, his hand flat against David’s stomach.  It’s the last thing David hears before he falls asleep.

When David wakes up, Patrick is gone, but the shower is running so there’s not much of a question as to where he went.  David drags himself upright and checks his phone.  Rory has indeed moved his meetings, one to this afternoon, one to tomorrow, and one he had taken care of all by himself.  Maybe there won’t be coal in his Christmas stocking after all.

David is in the kitchen sniffing various take-out containers to figure out if he can stand eating any of them for lunch, when Patrick shows up.  He’s wide awake and smells delightfully like David’s favorite body wash, so naturally David has to kiss him before anything else.  When they separate, Patrick is smiling sweetly at him, and David feels his whole body light up.  If there’s something better than Patrick’s fond attention, he has yet to discover it.

Patrick insists on making lunch, and they pull together a salad with some bagged lettuce, leftover grilled chicken and an overlooked cucumber.

“We have got to get something better for dinner,” David says, as they lean against the kitchen island and eat their food.  

“There’s an Italian place in a new shopping center that I haven’t tried yet, but it looks good.”  Patrick sends David the link to the restaurant’s menu, and David is checking out their desserts (they have cannoli, which is a definite mark in their favor), when Patrick’s phone chirps several times in a row.

“David?”

“Hm?”

“Why does Alexis want my measurements?”

David freezes, his good mood draining out of him.  “What?”

“Alexis wants to know my-”

David yanks the phone out of his hand.  “Let me see.”  He scans the messages.  The party isn’t directly mentioned, but there’s no getting out of it now.  He’s going to kill Alexis for pulling this shit and going around him.  “I can explain.”

“Okay, go ahead.”  Patrick takes a bite of his salad, then looks up at David.  “What’s going on?”

Time to bite the bullet.  “This Saturday night is the RMG holiday party.”

“Okay…”

“And my parents want me to come.”

Patrick looks… disappointed.  “Oh.”

David realizes his mistake instantly.  “Us – they want <i>us</i> to come.  But – you don’t have to.  I didn’t think you’d want to.”

“Do you want me to?”

David stands up from his chair and paces, to the patio and back, wishing it wasn’t raining so he could go outside and pace there too.  

“David?  Is that a hard question?”  Patrick is standing now, too, and there’s a tinge of anger in his tone.

“I don’t want you to feel like you <i>have</i> to come,” David says, coming towards him and gripping his arms. “I don’t want to rock the boat.  We’re good here.  There’s no reason to risk it.”

“To risk what?”  Now Patrick just sounds confused.

“Anything.”  David tilts his head back.  “I know I sound crazy, that’s why I didn’t bring this up.”

Patrick pulls them towards the couch, and they sit down.  David leans his head in his hands.

“David. Tell me what’s really going on.”

He sighs.  “What if you don’t like it?”

“The party?”

David looks up and rolls his eyes at him.  “No, not the party.  What if you’re mad, about why I didn’t say anything?”

“I don’t mean to dismiss your concerns, David, but you might be overthinking things.  Why don’t you just spit it out?”

“Fine.”  David straightens his shoulders and looks at Patrick.  “I like being here with you. I like the <i>us</i> we have.  I don’t want anything to mess that up.”

“Agreed, one hundred percent,” Patrick says, winding his fingers through David’s.  “Go on.”

“I don’t want to go to New York without you, and have people… talk at me about it.  Put thoughts in my head, about how it might not work.  And I don’t want you to come and have the same thing happen.”

“So, you’re afraid that if we leave here, and see anyone else, they’ll be able to convince us that what we have isn’t going to last?”

“All right, all right, I know that’s silly.”  David squeezes his eyes shut.  “Also I don’t want you to get upset.”

There’s a pause, and when Patrick speaks, his voice is quiet, his slightly teasing tone gone.  “Upset about what?”

David shrugs, his eyes still closed. “Things that might… upset you.  Strangers.  The city.  A crowded club.”  He can feel Patrick go still next to him.  “I don’t know if that’s why we keep to ourselves down here.  But if that was any part of it, if this is your safe space, I don’t want you to feel you have to leave.  Not for something as dumb as a holiday party.”

Patrick breathes in and out, audibly, and David opens his eyes.  Patrick’s looking down at where their hands are entwined, studying them, his lips pressed tightly together.  David reaches over and cups Patrick’s head with his hand, bringing them closer.  “I hope that was okay to say,” David says softly.

Patrick nods.  “Yeah,” he says, “yeah.  That was okay to say.”  He looks at David, and his eyes are wet.  “You’re right.  This is my safe space, here, with you.”

David feels his chest clench, and he nods back.  “I’m glad.”

Patrick inhales deeply, and blinks away a tear.  “But I don’t think your family’s holiday party is necessarily a dumb reason to leave.”

“No?”

“No.  I think it might be good for us.  Especially since Alexis is apparently finding me a really nice suit.”

*****

It sounds easy – Patrick says sure, they should go to the party.  But there are a dozen decisions to make after that, and by the next night, David is really wishing he had found a way to just say no.

When to leave is easy enough – there’s no way he wants Patrick to have to take Friday off, not with a brand-new job, so they’ll fly into LaGuardia on Saturday morning.  But will they come back on Sunday – Christmas Eve?  Or spend that night with his family and come back on Christmas itself?  Spend yet another night to avoid traveling on Christmas?  And how is it fair to Patrick’s parents, to make this special trip to be with David’s family, and not see them?

Add to that figuring out where they’ll stay (one night on Alexis’ pull-out couch is barely tolerable, but more than that, forget it), what social events David will agree to while there, and who is going to pay for the whole charade, and it’s a giant mess.

“Ok, I’ve had enough,” David says, when their dinner of take-out sushi has been completely dominated by debating the pros and cons of the various options, each of them trying to anticipate what the other wants and as far as David can tell, defeating the point of the entire conversation.  “Let’s play rock, paper, scissors.”

“What?”

“I can’t stand it anymore.  Whoever wins, chooses.”

“That won’t solve it.”  

Patrick’s right, it still doesn’t mean whoever wins will actually pick something reasonable, and not just what they think the other person wants.

“But you might be on to something,” Patrick continues, a thoughtful look on his face.

“Please, tell me, and put an end to this so we can get on with our lives.”  And pack, David thinks.

“On the count of three, put out a finger for how many nights you want to stay in New York.  No more debate, no more thinking about it.”

“Each of us puts out a finger for how long <i>who</i> wants to stay?”

Patrick glares at him.  “Don’t make this harder than it is.  The conversation is over.  Ready?”

David nods.  Whatever happens, at least then they can move on.

“One, two-”

“Wait, do we put out a finger on three, or are you going to say one, two, three, go?”

Patrick smacks David on the arm.

“Ow!”

“I’m going to say one, two, three, go.” There’s a twinkle in Patrick’s eyes when they meet David’s.  “Ready?  One, two, three, go!”

Both of them put out one finger.

“Oh, thank god,” David says, sagging forward, his forehead against Patrick’s.

“Why didn’t you just say that?”

“Can we please not talk about this anymore?”  David didn’t want to stay in New York any longer than necessary; he didn’t want to have any other days to worry about what his parents might want him to do versus what Patrick might want to do, he didn’t want to have to manage any of it any longer than he had to.  But he also didn’t want Patrick to feel like he was cutting David’s time with his family short, or that David was giving something up for him.  Because right now, all David really wants is whatever is best for Patrick, and what’s best for him and Patrick together.  And his gut is telling him that getting back to Florida on Sunday, and then spending Monday (even though it’s Christmas?  Because it’s Christmas?) together, alone, with no work and no family for a whole day, is what’s best for them both.

Patrick laughs.  “Sure.  And you know what’s great about our decision?”

“That it’s done?”

“Yes, and now we can just stay at Alexis’ place, since it will only be one night.”

“Thank god for small mercies.”

*****

They wake up at a painfully early hour Saturday morning and drag themselves to the airport, which is packed with Christmas travelers.  But everything goes smoothly, and by noon they’re in an Uber on their way to Alexis’ place.  When she opens the door she ignores David completely and envelops Patrick in a hug that goes on for so long, Patrick signals to David for help.  It’s unbearably sweet, and David is suddenly, overwhelmingly happy that they decided to come to New York.

Alexis gives Patrick a tour of her tiny apartment, and Patrick appropriately oohs and ahs over everything.  Alexis is especially proud of the little corner of her room that serves as an office, with its mood boards and tastefully decorated shelves.

“So this is where the magic happens,” Patrick says, and Alexis beams.

“Yes, Patrick!”  She sits down at her computer and pulls up a file to show him her latest spreadsheet achievement, when David sees a glossy looking envelope on her counter with Patrick’s name on it.

“What’s this?”  He picks it up, admiring the heavy paper, when he recognizes the ice blue logo.  “Alexis, why do you have-”

She plucks it out of his hand and does a little shimmy.  “It’s not for you, David.”  With a flourish, she hands it to Patrick.

Patrick exchanges a “what can you do” glance with David, and opens the envelope.  David crowds close, too excited to wait.

“It’s from your mom,” Patrick says.  

“It’s a lil’ couples massage,” Alexis says, practically bouncing on her toes.  “She specifically said to tell you that <i>there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself</i>.”  Alexis points with an impeccably polished nail to where it says that on the card, and David rolls his eyes, remembering the day Patrick reassured his mother that she wasn’t responsible for the dead guy in Room 4.  He <i>knew</i> she was being purposefully obtuse about the scone.

“Do we even have time for this massage thing?” Patrick asks.  “It’s for today.”

“Um, yes, we have time.  We absolutely have time.  This is one of the most exclusive spas in the city.”  David grabs Patrick’s coat off the couch; his own leather jacket is barely warm enough for New York in December, but at least it’s appropriate, unlike Patrick’s down monstrosity.  “Come on, let’s go.”

“I’m coming with you,” Alexis says, linking her arm through Patrick’s.  “Maybe we can make it a trio.”

“Not unless you are ready to walk out this door in thirty seconds.”

“Ugh, David.”  

Luckily Alexis takes only fifteen minutes to get ready to go, and they’re on their way.  Despite the fact that David has never heard of a trio massage (and he shudders to think of how expensive that might be), he doesn’t dissuade her from coming along.  He’s got barely twenty-four hours to hang out with her, and he’s going to soak up every one of them.

In the end Alexis drops them at the spa to do some shopping of her own, while David and Patrick are pampered to within an inch of their lives.  During the initial consultation with the massage therapists, they are fed chocolate covered strawberries and cucumber water.  They agree on the massage oils, and the music, and then are led to a dim room which smells delightfully like eucalyptus and jasmine.  David tries to keep his eyes open so he can watch Patrick melting into jelly on the table next to him.  It’s without a doubt the best massage David has ever experienced.  He can practically feel the oxytocin swirling in the air between them.

Afterwards they are helped into fluffy white robes, and then collapse together onto a wide, padded lounger.  “That was really nice,” Patrick says.

“Nice?”  David asks.  “Just nice?”

Patrick snuggles into David’s shoulder.  “Mmm.  I can’t think of words right now.  Full review later.”

David noses at Patrick’s hair.  “Okay.”

“Love you,” Patrick says muzzily.

“Love you too.”

They dose together, boneless and content, until a soft chime wakes them.  Reluctantly they find their way to the changing rooms, and then out into reality.

Alexis is buzzing with excitement and wants to immediately go back to her place to get dressed, but David insists that they find something to eat first.  It’s still hours away from when dinner will be served tonight, and as lovely as the chocolate covered strawberries were, he needs some real food or things will get ugly.

Luckily, they spot one of his favorite places to get a quick snack (it’s a chain with pretentious communal tables, but David has spent many hours here and he loves it anyway), so they load up on quiche and avocado tartine and mochas before returning to Alexis’ apartment.

When they arrive it’s fashion show time.  Because Alexis loves dressing up, she had agreed ages ago to let David keep some clothes in her closet – just a few choice outfits for when they were in New York together and felt like going out.  But David can feel Patrick hovering next to him, all the afternoon’s relaxing threatening to disappear, so he suggests they look at his options first.

Alexis beams and starts chattering about what she got for Patrick, and David leans in close, a hand on the small of his back.  “You don’t have to wear any of that if you don’t want to,” he whispers, as Alexis pulls out a silver shirt with a shiny gleam.  “You can wear what you brought.  Or what you’ve got on right now.”  David gives Patrick’s jeans-clad ass a little slap, and Patrick snorts out a laugh.

“What?  You don’t like this one?”  Alexis asks.  “You’re right, it’s too flashy.  How about this?”  She reaches airily into the closet, and David can tell by the way she’s standing, like she’s posing for a photo, that she’s presenting her top choice.  It’s a dark navy blue suit (Tom Ford? How did she get a Tom Ford suit for Patrick?) with a deep, rich purple shirt.  She holds it up to Patrick, and he nods carefully, then looks over to David for approval.

David pets it, and looks inside for a label.  The suit isn’t a Tom Ford, although it looks damn good.  And now that he examines the jacket more closely, he can see it has its own distinctive style.  “Where did you get this, Alexis?  And who made it?”

Alexis preens.  “One of my friends has a connection with an up and coming designer,” she says.  “She’ll be at the party tonight.  I’ll introduce you.”

“And we don’t have to pay for this, right?”  David asks.  The cut is classically elegant, and he thinks it’s going to fit Patrick like a glove.

“Nope,” she says, popping the ‘p’.  “She’s just happy to have someone wearing her clothes.”

“I’ll try it on,” Patrick says, and Alexis shows him to the bathroom.  When he comes back out, David can’t help but go to him, running his hands up and down his shoulders and arms.

“You like it?”  Patrick asks.  

“I like <i>you,</i>” David says, and presses a quick kiss to Patrick’s lips.  “And you look amazing in this suit.”  He unbuttons another button of the shirt, liking the way the open neck shows just a little bit of Patrick’s skin.

“It doesn’t need a tie?” Patrick asks.

“No, you’re perfect just like this.”

“Yay!”  Alexis cheers, coming over and booping Patrick on the nose.  “I knew this was going to work!”

David decides on his black and white Armani short jacket, with a sharp collared white shirt underneath and slim black ankle-length trousers.  He likes the contrast with Patrick’s rich colored but still traditionally styled suit.  Alexis twirls for them in her dress, a silky blush colored gown that makes her look like a 50’s movie star. They’re finally ready, and they pile into a waiting Uber and head uptown.

The back room of the club is already crowded, and David can’t help but feel a little swell of pride at how RMG has grown.  Stevie waves to them from where she’s standing across the room with Ruth, but David doesn’t have a chance to get over to her before his parents descend.  There are hugs all around, and when the wave of familial affection finally recedes, David can’t help but notice that Patrick looks a little overwhelmed.

He weaves his arm through Patrick’s and leads them away, finding an alcove where they can catch their breath.

“You okay?” he asks, a palm to Patrick’s chest.  He can feel his heart beating a mile a minute.  This is exactly what he was worried about, this is too much for Patrick, too many people.  “We can leave anytime, we made our appearance, I’ll call a car-”

“No, David, I’m fine,” Patrick says, taking David’s hand.  “Really.”

David searches his face.  “Are you sure?  Because you seem a little…”

“David,” Patrick says firmly.  “I’m fine.”  He slides his hands around David’s waist, under his jacket, and David can feel the warmth of his fingers pressing against him through the thin fabric of his shirt.  David slings his arms around Patrick and leans his head against his shoulders.  “Your parents are very enthusiastic, but it’s great to see them,” Patrick says.  “Everything’s okay.”

“You’re fine,” David repeats, willing himself to believe it.  Patrick really is.  Nothing’s wrong.  

“Could it be, maybe, you’re a little nervous too?”  Patrick says, his voice gentle.

David wants to deny it, but realizes instantly that Patrick is right.  He feels a little fizzy, a little unsteady.  “Maybe.”  Patrick isn’t the only one who has been enjoying their little Florida bubble.  

Patrick hugs him closer, and then steps back, inclining his head out towards the party.  “Come on.  Alexis said there’d be crab puffs.”

“Crab cakes,” David corrects.  

“Crab cakes, then.  And baked brie.”

“I still don’t see any coherency in the hors d’oeuvre selection,” David gripes, back on solid ground.

“But you’re going to eat all of them anyway.”

“I am definitely going to eat all of them anyway.”

They’re grazing by the cheese platters when David sees a few familiar faces coming towards him.  This is going to be fun, he thinks, a smile tugging at his cheek.

“David, hi!”  

“Vanessa, you look radiant.”  She does, her dark skin set off by a metallic pantsuit and glimmers of gold around her eyes.  

“Most beautiful woman in the room,” rumbles her companion, a huge man with a barrel chest who towers over both David and Patrick.

“Patrick, meet Vanessa, my favorite gallery employee from back in the day, and her husband Rory, my current favorite employee.”

Rory laughs, his deep voice probably setting off small earthquakes somewhere.  “I’m not your employee, Rose.”  He holds out his hand to Patrick.  “Nice to meet you.”

Patrick turns to David, and the reveal was definitely worth it.  “This is your assistant Rory?  The one you bother all day long about your schedule?  The one you sent to pick out your clothes?”

“Mmm-hmm.”  David <i>knows</i> Patrick thought “Rory” was some college kid, he just knows it.  Instead he’s a thirty-five year old sculptor who wanted a day job for a steady paycheck.

“What, you don’t think I can be trusted with David’s clothes?”  Rory asks.  “I admit, I was surprised, too.  But I guess he had a good reason to ask me to go through all of his drawers.”

“Drawers?  My knits aren’t in drawers, where did you-” David sees the look on Vanessa’s face, and abruptly changes course.  “You made Vanessa do it, didn’t you.”

Vanessa laughs, and tucks her arm through her husband’s.  “I’m sorry, David, but come on – you send Rory an emergency text telling him to Fed Ex you extremely specific selections from your warm weather clothing, and you think I’m not going to get involved?  I’ve known you for years and you never let me into your closet before. It was an experience I was not going to pass up.”

Patrick is giggling into his glass of seltzer, and David has had quite enough of this.  “Fine.  Tease me if you want.  But I think we can all agree it was a successful mission.”  He hooks his chin over Patrick’s shoulder, his arm snug around him.

“From the way you two look together, I’d say so,” Vanessa says.

“Here here.” Rory raises his glass, and they all follow suit.  “To David and Patrick.”

“Oh my god, enough with that,” David says, and buries his burning face in Patrick’s neck.

Rory and Vanessa excuse themselves, but David has hardly had a chance to visit the buffet again when Patrick tugs at his arm.

“What?” he says, looking up from a particularly delicious egg roll.

“Come dance with me,” Patrick says, his eyes wide and warm, and David drops his plate on a table and follows him.  

“What brought this on?” David asks, as he loops his arms over Patrick’s shoulders and starts to move in time to the music.

Patrick shrugs a little and pulls David closer.  “My parents always dance to this song,” he says into David’s ear.

David feels his chest expand, and he presses a kiss to Patrick’s cheek.  “It’s a nice song.”  

<i>Moon river, wider than a mile</i> <i>I'm crossing you in style some day</i>

<i>Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker</i> <i>Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way</i>

David listens for a moment to the bittersweet melody.  “Is it a love song?” he finally asks.  It’s not as if he’s ever given <i>Moon River</i> much thought before.  

Patrick slides his fingers up the back of David’s neck, into his hair.  “I think it’s love for the journey, rather than a destination.”

<i>Two drifters, off to see the world</i>

<i>There’s such a lot of world to see</i>

David glances around, and now his parents are dancing too, along with a handful of other couples.  He nuzzles against Patrick.  “Not to quote my sister or anything, but… I like this journey for us.”

Patrick turns his head and finds David’s lips, kissing him sweetly.  “Me too, David.  Me too.”

#david x patrick #David Rose #Patrick Brewer #Schitt's Creek fic #Schitt's Creek #Alexis Rose

[jeonggukookies]

better || two

summary: jimin thinks trying on wedding dresses will cheer you up after a night of disaster 

word count: 4,131 (hi guys i am so sorry it’s been seven months but here’s chapter two!)

genre: bestfriend!jimin, college!au, bestfriends to lovers!au angst/fluff/slow burn

one || two

“Jimin, come on!” You shouted over the loud music blaring from the bathroom. It had been over five minutes since you started pounding on the white wooden door for Jimin to come out of the bathroom. “When I said ‘take your time,’ I didn’t actually mean it! I still need to get ready!” 

“Everything takes time!” He yelled back, causing you to groan. The door was suddenly swung opened. He looked at you with his red towel in his right hand, drying his black hair. “Would you like to come in? I just need to dry my hair.”

You scoffed and walked in. “I can’t believe you’re asking me if I would want to come to my own bathroom.” 

“I think you mean, our bathroom,” he joked, trying to make you smile. 

“You don’t live here.” Rolling your eyes, you grabbed your curling wand from the drawer. You plugged the wand in the outlet and then lowered the volume of Jimin’s music coming from his small black portable speaker. “If it’s ever this loud again, it’s going into the toilet.”

“What crawled up your ass?” You gave him a death glare as he stared back at you in the mirror. He was wearing a white long sleeve shirt with light-blue ripped jeans. “Everything okay?”

“Anna just broke up with Hobi, so guess who’s coming to the club tonight.” Jimin groaned. 

As much as you loved Hobi, you were not the biggest fan of brokenhearted Hobi. It wasn’t because he would cry, rant and sulk about his breakup; it was because he would turn to alcohol and sex and would go too crazy for a good week. He becomes that one lightweight uncle that drinks way too much and spills everyone’s secrets at family reunions.  In fact, you and Tiffany first met Hobi three years ago. You two were in line for the girls’ bathroom, and not wanting to wait any longer, you kicked the door open to find him drunk, puking on the floor. You had to drag him out, made him drink a bunch of water and made several dozen calls on his phone, trying to find someone to pick him up to take him home. Eventually, his friend answered the call, laughed, apologized and picked up Hobi ten minutes later. 

The next day, as you were leaving your business math class, you heard someone screaming your name across the hall. You turned around and saw his friend beckoning you to come towards him, Hobi and three other guys. Hobi apologized, thanked you for what you had done and offered to take you out to make it up to you.

Agreeing, you ate with Hobi and was formally introduced to his friends, Jungkook (the friend that picked him up), Namjoon, Yoongi and Seokjin. As you ate, you realized you all had a lot in common and continued to spend time with them more often, inviting them to go out and eat, see movies and more. After some time, you then introduced them to Tae and Jimin, creating a close friend group between everyone. 

Typically when Hoseok drank excessively, Taehyung and Namjoon took responsibility to take care of him, making sure he didn’t do anything stupid or something he would regret later. They were fine with being the parent of the night as everyone else had fun, drinking. 

But that night, Taehyung was in Japan for another week, finishing his work study course while Joon was out of town for the weekend, visiting his family, and when they were gone, it had to be you, who took care of Hobi.

“Do you want me to take care of him tonight?” Jimin asked as he put the towel on the glass shower door to dry. He stood behind you and grabbed the curling wand from the counter. “I don’t have to drink tonight.”

“Thanks.” You watched Jimin grab a small section of hair from the top of your head and wrap it around the wand. You never asked him to curl your hair, but he always did and when does it, he touches your hair so softly that you can’t feel it. Stylists always pulled on your hair and sometimes burned you, but Jimin never did. He was always careful with you. “And it’s fine. I’ll be on Hobi duty.”

“Are you sure?” He held the wand in place for fifteen seconds before letting go. He moved on to the next section of your hair. “This is my final offer. Going once, going twice.”

“I got it.” He repeated the curling your hair again. “Besides, he loves getting drunk with you, and you know that.”

Looking at Jimin in the mirror, you admired the sight of him curling your hair as he tilted his head back and laughed at your comment as if it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. 

_________

“How’s your night, Princess?” Jin teased as he came next to you at the bar. You noticed he was probably the least drunk out of everyone. He was wearing a regular black t-shirt and black jeans. “Having fun yet?” 

“You’re so funny.” You mocked him with the same tone of voice, causing him to smile. “It’s going absolutely terrible, but thanks for asking.”

“What’s wrong?” You didn’t need to open your mouth to answer his question. Your finger pointed at Hobi and Jimin; they were both about four feet away from you, buying another round of shots. “Thank God, I don’t have to handle those two tonight.” 

“I haven’t even figured out how I’m going to get them back to my apartment. Maybe I need a tranquilizer?” You watched as both of them finish the shots. “Assuming, they don’t end up in the hospital.”

“At this rate, Hobi is going to ring that bell to buy shots for everyone,” Jin joked.

“Oh, trust me, he’s tried.” You didn’t know if the goal for tonight is to get Hobi back at your place in one piece or if it was to make sure he doesn’t ring that bell, but you pulling him away from the bell was awfully hard. “Twice.”

 “Do you want me to smack some common sense into him?”

“At least not yet. I’m hoping at least one person tries to hit on him, so he can embarrass himself,” you joked. “How’s your night going?”

“Fine, I guess. I don’t really care,” he said. “I just wanted to check up on you and make sure you’re okay.”

“Please don’t tell me that’s your way of flirting,” Hoseok slurred as he stumbled in front of you and Jin with a drink in his hand. “You know you can do better than that.” 

“Better as in what?” You crossed your arms.

“I’m saying that I don’t want you two to sleep together tonight. I mean, I prefer you guys don’t do it at all, but if you’re going to do it, don’t do it tonight,” he ranted slowly. “I really don’t to hear your loud moans through your thin-ass walls. I actually want some sleep tonight, you know?” 

“Excuse me?” Noticing your confused face, Jimin came right next to him, took the drink away from Hobi’s hand and drank it himself. Hobi was too drunk to notice what had just happened. “I think it’s time for you to stop drinking, buddy.”

“You’re so loud,” Hobi exaggerated, imitating a high pitch sound of a moan. People started to stare as you tried to hush him, but he kept moaning.

“This isn’t the time or place,” Jin warned, not wanting Hobi to say the wrong thing. “We don’t need to talk about this right now.”

“That you and Y/N hooked up?” Hobi blurted out. “Why can’t we talk about that?”

“What are you talking about?” Jimin asked as he saw your eyes widen at Hobi’s sudden confession. His head turned to you, expecting an answer. “What is he talking about?”  

“I have no idea,” you lied. “He’s drunk.”

“You and Jin hooked up two months ago, remember?” He started screaming in the club. “I can’t be the only one remembering this. Here, let’s get Yoongi. I bet he remembers. Yoongi!”

“You guys what?!” You raised your eyebrows at Jimin’s sudden attitude change. He wasn’t the type to yell at anyone; he always tried to calm everyone down by awkwardly telling jokes. In fact, you couldn’t remember the last time you heard him yell. “You guys hooked up?!”

“Oh shit.” Hobi was finally coming to realization with what was being said. “I forgot we weren’t supposed to tell Jimin.”

“What?!” Jimin’s tone of voice started getting louder. “You guys lied to me?”

“It just sort of happened.” Which wasn’t really a lie, but not the truth either. You and Jin were both at his place, getting drunk of some store bought wine as everyone else was out on a date that night. You complained to Jin how you missed having sex, and as a joke, Jin suggested he could change that.

“It’s not a big deal,” Jin reassured him as he stood next to you. “It was a one time thing.”

“Just wait until Tae finds out!” 

“Dude.” Hoseok stressed the word out. “Who do you think found them and told us not to tell you?” 

One of the most embarrassing moments of your life was when you and Jin were making out that next morning, about to make that one time thing a two time thing, and as you moaned loudly, Taehyung walked in, asking if Jin was okay. He really thought your moan was his. 

That feeling of embarrassment did not leave until weeks after. It wasn’t like you were naked or hadn’t kissed guys in front of your cousin before, but it wasn’t something you wanted him to see, hear or know. You also didn’t want him or any of the other boys to subtly make any jokes about you moaning (but of course, they did).

Taehyung was mortified as he gathered you and Jin into the living room with everyone, except Jimin; he was still sleeping in his room. You and Jin had to explain what happened and that you guys only saw each other as friends. Taehyung then made you and Jin agree that it would never happen again and made everyone swore not to tell Jimin. No one asked why, but we agreed not to.

“You guys slept together,” Jimin said in a low voice, still louder than the music around him. “I can’t believe you guys did that.”

“What?” You were taken back by his comment. Was he mad that everyone didn’t tell him what happened? Or was he mad at the fact you and Jin had hooked up? He couldn’t have been mad at that, but it sounded like that. 

“I can’t do this.” Jimin grabbed a random drink next to him and splashed all the liquid onto Jin. He threw the empty glass onto the ground, pushed Hoseok out of his way and angrily walked away.

“Jimin!” Jin called out. He was about to go after him, but you grabbed onto his shoulder and shook your head. “Shouldn’t we get him?”

“Leave him, he’s drunk,” you said. “He’s probably getting a taxi to go back to his place, and if not, he’ll call me to get him. He’ll be okay.”

“Yo! What a crazy night, guys!” Hoseok screamed as he rang the bell, having everyone cheer for him and the free drinks. “Free drinks!”

______

“Please don’t be mad at me,’ he said. “I know being drunk is not an excuse, but I really was drunk. I don’t know what came over me.”

Shopping was something Jimin actually enjoyed doing, especially with you. Although you would complain and try to rush him out of the dressing room all the time, he liked all the jokes you made and all the honest feedback you gave him. Your opinion really influenced him. More than once, your opinion had saved him from public embarrassment from his friends and everyone else he was trying to impress. Everyone has some piece of clothing they regret buying, except Jimin.

“I thought you said you were going to make it up to me.” After getting off work, you and Jimin were at the mall, walking around, arms linked with each other. He apologized and told you that he wanted to make it up to you. “Typically when that happens, I pick and enjoy what we do. And last time I checked, you like shopping and I don’t.” 

“I’m here to pay for whatever you want, and I promise I won’t get a single thing for myself unless I have special permission from you. Consider this as an extra birthday present from me.” Jimin went all out for your birthday, but you couldn’t blame him when you did the same. When his birthday came around, you bought him seven expensive presents for each day of the week he was born, and he would do the same for you; it had became a natural thing to do for each other.

“You don’t have to do that,” you said. “I just want you to apologize to Jin and Hobi though.” 

“But first, I need to say sorry to you for ruining your night, and this is my way of saying sorry.” He shrugged. “Besides, you really need new clothes for your birthday.”

“My clothes are perfectly fine!” You argued, playfully hitting his arm. 

“Where to?” He asked. 

“I really don’t need any new clothes,” You repeated. 

“Let’s just have fun and try things on then,” he suggested. 

He suddenly stopped walking causing you unlink your arm with his. You gave him a confused look, not understanding why he stopped. He rolled his eyes and nod his head towards the store you two were in front of.

“Jimin, no! Not today. We aren’t doing this,” you whined. 

“Come on! It’ll be fun! You love watching Say Yes to the Dress.”

“Are you crazy? I am not trying on wedding dresses for fun!” As he desperately tries to pull you in, you tried to pull Jimin in the other direction, hoping not to rip the sleeve of your shirt. “Anyone seeing this?! He’s trying to hold me hostage against my own will!” 

“I’m not!” Jimin eventually got you on your feet and pushed you into the store. You two sat on the first unoccupied chairs and waited for someone to come. 

“Hi. Are we looking at wedding dresses today?” The sales associate asked. She was wearing in a black business suit with black heels. 

“Yes, we are looking for dresses today!” He declared loudly for everyone to hear. “She wants something very simple, but not too basic. No mermaid dresses, beaded tops, corsets or anything with any ridiculous design.”

“Oh god,” you mumbled under your breath, thinking you could not take another minute of this. 

"I think I can help you with that.” She laughed and shook her hand out. “My name is Kim.”

“I’m Jimin, and this is Y/N.” 

“I’ll have you follow me into a dressing room, and Jimin, if you find any dresses Y/N might like, try to find me.” 

After a couple minutes of waiting in the dressing room, you heard a knock on the door. The door slightly opened, and Kim walked in with one sleeved wedding dress, one ball gown weeding dress and one a-line wedding dress in her hands. “I have three dresses for you.” 

“Wow,” you blurted out as she hung each of them. You weren’t really a fan of dresses, but something about wedding dresses made you want to try them on. “These are all so pretty.” 

“I’m glad you like them.” She smiled. “Do you know which one you want to try on first?” 

The sweetheart lace A-line wedding dress caught your eye first. It was exactly how Jimin described your taste: simple, but not too basic. The dress wasn’t pure white, but it was ivory blush color. You weren’t a fan of floral, but you loved the lace floral design on the dress. You reached out to touch the material and admired the dress. “I think this one.” 

As you started removing your jeans and sweater, Kim turned around to give you some privacy. She was getting the dress out of the bag and off the hook, ready to help you when you were ready to try on the dress. You laughed, but you liked her presence. “How long have you and Jimin been together?” 

“I’m sorry, what?” You froze. “Did you say me and Jimin?”

She turned around and unzipped the back zipper for you. She held the dress as you got into it. “You two are so adorable.”

“We’re just friends,” you said quickly as she pulled the dress up. “We’re not dating.” 

“Oh!” She furrowed her eyebrows together, trying to understand the situation. “I’m sorry, but I thought you two were. Usually, couples shop for wedding dresses together.”

“I’m not getting married either. I’m just making him happy by trying on wedding dresses.” She zipped up the zipper as you adjusted your hair, making sure it wasn’t in the way. 

“You guys would look together.” The whole atmosphere became awkward, and you wanted to slap Jimin for making you go through this alone. He was better at telling people you two weren’t dating, while you always made everything more awkward. “Have you two dated?” 

“No.” You let out an awkward laugh. “I’m not really his type anyways.”

You remember when you used to get overwhelmed when people asked about your relationship with Jimin. You felt as if you were only known as Jimin’s girl rather than an actual human being. 

“Just say I don’t like you like that, and just change the subject to show them how amazing you are,” he said.

 “He doesn’t like me like that,” you repeated what Jimin told everyone. 

“But do you?” She asked. “Do you like him like that?”

When people asked you that question, you immediately always said that the thought of you and Jimin dating was never a possibility. You would always tell them no and move on from the conversation, but when Kim asked you right there, in that room of wedding dresses, you had to think about your feelings. 

Was there something actually there that felt something more for your best friend? Did you like spending time with Jimin? Yes, but all best friends enjoy their time with their best friend. Do you feel the happiest with Jimin? Of course, but all best friends feel happy with their best friend. Do you think about Jimin constantly? Yes, but even friends think about their friends.

“Are you married?” You asked her as she was in front of you, adjusting the dress. 

“Yes.” She smiled. “Almost 20 years.” 

“How did you know he was the one you wanted?” 

“He was my best friend,” she answered. “But I noticed that I always thought of him for the smallest of things, and I didn’t want anyone else in front of me at the altar. I wanted to spend my time with him the most.”

“That’s beautiful.” 

“Is that how you feel about Jimin?”

You had a bunch of relationships, but it never got to the point where you felt like you were seriously in love, and the idea of marriage with any of your boyfriends never came to your mind. You knew you wanted to fall in love and wanted to get married, but when you thought about it, Jimin came into your mind. You pictured him in a tuxedo, smiling at you as if he was happy for you getting married. But the idea of him being the groom rather the best man or groomsmen didn’t sickened you; it actually made your heart flutter in excitement. Is that what love feels like? Had you always been feeling love for him?

“Oh my god.” A tear rolled down onto your cheek. Your feelings were a mess, and you couldn’t believe what was happening. Did that mean you liked Jimin? Did that mean you actually loved him? Not as a friend, but as a partner. “I-”

Before you could answer her question, there was a loud knock on the door. “Hey Kim. I have a dress for Y/N. She’s going to love it.” 

She opened the door slightly to grab the dress, but she didn’t open it wide enough for him to see you. Pushing the door right away, she yelled out, “Thanks.” 

Wiping your face, you laughed at the sight of the dress and rolled your eyes at Jimin’s humor. It was a black v-neck ball gown; the top was practically see through while he bottom of the dress looked like one giant rose. You absolutely hated the dress, and you knew he did too.

“This is a joke, right?” Kim asked, petrified with what she was holding in her hand. “Does he think this is ‘simple, but not too basic?’”

“He just wanted me to laugh.” You smiled. “He knew I would probably feel a little anxious, so he brought that to cheer me up.”

“And he did.” She gave you a small smile. You knew that she really love you and Jimin together. “I didn’t mean to overwhelm you with your feelings, by the way. That was rude of me to do that. I shouldn’t have asked and should have respected you with what you said.” 

“It’s fine.” A small part of you wanted to thank her, but you couldn’t tell if this was something worth thanking about. What if the realization of your feelings later breaks you? Was it worth knowing?

“It’s not,” Kim countered. “I’m sorry.” 

“I just have a lot to think about.” You shrugged, trying to bury all your feelings. “It doesn’t look like I cried, right?” 

“I don’t think he’ll know,” she said, scanning your face to see.

“You’ll be surprised.”

“You look breathtaking,” she said as she made you look at the mirror. “This dress was made for you.” 

________

“Close your eyes!” He groaned as he put his hands to cover his eyes. You were on the podium, facing Jimin with your back facing the mirrors. “You’re not peaking, right?” 

“Nope,” he promised. “Can I look now?” 

“Promise you won’t make fun of me.” 

“Why would I make fun of you?”

“Just promise me!” You tried not to laugh.

“I promise.” 

“Okay. Open your eyes.” 

He opened his eyes and you noticed his jaw slightly dropped. He stared at you, mesmerizing every detail of the dress. He was sure that his loud heartbeat could be heard. “Wow.”

You wondered if he liked the dress or if he liked you being in the dress. “I love this dress a lot.” 

“I love it too,” he agreed. He stood up on the podium with you and looked closely at your face. Biting your lip, you tried to look away, but you knew that he could tell. “Were you crying?” 

“Veil or no veil?” Kim asked with a veil in her hand. She really knew how to save you like an angel.

“Veil.”

“No veil.” 

Even though you said no, Kim handed the veil to Jimin. He then put the veil on top of your head, adjusting your hair. You felt him run his fingers in your hair, slowly. Then, just like Kim, he turned your body towards the mirror. His eyes met yours in the mirror. “You are so stunning.” 

You turned to Jimin. “You’re just saying that.”

“I’m not,” he said. “I mean it.”

Putting his arms around you, he pulled you closer to him. Automatically, you put your arms around his neck and felt his hair at the nape of his neck. His head leaned towards you as he stared at your lips. 

You two had always been close. It was a normal thing, but this was the first time you were this close. It felt like he was looking at you for permission to press his lips against yours. 

A sound coming from him stopped him. He let go out you as he grabbed the phone out of his back pocket and looked at who was calling him. “It’s Jessica.” 

Your eyes widened.

Jessica.

How could you forget? Jessica. Jimin’s girlfriend. Jimin’s girl. The person that is not you.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asked as he slid to answer the call and put the phone towards his ear. You hear loud noises come from the other end, and then all of the sudden, you watched Jimin ran out of the store with no explanation. 

As if nothing between you had happened. 

As if it didn’t mean anything to him. 

And you were left alone, in a wedding dress, confused with your feelings of your best friend.

#bangtanwriters-net #park jimin #bts scenarios #jimin scenario #jimin imagine #jimin angst #jimin fluff #park jimin scenarios #bts fanfic #jimin fanfic #better

[weasleydream]

The world cup

Hi guys! This is my very first imagine, so please, be kind and indulgent. Also, if you find some mistakes or if you just want to share your opinion, don’t hesitate!

Masterlist

During all the summer, only one thought was in my mind: the finale of the Quidditch World Cup. It was the only event I didn’t want to miss, the Quidditch being my favourite activity. Since my second year at Hogwarts, I had been a Chaser in the Gryffindor team. I could still remembered when Fred, George and I passed the test. The boys wanted to be beaters. We all passed the test without any difficulty and after four years, we were still in the team. 

Despite the fact that I was pretty impatient, I was not really happy when Mrs Weasley, Fred and George’s mother, woke me up. It was really early, in fact so early that it was still the night. Without being able to stop my yawns, I went down the stairs and sat next to Fred. He seemed to be as tired as I was and didn’t even greet me. George was half-sleeping on the table, along with Ginny and Hermione. The other boys were not on the kitchen yet. When they finally arrived, we ate silently our breakfast and went back into the rooms in order to get ready. 

I was still looking for my jumper when Mrs Weasley’s sweet voice arrived to my ears. 

-George! What have you got in your pocket?

Oh boys… I thought to myself. They had told me that they wanted to take some Ton-Tongue Toffees with them to sell them once arrived at the campsite. Obviously, their mother was ready and soon I heard her yelling about the twins’ OWL. Well, it’s true that they didn’t really excel but in their defense, they already had plans for their future and I was pretty sure their shop was going to be a success. That’s why they didn’t really work for their exams, they were too busy creating new products. Fred told me in a letter that his mother was really upset. With a sigh, I sneaked as quietly as possible in their room and put some sweets in my backpack. 

When I arrived outside, Mr Weasley, Fred, George, Ron, Harry, Ginny and Hermione were waiting for me. I quickly said goodbye to Mrs Weasley and run next to my best friends. I could tell that they were still angry because of their mother. Without even try to cheer them up, I took two Ton-Tongue Toffees and threw them in their faces. With a giggle, I saw their expression move from annoyance to admiration.

-Y/N, you are awesome! 

-Thanks, George, but I already knew it. 

-Mum could have caught you, said Fred, even if she sees you as the little angel whose job is making us geniuses. I’m pretty sure sometimes she gets suspicious of you too.

-Don’t worry for that, she didn’t catch me. And, between you and I, I think you already are geniuses. 

-That’s so sweet of you but we already knew it, answered George with a big grin. 

-Idiot. 

-At your service. 

The portkey, which turned out to be an old boot, brought us in front the biggest campsite I had never seen. And here we were, happily walking between the tents to find our location. After what felt like hours, we finally were able to enter our tents. Hermione, Ginny and I shared one, a little bit smaller that the boys’ one, but still spacious for three. I joined Fred and George and we started to explore the surroundings. 

-That’s incredible how some wizards think dresses with flowers are decent clothes for a man, commented George.

-It has to be comfy, imagine a pleasant breeze on your -

-Fred, George, Y/N!

I had never been happiest when seeing Lee Jordan, our Gryffindor friend. I could still hear Fred laughing at my embarrassment when Lee joined us. 

-So, do you have these sweets you promised me?

The boys started to talk about how the Ton-Tongue Toffee had been created, and how Mrs Weasley was furious when she heard that the twins tried it on Dudley, Harry’s fat and awful cousin. Since I had heard these stories approximately a thousand times, I decided to go on my own and keep exploring the campsite. I saw children with magical toys, wizards trying to start a fire without their wand and suddenly, two arms enveloped me into a hug. It only took me a second to understand that Oliver Wood was in front of me. Oliver was the Gryffindor Quidditch team’s captain and our keeper. This guy had a very great passion for Quidditch and I somehow knew I would see him here. 

-Y/N, I’m so glad to see you! Would you come in my tent?

I followed him while he was telling me about his new club. He had already told me this in his letters, but he seemed so happy with a big smile on his face that I just listened to him. He dragged me in front of his parents who seemed amused by the situation. 

-Mom, Dad, it’s Y/N. You know, she’s a chaser in Gryffindor’s team!

-The best might I add, I joked. 

-Well, Y/N, it’s nice to finally meet you, said his mother. Oliver told us a lot about you, he seems to really like you. 

I laughed, slightly embarrassed. But it was nothing compared to Oliver: his cheeks were red, I had never seen him like this. I had to admit that it was kind of cute. However, I decided to save him.

-It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr and Mrs Wood. Maybe we’ll meet later. 

Oliver seemed relieved to get out of the tent. 

- So, who are you here with? he asked. No, let me guess… The Weasleys.

- Right on the money.

-And… Did something happen, you know… With Fred?

I didn’t expect this, to say the least. I looked at Oliver, at his red cheeks as I felt myself redden too. Fred was only my best friend, just like George. Well, I had always been a little closer to Fred but it didn’t mean I liked him more than that… Right? Moreover, I couldn’t admit to Oliver that he had been my first crush at Hogwarts. I mean, he had always been so gentle with me, since the beginning, and he was older, a captain and a marvelous Quidditch player. I really didn’t know what to answer, but I’m pretty sure my actual answer wasn’t very smart. 

-God, this is awkward. 

Oliver looked away, clearly as embarrassed as me. I finally saw the Weasleys in front of the tents. It seemed like they were looking for me because Fred looked relieved when he saw me. When they saw who was with me, the twins joined us. 

-Hey Wood how are you?

-Great, glad to see you guys. I’m sorry, I’ve got to go. Maybe we’ll see each other again.

And he left. Fred and George seemed to notice my embarrassment, because they exchanged a look and George asked me:

-Did something happen? With Wood? 

-No, I answered quickly. Nothing, don’t worry. 

The match was just… Wow. Incredible. I spent it between my favourite twins, always screaming useless advices and cheering when the Quaffle got through the bulgarian Keeper’s defense. And as if it wasn’t already a perfect night, the Irish team won and a wonderful celebration seemed to take shape. As we were heading back to the tents, I felt someone taking my hand and Oliver asked me if I wanted to go celebrate to his tent. Mr Weasley allowed me - “But please be careful or Molly is gonna kill me”- and I followed Oliver, missing Fred’s hard look. 

Some other Hogwarts students joined us and soon, we were all partying in Oliver’s tent. He managed to bring butterbeer and Firewhiskey. I guess I should have been more careful, but soon I felt my thoughts getting more confused. I still managed to keep an eye on my watch, because I didn’t want to betray Mr Weasley’s trust. When I finally decided to go back to the tent, Oliver grabbed my hand and kissed me. 

I didn’t really know what I was doing but hey, it was the Quidditch  World Cup, and it was a celebration party, why not enjoy this? I kissed him back, pulling slightly his hair. He seemed to enjoy it as he moaned lightly. I felt one of his hands on my back and the other on my cheek. I was barely aware that some people were cheering at us, but I heard very clearly the first explosion. As we pulled apart, I heard the first screams. Totally panicking, everyone started to leave. Oliver and I got out too, to see some tents on fire and a group a masked men. Their wands were raised and with horror, I saw Muggles flying in the air, as if they were attached by a rope. Spells were cast from everywhere. 

-I need to find Fred and George!

Oliver seemed to understand what I said even if the screams were deafening. He took my hand and started to run. I had managed to take my wand and cast a few spells when I heard a little voice crying, so low that I wasn’t even sure I really heard it. Nevertheless, I stopped and searched for the voice. Oliver joined me and together, we found a little boy. He was hiding on his tent and crying. I took him in my arms and started running. Oliver protected us with Shield Charms. A man stopped me and took the little boy from my arms. Oliver grabbed once more my hand and encouraged me -”Come on, Y/N, faster!”. 

-Y/N! Y/N, what are you doing here?

Bill was running toward me and pulled me in a relieved embrace. Then he urged me towards the place where the portkey had brought us earlier and left. I looked at Oliver, he seemed to be shocked. I turned my head and the horror filled my thought. We had a view of all the campsite. It was burning, the sky full of clouds seemed to become red. The screams were deafening, and the men with the masks were coming toward us. A red light hit the tree behind me, I felt it’s heat as it passed above my head. I let a scream out, took firmly Oliver’s hand and started running towards a safest place, at least I hoped so. 

I was beginning to think that we were going to die here, that I would never see my best friends again when I saw two familiar boys with red hair. Almost crying of joy, I let go Oliver’s hand and jumped into Fred’s arms. He stroked my hair, whispering some comforting words into my ear. George joined us, clearly as relieved to see me as his brother. 

-Thank you Oliver. You brought her safe. Thank you. 

-It’s nothing. I have to go back, I don’t know where my parents are. 

-Wait Oliver!

I came to him and hugged him. 

-Thank you. And Oliver… I’m sorry for what happened earlier. The kiss. It…

-It shouldn’t have happened, I know. 

His look was sweet. He smiled, patted my hair, teased me about my height like he did when he was still at Hogwarts, waved goodbye to the twins and left. I turned around and met George’s mocking eyes. 

-Did I hear right? You kissed him? 

Merlin, he won’t stop teasing me about this...

#harry potter #harry potter imagine #oliver wood #olliver wood x reader #fred weasley #george weasley #harry potter imagines #quidditch

[asgardianvamp21]

Stripped Part 2

Warnings: slow burn, want a part 3?

   You woke up warm and with an arm wrapped around you. The whole night came back to you. Holy shit! You slept with Dean! you thought. You were so lost in thought you didn’t feel Dean stir. 

“Hi,” Dean mumbled. You quickly turn so you are facing each other while holding the blanket to your naked chest. “Hi,” you reply while staring into his eyes. He bites his lip as his eyes move down to your lips. 

“I am so dead,” he whispers more to himself than to you. You begin to slowly get up and ask, “Want to have breakfast?” You hope your voice doesn’t give away how giddy you are after last night. You feel hope building in your chest that he says yes.

“I, uh should get going. I have to work today and the bachelor party is tonight so I have a lot to do,” Dean says while slowly getting out of your bed and grabbing his boxers. You make sure your face doesn’t show your disappointment. “Oh yea, um, have fun,” you get out while trying to cover yourself even more. Once he is dressed he goes to leave the room and stops for a moment and turns toward you. “Hey Y/n?” He asks. 

“Yea?”

He looks at his hands and then the wall behind you before saying, “You mind if we just forget this and not tell anyone?” Even though you are shocked a little by his request you manage a yes before he nods and leaves. You suddenly feel disgusted with yourself. You run to your bathroom and get in the shower. The more you think about last night, the more you realize that you were just another one of Dean’s conquests. Once you are showered and dressed you decide to not let what happened bug you. You have to see your brothers today anyway and if they caught on that you were upset the day would get worse than it already is.

  Once you get to Cas’s apartment you slap a fake smile on your face and grab the beer Gabe asked you to buy and go up. Even though you were part of the bride’s wedding party the boys decided they wanted you at the bachelor party too. After the incident you were all much closer. You walked into Cas’s apartment and were immediately pulled into a hug by your oldest brother Michael. 

“Hey Mikey!” He pulls back and smiles at you while grabbing the beer out of your hands. “Hey Y/n, thanks for picking this up for everyone.” You pat him on the shoulder as you walk into Cas’s living room hearing Gabe and Nick fight over what you were all doing tonight. You walk over and plop down in between them on the couch. They both smile and try to pull you into the fight.   

“Come on Y/n/n, wouldn’t you rather go to a strip club?” Gabe asked.

“You do remember Y/n is in fact a girl,” Michael asks while walking back into the room. Gabe shrugs and turns back to you “So girls still like that too sometimes”. You rolled your eyes and told them, “Do what Cas wants Gabe and Nick.” They both pout that you didn’t choose their sides while Michael chuckles to himself. Cas walks out from his bedroom on the phone. As soon as he hangs up the phone he turns toward you.

“Are you feeling okay?” You nod your head yes and give him a smile. The rest of your brothers look confused, but don’t ask.

“So what are we doing tonight Cassy?” You ask. He walks over and sits next to Michael. “Well Dean thinks we should go to bars and strip clubs tonight.” Gabe gives a yell of victory and grins. “Man, I like him a bit better,” Gabe says with a victorious smile. You rolled your eyes and tried not to think about Dean, but of course just to screw you over the door opens and Dean walks into Cas’s apartment. “Hey Cas so I thou-,” he stops mid sentence at seeing you there. “I uh, thought we would go to a bar or two first,” he finishes before clearing his throat and not looking at you. Cas nods and says, “Good thing you were off today and we can hang out before we get smashed.” As soon as the words leave his lips your body tenses and your eyes betray you and look at Dean. He shuts his eyes and releases a breath, but still doesn’t look at you. You ignore the pain in your chest and make yourself relax. “I think that is the best idea,” you say looking at Cas. You all wait for Balthazar, Sam, and Gadreel before leaving to the bar. 

 Once at the first bar everyone splits up. Your brothers go to play pool while the rest decide to get the drinks. You go and sit at the bar. After a drink or two Dean comes and sits beside you.

“What do you want?” You ask before downing a shot. “Y/n we need to talk about last night.” You let out a dry chuckle and turn towards him. 

“No we don't, nothing happened remember?” You say with as much anger in your voice as you can. He opens his mouth to say something, but before he can Michael walks over.

“We are ready to go. You good?” He asks while eyeing Dean warily. You nod and stand following him and the boys out the door.

 Once you are all at the strip club Gabe grabs Cas and takes him toward the center stage. You laugh at the look Cas and Nick give you. You go to walk by your brothers knowing if you aren’t there they will not be happy, especially with how many drunk guys are here. You start walking over only for Dean to drag you to a hallway close by. 

“What do you want?” You ask with a bite. He holds his hands up in surrender and says, “I just want to talk. Y/n I didn’t mean it that way this morning, but I freaked okay. I slept with my best friend’s little sister-,” You cut him off, “Why is that such a bad thing? it’s not like we are teenagers!” Dean opens his mouth to reply, but before he can your cousin Gadreel walks out of the bathroom and sees the both of you.

“Everything okay?” He asks with suspicion. You give a fake smile and nod. “We were talking about getting Cas a private dance.” Gadreel nods, but still raises an eyebrow at Dean who is still looking over at you. You turn and walk away with Gadreel. After a minute Dean joins the group again, but looks at you. 

Once everyone is heading back home to most likely pass out. You sigh and try to get Cas and Gabe into Cas’s car. Why do I have to be the one to take these idiots home? Gabe continues to babble in your ear about his ex Kali and Cas continues to sing a song about Meg. Gabe stumbles almost knocking you all down before a set of hands reaches out and catches him. Looking up to say thanks the words die on your lips as you see Dean looking at you.

“You alright?” He asks while Gabe leans on him now telling Dean about how pretty kali is and all that. You give a short nod and continue trying to get Cas to the car with Dean right behind you and helps you push the boys in the car. “I will follow you back”. You sigh and nod before getting in knowing you won’t win any argument about it. 

After getting the guys into their rooms and locking up you turn to Dean who waits in the hall. “You didn’t have to stay, but thanks for helping me get them home.” Dean rubs the back of his neck and replies, “Well he is my best friend so I gotta keep an eye on him.” Right. Cas is his best friend and you are just his best friend’s little sister. You can’t help but clench your jaw before turning and stalking away with Dean hot on your heels and yelling for you to stop. 

“What Dean?” He stops and continues to open and close his mouth before saying “that’s not what I meant Y/n”

“Well what did you mean? Don’t worry Dean you don't need to smooth things over here; I get it. It was a one night stand and it won’t happen again and I-”

“Dammit Y/n! Will you stop talking for one minute! You are not just a one night stand but I can’t be with you. You are Cas’s sister. I can’t do that to him...or you.” You step closer, “what do you mean or me?” He rubs his hand down his face with a defeated sigh. 

“Look I’m nothing great ok. I run a mechanic shop by day and strip at night, I drink a lot and love fast food. I snore and don’t get tons of sleep and my family is a nightmare. I am not like those other guys you’ve dated.” You look at him in shock before letting out a pained laugh “You’re right you aren’t like the guys I’ve dated you are better than them. As for the family thing, join the club. I don’t care about that shit Dean. I just care about..” You stop looking down and your heart stops as Dean reaches lifting your head up to him. “You care about what?” You both move closer and when your lips are touching you whisper “you” and Dean slams his lips down on yours and pulls you closer.

#supernatural #SUPERNATURAL AU #supernatural smut #supernatural imagine #dean winchester #dean x you #supernatural fanfiction

[moonlightskids]

everything has changed

fluff (angst)

seungmin looks at the piece of paper in his hand, the words he had just wrote still haunting his mind, his heart was beating so hard he was sure anyone who was still awake at the house could hear it. it was 3am and all he could think about was you, it had been like that all day. actually, it had been like that since the day he met you.

he remembers that morning perfectly. first day of freshmen year, seungmin had walked into the cafeteria with hyunjin and as they approached their usual table he saw you sitting with his friends, invested in a conversation with felix. when they finally reached the group, jisung presented you as his cousin who had just moved to the city. he thought he’ll be nervous with you around, he was never good with new people, but the moment you looked at him, a big smile on your face, he felt all his worries go away, it was as if he had known you his whole life.

seungmin hadn’t noticed his feelings towards you till somophore year when he decided he’ll rather listen to felix talk about fortnite all day everyday than see you hand on hand with another boy, specially popular boy jaemin. when he had seen you get out of your english class with him he had felt so heartbroken, like someone had put their fist through his chest and pulled his heart out (a little dramatic, but what can you expect from someone who spends their everyday with drama club president hyunjin). 

it had been three years since then and now on your senior year seungmin felt like he was running out of time, every day that passed without him confessing it was another day you could find someone else, someone better. that particular day the group had been talking about what college they wanted to go to, when hyunjin had asked you, you confessed you applied for ucla, which meant if you passed, you’ll most probably move to the other side of the world and the possibility of never being able to tell you how he felt was so scary. there was so much he wanted to tell you, so many words sometimes he felt like he was drowning in feelings, that day specially, so hyunjin, as the helpless romantic he is, had suggested seungmin to write down everything, just so he could get it out of his chest. he had thought of it as an stupid idea, but that night after thinking about you for hours, he decided he needed to do something or he’ll end up dying of love, love for you, so he wrote everything.

he wrote about how he felt when you met, how his heart always feels at ease when you’re around, about how when he’s nervous he always thinks about you, how his stomach fills with butterflies whenever you hold his hand, how he’s dreamed of you, dreamed of kissing you, of hugging, how he wishes he could make you feel half as loved as you make him feel. he wrote about holding you, about growing old together, about seeing you graduate and do what you love, about always being by your side.

he wrote everything and then as always he put those feelings away. folding the note, he placed it in the pocket of his hoodie and with his mind finally empty, he went to sleep.

the next day, when he sees you in math, sitting calmly at the desk the two of you share, seungmin can’t help but blush. sitting next to you for the next two hours was a torture, there was no way he understood anything the teacher said, all he could think about was you sitting there and smiling everytime you made eye contact.

all he wanted to do was go home and drown in homework so he didn’t have to think about how pathetic he was. but hyunjin had other plans as always, the drama club needed some help to put together the stage for the next play and your group decided to help your desperate friend. when you were done it was dark outside and it was raining, but seungmin and you still walked to his house together. he didn’t want to let you walk alone at night do he offered dinner at his house and then his dad would drive you home. when you made it to his house the two of you were drenched so seungmin as the gentleman he is, offered you some clothes to change, a hoodie and some sweatpants.

there was a weird feeling at the pit of his stomach, like when you know something bad is about to happen in a horro movie, but he noticed it two second late. when he turned around to look at you, you were already reading the note he had left last night inside the hoodie pocket. of course, of all the hoodies he could have lend you he gave you the one that contained all his feelings for you.

for the first time he felt nervous around you, as he saw you read the piece of paper he couldn't move, his mouth hanged open, a warning word stuck in his throat, his hands were sweating and as he watched you raise your eyes to look at him he felt like throwing up. he had hid his feelings so well for the past years and in one day he had ruined everything. it was all hyunjin’s fault, the letter, getting out of school later than normal and even getting drenched in the rain, it was as if he was actually cupid and had planned for all of this to happen.

your bottom lip was quivering and your eyes were full of tears. now he was scared, you were just looking at him, maybe you hated it so much you didn’t know how to reject him without completely shattering his heart, but there was no way around it, so if you weren’t gonna take the first step, he’ll do it.

“y/n...”, with rapid footsteps, you crossed the bedroom and threw yourself in his arms. your face hiding against his chest and your hands clutching at his shirt and seungmin felt like a piece of trash. how bad had he fucked up to make you cry like this? your shoulders were shaking and he could hear you whimpering. he’d said in his letter all he wanted was to make you as happy as you made him, but instead he had made you cry. putting his arms around he whispered, keeping his voice as steady as he could, “i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry, please don’t cry...”

pulling apart, you look up at him, puffy eyes and rosy cheeks, “why are you apologizing?”, that’s not what he expected you to say, he was waiting for you to yell at him about how selfish he was or that he was crazy and stupid for thinking he actually had a chance. “don’t you hate me?”

“hate you?”, you voice in disbelief, “how could i ever hate you after this”, you signal at the piece of paper now damaged by your hold and tears, “this is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me”, and then you said the words he had dreamed about for years, “i love you, seungmin, you are my home”, and then you leaned in and kissed him, a soft, delicate kiss that made him wonder if this was actually one of the dreams where he kisses you and when he opens his eyes you disappear, but it wasn’t, when he pulled apart you were still there, a bright smile on your face. 

and maybe hyunjin is cupid or the fate is just too good to him, seungmin didn’t care, but he knows something changed the moment he met you and that was ok.

m.list

#skz #bang chan #stray kids #kim seungmin #han jisung #hwang hyunjin #kim woojin #lee minho #felix lee #seo changbin #yang jeongin #mine #lee know #kim seungmin blurbs #kim seungmin imagines #kim seungmin scenarios #kim seungmin au #stray kids scenarios #stray kids blurbs #stray kids imagines #stray kids au

[ravenbrenna09]

Unattainable - Chapter Five

AO3

...

You guys know what's coming 😏😏😏

I apologize for such a long wait for this chapter. School started back up this week and I'm TRYING to be a good student/get ahead and keep up on my homework so I won't be completely overwhelmed by homework later on in the semester. I'm going to try and get the remaining chapters written, at least roughly, before the end of this three-day weekend or later this week, but I want to write the best that I can for you guys so I'm not going to stress myself out about it. 

But, thank you guys for being patient with me. I'm so glad that all of you are enjoying this story and can't wait to see more. 

I love you all. Enjoy!

...

bold = sending; italics = receiving (in terms of texts)

...

“You lost miserably!” Robbe teased, elbowing Jens roughly in the side. His black-haired best friend rolled his eyes, shoving him back in the shoulder as he drew Lucas closer against his body with the harsh winter wind blowing them in the face. 

Of the group’s significant others, Lucas had been the only one interested in going to play a round of mini-golf with the rest of the group and Noor had decided to hang out at the apartment, waiting for their arrival. Robbe isn’t sure why Amber hadn’t joined them. Jens’ birthday wasn’t for a couple of weeks but, after Moyo had let it slip about possibly mini-golf, he had exclaimed that he didn’t want to do that on his birthday, he wanted to do it now. So, they had spent the better part of Saturday morning at an indoor, blacklight minigolf place, laughing at the way that their teeth glowed purple and going through a second time when Jens and Moyo tied the first time around.

Though all of them played, Moyo had a higher score of the two (Robbe had technically won the second set).

Lucas drew his arms tighter around Jens’ shoulders, pressing a kiss against his jaw. “Well, you’re my miserable loser.”

Jens laughed, and so did the others, as he turned to press a kiss against Lucas’ lips, gripping his shoulder with one hand as he reached to slap Robbe upside the head with the other. “Thanks, babe.”

“Gross,” Aaron spoke. The comment was light-hearted and he was laughing through it anyways. Both Jens and Lucas shoved him away, causing him to nearly fall over. Of the bunch, Aaron was definitely the most clumsy of them all. “Save it for the bedroom later. This is guys’ night!” 

Robbe laughed, moving off to the bench that had long since been claimed as theirs. “As if,” Robbe replied, jumping up to sit on the back of it. Lucas sat between Robbe’s ankles, letting the smaller man drape his arms over his shoulders. “Don’t lie, Aaron. You would have your tongue down Amber’s throat if she was here!” 

“It’s true, bro,” Jens replied, hovering on the side of the bench as Aaron flopped down beside Lucas. 

Lucas nodded his head, patting his shoulder. 

Moyo laughed, nodding his head and wrapping his arm around his chest. “Seriously though, the two of you are physically linked. I’m surprised that she didn’t go with us.” 

It’s true. In the four years since Aaron had first started dating Amber, in which the three months before he harbored a seemingly one-sided crush on a girl who refused his affections, the two of them had both grown as people and as a couple. What the rest of them had believed to have only been a high school fascination had quickly grown into something more. Aaron had met most of Amber’s family and vice versa. In all honesty, it was only a matter of time before they went further, taking the next step like Senne and Zoë. 

(Unbeknownst to Aaron, they all had a bet going on about when Aaron was going to pop the question. Robbe had his money on next December 20th, which was the anniversary of their first kiss. Moyo was betting on sometime in the summer and Jens was saying next October, back when they went to the beach house. Lucas tried to remain impartial and out of the bet, but Noor had willingly jumped in, saying Valentine’s Day.)

“She wanted to,” Aaron replied. 

“Why didn’t she?” Robbe questioned, raising his eyebrows. 

“Something is going on with her cousin,” Aaron informed them, tucking his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know a lot of the details, but they’ve always been pretty close. She’s pretty worried about him so she wanted to be with him today. She didn’t want to leave him alone so she decided not to come.” Robbe nodded his head and Jens pulled a joint from behind his ear. “But, she did want me to tell you that she’s completely down for another round of mini-golf like next week or whenever her cousin gets better.” 

“Hey guys,” Moyo spoke up. The group turned towards Moyo, who was looking off in the distance. There was a slight smile growing on his face, of shock or something completely else. His eyes darted between all of them, before landing on Robbe. “See anything familiar?” 

Aaron glanced, letting out an exclamation of “Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” 

Jens turned too, his mouth falling open in shock. 

Lucas stood up from between his ankles, giving Robbe the freedom to fully turn around. 

Across the river, there stood an abandoned building. The building had always stood across the river from their hang out spot and it had always looked the same, remaining static in their otherwise hectic social and school lives. But, it was different now. And, Robbe’s face was plastered on the side of it, inside of a heart-shaped explosion of the brick wall. 

Robbe recognized it instantly from the sketch that Sander had shown him in the apartment. 

Chernobyl.

Robbe’s breath caught in his throat. 

Imagine it on a big wall with these intense colors.

While Robbe had been flattered at the implication of Sander spray-painting his face on the wall for the world to see, kissing him in the middle of his kitchen, he had never expected the blond Instagram artist to actually do such a thing. But, there it was, for the world to see, in all its bright, intense colors and the implications that strung in Robbe’s core. 

If Robbe hadn’t known any better, the entire thing read like a confession of love. It felt like an I love you, but the implication was quickly consumed by the image of a brown-haired girl in the club, her lips on his and his hands on her waist as she pulled him into the dance mob. 

“Robbe, did you do that?” it was Moyo, pulling him from diving further into his thoughts. 

Robbe gave him a look, knowing that it was a joke. Robbe’s art skills were minimal at best. All he could really do was make a really, really good stick figure and a handful of molecules when he needed to. In fact, he could name a handful of things that he could do better than drawing. Skateboarding is the only one among them that he would ever admit to. As if knowing, Moyo grinned at him. 

“That’s absolutely insane,” Jens mumbled, glancing at Robbe. He looked like he was about to say something else before he was cut off by one of the others. 

“Who do you think did it?” it was Aaron. 

“Looks quite sexy,” Lucas admitted. 

Jens looked at his boyfriend with an eyebrow raised. “Is there something that I need to know?” Lucas grinned at him, shaking his head, but Jens didn’t seem convinced. Robbe rolled his eyes. Lucas could play Jens like a fiddle and they all knew it.

“It is sexy. I think it’s something in the look, man,” Moyo agreed, holding up his phone in an attempt to take a picture. To his right, Aaron nodded his head. “I got to send it to Noor. She loves dragging me around the city to look at all the spraypainting.”

Jens sent a curious glance towards Robbe. 

“We’ve got to get closer. I’m only getting blurry images,” Moyo announced, tugging on Robbe’s shoulder and gesturing for him to follow. “Let’s go.” 

…

“Woah!” 

It was Noor, moving towards them and staring at the mural with wide eyes and an open mouth. 

Robbe was setting on the edge of the pier, blatantly refusing to be in the photo that Moyo, Jens, and Aaron were taking (Lucas was holding the camera, not wanting to be in it either). It was likely going to be on Instagram within the hour, being tagged in the photo was a definite thing that was going to happen, but Robbe couldn’t stop staring at the mural. From across the pier, it didn’t seem as big as it did right now, looming over the group of them and staring out at the river and the skatepark across the way. 

But, it was huge. 

The mural easily covered the entire wall and Robbe didn’t want to think about how long it had taken in the cold temperatures that had been hanging around lately because it certainly hadn’t been here last week. 

Noor glanced towards Robbe, squatting down beside him. “I feel like I don’t have to tell you that Sander did this?”

For a brief moment, he had forgotten that he had told her and Jens about Sander, about everything that had happened between them. It caught him off guard, but then, he let out a sigh, turning back towards the mural which the boys were still admiring. “Yeah, I know,” Robbe replied, waving at Jens who glanced over. “He showed me a sketch and said something about it, but I didn’t think that he would… Wait, how do you know?”

“I recognize the tags,” Noor admitted, gesturing around vaguely. “We used to spray together back when we were at the Academy. Plus, he was there when I was finishing up the mural.”

“He was?” Robbe questioned. 

Noor nodded her head as Jens approached the two of them, his hands in his pockets. Aaron, Moyo, and Lucas were talking, looking over the wall still. Noor continued, smiling at the newcomer, “He walked up to us but you had to step away because your mom called.” Robbe nodded his head. He remembered. If that man had really been Sander, he didn’t have a clue at the time, would’ve noticed. But, he did an excellent job of hiding his identity, wearing a black mask and being surrounded by shadows. 

“Yeah, I remember,” Robbe mumbled, running a hand through his hair as he stared at his friends. 

Jens glanced at Noor, who returned his gaze. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, spit it out guys,” Robbe spoke up. 

“How do you feel with the fact that your face is on a gigantic wall across from the skatepark that you always hang out at?” Jens spoke up. 

“Self-conscious,” Robbe admitted. 

He had never done well in the spotlight, having all eyes focused solely on him. Even if he genuinely had a good time, the vlogs that they did in high school, and for the first couple years of their college career before they rarely got the chance to do them, were mostly to hang out with his friends and have a good time. Plus, the only people who really saw them were their friends and about a thousand other people that they didn’t really know enough for Robbe to feel that self-conscious. 

But, this was something different. 

It felt like something intimate, something that should only be reserved between Robbe and Sander, but it was on full display, on a wall plastered for the world to see. Despite Sander’s loving touches and gentle words, he seemed to … love so loud that it was deafening and unwavering and unable to question the sincerity of his words. But, Robbe couldn’t stop thinking about Sander’s actions, both with the mural in front of him but also the texts, the girl… 

It made Robbe… 

“Confused,” Robbe spoke up. Noor glanced at him. “I’m confused…” 

“About?” Jens prompted. 

“Everything,” Robbe admitted. “Just everything that’s happened between us. One minute, he’s with me and treating me like… like… I don’t know…” Noor patted his shoulder, sitting down on the concrete, and Jens stood still, listening. “And, then, I get a text saying that we’re moving too fast and that we need to take a break. But, less than a week later, he’s kissing a girl in a club.” 

“Maybe he’s afraid,” Jens questioned. 

“I don’t know,” Robbe admitted, running a hand through his hair again. “I don’t, I really don’t understand what’s going on or even what his feelings for me are. If I don’t even know that, how is any of it going to work?” 

“Robbe,” Noor spoke up, wrapping her jacket tighter around his shoulders. She gestured to the wall in front of them. “No matter what happened, I think Sander just told you how he really feels.” 

Glancing at the mural, Robbe knew that she was right. He could feel it in his bones, down his spine, as the other boys moved to leave, pulling Robbe with him. However, before he left, he pulled out his phone, taking a picture of the mural and ignoring Moyo’s comments. Once the picture was taken, he shoved the phone back into his pocket before walking off ahead of them, ignoring his friends’ shouts to wait up. 

…

earthlingoddity has posted to his story. 

Without even hesitating, Robbe pulled it up. 

As his friends moved around him, trying to decide on dinner because they hadn’t gotten that far, as Aaron sent a message to Amber about the mural, he pulled the phone to him, hoping to hide what he was doing from his nosy friends. Robbe didn’t know what he was hoping for in terms of the story. Maybe he was hoping for some sort of indication that he had done it, that he had taken so much time to do it, but Robbe didn’t find anything involving the mural.

Honestly, even though he was slightly disappointed, he shouldn’t have been surprised. 

Spray-painting the side of a building was a crime.

There’s a photo of Sander, a croque hanging from between his mouth, and a caption in white letters. 

My cousin knows me so well 

Robbe swiped to his messages. 

He was going to write to him about the mural, ask Sander what he meant by the mural, to get some clarification. But, Robbe paused, his thumbs hanging above the keys, unable to type even a hey. Robbe locked his screen, shoving his phone in his pocket and burying his face in his hands, running one through his hair.

“Hey,” Noor spoke, pulling things out of the fridge. “Is Amber joining us for dinner?”

“No, she and her cousin are having dinner already,” Aaron replied, glancing up from her phone. “But, she might be coming over later. Or, I might be going over there. It depends.” 

“Alright,” Noor replied, nodding her head.

“Dinner for six it is then!” Lucas responded, moving to help her. 

“Everyone out of the kitchen,” Noor demanded. The Broerrrs all hurried out of there, wanting to avoid Noor’s cooking frenzy. When she was in control of the kitchen, she tended to be mean and she was not opposed to hitting one of them with a spatula if they got in her way. 

… 

At the top of the messages with Sander, there was a greeting, a “good morning?” from last Thursday, before he had seen Robbe with Senne in the tuxedo shop. Despite everything that had happened, despite the fact that he knew Robbe had been at the club, he had still made the effort. Though Robbe had been angry, and still slightly angry, though the anger had since melted into confusion, it was touching that Sander still reached out to see how he was doing, to wish him a good morning, even when Robbe had not been responding back.

Below that, the messages that he had finally managed to type out and send about an hour ago were hanging beneath his good morning message from last Thursday. 

Hey Sander.

Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you yet

But that wall…

That was the drawing you showed me right?

Could you come by?

Or… I could come over to your place, to talk?

The longer that he stared at it, the longer he felt a little desperate to hear back. 

But, in all honesty, Robbe wasn’t even certain that he would hear back from Sander. 

Robbe had seen the mural on Saturday afternoon, spent the better part of Saturday night staring at the photo he had taken, at Sander’s public, loud declaration. On Sunday, he had spent the evening at the clinic with his mom, but he didn’t want to trouble her with such things so he kept the photo to himself, keeping it from his mother, and trying to pass off the anticipation and stress as something else, stress about a test, or something anything else, trying to remain present with his mom. 

“Promise me that you’ll talk about it when you’re ready,” his mother had spoken, mumbling as he started to leave. She had reached out to take his hand, squeezing it gently. “You don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders just become I’m in here. You’ve got Jens and the boys and Zoë and Milan.”

Robbe smiled, kissing her forehead. “I know, Mama,” he replied. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“But, I’m going to,” his mother replied, staring up at him from her bed. “You’re my son. I’m always going to worry about you.”

Finally, on Monday, as his brain wandered to Sander in his afternoon class, he finally managed to work up the nerve, opening his laptop and typing out the messages in rapid succession. The anxiousness and anticipation were bubbling in his chest, squeezing him on the inside as he tried to focus on the same paragraph that he’s been trying to read for almost thirty minutes, maybe an hour. Whatever productivity had fostered in his chest last week had vanished, leaving him paralyzed, flat on his back and unable to focus outside of one, singular thought that ran through his mind.

Sander. 

The texts.

Robbe ran a hand through his hair, discarding the textbook to the side so he could roll over, burying his face in the sheets. They didn’t smell like Sander, he had never been over here, but, as irrational as it was, Robbe couldn’t help craving his scent right now, wanting to bury his face in the crook of his neck and hold him as tight as could, like he desperately wanted to. He let out a groan, resting his chin on the crook of his arm as he tried to calm his thoughts. 

Maybe, Sander was busy. 

Maybe, he had a project or a commission that he needed to work on and that was why he hadn’t responded back yet. 

But, Robbe might’ve waited too long, trying to figure out what he had wanted for himself, if he was willing to risk giving his heart to someone who had awoken it then stepped back without releasing his heart fully back to his chest. Maybe that’s why it took him so long to reach out, so long to figure out if he was willing to risk it all over again, because Robbe didn’t know if he would be capable of Sander breaking his heart a second time around. 

It had taken him days to send the text, to tell Sander that he had seen the mural.

And, at the end of the day, there was only one reason that it all boiled down to why it took him that long to send those six text messages: he was a coward, unable to handle the prospect of Sander rejecting him. 

… 

“Sander?” 

Robbe doesn’t know how he’s there, because he could barely open his eyes and it was hard to tell if they were open or closed, but he could just vaguely see the trusts of platinum-blond hair and the outline of a leather jacket before his lips are on his, his body hovering over him. Robbe clung to him, pulling him against his chest and wrapping his legs around his waist. Sander sunk against him, putting more of his body weight on Robbe, and his long fingers dug into Robbe’s hair, tugging lightly and causing him to sigh into the kiss. 

There’s a mischevious smirk on Sander’s face as he pulled back. Robbe doesn’t know quite how he knows that because it’s still hard to tell whether his eyes are open or closed, but he does, and he cranes up to chase his lips, finding them briefly, pressing featherlight kisses against them that should really only be counted as brief brushing of their lips, before Sander was pushing him back against the bed. 

Sander’s lips were on his neck, slowly traveling down along his before latching onto his collar bone, as his free hand pushed up his shirt. 

Wait, his mind screamed at him. This wasn’t right.

Robbe shot up in his bed, the textbook that had been on his chest falling onto the floor with a loud thump that resounded through his bedroom. There’s movement from across the hall, Jens must still be awake, and Robbe ran a hand through his hair, exhaling deeply, and blindly reaching for his phone as it dinged. Jens. 

You okay?

Yeah, just had a bad dream and woke up.

Must’ve fallen asleep with my textbook.

Okay.

Get some sleep.

You too.

Robbe let out a sigh, running his hands through his hair, the dream rushing back to him in an instant. The path of his neck that Dream Sander had followed lit up like a flame, burning beneath his skin. Robbe’s cheeks and chest flushed and he was thankful that the dream hadn’t gone any further or else he might’ve woken up to something else. Yet, at the same time, Robbe had wanted it to be real. 

It had been days since Robbe had sent him those messages, asking him to come over and never getting a response back. He still hadn’t heard from Sander and he knew that Sander had seen them, from the bubble of his face beneath the message. If it hadn’t been obvious to him on Monday, it certainly was now as Robbe flopped back on his bed, ignoring the piles of notes that were surrounding him. 

Robbe had waited too long. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, pinching his nose, as he rested his phone against his chest. 

With each passing day, he was more and more convinced that he should’ve gone straight to Sander’s apartment. He didn’t have a key to get into the front gate, but Robbe was nimble and quick enough (and daring enough) to climb the fence, and if all else failed, he could always ask Nick or Clara to let him in. He should’ve gone up to Sander’s apartment, knocked on the door until he answered or waited until he got home from wherever he had been, because he needed answers and needed to see him, to hold him, to kiss him, to know that it was all real, that painting a gigantic mural of his face meant something and wasn’t something of a thing that he decided to do just because. 

He needed to know.

But, because Robbe waited too long, it might’ve been too late for him to get the answers that he needed. 

Without thinking, he switched to his messages with Sander, staring down at his own words and the six messages that he used to get it all out. He ran a hand through his hair, wondering if he should say something else, but three bubbles popped up.

His heart thumped. 

The bubbles were there, indicating that Sander was, in fact, trying to figure out something to say, and they stayed there for several minutes, floating above the keyboard, before they disappeared completely. Robbe waited a couple of minutes for the message to come through, but it never did. Whatever it was that Sander had been typing, he had deleted it. 

Robbe let out a breath that he didn’t fully realize he was holding, locking his phone and putting it against his chest. As he sunk further into the sheets, trying to relax enough to go back to see before his class in the morning, Robbe’s mind wandered to Sander, which wasn’t that much of a surprise because it frequently did as such lately. But, now, Robbe couldn’t help wondering if Sander was just as conflicted as Robbe was. 

…

At the sight of the mural, Robbe let out a sigh. 

It was still there, bright and beautiful across the water, but Robbe couldn’t help noticing the number of stares that were focused in his direction. There were the skaters that they would normally see, parents who had brought their children to the playground to run around and scream to their heart’s content, and even the old man that was always feeding the birds seemed to be staring at him now. 

“Why are people staring?” Robbe groaned, kicking his skateboard beneath their normal bench and flopping down on it. 

Jens picked up his board, laying it across on his lap as he sat down beside him. “I don’t know, Robbe,” Jens admitted, his face impassive and straight. “It might have to do with the fact that there’s a giant mural across the water with your face on it.” 

Robbe snatched the joint behind his ear and placed it in his mouth. Jens let out a muffled protest as the smaller one of them pulled out the lighter from his pocket and lit the end of the joint expertly. Robbe inhaled deeply, the smoke filling up his lungs, and he had no protests when Jens snatched the joint, rolling his eyes at his friends. Robbe exhaled, the smoke pouring from his lips.

“Have you heard from him?” Jens questioned.

“Huh?”

“Sander,” Jens clarified, gesturing across the water. “Have you heard back from him yet?” 

Robbe shook his head. “No,” Robbe admitted, not liking how sad his own voice sounded. “But, he’s opened the messages and I thought he was responding back on Wednesday. I saw the bubbles pop up like he was texting but he didn’t send anything.” Robbe let out a sigh, burying his face in his hands. “Then, he randomly liked two of my Instagram posts yesterday. I don’t get it, Jens.”

“Which ones?”

Robbe pulled out his phone to show him and Jens scooted closer to see. 

The first photo had been a group photo with the guys at Zoë and Senne’s engagement party, before Lucas had been such an intricate part of their flat dynamic, before Noor had dragged Robbe off to the abandoned warehouse. It was weird to think about, Robbe realized, how quickly Lucas had gone from barely being there, sneaking away before Moyo and Aaron woke up, to always being there.

The next photo was one from years ago, back when they were high school and back when Robbe was still firmly in the closet. Robbe in the picture had his mouth wide open with his head tilted back, two beers in his hand. He remembered the dare, vaguely, to try and pour both of them in his mouth without spilling it. The photo captioned right before he failed miserably, spilling it over his chest, and his friends had laughed out loud, teasing him. 

“That’s suggestive,” Jens mumbled, handing him the joint. 

Robbe scoffed, inhaling. “You’re the one who took the photo.”

“Did I?” 

“Yeah,” Robbe replied, shaking his head. Jens looked at him and Robbe stared straight ahead, unable to look at him. “I don’t get it. I don’t get any of this. I don’t understand him and what’s going on anymore.” 

“Do you still want to be with him?” Jens questioned. Robbe opened his mouth but quickly closed it, unable to figure out what exactly he wanted to say. He turned around, looking towards the graffiti that was plastered against the side of the warehouse, his face in all those intense, bright colors, as he inhaled another drag. Jens gained his attention by lightly slapping the back of his head. “Do you?” 

Robbe let out a sigh, smoke still falling out. “Yeah. I want answers.”

“Then, you’re going to have to make him choose,” Jens spoke up, propping one foot on his knee. “You can’t keep going like this. It’s too painful, he’s going to have to make a decision. Either he talks to you or he doesn’t talk to you anymore. It isn’t good for anyone. No, you know what, tell him that.”

Robbe glanced towards him. “Huh?”

“Text him. Now.”

“What? Why, now?”

“Yes, now.”

“Weren’t you just paying attention? He didn’t respond to my last texts asking to meet up. Why would he respond to this one?”

“Because, if he doesn’t, then you have the answer that you need,” Jens spoke. “Robbe, you’ve been constantly waiting for him to respond back and it’s painful and he’s fucking with you. If he doesn’t respond back, then that’s the answer that you need. And, if he doesn’t respond back to you, you deserve someone better in your life, someone that actually tries to be there.” 

Robbe let out a sigh, knowing that he was right. Despite all the silence and the no-responses, Robbe wanted Sander as much as he did in his apartment, talking about their favorite actors and parallel universes and eating pizza. It hadn’t changed one bit in the two weeks since it all went down. Jens patted his shoulder. “Pull up your messages.” 

Robbe did as told. 

“Just tell him: I want clarity,” Jens started. Robbe quickly typed the message, following along with what his best friend was saying. “Either, you choose me or it ends for me here and now.” 

I want clarity. Either you choose me. Or it ends for me-

Robbe stopped typing. 

Jens noticed, waiting. 

“And…” Robbe trailed off. “What if he…” 

It was in moments like these that he was thankful that Jens knew him so well. 

“If he says that it’s really over?” Jens questioned. 

Robbe nodded his head. 

Robbe didn’t want that to be an option for him, for either of them. It felt ridiculous to Robbe’s logical mind that he would be feeling this way about someone that he had only been involved with for about a week. But, Robbe couldn’t imagine his life without Sander, both as Sander, kissing him and wrapped up in his arms, and as earthlingoddity, through an Instagram profile, who made him laugh in times where he thought it was impossible and made him wait eagerly for his next piece of art that he wanted to share with his fans. 

Without even realizing, the intense crush that Robbe had on the guy behind a famous Instagram profile had become such an important part of his life that he couldn’t picture a point in the future where Sander wasn’t involved. 

He wasn’t for sure he could handle the heartbreak if Sander didn’t feel the same way.

Jens gave him a sympathetic look. “Then, it’ll be painful,” Jens replied. “But, it’ll be a lot less painful than this shit going on right now. Come on Robbe,” Jens turned, using his board to gesture to the gigantic mural that was hanging behind him. Robbe turned towards it, taking in the bright colors like it was still the first time that he had seen it all over again. “Someone who does something like this for you… He loves you so much.”

“Yeah,” Robbe mumbled. “But…” he trailed off, remembering a conversation that he had with Milan his first year of uni, back when Robbe got in a relationship with a closeted man and had ended it when he didn’t want to come out to his friends, to anyone. “Does he want to admit that?”

Jens didn’t have an answer, holding out the joint between his fingers to place it in Robbe’s mouth. Robbe opened his mouth to take the joint, inhaling deeply, before letting Jens take the joint away. As he exhaled smoke out of the corner of his mouth, he finished typing out the message and pressed send. 

I want clarity. Either you choose me. Or it ends for me here and now.

“It’s sent,” Robbe mumbled, sticking his phone in his pocket. Jens nodded his head. “When are you heading over to the Netherlands?” Robbe questioned, eager to change the subject. 

“After this,” Jens replied. “My stuff is already at Lucas’ apartment. I told him that you and I were going to go out for a smoke then I would head that way.” Robbe nodded his head. “Tell me if you hear anything from him okay? Just because Lucas and I are in the Netherlands for the weekend doesn’t mean that you have to give me radio silence.” 

Robbe laughed. “I know, Jens,” he replied. “I promise to tell you the latest thing that Noor and I have to stop Moyo and Aaron from doing before they burn down the kitchen curtains and you can laugh and tell us that we should’ve recorded it.”

Jens laughed as Robbe stood up. “Tell Mom hi for me.”

“I will,” Robbe spoke, pulling his board from beneath the stone bench. “You should come with me next week. She’s always asking about you and I’m pretty sure she wants to meet your boyfriend too. You know that you’re the second son she never had.” Jens shook his head as Robbe pushed off, shouting behind him, “Have fun in the Netherlands. Text when you guys get there.”

“I will!”

…

It was past nine by the time that his apartment is insight. 

His body was tired, his mind even worse, and he felt ready to crash. It was one of his mother’s off days. She had spent the majority of the visit scribbling into a journal and Robbe had watched her, fascinated with the way that her mind worked. She had been resistant to taking her meds, but the doctor managed to convince her to take them. In their meeting, while his mother was in group therapy, her doctor had told Robbe that she thought that his mother would be able to be home by Valentine’s Day. 

Robbe had smiled. 

He was thankful. 

His mother had been upset for missing Christmas (Robbe had spent the holiday with the boys and later the members of their old flatshare), but she would’ve been extremely upset if she would miss Valentine’s Day as well. Since his father had left them, they had a running tradition of going to a restaurant and spending the evening watching movies. It was always just the two of them. Sometimes, Jens and his little sister and father would join, the five of them lounging on the floor as they bickered and argued over which movie they wanted to watch. But, it always ended up the same way, surrounded by friends and family. 

But, at least once Robbe got home, he had the place to himself at least until two. 

Jens and Lucas had already arrived in the Netherlands, having arrived home at Lucas’s mother’s house while Robbe was with his mother. Jens had FaceTimed, eager to talk to Robbe’s mom and introduce his boyfriend to his “adoptive” mother, and she had relished in the thought of him thinking of her. As a result, Robbe was also introduced to Lucas’ mother, who had been curious about who they were talking to. 

As for his other two (three, technically, four if you counted Amber), Noor had an art gallery showing which was taking place a few towns over. Moyo was with her to support her and they were spending the night in a hotel so they wouldn’t have to race to get on a train late at night. On the other hand, Aaron was going out to have some drinks with some of his uni friends that he had met in his various classes. Robbe wasn’t for sure if Amber was with him, but it was likely that she was. She got along with everyone and Aaron loved having her around. 

So, he was alone for the night. 

Good, his mind spat at him as he stared down at the opened and the read text message on his phone screen. 

I want clarity. Either you choose me. Or it ends for me here and now.

Robbe let out a sigh, lowering his phone as he moved across from the lobby. 

How was he going to move on? 

At least he could wallow in silence. 

As Robbe stepped towards the elevator, the door to the lobby swung open, letting in a light burst of winter cold air, but he didn’t pay attention to it, sticking his phone in his pocket, holding onto it, and reaching to press the up button for the elevator. 

“Robbe?”

His breath caught in his throat as he turned to the entrance where the bleach-blond had his head poked in the entrance to the lobby, his eyes trained on Robbe. 

Sander. 

At the sight of him, Robbe was certain that his heart did gymnastics in his chest and he wanted nothing more than to rush at Sander, kiss him as though his life depended on it, but he stopped himself, watching as Sander stepped inside, letting the door shut behind him. The sound seemed to cut off the rest of the world, the rush of the street outside silenced with the slam of the door, and Sander’s eyes were trained on Robbe as he moved closer, his leather jacket creaking as he walked. 

Robbe supposed the obvious question would’ve been how did Sander know to come here and it had taken him a second to remember that the blond had hand-delivered Moyo and Noor’s anniversary gift. Plus, Robbe had mentioned they were roommates. So, he guessed that he didn’t need to ask that question. 

Robbe stared up at Sander, who was an arm’s length away, within distance for Robbe to reach out and wrap his arms around. His green eyes were staring at Robbe intensely, looking dark and clouded in the dim light of the lobby at night, and Robbe watched him, trying to figure out what he was going to say or do. Was he going to tell Robbe that he wanted to be with him or had he come to end it once and for all?

Sander’s eyes flickered down, to Robbe’s lips, before he was leaning in, their lips slotting together as easily as breathing. It was gentle and sweet, nothing too heavy or frantic on either end, but Robbe could feel the heat pooling through him like an inferno that was ready to burn him down. Sander’s hand was at his jaw, his fingers in his hair, and Robbe pressed his lips back against his.

But, then, Robbe reached up, his hands fisting in Sander’s black t-shirt and pushed him back.

Robbe had texted him because he wanted clarity, about Sander and his feelings, not because of this. 

Sander let out a sigh, his exhale brushing lightly over the skin of Robbe’s face. He doesn’t have to open his eyes to know that Sander understands what Robbe wants. 

Glancing at him briefly through his eyelashes, Robbe saw the broken expression on Sander’s face as he leaned against Robbe, his nose pressed against the space between his eyebrows. Sander’s head was heavy on Robbe’s shoulder, gripping onto him tightly, and Robbe let out his own sigh, cursing his own mind and his own uncertainty, but unable to waver. He needed to know. 

But, if Sander decided that he had come here to say goodbye to him, give him one final, haunting goodbye kiss, then, at least, Robbe had the moment here, their foreheads pressed together and Sander’s hand on his shoulder, their noses brushing together purposely. Sander’s forehead moved against his, his nose pressing further against Robbe’s and Robbe felt himself mirroring the action. 

Inhaling, Robbe opened his eyes fully, training them on Sander’s lips and taking half of a step back. Sander’s eyes were already open, trained on him, but Robbe couldn’t bring himself to look him in the eye. Not right now. Not until he knew. 

“You and I,” Sander whispered, catching Robbe’s attention. Robbe glanced up at him, his brown eyes connecting with Sander’s green ones. “One hundred percent, forever.” Robbe searched his eyes for any sign that this was a lie, like his mind was expecting it to be, but, no matter how much he searched, he couldn’t find any sign. Sander was telling the truth. “In every universe.” 

Robbe felt his eyes fall briefly down to Sander’s lips before he glanced back at his bright green eyes. Sander was watching for a sign, his hand still on Robbe’s shoulder. Robbe felt his heart accelerating a little bit as his racing mind caught up with Sander’s declaration. Sander was here, right here right now, choosing to be here with him, and… There was a look in Sander’s eyes as he watched him, half-lidded and cautious, waiting for Robbe to react. 

Robbe swallowed, asking the question that had been on his mind for about two weeks now. “Who was the girl, Sander?”

He could’ve scoffed, told Robbe that he had nothing to worry about and dodged the question, but Sander didn’t do any of that. Instead, he stared at him with a broken expression. “Her name was Laura,” Sander replied. “I thought that… if I was kissing someone, it would make it easier to forget that I had hurt you and pushed you away. But, it didn’t. It just made it worse.”

“Why did you?” Robbe whispered. “Push me away?”

“I didn’t want her to hurt you…” 

“Laura?” Sander shook his head. “Britt?” Sander shook his head again. “Then, who?” Sander shook his head for a third time, a pained look on his face. Robbe understood the look. His mom used to give it to him all the time. He didn’t want to talk about it and Robbe hoped that Sander knew that he would be there when he wanted to.

“I mean it, Robbe,” Sander spoke up. “You and I. One hundred percent-”

Before Sander could finish, Robbe closed the distance, pressing their lips together like he had wanted to since he saw Sander last Thursday. Now that Robbe had closed the distance, pressed their lips together and clung to his shirt, Sander reached out, gripping tightly on his sides and holding onto his brown jacket, pushing him back towards the wall. Robbe expected to feel his head collide with the tile on the walls, but Sander’s hand was there, stopping it before his hand cupped his face. 

Robbe blindly reached for the elevator button, grabbing onto the lapels of Sander’s leather jacket. When it let out a ding, signaling that it had arrived on the first floor, he pushed the blond in the elevator, separating briefly only to make sure that he hit the right floor number before returning to kiss him desperately.

…

The elevator was empty, thankfully, because Robbe would’ve been embarrassed that Sander pressed him flush against the wall and him, slotting one of his legs between Robbe’s two, and attacked his lips as his life depended on it, his hands fisted in Robbe’s hair, pulling just hard enough to be pleasurable. Once they had reached the floor of Robbe’s apartment and the elevator doors opened, Robbe pushed Sander away, only to guide him out of the elevator and down the hallway so he didn’t run them into any corners or persons that were out in the hallway. 

By something of a miracle, the hallway was empty too. 

There was a bright, smug look on Sander’s face before Robbe connected their lips back together again. Their kiss was becoming more and more frantic with every passing second and Robbe needed to be inside his apartment with Sander, now, or they wouldn’t make it all the way. Robbe searched for his keys in his pockets, never breaking the kiss. Through his eyelashes, he spotted their apartment number and blindly inserted the key into the lock, pushing the door open and shoving Sander inside. Robbe followed, pulling his keys from the lock and slamming the door. 

Once the door was locked and Robbe’s keys were discarded somewhere, Sander’s hands dropped lower to his waist, gripping tightly. 

Standing in the threshold of their apartment, Robbe reached up, shoving Sander’s jacket off his shoulders. It slipped down easily, down his arms, but got caught on his wrists. “Off,” Robbe mumbled into the kiss before pressing his lips tighter against the other’s. He heard a laugh in Sander’s throat, felt the coldness on his waist as he reached back to fully take it off, and Robbe took it from him, placing it on the empty hook on the far right which had long since been unanimously Robbe’s. “Shoes,” Robbe ordered, lightly, kicking his sneakers off in the direction of the foot rack. 

Sander chuckled, stepping back from him. Robbe whined at the loss, but he spotted that Sander was wearing his Docs. As Sander kneeled down, his fingers frantically and crudely moving to undo the laces, his gaze flickered up to Robbe, who was taking off his own jacket. “Bossy Robbe is hot,” Sander spoke, his voice deep and gravelly which was affecting Robbe more than it should’ve been. Once the Docs were completely and placed with the rest of the shoes, Sander was back in Robbe’s arms, kissing him feverously and gripping at his hair again, as the smaller man pushed him back towards his room.

Robbe waited until his bedroom door was fully shut before he shoved his hands beneath the fabric of Sander’s shirt, running his hands over the warm flesh of Sander’s stomach. His roommates weren’t home and it wouldn’t really matter, but it was more of a personal preference for anything else. But, Sander didn’t seem to have the same hesitations, as his hand had been brushing across his abs even in the elevator. His hands were going higher and higher on Robbe’s chest, pulling at the clothes with the other. 

Sander separates their heated kiss only to pull the fabric over his head. Once Robbe’s hoodie and shirt pass over his nose, Sander’s lips are back on his again, his hands still pulling the fabric up Robbe’s arms and discarding them somewhere over his shoulder. Robbe gripped tightly at the hem of Sander’s shirt, pulling it up and over his chest, exposing the wolf tattoo to him once again. Robbe reached out to touch it, running his hand down his chest. Once the fabric of his shirt was high enough, Sander ducked out of it and Robbe tossed it aside, feeling the brush of Sander’s tongue dragging along his lip before their lips officially met again, Sander’s tongue slipping into Robbe’s mouth.

Robbe wrapped an arm around Sander, gripping at his shoulder tightly, as he led him towards the bed.  

Once they were close enough, Robbe pushed Sander onto the bed and climbed over him, his hands on either side of Sander’s face and his knees on either side of his hips. A glowing smile crossed Sander’s face, the kind that might’ve broken his face in two, and lit up his entire face by several notches. It was one of those smiles that Robbe hoped was reserved only for him and he only had a couple of seconds to stare before Sander was reaching for him, pressing their lips together and dragging him back against the bed and against Sander. 

They both gasped when their hips rolled together.

Dragging his mouth away from Sander’s lips, Robbe trailed his lips against his jawline, pressing kisses and biting down on the skin as he went. Robbe pressed a kiss behind Sander’s ear, left a few marks against the flesh of his neck, and bit down on the flesh where his shoulder met his neck. Sander let out a sigh, his fingers working through Robbe’s hair, gripping tightly at the nape of his neck. But, Robbe didn’t stop, pressing kissing down his chest, pressing one against the bump that he had felt that afternoon beneath the tattoo of the wolf (Sander let out a straggled breathed), and briefly traced the ink as he pressed more kisses along the length of his chest.

It’s only when Robbe hooked his fingers on Sander’s belt, moving to undo it, that he paused. 

And, Sander noticed. 

“What is it?” he questioned, concerned but not sitting up. Robbe let out a sigh, resting his forehead against Sander’s stomach. “Robbe,” Sander spoke, sitting up and forcing Robbe to do the same. The brunet left his fingers on Sander’s belt and settled down on Sander’s thighs. “What is it? We can stop if you want to...”

“No! No, that’s not it,” Robbe replied, shaking his head. “Um, it’s just that… will you be here in the morning?”

For a moment, Sander was quiet. Then, his hands were on either side of Robbe’s face, pulling him to look up at Sander, into his bright green eyes that were looking at him fondly, and heatedly, if such a combination was even possible. “Of course, I will,” Sander replied, pressing a kiss against Robbe’s lips. Robbe leaned into his kiss, his lips moving with Sander’s, and let out a breath of relief. Sander pulled away, pressing a kiss against Robbe’s cheekbone, whispering. “I’ll be here for as long as you want me.”

“And if it’s forever?” Robbe questioned. 

There’s a watery look in Sander’s eyes now, their lips barely touching against the other but not kissing, not yet, and Sander smiled, “Then, it’s forever because from now on, it’s just the two of us.” Robbe smiled and Sander kissed him again, his breath hitching sharply as Robbe undid his belt and pulled it from the loops.

...

I hope I managed to portray Robbe’s confused thoughts during this time justice.

#wtfock fic #rosander fic #sobbe fic #rosander #sobbe #robbe x sander #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #jens stoffels #lucas van der heijden #vds #van der stoffels (background) #moyo x noor (background) #aaron x amber (background) #if you squint you can see my favorite wtfock crack theory before i reveal it next chapter #enjoy! #i love you all #also sorry it took so long lol

[make-them-laugh]

Code Lyoko Secret Santa

@thedarkflygon @codesecretsanta

"Long time no see, Aelita," Yumi smirked as the pink haired girl entered the library.

"I know! It's been what, since breakfast?" Aelita giggled quietly as she started pulling books from the return bin. Yumi laughed too before she turned to help a patron find something. When she came back, Aelita was frowning at her phone.

"Let me guess. Jer's flaking on date night," Yumi sighed. "But it's important, isn't it?"

"His dad's company had a major data breach and they asked him to find the root of it," Aelita took a deep breath and smiled. "But he's going to take me to breakfast tomorrow and to feed the ducks before he has to go to class."

"Well, we'll have a girls night in after I get home. You want a scary movie or a funny one?" Yumi rubbed her back gently and smiled.

"Surprise me," Aelita grinned. "Oh! Did you find anything out about that cute guy in your martial arts club?"

"Never said he was cute," Yumi corrected. "Just weird that he comes to a club and doesn't talk to anyone. But no. I tried talking to him and I think he said a total of 5 words to me. He's kind of an ass, actually."

Aelita shrugged. "Could just be anxious. You said he just joined two weeks ago, right?"

"There you go, always believing in the best in people," Yumi rolled her eyes with a smile and sighed. "That's true. He does seem pretty tense when anyone approaches him."

"See? Just give him some time to acclimate and he'll probably be more comfortable talking to people," Aelita grinned. "And speaking of comfortable talking to people, I'm meeting my cousin at the Starbucks he works at and he's gonna get me a free drink. Want me to see if I can bring a plus one?”

"I would kill for a white chocolate peppermint mocha right now, so sure," Yumi laughed.

The head librarian came by at that point and gave them a fond look. "Oh, to be young and working with my girlfriends again. I'd scold you for chatting on the clock, but you always go above and beyond, especially when you work together. Keep up the good work!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Both women grinned and continued what they were doing.

☕☕☕☕☕

"Hey, good buddy, best friend, amigo, my greatest of compatriots-"

"What do you want, Odd?" Ulrich rolled his eyes.

"Aelita is coming to get my free drink, but she's bringing a friend and I've only got the one?" Odd pretended to pout and Ulrich sighed.

"Okay, you can use my free drink, but you owe me lunch on payday," Ulrich smirked.

Odd grinned and hugged Ulrich tight and Ulrich patted his back.

They finished their opening duties, and Odd was working drive-through while Ulrich took the counter. He smiled when he saw a shock of pink hair.

"Hey, Princess! The usual on Odd's tab?"

"Yep! And a white chocolate peppermint mocha, extra whip, crushed peppermint on the cream if you can," Aelita grinned as she held the door open. Ulrich froze as Yumi walked in and nodded at the order.

"Coming right up. Odd, I'm putting in your number for your cousin's drink!" Ulrich called to the back.

"Cool! I'll swing by and put yours in for her friend in a second!"

Yumi's eyes widened as she realized who was behind the counter. "So, you work with Aelita's cousin?"

"Yeah. We carpool from our apartment."

Realization dawned on Aelita's face and she grabbed Yumi's arm.

"I'll be back in a second, Ulrich. I need to ask Yumi something privately."

He nodded, confused, as he started on their drinks. Aelita dragged Yumi outside.

"Is that him? The guy from martial arts club?"

"Yes! How do you know him?" Yumi raised an eyebrow.

"He and Odd have been best friends since Middle School!" Aelita nodded. "Yeah, he's really anxious around new people and gets really stressed out in new places. I don't know the whole story, but once you get to know him, he's like the nicest guy ever. It takes him a while to warm up to people, but he is ride or die once he does."

"I'll… Give him another chance. Because you like him," Yumi sighed. Aelita grinned and hugged her tightly.

"All I ask."

Aelita led Yumi back inside and smiled as Ulrich was setting down their drinks. Odd looked around cautiously and Ulrich rolled his eyes.

"I'm manager on duty, Odd. Go hug your cousin."

Odd raced around the counter and grinned as he pulled Aelita in. Ulrich sighed and smiled. "I can see Nicholas just punched in so I have to go do stock now. Thanks for coming in, Aelita. I'll… See you at club tomorrow, Yumi?"

"Yeah. See you then. Thank you… Ulrich."

He nodded and practically ran to the back as Odd squeezed Aelita one last time.

"We still on for cousin lunch Sunday?"

"Always," Aelita nodded. "My treat this time since you covered last time."

"You're an angel," Odd grinned. "I gotta get back behind the counter but I'll see you later."

Aelita and Yumi waved as Odd went back behind the counter. After they were outside, Odd went to the back and grinned. "So. That was Yumi-from-martial-arts?"

Ulrich didn't glance up from his clipboard.

 "I'm not talking to you about this."

"Too late, you already told me about her, so as your best friend, it's my business now," Odd smirked.

"Too bad," Ulrich counted boxes and still refused to look at Odd. "Go back to the drive-through, or I'm putting you on bar."

Odd groaned and rolled his eyes. "I'm not dropping this. I'll figure out everything eventually."

"That's what you think."

🎞️🎞️🎞️🎞️🎞️

Aelita and Yumi looked up when the door opened and Aelita jumped up off the couch. Jeremie shuffled in and she smiled as she kissed him softly.

"There’s a plate of pizza, a glass of water, and your meds on your nightstand. Eat, drink, get some rest. I'll wake you up for breakfast in the morning."

Jeremie smiled tiredly and kissed her cheek. "How did I get so lucky? Sorry I had to cancel tonight, but I couldn't pass up this job."

"I know. And Yumi kept me company," Aelita grinned. "Oh! I meant to tell you! Apparently martial arts guy is Odd's friend!"

"Oh, Ulrich! That makes sense!" Jeremie nodded. "I tutored him in a couple classes, he's a nice guy."

"So Aelita says," Yumi rolled her eyes. "I've yet to see it."

"You will, don't worry," Jeremie chuckled. "Uh, try talking to him about Aiya."

Yumi raised an eyebrow as the Afghan Hound in her lap perked at her name. "Dog lover, huh?"

"As long as it's not Kiwi," Aelita laughed. "But he has a soft spot for dogs, yes. He's actually got a dog too. A Shih Tzu named Mila. She's a spoiled pup, for sure. And doesn't take any nonsense from Kiwi."

"Okay. I'll give it a try. Hey, why did he call you Princess?” Yumi shifted to hold Aiya closer.

Aelita laughed. "Odd started it, but I knew Ulrich and I were really friends when he started calling me that. He doesn't do it all the time, but it's sweet."

"Okay. I'll try to talk about Aiya when I see him next. But for now…" Yumi stood and picked up a leash. "Wanna go for a walk?"

Aiya howled and stood, dancing back and forth on her feet as Yumi clipped the leash on her collar.

🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶

Ulrich coughed as he opened the window and glared at Odd. Smoke billowed out and he waved his hand in front of his face.

"Odd, how many times do I have to tell you to turn the vent fan on when you cook bacon?! You always burn it!"

"Apparently one more time," Odd grinned.

Ulrich sighed and grabbed a leash from his coat hook. "I'm taking Mila for a walk. Text me when the smoke is gone."

He put headphones over his ears and walked out.

🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳

"You've got to be kidding me," Yumi muttered under her breath when she saw Ulrich turn onto the same path as her. She could tell the second he saw her, because he froze up. She paused, Aiya coming to her side as Ulrich walked up.

"Hi, Yumi," Ulrich looked down at his dog and cursed softly. "Sorry, one second. Mimi, you got twigs stuck in your fur. Let me get those."

Yumi watched as he pulled a tiny comb from his pocket and combed out the twigs and leaves from the ponytail over her eyes.

"So… Aelita told me your dog's name is Mila? This is Aiya."

"Yeah," Ulrich nodded as he stood and put the comb and his hands in his pockets. "My dad's ridiculously allergic to dogs, so I got one as soon as I moved out."

Yumi chuckled and nodded. "My dad hates pets, so I did the same thing. What commands does she know?"

"She knows up, down, spin, shake, bed, out, and basket," Ulrich stroked Mila's back and smiled as she turned to kiss his hand.

"Basket?"

"We have a basket for her at the edge of the kitchen so when she's underfoot while I'm cooking, I can send her there."

"Oh, okay. We have a crate for Aiya. We decked it out though so that it's more like a comfy cubby," Yumi smiled and stroked Aiya's fur.

Ulrich fell quiet and Yumi shuffled her feet.

"I'm sorry, Ulrich."

Ulrich looked up at her in confusion and she continued.

"I didn't really give you a chance because I thought you were just antisocial and rude. I know how hard it can be to join a new group, even if you love the core component, and I didn't really make a welcoming clubmate," Yumi sighed. "If you want, we could… Hang out? Sometime this week?”

Ulrich looked back down and shrugged. "Yeah. That sounds fun. What do you wanna do?"

"Lunch and arcade? I haven't done that in a while. Aelita and Jeremie got bored when they finished all the games and I hate going alone," Yumi put her hands in her pockets and shrugged.

"Sure," Ulrich nodded. "It'll be nice to play with someone who isn't Odd for once."

"Cool," Yumi smiled. "How about Saturday after Martial arts?"

"Can't, Saturday I volunteer coach a kids soccer league," Ulrich shook his head. "Monday?"

"Gymnastics club and work," Yumi pursed her lips. "Next Thursday?"

"Thursday is good," Ulrich smiled. "Meet here at about eleven?"

"Eleven on Thursday," Yumi grinned.

"See you then," Ulrich nodded. "I've gotta get back, early classes tomorrow. It was nice talking to you, Yumi. And for what it's worth, sorry I wasn't a little easier to approach earlier."

"Water under the bridge," Yumi stroked Aiya's fur. "See you Thursday."

Ulrich nodded and started walking with Mila. When he turned back to look at Yumi, she was turning back to look at him. He blushed and hurried home.

🕹️🕹️🕹️🕹️🕹️

Yumi looked around the arcade as they walked in. "Oh man, Dance Dance Revolution! Aelita and Jeremie never wanted to play! You… Probably wouldn't want to play that either, huh?"

"No no, let's do it, it's fine," Ulrich chuckled as he climbed onto one of the mats. "Odd always makes me play it when we come."

Yumi smiled as she got onto the other one. "Thanks. So you guys come here a lot?"

"Every two weeks on payday, we play a few games and get lunch," Ulrich scrolled through the songs. "Any of these looking good? I'm indifferent."

"That one looks good," Yumi smiled. "So, I guess if he makes you play that often, you must be pretty good."

"Decent. I don't have as good a sense of rhythm as Odd does, but he's a film major with a minor in musical scoring, so I would honestly hope that's the case," Ulrich shrugged.

"What are you going to school for anyway? I'm a women's studies major."

"Sports therapy and education," Ulrich smiled as he started the game. "My high school gym teacher was really cool and I looked up to him a lot."

The conversation fell quiet as they played and Yumi laughed when Ulrich won by a significant amount.

"For someone who says he's got no rhythm, you're pretty good!" Yumi smiled as she picked the next song. "Though, I suppose sports lends itself well to dance games."

"There you are, Yumi! Jeremie and I have been looking everywhere for you!" Aelita smiled as she came up behind Yumi and Ulrich. Jeremie followed behind her, their fingers laced. "Having fun, you two?"

"As much fun as I can for being a stick in the mud," Ulrich chuckled.

"I never called you that!" Yumi scowled.

"Oh no! That wasn't a dig at you, just everyone I went to high school with," Ulrich held his hands up in surrender.

Aelita sighed. "It's true. High school kids are jerks."

"Ah, yeah, I'm familiar with THAT phenomenon," Yumi sighed. "Anyway, Aelita, why were you looking for me?"

"Oh, I just forgot you were hanging out with Ulrich and thought the three of us could do something," Aelita shrugged.

Ulrich looked around and smiled. "Actually, there's a new game over there we can all play! It looks like there's five headsets, I can call Odd!"

"Hmm, Lyoko. An adventure in a virtual reality world," Jeremie read the description. "It sounds fun!"

Ulrich pulled out his phone as the girls put on their headsets. Soon Odd was there, and the five of them started a game together.

#code ss19

[pivitor]

Emotional Roller-Coaster This Week

So, the last eight days have been an absolute whirlwind. Some really great things happened. Some really bad things happened. I’m kinda still reeling. I had some big firsts, and spent some time with great friends, had some real catharsis. I also fell further into depression than I have in a long, long time, and, oh yeah, got diagnosed with a chronic illness.

I need to get this all off my chest, cause I’m drowning. Join me? 

Before we start, there’s two things you need to know about me. Both are things I’ve mentioned in bits and pieces on here, but here’s the full story:

1. Three months ago I had shoulder surgery to repair a torn labrum (I technically tore it when I dislocated my arm in high school, and it’s been popping out on me once every other year or so ever since, but my most recent [and now final] dislocation was very bad and sent me right to the doctor). I spent about two weeks out of work, just sitting at home on the couch in a sling. The pain wasn’t great, but it was worse mentally: I put on a couple pounds and immediately started to feel terrible about myself, and being stuck at home when I wanted to be out there, doing stuff with friends or with guys or to reach a point where I can move out, felt terrible. I wasn’t in a great headspace for a long time. As of now I have about 95% of my arm function back, and am fully healed, just trying to get back the last of my range of motion and gradually increase back to my old strength threshold.

2. This one is a bit more complicated. I’ve talked a lot here about how I grew up in a cult, but I never went into further detail. Well, here we go: I was a J*hovah’s W*tness. (I’m censoring this because I don’t want this showing up in searches) It wasn’t something I would have ever chose for myself, but when you’re born into it, you’re pretty heavily indoctrinated -- I thought it was the gospel truth despite having many reasons not to. They’re a very homophobic organization, so growing up in it wrecked my self esteem. My entire childhood and time as a teenager I thought I was worthless and doomed, destined for eternal destruction. I was often suicidal. When I was about 18 or 19 the cult printed an article “clarifying” their view on homosexuality, and said they recognized that some people are just naturally attracted to the same gender and as long as they don’t act on it they’re still “acceptable” to God. It’s dangerous bullshit that makes me so angry now, but as a brainwashed, suicidal teenager, it felt like the only chance I had to live a worthwhile life, so I got baptized into the religion, which is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life, because once you’re a baptized member of the cult, if you leave you’ll be shunned by everyone you’ve ever known. Your own parents will treat you as if you’re dead. I was very zealous for a year or two before realizing that I just couldn’t do it anymore, but it’s taken me nearly ten years to fully wake up from the indoctrination, read information from outside religions, scientists, and former members who have left. Currently I still live with my family and have to pretend to still believe (because the moment I don’t they’ll kick me out on the street), and am on the cusp of two promotions at work. As soon as those go through, I should be able to save money to move out, which I wanna do before the summer, and then I’ll be completely free.

Okay, the rollercoaster week itself:

Pre-Monday: For about a week, a week and a half before this all started, I’d been experiencing some pain in my side that was making it hard to sit up for long periods of time. This normally would’ve been a major red flag, but thanks to the shoulder surgery, I’d been having random back pains off and on recently anyway. I assumed it was related to me overcompensating for the shoulder and left it alone. Big mistake.

Monday: So one of my promotions at work involves a coaching center we’re launching. We were supposed to do our first presentation last Monday, and when my boss showed up for it, everything fell apart. It wasn’t totally my fault -- the general condition of the office itself wasn’t up to par, and the boss recognized that there wasn’t much I could do about that -- but a lot was, and I spent all week trying to fix things and get them running, and running into one major roadblock and frustration after another. We’re finally doing the presentation today, but it technically still isn’t 100% fixed. Work has been a major, major source of stress all week. I don’t think I’ll mention it again because there’s not much more to it than what I’ve listed here, but remember that it’s hanging over my head all week.

Monday night I was invited to a birthday party for a friend from my gym. Since the cult doesn’t celebrate holidays, I’d never actually been a birthday party before, complete with cake and singing happy birthday and everything. It was really nice -- even though it was truly just a bunch of guys hanging around a bar watching the Eagles, it still felt like something really special. I also spent about a half an hour in my car before I walked into the bar trying not to hyperventilate. I don’t feel guilty at all as I may have once, but I was still really worried about being seen by someone and my family finding out.

Wednesday: Tuesday was my only truly normal day of the week, and even then, we had my cousin staying with us up until Wednesday, so even then it wasn’t truly normal. We normally have church on Thursday nights (I have to attend so as not to blow my cover, but I tend to stand in the lobby and play on my phone the entire time; it’s a nice chance to catch up on my reading usually), but I had a concert on Thursday I was not going to miss, so I told my parents I was going to a different congregation on Wednesday night, but instead I went to Starbucks and caught up on Crisis on Infinite Earths. It’s...depressing that this is what I’m reduced to, but I was happy that it finally occurred to me to just...lie about it.

When I got home and took off my shirt to change into my pajamas, I noticed a patchy, red rash on my stomach, side, and back, right around the same area I’d been having pain for the last week or two. I’d absolutely never had anything like this happen before, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I crossed my fingers that it was an allergic reaction, put some cortisone cream on it, and decided to wait a couple days to see if anything changed.

Thursday: On Thursday I drove up to Philly after work, and ate a few slices at my favorite pizza place, reading comics, until it was time for the concert. It was a free show from Pkew Pkew Pkew, a band I truly, truly love, and it was one of my favorite shows of the year. Just pure joy. They played for about an hour, but were the opening act, and I don’t care for the headliner (Beach Slang), so I had originally had a few ideas about what I could do afterwards, considering that their set was over by 10 or so. I could go home (coward’s option), I could go to the Barcade. What I really wanted to do was go to a gay bar or club. I’d gone right before my surgery and had a great time, but I’d been avoiding going back (or joining a dating app or anything else) until my arm fully healed because it would very much have gotten in the way of doing anything physical. I was finally in the place where I could use my arm, but now I had that strange mysterious rash, and didn’t think it was right to do anything like that until I’d figured it out/gotten it cleared up. I don’t wanna pass anything on to anybody.

By sheer coincidence, Philly’s Emo Night ended up being this very same night (this one is held once a month), so I ended up heading over there and dancing until 2AM. I got very drunk and had a fantastic time. But there were a lot of couples. There was this girl that kept hitting on me, and then getting pissy when I didn’t reciprocate. There was this extremely hot dude in a Misfits hoodie, and early in the night we were the only two who were dancing, and he gave me a high five that he pulled into a bro hug after the song, which got me all riled up, but I couldn’t work it into anything else haha. And then this group of about four guys or so showed up, dancing all night, very affectionate, cupping each other’s faces when they talked to each other and all that. I’d seen them before and both times thought they might be gay, so I stuck close and was kinda part of their group for the night, which was really really fun. At the end of the night, one of them mentioned their girlfriend, and I reeled way more than I had any right to. I had a fantastic night. I went home feeling very alone.

Friday: Friday was my gym’s Christmas Party, which, much like Monday, was my first ever Christmas Party. I had a really fun time chatting with everyone, eating, watching one friend get drunk, try to jump up on the rings, and get dragged home by his wife. We had rowing contests and the losers had to take shots. But there was one guy there I’ve always had a crush on, a very straight, very married guy, and he was looking extremely hot and was acting extremely funny all night, and it was rough. I went home and dreamed about him all night. I woke up feeling even more alone and frustrated.

Saturday: I was pretty depressed and listless by this point. Feeling really sorry for myself despite all the fun I’d had all week. I had plans to drive up to Asbury Park for an Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties show and I just...really didn’t feel like going. But I drug myself out of bed and made myself go, because you don’t miss the gig. Before the show I wandered around Asbury, basically torturing myself. I wanted to visit a restaurant but had eaten lunch too late and wasn’t hungry. I found a gay club but still had that rash, so I didn’t wanna go in. I ended up standing on the beach, in the dark, finally having a genuine smile as I dodged the waves, but also just thinking about how sometimes Kangaroos just walk into the ocean and...never come back. I was not in a good headspace. I made myself get off the beach.

The show though...damn, that show. Dan played the second Aaron West album, Routine Maintenance, from front to back, and it’s an album about Aaron making the people in his life proud of him, about his friends giving him direction, about finding redemption through being there for his family in their darkest hour. That kind of shit is my kryptonite to begin with, but all I could think about was how all I had ever wanted in my life was to make my family proud, and how I’d never be able to do it, how someday soon they’re just...never gonna talk to me again. I cried twice during the set. And afterwards I got to hug Dan and tell him how much the album fucks me up. It was really cathartic. I felt the cloud start to lift.

Sunday: So Sunday I finally go to the doctor about this fucking rash, which hadn’t gotten any worse but had not gotten any better either. The diagnosis?

I have fucking shingles.

For those who don’t know, shingles is the chicken pox virus. After you’ve had chicken pox it never really leaves your body -- it stores itself away in your nerves. As an adult, it can reemerge as shingles, which begins as an intense pain, then advances into painful rashes on one side of your torso. Without intervention, they can continue to spread and become almost immobilizing. I’m currently on a pill I have to take three times a day for seven days, which will stop the progression of the shingles, and then it will heal up on its own, but it could take a few weeks.

Thankfully, I’m not contagious -- I can only spread the disease if someone has prolonged, direct contact with the rashes. I can be around people, but like I feared, it does rule out sex for a while. The worst part is that shingles as a disease can’t really be healed. The symptoms will go away, but I’ll be susceptible to outbreaks the rest of my life. Fortunately, the doctor made it sound pretty manageable -- the pain in my side, in that exact same spot, will always be my first symptom, so as soon as I feel that I need to get to a doctor and get back on the seven day medication to end the flare-up. It doesn’t sound like shingles flare-ups are super common either -- reading up on it, it looks like most people have, at the most, three outbreaks in their life. But, it’s still a chronic illness, and it’s one that’s very rare to emerge at this young of an age -- this is something you normally get in your fifties or sixties, not your early thirties! 

Honestly, I could only laugh. Just my luck, right? I’m so frustrated. My arm’s finally reached the point where I can get back to trying to pursue guys, but nope! the shingles has to postpone it a few more weeks :/

But despite it all, the depression of the rest of the week had mostly lifted. I had processed it. I was feeling better. For a while.

Back in the spring I had joined a subreddit for former members of the cult, which is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, as it let me share my story with people who had been there and understood, and really helped clear out the last remnants of the programming from my brain. Every once in a while different gay Ex cult member will contact me on there, and I’ve struck up a few nice casual friendships. Last week a guy reached out to me on there looking for friends in the same situation as him, and I replied, and on Friday he finally replied back, and we texted each off and on Saturday and Sunday morning. Sunday night, though, we got into a deeper conversation. He’s in his early twenties, and some of the stuff he was asking for advice about made it sound like he was just starting to wake up from the programming and just starting to think about leaving and being gay and everything. Eventually, as we talk more, I find out that that’s not fully the case. He’s jealous of some of the stuff I’ve done that he hasn’t -- going to Pride, going to gay bars -- but unlike me, he’s had a fair amount of sex. Like any closeted Witness, he had to drive into unfamiliar cities to do so, and it’s a strategy I’ve thought of trying but never pulled off. 

I dunno, I’m so depressed. I feel like such a failure. I know having sex doesn’t make you a better person, and not having sex doesn’t intrinsically make you a failure. But I feel like this because I want it so badly, because I always have, and I could have been doing it for years, and I’ve been really forced to confront the fact that it’s my own fear that’s been getting in my way all this time. If I’d really tried I could’ve done it by now. If I really tried I probably could’ve moved out and started my new life by now -- I’d probably be dirt broke in an apartment with like eight roommates, but I could’ve done it. I don’t feel like anybody else, including this guy I was chatting with, have been judging me for this, but I’m pretty disgusted with myself, irrational as it may be. I know it’s not true, but I feel like my whole life has been a waste of time. And I’m so fucking sick of it.

So. This is everything I’ve been processing this week. I don’t really know what to do with it. I’ve gotta be patient a little while longer. Keep working on my real estate licensing test so I can make some more money. Wait for the shingles to heal up. Get on Grindr and just, fucking, fuck some dude the moment I’m cleared up.

But fuck, I’m so fucking sick of waiting.

#pivitor

[cathygeha]

REVIEW

Making Up by Helena Hunting

Shacking Up #4

Cosy Felton is a college student working in an adult toy shop to make ends meet. When Griffin Mills stops by the store to buy a list of items for a bachelor party Cosy makes a less than fun shopping trip a lot less embarrassing. As Griffin is drawn to Cosy he returns later to ask her on a date...and though she says no they do eventually go out. For awhile the eleven year age difference seems it might be a stumbling block but not for long...nope...soon other things seem to pop up that cause problems. There are ups and downs in their relationship but throughout the story it is impossible NOT to see them together.

What I liked:

* Griffin: WONDERFUL book boyfriend!

* Cosy: a nice balance to Griffin and his soul mate

* The meet cute

* The way the two usually ended up talking things out rather than giving up

* The steamy scenes

* Griffin’s family

* Knowing how the characters were feeling and what they were thinking – first person dual points of view

* How it all worked out

What I did not like: * Imogen – Griffin’s Ex-fiance

* Armstrong – Griffin’s cousin

* The drama of the ups and downs though they did allow for a lot of making up

* All the comments about the age difference although there were times Cosy seemed younger than 22

Did I like this book? Yes

Will I read more in the series? Yes

Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for the ARC – This is my honest review.

4.5 Stars

Synopsis:

A new standalone, laugh-out-loud romantic comedy by New York Times bestselling author Helena Hunting.

Cosy Felton is great at her job—she knows just how to handle the awkwardness that comes with working at an adult toy store. So when the hottest guy she’s ever seen walks into the shop looking completely overwhelmed, she’s more than happy to turn on the charm and help him purchase all of the items on his list.

Griffin Mills is using his business trip in Las Vegas as a chance to escape the broken pieces of his life in New York City. The last thing he wants is to be put in charge of buying gag gifts for his friend’s bachelor party. Despite being totally out of his element, and mortified by the whole experience, Griffin is pleasantly surprised when he finds himself attracted to the sales girl that helped him.

As skeptical as Cosy may be of Griffin’s motivations, there’s something about him that intrigues her. But sometimes what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas and when real life gets in the way, all bets are off. Filled with hilariously awkward situations and enough sexual chemistry to power Sin City, Making Up is the next standalone in the Shacking Up world.

Excerpt

We’re a couple of minutes away from my apartment, which also means we’re almost at the end of our date. End-of-date protocol often means a goodnight kiss.

And I’ve eaten onions. Lots of them. What the hell was I thinking? I feel around in my shorts pocket, hoping I have a random stick of gum. I find a tiny square packet and pull it out, along with an old tissue. I shove that back in my pocket and sigh with relief as I carefully open the Listerine Pocketpak. There’s one strip left. I pop it in my mouth, wishing I had water since my mouth is dry and I’m suddenly super nervous.

Griffin pulls up in front of my apartment building. I swallow a bunch of times, trying to get the strip to dissolve on my tongue and glance out the tinted window, seeing it from his perspective. I don’t live in a bad part of town, but I sure as hell wouldn’t leave this car sitting out here for any length of time unless I wanted it keyed or stripped down.

Griffin shifts into park and turns to me, one hand resting on the back of my seat near the headrest. “I had a great time, Cosy.”

“Me too, thanks for dinner.” I tried to fork over my share, but he was quick on the credit card draw.

“It was my pleasure.” He leans in the tiniest bit, a nonverbal cue that he’s going in for a kiss.

I mirror the movement, giving him the go ahead. My stomach flutters in anticipation. I exhale slowly through my nose. Even though the Listerine strip should be doing its job to mask the onions, I don’t want to ruin the moment by breathing that in his face.

His fingertips skim my jaw, and I close my eyes. And then his lips brush my cheek. I wait for them to move a couple of inches to the right, but after what feels like a lot of seconds—and is probably only a few—I crack a lid.

Griffin is still close, a wry smile on his lips and a smolder in his eyes.

“Seriously, that’s it? A kiss on the cheek?”

His smile widens, making his eyes crinkle at the corners. He’s nothing like the guys I usually end up on dates with. College boys don’t take things slow. If I were out with one of the guys from school, I’d be sitting in a beat-up Civic with some stupid music playing, and he’d be all over me with his tongue halfway down my throat, copping a feel.

“I thought all the onions you ate were the equivalent to garlic for vampires.” Griffin fingers my hair near my shoulder. I’d really like him to finger something else. Wait. I mean I’d like to feel his hands on me. Not in my pants. Okay, maybe I’d like them in my pants, but not after date number one.

“I wasn’t thinking, and I really like onions. A lot. In hindsight, it’s not a great date food. I feel kinda dumb. And I guess at first I wasn’t so sure about you. How was I supposed to know you’d actually be kind of normalish?”

“Normalish?”

“Well, you drink club soda on purpose, so you can’t be all there.” I tap his temple.

Griffin circles my wrist with his fingers and drops his head, lips brushing over my knuckle. “We can’t all be perfect, now, can we?”

“I suppose not, and perfect is boring.”

“That it is.” He hums against my skin, and I feel it through my entire body. “I would like to try that kiss again, if you’re still interested.”

Buy-Book Link: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250253378

Author Bio:

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of PUCKED, Helena Hunting lives on the outskirts of Toronto with her incredibly tolerant family and two moderately intolerant cats. She's writes contemporary romance ranging from new adult angst to romantic sports comedy.

Helena Hunting Blog Tour Q&A 

What inspired you to write Making Up?

I’d introduced Griffin in the previous Shacking Up Series novels, Shacking Up and Hooking Up—he was a bit of a mystery for readers because he was talked about, but not really present. I had a very clear picture in my mind of who he was, and the kind of woman who would end up being the perfect fit for him, and it was not his fiancé from the previous books.  

Introduce us to your main characters!

Griffin Mills is the oldest of the three Mills brothers. At thirty-three he’s had several very long term relationships and was formerly engaged, but that relationship went up in flames. He’s gorgeous, smart, loves the numbers side of the family business he’s part of—a chain of hotels he’s set to inherit with his brothers. Also, he’s a little awkward, which I love, because there’s nothing quite like a hot guy who doesn’t have all the lines and fumbles a bit when he’s dealing with someone he’s attracted to. It makes for some hilarious banter with his love interest, Cosy Felton. Our heroine is a twenty-two year old who has been a bit of a nomad for most of her life, but is finally finishing school and happens to work at an Adult Toy Store part time. It’s definitely not her favourite job, but it pays the bills. She’s sassy, not much of a planner and definitely more than Griffin bargained for.

Lots of aspiring authors out there. Any advice for them?

Just keep writing. Every day put words on the page and surround yourself with positive people who are there to support you. Ask questions, join book groups, be an avid reader and an observer.

How is Making Up different from your other books?

Making Up has a trope I’ve never really explored or played around with before, so it was a lot of fun to write. While I’ve written age gaps before, it hasn’t been a key part of the storyline, or had a significant impact on how the characters perceive the relationship. Griffin and Cosy are from two very different worlds and balancing their expectations and insecurities was one of my favourite parts of writing their story. Making Up has my signature quirky, sassy heroines and I love writing heroes that are sexy, yet a little awkward. While it’s a light read, there’s some drama, and some heavy baggage, which I think grounds the story and balances out the hilarity.

I know asking someone’s all-time favorite book is a loaded question so what’s your current favorite read?

I’ve been so lucky to read so many amazing books this year but I’m going to go with Broken Knight by LJ Shen which releases this August. I love YA/NA romance and angst, and she knows how to deliver both flawlessly.

Alright, the ultimate question: why should we read your book?

We all need a little escape from our own realities once in a while and Making Up is a fun, sexy romance that’s perfect for the summer. Also, Griffin is hot, and not particularly suave at times. I think we can all appreciate a guy who doesn’t have all the lines, especially if he looks like he should.

A famous movie producer wants to make your books into movies and they want you to cast your characters from Making Up. Which actors/actresses make the cut?

This is always a fun question and I’ll be 100% honest, I never actually look at actors prior to writing a story because I generally have a picture of the character in my head. But, I went on a Pinterest mission and Alex Morgan (she’s a soccer player, not an actress) would make a fabulous Cosy if she suddenly switched career paths. Hailee Steinfeld (Bumblebee) is super sassy, and could definitely play up the humor in this story, so she would be a legitimate actress choice. Gabriel Macht has a great smolder and can rock a seriously sexy suit, so I think he’d be great as Griffin.

Favorite quote or scene you wrote in Making Up?

Making Up is definitely a rom-com with some incredibly hilarious moments, but Griffin has some heavy baggage, which means there are also serious moments, and this is one of my favourites: “Talk to me. Fall apart on me. Show me your weakness so I can give you my strength.”

What inspired you to become a writer?

I’ve always loved to write, but finding time was a challenge during university and then afterward I was building a career and we renovated a house down to the studs—which takes up a lot of time and doesn’t leave much of an opportunity for putting down words (but it was an amazing experience). When I gave birth to my daughter she struggled to sleep—or rather stay asleep—and that meant I spent a lot of time awake in the middle of the night. So I started writing again during those late nights, and finally penned my first full novel.

What is a typical writing day like?

I usually start with a run and then copious amounts of coffee while I manage the administrative side of things—ie emails, social media posts etc. But when I sit down to write I have a playlist I put on repeat, more coffee, sparking water (so I can stay hydrated) and my cat Pumpkin generally lies on top of my closed laptop and supervises me for the day.

Do you have any interesting writing quirks or habits?

I listen to the same playlist while I write a novel. So if it takes me two months, then I listen to the same set of songs for two full months. I’ve destroyed A LOT of albums for my husband over the past several years. I just need the background noise, and listening to the radio or unfamiliar songs can be distracting.

What has been one of the most surprising things you’ve learned as a published author?

I’ve only been in the industry for five years and there has been so much change, learning to adjust and adapt and just staying true to your personal goal is really the most important thing I’ve learned. I think when you start out there are just so many unknowns, and taking risks can be scary, but if you don’t take those risks, it’s hard to grow as an author.

Can you tell us about what’s coming up next after this for you writing wise?

I have one more book in The Shacking Up Series, HANDLE WITH CARE, which releases at the end of August! Griffin’s cousin and best friend, Lincoln Moorehead, is the hero and if you didn’t know, he is also Armstrong’s brother. Lincoln is the polar opposite of Armstrong so it was so fun to write. I can’t wait for people to meet Griffin and Cosy and Lincoln and Wren.

How can readers connect with you online?

They can connect with me all over social media! (add links)

Website→  http://www.helenahunting.com/

Amazon → http://amzn.to/1y6OBB7

Twitter → http://bit.ly/HelenaHTwitter

Facebook → https://www.facebook.com/helena.hunting69/

Pinterest → http://bit.ly/1oQYRVN

Instagram → http://instagram.com/helenahunting Goodreads→ http://bit.ly/GoodReadsHH NEWSLETTER → http://bit.ly/HelenaHnewsletter

Bookbub → http://bit.ly/BookBubHH

Facebook Reader Group  → http://bit.ly/TheBeaverDenHH

#Helena Hunting #Shacking Up 4 #Contemporary Romance #Macmillan publishing #St. Martin's Press #SMP

[av3da]

REQUESTED!!

heyoooooooo! it’s been a few weeks (definitely months) & i kept saying i would write again but i did not yikes. anyways i’ve been reading lately & getting some inspiration so yeah. this is trash cause i’m not good at luke stuff, i did get A LITTLE carried away with this word count wise, trying to make up for how crappy it was. 

i K N O W luke doesn’t have tattoos. but i used that to my advantage for the sake of the story to pretned he had a secret one. which hemight for all we know.

lie to me has been stuck in my head for the majority that i was writing this but it would’ve been ironic if that’s what i titled this imagine so anyways.

1777 words

rumors - jacob whitesides

As a grumble escaped my lips, I threw my arm across my body as to hug the mattress while flipping over to now lay on my stomach, being awakened by the shrill chirps coming from my phone. Slowly coming to the realization of where the sound was coming from, I lifted my arm to touch the cold metal of my phone and glanced it over with tired eyes.

The house was filled with silence, opposed to the noises of mother nature outside my window. The sun shining brightly through the pane was enough to persuade me out of bed as I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep after that. I practically jumped out of bed, not of excitement but because it would be the only way to really wake me up given my tired state.

Slipping my phone into the waistband of my pajama shorts, I grimaced at the feeling of the cold surface touching my skin. I walked out of my room and into the small apartment kitchen to pour myself a glass of water to start the day, then pulling out my phone to read the piling over notifications. I unlocked my phone and opened messages as those notifications were most likely the most important.

emilia: hey babe! keep your chin up! don't believe what everyone is posting!

bianca: you know i support you through everything & it doesn't end here. we know men ain't shit but he is a keeper. don't believe what you're seeing love.

tommy: girl no. this is NOT happening. this is total bullshit. don’t even think for a second that any of this is true. that girl’s story is so fake. she is a SNAKE.

I scrunched my nose up in confusion, snickering at the random messages while sipping my water slowly. I scrolled past a few other threads of group chats with my siblings and sole messages from cousins and other family members I felt close to. They were sending me messages of their concerns and support, and I didn't quite get what was the reason as to why.

my love lucas: babygirllllllll. i am so exhausted but it's 5 in the morning and we have to do some radio interviews for the album. thank you for staying up until we got back to the bus, & for that, i know you won't be awake until the afternoon. BUT I LOVE YOU & THE BOYS ARE YELLING AT ME SO TEXT ME WHEN YOU WAKE UP!!! xoxxoxxo

While my boyfriend's text did put a smile on my face, it put the texts into perspective for me and I already figured out what was going on.

He went to a party last night with his band members and few of the tour crew at a bar, and I had stayed up until three in the morning despite the fact that I was working all day just to make sure he made it back safe. I trusted him, and you can't have a long-distance relationship without trust.

This was the second tour that Luke has been on while we were dating, and despite the things that you may find in fanfictions, going along with them on tour just wasn't exactly a thing... or my thing at the least. I had school to attend, a job to pay for myself, an apartment to upkeep, and our pets to take care of. Sometimes he would fly me out when he was going to be in California for a few nights and I would get the groupie experience for the week, but it's just too stressful to bother my friends to watch our dogs, so I opted out after the third time it happened.

Everyone knows that alongside a boy band is a mass of fans. Fangirls, to be exact, that protect their boys through every decision they make and while it is super devoting and heartwarming, some of them don't like the fact that the band members are in a relationship. So ever since footage of Luke and I together surfaced the internet, my life has not been the same since. I used to get a lot of hate which didn't bother me because I, contrary to Luke's knowledge, was a fangirl myself so I knew it was bound to happen eventually.

As time went on, the fans came to accept our relationship, all the while still having a few who disapprove but proving them wrong just meant sticking by his side every day, and I planned to do that for the rest of my life.

Every time that they go out partying, plenty of pictures are per say leaked to the public, and their fans find a way to figure out their plans, meeting them at these bars and clubs. There are pictures of Luke talking to his fans at these venues almost every time and they don't bother me because yet again, I trust him.

But there was something different going on this time, my friends and family have been by my side through every single tabloid but their sudden concern was something that was a bit abnormal to me.

I put my glass of water down on the marble top counter and paced to the living room, where I pulled my laptop atop my legs. Typing quickly into Google, I scrolled through the 5SOS Update fan pages on Tumblr and Twitter, finally coming across blurry photos of Luke and another girl.

"It's too low quality to see what's even happening.." I spoke to myself with a soft scoff, glancing at one of my dogs that was staring at me with her head cocked to the side, "I talk to myself all the time, I'm not going crazy." I told my dog before laughing and going back to the screen.

A majority of the replies was concern towards me, maybe they knew something that I didn't.  And that thought alone was concerning enough.

I trust Luke. I do. I trust him with my life.

That was until I stumbled across a reply from a girl who was saying that she was the one in the photo, and my heart skipped a few beats as I read her side of the story which was its own thread. I've seen fans concoct an entire story from a white lie and this seemed a bit dubious to me because he didn't text me much at the party, just before and after.

But I trust Luke with everything.

She wrote details about his secret tattoo that only I knew about and it's exact location, how his black polish clad nails traced up her arm as they spoke, and how his favorite alcoholic beverage was fresh on his breath.

This broke me.

I closed my laptop and put it aside, grabbing a bag of Doritos and trailing back to my bedroom. My head swirled with this new information, not wanting to believe it but it was so believable that it was physically stinging at my throat, but I refused to cry. I had cried myself to sleep when Luke was gone plenty of times, not because of the hate, but because I missed him, and I missed waking up next to him, and I missed the scent of him on my sheets.

I tried to tune out the negative thoughts in my head for an hour by blaring the television with whatever mildly funny show was on, it didn't work. I merely sighed and rose out of my bed again, walking to my bathroom to wash my face in hopes to shake this bad feeling off. As I dipped my head into the sink and flung cold water in my face to rinse off the soap, I heard keys shaking and my front door shifting as someone went to unlock it.

I froze in place and grabbed the shower curtain to cover my practically naked body. I'm home alone, of course, I'm only in a bralette and pajama shorts.  

I heard the door close behind the person who was now in my house and I was trailing through how many people I had given a key to. The footsteps grew louder as the person came closer. I saw the toe of their shoes in the doorway, then he stuck his head in to peek around the room, connecting his bloodshot eyes with mine.

"Luke.." I let out a sigh and released the shower curtain, walking up to the boy who towered over me. His hair was a mess, as usual, and he was in his normal punk rockish outfit.

"It's not true." He told me firmly, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed hard.

His eyes were red, he was crying, he was scared. His voice was wavering and his breath was shaky. "How did she know?" Was all I could manage to the broken-hearted boy in front of me.

"I had a lot to drink, and it's not an excuse but I didn't flirt with her or anything, she was just really close to me and kept touching me and I was trying to tell her off but she wasn't listening to me. She kept playing with my shirt color and touching my hair and that's how she found the tattoo. She kept mentioning your name and saying that you deserved better, someone you could see every day and someone who's normal, someone who takes you with them when they tour the world, someone who can answer your calls whe-" I cut him off with my lips, pressing a passionate kiss on him, slowly wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him lower to me as I stood on my tip toes.

His arms snaked around my waist and pulled me closer to him, deepening the kiss with every second that passed. When I pulled away from the kiss, I just stared into his eyes and nodded my head.

"I believe you. I know better than to believe them. I believe in you, and I believe in us." My voice was soft, but I was finally regaining my confidence. He chuckled softly, leaning down to hug my waist, lifting my body off the ground slightly as he whispered comforting words in my ear.

"Can I make us ice cream sundaes?" He whispered, a bright smile spreading on his face in which I giggled in reply and followed him to the kitchen with my hand in his.

As we made our way to the kitchen, one of the puppies ran up to us to greet Luke and I bent over to pick him up, cuddling him the dog as Luke prepared our dessert even though it was four in the afternoon.

#writing #imagine #luke hemmings imagine #luke hemmings #luke 5sos #5sos imagine #luke hemmo #luke gif

[gray-autumn-sky]

Laws of Attraction Sneak Peek

Robin, Regina and Mal go on date to jazz club.

Mal felt like she was floating.

It’d been two weeks since she was able to see them--two long and almost physically painful weeks of fundraisers and charity events where she’d had to grit her teeth and smile as Stefan told dull story after dull story to their fathers’ rich friends and possible donors. She wasn’t even sure what the parties were for--she’d been told, but she hadn’t listened past that it was something to do with the war effort--and she resented the momentary stalling of her freedom.

But then, things went back to normal and she went back to being ignored.

She made an excuse about spending a couple of days visiting a friend going through a break up, and her father offered little more than a huff as he nodded and told her to have fun. He didn’t ask the details and she was glad for it, and when she told Stefan she’d be leaving for a few days, his relief over being rid of her for awhile was almost palpable.

On her first night with them, Robin begrudgingly agreed to fill in for Graham in a trivia contest at a local bar. Regina pouted about already being in her pajamas, but they’d both gotten dressed and gone with him. It hadn’t been an eventful night, but she and Regina sat at the bar, talking and drinking, munching on pretzels and beer nuts. It amazed her sometimes how easy it was to just be with Regina--and with Robin, and the combination of the two--and that no matter how long they spent apart or how much time they spent together, it was never awkward or uncomfortable, and she never tired of it.

And it’d be something she one day missed--and something she hoped she could return to from time to time.

Robin had taken them by surprise, bounding toward them and clearly drunk, as he announced that his team had won. She and Regina both smiled and laughed as they told him they were glad. His eyes had widened with excitement as he pulled three tickets from his pocket, exclaiming that they were all theirs. He offered them an exasperated little sigh when it became obvious that neither she nor Regina shared in his excitement, and he’d drawn in a short breath before launching into an explanation, explaining that the trivia team had won tickets to a jazz cover band that was playing a couple of towns over, but he was only one who didn’t already have plans for the following weekend, so they’d given all three tickets to them.

Excitedly, he’d handed them over to Regina, and Mal leaned over to peek at them, cooing about how much she loved jazz. Regina agreed, confirming they didn't have any reason they couldn’t go--and that had been that, it’d all been settled.

They’d spent most of the next evening getting themselves ready. Regina wore a tightly fitted black dress with a gray stitching around the hem of the skirt that complemented the gray buttons down the back and the gray cuffs just above her elbows. Earlier that day while Robin and Regina were running errands, she’d popped into a little boutique and found a raspberry-colored dress that hugged her hips and showed off her long legs. The short sleeves were loose and made of lace and the back dipped down scandalously low, and as she’d been reached for a beaded black clip for her hair, a raspberry and black striped tie caught her eye--and that was the tie that Robin was wearing that night. She and Regina paired it with his black wool suit and Robin chose to forgo the jacket, wearing only the vest over his shirt. She’d grinned as she pinned up her hair, watching as Regina tied Robin’s tie, pecking his lips quickly as she patted his chest when she’d finished--and as they both sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for her to finish getting ready, she felt her excitement beginning to bubble.  She could hardly contain her excitement at actually going out with them, and she prayed that it wouldn’t be something they later regretted.  

But when they got to the jazz club, her worries all but faded. Within minutes they noticed two women sitting at the bar. One of them was talking and the other was listening intently, holding her drink in one hand and rubbing her fingers up and down the other woman’s forearm, smiling adoringly at her.

She’d felt a bit brazen as she reached for Regina’s hand, and she couldn’t help but smile as Regina’s finger’s curled down around hers. Robin’s hand pressed at the small of her back as he guided them to their table, and she bit down on her lip as she looked around, laughing softly to herself as she realized that no one was paying them any attention.

Couples were cuddled up in the booths and slow dancing on the floor as a record played overhead; people flirted at the bar, sipping their drinks and smoking their cigarettes, and a group of college-aged kids danced together at the side of the stage. She couldn’t quite tell if they were dancing by themselves or in a group, and it didn’t matter--what mattered is she could likely get away with being affectionate with both Robin and Regina, and no one would notice or care. They’d blend in, and for once, she’d feel normal.

“This is nice,” she murmurs, looking between them as they settle into their chairs. “I’ve never been here.”

“I’ve passed by it a few times,” Regina admits. “I never thought to go in.”

Robin shakes his head. “It’s no Billie Holiday, but--”

“The company is much better this time around,” she says, cutting in and offering him a wink.

“I don’t know what it is you two are talking about,” Regina says as she plucks the drink menu up from the table and looks to Mal. “But I agree.”

A waiter came by and they ordered their drinks--three martinis, hers with extra olives--and she told the quick version of the story she’d told Robin about Stefan taking her to see Billie Holiday at a club in Harlem as they waited. Regina empathized with being left alone and slid her hand over hers, her engagement ring clearly visible, and when the waiter returned with their drinks, he didn’t bat an eye.

And once again, she felt emboldened--they never got to be like this.

When the band was announced the lights dimmed even lower and the room had a romantic sensuous feel to it. She watched as couples slowly leave their seats to slow dance together and after a second drink, she found herself looking between them, biting down on her lip.

“I want to dance,” she said, holding her breath as they both turned to look at her. “Who wants to dance with me?”

“I think I want to see you two dance,” Robin says, cocking his brow as he looking between them. “I’ll stay here and guard the drinks.”

Regina nodded and she sighed a little, pouting a little as she looked to him. She wanted both of them. “You won’t come, too?”

Regina’s brows arched as though the thought hadn’t quite occurred to her, but she could tell by the way a grin slowly tugged up at the corners of her mouth that she liked the idea.

“In a little bit,” he says, his voice slow and tentative.

“Really?”

“Really!”

Shaking her head, she slid out of her chair. “Something tells me you’re just putting me off.”

“I’m not. We’ll dance after… the next five or so songs.” He grins as he lifts his empty glass. “After I drink up a bit more courage.”

“He’s… not a dancer.”

“No?” She asks, genuinely surprise. “We’ve danced.”

“In our living room,” he nods. “We did.”

Regina grins looking between them and her own breath caught at our. “When did you two dance in the living room?”

“When you were in Connecticut,” Robin supplies. “And after I’d had at least three glasses of wine.”

“It was four,” Mal tells her.

“See?”

Regina’s arm slips around her waist and she presses her cheek to her arm. She can’t help but smile at her as her stomach flutters and a resigned sigh escapes her. “Alright,” she concedes. “But don’t think you’re getting out of this.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Yes he would,” Regina laughs, her hand rubbing at the small of her back. “Don’t take it personally. When my cousin, Mary, got married, getting him out onto the dance floor was like pulling teeth.”

“I did it though.”

Regina’s eyes roll before shifting from Robin to Mal. “Two dances,” she says flatly. “I got two whole dances out of him at the very end of the night.”

“It’s better than none.”

At that, Regina’s eyes go wide and Mal laughs, shaking her head. “Well, if I get one, I’ll be happy,” she admits.

“As long as that one is with both of you.”

“Both--”

“At once--”

“Yes!” She exclaims, nodding as she brandishes her hand out at the dance floor. “I mean, look. No one will notice us. We’ll blend in.”

“But--”

“I’ve been watching,” she cuts in. “No one is going to care that the three of us are dancing together.” Sighing, she softens. “And it’s so hard to do things all together. It’d  be nice to just… have one night where we don’t have to hide or pretend that I’m some sort of awkward third wheel.”

Oh.

She hadn’t meant that to sound as heavy as it had. She only meant to tease, but their fall and she feels her own excitement drop.

“I didn’t mean to imply--” She stops as Regina hugs her into her side and she can see Robin’s resolve diminishing--likely out of guilt--and she feels a sharp twinge of regret at her core. She hadn’t meant for that to sound the way that it did. She hadn’t meant to imply that they didn’t care for her. She hadn’t meant that at all. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have--”

“Don’t apologize,” he murmurs as a lopsided little grin tugs up at the corner of his mouth. “I promise. A couple more drinks and I’ll join you.”

“Now I feel like I’ve guil--”

“No,” he cuts in. “I just need a bit more liquid courage before I make a fool out of myself.”

“It’s true,” Regina insists, squeezing her closer. “You’re not a third wheel. You’ve never been that.” She sighs and looks between them--and before she can let herself feel like she’s completely spoiled the mood of the evening, Regina leans in. “Come on, let's go out there give him a little show.”

At that, her brow arches up and Robin smiles as he settles back, clearly liking that idea.

She laughs a bit as Regina takes a couple of steps back. Her hand forms around hers and she gives her a little tug, tugging her toward the dance floor.

“I really didn’t--”

“I know,” Regina says before she can finish. “And so does he.”

“I just--” She sighs, shaking her head, wishing she hadn’t said what she did. “I didn’t mean to make this a heavy moment. We’re out having fun and--.”

“You’re not allowed to say that you spoiled it because you didn’t. I don’t think that.. Robin doesn’t think that, and you shouldn’t think that.”

“Even if--”

“You didn’t.”

She nods, grinning a little as they reached the edge of the dance floor. “It’s just… hard sometimes.”

“I know.”

“For the last two weeks, I’ve felt like I was cheating.”

Regina blinks. “What do you mean?”

“Being with Stefan so much. I… I felt like I was cheating.”

“On me and Robin?”

Mal nods and a soft, but uncomfortable chuckle escapes her. “How’s that for irony?”

“Mal,” Regina says, looking up at her a slow smile edges onto her lips and her arm slips around her waist. “You need to cut yourself some slack.” Drawing in a breath, she nods--and maybe Regina’s right, maybe she does. “Stop beating yourself up over a non-issue.”

“Maybe--”

“I won’t deny that both Robin and I wish you could spend more time with us, but I feel like no matter how much time we had with you, it’d never be enough.” Her fingers knead at her hip, and she’s looking at her so sweetly and with so much love that it nearly hurts. “And I hate that we have to watch every single move we make. It’s not fair, but as you pointed out, tonight isn’t one of those nights.”

“I--”

“I swear to god,” Regina cuts in. “If you apologize--”

“I’m not,” Mal says as a soft chuckle rises into her voice. “I was just going to tell you that you’re right.”

“Oh, well, I usually am, but--”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She takes was Regian draws in a breath and then leans up onto her toes, pressing a quick, fleeting kiss to her lips. “And I really want to dance with you right now,” she says, her smile growing a bit coy. “After all, we did promise Robin a little show.”

“And I can’t imagine that us standing here, talking is very exciting.”

“It might make him a bit curious.”

“Not quite what I intended.”

“So, let’s then.”

Mal nods, and takes a step in, closing the gap between them. Their arms fold around each and she rests her head atop Regina’s, closing her eyes and breathing her in. She feels her insecurities and worry once more beginning to fade as they sway together to the soft, soothing jazz music; and, finally, when her eyes flutter open, she can’t help but notice that no one is looking at them--well, no one except Robin.

She offers him a little grin as she lifts her head, straightening her herself up as her eyes slide back to Regina. She takes a half step back and her hands slide down her arms, her fingers forming around her hands, as she takes a hard step in, shimming her hips as she does. Regina giggles a little and follows her lead, taking two steps back and then a step forward, her shoulders mimicking her feet, as they move to the rhythm of the song.

Reluctantly, she lets her go, laughing as Regina’s brow arches. She steps around her so they’re standing back-to-back. Regina’s hips are still moving and she’s looking back at her from over her shoulder, and a grin pulls onto her lips as her eyes meet Robins, watching as he watches her shimmy downward, her body rubbing against Regina’s backside. She laughs a little as Robin sips a nearly-gone martini as he smiles over the rim of the glass. She offers him a quick wink before breaking his gaze, reaching for Regina’s and grinning as Regina once again looks back at her from over her shoulder as her finger curls down around hers.

Mal steps back around her and tugs her up against herself. The music slows and grins as Regina bites down on her lip--her lips suddenly looking so full and soft, and without hesitation, she leans in and kisses her.

Regina’s tongue parts her lips, sliding against hers and she breathes her in, kissing her back as if they weren’t surrounded and on display. Her hand slips over Regina’s hip as Regina’s foot comes up, wrapping around her calf and pulling her closer and deeper into the kiss.

She’s vaguely aware that the song had ended and she feels a bit dizzy when a firm hand presses to her back, and before she can even process what that means, warm lips press to her neck as the smell of pine consumes her senses.

“I didn’t know this is what dancing meant,” Robin murmurs, his breath tickling her skin.

Regina breaks the kiss, her lips hovering for just a moment as her grin forms and her eyes shift to Robin. “You know that now that you’re here, we’re not letting you go.”

He laughs and reaches for her hand, stepping around Mal as his arm stretches around Regina’s waist--and then, he reaches for her hand. Mal grins as she takes it and her heart flutters as Robin’s smile brightens, his eyes sparkling, even in the dim light.

“Well, ladies,” he says, looking between them as a new song begins. “What do you say? Can I have this dance?”

#doq #dragon outlaw queen #doq fic #laws of attraction #sneak peak #robin hood #regina mills #Maleficent

[dgarski]

​This Journey (Part XCVI)

A brother passes

I've been putting this off for several days, mostly because I am still in shock. I've been wanting to write about Mike, but a few things have kept me from having a chance to really sit down and think about what I want to say. Now that I have the time. I would like to start off with how much I still cannot believe that he is really gone. Like so much of the past year and a half, this too, feels like a really bad dream. I know that the best therapy for me is to both talk about things and write about them. So, I will try to be short-winded and brief. However, I will be starting from the very beginning so, "being brief", may prove to be an exercise in futility. That's okay, it's my blog and I can indulge as much as I wish.

Way, way back about 50 years ago, my younger brother and I met two kids who lived down the block from our house. Mark and Andy were also brothers who were the same age as my brother and I. We became friends and rode our bikes around the neighborhood, played basketball in their parents driveway, played hide and go seek...all the fun stuff kids did back then. I don't remember how old any of us were at the time, but Mark and Andy's two cousin's, Mike and Joe, were over to visit. It was the only time I can remember meeting them when we were all really young kids. Fast-forward about 8 or 9 years. Mark and I had become closer friends, because he and I started taking guitar lessons at the same time, way back in 1976. By the end of the 1970's, I had also become friends with another kid down the other block. A kid by the name of Curt. Well, by the time we were around 14, 15, 16 years old, Mark, Curt and I were inseparable. The three-musketeers, as it were. We did everything together. We spent a lot of time at Curt's house. It was a huge house and he had the entire upstairs to himself. So, we did a lot of sleepovers back then. We'd be up until late, eating snacks, drinking soda and talking on the CB radio, all night. Each of us had paper routes, so we always had money burning holes in our pockets.

By the time we were out of high school, many things had changed about our priorities as friends. This was mostly due to us chasing girls. We were driving, working jobs and trying to figure out how to have fun in a very boring town. Drinking alcohol seemed to be the answer to everything. Mark and Curt both took up smoking. I couldn't handle the coughing part, so I never really liked smoking anything. In 1983, Curt's older brother Peter died. This understandably devastated Curt and his family. Curt sort of became a little recluse. Mark and I tried to be there for him as much as we could. He was really messed up about Pete dying so suddenly. Mark and I hung out with him and tried to take his mind off of his loss. Mark's family has always had this annual tradition of camping up in Door County, Wisconsin every summer. Well, this was going to be the first time he and his two cousins were going to go by themselves without parents. Mark suggested that Curt and I go along for the trip. I was absolutely up for it. He was reluctant at first, and it took some doing, but we finally talked Curt into going too. This would turn out to be our first trip of many, to D.C. Mark, Mike and I rode our motorcycles while Curt and Joe took Curt's moms' car with all of our stuff.

Mike and Joe's parents had been up the week before us, and had left the camper at the site, for us to use when we got up there. I had only ever been up to northern Wisconsin, with my own family. The only difference was, we usually stayed in a cabin. I never really did the tent in the woods thing, and neither had Curt. In fact, Curt had never been camping in his life. It would be a brand new experience for him, and it proved to be just what he needed to deal with the death of his only brother. For the next several years, the camping trip became our annual thing. We all looked forward to it, all winter long. In 1984, I purchased a brand new, very fast motorcycle. Joe had also gotten a new bike too. Mike bought a ski boat, and we were about to add two new members, Jim and Chad, to the Door County alumni group. Joe and I decided that we would ride our new bikes up to D.C., Mike would pull his new boat and Jim would pull the camper with his old man's truck. Seven guys, one camper, one tent and a week to ten days to try to not kill one another. The next few years camping, were unique in their experiences. We met four girls from Green Bay in 1985. We kept in touch with them for a long time. Then in 1986, we met two more girls from Illinois. Every year brought a whole new meaning to camping. Throughout all of this time during the 1980′s, Mike, Mark, Jim, Curt and I went out a lot to clubs and venues in both Milwaukee and Kenosha. Curt became a bartender at his Uncle's restaurant. Mike and I used to drive down there to sit at the bar and wait for Curt to get done with his shift so we could go to another bar nearby, and shoot pool. Mark was in a relationship with his girlfriend and playing guitar in his band. Mike was doing pizza deliveries while he was going to college with Curt and Jim. I was working at the local bakery, six nights a week, and had very sparse socializing opportunities. Whatever fun I was going to have, was going to have to happen on a Saturday night, or not happen at all. Sometimes, Mike and Mark would come over to my apartment, and we’d have a few beers and watch a movie.

In 1988, everything changed. Mark and I moved to Orlando, Florida and left everything and everyone we knew, behind. We both desperately needed to start new lives. Curt, Mike, Jim and Joe had a difficult time with Mark and I leaving all we had ever known, to start over in a town 1250 miles away. A few times, they would come to visit with us, and other times, Mark and I went up to Wisconsin to see all of them. By the early-mid 1990's, the trips were few and far between. We had all been separated for a long time, and had all grown apart. We all moved on with our lives as adults. We weren't kids anymore. We had all established our own lives away from each other. Some got married and divorced, some had kids, some bought houses, some ended up with great paying jobs, and some didn't. Regardless, the original brotherhood remained. Time has a way of reminding us that the only thing permanent is change. We all did the best we could with what we had.

By the time we all entered our 40's, the only thing we all really had left in common, was our history together. This sometimes proved to not be enough. We had all changed so much that any sort of visits were brief and relatively insignificant. I went back to Wisconsin a few times for Christmas. Mark did his own trips back to Racine, as well. Everyone had long since changed into completely different people. I flew back to Wisconsin in 1998, to go on the annual trip up to Door County. Unfortunately, it wasn't very much fun for me. Too much had changed and it would end up being the last time I would go camping with those guys. In 2004, Mike flew down to Florida for a business trip. He, Mark and I got together and went out to dinner and shot some pool. Mark was dealing with a lot of domestic issues in his marriage which would eventually end up in a really bad divorce. He and I would hang out a few times and I would try to be there for him while he was going through his divorce.

In 2009, Mike flew down to Florida again, for another business trip. He drove over from his meeting in Tampa to stay at my apartment. Mark came over and spent the night as well. This would prove to be the last time the three of us would be together. In early 2014, I lost touch with Mark. He disappeared off the radar. We're now all in our 50's. None of us are who we were, even a few years ago. So, much had changed over the years..and as much as we all tried reliving those leftover fragments of our youth, it just wasn't going to happen, effortlessly.

March 6, 2019, I have my collapse. I ended up back in Wisconsin to recover and heal at my parents house. One night, I got a text from Mike, asking me if I wanted he and Joe and Curt to pick me up to go get pizza. I agreed. They drove up and got out of the car, came up to me and each of them embraced me as their brother. They knew that I had almost died. I think it really shook them. The four of us went to the pizza place we had gone to a million times before. They asked me a lot of questions about my health and what I had been through. We sat and ate and talked for about two hours. We finished up with our pizza and headed out the door. We pulled up at my parents house and they let me out. This would be the last time I would ever see Mike.

I made it back home to Orlando, last January. I hadn't stayed in touch with any of those guys. We had all gone our separate ways, once again. Here it is, a few months later, and I am slowly getting my life back together. Then last Friday, while I was at work, I saw a Facebook post from one of the girls (Lori), we'd all known from camping, since 1983. It was the first time I would read about Mike being killed in an accident. I couldn't really absorb what I was reading. It had to be a mistake. I messaged Lori and asked her what had happened to Mike, She assumed that I already knew that he had died two days earlier. I, of course, had no idea Mike was dead.

Mike is gone. It still seems like a bad dream to me. It just doesn't seem real. I haven't talked with Curt or anyone from the original gang, yet. I still don't know what happened to Mike. How he was killed. All I know is that it was a vehicle versus bicycle accident. Mike's obituary finally made it to the Internet yesterday. His funeral is this coming Sunday afternoon. I won't be going up there for the ceremony. I really feel badly for Mark. He lost his other cousin, Jim, back on April 24th. Now, he's lost another cousin, only a few days ago.

It is so hard to believe that Mike is gone. He did everything right. He went to college, got a good job, got married, lived in a really nice house, built an old motorcycle, drove out to Colorado on motorcycles, with his brother Joe, and lived a comfortable life. He had everything going for him. A bright future and retirement with his wife, Beverly. Then this tragedy ended his life. Not to sound too self-indulgent, but I can't help but wonder about life and death. Last year, I almost died and I lived. This year, Mike died. There is no rhyme or reason to any of it. We're here and then we're gone. Just like that. Poof, you're gone.

I will always remember Mike as a very smart, very funny guy. I will miss him, just like I miss all of those guys and the lives of our youth. Rest in Peace, Mike.

[tehrin]

Political type of thoughts below the cut. Stuff I feel compelled to share but can’t really post it on facebook.

My parents and a large, sizeable chunk of my family are very right and very conservative in their views. Not to mention racist AF. Growing up, I had a lot of these kinds of opinions and views. I distinctly remember my mom talking on the phone to a friend and mentioning how “conservative” I was. I didn’t really understand what that meant at the time, or if I really was? Was I just going along with what my family believed so that I didn’t make any waves? Making waves with my mom meant you were going to have an awful time, and it wasn’t like the time I was having was all that splendid as it was. There was a vitrol sort of hatred toward my aunt and her views, but I never really understood why. Her daughter, my cousin, was in art school and was really cool. She was the cool aunt who liked to sew and bake and it was always fun going to her house for holidays until my mom snapped and severed contact with her. Looking at her facebook and what she posts, I understand why it would’ve gotten under my mom’s skin. I leaned republican because that’s what my parents were, but thankfully I wasn’t 18 yet and they weren’t really active voters. I didn’t vote in my 1st election in 2000. I just remember being sheltered. Not in that restrictive way, but I never really saw much outside the entire frame of reference I lived in. The only traveling I did was for a school club, band, or church youth group related function. My days in high school were spent going to the mall with friends, going to a friends house, going swimming in the summers, roller skating, etc. I was allowed to date though and did stuff like movies. But more often than not, I was mostly exposed to a lot of people who had mindsets that were not too far off from my own. If they were, nobody really talked about those issues. They weren’t really issues being teenagers. My female friends liked boys, my male friends liked girls. I just wanted to date cute boys, have friends, and be better in marching band so people would stop making fun of how much of a bad marcher I was. I didn’t really know many people who were lgbt, or if I did, they hadn’t come out. It was different then. It’s got to be hard now, I’m sure. But it was rarer and harder to come by those days. That was, until my best friend and long-time crush came out, dropped out of school, started dating an older guy from another state that he met online (which was big bad and scary back then in the 90′s). And for me being miss “conservative” church girl, it was kind of really devastating. Looking back, I understand why he did it. But I was awful. I wanted my friend to be saved and come back to Jesus because being gay was a sin wasn’t it? If I had a time machine, I’d go back in time and slap myself. I did some things and said some things that I regret so much. I guess I’m just thankful that despite all of that I can still call him an old friend. We don’t see eachother much because that’s life as an adult. But we met up at an amusement park last year and it was fun hanging out talking about stupid shit and being our old goofy selves. Somewhere between 2000-2004 things started to change. I don’t know what happened. Maybe it was going to college, something that most of the people on that side of the family didn’t do, that helped to open my mind a little. Anime conventions and cosplay gave me a chance to travel, to meet people from everywhere and all walks of life. Me being active on the internet during then on forums, blogging, making websites and everything I did gave me a chance to see and hear other points of view. I started to doubt everything I’d grown up in and those viewpoints. It was probably also seeing what Bush was doing to the economy over stupid wars that we are still technically fighting fifteen years later. Oh, I was also in an emotionally abusive relationship sometime in that time period with someone whose family was ultra-conservative and Christian. I was never good enough to be included and he just wanted to control and manipulate me (I was a vulnerable doormat and super-willing to please back then) and I guess that was the beginning of the end for me when it came to holding onto any Christian belief system. I questioned it, I questioned the history of the religion. I questioned why it was so deeply rooted in our politics. So now I’m sitting here, a “filthy liberal”, liking all of my aunts status posts about things I’m not courageous enough to say on facebook. I watched as the people who shop at my store in a very conservative out in the country area were obnoxiously pro-trump. His son did a rally at a restaurant at the end of my shopping plaza that I’d often run to get lunch while I’m working. All I could do besides vote was watch. Now I’m sitting here watching as our government and country is being pulled apart at the seams. People are too distracted by shit-flinging and calling eachother names to realize that none of these people gave two shits about you, your needs and your struggle. They never lived it and they just needed your vote, you’re nothing but a number whether it be a dollar or a vote. I’m afraid, very afraid for what is in store. I’m glad that we do have things like the internet because it allows us both to archive and to inspect and really track what is going on. The rest of the world can watch, see and know. But yet, it allows people to get so distracted by what “the other side” is saying or doing and before they know it, their rights will be gone as well if we don’t do something.  I want to do something. I’m tired of watching. Voting is all I can do and it seems like all my vote is, is a number. A dot of blue in a sea of red. We can’t wait two years, four years to do something. To wait for another political savior figure to come by. By then, it may already be too late. We may already be too far gone as it is. TBH, I’ve been thinking a lot about how if someone like this has come into power and how both the left and the right has gotten far and far more right over time with lifetime senators (people working as senators for as long or longer than I’ve been alive), our systems are extremely flawed. I think everything needs to be rebuilt from the bottom up in a way that represents all people fairly, regardless of viewpoint. It’s the way this system was set up to be originally, but clearly it was not foolproof as we can obviously see. This government no longer serves the people if we can’t pursue life liberty and happiness because we’re too busy scraping the bottom of the barrell and healthcare, food, clean water, safety and security regardless of the amount of melanin in your skin, and a roof over our heads is not considered a basic right but considered to be idk, a luxury like a leather sofa. But yes let’s scream that everyone needs to get a job. That’ll help you. That billionare is the guy that you need he’ll shake things up. He’ll fix things. I wouldn’t be surprised if we see another civil war come out of this. If some global conflict and cheeto fingers don’t press the nuke buttons and fry us all first.

#tl;dr #long-winded-rant